Two Hole Years
This week, Regretsy turns two.
I wasn’t sure we’d last this long, even though people seemed to love us from day one.
But here we are. And this week, as I went through my email and tried to put together an appropriate post to mark the occasion, I had a sudden realization: you people see goatse in everything.
I’d call it an obsession, but I guess that’s a bit of a stretch. Still, I’m kind of shocked at how widespread this whole thing has become.
What better way to mark our anniversary than with a collection of goatse-related images you’ve stuffed into my gaping mailbox? These all came from you, dear readers. Maybe you’re just trying to fill a void.
-
- We discovered this delightful spud in a 1kg prepacked bag of potatoes, and immediately proceeded to draw the Goatse hands on it, as any self-respecting gutterminded internet whores woud do. We placed it in a spot of honour on the bookshelf. To our delight, a few days later, it had started sprouting out of none other than The Orifice. I have attached a picture for your viewing pleasure.
Kind Regards
Danelle
-
- Hello--
Shot these for you in Paris, near Les Halles--
Just in case you have a use for it--
Best wishes--Anne
-
- Tere!
I have just finished my Estonian leg of my Europe tour and I managed to bring some fuckery to the country...
... a cf4l on top of Tallinn, 258 steps above Old Town Tallinn to be exact (the old ladies running the place would not let you forget it). I could almost see FInland from there...
anyways, i've just arrived in Berlin and already a tad drunk (booze is cheaper than water everywhere on this continent and i am not complaining).
Next up: Germany. can't wait to see what's shaped like a butthole around here!
chao!
--
Helena
-
- i explained to my husband why i had to buy these at the vide-grenier this weekend. not the best subject matter for a translation, but my father in law now thinks i am hilarious.
-
- I was at the Lincoln Air Show this weekend, waiting for the Blue Angels to start flying when I saw this license plate. I can only conclude that somewhere in Nebraska, there was a car that already had a license plate reading 'GOATSE', so the 50-60 year old couple who rode away in this gem had to get creative with their fuckery. It is my new mission to find the other goatse license plates in Nebraska. Or to someday own a Goatsemobile.
-
- I feel as though you should see the piece of music I found on the piano in our chorus room today. I think the middle school is singing it.
-
- I came across this goatse juice box holder while buying toilet paper and beer at the local Sure-Save and it made me think of you. I couldn't come up with a clever response when my friends 8yr old asked me why I was taking the picture... If I had practice at parenting, I guess I would have told him the truth.
BTW- have fun in Finland. I recently took a family trip to Norway and ate a bunch of whale there and have been an outcast in my community ever since. I don't care though, it was delicious.
--
Melissa
-
- My final letters in a Words With Friends game spelled "GOATSE." Unfortunately, they don't recognize that as a word (and I was playing against a 15-year-old, so I didn't want to explain to his parents why I would try a word like that anyway). But I knew my fellow Regretsians would appreciate it, so I wanted to send it on.
CF4L!
--Margaret
-
- Here's one for the goatse look-alike pile. From a window in Manchester, UK.
Liam
-
- Dear Helen,
Thank you for your humor and for just being you, really. Thank you for mocking people who take themselves and their egos too seriously...it reminds us not to take ourselves too seriously in return.
Also thank you for getting Goatse stuck in my head. I'm seeing it at work, now...per the below screenshot. I think Toastmasters saw Goatse, too, because they changed their website logo recently. (www.Toastmasters.org).
cf4l,
Carmela
BONUS: Show your 2 Year Anniversary pride with new Zazzle merchandise, inspired by one our favorite pieces of hate mail!
2 Year Anniversary T-shirt
2 Year Anniversary Tote
2 Year Anniversary Mousepad
2 Year Anniversary Mug
As always, proceeds from Zazzle merchandise benefit charity.
September 30, 2011 at 8:54 pm
The only thing I that upsets me about Regretsy being around 2 years already is that I didn’t discover it sooner. Thanks Laura!
October 1, 2011 at 9:22 am
I live to serve.
Hilarity.
September 30, 2011 at 8:54 pm
She thinks you SHOULD quit your day job, because you’re not funny?
I think someone is trying to pull a fast one. There is no logic in that at all.
Sneaky bitch.
September 30, 2011 at 8:55 pm
Click her comment for a treasure trove of Regretsy hate.
September 30, 2011 at 8:57 pm
Dag. If that many people are consumed with pointing out the problem with you, you should be sleeping well at night knowing you’re doing something right.
September 30, 2011 at 10:26 pm
Maybe she thinks you should quit your voiceover job so you can focus on being funny for Regretsy?
September 30, 2011 at 11:42 pm
I read through a few of the threads and most of it is the same group of whiners that got featured at some point or another so it got tiresome. Of course the mods come late to the party… “No calling out in the forums!
))))) *sprinklesglitterderpcupcakes*”
Then they started talking about you specifically. You really should stop setting fire to orphanages, HKpril.
October 1, 2011 at 4:42 am
Holy mackerel! I just spent about an hour and a half in there. Felt like I dropped into a black hole and had no way out. Fun trip, though.
October 1, 2011 at 11:02 pm
It appears that many of the biggest detractors no longer have active stores. Interesting.
October 1, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Did you see my contribution of Regretsy hatred? Oh come on…you could not miss it… OMG…I was such an uninformed ass. I obviously no longer feel that way at all. April, you are my HERO! I sure hope you forgive me.
——————–
http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=6768767&page=3
blackgermanshepherd says
Wasted energy. garbage in=garbage out. I don’t like regretsy. I think it’s hurtful to artists. I am an artist.
October 1, 2011 at 5:34 pm
PLEASE FORGIVE ME
October 1, 2011 at 9:28 pm
Oh don’t worry about it! I love a convert!
September 30, 2011 at 8:55 pm
“I’d call it an obsession, but I guess that’s a bit of a stretch”
Pun intended?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
September 30, 2011 at 8:57 pm
“I’m kind of shocked at how widespread this whole thing has become.” <– SHE WHAT SHE DID THERE?!
October 1, 2011 at 11:17 am
Yesh, Mishter Connery, I shaw.
September 30, 2011 at 8:56 pm
I need to go to that Goatse store? restaurant? I want to be inside it.
September 30, 2011 at 8:57 pm
You forgot my favorite: the unfortunate (or was it?) ad placement of the claddagoatse ring.
September 30, 2011 at 9:26 pm
September 30, 2011 at 9:27 pm
September 30, 2011 at 10:34 pm
I asked my boyfriend to buy this for my engagement ring, and he thought I was serious. He spent 10 minutes trying to tactfully talk me out of it before I introduced him to Goatse.
October 3, 2011 at 12:58 am
At what point in a relationship do you bring up Goatse? I have such a hard time telling if it’s too soon or if I’m moving too fast.
September 30, 2011 at 8:59 pm
Every time I grab something with both hands, I think of this site. Especially if it’s my own butt.
Many happy returns!!!
September 30, 2011 at 8:59 pm
Well, happiest of birthdays. I got you this!
Does it get more epic?
October 1, 2011 at 10:44 am
Pentagoatse.
October 1, 2011 at 10:25 pm
BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED… I AM CAPTAIN BUTTHURT!
September 30, 2011 at 9:00 pm
I remember the first post I saw. A friend posted it on her Facebook. It was some kind of puppet monster made from an empty Marlboro box.
September 30, 2011 at 9:01 pm
I loved that one!
September 30, 2011 at 9:21 pm
I don’t remember the first post I saw (I was pretty shitfaced, naturally), but I do remember laughing so hard I about peed my pants, and then going back to look at all the previous posts and being disappointed that there were only two pages of them.
I suppose that makes me some kind of sad, dream-raping hipster, huh? Great. Now I have a sudden urge to glue mustaches to octopus jewelry made from PBR cans while wearing my cosby skants.
September 30, 2011 at 9:25 pm
I have the type of fucked up brain that can remember the first thing I saw on a web site but I can’t do math.
October 1, 2011 at 3:20 am
I don’t remember the first post I saw- I think it was all the Vicodin I was taking- but I do know that someone posted a link on a message board that I frequented which is the total opposite of Regretsy. Politeness and manners with rules and no swearing.
After lurking for a couple weeks and reading all the comments, I knew I had found my place. I still sporadically post on that polite, rule-filled place, but this… this is where my narcotic-laden brain belongs.
Also, I only registered because of Ducksnew. We know each other in real life and shit like that. ♥
October 1, 2011 at 4:21 pm
I think I might know what site you are talking about. Those people are seriously uptight…
September 30, 2011 at 9:00 pm
HKpril, we are having a NCRegretsyCon tomorrow in Charlotte with (at current count) about 6 Regretsians, including one flying in from Mass. Our intent is to goatse everyfuckingthing in sight.
September 30, 2011 at 9:01 pm
I’m so jealous! Please post pictures!
September 30, 2011 at 9:03 pm
Gladly!
September 30, 2011 at 9:22 pm
I will be clad in my Placenta Hat made by Poops (and purchased in the AA store this month).
The fuckery will be spread far and wide…
APRIL’S ARMY OF ASSHOLES WILL INVADE CHARLOTTE TOMORROW!!!
Helen help us all…
September 30, 2011 at 9:56 pm
My name is Charlotte. You just gave me chills.
September 30, 2011 at 10:05 pm
I guess now you’ll need to goatse a therapist?
October 1, 2011 at 2:29 am
Goddammit, woman, I just farted a heart.
October 1, 2011 at 7:44 pm
I AM SO JEALOUS OF CHARLOTTE RIGHT NOW!
Not only is there a massing of Regretsians, fucking Charlotte stole away my jousters.
Damn you, North Carolina!
September 30, 2011 at 9:26 pm
“And lo, the skies were spread as though pulled apart by the hands of God and glittery rains fell upon them. They washed themselves in these tears of Heaven, anointing themselves as The Chosen Fuckers. And it was good. Sticky, but good.” Goatses verse 808
October 2, 2011 at 8:23 pm
Palisade, WickedBunny and myself with the Goatse, Cursiveart, gabbusarungus holding BB’s AmazeBug, Kimoutre, WB’s adorable crotchfruit, and BB’s adorable crotchfruit
October 2, 2011 at 8:31 pm
OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO PUT IN THAT THE SEXAY BIATCH BEHIND THE BABY IS BBAMAZEBALLS. That’s what I get for posting tired… FORGIVE ME!
October 3, 2011 at 4:05 am
Also, you got mine and WB’s crotchfruit backwards. Mine is in stripes, WB’s is in check.
October 3, 2011 at 3:44 pm
I KNOW that BB! I was going CLOCKWISE!!!
October 2, 2011 at 8:25 pm
October 2, 2011 at 8:28 pm
And this is the coleslaw I had for dinner. Also had coleslaw for lunch. That’s the kind of fat, jealous loser I am.
October 3, 2011 at 3:42 am
Even Bug got in on the goatse-bombing. It’s okay if you wanna call “pics or it didn’t happen” on us….because WE GOT PICS.
Okay. They did….I gots to find them.
Seriously, WE GOATSED EVERYTHING WE COULD FIND. It was….amazing. Now and forever more, when Charlotte farts, it will sound like a gentle prairie breeze.
September 30, 2011 at 9:24 pm
There have got to be LA Regretsians that I can do this with somewhere. Y’know, besides April.
September 30, 2011 at 9:26 pm
If not, you can always fly East.
September 30, 2011 at 9:48 pm
No I can’t. I’m poor. :\
September 30, 2011 at 10:46 pm
I’d love a NYC Fuckery Gathering.
October 1, 2011 at 10:18 am
October 1, 2011 at 2:47 pm
Count me in!
October 2, 2011 at 12:46 am
If you are in NYC come on down to Liberty Plaza (square) and join me for crafting for Occupy Wall Street. I’m there just about everyday it is not horrid weather from about 1pm to ???, west end of the park at the top of the steps. All are welcome.
September 30, 2011 at 9:28 pm
I’m in orange county, ca.
September 30, 2011 at 9:30 pm
I’m from orange county. I’m actually in north Carolina at the moment but we should get all the social regretsians together.
October 3, 2011 at 9:07 am
I’m in LA — let’s do this!
September 30, 2011 at 9:27 pm
Oh I’m on a work trip in north carolina! I wish I could make it but Ive got to work.
September 30, 2011 at 9:01 pm
congratulations – if the second year anniversary is arseholes, I can’t wait to see next year’s!
September 30, 2011 at 9:09 pm
everyone knows that the third anniversary is as joint made out of okra leaves.
September 30, 2011 at 9:27 pm
and held together with glitter tears.
September 30, 2011 at 9:28 pm
COUNT ME IN FOR YEAR 3
September 30, 2011 at 9:02 pm
Congrats on 2 years!!!
September 30, 2011 at 9:03 pm
I love that my wedding anniversary is also the Regretsyversary. My husband and I celebrated this year with dinner out and a trip to our local Wal-Mart to buy some Schweddy Balls ice cream. Since they didn’t have it, we walked around the store taking pictures of ourselves in suggestive poses with sacks of tennis balls, trailer ball hitches, etc. And then I showed him goatse, using a small garden tractor tire held against my ass.
Happy anniversary indeed.
September 30, 2011 at 9:05 pm
pictures! we want pictures!
September 30, 2011 at 10:46 pm
It’s also my four year anniversary. We celebrated with Thai food and beer in front of the TV.
September 30, 2011 at 9:04 pm
wb April – now where are the leftover one eared elephant drives leftover from kickstarter? I think I’m finally high enough to buy one…
September 30, 2011 at 9:04 pm
I was worried that this auspicious event would fall through the cracks without nary a word to mark its passing.
September 30, 2011 at 9:05 pm
Regretsy. Stretching… imaginations… since 2009
September 30, 2011 at 9:05 pm
Reading through some of those old forum posts and wow. Apparently Regretsy doesn’t get much traffic these days and it’s oh wait here’s the whole things in context. It made me chuckle.
“The site is still there, but they have no traffic any more.
__________
I think it’s run its course.”
That was in January. LOL
October 1, 2011 at 11:16 pm
Still waiting for the two “sleeper viruses” I got from Regretsy to start causing me problems.
September 30, 2011 at 9:07 pm
I got my wonderful gift today from Hkpril. I found a very special place to hang my fish, Thank you April.
Totally off subject, I am going to Occupy Wall Street on a daily basis with my knitting so if any of you Regretsy knitters who happen to be in NYC, come on down to Zuccotti park aka Liberty Square. I am knitting hats for the protesters for the cold weather that is coming (no job right now, gotta do something). I already have 2 people saying they will bring me yarn. I will be at the end of the park with the drum circle, lawn chair and shopping cart with sign that says, “Knitting for Occupy Wall Street” Crocheters welcome too of course. Namaste Bitches!
September 30, 2011 at 9:16 pm
I’m with you in spirit, but unfortunately not near enough to NYC to bring you yarn, booze, or other essentials.
September 30, 2011 at 10:48 pm
I may just join you one day.
October 1, 2011 at 3:15 am
You rock, knitting lady.
October 1, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Don’t get maced in the faced!
October 2, 2011 at 7:13 pm
Can you knit anti-mace hats? Is that a thing? That should totally be a thing.
October 2, 2011 at 5:19 pm
three days running and I have donated 18 hats one scarf three neckwarmers and a pair of socks. back again tomorrow
October 11, 2011 at 7:34 pm
You, madam, rocketh.
I’m amazed! 
October 12, 2011 at 8:25 am
Can’t be there, but I saw your video, and if you need yarn I have a stash that frightens my mother, and she’s a hoarder. Let me know if you need random yarn balls mailed from the midwest (and it’s pretty much all good stuff, too!).
October 12, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Yes! Where can I send you yarn from my stash? This is a great idea but I’m in Texas where its still 91 degrees.
September 30, 2011 at 9:09 pm
Ugh, the goatse! I’m so over the goatse. I see its similar in every day life, but I do not like because in some druken stupor I imagined the real thing and now the imagined real thing is all I see. I don’t believe that my anus is a dream tunnel. It’s a shit chute. I want unicorns.
September 30, 2011 at 9:44 pm
But do the unicorns want you?
October 1, 2011 at 4:56 am
Yeah, really, it’s been established that Unicorns want CUPCAKES!
burntbrat, no way you’re a cupcake!
October 1, 2011 at 8:24 pm
I’m pretty sure I’m a cupcake. Yup.
October 1, 2011 at 2:07 pm
You’re upset about imagined real goatse? Think of us poor devils who have seen the actual goatse. You don’t get to be over goatse until you’ve seen it with your own eyes.
October 3, 2011 at 9:15 am
You’re mad at us because of your dirty, little imagination? Wow.
September 30, 2011 at 9:09 pm
Congrats! Here’s to many more years of fuckery and butthurt.
I think I dreamed of finding pics of goatse last night, and lo, today my dreams came true in the form of a red cross flyer and the Steak and Shake logo.
GOATSE FOREVER!!
September 30, 2011 at 9:12 pm
Oh, and last week’s Fringe, as seen on The Soup tonight.
October 1, 2011 at 8:47 pm
October 1, 2011 at 11:53 pm
In Sight, It Must Be Right.
September 30, 2011 at 9:11 pm
REGRETSY HAS THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS ME. October 4th, bitches!
September 30, 2011 at 9:15 pm
Happy B-day! Oct. 4th is also my husband’s, sister’s and brother-in-law’s birthday. We used to go broke from birthday presents.
September 30, 2011 at 9:24 pm
My roommate’s best friend, a coworker, and a regular customer at work also have the same birthday. The middle-child in me questions why I always have to share everything.
October 1, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Your sister and HER husband share the same birthday?
October 1, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Yep, they met and discovered they had the same b-day. It’s density. Just a crazy coincidence that my hubby has the same birthday.
There are a lot of shared birthdays in my family (my other sister had her son on her husband’s birthday.) When your family gets big enough, it’s almost inevitable.
October 2, 2011 at 7:21 am
My sister’s birthday too! Happy Fuckery to All!
September 30, 2011 at 9:11 pm
Thank you Regretsy, for two years of pointless, time-wasting antagonism and mockery. Without you, my potential to be unnecessarily cruel to strangers would have gone tragically unrealized.
October 1, 2011 at 3:03 pm
I feel that Regretsy serves another purpose—giving us an outlet for our snark that doesn’t result in termination of a job or heavy fines or imprisonment.
September 30, 2011 at 9:13 pm
Holey goatse, batman, that’s a lot of goatse.
October 1, 2011 at 8:59 pm
I think it’s Superman, actually.
September 30, 2011 at 9:13 pm
My Gentleman Friend works in a place that has a machine called an envelope spreader. It is the most grand Goatse-ing device known to man. I will get proof asap.
Happy Anniversary, Regretsy!
September 30, 2011 at 10:42 pm
Yes, please send photographic proof of your Gentleman Friend, preferably in a white towel.
October 2, 2011 at 7:36 am
BAHAHAHAHA!
I would LOVE to! He however is far too shy.
September 30, 2011 at 9:16 pm
Thank you for 2 years of snarky, cynical fuckery! May the goatsee be with you!
September 30, 2011 at 10:42 pm
And also with you.
October 2, 2011 at 1:46 am
When I read your reply, I thought of the time I went to church (yep one time in all my 40 years). And remember them saying “and with you” a bunch of various times during the service.
I didn’t enjoy myself. However if it was the church of the holy goatsee, I would have seriously have considered joining a religion and attending regularily
September 30, 2011 at 9:16 pm
Happy Anniversary Regretsy! This site has brought me so much joy. Thank you for all the fuckery HKpril!
September 30, 2011 at 9:17 pm
October 3, 2011 at 9:19 am
You spelled Mazel Tov wrong. I’m sorry, I know you meant well and all, but I just couldn’t let it pass. I’m a putz that way.
September 30, 2011 at 9:18 pm
I’d like to introduce goatse in the last place that you would expect: the Super Nintendo game Zelda: A Link to the Past! As I was replaying it a couple days ago, I ran into the following fascinating image.
I hope that I’m the first person to post a goatse shot from a video game!
September 30, 2011 at 9:26 pm
I loved that game when I was a kid. I need to find a ROM so that I can finally defeat the evil Ganon and save the princess.
September 30, 2011 at 9:37 pm
I can’t beat the game (even replaying it) without consulting Cyber Panther’s walkthrough. It is just too convoluted.
I _may_ know of a ROM, if you want to email me (it’s my regretsy handle at gmail). Googling for it is probably faster though.
October 2, 2011 at 7:17 pm
I know of places on-line where you can DL an emulator and roms so that you can play on your computer. I recently replayed the N64 Zelda games this way.
October 1, 2011 at 12:40 am
Took me a second, but now I can’t un-see it! It almost seems so obviously intentional…no, no! Regretsy has ruined my brain.
October 1, 2011 at 2:09 pm
It’s intentionally a claddagh. But, c’mon game developers, did the center really have to be red?
October 1, 2011 at 3:05 pm
With dark stretch lines from the red center?
October 1, 2011 at 10:42 pm
BTW it is ‘intentionally’ the hands of a person reading a crystal ball. Not a claddagh, though I see the resemblance.
October 3, 2011 at 6:28 am
So that’s why the people of Kakariko are so…interesting.
Side note-Best game ever award goes to A Link to the Past.
September 30, 2011 at 9:19 pm
<img src="http://s3-ak.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/terminal01/2009/7/23/6/kermit-goatse-21442-1248344208-4.jpg"
I’m just gonna leave this here.
September 30, 2011 at 9:32 pm
Um… technically you didn’t…
September 30, 2011 at 10:50 pm
It was…FORBIDDEN.
That 403 error sure is a hardass.
September 30, 2011 at 9:20 pm
Had I known we’d have a Goatse party, I would have sent this to you sooner.
Was playing World of Warcraft on my druid (kitty that is pictured) and got into a random dungeon group with this character. She went on and on in chat about how she liked to use her daughter’s electric toothbrush on her bajingo and went afk to do so >.>
September 30, 2011 at 9:22 pm
I accidentally copied the url for the picture next to this one. Stupid laggy internet. This is embarrassing -.-
September 30, 2011 at 9:40 pm
Wait a second. This moron with an avatar named ‘Goatsie’ actually uses her daughter’s toothbrush on her pussy? Can’t she buy a real vibrator or something? I hope she sterilizes the toothbrush afterwards.
But either way, that shit disturbs even me. And I can look at a guy painting with his anus without blinking an eye.
October 1, 2011 at 1:29 am
@mad2: I’m surprised you think it was actually a woman. I get a real strong “adolescent boy trolling” vibe from the description.
September 30, 2011 at 9:20 pm
*ahem*
OR, we MAKE GOATSE HAPPEN EVERYWHERE.
I did this to the Mormon Temple two weeks ago:
September 30, 2011 at 9:40 pm
I always knew the Mormans were up someone’s ass.
September 30, 2011 at 11:27 pm
‘Mormans’ being the drunk spelling of ‘mormons.’
Remember, you can’t spell ‘mormon’ without ‘moron!’
October 2, 2011 at 7:21 pm
“If the angels name was Moroni, why aren’t we called Morons?” – Angels in America
October 1, 2011 at 12:25 am
Mormons don’t go into asses. Most believe anal sex is evil and it may lead men to become gay.
October 1, 2011 at 6:40 am
You don’t go to the right web sites.
September 30, 2011 at 10:39 pm
YOU BASTARD! I was gonna CF4L the temple… you know when I got off my lazy ass to drive downtown and visit Temple Square.
I need to be less lazy.
September 30, 2011 at 9:20 pm
Dammit! It worked in the preview!
September 30, 2011 at 9:23 pm
Oh sweet Mary and Joseph, that is just seven shades of wrong! Kermit Goatse-OMFG
September 30, 2011 at 9:34 pm
Thanks for (anally) raping my childhood!
I love you twisted fuckers so hard…
October 1, 2011 at 11:38 am
This, right here, is worth the price of admission all by itself.
October 1, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Oh that’s never good. Goddamnit Kermit.
October 1, 2011 at 9:10 pm
That might just be the pose to get Miss Piggy off his back (so to speak).
September 30, 2011 at 9:22 pm
The post that popped my Regretsy cherry was “Mittens the Bear”. Through my tears of laughter, I knew that if loving your fuckery was wrong, I didn’t wanna be right.
Happy Anniversary!
September 30, 2011 at 9:23 pm
So I’m guessing that the 2nd anniversary traditional gift is butthurt?
September 30, 2011 at 9:23 pm
This one didn’t make the cut?
*sob*
September 30, 2011 at 9:25 pm
The most common banner ad I got while looking at the goatse photoset was for BJ’s wholesale. I didn’t think the blonde lady was in fact selling BJs, but if it keeps triggering for the keywords in the goatse set…
September 30, 2011 at 9:28 pm
Widespread indeed! Don’t you fat, jealous losers care about THE CHILDREN who have viewed these goatses? You have taken formerly decent children and rect’um. All around the world, from Anus-hka to Zachery, sweet children who used to say “you can’t tush this” are now grabbing their buttocks to imitate this vile symbol while singing “I’ve got the hole world in my hands.” Butt do you care? Bless my Aunt Fanny, nooo! Just as long as you Can make a little booty, you’ll let these traumatized children fall behind their peers and probably end up living in their cars, selling crack from their trunks.
September 30, 2011 at 9:35 pm
….. Marry me. Just do it. You know you want to.
*cough*
September 30, 2011 at 10:01 pm
Oh, no invite to the NC RegretsyCon & now a marriage proposal? You just want me for my mind (and maybe my closet space.)
September 30, 2011 at 10:07 pm
GET THEE TO THE FORUMS AND YOU’D HAVE AN INVITE!!! :p
The Forums need you! Consider this your invitation.
September 30, 2011 at 11:01 pm
I hate to sound like a cupcake, but I get lost in/on?? those forums. There are so many and while some rock, others are so boring I’d have to stick pins in myself to stay awake. However, missing a NCFuckery event has inspired me to try again – any advice for weeding through them without have to read ALL of them (a dumbass Q I’m sure but a one from someone who until Regreatys was on FB about 8x a year and had never been on Twitter. -social media is just not for the antisocial). Have a drink for me!
October 2, 2011 at 1:59 am
Alice I’m usually the same way on forums but this one is managable. There are different boards, but there is one when you first get there that has all the posts in one board, so you don’t have to try and keep looking at all the individual ones. And they tell you on the one side how long since the last post in the topic so you can see how long it’s been since it was updated.
Come over to the dark side! Seriously there is so much fuckery and camaraderie over there, you won’t be sorry!
October 2, 2011 at 11:16 pm
Fluffy, I appreciate the advice & have given it a go. I do get a bit confused when it says there are 315 topics. I go to the last, click on it and it takes me back to some of the lower numbers. Also, some of forums have 1600 – 2000 different topics. There could be some great ones in there but no way I’m going through that many.
September 30, 2011 at 9:39 pm
BAHAHAHAH…crack!
September 30, 2011 at 9:28 pm
“I’d call it an obsession, but I guess that’s a bit of a stretch.” <– I see what you did there.
September 30, 2011 at 9:32 pm
Dammit. There was supposed to be an ellipsis after the “stretch”. Fuck my goatse hole.
September 30, 2011 at 9:39 pm
Gladly *waggles her eyebrows*
September 30, 2011 at 10:38 pm
Oh, baby…
September 30, 2011 at 9:43 pm
CRYING GLITTER TEAR EAGLE GOATSE. An eagle spreading its ass while crying a glittery tear.
You know this shit has to happen. Someone make it happen in their creativity!
Ok, technically, I think an eagle has a ‘cloaca,’ not an ass. So sue me.
Also, Flounce Cat Goatse.
September 30, 2011 at 11:28 pm
Don’t ever say I never do anything for you. Now excuse my while I wash my computer.
October 1, 2011 at 3:22 am
Tears of pain?
October 1, 2011 at 3:41 am
That. Was. Beautiful….. Sigh…
October 1, 2011 at 3:09 pm
This is too wonderfully awful for words. Thanks!
October 2, 2011 at 11:07 pm
I wish that Crying Eagle Lawsuit Fucktard could see this wonder!
September 30, 2011 at 10:00 pm
Pluto too?! GREAT! I hope Walt is spinning in his Freezer!
September 30, 2011 at 10:05 pm
This poster always frightened me.
September 30, 2011 at 10:07 pm
It is quickly becoming a tradition in our household that after we read our child her bedtime stories, we settle down in the living room and my hubby plays around on his Xbox while I read to him the day’s Regretsy fuckwittery, just to see the expression on his face, because I love how he looks when he laughs so hard that tears come out of the corners of his eyes. Thanks for 2 years of laughs!
September 30, 2011 at 10:14 pm
I love you THIS MUCH.
(Pick your winners, and take your chances.)
September 30, 2011 at 10:25 pm
Here’s to more years of flounces and butthurt! (I am a fat, jealous loser after all. Sometimes the butthurt from this site is the only thing that gets me through the day.) *sigh* God bless you Regretsy!!
September 30, 2011 at 10:41 pm
I’ve been a fat, jealous loser forever, but I’ve only found my home in the past two years… *sniff, sniff* It feels like I’ve always been here!
Before Regretsy, I was stuck mocking ‘art’ in museums and college displays. That meant getting to mock things a few times per year, tops. Now I get to mock it every day!
September 30, 2011 at 10:40 pm
Congratulations, bitches!
September 30, 2011 at 10:50 pm
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
Do-overs on the hole Zazzle selection!
You da bomb, Lemony Snicker!
September 30, 2011 at 10:47 pm
Happy 2nd birthday Regretsy!!
October 2, 2011 at 10:45 pm
Wow is that disgusting, in a good way of course.
September 30, 2011 at 10:51 pm
I came across this sporty car the other day:
October 2, 2011 at 5:53 pm
Either that person has never heard of the internet, or there’s a hell of a story behind that plate.
September 30, 2011 at 11:10 pm
I hope I’m in the homework help section of Regretsy, I need an extra hand solving the following problem:
In a two-dimensional tug-of-war, Alex, Betty, and Charles pull horizontally on an automobile tire at the angles shown in the picture. The tire remains stationary in spite of the three pulls. Alex pulls with force FA of magnitude 224 N, and Charles pulls with force FC of magnitude 180 N. Note that the direction of FC is not given. What is the minimum magnitude of Betty’s force FB?
http://edugen.wileyplus.com/edugen/courses/crs4957/halliday9118/halliday9118c05/image_n/nt0037-y.gif
September 30, 2011 at 11:31 pm
Your gif link doesn’t seem to work?
If you give me the angles, however, I might be able to solve your question. I get paid to teach people how to solve this sort of bullshit…
October 1, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Looks like you have to log in to see it.
October 1, 2011 at 7:54 pm
Goatse force vectors. Maybe I should go back to engineering.
October 1, 2011 at 12:22 am
PEEK-A-BOO
I FELL IN. HELP ME GET OUT!!!
October 1, 2011 at 12:32 am
Oh my GOD that looks fucking delicious.
October 1, 2011 at 12:30 am
I don’t remember when exactly I discovered Regretsy (more than a year ago), but I managed to read all the previous posts within the next three days or something. It is absolutely the most addictive humor blog, ever. Please never stop the fuckery. CF4-EVER!
October 1, 2011 at 1:40 am
I discovered Regretsy in it’s first week. During the last two years of stress and upheaval it’s given me comfort to know that if I’m a crazy, snarky bitch then there’s a whole world of Regretsians world wide who are equally crazy and snarky. Thank you HK.
October 1, 2011 at 3:47 am
Ok first time trying to embed an image…
http://pixftw.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/goatse1.jpg
Hope it works…
October 1, 2011 at 6:19 am
http://deterritorialsupportgroup.wordpress.com/2011/09/27/goatse-as-industrial-sabotage/
October 1, 2011 at 6:33 am
Goatse? Heehee, someone posted this image on facebook as some sort of religious thing, and all I saw was goatse:
October 1, 2011 at 6:42 am
OMG! You’re right! I never picked up on that!
October 1, 2011 at 7:33 am
Me too, and I even went to point it out, but then had visions of the poor Jehovah’s Witness on the other end of it googling goatse.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
October 1, 2011 at 12:01 pm
I took this on the way to home from work at Turku, Finland:
October 1, 2011 at 3:11 pm
In fact that image was made by some ‘shopper as a deliberate homage to goatse…
October 3, 2011 at 10:45 am
My friend posted this as a religious thing… I informed them to look up goatse in urban dictionary but NOT to google image it… That person and all four people who commented on it, deleted me and blocked me
Mayhaps I should be mad?
October 1, 2011 at 7:21 am
You forgot my Goatse Girl… or did you?
October 1, 2011 at 1:19 pm
October 1, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Don’t mind me, just attempting to close the italics. Hopefully it’ll work, if not, you can thumb me into oblivion.
Oh, baby, THUMB ME.
October 2, 2011 at 8:23 am
That’s weird. I believed I did close the italics. I closed the bold. Hmmm…
So…you seem to have something of a thumb fetish. Well, I happen to have two of them! (Four if you count the two big ones on my feet!)
October 2, 2011 at 8:24 am
OK, something screwy is going on. That all shouldn’t be italic.
October 2, 2011 at 7:29 pm
You didn’t close the italics on your first post and now the italics have spread to every post below it. It is like some sort of contagious disease and the only cure is more cowbell. Sadly, we are out of cowbell. Someone mistook it for okra and smoked it all.
October 1, 2011 at 7:31 am
I’m too fucking lazy to link an image, but Audi think goatse’s great too, so you’re in good company. Hippo birdy
http://www.dangerousminds.net/comments/audis_unintentional_goatse/
October 1, 2011 at 8:25 am
I for one am glad you’ve stuck around for two hole years. I’ve been a lurker on your site for close to two years and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. You’re funny as hell, and the comments on the posts are always worth reading.
I hope you don’t get tired of doing this anytime soon.
October 1, 2011 at 9:34 am
I’m surprised this hasn’t been represented. From Mel Brooks’ classic Silent Movie:
http://www.freewebs.com/thrushcentral/ENGULF-n-DEVOUR-LOGO-WEB-01.jpg
October 1, 2011 at 11:49 am
I guess that would be a preemptive goatse?
October 1, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Yes, now if someone could make this into a sampler…
October 1, 2011 at 7:01 pm
Yeah, I really do need to get around to doing that . . .
October 1, 2011 at 9:58 am
When I was in eighth grade (I guess 2005) my class took a trip to Washington D.C. Part of our trip was spending an evening at Medieval Times, that restaurant/show where you eat a giant chicken leg and watch people joust in an arena while you do it.
During the intermission at Medieval Times, a few of the boys in my grade had a very inspired idea.
A man over the loudspeaker began giving mid-show announcements as well as wishing a happy birthday or anniversary to those members of the audience that had let him know it was their special day. At the very end of his list, we all heard this, and a few seats away from me, my classmate Ricky began to cry.
“And a very happy birthday to… Rickyricky loves the goatse.”
Thank god we all had the internet before then or it never would have been such a successful joke. The boys all got suspended afterward.
October 1, 2011 at 10:55 am
Happy Anniversary, Regretsy!!
October 1, 2011 at 11:36 am
Two years of showing us all some lovingly foot-made merchandise.
I raise my shot glass to you.
October 1, 2011 at 11:44 am
OH NO.
My son’s terrible twos were bad enough. I shudder to think what Regretsy’s will be like.
October 1, 2011 at 11:46 am
All right, who left the italics on?
You see? It’s starting already!
October 1, 2011 at 1:50 pm
It was maxruehl. We can all blame him.
October 1, 2011 at 6:45 pm
He’s why we can’t have anything nice!
October 2, 2011 at 8:27 am
I must say, you all look lovely in italics.:)
October 2, 2011 at 8:36 am
P.S.: Tilt your head slightly to the right and everything looks normal. Or, if you prefer, just prop something under the right side of your monitor.
October 1, 2011 at 12:05 pm
I posted this one over in the forums yesterday – just in case any of you fat, jealous losers need any pumpkin carving ideas:
October 1, 2011 at 1:53 pm
We should have a Regretsy pumpkin carving contest.
Now it’s time to go back to the Firefly marathon on the Science Channel.
October 1, 2011 at 5:09 pm
Hey…. They blurred out Mal’s but when YoSafBridge stranded him in the desert.
October 2, 2011 at 5:21 pm
I wish I got Sci channel, it’s been a while since I last watched Firefly :O
October 1, 2011 at 7:02 pm
Regretsy pumpkin carving contest – HELL YES.
October 1, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Remember when the rapture happened? Good times.
October 1, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Just so happens that I stumbled upon this today:
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1440/5098611416_403dba20aa_o.gif
It’s the goatse that never ends. Disturbing and mesmerizing all at once.
October 1, 2011 at 3:25 pm
I found Regretsy just before Christmas of 2010, thanks to a snark-loving coworker. It was just after Helen had begun the 12 days of Christmas.
I fell in love with a nativity rendered in gold-painted horseshoe nails. It was quirky, yet there was obvious thought and creativity put into it.
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/39446262
It was my second Etsy purchase and I loved it for 4 reasons:
1. I’m not religious, but I collect nativities that I find special in some way, probably a holdover from my childhood, or at least the memories I choose to keep).
2. The simplicity and quiet plainness of it (I’m not a minimalist, but sometimes the plainest thing attracts me).
3. The sharp nail points represented hands (unlike the photo) and I thought that was clever, or at least unintentionally sarcastic.
And the most important reason:
4. I grew up Catholic and I couldn’t resist the irony of the representation of His birth being rendered with the tools of His death.
October 1, 2011 at 4:28 pm
From the “Familiar with site Regretsy, Any Victims?” Thread”
Admin says:
“I apologize for your experience, we try and avoid SPREADING the vitriole. Thanks.”
You guys couldn’t have said it any better!
October 1, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Happy anniversary, Regretsy!
October 1, 2011 at 4:43 pm
I made this for a fellow Regretsian and got ignored, so here: take it.
October 1, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Beautiful! This could SO easily be rendered in cross stitch! And because it’s stylized, many people might just think it’s a symbol for something…and it is, but we’d just giggle behind their backs.
October 2, 2011 at 5:23 pm
Is than an Aperture Science goatse?! O_O
CAN NOT UNSEE.
October 3, 2011 at 12:20 am
GLaDOS sends her love.
October 3, 2011 at 8:39 am
GOATSE QUILT!!!! Can you see this pattern done is 12 squares, all black background with different colors? I’d die if that won a county fair ribbon.
October 1, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Two years of AMAZING FUCKERY. I’m overjoyed. I’d better break out the vodka.
Anyway, saw this on Cracked and (of course) immediately thought of you:
“The shorter the junk, the weaker the spunk. If the perineum is longer, his sperm is stronger. You should get that sewn onto a pillow.”
October 1, 2011 at 4:56 pm
I’m pretty sure at this point you should be called “Regoetze”.
October 1, 2011 at 5:13 pm
This is a excerpt from a chat log from 8/24/11.
“Humpkin: it seems that i am getting a small stream of people from something called “Gothise” 23:53
Humpkin: a goth facebook…. 23:54
WileESongDog: I read that as Goatise 23:54
TGB: Thank gods I wasn’t the only one [smile] 23:54
WileESongDog: Regretsy makes you see things through Goatse glasses 23:54
”
We talked of samplers and actual eyeglasses but we didn’t do anything with those ideas yet because we were all probably drunk, but since your comment may make someone else make the “goatse glasses” connection I am putting this out here so I can claim a copyright. I will be in contact with Mr. Waldron for his expertise in protecting my internet copyright.
October 1, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Shoot, I was going to leave a long involved comment, but I don’t like wearing italics as it makes my butt look big.
Congratulations on two years of hilarity!
October 1, 2011 at 5:22 pm
a toast to more WTF, and glitter eagle tears , and to a brand new fuckery year!
October 1, 2011 at 6:04 pm
i thought i was the only one bashed by christina perdue. Looks like I’m in good company. and the best thing etsy ever did was mute her snippy little ass.
October 1, 2011 at 6:31 pm
I agree shabby. That chick was a c-bag.
October 2, 2011 at 12:12 am
all of etsy rejoiced when she got muted.
October 1, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Is it just me or should the 2nd anniversary logo include hands on either side of the big circle?
October 2, 2011 at 9:47 pm
See my post at #44.
October 1, 2011 at 8:56 pm
http://clownsong.com/
October 3, 2011 at 5:03 pm
I hate me so much for clicking that link. As much as I hate clowns, I should have known better.
October 1, 2011 at 10:39 pm
Won’t someone think of the italics tag?
October 2, 2011 at 9:27 pm
Happy Birthday Regretsy.
October 3, 2011 at 3:42 am
awh shit… I took a goatse picture on Saturday!! better get it uploaded on the quick!
October 3, 2011 at 7:53 am
I think that there should be a secret goatse shaped link somewhere on the main page that takes people to cf4l
That would be fun.
October 3, 2011 at 9:20 am
Finally, I’d like to point out that the hate mail person does not appear to know the meaning of the word ‘solipsism.’
October 3, 2011 at 10:00 am
This morning I saw goatse in my bagel…and that was before I read this post. So yes, we see it EVERYWHERE.
October 3, 2011 at 10:50 am
This means that for about 22 months I’ve been lurking, saying…”registering is for fat jealous losers who have nothing to glitter puff paint at 3 in the morning!” but no more! I will no longer keep my snark to myself, HK!
BTW can anyone PLEASE give me a link to the elephant that was made without an ear? (NOT the one recently that lost an ear; this one just never got one to begin with.) I was about to pee my pants with tears streaming down my face…for half an hour on that one page…I need to see it again!
October 3, 2011 at 11:49 pm
Yet another sighting:
