Twitter Winners
Earlier today, I shared this tweet with you:
It seems many people in the path of Hurricane Irene are without power, using their cell phones to entertain themselves.
Think of all those people, overcome with worry and fear, staring at their cell phones in the gathering gloom. It’s awful, isn’t it?
Don’t they know they’re supposed to be in church?
For fuck’s sake people, it’s Sunday. Maybe if you’d been praying for God’s mercy instead of playing Angry Birds on your Droid, this whole thing could have been avoided.
Anyway, I asked you to tag a completely fake bible quote with #powerless, just to see what happened. I didn’t expect much to be honest, because it’s Sunday, and that’s usually the day everyone reserves for being mad at me for posting shit from a year ago.
But this is the best response from a Twitter game since this one. In fact, I had to choose five winners instead of three, and even that was hard to narrow down.
If you see your tweet here and it’s labeled “WINNER”, email me for a pretty awesome* prize.
*Not so much
Click the thumbnail for a full sized image in a new page, and to leave a comment. To see the next Tweet, you can click directly on the image or use the “Next” button at the top of the post.
August 28, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Awesome picks!!
August 28, 2011 at 4:41 pm
I love it when the Bible makes me laugh til I cry.
What?
August 28, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Love it. Especially as mine is up there. Oh, I didn’t win, but the approbation of our cult leader (the supreme high fatjealouslooserbitch) is enough.
August 28, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Agreed
August 28, 2011 at 6:10 pm
fist bump, sistah. either that or I pour you an adult beverage.
August 28, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Best game EVER.
August 28, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Congrats to everyone! These are great.
August 28, 2011 at 4:46 pm
I’m still watching the trees touch the ground!!!
August 28, 2011 at 4:47 pm
I want to compile all the quotes and make a Regretsy Bible now. Anyone want to join in?
August 28, 2011 at 4:51 pm
“Fuck yes!” is the only real answer to that question.
August 28, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Seconded the “fuck yes”.
The fuckery would make it more epic than the lolcats Bible.
August 28, 2011 at 6:10 pm
there is a lolcats bible? shit.
August 28, 2011 at 4:57 pm
Kickstarter here we come.
August 28, 2011 at 5:12 pm
I gave one thumb up to this comment and the other to the tweet comment. Looks like I’m gonna need more thumbs.
August 28, 2011 at 5:31 pm
I want them all on samplers!
August 28, 2011 at 4:49 pm
So many hilarious people follow this site.
August 28, 2011 at 4:50 pm
I finally made it up there, hours of tweeting instead of contributing to society has paid off. Next time I will get my morning drunk on and win this.
August 28, 2011 at 4:52 pm
Yay got one!!! It’s like Having a nod from god itself. LOL
August 28, 2011 at 4:53 pm
I saw what you did there, maybe god is a powerful wombyn?
August 28, 2011 at 4:56 pm
I agree with this statement.
August 28, 2011 at 4:53 pm
This was ALMOST enough for me to get a Twitter. Good grief you people make me laugh.
Now, all of you move to MN so I can have hilarious friends IN REAL LIFE.
August 28, 2011 at 5:33 pm
I’m here already. . .
August 28, 2011 at 6:11 pm
I may be in Minneapolis for work in Nov?
August 28, 2011 at 6:13 pm
West Metro represent!
August 28, 2011 at 9:47 pm
I’m in Chaska part of the time, but I go to school in Morris. … Any Morrisites in here? Anybody?
August 28, 2011 at 4:53 pm
“and lo, the Lord said unto Israel “let them not craft of thine menstrual blood, and let them not flounce in great hurt of thy bum, and neither let them lament over birds who are dead” but the people did not listen, and there was great suffering in the land” dumbfucks 10:4
August 28, 2011 at 4:56 pm
best.game.ever!!
August 28, 2011 at 5:00 pm
These were a billion times better than anything I came up with… I blame it on me being a heathen.
August 28, 2011 at 5:05 pm
Yeah, even having a majickal born again bajingo didn’t help me.
August 28, 2011 at 6:34 pm
Yeah, I think my years of bible study served me well in this game. At least it’s good for something, eh?
August 28, 2011 at 5:01 pm
Well fuck me, looks like I’m a winner. Hurrah!
August 28, 2011 at 5:02 pm
I can’t believe I won! I’d like to thank Helen Killer, okra, Hurricane Irene, and working all day (and, now, sleeping all night) at the hospital. *wipes away glittery tear*
August 28, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Hello, my name is JagerBandit and I’m a long time Regretsy lurker. *waves nervously*
I actually resurrected my mostly-ignored Twitter account to contribute to this, but I gave up on trying to be witty and got drunk instead.
I love the Twitter entries – you guys have been my source of joy for quite some time.
August 28, 2011 at 5:19 pm
I hate myself for never being clever enough to make any kind of list ever.
For fucks sake , April. you’re the reason I am about to get sloppy drunk tonight.
by the way the Okra one was the first one I read, and the best still.
August 28, 2011 at 5:33 pm
I lost my power at 1:53 am while I was replying to a comment here and still have no power. The 3G sucks on my phone so now I’m in the local movie theater parking lot with my laptop leeching free wi-fi. Thank you! This post made my day.
August 28, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Regretsy twitter games are the only thing that make me use my account. I live for them!
August 28, 2011 at 7:23 pm
I’d use mine for this if I didn’t keep missing the fucking things.
August 28, 2011 at 6:02 pm
Can I post my 2 that didn’t make the list:
The Lord saw that the multitude was thirsty, and turned the urine into beer. And the placenta into nachos. Pabst 12:30
And there came from Williamsburg 3 hipsters, bearing gifts of barnwood, fascinators and octopi. Dov 1:3
August 28, 2011 at 8:49 pm
Those are awesome! I especially like the first.
What the hell, I’m gonna follow your lead and post mine too, because things get buried quickly in that Twitter feed! Hell, I say that everyone should post theirs here if they didn’t make the list – I’m too lazy to wade through them on Twitter, but I know there’s more good ones out there.
Thou shalt not rape other people’s dreams nor display and ridicule their copyrighted work. Yes, I am talking to you, @Regretsy.
And the LORD sayeth, “Thou shalt not have any gods before me, but I’ll make an exception for your cat.” 1 Felines 20:10
The flood waters receded, and the evil called “Etsy” had been swept away. But crafters were tempted by its driftwood.
“Thou shalt quit using the phrase ‘totes adorbs’ because it is making my divine eyes twitchy.” Thus sayeth the LORD.
August 28, 2011 at 11:03 pm
There were quite a few that made me laugh that didn’t make the cut! I also made two:
And the Lord smote the East with a plague of octopi and shouted, “Do ya feel steamy, punk?”
God said, “I shall rock thee like a hurricane.” And the rains made everything look old. And it was Vintage. Ooak 4:2
August 29, 2011 at 10:41 am
“Rock thee like a hurricane” – that should totally have made it in there!
August 29, 2011 at 7:29 am
I, too, was saddened that my hilarious and witty posts did not make it to the list.
@regretsy #powerless Come thee to the Israelite and giveth five gold pieces, for he shall dance for thee, adorned in your words. Dror 5:5
@regretsy #powerless And if thou doth make a wallet of the foreskins and rub it a little, that wallet shall become a briefcase.
August 29, 2011 at 10:45 am
Foreskin wallet, huh?
So get this. My boyfriend has a tendency to say weird shit that makes no sense when he’s falling asleep. He never remembers it afterwards, but being the loving person I am, I always make sure to write it down to
make fun oflaugh with him about it later.Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, he said this:
I was rubbing my wallet. I was freaking out on my wallet.
Didn’t make any sense to me until this moment. Now it’s all perfectly clear.
August 29, 2011 at 10:46 am
BTW, got any others about exploding tangerines? Or giving Jerry Falwell a titty twister? I’m still trying to figure those out.
August 28, 2011 at 6:17 pm
God created the Hurricane scare just to get tickets for “The Book of Mormon”.
August 28, 2011 at 6:41 pm
These are all great! I have a deep love and appreciation for humor, but I sadly can never come up with it myself.
August 29, 2011 at 2:01 am
it almost made me want to create a twitter account.
but naaaah, i’m lame at fake bible quotes
August 29, 2011 at 5:31 am
Dictionary.com’s word of the day today is “FLOUNCE” – okay, which one of you fat jealous losers works for dictionary.com?!
August 29, 2011 at 10:48 am
Did you forward that to HK? I’m sure she’d be glad to see it.
August 29, 2011 at 6:28 am
I can’t choose. ALmost all of them made me chuckle.
August 29, 2011 at 6:47 am
You guys are so fucked up! I love you.
August 29, 2011 at 7:16 am
Sometimes I feel remorse over not ever being funny, but I take solace in how funny you guys all are. PTL! You are all an upcycled gift from God!
August 29, 2011 at 10:21 am
My Loveboat inspired scripture did not make the cut. Next time, I’m bringing out the big guns: 227 scripture.
August 29, 2011 at 10:48 am
Loveboat scripture? Let’s hear it!
August 29, 2011 at 10:28 am
Hey! There’s one missing. Not mine but totally made me lol. Something like “Remember thy body is a temple and the Lord hates it when you touch his stuff.”
Which isn’t exactly right because my memory sucks. But if that was you, you rock!
August 29, 2011 at 12:48 pm
damn, i gotta get me a twitter. gotta play this game, and i could take a stab at the ol’ scriptural language. Shit that stuff’s complicated.
August 30, 2011 at 12:30 am
Hi, it’s me, the Manager of Motel Happier Than You Can Fuckin’ Imagine by the Sea on Cape Cod. I’m also the IT guy.
Yep, we had a generator and Wi-Fi but I kept turning it off to watch you Twitards freak out. Sorry for making you deal with the real world and its bad days. You came to the front desk and complained and I kicked you off yet again. You iRetahd! You provided me with a few hours of entertainment.
Those pix to Gramma got mixed up with the pix to Show Me Nekked on the Beach. Talk fast at Thanksgiving.