fAKE? are we talking about the boobs or the apples.
A good game to play with friends at Disneyland near Splash Mountain is “Real or Fake” boobs. Its hilarious and helps get the “Its A Small World” earworm out
I that how you remove that pestilential song? As a former Floridian, I have paid good money to know that some years ago. I had to settle for imagining machine gunning down all those saccharine puppet/marionette kids.
Haha, no need to remind me. I go to school with a herd of them, and this place has a crazy ratio (70:30 guy/girl). Things get interesting when the girls decide to sunbathe in bikinis in the dormitory quad.
@Horsetuna, no worries—I thought you were relaying more information. Nerds play with Nerfs, so that would be a good place to train Nerf herders (but I would hope the herders have something stronger than a Nerf whip).
(*Obviously* this was in answer to Architect’s second comment. @#*&$%. Btw I learned yesterday that you shouldn’t swear by randomly typing symbols, typing ){ :& };: might make your computer hang. Ask your nerds.)
She is totally laying on her back. That’s why the ribbon is cutting into the boobs the way it is, and the nips are sitting in the middle like sunny side up eggs. Still fake, though.
When a boob looks like it is attached on top of the chest, rather than a part of the chest, then they are fake. I think these are a result of rather large implants but into rather small boobs.
Being the proud owner of some very expensive fake tits I can tell you those are definitely fake….and it’s a bad boob job to boot.
Also, call me crazy, but a tiny piece of string is not going to hold those suckers in place if she moves even an inch…..and that’s if her boobs are stiff, which they appear to be. I hope she got a good discount.
RosieB, you must be quite young (well, compared to me anyway) and have fake / real confusion thanks to the massive proliferation in the past 10 years of cosmetic surgery and resulting media images.
And I hasten to point out that one does not use glue to adhere pasties. Use liquid latex – not just for fetish- wait, never mind. I’m still talking about pasties.
“Wait let me get this straight….she doesn’t want to glue anything to her nipples but she’ll have her tits cut open and filled with sacks of fluid?!??”
This comment rates a perfect 10 on the Regretsy scale of “Now Why Didn’t *I* Think of Posting That!”. Congrats!
I don’t think anything can top last nights….and yes, that is a challenge HK.
After sharing the Camel Joe post with a bunch of friends it gave us a couple of hours of fun and discussion. God I love my friends.
A starving man doesn’t turn down a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because it’s not an Au Jus French Dip from Arby’s. He’s grateful for whatever morsel he can get. And hell, sports balls are made of rubber and you know how much we enjoy playing with those.
I’d rather have a peanut butter sandwich than a sandwich from Arby’s. I mean, I’ve got some pretty high class peanut butter, and jelly, and Arby’s is really watered down and not good.
I just meant boobs are boobs to most guys. I know my husband used to pretend not to think other women were hot because he thought I would get jealous. It took a while for him to realize I’m not like that. Hell, I point out hot women to him.
If the porn ads I used to see on file sharing sites were anything to go by, most guys prefer tits to be either small but with nipples like ceiling-directed radio knobs, or cartoonishly spherical and enormous (much the way few women actively prefer small, hairy man-parts).
Fortunately for those of us with big tits that hang, most men are also able to separate their porn preferences from the reality of partner selection.
true, but there comes a time when it becomes obvious, and like I said, if it wasn’t for reconstruct, it’s over.
SO, sincere or not, there’s no reason for you to doubt how I feel about it.
What does size have to do with it? THESE aren’t that big, and you can still tell they’re fake. On the other hand, I have what I’d consider semi-gigantic breasts (can JUST squeeze into a 38DDD), and they’re 100% genuine.
I honestly can’t imagine anyone inflicting the pain and annoyance of huge boobs on herself INTENTIONALLY . . . I know that some women do, but I’m convinced that either a) they’re insane, or b) they’re going to ask themselves what in the hell they were thinking the next time they try to go shopping for a swim suit or a cute bra. Or hell, ANY bra in their size in a department store. Not many even carry my size.
Rushgirl – I concur! 32DD here and NO STORES carry that size, and what I do find are boring granny bras. Forget matching sets. Vickie’s just started carrying it – but I was on the ring for 6 months and it made me go up to a DDD. I didn’t get a new one this month. Eff that. I NEVER would have done this on purpose. Perhaps April’s Army can help me raise $6000 for a reduction? (j/k. I’m so not that selfish!)
rushgirl2112- Mine are 38H. Makes it damned difficult to find a proper bra. Luckily, I found some stretchy cotton 38DDs at Walmart that work.
I was at JCPenney back when I was a 36DDD and I was special ordering a bra. The saleswoman asked, “Would you like a minimizer?” I looked at her, pointed to my tits, and said, “People *pay* for these.”
That’s actually a seriously specific form of shallow. “Oh you got fake tits? I won’t date you.” I dunno guy, that’s a little much. Maybe it’s a self-esteem thing that you can’t understand, maybe it’s stupid on their part, but hell, if you hold every stupid thing someone has done against them, the human race would die out pretty quick. But that’s MY opinion, your mileage may vary.
Why do the vast majority of women get implants? To be more sexually attractive. There really isn’t any other good reason, aside from reconstructive surgery, of course. So THAT’S not shallow, but the man who isn’t buying it IS?
I don’t have any problem at all with women getting implants. If it makes them happy and they have the money, I say go for it. But they need to realize in making that CHOICE that some men will be turned off by it rather than turned on.
It’s not the man’s fault. Some men are more attracted to women who are more natural and accepting of their bodies the way nature made them. Some men aren’t attracted to heavily made-up women. And vice versa.
Now, if he refused to date women with small breasts, THAT would be pretty shallow. But implants are a choice, and like it or not they do say something about a woman’s personality when she chooses to get them. Not necessarily anything BAD, but maybe just not what he’s looking for.
Yes I did, because she just knows everyone one is going to want that interchangeable function so they can buy a pair of each. Her ideas are just that good.
Is it weird that the thing that really bothers me about the ribbon “bra” is that she couldn’t even bother to use a lighter to heat seal the fraying ends of the ribbon? (See 3rd picture on bra listing)
Though I may just be seeing squirrels everywhere since I have lately been fighting a constant battle with the little fuckers, who keep taking one bite of the almost-ripe tomatoes I have planted out on my balcony. One bite! And then I of course can’t eat it because who knows what kind of rabies or horrible diseases the little bastards are carrying. They’ve gotten more heirloom tomatoes this year than I have. Goddam squirrels…
If it makes you feel any better, squirrels cannot contract or carry the rabies virus. Just cut out the bad parts and make the rest into pasta sauce. No one will be able to tell.
I swear, squirrels have some sort of freaky fruit-ripeness sensing ability. Every time I think, hey, this tomato will be ready to pick tomorrow I come out the next morning to find a big ol’ bite out of it.
I had to build a wire cage to protect the tomatoes if I wanted to eat them any way other than green and fried.
If you catch one, you could make a beer bottle cozy out of it. Considering your experiences, I suspect you’ll take the shortcut–just a shove an empty beer bottle up its butt and then put it out near the tomatoes. Make an example of it for its buddies.
For whatever reason, I can’t hit reply under your posts, but thanks for the tips. Next year I will definitely have to early pick, get creative with the chicken wire and/or be much more vigilant with the cayenne pepper water.
And ever since the roadkill bottle cozy post, I have been planning to make one. But mine will be knitted. I have the perfect yarn, it’s leftover from an owl Gameboy cozy I made for an ex-boyfriend. It won’t smell all funky after the first time you put a condensation bottle inside.
EVERY mammal (and bird) can contract and pass on rabies.
However, squirrels are so small they’re not likely to survive being bitten by a rabid animal, so the chances of encountering a rabid squirrel are vanishingly low.
Like all wild animals, they’re bound to have parasites, but probably nothing that can be passed along via tomatoes. I’d go along with cutting out the bitten parts and using the rest, as you would with a bird peck.
Sadly, no she is definitely standing up (there are a bunch more photos in her store that make it a bit more obvious). She just seems to be the owner of Posh Spice-approved grapefruit tits.
I still think she could be laying down. The hair is laying flat on her neck, not hanging in front of it. And the shadows behind are very close–if she wasn’t laying down, she’d be backed smack up against the wall. In the full shot of this one, it looks like her hand is under her hip.
Me too! I remember when we had to explain the difference in pronunciation to my brother who kept requesting titty tassels instead of a pastry in stores…
IIRC, a pastie is also a type of pie (Think of the pumpkin pasties in th HP books, maybe it’s just a british term…) I usually think of them like the Hostess Fruit Pies, but from what I see they can be a full pie too.
Mind, unless you’re from an area using that particular idiom… those poor clerks…
They were originally devised as a way for Cornish miners to carry their lunch into the mines. The early ones had non-edible crust that existed just as a container for the filling, but later somebody realised it might be even tastier if you could eat the crust.
So they are related to pies, but not really the same thing as a pie.
Odd thing about the food type pasties. I used to make them ages ago but hadn’t thought of them in at least ten years until this post!
And WHAT does my husband start talking about this morning!?? “We should make pasties this winter, haven’t had em in so long”! He did NOT see this page, so it was kind of out of the blue!
So I don’t dream about Regretsy but I’m having Twilight Zone flashbacks…♫ doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo ♫
Unless she’s had some really good reconstructive surgery, that’s not Tara. Poor Tara had some really bad surgery…and then felt compelled to show it to the world.
I hate looking in mirrors for extended periods. You’ll find that everything on everyone, including yourself isn’t quite symmetrical….. then it bothers you for a day or three. Then you drink and forget. ; )
Amen! Mine are more noticeably lopsided depending on the day (for some reason) and what I’m wearing.
Even contemporary paragons of beauty like Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, and Salma Hayek are lopsided in any number of ways. Angelina has seriously asymmetrical knockers, if you saw and recall that scene in Gia where she’s standing out in the hallway buck-ass naked.
Though if the seller paid good money for those (and I think the consensus is that those are not-found-in-nature boobies) one would like to think that her plastic surgeon could have made the proper adjustments. Pity she can’t get her money back. Maybe that’s why she’s selling computer printouts and box strapping…
I didn’t even stare, actually! As the proud owner of some incredibly lopsided bresticles, Thanks to a chemo-port scar above the right one, I just noticed it. My point is, if your going to burn $6k on some titties, they better damn well be perfect. I expect some “individuality” in the real thing(s) but not if they’re store bought!
no two breasts are ever going to be exactly the same size. Generally the breast on the dominant-hand side is going to be a bit smaller than on the non-dominant hand side….because the dominant hand gets used more thus making the muscles in the chest stronger and reducing fat, which is all breast tissue is anyway: fat. When women go in for breast implants very seldom are both implants the same size. They insert the bigger one into the smaller breast to attempt to achieve symmetry…in most cases of huge implants (see picture above) the implant will “bottom out” after a while and they have to get fixed…I know all of this because my ex had GINORMOUS implants and had to get them fixed.
I thought pasties were supposed to stick. This is at best, the cheapest ribbon-and-inkjet-paper bikini top I’ve ever seen. Oh, and fake or not, brava on the mammalian attributes. {IF FAKE(tatas()); THEN; WELLDONE(‘surgery’); ENDIF()}
I swear I thought that said, “Tasteless pasties,” or, “Pasteless tasties,” but was just the boobs getting in my eyes.
The symmetry is what gives them purdy plastic hooters away, too (aside from the fact that normal, droopy adipose tissue simply won’t be supported by paper apples on a string.) Mine actually look real, but only because I had them sized wonky on purpose, so I could say to oglers, “Who in their right mind would pay for lopsided tits, dumbass?”
Are these SERIOUSLY just laminated pieces of paper? This isn’t even trying. Come on.
The idea has potential, I think, provided one uses ACTUAL pasties. I can see someone dressing up with silver and white body paint and a silver wig with Apple logos in the appropriate places.
By the way, in the parts of the (third) world where i live, Apple is a fetish only for girls, graphic designers and gay guys. I guess the moral is – boobies do not always sell.
Somehow lends further credence to “Dolphins: the frat boys of the sea”.
Though I’m pretty sure dolphins are of a higher intelligence than the keg-standing, date-rapey frat boy bros I did my damnedest to avoid back in college.
Have to agree with you. As an owner of a set of original equipment tits (not that I have a problem with women getting implants), that gif is making me queasy on many levels.
Oh I see, so instead of having something pasted to my nipples, I can just have a clip rubbing against them all day long. That’s muuuuuuuuuch better. (NOT!)
I cannot stop laughing at the “ribbon bra” that completely, utterly, and absolutely defeats the purpose of opting for a pasty. That looks freaking RIDICULOUS. Don’t like the idea of sticking things to your nipples? Maybe just forgo the pasty altogether then. Because the look you’re achieving here is not a pasty look so much as a swimming goggles for your boobies look. And it looks dumber than it even sounds.
More like large oranges or medium sized grapefruits, I think.
But hey, I’m certainly not going to complain about such minor differences when faced with such a lovely pair of ta-tas!
This post goes uncomfortably too well with the Camel Toe post.
Has anyone solved the camel toe mystery yet? I was so disturbed I screamed and called my husband over, showed him the Mankini and demanded him to show me how it is done/possible. He didn’t. phew.
apparently, at least according to the description of one of the other items they sell, it’s done by pushing the penis back into the body at its root. In some of their other designs, you need to do the same with the testicles in order to wear the…um…”garment”
Why anyone would want to do this is beyond me, but when in a fully flacid state, it doesn’t hurt to do it. I can’t imagine this is true with the testicles though.
Perhaps a LOT of pharmaceuticals are required?
It doesn’t really hurt… They’ll fully retract if cold enough, pop in if you sit a certain way, they can even go most/all of the way in if you are “happy” enough.
If they were BOUND into place it might get uncomfortable.
These designs would never work for me though… He likes to “Stand up” for himself, he does.
Reminds me of the model I had for a life drawing class. She had the same style of hemispherical overfilled implants, except hers were a good decade down the road and had developed noticeable capsular contraction. Whenever I showed people my drawings of her, I noted that she had implants, which usually led to a ‘Oh. That’s why her boobs look weird!’ response.
This girl looks like she hasn’t had these ones for long, they’re still riding pretty high. Them some ugly boobies, sad to say.
So, I’m asexual and don’t really know about these things, and after seeing this: I’m pretty sure she doesn’t either.
I thought the whole reason you put whipped cream on your lady bits what so your partner could lick it off–fun for everyone (apparently)! But apparently, it’s for the visual appeal.
I didn’t see those! That somehow makes this whole effort even more awkward. I guess if you wanted to go to a costume party in a whip cream bikini without worrying about dripping… but I’m sure there’s a better way to do that. Or enough willing people to help re-apply. Plus, it’s a party! Go big or go home.
Alright, it’s decided. I wouldn’t invite this titty-strappin’ chick to my party. She doesn’t even use good straps. Pfft.
You ain’t missing much. OSX is a very pretty albeit proprietary rehash of Bell Labs’ UNIX (yup! it hails from 1969.) Not a bad OS, but there are better ones out there. Hardware is good, but it’s just Intel like half the PC’s on the market. Want a cheap apple equivalent? Cheap lappy plus OpenBSD kinda comes close. I tend to prefer Mint and OpenSuSE, though.
My mind just went back to where it shouldn’t. I remember my mom talking about the Apple shirts back in the 80′s when she worked there. They had one apple for each boob.
Hm. They’re showing part of the left nipple, but otherwise, the concept here is really awesome! Almost as awesome as going topless!
Girls, as a man, I hope you keep that in mind at the next party I go to.
I was more focused on the fact that she has the furriest armpits ever, until I realized it just the hair behind her back making it seem that way. I still like the idea: once the fake boobs were in place she decided to go for an under-arm weave.
August 30, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Can’t tell if fake or just very well strapped in…
Either way, ouch.
August 30, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Those look fake, but what do I know? I’m a fat gay jealous loser…
August 30, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Time for my favorite game – Real or Not Real?
Great fun at the county fair or in bar restrooms.
August 30, 2011 at 5:17 pm
I had a “friend” who went into a bar restroom once and…
August 30, 2011 at 5:45 pm
Wait, do I know you? The La Pinata restroom incident from my 29th birthday party is legend amongst my friends.
August 30, 2011 at 9:28 pm
Not so much at strip clubs. Those were some mournful tits..
August 30, 2011 at 5:22 pm
fAKE? are we talking about the boobs or the apples.
A good game to play with friends at Disneyland near Splash Mountain is “Real or Fake” boobs. Its hilarious and helps get the “Its A Small World” earworm out
August 30, 2011 at 8:09 pm
I prefer Gay or Mormon… but then again, I live in Utah and the answer is often both…
August 30, 2011 at 8:45 pm
I that how you remove that pestilential song? As a former Floridian, I have paid good money to know that some years ago. I had to settle for imagining machine gunning down all those saccharine puppet/marionette kids.
August 31, 2011 at 10:18 am
Try “gay or European” its tuff even with the best Gaydar
August 31, 2011 at 6:03 am
They’re fake.
And I’m not talking about the apples.
August 30, 2011 at 1:38 pm
(the sound of a half-dozen nerds in the vicinity having erections and not knowing why)
August 30, 2011 at 1:39 pm
it’s like *doing doing doing doing* splat… … … “where’d I put my cheetos?”
August 30, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Haha, no need to remind me. I go to school with a herd of them, and this place has a crazy ratio (70:30 guy/girl). Things get interesting when the girls decide to sunbathe in bikinis in the dormitory quad.
August 30, 2011 at 3:42 pm
@TheAngryArchitect: You go to school with a nerd herd?
August 30, 2011 at 11:03 pm
Mugsy: So that is where they train Nerf herders!
August 30, 2011 at 11:03 pm
Wait, NVM. I can’t read.
August 31, 2011 at 10:54 am
@Horsetuna, no worries—I thought you were relaying more information. Nerds play with Nerfs, so that would be a good place to train Nerf herders (but I would hope the herders have something stronger than a Nerf whip).
August 30, 2011 at 2:11 pm
are you perhaps in GT architorture?
August 30, 2011 at 8:55 pm
RPI.
August 30, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Oh, you disillusioned me, in the beginning I thought these were erections because of apple…
August 30, 2011 at 2:40 pm
(*Obviously* this was in answer to Architect’s second comment. @#*&$%. Btw I learned yesterday that you shouldn’t swear by randomly typing symbols, typing
){ 
:& };: might make your computer hang. Ask your nerds.)
August 30, 2011 at 3:03 pm
just leave out the semi-colon and you should be OK
August 30, 2011 at 1:39 pm
Oh, honey, believe me those are 100% FAKE. Realsies don’t stick out away from one another like they’re primadonnas feuding at a wedding party.
August 30, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Mine totally won’t hang out together but they definitely hang, I think that’s what these boobs are lacking for authenticity.
August 30, 2011 at 1:41 pm
I just looked at her page and realized they look the same in every picture no matter what her arms are doing. Eep.
Also: Damn, those ‘pasties’ look cheap. Can’t I make those by printing out pictures on card stock?
August 30, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Like the iPad, she is yet another marvel of modern engineering technology.
August 30, 2011 at 3:04 pm
Pretty sure that’s what SHE did
…and shouldn’t this be filed under “copyright infringement”?
August 31, 2011 at 6:28 am
I think they look like what you’d get if you trimmed the mouse-pad from around the logo!
August 30, 2011 at 1:43 pm
It could be that she’s laying on her back. Mine tend to separate in that position.
August 30, 2011 at 1:49 pm
but do they still look like you are smuggling bologna?
August 30, 2011 at 1:57 pm
More like half-melted ice cream.
August 30, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Seconding this. Mine look a lot like that when I lie on my back. Don’t make me send in a picture.
August 30, 2011 at 2:23 pm
She’s standing or you wouldn’t see the shadow.
August 30, 2011 at 2:40 pm
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August 30, 2011 at 2:43 pm
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August 30, 2011 at 4:01 pm
I don’t know about your guys, but when I lie on my back my tits migrate to my armpits.
August 30, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Depending on their mood, mine can look kinda like that when I lay on my back. Though they are just as likely to try to wander off towards my armpits.
Yes, my boobs have moods. Don’t yours?
August 30, 2011 at 4:22 pm
She is totally laying on her back. That’s why the ribbon is cutting into the boobs the way it is, and the nips are sitting in the middle like sunny side up eggs. Still fake, though.
August 30, 2011 at 4:56 pm
See that long white thing on the left? Door molding. So unless she has a door on her floor, she’s standing.
August 31, 2011 at 4:42 am
Oh fuck, armyofjelly. I accidentally gave you a thumbs down. I’m sorry! I blame my iPad.
August 31, 2011 at 10:45 am
Cindy-Lou, I may never forgive you.
August 30, 2011 at 1:46 pm
or the pic was taken in zero gravity…
August 30, 2011 at 1:47 pm
When a boob looks like it is attached on top of the chest, rather than a part of the chest, then they are fake. I think these are a result of rather large implants but into rather small boobs.
August 30, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Being the proud owner of some very expensive fake tits I can tell you those are definitely fake….and it’s a bad boob job to boot.
Also, call me crazy, but a tiny piece of string is not going to hold those suckers in place if she moves even an inch…..and that’s if her boobs are stiff, which they appear to be. I hope she got a good discount.
August 30, 2011 at 2:05 pm
For science…… we would like to see how they should have been done. Purely research, mind you.
August 31, 2011 at 12:29 pm
Yes yes, for research purposes of course. I hear that frequently when I receive random motorboat requests from people.
When the doc screwed mine up the first time around I simply asked him to fix them…for free….which he did.
No way was I going to settle for wonky tits when I used my daughtger’s entire college fund on those puppies.
August 30, 2011 at 5:00 pm
Not to mention the horrible dent it gives to the side of those things. Why on earth would you want your boobs to look dented?!
August 30, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Real boobs are not that perfectly round at all. Those are totally fake.
August 31, 2011 at 7:07 pm
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August 30, 2011 at 3:49 pm
Breasts,
you’re doing it wrong.
August 30, 2011 at 5:16 pm
At least she is not inverting her tits or trying to wrap them around her buttock.
August 31, 2011 at 11:09 am
Actually I imagine an Etsy artist has done a painting of that very thing. It’s probably down to only $1500 now.
August 30, 2011 at 5:16 pm
RosieB, you must be quite young (well, compared to me anyway) and have fake / real confusion thanks to the massive proliferation in the past 10 years of cosmetic surgery and resulting media images.
Those are the fakiest fakes that ever faked.
August 30, 2011 at 10:48 pm
I admit I have fake/real confusion. I’m petite and have small boobs, so I’m not real knowledgeable in the physics that come with large ones.
But even if I wasn’t 100% sure those were fake, I was 99.9998% sure they were.
August 30, 2011 at 9:04 pm
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August 30, 2011 at 1:37 pm
I’m sure there’s someone out there just willing to bite into that chestfruit… though personally I might choke on the filler tube…
August 30, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Wait let me get this straight….she doesn’t want to glue anything to her nipples but she’ll have her tits cut open and filled with sacks of fluid?!??
August 30, 2011 at 1:41 pm
No no, you see, she’s fine with it as long as someone gives her an elephant’s dose of Xanax and painkiller beforehand.
August 30, 2011 at 1:58 pm
I would imagine being fine with most things after that, too.
August 30, 2011 at 3:25 pm
I second that notion.
August 31, 2011 at 11:10 am
I third it.
August 31, 2011 at 6:13 pm
Wouldn’t we all?
August 30, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Maybe that’s why she doesn’t want glue? The wounds are still fresh.
August 30, 2011 at 1:46 pm
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August 30, 2011 at 4:09 pm
And I hasten to point out that one does not use glue to adhere pasties. Use liquid latex – not just for fetish- wait, never mind. I’m still talking about pasties.
August 31, 2011 at 10:20 pm
I’m allergic to latex… you don’t want to know how I found that out…
wait, we’re still talking about pasties right?
August 30, 2011 at 4:59 pm
She’s afraid that, when removed, the tape will peel off what’s left of the real boob.
August 31, 2011 at 1:14 am
“Wait let me get this straight….she doesn’t want to glue anything to her nipples but she’ll have her tits cut open and filled with sacks of fluid?!??”
This comment rates a perfect 10 on the Regretsy scale of “Now Why Didn’t *I* Think of Posting That!”. Congrats!
August 30, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Looks like she’s trying to smuggle packages of bologna under her skin. Ouch.
August 30, 2011 at 9:31 pm
This looks worse than a sock full of quarters.
August 30, 2011 at 1:38 pm
If I tried to use those, I’d be wearing a belt.
How does she keep them so perky? besides the obvious implants?
Show me one Apple geek with implants.
August 30, 2011 at 2:09 pm
I’d think they all were, by the Apple Lifestyle(tm)-induced smugness.
August 30, 2011 at 1:38 pm
What is this, thongs stretched over swollen naughty bits week?
August 30, 2011 at 2:18 pm
I don’t think anything can top last nights….and yes, that is a challenge HK.
After sharing the Camel Joe post with a bunch of friends it gave us a couple of hours of fun and discussion. God I love my friends.
August 30, 2011 at 2:39 pm
Well, yeah! Didn’t you get the memo?
August 30, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Dang. The one time I didn’t check in with Club Fuckery, and this is what happens?
August 30, 2011 at 1:38 pm
I bet ol Steve would take a byte of those apples. When it comes to fake or real, most guys I know, don’t give a shit. Tits is tits.
August 30, 2011 at 1:40 pm
A wise friend of mine once said, “Real or fake, they all taste the same.”
August 30, 2011 at 1:55 pm
A starving man doesn’t turn down a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because it’s not an Au Jus French Dip from Arby’s. He’s grateful for whatever morsel he can get. And hell, sports balls are made of rubber and you know how much we enjoy playing with those.
August 30, 2011 at 2:00 pm
I’d rather have a peanut butter sandwich than a sandwich from Arby’s. I mean, I’ve got some pretty high class peanut butter, and jelly, and Arby’s is really watered down and not good.
August 30, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Being the exception doesn’t change the rule.
August 30, 2011 at 2:00 pm
My husband, bless ‘im, wrinkled his nose and said ‘Ew’ when he got a glimpse of that picture. Of course, he’s an admitted ass man.
August 30, 2011 at 2:20 pm
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August 30, 2011 at 2:55 pm
So, I guess I should have put a winky face after this? It was meant as a joke.
August 30, 2011 at 5:17 pm
embrace your thumbs-downedness. I do. no winkie face either.
August 30, 2011 at 5:31 pm
Thanks BellyBillboard.
I just meant boobs are boobs to most guys. I know my husband used to pretend not to think other women were hot because he thought I would get jealous. It took a while for him to realize I’m not like that. Hell, I point out hot women to him.
August 31, 2011 at 11:23 am
Oh, the ass men, god love ‘em.
If the porn ads I used to see on file sharing sites were anything to go by, most guys prefer tits to be either small but with nipples like ceiling-directed radio knobs, or cartoonishly spherical and enormous (much the way few women actively prefer small, hairy man-parts).
Fortunately for those of us with big tits that hang, most men are also able to separate their porn preferences from the reality of partner selection.
August 30, 2011 at 3:08 pm
Actually, I’m pretty darned picky and would NOT date a women with fake boobs (unless they were because of reconstructive surgery).
August 30, 2011 at 4:21 pm
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August 30, 2011 at 4:32 pm
true, but there comes a time when it becomes obvious, and like I said, if it wasn’t for reconstruct, it’s over.
SO, sincere or not, there’s no reason for you to doubt how I feel about it.
August 30, 2011 at 4:51 pm
I guess it’s because I live in Los Angeles, but I see more women with gigantic implants than not.
August 30, 2011 at 5:06 pm
What does size have to do with it? THESE aren’t that big, and you can still tell they’re fake. On the other hand, I have what I’d consider semi-gigantic breasts (can JUST squeeze into a 38DDD), and they’re 100% genuine.
I honestly can’t imagine anyone inflicting the pain and annoyance of huge boobs on herself INTENTIONALLY . . . I know that some women do, but I’m convinced that either a) they’re insane, or b) they’re going to ask themselves what in the hell they were thinking the next time they try to go shopping for a swim suit or a cute bra. Or hell, ANY bra in their size in a department store. Not many even carry my size.
August 31, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Rushgirl – I concur! 32DD here and NO STORES carry that size, and what I do find are boring granny bras. Forget matching sets. Vickie’s just started carrying it – but I was on the ring for 6 months and it made me go up to a DDD. I didn’t get a new one this month. Eff that. I NEVER would have done this on purpose. Perhaps April’s Army can help me raise $6000 for a reduction? (j/k. I’m so not that selfish!)
August 31, 2011 at 8:40 pm
rushgirl2112- Mine are 38H. Makes it damned difficult to find a proper bra. Luckily, I found some stretchy cotton 38DDs at Walmart that work.
I was at JCPenney back when I was a 36DDD and I was special ordering a bra. The saleswoman asked, “Would you like a minimizer?” I looked at her, pointed to my tits, and said, “People *pay* for these.”
August 31, 2011 at 2:36 pm
That’s actually a seriously specific form of shallow. “Oh you got fake tits? I won’t date you.” I dunno guy, that’s a little much. Maybe it’s a self-esteem thing that you can’t understand, maybe it’s stupid on their part, but hell, if you hold every stupid thing someone has done against them, the human race would die out pretty quick. But that’s MY opinion, your mileage may vary.
September 1, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Why do the vast majority of women get implants? To be more sexually attractive. There really isn’t any other good reason, aside from reconstructive surgery, of course. So THAT’S not shallow, but the man who isn’t buying it IS?
I don’t have any problem at all with women getting implants. If it makes them happy and they have the money, I say go for it. But they need to realize in making that CHOICE that some men will be turned off by it rather than turned on.
It’s not the man’s fault. Some men are more attracted to women who are more natural and accepting of their bodies the way nature made them. Some men aren’t attracted to heavily made-up women. And vice versa.
Now, if he refused to date women with small breasts, THAT would be pretty shallow. But implants are a choice, and like it or not they do say something about a woman’s personality when she chooses to get them. Not necessarily anything BAD, but maybe just not what he’s looking for.
August 31, 2011 at 1:05 am
If someone took a “byte of those apples” I’m concerned she would deflate, or go whooshing away like a punctured balloon…
August 31, 2011 at 6:16 pm
My DH is fond of saying “who cares if the equipment is made of plastic as long as you get to play on the monkey bars”…..
August 30, 2011 at 1:39 pm
One good sneeze and that little band would pop right the eff off!
August 30, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Even just a full inhale would pop that pasty belt off.
August 30, 2011 at 2:40 pm
I’m sure a lot of men are looking for the black pepper right now.
August 30, 2011 at 1:39 pm
They follow me across the room.
August 30, 2011 at 1:39 pm
She does Rubik’s Cube ones! I’m sorely tempted, despite being a dude. Dudes still have nipples.
August 30, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Dooo itttt! *peer pressure*
August 30, 2011 at 2:22 pm
pictures.
August 30, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Go for it dude. I don’t know about you but I can safely say that my man-boobs look more natural than her store bought ones.
August 30, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Buy them, wear them, send in pictures. Guys can play sexy!geek, too.
August 30, 2011 at 5:51 pm
Much agreed! I loves me some geekyness. Mmmm.
August 31, 2011 at 1:07 am
Rubik’s Cube? I’m crap at those things… I’ll have to spend ages twisting and playing around with them. Shame.
August 31, 2011 at 1:19 am
They’ll be on your nipples. Get someone else to do it, it will be more fun that way.
August 30, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I don’t really think that tying a ribbon around your boobs constitutes a bra.
August 30, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Or pasties.
August 30, 2011 at 1:46 pm
But it has elastic! And a clasp!
August 30, 2011 at 1:49 pm
And did you notice that the ribbon bra is sold separately?
August 30, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Yes I did, because she just knows everyone one is going to want that interchangeable function so they can buy a pair of each. Her ideas are just that good.
August 30, 2011 at 2:59 pm
Is it weird that the thing that really bothers me about the ribbon “bra” is that she couldn’t even bother to use a lighter to heat seal the fraying ends of the ribbon? (See 3rd picture on bra listing)
August 30, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Tie a cheap old ribbon ‘round some fake boobies
It’s been three cup sizes
Do you still want me?
August 30, 2011 at 3:46 pm
I’ve got to go home and find my Tony Orlando & Dawn album…you’ve got me hummin’ and shufflin!
August 31, 2011 at 6:40 pm
Oh, gosh! I hate
loveyou two!August 30, 2011 at 1:40 pm
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August 30, 2011 at 1:40 pm
so plastic box strapping + cardboard cutouts from said box = etsy sales?
i’ve been WAY over thinking my shop!
August 30, 2011 at 1:44 pm
You don’t even get the strapping. You have to buy it in a separate listing.
August 30, 2011 at 1:47 pm
wow… if that’s the case, i’ve been undercharging for actual STUFF like mad! i could’ve been billing just for what i use as packing material!!!
August 30, 2011 at 1:57 pm
You could do this, for instance:
August 30, 2011 at 2:10 pm
Bah, shouldn’t you put those on sticks?
August 30, 2011 at 2:12 pm
Holy gawd I thought that was bacon for a second…
August 30, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Bacon pasties? Genius! Er…just make sure the bacon cools off a bit before you put them on.
August 30, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Bacon pasties. Make them, and the men of the world will beat a path to your door.
August 30, 2011 at 7:10 pm
And the women!
August 31, 2011 at 1:21 am
Think of the pigs? Who will cry for the piiiiiigs?
August 31, 2011 at 6:44 pm
August 31, 2011 at 6:45 pm
“Om nom nom.”
August 30, 2011 at 2:12 pm
give the poor girl a break! she probably needs money to cover the boob job expences. though they really look like she’s done it herself.
August 30, 2011 at 2:17 pm
I thought they were albino squirrels.
Though I may just be seeing squirrels everywhere since I have lately been fighting a constant battle with the little fuckers, who keep taking one bite of the almost-ripe tomatoes I have planted out on my balcony. One bite! And then I of course can’t eat it because who knows what kind of rabies or horrible diseases the little bastards are carrying. They’ve gotten more heirloom tomatoes this year than I have. Goddam squirrels…
August 30, 2011 at 2:48 pm
If it makes you feel any better, squirrels cannot contract or carry the rabies virus. Just cut out the bad parts and make the rest into pasta sauce. No one will be able to tell.
August 30, 2011 at 3:02 pm
I swear, squirrels have some sort of freaky fruit-ripeness sensing ability. Every time I think, hey, this tomato will be ready to pick tomorrow I come out the next morning to find a big ol’ bite out of it.
I had to build a wire cage to protect the tomatoes if I wanted to eat them any way other than green and fried.
August 30, 2011 at 3:08 pm
If you catch one, you could make a beer bottle cozy out of it. Considering your experiences, I suspect you’ll take the shortcut–just a shove an empty beer bottle up its butt and then put it out near the tomatoes. Make an example of it for its buddies.
August 30, 2011 at 4:44 pm
I always pick my tomatoes a little early and let them get red on the counter or in the fridge. #helpfulfuckery
August 30, 2011 at 5:39 pm
For whatever reason, I can’t hit reply under your posts, but thanks for the tips. Next year I will definitely have to early pick, get creative with the chicken wire and/or be much more vigilant with the cayenne pepper water.
And ever since the roadkill bottle cozy post, I have been planning to make one. But mine will be knitted. I have the perfect yarn, it’s leftover from an owl Gameboy cozy I made for an ex-boyfriend. It won’t smell all funky after the first time you put a condensation bottle inside.
August 31, 2011 at 5:29 am
EVERY mammal (and bird) can contract and pass on rabies.
However, squirrels are so small they’re not likely to survive being bitten by a rabid animal, so the chances of encountering a rabid squirrel are vanishingly low.
Like all wild animals, they’re bound to have parasites, but probably nothing that can be passed along via tomatoes. I’d go along with cutting out the bitten parts and using the rest, as you would with a bird peck.
August 30, 2011 at 1:40 pm
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August 30, 2011 at 1:44 pm
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August 30, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Sadly, no she is definitely standing up (there are a bunch more photos in her store that make it a bit more obvious). She just seems to be the owner of Posh Spice-approved grapefruit tits.
Bad boob jobs make me sad.
August 30, 2011 at 2:18 pm
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August 30, 2011 at 2:44 pm
That is definitely a wall behind her and unless she’s pulling some sort of Adam West stunt, I think gravity is already doing its thing.
August 30, 2011 at 5:09 pm
There’s a door behind her (on the left). But maybe she lives in one of those modern artsy homes with the rooms turned sideways and upside down.
August 30, 2011 at 4:53 pm
She’s not laying down. It’s just a bad boob job.
August 30, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Those are boobs? They look like two baby heads pushing through her chest!
August 30, 2011 at 1:41 pm
oohhhhh now all I have in my head is that scene from alien…
August 30, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Someone with photoshop has to make those pasties now…I would but I’m dumb with that kind of thing.
August 30, 2011 at 7:12 pm
I would pay good fucking money for Alien pasties!!!
August 30, 2011 at 1:40 pm
how you like dem apples? not at all.
August 30, 2011 at 1:41 pm
By the time this was posted, it’s obsolete. There’s already a new version.
August 30, 2011 at 2:02 pm
It’s a genuine Apple product!
August 30, 2011 at 3:03 pm
Wouldn’t these be so much cooler if they were the light-up glowing Apple logos?
August 30, 2011 at 3:23 pm
Or the goatse apple logo!
August 30, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Be better if they were Mac vs. PC.
August 30, 2011 at 3:23 pm
or Tux.
August 30, 2011 at 3:36 pm
August 30, 2011 at 4:16 pm
I have a Tux-in-a-Bottle (handcrafted, of course)around here somewhere. I think this photo is much more inhumane, poor Tux.
August 30, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Yes! Go Linux!
August 31, 2011 at 5:22 am
somewhere Linus Torvalds is crying.
August 30, 2011 at 3:40 pm
Photos of John Hodgman on one and Justin Long on the other?
August 30, 2011 at 1:44 pm
I don’t mind apple pasties but I much prefer cheese & onion.
August 30, 2011 at 2:21 pm
You’re making me miss Michigan!
August 30, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Me too! I remember when we had to explain the difference in pronunciation to my brother who kept requesting titty tassels instead of a pastry in stores…
August 30, 2011 at 4:25 pm
IIRC, a pastie is also a type of pie (Think of the pumpkin pasties in th HP books, maybe it’s just a british term…) I usually think of them like the Hostess Fruit Pies, but from what I see they can be a full pie too.
Mind, unless you’re from an area using that particular idiom… those poor clerks…
August 30, 2011 at 4:47 pm
The whole time I was reading Harry Potter I thought they were talking about pumpkin nipple covers. The more you know…
August 30, 2011 at 5:07 pm
I had no idea what they were talking about (until Alton Brown mentioned them during a “pocket pie” ep)…
I’m more than a little naive so the breast adornment never crossed my mind.
August 31, 2011 at 5:35 am
A pasty (pronounced PASS-tee):
They were originally devised as a way for Cornish miners to carry their lunch into the mines. The early ones had non-edible crust that existed just as a container for the filling, but later somebody realised it might be even tastier if you could eat the crust.
So they are related to pies, but not really the same thing as a pie.
August 31, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Odd thing about the food type pasties. I used to make them ages ago but hadn’t thought of them in at least ten years until this post!
And WHAT does my husband start talking about this morning!?? “We should make pasties this winter, haven’t had em in so long”! He did NOT see this page, so it was kind of out of the blue!
So I don’t dream about Regretsy but I’m having Twilight Zone flashbacks…♫ doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo ♫
Also, Stanley Kubric invented the iPad back in 1969, so suck on that, Steve Jobs!
August 30, 2011 at 4:27 pm
Well damn, now I want some pasties too. I don’t know of anywhere that sells them around here though and I don’t have time today to make my own.
August 30, 2011 at 1:44 pm
April’s commentary is absolutely the best part of this so far. If someone has a better comment, I’d sure like to read it!
August 30, 2011 at 3:11 pm
I’m with you on that one!
Nothing we can say in here will top her!
August 30, 2011 at 1:45 pm
How do you like that? Apples that defy gravity.
August 30, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Good thing Newton’s not around to see this.
August 30, 2011 at 1:46 pm
It’s like the cancer bandanna of cheap breast surgery. Tie these on and no one will think about your grinning nipple scars.
August 30, 2011 at 1:46 pm
This is probably the only work Tara Reid could find anymore, guys. Don’t be mean.
August 30, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Unless she’s had some really good reconstructive surgery, that’s not Tara. Poor Tara had some really bad surgery…and then felt compelled to show it to the world.
August 30, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Is it just me or are those boobies lopsided? The right looks a smidge higher than the left.
August 30, 2011 at 1:51 pm
I hate looking in mirrors for extended periods. You’ll find that everything on everyone, including yourself isn’t quite symmetrical….. then it bothers you for a day or three. Then you drink and forget. ; )
August 30, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Amen! Mine are more noticeably lopsided depending on the day (for some reason) and what I’m wearing.
Even contemporary paragons of beauty like Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, and Salma Hayek are lopsided in any number of ways. Angelina has seriously asymmetrical knockers, if you saw and recall that scene in Gia where she’s standing out in the hallway buck-ass naked.
Though if the seller paid good money for those (and I think the consensus is that those are not-found-in-nature boobies) one would like to think that her plastic surgeon could have made the proper adjustments. Pity she can’t get her money back. Maybe that’s why she’s selling computer printouts and box strapping…
August 30, 2011 at 2:27 pm
@Amishpornstar How long were you staring at them to figure that out? Haha, love your name by the way.
August 30, 2011 at 4:36 pm
I didn’t even stare, actually! As the proud owner of some incredibly lopsided bresticles, Thanks to a chemo-port scar above the right one, I just noticed it. My point is, if your going to burn $6k on some titties, they better damn well be perfect. I expect some “individuality” in the real thing(s) but not if they’re store bought!
August 31, 2011 at 1:12 am
If you’re gonna burn $6k on some titties they better damn well be fireproof too.
August 30, 2011 at 5:08 pm
It’s one feature that she kept to make them realistic.
Mine are different sizes, and it makes some of my shirts go damned crooked at the top. Grrrrr
August 30, 2011 at 6:47 pm
no two breasts are ever going to be exactly the same size. Generally the breast on the dominant-hand side is going to be a bit smaller than on the non-dominant hand side….because the dominant hand gets used more thus making the muscles in the chest stronger and reducing fat, which is all breast tissue is anyway: fat. When women go in for breast implants very seldom are both implants the same size. They insert the bigger one into the smaller breast to attempt to achieve symmetry…in most cases of huge implants (see picture above) the implant will “bottom out” after a while and they have to get fixed…I know all of this because my ex had GINORMOUS implants and had to get them fixed.
August 30, 2011 at 10:41 pm
I’ve had it independently verified that my boobs are exactly symmetrical. (Non-laboratory situation.)
But they’re small, so it’s not saying much. Guess it’s the price I pay?
August 30, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Please. Buy lots of these and help this poor woman get a decent pair of implants.
August 30, 2011 at 1:49 pm
I thought pasties were supposed to stick. This is at best, the cheapest ribbon-and-inkjet-paper bikini top I’ve ever seen. Oh, and fake or not, brava on the mammalian attributes. {IF FAKE(tatas()); THEN; WELLDONE(‘surgery’); ENDIF()}
August 30, 2011 at 5:12 pm
My first thought was “They’re not pasties without the PASTE!”
Well, by definition, yes?
August 30, 2011 at 1:54 pm
This is what you people have done to me.
August 30, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Now it’s front page material.
August 30, 2011 at 2:56 pm
But is it Steampunk?
August 30, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Est polypus, ergo steampunk
August 30, 2011 at 3:25 pm
SAMPLER! SAMPLER!
August 30, 2011 at 4:37 pm
August 30, 2011 at 1:54 pm
I don’t want to glue things to my nipples. So I don’t. And I didn’t have to pay anyone ten bucks to do this.
August 30, 2011 at 1:55 pm
I’m sure that somewhere, out there, there’s a fetishist whose kink is gluing random things to his or her nipples.
August 30, 2011 at 4:09 pm
And I want to meet that person. Have glue & glitter, will travel.
August 31, 2011 at 11:24 am
Oh good Cthulhu I read that as “have glue gun” at first. I was thinking “Ow ow ow..”
August 30, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Fnar!
August 30, 2011 at 2:22 pm
Beam me up, Scotty!
August 30, 2011 at 6:50 pm
August 30, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Thank god i won’t have to glue anything to my nipples anymore!
August 30, 2011 at 1:56 pm
She can’t kid me– she just wanted to show off her tits.
August 30, 2011 at 1:58 pm
No Android version? Fuck that.
August 30, 2011 at 3:40 pm
August 31, 2011 at 10:47 am
I heart you.
August 30, 2011 at 1:59 pm
I don’t know about you guys but I like my pasties with a built-in boob-snapping rubber band. It’s a great way to meet people.
August 30, 2011 at 2:01 pm
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September 2, 2011 at 5:17 am
Wrong crowd, Hiddy. I thought it was amusing, but I’m a HUGE nerd. ; )
August 30, 2011 at 2:01 pm
I swear I thought that said, “Tasteless pasties,” or, “Pasteless tasties,” but was just the boobs getting in my eyes.
The symmetry is what gives them purdy plastic hooters away, too (aside from the fact that normal, droopy adipose tissue simply won’t be supported by paper apples on a string.) Mine actually look real, but only because I had them sized wonky on purpose, so I could say to oglers, “Who in their right mind would pay for lopsided tits, dumbass?”
Club Fuckery 4 Lyfe, bitches.
August 30, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Are these SERIOUSLY just laminated pieces of paper? This isn’t even trying. Come on.
The idea has potential, I think, provided one uses ACTUAL pasties. I can see someone dressing up with silver and white body paint and a silver wig with Apple logos in the appropriate places.
August 30, 2011 at 2:27 pm
They’re not just laminated paper, they’re laminated paper with “metal clips” that go on the ribbon bras and (presumably) into your breast flesh.
August 30, 2011 at 2:55 pm
I think my nipples just retracted into my body in reaction to that.
August 31, 2011 at 1:15 am
Koalaswim likes how your nipples think.
September 2, 2011 at 5:19 am
Whose wouldn’t?
August 30, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Dammit, when are they coming out with the junk-crushing Camel-Toe Joe version for Menâ„¢?
August 30, 2011 at 2:09 pm
She also makes an “Intel Inside” dildo.
August 30, 2011 at 4:11 pm
I just heard the jingle in my head. Thanks.
August 30, 2011 at 4:31 pm
It actually places the jingle when you orgasm.
August 30, 2011 at 4:32 pm
places? The hell did places come from. PLAYS!!!! It PLAYS.
August 30, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Definitely fake. Real breasts aren’t perfectly round, even when smooshed.
August 30, 2011 at 2:16 pm
By the way, in the parts of the (third) world where i live, Apple is a fetish only for girls, graphic designers and gay guys. I guess the moral is – boobies do not always sell.
August 30, 2011 at 2:17 pm
So she had these donut pasties. But I saw through her subterfuge and uncovered the truth!
August 30, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Jesus christ woman, if sticking shit to your tapes is so bad, it must be much worse to tighten a plastic strap round em.
Stop it, your tits look like an amoeba dividing.
August 30, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Pardon me, but are those two plastic apples on a packing strap?
August 30, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Two plastic apples on a packing strap on two plastic apples…well…melons maybe.
August 30, 2011 at 2:19 pm
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August 30, 2011 at 2:20 pm
August 30, 2011 at 2:22 pm
That woman has dolphins for tits.
It’s the best thing ever.
August 30, 2011 at 2:51 pm
i wonder if they make squeaky sounds and save people in storms. that would make them even more epic.
August 30, 2011 at 2:55 pm
and yeah, i’ll just leave the source here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUu58ZAp6Z0
August 31, 2011 at 11:28 am
AUGH MY EYES
August 30, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Somehow lends further credence to “Dolphins: the frat boys of the sea”.
Though I’m pretty sure dolphins are of a higher intelligence than the keg-standing, date-rapey frat boy bros I did my damnedest to avoid back in college.
This .gif sure is goddamned mesmerizing.
August 30, 2011 at 2:31 pm
I love it when something is horrible and awesome at the same time.
August 30, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Ahhh…. uhhhh….. hmmmm… aaaa…. No.
August 30, 2011 at 4:00 pm
Have to agree with you. As an owner of a set of original equipment tits (not that I have a problem with women getting implants), that gif is making me queasy on many levels.
August 30, 2011 at 5:14 pm
Why is your comment in the negatives?
That was exactly what went though my head, except a bit more quickly after I figured out what I was looking at.
I scrolled at the speed of light to avoid nightmares D:
August 30, 2011 at 2:36 pm
I…can’t…stop…watching…
August 30, 2011 at 2:39 pm
Comment from the bf: “I’m imagining them making dolphin sounds and eating fish.” I think it’s time to put him down for a nap.
August 30, 2011 at 9:20 pm
I imagine they’re singing eighties rock.
August 30, 2011 at 2:56 pm
They’re hypnotic….ALL HAIL DOLPHIN BOOBS.
August 30, 2011 at 2:47 pm
I knew there was a reason I was gay.
August 30, 2011 at 9:21 pm
Doesn’t it feel good to have justification?
Now I’m looking at my own boobs, wondering what their animal form is, and why I’ve never seen it.
August 30, 2011 at 5:33 pm
Jesus Christ, why can’t I stop looking?
Why can’t I stop looking!?
August 30, 2011 at 9:19 pm
That is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen on Regretsy, including the man-camel-toe thing.
August 31, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Now I know it’s true…Dolphins really ARE THE RAPISTS of the sea! THOSE DAMNED RAPING DOLPHINS! Just look at the results!!! 0_o
Or don’t, if you want to sleep tonight. (I think one of hers is bigger too…but don’t look)
August 30, 2011 at 2:21 pm
If this is the apple the bible talks about I’m suddenly understanding why Adam & Eve got kicked out of paradise…
August 30, 2011 at 3:29 pm
August 30, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Oh I see, so instead of having something pasted to my nipples, I can just have a clip rubbing against them all day long. That’s muuuuuuuuuch better. (NOT!)
August 30, 2011 at 2:31 pm
those are the worst implants I’ve ever seen. Christ. she must have gotten them done in Mexico
August 30, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Jose’s Discount Hooters?
August 30, 2011 at 4:13 pm
At least the nipples seem to be facing the same direction. Nobody likes boss-eyed hooters.
August 30, 2011 at 4:22 pm
I do! I think it’s fun to try to figure out which one I should be looking at when I’m talking to them
(o Y o )
August 31, 2011 at 1:37 am
Hey – great band name! Boss-Eyed Hooters!
August 30, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Can’t say that I’ve thought enough about gluing things to my nipples to need to come up with an alternative, but to each their own.
August 30, 2011 at 2:33 pm
STAND BACK! THEY’RE GONNA BLOW!
August 30, 2011 at 2:35 pm
I love that the face I end up making most often here at regretsy is
August 30, 2011 at 2:37 pm
That’s the meme I was referring to in my first comment.
August 30, 2011 at 2:40 pm
Ha! it does fit
I’m sorry 
I read that and it made me think of the fact that I make this face every time I look at this stuff 
August 30, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Why the apologies? You posted the perfect complimentary picture when I couldn’t find it!
I too make that face at this site fairly often.
August 30, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Funny, I usually feel like this
August 30, 2011 at 2:44 pm
I cannot stop laughing at the “ribbon bra” that completely, utterly, and absolutely defeats the purpose of opting for a pasty. That looks freaking RIDICULOUS. Don’t like the idea of sticking things to your nipples? Maybe just forgo the pasty altogether then. Because the look you’re achieving here is not a pasty look so much as a swimming goggles for your boobies look. And it looks dumber than it even sounds.
“Ribbon bra” WTF. You are an idiot, lady.
August 30, 2011 at 2:53 pm
August 30, 2011 at 3:00 pm
What about my hip?
August 30, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Nothing, just wanted to point out your hip. It exists. That’s about it.
August 30, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Oh, Cool! Thank you for that…
WHOA!!!
Hey, I’ve got TWO of them!!!
August 30, 2011 at 3:02 pm
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August 30, 2011 at 4:10 pm
yeah, even I gave myself a thumbs down that time.
August 30, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Yeah, I can’t equate them to Lucky Strike cigarettes, either… but they are “fully packed” (in a bad way).
August 30, 2011 at 3:11 pm
This post goes uncomfortably too well with the Camel Toe post.
Has anyone solved the camel toe mystery yet? I was so disturbed I screamed and called my husband over, showed him the Mankini and demanded him to show me how it is done/possible. He didn’t. phew.
August 30, 2011 at 4:10 pm
apparently, at least according to the description of one of the other items they sell, it’s done by pushing the penis back into the body at its root. In some of their other designs, you need to do the same with the testicles in order to wear the…um…”garment”
Why anyone would want to do this is beyond me, but when in a fully flacid state, it doesn’t hurt to do it. I can’t imagine this is true with the testicles though.
Perhaps a LOT of pharmaceuticals are required?
August 30, 2011 at 5:38 pm
It doesn’t really hurt… They’ll fully retract if cold enough, pop in if you sit a certain way, they can even go most/all of the way in if you are “happy” enough.
If they were BOUND into place it might get uncomfortable.
These designs would never work for me though… He likes to “Stand up” for himself, he does.
TMI?
TFB.
CF4L!
TTFN.
right… now I’m annoying me.
August 30, 2011 at 9:03 pm
Thanks for the info! I’m really tempted to wait for my husband to fall asleep tonight and then ummm never mind~
August 31, 2011 at 1:20 am
I suspect he wouldn’t stay asleep for long.
August 30, 2011 at 3:21 pm
August 30, 2011 at 6:00 pm
The epitome of wombyness!!! Green Goddess Bajingo Titties.
August 30, 2011 at 3:31 pm
The left one looks a little encapsulated in some of the pictures. Icky, icky. I wonder if it’s painful.
August 30, 2011 at 7:52 pm
Reminds me of the model I had for a life drawing class. She had the same style of hemispherical overfilled implants, except hers were a good decade down the road and had developed noticeable capsular contraction. Whenever I showed people my drawings of her, I noted that she had implants, which usually led to a ‘Oh. That’s why her boobs look weird!’ response.
This girl looks like she hasn’t had these ones for long, they’re still riding pretty high. Them some ugly boobies, sad to say.
August 30, 2011 at 3:35 pm
So, I’m asexual and don’t really know about these things, and after seeing this:
I’m pretty sure she doesn’t either.
I thought the whole reason you put whipped cream on your lady bits what so your partner could lick it off–fun for everyone (apparently)! But apparently, it’s for the visual appeal.
August 30, 2011 at 6:05 pm
I didn’t see those! That somehow makes this whole effort even more awkward. I guess if you wanted to go to a costume party in a whip cream bikini without worrying about dripping… but I’m sure there’s a better way to do that. Or enough willing people to help re-apply. Plus, it’s a party! Go big or go home.
Alright, it’s decided. I wouldn’t invite this titty-strappin’ chick to my party. She doesn’t even use good straps. Pfft.
August 30, 2011 at 6:11 pm
Dairy products on warm skin gets fetid very quickly. (Don’t ask me how I know. And please, don’t ask about the pictures either.)
August 31, 2011 at 11:33 am
Aha. I KNEW there was a reason non-dairy whipped topping had been invented.
August 30, 2011 at 4:15 pm
At least it’s not a DRILL BRA!
August 30, 2011 at 7:16 pm
Is that from RoboGeisha?
August 30, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Machine Girl
August 30, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Same director/writer, different movie
August 31, 2011 at 1:38 am
Same director/writer, same movie, different title & actors.
August 31, 2011 at 7:00 am
LOL, yeah, that’s a better summary
August 30, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Fake titties and you still have a shitty etsy store? Damn. Fake Titty Fail.
August 30, 2011 at 4:41 pm
One of the items is described, “For use to spice up the bedroom rather than performance/burlesque”
…or breathing…or moving at all…or wearing
Just burn them in a bowl. The scent should “spice up the bedroom”
August 30, 2011 at 4:46 pm
How totally sad is it that the first thing I thought was, “That hasn’t been the Apple logo for 10 years!”
August 30, 2011 at 5:40 pm
even being a PC user (too lazy and poor to go mac) That was one of my thoughts too….
September 2, 2011 at 5:32 am
You ain’t missing much. OSX is a very pretty albeit proprietary rehash of Bell Labs’ UNIX (yup! it hails from 1969.) Not a bad OS, but there are better ones out there. Hardware is good, but it’s just Intel like half the PC’s on the market. Want a cheap apple equivalent? Cheap lappy plus OpenBSD kinda comes close. I tend to prefer Mint and OpenSuSE, though.
August 30, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Man those things are cheap and nasty looking….and so are the pasties.
August 30, 2011 at 5:13 pm
All my stupid brain keeps saying to me is HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?!?!? I apologize.
Yes, it is that loud in my head.
August 30, 2011 at 5:21 pm
Can someone photoshop Dig Dug blowing up those chest bubbles?
If not, everyone just imagine it.. maybe with some Pooka pasties too
August 30, 2011 at 5:34 pm
My mind just went back to where it shouldn’t. I remember my mom talking about the Apple shirts back in the 80′s when she worked there. They had one apple for each boob.
August 30, 2011 at 5:42 pm
Holy bolt on boobies, Batman!
August 30, 2011 at 6:02 pm
That’s a pretty questionable* boob job, isn’t it?
*and by questionable, I mean not good.
August 30, 2011 at 8:12 pm
It’s apples on melons! Yay fruit!
August 30, 2011 at 8:22 pm
Oh Boy, Macs that aren’t PC.
September 2, 2011 at 5:35 am
That’s hard to find since mac went Intel. ; )
August 30, 2011 at 8:28 pm
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August 30, 2011 at 10:04 pm
I was more focused on the fact that she has the furriest armpits ever, until I realized it just the hair behind her back making it seem that way. I still like the idea: once the fake boobs were in place she decided to go for an under-arm weave.
August 31, 2011 at 1:39 am
Ooooh, great fashion trend! Go for it, Cramped!
August 30, 2011 at 10:23 pm
It looks like she took the picture by leaning over the scanner bed and flattening the pasties to the scanner bed like some deranged etsy mammogram.
August 31, 2011 at 12:08 am
Pastie Tip O’ the Day:
Forget spirit gum or glue for affixing pasties. You want toupee tape, available by the roll at your local wig shop. Trust.
Cheers, bitchez
August 31, 2011 at 6:01 am
I forsee a Lady Gaga out fit in the making.
August 31, 2011 at 6:35 am
Can I download the Apple Pasties in ITunes?
August 31, 2011 at 9:02 am
I never liked gluing shit to my nipples either, but that doesn’t mean I’m about to make a shitty excuse for a bra.
August 31, 2011 at 4:11 pm
Apple… ? More like cantaloupe.
August 31, 2011 at 5:20 pm
You know, when I see stuff like this, it makes me realized Etsy should PAY certain shop owners for traffic!!!
September 1, 2011 at 4:29 pm
I’m thinkin’ something different right now.
September 1, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Wait, you won’t glue stuff to your nipples, but you’ll put giant sacks of silicon or saline INSIDE your breasts? What the fuck is your problem?
I’m sure this has already been said, but I’m a lazy schlep and I’m not going to sift through 300 comments to find it.
September 1, 2011 at 6:35 pm
Nice refund gap*.
*Google it.
September 15, 2011 at 3:01 am
Isn’t great that Etsy can provide such an inexpensive format for showing the world your new Implants.