The April’s Army charity shop on Etsy is once again open and ready for business!

Well actually, it’s been open since Monday, but I forgot to tell you.

I have a good excuse, though. I got some new headache medication, and I have been high as a kite for three days. True story.

I had no idea this would happen. The doctor didn’t warn me at all He said, “Take this for two weeks,” and I took one, and I came home, and I’ve been tripping balls since Monday. I looked up the side effects online, and one of them was “a feeling of being high.” So… it’s working.

The great thing is that even though I forgot to pimp it, we’ve already had 174 sales! It’s great and everything, but unfortunately, you missed this.

And this.

And this, GOD DAMN IT

Oh shit. You missed this one too.

The good news is, there are still lots of cool things for sale, and your purchase helps a very special Etsy seller in need.

Now let me back up and tell you what this is all about.

April’s Army is one of the largest teams on Etsy, and is comprised entirely of Regretsy members.

During the last week of each month, participating sellers set aside at least one handmade item to benefit Regretsy’s charity fund. ALL profits go directly to the person in need.

Your generous suport of these sales – as well as other Regretsy fundraisers – has helped bring our total raised for charitable purposes to over $120,000.00 since December, 2009. I hope you’re proud of yourselves, you heartless bastards.

This month, we’re raising money to benefit Etsy seller Barbara.

Barbara was diagnosed with breast cancer in August, and is about to undergo a double mastectomy and reconstruction. These are long, difficult surgeries, and she’s facing a hard recovery and many weeks with no income.

But all she wanted from us was a mention, so she could clean out her stores before her hospitalization. She wanted to take the pressure off her husband, a disabled Veteran.

There was something about this simple request that really moved me. So many April’s Army recipients are in terrible, scary situations, yet they always seem to be focused on helping the people around them. Said Barbara, “It’s scary to be facing a 9 hour surgery, but I’m not going to burden my family with that. I’m their support person!”

Frankly, I thought we could do better for her, and her family. A lot better. Not only because Barbara is in need of financial and emotional support, but also as a way to thank her husband for his service.

If you would like to be a part of this effort, there are three ways you can help.

1. Visit Barbara’s Etsy store, or her Etsy supply store, and purchase something directly from her.

2. Make a contribution via Barbara’s web site.

3. Visit April’s Army on Etsy. Everything in the store this month was made and donated specifically to benefit Barbara. A great group of talented sellers have given so much of themselves, and there are some incredible things for sale.

Even if you can’t afford to buy anything or don’t see something you want, please take a moment to visit these stores and show some love for these sellers. They have been unbelievably generous with their time and talent. And you can always share the link to the April’s Army Etsy store.

And click here to like April’s Army on Facebook, and get news, updates and sneak peeks of upcoming inventory!

Thanks to everyone for their kindness and support.

I admit it. I love the Esty blog.

Oh, probably not for the same reason that most people love it, but for my money, there is no better resource for clueless wankery. It is a paen to myopia.

These are the people who brought you the yummy charm of the poverty wedding, and recently told you how to make fake Native American sacred objects using old doilies.

Etsy in general is pretty far up its own ass, but the Etsy blog is a celebration of obliviousness. And while I love this blog for these kinds of blissfully unaware features, I am never more entranced than when they try to tackle the serious issues.

So I think you can imagine my delight when I saw this post today:

Where to start? There is so much to love here that I’m drunk with snark.

First of all, I love that the slavery issue is “noted.” That just killed me right out of the gate. I could just see Alison in her ironic Boy George hat, holding a glitter clipboard and jotting little notes about slave labor on a Hello Kitty notepad.

Noted!

And how about that byline? You know it’s going to be hard hitting journalism when the reporter calls herself “Teenangster.” Not many people know this, but Jimmy Breslin often wrote under the name of “Writerboi1930.”

The post is great, but it’s the second part of this exercise that I really enjoy: the instant, fawning approval vomited up by the Etsy glitterdrones.

Is Alison courageous or what? Super Courage Girl, is what I’d call her. In fact, the only thing braver than putting up a blog post is going to a seminar where you do a lot of “roll” playing. Those are the real heroes.

Still, as much as I was enjoying the circle jerk, I couldn’t help but wonder when someone would say it: Etsy is crawling with resellers who sell factory produced garbage made in third world sweat shops. Which means that while Alison here is posting her heart out about the yucky slavery thingy, the Etsy corporation is raking in millions of dollars in fees from the people who keep slave labor profitable.

It’s like the left fingerless glove doesn’t know what the right one is doing!

And then… it happened.

WHOOMP THERE IT IS

You know, when the smackdown happens in an Etsy thread, it’s just about the best thing ever. When someone refuses to buy the upcycled bullshit and talks back, I just sit here and whack my thighs together in delight. Could it get any better?

Yes. Yes it could.

I’ll be in my bunk.

Here’s something you may not know: dogs go nuts for hair extensions!

It’s true! They love sitting absolutely still while you glue feathers to their fur so they can match your purse. Sure it’s a little uncomfortable, but it will all be worth it when you find Pocahontas in the backyard, rolling around on a dead squirrel.