- Submitted by Zuxana

Working on this site requires a good deal of sitting on your ass, looking at shit. After two years, I’ve realized that this shit can be neatly broken down into two categories:

1. Shit
2. Shit I have to own

Unfortunately, I buy a good deal of number two (see what I did there). In fact, I have come to realize that I am now buying at least one incredible object every week. I like to think of it as an eclectic, lighthearted collection of pop culture iconography, as opposed to a down payment on the house I’ll never have.

To celebrate my poor judgment, I’ve decided to share my finds with you every week. Think of it as a cautionary tale.

Here then, is today’s Awesome Purchase of the Week™, which I just bought last night:

Go ahead. Hate me. I WILL FIGHT YOUR HATE WITH LOVE

I’m not a big collector of velvet paintings, but I have a few. They just have to be very special, which means I get sweaty when I see it and make a gurgling sound. I hadn’t seen Velvet Geek’s work until last night, and I spent a lot of time looking at his site and all the pieces someone else already bought. I’m a little nauseated that I missed this one, but I’m only one woman.

By the way, I saw Ron Perlman trying on shoes at Nordstroms a few years ago, and I had no choice but to approach him. I walked over to him and said, “Excuse me, Mr. Perlman. I’m a big fan of your work, and my fiance and I really enjoyed you in Hellboy.”

He looked up at me, then looked back down at the slippers he was trying on.

So that went well.

Speaking of Velvet paintings, here are two more in my collection.

I’ve shown you this one already, but it goes without saying that it’s worth looking at again. Every day, if possible.

I would have to put this in my top 5 favorite possessions. It ranks just above this, and just below this.

And then there’s this one:

Yeah, I don’t know.

I talk about this painting in my book, and I’m so attached to it that this is my official author’s photo on Amazon (I think Michael Crichton has one just like it). My only regret is that I didn’t do my hair like his.

Here’s some other art in my collection.

This is a pan cel from Who Framed Roger Rabbit (I don’t buy animation art, but I was actually in this movie). I have tried to sell it at last three times when I’ve been really, seriously broke, but no one ever wanted to give me anything close to what I paid for it. Once, I had the bright idea to autograph the back of the piece, thinking it would now be worth something. To my delight, I was told that my signature had decreased its value.

The smashed face Boston Terrier plush toy on the counter is from Etsy (links below).

Well, I knew we were going to have this conversation sooner or later.

This is the actual artwork used on a TV Guide cover back in the 70s. A fan bought it for me years ago when I blogged about seeing it on Ebay, but missing the auction.

I’m a little obsessed with the show Quincy, M.E. It’s not as bad it used to be, back when I made fan videos about it, like this one:

But there was a time when I actually Tivo’d this show, and watched a few episodes every day.

That’s not the sad part. The sad part is that I finally stopped because I had seen them all so many times, I was mouthing dialogue along with it.

Shopping Guide:

• Awesome Purchase of the Week: August 24, 2011
• Awesome Purchase of the Week: August 17, 2011

FIRST I WAS ALL

BUT THEN I WAS LIKE

Thanks to Nikki and Jessy for sending in these two images, showing you just how exciting it is to be an author.

And speaking of being an author..

REGRETSY’S BIG BOOK OF FABRICATED FOLKTALES FROM FINLAND

Well, you magnificent bastards continue to back Regretsy’s Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland on Kickstarter, for reasons you and only your God can understand.

If you missed my earlier post about this, then you are missing out on what will potentially be one of the greatest works of fiction to… oh fuck it I can’t even finish that sentence.

Just watch this video.

The important thing is, we have 23 days to go and we’re already 32% funded! It’s thrilling, isn’t it?

Isn’t it?

All right, what if I told you that I have added two exciting rewards? That would get you all tohkeissaan I bet! Feast your bloodshot eyes on this shizzle:

1. AUDIO BONUS: The cost of the audio bonus has dropped from $50 to $25! For $25, you will now get a digital version of Regretsy’s Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland, plus a beautifully produced audio track of one of the stories in this book (probably Regretsy’s version of The Birth of Santa Claus). I’m not promising anything, but there may be some top voice over talent in this thing, and I’m not mentioning any names. But I’m talking about Rob Paulsen.

2. REGRETSY COLLECTOR PIN SET: A new and exciting $40 reward has just been made available! Now you can get a signed, printed version of Regretsy’s Big Book of Fabricated Folktales from Finland, a hand written thank you note and – are you sitting down – a set of ten handmade collector pins by Autumn’s Antics on Etsy, featuring Regretsy and CF4L artwork! This is a limited quantity reward and no more of these sets will be made available after these sell out.

BARN WOOD NOT INCLUDED

Next week, I’ll be announcing two more rewards, including Regretsy inspired baked goods from a fantastic bakery and 100 handmade books using art paper made from an unbelievable source.

Remember, you can always change your reward selection if I make another premium available that you’d rather have.

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR

UPDATE: Rob Paulsen has graciously agreed to be in the audio bonus, lending an air of credibility to the entire fiasco.

WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW

A few months ago, our butt plug bills were through the roof! It seems like I was constantly buying new ass toys to go with everything in my closet. And forget back to school shopping; the kids always want the cool new butt plugs everyone else is wearing!

Thanks, Fawx Tails™!

- Helen Killer, Sherman Oaks

Etsy listing here

- Submitted by Amy