By now most of you know that in my other life, I do voices for cartoons.

I’ve been doing this since I was eleven years old, and I have voiced a lot of characters. Some of you probably grew up listening to me, or have children and are currently suffering through my work.

Which brings me to Friday night, when I saw this Tweet:

A few hours later, someone had uploaded the clip to YouTube.

I’m just going to leave this here.

Yes, that’s me, Clarabelle Cow.

I don’t remember this particular episode, but I’m not surprised. As careful as people are – and believe me, people are very, very careful about this stuff – something always gets through that makes us wonder if anyone else hears it the way we do, or we’re just sick bastards who ought to keep our mouths shut.

It reminds me of something that happened when I was working on the 101 Dalmatians television series. We were told that Disney brass was coming to a session and would be watching us record, and they were bringing some people from Standards and Practices. I was asked by my agent to watch my mouth and not swear too much, because the people from the network were pretty humorless.

I played Cruella on that show, and Pamela Segall Adlon (better known as Bobby Hill, or for her roles on Louis C.K. and Californication) played a puppy named Lucky. Pam had also been warned to watch her language which was probably harder for her than for me. I swear a lot, but she makes me look like an amateur.

All went well until we got to a scene where Cruella called someone a “moron.” A flurry of activity started behind the glass, and while we couldn’t hear them, we knew that they were having a discussion about that word, and whether we could say it. Finally the director came over the loudspeaker and told us that the network felt the word “moron” was inappropriate, and could we please come up with alternate?

Pam and I looked at each other, and started gamely throwing out ideas.

“Idiot?”

Too harsh.

“Imbecile?”

Too highbrow.

“Jerk?”

Too sexual.

We did this for several long minutes, and the network shot down everything we could come up with. Finally we all fell silent.

After an excrutiatingly long pause, Pam said, “I guess ‘cuntlapper’ is out of the question.”

And… scene

Earlier today, I shared this tweet with you:

It seems many people in the path of Hurricane Irene are without power, using their cell phones to entertain themselves.

Think of all those people, overcome with worry and fear, staring at their cell phones in the gathering gloom. It’s awful, isn’t it?

Don’t they know they’re supposed to be in church?

For fuck’s sake people, it’s Sunday. Maybe if you’d been praying for God’s mercy instead of playing Angry Birds on your Droid, this whole thing could have been avoided.

Anyway, I asked you to tag a completely fake bible quote with #powerless, just to see what happened. I didn’t expect much to be honest, because it’s Sunday, and that’s usually the day everyone reserves for being mad at me for posting shit from a year ago.

But this is the best response from a Twitter game since this one. In fact, I had to choose five winners instead of three, and even that was hard to narrow down.

If you see your tweet here and it’s labeled “WINNER”, email me for a pretty awesome* prize.

*Not so much

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This post first appeared on Regretsy on September 21, 2010

You know how when you were a kid and you laid in the grass looking up at the clouds, and you saw circus animals and bunnies and things? Well, this is a lot like that, except the sky is a diaper, and the bunnies are globs of baby shit, and you’re a fucking idiot.

I just saw this tweet:

I was really moved by this.

All these people, stuck without power, looking at their cell phones for a little diversion. It’s sad, isn’t it?

I mean aren’t they supposed to be in church?

So let’s kill two birds with one stone.* Let’s amuse our friends in the path of the hurricane, while reminding them that this whole thing could have been avoided if they hadn’t enraged God with their alternative lifestyles and poly cotton blends. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE TATTOOS

Tag your completely fake bible quote with #powerless (see what I did there) and @regretsy me so I can see your tweet. The best thing about this is that someone, somewhere will think this is legitimate, or better yet, argue with you about whether or not that’s really scripture. Either, way, we kill a couple of hours.

Best tweets will be posted at the end of the day, and there will be prizes. NOT THAT YOUR PLACE IN THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN ISN’T REWARD ENOUGH YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS

*Please remember to cry over the dead bird