The Triangle Bush
By now most of you know that in my other life, I do voices for cartoons.
I’ve been doing this since I was eleven years old, and I have voiced a lot of characters. Some of you probably grew up listening to me, or have children and are currently suffering through my work.
Which brings me to Friday night, when I saw this Tweet:
A few hours later, someone had uploaded the clip to YouTube.
I’m just going to leave this here.
Yes, that’s me, Clarabelle Cow.
I don’t remember this particular episode, but I’m not surprised. As careful as people are – and believe me, people are very, very careful about this stuff – something always gets through that makes us wonder if anyone else hears it the way we do, or we’re just sick bastards who ought to keep our mouths shut.
It reminds me of something that happened when I was working on the 101 Dalmatians television series. We were told that Disney brass was coming to a session and would be watching us record, and they were bringing some people from Standards and Practices. I was asked by my agent to watch my mouth and not swear too much, because the people from the network were pretty humorless.
I played Cruella on that show, and Pamela Segall Adlon (better known as Bobby Hill, or for her roles on Louis C.K. and Californication) played a puppy named Lucky. Pam had also been warned to watch her language which was probably harder for her than for me. I swear a lot, but she makes me look like an amateur.
All went well until we got to a scene where Cruella called someone a “moron.” A flurry of activity started behind the glass, and while we couldn’t hear them, we knew that they were having a discussion about that word, and whether we could say it. Finally the director came over the loudspeaker and told us that the network felt the word “moron” was inappropriate, and could we please come up with alternate?
Pam and I looked at each other, and started gamely throwing out ideas.
“Idiot?”
Too harsh.
“Imbecile?”
Too highbrow.
“Jerk?”
Too sexual.
We did this for several long minutes, and the network shot down everything we could come up with. Finally we all fell silent.
After an excrutiatingly long pause, Pam said, “I guess ‘cuntlapper’ is out of the question.”
And… scene
August 29, 2011 at 11:51 am
Voice actors are amazing to me. Especially someone who does a character like Bobby Hill. Because they can do that all the time! And then one minute you’re making sweet, sexy loves to a hot babe under the kitchen table, and the next minute, it is very possible that Bobby Hill will scream out for you to put your finger in his butt.
Life is so odd sometimes.
August 29, 2011 at 11:51 am
NOT THAT THIS HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
August 29, 2011 at 3:16 pm
I went on a blind date with the voice of one of the Care Bears once. It was suuuuper awkward. (not because of the care bears thing, but that could’ve made it worse.)
August 29, 2011 at 11:57 am
That is a very scary thought. Pretty fucking funny too, wonder if she’s ever done that to anyone o_O
August 29, 2011 at 11:58 am
If I did an iconic cartoon voice, you can bet my husband and I would never screw again without a little shout-out from Rosie the Robot or Mr. Burns or whatever.
August 29, 2011 at 12:25 pm
Eeeeexcellent….
August 29, 2011 at 12:26 pm
That was uncanny. Now do Bugs Bunny.
August 29, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Nyaaaahhhhhh…. I like what you got up, Doc. *carrot noises*
August 29, 2011 at 7:54 pm
I’ve heard that the man who plays Elmo delights in saying horrible things in the Elmo voice in his off-hours.
September 1, 2011 at 12:10 am
Worth a mention that the guy who voices Elmo is a sexy black man. Google it.
August 29, 2011 at 12:00 pm
I have asserted that I can *only* perform convincing voice impressions of un-sexy characters (Smithers, Mr. Burns, Wakko Warner, etc)… until it came to light that my impressions of balding Englishmen/Scotsmen (Picard, Connery) are passable enough to blow holes in this theory.
However, I stand by my assertion that Wakko Warner saying “Who’s your Daddy?” is pretty much a mood-killer no matter how drunk and randy someone is feeling.
August 29, 2011 at 12:21 pm
Maybe, but if accompanied by Dot moaning/screaming “You… you… you don’t know him” the gigglebraxes that ensue would only ensure a most enjoyable morning workout.
August 29, 2011 at 12:30 pm
I learned that imitating Neil Goldman and saying “Owwwww – you’re bending it!” is an epic mood killer.
August 29, 2011 at 2:50 pm
I KEEP READING THAT AS “NEIL GAIMAN” AND IT TOUCHES ME IN A BAD PLACE.
August 29, 2011 at 6:28 pm
you said Neil Gaiman – can I have your babies?
August 30, 2011 at 4:17 am
My sister just makes an uncanny sheep baaa, that pretty much kills it for my brother in law.
August 29, 2011 at 12:32 pm
If you could do Yakko then my ex-roommate would be putty in your hands. That girl had an unnatural crush on him.
August 29, 2011 at 12:35 pm
I used to have the hots for the disney Robin Hood. You know, the fox. Not recently, but when I was a kid, before I knew what I was thinking about. I liked his accent and his little green shoes and the fact that he never wore pants. What a man.
August 29, 2011 at 3:17 pm
He does have bologna in his slacks…
August 29, 2011 at 8:28 pm
OOHDAHLAHLEE!!
August 29, 2011 at 1:00 pm
Are you saying Wakko Warner isn’t sexy? Clearly we are going to have to agree to disagree.
August 29, 2011 at 1:10 pm
Wakko Warner can lay the pipe. Bitches better believe.
August 29, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I’m saying my impression of Wakko Warner is probably not.
I don’t even *own* a red baseball cap, for one thing.
August 29, 2011 at 2:40 pm
I still sleep with my Wakko stuffed toy. Hell yes, he’s sexy!
August 29, 2011 at 2:34 pm
My husband can do a large number of cartoon voices. But I have to say the most mood killing one of all is “Herbert the Pervert” from Family Guy.
You kiss a man and he does that “mmmmmm”, in that old perverts voice, yeah it’s a little unsettling.
August 29, 2011 at 6:29 pm
can he do the tooth-whistling thing? I would so love to hear the outtakes form that show.
August 29, 2011 at 11:51 am
Not going to lie, just cackled like a moron after reading that.
I like Cuntlapper. I may borrow it.
August 29, 2011 at 11:52 am
The best part is that she was wearing a sweater with the word PUSSY spelled out in rhinestones on the front.
August 29, 2011 at 11:56 am
That is just fucking awesome! You get to hang out with all the cool kids
August 29, 2011 at 11:58 am
I want to be best friends with her.
We could go get drunk on expensive cocktails in the middle of the day then she could go into my old workplace and call the owner a cuntlapper, and I would snortgiggle the whole way home.
August 29, 2011 at 11:59 am
I love you April.
August 29, 2011 at 12:00 pm
I always wondered what she was like IRL. Love her character in Californication.
August 29, 2011 at 1:40 pm
You know, I always had the impression that all Disney employees were chipper and family-friendly all the time. Naturally, I had some reservation when I accepted my job to work in a Disney kitchen, because I swear quite a lot… actually, most people in the culinary industry swear worse than sailors.
To my pleasant surprise, a Disney kitchen is still just a fucking kitchen.
August 29, 2011 at 9:04 pm
That is the most magnificent sweater I have ever heard of. Someone make it into a sampler!
August 29, 2011 at 11:52 am
Cuntlapper….I’m dying of laughter here! WORD OF THE DAY!!!
August 29, 2011 at 11:55 am
If cuntlapper is out of the question, then what exactly is the answer?
August 29, 2011 at 12:25 pm
Cuntslapper is the person who pushes the secret button in the Triangle Bush
August 30, 2011 at 12:38 am
Wouldn’t that be cunttapper?
August 29, 2011 at 1:07 pm
*adds to notebook*
August 29, 2011 at 11:53 am
Oh, the innocence of childhood.
August 29, 2011 at 11:53 am
I think “cuntlapper” might be my new favorite word.
August 29, 2011 at 11:53 am
Story of my life… every man I’ve known would rather lay around in a hammock than find the triangle bush and push the button.
August 29, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Well, if it had big ears like Mickey’s it wouldn’t be so hard to find.
August 29, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Yet another reason to join the upside down pink triangle bush team!
August 29, 2011 at 11:54 am
I laughed right out loud when the fireworks went off, seriously I am not surprised the kids are turning out the way they do, sexual stuff has been on all the cartoons ( could just be me though) since I was a youngster. I swear they do it just so they can keep the adults entertained, and when little Bobby asks mommy why she just laughed until milk squirted out her nose over something as silly as a bush, it will make more milk come out.
August 29, 2011 at 12:22 pm
I like to think of it as a subliminal plant that the kids won’t use til later in life. When they finally get with a lady, they’ll have this instinctual knowledge of what to do to make her shoot off fireworks, though they won’t know why. It’s like a PSA.
When I saw this on The Soup this past weekend, I laughed so hard I almost fell off the couch (my tenuous grasp of balance that night may have been helped along by the scotch, which I managed not to spill).
August 29, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Falling off the couch laughing = win
Falling off the couch laughing and NOT spilling your alcohol = EPIC WIN!
August 29, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Thanks, ZombieMom- you just made my day!
August 29, 2011 at 7:13 pm
My husband and I watch The Soup every Friday. When that clip came on, it took me a moment to process what I was watching (we don’t have kids and the cats only watch the Bird and Squirrel Show out the windows), then it was “That’s April! That’s the Regretsy Lady! She voices Clarabelle Cow!”
August 29, 2011 at 12:49 pm
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August 29, 2011 at 6:25 pm
And that’s all the time we have left on the Mr. Obvious Show . . .
August 29, 2011 at 11:55 am
I am laughing so loud at my desk right now that my co-workers asked me what was going on….
As I mother, I ENJOY your work it’s never “suffering”. Hearing your voice or finding out you voice a beloved character is like having the best inside joke and my kids don’t get to be a part of it.
August 29, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Agreed. Except I really wish you were the one who sang that “Plaid, Checks, Polka Dots, Stripes” song. Because IF I HAVE TO LISTEN TO 15 VERSIONS OF IT EVERY 5 GODDAMN MINUTES, it better be sung by someone who dresses like a beaver and brings woolen bear porn to the mainstream.
August 29, 2011 at 11:55 am
Oh Disney don’t be so square, in the first 101 movie Cruella was smoking a fucking cigarette while wearing a jacket made out of dog skins!
August 29, 2011 at 5:20 pm
And I’m pretty fucking sure Cruella called Horace and Jasper “imbeciles” half the time.
September 4, 2011 at 8:47 pm
I seem to remember her screaming “You idiots!” very loudly at the end of a scene at them too… unless I’m mistaken.
August 31, 2011 at 8:50 pm
i bet you could get a coat of dog skins somewhere on etsy.
August 29, 2011 at 11:56 am
Pamela Segall Adlon is my new heroine! OMG, I just had a brainfart… what about a Regretsy word of the day calendar?!
August 29, 2011 at 12:17 pm
I WOULD BUY THIS. THIS MUST HAPPEN.
August 29, 2011 at 1:03 pm
That’s not a brainfart, it’s fucking brilliant!
August 29, 2011 at 1:10 pm
I’d totally put that on my desk next to my knitting pattern a day calendar!
August 29, 2011 at 11:56 am
I want a Mickey Marker for MY triangle bush!
August 29, 2011 at 12:00 pm
Someone make that shit and sell it on Etsy!
August 29, 2011 at 12:22 pm
Well, one could always arrange for a piercing and adorn their cajuju with this ornament:
August 29, 2011 at 12:29 pm
Now I am reminded of Jerri Blank’s (Strangers with Candy) Liberty Bell… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGa2vIAOYcU
August 29, 2011 at 12:02 pm
A Disney vajazzler?
August 29, 2011 at 12:05 pm
That might be taking the Disneyphilia a LITTLE far…then again, maybe not. I think my father would enjoy that on my mother…
August 29, 2011 at 12:14 pm
I wonder if the Three Caballeros, three gay caballeros, had manzillians?
August 29, 2011 at 3:22 pm
It wouldn’t be too hard to cut out a shaving template from a leftover milk jug (might want to sand the edges smooth though) so you can have a mickey mouse shaped triangle bush. You could then vajazzle the edges.
August 29, 2011 at 11:56 am
Holy shit, you’re Clara Bell? My two-year old watches this show every day, it’s one of the only ones I can stand to have on. There’s a particularly good episode about Minnie’s Muffin, if I recall too.
August 29, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Oh yes, the Moo Muffins. God help us.
August 29, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Is that anything like Betty White’s muffin on the SNL skit?
August 29, 2011 at 11:56 am
Well, if the character really was a cuntlapper I think that Cruella would be much less obsessed over murdering things and wearing their skin. That woman needs to get -laid-.
August 29, 2011 at 11:58 am
On another note – I’m just going to leave this here…
http://d23.disney.go.com/news/2011/08/what-a-wonderful-world/
August 29, 2011 at 12:07 pm
OMGOMGOMG!!! Oh, I hope that gets built fast, before the next time I go….
August 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm
Is that a ride?
I’ll be here all week.
August 29, 2011 at 1:03 pm
What’s up with the cathetered dong on the right?
August 29, 2011 at 1:06 pm
That fountain looks awfully familiar…
August 29, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Give an entire new meaning to the Snow White song, “Someday my Prince will come.”
August 29, 2011 at 4:06 pm
“an entirely new ride system and new special effects to help take guests on a swinging good time on the rocking mine cars” ~ I’ve gained a whole new perspective on the Disney Imagineers ….
August 30, 2011 at 3:28 am
that looks a lot like the fantasyland in disneyland paris.
August 29, 2011 at 11:57 am
My two year old loves that stupid Mickey show >.< I can tolerate a few short minutes of snickering when I hear Clarabelle though.
August 29, 2011 at 11:57 am
Joel McHale makes fireworks go off in my triangle bush, that’s for damn sure.
August 29, 2011 at 12:05 pm
Isn’t this the dude that plays Wheels McGee on Glee? I admit to having fantasies about him too. I want to perform lewd sex acts with him in his wheelchair, despite the fact that he is not in real life, paraplegic.
August 29, 2011 at 3:03 pm
Joel McHale is the host of E!’s The Soup. He’s also on Community on NBC.
I’ve never seen Glee, but as far as I know he’s never been a guest on the show.
August 29, 2011 at 4:25 pm
He was also on the old Seattle sketch comedy show Almost Live!. Among other things, he did a delightful William Wallace impression.
August 29, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Here’s a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVsgoefrJb0
August 29, 2011 at 5:58 pm
He was also in that movie Mini’s First Time…Played a dating game show host…Hilarious!
August 29, 2011 at 3:30 pm
That’s Kevin–I’ve never watched Glee, but I’ve seen him on tomandlorenzo.com at events. The name stuck with me, because he looks oddly similar to the Kevin McHale that played with the Celtics back in the day.
August 29, 2011 at 11:58 am
Personally I think imbecile is totally within Cruella’s lexicon… she’s uptown and rich. What cuntlappers…
August 29, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Not to mention in the original 101 Dalmatians, that’s the word she uses all the time. That, and fool.
August 29, 2011 at 12:32 pm
SPECIALTON
August 29, 2011 at 12:42 pm
haha! I had to read that a couple of times, then say it out-loud, rolling it around on my tongue before it sank in. THEN I laughed like a specialton!
August 29, 2011 at 11:58 am
Ya know – having a 3 year old and being a big kid myself, I have been more and more aware April’s talents when indulging in a little animation. sigh… just wish Pepperann would come out on DVD already…
August 29, 2011 at 12:00 pm
Now of course I’ll have my ears perked for inuendo (not an Italian suppository)
August 29, 2011 at 12:03 pm
Maybe she’s not just much too cool for seventh grade, but also much too cool for DVD? Which would be terribly sad, that show was awesome.
August 29, 2011 at 12:19 pm
Yes! I said somewhere around here that Lydia Pearson was my favorite April role. I LOVED that show, probably because I was also 12 around the time it began on TV (’97 I think).
I fucking hate how other Disney TV crap is pushed out on DVD, and P. Ann probably won’t be.
August 29, 2011 at 11:58 am
I think someone needs to make a quilt out of all of these Regretsy-themed samplers, like the one that is forthcoming that reads, “I guess ‘cuntlapper’ is out of the question.”
August 29, 2011 at 12:01 pm
As a bonus tidbit, let it be known that the handshape Clarabelle Cow makes to demonstrate the shape of the bush in question is actually the sign for “pussy” in American Sign Language.
The more you know!
August 29, 2011 at 12:41 pm
It also looks a bit like the Rastafarian hand sign for wisdom…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ponzu/2795857338/
August 29, 2011 at 12:48 pm
actually, the ASL for that (“vagina”), is a “double triangle” sign, but inverted (the point is down) and it’s done over that area…but it’s still pretty funny
August 29, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Here is is, demonstrated:
ASL “vagina”
(needs quicktime plug-in)
August 29, 2011 at 12:51 pm
whoopsie!
here’s the direct link to the video:
ASL “vagina”
you will still need quicktime plug-in
August 29, 2011 at 9:13 pm
That site is really freakin’ cool.
August 30, 2011 at 9:28 am
Isn’t it? I found it a while back while looking up some fun stuff
August 29, 2011 at 12:02 pm
I was watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with my nephew just over a week ago on DVD (Mickey in Wonderland, I think?) and I had to try and keep a straight face whenever Clarabelle came on.
It’s also funny to think of all the times I watched Recess when I was in high school. Oh, Miss Finster. Shakin’ it in Guam!
August 29, 2011 at 12:02 pm
One time at Space Mountain, I had a girlfriend ask me to find her Mickey Marker. Let’s just say it’s a loud world after all.
August 29, 2011 at 12:02 pm
Now I want to hear Clarabelle Cow say “cuntlapper”. I disgust myself.
August 29, 2011 at 5:47 pm
This should be on the Special Audio Bonus Track premium for the $50 Kickstarter pledge…
August 29, 2011 at 6:00 pm
I love love love the way April accentuates the word “bush”, like the ‘B’ is bursting out of her mouth. Excellent!!
August 29, 2011 at 12:05 pm
Oh dear god. My kid watches that show every morning before we go out the door. I’ll never look at Clarabelle the same again.
August 29, 2011 at 12:05 pm
the micky mouse club house episode wher clarbell is haveing an art show and goofy trys alot of different kinds of art but fucks up all of them and dosen’t want to display any of his art because they suck and clarbell tells him that his crap is really good and makes his own table with all of his crafts was really funny to me. it was just so unregretsy
August 29, 2011 at 12:09 pm
As long as he didn’t mis-spell it, or take bad photos of Mickey wearing his art, I guess it’s ok….
August 29, 2011 at 12:14 pm
The only thing I took away from that rant was “but fucks.” (sic)
August 29, 2011 at 2:53 pm
OMG! I saw that episode with my 3.5 year old, and I remember thinking of Regretsy (fondly) and I had no idea that Helen was April was Clarabelle! (I really should pay more attention.)
August 29, 2011 at 12:06 pm
Will the online version of the Regretsy Word of the Day calendar include MP3s of Clarabelle the Cow reading each of the words?
August 29, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Maybe the hard copies could have magic buttons to push to hear them.
Hidden in triangle bushes, natch.
August 29, 2011 at 12:06 pm
“Just push this button for a special surprise . . .”
August 29, 2011 at 12:53 pm
*gets in line*
August 29, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Obviously Pamela is a genius.
August 29, 2011 at 12:09 pm
I think I remember a yard sale episode. Or shit was about to get real because Goofy just killed someone while on a meth binge.
I also remember watching this episode while on vicodin after having my wisdom teeth out.
August 29, 2011 at 12:11 pm
114 titles on IMDb! That’s serious voicing.
August 29, 2011 at 12:12 pm
Fuck you, Barbara, vulgar language is FREQUENTLY necessary. Without it, Regretsy would be more like Real Time with Bill Mahr, all liberal and intellectual and shit.
August 29, 2011 at 2:16 pm
But Bill Maher says “fuck” all the time. Haven’t heard him use “cuntlapper” yet, though.
August 29, 2011 at 12:12 pm
Hilarious! Even better that I was reading that last part in Lucky the Puppy’s voice.
On a “Kill the Joke” note, though, didn’t Cruella call her henchmen “fools” “idiots” and “imbeciles” for pretty much the whole movie? Modern Disney execs need to watch their own back catalogue.
August 29, 2011 at 2:28 pm
The movie people and the TV people are worlds apart. Plus certain children’s TV shows get extra funding for being “educational,” so they have to watch themselves very carefully.
August 29, 2011 at 6:59 pm
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August 29, 2011 at 12:12 pm
This is why children are pussies these days. “Moron” is inappropriate? Really? Did Cruella have to call some one a “dummyhead”?
August 29, 2011 at 12:13 pm
Did any other humorless English-major types like me come away from this anecdote thinking of actual synonyms for moron that Cruella could have said?
“Fool” would have been a good one.
August 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm
I settled on “dunderhead”. It’s just obscure enough to not really mean anything to anyone and still get the point across that they mean “moron”, though I think “fool” would have worked just as well, and I can “hear” Cruella spitting that out in rage
August 29, 2011 at 2:13 pm
They actually settled on “crouton.”
August 29, 2011 at 2:52 pm
instead of a word that would have made since in that context like, cretin, and we wonder why we have an illiteracy problem
August 29, 2011 at 7:26 pm
Crouton?? Seriously?
LOL
August 30, 2011 at 1:03 am
So a woman who skins puppies for shits and giggles can find no better epithet for people she despises than “small square bit of seasoned toast that you put in soups and salads”?
But come to think of it, why not use salad-based insults more often? You gherkin! You cornichon! You utter radish! Get out, you wilted endive, and take your curly kale with you! Fuck you and the cucumber you rode in on!
August 31, 2011 at 8:55 pm
i spit my beer on my desk when i read “fuck you and the cucumber you rode in on.” this is why i have a water/beer proof keyboard.
August 29, 2011 at 12:15 pm
There must be something wrong with me.
My son made me watch that episode about 50 times just last week, and I never made that connection. And now I have to think about special bush buttons every time we watch it.
I was, however, really creeped out by Pete being so sugary and nice to everyone. That’s just not right.
August 29, 2011 at 12:16 pm
I’m determined that the people behind the Cat and the Hat show on PBS stuff as much homoerotic innuendo into that show as possible, just for the hell of it. It’s pretty great.
August 29, 2011 at 12:17 pm
There was an academic study once concerning visceral emotional reactions to words. “Cuntlapper” evoked an entirely different and much less heated range of emotions and reactions than “cocksucker.” I’ve carried that piece of knowledge with me for years, and choose my obscene name-calling accordingly.
August 29, 2011 at 12:17 pm
The ones that I recognized are, sadly, her voice in Clerks, and Totally Spies. I watch some weird shit. The ones my kids watch(ed) are Kimpossible (I love that show too), Phineas and Ferb, and Lilo and Stitch. Though, on those, I think it’s all various characters?? Still love those shows….
August 29, 2011 at 12:20 pm
April this has got to be my favorite one of you as Clarabelle. Evil, maniacal, and singing opera! My youngest watches MMCH every single day and the only ones I can stand are the ones with Clarabelle, so thank you for that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nG1pLbrpNFI&feature=related
August 29, 2011 at 12:58 pm
oh wow, I think I love here even more now! I didn’t even think I could!
August 29, 2011 at 6:05 pm
What a lovely singing voice!
August 29, 2011 at 12:20 pm
I’ve been a long time lurker, but I feel the need to comment on this post for the sole reason that imagining you behind the voice of ms. Finnster from Recess has both ruined my childhood and made it ten times better.
August 29, 2011 at 12:22 pm
Oh, Disney, you and your innuendo. Whether it was intentional or not, it’s still funny as hell.
And let’s face it, Disney is chock full of sexual references. I think my favorite is how phallic the undersea castle for The Little Mermaid is. Also, tentacles.
August 29, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Seriously
August 29, 2011 at 12:36 pm
Shine on you sick, sick diamonds.
August 29, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Don’t forget when Aladdin said “Teeeeeen-agers, take off your clothes.” in uh, well – Aladdin. I swear some people will read into anything…
August 29, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Hate to be a debbie downer, but I listened to that part VERY carefully… Well, the supposed part.
AFAICT Genie says “And remember, Beee yourself!”
August 30, 2011 at 9:13 am
Actually, it’s the part where Aladdin is shooing away the tiger. And he says “Eeeeasy kitty, take off and go.” Ultra whack-a-doos will find naughtiness where ever they can….
September 8, 2011 at 11:10 pm
That actually is just a really wispy “SFX” so that the F kind of looks like an E. It was a little easter egg put in by the Special Effects Team,. Special Effects is commonly abbreviated as sfx
August 29, 2011 at 2:40 pm
Yes we had that cover until my daughter found out that there was a penis on it. Then it mysteriously disappeared. I imagine the entire Jr. High was having an adolescent group snickergasm all day.
August 29, 2011 at 7:47 pm
I still have that Little Mermaid VHS. And I always will. Fuck snopes.com, there’s no way that’s not a dick.
August 29, 2011 at 12:28 pm
I’ve never posted here before, but holy christ that was funny!
August 29, 2011 at 12:29 pm
The triangle bush reminded me of this…although this is the cast doing a spoof, this wasn’t actually aired.
Would have been hellaciously funny if it had, though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kclq2zGQy4w&feature=related
August 29, 2011 at 12:32 pm
You have to know when the puppeteers on Sesame Street were doing this piece with the Count, they knew it was dirty. Remember he’s COUNTING: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Wd-Q3F8KM
August 29, 2011 at 12:46 pm
I shared that on Facebook a couple of weeks ago, and the response it got was amazing. It makes me roll off the couch laughing.
August 29, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Thank you so much for posting that. That is seriously one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while. “*b
August 29, 2011 at 12:51 pm
*bleep* until I drop” was my favorite.
August 29, 2011 at 12:53 pm
nah, “When I’m alone, I bleep myself” he sounded so sad
it was funny
August 29, 2011 at 1:21 pm
“when I’m alone I bleep myself” FTW
August 30, 2011 at 6:01 am
It’s all good, but I had to laugh out loud when it got to “I **** the spiders on the wall”.
August 29, 2011 at 1:07 pm
This is one of my favorite videos. =D
August 29, 2011 at 12:35 pm
[envious sigh] Not only for the word, but the timing…
I would probably have played it safe with “poopyhead”.
August 29, 2011 at 12:38 pm
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August 29, 2011 at 12:41 pm
Finally had to register to say, seriously? I loved 101 Dalmatians! That was one of the only shows I’d ever get up early to watch. And speaking as someone who was a ten year old living in a highly religious suburb at the time, I’m pretty sure “moron” was in everyone’s vocabulary already.
August 29, 2011 at 12:42 pm
When the fuck is vulgar language EVER not necessary?
August 29, 2011 at 12:44 pm
I noticed it was Donald who actually made the fireworks go off.
Daisy has taught him well, it seems.
August 29, 2011 at 12:49 pm
:O :O :O
Don’t leave me hanging, WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!?
(cuntlapper = brilliant)
August 29, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Really? Imbecile is too high brow? But Krang from TMNT used it all the time!
August 29, 2011 at 1:16 pm
Triangle Shaped Bush is my favorite fake rock band name.
August 29, 2011 at 2:13 pm
BOBBY HILL YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM RIGHT NOW AND WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP! AND IN FRONT OF LADYBIRD? WHERE IS YOUR COMMON DECENCY!? PROPANE!!
August 29, 2011 at 2:16 pm
What the fuck. I was going to reply to your comment, realized I had nothing particularly witty to say, REFRESHED THE PAGE and it still left my comment here.
Well while it’s here I might as well try to…
…
Nope. Nothing. But that’s still a nice band name. And connecting this to music makes me think of “Map of Tasmania” by the Dresden Dolls, which is utterly delightful, so thank you for that.
August 29, 2011 at 4:01 pm
I’m not much, but I do what little I can.
August 29, 2011 at 1:22 pm
The one time I tried experimenting by having casual sex with a stranger I ended up with Mickey Markers on my bush too
August 29, 2011 at 2:12 pm
Miss Killer – I was internet stalking you last night after seeing the Soup youtube (could also be referred to as “Soup Tube”…) and I was disappointed by the lack of voicework that is actually available for us stalkers… I mean us Regretsians… to partake of your work.
Any chance you’ll be setting up a new archive of it somewhere? I’d even pay $5bucks to see it.
August 29, 2011 at 2:17 pm
I’m not sure what you mean. An archive of cartoons? I can’t actually upload those and ask you to pay me to watch them, because I enjoy not being in prison.
August 29, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Imagine all the uses for Goatse and Cuntflapper and Douche Canoe you’d have though. HOLY HELL!!!! It’d be a veritable smorgasboard of new material for this site….in 10 – 12 years of course.
August 29, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Well – when you say it with your lawyerese “Crease & Desist” tone… that just makes you feel smart and everyone else say “that sucks big balls!” When you’re on your deathbed Helen they’ll have a big Nightline Special for you and Disney will have the big brass talking about how integral you were to their cartoon work. THEN we’ll finally get some decent youtubes to soak up at 3am along with our slurpee cup of vodka.
August 29, 2011 at 6:43 pm
why is my only takeaway from this “slurpee cup of vodka”?
because its 9:45 and I’m still AR WORK after getting here at 8AM
ugh
August 29, 2011 at 6:43 pm
that would be AT work
end tangent jump
August 29, 2011 at 2:20 pm
Reading your imdb profile is epic. Finding out that my favourite blog was written by Miss Finster just blew my mind.
August 29, 2011 at 2:24 pm
I didn’t know you did voices and OMG you did voices in the Sonic TV series =O
When I was little, I was obsessed with Sonic and thought I’d end up marrying him.
August 29, 2011 at 2:35 pm
You might get a kick out of this week’s B3ta image challenge, Dark Side of Disney: http://b3ta.com/challenge/notdisney/
August 29, 2011 at 2:37 pm
“Imbecile” is “too highbrow?” Guess that a hobo wedding would have been just the thing for those people.
August 29, 2011 at 2:41 pm
April, while I vaguely knew you did voice overs, I never realized that you were Paul Winchell’s daughter. I’m about the same age as you and I LOVED the Winchell-Mahoney Show when I was a kid. I can still remember the jingle (It’s lots of fun!), in an earwormy sort of way. Oh, and you are possible the funniest person in the world.
August 29, 2011 at 6:10 pm
God, she really is great and deserves so much more attention. I know I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I love you April Winchell!!
August 29, 2011 at 2:50 pm
If I were in Standards and Practices, I would object to “Cuntlapper” because is doesn’t equate to “Moron”. Not in my house, anyway.
August 29, 2011 at 2:53 pm
I realize that this is off topic, but has anyone seen the Etsy artist profile today? I was drawn in horrified fascination to her statement that she “swoons over all things cute…” but was truly repulsed by the first paragraph she wrote. Anyone want to join me in passing legislation on how many times you can say “beautiful” in one paragraph? Someone buy the poor imbecile a new adjective.
http://www.etsy.com/blog/en/2011/featured-seller-candy-bandits/?ref=fp_featured
August 29, 2011 at 6:10 pm
I heard her in my haiyd saying it aloud in Joel Grey’s burlesque voice from Cabaret – almost made it less vomit inducing!
August 29, 2011 at 6:46 pm
for someone who says she “likes to sew” she has a pretty shitty sewing machine.
August 29, 2011 at 7:45 pm
I’m sure that she thinks it is Beautiful!
August 29, 2011 at 8:23 pm
I actually have one of those, and I do refer to it as my shitty sewing machine. I bought it to take camping and such–my Berninas claim to be entirely too delicate for that foolishness.
August 29, 2011 at 7:51 pm
Can that be real?? Looks like a Regretsy plant to me with the stuffed mustaches!
August 29, 2011 at 8:20 pm
Aha, stuffed mustaches ON A DOILY. Magical!
August 29, 2011 at 9:33 pm
Not “beautiful?”
August 29, 2011 at 9:33 pm
Oh good lord – I hadn’t scrolled down. I think what the title of her bio would be and the cute/swoon thing sent me to the vomitorium before I went further. Please Immaculate heart of mart, let this be fake fuckery.
August 30, 2011 at 2:12 am
If you look at her photos very carefully, it seems there is fuckery afoot. If you look at the background of photos on the wall behind her in the first picture, there are crazy images…a skull, scared bunnies, naked ladies and something vomiting…funny wall decor for someone who swoons over the cute and adorable!
Further down, I see a crocheted apple cozy with a face that looks suspiciously like one we saw recently on Regretsy’s pages. She did everything but mention octopii in her list of things she likes! And doilies were there, too
But the absolute kicker is down at the verrrrry bottom of the page. Every single thing listed there is “felt” and “fake”. ???? There was only one thing I couldn’t find, as hard as I looked…the CF4L!
(I was going to go back and add the word “beautiful” in front of every item but I’m running out of characte
August 30, 2011 at 2:21 am
I REST MY CASE.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/76382244/fake-leather-necklace-puffy-metallic-mo
August 29, 2011 at 8:25 pm
Any other SK ‘Dark Tower’ fans? Her statement reminded me of Jake’s paper where every sentence ended with “and that is the truth.”
August 30, 2011 at 12:42 am
I especially enjoyed this part:
Apart from creating things, what do you do?
I sing with my gorgeous lady choir, The Betty Meringues. I like to walk, except I guess one might say that walking is creating energy.
AHA! Maybe that’s my problem. When I walk, I use energy. Clearly, I need to be doing something different.
August 29, 2011 at 3:13 pm
The IMDB link tells me that April and I share the same birthday. SUCH AN HONOR.
August 29, 2011 at 3:21 pm
All I can imagine is Milo Oblong and Bobby Hill saying cuntlapper at each other over and over.
August 29, 2011 at 3:43 pm
When I first read comments discussing this ‘triangle bush’ thing, I thought it was something to do with this shitty commercial (see 0:27):
<a http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfzI_NcET-c
This is right up there with the chick plugging the canoe with a tampon, or the Summer's Eve vertical smiles. Blech.
August 29, 2011 at 3:44 pm
I got quite a giggle out of that and my kids were entranced. I don’t think they have ever watched the clubhouse. Then my 18 month old called Joel McHale daddy. Don’t I just wish! (nobody tell my husband)
August 29, 2011 at 4:09 pm
“Cuntlapper” was the perfect end to a fucktastic day. Thanks, Regretsy!
August 29, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Love how the whole bush thing was let on the air but “jerk” was too sexual.
You’re story at the end made me spit food. Hilarious!
August 29, 2011 at 4:32 pm
Immediately made me think of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcoreV10hI8&ob=av3e
August 29, 2011 at 4:34 pm
I love you April, in all the wrong ways.
August 29, 2011 at 4:43 pm
“Bear in the Big Blue House” has some good ones….
http://dailywav.com/program.php?Program=BearBigBlueHouse
August 29, 2011 at 5:38 pm
I needed this laugh. I’ve watched those Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episodes so many times with the kids but I never caught on to that one.
My favorite is on Nick Jr. when Pinky Dinky Doo rode the Big Banana Boat to Butluriva.
“What about your uncle, Captain Banana? Doesn’t he have a Banana Boat? Yoohoo, Captain Banana! Ahoy, landlovers! What can I do for you? Can you take us to Butlurvia to visit his family.”
August 29, 2011 at 6:35 pm
HOLY FUCKING GOD, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN OSWALD? His dog is named “weeniegirl” and the songs, my god THE SONGS…fucking HILARIOUS.
August 31, 2011 at 7:46 am
Oswald legitimately makes me feel better about everything. I heartily recommend the ice cream song.
August 29, 2011 at 5:44 pm
YOU WERE MS FINSTER!? My mind is blown. To smithereens. You portrayed the stereotypical teacher that defined my childhood. I could continue but my brain has officially melted. April the Regretsy Lady, I fucking love you.
August 29, 2011 at 6:20 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEzAo8rZ2Y0&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KR6cmewX3A8&feature=related
Is there a stalker card I might be eligible for now?
August 29, 2011 at 6:31 pm
I’m not an asskisser by nature….I’ve been burned too many times. But I DID want to let you know two things.
1) My 16-week-old daughter has been a HK fan from in the womb…she joined Club Fuckery from before we found out she was a girl (from the first Members Only Posts) and now, at just shy of four months, the two characters she gets excited about when she sees/hears them on TV are Peter Griffin and Clarabelle Cow. (no shit.) She kicks and coos and squeals with apparent glee.
2) My husband would like for me to thank you for teaching our boys (ages 6 and 2) about the important things in life, namely the triangle bush and the fireworks-inducing button.
August 29, 2011 at 7:30 pm
i’ve always wanted to be a voice actor, you are living my dream!!!! rock on with your bad self
August 29, 2011 at 7:30 pm
Man, fuck Barbara.
August 29, 2011 at 8:46 pm
I don’t believe it, that clip was too good to not have been conspired. The “triangle bush!” over and over in more expressive voices hahaha. I wonder if this was written before or after those ever-popular Schick Bajingo trimmer commercials.
August 29, 2011 at 9:59 pm
Anybody seen Joel McHale’s twitter feed recently? He totally mentioned this. Have to say it’s been a long time since I laughed that hard.
August 29, 2011 at 11:10 pm
All hail to you for Marsupilami!!!!!!!
August 30, 2011 at 1:30 pm
I took my daughter to Disneyland yesterday. Poor child didn’t even question why I wanted her to pick her nose in front of Clarabelle. (I considered having her flip the bird, since it was just her and me — but thought that fuckery may carry over to school.)
August 31, 2011 at 11:25 am
Knowing that you voice Clarabelle makes me positively giddy. I have small children obsessed with that show (and it drives me fucking NUTS) but every now and then something like this comes up and it makes my day.
…But personally I laughed a lot harder when Clarabelle was having trouble with her ‘muffin toss’ and had to have Mickey come over to assist with said ‘muffin tossing’. Dear sweet baby Jesus I giggled like a child & my kids looked at me like I was nuts.
August 31, 2011 at 2:56 pm
Forgive me for stating the obvious, but…you are a voice actor for Disney. That is the COOLEST THING EVER.
And now I want to work for Disney even more.
I’ve watched a lot of kids shows (just for the heck of it and because sometimes I just don’t feel like thinking for a while) and this is one of the more entertaining ones, I have to say. And now I want to go watch it.
August 31, 2011 at 5:03 pm
I always wondered why watching Mickey Mouse Club House made me crave booze, Maryjane and butthurt. Now I know. All that subliminal shit!
August 31, 2011 at 8:46 pm
Holy shit, you’re Cruella??? O_O Oh my god. You ARE my childhood. I would watch 101 Dalmatians over and over until my mom wanted to either set me or the VCR on fire…ah, memories.
September 9, 2011 at 11:33 am
You were in the TV? You raised me!!! All those Saturday mornings…
PS: Antz is what I saw on my very first date ever. We were in 6th grade and his parents sat behind us. You were there! Sort of.
September 9, 2011 at 11:36 am
MISS FINSTER!!!!!!!!!
September 9, 2011 at 11:36 am
I’m late to the party on this but I can’t believe I didn’t find out until today that YOU ARE MY HERO!