October | 2011 | Regretsy

Last week, I posted the following request from a Regretsy reader:

From: Lulubelly
Subject: SailorTrouble

My friend’s birthday is in mid-November and I need some assistance with my gift plan.

Years ago we “invented” a game we call SailorTrouble. It involves drinking (naturally) and playing this game — with the added stipulation that every time you hit the Pop-O-Matic dice roller you must swear like a drunken sailor. It’s not as much fun as the sailor trouble we got up to when we were young, but it keeps us from wandering away from the house while the children are sleeping.

I found a portable version of the Trouble game, and I want to make a SailorTrouble rule booklet that includes several pages of swear words. Do you think you could enlist your cabal of cunt flapping snot floggers to assist with this fuckery?

I am sincerely your devoted goat blower,

Lulubelly

If there’s two things I love, it’s creative profanity and birthday presents. And the very idea that some crap-cradling suckpuppet figured out how to blend the two into a big fuck-filled tiramisu… well, it made me piss my Underoos like a shit-flinging wank monkey.

So I asked you to post your most imaginative cursing into the comments, and we’d allow Lulubelly to help herself.

Well you certainly came through. 1,170 comments worth, to be exact, each more disturbing than the last. But then, this is what happens when you have such a vast readership of chunder huffing colon spankers.

Lulubelley has compiled her favorites into a booklet, which she’s made available to our readers as a pdf. She’s carefully arranged your spew into such categories as Family Fun Night, International House of Profanity and Swearing like Shakespeare. Adding the joy of Sailor Trouble to your family gatherings this holiday season is only a click away.

For all you dolphin-fondling bream reamers not up for the effort, I have made smaller pages for your review. Click the images to see a bigger version and leave a comment.