True story: I went to college with the very flaky daughter of a famous author. She was sleeping with my best friend. She came to my dorm room frantic and asked if I had any vinegar from the dining hall. I said “No, why?” She said, “we were having sex and the condom broke, so I have to do a vinegar and water douche right away!” I looked at her and said, “You do remember that what they have is WINE vinegar, right?” (This predated the sexual term “tossing salad,” and I wasn’t mean enough to point out that douching wasn’t birth control…it would have changed nothing.
nope. Some is from apple cider, and some I think is from potatoes or somethin’ – whatever creates “white” vinegar, the cheap stuff. Not to be confused with white wine vinegar. Not the same.
I forget where, but there’s a restaurant I’ve been to fairly often that has a “San Francisco tossed salad” on the menu. My friends and I laugh and laugh.
There is also a “marinated hot beef salad” at my place of work. It’s both delicious AND dirty sounding.
Hmm…I have dreamed of being on Sting’s massive forested estate *cough* um, and while foraging for truffles with his french pig, he began thumbing me up…
I had a dream I went to a Regretsy sale and it had all of these awesome/horrible things to buy… but I didn’t have enough money. I don’t know why, but April thought I was really cool (lol) and gave me her “company credit card” and told me I could go buy whatever I wanted. Everyone was jealous cause we were best friends. Then I woke up and cried for 5 hours because it wasn’t real. This is my life.
Oh, those are fabulous. I pretty much never remember my dreams, assuming I have them, but if ever Regretsy were to cross my subconscious mind, I damn well better retain it.
There was a brief series called Tacky House that was kind of awesome, except that they made over the houses with a more tasteful version of the same theme. And the homeowners were appalled at being called tacky. We need a show that celebrates Tacky Pride!
Sadly, I think this just goes to show we spend an unhealthy amount of time on here. Not that that’s going to change… It’s not like I actually have anything to do Card carrying member of the fat, jealous loser army
I was thinking more along the lines of the stove nob was bumped and then later an ass would be set on it. But either way, Daddy can make it all feel better.
Once i dreamed that april was picking through my recycling bin really early in the morning in a bath robe with curlers in her hair and that green mud stuff on her face. She was picking out all the soda cans and glueing shells and gems on them to give the trash man a fantastic day. I’m pretty sure i woke up very very confused and may or may not have walked outside to check to make sure my recycling bin was unaffected by this dream.
I’ve had a dream where April and I are sitting in lawn chairs with these large tables full of some kind of blue liquid in shot glasses. We ask passers-by if they want to see our knee scars and when they refuse, we take a shot and then chuck the empty shot glass at them. And then we’d laugh like drunken idiots when they’d run away.
Part of the shot-glass-toss was to drink as many as possible and throw the glasses as they ran away. Bonus shot if we nailed one with a glass.
The table never emptied of shots and I woke myself up laughing drunkenly.
Except in real life, I don’t drink. I take Vicodin and muscle relaxers. (which might explain the entire dream itself).
We need to figure out how to make that show a reality! In the meantime, I will have to settle for a “Regretsy: World’s Tackiest Houses” tee shirt. Pretty please!
Can my house be the first one on the Regretsy: Worlds Tackiest Houses? I live in the Midwest, and its not tacky enough. Seriously, I dont even have shitty sayings on the walls… she could craft a giant bajingo on my (tomato red) kitchen wall out of kale or something.
How weird. Last week I had a dream that April came to Caltech for some kind of crafting conference. We were sitting near each other and she was being very friendly to me. I grew suspicious.
alright, everyone’s having regretsy dreams but me.
i’ve just got a little more jealous fatter and loserer (whatever).
thank you very much regretsians for making me one of you!
I’m in the same loserly boat. I want a Regretsy dream, too, damnit! Please mom!?!? I promise I’ll feed it, and walk it, and clean up after it…. Pretty please??
I haven’t had a Regretsy dream, either, but I’m usually wiped out on Benedryl by the time I get to sleep. I dream mostly about smells and featherless birds. *shrug*
I’ve dreamt of April lots and lots of times, but my catholic upbringing tells me those deeds are sinful and shameful [mostly because none of us are young little boys].
I usually at least chuckle when I read Regretsy, but this post had me laughing so hard tears came to my eyes. The Nathan Lane one put me over the edge.
Ditto! I lost it at the Nathan Lane one too. Well, they all made me laugh uncontrollably, but that one did so even more. Can you imagine the epic awkwardness? Nathan Lane being awkward with Regretsy approved crapts? (That’s the child of crap and crafts, that they don’t talk about).
I had a Regretsy dream once too. I don’t remember much of it but it involved me and April being on the same bobsled team or something. I wrote it down someplace. I’ll have to see if I can find it.
I keep having dreams about authors I correspond with on LiveJournal but haven’t met in person (including a very surprising threesome), but have not yet dreamed about Regretsy.
Apparently, other people here are dreaming about me, so maybe I’m off the hook… or just saving up for something epically weird.
I once dreamt that I was attending some surreal art exhibit at a creepy old brick loft building, and April was there with friends & fans. She said she needed help doing an audition video for E! Entertainment TV and needed people to play celebrities for interviews. My friend with black rimmed glasses played Elvis Costello, and another in attendance played Seal. Then several of us went up to April’s loft apartment where we discussed plans for a Halloween event. Later as I left, I told April good-bye, and how much she deserved to get the E! job. Then she kissed the back of my hand, and……
WAIT THAT WAS NO DREAM!!!
When I was in the hospital in June, hopped up on morphine, I dreamt of April dressed as the virgin Mary with a flip flop on het head. She was floating in the air above my bed, and I asked if she was there to heal me…she gave a pixie-like laugh like Annne Hathaway’s white queen in the Alice in Wonderland movie. Then she lifted her robes and queefed on ny face. Trufax.
Last night’s dream had to do with flooding and climbing a bunch of rocks to get back to somebody’s house.
At least it didn’t also have a public restroom with half a dozen overflowing toilets (that’s what I dream about when I really need to pee and I don’t want to wake up).
I dream about aliens invading, then looking for a toilet in the middle of the alien war (or party, depending on the aliens). Once I didn’t wake up in time.
I have those “need to pee” dreams, but instead of overflowing the bathrooms are all occupied. Or have no doors. Or are lone toilets smack in the middle of busy intersections.
I actually did have a Regretsy dream just last night. But I did have a ha-ha moment with myself: wouldn’t it be funny if one of the things I saw in my dream would be posted?
And then I saw this thread. Cleary the end of the world is nigh! The signs will appear throughout the world, in the form of strange code popping up in unexpected places…
Holy shit, the one about the convention and the Twitter feed is mine! Admittedly, it is probably the least interesting of all the dreams. But still, I made it on Regretsy! My bucket list is now one item shorter.
Seriously, you guys are the best and never fail to make any hard day funny with your insanity. You probably also never fail to make any funny day hard with your insanity. ILU.
Soo this is the second time something I’ve said was included in a post, and both times my husband gave me a look that plainly said that he thinks I’m retarded. Whatever. I forgot to mention that in my dream about Nathan Lane, I was there for the taping of one of his awkward stunts, which involved hanging from his bound hands on monkey bars (at a playground). I’m guessing it was just the playground part that made it so awkward..
Do I get my fat, ugly, jealous, loser badge in the mail or do I have to go pick it up somewhere? I hope I dont have to make one since I just used my last octopus medallion and I am nearly out of fake mustaches
I dreamed that I flounced in the most epic of manners, then created another Regretsy name just so I could come in and post on my own flounce, then flounce again under that name only to create another fake name to post on that flounce…it was an endless cycle of fuckery and flouncing.
Glad I’m not the only one with messed up dreams. Kinda sad none have involved Regretsy yet though. Did dream recently about Donnie Wahlberg following me and giving me a feather pendant. Perhaps a sign to scale back on the booze while looking at shitty crafts.
I haven’t had a specifically Regretsy/April related dream yet. But not long after all the weird Balaclavas began arriving I dreamt I put one on and went walking in the rain. It got wet and shrank, and I couldn’t take it off!
Funny I never told HK about a dream I had about her. We were at a hotel convention and she was telling me to keep my feet out of the aisle so I didn’t trip anyone, then she went up to MC the event and was wearing a fedora. They started to sprinkle glitter on her hat and she said, “That’s not how you do it,” then stuck her head in the bucket of glitter and pulled it out so that glitter went everywhere, and said, “That’s how you do it.” Then I woke up.
Oh god. These dreams are tame compared to the shit my fucked-up subconscious comes up with. I believe the only reason I have any sanity left is that I constantly fight off madness with alcohol.
Now I’m mad because I’ve never had a Regretsy dream. Or if I did I did not think to e-mail it and now I’ve forgotten. Which still makes me mad.
I had a dream the other night where a group of teenage girls were blasting music and lasers at each other with ipads. It was a little West Side Story, except with ipads. I don’t even own an ipad.
Wow. I read that as, “blasting music and lasers at each others’ pads.”
Not being a wombyn, I guess I wouldn’t know, but I’d imagine tht shooting lasers at one’s cooter would be a surefire way to get the most out of that pad. IE, it’d make you bleed a lot.
Oh, sure! You downvoted me millions of times when I predicted there would be schizophrenic stalkers of famous voice actors (ok, I’ll admit my post looked more ‘creepy’ than funny).
Now look; when they finally go on the nod, they’re dreaming of Manderley or Helen!
Stay away from latent lesbian pyromaniac housekeepers, Helen!
I hang out with too many piercers, I think, because within piercing/tattoo circles a PA is a Prince Albert (a mle genital piercing). I always get taken slightly aback by people talking about personal as assistants merely PAs.
If you ask me, this is the most NSFW post ever by far. The screen, you can hide. But the tears from struggling not to laugh and be totally overcome by awe and a feeling of celebration, you have to make something up about them.
I dreamed a Regretsy post featured my Etsy shop because of the sequined Tibetan monk-inspired paper mache push-up bras I was selling, and I began receiving a multitude of orders via email, even though my email address was not shown at all.
That was really awkward, because I don’t have an Etsy store, don’t like messing with paper mache, hate bras with a mad passion, find sequins to be horribly uncomfortable, and have no clue how to pattern a bra, much less one that looks inspired by Tibetan monks… but I totally felt pressured to fill all of those orders. Dammit, Regretsy! I don’t have time for this shit!
Thanks to reading this post and then forgetting about it, I had a Regretsy dream. Several avatars came to life, except for mine. I remember @Kilgore Trout as being cute and bouncy and there were a few cats, but they were all milling about, jumping up on a chaise lounge (which I don’t own), but everyone soon left.
So, apparently, I’m as captivating in my dreams as I am in person. Sigh.
@Skantily Clad, I’m so very sorry. As I told you, all I had in the house was almond milk and, well, when you’re not happy you do not stay quiet. What a set of lungs! My ears are still ringing! I’ve never been owned by a cat, how would I know about nut allergies??
my single regretsy themed dream: I bought a dancing dror greeting for my husband’s birthday and he hated it. I woke up angry at him for rejecting the best gift, ever.
That was a few weeks ago and, holy crap, I realize I’m still slightly resentful that he hated my wonderful present.
I had the weirdest dream last night.
April was there. You were there, and you, and you…
We were at a craft-off! A bunch of Regretsians against some Etsy cupcocks.
It was crazy.
And the audience voted….
And…
We lost.
Then they raised the lights over the audience so we could see them, and they were all wearing crazy fascinators and had mustaches on sticks.
August 30, 2011 at 4:32 pm
I’d have to imagine a Bajingo Salad is lightly tossed with vinegar.
August 30, 2011 at 4:34 pm
All kale, no carrots.
August 30, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Somehow, I also imagine that it has clams and capers in it.
Don’t mind me – I’m on medication for back pain today.
August 30, 2011 at 4:40 pm
It’s okra leaves. No carrots.
August 30, 2011 at 4:41 pm
and garnished with clitter
August 30, 2011 at 6:39 pm
Clitter??
August 31, 2011 at 10:41 am
You never saw the Clitter video?
Here, I’ll enlighten you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VR4O68kUj5c
August 31, 2011 at 10:59 am
@Ivanna Scream, thank you, really that was so kind, but I’m afraid to click that link. Very afraid. Thanks all the same!
September 1, 2011 at 10:47 pm
Don’t worry Mugsy, I’ve seen it and it’s quite safe. Trust me…
February 2, 2012 at 11:56 am
it’s a trap
August 30, 2011 at 4:42 pm
With feta!
August 30, 2011 at 6:32 pm
I accidentally thumb-ed down, when I meant to give a thumb up!
August 31, 2011 at 3:50 am
I read that wrong. Fetal? Fetal what?? Then I realized it made total sense. Bajingo salad with fetal dressing.
I like to imagine that was what you meant.
August 31, 2011 at 8:13 pm
None for me thanks, I’ll just have the placental soup.
August 30, 2011 at 4:42 pm
I like it when my bajingo salad is tossed!
Oh, is that sharing too much?
August 30, 2011 at 7:52 pm
Easy on the dressing.
August 30, 2011 at 9:32 pm
I like to squirt a bunch of it all over.
August 30, 2011 at 4:44 pm
It also has a bit of okra, if only to decorate.
August 30, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Don’t break a tooth on the red magic button.
August 30, 2011 at 4:59 pm
Bajingo Salad was the Cafe’s Artisan version of Tuna Salad.
August 30, 2011 at 5:21 pm
Bajingo salad with tuna, but it tastes like chicken.
August 30, 2011 at 5:19 pm
Plain vinegar OK but none of that strawberry or floral stuff; we like our salad smelling like a salad.
August 30, 2011 at 6:25 pm
hold on the chilli
August 30, 2011 at 6:37 pm
True story: I went to college with the very flaky daughter of a famous author. She was sleeping with my best friend. She came to my dorm room frantic and asked if I had any vinegar from the dining hall. I said “No, why?” She said, “we were having sex and the condom broke, so I have to do a vinegar and water douche right away!” I looked at her and said, “You do remember that what they have is WINE vinegar, right?” (This predated the sexual term “tossing salad,” and I wasn’t mean enough to point out that douching wasn’t birth control…it would have changed nothing.
August 30, 2011 at 8:09 pm
maybe it’s late and I’m tired but…isn’t all vinegar from wine?
jeeez, I’m a brewer and should know this, but I just am not thinking at the moment
August 30, 2011 at 9:07 pm
nope. Some is from apple cider, and some I think is from potatoes or somethin’ – whatever creates “white” vinegar, the cheap stuff. Not to be confused with white wine vinegar. Not the same.
August 30, 2011 at 9:24 pm
ask.com says: “White or clear vinegar is made from distilled alcohol, most often white wine.”
heinzvinegar.com says: “Heinz Distilled White Vinegar is made from sun-ripened grain and crystal clear water.”
I think the stuff I buy at the Dollar store to clean the coffee-maker is made from fermented boiled-shoe steam.
August 31, 2011 at 6:55 am
Thanks, folks! I’m a fairly smart guy, but dang, there are just some things I have no clue about
August 31, 2011 at 9:07 am
Wow, the things you learn on Regretsy! Thanks!
August 30, 2011 at 7:19 pm
‘cunt vinaigrette’
August 30, 2011 at 11:14 pm
can I get that on the side?
August 31, 2011 at 6:12 am
With croutons for the croutonlappers.
August 30, 2011 at 8:16 pm
and olive oil! Lots and lots of oil!
August 30, 2011 at 10:54 pm
Reminds me of my friend in Ireland ordering Fajitas….
Only she pronounced it Fa jitas, heavy on the J.
I felt like a fly on the gynecologists wall.
August 31, 2011 at 12:16 am
I swear on the head of my child, I dreamt of Henry Winkler last night. Someone hold me.
August 31, 2011 at 8:50 am
Was a shark involved?
August 31, 2011 at 2:52 pm
He’s very good.
August 31, 2011 at 5:13 pm
Ooh, I’ve never gone into the red before, that stings.
Someone’s not an Arrested Development fan, I guess.
August 31, 2011 at 9:36 am
I forget where, but there’s a restaurant I’ve been to fairly often that has a “San Francisco tossed salad” on the menu. My friends and I laugh and laugh.
There is also a “marinated hot beef salad” at my place of work. It’s both delicious AND dirty sounding.
August 31, 2011 at 10:22 am
I’ll skip the salad and have the broiled Codpiece with poached Apple pasties for dessert.
September 1, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Nahhhh must have been a fruit salad.
August 30, 2011 at 4:34 pm
I love all of you fat jealous losers with nothing better to dream about. These are great!
August 30, 2011 at 5:22 pm
I was equally impressed. I usually just dream about getting the most “thumbs up”, or maybe getting a piggy-front ride from Sting.
August 30, 2011 at 7:18 pm
Mmmmmm…Sting…..I’ll be in my bunk!
August 30, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Hmm…I have dreamed of being on Sting’s massive forested estate *cough* um, and while foraging for truffles with his french pig, he began thumbing me up…
August 31, 2011 at 12:48 pm
That’s a little strange, I don’t remember posting this.
Oh wait, I didn;t. How do I know?
Cause I hate sting.
Which one of you fat, Jealous losers wants to be me? You really don’t, my life is pretty dull.
August 31, 2011 at 8:19 pm
Oh dear. We have an imposter! Which one is the real Anninyn? Eh, Bedazzle them both and let the regretsy gods sort it out.
August 30, 2011 at 4:34 pm
I, too, am extremely curious about the bajingo salad. Is it similar to a taco salad?
Now I’m going to have Regretsy dreams tonight!
August 30, 2011 at 4:36 pm
No, it’s a side salad that goes great with an open faced roast beef sandwich.
August 30, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Served on a triangle shaped plate with a nice cherry tomato in the middle?
August 31, 2011 at 12:25 am
Can I have some tongue on mine?
August 31, 2011 at 12:26 am
I love how my icon has a tongue
August 31, 2011 at 7:19 am
Are you sure? You can never know where tongues have been.
August 30, 2011 at 4:38 pm
I figured it was kind of like that thing where you eat sushi off a naked chick?
August 31, 2011 at 6:11 am
Ok I read that as “off a naked chicken”. Your way is probably better.
August 30, 2011 at 4:54 pm
I hope it’s not like a taco salad! Stuffing veggies into a giant deep-fried bajingo would be scary. And garnishing a bajingo with guacamole? Yikes!
August 30, 2011 at 6:45 pm
I read that as “…bajingo with guacamole? Yeast!“
August 30, 2011 at 7:18 pm
That too.
August 30, 2011 at 4:35 pm
I wish I was cool enough for Regretsy dreams.
August 30, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Wait until you hit puberty.
August 30, 2011 at 5:28 pm
I wish I was mentally stable enough for Regretsy dreams. I want to stop dreaming about being lost in a Casino. I HATE Casinos.
August 30, 2011 at 11:16 pm
I want to stop dreaming about shopping for hats & shoes, and alien invasions. I have enough hats and shoes, for fuck’s sake.
August 30, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Did Henry Winkler do “the honk”?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3C6PBlu1WA
August 30, 2011 at 4:35 pm
The bajingo salad is never good at that place. Not fresh enough.
August 30, 2011 at 4:41 pm
It also never stops talking.
August 30, 2011 at 8:11 pm
I have no idea what that means, but I’m crying from laughing so hard at that
August 30, 2011 at 11:17 pm
Yours talks too? I thought that was just mine. So embarrassing when she says inappropriate things in public.
August 30, 2011 at 6:41 pm
Sprouts do remind me a lot of greenish pubic hair. And Brocco-sprouts smell like unwashed pubic hair.
August 30, 2011 at 11:17 pm
no wonder I like sprouts so much! They remind me of my childhood.
August 30, 2011 at 4:35 pm
April – are you just a little bit disappointed that none of the dreams are dirty?
August 30, 2011 at 4:44 pm
I’m betting she’s hoarding those for herself.
August 30, 2011 at 4:46 pm
She is saving the dirty dreams for a club fuck post!
August 30, 2011 at 4:35 pm
I had a dream I went to a Regretsy sale and it had all of these awesome/horrible things to buy… but I didn’t have enough money. I don’t know why, but April thought I was really cool (lol) and gave me her “company credit card” and told me I could go buy whatever I wanted. Everyone was jealous cause we were best friends. Then I woke up and cried for 5 hours because it wasn’t real. This is my life.
August 30, 2011 at 4:35 pm
i like how they’re all basically about you going batshit crazy over crafting crap.
August 30, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Do we know her, or what?
August 30, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Oh, those are fabulous. I pretty much never remember my dreams, assuming I have them, but if ever Regretsy were to cross my subconscious mind, I damn well better retain it.
August 30, 2011 at 4:37 pm
I want Regretsy: World’s Tackiest Houses to be real.
August 30, 2011 at 4:59 pm
There was a brief series called Tacky House that was kind of awesome, except that they made over the houses with a more tasteful version of the same theme. And the homeowners were appalled at being called tacky. We need a show that celebrates Tacky Pride!
August 31, 2011 at 12:28 am
Isn’t it called Hoarders?
August 30, 2011 at 6:09 pm
I live in a Midwest rambler that is (somewhat) turquoise! Bring the show to my house!!!!
August 30, 2011 at 10:57 pm
Turquoise houses are a big thing in NZ!
August 31, 2011 at 2:04 am
They sure are, NZ does kitsch with style.
August 30, 2011 at 6:17 pm
I feel the same way about the Nathan Lane thing.
August 30, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Now I know what is missing from my life. I’ve never had a Regretsy dream. Damn.
August 30, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Is it like a wet dream but sparklier?
August 30, 2011 at 6:12 pm
Like a wet dream, but more steampunk. You know what, it’s kinda indie, no wonder you never heard of it…
August 30, 2011 at 11:18 pm
Sounds hipster.
August 31, 2011 at 2:40 am
Kathleen, there are some things money won’t buy.
August 30, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Last night I dreamed that the AA shop opened early, but it had nothing but Sonic the Hedgehog cross-stitch patterns.
I kind of want to know about Cumberbatch and the seashell toilet paper holder.
August 30, 2011 at 4:38 pm
I imagine Bajingo Salad would be very much like a Tuna Salad
August 30, 2011 at 5:23 pm
Tuna or Snapper.
August 30, 2011 at 8:13 pm
if it’s from that mangina post earlier, it’ll be RED snapper
August 30, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Sadly, I think this just goes to show we spend an unhealthy amount of time on here. Not that that’s going to change… It’s not like I actually have anything to do
Card carrying member of the fat, jealous loser army
August 30, 2011 at 11:19 pm
I want a card!
August 30, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Now, I’m going to spend all night having a Regretsy dream. I’ll probably an aneurysm. A gaudy, glittery, macramed-with-feathers-and-bark aneurysm.
August 30, 2011 at 5:38 pm
Oh dear God, I’m completely in love with you over your avatar. *swoon*
So don’t have an aneurysm, dammit!! I’ll allow a bedazzled seizure if you feel that you must.
August 30, 2011 at 8:44 pm
I love your name “Howard Bannister” is it after Ryan O’Neal’s character in the movie “What’s up Doc?” One of my fav movies from the 70′s.
August 30, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Is this what happens when you stop having sexual dreams?
If so, is there a midway point where all your dreams are sexual Regretsy dreams?
If so… I’m not sure if I ever want to get to that point.
August 30, 2011 at 4:44 pm
Usually if you rub one out during the day, you won’t dream about sex at night?
August 30, 2011 at 9:40 pm
I can assure you this is not true…
Oh wait, you said rub one out
August 30, 2011 at 4:43 pm
It would be uncontrollably hot
ifwhen I dream about you.August 30, 2011 at 8:14 pm
sooo…like end of July?
August 30, 2011 at 9:18 pm
I was thinking more along the lines of the stove nob was bumped and then later an ass would be set on it. But either way, Daddy can make it all feel better.
August 31, 2011 at 6:56 am
Rub butter on it
August 30, 2011 at 4:44 pm
Now there’s one reality show I would actually watch!
August 30, 2011 at 6:58 pm
Your avatar + that comment = Creepy, yet compelling!
August 30, 2011 at 7:05 pm
Oh yeah, I’d totally watch it with my plastic googly eyes. Make no mistake about it, I DO own a pair. I just have no idea where they are. lol
August 31, 2011 at 12:02 am
You misplaced your googly eyes?!
August 30, 2011 at 4:44 pm
Once i dreamed that april was picking through my recycling bin really early in the morning in a bath robe with curlers in her hair and that green mud stuff on her face. She was picking out all the soda cans and glueing shells and gems on them to give the trash man a fantastic day. I’m pretty sure i woke up very very confused and may or may not have walked outside to check to make sure my recycling bin was unaffected by this dream.
August 30, 2011 at 4:45 pm
It’s true, Regretsy really does shit on your dreams!
August 30, 2011 at 5:11 pm
It thought it rapes your dreams and shits on your love.
August 30, 2011 at 5:27 pm
I’ve heard it both ways.
August 30, 2011 at 8:03 pm
Yeah, I’ve had it both ways too.
August 30, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Hide yo kids Hide yo wife!
August 30, 2011 at 6:23 pm
Hide yo Mike!
August 30, 2011 at 7:07 pm
Works either way, but you’re very right.
August 30, 2011 at 11:22 pm
Mrs. Vagoo, you just gave me a brilliant idea! If it works out I will credit you.
Hope you like the Wiggles!
August 30, 2011 at 4:49 pm
I’ve had a dream where April and I are sitting in lawn chairs with these large tables full of some kind of blue liquid in shot glasses. We ask passers-by if they want to see our knee scars and when they refuse, we take a shot and then chuck the empty shot glass at them. And then we’d laugh like drunken idiots when they’d run away.
Part of the shot-glass-toss was to drink as many as possible and throw the glasses as they ran away. Bonus shot if we nailed one with a glass.
The table never emptied of shots and I woke myself up laughing drunkenly.
Except in real life, I don’t drink. I take Vicodin and muscle relaxers. (which might explain the entire dream itself).
August 30, 2011 at 4:54 pm
That is an excellent dream.
August 30, 2011 at 6:16 pm
Romulan Ale? (true, not the energy drink)
‘s been called an “instant drunk”
Game sounds like fun though.
August 30, 2011 at 7:27 pm
i’m going to have to tell my mom about this game so she can play it.
August 30, 2011 at 4:51 pm
We need to figure out how to make that show a reality! In the meantime, I will have to settle for a “Regretsy: World’s Tackiest Houses” tee shirt. Pretty please!
August 30, 2011 at 4:56 pm
I’m confused. Was April re-habbing the “World’s tackiest houses”, or was she creating the “World’s tackiest houses”?
August 30, 2011 at 5:01 pm
Either way it sounds awesome!
August 30, 2011 at 5:44 pm
I think creating. Which isn’t much of a stretch in the Midwest.
August 30, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Can my house be the first one on the Regretsy: Worlds Tackiest Houses? I live in the Midwest, and its not tacky enough. Seriously, I dont even have shitty sayings on the walls… she could craft a giant bajingo on my (tomato red) kitchen wall out of kale or something.
August 30, 2011 at 4:54 pm
…is it wrong that I kind of wish a socially awkward Nathan Lane secret section of the site actually did exist?
August 30, 2011 at 8:58 pm
If you type it in wrong you get the section with Patrick Stewart modeling vintage ball gowns.
August 30, 2011 at 11:22 pm
I so want to see that.
August 30, 2011 at 9:02 pm
How do you know it doesn’t? Maybe you just don’t know the password.
August 30, 2011 at 11:00 pm
and now check out cf4l for all the “Where is my fucking Nathan Lane page?” wrong passwords!
August 30, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Im going to go to sleep tonight with a flip flop, picture of clarabelle, and a fuckery sampler under my pillow just to see what happens…
August 30, 2011 at 8:16 pm
I’m not sure, but in the morning you’ll probably be able to sell the results on Etsy for $50
August 30, 2011 at 4:55 pm
I’m sensing a theme to these emails and tweets; but i can’t quite put my finger on what it is.
August 30, 2011 at 4:55 pm
AND SO IT CAME TO PASS, YOU ARE THE DREAM RAPER.
August 30, 2011 at 5:18 pm
SAMPLER!
September 1, 2011 at 9:57 am
I enjoyed my Leonard Nimoy dream, so please keep raping my dreams, April!
August 30, 2011 at 4:58 pm
How weird. Last week I had a dream that April came to Caltech for some kind of crafting conference. We were sitting near each other and she was being very friendly to me. I grew suspicious.
August 30, 2011 at 5:02 pm
alright, everyone’s having regretsy dreams but me.
i’ve just got a little more jealous fatter and loserer (whatever).
thank you very much regretsians for making me one of you!
August 30, 2011 at 6:08 pm
I haven’t had a Regretsy dream either. I must be loserly too.
August 30, 2011 at 8:57 pm
I’m in the same loserly boat. I want a Regretsy dream, too, damnit! Please mom!?!? I promise I’ll feed it, and walk it, and clean up after it…. Pretty please??
August 30, 2011 at 9:31 pm
I haven’t had a Regretsy dream, either, but I’m usually wiped out on Benedryl by the time I get to sleep. I dream mostly about smells and featherless birds. *shrug*
August 31, 2011 at 4:34 am
I’ve had a few, but April hasn’t been in any of them. Mine are all about Regretsians on the forums.
August 30, 2011 at 5:02 pm
I’ve dreamt of April lots and lots of times, but my catholic upbringing tells me those deeds are sinful and shameful [mostly because none of us are young little boys].
August 30, 2011 at 6:07 pm
Say three “Hail Marts.”
August 30, 2011 at 8:05 pm
August 30, 2011 at 11:24 pm
In my head I’m supplying the images of butts hovering over each thumb.
August 30, 2011 at 5:15 pm
I usually at least chuckle when I read Regretsy, but this post had me laughing so hard tears came to my eyes. The Nathan Lane one put me over the edge.
August 30, 2011 at 5:21 pm
Sparkly tears?
August 31, 2011 at 8:58 am
Yes, sparkly tears of JOY.
August 30, 2011 at 5:48 pm
Ditto! I lost it at the Nathan Lane one too. Well, they all made me laugh uncontrollably, but that one did so even more. Can you imagine the epic awkwardness? Nathan Lane being awkward with Regretsy approved crapts? (That’s the child of crap and crafts, that they don’t talk about).
August 30, 2011 at 8:17 pm
I absolutely agree. I wonder if April could make that happen
August 30, 2011 at 5:19 pm
Does anyone dream of Towel Mike?
August 30, 2011 at 5:43 pm
Since the very first time my gaze met his abdomen.
August 30, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Those dreams are kept all to myself
August 30, 2011 at 5:26 pm
I had a Regretsy dream once too. I don’t remember much of it but it involved me and April being on the same bobsled team or something. I wrote it down someplace. I’ll have to see if I can find it.
August 30, 2011 at 5:29 pm
The Nathan Lane one is actually a pretty good idea.
And I would love a nice cold rusty Sprite & Captain Morgan. I will call it “Sailor’s Delight.”
August 30, 2011 at 5:29 pm
I keep having dreams about authors I correspond with on LiveJournal but haven’t met in person (including a very surprising threesome), but have not yet dreamed about Regretsy.
Apparently, other people here are dreaming about me, so maybe I’m off the hook… or just saving up for something epically weird.
August 30, 2011 at 5:40 pm
LiveJournal Represent! Lol
August 30, 2011 at 8:02 pm
There are, what, like three of us here?
August 30, 2011 at 8:51 pm
Four?
August 30, 2011 at 10:27 pm
Five.
August 30, 2011 at 10:40 pm
And a camera man.
August 31, 2011 at 2:54 pm
Five?
August 31, 2011 at 2:17 am
“Apparently, other people here are dreaming about me,” Are you Towel Mike?
August 31, 2011 at 10:53 am
Or Dror, Ace, Bronc, Dawg, El Erico, octopus mask guy, swearing British guy, swearing Finnish guy, one of the boob girls?
August 31, 2011 at 4:28 pm
<– Octopus Mask / "I'm in a Kilt" guy
September 1, 2011 at 3:43 am
Ahh so you are, I will add you to my list ; )
August 30, 2011 at 5:30 pm
Recently, I had a dream about someone trying to sell a placenta-stained mattress. Whew, I’m glad THAT wasn’t real!
August 30, 2011 at 5:41 pm
Um, of course Rushgirl, that was just a bad dream. Go back to sleep hun.
August 30, 2011 at 7:21 pm
Go back to sleep. Just don’t look under the linens.
August 30, 2011 at 6:01 pm
Funny. I had a horrible dream about some whacked out dad trying to sell his kid’s poopy diaper. I mean, imagine if that were real!
September 1, 2011 at 9:59 am
Have you seen STFUParents? I mean, when you’re not on Regretsy
August 30, 2011 at 5:35 pm
I once dreamt that I was attending some surreal art exhibit at a creepy old brick loft building, and April was there with friends & fans. She said she needed help doing an audition video for E! Entertainment TV and needed people to play celebrities for interviews. My friend with black rimmed glasses played Elvis Costello, and another in attendance played Seal. Then several of us went up to April’s loft apartment where we discussed plans for a Halloween event. Later as I left, I told April good-bye, and how much she deserved to get the E! job. Then she kissed the back of my hand, and……
WAIT THAT WAS NO DREAM!!!
August 30, 2011 at 7:04 pm
Oh my God, that ACTUALLY HAPPENED
Thank you for not mentioning the douchebag I was dating at the time, very decent of you.
August 30, 2011 at 7:23 pm
Oh, I would never. Anyway, we’re talking about dreams, not nightmares….
August 30, 2011 at 8:07 pm
Come on, the suspense is surely killing everyone here up in this joint. Spill it HK!
August 30, 2011 at 8:13 pm
ooo! Personal anecdotes! I love these!
August 30, 2011 at 10:20 pm
” … My friend with the black rimmed glasses … ”
*ROTFL*
But wait: she kissed the back of your hand? Well!! I never heard about that… *looks around for the door, out of which to flounce*
August 30, 2011 at 5:36 pm
“and that’s the last thing I remember telling my parole officer.”
August 30, 2011 at 5:58 pm
When I was in the hospital in June, hopped up on morphine, I dreamt of April dressed as the virgin Mary with a flip flop on het head. She was floating in the air above my bed, and I asked if she was there to heal me…she gave a pixie-like laugh like Annne Hathaway’s white queen in the Alice in Wonderland movie. Then she lifted her robes and queefed on ny face. Trufax.
August 30, 2011 at 6:09 pm
August 31, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Jeannie, Virgin Mary, same thing.
August 31, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Virgin MART you infidel!!
August 30, 2011 at 6:08 pm
I WANT TO PARTY WITH GAYLE.
August 30, 2011 at 6:51 pm
Name the time & place.
August 30, 2011 at 6:13 pm
I insist that y’all post what you were eating, drinking and/or what drugs you were taking to prompt these dreams, ’cause I want some!
August 30, 2011 at 6:14 pm
My dreams have been a whole lot of no fun.
Last night’s dream had to do with flooding and climbing a bunch of rocks to get back to somebody’s house.
At least it didn’t also have a public restroom with half a dozen overflowing toilets (that’s what I dream about when I really need to pee and I don’t want to wake up).
August 30, 2011 at 11:26 pm
I dream about aliens invading, then looking for a toilet in the middle of the alien war (or party, depending on the aliens). Once I didn’t wake up in time.
August 31, 2011 at 7:44 am
I have those “need to pee” dreams, but instead of overflowing the bathrooms are all occupied. Or have no doors. Or are lone toilets smack in the middle of busy intersections.
August 30, 2011 at 6:19 pm
I actually did have a Regretsy dream just last night. But I did have a ha-ha moment with myself: wouldn’t it be funny if one of the things I saw in my dream would be posted?
And then I saw this thread. Cleary the end of the world is nigh! The signs will appear throughout the world, in the form of strange code popping up in unexpected places…
OH WAIT.
We’re all doomed.
August 30, 2011 at 6:35 pm
Holy shit, the one about the convention and the Twitter feed is mine! Admittedly, it is probably the least interesting of all the dreams. But still, I made it on Regretsy! My bucket list is now one item shorter.
September 1, 2011 at 11:25 am
I was so happy to see my Spock tweet. I loved all the stories, and they were all interesting – no claiming yours wasn’t!
August 30, 2011 at 6:43 pm
Last night I dreamed of Regretsy again….
August 30, 2011 at 8:41 pm
“One hundred strokes each side, Danny . . . “
August 30, 2011 at 6:44 pm
Benedict Cumberpatch! I like that guy. What a mouthful of a name, though.
August 30, 2011 at 11:27 pm
are you a Cumberbitch?
August 30, 2011 at 6:46 pm
Seriously, you guys are the best and never fail to make any hard day funny with your insanity. You probably also never fail to make any funny day hard with your insanity. ILU.
August 30, 2011 at 6:53 pm
I’m pretty sure I had a Regretsy dream recently too, but I don’t remember the content so I’m just going to pretend it was about Towel Mike.
Mmm, towels. . .
August 30, 2011 at 6:56 pm
Soo this is the second time something I’ve said was included in a post, and both times my husband gave me a look that plainly said that he thinks I’m retarded. Whatever. I forgot to mention that in my dream about Nathan Lane, I was there for the taping of one of his awkward stunts, which involved hanging from his bound hands on monkey bars (at a playground). I’m guessing it was just the playground part that made it so awkward..
August 30, 2011 at 7:08 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 30, 2011 at 8:58 pm
This is the first time I have ever been “thumbs downed” so much that it hid my comment…I will now wear this as a badge of honor, with glitter on it
August 30, 2011 at 9:25 pm
It happens to the best of us from time to time. I comes with being a jealous, fat loser.
August 31, 2011 at 6:38 am
I wear my badge with pride. It’s fucking beautiful.
August 31, 2011 at 6:49 am
Do I get my fat, ugly, jealous, loser badge in the mail or do I have to go pick it up somewhere? I hope I dont have to make one since I just used my last octopus medallion and I am nearly out of fake mustaches
August 31, 2011 at 9:47 am
I made mine myself. It’s a glittery dead bird wearing a tache made of down thumbs.
August 31, 2011 at 10:21 am
I’ve gotten more thumbs down than Showgirls.
August 30, 2011 at 6:56 pm
No-Nathan totally needs to be a thing. Someone, get on that!
August 30, 2011 at 7:06 pm
I talk in my sleep and dreamt I was admonished by an Etsy admin for calling out in my dreams.
August 30, 2011 at 7:10 pm
I dreamed that I flounced in the most epic of manners, then created another Regretsy name just so I could come in and post on my own flounce, then flounce again under that name only to create another fake name to post on that flounce…it was an endless cycle of fuckery and flouncing.
August 30, 2011 at 7:18 pm
I dreamed that I flounced in my Maidenform™ bra.
August 30, 2011 at 7:21 pm
Maidenform? Would have been a cooler dream if it was the Ribbon Bra or even the Apple Pasteless Pasties…but Maidenform works too LOL
August 30, 2011 at 7:43 pm
Glad I’m not the only one with messed up dreams. Kinda sad none have involved Regretsy yet though. Did dream recently about Donnie Wahlberg following me and giving me a feather pendant. Perhaps a sign to scale back on the booze while looking at shitty crafts.
August 30, 2011 at 7:52 pm
You had me at ‘bajingo salad’… ♥♥♥
August 30, 2011 at 7:53 pm
I haven’t had a specifically Regretsy/April related dream yet. But not long after all the weird Balaclavas began arriving I dreamt I put one on and went walking in the rain. It got wet and shrank, and I couldn’t take it off!
August 30, 2011 at 7:53 pm
Funny I never told HK about a dream I had about her. We were at a hotel convention and she was telling me to keep my feet out of the aisle so I didn’t trip anyone, then she went up to MC the event and was wearing a fedora. They started to sprinkle glitter on her hat and she said, “That’s not how you do it,” then stuck her head in the bucket of glitter and pulled it out so that glitter went everywhere, and said, “That’s how you do it.” Then I woke up.
August 30, 2011 at 8:03 pm
Oh god. These dreams are tame compared to the shit my fucked-up subconscious comes up with. I believe the only reason I have any sanity left is that I constantly fight off madness with alcohol.
August 30, 2011 at 8:09 pm
All of my dreams about Regretsy are WAY more filthy than these. I should probably stop listening to “Lets Get It On” as a lullaby.
August 30, 2011 at 8:21 pm
I had a dream ounce
August 30, 2011 at 9:06 pm
Did you call a layer?
August 30, 2011 at 11:29 pm
No need, an ounce is a very small dream.
August 31, 2011 at 6:57 am
that’s what the doctor said
August 31, 2011 at 6:57 am
No, a doctor
August 30, 2011 at 8:27 pm
Now I’m mad because I’ve never had a Regretsy dream. Or if I did I did not think to e-mail it and now I’ve forgotten. Which still makes me mad.
I had a dream the other night where a group of teenage girls were blasting music and lasers at each other with ipads. It was a little West Side Story, except with ipads. I don’t even own an ipad.
August 30, 2011 at 8:34 pm
were they snapping their fingers and “dance fighting?” because if they were, I want to dream this dream too
August 31, 2011 at 8:12 am
Wow. I read that as, “blasting music and lasers at each others’ pads.”
Not being a wombyn, I guess I wouldn’t know, but I’d imagine tht shooting lasers at one’s cooter would be a surefire way to get the most out of that pad. IE, it’d make you bleed a lot.
August 30, 2011 at 8:57 pm
Not gonna lie: I gave no-nathan.regretsy.com a try in my browser. NOTHING.
Then I went to the trouble of finally creating an account, just to post this comment. NO LIFE.
August 30, 2011 at 8:59 pm
I totally lost it at Erin’s submission.
Keith Moon reference gained points, but I think the thought of you as the Anti Martha Stewart is what got me.
I can safely say though, that while my grandmother despises Martha, she’d probably love your show.
If you had one.
You should really get on that.
I would get Direct TV just to be able to watch it.
August 30, 2011 at 9:48 pm
I once dreamed that my comments on Regretsy and Livejournal were being used as evidence against my character in court.
“Do you deny using the words ” whimsicle” and “fuckery” together in a sentence? Were you aware that these aren’t even real words?”
*shudders*
August 30, 2011 at 11:35 pm
Oh, sure! You downvoted me millions of times when I predicted there would be schizophrenic stalkers of famous voice actors (ok, I’ll admit my post looked more ‘creepy’ than funny).
Now look; when they finally go on the nod, they’re dreaming of Manderley or Helen!
Stay away from latent lesbian pyromaniac housekeepers, Helen!
August 30, 2011 at 11:44 pm
I hang out with too many piercers, I think, because within piercing/tattoo circles a PA is a Prince Albert (a mle genital piercing). I always get taken slightly aback by people talking about personal as assistants merely PAs.
August 31, 2011 at 2:37 am
If you ask me, this is the most NSFW post ever by far. The screen, you can hide. But the tears from struggling not to laugh and be totally overcome by awe and a feeling of celebration, you have to make something up about them.
August 31, 2011 at 4:30 am
I dreamed a Regretsy post featured my Etsy shop because of the sequined Tibetan monk-inspired paper mache push-up bras I was selling, and I began receiving a multitude of orders via email, even though my email address was not shown at all.
That was really awkward, because I don’t have an Etsy store, don’t like messing with paper mache, hate bras with a mad passion, find sequins to be horribly uncomfortable, and have no clue how to pattern a bra, much less one that looks inspired by Tibetan monks… but I totally felt pressured to fill all of those orders. Dammit, Regretsy! I don’t have time for this shit!
August 31, 2011 at 4:43 am
So, in your case, the phrase “damn you regretsy, I had thousands of views and orders, how dare you” becomes relevant at last.
August 31, 2011 at 5:19 am
Just last night I dreamed I was trying to show somebody the “triangle bush” clip.
And today this comes up on Regretsy. GET OUT OF MY HEAD, DAMN YOU.
August 31, 2011 at 6:36 am
I’ve never had a dream about Regretsy. Now I feel like even more of an outsider and jealous loser.
August 31, 2011 at 6:53 am
it’s ok because we are all fat ugly jealous losers here…just a big ole clusterfuck of fat ugly jealous losers.
August 31, 2011 at 9:04 am
It’s okay, I never did either.
August 31, 2011 at 8:40 am
Thanks to reading this post and then forgetting about it, I had a Regretsy dream. Several avatars came to life, except for mine. I remember @Kilgore Trout as being cute and bouncy and there were a few cats, but they were all milling about, jumping up on a chaise lounge (which I don’t own), but everyone soon left.
So, apparently, I’m as captivating in my dreams as I am in person. Sigh.
August 31, 2011 at 10:43 am
I remember that, Mugsy. We would have stayed if you had put out some bowls of milk.
August 31, 2011 at 11:04 am
@Skantily Clad, I’m so very sorry. As I told you, all I had in the house was almond milk and, well, when you’re not happy you do not stay quiet. What a set of lungs! My ears are still ringing! I’ve never been owned by a cat, how would I know about nut allergies??
August 31, 2011 at 9:57 am
my single regretsy themed dream: I bought a dancing dror greeting for my husband’s birthday and he hated it. I woke up angry at him for rejecting the best gift, ever.
That was a few weeks ago and, holy crap, I realize I’m still slightly resentful that he hated my wonderful present.
August 31, 2011 at 10:42 am
“Cooking with Regretsy: 50 Recipes for Fat, Jealous Losers” (featuring bajingo salad)
August 31, 2011 at 11:25 pm
Just not by the butter lady; her voice makes me want to punture my eardrums or her vocal cords.
August 31, 2011 at 4:25 pm
I had the weirdest dream last night.
April was there. You were there, and you, and you…
We were at a craft-off! A bunch of Regretsians against some Etsy cupcocks.
It was crazy.
And the audience voted….
And…
We lost.
Then they raised the lights over the audience so we could see them, and they were all wearing crazy fascinators and had mustaches on sticks.
August 31, 2011 at 6:17 pm
Laughed until I cried. Awesome dreams everybody!
February 1, 2012 at 12:45 pm
Why is no-nathan.regretsy.com not a thing yet?