It’s only temporary, so just continue drinking and everything will be fine in a couple of hours.
I DEMAND VODKA!!!
Oh yeah?? Well, well, I demand pot and mass quantities of chocolate!! So, so… NAHHHH!!!
(Sorry, feeling childish tonight )
“CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES!”
Are you from “France?”
Yeah, my grandfather’s from the “Old Country”.
Beldar, speak to our young one. Love that bundt cakes are edible senso rings.
oh, when I shave my head I look like a conehead. Worst. idea.evar.
I have vodka. It’s horrible warm, and worse chased with V8, but I have it.
Mix it with the V8.
I’ll second this. Instant Bloody Mary.
What!?! >_> >_>
I should have specified that it was V8 fruit something-or-other, because I hate tomato juice.
Mix it anyway!
I second that!
i have beer that has tried to get chilled, but sorta failed
AW, you have failure beer.
Hey! While you’re drinking warm vodka, go put your kilt on and post us some hot shirtless man in a kilt pics! PLEASE!
I;ll sit here and drink semi-warm SoCo and wait for the whimiscile rapsody.
oooh, SoCo, my… old… friend….
You have tattoos in your avatar and you have vodka. Both so hot.
TEQUILA PARTY! Scratch that, no tequila, but I did find rum. PIRATE PARTY!
Arrr, matey! Pour me a double!
Yarrr! … Oh wait, I’m donating blood in the morning…
*eyes her glass of water and sniffles*
What’s the issue? Alcoholics need transfusions too, don’t they?
Well, yes, but it’s not good for ME to give blood with alcohol in my system. I could possibly not clot and bleed to death.
Yikes! That’s nothing to joke about. Don’t drink tonight and celebrate tomorrow night. We’ll wait for you…that doesn’t mean we won’t NOT drink in the meantime, but you won’t be left behind!
Good point, Kwake, didn’t think about the clotting issue. On the upside, though, if you drink a bit after the donation, you should get a buzz much sooner, I’d think.
This dialysis patient says clotting is good. Had my access collapse once, and I can tell you from experience, being a quart low sucks. That, and doctors are horrible at Charades.
Wait! I have tequila! And I like rum!
Avast ye mateys! Bring ’round the mizzen and pour me another!
Anyone seen Arty Farty?
Damnit. Now you’ve gone and made me make myself a lemon drop.
I have sweet tea vodka and lemonade. There is a real name for that drink (named after an alcoholic golfer), but I like to call it a Tipsy Arnold. Or, after 3, a Drunken Palmer.
I demand deep fried french toast and Long Island Iced Teas, but that’s just me.
I second the French Toast. Or at least a grilled cheese. Something with bread that has been heated in some manner or another. I’m not too picky.
Oh thank god, I was getting worried. Actually worried.
Nothing new here since last night…nothing new over at Club Fuckery…I was wondering if I’d missed the “we’ll be doing other things, so amuse yourselves on Friday” memo. I’ve almost worn out my refresh button.
HKpril is having computer issues…she’ll be back as soon as she’s gotten her shit together…or she’s too drunk to do anything else but come in here and amuse us all
Which I adore her for, by the way
Me too KJ. I thought I was in an alternate dimension for a little while. There was so much unshared fuckery. Luckily I only have a low grade fever and am low on regretsy.
Your fuckery is hereby pardoned and forgiven. Future, productive fuckery of all kinds is much anticipated. That is all.
Wait a minute, I didn’t agree to this! Fuckery not pardoned, I demand my Regretsy! That’s right, my Free Regretsy, given to me generously out of the pure goodness of HK’s heart!
Chant with me! We want Regretsy! We want Regretsy! We.. want.. No? Ok.
Hardhat octopus is union labor.
Union, eh? Well, that explains the delay!
Don’t know why I made this, but it’ll kill about 5 seconds of your wait time.
Totally awesome that you made it, who cares why!
Very awesome. I’m on my third glass of booze, I could watch this thing for hours.
I’m dead sober, and I could watch it for hours, too.
I’m sober too…narcotics don’t count, right?
No, narcotics don’t count. You have to do the counting for them.
Does it count if The Count does the counting?
I read that as “The Count’s CUNTS”.
Me too. I must have missed that episode. I’m sure I would have remembered.
Today’s fuckery was brought to you by the letter C.
Here you go, Cybele:
Heavens to Betsy, chefann, where does he get all that energy to *bleep* so often?
Lady Kwake, to whom, exactly, are you donating your blood?
It’s from that hand shoved up his ass.
2 minutes of Count-related fuckery.
aaand just realized that link has already been posted. I… yes.
Also I’d like the verdict on prescribed drugs. Prescribed even for me. Back injury meds, too “fuzzy” right now to copy the names down…
“It’ll kill about 5 seconds of your wait time.”
You underestimate just how long we will stare at the fuckery you have bestowed upon us.
Yeah, that killed a lot longer than 5 seconds. It’s kind of hypnotic.
crushin’ on you
Nice! This sign will henceforth be posted on my door during my office hours.
Wine is clutched in hand until Fuckery ceases, or begins again, whichever
Please continue to hold: Your fuckery is important to us. Your comment will be read by the next available Fat, Jealous Loser, in the order in which it was received. Thank you for your patience, and have a whimsicle day.
… segue to PON PON PON hold music….
also, don’t forget the dancing Dror song. “Every day I’m shufflin”
I am sensing… a mix tape…. Now That’s What I call Regretsy Hold Music, Vol. 1
Aw, crap. Here we go again. (And it is TOTALLY “The Dror Song”, at least, to me.)
Here is a song about vaginas!
That was not The Who. I am cheated!
Please continue to hold. Your fuckery is very important to us.
this is not the cool-aid I expected
I have listened to this far too many times… I have figured out the Pon:Way ratio.
okay, now crushin on YOU. I’, too tired and drunk to come up with shit. Counting on you guys, oh and you have Yankees in your name. Go Yankees!
Wow, so many comments in so little time. Speaking of which, you can always tell when someone just wants first comment without reading the post because they just say something like, “Oh my god, this gives me a girl boner. Ok, gonna go masturbate myself.”
Or, if they Really want that first comment and don’t have time to think in complete sentences, it’s more like, “GIRL BONER, BAHHH!”
There’s no question. Facebook meta-feed has made first comment competition stiff. Stiffer than my GIRL BONER, BAHHH!
Steampunk Construction, LLC?
I’m on it!
Yeah, craptastic shoppery, but hey.. NyQuil.
Sister, my sister!
Like I would ever stop drinking in the first place. Pshaw.
Oh, that’s all?
Huh. Okay. Now I can roll over in bed and go back to not participating in the world.
Well since we’ve got nothing better to do while we’re waiting:
Oh my effing hell, do I love this! (!!!)
(Can I say the words?)
Now I want to knit little hats for kittens.
I want you to knit little hats for kittens.
so do I, and bejewel cat buttholes.. damnit where’s my bedazzler?
No, I’m sorry. I draw the line at bejeweling cat buttholes. I don’t like to bleed.
I want you to want to knit little hat for kittens. With matching mittens.
But Flounces, little kittens always lose their mittens and then I have to hang the kittens, in their mittens, on a clotheline. I was never sure what happened after that. My book ended there, with a torn page.
“I’LL BE IN MY GORRAM BUNK”
I’m gunna go change my panties. That was too awesome.
Firefly reference! I LOVE YOU!
The kitty just needs a mini Vera to go with is BAMF hat!
Not exactly Vera, but close enough? For a fat jealous loser like me:
17″ long? Not exactly to scale for a li’l kitten! I’ll see what I can come up with.
Maybe a nice little Colt for the kitten?
kittens love it!
The orange kittehs are my current foster kittens. I’ll have them until they’re big enough to be neutered. The one in the hat is named Bronc. The one playing Wash is Dror.
OMG I just realized how horrible that sounds, talking about neutering in the same breath that I mention who I named them after. Sorry guys, it was really meant to be an honor!
Neutered males make the best pets.
Men wince when I mention this.
I have them until they’re old enough to be adopted into a forever home. That’s much better.
They are so adorable! (Adrorable?) And please, always neuter your kitties, it breaks my heart to see kittens on the street.
Even neutered and spayed cats are on the street. I have a friend whose neutered cat used to go out until a recent injury (I hope the imposed house “arrest” will cure the cat of his roaming ideas; he’s big but not aggressive, so I worry even more about him).
I once had a neighbor who would feed stray cats by putting out bowls of water and food on her porch. She caught all but one and took them to her vet for neutering. He knew they were strays and gave her a price break. She’d take them home and when they recovered, let them out again. Not ideal, but she couldn’t keep all of them and it was a blessing that there were fewer fertile cats out there!
Are those little hats felted?
It’s Jayne’s hat!
Brown Coats forever….
(oh wait, wrong group of obsessed people)
Bite your tongue! I’m totally obsessed with Firefly.
It comes as no surprise that you have impeccable taste.
I wasn’t too worried, but then again I don’t really care, and also being another (female) IT tech. I kinda knew it may not have been today. Sometimes our work takes over 3-4 days at a time to figure out. That is how much most people don’t clean their computers or don’t at least back them up properly. But without that I would be outta work right now too. Praise the PC.
Dear IT worker: this. With love, Britain:
I thought the Cupcake Army had maybe kidnapped you. I was writing the fanfic and everything.
Make sure it includes lots of Goatse.
Only, like, not.
Is that Rosie Odonnell?????
Yes, sadly, it is. It’s from a movie she did with Dan Akroyd a-way back when
I was going to say that out of respect for my eDaughters I would not express a reac… oh holy Geebus on a cheese grater!!!!!!!!
Sorry eDaus, daddy has a weak mind.
I guess that’s not the only thing that’s weak. (Like with most of Regretsy posts, I was at once repulsed and aroused.)
“Guess that’s the only thing that’s weak”. Oops.
That only reminds me of the guy getting paddled-slapped with a hairbrush thankfully.
what? slapped should not be there. disregard that word.
Sorry, it’s now forever on the internets internet! LOL
What kind of slash fic does Regretsy create in your imaginative ability?
I remember that movie. I wish I were watching it right now, but that’s because I was told that Bridesmaid was oh so funny. Everyone lied. I do not this movie. That is why I came to check Regretsy out. ARRrrrgggghhhhh.
I do not this movie, either!
I never this movie!
I one the sandbox.
Yes, well, that happens. Don’t worry about it. When you get to be a big boy, you won’t have so many accidents in the sandbox!
Better than two the sandbox…
Save the two the sandbox for the kitty in the hat.
I accidentally the whole movie.
I on purpose multi-purposed the whole movie.
And then I changed the size of its smell.
I not the movie
None of it
Are you quiet serious about that, G Val?
If so, please rewrite your submission as haiku.
I not the movie
None of it, all well is not
Actors, they not bleed
Well okay then.
Did you know mapping out a cross-stitch octopus is a pain in the ass?
If it’s a pain in the ass, then you’re not doing it right! Oh, wait, I don’t think that applies to cross stitch.
when you’re done, would you mind sharing? I would love to do a doubleknit or illusion knit octopus scarf. Might just have to do it myself.
I wouldn’t mind a bit! It’s going to be a silhouette, so you know.
I’d love to see it as well! There’s a way to work that into a crocheted baby blanket, I’m sure of it!
Steampunk Octopus—what a great idea! On the subway today, for no reason I could justify, I started wondering if I could chart a goatse in crochet (not a baby blanket, though), either in single crochet or maybe afghan and embroidered.
So I picked a good night to get shitfaced?
What is not a good night to get shit-faced?
I consulted the scientists in my downstairs lab and they confirmed it’s always a good night to get shitfaced!!
Let’s see what you wagered.
Lousy Smarch weather.
Okay, I kind of love steampunk ocotpus and his little construction hat (although I would argue that it should be an old-timey diving helmet or something).
I recently discovered this link and I love it:”What your ‘Under Construction’ icon says about you”:http://www.cs.utah.edu/~gk/atwork/
I’ve been drinking since six. THIS PAGE HASN’T CHANGED.
I’m actually drunk whilst reading regretsy for once. Feels nice.
I was tutoring chemistry today and a question came up about physical properties. I told him that water and alcohol have different freezing and boiling points, which are physical properties. He looked all perplexed and I asked, “What happens when you put water in the freezer?” He replied that it becomes ice. I then asked where his parents kept their vodka. It was only then that he understood.
Natty Ice and a low self esteem. Formula for successful OR fro a beach weekend.
Okay, which one of you fat ugly jealous losers did this?
Because it is FUCKING AWESOME.
Ooh, ooh – it wasn’t me, but I remember that someone posted in a CF comment a few days ago that they had done it!
DAMMIT. HOW DID I MISS THAT?
I remember someone took credit for it…”SEARCH THE DUNGEONS!” (And it IS amazing.)
Damn, Wikipedia’s erased it already. But I did find this:
I so want to attend! Please Holy Mother Mart, lead me to this church.
If I may suggest next week’s marquee?
Also, “Jesus is pleased by you on your knees”
I saw this and thought of you all, I will just leave the link here
This one works for this crowd too…kinda reminds me of someone…now who am I thinking of…?
My Dad still talks about how he always wanted to go to a Halloween party as a pull toy…. wearing only roller-skates.
Could buy this for your man, to wear every night, and pretend he’s Dror… Mmmmmm
Anyone see the 12 year old two faced cat?
I’d rather hang out with him than a blob fish.
I was gonna save that photo for the next time April posted a blog entry from Alison or one of Etsy’s other fucking cupcakes. Maybe with a little photoshopped beret and cutesy eyeroll. But that would be wrong, wouldn’t it?
Wrong…maybe. Funny…hell yes.
That’s pretty amazing! Kinda scary, but I have such a big heart for animals, cats especially, I’d love him just like my others.
tangent jump: need scotch need scotch need scotch
OMWANKINGG THIS IS WORSE THAN THE GREAT LIVEJOURNAL BLACKOUT OF 2005!!!
But not worse than a real power outage. My town’s power was out for a whole 45 MINUTES yesterday and you would have thought it was the god-damned zombie apocalypse. People were running around like God himself was gonna open up that big ol’ goatse in the sky and slurp up us all. They seemed to forget how to drive. Had it gone on much longer I think they would have started hoarding fuel and dry goods.
I now want this… As a sign, maybe a little figurine to put on my desk as I work (or not work… Whatever the case may be…) or just… something. I love this little construction picture.
May the drinking commence! (And why was I not drinking earlier?!)
Awwww, did the placental stain drip all the way through the mattress and get on the server? Quick, mop it up with a knit gimp mask!
All this early drinking is going to throw me off my game once the Club comes up.
I found a mini bottle of something in the bottom of my purse! I’mma gunna drink it! Also my sister brought me some kind of german schnapps (I think its fig flavored) digging it out now!
Bleah, and OMG THAT BURNS!
I am currently in my hometown (middle of nowhere, arizona), where what they call “Art In The Park” is happening.
It’s like one big clusterfuck of wtflolz, all in the park in the middle of the city. Anyone in the city or surrounding areas that makes crafts and can pay the entrance fee comes together for a weekend and sells their shit.
While some are actually pretty amazing, most are just confusing and humorous.
But I think the best part is watching the people that come out to walk through the park for this.
It’s like watching live-action-etsy, with all the crazy crafters and the people that support them.
I saw this tattoo machine a while back and thought of Regretsy, this post just reminded me…..
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