In all fairness, items that are out of print (assuming this one is) are often worth more than the original list price. Maybe this one is just in particularly high demand.
I thought the bear looked fairly pleased with its situation. The duck is befuddled, the rabbit is traumatized, and the elephant has the thousand-yard stare of one who has been through too much to really care what happens next.
LMAO. I was cleaning out my Aunt’s house this weekend and in bar room, there was a crocheted Poodle cover for her vodka bottle! Guess this is the baby version!
er. does that convey the same sense of disbelief in american, or does it just sound like I’m propositioning bottle holders? Because that’s really not what I was going for. Man, I hate it when I have to explain my snappy comments. {head-desk}
It could have worked, but you needed to add something afterwords. Like “fuck me but that’s the most horrible thing I’ve ever seen someone make out of yarn and a bottle.”
“Young Sally was doomed from the start to become the next Sassy Galore. It all began with fellating baby bottles…then came learning the moves, so cheerleader was the only obvious path. By the time she was ready for college, there was no turning back…”
My best guess was that they meant that because of the cover’s little legs, the bottle wouldn’t be able to roll while its on its side. Which it wouldn’t really roll anyway, because every bottle I’ve ever seen has flat sides.
Here in the UK we only have rounded bottles, I’ve never seen one with a flat side, but seeing as all the bottles in the picture are flat-sided, maybe it is a vintage US pattern?
I think all the ones here are either hexagonal or octagonal. I’ve never taken the time to count though. The whole round thing gives me visions of chasing bottles as they roll across counters.
My best guess was that they meant that because of the cover’s little legs, the bottle wouldn’t be able to roll while its on its side. Which it wouldn’t really roll anyway, because every bottle I’ve ever seen has flat sides.
Oh, derp! I just realized the duplicate post had not been deleted. I really need to get more alcohol-induced sleep. Daytime is such a bitch without a hangover.
I’m feeling a bit slow today, so seeing my comment twice really threw me off. I was thinking “Hmmm, I don’t remember making two comments here…Ooooooh! Dang.”
SheSaidPop, you beat me to it! It reeks of attempting to build a better mousetrap and ending up with a duck hung like an elephant…and an elephant hung like the Loch Ness monster.
They’re cute, though…too bad about the fellatio vibe. Maybe people could put them on the bottles the other way, to help keep the milk cold until the baby needs it.
Or…to keep it hot? Whatever temperature a baby is supposed to drink. I dunno.
OMG I knew I had seen that before!!! That was the best part of the game, I swear, throwing the fruit out so the little robots go start boinking it… although it felt a bit wrong to shoot them mid-coitus.
Now I use a chair drugstore, but where I used to live I always used an independent one and I really need to go back and visit the old neighborhood and stop in. “Hi, Tony! Got a nice selection of empty bottles I can take? For what? I want to crochet little animal-head cozies for each one, of course! Forget so quickly about my odd requests??”
Oh God. I actually own this fucking pattern booklet! I’ve accumulated hundreds of crochet patterns over the years, so I have no idea how or why I came across this one. I seriously have to make a vodka cozy now.
You’re in Regretsy. Here it’s WAA-LAA or WA-LA, depending on how incredibly awesome the item in question is (or, in this case, thinking of that photo of Bronc at Burning Man, just awoken with that sleepy, just awoken hotness in his eyes, his body, half covered with a sheet, rippling muscles stretching out the Israel T-shirt, making one think of international relations without needing a passport).
If you can’t do a proper accent (voilá), then it’s as above. Even if you can do an accent (voilá), it really doesn’t matter, because you’re in Regretsy.
Seriously, the loopy fur, black legs/black snout/white body, and style of snout (sheep and goats have that v-shaped thing on their nose whereas cows have big round nostrils) are all consistent with the archetypal cartoon sheep.
First I thought the cow’s nostrils were the eyes, then I looked closely at the nipple—little indentations at the top of it look like little eyes. I don’t know why I keep expecting bottle buddies to be looking at me.
You know, if they’re going to do a cow, it should be done correctly, the bottle should be hanging pendulously between the hind legs, and there should be 4 nipples.
OK, I have to admit when I first saw this, I didn’t automatically think “penis” – I thought, horribly horribly distended hemorrhoids, which I think in the grand scale of things is much, much worse.
I got a lot of stupid crap when I had kids. And I know, in my heart of hearts, that if someone had given me one of these, my husband would have, at some point, walked into a room, naked but for the elephant bottle cozie on his penis and a smart-assed grin on his face.
Which would have been hysterical and the only time it was ever used for anything at all.
We have two sets of twins, so we know it’s been used at least twice in a manner that can be documented. If we’re discussing undocumented penis showings/usage, well, I might need an abacus for that.
I’m more offended by the utter uselessness of these things than the hilarious visual result of them in action.
Seriously, bottles do not need assistance to stand up, that’s what those nifty flat bottoms are for. I’m also unaware of how those would help a baby hold on to a bottle. And god help the distracted parent who buys the dog or cat version because it “looks just like” Fluffy or Furball or whatever the hell people are naming their pets these days.
I actually have a pattern somewhere for a squid water bottle cozy. It’s set up so that when you drink, it looks like the squid is going all facehugger on you- tentacles all over your face.
Oh damn, do I wanna see an octopus bottle cozy now. That would be my go-to baby gift forever. Just for the “What the fuck is this supposed to be??!!” expression when it’s opened.
I did an Etsy search for “bottle buddy” and found that these aren’t the only absurdities under this title. I don’t have kids, but I’ve been around them enough to know that a toddler may not be able to put the bottle down, but he or she is going to going to have a great time swinging it against the wall, chair, parent…and it’s elasticized, so it comes right back, to be flung again!
I actually really like the idea, it’s cute. But of course, they appear to be showing me their genitals. And they look really, really sad about it. I feel like I’m a cop being presented with the victims of a sex-trafficked plushy ring.
October 17, 2011 at 11:19 am
I don’t even…HOW COULD THEY NOT SEE IT?
October 17, 2011 at 11:21 am
I think they DO see it and that’s why the bottles are not in the teet configuration. Maybe?
October 17, 2011 at 11:49 am
All I know is, we’re Catholic, so I’m going to need the Priest version.
October 17, 2011 at 9:09 pm
I have to say it’s not a bad idea. Having a nice soft cover so Junior doesn’t burn his wittle fingers isn’t terrible…
…but the execution. The execution.
October 17, 2011 at 11:26 am
What is this – the newest version of UFOPORNO?
October 17, 2011 at 1:15 pm
Perfect vibrator cover, excellent!
October 17, 2011 at 5:21 pm
DILDO COZY!
October 17, 2011 at 5:45 pm
October 17, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Most excellent.
October 17, 2011 at 3:38 pm
I think the seller meant to type “crotch-eted”…
October 17, 2011 at 11:19 am
Mommy, why does bunny have a bottle boner?
October 17, 2011 at 11:47 am
Push the nipple in, then it will only have a dainty lady boner.
October 17, 2011 at 12:16 pm
In it’s current state it looks more like a vag.
October 17, 2011 at 1:45 pm
I think this is more like an extreme goatse penetration – even the faces of those ‘buddies’ show suffering of having taken in too much.
October 17, 2011 at 9:58 pm
Louis CK on duck vaginas:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgmtxfM4akY
October 17, 2011 at 11:19 am
Early childhood lesson: If you’re hungry, go between an animal’s hind legs and suck until the white stuff comes out. Gotcha.
October 17, 2011 at 11:40 am
Oh great – Boy Scouts all over again.
October 17, 2011 at 11:47 am
This implies your scout leader had forelegs, which is…
fuck, why do I come here when it’s hours until booze o’clock?
October 17, 2011 at 11:52 am
It’s always 9am somewhere…
October 17, 2011 at 11:57 am
What did the badge for that one look like? I’m thinking it was goatse-ish, but that would be for the advanced lesson.
October 17, 2011 at 3:57 pm
I thinks that they earned a cockade rather than a badge for that activity.
October 17, 2011 at 11:19 am
I thought this was going to advertise a friend to go bar hopping with or something. I am disappointed.
October 17, 2011 at 11:19 am
The notion of a lactating duck is probably the most disturbing thing I’ll come across today.
October 17, 2011 at 11:27 am
Don’t worry, the day is young.
October 17, 2011 at 11:45 am
[Fozzy Bear Vox]
Cloaca-aca-aca!
October 17, 2011 at 11:31 am
If I’m not mistaken, we already covered that one a while back:
October 17, 2011 at 11:42 am
Is it sad it took me a few seconds to notice the duck’s head?
October 17, 2011 at 11:44 am
Most chefs will tell you duck breast exists, but it’s supposed to be rare.
October 17, 2011 at 11:57 am
I think that kind of duck breast is pretty rare.
October 17, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Oh that someone HAD actually covered it instead of sitting it out in public.
October 17, 2011 at 11:32 am
Ducktation is not for everyone, no.
October 17, 2011 at 12:01 pm
DUCTATION IS THE ONLY WAY!!!
October 17, 2011 at 3:59 pm
BEAK IS BEST
October 17, 2011 at 11:51 am
You couldn’t even get away with trying to cover by saying it’s a platypus.
October 17, 2011 at 11:58 am
For once.
October 17, 2011 at 2:21 pm
Even if it was a platypus how could you explain the fact that there is a bottle hanging out from its egg-hole? Is it a platypus in need of a cesarian?
October 17, 2011 at 3:00 pm
It covers the EVIL Doofenshmirtz platypus Vibronator “Hey! Where’s Perry – oh there you are…”
October 17, 2011 at 12:05 pm
I thought the ducts were where the milk always comes out.
October 17, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Is that why they call it duct tape?
October 17, 2011 at 1:51 pm
If you’re trying to get the milk out using the tape you might be doing it wrong.
October 17, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Until you research actual duck genitals.
October 17, 2011 at 12:58 pm
I dated my ex boyfriend solely for his enthusiasm about duck penii.
October 17, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Don’t you mean YOUR enthusiasm?
October 17, 2011 at 3:31 pm
He wishes his was corkscrew-shaped?
October 17, 2011 at 3:32 pm
You’re assuming that it’s milk coming out of that thing.
October 17, 2011 at 11:19 am
I suddenly feel wholly inadequate as a man.
October 17, 2011 at 11:45 am
I crochet and I can make them any size you
wishneed!October 17, 2011 at 11:48 pm
what about finger puppet versions for well-endowed shot glasses…?
October 17, 2011 at 11:19 am
I like that they are charging 7 dollars for something that costs 4.
October 17, 2011 at 11:22 am
Thank you. I’d totally missed that. Somehow, I was distracted by something else on the page…
October 17, 2011 at 11:23 am
I can’t figure out if they’re selling the crotchless animals themselves or the pattern??
October 17, 2011 at 11:33 am
Just the patterns. The crotchless animals come separately.
October 17, 2011 at 11:43 am
BAZINGA!
October 17, 2011 at 11:48 am
In all fairness, items that are out of print (assuming this one is) are often worth more than the original list price. Maybe this one is just in particularly high demand.
October 17, 2011 at 11:59 am
Sometimes being out of print is a good thing.
October 17, 2011 at 12:16 pm
It’s vintage. Those are 1977 dollars.
October 17, 2011 at 11:20 am
I can imagine why he’s been arrested for beastiality…he was always so gentle with his bottle cozies
October 17, 2011 at 11:20 am
The look on their crocheted little faces is priceless as well.
October 17, 2011 at 11:20 am
They look befuddled
October 17, 2011 at 11:23 am
They look ashamed. Like even they know how wrong this is.
October 17, 2011 at 11:53 am
I imagine the duck is especially befuddled.
October 17, 2011 at 12:57 pm
It’s a Fuddleduck.
October 17, 2011 at 12:30 pm
Pedo bear is laying on his back in all his shameless glory while the other three are wondering how the hell they got talked into it.
October 17, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Pedobear bought the first few rounds and the rest is Internet history.
October 17, 2011 at 8:34 pm
There’s a Chris Hansen joke in there somewhere, but I’m too tired to figure it out, damn it.
October 17, 2011 at 11:23 am
The duck especially looks confused and traumatized.
October 17, 2011 at 11:35 am
My heart goes out to the bear. It looks like the victim of a mad scientist’s bottle fetish.
October 17, 2011 at 1:03 pm
I thought the bear looked fairly pleased with its situation. The duck is befuddled, the rabbit is traumatized, and the elephant has the thousand-yard stare of one who has been through too much to really care what happens next.
October 17, 2011 at 11:38 am
Because it knows ducks and milk really don’t go together, probably.
October 17, 2011 at 3:25 pm
If they’ve been like this more than four hours they should see a doctor.
October 17, 2011 at 11:20 am
“I’ve got the weirdest boner right now”…
October 17, 2011 at 11:45 am
You could buy your own and call it a “Boner Cozy”?
October 17, 2011 at 12:00 pm
Boner Cozy…that’s what I call my wife.
October 17, 2011 at 11:21 am
I was thinking these could be used multipurpose as penis sheaths, but the animals look too disappointed for that.
October 17, 2011 at 11:37 am
That’s why they’re so disappointed–they were told they’d be wrapped around “a great big bottle,” but they heard “throttle.”
October 17, 2011 at 11:21 am
“Baby’s First Deepthroat” from PlaySkool
October 17, 2011 at 11:21 am
You mean there are people who *don’t* want their kids to learn to fellate animals? Wow. Buncha prudes.
October 17, 2011 at 11:22 am
Wow! Because that’s exactly what i need to see when I make a 3 am bottle: a sad deflated bunny with a stretched bunghole!
October 17, 2011 at 11:38 am
Can you imagine how painful that bunny’s hop of shame must be?
October 17, 2011 at 11:22 am
That is one sad looking duck. Someone should make a PedoBear one.
October 17, 2011 at 12:34 pm
OMG YES!
October 17, 2011 at 11:23 am
LMAO. I was cleaning out my Aunt’s house this weekend and in bar room, there was a crocheted Poodle cover for her vodka bottle! Guess this is the baby version!
October 17, 2011 at 11:23 am
I think I’m starting to miss the squirrel beer cozies. At least everyone around you will be too drunk to wonder what the hell goes on in your head.
October 17, 2011 at 11:24 am
They all look so very sad and violated.
October 17, 2011 at 11:24 am
“Hey, Fucko, we like to call it inter-species erotica.”
October 17, 2011 at 11:27 am
fuck me.
October 17, 2011 at 11:28 am
er. does that convey the same sense of disbelief in american, or does it just sound like I’m propositioning bottle holders? Because that’s really not what I was going for. Man, I hate it when I have to explain my snappy comments. {head-desk}
October 17, 2011 at 11:32 am
You know, I WAS thinking that men could use those…. sort of like a “Fleshlight”? But man…. that thing would get hard and crusty after a while!!
October 17, 2011 at 12:16 pm
Looks like they’re made of Phentex so they’re already hard & scratchy.
October 17, 2011 at 1:21 pm
I read Semtex… Boom boom…
October 17, 2011 at 11:35 am
Sadly, without the intonation and facial expression, it reads like a proposition.
Have fun with your new “friends”.
October 17, 2011 at 1:56 pm
It could have worked, but you needed to add something afterwords. Like “fuck me but that’s the most horrible thing I’ve ever seen someone make out of yarn and a bottle.”
October 17, 2011 at 11:28 am
The pedobear one is on its back…
October 17, 2011 at 11:29 am
Mmm…Nothing like a bunny birthing a giant bottle to wet my appetite for lunch.
October 17, 2011 at 11:54 am
Huh, my appetite is always wet. I really, really like juice and smoothies and shit.
October 17, 2011 at 1:01 pm
you may want to reconsider the last word of your sentence…
October 17, 2011 at 2:24 pm
It’s a bit nutty . . .
October 17, 2011 at 11:30 am
“Young Sally was doomed from the start to become the next Sassy Galore. It all began with fellating baby bottles…then came learning the moves, so cheerleader was the only obvious path. By the time she was ready for college, there was no turning back…”
October 17, 2011 at 12:06 pm
Sassy Galore: Pussy Galore’s lesser known little sister.
October 17, 2011 at 11:31 am
9 designs? I’ll take one of each. Nothing quite like slugging vodka from an elephant’s wang.
October 17, 2011 at 11:31 am
Maybe this is a crazy question, but wouldn’t a baby bottle be able to stand upright without any help?
October 17, 2011 at 11:36 am
My best guess was that they meant that because of the cover’s little legs, the bottle wouldn’t be able to roll while its on its side. Which it wouldn’t really roll anyway, because every bottle I’ve ever seen has flat sides.
*shrug*
October 17, 2011 at 11:41 am
Here in the UK we only have rounded bottles, I’ve never seen one with a flat side, but seeing as all the bottles in the picture are flat-sided, maybe it is a vintage US pattern?
October 17, 2011 at 3:10 pm
I think all the ones here are either hexagonal or octagonal. I’ve never taken the time to count though. The whole round thing gives me visions of chasing bottles as they roll across counters.
October 17, 2011 at 11:36 am
My best guess was that they meant that because of the cover’s little legs, the bottle wouldn’t be able to roll while its on its side. Which it wouldn’t really roll anyway, because every bottle I’ve ever seen has flat sides.
*shrug*
October 17, 2011 at 11:41 am
Wow. This is deja vu all over again!
October 17, 2011 at 11:51 am
My comment made sense when Agent_of_Chaos had posted the same comment twice, but that duplicate post has since disappeared.
Oh, never mind.
October 17, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Oh, derp! I just realized the duplicate post had not been deleted. I really need to get more alcohol-induced sleep. Daytime is such a bitch without a hangover.
October 17, 2011 at 3:09 pm
I’m feeling a bit slow today, so seeing my comment twice really threw me off. I was thinking “Hmmm, I don’t remember making two comments here…Ooooooh! Dang.”
October 17, 2011 at 11:53 am
SheSaidPop, you beat me to it! It reeks of attempting to build a better mousetrap and ending up with a duck hung like an elephant…and an elephant hung like the Loch Ness monster.
October 17, 2011 at 1:14 pm
the legs are solely so the violater bottle can’t run in shame!
October 17, 2011 at 1:23 pm
These are cozies. THEY HAVE NO PURPOSE.
October 17, 2011 at 11:34 am
Wait–so having a rounded cloth cover is supposed to help the bottle stand upright?
Sexual perversion aside, this is a major design flaw.
October 17, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Insulation?
October 17, 2011 at 11:38 am
They’re cute, though…too bad about the fellatio vibe. Maybe people could put them on the bottles the other way, to help keep the milk cold until the baby needs it.
Or…to keep it hot? Whatever temperature a baby is supposed to drink. I dunno.
October 17, 2011 at 11:39 am
I bet no one has ever, ever, put one of those on his penis. Ever.
October 17, 2011 at 11:42 am
And your comment makes me think of two words: “Rule 34.”
(I’m much too scared to Google that.)
October 17, 2011 at 11:59 am
Seems impractical unless the other end of the buddy is also, um, open. Unless you just want a sweater for your dick.
October 17, 2011 at 12:09 pm
See: Rule 34.
October 17, 2011 at 12:48 pm
In that case make sure you use a machine washable yarn.
October 17, 2011 at 12:19 pm
I believe an elephant trunk penis sheath made an appearance here in Regretsy some time back. It was notable enough to make it into the Tarot deck.
October 17, 2011 at 11:40 am
Drink your juice kids – it’s fucking nutritious!
(Original comic comes from the amazing people at Penny Arcade)
October 17, 2011 at 12:11 pm
OMG I knew I had seen that before!!! That was the best part of the game, I swear, throwing the fruit out so the little robots go start boinking it… although it felt a bit wrong to shoot them mid-coitus.
October 17, 2011 at 11:43 am
Great, more shit to clean……
October 17, 2011 at 11:48 am
How long before one of these shows up in Helen’s mailbox, only booze-bottle sized?
Or no! Miniaturized for assorted pill bottles? Yes. New territory. Pill bottle cozies.
I’d do it, but I can’t crochet.
October 17, 2011 at 11:54 am
I can crochet AND I have pill bottles at home!
*starts searching for little animal patterns*
October 17, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Ohman. I’d so buy one.
October 17, 2011 at 4:05 pm
Now I use a chair drugstore, but where I used to live I always used an independent one and I really need to go back and visit the old neighborhood and stop in. “Hi, Tony! Got a nice selection of empty bottles I can take? For what? I want to crochet little animal-head cozies for each one, of course! Forget so quickly about my odd requests??”
October 17, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Oh God. I actually own this fucking pattern booklet! I’ve accumulated hundreds of crochet patterns over the years, so I have no idea how or why I came across this one. I seriously have to make a vodka cozy now.
October 17, 2011 at 11:49 am
By Sue PENROD? Really? Were the photographs by Mike Hunt?
October 17, 2011 at 11:51 am
Scale it up for adult-sized water bottles. Waa-laa, ice breaker for next year’s Burning Man.
October 17, 2011 at 1:23 pm
VOILA! VOILA GODDAMMIT!
October 17, 2011 at 1:41 pm
You’re in Regretsy. Here it’s WAA-LAA or WA-LA, depending on how incredibly awesome the item in question is (or, in this case, thinking of that photo of Bronc at Burning Man, just awoken with that sleepy, just awoken hotness in his eyes, his body, half covered with a sheet, rippling muscles stretching out the Israel T-shirt, making one think of international relations without needing a passport).
If you can’t do a proper accent (voilá), then it’s as above. Even if you can do an accent (voilá), it really doesn’t matter, because you’re in Regretsy.
October 17, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Actually, I think it’s voilà. Geez! But as you said, it’s Regretsy. If I care about the spelling I’m obviously not drunk enough.
October 17, 2011 at 2:07 pm
I was doing trick typing, with the keyboard behind my back and a mirror in my hand, so I got the accent reversed.
October 17, 2011 at 2:31 pm
I believe WAH-LAH is also acceptable.
October 17, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Voy-la?
No, I’m kidding. It’s jala.
October 18, 2011 at 8:42 am
I have this sudden and overwhelming urge to click my heels together and salute you!
October 17, 2011 at 11:53 am
Here are the rest of them:
I just want to know one thing. WHY THE FUCK DOES THE COW HAVE A MANE?
October 17, 2011 at 11:54 am
I thought that was a little bonnet. A bonnet makes as much sense as a mane, but what the hell.
October 17, 2011 at 12:40 pm
I think that’s a panda. But they don’t have manes either. I guess they have wooly necks.
October 17, 2011 at 2:26 pm
Description says it’s a cow.
October 17, 2011 at 5:42 pm
It was probably originally designed as a sheep, regardless of what it was described as.
October 17, 2011 at 12:09 pm
How many legs does a frog have? I was thinking four was about average, but I see I’m wrong.
October 17, 2011 at 12:15 pm
I believe those are toes. I see four legs.
October 17, 2011 at 12:10 pm
I’m really happy to see that one of them comes in a fleshy pink.
October 17, 2011 at 12:16 pm
Because it’s a sheep.
October 17, 2011 at 2:28 pm
Hey, I’m going by the description, which says “cow.”
October 18, 2011 at 3:05 pm
Then the description is wrong.
Seriously, the loopy fur, black legs/black snout/white body, and style of snout (sheep and goats have that v-shaped thing on their nose whereas cows have big round nostrils) are all consistent with the archetypal cartoon sheep.
Holy fuck I sound pedantic. Oh well.
October 17, 2011 at 2:38 pm
The sheep is at the bottom left.
October 17, 2011 at 2:39 pm
Bottom right.
I’m really not good at this trick typing. I’ll put down the mirror.
October 17, 2011 at 5:42 pm
nah, the bottom right is the cat, which is on the list.
So… a cow with a yarn halo. Huh.
October 17, 2011 at 5:43 pm
That’s totally a cat!
October 17, 2011 at 1:51 pm
The alligator should come preloaded with blue paint. He looks suspiciously in the same position as ass painter dude…
October 17, 2011 at 2:07 pm
The pig and frog look like characters out of a Doctor Who episode…
October 17, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Because a lactating cow might be near normal so they had to fuck it up?
October 17, 2011 at 5:47 pm
I thought it was a sheep. — Which would make more sense, considering the bonnet/mane. =p
October 17, 2011 at 11:55 am
I only want this if there is a dolphin and bear and an alien included.
October 17, 2011 at 1:14 pm
I think dolphin, alien and bear vodka cozies are a must-have in any well-stocked nightmare bar.
October 17, 2011 at 12:03 pm
Here’s one with the nipple sticking out! http://www.etsy.com/listing/53090472/baby-bottle-warmer-cow
October 17, 2011 at 12:18 pm
OH GOD IT’S POINTING RIGHT AT ME.
October 17, 2011 at 12:18 pm
First I thought the cow’s nostrils were the eyes, then I looked closely at the nipple—little indentations at the top of it look like little eyes. I don’t know why I keep expecting bottle buddies to be looking at me.
October 17, 2011 at 12:22 pm
You know, if they’re going to do a cow, it should be done correctly, the bottle should be hanging pendulously between the hind legs, and there should be 4 nipples.
October 17, 2011 at 12:51 pm
THIS is what eating disorders are made of:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/53089017/baby-bottle-warmer-panda
October 17, 2011 at 4:07 pm
It sure looks outraged.
October 17, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Not the best ‘shop but I think that you’ll like the concept.
October 17, 2011 at 4:33 pm
OK – not sure how I put it here, but it is a good lead in to Moist Slacks post.
October 18, 2011 at 1:23 am
Like it is not enough with shoving stuff up their unmentionables, now they sever the lower parts of their bodies too.
October 17, 2011 at 12:09 pm
Do they makes those in a 375 or 750ml size? I’m sick of drinking my Old Crow out of a paper bag when I’m hanging out under the overpass.
October 17, 2011 at 12:10 pm
Fuck the dead birds, why isn’t anyone crying for the lactating duck?
October 17, 2011 at 12:24 pm
OK, I have to admit when I first saw this, I didn’t automatically think “penis” – I thought, horribly horribly distended hemorrhoids, which I think in the grand scale of things is much, much worse.
October 17, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Oh, no. Look what you’ve started — I guarantee you that right now, somewhere in the world, a Regretsian is crocheting a Goatse Vodka Bottle Cozy.
October 17, 2011 at 12:44 pm
mmmm, prolapse.
October 17, 2011 at 12:32 pm
They’re marketing this all wrong.
Dildo koozies are where it’s at.
October 17, 2011 at 12:41 pm
OW, the lint would get everywhere!
October 17, 2011 at 12:46 pm
I got a lot of stupid crap when I had kids. And I know, in my heart of hearts, that if someone had given me one of these, my husband would have, at some point, walked into a room, naked but for the elephant bottle cozie on his penis and a smart-assed grin on his face.
Which would have been hysterical and the only time it was ever used for anything at all.
October 17, 2011 at 1:20 pm
The bottle cozy or his penis?
October 17, 2011 at 3:03 pm
She says she has kids, so unless they’re adopted, then the penis has been used.
October 17, 2011 at 4:54 pm
We have two sets of twins, so we know it’s been used at least twice in a manner that can be documented. If we’re discussing undocumented penis showings/usage, well, I might need an abacus for that.
Aria, I meant the bottle cozie, of course.
October 17, 2011 at 12:49 pm
That’s not a frog, it’s an alligator. with lots of claws…
October 17, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Take one ear off that elephant, crochet it blue, and I know what HOE is getting for his birthday.
October 17, 2011 at 12:57 pm
I’m more offended by the utter uselessness of these things than the hilarious visual result of them in action.
Seriously, bottles do not need assistance to stand up, that’s what those nifty flat bottoms are for. I’m also unaware of how those would help a baby hold on to a bottle. And god help the distracted parent who buys the dog or cat version because it “looks just like” Fluffy or Furball or whatever the hell people are naming their pets these days.
October 17, 2011 at 12:58 pm
Where is the octopus bottle cozy? Or the steampunk bottle cozy? You crafters are falling down on the job!
October 17, 2011 at 1:01 pm
While googling for my octopus bottle cozy, I came across this one. The expression is priceless:
(Totoro actually had this expression several times during the movie, but not because he had a giant roll of TP shoved up his crafthole)
October 17, 2011 at 1:25 pm
I don’t care much for putting cozies on everything uncozied, but that is adorable. I love Totoro. I wonder if my toilet paper has a need to feel cozy…
October 17, 2011 at 4:30 pm
I. want. this.
October 17, 2011 at 1:04 pm
Now this is awesome:
October 18, 2011 at 12:17 am
I actually have a pattern somewhere for a squid water bottle cozy. It’s set up so that when you drink, it looks like the squid is going all facehugger on you- tentacles all over your face.
October 17, 2011 at 1:00 pm
Somebody should make them big enough to hold a fleshlight and sell them to furverts.
October 17, 2011 at 1:03 pm
Oh damn, do I wanna see an octopus bottle cozy now. That would be my go-to baby gift forever. Just for the “What the fuck is this supposed to be??!!” expression when it’s opened.
October 17, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Here… I got distracted by some of the other images
Not how I’d design it, but I don’t crochet very well so anything I actually attempted would end up looking like cat vomit.
October 17, 2011 at 1:10 pm
Which brought this to mind :
October 17, 2011 at 1:24 pm
Ok, those are pretty great.
October 17, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Why couldn’t they just have the crocheted animal at the end, not actually part of the shape of the thing? Jesus Christ.
October 17, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Babies could be spared this sort of trauma if, well, you know…*opens can of worms*
October 17, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Are they circumcized worms?
October 17, 2011 at 2:12 pm
I read the description as ‘bear, elephant, bunny, drunk‘… which is fitting, seeing as how much Regretsy people like to drink.
October 17, 2011 at 2:13 pm
They just look so drugged out to me. Like they all did a bunch of crack before bottles were shoved up their ass.
October 17, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Due to new legislation, these are not allowed in Florida any more.
October 17, 2011 at 2:48 pm
I did an Etsy search for “bottle buddy” and found that these aren’t the only absurdities under this title. I don’t have kids, but I’ve been around them enough to know that a toddler may not be able to put the bottle down, but he or she is going to going to have a great time swinging it against the wall, chair, parent…and it’s elasticized, so it comes right back, to be flung again!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/81546362/bottle-buddy?ref=sr_list_9&ga_search_query=bottle+buddies&ga_view_type=list&ga_ship_to=US&ga_page=3&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=
October 17, 2011 at 3:18 pm
At least the bottle buddies look ashamed of their existence. They they have sad eyes!
October 17, 2011 at 3:50 pm
Dear God.
I had to buy it.
October 17, 2011 at 3:54 pm
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October 17, 2011 at 6:45 pm
I’m not really seeing the penis jokes here. More along the lines of
this.
October 17, 2011 at 7:22 pm
They look like someone ripped their souls out through their eyes.
October 18, 2011 at 8:03 am
Wait wait wait. Why is she charging $7 for it when CLEARLY it costs $4? Has the price of bottle cozies with penis imagery inflated?
October 19, 2011 at 11:28 am
Awesome, I know a couple people really into pregfur and the adult baby scene.
oh god why do I joke about these things
October 20, 2011 at 4:00 pm
I actually really like the idea, it’s cute. But of course, they appear to be showing me their genitals. And they look really, really sad about it. I feel like I’m a cop being presented with the victims of a sex-trafficked plushy ring.