From the Great American Mailbag
As you know, we’ve been having some lulz over the hilarious butthurt of Dennis Waldron; the man who crapped out this staggering piece of Nine-Elevenalia.
We ran afoul of Mr. Waldron during our tribute to 9-11 TragicCrafting, when we showed a gif someone had made with his image. Even though I took it down because I have a soft spot for doddering old men who think the FBI can take away your hotmail account, Mr. Waldron was not satisfied. He insisted that I remove my own artwork featuring an eagle and the World Trade Center, because he apparently invented superimposition. And possibly eagles.
Today comes this email exchange from a reader that’s still pretty funny, but in an entirely different way:
From: S. Singh
Date: September 17, 2011 11:01:57 AM PDT
Subject: Dennis WaldronI sent an email to Dennis Waldron; nothing profane or threatening or hurtful. Just telling him that the FBI will likely not take his claims seriously.
I was blown away when I got this response.
It’s an age old story, isn’t it?
The people who scream the loudest about the sanctity of marriage are divorced; the pastors who preach about the evils of homosexuality are getting blown by gay hustlers; and the great American with the sobbing eagle is a xenophobic gasbag who probably thinks the Jews did it.
NEVER FORGET that people are assholes
UPDATE: I didn’t see this coming. did you?
September 17, 2011 at 1:02 pm
“Everyone’s a little bit racist, it’s true”
Still a shame.
September 17, 2011 at 1:05 pm
It’s an Avenue Q reference. I wasn’t ACTUALLY meaning everyone is or should be racist. Personally, I’m not.
September 17, 2011 at 3:23 pm
Its impossible to forget people are assholes. There are daily neh HOURLY reminders!!
September 17, 2011 at 4:19 pm
Love AVenue Q. the more you ruv someone the more you want to kill them.
September 18, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Unfortunately on some subconscious level I think most people are, even those of us who try our best not to be. However this is far far FAR FAR different than idiots who don’t care and then insult someone based on their name sounding like it has roots somewhere other than the western part of Europe.
September 19, 2011 at 6:51 am
Then Mr. Waldron’s racist is superconscious– he’s basking in it the way my dog likes to roll around in his poo.
September 19, 2011 at 6:52 am
*racism
September 17, 2011 at 1:06 pm
There is a little bit racist and then there’s what he wrote.
September 17, 2011 at 1:33 pm
What he did is not cool at all. However, he is so ignorant that I’m not really surprised. I just expect most people to be assholes and then it’s a nice surprise if they aren’t.
September 17, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Unfortunately, most will rarely disappoint.
September 17, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Yeah, that’s more like… a lotta bit racist.
September 17, 2011 at 1:36 pm
A brilliant man once said: “People, what a bunch of bastards…”
http://peoplewhatabunchofbastards.com/
September 17, 2011 at 9:04 pm
I love you! Thanks!
September 18, 2011 at 1:08 pm
In a moment of clairvoyance (or caffeine high), I knew what that link was before I even clicked on it. Stifling the giggles, I now wait for my husband to wake up from his nap so I can play it for him. Thank you for this.
September 19, 2011 at 5:12 am
Is that Hagrid?
November 19, 2011 at 8:58 am
Nah, it’s Roy from the IT Crowd.
September 17, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Crap, now I’m going to have that song in my head all day.
September 17, 2011 at 2:48 pm
You’re welcome!
September 17, 2011 at 7:59 pm
September 18, 2011 at 8:16 am
That’s actually one of my all-time favorite songs, but they said it best,
“Everyone makes judgments / based on race. now, not BIG judgments like who to hire or who to buy a car from (*or in this case, who to accuse of not even being in the country legally and assuming is a scumbag automatically based on last name alone)…”
Oh, Mr. Waldron. That’s a BIG judgment, you fuckwit.
September 18, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Some of us are more racist than others.
Also, I want to add that our friend S.Singh’s response is not going to cut it for Dennis the Meanness.. What Dennis really meant to ask is “but are you white enough, like me?”
September 17, 2011 at 1:02 pm
He needs to be smacked with a fucking bag of fucks.
September 17, 2011 at 1:03 pm
I refuse to let my fucks touch that fuck.
September 17, 2011 at 1:06 pm
You could always ask to borrow a friends bag of fucks, and use that… but I wouldn’t tell them what you used it for.
September 17, 2011 at 1:11 pm
You need to have that not-so-good friend who you won’t really care about pissing off when you tell them who you hit with their borrowed bag of fucks. There’s generally always one lingering about.
September 17, 2011 at 1:19 pm
I think most fucks are too good for that fuck.
September 17, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I wouldn’t even fuck his fucks with a sack of *borrowed* fucks on the end of a ten-foot-pole.
Unless maybe they were borrowed from Dick Cheney. But then I’d have to talk to Cheney. So maybe a bag of fucks *stolen* from Dick Cheney.
And I wouldn’t want to use my own pole, either.
As for Dick Cheney’s pole, well. I’m not touching that.
September 17, 2011 at 3:08 pm
He needs to learn how to use apostrophes, too. After all, this is Amurika, and we speak (and write) in English here, buddy.
September 17, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Actually, we speak Amurikan here
September 17, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Waldron sounds suspiciously like Hadron, and we all know the Large Hadron Collider is both European and a consporicacy to destroy the Earth while disproving the existence of God.
HOW ANSWER YUO THAT, WALDRON-HADRON, OR SHOULD I SAY “UNICRON”?
September 17, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Don’t you DARE drag particle physics into this?
What have hadrons ever done to you? Except create your physical existence.
Hadrons are used for more than colliding. They are also the supercategory of particles which contain protons and neutrons.
September 17, 2011 at 1:07 pm
that first question mark was supposed to be an exclamation mark!
September 17, 2011 at 1:10 pm
What about dragging physical particles into this?
Dangling participles?
How about the cosmic backhand of the god of all pimp-slaps?
I imagine the first charted trajectory of the Higgs Boson is going to look like Mickey Mouse giving us the finger.
September 17, 2011 at 1:13 pm
I’m pretty sure that while protons and neutrons are of the hadron subtype baryon, a Waldron is either of the other subtype — a meson — or of some new subtype as yet undiscovered, because whether or not there is any snark in his composition, there is definitely at least one antisnark.
September 17, 2011 at 1:13 pm
I suspect “moron” is the subtype you’re looking for.
September 17, 2011 at 1:26 pm
This thread just gave me a nerdgasm.
September 17, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Me too, poopinabox. nerdasm is an understatement.
I just contacted all of my friends from the physics department of my school through facebook I could JUST so they could read this string. …Of course, “all” is a misleading term when talking about physics graduates. Even if I include those with minors there are still only 5 of us.
September 17, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Given the drugtacular names physicists give to particles, I’m sure there’s a ‘antimoron’ or ‘fucktrino’ on the way.
September 17, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Fun fact #1: I’m the second person in my maternal line *not* to be born in Virginia since the 1600s. Fun Fact #2: Part of my family is South Asian. The combination of these facts makes messing with people’s minds both fun and easy. Nothing blows the mind of a racist asshole like a brown-skinned woman who’s also FFV*.
(*This FFV: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Families_of_Virginia — Mom’s not a version of Final Fantasy.)
September 17, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Also, I have no idea why that comment posted there. The site’s been buggy for me all day.
September 17, 2011 at 2:47 pm
Shhh… we’re fat, jealous losers! We can’t let on that we have brains, we’d blow our reputation all to hell.
September 17, 2011 at 2:59 pm
You have no idea how much I love being able to talk science and have people actually understand and respond intelligently.
September 17, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Or bogon. They were talking about it on Car Talk this morning, and it is apparently of what bogosity is largely comprised.
September 17, 2011 at 7:13 pm
Hey cookbooks – *raises hand as a Virginia-born member of the Saunders family line*
But seriously, though, it should be a testament to how backwards my area of the state is that most of those family names are from clans respectable folks wouldn’t want a goddamned thing to do with.
Viva la southside!
September 18, 2011 at 10:16 am
So great is the power of Regretsy that, because of this thread, I got 91-down in today’s NYT daily crossword without even having to think!
Now if only someone would invent a Waldron collider…
September 17, 2011 at 10:17 pm
Now princess, you know you’re gonna have to change your name unless you want to pay royalties don’t you? Don’t you know the words Crying Glitter Eagle have been copywrited by law in perpetuity of the universe? Uh oh, now look what you made me do? Now *I* have to pay royalties for even uttering the words! I mean did you even bother to get permission before calling yourself Princess Buzzkill Crying Glitter Eagle? Really, the nerve of some people!
September 17, 2011 at 2:15 pm
What d’you mean, like a giant super-powerful cycle that endlessly flings shit around in circles hoping for a miracle result when random pieces hit each other, no matter how unlikely?
Works for me.
September 18, 2011 at 5:21 am
…Congress?
September 17, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Never forget that racist douchebags never know when to shut up.
September 17, 2011 at 3:04 pm
I really want to hate him, but I’m finding that I can’t. I just feel so, so sorry for him. He is truly pathetic.
September 17, 2011 at 3:37 pm
He scares me. He isn’t alone. And he votes.
September 17, 2011 at 5:58 pm
Of all the intelligent comments here, this one strikes me as the smartest. You seem like one very cool lady, NanaB.
September 17, 2011 at 8:41 pm
Scary, isn’t it? He probably also calls the cops on his neighbors, thinks gays are only that way because they choose to be, and has a giant flag pole on the back of his truck so he can drive around with the American flag flapping in the wind behind him.
I was curious what he looked like and googled him. He either doesn’t know how to use Facebook, or he’s paranoid about his privacy and refuses to post a picture of himself anywhere on the internet. I’m actually glad I didn’t find a picture of him… he’s a douchebag and I’d rather not put a face with his douchebaggery.
September 17, 2011 at 11:16 pm
We aren’t alone either. And we vote. And he is more scared of us than we are of him.
Like spiders, except I never really did believe that about spiders.
September 18, 2011 at 12:41 pm
If we had a poster, he could be the poster child for why you should get out and vote even if you’re not thrilled with the choices. I don’t like Dennis representing what America is becoming.
September 17, 2011 at 1:03 pm
It wasnt the Jews who did it, it was the president, a small team of specially trained monkeys, Oprah’s production crew, and Michael Bay.
September 17, 2011 at 1:11 pm
Duh
September 17, 2011 at 1:23 pm
You left out Jesse Ventura.
September 17, 2011 at 1:38 pm
I think I need to embroider this on something. Maybe his face.
September 17, 2011 at 4:25 pm
That would mean you’d have to touch his face. Ew.
September 17, 2011 at 4:44 pm
With a needle, darling.
I believe I could live through that.
September 17, 2011 at 2:09 pm
How dare you give Michael Bay credit when it was obviously James Cameron’s work!
September 17, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Nope. If it’d been Cameron, then those giant, unnatural monuments to evil capitalism would have been destroyed by a fellowship made up of members of the Iroquois Confederacy, fighters from the Inuit Nunangat and Aztec architects. They would have been led by the only white man of European descent who sees the plight of the indigenous as the only one true path for enlightened self interest (and getting laid), but with a dark enough tan to blend in and not be too conspicous, except by his clothes and his accent and his language.
When the dust cleared, the destruction of the towers would have brought eternal peace to the world, restored all of the world’s indigenous peoples to their ancestral lands, solved global warming and cured athlete’s foot.
Since all that came from the destruction of the towers was a recession, air line bankruptcies, two decade long wars and the development of automated robotic, armed drones and tanks, it had to be Bay.
September 17, 2011 at 11:41 pm
Bravo! golf clap.
For the cast, may I suggest the obligatory feisty Latina to be killed off in the third act? I’m sure Michelle Rodriguez is available. And Sigourney Weaver loves to be killed off in James Cameron movies nowadays, because women are also the Man, man.
In a 100 years time, when a Cameron clone makes the ultimate 9/11 movie, the WTC will probably be called the Weyland-Yutani Building.
September 18, 2011 at 8:06 am
What’s sad is my boyfriend is totally in love with both Bay and Cameron’s films… he hates environmentalists but loves Avatar, go figure. I think he just has horrific taste in movies. BASICALLY, what I’m saying is – that’s a totally spot-on interpretation, Ambulatory. I’m seconding the “Bravo!” (and wishing I weren’t so familiar with both directors. It isn’t by choice!).
I actually really liked Avatar too, but only because it was pretty to look at.September 17, 2011 at 7:42 pm
Are you kidding?? This reeks of Uwe Boll. It’s too craptasic not to be.
September 17, 2011 at 9:39 pm
Nah, if Boll were involved there’d be more survivors reenacting their near-death experiences on camera. (Or does that only work for rape?)
September 17, 2011 at 2:14 pm
I have been trying to spread the word about the evils of Michael Bay for years. There’s no way THAT much action happens ONLY at sunset.
Americans underestimate the harm he is doing to our nation.
September 17, 2011 at 2:48 pm
Bay-splosion!
September 18, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I really want to see a TV show called “Micheal Bay Watch” It’s Michael Bay running down the beach at sunset, with stuff exploding all around him.
September 19, 2011 at 7:05 am
This comment confused me. Then I realized that I didn’t think I’d ever seen a Michael Bay film. So I wikied him. And I have seen two of his films (Armageddon and the Friday the 13th remake), but not willingly. Is this something I should be happy about?
(Note: I’ve also never seen Titanic.)
September 17, 2011 at 10:12 pm
Puh-lease. If Bay had been involved the production values would have been MUCH higher!
September 17, 2011 at 1:03 pm
What a douchecanoe.
September 17, 2011 at 1:03 pm
The butthurt that this guy exudes is simply amazing. I wonder if we could bottle and sell it…?
September 17, 2011 at 1:08 pm
He’s like Tubgirl in that way; an infinite anal fountain of butthurt.
September 17, 2011 at 1:56 pm
I want a t-shirt or something embroidered that says “Your an infinite anal fountain of butthurt”
September 17, 2011 at 4:26 pm
Or even “You’re an infinite anal fountain of butthurt”.
September 17, 2011 at 7:04 pm
I prefer “your”. Then people will get all butthurt about the misspelling.
September 18, 2011 at 2:39 am
As they say, “trolling is a art.”
September 17, 2011 at 1:04 pm
I have no words. Well, not any funny ones, anyway.
September 17, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Foreigners make eagles cry.
September 17, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Only the brown foreigners. And Foreigner.
September 17, 2011 at 3:30 pm
Or maybe Foreigner makes the Eagles cry. Maybe regular eagles are okay with Lou Gramm.
September 17, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Dear Jewish woman writer-
I demand you take down that picture of the crying eagle. Because even though it’s not my picture, and it’s facing forward instead of a profile, it’s still an eagle. Eagles are my “thing.” Also that picture of the sky looks suspiciously familiar.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go read the riot act to the Pakistani guy at the convenience store. Yeah, he speaks perfect English, but it’s heavily accented. I don’t like it.
P.S. The FBI is going to hear about this e-mail exchange you had with the dothead lady. Prepare to lose your account! You don’t want to test me.
September 17, 2011 at 1:25 pm
September 17, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Sometimes, when I walk down the street, I just want to make myself as unnoticeable as possible because how can you know if the next person you run into harbors these exact sentiments? You just don’t know, and that scares me.
Well, I guess if they had a huge crying eagle holding a bleeding american flag tattooed all over their head, you’d know. But otherwise, how can you know?
September 17, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Aw, that makes me sad. I’ve never felt like that, but then again I’m about as American Whitey as one could be. Looks-wise, anyway. Once I get going on politics, though, the hate starts flowing. Hold your head up high, boomerang, and fuck anybody who looks at you funny. Seriously, fuck them. Just wine and dine them and seduce them first.
September 17, 2011 at 6:00 pm
Don’t forget to yell “surprise!”
September 17, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Crying Eagles did 911.
September 17, 2011 at 1:23 pm
They’re excellent at dialing.
September 17, 2011 at 1:55 pm
They’re pretty good with cranberry sauce too…
September 17, 2011 at 1:06 pm
The saddest part is that someone could reach such an advanced age and still not understand how simple things work. Like “any publicity is good publicity” and “Interacting in a civil and professional manner works wonders” and “You can’t actually sue anyone for any fool thing you happen to be annoyed about before you have your morning coffee/cocktail”
Also: “New Jersey is part of America.”
September 17, 2011 at 1:11 pm
I just wish jersey shore wasn’t a part of america.
September 17, 2011 at 1:13 pm
I know and I’m sorry.
September 17, 2011 at 1:16 pm
DID YOU JUST KILL MY AYN RAND?
September 17, 2011 at 1:26 pm
John “The Situation” Galt approves of this post.
September 17, 2011 at 8:09 pm
I’m going to change my middle name to “The Solution” and go hunt down and neutralize Jersey boy.
September 17, 2011 at 1:24 pm
we all do. My kid is watching it downstairs RIGHT NOW. They are in Italy. The Italians are probably thinking how lucky they were to have sent their progenitors over to America.
September 17, 2011 at 11:21 pm
I don’t know why the hell we’re torturing Italy like this. They were on the wrong side in WWII, but they’ve been good allies ever since. This strikes me as the sort of thing that might make them snap.
Also, agreed, I’m fairly sure that they saw the ancestors of Snookie and The Situation off to America with a sigh of relief, around the turn of the century, and probably never thought that they’d be getting them back with interest down the road.
September 18, 2011 at 2:28 am
Snookie is Chilean (adopted).
September 19, 2011 at 3:26 am
Keep in mind that the Italians have kept Silvio Berlusconi in office for a long time, so it’s not like they’re undeserving of punishment (side note – they switched sides in both world wars, though the first time was before they actually entered the war). In fact, I’d wager that he’s got the hots for Snooki (she may be a little old for his tastes though).
Bunga bunga!
September 17, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Just one book?
September 17, 2011 at 2:12 pm
But if I kill enough books by watching that show, they’ll have to publish my version of Northanger Abbey that turns it into a comedy of manners with no horror elements.
September 17, 2011 at 2:28 pm
I started writing an updated version of Northanger Abbey where the main character was a vampire novel fanchick.
Hey, if Pride and Prejudice and Zombies can be a success, why not The Vampires of Northanger Abbey?
September 17, 2011 at 2:22 pm
Well, if books are gonna start committing suicide can THESE be first?
September 17, 2011 at 3:23 pm
Yes, please. And anything by Ann Coulter.
September 17, 2011 at 4:03 pm
I wish I could pick.
September 17, 2011 at 8:15 pm
You know, destroying books leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but we could at least file these under the “Fiction” section. Or compiled into a single compendium of mal-informed, ill-worded, poorly conceived, and logic-defying diatribes so that we can more conveniently discount/ignore it for the pile of mental detritus that it is.
September 18, 2011 at 2:32 am
September 18, 2011 at 2:45 am
If books could commit suicide, don’t you think the Palin one would’ve done it already? Other people may see the perky smile of a grizzly mama, but I see the agonized rictus of a book cover wishing to die.
September 17, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Thank you for my new Facebook pic.
September 17, 2011 at 5:54 pm
Ayn Rand was DOA.
September 18, 2011 at 8:10 am
I’ve killed so many books. I’ve read hundreds (potentially thousand) more than I’ve murdered though, does that make it okay? Like cutting down a tree then planting ten saplings or whatever the hell they do? Someone lie to me and tell me it’s okay, please….
September 18, 2011 at 8:11 am
So many because of watching Jersey Shore, I mean. I’m so late to these comments I can’t even tell what I’m replying to when I read this
September 18, 2011 at 12:16 pm
And, this is where I meant to reply about frequently being late to comment, not way down there in a new post…
September 19, 2011 at 6:52 am
I did a research paper on that once…the more deeply I researched it, the more amazed I became.
It costs more money and uses more resources to recycle paper than to make it from fresh pulp. It is also more polluting because of the extra chemicals needed to bleach the paper.
Fresh pulp is more commonly obtained from tree-farms that keep replanting, than from forest-harvested wood. So the whole “Stop Killing Trees: RECYCLE!” movement is hugely misleading
TL;DR, I know, but there it is
September 20, 2011 at 8:34 am
Exactly.
Nobody should be allowed to moan about “killing trees to make paper” unless they also moan about “killing wheat to make bread”. Paper trees are a crop.
September 17, 2011 at 2:07 pm
How do we know he’s of an “advanced age”? I’ve seen five year olds do decent work in Photoshop, and “911″ happened just ten years ago…
Waldron’s being 14 and swimming in a soup of raging male hormones would explain a LOT.
He probably is at least middle-aged, though. Swimming in a soup of raging female hormones…
September 17, 2011 at 6:40 pm
I saw a neat picture of Justin Bieber wearing a ball gag that someone said was done by their eight-year-old. It’s not a great leap from Barely Legal Bondage to scavenging for profit among the ruins of 9/11.
September 17, 2011 at 8:47 pm
Search a little on google and you’ll find he’s about 57 years old. I think he’s old enough to not be a douche.
September 18, 2011 at 12:17 pm
If only older and wiser always went together.
September 17, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Remember, you can’t spell Patriotism without Racism, if you’re a terrible speller.
September 17, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Or a Tea Partier.
September 17, 2011 at 1:32 pm
You can be a terrible speller and not a Tea-bagger, but I’m pretty sure that in order to get a Tea Party club membership you have to be a terrible speller.
September 17, 2011 at 11:23 pm
I think some Teabaggers can spell, they just pretend they can’t because otherwise they’ll be accused of being liberals, and get thrown out.
September 18, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 17, 2011 at 1:34 pm
I suspect there’s a large overlap of those populations, since teaching kids to spell takes money straight out of the pockets of big-corp executives.
September 17, 2011 at 2:50 pm
this was difficult to diagram. I could probably do better if I finished it tomorrow or something.
“true” patriots are neither racist nor bad spellers. They can, however, appreciate a crying eagle.
September 17, 2011 at 2:59 pm
It’d be a fun Venn diagram.
September 17, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Well, speak of the devil and he shall appear
September 17, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Princess Buzzkill, that is fucking amazing.
September 17, 2011 at 3:36 pm
I greatly admire your work here, Princess. My only quibble would be that I think there’s a greater teabag/nutjob overlap. And if someone hadn’t been following the conversation that comment would sound dirty as hell.
September 17, 2011 at 8:19 pm
Gorgeous! And fantastic! The only (teensy-tinsy) flaw is that I believe a much higher percentage of the TeaBagger population belongs in the “Total Fucking Nutjobs” section. Of course, since most nutjobs are bad spellers, just slide the yellow one about an inch to the right, and you’ve got it ; )
September 17, 2011 at 8:21 pm
Oi! Should have read further. Sorry kimoutre. Although, it’s reassuring to have one’s data backed up by independent sources. ; )
September 17, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Wow. Just…. wow. There is a level of douchebaggery that is faintly acceptable. This guy has overstepped that boundary by a million miles.
YOU MAKE CRYING GLITTER EAGLE SAD!
September 17, 2011 at 1:28 pm
I guess that’s why he claims them all. Because his huge level of assholeness makes EVERY eagle cry, if you look closely enough.
September 17, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Before, I always figured that a little large-scale humiliation would be satisfactory retribution for this raging fuckbag. However, now I realize that this raging racist fuckback deserves far, far worse.
September 17, 2011 at 5:59 pm
I am physically restraining myself from sending him an email that would make his monitor burst into flames. But that would just be sinking to his level, AND he’d have one of my email addresses. I’ll just enjoy the beautiful snark and takedowns right here at home.
September 17, 2011 at 6:41 pm
Hotmail is free and easy to sign up for. No security clearance necesary.
September 17, 2011 at 7:00 pm
Once upon a time I was “let go” from a job for no real reason, other than the owners being fascist Jesus freeks.
As a token of my appreciation for being forced to find a much better job, I took the owners’ email addresses and entered them onto virtually every twisted mailing list I could find, in addition to requesting free samples of feminine hygiene products, condoms, incontinence products, etc., all to be sent to the office.
Kind of petty, but I was unemployed, and it made me feel better.
September 17, 2011 at 8:35 pm
A friend was the office manager for a very annoying semi-closeted gay man – he’d talk about his partner and his political work among his employees, but his clients were NEVER to know.
(full disclosure – they knew.)
My friend ordered office supplies on his last day there – pens, sticky notes, notepads, everything all in rainbow colors.
September 18, 2011 at 10:51 am
After nearly a year of unemployment, my boyfriend found a good job in his field. The bosses loved him, his coworkers loved him, the one that didn’t was Shitbag, a former preacher turned trainer at this company. This was a family owned/run company, an uber religious family, and Shitbag was an old friend so my boyfriend was let go because of some things Shitbag said. Because of Shitbag’s prejudices, we nearly lost everything and my depression got bad enough that I was borderline suicidal.
Plotting our hilarious revenge helped us get through that time, though we only ever did one thing to him: Shitbag’s wife was leaving him and their anniversary was just after my boyfriend got let go, so he sent Shitbag a “happy anniversary” card.
tl;dr: Fuck prejudice, fuck haters!
September 17, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Mad is as mad does. I think we have run afoul of the Large Waldron Collider, and his collision with reality has been postponed.
September 17, 2011 at 1:07 pm
He really is a douche of the highest order. I’d love to knee him in the nuts. If he had any.
September 17, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Try his head.
September 17, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Wow. It’s almost impressive that this guy keeps adding to his level of douchebaggery. Almost.
September 17, 2011 at 1:10 pm
“Here” being “on the Internet”, apparently.
I guess it’s possible to say that one is on the Internet illegally if one is stealing the neighbors’ Wi-Fi… or, more likely, “FBI gonna take your Hotmail away” dude is just more kinds of clueless on how this series of tubes operates.
September 17, 2011 at 1:58 pm
The people he can communicate with over the
internetsare only in the U.S. Because each country has their own and other countries have differentinternetsthat aren’t as good. That’s why China can’t have google and Egypt had theirs shut down temporarily.And seriously, who’s going to put tubes under the ocean see bed? We can’t get that deep to build anything efficiently.
September 17, 2011 at 2:29 pm
He’s probably huddled in his concrete bunker in camo gear and an old ratty cap that reads “Git er done” surrounded by thousands of oversized cans of cream corn and mumbling about those damned furners as he savagely hunts and pecks at his keyboard.
September 18, 2011 at 10:59 pm
Surely the ‘too’ would lead one to surmise that Waldron was also ‘here’ illegally?
September 17, 2011 at 1:11 pm
Dennis waldron is one of those old men you see at the grocery store with a cart full of frozen tv dinners and cat food.
September 17, 2011 at 1:12 pm
… who doesn’t own a cat.
September 17, 2011 at 1:16 pm
Do you have permission to use ‘tv dinners’ in your internet commentary? TV dinners are an American Icon and are probably copyrighted. Also, that’s racist. ;P
September 17, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Who shouts at buses.
September 17, 2011 at 2:10 pm
“…frozen tv dinners, cat food…” and KY Jelly.
September 17, 2011 at 6:14 pm
I doubt he splashes out on KY Jelly*, I’m guessing he’s a Vaseline man.
*typed that with a straight face, even.
September 17, 2011 at 2:41 pm
He’s probably the man who went into a rage when they reset the store where my hubby worked as a teen–”I CAN’T FIND THE GODDAMNED BEANIE WEENIES!!!!”
September 17, 2011 at 6:01 pm
Hey! My father is one of those guys!
I wish I was kidding. He’s a douchebag, too.
September 17, 2011 at 8:52 pm
Hey! So is mine! Sucks to have a douchebag dad.
September 17, 2011 at 8:52 pm
…going through Walmart in his camo gear. I wouldn’t be surprised if he shows up on people of walmart.
September 18, 2011 at 8:25 am
That was actually my exact grocery order yesterday. My oven’s broken. And I do have two cats, I promise.
But yeah, and he has to be wearing camo pants and a ratty t-shirt with an American flag on it, maybe this one?
(as long as I mention it’s from Winning at Everything, Bronc won’t hit me, right?)
http://winningateverything.com/4344
September 18, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Why would I ever hit you? I’m non-violent.
September 18, 2011 at 1:18 pm
Just look at those avatar guns. Both the arm and the weaponry.
September 17, 2011 at 1:11 pm
This makes me so mad, I want to sic Microsoft and the FBI on him. I can totally do that, can’t I? With a phone call or a registered letter?
September 17, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Only if you have Patriotic (Self)Righteousness on your side.
September 17, 2011 at 1:12 pm
I wonder if he made his crying eagle on an unregistered copy of Photoshop.
September 17, 2011 at 1:13 pm
I’m guessing his vote lies with the teabagg…. I mean the tea party.
September 17, 2011 at 1:16 pm
I’m pretty sure Waldron’s ancestors were illegal immigrants, too.
September 17, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Appears to be an old English surname, so, probably.
September 17, 2011 at 1:23 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 17, 2011 at 1:27 pm
(nerd alert) Ramparts are just a name for the walls of forts or other fortified structures.
September 17, 2011 at 2:31 pm
I thought it was the hospital in “Emergency!”
September 17, 2011 at 1:29 pm
“Rampart” is just a fancy word for “wall where there’s no fucking roof.”
September 17, 2011 at 8:23 pm
Ahhh – memories of my first apartment.
September 17, 2011 at 1:35 pm
I’m pretty sure that still makes them illegal immigrants, at least according to the people who were already happily living here.
Er, there. I’m in Canada.
Here, being the Internet. Which, according to Waldron, is the same as America.
I’m so confused.
September 17, 2011 at 2:34 pm
As a descendant of Christopher Columbus who “discovered” America over 500 years ago, Y’ALL GET OFF MY LAWN!
September 17, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Never Forget:
When times got tough in Jamestown, they dug up corpses, ganged up on the weak, and killed their pregnant wives for food. (true story!)
September 18, 2011 at 2:50 am
…So what you’re saying is that the Teabaggers are the real Americans, then?
September 17, 2011 at 9:50 pm
At the risk of Paligator calling me a pedant again, nobody ever “bread like rabbits”. Rabbits are notorious for eating everything au naturale. Might have something to do with their lack of oppose-able thumbs… or their dislike of breading.
September 18, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Two Jamestown settlers who certainly didn’t ask the native population’s permission to come over and invade, thus, “illegal”.
September 17, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Hey, my family was founded by illegal immigrants! The Plymouth Company was directed to “settle the northerly partes of Virginia”; Massachussetts Bay has never been part of Virginia!
September 17, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Nope, not even in the original charter did Virginia claim Massachusetts Bay. (/colonial historian blather)
September 17, 2011 at 2:35 pm
And immigration is why we were able to stop marrying our relatives about 1800.
September 17, 2011 at 2:53 pm
Something tells me Mr. Waldron up there feels a bit bitter about that.
September 17, 2011 at 3:17 pm
Ziegfeldgirl: Maybe his cousin is super hot
September 17, 2011 at 11:37 pm
I used to teach history to ESL students. I recall the day I asked where the Pilgrims had originally been headed, and a little girl informed me, proudly, that they were going to the ‘Vagina Colony’.
September 17, 2011 at 1:19 pm
This made me so incredibly sad. Not angry, just sad. THANKS FOR KILLING MY BUZZ, JERKFACE CRYING EAGLE MAN!
September 17, 2011 at 6:50 pm
Me too. That’s some sad, sick shit.
September 17, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Dennis Waldron is the founder of the “Do What We Say” Festival, started by a group German immigrants in 1946.
September 17, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 17, 2011 at 1:22 pm
When I say tv dinners, I mean of course the good old american kind that are worth most of your daily calorie intake. None of that no-preservitives low cal bullshit. Damn obama socialists.
September 17, 2011 at 1:23 pm
Even Sam cursing this fuck out wouldn’t make me laugh. Enraged much?
September 17, 2011 at 8:11 pm
What if our Sam were to team up with other Sam (the American Eagle) for a tag-team tea-bag take-down?
I would enjoy that.
September 19, 2011 at 7:03 am
I can SO do Sam the Eagle’s voice! If I can get a Sam Eagle puppet, I’d gladly get together with Mr. Cornwall and do a duo-rant!!!
September 19, 2011 at 8:10 am
*Cornwell
sorry ’bout that
September 17, 2011 at 1:23 pm
It’s a fine line between patriotism and just being a plain ol’ Redneck …
September 17, 2011 at 8:26 pm
Well, Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious, if you believe Oscar Wilde.
September 17, 2011 at 1:25 pm
September 17, 2011 at 1:47 pm
September 17, 2011 at 2:00 pm
September 17, 2011 at 3:38 pm
September 17, 2011 at 9:21 pm
September 17, 2011 at 10:28 pm
I love how much more visually creative our comment thread has become since the 9-11gif contest. April made us learn stuff and we are still using it. But not me cause I was to lazy to learn.
September 17, 2011 at 10:29 pm
*too, i’m too lazy to spell correctly.
September 17, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Can we get that British guy to scream at him (I can’t remember his name)? I’d pitch in a buck or two to make that happen!
September 17, 2011 at 2:11 pm
It’s Sam Cornwell. And how he can combine any word and “cunt” together is nothing short of miraculous. So, yes, we need to make this happen.
September 17, 2011 at 9:15 pm
THIS MUST HAPPEN or life will not be worth living.
September 18, 2011 at 11:03 pm
Oh please. Get some foreigner to curse at a racist fucktard?
On second thoughts, yes please!
September 17, 2011 at 1:25 pm
OK, I’ll try that again…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUGhsjznBxE&feature=related
September 17, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Oh oh oh – Now I want to have the tribal attorney contact this guy and tell him to cease and desist his “Crying Eagle” image as it constitutes identity theft of my Uncle Crying Eagle’s legal and binding signature…. and to refrain from making claims of being a real American unless he can produce paperwork that proves his family is listed in the Dawes Rolls. Not to mention notifying the Indian Arts & Crafts Board (Which has the best logo in the world…) for his contention that his art was made by a “real american”.
I. Want. To. SOOOOO. Bad.
Another glass of wine & I’ll be on the phone to them. Hopefully they have had a rough week and are in the mood to fuck with a racist douchenozzle for shits & giggles.
September 17, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Your comment makes me happy on so many levels. Much like that logo. If you know what I mean.
September 17, 2011 at 1:56 pm
The logo makes me smile BIG every time I see it. I have a coffee mug from the Board with ONLY the logo and my worplace is afraid to tell me I can’t use it.
September 17, 2011 at 1:42 pm
if it doesn’t work out, someone (more daring and talented than I) should make an image and entitle it “Dennis Waldron” (preferably an image along the lines of goatse) and copyright the name…you know, just to return some balance to the world.
September 17, 2011 at 2:05 pm
My Uncle is an artist. Not only can I ask him to make a piece of art (to spec) and name it as such, but it would be a registered piece of Native American art, protected by the Department of the Interior. Yeah… this could be fun.
September 17, 2011 at 2:11 pm
I…I love that logo. The town I’m in has about a 60% Native Alaskan population. I think I need to introduce this to the school. You know, community service and helping to maintain native culture and all…
September 17, 2011 at 1:36 pm
What a useless human.
September 17, 2011 at 1:37 pm
I know some Indian Good Luck potholders he can use to hold his Flaming Asshole.
September 17, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Hypocrites unite!
September 17, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Denis Waldron referred to me in his Emails as a ‘liberal communist’, whatever that is; he reckons I live in a rat hole, and am ‘a scab on the ass of society’. He’s old and confused, but laughable. And I did get great fun out of it. Still waiting for the FBI. No sign yet, ‘though the American Embassy’s just across the road. Guess he had to go to the local office first. Bet they got a laugh out of him too.
September 17, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 18, 2011 at 10:02 am
OH, I just figured out after clicking the thumbs-down that you meant SCREEN caps. I’m sorry; I wish I could take my thumbs-down back now.
September 17, 2011 at 9:22 pm
He seems obsessed with scabs.
September 17, 2011 at 9:55 pm
He’s a picker but not a grinner.
September 17, 2011 at 1:54 pm
“…the great American with the sobbing eagle is a xenophobic gasbag who probably thinks the Jews did it.”
There simply aren’t enough squirting glittery eagle tears in the world to express how much I love that comment.
September 17, 2011 at 1:55 pm
I wish we could send a Cease and Desist Being a Total Asshole and Tool.
September 17, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Nope, I won’t forget that people are assholes.
September 17, 2011 at 1:58 pm
anyone got $5 to spare? We could get Dror to dance with “Denis Waldron is a Wanker” painted on his chest…
September 17, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Leave the guy alone…he’s got a manifesto to finish, and that truckload of fertilizer ain’t gonna load itself. n
September 18, 2011 at 2:56 am
You gotta respect a man with a work ethic like that. Hell, if he wanted to relax on that truck after loading it I’d be happy to toss him a beer and a lit cigarette.
September 17, 2011 at 2:00 pm
September 17, 2011 at 4:50 pm
I will, and do, thumbs-up anything involving Muppets.
September 18, 2011 at 6:16 am
Rule 34 dictates that your thumb is going to end up in some very interesting places.
September 17, 2011 at 8:15 pm
Exactly what I was thinking! Someone mentioned “Sam” up-thread and it was a few seconds before I realized they meant ranting Sam rather than Muppet Sam.
September 17, 2011 at 2:02 pm
I wish we had a picture of Dennis Waldron’s face so we could send it to Jackie Stallone for a reading.
September 17, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 17, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Who could tell the difference?
September 17, 2011 at 3:45 pm
(ahem) I believe Postmenopaws is trying to say he’s an assface.
September 17, 2011 at 4:08 pm
I’m just that subtle.
September 17, 2011 at 2:09 pm
The really important question is how did he know how to copyright his crying eagle in 1999 and 2000?
September 17, 2011 at 2:09 pm
I’m whiter than white and I came to America illegally. No matter who finds out, their words are always the same – “that’s okay, it’s the other ones we don’t want.”
Racism is icky and yet its ubiquitous.
btw I’m a green card holder now, so you can’t turn me in. They don’t do take-backs. ha!
September 17, 2011 at 2:26 pm
“You’re white, we don’t care if you break the law!”?
We’re not all racist assholes, but unfortunately the racist assholes are frequently louder than the rest of us.
September 17, 2011 at 2:38 pm
When I lived in the UK I was regularly told by immigrant haters that it was ok if I stayed though, since I’m a white ‘Merakun. It’s disgusting.
September 17, 2011 at 3:44 pm
I’m a white Scot living in New Zealand, and I get unwillingly included in anti-immigration rants fairly regularly. In response to my Medusa Stare of YOU’RE BEING A DICK they always respond with: “Oh, I don’t mean YOU”.
Oh, you mean those BROWN people. SO THAT’S OK THEN. o_O Fucktards.
PS – first comment ever, please don’t red thumb me. I promise I’m a jealous loser and am very fat indeed.
September 17, 2011 at 4:25 pm
This is impossible. Only Americans are racist.
September 17, 2011 at 6:19 pm
Uh yeah, no racists in Alberta at all. I had a neighbour whose last name started with K. He named his sons Kyle and Kameron and their middle names started with K also. This was not considered unusual or maybe nobody else figured it out.
That being said, Calgary now has the first Muslim mayor in North America and he was the pride parade marshall recently.
September 17, 2011 at 6:49 pm
YES. That was essentially what I was getting in the UK.
And haha, the one of mine you replied to was my first too. Love how racism gets the lurkers out to play lol.
September 18, 2011 at 12:20 am
This is impossible. Only Americans are fat!
September 17, 2011 at 5:57 pm
I think the difference is you actually have something you might go back to in your country of birth. It’s the ones fleeing famine, war, and general shitholeness that they don’t want.
September 17, 2011 at 6:50 pm
I think you hit the nail on the head. Sad, but true :/
September 17, 2011 at 8:32 pm
The ones that could actually use a hand.
September 18, 2011 at 12:22 am
The ones who look at America’s teeming shores and say, “Yeah, that’s gonna have to do, because home is NO LONGER AN OPTION.”
September 17, 2011 at 6:13 pm
Same. It’s awful.
September 18, 2011 at 9:38 am
Not sure when you were here but it’s not the case any more. Immigrant haters hate the white Polish too now that we have so many here. The reason why? because our Polish immigrants are willing to work hard for less pay but instead of going out and doing the same, said haters would rather sit on their arse, on benefits and complain. Sad.
September 17, 2011 at 3:29 pm
But it’s not racism, it’s patriotism. That’s why we’re building an equally tall fence along our Canadian border.
We’re… we’re doing that, right?
September 17, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Oh, sure. But it’s made out of snow.
September 17, 2011 at 4:10 pm
haha
September 17, 2011 at 6:30 pm
The fence along the US/Canada border is made of snow, stale maple-glaze Tim Horton’s donuts, and empty Labatt’s bottles.
And pool noodles, for the sections along the Great Lakes and Detroit River.
September 17, 2011 at 8:19 pm
Well, we obviously should be! Around here the Canadians are French… and real Americans hate the French, right?
September 18, 2011 at 3:03 am
I was trying to explain the whole French thing to my Japanese friend the other day: “our countries are good friends, and we’ve been allies practically all the time, but for some reason Americans are always like ‘agh, those fucking French! HON HON HON butseriouslyyourfoodisdelicious.’”
September 17, 2011 at 11:54 pm
My husband used to work with an illegal immigrant who was Canadian, and whiter than sour cream. There’s a fairly funny story about him. I have noticed that people who I’m fairly sure have problems with illegal immigration, big personal ones, still think the story about the Canadian is cute and funny. I do not think they would think this if he were Mexican.
Perhaps I misjudge them.
Nah.
September 18, 2011 at 10:33 am
Seriously, I have to find a new psychiatrist because last time I went in to see the woman I used to go to, she asked how things were going, and I mentioned something about not being real happy about my career but that I’m working toward establishing my own immigration law practice. She went OFF on this crazy ass rant that started “It’s not a race thing, I just think that there’s no room here for any more people” and went on to make these batshit allegations that “they” all just come here to have anchor babies and it’s their fault that the economy won’t get any better until they’re gone etc etc etc. This went on for like 15 minutes, as I’m sitting there in shock. I didn’t say a word to rebut her ignorant-ass bullshit because I just wanted to get my prescription and get the hell out of there. Oh, and her husband is a fairly recent immigrant from Belgium. White northern Europeans are totally welcome, apparently. Racist cunt. I need a new doctor- ah needs mah drugs!
September 19, 2011 at 12:01 pm
It may be people like her are the reason you need drugs at all.
September 19, 2011 at 7:10 am
“Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore…
…you know, as long as they’re white…”
*ahem*
I freaking hate people like that
and I don’t hate easily
September 17, 2011 at 2:11 pm
‘Scuse me, Mr Waldron, you’re a bit late. Kuntface was in the thread before this.
September 17, 2011 at 2:12 pm
September 17, 2011 at 2:17 pm
September 17, 2011 at 2:51 pm
I hope you used hotmail.
September 17, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Part of me wants us to all find as many Crying eagle images on the internet as possible and ‘report’ them to him, just to see what he does.
September 17, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Especially the countless Crying Eagles that were created before his.
September 17, 2011 at 2:24 pm
http://shop.cafepress.com/crying%252520eagle
“765 products”
I wanna see his shit-filled, racist head explode.
September 17, 2011 at 2:33 pm
I was about to say that I hoped he might spontaneously combust, but shards of his skull embedded in the walls is just as good, I salute you
September 17, 2011 at 2:36 pm
The knockoff crying eagle thong even manages to be so much less creepy than Dennis’ officially licensed crying eagle thong. Sucks to be him. Or his thong.
September 17, 2011 at 2:53 pm
I did not see that. I’m honestly surprised that someone actually got permission to use that graphic, instead of being insulted for asking.
I do have to wonder what kind of person would wear a 9/11 reminder on a piece of clothing with the back half wedged between their ass cheeks.
September 17, 2011 at 4:05 pm
” I’m honestly surprised that someone actually got permission to use that graphic, instead of being insulted for asking.”
As far as I can tell, she’s related to him by marriage.
September 17, 2011 at 4:09 pm
And now we know what kind of person.
September 17, 2011 at 3:56 pm
He probably functions primarily from the brain stem, so we’d still have to disable his heart.
September 17, 2011 at 8:34 pm
You’ll want a mahogany stake.
September 17, 2011 at 6:25 pm
Did you notice that those eagles (in the link above) were crying over the 2008 election? I would laugh if I didn’t feel like crying myself.
September 17, 2011 at 6:45 pm
Over the stupidity, not over the election!
September 18, 2011 at 3:06 am
Election shmection! It doesn’t count if it’s an illegal socialist Muslim Kenyan from Indonesia! I tell you, there’s gonna be a recall any day now. …Aaany day now.
September 17, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Oh, please… feel free to report my Dennis the Crying Eagle finger puppet to him.
Then if he writes me, I can tell him where to stick it.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/81829023/dennis-the-crying-eagle-finger-puppet
September 17, 2011 at 2:31 pm
Bravo, Helen! You are exactly right. What a racist old bastard with a very sad life.
September 17, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Who pulls a race card based upon a LAST NAME?? Heck, I had a friend in high school who’s last name was Foster, and she was half-mexican! Names don’t mean shit you dumbass fuck!
September 17, 2011 at 2:47 pm
Exactly what I was thinking. NFL linebacker Scott Fujita is Caucasian, adopted by Japanese-American and Caucasian parents.
Oh, and he supports gay rights. Maybe we could set up a meeting and get Waldron’s head to explode, like that fucking robot Kirk talked to death on Star Trek.
September 17, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Yeah, I’m tempted to e-mail him and point this out, but I make a point not to argue with idiots unless I’m in a lousy mood, and I’m having a good day.
September 17, 2011 at 5:43 pm
And there’s a former co-worker of mine with the most white-bread american name you can imagine, and 100% un-accented American English along with white american mannerisms.
He was Chinese, adopted at birth into an American family. He always encountered WTF reactions because if you talk to him on the phone or email, he’s a white guy. Meet him in person, he’s a Chinese guy who walks, talks, and acts like a white guy.
He said he started getting a kick out of it once he he was old enough to know why people reacted to him the way they did.
September 17, 2011 at 6:36 pm
Your friend sounds very similar to my cousin’s husband, who is a Canadian citizen of Chinese ancestry, living in the US on a green card.
The best story he tells is about his parents, both born in China, who named his brother Roy, because it was a good strong North American name. Except because of their accents, they can’t pronounce the R sound. So the poor man has been known all his life as Loy.
September 17, 2011 at 7:57 pm
My husband has a last name that can be either WASPy or Asian. But, he has always worked in technical fields in which, honestly, Asians are well-represented. (He was a physicist for NASA, and now is an actuary) He has had people call him on the phone and just start speaking to him in Mandarin….
He’s fishbelly white, and doesn’t know a word of Chinese that he didn’t learn from watching Kailan with our daughters.
September 17, 2011 at 9:16 pm
I <3 x 100 Scott Fujita!!!!!!
He's a righteous dude.
September 17, 2011 at 10:12 pm
I’m right there with ya…he’s cool as ice, and pretty dreamy too.
September 19, 2011 at 7:15 am
I love the actor Chi McBride: Chinese first name, Scottish or Irish last name…and he’s black. That must mess people up who only know him by name first, then they meet him.
…also a pretty good actor to boot!
September 17, 2011 at 6:48 pm
My cousin’s wife is from Singapore. He has a WASPy last name (which his father shortened from a Polish name), and she has a WASPy first name.
If you look for her on Facebook, she’s in the US and the other seven women with her name are in Scotland.
September 17, 2011 at 8:07 pm
He probably doesn’t have any idea what ethnic group the family name “Singh” comes from. I’d bet anything he thinks Mr. Singh is Mexican.
My maiden name is Hassan – a very common Arab family name. One day at my old job, this guy I had been working for at least 2 years came up to me and started asking about how Mexicans feel about Taco Bell and other random questions about Mexicans. I had no idea what he was talking about so I asked him what all the questions were about. It turns out he had over-heard me talking on the phone to my boyfriend about having Mexican food for dinner and he thought I was Mexican.
Assumptions make an ass of you and me.
September 17, 2011 at 8:38 pm
No, I think they just make an ass of him.
(If you were Mexican, would you refer to Mexican food as “Mexican”? Wouldn’t you just call it “food”?)
September 18, 2011 at 3:11 am
Isn’t this how all Mexicans talk? “Hola! — that means ‘hello’ for all the gringos out there! — What do you want for dinner? How about food, that is Mexican food, because we are Mexican? Sombreros! Guacamole!”
September 18, 2011 at 4:45 am
He also told me he thought I was Mexican because of my name. You know…because Hassan is such a common Mexican name.
I guess it’s not normal, in his mind, for non-Mexicans to eat Mexican food. I’m pretty sure he shakes his head every time he drives by a Taco Bell and sees a gringo in the parking lot.
September 18, 2011 at 11:23 am
One of my (white) coworkers once told me that a woman he didn’t know came up to him while he was eating a Chipotle-style burrito and told him it was racist for him to be eating Mexican food when he wasn’t Mexican.
Yeah, I don’t get it, either.
September 19, 2011 at 7:17 am
Spoofmaster: your co-worker needs to stop eating corn (we call it “maize”), rice and noodles, with a brain like that!
September 18, 2011 at 10:08 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PdtdwkJ8uQ
September 18, 2011 at 10:09 am
“They think I’m Mexican.”
September 17, 2011 at 11:56 pm
And then there’s Penelope Garcia.
September 17, 2011 at 2:38 pm
According to the news section of http://planetwebdesign.com/ (turn off your volume before you go there, unless you want to feel like you’re in the Bourne Identity), USPS is making a stamp with the image. Could be they got the hoax email that’s been going around since 2002, but if it’s true, that would be fantastic!
September 17, 2011 at 3:30 pm
Seriously, someone needs to inform them that the art used was used without permission. They are very touchy about lawsuit possibilities (especially now I imagine).
September 17, 2011 at 6:56 pm
There’s a date at the top of the home page that updated automatically. Right now, it says “Saturday, September 17th, 111.”
If only he knew someone who could fix Y2K programming issues.
There was a stamp with the three fireman raising the flag, but the closest this got was a chain letter featuring SOMEONE ELSE’S copyrighted work:
http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_wtc_stamp.htm
September 18, 2011 at 6:38 am
I looked at the USPS site, where it lists forthcoming stamps and other news. There was nothing about this supposed “crying eagle” commemorative stamp. I call bullshit.
September 18, 2011 at 12:39 pm
I would think they’d have released it for the 10th anniversary. I hope it is nothing but more lies because I will have to get off my butt and promote vetoing it…
September 17, 2011 at 2:43 pm
Fun fact #1: I’m the second person in my maternal line *not* to be born in Virginia since the 1600s. Fun Fact #2: Part of my family is South Asian. The combination of these facts makes messing with people’s minds both fun and easy. Nothing blows the mind of a racist asshole like a brown-skinned woman who’s also FFV*.
(*This FFV: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Families_of_Virginia — Mom’s not a version of Final Fantasy.)
September 17, 2011 at 4:09 pm
omg i wish i could take you back in time and talk you up to certain family members about your FFV status… and then introduce you. <3 <3 <3 had a relative threaten to shoot one of my boyfriends once. he was a native american.
September 17, 2011 at 2:43 pm
DAMN. Does he think all of his hateful racist emails are going to help him in
interwebscourt?And I also want to email him just so he can take a dig at my ridiculous last name and excessive liberalism, and then I can throw in the fact that my maternal g’ma is DAR and paternal g’ma is related to Reagan. His conservative head would explode and it would be glorious.
September 17, 2011 at 2:48 pm
I am so sick and goddamn tired of these scumbag New Jerseyans coming here and stealing our jobs. Go pop out another woodland baby, you fucking Garden queens.
September 18, 2011 at 3:16 am
One of my best friends is a New Jerseyan, so you know I’m not New Jerseyist or anything, but I’ve seen them on the teevee and there is no way I would let a child of mine marry an orange person.
September 17, 2011 at 2:54 pm
This was just crying out for my new found Blingee skills (thanks HK!)
September 17, 2011 at 2:57 pm
If all this had a sound, it would be what we hear when shit hits the fan! Shame on racism! Waldron just didn’t have a good answer and that was the best/saddest he could come up with.
September 17, 2011 at 2:58 pm
We need George Takei to call this guy up and call him a douchebag.
September 17, 2011 at 3:12 pm
I am tweeting this to DC Douglas.
September 17, 2011 at 3:50 pm
I would soooooo pay good money to hear that. Presumably he’d be a bit pricier than Fiverr what with the megastardom and all, but we could club together.
September 17, 2011 at 4:37 pm
I want George Takei to be my best friend.
September 17, 2011 at 7:10 pm
I want him to be my sassy gay best friend. I need him tell me I’m such a stupid bitch! Look at my life, look at my choices!
September 18, 2011 at 11:26 am
…George Takei reciting a Sassy Gay Friend rant needs to be a thing.
September 17, 2011 at 10:04 pm
I met George Takei at the NYC Star Trek Convention in 1976. He was incredibly nice and funny.
September 18, 2011 at 6:26 am
I ran into him and his then-BF a couple years ago (literally; I came around a corner in a hotel lobby and they were standing there). Very nice guy, and I could almost see the “Oh my” thought bubble as we all looked across the sea of costumed geeks (this was at dragon*con).
September 17, 2011 at 10:15 pm
I want George Takei and Bronc to Shuffle. I am willing to offer a fiver for it.
September 18, 2011 at 12:25 pm
I’m convinced. Now someone just needs to talk to George.
September 17, 2011 at 3:03 pm
September 17, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Win.
September 17, 2011 at 3:14 pm
September 17, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Tears of win, baby!
September 17, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Nah, just our ancestors. Technically we’re anchor babies.
September 17, 2011 at 6:36 pm
Actually… that guy in the commericial, Iron Eyes Cody, was Italian, but liked playing Indian. But it’s all good to us.:)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_Eyes_Cody
September 17, 2011 at 3:19 pm
Can anybody give me a rough estimate of the proportion of redneck racist fuckwits and the worst of the negative American characters that I may have seen in film and TV from the US, compared to nice normal people who may say hi to me instead of mugging me?
I want to be prepared for when I eventually visit some absolutely wonderful American friends of mine, and how much snark I should pack.
September 17, 2011 at 3:53 pm
Based on my experience, I’d say 40% fuckwits and 60% nice decent folk. New Jerseyites, Texans, and people from D.C. may report different ratios, however.
September 17, 2011 at 5:39 pm
I grew up in D.C., and let me assure you the average is about 90% fuckwits there. Every time I return I am astounded by the levels of assholery I encounter.
Though, this particular brand of racist fuckwit would be more at home in my current state of South Carolina, specifically that godforsaken part of the state I refer to as “not-Charleston”
September 17, 2011 at 8:00 pm
But, which ward in DC? Because Ward 2 does not even exist in the same universe as Ward 8 some days….
/former Ward 6 resident….
September 17, 2011 at 10:14 pm
I thought it depended on whether congress was in session or not.
September 18, 2011 at 11:30 am
Depends on the part of Texas. Central Texas seems pretty okay so far apart from the idiot newspaper I got subscribed to. Now, when I went up to Oklahoma there was a good bit of “…no, you can’t seriously think that,” but it still wasn’t too bad.
September 17, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Depends on the area of the country and which direction its fucktwits lean. I’d say based on my locale that while it might be a good 30-40% fucktwits, there’s maybe only a 5% “fucktwits with the nerve to say something” component.
September 17, 2011 at 11:59 pm
It varies regionally, but in general, Americans are much nicer people than, er, you might think from the Internet and movies.
September 18, 2011 at 3:19 am
…Aside from the mandatory daily shootouts we have in the Walmart. But that’s just a cultural thing, and visitors can hunker down in the restrooms and wait that out no problem.
September 17, 2011 at 3:23 pm
Crying bald eagles go from 0 to racism in 3.5 seconds.
September 17, 2011 at 3:38 pm
according to his website
“All material ©PLANETWeBDESIGN All rights reserved.1999,2000,2001,2002″
doesn’t say anything about it being copyrighted in the year 2011….
September 17, 2011 at 4:36 pm
I don’t think he was Y2K-compliant.
September 19, 2011 at 7:27 am
As someone who is oh-so-savvy about copyrights, he should know that you only need to put the FIRST (oldest) date on it. A cr is good for 75 years or until the time of the holder’s death, at which time the cr rolls over to their estate, if there is one. If not, it becomes public domain.
September 17, 2011 at 3:48 pm
This guy is really begining to make my ass twitch.
September 17, 2011 at 3:48 pm
September 17, 2011 at 4:12 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
September 17, 2011 at 4:27 pm
September 17, 2011 at 10:16 pm
That made me snork my bitters.
September 18, 2011 at 12:19 pm
“Snork my bitters” sounds like an odd reference to pleasuring oneself.
September 17, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Well, I’ve done it before, but I can’t make my fucking link clickable and I’m too damned frustrated.
So you guys can Google “Just Say Takei” and see that he made the lawmakers in my state SO his bitches.
September 17, 2011 at 5:15 pm
Okay, my computer geek husband just told me what an idiot I am, but he helped me anyway:
justsaytakei
September 17, 2011 at 7:54 pm
George Takei is awesome.
September 17, 2011 at 8:03 pm
I am having a totally crap time right now, and that video made me laugh. THANK YOU.
September 17, 2011 at 10:10 pm
I find that George has an uplifting effect ALL the time…you’re welcome!
Even just hearing the “helllloooooooo” on Family Guy always brings me a big smile.
September 17, 2011 at 11:18 pm
Your link made me nearly pee my pants with joy. I think that’s the singularly best thing I have ever seen on YouTube.
September 17, 2011 at 5:14 pm
does he own the rights to all crying glitter eagle species or is it just the crying glitter bald eagle? I mean, if he owns the rights to the crying glitter gold eagle or the crying glitter western banded snake eagle I am going to turn in my citizenship and move to canadia. He wouldnt own the rights to the crying glitter black eagle or the crying glitter brown eagle though, simply because he is a racist assclown.
September 17, 2011 at 5:16 pm
Terrorism stems from racism, does it not? So really, Mr. Waldron, you’re no better than any of “them”.
September 17, 2011 at 5:34 pm
“The people who scream the loudest about the sanctity of marriage are divorced; the pastors who preach about the evils of homosexuality are getting blown by gay hustlers; and the great American with the sobbing eagle is a xenophobic gasbag who probably thinks the Jews did it.”
This statement is so magnificent! Just as the fingers were grasping my goatse even tighter, I saw this and had to cut & paste it.
September 17, 2011 at 6:16 pm
I wonder if Waldo-fuck has tried to sue all eunuchs too? Because obviously he has the copyright on being a dickless douche.
September 17, 2011 at 6:37 pm
Does that mean he could sue Massengil, and Mattel re:Ken dolls?
September 17, 2011 at 6:36 pm
After that lovely email exchange today, I’m starting to wonder if I’ve met this gentleman before. I work in a teaching hospital that has doctors from very diverse backgrounds. A couple years back, we had a patient of similar douchitude that went off on his doctor about wanting to smoke in the hospital and not getting enough pain medicine, etc. Doctor is calmly explaining why he can’t get said smokes and drugs and the patient busts out with “I didn’t fight in Vietnam to take this crap from you!”. The doctor replies with “well, I’m pretty sure you didn’t either since I’m from India.” It was a heartwarming moment.
September 17, 2011 at 6:53 pm
Careful, he is a memeber of APIC, whatever the hell that is
http://www.a-w.org/Home.html
Some cryptic organization on the internal to protect copyrights. With some secret membership.
September 17, 2011 at 8:40 pm
I strongly suspect that APIC World Headquarters is in Mr. Waldron’s mother’s basement.
September 17, 2011 at 9:29 pm
And “latest news” from 2000 and 2003. ‘Cos there have been NO copyright violations news items since 2003. Everybody knows that.
September 17, 2011 at 7:11 pm
Could anybody use some random humor to cleanse the palate of racist gall?
I just noticed that the disclaimer on Sonic commercials says “Nuts may come in contact with food.”
And a local hospital billboard:
“Colonoscopy. Do it for you.”
Because apparently you getting a camera shoved up your ass isn’t what Aunt Zelda’s wants for her birthday.
September 17, 2011 at 7:53 pm
I dunno, Z-girl’s kinda kinky after her third glass of Riesling.
September 17, 2011 at 7:41 pm
Now that is about the reaction I would expect from some scumbag who makes shitty patriotic art and a man so easily butthurt.
September 17, 2011 at 7:42 pm
Forgive me if I’m wrong, but even if Mr. (or Ms.) Singh wasn’t a native-born American, his/her last name is certainly Indian (subcontinent, of course). India is the largest democracy in the world, has a rapidly expanding capitalist economy, and has always been a strong ally of the United States.
And this guy thinks he’s being insulting.
September 17, 2011 at 7:52 pm
Plus, Waldron is a Brit/Saxon name. If he finds out I’m Irish, he’ll probably sue me for failing to work myself into starvation on his railroad line. That or accuse me of drunkenness, but hell, a broken clock is right every now and then, too…
September 18, 2011 at 3:23 am
British? Didn’t we kick those fuckers out a while ago?
/American
(…with a very German last name.)
September 18, 2011 at 10:59 am
I’m Irish/Russian and technically Jewish (though I don’t practice). I’d likely be amused by what he thinks of that.
September 17, 2011 at 7:46 pm
You know, I’m betting this guy doesn’t need our help for a long, painful fall from grace in the public eye. If a few people keep pulling his string, he’ll talk himself into the unpopularity he so richly deserves.
that said, I never liked this 9/11 eagle-style crap anyway. It strikes me as the same kind of pseudo-religious faux-patriotic bullcrap they use to talk people into going to war. “Never Forget!” can easily be followed up by “And Never Forgive!” And we know what that begets, don’t we? MORE OF THIS CRAP. (Oh yeah, and the hate and tragedy and conflicts that inspire it)
September 17, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Of course, it has come to my attention that hastening such a fall can be fun too, courtesy of a friend:
September 17, 2011 at 8:42 pm
I find myself keeping a list in my wallet just in case:
* Alamo
* Maine
* Pearl Harbor
* 9/11
* Dry Cleaner
September 18, 2011 at 3:25 am
Ah, all those painful losing battles.
…and that war stuff, too.
September 17, 2011 at 9:12 pm
All right, I’m too lazy to scroll through all these comments and see if anyone else has suggested this, but CLEARLY: this calls for an epic GIF challenge. CLEARLY. Celebrating Singh’s rejoinder of “I was born in New Jersey, as were my parents” if nothing else. Ideally superimposed upon Mr. Waldron’s (seriously? Is that his name? A combination of “Wal-Mart” and “moron”?) so-called copyrighted image.
September 17, 2011 at 10:17 pm
His family name was originally WalMart-Douchebag-Moron, but it got shortened at Ellis Island.
September 19, 2011 at 7:35 am
As soon as I see the words in a comment “I’m to lazy to scroll through all these comments” or some other variation of same, I suddenly find myself too lazy to continue reading the comment and move on to the next one.
September 19, 2011 at 8:11 am
*too
September 17, 2011 at 9:26 pm
the best part, to me, is that the people who think the jews did it have no explanation for why the jews would do it to a building filled w/ a bunch of jews in a city filled w/ a bunch of jews. unless they think it’s a fantastic bit of trickery by those selfsame jews that only they, singularly clever conspiracy breaking non-jews, could figure out.
how they then get to that sundae’s maraschino: being, in a good gentile way, personally affronted & infuriated by this jew-on-jew conspiracy just baffles. how theyve turned what they must–must–see as a jew-on-jew conspiracy into the worst crime committed in all history to a bunch of good american gentiles is something i cant even wrap my mind around.
September 17, 2011 at 10:44 pm
Does anybody even really think that?
September 18, 2011 at 12:03 am
Unfortunately, yeah.
September 18, 2011 at 3:19 am
on both sides & on both sides, insanely.
September 19, 2011 at 7:38 am
I always feel a *facepalm* when someone tries to explain to the racist fucktard du jour that the argument for “Muslims ‘did 9-11′ so all Muslims need to die” that there were plenty of Muslims killed in the towers that day, most Muslims are peace-loving people…and they reply with something like “they expect collateral damage in these things..they are considered martyrs now”
September 17, 2011 at 9:48 pm
I knew I was saving this clip for something. A little message for Mr. Waldron, courtesy of the the Nostalgia Critic.:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65Hbl9J3zlM
Cos, while the butthurt whinging and “Im’ma sic the EFF BEE EYE ON YEW!” were amusing, the racist fuckwittery is not. (Okay, maybe a little, but only in the sense that it shows just how much of a pathetic bastard this douchecanoe is.)
September 17, 2011 at 9:52 pm
September 17, 2011 at 9:52 pm
He looked like he was giving me the finger, so I may have doctored it a bit…
September 17, 2011 at 11:31 pm
His name is Attila, because apparently my family draws the line at naming a cat Hitler, but naming the squirrel RoadKill was ok.
September 18, 2011 at 12:06 am
He’s very handsome. And I’m glad he isn’t named Hitler. Kitlers deserve respect. The teeny mustaches are not their fault.
If I ever get one, he or she will be named Chaplin. Or Toothbrush.
September 18, 2011 at 3:26 am
Name it Hipster Finger Tattoo.
September 18, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Hipster Finger Tattoo would be a killer band name.
September 17, 2011 at 10:04 pm
September 18, 2011 at 12:58 am
I haven’t been on speaking terms with my own dad since the mishigas surrounding a racist email about immigrants from South Asia. And non-immigrants in India.
He used the term “Indian Trash” in reference to tech help lines. Then he told me to “have a nice life.”
And now I get my brother guilting me for not calling him.
September 18, 2011 at 3:28 am
If he told you to “have a nice life”… surely by not calling him you’re just following instructions?
September 18, 2011 at 5:12 am
oh for heavens sake, someone who can employ the word mishegas should know better than to yammer any sort of discriminatory trash. {i assume you also learned it from yr family. both the word & its presence in life.} it’s not the fault of the workers that those everlovin outsourcin companies who have the money & resources to know & do better, hired them.
September 18, 2011 at 1:00 am
I’m too drunk fat and lazy to read any of this.. someone message me the link so I can retain the drunken spunk to emial him photos of my ass and ask him if they are all American, as my Dad’s grandparents hopped over during WW1. Heck my Grand pa was on our side in WW2.
yep ranting while drunk… [/end rant]
September 18, 2011 at 4:53 am
You should get a crying eagle tattoo on your ass before you email those pics…
September 18, 2011 at 5:03 am
I did find an image of him on the internet, and he was wearing the “KuntFace” tee shirt
September 18, 2011 at 9:34 am
I nominated him for AmIAnnoying.com
September 18, 2011 at 10:18 am
September 18, 2011 at 11:03 am
I’ve also sent an email to him, asking how I could go about getting a “license” or whatever he called it to use the image on tampons, so that Americans could bleed on a celebration of American blood being spilled. I also informed him that since I had not used the image already, he cannot have the FBI search my house or make google close my gmail account.
I haven’t gotten a response yet.
September 18, 2011 at 12:13 pm
I understand. Being late to comments is my usual way.
September 18, 2011 at 12:14 pm
And, so is replying in the wrong spot.
September 18, 2011 at 12:15 pm
I closed the window and lost it before thinking to screencap…
…but the banner ad at the top of this page a minute ago was for a Malaysian law firm specializing in Intellectual Property.
Mr. Waldron should now know who he’s gonna call.
September 19, 2011 at 3:11 am
Goatsebusters?
September 18, 2011 at 3:30 pm
September 19, 2011 at 9:18 am
You know, never mind copyright laws. What you are doing is clearly parody, which is perfectly legal. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irving_Berlin_et_al._v._E.C._Publications,_Inc.
(Thank William M Gaines and Mad Magazine for this one)
September 19, 2011 at 8:52 pm
Careful…he’s undoubtedly a better lawyer than he is an artist.
I don’t agree that Regretsy is parody. It’s more “craft-burlesque,” and by far the superior comic art form.
September 21, 2011 at 3:41 am
Regretsy is not a parady. Her version of the crying glitter eagle is though.
September 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm
This is why we can’t have nice things.