YOUR FINAL REWARD
REGRETSY’S BIG BOOK OF FABRICATED FOLKTALES FROM FINLAND
As you know, we are in the home stretch on our Kickstarter project. It’s been very exciting, and with a little over three days to go, we are 108% funded!
I just want to say how grateful I am to everyone who has supported this project. It’s a good paying job for a lot of artists in the community, and it’s also going to enable me to fly to Finland, meet some fans and document the insanity.
And beyond that, it’s going to let us make a sizable contribution to our emergency charity fund, which has been very helpful for a lot of Etsy sellers in need.
The money in this fund comes from Zazzle sales, donated book royalties and ad revenue, and projects like this one.
In recent months, we have bought over $3,000 worth of merchandise to use as prizes in our contests, restored utilities and phone service and covered vet bills. We even bought a new bed for a little girl who didn’t have a place of her own to sleep after a sudden change in her family’s circumstances. It’s a good fund, and I’m proud of what we do with it.
Now that we’ve made our goal on Kickstarter, any additional profits from this drive will go directly to this fund. So I’m going to make one last reward available, and maybe we can go out with a bang.
Yesterday, I exchanged emails with Robery Marbury (the Etsy seller who did the Brooklyn Merit Badges). He has been overwhelmed with sales and emails, and he is so grateful. He just moved to Baltimore, so this was a great welcome and has really helped him get started in his new city. He even changed his store announcement to thank all of his new Regretsy customers!
I somehow managed to talk him into doing a special limited edition merit badge for our Kickstarter project. I know, right? I have a gift for harassment.
This merit badge will be the last reward I offer before the funding ends on this Sunday, September 25.
Are you ready?
Isn’t that amazing? A dazzling display of ignorance, coupled with a colorful Finnish swear word. I’m going to sew one of my coat and see how long it takes me to get into a fight in Helsinki.
This limited edition badge will be available starting right now on Kickstarter. It will come with a printed edition of the book, a signed thank you card and a worthless bonus item.
PERKELE!
September 21, 2011 at 10:44 am
I’m afraid to google it. What does ‘perkele’ mean, exactly?
September 21, 2011 at 10:45 am
I learned long ago not to google words I see on regretsy that I’ve never seen before.
September 21, 2011 at 11:01 am
I choked on my own spit the first time I did that, and I’ve never done it again.
September 21, 2011 at 11:14 am
I googled ‘goatse.’ That taught me BUT GOOD.
September 21, 2011 at 11:44 am
I think you mean BUTT GOOD.
September 21, 2011 at 12:38 pm
I finally got hubby to google goatse! Now everytime he sees that Halloween decoration I made, he gags a little and curses my addiction to Regretsy.
September 21, 2011 at 10:23 pm
I STILL haven’t Googled goatse. I learned my lesson with blue waffle.
(I just misspelled “lesson” as “lesion”) :::shudder:::
September 21, 2011 at 10:45 am
You can use multi-purpose.
September 21, 2011 at 11:31 am
Yes you can. You can drop the first e so it sounds more like a growl. Older men use it as a greeting “Mikko(a male name), perkele”
September 21, 2011 at 10:48 am
Perkele is the supreme god associated with thunder in Finnish mythology.
I was bravish and looked it up.
ps i may have covered my eyes first
September 21, 2011 at 11:10 am
But now, he’s the Finnish god of losing hockey games and locking your keys in the car with the engine running when all you’ve got on are long johns.
September 21, 2011 at 11:28 am
The bigger the god, the harder he falls.
September 21, 2011 at 10:59 am
It means “Thank you very much”
September 21, 2011 at 11:07 am
September 21, 2011 at 11:52 am
I highly suggest checking out the Wikipedia page title “Finnish Profanity.” I think we can put some of these terms to good use!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finnish_profanity
Vittu-ery for Lyfe!
September 21, 2011 at 12:01 pm
I read that, and I still don’t know what it means. I guess I’m just dense.
September 21, 2011 at 1:25 pm
urban dictionary says: “noun, Finnish.
Most likely the most powerful curseword ever created by mankind. Cannot be translated without loss. Versatile word that can be used alone or repeated indefinitely. Originally name of the thunder god. In the christian era used as a name of the Satan. Perkele is such a powerful word, bacause it includes both of these connotations and in addition is very often associated with ‘sisu’, the attitude of never ever giving up.”
September 21, 2011 at 12:12 pm
It also has this one:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Management_by_perkele
“Management by perkele”
September 21, 2011 at 12:19 pm
I believe that’s Etsy’s management style.
September 21, 2011 at 10:45 am
Yup. I want that badge. And $1,000,000 and to go with you to Finland while I’m wishing for shit.
September 21, 2011 at 10:45 am
I just looked up “Perkele” to see what kind of swear word we’re talking about here, whether it’s on a par with m*rde or something more like v*f**nc*l*, or even g*sh, and all I can find out is that it’s a cry for the god of strength or some such silliness.
If this is the way the Fins cuss, I’m glad you’re going there. They really need you.
September 21, 2011 at 10:48 am
You’d think Finland would at least have a swear word for “It’s cold as FUCK up here!”
September 21, 2011 at 10:50 am
Or “What the HELLBALLS were our ancestors THINKING??”
September 21, 2011 at 10:54 am
Or, “may your children and your children’s children dine on naught but creamed fish.”
September 21, 2011 at 2:00 pm
I believe the Fin’s swear word for “It’s cold as FUCK up here!” is “Maanantai”
Tiistai, Keskiviikko, Torstai, Perjantai, Lauantai, and Sunnuntai work as well
September 21, 2011 at 11:04 am
The word vittu (means cunt) is used as much as fuck in english. Perkele (means satan) just has a really nice r-sound and it’s much more fun to say.
September 21, 2011 at 11:22 am
Vittu can be used as a noun, verb, a comma etc.
Minua vituttaa. = I’m pissed off.
Koko ilta meni vituiksi. = The night was not a success
Äh, vitut = I give up.
Vittuako tässä.= I’m fine
Vittu kun mua vittu vituttaa nii vitun vitusti. = I’m very angry
September 21, 2011 at 11:28 am
I love you for teaching us how to cuss in Finnish.
September 21, 2011 at 12:04 pm
> Perkele (means satan)
Thank you! I don’t know why Wikipedia couldn’t have just said that.
September 21, 2011 at 12:48 pm
It takes a cunning linguist to explain “vittu”. Well done.
September 21, 2011 at 5:51 pm
“I may not be a cunning linguist, but I am a master debater!”
September 21, 2011 at 10:47 am
So, I used Google translate, and it says perkele is “devil” in English. I was hoping for something more profane. Indeed, I recall someone with Finnish credentials posted that it was. So, can you please repost the vulgar vernacular definition before I sign up for a patch that implies the Eiffel tower is the work of the devil? Thanks.
September 21, 2011 at 10:55 am
Does this mean I own Satanic Sheets? COOL!
September 21, 2011 at 12:05 pm
Enjoy hell, perkeles!
September 21, 2011 at 7:26 pm
See my comment below. This is exactly what I mean!
September 21, 2011 at 7:25 pm
I always thought it was equally as powerful as “motherfucker.” Especially in reference to hockey and dropping hammers on bare toes.
September 21, 2011 at 10:49 am
From our friends at Urban Dictionary:
Perkele - noun, Finnish.
Most likely the most powerful curseword ever created by mankind. Cannot be translated without loss. Versatile word that can be used alone or repeated indefinitely.
Originally name of the thunder god. In the christian era used as a name of the Satan. Perkele is such a powerful word, bacause it includes both of these connotations and in addition is very often associated with ‘sisu’, the attitude of never ever giving up.
September 21, 2011 at 12:06 pm
So, it’s like… “Enjoy HELL, Perkele!”
Huh. OK.
September 21, 2011 at 10:49 am
Nyt kuluva on naida hämmästyttävä.
September 21, 2011 at 10:52 am
Exactly.
September 21, 2011 at 10:54 am
Guys? Am I drunk or is this Finnish?
September 21, 2011 at 10:58 am
Probably both.
September 21, 2011 at 11:07 am
Minulla on ollut parempi.
September 21, 2011 at 6:39 pm
There was a Bob Hope movie where he was in drag and had to pretend he was a foreign countess. He kept his fan in front of his face and only said “farfle farfle pipik.”
The count discovered the ruse and had two burly guards haul him off. The count then spat out the most vile curse words he could think of – “farfle farfle pipik.”
September 21, 2011 at 7:28 pm
I sure hope so.
September 21, 2011 at 10:54 am
Argh. Too bad I’m broke.
STOP MAKING IT SO HARD FOR ME TO RESIST.
Anyway, that’s awesome that the merit badge guy gets all those sales after just moving. You bunch of fat jealous
loserssaints.September 21, 2011 at 11:11 am
Hmm, looking up “perkele” on IMDB gets you this title, among others.
September 21, 2011 at 11:19 am
“Perkele’ is a finely tuned comedy about Finnish men. All the three episodes of the film take place in the countryside of wintry Finland. It’s a place filled with snow and silent people trying to endure the winter. “
September 21, 2011 at 11:20 am
that sounds like a hilarious laugh-riot.
September 21, 2011 at 11:23 am
Click the second link.
September 21, 2011 at 11:18 am
April:
While you are in the neighborhood, be sure to have coffee in Amsterdam, and Bronc might enjoy windowshopping in Copenhagen.
They *are* on the way!
September 21, 2011 at 11:23 am
Wait, shouldn’t they have a Danish in Amsterdam then go Dutch in Copenhagen?
September 21, 2011 at 11:34 am
They could stop in Belgium for some waffles.
September 21, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Fuck that. The waffles there are DRENCHED in powdered sugar, and you can easily make the mistake of inhaling it when someone near you says anything remotely amusing. Deadly stuff. I’d recommend the microbrews, though, especially in Brugge. Oh.. and the Basilicas are simply breathtaking.
September 21, 2011 at 12:58 pm
@PaganChick – That’s my kind of waffle. Throw some chocolate in there somewhere, and you’ve found my perfect breakfast.
September 21, 2011 at 1:12 pm
You want chocolate? Pause long enough for coffee or whatever, and there’s a good chance someone’s tucked a little piece of chocolate next to the cup. My one and only vacation in my entire life was in 2002, when I went to Holland and Belgium, and I loved every minute of it.
September 21, 2011 at 6:41 pm
I’m Belgian, and my favorite breakfast spot is Vermont. Sausage, bacon, eggs, and butter all produced within twenty miles of where you’re sitting. And, of course, maple syrup.
September 21, 2011 at 11:47 pm
I’ve had a lot of Belgian waffles, and I’ve yet to have one with powdered sugar.
I do favour the Liégeoise style though, with the little crispy chunks of sugar in. Gorgeous on thier own.
In fact, must borrow the waffle iron from the Belgian mother-in-law, because I’ve got all the fixings to be making about 50 of the evilly addictive things.
You want one now, don’t you? Fresh, warm, drenched in cream and chocolate, maybe some fresh, ripe, strawberries….
Oh yeah, waffle porn.
September 21, 2011 at 12:09 pm
Does everyone spit in Copenhagen?
September 21, 2011 at 12:54 pm
And Finnish in Helsinki!
September 21, 2011 at 11:23 am
And don’t forget that weed and shroom are legal and can be bought everywhere in Amsterdam.
September 21, 2011 at 11:31 am
Not quite everywhere, just the coffee shops.
September 21, 2011 at 12:51 pm
A lot of the coffee shops are just that, now. Coffee. Bleh. Take a tour of the Hash Marijuana Museum, and pick up a t-shirt
September 23, 2011 at 6:42 am
…actually, I’m afraid (some?) shrooms can’t be legally sold anymore. New laws approved in late 2008, if I remember correctly.
September 21, 2011 at 11:21 am
But April, now how am I supposed to buy the badge and the pill box if I don’t want two copies of the book/am not made of money??? I’m really pretty upset about this.
September 21, 2011 at 11:52 am
That was meant to be a more lighthearted comment than it came across as.
September 21, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Well, I guess you’ve learned your lesson. In future, don’t pull out that triple question mark unless you mean it.
September 21, 2011 at 11:21 am
Perkele is a good old swear word in Finnish. It is a synonym to Satan and also the old Finnish thunder god. But it’s so common, that saying it out loud sounds like saying “is that uncle Tom coming up the driveway? Make some coffee will you Momma”. It’s sort of got a nice homey feeling to it.
An equivalent to the English f-word in Finnish is vittu, which translates as cunt. To f*ck is naida, but that’s not a swear word in Finnish.
So “it’s cold as fuck up here” would translate “täällä ylhäällä on ihan VITUN kylmä”.
September 21, 2011 at 1:00 pm
Does that mean the translation of I’m fucked is…?
September 21, 2011 at 1:03 pm
perkele
September 21, 2011 at 1:15 pm
Brooklyn Merit’s badges are too funny! I’m glad I jumped in and ordered early. The one created for the “reward” is genius!
September 21, 2011 at 1:22 pm
I’m just waiting for some innocent Boy or Girl Scout to stitch one of these on their uniform, and then have to explain it.
September 21, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Am I the only one who read the caption on the Namaste Bitches t-shirt as “An example of our fine Zazzlabia”?
September 21, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Would somebody pick a fight with you for using “Perkele”, or for having the Eiffel tower combined with the Finnish flag?
September 24, 2011 at 3:57 am
Well, I suggest you run away if you see folk like this (bald head, pilot jacket, flag on sleeve Finnish heraldic lion jewelry on neck):
They might not approve the “blasphemy” of Finnish flag
September 21, 2011 at 5:49 pm
September 21, 2011 at 5:52 pm
^ Too drunk to post, apparently. Perkele!
http://www.youtube.com/embed/EBgkRtjFj7w
September 21, 2011 at 5:57 pm
Wow, the stars must have aligned in a magical way tonight.
April – drunk(er than usual) and Bronc – high(er than usual) missed two typos. I expect (not much) more from you people.
My (crying) eagle eyes are both a blessing and a curse.
September 21, 2011 at 8:55 pm
Just bought mine. It will sit between my copies of “Finding Faith and Fidelity in Florida” and “Freddie Fender’s Formula for Fantastic Food.”.
September 21, 2011 at 9:21 pm
the shirt says it’s zazzlabilia, but all i read is “labia”
September 21, 2011 at 9:27 pm
Close enough
September 21, 2011 at 9:43 pm
My understanding from this thread is that perkele = Voldemort/He who must not be named
September 22, 2011 at 12:13 am
We need some regetsy beer glasses to go with the flask. I am more of a beer drinker anyway.
September 22, 2011 at 2:53 am
I love this! Maybe you should also visit our “independent artist collective” located in Helsinki –> Galleria Huuto. Here
September 22, 2011 at 10:19 am
I’m just here to let you all know, that thanks to reading some of these comments explaining what perkele was and the word goaste right before bed, I totally had a dream about the God Goatse and how the best offering for him was holes. Granted, they were holes in the ground, but take that as you will…
September 27, 2011 at 11:45 am
i love you, helen. i can’t articulate how AWESOME it is that you’re traveling to finland. finland is awesome! i visited there for my 30th birthday a few years ago. those finns kept me drunk and vomiting for DAYS! PERKELE!!!! i actually got to hear some old finn yell “perkele” on the tram. you MUST drink a lot of LONKERO! that shit is awesome!