I’ll have a dry bajingo
- Submitted by Carla
Well, it’s a writer’s dream come true; a typewriter that turns any word into a cocktail.
Yes, this invention comes to you from the strange and wonderful mind of morskoiboy, who I can only hope is working on a laptop that turns your hate mail into pretzels.
When life give you words, make vodka stingers.
Do not miss the video of the machine in action:
September 22, 2011 at 10:12 am
Scrabble Shots is about to get a LOT more exciting.
September 22, 2011 at 10:20 am
I’m thinking the morning crossword is going to get more exciting as well.
September 22, 2011 at 10:26 am
Not to mention the Daily Jumble.
September 22, 2011 at 11:23 am
And Sudoku…no, wait. Ahhhh shit.
September 22, 2011 at 10:48 am
Hook that thing up to an ebook reader, and I’ll be a happy (drunken) girl!
September 22, 2011 at 12:13 pm
what an amazingly awesome idea
September 22, 2011 at 1:19 pm
I want one of these hooked up to my work computer! Yeah, I’d get a lot less done, but I’d be too drunk to care.
September 22, 2011 at 10:51 am
Do we get 50 points for a seven letter cocktai (damn, need to find an open L)?
September 22, 2011 at 11:10 am
I love the way you people think
September 22, 2011 at 5:27 pm
Imagine being able to taste whimsicle fuckery!
September 22, 2011 at 10:14 am
If it weren’t for the food coloring in the liquids, I would need to have this in my kitchen. I would fix my vocabulary and fix myself a drinky drink.
September 22, 2011 at 10:49 am
Reload it with the beverage mixers of your choice.
September 22, 2011 at 10:15 am
You already do.
September 22, 2011 at 10:20 am
Yes but this one’s for you.
September 22, 2011 at 10:25 am
Cheers!
September 22, 2011 at 10:26 am
Bottoms up!
September 22, 2011 at 10:28 am
Who’s going to make the Dry Bajingo the official cocktail of Regretsy? What are the ingredients?
September 22, 2011 at 10:40 am
Roughly similar to a Screaming Viking.
September 22, 2011 at 10:52 am
Dry bajingo makes my head and other parts hurt in the morning.
September 22, 2011 at 12:11 pm
I’m gonna say triple sec with a teaspoon of fish oil. Add a drop or two of grenadine for colour. Serve with salt around the rim of the glass. Garnish with a tampon.
I have no idea what triple sec is, btw. I just know that “sec” is French for “dry”.
September 22, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Half a box of wine mixed with three jiggers of spinster’s tears
September 22, 2011 at 2:20 pm
Like a Tequila Sunrise, but served with a barnwood swizzle stick and two Xanax for garnish.
September 22, 2011 at 3:48 pm
Bartending Fun Fact: Tomato juice can be added to turn a Dry Bajingo into a Red Tent.
September 22, 2011 at 10:15 am
That music was enough to get me excited. I write 3000+ words a day…I think my spelling would get extremely wonky after the first two paragraphs.
September 22, 2011 at 10:21 am
Mine gets wonky after the first glass of wine. Lush in training
September 22, 2011 at 10:15 am
Holy fuckballs. I NEED this.
September 22, 2011 at 10:19 am
I want to, I just don’t want to know what the price tag is. Would make the Christmas party A LOT more fun
September 22, 2011 at 10:16 am
For some reason this is reminding me of the Phantom Tollbooth movie I had when I was a kid. Something about eating one’s words. Only this would be drinking them, and that’s probably more fun.
September 22, 2011 at 10:21 am
there was a Phantom Tollbooth MOVIE?
September 22, 2011 at 10:39 am
http://www.imdb.com/find?s=all&q=phantom+tollbooth
I <3 that movie!
September 22, 2011 at 11:30 am
I love how Butch Patrick was 15 when he made that movie but he looks like he’s 8.
September 22, 2011 at 11:20 am
I want it on DVD so bad, but the universe cruelly refuses to grant my wish.
September 22, 2011 at 12:48 pm
I would like to introduce you to Warner Archive! (I’m a movie nerd.)
http://www.wbshop.com/Phantom-Tollbooth-The/1000181484,default,pd.html
September 22, 2011 at 10:16 am
Glitter tears, straight up, with a twist of tokra.
September 22, 2011 at 10:51 am
Tokra? Shit, and here I am too braindead to come up with a clever Stargate reference.. I need a nap.
September 22, 2011 at 12:41 pm
A twist of Tok’ra? Geez, if you ask Jack, the Tok’ra are twisted enough as it is (he never did trust any of them except Jacob).
September 22, 2011 at 4:37 pm
The Tokra *were* pretty fucked up. So were the Ancients. So was, well everyone in the franchises. Hmmm, whimsickle fuckery in TV form, no wonder I loved SGA so much.
September 22, 2011 at 10:57 am
i was thinking we could finally tast fat ulgy jellous loser
and hk, what are you going to do with all those pretzels you get when that lap top comes around
September 22, 2011 at 2:12 pm
At long last, the fat jealous loser is no longer tasteless!
September 22, 2011 at 2:23 pm
A twist of tokra? So, what, they put the symbiote in but then yoinked it out again?
September 22, 2011 at 4:39 pm
It’s what happens when your symbiote has a really twisted mind, possibly from smoking too much okra.
September 22, 2011 at 10:17 am
And I thought you were just being metaphorical.
now I wonder what a dry bajingo tastes like…
September 22, 2011 at 10:18 am
Probably a lot like the salmon jerky I bought at Natural Grocer the other day.
September 22, 2011 at 10:20 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 22, 2011 at 4:21 pm
You only get to use an insult once per post. Now go have another drink.
September 22, 2011 at 10:18 am
If you type in the word “revenge”, does it add ice? Because revenge is a drink best served cold.
September 22, 2011 at 10:21 am
And with a twist!
September 22, 2011 at 10:23 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 22, 2011 at 10:29 am
….they’re supposed to be plastic??
September 22, 2011 at 10:20 am
The first thing I would type in would be “unicorn tears”. I’ve always wanted to know what those would taste like.
September 22, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Completely off topic, I really love your name.
September 22, 2011 at 6:04 pm
Thanks!
September 22, 2011 at 10:20 am
Want with the power of a thousand wants!! Usually i have to get smashed before i can start swearing at people.. now i can get smashec BY swearing at people! Oh morskoiboy.. you are my new favourite person!
September 22, 2011 at 10:21 am
Well, at least we know who helped design the T.A.R.D.I.S., now. And it’s pretty clear why Dr. Who doesn’t recall his own name…
CF4L, bitches.
September 22, 2011 at 10:55 am
I <3 you.
September 22, 2011 at 12:36 pm
Now I want to have a TARDIS more than ever. And that’s a lot of want right there.
September 22, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Suddenly, I’m wondering what CF4L tastes like, and how many I’d need to get hammered.
September 22, 2011 at 4:23 pm
It’s very similar to a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. All it takes in an ounce and you’re fucked up for life.
September 22, 2011 at 4:53 pm
I’ve heard it pairs well with fish fingers and custard.
September 22, 2011 at 10:21 am
I don’t think I have ever seen anything more useless that took so much time and effort to design and create, that I wanted so badly!
September 22, 2011 at 10:57 am
I have to admit, if money were no object, I’d have to have this, too.
September 22, 2011 at 12:14 pm
but “money” is NOT an object, it’s a concept
So there you go!
(you’re welcome)
September 22, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Currency, however, is in fact an object.
September 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm
not unless we’re talking about a specific currency, otherwise, it’s still just a concept
September 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Oh, now you gotta pull that college shit out on us huh? :E
September 23, 2011 at 7:11 am
I do teach at a university, LOL
September 22, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Buy me something and I’ll be curious!
September 22, 2011 at 10:25 am
So the longer the word, the more alcohol? Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious it is then! I’ll bring a rain boot to drink it out of.
September 22, 2011 at 6:08 pm
How about we all get together and type “War and Peace” out word for word…DRINKS FOR EVERYBODY!!
September 22, 2011 at 8:04 pm
See, I would like to make consonants alcohol (complimentary ones),the space bar cherries, and vowel juices. THEN we can type out the entire unabridged dictionary PLUS Urban Dictionary. TWICE.
September 22, 2011 at 10:26 am
finally feeling like medical transcription is a worthwhile venture!
September 22, 2011 at 10:26 am
sweet holy mary mother of GOD. My mouth is watering at the picture. does that make me a bad person?
September 22, 2011 at 11:11 am
yes…and no
September 22, 2011 at 10:27 am
Do want. Do want now.
Warning- old movie reference- Don Birnam (Ray Milland in “The Lost Weekend”) just got over his writer’s block.
September 22, 2011 at 10:40 am
There’s a very old pawn shop on 8th Avenue just off 34th Street in Manhattn that has 3 gold balls hanging above the window. I think of that movie every time I pass the shop!
September 22, 2011 at 10:28 am
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis now refers to liver poisoning, correct?
September 22, 2011 at 10:36 am
I thought it always did
September 22, 2011 at 10:30 am
How much you wanna bet “Butthurt” has Jagermeister in it? (and maybe bitters.)
September 22, 2011 at 10:44 am
I’m thinking a Salty Dog would be a good contender.
September 22, 2011 at 1:03 pm
And Ouzo, it’s gotta have Ouzo. Nothing says butthurt like burning hot black licorice
September 22, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Hell yes. Ouzo, Chartreuse, and Redbreast. Although the three of them together would simply be ghastly.
September 22, 2011 at 6:10 pm
I’m pretty sure I don’t want to taste butthurt…or do I? hmmmm
September 22, 2011 at 10:32 am
I’ve had a long week. I think I’ll type myself up a “disestablishmentarianism.”
Ahh, what the hell; “The quick red fox jumps over the lazy brown dog.”
September 22, 2011 at 10:37 am
Bartender! I’ll have what he’s having!
September 22, 2011 at 11:06 am
Do you guys always work together?
September 22, 2011 at 11:12 am
we’re joined at the hip-flask
September 22, 2011 at 11:42 am
September 22, 2011 at 11:50 am
My freaking HERO
September 22, 2011 at 11:51 am
and that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever hoid
September 22, 2011 at 12:12 pm
*The secret word is, “fuckery”
September 22, 2011 at 1:48 pm
@G Val: I listen to old radio shows on the Internet and there’s an episode of “You Bet Your Life” every weekday. I know I’m going to be listening now and if the word sounds anything like “fuckery,” I’ll be giggling insanely. No one here at the office will notice, however. They know me well, here.
September 22, 2011 at 2:27 pm
LINK!!!!!!!
(please)
September 22, 2011 at 4:34 pm
@G Val: http://www.brandoclassicotr.com/schedule.asp It’s free, but sometimes (especially Thursdays, when they play lots of horror and thriller shows) the signal goes out. You’re guaranteed an interruption-free stream if you subscribe, but I don’t for one reason: They’re a Christian station and I don’t want to contribute.
What I like most, though, is many of the recordings of the CBS Mystery Theatre are from people’s home recordings, so there are news flashes about the recession…from the 1970s and local commercials (one was for a now-defunct bank that was in my old neighborhood–they even specified the Maspeth branch–for many years).
“You Bet Your Life” is on at 11:30 EDT, but it’s listed as 10:30 because the station is in the Central Time Zone.
♫ And don’t forget to your 1952 Plymouth De-so-taaaaaa!♫
There’s also http://yesterdayusa.com/ which is kind of homey but it’s been around a long time and each show is hosted by someone different.
September 22, 2011 at 4:46 pm
*to buy your 1952 Plymouth De-so-taaaaaaa*
Derp.
September 23, 2011 at 7:14 am
I’ve died and gone to Regretsy!!
Thanks, Mugsy!!!!
September 23, 2011 at 8:25 am
@G Val: You’re very welcome! I’m glad I can spread the cigar-chomping joy and I’m listening as I write this.
September 23, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Been listening all day today!
September 22, 2011 at 12:15 pm
pssst…Halfnote…I think they’re stalking us…
September 22, 2011 at 4:25 pm
Perfect. Wait until they’re close. Then fire when ready.
September 23, 2011 at 3:10 pm
I don’t know about ready, I’m going to fire at Will!
September 22, 2011 at 10:34 am
I’ll have a bajingo on the cocks.
September 22, 2011 at 10:35 am
I have an ice tray that makes penis shapes.
September 22, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Gives new meaning to “cold cocking” someone.
September 22, 2011 at 12:13 pm
if three trays of ice are a “trice”, then you would have a cockatrice!
September 22, 2011 at 10:34 am
due to the cumulative impact of alcohol on mood and typing skills, wouldn’t your drink change over the course of the evening?
1 – HAPPY – dry martini
2 – A BIT IRRITATED – bourbon neat
3 – RUEFUL – yukon jack
4 – HAPPY AGAIN – tequila
5 – CONSIDERING DIVORCE – two midori sours
6 – FRMSNFLOU465HJSKJF; – more tequila
7 – HAVEYOEVERHERDOFTHISWEBSITEYREGETSRYSITSSOCOL – everclear
8 – KANUGITMEATKXY – gatorade
September 22, 2011 at 10:36 am
FINALLY! A means of transforming my literary works MORE RAPIDLY into rainbow-colored vomit. This is going to be the best NaNoWriMo EVER.
September 22, 2011 at 10:40 am
Simply in love with this concept. If we had these at work… well let’s be honest, no one would ever work so we’d have to call it “social hour” instead.
September 22, 2011 at 10:42 am
I think this would be an awesome thing to have in my house. I’ve always wondered what my name tasted like, and this would be the perfect way to figure it out! Great for parties. “Okay, just type in your name here…”
September 22, 2011 at 10:46 am
While watching the video a little ad popped up at the bottom asking me if I still had irritated skin. I think it really thought I had a dry bajingo. I don’t know if I should be pleased or dismayed that the internet is more considerate than my husband.
September 22, 2011 at 10:54 am
September 22, 2011 at 10:55 am
September 22, 2011 at 12:28 pm
September 22, 2011 at 1:08 pm
September 22, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Anyone else think it’s merely coincidence that the top box is marked “Parts” and the next one is from Amazon, with the curved arrow pointing right at her breasts?
September 22, 2011 at 11:09 am
Oh great, AFTER I ordered chips, now I want pizza! Is it fat, jealous, loserish of me to order pizza too and just let my kid eat my portion of chips on top of his pasta dinner? (he ALWAYS looks dangerously thin… His evil dad was six foot three and nine and a half stone(14 lbs per stone) AFTER I fed him up… He WAS two and a half stone lighter when we met!)
September 22, 2011 at 10:56 am
On the practical side, I’d be mildly irritated at having to pull the plunger back on each syringe after using a letter to “reload”. Also on the practical side, by the time I’ve drunk enough to forget how to do that, I’m likely at the point where I shouldn’t be drinking (or writing).
All I can think is how to use this in poetry throwdowns, specifically haikus. 5-7-5 is a lot harder to count when your brain keeps going “I taste the colors!”
September 22, 2011 at 10:56 am
So, is the bottle on top the booze and the letters just flavours? Either way, awesome and classy all at the same time!
September 22, 2011 at 11:01 am
This makes me wish I still drink alcohol… I wonder does he do a version where each letter dropped a pill into a little pill cup? I would buy that mucho fasto!
September 22, 2011 at 11:01 am
<img src="http://i1191.photobucket.com/albums/z465/CallipygianC/CF4LCOCKTAIL.jpg?t=1316714282"
September 22, 2011 at 11:03 am
grrrr..the preview showed the picture
<img src="http://i1191.photobucket.com/albums/z465/CallipygianC/CF4LCOCKTAIL.jpg?t=1316714282"
September 22, 2011 at 11:07 am
I clicked, I saw, I thumbs-upped!
September 22, 2011 at 11:14 am
you forgot
“>
at the end
September 22, 2011 at 11:35 am
thank you Val! Since the preview looked right I had no idea what I had messed up. I wish there was a way to remove or edit the evidence of my technopeasant status
September 22, 2011 at 11:52 am
I agree! We should have a “remove post” button for when we screw up…I know I’ve needed that a few times around here!
But it should only work for a minute or two, in case the reason for wanting to remove it might be some hilarious butthurt
September 22, 2011 at 11:53 am
anyway, no worries, I teach HTML and I’ve screwed it up in here before.
September 22, 2011 at 12:03 pm
this (hopefully corrected) post is brought to you by the letters C, F, L and the number 4 – and Val of course!
September 22, 2011 at 12:07 pm
well done, Grasshopper
100 internetz for you
September 22, 2011 at 11:14 am
I want that bloody thing and I don’t even really drink. That’s how glorious it is.
September 22, 2011 at 11:34 am
Ah ha! a perfect gift for anyone who wishes they were a synesthete!
September 22, 2011 at 11:57 am
FUCK YOU for making me brush off my dusty old dictionary (pronounced “Google”)
LOL, I totally forgot what that word meant
September 22, 2011 at 12:06 pm
Synesthesia – Last time I described this to “troubled teens” I found 2 in the class.
September 22, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Not if you’re me; I’m all sound, touch and colour, no taste.
I mean, I do have taste! Ah fuck, you know what I mean.
September 22, 2011 at 11:40 am
I wonder what CF4L would taste like?
September 22, 2011 at 11:55 am
it would taste like a Fuckery Daiquiri!
September 22, 2011 at 11:55 am
The guy who made this originally posted it at one Russian site that, to me, somehow strangely resembles Club Fuckery, if you know what I mean. In case somebody is interested, I can ask him to answer your questions in this thread.
September 22, 2011 at 11:56 am
When I was a kid I thought letters had colours. I made an alphabet with each letter the colour I thought of it as. I guess I could do the same with booze, but I would have to make the common letters like “a” and “e” and so forth flavorless vodka or Everclear, and then the rare letters weirder stuff like Absinthe or Creme de Menthe or Drambuie. Or just use short words. I have a hangover just thinking about this.
Amazing video though- so much freakin work went into that! So nifty to watch.
September 22, 2011 at 12:07 pm
See comment 33 – these may be your people!
September 22, 2011 at 12:16 pm
Hey! I resemble that remark!
September 22, 2011 at 4:33 pm
I think of words as colors. When the colors meld together, I know I’ve written the perfect sentence. (Hasn’t happened yet.)
September 22, 2011 at 4:37 pm
With this magnificent invention, then you’ll truly be able to taste the rainbow.
September 23, 2011 at 12:01 pm
i always think flavors and smells have colors, been told most people dont? for example, i prefer my barbeque to taste brown instead of red..
September 22, 2011 at 11:57 am
I prefer mine wet, thank you.
September 22, 2011 at 12:15 pm
There comes a time in a woman’s life where a dry bajingo is all you get to work with regardless of your preferences.
September 22, 2011 at 12:17 pm
This is why God gave us tongues
September 22, 2011 at 1:52 pm
@G Val: You give me reason to believe there really is a god.
September 22, 2011 at 2:29 pm
I do what little I can to please the masses
September 22, 2011 at 4:38 pm
@G Val, honey, a little piece of advice: Don’t tell a woman you’ll do what little you can. It’s a deal breaker.
Kind of like a guy trying to talk me into sex by saying, “C’mon, it’ll just take a few minutes!”
September 24, 2011 at 10:55 am
No worries…”doing what I can” includes taking the time to do it right…
September 22, 2011 at 12:02 pm
Words cannot describe how badly I need this glorious machine in my life.
September 22, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Bet you’d love to
eatdrink your words.September 22, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Now who else in the world would invent the ultimate cocktail machine if not a Russian? “Morskoiboy” is a transliteration of a Russian name for the “Battleship” game, and is a clever world play on the word “boy”, which would simultaneously make it a Russian-English “sea[side] boy”. Cool machine, when is it going into mass production?
- sea[side] girl
September 22, 2011 at 12:17 pm
smart girls are hot
September 22, 2011 at 12:06 pm
Oooh, I would definitely save up to buy one. Probably have to put kids drinks in it though, as my children would as fascinated by it as I am.
September 22, 2011 at 12:23 pm
Weird. I was web surfing last night/early this morning and saw this cocktail machine elsewhere and then here it is again. I know I didn’t send it to her … could April be watching me?
September 22, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Yes. She can also read your thoughts. It’s a good thing that I have this OOAK tinfoil hat to sell you. It’s very sentimental but I will part with it for $7,000.
September 22, 2011 at 12:24 pm
That was not what I was expecting from the title with the phrase “Dry Bajingo.” I am pleasantly surprised and relieved that it wasn’t a rendering of a vagina in a desert theme or a homemade “personal lubricant.”
September 22, 2011 at 12:29 pm
Kind of ironic considering most good writers are/were absolute lushes.
Charles Bukowski would have owned the world with one of these.
September 22, 2011 at 12:36 pm
After that music I feel like I need a drink.
September 22, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Every writer’s bar in the world needs one of these. And their own in-house medic, too.
September 22, 2011 at 12:47 pm
Hemingway died way too soon!
September 22, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Ah, he was too terse. Faulkner is better…page-long sentences, baby!
September 22, 2011 at 12:52 pm
My first word to sample would definitely be Tranya…because I always wanted to know what it tasted like.
Then I could pretend I was getting wasted with Shatner and Clint Howard.
September 22, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Aaaaaaaaahhhhh! You said the secret word! Now drink!
September 22, 2011 at 2:24 pm
no thanks, I REALLY don’t want to know what that tastes like.. probably tastes shitty
September 22, 2011 at 1:15 pm
Looks like a fun game to me!
September 22, 2011 at 2:13 pm
What Willy Wonka would make if he were a hardcore alcoholic… I love it.
September 22, 2011 at 8:27 pm
Soulmates.
I ADORE Willy Wonka, for reasons way too hard to explain in this many characters. This SO him.
September 22, 2011 at 2:14 pm
One word:
Bollocks.
CF4L, bitches.
September 22, 2011 at 2:33 pm
While scrolling past this in the browser window, I caught the title and thought it said “I have a dirty bajingo.”
I almost choked on my coke.
September 23, 2011 at 10:32 pm
Well there’s a valuable lesson for ya… Do a line BEFORE reading Regretsy.
September 22, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Yeah baby! Hooked on phonics worked for me:)
September 22, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Here’s to you,
Here’s to me,
Best of friends we’ll always be,
If we ever disagree,
FUCK YOU!, Here’s to me.
I so want one of these…
Are the blueprints available?
September 22, 2011 at 3:01 pm
If that came on a laptop I’d install Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing and use it every day.
September 22, 2011 at 6:05 pm
In “The Decadent Cookbook” by Medlar Lucan & Durian Grey, there’s mention of a “pianocktail”, a piano rigged up similarly. So you order a song. “Bartender, I’ll have a ‘St. Louis Blues’ straight up, please!” Just imagine…
September 22, 2011 at 10:36 pm
I’m totally using the name of this post as my new catch phrase. The next time I’m surprised, I’ll be all “Well, I’ll have a dry bajingo!” and all the cool people will nod knowingly and be like, “Yes, we approve of this.” while everyone else will be like “What’s a bajingo?” and we’ll laugh at them from our perch of whimsicle superiority.
September 23, 2011 at 9:29 am
Please tell me he got this idea from the Phantom Tollbooth. That would make my inner child so very, very happy.
September 23, 2011 at 10:18 am
The Finns would make some truly spectacular cocktails with this!
September 23, 2011 at 11:24 am
If they added a few double dots, it could be used to type out Finnish concoctions too.
September 23, 2011 at 12:05 pm
i strangly enough am picturing jack nicolson typing, all work and no play make jack a dull boy, over and over and over…
September 24, 2011 at 11:59 pm
That video left my bajingo anything but wet!
December 21, 2011 at 6:48 pm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synesthesia#Lexical_.E2.86.92_gustatory_synesthesia
I have this form of synesthesia as well as sound ->color. This machine…my God my brain would break…and it would be awesome.