JOB OPPORTUNITY
From: K
Date: Mon, Oct 10, 2011 at 6:53 PM
Subject: Super Special Birthday Request (Includes Dolphin Rape)
Hi Helen,
I am writing you with the hope that you and your Regretsy minions (read: fat jealous losers) will help me create a birthday gift for a very special person this month.
My friend “A” is a social worker who works tirelessly to ensure that the needs of homeless individuals, youth, and families are met. She also inspired me to join the social work field.
She is also completely psychologically terrified of: 1) being raped by a dolphin, 2) getting eaten by a bear, and 3) getting abducted by aliens.
These are genuine fears, so for her birthday I would like nothing more than to bring her deepest nightmares to life by having them immortalized in Regretsy art.
For example, I imagine a dolphin raping a bear as both are pulled up into heavens via a UFO tractor beam. Or maybe a dolphin with bear claws shooting an alien laser out of his mutant genitalia?
If the Regretsy following would be so kind as to help me produce works representing her most deep seated fears, I will gladly donate $100 to the charity fund (I wish it was more, but I am poor social worker myself).
I look forward to your thoughts.
***
Isn’t this great? Extra work, and right around the holidays!
So here’s how this is going to go.
Please post your work in the comments. The artist chosen for the job will get $100 payment from me, and $100 donated to their favorite charity by K, the author of this letter.
Everyone wins, except the woman who gets this for her birthday.
I will post my favorites tomorrow, and K will choose the winner. All runners-up will get fabulous* prizes!
*It’s a very subjective word
October 11, 2011 at 11:04 am
What I want to know is would you still have opened it so speedily had it not included ‘dolphin rape’ in the title?
October 11, 2011 at 11:08 am
Do you even have to ask?
October 11, 2011 at 11:06 am
Oh man, if I had nothing else than cross stitching today, I would SO make this a reality. Maybe I can get a pattern drafted up…
October 11, 2011 at 11:06 am
No kidding!! I’m thinking of many different ways to horrify the mind….
October 11, 2011 at 12:28 pm
You can always sell the PDF pattern. I suspect this would be appreciated by many of us (well, at least me).
October 12, 2011 at 12:17 am
Oh hell yeah. I haven’t done cross stitch in a while but for dolphin rape, i’d give it a try again!
October 11, 2011 at 11:06 am
To make it even more special, make the face of the creature a mirror so when she looks at it, she sees herself. That’s even creepier than the eyes that follow you.
October 11, 2011 at 11:06 am
I wish my friends were this awesome! I’d probably die screaming, but at least it’d be with the knowledge that they knew me well enough to know my deepest darkest fears.
October 11, 2011 at 11:28 am
While it wasn’t quite aliens, dolphins, and bears (Oh My!), a friend of mine knew his long-term boyfriend was terrified of dwarfs and clowns so he hired a gay little person to dress up in a clown outfit and hit on him constantly and publicly at the bar in Long Beach they went to for his boyfriend’s 40th birthday.
It started with the little clown simply sidling up to him, tapping him on the shoulder, and immediately jumping up on his lap as they sat at the bar. Drinks were spilled and he literally ran screaming from the bar (the clown chased him while yelling out “he’s fabulous! he’s fabulous! come to me my love!)It went downhill from there with much more, um, “flirting” (being approximately waist high really really changes the dynamics of flirting in a gay bar) until the clown makeup came off and a truce was signed over a significant number of shots of horribly expensive tequila.
Hopefully the alien dolphin bear rape thing will go better.
October 11, 2011 at 12:29 pm
how the fuck COULD it go better than that?
October 11, 2011 at 1:04 pm
Dear monkey, I work at an Accounting Firm were the only constant sounds are calculators and copy machines noises… Thanks to you and to my burst of maniac laughter reading this the supply of Xanax at the office is gone… Good job!!!!!
October 11, 2011 at 1:13 pm
That’s phenomenal!
October 11, 2011 at 9:32 pm
How did he tap him on the shoulder?
October 11, 2011 at 11:47 am
I’ll be your friend. I arranged for a real life friend to be cornered by a gay purple Dalek who sang ‘Somewhere over the Rainbow’ to her in a shopping centre just because she once mentioned Daleks terrified her. I then took her to McDonalds knowing full well Ronald was in residence which caused another trying-to-run-yet-am-paralysed fit.
‘Twas funny
October 11, 2011 at 1:11 pm
You evil creature, you!
I’m highly impressed though – a purple darlek? That must have taken some finding.
October 11, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Do Daleks even HAVE sexual orientations?
October 11, 2011 at 3:16 pm
How could a Dalek singing Judy Garland songs not be gay?
To add to the awsomeness of the existence of a purple Dalek, it was in the location of this video
http://youtu.be/sn9mLnKmPco
October 11, 2011 at 7:57 pm
The first line of your comment made my day 826% more awesome.
Just so you know.
Cheers!
October 11, 2011 at 7:04 pm
They don’t have sexual orientations, they have sexual EX-TER-MI-NATIONS!
October 11, 2011 at 11:06 am
Or something truly horrendous like… http://www.mangathat.com/uzumaki/11/Uzumaki%20v02%20c011%20160
That was a mind-scarring experience that I think is well worth $100.
October 11, 2011 at 11:12 am
“Mind-scarring”? That’s what we call “Tuesday” here in Portland.
October 12, 2011 at 12:40 am
I don’t know what Portland you live in… But we don’t do that. It’s not vegan.
October 11, 2011 at 11:16 am
GAAAHHH! Not only was that completely mortifying, but I clicked through to previous pages, and it’s about placenta plants. Talking babies, nutty doctors, and freakin’ PLACENTA PLANTS!
October 11, 2011 at 11:59 am
There is a movie based on that manga (probably volume 1? I didn’t even know it was based on one). Both are called Uzumaki. I downloaded it and really need to watch it now!
October 11, 2011 at 12:16 pm
The movie is not NEARLY as awesome (read: F’d up) as the manga.Uzumaki is one of my favorite manga. I was really disappointed in the movie.
October 11, 2011 at 12:29 pm
Oooh good to know!
October 11, 2011 at 4:57 pm
Aw, I just shed a copyrighted glittery eagle tear.
I was looking forward to finding the movie adaption. (I read the whole manga in the span of an hour. It was good.)
October 11, 2011 at 7:13 pm
It’s not necessarily BAD on it’s own if you don’t mind campy films… But yes, if you’re expecting the same story as the manga it’s rather disappointing.
October 11, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Oh, man!
Just what I didn’t need: another time suck…I’ve now been reading manga for over an hour…no end in sight…
October 11, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Oh yay, I get to have my head fucked for free.
October 11, 2011 at 5:20 pm
http://www.mangathat.com/uzumaki/11/Uzumaki%20v02%20c011%20154
It’s like all my Etsy nightmares come true.
October 11, 2011 at 7:10 pm
I like that comment as soon as I saw Uzumaki in the link. And wouldn’t you know it, you picked a page from my favorite arc in the series! I will never view pregnant women the same way again…
Junji Ito is brilliant, and if you’ve not read any of his other manga, I highly recommend you do.
October 11, 2011 at 11:10 am
Damn it but I wish I was crafty! I hope she sends us pictures of her friend’s reaction to the gift.
October 11, 2011 at 11:10 am
I think this needs to be plush. Bring on the fleece and the minky!!!!
October 11, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Yeah, you need 3-D art to really capture all the imagery going on here. Is that “My Son Peeing” lady available??
October 11, 2011 at 11:11 am
Damn! If only I had the time to work on this! But no, the kids still want to be fed at mealtimes, and laundry can’t (yet) fold itself.. *poutsnifflejelloshots*
October 11, 2011 at 11:29 am
Buy a big sack of M&M’s and pour it out on the floor. This will keep kids fed and occupied for weeks.
October 11, 2011 at 2:31 pm
forget the kids, that would keep me happy for at least 3 weeks. Thrown in a hidden bottle of bourbon = happy camper pirate
October 11, 2011 at 3:13 pm
This is the best child rearing advice I have ever read.
October 11, 2011 at 12:00 pm
Seriously. 2011 and laundry still has to be folded by hand? What have scientists been doing all these years?!
October 11, 2011 at 12:31 pm
NOT making Rosie robot maids, that’s for sure.
October 11, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 12, 2011 at 12:43 am
ETERNAL BONERS
October 11, 2011 at 11:13 am
I deeply wish I could craft… In something other than super foam!
October 12, 2011 at 10:32 am
I regularly craft in super foam AND sell it on Etsy…so I see nothing wrong with this.
CRAFT AWAY IN SUPER FOAM my foamie fat jealous loser!
October 12, 2011 at 10:34 am
Okay, so I craft in regular foam…but I still think it’s super.
October 11, 2011 at 11:13 am
I don’t feel as alone in the world today. I am deathly afraid of (a) being abducted by aliens and (b) being possessed by the demon Pazuzu like that poor little Regan. Thanks to my Uncle for the latter fear since he showed me The Exorcist at the age of 7 and told me to be a good boy or that’s what would happen to me. Flash forward to 10 years of soaked sheets (and not in a good way).
October 11, 2011 at 12:16 pm
According to Wikipedia, April was in the running to play Regan.
October 11, 2011 at 12:31 pm
the internet has never to us lied before
October 11, 2011 at 12:23 pm
I as a 90s child with a mother who worked late – meaning my grandmother would babysit my little sister and I overnight, and Nanny would pass out by 9 leaving sis and I to the wonders of late-night 90s TV – I watched WAY too many episodes of Unsolved Mysteries (the theme music still makes me cringe in fear)and didn’t sleep from ages 6-10 because I was so sure I’d be abducted by aliens. The worst being my fear that ‘Red Eye Boy’ (what a friend and I referred to a chupacabra-like alien with red eyes that killed cattle we saw one time on the show) would show up and suck my blood out… I understand you.
October 11, 2011 at 12:48 pm
Seriously…those grey bastards on the cover of the book, Communion, with the big eyes and slits for mouths still freak the shit out of me.
Interestingly enough, LaToya Jackson does not scare me.
I think we may need to start a support group.
October 11, 2011 at 1:12 pm
A support group for the people who aren’t freaked out by LaToya? Sorry, I can’t join.
October 11, 2011 at 7:44 pm
But all the cool kids are joining, Mugsy!
October 11, 2011 at 6:20 pm
wow really i read Stephen king in third grade and i turned out fine. well i also read the far side and watched ren and stimpy as a kid….
October 11, 2011 at 7:10 pm
Man, sign me up for that support group! My dad handed me a great big book of H.P. Lovecraft when I was 13, then after I was scared shitless by the first few stories, he VERY SOLEMNLY informed me that there REALLY ARE cultists in this world trying to bring back the Elder Gods, and that the Cthulhu stories are based in fact.
I believed him until I was, like, 25.
October 11, 2011 at 7:43 pm
Some parents lie to their kids about Santa…others about horrible, nightmarish monsters who will make you go insane just by looking at them. Tomato, to-mah-toe.
October 12, 2011 at 12:48 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 12, 2011 at 6:06 am
Part of my inability to form a rational opinion of what aliens could possibly do if they actually exist can probably be blamed on the movie “Fire in the Sky”. Actually, not even. Just that ONE FREAKIN’ SEQUENCE of the flashback from the alien ship. HOLY FUCK. I think we may be more disturbed than the aliens for coming up with shit like that.
October 11, 2011 at 11:15 am
Challenge accepted! Time to break out the colored pencils and horrify my husband.
October 11, 2011 at 9:09 pm
Awww crap. No way I’m gonna be done in time. Stupid family obligations.
What the hell, I’ll finish it post it even if I can’t make the deadline.
October 11, 2011 at 11:17 am
Alas, I wish I had time to put myself in the running for this. Because paper art of a dolphin taking a bear from behind with a UFO flying overhead would be killer.
October 11, 2011 at 11:18 am
I think a felt ‘painting’ would be great for this! I probably won’t have enough time to make one tonight though. we’ll see I guess.
October 11, 2011 at 11:24 am
Holy FUCK Husband and I are on this like Christina Aguilera on a burrito.
October 12, 2011 at 12:52 am
Is this a reference to the somewhat phallic shape of burritos? I don’t really listen to her music.
October 11, 2011 at 11:28 am
Wow! This sounds challenging and fun…
October 11, 2011 at 11:31 am
Yeah, I’m a terrible artist and I made this in paint.
But the chance to ruin someones life was just so tempting.
October 11, 2011 at 11:42 am
You made that in your artistic ability, I can tell.
October 11, 2011 at 11:46 am
Well, i certainly didn’t use anyone elses, or it would probably be better.
October 11, 2011 at 12:48 pm
You better put a copyright on that shit!
October 12, 2011 at 2:06 am
After all, we wouldn’t want Dennis Waldron to come along, Photoshop a sparkly tear on it, juxtapose a pic of the twin towers next to it and copyright it for himself
October 11, 2011 at 11:38 am
Hey, this is just a rough sketch so let me know if I should keep going. I don’t normally do work so… like this but, hey, it’s for a good cause.
-Sketch Book
October 11, 2011 at 12:27 pm
I don’t know if you are asking April and the requester, but I personally think that kicks ass
October 11, 2011 at 12:32 pm
lol, mainly this forum; I wouldn’t want to let anyone down in here.
October 11, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Oh, and thanks!
October 11, 2011 at 12:53 pm
Yeah, keep going. You are on to something here. Just a thought, change the setting to look like it’s happening on an alien space craft. And have the Dolphin yelling “Surprise”.
October 11, 2011 at 9:07 pm
Dammit, you just made the dogs start barking their fool heads off. The dolphin yelling surprise (it isn’t RAPE!) sent me into a laughing fit that sounded strikingly similar to what I image a dolphin NOT raping a bear would sound like…
October 11, 2011 at 9:08 pm
derp – imagine. See? you even ruined my *perfect typing skills!
*a lie
October 11, 2011 at 12:57 pm
Hmm….the alien looks psychotic…the dolphin “smile” looks like a shark’s…the teddy bear looks drugged but still aware enough to cry…annnnnd there’s a baby’s crib mobile in the background.
Yup, you’ve achieve fucking awesomeness!
October 11, 2011 at 6:57 pm
I agree. The background is perfect.
October 11, 2011 at 1:08 pm
I’m just sick enough I would buy this to put up in my office! (home office) I want to see the finished version of this more than you can even imagine
October 11, 2011 at 1:16 pm
thats awesome. you should finish it anyway!
October 11, 2011 at 2:18 pm
amazing!
October 11, 2011 at 8:04 pm
that is creepy as fuck, especially the bear.
good job!
October 11, 2011 at 11:38 am
October 11, 2011 at 11:48 am
Also done with some mad-crazy MS Paint skills.
Note, not an actual entry unless I get two weeks to get it embroidered and sewn into a pillow.
October 11, 2011 at 1:49 pm
You know, there’s always April’s Army!
October 11, 2011 at 12:07 pm
I absolutely love this. The “May all of your dreams come true!” really makes it great.
October 11, 2011 at 11:39 am
I had an idea come to mind for the card but it takes me too long to draw anything and I have to work today. Well, I wouldn’t win anyway since everyone else is more talented.
I mostly just wanted to say this. I live not too far from a couple themeparks that have Halloween scare-fests every year. Each one usually has a different theme and they show commercials for each one constantly. Either they just aren’t very scary this year or Regretsy has changed my perception of scary. An eyeball inside a rose? Not scary. A chicken skin mask? Yeah, that’s scary. Perhaps I should send those parks some Regretsy inspired ideas for next year?
October 11, 2011 at 9:09 pm
A CF4LB! reminder comes to mind as a suggestion too…
October 11, 2011 at 11:50 am
I have never been so disappointed in my complete lack of artistic ability.
October 11, 2011 at 11:52 am
I have some very bad ideas for this.
October 11, 2011 at 11:56 am
Uploaded with ImageShack.us
October 11, 2011 at 12:07 pm
zomg why is the dolphin spouting blood? xP
October 11, 2011 at 12:20 pm
Because it’s bleeding internally obviously. The bear is eating it and caused trauma to it.
October 11, 2011 at 12:34 pm
That is truly horrifying. The only thing missing is an anal probe.
October 11, 2011 at 12:38 pm
I thought that was what the dolphin was doing…
October 12, 2011 at 12:57 am
THAT TIME OF THE SONAR-CYCLE
October 11, 2011 at 9:11 pm
Holy shit. Well the nightly Game Show called “What will my nightmares be tonight?!” has found it’s object.
October 11, 2011 at 9:13 pm
Alright, no more posting while on Tramadol. “…has found its object.”
FFS.
I was already banned from eBay (by my beloved spouse) when on Tramadol because it made the mailbox a bit too unpredictable.. “Seriously, you bid and won THIS??” I don’t know how y’all manage to appear so eloquent when you have stronger meds and… wait, it’s b/c you don’t give a fuck, amIright?
October 12, 2011 at 12:58 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 13, 2011 at 7:26 pm
I wish…. but sadly, no… just under-medicated for my back injury yet paradoxically over-medicated for literate typing.
October 12, 2011 at 8:24 am
Strangely enough, last night was the first night in weeks I didn’t have nightmares. Of course that could be because I didn’t sleep.
October 11, 2011 at 12:00 pm
This sounds like an episode of South Park. I could so see them doing this…..hmmmmm, time to pull out the old computer and see what I come up with.
October 11, 2011 at 12:26 pm
It sounds like South Park, because of the episode in which Randy got human to dolphin reassignment surgery.
October 11, 2011 at 12:37 pm
MANBEARPIG
October 11, 2011 at 12:46 pm
That wasn’t Randy, it was Gerald.
October 11, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Ooh- you’re right! My memory was faulty.
That was also the episode in which Mr/Mrs Garrison’s balls were used as knee implants for basketball players. So bizarre….
October 11, 2011 at 12:07 pm
The fact that I am drawing what I am drawing on watercolor paper with the full intention of painting this has me somewhat disturbed — but also very amused.
October 11, 2011 at 2:20 pm
don’t forget dolphins have prehensile penis’
October 11, 2011 at 12:08 pm
If she’s afraid of dolphin rape (too many Carl Hiaassen novels?) don’t show her the mermen, might be to close for comfort.
October 11, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Maybe the mer-shack can whip up merman-alien & merman-bear but with dolphin back/halves instead of scaly fish tails?
October 11, 2011 at 12:13 pm
I’m putting in applications to draw children’s books.
But fuck it. I’ll draw this too.
October 11, 2011 at 2:47 pm
Make sure to include your entry in your submitted portfolios for the children’s books.
October 11, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Dolphin, Bear, Alien Centipede
October 11, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Or would it have to be Alien, Bear, Dolphin Centipede?
October 11, 2011 at 4:44 pm
You need a leader in front for sure… I’d go w the bear. but let the poor dolphin be on the end…
you need to draw a diagram of course to figure it all out…
October 11, 2011 at 12:16 pm
I too am too busy to take this on, but I’d very much like to see EVERYONE’s sketches.
October 11, 2011 at 12:19 pm
I had a dream last night that I found a job on the internet that I could make $100 from.
I’m taking that as a sign I should at least ATTEMPT to create something for this.
Also I’ve always wanted an excuse to draw a dolphin raping…well, anything really.
October 11, 2011 at 12:21 pm
Nothing I could make would be wroth $200, but I absolutely must make something with this for shits and gigs. Where do we submit, here or by email?
October 11, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Derp. Ignore that.
October 11, 2011 at 12:25 pm
I can replicate the sampler I made that sold in the AA shop in September:
There’s no bear, but the sentiment is there.
October 11, 2011 at 12:40 pm
negative space BEGGING for a bear & an alien though.
October 11, 2011 at 1:07 pm
I could add some sickly sweet teddy bear to it. And a stereotypical grey.
October 11, 2011 at 6:26 pm
I kind of think it needs a dolphin peen.
October 11, 2011 at 12:25 pm
I so wish I had some artistic ability.
October 11, 2011 at 7:48 pm
Me too. I commented here because I am also a red-head!
October 11, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Wow, I wish I had the time (and talent) to make this a reality!!! I don’t even care about the $100 (well, I do, but I don’t, knowhutImean?)
But I
CAN.
NOT.
WAIT.
to see what some of you fat jealous losers come up with for this!!
I’m already really loving sketchbook’s lead up there
October 11, 2011 at 12:30 pm
I dig that drawing a throbbing [pink bear/dolphin cock has been the upshot of my day. I fucking love you guys.
October 11, 2011 at 12:31 pm
My boyfriend is an amazing comic-book style artist, and I just texted him,”Hey honey – do you think you could draw a picture that incorporates being raped by dolphins, eaten by a bear, and abducted by aliens?”
… Now he says we need to have a serious conversation when he gets home tonight. I don’t think there’s a way to describe and explain this to him without sounding crazy.
Thank you, Regretsy.
October 11, 2011 at 10:28 pm
So, as a follow-up, he got home and asked what the hell I was talking about. The conversation went as follows…
Him: So, want to explain the text message?
Me: Well, there’s this post on Regretsy that-
Him: Oh god! Not that site again! Seriously?!
Me: No, no! It’s for a birthday present for someone.
Him: Do you know them?
Me: Yeeeeees… (whisper) through the power of the interwebs.
Him: What?
Me: Nothing. So you gonna draw for me?
Him: No. Absolutely not.
Me: Fine, have fun making your own dinner.
Him: Fuck. Fine, okay, I’ll start drawing.
Yay! Expect a picture soon.
October 12, 2011 at 1:58 am
Okay, so, even though it’s almost 2 am, hopefully not too late to enter, seeing as I browbeat the boyfriend. He did a rough sketch & I did a rough color in Photoshop. Enjoy and feel free to mock.
October 11, 2011 at 12:34 pm
October 11, 2011 at 12:48 pm
I might have pooped my pants a little laughing at this.
October 11, 2011 at 1:07 pm
This is actually legitimately hilarious.
October 11, 2011 at 2:05 pm
I don’t know why, but I can only hear that in the voice of Bender.
October 11, 2011 at 3:15 pm
i’m glad you identified the voice. i coud hear him, too. heh.
October 11, 2011 at 3:50 pm
OMG me too! Are we all on the same shrooms?
October 12, 2011 at 9:41 am
AUGH! DAMMIT! Now that’s ALL I can hear!!!
October 11, 2011 at 4:15 pm
The beary hairy chest absolutely makes this.
October 12, 2011 at 6:28 am
Yeah, I just spit out my coffee in a fit of combined laughter/horror.
Well done The Erin, well done.
October 12, 2011 at 8:00 am
I’m here to drink. HELP. I meant help.
October 11, 2011 at 12:37 pm
nothing good can come of this….thank GAWD!
October 11, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Here are some sketches will be willing to paint it in the end if chosen.
[IMG]http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h87/marcialj/Photo10111519_1.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h87/marcialj/Photo10111519.jpg[/IMG]
October 11, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Sorry didn’t work last time.
October 11, 2011 at 3:14 pm
bonus points for the mouth kinda looking like a vag with teeth.
October 11, 2011 at 11:22 pm
That looks like a bear pocket pussy. I like.
October 11, 2011 at 12:42 pm
I see some fabulous finger puppet opportunities here. Raping dolphins, eat me not bears and aliens. But my yarn is miles away and I’m surrounded by inquisitive grandkids til 6 or 7. So prob no for the contest.
Still, I see a market for this…
October 11, 2011 at 12:43 pm
and by fabulous I mean gross and obscene..
October 11, 2011 at 12:43 pm
I can’t craft, but sometimes I like to pretend I can draw.
October 11, 2011 at 12:44 pm
Bwahaha, that cock is horrifying.
October 11, 2011 at 1:01 pm
Why, thank you!
October 11, 2011 at 1:11 pm
Wow, that might actually give me a nightmare – that penis is the creepiest thing ever.
October 11, 2011 at 8:40 pm
Your lettering is really nice too!
October 12, 2011 at 2:45 am
Why HELLO nightmare… Good to see your cock in the daylight…
October 11, 2011 at 12:45 pm
I painstakingly created this masterpiece in my cubicle as curious co-workers looked on. I think it captures the true essence of her fears. The dolphin and bear have alien antenna headbands on. Hopefully this uploads correctly. Enjoy.
October 11, 2011 at 12:47 pm
What an lucky friend, to be getting such a carefully thought out gift! This is the opposite of one of those bath soap gift baskets. Unless the soaps were moulded into bears, well-hung dolphins, and aliens. Hmm!
October 11, 2011 at 9:47 pm
Mmm, lather that dolphin up!
October 11, 2011 at 12:49 pm
I can’t wait until I get home from work to see what fuckery has been made in your artistic ability!
October 11, 2011 at 12:51 pm
Am I really considering painting dolphin rape and alien abducted bears???
October 11, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Yes. Yes you are.
October 11, 2011 at 2:24 pm
I know, you are totally crazy for not starting yet!
October 11, 2011 at 1:00 pm
This is my first ever attempt at photoshop. I’m pretty proud of my penis.
That may be the first (and last) time I will ever write that sentence.
October 11, 2011 at 2:08 pm
That’s what he said.
October 11, 2011 at 5:47 pm
“Oh no! It’s my Birthday Present!” makes me laugh like a lunatic!
October 11, 2011 at 1:03 pm
How does one post an image? I have one, I just don’t know how to get it on here. .A.
October 11, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Open carot ()
October 11, 2011 at 1:06 pm
dammit it took my html out! open carot then no space and type img src then an = sign, then a ” and the url, then a “, then close the carot.
October 11, 2011 at 1:15 pm
Thank you.
I tried that, and I kept messing up I think because nothing is showing up. .__. I’m bad at this sort of thing.
October 11, 2011 at 10:04 pm
If you type a period after the first carrot, it should show up.
October 11, 2011 at 1:20 pm
I used photobucket. Just upload and click the URL button and copy and paste the html code into a reply
October 11, 2011 at 1:06 pm
http://www.furaffinity.net/full/6659586/
Eh, here’s the link, I’m bad at figuring out posting things. Derp
October 11, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Raped bear tears…now that is an instant classic!
October 11, 2011 at 8:48 pm
No one cries for the dead bear.
October 11, 2011 at 2:12 pm
This one is truly inspiring.
October 11, 2011 at 2:24 pm
bear looks to happy
October 11, 2011 at 2:42 pm
The dolphin looks appropriately ecstatic. Nice!
October 11, 2011 at 2:47 pm
here ya go, carroway
October 11, 2011 at 2:52 pm
Thank you very much!
October 11, 2011 at 3:13 pm
beat me to it
October 11, 2011 at 3:30 pm
god, I love that the bear is crying with… is that joy? I don’t even know.
October 11, 2011 at 2:58 pm
i’ve copied it to my flickr, i didn’t know how else to share it. it really has to be seen.
October 11, 2011 at 2:59 pm
oh, and this one totally gets my vote. i’ll delete it off my flickr after you win
October 11, 2011 at 3:00 pm
This is definitely the best one yet.
October 11, 2011 at 4:13 pm
I think this is my favorite so far.
October 11, 2011 at 9:56 pm
This is so fabulous…the crushing of the bear’s psyche paired with the glee of the dolphin makes for some incredible fuckery!
October 11, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Good thing I have time to cross stitch, because $100 is exactly how much I just spent on a new vibrator and I would like an opportunity to make it back.
October 11, 2011 at 1:32 pm
So this is a rough sketch of a cross stitch pattern featuring your grandmother’s favorite lameass teddy bear cross stitch, a dead dolphin with an erect penis, and an alien watching the events with awesomeface.
October 11, 2011 at 1:36 pm
and some proof that I actually know how to cross stitch:
October 11, 2011 at 1:55 pm
If I paid a hundred bucks for a vibrator, that vibrator better fuck me without any assistance from me
October 11, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Is it the one with voice assist? http://www.shinyshiny.tv/2008/07/the_voice_activ.html Because that one might.
October 11, 2011 at 2:24 pm
See this is what the scientists have been busy making.
Voice assisted vibrators > Laundry folding robots.
October 12, 2011 at 10:53 am
Why can’t they make a robot that does BOTH?
October 11, 2011 at 2:19 pm
well, it’s a LELO which is like the Rolls-Royce of fuck toys.
I have expensive taste.
October 11, 2011 at 4:23 pm
Can’t believe I actually logged in for this, but I’ve gotta share- I just got the Ina a while ago from Lelo. That was $88 that couldn’t possibly have been spent better. Rolls-Royce indeed!
October 11, 2011 at 5:14 pm
I ordered the Liv for about $75. I’m so excited for her to come in the mail!
October 12, 2011 at 2:50 am
I just bought the silicone wabbit… It is depressingly rubbish…
October 13, 2011 at 3:03 pm
I’ve never heard of the silicone wabbit, having just purchased my second ever vibrator, I decided to go with one that would rock, recharge, and come with a warranty.
I’ve been turned off from rabbits due to finding my mom’s when I was a kid (so terribly, utterly mortified), but the Ina looks so different that I don’t get that gut-wrenching gavomitting feeling.
Good luck you fat ugly loser, I hope you find a better vibe!
October 13, 2011 at 3:05 pm
I feel so stupid! I forgot jealous, you’re probably jealous… jealous of our LELOs
October 11, 2011 at 3:01 pm
The sybian?
October 11, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Gd dmn it let’s try that again.
Anything?
October 11, 2011 at 1:13 pm
I present to you this original work, crapped out (not literally) in acrylic on canvas board this afternoon. Congratulations, you idea was so effed up and creative, I pulled my paints out of storage for the first time in years, finally signed up as a regretsy user, created a flickr account and learned how to post a photo in a link, just to share this fuckery with you. If I don’t win, may the horny dolphin come after you all.
October 11, 2011 at 1:15 pm
Also, I used silver sparkle paint. Cuz, you know, for whimsey.
October 11, 2011 at 1:18 pm
Also, I can’t effing spell or use grammar. I blame the cold medicine that also fueled the creativity.
October 11, 2011 at 1:45 pm
I congratulate you on all of your Regretsy merit badges. Now all you need is to post something dumb like “FIRST!” to get thumbed down into oblivion, and you’ll have the entire set!
October 11, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Omg I’m delightfully terrified
October 11, 2011 at 6:58 pm
that’s what I was going for.
October 11, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Yeah, that’s pretty fucking awesome.
October 11, 2011 at 4:00 pm
This is a thing of beauty. I want one of your paintings.
October 11, 2011 at 6:57 pm
I will gladly take themed requests. Also, should this abortion, I mean, painting not win, I do believe I’ll be making it available for purchase. You know, to give to Grandma for Christmas.
October 11, 2011 at 6:53 pm
I broke out the good camera and took a closeup so you can see the QUALITY half-assed workmanship. Also, I forgot to mention that the finished painting is 11″x14″ canvas panel.
October 11, 2011 at 8:22 pm
the sinister look of glee on the dolphin’s face is what really makes this painting for me.
October 12, 2011 at 6:16 am
if it doesn’t win I’m tempted to buy it from you!
October 11, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Dolphin Rape, Attacks by Bears, and Alien Abduction are actually preferable to what most Social Workers face every day.
October 11, 2011 at 1:12 pm
First, I am sorry for the shitty quality. My scanner is broken because it hates me.
Second, I know this sucks ass. But I really can’t not enter; this is too hilarious.
Gosh, I hope this works. HTML hates me.
October 11, 2011 at 10:03 pm
That bear is one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen
October 11, 2011 at 1:13 pm
October 11, 2011 at 1:14 pm
October 11, 2011 at 2:05 pm
I apologize for these, I’m terrible at that HTML code stuff. .________.;;;
October 11, 2011 at 1:22 pm
Some line work.
Should it be a kid’s room or alien spaceship?
October 11, 2011 at 1:30 pm
oh…kid’s room, definitely
October 11, 2011 at 1:33 pm
I was gonna bust out a sketch, but I’m not sure I can beat this, man. Awesomely disturbing. Maybe a ufo background would work better? I kind of get why it’s a kids room, but it doesn’t make as much sense to me in the context of the request…
October 11, 2011 at 7:08 pm
The kid’s room background is essential to highlight the fact that both the dolphin and bear are stuffed animals. Don’t change it!
I’m not sure why the alien is in the room, or why it is playing rape with the kid’s toys, but some things are best left to the imagination.
I recommend that you do a limited edition, maybe fifty or a hundred, and sell them. Maybe give a few to the April’s Army shop, but sell some. (And sell them cheap, since you’ll be getting a hundred for the first, and I want to buy one.)
October 11, 2011 at 9:34 pm
I will COMPLETELY do this.
October 11, 2011 at 1:44 pm
You put a lot more work into this and it’s good, but now it seems like a pile of cute stuffed animals, not the brutal double rape of your rough sketch. Where’s the crazed alien? The raging dolphin raping the virginal(why not?) teddy bear? The tears of the ravaged teddy bear?
OK, maybe I shouldn’t try to subsist on coffee and baked goods all day.
October 11, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Blasphemy! That’s my diet most days…wait, I see your point now.
October 11, 2011 at 2:45 pm
The alien in the sketch had smaller, more narrowed eyes whihc I think made the whole thing look more evil. Apart from that, I prefer this one.
ALthough the bear should be crying more. Make that little bear bitch cry.
October 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm
Changed!
October 11, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Can you PLEASE put a mustache on the Alien once, just for giggles?? It doesn’t have to be in the final draft, but I want to see how it would look!!
October 11, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Absolutely.
October 12, 2011 at 6:49 am
October 11, 2011 at 1:47 pm
I fold. you win already. I see where this is going.
October 11, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Well, that’s just goddamn beautiful. Look at those creepy hands!
I support the kid’s room. Perhaps change the mobile to have hanging UFOs?
October 11, 2011 at 2:31 pm
One small thing… Shouldn’t the bear be muff diving a woman while he’s being ass raped by a dolphin? The letter did say she was scared of being “eaten” by a bear! Oh, and maybe some teeth on the dolphin to make him scarier looking.
Overall…. AWESOMENESS !!
October 11, 2011 at 2:50 pm
I could add a barby doll with her name written on it being eaten by the bear…
October 11, 2011 at 4:56 pm
I really had no intention of logging in for this one, just sitting back and enjoying the posts, but…
YES – BARBIE DOLL
thanks.
October 11, 2011 at 2:49 pm
Another update. It might be a couple of hours before I drop the final.
October 11, 2011 at 3:00 pm
YES.
October 11, 2011 at 3:23 pm
Absolutely gorgeous work!
October 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm
Thank you!
October 11, 2011 at 3:27 pm
Is it possible to make the bear sadder?
October 11, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Add a glittery tear under one eye.
October 11, 2011 at 9:36 pm
YES! There was a tear in the first sketch that hasn’t been colored in this version. When I get it done there will def. be a glittery tear!
October 11, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Love it! Love the blocks as well.
October 11, 2011 at 4:00 pm
This is beautiful!
Oh. My. God.
Is that POOH BEAR?!?!?!
October 11, 2011 at 5:41 pm
Ooh, I didn’t realize what was on the bear’s head. Swoon!
October 11, 2011 at 6:24 pm
This is actually one of the more disturbing artworks I’ve seen, not just in this thread, but in my life. Bravo.
October 11, 2011 at 9:22 pm
HOLY
FUCKING
SHIT
I will never sleep again… Bear, Dolphin,Aliens will get me. indistinct whimpering
October 12, 2011 at 6:01 am
Holy fuck, that’s creepy! Nice work!
There’s a 4 and an L on that wooden block. I see what you did there!
October 12, 2011 at 6:32 am
that is abso-fucking-awesome! Great work!!!
October 12, 2011 at 6:50 am
FINAL!
October 12, 2011 at 7:34 am
Marry me.
October 12, 2011 at 8:10 am
omg the bear drool. This is a masterpiece.
October 12, 2011 at 8:11 am
AMAZING! and I now have a fear of being violated by a dolphine, being violated by an alien. The power of suggestion!
October 12, 2011 at 9:13 am
Here are all of the stages of the piece, if anyone is interested: http://mrdavidpoe.com/blog/happy-birthday-a/
October 12, 2011 at 9:18 am
I love this so much I could cry glittery tears myself. The blocks really makes it.
October 12, 2011 at 9:39 am
This is awesome. I never imagined I’d be saying that about a drawing of….well, you know, whatever the hell that menage au terror is.
October 11, 2011 at 4:16 pm
I lied *this* is my favorite. Wow, this is just magnificent.
October 11, 2011 at 9:36 pm
lol, thank you!
October 12, 2011 at 12:05 pm
I love it, too. The alien really looks a lot like Ralph Fiennes.
October 11, 2011 at 6:58 pm
Ok, this one completely freaks me out. I have never had a fear of dolphins, bears or alien abductions until now. Thanks…….
October 11, 2011 at 9:23 pm
yeah. exactly. I might even be afraid of children’s rooms now.
Oh wait, that was a fear I already had. Nevermind.
October 12, 2011 at 2:53 am
Omg fucking awesome, especially the grey!
October 12, 2011 at 6:18 am
and I want this one too! My husband already worried about my taste and thing I collect. I wonder what would happen if I decorated the hose in Alien/Bear/Dolphin orgy scenes?
October 12, 2011 at 7:14 am
In my opinion, it’s either all or nothing. I say, GO ALL OUT!
October 12, 2011 at 8:09 am
*starts slow hand clap*
I am in awe of this awesome fuckery.
October 11, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Rape by dolphin: vaginal or anal penetration
Eaten by bear: oral sex
Abducted by aliens: some activity involving goetse, glow-in-the-dark paint and electrodes
I’m fresh out of acid and shrooms, so you all go ahead and enjoy.
October 11, 2011 at 1:35 pm
It actually creeps me out to admit that this came to mind, but you forgot “Rape by dolphin: Oral.”
October 11, 2011 at 7:52 pm
Where the beam from the bottom of the spaceship is should be goatse. Like in this picture, make goatse the opening that the light comes from.
October 11, 2011 at 7:53 pm
Let’s try the picture again…
October 11, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Here’s mine. nothing like getting raped by a drunk bondage dolphin while aliens in cock spaceships abduct you.
October 11, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Are those spikey things on the ground the hands of the skeletons crawling out of the grave because it’s all taking place on a built-over ancient Indian burial ground and they’re coming back to life to exact revenge? Cool!
October 11, 2011 at 1:54 pm
absolutely.
October 11, 2011 at 1:56 pm
I just cackled out loud. Jos came in the bedroom to see if I was alright. I showed him this, he gave me a weird look and left.
I think he’s seriously reconsidering his decision to marry me.
October 11, 2011 at 2:14 pm
I was going to paint something to submit but there is absolutely no way to top this. I bow to your divine awesomeness.
October 11, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Do it any way.
October 11, 2011 at 3:25 pm
The whole thing is fantastic, but the look on the dolphin’s face is priceless. Reduced me to giggles. And I am way too old for giggles.
October 11, 2011 at 7:00 pm
Good Christ! Now that is funny!
October 11, 2011 at 8:28 pm
despite the overwhelming amount of funny shit i find on this site, i’m cold and dead inside, so i rarely actually laugh. i took one look and the dom-dolphin and cackled my ass off. congrats!
October 11, 2011 at 11:24 pm
I love this one
October 11, 2011 at 11:25 pm
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAA! fucking christ. I love it.
October 12, 2011 at 8:01 pm
So I’m sitting in the office I share with other grad students and I’m supposed to be writing a research proposal (darn youse, Regretsy! Dolphin rape??? How CAN I stay away?). I laughed so hard at this that now everyone else is pissed at me. <3
October 11, 2011 at 1:42 pm
The Sketchbook piece is quite good. A chain gang of her deepest fears, certainly.
However…”Girl you bout to get it” has a certain je ne sais qua about it and made me laugh using my outside voice.
I think she should have both.
October 11, 2011 at 5:35 pm
quoi*
October 11, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Cross stitch style.
October 11, 2011 at 1:49 pm
I wish I could have done better but I got about 1 hour of sleep last night and as I’m 5 hours ahead of you it’s nearing my beddy byes.
Now I can’t say I’ve never googled ‘dolphin phalluses’. If I manage to sleep tonight I bet my dreams will be filled with scary animal willies
October 11, 2011 at 1:49 pm
My attempt! Hope its alright and not too… cute? DX
October 11, 2011 at 3:11 pm
it’s a good kind of cute. actually, more of an awful kind of cute… in a good way. heh.
October 11, 2011 at 3:25 pm
It’s actually more hilarious because of its cuteness!
October 12, 2011 at 2:19 am
Dolphin rapes bear, bear rapes my dreams
October 12, 2011 at 2:20 am
(That’s my way of saying that this picture is the bomb diggity, btw
)
October 12, 2011 at 6:43 am
I love how the bear’s little tail is pointing up. Nice touch.
October 12, 2011 at 9:38 pm
Love the claw mark detail!
October 11, 2011 at 1:54 pm
All of these poor, poor bears. Run, Pooh Bear, run!
October 11, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Being the daughter of marine biologists, I feel the need to speak up in defense of the maliciously maligned dolphin. I’ve been swimming with dolphins on more than a dozen occasions and have hardly ever been raped by one. Also, they always shout “SURPRISE!” first, but most people don’t realize that because they don’t understand dolphin-speak. K’s friend is far more likely to be raped by a bear, bitten by an alien, or abducted by a dolphin. Stupid irrational fears.
Can’t wait to see more submissions. You people are so talented!
October 11, 2011 at 2:22 pm
“hardly ever been raped by one” Hardly ever?!?!? But I thought they always shout “SURPRISE!” first!
October 11, 2011 at 4:52 pm
I want a sampler that says “Dolphins- They hardly ever rape people.”
October 11, 2011 at 4:59 pm
yes please.
October 11, 2011 at 10:40 pm
Thank you for that AntB. I can’t stop laughing.
October 11, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Hi,
Head over to http://www.regretsy.com/2011/10/11/cf4l-on-wall-street/#comment-294683.
Aren’t you also down at Occupy Wall Street knitting hats? I thought you’d said as much in a post the other day.
October 11, 2011 at 9:06 pm
That’s HelloKnitty.
October 11, 2011 at 2:01 pm
I have titled this “Sweet Dreams!”
October 11, 2011 at 2:01 pm
I’m not in the same league, but I present “Teddy Bear’s Picnic, or Alien Dolphin Bear Wants To Be In You”, sumi ink on paper:
October 11, 2011 at 2:13 pm
I like the subtle blood stained hole in the back of the jeans. Nice touch!
October 11, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Thank you! It’s all about those little touches… Note also the glowing veiny dolphin penis (drawn true life).
October 11, 2011 at 2:20 pm
*true TO life. I watched a YouTube video and everything.
October 11, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Now in color:
October 11, 2011 at 2:07 pm
I watercolored the bitch.
I will literally mail this painting to your friend. It will show up on her door. A real surprise.
October 11, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Double click for high res!
October 11, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Another laugh out loud one.
I am a terrible person. Objectively awful
October 11, 2011 at 2:30 pm
This is AMAZING!
I would LOVE this for my home office! I’ll happily pay you to make me one!
October 11, 2011 at 2:30 pm
omg, this was the first one that made me laugh so hard I peed a little
October 11, 2011 at 3:01 pm
I love this one.
October 11, 2011 at 3:05 pm
I think this should win… stunning.
October 11, 2011 at 3:19 pm
Loser – them tears ain’t glittering
Bonus points for hats at jaunty angles though
October 11, 2011 at 3:26 pm
So inspired!
October 11, 2011 at 5:58 pm
Bonus points for all those nipples on the alien.
October 11, 2011 at 3:56 pm
This one gets my vote. Or one of my votes. Whatever, it is awesome.
October 11, 2011 at 2:21 pm
i am so full of admiration for all the well-meaning creepy fuckers here. Love for charity, for birthdays, for strangers, for social workers, for exploiting phobias… you lot go above and beyond.
I’m glad i don’t have to pick the winner, because there are so many amazing pieces. You are ALL winners.
I cried a single glitter tear of joy
October 11, 2011 at 2:27 pm
While I tune in daily for the fuckery and am continuously amused by it all I don’t often laugh out loud. I think it is because I’m so damn hard to please, my husband thinks it’s because I’m dead inside.
Either way, this post has had me unable to breath from laughing so hard. Between the post and the submitted artwork so far I may actually die of asphyxiation.
October 11, 2011 at 2:28 pm
Someone on a board I frequent had people send her sister anonymous chimp postcards for her birthday. It was from a song that she loved, and she ended up with a good pile.
I think we should send all submissions to the friend from all over the world so that she can be horrified over and over. I qould give her a heads up its happening, but we can try and make the mail look as boring as possible so that it sneaks up on her.
October 11, 2011 at 2:34 pm
I wanted to at least clean this up in Photoshop but I’m supposed to be doing “productive” things right now so here it is in its raw form:
I didn’t give this the care it deserves but I did want to share with you yet another way of bringing these three terrifying ideas together into one cohesive nightmare, so if someone else wants to take this idea and run with it, be my guest.
Thanks once again, Regretsy, for making me realize I’m exponentially more fucked up than I ever thought possible.
October 11, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Excellent work.
October 11, 2011 at 2:42 pm
I hope this works…
October 11, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Extra points for goatse!!!
October 11, 2011 at 3:34 pm
why do i think of Squidward when I see the alien?
October 11, 2011 at 5:44 pm
You’re not alone.
October 11, 2011 at 3:19 pm
Sometimes I wonder why I bothered going to art school. And then I draw a woman being eaten and raped while being abducted by aliens and I go OH YEAH DUH
October 11, 2011 at 3:22 pm
btw, if this is too graphic or triggery for some people, let me know and I’ll drop it. <:o Or should I just do that now?
October 11, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Well, it’s more or less the same idea I had…
Just didn’t get it up fast enough. Yours shows time and effort, tho– mine doesn’t. At least, not yet.
October 11, 2011 at 3:27 pm
FUCK MINE DO IT ANYWAYS.
Listen. Listen. This is what you do. You make it weirder.
October 11, 2011 at 8:21 pm
Oh, I had already posted it by the time I saw your entry… But because of all of the great entries I saw, I decided to refine it.
Having said that, I love your style. It’s very reminiscent of Len Peralta
October 11, 2011 at 3:44 pm
I can’t get it to get bigger.
October 11, 2011 at 4:02 pm
(that’s the only complaint I have is what I meant to say- it looks super creepy.)
October 11, 2011 at 4:08 pm
Dolphins never have that problem.
October 11, 2011 at 6:07 pm
auggghh bigggeerrrr
October 11, 2011 at 6:09 pm
Hunh, that’s weird. Is it me or does it actually seem smaller?
ANYHOO this link should set you towards a bigger image: http://postimage.org/image/1x1b47h38/
October 11, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Please post larger.
October 11, 2011 at 5:19 pm
This is pure genius
October 11, 2011 at 6:08 pm
I think this one’s closest to the request. And scary as shit!
Great!
October 11, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Best by far.
October 11, 2011 at 3:33 pm
jesus….i went to art school and mine dind’t look as good as this.
October 11, 2011 at 3:56 pm
This is a thing of beauty!
October 11, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Wow, ok, this is by far the best (as in most disturbing) so far.
October 11, 2011 at 4:10 pm
That’s exactly what I was thinking while I did mine.
“And I had to convince my mom art school was useful!”
October 11, 2011 at 4:25 pm
I KNOW RIGHT pfftttt.
October 11, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Koko make that shit bigger! Pretty pretty please!
October 11, 2011 at 6:11 pm
Done and done!
PS: You and your husband are BANANAS
October 11, 2011 at 10:05 pm
I think this is the one that most perfectly sums up the fears. SO awesome!
October 11, 2011 at 11:40 pm
I want this. So much. Please make this available for purchase as a poster or something. It’s reminiscent of old graphic warning posters but so very wrong it’s amazing. I want to share this on my Facebook right now but won’t because it does not have a watermark or permanent link to attribute it to you and I don’t want to take the chance it will be stolen and virally spread. Because it WOULD.
October 11, 2011 at 3:20 pm
I’d even glue three different shades of glitter onto the print version if you choose this.
October 11, 2011 at 3:23 pm
OK… Not as good as others on this post, but not bad for a 5-minute effort. Also, seemed different enough from the other entries when I grabbed the sketchbook, and establishes all elements as things to fear…
K, if you like this, I will polish it up (I’ll even customize it to look like your friend!). Sadly, I don’t have the time right now.
My husband is like, When will you be ready to go grocery shopping? What are you doing? Do all of the elements need to be included? Why? …sigh, yes, I got the link [in response to me being able to do everything but share the damn link from Flickr on my phone].
ta-DA!
October 11, 2011 at 3:23 pm
Oh, if desired, I can also add a mustache to any or all participants. hee.
October 11, 2011 at 5:21 pm
I love the composition.
October 11, 2011 at 8:15 pm
Thanks! Check out my latest version… I think it’s a bit tighter.
October 11, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Just spent a little more time than I should have gluing shit to other shit AND I burned my hand on the oven when I took the polymer clay out. It stands 11 inches tall from bottom to highest point.
October 11, 2011 at 4:27 pm
Extra points for 3D sculpture. Is that Polly Pocket there?
October 11, 2011 at 5:55 pm
actually, it’s one of those barbie-as-a-mermaid things from McD’s. I tore off her bottom half, so she’s just a mutilated torso under that heap of a dolphin. One of her arms is being carried by the bear.
Funny you should mention Polly, she was one of the figures I was thinking about using. She wasnt nearly as flexable as barbie though.
OH! The alien spaceship is made of 2 cereal bowls and the “beam” is an upside-down cup. I’m the macgyver of bad 3D sculpture.
October 11, 2011 at 3:30 pm
My biggest fears are clowns, Santa Claus, and pretty much anyone in a costume where the face is obscured.
A couple of years ago, I was at the shopping centre and I saw Santa so I high-tailed it in the other direction, almost running headlong into a clown on a unicycle. Seriously traumatic.
October 11, 2011 at 4:00 pm
Waiting for paint to dry sucks when you want to share. Everything I’ve seen from everyone else looks super cool.
October 11, 2011 at 4:04 pm
This is kind of rushed, but I was eager.
October 11, 2011 at 4:24 pm
That poor child! This is going to give me nightmares I can see it now.
October 11, 2011 at 5:23 pm
I love the style of this one!
October 11, 2011 at 5:45 pm
Thank you!
October 11, 2011 at 6:10 pm
Yes! Love it!
October 11, 2011 at 7:03 pm
Great! More nightmare fodder for me tonight.
October 11, 2011 at 7:15 pm
The fork is awesome.
October 11, 2011 at 8:16 pm
I like this. It’s… subtle. (heh, heh, heh)
October 11, 2011 at 10:07 pm
This one has a fantastic “from a children’s book” quality to it. Well done!
October 11, 2011 at 10:59 pm
Nice!!! Subtle, but it hits all the Fears quite directly at the same time.
October 12, 2011 at 9:46 am
Fucking awesome. Love it.
October 12, 2011 at 10:48 am
There are some pretty awesome entries, I can see it will be hard to choose. But I have to say this one is my favorite! Terrifyingly creepy! That dolphin is going to give me nightmares!!! Great job!!
October 12, 2011 at 11:04 am
I think the bear ate my reply. I just wanted to say that there are a lot of great entries, it will be a hard decision. But this is one is my favorite! Terrifyingly creepy, that dolphin is going to give me nightmares, Great Job!!
October 12, 2011 at 3:12 pm
Thank you so much!
The thing is, dolphins just look like that. I was having a hard time getting it to look creepy enough until I just drew a normal dolphin face.
October 11, 2011 at 4:14 pm
14″ x 22″ in pencil, sharpie and pen on posterboard. My husband is the shit.
October 11, 2011 at 4:15 pm
October 11, 2011 at 4:16 pm
October 11, 2011 at 4:23 pm
AUGHH I hit thumbs down when I meant to hit thumbs up THUMBS UP THUMBS UP
October 11, 2011 at 4:49 pm
absofuckinglutely amazing!
October 11, 2011 at 6:03 pm
OMG that is killer creepy!!! to have her down in some pit like that!! And is the dolphin penis actually wrapped around a piece of pipe??
I’m glad I saw you holding this because I never would have believed it!
October 11, 2011 at 6:13 pm
Oh, yeah, this is THE WINNER!
October 11, 2011 at 6:16 pm
And your husband is a talented sick fuck! I mean that in the best possible way.
October 11, 2011 at 6:46 pm
This is fucking AMAZING! I will sell both kidneys to buy this if it does not win!
October 12, 2011 at 8:05 am
I’m gonna remember that.
http://trusted.md/feed/items/mdjosephkim/2009/09/01/how_much_is_a_kidney_worth_20_000_on_the_black_market#axzz1aa2H6yFG
October 11, 2011 at 10:09 pm
Damn that’s fucked up! I was all having fun, and now I’m terrified. Which means GREAT JOB.
October 12, 2011 at 6:27 am
When it was done, he said to me in the tiniest, cutest little voice “…do you think your Regretsy people will like it?” B’AWWWWW.
October 12, 2011 at 8:38 am
Outstanding!!!!! You sir are an artist! I love the detail!
October 11, 2011 at 4:17 pm
You just put everything I have ever done to shame. This is beautiful.
October 11, 2011 at 4:18 pm
That is just the tits.
October 11, 2011 at 4:21 pm
Husband and I went nuts today. Never in my life have I drawn so many cocks in a single afternoon, these just made the cut. BA-ZING.
October 11, 2011 at 5:35 pm
Not to knock anyone else’s brilliant efforts, but good god this has to win. Not only is the artwork awesome, but illustrating it from the perspective of the strapped-down abductee definitely captures the “fear” part of the whole assignment perfectly … this is terrifying!
October 11, 2011 at 8:48 pm
Agree with you completely!
October 11, 2011 at 8:24 pm
OK, I must say that I hate your husband. He’s way too talented. Let’s string him up!!
Hm. Too extreme? Maybe just take his pens & pencils away… even out the playing field for the rest of us.
October 11, 2011 at 11:02 pm
OMG, that is seriously something to behold. I’m actually distracted from watching Jamestown to look at this, it’s so awesome.
October 11, 2011 at 11:03 pm
DERPDERPDERP I meant Jaynestown
October 12, 2011 at 10:04 am
You MUST make prints of this available for the rest of us to purchase. Pretty please?
October 11, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Alien, dolphins and bears – oh my!
Here’s my submission. I like to think it represents the complex nature of the suffering of the bear rape victims in the world. Society tells us that we should blame the bear for letting this happen to him, but the aliens know what happened. The aliens know.
October 11, 2011 at 4:27 pm
I love that the alien at the top is all, “TEE HEE”.
October 11, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Oh, that bear looks so sweet and innocent.
October 11, 2011 at 8:32 pm
A real BACK story; Etsy would be SO proud.
October 11, 2011 at 4:19 pm
This abomination is made from felt.
October 12, 2011 at 10:46 am
OMG Awesomeness!!
October 11, 2011 at 4:22 pm
16″ x 20″ watercolor
ps: Of course this poor woman gets ALL of these when this madness is done, these aren’t going in my den. Unless you want to hawk ‘em for charity, April.
October 11, 2011 at 8:26 pm
OMG, I just noticed the rose and the bottle of wine… It’s not rape, it’s a date! A blind date complete with genetic abominations from another world!
Though the guy with the camera is probably going to wreck the moment by posting embarrassing pics on Facebook or something.
October 12, 2011 at 5:14 am
He spent a long time genetically crafting that bear/dolphin/romance stud. He means to scrapbook it.
October 12, 2011 at 6:05 am
I made this half-bear-dolphin romance stud just to please you.
But I get the feeling you don’t like it. What’s with all the screaming?
With apologies to Jonathan Coulton, and thanks to my delightfully warped husband!
October 12, 2011 at 6:28 am
Isn’t it enough to know that ruined both a bear and a dolphin making a gift for you?
October 11, 2011 at 4:41 pm
I love The Erin and Sketchbook’s drawings. Wicked drawings guys!
October 11, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Ever read the kids’ book Millions of Cats by Wanda Gag? The best is impossible to pick. You’ll have to throw all of these paintings into a ring and see which one survives after all the other candidates eat each other.
Seriously sick book.
There is only one fair solution an I’m looking forward to April’s Army selection this month. It will rock. I will buy and frame at least one of these–I have my eye on several.
October 11, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Holy god that sounds terrifying. I think the lesson of that book is that cats are evil, and you should get a dog. Gah, I bet teachers are making their kids read that, scarring them for life…
October 11, 2011 at 4:56 pm
October 11, 2011 at 5:01 pm
HA! I was waiting for Mittens to show up! /highfive
October 11, 2011 at 9:28 pm
Nice, me too! I put a mitten in my drawing as a tribute.
October 12, 2011 at 8:31 am
October 11, 2011 at 5:00 pm
Damn it, I am broke as hell. And jobless so I’ve been dicking around here all day. A hundred dollars to me is like a million dollars to a normal person Here’s my entry:
If you like it, I’ll clean it up real nice, or even draw it and color it with colored pencils! If I have time, I could even cross stitch it or paint it. I NEED MONEY! And I can draw/craft better than I can MSpaint.
October 11, 2011 at 5:09 pm
Man, I did this before seeing all of “The Erin”‘s stuff. If she and her hubby don’t win, that will be crazy.
October 11, 2011 at 5:16 pm
[url=http://postimage.org/image/21ja56d2c/][img=http://s2.postimage.org/21ja56d2c/100_2476.jpg][/url]
[url=http://postimage.org/image/21jf3sejo/][img=http://s2.postimage.org/21jf3sejo/100_2470.jpg][/url]
Done in crayon and paint pens! My HANDS HURT!!
ENJOY!!
October 11, 2011 at 5:21 pm
OOPS! THERE WE GO…
October 11, 2011 at 8:02 pm
LOL I love the mountain’s face! Reminds me of that Adventure Time episode where it didn’t like to see people fighting and cried rocks. And the arm!
October 11, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Here’s the finished project. My 3 year old daughter wanted to help me color it…that was an awkward conversation.
October 11, 2011 at 7:12 pm
Man, that dolphin looks so horny. My brain has now been sullied by horny rapey smiling penis dolphins.
October 11, 2011 at 5:29 pm
Oh my God give me an hour
DAMMIT MY SCANNER’S NOT UNPACKED
October 11, 2011 at 5:56 pm
You all are sick twisted fucks.
Club fuckery 4 lyfe
October 11, 2011 at 6:00 pm
“Hey Baby…Don’t Mind My Friend, He’s Harmless”
October 11, 2011 at 6:16 pm
MY GOD I’m too dumb to make it medium sized:
October 11, 2011 at 6:17 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 12, 2011 at 10:45 am
Love!
October 11, 2011 at 6:23 pm
I don’t know what your friend looks like, so I was as generic as possible in drawing her.
October 11, 2011 at 8:07 pm
I like the goaste UFO, nice touch.
October 12, 2011 at 7:01 am
Why thank you.
But now I’m annoyed that I just realized how high up the dolphin’s little backfin is. He looks like he’s wearing a silly hat
Which is entirely inappropriate attire for a good raping.
October 11, 2011 at 6:24 pm
Here’s my try
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hIk4lFVXj5U/TpTr6dKBnVI/AAAAAAAAA1g/4CHwxMCUENg/s1600/Freakout+Bday.jpg
Sorry I can’t figure out how to post this…
October 12, 2011 at 8:56 am
For you… Hope you don’t mind.
October 12, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Thanks for posting for me, I finally got the correct information, so kept it in case there’s a next time.
October 11, 2011 at 6:34 pm
remember folks if you do not face your fears you will never get over them
October 11, 2011 at 7:01 pm
I have to go to bed now :C whomp whomp.
October 11, 2011 at 9:40 pm
This is beautiful. Cephalopod-dolphin and scuba diver being eaten by a GIGANTIC FUCKING BEAR. I love it.
October 12, 2011 at 8:58 am
I agree. I love the chiaroscuro (lights & shadows) treatment. (And yes, I do have a pretentious fine arts degree, why do you ask?)
October 11, 2011 at 7:22 pm
I think it’s a goddamn miracle that nobody’s flounced about the subject matter yet.
October 11, 2011 at 7:30 pm
Amen! The flouncers prolly can’t get past the request letter.
October 11, 2011 at 7:24 pm
How do I upload a picture onto here?
October 11, 2011 at 7:29 pm
Ok. get ready to copy/paste the link (should start with http)
First, type this (WITHOUT PERIODS)
I dunno if this’ll post without the periods in, but it ought to look like this:
![]()
October 11, 2011 at 7:30 pm
…yeah, no dice.
But look! Right under this handy dandy little block where you’re typing your post, there’s a quick image posting html guide! How about that!
October 11, 2011 at 7:30 pm
Here’s mine, not sure it will work though
https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-18GmiS2ZCnw/TpT7bowwVHI/AAAAAAAAANk/818m4MSNazc/s415/CF4L.jpg
October 11, 2011 at 7:30 pm
October 11, 2011 at 7:32 pm
Thank you magical person
October 11, 2011 at 8:06 pm
LOL show-off! Flaunt it if you got it, and you got it! Is there a medium you can’t work in?
October 11, 2011 at 7:32 pm
Hope I’m not too late.
October 11, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Derp, I just realized dolphins have back-fins. Fixed version, optional text.
October 11, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Oh I dunno, it was the text that had me rolling in the first place
October 11, 2011 at 8:27 pm
I agree, the text makes it!
October 12, 2011 at 1:50 am
My favourite is the Unidentified Flying Goatse.
October 11, 2011 at 7:36 pm
So, this is my first post… guess it will be memorable, at least.
October 11, 2011 at 8:26 pm
That is fucking brilliant! So weird and beautiful — a metaphor for Regresty?
October 11, 2011 at 9:32 pm
Fabulous, love it! I would put that on my wall!
October 11, 2011 at 11:00 pm
SO GOOD–damn, I’m laughing and crying at the same time!
October 12, 2011 at 7:54 am
I love how ethereal this looks! Ethereal and terrifying.
October 11, 2011 at 8:11 pm
Meet Zeta Creations… VERY NSFW
Bear Essentials: http://www.zoofur.com/the-bear-essentials.html
Poseidon the Dolphin: http://www.zoofur.com/poseidon-the-dolphin.html
I think they gift wrap too.
October 11, 2011 at 8:45 pm
Bad Dragon did it first. http://www.bad-dragon.com/cart.php
The review sections sort of cheer me up on bad days. I’m afraid I have a problem.
October 11, 2011 at 8:56 pm
Yea but those aren’t designed after careful study of the actual animal’s anatomy… because dragons are imaginary. Those actually do resemble real animal… bits. LOL
The haiku page on Divine Interventions was amazeballs before they took it down.
http://www.divine-interventions.com/
October 11, 2011 at 8:58 pm
Oh I guess they’ve branched out lol. Just saw the dolphin. Nice. No idea who came first though. I know Zeta Creation’s been around for quite a while though.
October 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm
OMG Dragons, horses and one dolphin? Sorry guys, you have to see this:
October 11, 2011 at 9:41 pm
And I didn’t mention, it’s an ad for an, um, dolphin dildo. Dolphdo?
I am very sorry. I homebrew beer.
October 11, 2011 at 11:31 pm
HAHHAHAA I love yer excuse with the homebrew. I love you for that!
October 12, 2011 at 5:56 am
I homebrew too…yet I’ve never seen anything like this before
o_O
October 12, 2011 at 8:36 am
I was at a convention where Bad Dragon had a dealer’s table… but they weren’t allowed to have the dildos out on the table where minors could see them.
so they put them in a box you stuck your hand in to FEEL them.
October 11, 2011 at 8:13 pm
I created an account just for this. Already, I am surrounded by greatness.
October 11, 2011 at 8:28 pm
That snorkel on the bear is awesome!!!!!!!!
October 11, 2011 at 8:30 pm
I like this! I like the jet-skiing bear and the pod of dolphins arriving late to the party in the background… Nice!
October 12, 2011 at 7:03 am
The posse is on its way! She is sooo screwed.
October 12, 2011 at 3:35 am
Wow, ran through 10 gig in under 6 hrs. Let’s try this again.
October 11, 2011 at 8:14 pm
OK, here we go with take two! I wouldn’t have bothered, but you fat jealous losers with no talent have shamed me into it:
So… thoughts? I think the little details really sell it.
At this point I doubt K will pick it; there are so many great entries already. But it’s been so long since I’ve done any sketching at all– huzzah, my skills haven’t atrophied completely!
And if K (or anyone else) would like a finished version of this, just let me know. I can clean it up, make it all pretty, color it, add glitter tears, mustaches, clockwork octopi, whatever. You know, to make it steampunk.
October 12, 2011 at 7:51 am
oh my god it’s fingers are penises and the ufo has penis decals on it this is amazing.
October 12, 2011 at 8:53 am
Yeah, my hubby was like “It… has… EJACULATING PENISES for hands! AAAAAAAAAAAH!”
My hubby is so cute sometimes.
October 11, 2011 at 8:15 pm
I had painted the alien sometime earlier, but I never had any place to put him… Now the world is complete. Original is 11×17 300 dpi, ready for a stupid expensive frame.
October 11, 2011 at 11:43 pm
I need this in my life. I’m pretty sure that if that was over my mantel, my friends would take me out every time they came over just to not be in the same room.
October 12, 2011 at 11:32 am
I actually want to do a series of aliens with mustaches on a stick now. As if they were posing for vacation photos, various things in the background… Eiffel tower, the Vatican, in front of various inter-species fornication..You know, regular vacation pictures.
October 13, 2011 at 3:26 am
I’m told inter-species fornication is one of the national pastimes on the world of the grays.
October 12, 2011 at 6:31 am
I love how the bear seems either resigned to his fate or drugged…
October 11, 2011 at 8:31 pm
Once again, I’m spending way too much time with this…here is the horror I’ve sewn together….his man-business is made of some really nice fleece, so he’s a creepy sort of huggable.
October 11, 2011 at 8:33 pm
This is so cute and SO WRONG.
October 12, 2011 at 7:49 am
Oh my god. Oh my god. I want this so much.
October 12, 2011 at 9:07 am
Yeah. What koktron said.
October 12, 2011 at 9:08 am
Sorry, “kokotron”. Dammit, I blame the vertigo.
October 11, 2011 at 8:32 pm
OK, I know someone mentioned this already, but I think it’s worth mentioning again… If HK is willing, and the artists are willing, maybe the ones not selected by K can be donated for sale via April’s Army or put up for auction? I’d be willing to finish mine up if that would actually happen. Or maybe we can just make a greeting card set of the different entries…
October 11, 2011 at 8:54 pm
I’m game. Though I think the AA store is on hiatus for the Winter or whatever. Dunno. I’ll do as I’m told.
October 12, 2011 at 6:17 am
I think that’s an amazing idea!
October 12, 2011 at 8:39 am
Scarily enough they may well sell in your regular shop… if you want to put them there. Just tag them correctly. I find my mature items are some of the heaviest viewed. and they DO sell.
October 12, 2011 at 8:45 am
I love this idea. I have a set of Robert Williams trading cards that totally rock. I’m seeing a potential kickstarter project here.
October 12, 2011 at 8:59 am
I am also game!
October 11, 2011 at 8:38 pm
Clearly not original artwork but I thought you might like to see A’s worst night out ever.
October 11, 2011 at 8:42 pm
I made some patterns for a plushie doll set – I was thinking six pieces, 2 aliens, naked friend, erect dolphin, bear and pin-on mustache that can be worn by any of the dolls (or on the friend’s lapel).
I had some trouble posting the patterns, I think I may have to break it into two or three posts
Alien (2 matching) and moustache
“>
<img src"
October 11, 2011 at 8:46 pm
erect dolphin
10.5 inches should be finished size, the aliens would be around 8 inches
<img src="
“>
naked friend
“>
<img src="
October 11, 2011 at 8:50 pm
Bear would be about 9 inches
“>
<img src="
I haven’t made any of them up yet — It would need about three days lead time.
And yes, to whomever said that earlier, I would put some together for this months shop if dolphin-rape/bear/alien phobias are a popular theme — it does certainly seem to have garnered interest…
October 11, 2011 at 8:51 pm
I love all of you.
October 11, 2011 at 8:53 pm
? that’s not the bear, up there… grrr
“>
<img src="
October 11, 2011 at 9:18 pm
This is amazing.
October 11, 2011 at 9:26 pm
I hope this uploads. I sketched this up really quick, and only after did I realize someone else already used the dolphin-as-a-penis idea! Darn! Well I wanted to upload it anyway- there is not much bear here, I realize, except for the cheaply tacked on bear forearms + claws. The tractor beams are radiating from the alien eyes, ready to abduct at the nearest sight of Dolphin-rape phobia! The finished product can be changed around and would be done in acrylic paint. Voila!
October 11, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Crap.
October 11, 2011 at 9:31 pm
October 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm
October 11, 2011 at 9:58 pm
Uploaded with ImageShack.us
October 12, 2011 at 8:40 am
This screams to be made into a totem pole.
or the most terrifying dildo ever.
October 12, 2011 at 9:09 am
Or a tribal tat.
October 13, 2011 at 9:58 am
It’s a tribute to my proud and alcoholic Canadian heritage. And I might just make it into a totem pole and put it up for April’s Army.
October 11, 2011 at 10:09 pm
After reading all the flounces on the site I keep waiting for the day where a post is just too much, but I just looked at tons of pictures of dolphin-bear-alien rapers and I just love this site more. I think I might be stuck here for life. In the best possible way!
October 11, 2011 at 10:31 pm
I can’t believe I just spent two hours reading about, and looking at, dolphin rape of and by bears, bears eating people while being raped by dolphins, and aliens staring at it all or actively engaged in probing any of the above all of which were crowdsourced by request. Regretsy is the greatest website of ALL TIME.
October 11, 2011 at 10:45 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
October 11, 2011 at 11:12 pm
Fuck you, lady. I was raped and sexually abused for years. You don’t get to tell me what I can laugh at.
October 11, 2011 at 11:38 pm
Helen , please remember to yell surprise before f’ing the lady
Helen – you have given so much laughter and healing through this land of whimsical fuckery Please never forget !
October 12, 2011 at 3:21 am
As was I hkapril…. And I have been snorting diet coke through my nose for the whole time reading this!
October 12, 2011 at 5:23 am
/highfive
October 12, 2011 at 9:54 am
Being raped isn’t funny. Making fuckery about rape is all kinds of funny and a very healthy response to having been victimized so as not to stay a victim for the rest of your life. I was sexually abused by six different perps by the age of 12 and raped by my (now ex-) husband. I’ll laugh if I want to, bitch!
October 11, 2011 at 11:43 pm
Cobwoman, I think that you missed the point.
October 11, 2011 at 11:56 pm
Yea, like HK said, you assume I have never experienced something simply because I can find humor around the subject. If you have been reading Regretsy for any length of time at all you should know that is a favorite subject of discussion. Not rape, healing through laughter. So, also as HK said, Fuck You lady, you don’t get to tell me what I can laugh at.
I hope too see your future flounce added to the butthurt section of this page.
October 12, 2011 at 6:22 am
Madam, rape is hilarious. You must be doing it wrong.
October 12, 2011 at 6:26 am
To quote/paraphrase the immortal words of George Carlin:
Some people say say there are things you can’t laugh at. Like rape. Oooh, you can’t can’t laugh at rape, it’s too serious. I say, fuck you, i think it’s hilarious!
Picture this. Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd. Eh? Fudd was asking for it! And I guess now we know why he’s called “Porky”, right?
On a more serious note: if you let circumstances, events, individuals or things determine what is allowed to be funny, you’re not in control anymore. “They” are.
October 12, 2011 at 7:40 am
If one thing is funny, everything has to be funny.
Besides, there is something so ridiculous about all these artworks that only the most damaged of people could consider them promoting rape culture.
And if anyone’s allowed to laugh at rape, I am, so people should get the fuck out of telling me what I should feel about the second most traumatic event in my life, alright?
October 12, 2011 at 8:33 am
I was raped at eight years old. Many women and some men also know the experience. I keep forgetting that my place as the victim is to weep silently in the corner anytime someone mentions rape in any shape way or form. You can choose to be a victim or you can choose to live your own fucking life and stop letting it control your existence.
Consequently from the artwork I also have a far greater appreciation of bears and their ability to take it in the ass. You go bears.
October 12, 2011 at 8:35 am
I am also AMAZED that it took this long for someone to bitch about it. I was getting worried.
October 11, 2011 at 11:21 pm
These are absolutely amazing ! Is there anyway the entries can be copied & complied and purchased ? Perhaps to percolate the perkele trip ? Brilliant work goatsee clap to all
October 11, 2011 at 11:25 pm
Also , I wish I had the money to donate a gift package including ; swimming with dolphins, wilderness adventure and trip to area 51/ Roswell – random punctuation to make up for lack of funding
October 11, 2011 at 11:40 pm
well.. all I have to say, is this is going to be the best birthday this girl ever gets. I’m talking Therapy after this.
October 11, 2011 at 11:46 pm
I love the idea of selling off the extras in the AA shop, or at this point I feel like these could also all be made into a book, bound in “earth-killing plastic” for some kind of promo/fundraiser (the initial request could be the intro page). I think they have more impact when all viewed together. So fucking horrifying!
October 12, 2011 at 9:27 am
I think maybe a postcard or greeting card set might be a good idea…
OK, I gotta stop posting! Sheesh! I haven’t even had breakfast yet. Yes, part of that is I’m afraid I can’t make it down the stairs without wobbling like a Weeble, but jeez! I need to eat! Wish me luck!
October 11, 2011 at 11:56 pm
My daughters and I found Regretsy soon after the death of my husband 8 months ago and all of you fat, jealous losers have kept us laughing every day since then, but I had yet to register until now. However, this post inspired my 7th grader to blow off her homework for two hours to create the following artwork/poem. This girl clearly has her priorities straight – I am just so fucking proud!
Once there was a teddy bear,
with giant claws and evil stares
out looking for a tasty snack –
a birthday girl he could attack.
A dolphin swam along close by,
his giant dong beneath the sky.
He went to get that teddy bear,
to take his purity from there.
Then there came the mutant spawn
who saw this sight, and gazed upon
these mammals locked in intercourse.
They beamed them up, without remorse
to take samples for their petri dish
and thus fulfill your birthday wish.
Arranged for you by your friend K
to scare you on your special day.
October 12, 2011 at 10:36 am
I’m saving this poem and reading it to myself every time I feel sad.
October 12, 2011 at 1:12 am
It’s a little late, but here is my drawing.
October 12, 2011 at 4:34 am
Excellent! Nobody said all three things had to be happen concurrently.
October 12, 2011 at 6:11 am
Haha, very cool. The bear is my favorite, but I love that the alien drives a van!
October 12, 2011 at 8:27 am
The van probably says “Free Candy” on the side. Sounds legit.
October 12, 2011 at 9:01 am
My van has a CF4L Sticker on the back of it. Does that mean I’m an alien?
October 12, 2011 at 9:28 am
Yes. A fat, jealous loser alien. Who lives in a one-room spaceship.
October 12, 2011 at 10:34 am
Every time I see the way the dolphin is touching the boob I dissolve into laughter. It’s just so perfect.
October 12, 2011 at 1:43 am
By what time tomorrow will this need to be done?
October 12, 2011 at 7:03 am
I love how my avatar looks constipated!
October 12, 2011 at 8:49 am
OK, since I apparently don’t know when to stop:
I thought, maybe, this could be made into a patch.
It may be a bit too detailed, though.
October 12, 2011 at 9:25 am
OK, I just noticed some mistakes… here’s a corrected version.
October 12, 2011 at 9:30 am
Awe man! I say, everything that doesn’t make it to the birthday girl gets put in the shop this mouth so the rest of us fat jealous losers can buy them!
October 15, 2011 at 9:53 pm
Sorry I couldn’t resist doing an entry even though I’m way past the deadline..