Hey, it’s Sunday so I gave you a thumb up. That and the fact we still don’t have any cell phone reception around here, but there are several liquor stores.
This atheist already feels truly blessed, but thank you anyways.
Hmm that looks like it’s an iPhone.. God must use AT&T, which is known for more dropped calls than TMobile. We know Satan uses Verizon, that’s why you sign your soul to him when you make a new 2 year contract.
That always cracked me up. Ask just about ANY Catholic what the 10 Commandments are and you’ll get an earfull of “thou shalts” and “thou shalt nots” as if the bible has not been translated into any English language since the 1400s
Actually the 1600s, but I’ve always thought it sounds more definitive when it’s the voice of, say, Michelangelo’s Moses in the Sistine Chapel as opposed to someone with teased up hair with an 800 number for “prayer offerings.”
Amen Mapleleaves. I particularly dislike the pink-haired lady who is blubbering and dripping mascara everywhere. Churches claim that God never makes mistakes, but doesn’t say that he never made a few prototypes that weren’t his best work.
Not his best work? Oh, I don’t know. I figure that Earth is God’s Regretsy, and people like the pink-haired lady are just examples of His Most Righteous Whimsickle Fuckery.
What caught my eye, (aside from the awesome spoof on “footprints” that is SO going on my office door,) is how someone who is so godly that they make a religious cell phone charger can’t be bothered to capital the J in Jesus.
I don’t think that He’d mind (I usually refer to Him as JC) but it appears to be more lazy editing (see angel drawer’s comment) than a personal relationship.
I’m a retired Catholic and was beginning to rethink my decision…I mean, if Jesus was a werebear, that would be SO freaking awesome. It wouldn’t explain anything that I can remember, but it would still be awesome
And lo, the LORD spake, saying unto them “Bringeth to me thy mobile devices, let them be laid before my holy altar as offerings, and I shall replenish them and bring unto you good reception. Do this in my name.” And the disciples of Nokiah and Ver-Izon gave thanks to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Sprint, and the LORD saw that it was good.
I miss Sam Kinison SO much. The guy was incredibly funny and witty. I loved watching him get to the point where he was cracking himself up because he couldn’t stay in character.
It actually won’t accommodate all cell phones. The charging port on my Droid X is on the side, near the bottom. If I tried to put it on those crooked little dowels, I’d have to lay it sideways, with most of the phone hanging off in midair, and it would fall right off.
It won’t fall, because Jesus is there to catch it, unless your call for help was dropped, and He would ask “Why are you putting Hemmorhoid X in your side? That’s not where it goes!”
Idea of a nice, age-dried Cherry hand-rubbed phone charger/organizer:
A+
The idea of carving Jesus in it:
D-
Not sure if the craftsperson is very religious, or they just thought that they just figured someone terribly religious just had to get them somma dat. The price for a quality carving on nice cherry isn’t out of line, just the concept seems silly
I dreamed that I was walking down the beach with the Goddess. And I looked back and saw footprints in the sand. But sometimes there were two pairs of footprints and sometimes there was only one. And the times there was only one set of footprints, those were my times of greatest trouble. So I asked the Goddess,
“Why in my greatest need did you abandon me?”
She replied, “I never left you. Those were the times we both hopped on one foot.”
And I was really embarrassed for bothering Her with such a stupid question.
September 25, 2011 at 1:31 pm
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September 25, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Gesundheit.
September 25, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Hey, it’s Sunday so I gave you a thumb up. That and the fact we still don’t have any cell phone reception around here, but there are several liquor stores.
This atheist already feels truly blessed, but thank you anyways.
September 25, 2011 at 1:33 pm
filed in “jews” lol
September 25, 2011 at 1:43 pm
I noticed that too
September 25, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Jesus was a Jew and his face is on the thing. Ergo, the “Jews” tag.
September 25, 2011 at 3:59 pm
pretty sure he got that
September 25, 2011 at 5:58 pm
I am a mistress of the obvious. There is no joke I cannot ruin with a dull explanation.
It’s a gift.
September 25, 2011 at 7:11 pm
LOL, some super-powers are less useful than others, but still…hey, they’re SUPER powers!
September 25, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Damn, even God’s calls get dropped!
September 25, 2011 at 1:40 pm
That’s because he uses t-mobile.
September 25, 2011 at 1:42 pm
I’d have seen him more as a Cricket user.
September 25, 2011 at 6:22 pm
Hmm that looks like it’s an iPhone.. God must use AT&T, which is known for more dropped calls than TMobile. We know Satan uses Verizon, that’s why you sign your soul to him when you make a new 2 year contract.
September 25, 2011 at 2:04 pm
September 25, 2011 at 2:08 pm
If you can it is a miracle because I’m using AT&T.
September 25, 2011 at 2:40 pm
Can God make a rock so heavy that even He cannot lift it?
Can God make a cellular network so lousy that even He cannot get reception?
September 25, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Pat Robertson has a direct line to God and has him on speed dial
September 25, 2011 at 7:35 pm
McGee stop – you are making my head hurt.
Strech65 – Doesn’t matter what Pat does, God doesn’t want to talk with him so Pat always gets God’s voice mail.
September 25, 2011 at 3:54 pm
September 25, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Shouldn’t that be “Canst thou hear me now?”?
September 25, 2011 at 4:01 pm
That always cracked me up. Ask just about ANY Catholic what the 10 Commandments are and you’ll get an earfull of “thou shalts” and “thou shalt nots” as if the bible has not been translated into any English language since the 1400s
September 25, 2011 at 7:27 pm
Actually the 1600s, but I’ve always thought it sounds more definitive when it’s the voice of, say, Michelangelo’s Moses in the Sistine Chapel as opposed to someone with teased up hair with an 800 number for “prayer offerings.”
September 25, 2011 at 8:04 pm
Amen Mapleleaves. I particularly dislike the pink-haired lady who is blubbering and dripping mascara everywhere. Churches claim that God never makes mistakes, but doesn’t say that he never made a few prototypes that weren’t his best work.
September 26, 2011 at 4:34 am
Not his best work? Oh, I don’t know. I figure that Earth is God’s Regretsy, and people like the pink-haired lady are just examples of His Most Righteous Whimsickle Fuckery.
September 26, 2011 at 4:46 am
Jesus in that picture looks like the dethroned Burger King.
Or, maybe I’m just hungry.
September 25, 2011 at 1:38 pm
I wasn’t going to buy it, but…
IT HAS DANISH OIL PEOPLE!!!
(purchased)
September 25, 2011 at 1:41 pm
It could have hemp oil and it’s still an odd looking hunk of wood. But congrats on your purchase.
September 25, 2011 at 1:46 pm
I’d rather just have a Danish (unoiled). It would be cheaper and make me happier.
September 25, 2011 at 2:50 pm
I’d rather have a Dane (oiled), much sexier.
September 25, 2011 at 7:38 pm
Probably depends on the Dane. After all Marmaduke is a Great Dane & I don’t find him sexy at all.
September 25, 2011 at 8:05 pm
Probably not Dane Cook, though.
January 29, 2012 at 3:37 pm
(With semi-sincere apologies to both Rodgers and Hammerstein)
There ain’t nothin’ like a Dane!
Nothin’ in the world!
There is nothin’ you can name
That is anything like a Dane!
September 25, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Dammit, Alice, now you’ve got me thinking about danish and I don’t have any!
September 25, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Between danish oil and cherry wood, I too bean craving pastry.
September 25, 2011 at 1:38 pm
and lo, Jesus carried the cross on his back so the Jews could carve iphone charging docks from the wood and overcharge for them.
September 25, 2011 at 1:40 pm
This is so tacky. Even to a non Christian such as myself. Butlerian Jihad anyone?
September 25, 2011 at 3:19 pm
My husband understood that. I felt sheepish that I had to ask…
Speaking of Sheep, Jesus was a shepherd or so I herd…er heard.
September 25, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Speaking of sheep, please pass the mint sauce. (OK, except for Shaun from “A Close Shave” and Maa from “Babe.” I’m not going through THAT hell again.)
September 25, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Great now I can’t get that earworm song of “Shawn The Sheep” out of my head. Damn my kids videos.
Just kidding, I love Wallace and Grommit and their spin-offs. The are better than Barney.
On Topic: Does that crucifix look more like a totem pole to anyone else? Just me?
September 25, 2011 at 4:54 pm
It does have an air of totem pole about it. And not in a good way.
September 26, 2011 at 4:54 am
I thought it was bacon strips.
September 25, 2011 at 1:41 pm
What catches my eye is that the phone isn’t even straight in the picture…the rest of the implications for this thing just make my hair hurt
September 25, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Of course that phone is straight! Jesus would never allow a Homosexual phone on his charger!
September 25, 2011 at 4:11 pm
Well… there was that one time when he was arrested for kissing in the park.
September 25, 2011 at 5:00 pm
Hey! He got off!
September 26, 2011 at 7:49 am
No, actually he got nailed.
September 25, 2011 at 1:41 pm
My eye won’t stop twitching..
September 25, 2011 at 1:46 pm
My phone is fully charged! You can’t explain that! Must be the power of Jesus! Praise the Lord and pass the app store!
September 25, 2011 at 1:49 pm
What caught my eye, (aside from the awesome spoof on “footprints” that is SO going on my office door,) is how someone who is so godly that they make a religious cell phone charger can’t be bothered to capital the J in Jesus.
September 25, 2011 at 2:09 pm
But he DID capitalize the D in Danish! My guess is that is where his loyalties lie.
September 25, 2011 at 6:25 pm
He just loves that Danish wood
as do I, but fleshy danish wood 
September 25, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Jesus was The First Hippie. He was chill. I don’t think he’d go for that bourgeois capital-letter bullcrap.
September 25, 2011 at 7:43 pm
I don’t think that He’d mind (I usually refer to Him as JC) but it appears to be more lazy editing (see angel drawer’s comment) than a personal relationship.
September 25, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Poor jesus didn’t even get an apostrophe.
September 25, 2011 at 7:15 pm
Sacrilege!
September 25, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Dear God, please allow all my calls to go through and my apps to function properly today. In Jesus’ disembodied head’s name, amen.
P.S., I’ll be bringing you my IPod full of explicit rap songs tomorrow. Please give it an extra-long charge.
September 25, 2011 at 4:55 pm
That’s what she said.
September 25, 2011 at 1:56 pm
This will make you ungodly bitches think twice before drunk sexting! All hail carved face Larry King!!
On a side note, who wouldn’t want a cell phone charger carved from an old piece of wood used in the basement to beat unrepentant sinnners on!?
That’s vintage right there baby!
(Hey keys make it steampunk! No?)
September 25, 2011 at 1:58 pm
anyone else notice “foorprints”? I guess even Jesus’ auto correct sucks.
September 25, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Am I the only one who noticed the footprints belong to a bear?
September 25, 2011 at 3:56 pm
I’m a retired Catholic and was beginning to rethink my decision…I mean, if Jesus was a werebear, that would be SO freaking awesome. It wouldn’t explain anything that I can remember, but it would still be awesome
Werebear Christ FTW!
September 25, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Sorry, I’m more in the market for cherry wood that has been air drying for over 35 years.
September 25, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Sigh. Good wood is a terrible thing to waste.
September 25, 2011 at 2:33 pm
And carve.
September 25, 2011 at 2:22 pm
Has there always been a ‘Pinch my tits’ thing?
Or am I off my head on shoe freshener again?
September 25, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Yes.
September 25, 2011 at 8:48 pm
Are they mutually exclusive? Can’t it be both?
September 25, 2011 at 2:39 pm
http://www.flickr.com/photos/46966395@N02/6182953318
September 25, 2011 at 2:56 pm
And lo, the LORD spake, saying unto them “Bringeth to me thy mobile devices, let them be laid before my holy altar as offerings, and I shall replenish them and bring unto you good reception. Do this in my name.” And the disciples of Nokiah and Ver-Izon gave thanks to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Sprint, and the LORD saw that it was good.
September 25, 2011 at 3:21 pm
I nominate this comment of the day! All in favor?
September 25, 2011 at 3:49 pm
And The Virgin Mobile shall giveth birth to the son of the Lord.
September 25, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Jesus Christ? I don’t think so. That’s obviously Treebeard.
September 25, 2011 at 3:45 pm
I know I’m always yelling “Jesus Christ!” when my phone battery goes dead.
September 25, 2011 at 3:51 pm
I usually yell, “Jesus Christ, son of a cocksucker!”
September 25, 2011 at 4:07 pm
Oh, but if she HAD sucked (and swallowed), you would be yelling, “Ethelbert Jedidiah Zuckington, unborn son of a cocksucker!”
September 25, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Ah Jesus, LOL
September 25, 2011 at 3:54 pm
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September 25, 2011 at 7:33 pm
According to Dan Brown, he was.
September 26, 2011 at 10:01 am
I miss Sam Kinison SO much. The guy was incredibly funny and witty. I loved watching him get to the point where he was cracking himself up because he couldn’t stay in character.
September 25, 2011 at 4:00 pm
It actually won’t accommodate all cell phones. The charging port on my Droid X is on the side, near the bottom. If I tried to put it on those crooked little dowels, I’d have to lay it sideways, with most of the phone hanging off in midair, and it would fall right off.
September 25, 2011 at 4:09 pm
It won’t fall, because Jesus is there to catch it, unless your call for help was dropped, and He would ask “Why are you putting Hemmorhoid X in your side? That’s not where it goes!”
September 25, 2011 at 4:02 pm
It looks like a creepy altar.. I already pay enough for my cell phone, why am I going to bring jesus into this?
September 25, 2011 at 4:43 pm
I doubt God would be pleased with one’s sacrifice if it includes keys, mobile charging station, and possibly breath mints.
September 25, 2011 at 4:05 pm
Idea of a nice, age-dried Cherry hand-rubbed phone charger/organizer:
A+
The idea of carving Jesus in it:
D-
Not sure if the craftsperson is very religious, or they just thought that they just figured someone terribly religious just had to get them somma dat. The price for a quality carving on nice cherry isn’t out of line, just the concept seems silly
September 25, 2011 at 4:06 pm
The footsteps in the sand makes me think of this one:
September 25, 2011 at 4:33 pm
Jesus is staring at your change and car key.
September 25, 2011 at 4:53 pm
“You gonna tithe that?”
September 25, 2011 at 6:05 pm
you owe me a glass of wine and a keyboard
September 25, 2011 at 7:31 pm
I don’t mind them carving Jesus on the cross, but why only his head? Where’d the rest of his body go to?
September 25, 2011 at 7:36 pm
Without the apostrophe, it looks like it has “Jesus face,” which may or may not be when “duck face” leads to a religious experience.
September 25, 2011 at 7:51 pm
It’s like the toast, waffles, and whatever else JC appears upon; always is just his face. God knows why
September 25, 2011 at 9:44 pm
Mmmmm… Oiled Danish wood. I think there’s a porn movie about that.
September 25, 2011 at 11:17 pm
You should go here when you go to Finland —-> http://www.kakslauttanen.fi/en/resort/igloo-village
September 26, 2011 at 7:15 am
The sad part is, I have family members -close family members- that would love this. I wish I was somehow being sarcastic about that, but I’m not.
September 26, 2011 at 9:06 am
I dreamed that I was walking down the beach with the Goddess. And I looked back and saw footprints in the sand. But sometimes there were two pairs of footprints and sometimes there was only one. And the times there was only one set of footprints, those were my times of greatest trouble. So I asked the Goddess,
“Why in my greatest need did you abandon me?”
She replied, “I never left you. Those were the times we both hopped on one foot.”
And I was really embarrassed for bothering Her with such a stupid question.
September 26, 2011 at 9:13 am
(not mine btw, forgot to say)
September 26, 2011 at 9:11 am
Commandment #11: Thou shalt not buy a fucking iphone.
September 26, 2011 at 11:00 am
Hey, I happen to like my fucking iPhone! It’s way more exciting than the boring old non-fucking variety. Or my ex-husband.
September 29, 2011 at 10:34 am
http://media.economist.com/images/20100130/0510LD1.jpg