NEVER FORGETSY: PART 2
NEVER FORGET TO WIPE YOUR MOUTH
NEVER FORGET TO WASH BEHIND YOUR EARS
NEVER FORGET TO TURN THE LIGHT OFF WHEN YOU LEAVE THE ROOM
NEVER FORGET THAT… YEAH I DON’T KNOW
NEVER FORGET THAT MUTANT DAFFODILS CAN SPRING UP FROM THE HUDSON RIVER WITHOUT WARNING
NEVER FORGET THAT JESUS LIKES GLITTER
September 8, 2011 at 2:26 pm
When you get spaghetti sauce stains on your pants, the terrorists win. 9-11 napkins. Get some today.
September 8, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Any chance this comes in a party-pack with a matching vinyl tablecloth, party hats, and 8 “burning tower” plastic tumblers?
Cause that would be perfect for a September kid’s birthday party theme.
September 8, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Sounds like you’ve got a real moneymaker of an idea on your hands there. You could even do birthday cake candles in sets of two.
September 8, 2011 at 2:44 pm
I think I was channeling my inner Martha Stewart. Or perhaps some other crazy bitch with a glue gun and glitter.
September 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm
Jesus Christ, our Lord?
September 8, 2011 at 3:08 pm
Mommy, why does nobody come to my parties?
Because they -FORGOT- Billy. Never forget.
September 8, 2011 at 5:05 pm
September 8, 2011 at 7:23 pm
A plane pinata could complete this set.
September 8, 2011 at 2:53 pm
Never forget..to wipe you hands.
September 8, 2011 at 4:01 pm
NEVER FORGET that eating with your mouth open is rude.
September 8, 2011 at 5:24 pm
NEVER FORGET to eat a healthy balance of vegetables, carbohydrates and proteins.
September 8, 2011 at 6:27 pm
NEVER FORGET that in a pinch, some dude is going to use that napkin as a cum rag.
September 8, 2011 at 7:30 pm
I see a flounce inciting twitter game here…
September 9, 2011 at 4:18 pm
yeah it is. But they are so right!!
September 8, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Anyone else disappointed that something cool doesn’t happen when water hits the shower curtain?
September 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Besides the Bernoulli Effect*?
*The Bernoulli Effect may or may not be the cause of the inward movement of the shower curtain when the shower is running. Bernoulli’s principle can be used to calculate the lift force on an airplane’s wing and allows it to stay airborne.
September 8, 2011 at 3:38 pm
I don’t think that has anything to do with Bernoulli. I think that’s just conservation of momentum.
But then Bernoulli spent a lot to say about flowing water, so maybe. Bernoulli had a lot to say about a lot of things, and those of us cursed with studying fluid mechanics often wished he’d shut up.
September 8, 2011 at 3:52 pm
I think it’s the Bernoulli Effect.
IANAP, but something makes the shower curtain move in toward me, and I don’t know what would do that if not air pressure from the other side, due to the movement of water (and, as a consequence air) on my side.
September 8, 2011 at 4:44 pm
@Gojira Someone won an IgNobel prize last year for explaining that. I’m pretty sure it’s terrorists.
September 9, 2011 at 8:07 am
Gojira: the answer should be obvious…your shower curtain LOVES you
…or it’s trying to kill you…
sleep well!
September 8, 2011 at 7:37 pm
I love that Regretsy makes me smarter!
September 8, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Like flames appearing when hot water hits it? I could really see that.
September 8, 2011 at 7:46 pm
There’s gotta be a coffee mug out there that does it.
September 8, 2011 at 4:56 pm
I still cry when I see the WTC towers in the opening credits of old reruns of “Spin City”. I do not know why I would want to see them every morning on my shower curtain.
But sure, I guess gouts of flame and destruction when the fabric gets wet would have added something…
September 8, 2011 at 7:01 pm
The towers could just be clear rectangles in the skyline.
September 8, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Where is Jesus’ body? And head? WTF??? Just hands, and no body?
September 8, 2011 at 2:36 pm
I thought the towers were supposed to be his head, which brings a whole new level of horror to the piece.
September 8, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Didn’t you read the New Testament? At the Last Supper, they ate him, per his request.
September 8, 2011 at 2:46 pm
You forgot to say spoiler alert.
September 8, 2011 at 3:13 pm
@Stabby, you’re being very considerate, but I don’t think a “spoiler alert” is needed. By now I think everyone knows how the story ends. If nothing else, didn’t Mel Gibson’s movie tell everything you needed—once you transated the Aramaic, of course? You know, hate the Jews, blame the Jews, forget that Jesus WAS a Jew, etc.
NOTE: I was raised Catholic, taught that the Jews killed Jesus, grew up and learned that it was the Romans (and I’m half Italian, but no one was supposed to discuss THAT in relation to Jesus Christ). Just sayin’.
September 9, 2011 at 1:23 am
My cousin claims Jesus is still alive, and lives in her heart.
I think she’s hallucinating.
September 8, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Huh. I didn’t know Jesus was German.
September 8, 2011 at 6:43 pm
Da das ist mein…Körper.
September 8, 2011 at 7:02 pm
Just like Anne Frank.
September 8, 2011 at 2:38 pm
And how is Christ “over” the Towers? From that perspective, he looks like he’s in New Jersey.
September 8, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Nope. I’ve been to New Jersey, and I can tell you there’s absolutely *nothing* holy there.
September 8, 2011 at 6:36 pm
Hey!
September 8, 2011 at 6:42 pm
oh, please, you ain’t holy. you’re just a fat, jealous, crying glitter eagle loser.
September 8, 2011 at 2:48 pm
NJ? That must Satan trying to look like Jesus.
September 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm
I heard Satan’s got a guest spot booked next season on Jersey Shore.
September 8, 2011 at 3:30 pm
@PaganChick, I hear he’s torn between “B-Bub” and “Scratch My Bealls” as a nickname.
September 8, 2011 at 3:36 pm
@Mugsy – Really? I’d have thought he’d go with something a shade more “gangsta” like LewC4, so they could refer to him as simply C4 when whining about his “explosive” interactions with Snookie, et al.
September 8, 2011 at 4:04 pm
@PaganChick: I hadn’t heard that!! Obviously you read the more up-to-date magazines than I do.
(Have you heard that Ellen DeGeneres might come out as a lesbian this year? That’s the rumor.)
September 8, 2011 at 4:04 pm
But those people have no souls, what is he going to get there?
September 8, 2011 at 4:20 pm
@Mugsy – Really?? I thought she was Lebanese!
@Alice – Ratings. Or dropped like a brick off an overpass in favor of another slutty female Oompa Loompa.
September 8, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Jesus is too busy walking next to you on a beach and then occasionally carrying you to have more than his hands depicted in this picture.
He is just way too busy.
September 8, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Agreed. But he does want you to know he prefers glitter on all the crafts depicting him.
September 8, 2011 at 2:52 pm
Oh absolutely. There is no question that He prefers glitter. I thinks he also own a beadazzler. Because that’s how he crafts.
(BTW, I have no fucking idea how to spell beadazzler.)
September 8, 2011 at 4:04 pm
Glitter fixes everything.
September 8, 2011 at 5:48 pm
Does he have to use a glue gun or does he just wave his hands over it?
September 8, 2011 at 7:31 pm
And on the 6th day, God created glitter, and He saw that it was FABULOUS.
September 8, 2011 at 3:57 pm
I just read that as “Jesus is too busy [...] to wipe his hands after pooping”.
It’s been a long day at work.
September 8, 2011 at 7:03 pm
I’ve heard He leaves footprints in the glitter.
September 8, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Hey!! It has glitter damn you, it has to be great art.
September 8, 2011 at 3:00 pm
It can’t be GREAT art unless it’s painted on velvet. Otherwise, it’s just “starving artist” quality.
September 8, 2011 at 4:28 pm
If you want to see the evil eyes and jesus glitter poof, you have to click to the listing and look in the clouds over the towers.
September 8, 2011 at 5:58 pm
Don’t know why but I really like the phrase “jesus glitter poof.”
September 8, 2011 at 5:16 pm
Never forget: Our Lord Jesus Christ was American suckahs! Then the gosh darned terrorists killed him when he ascended to heaven through the twin towers.
September 8, 2011 at 2:30 pm
I’m still trying to figure out what that math one is trying to tell me…
September 8, 2011 at 2:32 pm
It’s trying to tell you that the “artist” wasn’t a math major, either.
September 8, 2011 at 2:46 pm
Well, at least it’s proof that the T-Shirt was actually made in America instead of China.
September 8, 2011 at 3:41 pm
Way too sad that you are right about that….
September 8, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I looked on Etsy – it’s a little clearer. Well, by clearer, I mean I can read it better. The “1″ in the last equation is “one man” and bin Laden is hiding in the 1….
Mainly, though, I think what it’s telling us is that person is into conspiracy theories based on neumerology.
September 8, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Oh, and it’s obvious they have some kinda math dyslexia…
September 8, 2011 at 3:15 pm
No, it’s worse… It says “one MEN.” And I know I’m awful at math, but the part that says May 1 – 11 = 10… wouldn’t that be -10? Which would throw off the rest of the equation, right? Doesn’t matter, I guess. It would still be atrocious even if it did add up.
September 8, 2011 at 4:12 pm
Oh, affected by the wrong order US uses for the dates, I thought it was fine till you pointed it out
September 8, 2011 at 4:13 pm
Ignore all facts if they don’t support your argument. Works for conspiracy theorists as well as “I believe everything the Bible says” people. It’s a multipurpose rule of thumb.
September 8, 2011 at 7:53 pm
@Mugsy: it’s a formula that works down here in the South.
September 8, 2011 at 4:25 pm
never mind the bad math, what the hell is wedding syrup?
September 8, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Well, HelloKinitty, when a man and a woman really love each other, it’s what the woman creates to show how happy she is.
September 8, 2011 at 6:43 pm
@Mugsy Doodle: I fucking love you.
September 10, 2011 at 12:10 pm
September 8, 2011 at 7:24 pm
Does anyone else get the feeling that Glenn Beck was involved in this somehow?
September 8, 2011 at 8:13 pm
What the heck is an oligarh?
September 8, 2011 at 11:36 pm
Leader of a derpocracy.
September 9, 2011 at 12:57 pm
Glenn beck WAs on mY televisiOn, ChAnnel 5.
GWAYOA
GO AWAY.
So there you have it. Glenn Beck should go away.
September 8, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Right? I feel like I’m looking at a bunch of random scribblings that have nothing to do with one another. We need John Nash on this.
September 8, 2011 at 2:46 pm
I feel like I’m stuck watching that damned “23″ movie again. Only this time, I’m sober *shudder*
September 8, 2011 at 5:00 pm
The poor man already has paranoid schizophrenia. Exposing him to this just seems like cruelty to the sick. Like getting someone with chicken pox a loofah.
September 8, 2011 at 2:46 pm
that 11 is a race horse and 12 is 12, 1111 race 12112
BUT NO ONE wins during horrific terrorist attacks until someone is BURID (sic) at sea.
September 8, 2011 at 3:41 pm
I had to look at the original to make sure that really did say “Burid Place”.
My last name ends in an “m”, and I often get mail in which it has been split into “rn”, probably because that makes my name a more common word.
I think the reverse has happened here: the “designer” of the T-shirt read the phrase “Burial Place” somewhere but thought the “al” was a “d”.
And there’s the who 1-11=10 thing.
September 8, 2011 at 3:53 pm
whole. Lost some letters.
September 8, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Very good take, I was totally thrown by “burid” but now I get it!
September 8, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Well, damn.
I’m a graphic design major, and spent all last semester grumbling that I wouldn’t need the required math classes. If my instructor had shown me that tee-shirt, I probably would have changed my mind sooner.
September 8, 2011 at 6:18 pm
I’m a graphic design graduate, and the only time I use math is with my computer’s calculator. But even a 2nd grader could have helped this shirt designer, even if he didn’t have the calculator that comes on the computer.
This shirt is so freaking funny, it makes me wonder if they did all that on purpose just to mock everyone who has number theories!
September 8, 2011 at 4:13 pm
I am almost ready to believe this is the worst item on regretsy ever.
September 8, 2011 at 6:19 pm
Or is it the best…
September 8, 2011 at 7:06 pm
No, it’s not on a hobo in a painting made with placenta.
September 8, 2011 at 4:21 pm
It’s telling you that I couldn’t pass grade 5 math, but the system just shuffled me along.
September 8, 2011 at 4:27 pm
I really wanted to get my purple pen out and correct the math. (I used purple not because I was trying to be kind, but because I wanted my students to leave college fearing purple the way they feared red in high school.)
Then I realized writing on my laptop screen was a bad idea.
September 8, 2011 at 4:37 pm
It’s hard to write over those Wite-Out dots, huh?
(And thanks for making your students fear purple pens—more for me! D:)
September 8, 2011 at 4:38 pm
…more for me
)
September 8, 2011 at 6:41 pm
The angry upside down smile face made me think of the evil monkey from Family Guy. I’ll pretend it was intentional that way and keep on laughing.
September 9, 2011 at 8:06 am
I’m picturing a “mwahahaha” after the “more for me.”
(Whenever I explained the purple pen thing, I’d rub my hands together and cackle evilly.)
September 8, 2011 at 5:02 pm
I took a Biblical Hebrew class once, with a man who believed in correcting mistakes.
A few years before I rolled into his class, some students had persuaded him that correcting in red was hurting their self-esteem. So he bought some green pens.
The whole point of the semester was to get a paper back with maybe a little less green on it.
September 8, 2011 at 8:16 pm
I’m an editor and use blue and green in Track Changes instead of red and something. I used to use red, but I was making so many changes, I thought I might give some authors heart attacks. So your writing is still horrendous, but the corrections are less eye gouging. It’s a #win for everyone.
September 9, 2011 at 8:04 am
Bah. Self-esteem. They all seemed to have too much of that anyway. I just wanted to make them extra paranoid.
September 8, 2011 at 5:51 pm
Numbers don’t lie, but you can arrange them to suit your own purposes. This is also called “how to lie with statistics”.
September 8, 2011 at 8:18 pm
Yeah, 55% of statistics are made up on the spot.
September 8, 2011 at 8:43 pm
Yeah I love it when people are like “THE MATH DOESN’T LIE AND IM GOING TO PROVE NO POINT AT ALL 12-1=11″
September 8, 2011 at 2:30 pm
The next time that person goes to take a shower with a significant other, saying “I’m going to destroy that ass” will have to deal with the awkwardness presented by that shower curtain.
September 8, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Peed my pants. Thanks.
September 9, 2011 at 10:03 am
Anytime.
September 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm
Because nothing says “Never Forget” like a gigantic fucking eagle looming over the towers, intently waiting for his chance to pluck someone’s eyes out and eat them.
September 8, 2011 at 6:47 pm
in fairness, if that had actually happened, I don’t think any of the witnesses would forget it.
September 8, 2011 at 6:47 pm
in fairness, if that had actually happened, I don’t think any of the witnesses would forget it.
September 8, 2011 at 8:33 pm
Yeah, couldn’t they have found an image of a less menacing eagle?
September 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm
It’s a Vatican secret that the last supper was just Jesus & the apostles making paper plate macaroni art.
The glitter wasn’t good for the church’s image.
September 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm
That information is given through hidden numbers on a light switch. Note Dürer’s praying hands used as a model in the second last picture : an old master knew the secret all along.
It’s a centuries old conspiracy and ETSY is in on it!
September 8, 2011 at 3:02 pm
“This is my shit which is given for you. Every time you glue shit to other shit, think of me.”
September 8, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Could you pass the crinkly scissors over here? No, that’s the heart shaped hole puncher, you get it wrong every time, Judas! – So Sayeth The LORD
September 8, 2011 at 3:15 pm
For Thine is the Pinking Shears, the Glue Gun, and the Bedazzler, now and forever.
September 8, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Acraftard.
September 8, 2011 at 6:49 pm
and Jesus did throw the resellers out of the temple, saying “dude, I set up etsy just for you guys.”
September 8, 2011 at 4:25 pm
I bow to you. I laughed my ass off so hard the janitor came up from his office underneath my classroom to see what was going on.
I teach in a catholic school, and just to top it off the K-3 set is in glitter mode.
There are tears in my eyes. TEARS!!
September 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm
…..Burid?
September 8, 2011 at 2:38 pm
Ya’ll makin’ fun-a how he tawks? Mebbe yer a damn Yankee, er a furriner, ah reckon!
September 8, 2011 at 6:49 pm
If we can’t say Burid, the terrorists have won.
September 8, 2011 at 6:55 pm
I legitimately Googled it just to give them the benefit of the doubt. No such luck, for them anyway.
September 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm
But 9-11=-2. So if you have a negative number of towers, doesn’t that mean they never existed? Holy shit, the terrorists Quantum Leaped to 1966 and stopped the construction!
September 8, 2011 at 2:32 pm
And 1-11=10, of course, so Osama’s not dead yet. Call Marty McFly, we’re going Back to the Future!
September 8, 2011 at 2:33 pm
-10*
September 8, 2011 at 3:04 pm
I’m on it.
September 8, 2011 at 2:33 pm
1-11= -10 years. I think you may be right.
September 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm
NEVER FORGET TO USE A NEGATIVE SIGN WHEN SUBTRACTING A LARGER NUMBER FROM A SMALLER NUMBER!
September 8, 2011 at 6:40 pm
Guys!! It’s because the design got waaaay too complicated with the absolute value signs in there. So the “artist” eliminated them, and worked with the assumption that, Americans being Americans, they’d just assume everything was supposed to be expressed as positive integers.
September 9, 2011 at 8:15 am
Wow, I heard that phrase a LOT at my wedding reception:
“Stop exposing your positive integers!”, and the like.
September 9, 2011 at 8:16 am
That should have read “Stop expressing your positive integers”!
hurry UP, damned coffee machine!
September 9, 2011 at 9:12 am
I like “Stop exposing” better. But either would make a good math nerd t-shirt.
September 8, 2011 at 2:52 pm
-2 towers, plus -10 years, minus one man = -13 years of justice… is that 13 years of unjustice? I am not good at craftard math :/
September 8, 2011 at 3:18 pm
My wife counts her birthdays this same way. She’s been 29 for at least 11 years or so now.
September 8, 2011 at 6:47 pm
I’m not gonna lie, when I did the mental math and came up with -2, I immediately thought that the towers could not have existed, using their fucked up “formula”. It’s nice to see that someone else shares a warped world view as I do.
September 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm
THE GIANT DAFFODILS ARE COMING!
Also mopping up BBQ sauce is totally the best way to remember someone.
September 8, 2011 at 2:34 pm
And who doesn’t have a balls out BBQ every September 11th?
September 8, 2011 at 2:39 pm
But it’s a HOLIDAY now….
(nope, still not bitter)
September 8, 2011 at 3:25 pm
I’m thinking if I make two of these and put them up for sale, I can do it as a rememberance of the Twin Towers.
The delicious, bacon wrapped, pork filled Twin Towers.
September 8, 2011 at 3:36 pm
skewer them with two miniature jets, and you’ve got yourself the official Patriot Day meal. Like turkey on Thanksgiving, cake on your birthday, gallons of vodka on Christmas…
September 8, 2011 at 3:37 pm
don’t forget the tunafish jet and the edible glitter. Never forget the edible glitter.
September 8, 2011 at 5:05 pm
Is there really edible glitter? I find myself…intrigued…
September 8, 2011 at 5:52 pm
Bacon always makes it right, unless you are Anne Frank.
September 8, 2011 at 6:51 pm
… in which case, drumming makes it right!
September 9, 2011 at 1:34 am
http://www.sugarcraft.com/catalog/flowers/glitter.htm
I vote for fuchsia on those ribs.
September 8, 2011 at 2:31 pm
I don’t understand how the light switch cover can be both one of a kind and available in all sizes. Perhaps if I spent more time on Etsy I would get it?
September 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm
I’m just thankful that there aren’t any damned watch faces or an octopus glued to it. The last thing we need is “Memorial Steampunk 9/11″ anything.
September 8, 2011 at 3:37 pm
If you just Beetlejuiced it into existence I will either bow in awe or CUT YOU, PaganChick.
September 8, 2011 at 4:07 pm
Hey, why limit yourself? Do both! That way, you can slice my tendons and prevent me running from the horror I’ll have helped spawn!
September 8, 2011 at 7:10 pm
TO THE PAIN!
September 8, 2011 at 8:39 pm
Be careful… Etsy is always listening and will make it so.
September 8, 2011 at 3:54 pm
We still have 2-3 days of posts upcoming…
September 8, 2011 at 4:05 pm
I did a search for Memorial 9/11, and saw several pieces of jewelry that were Etsy steampunk, but fortunately lacked the “Steampunk” tag.
The idea of a steampunk memorial makes me want to commemorate the sinking of The Maine, or the Battle of Little Bighorn, or whatever Victorians told each other to never forget. But then I remembered that I’m phenomenally lazy.
Someone should commemorate that.
September 8, 2011 at 6:40 pm
and here I am, completely out of watch parts and octopus.
September 9, 2011 at 8:28 am
or something…
September 8, 2011 at 2:52 pm
Hell, get two while you’re at it.
September 8, 2011 at 2:57 pm
Yes, it needs that “special” factor of a cupcake to get it.
September 8, 2011 at 2:32 pm
something is weird with that teacher that has the math on it… its very confusing…
September 8, 2011 at 2:34 pm
crap i meant tshirt, i was having a conversation with my husband while typing, and teacher – math – the fact that this seller didn’t listen to one…
September 8, 2011 at 2:32 pm
I’d like to try some of those drugs the “Numbers Do Not Lie” person is on.
September 8, 2011 at 2:34 pm
I’m mathematically retarded and even I couldn’t figure that one out.
September 8, 2011 at 2:43 pm
I used to teach high school Math and I don’t understand it. WTF???
September 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm
Maybe it’s NEW new math?
September 9, 2011 at 5:44 am
I’m pretty sure my nephew who can add numbers faster than a calculator and studies college-level math in the 2nd grade couldn’t figure that out.
September 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm
September 8, 2011 at 2:32 pm
12-1=11! YES! That has spoken to my heart. I knew someone else out there understood.
September 8, 2011 at 2:33 pm
I know I whined last year – but imma whine again. As Northern NJ firefighter i find the level of schmaltz and crappy items almost insulting to the sacrifice that my 343 brothers made that day.
September 8, 2011 at 2:34 pm
my second thought… i try to imagine one’s unnecessarily patriotic (with gaudy crap) decor and try to imagine someone actually proudly displaying or wearing these atrocities
September 8, 2011 at 2:34 pm
ALMOST???
September 8, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Yeah, but just right this side of the line.
September 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm
Then you aren’t trying hard enough
September 8, 2011 at 2:46 pm
well… part of me still wants to give SOME of them an E for effort… it’s the one’s trying to shamelessly cash in that really get my bunkers in a bunch
September 8, 2011 at 5:38 pm
What bunches mine up into a tangled ball of irritation and disgust is the fact that people are churning out this faux-tribute-remembrance crap instead of doing something important like hounding our lawmakers to give comprehensive medical support to the rescue workers.
A ruffled “Heroes” dog coat is SO much more meaningful.
September 8, 2011 at 7:29 pm
Many thumbs, Snargasm, many thumbs.
September 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm
My thoughts exactly…… almost!
September 8, 2011 at 2:39 pm
I don’t know what it is about this particular tragedy that makes people want to make commemorative everything about it.
I’ve never seen a Three Mile Island beer koozie.
September 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm
NEW ETSY STORE IDEA!!!
September 8, 2011 at 2:49 pm
Tragicrafts!
You’ll be shaking in your boots while wearing our Haiti earthquake T-shirt!
Our commemorative Dachau shower curtain will make every shower special!
I need to separate myself from all media until this weekend has passed.
September 8, 2011 at 2:54 pm
Gnomestress, don’t forget the OOAK Holocaust steampunk pendants. You can only buy them in lots of 100 from Alibaba.
September 8, 2011 at 4:16 pm
glow-in-the-dark Chernobyl anything!
Commemorative (any battle between white settlers and Native Americans) arrowheads! And Smallpox infested blankets!
Black Death inspired rat skulls!
Great Chicago Fire kindling!
San Francisco 1906 Earthquake Jenga sets!
September 8, 2011 at 4:34 pm
London Fire of 1666 Matchsticks!
T-Shirts: “Lions 13 Christians 0″
War of 1812 White House shaped candles!
Independence Day bone china tea set, complete with English Breakfast Tea!
September 8, 2011 at 8:45 pm
Watered down maple syrup from Vermont!
Hurricane Katrina pool toys!
Surf Indonesia tshirts!
September 9, 2011 at 1:42 am
I’d wear a Lockerbie Memorial kilt with a black OKBOMB t-shirt. If they come in black, that is.
September 8, 2011 at 2:48 pm
I bet no one makes commemorative items for the ten year anniversary of the Afghanistan war. That, the public seems to want to forget.
September 8, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Too many letters
September 8, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Helen, we could always subtract a few using “math”
September 8, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Perhaps commemorative crocheted afgans? In red, white, and blue stripes, with appliqued yellow “bomb blasts” scattered across it?
September 8, 2011 at 7:16 pm
Sure they will, they just won’t realize it. Plenty of patriotic afghans on Etsy! Incidentally I am terrible with links…
http://www.etsy.com/listing/69621060/new-patriotic-afghan-zig-zag-pattern-in?ref=sr_gallery_3&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=patriotic+afghan&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_ship_to=US&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade
September 8, 2011 at 8:46 pm
I own a Three Mile Island t-shirt that says “Glow with pride” and glows in the dark.
September 9, 2011 at 8:31 am
only because it was mostly forgotten by the majority of Americans by the time the ‘net came around.
This event, however, is going to stick in our collective memories for a while…and, so, fauxmemberances will continue
September 8, 2011 at 3:53 pm
The only way I can tolerate it is to figure that if it’s for sale, it’s because someone wants to pay money for this crap with noble heartfelt intentions.
Personally, I’d rather support a 9/11 charity directly. Despite my love and frequent participation on this site, I don’t have tacky crap in my house.
September 8, 2011 at 5:05 pm
That’s not whining. That’s righteous wrath.
We laugh because we’d be so pissed off if we didn’t.
Also, the napkins.
September 8, 2011 at 6:41 pm
But less insulting than being snubbed at the thing on Sunday?
September 8, 2011 at 7:37 pm
I agree, but apparently when I mentioned my unease with the crappy memorial stuff in another thread, it wasn’t a popular view – got thumbs-ed down all the way. Sure, it’s the capitalist way to make money from tragedy, but it doesn’t make it any less cheap and insulting.
September 9, 2011 at 8:32 am
thumbs up
September 8, 2011 at 2:34 pm
About the napkins…um, listen, 9/11 isn’t the Fourth of July part II.
September 8, 2011 at 2:36 pm
I imagine that one day it will be, complete with cookouts and department store sales.
September 8, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Sadly, I believe you are right…
September 8, 2011 at 3:39 pm
And we’ll get time and a half for working the holiday.
September 8, 2011 at 4:30 pm
I know people who firmly believe it should be made into a national holiday and I have to wonder, why? Then there would be an outcry to politicians that it should be a 3-day weekend, no matter when during the week it falls. Let’s just make it another meaningless just-have-a-day-off holiday. Every year we hear the man-on-the-street interviews of people who don’t know what July 4th signifies. How many people know the difference between Memorial Day and Veterans’ Day is not that Memorial Day is a 3-day weekend and has better sales on mattresses (they also believe it’s the real start of summer!).
I’m old enough to remember when Lincoln and Washington had their own days and Arbor Day wasn’t a long-forgotten Charlie Brown special.
/rant
September 8, 2011 at 5:00 pm
Makes me wonder if people in the ’40s thought that way about Pearl Harbor. Or were people more sane then?
PS: I also remember when Lincoln and Washington had their days.
September 8, 2011 at 6:40 pm
My dad fought in World War II, and from what I learned from him and my mom, people did NOT celebrate the Bombing of Pearl Harbor as a holiday. It was considered a tragedy due to the loss of life, and beyond the laying of a wreath on the memorial once a year, it was not celebrated with picnics, custom-made napkins and t-shirts that said Tora! Tora! Tora!
September 8, 2011 at 7:04 pm
@Badger – that’s what I thought. And that’s how I think we should treat 9/11. Be respectful.
September 8, 2011 at 8:28 pm
I always just wonder…why mattresses exactly? What is it about these days that make people go, “OMG, I need a new mattress, and I don’t want to pay a lot of money!”?
And how many are they buying? When’s the last time I bought one? What do you people do to your damned mattresses? Good god, no, don’t tell me.
September 8, 2011 at 8:30 pm
Crap, I wanted a Pearl Harbor scrunchie.
NEVER FORGET 12/7
(LOL, I had to look that up. Apparently, I forgot.)
September 9, 2011 at 1:45 am
“…complete with cookouts and department store sales.”
With two-fer specials.
September 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm
Aw, man. And I already had my fireworks together, too.
September 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm
No, but it’s another great opportunity to sell the shit you couldn’t move before the Fourth of July!
September 8, 2011 at 8:30 pm
^^ This ^^
September 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm
Hallmark will make it so.
And then it was.
September 8, 2011 at 2:35 pm
At least you make this laughable, which goes a long way toward quelling my urge to smack the greedy and stupid out of people.
September 8, 2011 at 2:50 pm
http://abcnews.go.com/US/popup?id=2396057
Smack harder.
September 8, 2011 at 2:53 pm
A couple captions:
Sometimes the mothers have to explain to their children that their daddies are in heaven. (Donna Svennvik/ ABC)
As the children get older, they start school, play sports and wonder why other children have fathers and they don’t. (Donna Svennvik/ ABC)
On weekends I like to beat migrant workers while drinking heavily and setting fire to cats. (Donna Svennvik / ABC)
September 8, 2011 at 4:07 pm
ABC News first met them cooing, drooling and giggling. Now the 9/11
babieswidows arewalking and talking kidssober. (Donna Svennvik/ ABC)September 8, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Oh sure, because 9/11 children are the only ones missing fathers due to injustice…
September 8, 2011 at 4:02 pm
BRB; gotta go hone my smackin’ stick.
September 8, 2011 at 2:35 pm
I don’t get where the 1 we’re subtracting from the 12 came from? Or was she just subtracting a random number to “support” her “findings”?
September 8, 2011 at 2:38 pm
It was announced or happened (I really don’t feel like looking it up) on 5/1/11.
September 10, 2011 at 7:05 am
So where the hell is 5 in the equation?
September 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm
If you go to the seller’s listing – bin Laden is hiding in the one, like a little “evil dude” peek-a-boo.
September 8, 2011 at 3:06 pm
A follow-up to “Where’s Waldo’ — “Ogling for Osama,”
September 8, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Oh! I thought that was the token fecal addition that every Etsy item must have.
I’m not sure if I was just acidently racist or not :/
September 9, 2011 at 12:40 pm
We’ll let it slide, as it’s bin Laden – I don’t know anyone who defends him! LMAO!
September 8, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Uhh…daffodils?
September 8, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Yeah, the daffodils were a real standout, even in this collection of fuckery. Why daffodils? Why not asters, or zinnias? Does the seller not know that daffodils are a springtime bloom, not appropriate for September? Am I overthinking this? 9 – 11 = 2 1 – 11 = 10 what does this equal is there a point where did all the math teachers go long time passing?
September 8, 2011 at 6:30 pm
Daffodils = Doom
Especially when people let them bloom and expire, they let those dead daffodils sit in their finely mowed yards for a whole month. Why.
September 8, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Terrorists…hate…daffodils. I thought everyone knew that!
September 8, 2011 at 7:18 pm
If you don’t plant daffodils, the terrorists win.
September 8, 2011 at 4:05 pm
I guess they don’t have a picture of Forget-me-nots.
September 8, 2011 at 4:11 pm
Not. Enough. Thumbs.
September 8, 2011 at 6:31 pm
Beautiful, best comment yet.
September 8, 2011 at 4:48 pm
At least they’re not hydrangeas. I loathe hydrangeas. She obviously didn’t know that.
September 8, 2011 at 6:32 pm
At least their not Madonna. I loathe Madonna.
September 9, 2011 at 8:36 am
at least they’re not…
…nah, I got nothin’
September 8, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I am so confused.
1. I wipe my mouth with Ameri-cuh.
2. I show NY my bubbies.
3. I turn the lights out in Manhattan.
4. I do some fucked up math while on meth and expect people to understand.
5. OMFG FLOWERS!
6. OMFG DISMEMBERED BODIES AND FLAGS WITH TOO MANY STRIPIES!
Did I get it right?
September 8, 2011 at 2:42 pm
DING DING DING! Give that poster a cookie!!
September 8, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Don’t forget 7. Become giant eagle’s prey de jour.
September 8, 2011 at 3:12 pm
Derp. I knew I must have forgotten one.
7. Giant eagle is pissed at ‘Meri-cuh and wants its country back. Om nom, snacks, nom.
September 8, 2011 at 2:39 pm
I need the math one explained to me. Is this like a magic eye poster or something?
September 8, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Yep. And when you solve it, the hidden image is of a Chinese student beating you out for the last spot at MIT.
September 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm
I didn’t realize I had dyslexia until I tried to do the fucking math on that poster.
September 8, 2011 at 2:41 pm
So why didn’t Jesus just flick the planes away with his enormous hands? Why didn’t that giant eagle protect us? This is so confusing.
September 8, 2011 at 2:43 pm
And where the hell was Mothra when we needed him?
September 8, 2011 at 3:57 pm
He was busy battling Godzilla.. I think the giant Eagle would Kick Godzilla’s butt, IMHO
September 8, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Only until the third commercial break. After they came back from the break, Godzilla would get his second wind, find inspiration in a couple of overly optimistic Japanese kids, then kick the Eagle’s ass!
September 8, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Well, he was pretty busy with the World Series and everything.
September 8, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Mothra was in the World Series?
September 8, 2011 at 4:05 pm
He played the Giants, of course!
September 8, 2011 at 7:40 pm
I’m trying to find the eyes of evil that were promised me.
September 8, 2011 at 2:43 pm
the hell? who is manufacturing that fabric??? cause that shit looks storebought.
September 8, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Bet you 10-1 it’s made in China.
September 8, 2011 at 8:33 pm
I bet you 9 to 11.
September 9, 2011 at 10:08 am
Ooh, I see what you did there! *wink*
September 8, 2011 at 3:00 pm
I’m pretty sure you can get it at Joann’s, or something really close to it. Best yet, last week all of their “patriotic” fabric was 70% off.
September 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm
ooooooooooh child! That glitterati picture with Jesus’s big old hands and the eagle and towers and stuff, it was a vision she had in hopping. IN HOPPING, I tell you. Hopping visions are different than just regular laying on your ass visions.
September 8, 2011 at 2:51 pm
And require a special kind of shrooms mixed into the hash brownies.
September 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm
Stop hopping.
September 8, 2011 at 3:52 pm
…and start shufflin!
September 8, 2011 at 8:57 pm
You know what this calls for…
thanks to whoever originally posted this… I love it
September 8, 2011 at 3:14 pm
“All hopped up on [insert drug and or caffeine item here, or Nesquik]“.
September 8, 2011 at 3:49 pm
Fun Fact: If you snort NesQuik, you can not only SEE that damned bunny, but hear him rattle off a never-ending stream of vituperation and scatalogically inspired verbal abuse at you. Then you can try to catch and eat him.
September 8, 2011 at 5:51 pm
I found my new drug! At least I can find Nesquik in suburbia, unlike that damned addictive okra!
September 9, 2011 at 1:52 am
If you’re diabetic, you can get the same effect with dutched cocoa powder mixed with Splenda.
September 9, 2011 at 8:39 am
I am currently high on the fact that someone used the word “vituperation”
Damn, I LOVE this place!
September 8, 2011 at 2:50 pm
The healing is so powerful I had to use my 9-11 memorial napkins to wipe my glittery tears while sipping my special 9-11 tea out of a bald eagle’s upcycled skull.
September 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm
On a table made of barnwood from a farm that happened to exist on 9/11?
September 8, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Not only are the daffodils mutant but they bloom in spring, not fall.
September 8, 2011 at 3:51 pm
They…bloom…in…the…summer*…in…the…seller’s…artistic…ability!
If you keep insisting that those daffodils bloom in the spring, well, dammit, the terrorists win!
*I’m a season nazi–summer ends on September 23rd, not on Labor Day, so September 11th is still summer. Sorry to be a bitch about this.
September 8, 2011 at 7:08 pm
Argh, I know! At least five of my facebook friends were posting about how they were sad to see summer end and warned people to not wear white tomorrow, tee hee hee. All the while I was scratching my head, checking out the calendar trying to remember if Congress declared the end of summer to be Labor Day so as to save on electricity, or something.
(Yeah, I’m still bitter about the change made to Daylight Saving Time. I’ve got a whole rant about how I liked the old DST better and how the new time frame makes absolutely no fucking sense.)
September 9, 2011 at 10:06 am
Ooh, false end of summer & DST rant? Oh, come and sit down, we’ve got a lot to rant about!
I was listening to a news radio station the other day and the metereologist said that summer ended on Labor Day. Really? Then what the hell season are we in until the start of autumn?
As for DST, if I had to choose, I’d go with the original—I love that some people and even politicians want it year-round…can’t even begin to list the arguments against the “logic” of that one!
I’d prefer no DST at all. It doesn’t save any energy if the mornings are dark, then lights are on all over the house.
I have relatives in Australia. Figuring out the time difference to make a call is bad enough in winter (I think it’s 13 hours, I really forget), but then they don’t have DST—actually voted it down!—so then they and I have to figure out it’s now 14 hours’ difference. I think.
September 9, 2011 at 7:36 pm
Six months of horrible bleak winter darkness every morning. Then just as the sun would begin to start peeking above the horizon during wake up time, BAM!!! Another month of morning darkness because someone who made the new DST rules was stupid cuntface. It’s a kick in the shin when winter starts to come around, but honestly a gun shot to the knee cap when DST starts up early.
The most confusing trip I took was to the midwest in May. We were back and forth between Utah (DST) and Arizona (no DST) and I’m pretty sure we crossed a time zone a few times somewhere in all that mess. I never knew what time it was, I gave up.
September 8, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Apparently Osama is a number Because 11-Osama=10. This leads to a lot of questions. What is the square root of Osama? What happens when you divide by Osama? Do school children now have to learn their Osama multiplication tables?
September 8, 2011 at 2:54 pm
“The square root of Osama is Iraq. That’s why we invaded.” The Book of Dubya 3:12
September 8, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Because, of course, “II” is exactly the same as “eleven.”
September 8, 2011 at 3:47 pm
EXCEPT when it’s convenient to melodramatically pronounce 11 as “one-one,” so the attacks took place on “nine-one-one,” a date deliberately chosen by the terrorists because that’s the phone number you dial for emergencies…what luck they did that in NYC, where you DO dial 9-1-1 for emergencies.The late Paul Harvey always announced the date that way–as nine-one-one. Very emotionally with melodramatic pauses.
Ooh, ooh, don’t forget—the Twin Towers LOOKED JUST LIKE “11,” and it happened on 9-11. Get it? It was all a plot. Oh, unless you think the towers looked like the Roman numeral II, which is really crazy ’cause no one uses Roman numerals anymore. Except in the Base-911 system.
September 8, 2011 at 4:54 pm
I am a 911 operator and I hate when people say “Oh, you work at Nine Eleven?” NO, I fucking don’t!!!
September 8, 2011 at 7:22 pm
I suppose it depends on which shift you have. 9:11 AM or PM? Most people work at some kind of 9:11, I’d guess.
September 9, 2011 at 1:58 am
Why is SEPTember the ninth month, anyway? “Sept” is the Latin word for seven.
That’s always confused me when I’ve taken an extra Benedryl.
.
.
.
.
.
(I know, I know. “Early Roman calendar, blah blah blah.)
September 8, 2011 at 3:47 pm
At least there’s something non-confusing about it: directly under the shirt in the posting, it says “t shit anniversary 9 11″. Truth in advertising.
September 8, 2011 at 4:14 pm
I like that the “artist” labeled it correctly as t shit underneath the photo.
September 8, 2011 at 4:28 pm
At last – Truth in Advertising!
September 8, 2011 at 2:53 pm
How could anyone forget that Jesus likes glitter? He sprinkles it all over everything.
September 8, 2011 at 3:09 pm
God bless the strippers, for they are covered in Jesus’ craft supply. Gentlemansclub 9:11
September 8, 2011 at 3:58 pm
youtube clitter. If you haven’t seen it, it is pretty amazeballs, like your name.
September 8, 2011 at 2:54 pm
The shower curtain could have been better, they didn’t even show the actual New York skyline, just some random buildings and the WTC. And everything looks like its melting like in Volcano.
September 8, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Given the lighting behind the hand painted shower curtain it would look like al-Qaeda’s next plan was to use mutant giant naked people to attack New York….
And then of course there’s always the lyrical references to getting caught between the Moon and New York City
September 8, 2011 at 2:57 pm
They should have positioned the picture of the towers on the light switch so that the light switch itself was taking the place of the towers. Then every time you turned it off, the tower would be falling again! But when you turn the light on, you’d be bringing the tower back up!
September 8, 2011 at 2:59 pm
I’m thinking more like one of those sliding dimmers…
September 9, 2011 at 8:43 am
I’m thinking more like sliding something long into something dim…
or something…I dunno, there’s a joke in there somewhere and I’m not sure that was it
September 8, 2011 at 3:00 pm
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
September 8, 2011 at 3:00 pm
…and yes, I want this on an all occasions sampler.
September 9, 2011 at 8:46 am
George Carlin explained it perfectly:
~ 90-110 is an “average” IQ
This means that 50% of the people on this planet have a below average IQ
(true IQ numbers don’t work that way, but I like the way this helps to exlplain people a little bit
September 8, 2011 at 3:02 pm
Giant Mutant Fall-Flowering Daffodils Batman! I knew the Hudson was kinda polluted but…. what sort of pollutants caused THOSE?
September 8, 2011 at 3:03 pm
May I say that A) Numbers lie all the time,
and even if they didn’t, B) That math would make a 2nd. grader cringe.
September 8, 2011 at 3:36 pm
Fox News makes it happen every day.
September 8, 2011 at 6:27 pm
And they have the luxury of not needing to be convincing about it.
September 8, 2011 at 8:22 pm
That book was required reading in one of my college courses. I went to an awesome school.
September 8, 2011 at 3:05 pm
I don’t know what the point of the tshirt is, but at least their math wasn’t wrong. So, hooray for that I guess.
September 8, 2011 at 3:06 pm
….ambles on back to turn off sarcasm font…. carry on now
September 8, 2011 at 3:06 pm
I’m still waiting for my twin tower scented candles AND my Flight 93 piñata to arrive in time for my memorial picnic this weekend. Thank God I at least have appropriate napkins.
September 8, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Flight 93 pinata! Oh, that’s funny.
September 8, 2011 at 3:49 pm
You could add a Pentagon-shaped Baked Alaska.
September 8, 2011 at 3:09 pm
okay, the t-shirt math makes absolutely no sense to begin with, but it would be nice if the creator actually followed his/her own mathematic formula for the entire equation.
Sept. 9-11 = 2
May 1-11 = 10
so s/he is saying it happened on Sept. 9, 2011!
Anyone else catch that?
(it should read Sept. 11-01= 10)
September 8, 2011 at 4:18 pm
Wholly shit (sic). Yes. Now I’m sure. I proudly declare that I believe this is the Worst Item on Regretsy Ever.
September 8, 2011 at 7:06 pm
I didn’t even notice that. Was too distracted by that random freaking 1 that shows up in the bottom to get the 11 years.
September 8, 2011 at 7:12 pm
Also just noticed that tomorrow is Sep. 9 and my brain did a whole time travel convolution to explain exactly how that would work that made my brain come to a screeching halt in confusion.
September 8, 2011 at 9:01 pm
It’s because the terrorists were carrying the 1.
September 8, 2011 at 10:39 pm
I’m now imagining a giant mauve 1 cut into four pieces with one piece on each plane that day. Because my brain is weird.
September 9, 2011 at 4:44 am
Oookay, I can’t make samplers but I can make some form of bad art myself. The last two comments will lead me…
September 8, 2011 at 3:11 pm
Gee I thought maybe I’d do something a little more tasteful this year… like wear my Bingham Cup T-shirt; based on a gay rugby tournament held every 2 years to honor the memory of Mark Bingham (gay rugby player on the SF Fog RFC) who was one of the people who stormed Flight 93′s cockpit over PA.
Instead, though, apparently I should just use tragicrafting. Giant Glittery Daffodils in Jesus’ hands for Christian Eagles!
September 8, 2011 at 4:09 pm
I wish to support this rugby tournament, and I swear my reasons pass the Miller test.
September 8, 2011 at 4:20 pm
The next one is next year. Manchester, England is hosting it.
http://www.binghamcup.com/
I support anything that involves gay men in short shorts with fantastic thighs, to be honest, but I especially support this.
September 8, 2011 at 7:58 pm
There’s a new documentary (very new, like the last few months) about Mark Bingham: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1401256/plotsummary
September 8, 2011 at 3:17 pm
$400.00
33″x24″ digital media fuckery, poorly photoshopped
THE STORY: For me, the site where the Twin Towers once stood will always be a place where thousands of people collectively screamed “OH SHIT!” The greatness of the American mindset, coupled with the horrifying events unfolding right in front of their eyes surely helped to evacuate more than one bowel.
THE ART: This painting isn’t a painting in the least. I merged (poorly) two digital images together and then printed it at Kinkos during my lunch hour. Each finished piece of work is absolute horseshit.
September 8, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Bill, you are one inspired bastard.
September 8, 2011 at 3:45 pm
When I steal ideas, I still the shittiest I can find. But thank you!
September 9, 2011 at 8:50 am
ya know, I tend to shy away from commenting directly about the crying-glitter-eagle-9/11 stuff, just out of respect
but wow, this one made me convulse with laugh-spasms
Thank you!
September 8, 2011 at 3:29 pm
I’m guessing that shirt is all about the “new math”, ya know the stuff they teach my 8 year old to keep pace with the Japanese
I hope that if anyone has that awful twin towers shower curtain in their house that they are attempting to be ironic or pithy or make some sort of sex joke “hey baby wanna come over and see my ‘twin towers’?” but I doubt it…
September 8, 2011 at 3:48 pm
Hey, now, I didn’t recognize it as such until I was well into adulthood, but I was taught “New Math” starting in first grade in the ’60s, and it was awesome! Right off the bat we learned to work with sets. It was so much better than just forcing us to memorize addition and subtraction.
I appreciate that teaching abstract concepts at that age doesn’t work for everyone, but it sure worked for me. Well, I was on the math team in high school and majored in Math in college. Whether that is “success” depends on your perspective, I guess.
September 8, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Depends. Does your current career involve wearing a cap, or asking if someone would like to add fries to their order?
If not, and instead your career involves mathematical calculation in any meaningful way, I’d call it a “win”.
September 8, 2011 at 4:22 pm
Well, it is a professional career, but it doesn’t involve making calculations. Or anything to do with my degree, other than it’s a degree.
Besides, real math doesn’t involve calculations. As I occasionally tell people who want me to calculate who owes what after dinner, or something like that, I say “we’ve given you the set of real numbers and the operations addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. The math is done. The application is up to you.”
OK, I’ve only done that a couple of times.
September 8, 2011 at 4:34 pm
@Gojira – Like I’d know anything about whether or not “real math” involves calculations. I was a fucking English Major, which of course led to an amazing, exciting career asking people if they’d prefer to use cash or credit to pay for their purchases. Money well spent on that degree, I tell ya.
September 8, 2011 at 3:36 pm
Is it wrong that I sort of love the light switch cover? tower up, tower down, tower up, tower down. Also unique and rare, but still available in all sizes
September 8, 2011 at 3:36 pm
That’s it, I’m opening a new store on etsy that sells strictly memorabilia (sp?) depicting tragedies around the world. Here are just a few of my ideas:
Holocaust ovens -who doesn’t want an over emblazoned with pictures of Jews on their way to the ovens? See what I did there?
Battleship – Pearl Harbor edition
Tsunami surfboards
Jenga – Haiti earthquake edition
Jeffrey Dahmer body part ice cube trays – I know I want a floating arm and head in my drink, who doesn’t?
Columbine commemorative backpacks. Kids will love em!
September 8, 2011 at 3:47 pm
Anne Frank commemorative drum sticks!
Too soon?
September 8, 2011 at 4:30 pm
I was actually thinking maybe instead of disembodied Jesus “over” the towers, it should be a dis-em-attic’ed Anne Frank using the towers as drum sticks.
September 8, 2011 at 4:49 pm
Too soon?
September 8, 2011 at 5:15 pm
@BellyBillboard: Too soon for awesomely creative thinking? NEVER!
September 8, 2011 at 3:59 pm
One thought. Print your Holocaust stickers (Nazi symbols, etc) and slap them all over a “vintage” Easy Bake Oven from the thrift shop, and include male and female gingerbread cookie cutters with it, along with “decorating ideas” for the cookies.
Nothing like spreading the loathe into the next generation.
September 8, 2011 at 9:03 pm
Auschwitz shrinky dinks!
September 8, 2011 at 6:31 pm
“The Plath” or “Sylvia” model gas ovens?
September 8, 2011 at 7:07 pm
I have not enough thumbs for how much I love this comment. Whenever Sylvia Plath comes up in my poetry workshop I will have to just call her The Plath.
September 8, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Why aren’t purveyors of Ginkgo Biloba products taking advantage of our Nation’s need to “Never Forget”?
September 9, 2011 at 8:53 am
wow
now THAT went deep!!
and your username is hilarious too!
September 8, 2011 at 3:46 pm
“Numbers Don’t Lie.”
Except for 5, that filthy son of a bitch.
September 9, 2011 at 2:03 am
Six goes around telling people he’s nine and drunk, all the time.
September 8, 2011 at 3:49 pm
I really hate the 9/11 “art” with Jesus in it in some way shape or form. It’s like really? So Jesus was there the whole time but he just sat around and let everyone die? Sounds like a great guy.
September 8, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Well, to be fair, he was probably busy turning piss into wine for some hobo at a wedding somewhere nearby.
September 8, 2011 at 5:26 pm
And in the meantime, a gay guy stood up and actually did something to intervene.
Hmmm.
September 9, 2011 at 8:56 am
didn’t you hear?
Jesus made that plane crash in the end BECAUSE there was a gay guy on it!
In the same vein as he made Hurricane Irene slam the East Coast because NY now allows gay marriage.
To Jesus, gay men/women are like Pokemon: gotta catch ‘em all! (then kill them with some kind of horrific disaster that has 199% collateral damage.
Yep, that’s the way He “holy) rolls!
September 8, 2011 at 3:49 pm
There is an extra level of Fuckery that happens when you create clothing that proclaims to NEVER FORGET an event that happened before the wearer was born. (re: child sized tees, onsies)
Let’s bring back the “REMEMBER THE MAINE” slogan, folks. The Spanish-American war was for REALZ, yo.
September 8, 2011 at 7:29 pm
Remember the Alamo while you’re at it!
September 9, 2011 at 8:57 am
Remember the what now?
September 9, 2011 at 8:57 am
I mean, seriously, how can you forget the Alamo?
Or Hertz? Or Avis?
September 8, 2011 at 8:40 pm
IMHO, it’s for the same people who put college logos on their kids’ ultrasound pictures. Babies are just media for our expression.
September 8, 2011 at 3:50 pm
The rest of that math whiz’s listings are just as perplexing. For example, the wedding favor syrup, which contains no sugar, and yet, nothing artificial. Mind=blown.
p.s. Syrup as a wedding favor???
September 9, 2011 at 6:46 am
Notice this sugar-free “syrup” (notice no one bothered to list ingredients or even what kind of syrup this is. It could be snot in a bottle for all we know) in a tiny bottle is 29 damn 99.
Don’t forget to throw in a personalized bent-wire hanger with super ugly lace tied on it for $23.99 and the matching plate for $8.
September 8, 2011 at 3:50 pm
Those napkins will look sharp with my Vietnam War Vet themed napkin rings. I just have to remind the guests that the grease from the low-cal Freedom fries really stains. And that would just be unpatriotic.
September 8, 2011 at 4:53 pm
and really really unpatriotic if you cook those fries in Olestra..
September 8, 2011 at 5:30 pm
Ohhh, are those the Vietnam napkin rings commemorating the shackles worn by American POWs?
I keep forgetting that Vietnam was horrible, what with it happening before I was born and it totally not being a part of our history and all. Fortunately my mother-in-law gave me a case of little flag-draped caskets to use as spice containers, and now I find myself remembering every time I make Easy-Mac.
September 8, 2011 at 9:06 pm
Don’t forget the punji stick kebabs!
September 9, 2011 at 2:09 am
Agent Orange Kool-Ade freezes well.
Phnom Phnom Phnom!
September 9, 2011 at 8:59 am
Was this the 1940s Vietnam war, or that later one with all the hippies?
September 8, 2011 at 4:17 pm
What’s the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking the cow after ten years.
September 8, 2011 at 6:02 pm
I hope that isnt copyrighted, because I am using it!
September 8, 2011 at 4:21 pm
Wait, there are more t-shirts.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/80256096/t-shirt-9-11-10-anniversary-911-world?ref=v1_other_2
September 8, 2011 at 4:21 pm
Shit! I found its way into a treasury!
http://www.etsy.com/treasury/listing/80256096
September 8, 2011 at 4:22 pm
(“It”! IT found its way…)
September 8, 2011 at 4:28 pm
I think you meant “Shit found its way into a treasury.”
September 8, 2011 at 4:23 pm
…And the treasury just got trolled.
September 8, 2011 at 4:31 pm
I also added my two cents worth
September 8, 2011 at 7:55 pm
LOVED that comment! (And your screen name. Damn, that’s awesome.)
September 8, 2011 at 4:46 pm
I knew Jesus was a fellow craftard. Just read the bible. It’s SO obvious. Fucker can cook too! Wine, never ending fish bowl and breadsticks? Hell. Fucking. Yes.
September 11, 2011 at 12:16 am
He’s like the Olive Garden, made man!
September 8, 2011 at 4:52 pm
Also, I just got back from Michael’s (needed clay for Boo Bees) and the guy in front of me was buying red, white and blue ribbon and yellow ribbon with 9/11 printed all over it. For some reason I pictured him making a giant 9/11 mum.
September 8, 2011 at 5:19 pm
I didn’t see Boo Bees in your shop. What am I missing? (Other than not seeing Boo Bees, that is.)
September 8, 2011 at 10:20 pm
I came up with the idea in the forums this morning. They’re going to be my donation to the AA shop this month. They just came out of the oven.
Sorry for the terrible cell phone pics and my cruddy craft cupcake pan.
September 9, 2011 at 9:01 am
Ok, now THAT is pretty damned cute!!!!
September 9, 2011 at 9:58 am
Awwww! They are adorable. I’m going to look for them in the shop this month. (I like how bumblebees wear pink ribbons on their costumes!)
September 8, 2011 at 4:52 pm
For those of you who were unconvinced of the artistic merit of the painting in the LAST batch of 9/11 Fuckery–don’t you now see how GOOD it looks, compared to this stuff?
September 11, 2011 at 12:14 am
Agreed, the painting *is* quite good.
September 8, 2011 at 4:54 pm
I wouldn’t recommend that shower curtain to anyone that ever wants to look forward to shower nookie again… or anyone else, really.
September 8, 2011 at 4:59 pm
I don’t know about that. Nothing turns me on more than two big towers. It burns me up and I fall hard…
Too far?
September 8, 2011 at 4:59 pm
BRAIN SCIENCE
(-2) + (-10) = JUSTICE
September 8, 2011 at 5:21 pm
I got a headache trying to do the math on that t-shirt. Then I got heartburn when I realized I actually sat for 5 minutes trying to figure out that bullshit… And I haven’t even starting drinking yet.
September 8, 2011 at 9:12 pm
This sounds like Lewis Black… are you?
September 8, 2011 at 5:23 pm
Now, let me try to figure out the math on the shirt. Warning, I am not a math person:
OK, 9-11=2
So, the number of the month, minus the number of the day of the month equals the number of towers destroyed on the day so described. Unfortunately, 9-11=-2. Besides that, the math works.
Then, 1-11=10
We have now moved on to using the day of the month, minus the last two digits of the year, to equal the number of years between the attack and Bin Laden’s death. Ignoring the complete asymmetry of this, we have the continuing problem that our t-shirt guy doesn’t get negative numbers, and appears to think the numbers just run both ways, sort of like the way my dad used to file everything for his business. It should be -10, suggesting that Bin Laden was actually killed the year I graduated from high school. I agree, this would have been better for almost everyone concerned, but there you have it.
September 8, 2011 at 5:25 pm
So then we create another equation, using the previous two: 2+10=12. This is correct, which I find sort of worrisome. So, two towers, plus ten years equals 12, and we subtract one man (Bin Laden, for those of you playing at home), which adds up to 11, which is, once again, the number of the year in which Bin Laden was killed, which was previously used as a value.
Except technically, I think the whole thing actually works out to -13, which is the number of guests who showed up to the Last Supper, if no one actually showed up for the Last Supper.
This must mean something.
September 8, 2011 at 5:27 pm
This person sucks at numerology.
September 8, 2011 at 6:33 pm
2 TOWERS 1 CUP.
September 8, 2011 at 5:55 pm
I notice that very little, if anything at all, from these “tributes” are being donated to any cause connected with helping the families of the victims of 09/11, that’s the real tragedy.
September 8, 2011 at 5:57 pm
There never forgetsy posts have given me an idea for some really offensive salt and pepper grinders.
September 8, 2011 at 6:13 pm
And the fallen tower will be the pepper shaker.
September 8, 2011 at 8:20 pm
Turn the planes to grind the salt and pepper…
September 9, 2011 at 5:48 am
The salt and pepper can come out the towers’ tiny windows.
September 8, 2011 at 6:10 pm
Sept 9-11= 2
May 1-11= -10
Justice is served = -8
NUMBERS DON’T LIE
September 8, 2011 at 6:28 pm
You know what I think it’s time for? LOL EAGLES.
September 8, 2011 at 6:36 pm
So I got an email from Sam today…unfortunately he is away on vacation right now and wont be able to make my video for like three weeks. Better late than never I suppose. I am stoked to see what he has to say about these douchetards
September 8, 2011 at 7:53 pm
I am looking forward to it.
September 8, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Me too! And the great thing is, you can save it and post it for next year’s lot.
September 8, 2011 at 7:59 pm
I mean, post it AGAIN, of course. We must see it as soon as it’s finished!
September 8, 2011 at 6:38 pm
September 8, 2011 at 6:49 pm
That giant eagle is looking for Godzilla because that remake sucked.
September 8, 2011 at 9:23 pm
“How’s that crying for the dead bird now, hm?!”
September 8, 2011 at 7:10 pm
Ok, the Numbers Do Not Lie t-shirt can go into the DERP category, too. What is a “Burid” Place? Creepy.
September 8, 2011 at 7:14 pm
Why would anyone buy any of this junk???
I guess it would fit in nicely with my Collection O’ Tragedies: the Holocaust Ashtray, Hurricane Katrina Umbrella and Rain boots set, and Harriet Tubman Handcuffs.
“Never Forget” to buy useless shit.
September 8, 2011 at 7:20 pm
And the Trail of Tears Handkerchief!
September 8, 2011 at 7:55 pm
All I have is a smallpox blanket and a Sri Lanka Tsunami Edition surfboard…i need to work on my collection.
September 8, 2011 at 9:18 pm
If I may:
September 9, 2011 at 4:43 am
Bravo.
September 9, 2011 at 9:04 am
hmmm…EagleBewbs
September 9, 2011 at 1:57 pm
I’m sort of afraid.
September 8, 2011 at 9:22 pm
This post is so fucking beautiful. I really needed that today too. Thanks HK!
September 9, 2011 at 5:19 am
Those damn dirty eagles.
September 9, 2011 at 5:40 am
If we’ll never forget, we don’t need crappy items telling us not to forget, now do we?
I really wish people would stop trying to cash in on this disaster. There is no tactful way to sell 9-11 related items.
September 9, 2011 at 5:54 am
So I was just bawling my eyes out reading 9.11 stories on MSN when I checked my Google Reader and got to this bad boy. Between trying to figure out the equations in “Numbers Do Not Lie” and J. Stallone contacting you, I have laughed myself back into a good Friday mood. THANK YOU!
September 9, 2011 at 6:25 am
Never forget that “rare, one of a kind items” come in all sizes.
September 9, 2011 at 12:22 pm
Ok, so I’m not taking time to read aLL the comments, but i did read the first few and no one caught another thing about the math shirt… The format of the dates is (Month dd yy) so its May 1 2011 (which is correct I GUESS) but APPARENTLY we have danger to look out for on September 9 2011, which unfortunately is today. I will now be shivering in my bathtub because of this prophetic statement. I need some tequila and some xanax if i hope to make it through the day.
and if anyone else pointed this out in the comments i was too lazy to read: oh well.
September 9, 2011 at 1:29 pm
Where did the 12 come from? I can see where the other numbers came from but the 12 appears to have been pulled out of the artist’s ass?
September 9, 2011 at 3:48 pm
I read this as “…12 appears to have been pulled out of the artist’s heart.” I seriously just snorted some Andre Brut out of my nose.
September 9, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Thank you for making me laugh with the Regretsy descriptions of the 9/11 merch. I’ve never been comfortable talking about 9/11 in detail because it was a difficult day to live through. I rarely talk in detail about my experience with it – partially because it was traumatic and partially because I know my expierence pales in comparison to what others went through. Point being, it’s always uncomfortable when the media sites start running 9/11 stories, articles, pictures, videos constantly. But thanks to Regretsy, you made me laugh. And that’s probably better than any therapy. <3
September 9, 2011 at 4:15 pm
September 9, 2011 at 7:49 pm
OK, this had me laughing hard enough that I wound up getting the headshake from my hubby while trying to explain why I was laughing through the tears. I also reminded him that he married me on purpose.
September 10, 2011 at 1:12 am
What saddens me is when the tragicraft isn’t even very good, like that switchplate. That person is not PS-clueful.
I think that eagle is scarier than the planes. Seriously, imagine looking out your office window and seeing that. GIANT EAGLE TERRORIZES CITY.
Also, a nit to pick: Why must we anthropomorphize eagles? They are the national bird, but I promise you, they don’t give a *flying* fark (see what I did there?) about the terrorist attacks. They care about eating fish and having sex with other eagles.
September 10, 2011 at 4:05 pm
I am completely in love with that t-shirt. Mostly I’m in love with the fact that it’s on a t-shirt. Admit it, how long did you stare at it trying to make sense of the weird math and find the Easter eggs like Bin Laden hiding in the 1? Now imagine staring at some fat guy’s chest for that long on the bus.
September 11, 2011 at 10:04 am
I have that light plate but now I’m unable to turn off my lights since it feels like I’m turning the light off America. My electricity bill is through the roof.