That poor child in the sculpture is clearly trying to kill itself. Shouldn;t it;s sculpture parents try to take it to the sculpture therapist who could teach it how to cope with being in such an ugly fucking sculpture?
Apparently he fell down the stairs while wearing Grandma’s dentures. That was some horrific fall. It knocked off half his torso and twisted his arm backwards too!
I’m going to order the entire “childhood tragedy” set, including:
-the time i swallowed a marble
-the time I got double pneumonia
-the time a tree branch perforated my temple
-the time my uncle said “pull my finger”
-the time I collapsed an untethered swingset on myself
-the time I was digging for gold under the driveway and the tunnel collapsed
-the time I ran head first into a coffee table corner and ruined my mom’s new white couch
-the time that both of my ankles were broken on purpose days after my birth because I was extremely pigeon toed
-and, of course, a multi-figure homage to my chemistry set
Let’s collect and trade them all!
I’ll have one made for my son: “The time I shoved a sticker up my nose and it rotted and my own mother wouldn’t kiss me before I got on the bus because my breath was so bad.”
My daughter stuffed tissues up her nose, but I caught her stuffing the last bit in and then had the fun of pulling it out. It was the world’s lamest-and snottiest-magic trick. Well, snottiest trick not done by Criss Angel.
The trick isn’t keeping them from doing it. That’s futile. The trick is getting them to tell you if they did it or not. Every time my son exhibits the slightest runny nose, I’m on that shit with the interrogation: “Did you stick something up there? A bean? A marble? TELL ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL ME!”
True story…we got called that my grandson was in the hospital because he peed up his nose. I was very puzzled as to why this would require medical intervention, but the story was repeated so…? Because my son and wife were heading out of town the next morning, I didn’t find out for about a week that he had a PEA up his nose, apparently stuck and they didn’t want to risk an infection while they were gone.
I will never forget the person at the local herb store (where I was buying a child’s netti pot should it happen again), that peeing up one’s nose was not just okay, it is actually beneficial. She did say that most people use a dropper instead of the more direct route allegedly taken by my grandson.
Yuck.
Twelfth Night at the Roxbury
August 28, 2011 at 6:50 am
My sister did the pea-up-the-nose thing. It’s a rite of passage, I think.
My own personal childhood trauma involved a yarn basket, a cuckoo clock, and a barrister’s bookcase, and ended with three-year-old me getting over 200 stitches in my leg.
Sadly, it was much lamer than all that makes it sound. Let’s just say that those fold-out glass bookcase shelves can’t support the weight of a toddler, and that I found that out the hard way.
Or the time my Mom, who was raised in deep rural Mississippi, woke me before sunrise to throw a rooster over my head to cure me of Chicken Pox.
.
.
.
It worked…Medical FACT.
I totally need to get one to commemorate the time I ate five apples and threw up all over my bed. Maybe I’ll give it to my mom; I think she MIGHT have managed to forget it by now and could use a reminder.
Oh, wait. I’m not sure now. Just remembered that I also blew off part of my face with a firecracker one Fourth of July. That might make a more interesting sculpture.
I wonder if I could get one for my mom of our old poodle after he chewed his way into a case of Campfire Mints, ate a couple of boxes’ worth, and threw up all over HER bed. Or after he threw up all over a yellow circular chair (it was the 70s).
Our dog once ate a pan of blusher. Ended up with a Sunset Rose tongue.
Actually the dog moment that would probably go best in cold porcelain was the time my father, holding a bag of takeout burgers, tripped on the stairs. He grabbed for the bannister, which broke, and went headlong down, with the snapped bannister in hand. And the burgers in the other hand. The burgers went flying on impact.
The dog ran over, sniffed him a little to make sure he was alive, and then grabbed the burgers and ran for it.
I had a Matchbox car (truck, rather) that was a fire truck with an extensible plastic ladder. Conveniently, the ladder snapped off, which left two plastic prongs… which were precisely the right size to fit into an electrical socket.
Mom yelled some very creative things when she caught me “charging” my car…
If only I’d taken a picture of the time my (then) two year old got his head stuck in the stairway rails. We had to call the fire department to get him out.
The look of fear and horror on his little face hand sculpted in porcelain would have been a family heirloom passed down for generations.
I have the time my brother beaned me with a half-brick. Or the time I was hospitalized with pneumonia. Or the time I broke my arm, and my mom didn’t realize it for three days, and CFS had a good long talk with her.
I empathize. I broke my wrist pretending to be Cheetara and nobody figured that out for several days. My Mom finally decided something must be awry when my brother, trying to teach me to ride a bike, kept gripping my hands to secure them to the handlebars and I wouldn’t stop screaming.
He might have done that on purpose, tho. He’s 10 years older than me and was quite a shit during my childhood.
Oooh, I’ll trade you:
-getting run over by two boys on a bike
-falling directly onto the top of my head from the very top of a 6 or 7 foot high jungle gym onto asphalt
-around 5 yrs old, picking up a ceramic ashtray off the coffee table, running with it, falling and cutting my hand quite spectacularly when the ashtray broke
-dancing in my room and accidentally kicking my shoe off, breaking my front window
-miscellaneous other falls, head bumpings, spills, thrills, ills…
I know there’s more, but probably not surprisingly, I have some problems with quick recall…
I can’t believe no one has mentioned the Playing With Fire figurine yet! I’d also want the My Brother Just Started Karate Classes (And Beat The Crap Out Of Me) statuette.
and Z is for Zorg!, still floating around space imprisoned in a prism thanks to Superman…however, he’s learning to crochet, so there is hope for him yet!
Promise?
I’m a bit worried; I did a “Z” and am not sure where it went! Maybe it is out there with Zorg but more likely it will show up in some completely inappropriate place. Hope you are safe from Irene.
I agree. At first glance I thought it some some horrible vintage artifact of a bum sleeping on bench. Upon realizing it was supposed to be a younger person, wondered why he was gasping for air.
I actually thought it was Obama for a moment. I think I expect all badly crafted items featuring black male figures to be representations of the President.
I can’t tell if this means I’m racist, or merely traumatized by bad Obama Commemorative Plates.
I just can’t think of anything positive to say about this statue…I mean…I tried to come up with a positive reason as to why anyone would ever want to own this let alone pay money for it but I just can’t. It does remind me of all of the old racist blackface statues and pictures I used to find in the antique stores. I just…wow…
Well, in all fairness — let’s do look at the source photograph. If it came out poorly, it’s no reflection on the people who commissioned it, or their child.
Probably the artist used this one for an example because it (cough) never got paid for after the customer saw the result.
The kid in the picture is cute (for spawn). Can you imagine seeing the parent opening that “artwork?” I’d demand twice what I paid for making my kid look like that.
I just can’t see WHY the arm was placed in that position, after looking at the photo. The original photo is kind of cute — surely it must have been possible to capture that cute-kid moment without turning it into something from an EMT incident-report….
I’m in the same boat as most of the rest of you. I thought is was a disproportionate child Obama falling down the {melting} stairs while choking himself… ADHD is fun! I think all your thoughts at one time…
Ok, you’re all right and then some, but what my first thought was (and what I don’t get about this is) how they have the qualyoons to actually show the original photo next to that—thing.
HOW can they say it looks anything like the original? And be PROUD of this to boot? Different shaped head, different face, body, POSE (come on now), and—not even the same color green! So form, color, proportion, likeness and everything else don’t matter, and it screams “I’M RIPPING YOU OFF!”
I can appreciate the effort, I suppose. I got a chance to work with actual clay in high school (before that, I used the crappy dollar-store stuff and then Sculpy, since you could bake it at home and not beg the local art school for their kiln) and I can attest that it’s difficult to create human faces and figures.
Having said that, I still think the sculpture is crap. I did this stuff in elementary – fuck, I could be a millionaire by now.
Now that I think on it, that sculpture looks like a black Howie Mandel.
Unrelated, Bonus points go to the first person who can meld the cotton (fabric of our lives) logo with regretsy. I want to, but I’m a fat, jealous, ugly loser who just came to Regretsy lookin for love in the all wrong, vintage steampunk unique homemade places…
My first thought was that it was Nick Cannon, and some frustrated “Amercia’s Got Talent” contestant had stabbed him in the throat with a screwdriver. Can I have have a sculpture of that anyway?
August 27, 2011 at 4:33 pm
Maybe we should all rotate once counterclockwise??
August 27, 2011 at 4:33 pm
“These figures are made in cold porcelain.” Porcelain as cold as someone who commissions a sculpture of their child falling down the stairs.
August 27, 2011 at 4:33 pm
That poor child in the sculpture is clearly trying to kill itself. Shouldn;t it;s sculpture parents try to take it to the sculpture therapist who could teach it how to cope with being in such an ugly fucking sculpture?
August 27, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Apparently he fell down the stairs while wearing Grandma’s dentures. That was some horrific fall. It knocked off half his torso and twisted his arm backwards too!
August 27, 2011 at 4:41 pm
I’m going to order the entire “childhood tragedy” set, including:
-the time i swallowed a marble
-the time I got double pneumonia
-the time a tree branch perforated my temple
-the time my uncle said “pull my finger”
-the time I collapsed an untethered swingset on myself
-the time I was digging for gold under the driveway and the tunnel collapsed
-the time I ran head first into a coffee table corner and ruined my mom’s new white couch
-the time that both of my ankles were broken on purpose days after my birth because I was extremely pigeon toed
-and, of course, a multi-figure homage to my chemistry set
Let’s collect and trade them all!
August 27, 2011 at 4:46 pm
You had way more fun as a kid than I did.
August 27, 2011 at 4:48 pm
That was magical.
August 27, 2011 at 4:52 pm
New! SculptTurds lovingly craft your child strangling himself on vomit-covered stack of ice cream sandwiches.
August 27, 2011 at 5:01 pm
All I had was nearly dying of flu and nearly drowning. No way NEAR as awesome as your list.
August 27, 2011 at 9:16 pm
I wonder if my episode of “idiot falling off a swinging vine while playing Tarzan with my idiot friends” could be sculpted by this fine artist.
August 27, 2011 at 10:03 pm
I once got my head stuck between the bars of our garden fence. That was kind of magical. My ear almost came off when my mother dragged me back in.
I don’t know if it would make a good statuette. I would just end up looking as though I was in prison.
August 27, 2011 at 5:00 pm
I’ll have one made for my son: “The time I shoved a sticker up my nose and it rotted and my own mother wouldn’t kiss me before I got on the bus because my breath was so bad.”
August 27, 2011 at 5:07 pm
As a parent of 2 toddlers I’m deeply concerned about this. Did this actually happen and how did you figure it out? I think I might be traumatized.
August 27, 2011 at 5:40 pm
My daughter stuffed tissues up her nose, but I caught her stuffing the last bit in and then had the fun of pulling it out. It was the world’s lamest-and snottiest-magic trick. Well, snottiest trick not done by Criss Angel.
August 27, 2011 at 6:06 pm
Don’t sell your daughter short. Tissues up the nose is way better than anything Chris angel has ever done.
August 27, 2011 at 8:50 pm
The trick isn’t keeping them from doing it. That’s futile. The trick is getting them to tell you if they did it or not. Every time my son exhibits the slightest runny nose, I’m on that shit with the interrogation: “Did you stick something up there? A bean? A marble? TELL ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL ME!”
August 27, 2011 at 10:18 pm
RegretsyCon 2012 will have to include the Criss Angel show. On DVD so we can do the MST3K thing to it.
(look at VegasChatter.com for a full explanation of its horribility.)
August 27, 2011 at 5:14 pm
All I have is the Frozen Pea in the Sinuses episode. Doesn’t really translate in porcelain.
August 27, 2011 at 6:24 pm
It was a fava bean for me.
August 27, 2011 at 9:17 pm
They could do pres. breakfast cereal like in that Pete and Pete episode.
August 28, 2011 at 4:23 am
With a chianti chaser?
August 27, 2011 at 6:39 pm
True story…we got called that my grandson was in the hospital because he peed up his nose. I was very puzzled as to why this would require medical intervention, but the story was repeated so…? Because my son and wife were heading out of town the next morning, I didn’t find out for about a week that he had a PEA up his nose, apparently stuck and they didn’t want to risk an infection while they were gone.
I will never forget the person at the local herb store (where I was buying a child’s netti pot should it happen again), that peeing up one’s nose was not just okay, it is actually beneficial. She did say that most people use a dropper instead of the more direct route allegedly taken by my grandson.
Yuck.
August 27, 2011 at 9:44 pm
My first thought was: “He peed up his nose? That’s a seriously flexible spine. Future contortionist.” Oh…a PEA up his nose.
August 28, 2011 at 6:50 am
My sister did the pea-up-the-nose thing. It’s a rite of passage, I think.
My own personal childhood trauma involved a yarn basket, a cuckoo clock, and a barrister’s bookcase, and ended with three-year-old me getting over 200 stitches in my leg.
Sadly, it was much lamer than all that makes it sound. Let’s just say that those fold-out glass bookcase shelves can’t support the weight of a toddler, and that I found that out the hard way.
August 27, 2011 at 5:50 pm
Ooh! Ooh! Could I have her do one of my mom dunking me in an ice bath when the smallpox vaccine shot my temperature up to 104? Oh, the memories!
August 27, 2011 at 7:22 pm
Ugh, alcohol bath for 104 temp from severe allergies here. In the middle of the night.
August 28, 2011 at 5:15 am
As an adult, “alcohol bath” sounds awesome. But I’m sure it wasn’t the fun kind.
August 29, 2011 at 7:45 am
Or the time my Mom, who was raised in deep rural Mississippi, woke me before sunrise to throw a rooster over my head to cure me of Chicken Pox.
.
.
.
It worked…Medical FACT.
August 27, 2011 at 6:57 pm
I totally need to get one to commemorate the time I ate five apples and threw up all over my bed. Maybe I’ll give it to my mom; I think she MIGHT have managed to forget it by now and could use a reminder.
August 27, 2011 at 6:59 pm
Oh, wait. I’m not sure now. Just remembered that I also blew off part of my face with a firecracker one Fourth of July. That might make a more interesting sculpture.
August 27, 2011 at 9:18 pm
I think Robot Chicken has already done that episode, only you were played by a pink gummi bear….
August 27, 2011 at 9:47 pm
I wonder if I could get one for my mom of our old poodle after he chewed his way into a case of Campfire Mints, ate a couple of boxes’ worth, and threw up all over HER bed. Or after he threw up all over a yellow circular chair (it was the 70s).
August 27, 2011 at 10:07 pm
Our dog once ate a pan of blusher. Ended up with a Sunset Rose tongue.
Actually the dog moment that would probably go best in cold porcelain was the time my father, holding a bag of takeout burgers, tripped on the stairs. He grabbed for the bannister, which broke, and went headlong down, with the snapped bannister in hand. And the burgers in the other hand. The burgers went flying on impact.
The dog ran over, sniffed him a little to make sure he was alive, and then grabbed the burgers and ran for it.
August 27, 2011 at 7:01 pm
Let me add my sons…
Sticking a butter knife into the outlet.
Wanting to reach an oil lamp, and climbing the drawers of a highboy dresser, clutching the doily on the way down, oil meet carpet.
Sucking on a red painted glass ornament…yes, he broke it too and the red drool was only paint after all.
…and so much more but the wine at evening mass (at my kitchen counter when no one was looking) helped me to forget…
August 27, 2011 at 7:30 pm
Are we sure this isn’t just another darned toddler drama? Act IV…. ‘Gimme the cookie or the kid gets it!’
August 28, 2011 at 4:27 am
I had a Matchbox car (truck, rather) that was a fire truck with an extensible plastic ladder. Conveniently, the ladder snapped off, which left two plastic prongs… which were precisely the right size to fit into an electrical socket.
Mom yelled some very creative things when she caught me “charging” my car…
August 27, 2011 at 7:19 pm
I imagine my “lung collapsed during transplant surgery” is going to be hard to convey.
August 27, 2011 at 8:51 pm
With a sculptor of such unsurpassed talent? Pshaw.
August 27, 2011 at 9:18 pm
There better be some godd@mned glitter involved in that operation…
August 27, 2011 at 7:28 pm
If only I’d taken a picture of the time my (then) two year old got his head stuck in the stairway rails. We had to call the fire department to get him out.
The look of fear and horror on his little face hand sculpted in porcelain would have been a family heirloom passed down for generations.
August 27, 2011 at 8:27 pm
At least you knew where he was for a little while. two year olds are so damn mobile and always want to go where they shouldn’t.
August 27, 2011 at 8:45 pm
I’d like to see one about when I got a shot in my ass and I couldn’t sit down in the truck. I think I rode like this [/] the whole way to a party.
August 27, 2011 at 9:16 pm
I have the time my brother beaned me with a half-brick. Or the time I was hospitalized with pneumonia. Or the time I broke my arm, and my mom didn’t realize it for three days, and CFS had a good long talk with her.
Good times.
August 30, 2011 at 5:34 pm
I empathize. I broke my wrist pretending to be Cheetara and nobody figured that out for several days. My Mom finally decided something must be awry when my brother, trying to teach me to ride a bike, kept gripping my hands to secure them to the handlebars and I wouldn’t stop screaming.
He might have done that on purpose, tho. He’s 10 years older than me and was quite a shit during my childhood.
August 28, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Oooh, I’ll trade you:
-getting run over by two boys on a bike
-falling directly onto the top of my head from the very top of a 6 or 7 foot high jungle gym onto asphalt
-around 5 yrs old, picking up a ceramic ashtray off the coffee table, running with it, falling and cutting my hand quite spectacularly when the ashtray broke
-dancing in my room and accidentally kicking my shoe off, breaking my front window
-miscellaneous other falls, head bumpings, spills, thrills, ills…
I know there’s more, but probably not surprisingly, I have some problems with quick recall…
August 29, 2011 at 8:54 am
I can’t believe no one has mentioned the Playing With Fire figurine yet! I’d also want the My Brother Just Started Karate Classes (And Beat The Crap Out Of Me) statuette.
August 27, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Collect the entire Ghastlycrumb Tinys!
August 27, 2011 at 5:06 pm
I love you.
A is for Andre who choked on the stairs.
August 27, 2011 at 5:08 pm
B is for Basil, eaten by Bears
August 27, 2011 at 5:21 pm
Oh yes. WE ARE DOING THIS.
C is for Cindy who drank Cyanide……
August 27, 2011 at 5:23 pm
C is for Craftard, burned on a glue gun
August 27, 2011 at 5:30 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 27, 2011 at 5:30 pm
D is for douchebag, strangled by her schlug.
August 27, 2011 at 5:31 pm
oops! Sorry lemon bombs- should’ve hit “refresh” after the kid-interruption break.
August 27, 2011 at 5:44 pm
D is for Doris who flensed her own hide.
August 27, 2011 at 5:55 pm
E is for Eric huffing epoxy
Sry, couldn’t let it die
August 27, 2011 at 7:45 pm
F is for Flora, mauled by a doxy.
August 28, 2011 at 12:44 pm
G for Gail, smothered by a stole made of foxes.
August 29, 2011 at 7:47 am
H is for Hemp, twined into an Earth-Thong.
August 29, 2011 at 7:48 am
K is for Kale, the fuel of dirty hippies.
August 29, 2011 at 7:54 am
Z is for Zardoz, Mish MunnyPenny.
August 27, 2011 at 5:38 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 27, 2011 at 6:10 pm
F is for flounce.
August 27, 2011 at 6:21 pm
G is for Gary, who Goatsee’d himself
August 27, 2011 at 6:30 pm
H is for Heather, done in by croquet
August 27, 2011 at 6:35 pm
I is for Iris who choked on Swarovskis.
August 27, 2011 at 7:01 pm
J is for Jenny who blew off her face.
(See above comment re: Fourth of July.)
August 27, 2011 at 7:08 pm
K is for Katie who died in the Hobo Riots of 2011
August 27, 2011 at 7:23 pm
I can’t help but think K should be for Knickey, who was bludgeoned for her pretentious use of K.
August 27, 2011 at 7:23 pm
L is for Leticia who drank some New Pink Button.
August 27, 2011 at 7:59 pm
M is for Morticia, who Bedazzled the mutton.
August 27, 2011 at 8:18 pm
@Tangopig LOVE use of name Morticia!
August 27, 2011 at 8:37 pm
N is for Neville, not Aussie but Finn……
August 27, 2011 at 9:02 pm
O is for Orlando, who was an elf not a pirate….
August 27, 2011 at 9:03 pm
O is for Oliver whose mom glued shit to him & got him tossed in the trash bin.
August 27, 2011 at 9:05 pm
P is for Paula who drowned in some butta…
August 27, 2011 at 9:06 pm
P is for Petra who ate bad placenta.
August 27, 2011 at 9:09 pm
Q is for Quincy (who is writing a strongly worded letter about copyright infringement to the old guy in the morgue on CSI)
August 27, 2011 at 9:11 pm
I remember Quincy – loved that show. Bet whatever network he was on is dying that they didn’t do 3 or 4 spinoffs.
August 27, 2011 at 9:14 pm
My dad and I used to watch it together. I’d feel bad for a town where both Quincy and Jessica Fletcher stay…hey, so who goes next?
R is for Reba, who got the state death penalty for being a divorced woman
August 27, 2011 at 9:16 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 27, 2011 at 9:13 pm
Q is for Quentin, atruck down in a Snood
August 27, 2011 at 9:13 pm
STRUK!
Preview, Damn it!
August 27, 2011 at 9:15 pm
Preview, d@mn it! You were S (as in slytherin or snape)!
August 27, 2011 at 9:16 pm
OK – just how long have you been at the hurricane part?
August 27, 2011 at 9:17 pm
Oh hell, it’s contagious. PARTY
August 27, 2011 at 9:20 pm
S is for Sunshine who OD’d on kale.
August 27, 2011 at 9:24 pm
T is for Tanya, imapaled with a Ms. United States Crown (Arkansas 94, youtube that sh!t)
August 27, 2011 at 9:36 pm
U is for Uma, strangled by a Lego rosary.
August 27, 2011 at 9:44 pm
V is for Vicki, vanquished with the power of the wombyn stick
August 27, 2011 at 9:48 pm
W is for Willy who was circumcised & not breastfeed.
August 27, 2011 at 9:48 pm
X is for Xena who called out on Etsy.
August 27, 2011 at 9:55 pm
Y is for Yvonne, buried beneath a pile of Twilight drawings made by and for sparkling tweens….
August 27, 2011 at 9:56 pm
and Z is for Zorg!, still floating around space imprisoned in a prism thanks to Superman…however, he’s learning to crochet, so there is hope for him yet!
August 27, 2011 at 10:01 pm
Z is for Zebulon, beaten with vulva pendants and artificial peni.
(Sorry to bring in violence but need to get those bajinos & peni in here somehow.)
August 27, 2011 at 10:16 pm
And thus ends our tale if the Ghastlycrumb Tinys
Now get you to bed, else I’ll Bedazzle your hineys!
August 27, 2011 at 10:33 pm
Oooh, that will match my steampunk octopus manscaping nicely….
August 27, 2011 at 11:16 pm
Promise?
I’m a bit worried; I did a “Z” and am not sure where it went! Maybe it is out there with Zorg but more likely it will show up in some completely inappropriate place. Hope you are safe from Irene.
August 28, 2011 at 9:03 am
I’m actually on the other coast, so I’m totally fine. In fact, we’ve got this bizarre thing they call a “sun” for the next couple of days…
Btw, inappropriate? Wrong website!
August 28, 2011 at 10:03 am
I would love an illustrated Etsycrumb Cupcakes series. Maybe as a small book or poster? Maybe I’ll get bored at work this week…
August 27, 2011 at 4:46 pm
“Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”
August 27, 2011 at 4:48 pm
August 27, 2011 at 5:03 pm
BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!I laughed out loud. Had to tell you.August 27, 2011 at 7:23 pm
LifeAlert! Awesome!
August 27, 2011 at 9:03 pm
That kid needs a life alert button…its endorsed by a former surgeon general, donchakno?
August 27, 2011 at 4:46 pm
I’m picturing an amazing a hang-in-there cat version of this. I’d pay extra for an integrated business card holder.
August 27, 2011 at 4:47 pm
seller should have included: “as a bonus, i’ll sculpt something that looks like a racial stereotype, instead of your actual child!”
August 27, 2011 at 5:04 pm
I agree. At first glance I thought it some some horrible vintage artifact of a bum sleeping on bench. Upon realizing it was supposed to be a younger person, wondered why he was gasping for air.
August 27, 2011 at 9:52 pm
I want to know who threw Webster down the stairs.
August 27, 2011 at 10:11 pm
I actually thought it was Obama for a moment. I think I expect all badly crafted items featuring black male figures to be representations of the President.
I can’t tell if this means I’m racist, or merely traumatized by bad Obama Commemorative Plates.
August 27, 2011 at 10:17 pm
No more traumatized than I by commemorative Diana, Princess of Wales, plates
August 27, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Calvin from The PJs! Noooooo!
August 27, 2011 at 4:58 pm
OMG, that does look like Calvin!
August 27, 2011 at 4:49 pm
I thought it was a sculpture of JJ in some Good Times ep I missed where he ends up homeless, sleeping in the stairwell.
August 27, 2011 at 6:33 pm
I seriously thought it was Urkel!
August 27, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Who dressed Gary Coleman in a clown’s overalls and put him in a room without oxygen?
August 27, 2011 at 5:22 pm
I saw this and thought “why did someone sculpt Pres. Obama in footie PJ’s strangling himself?”
August 27, 2011 at 6:32 pm
Sarah Palin has an Etsy shop?
August 27, 2011 at 7:28 pm
Probably sells red, white & blue moose droppings.
August 27, 2011 at 9:03 pm
No, you can’t see moose droppings from a helicopter silly…
August 27, 2011 at 10:11 pm
Oh, thank God I’m not the only one.
August 28, 2011 at 8:32 am
Sing it with me: “Obamas in pajamas are coming down the stairs … .”
August 27, 2011 at 5:23 pm
I thought this was supposed to be a commemorative of when Gary Coleman fell and hit his head and subsequently died.
August 27, 2011 at 7:05 pm
Gary is looking for the fairy door in the floor.
August 27, 2011 at 5:02 pm
I just can’t think of anything positive to say about this statue…I mean…I tried to come up with a positive reason as to why anyone would ever want to own this let alone pay money for it but I just can’t. It does remind me of all of the old racist blackface statues and pictures I used to find in the antique stores. I just…wow…
August 27, 2011 at 5:51 pm
Well, in all fairness — let’s do look at the source photograph. If it came out poorly, it’s no reflection on the people who commissioned it, or their child.
Probably the artist used this one for an example because it (cough) never got paid for after the customer saw the result.
August 27, 2011 at 5:06 pm
The kid in the picture is cute (for spawn). Can you imagine seeing the parent opening that “artwork?” I’d demand twice what I paid for making my kid look like that.
August 27, 2011 at 5:30 pm
I’d demand twice what I paid for for making my stairs look like that.
August 27, 2011 at 9:04 pm
I don’t know. There is neither a cupboard underneath them nor are those stairs nearly steampunk enough, so is that worth it really?
August 27, 2011 at 5:15 pm
Forever capture the Assassination of Urkel™.
August 27, 2011 at 9:21 pm
Is Urkel trademarked? And was he assassinated by Ur-kel, his “sexy” twin?
August 28, 2011 at 9:02 am
In cases where ™ follows “Urkel”, it stands for “Tha Man”.
August 27, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 27, 2011 at 5:54 pm
I just can’t see WHY the arm was placed in that position, after looking at the photo. The original photo is kind of cute — surely it must have been possible to capture that cute-kid moment without turning it into something from an EMT incident-report….
August 27, 2011 at 7:06 pm
Kind of cute? The little crotchfruit is adorable!
August 27, 2011 at 9:22 pm
Can I get that crotchfruit trololololized?
August 27, 2011 at 7:53 pm
Obviously the sculpture is trying to commit suicide after comparing itself to the photograph.
Even sculpeys have some pride.
August 27, 2011 at 5:23 pm
I warned you about stairs, bro!
August 27, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 27, 2011 at 7:27 pm
The next sculpture is entitled “Hoocha-hoocha, lobster.”
August 27, 2011 at 5:41 pm
At least he didn’t put his eye out.
August 27, 2011 at 5:45 pm
I’m in the same boat as most of the rest of you. I thought is was a disproportionate child Obama falling down the {melting} stairs while choking himself… ADHD is fun! I think all your thoughts at one time…
August 27, 2011 at 7:25 pm
It’s more efficient that way!
August 27, 2011 at 8:39 pm
yeah, but it gets noisy when all the voices shout the thoughts out at once.
August 27, 2011 at 5:47 pm
Ok, you’re all right and then some, but what my first thought was (and what I don’t get about this is) how they have the qualyoons to actually show the original photo next to that—thing.
HOW can they say it looks anything like the original? And be PROUD of this to boot? Different shaped head, different face, body, POSE (come on now), and—not even the same color green! So form, color, proportion, likeness and everything else don’t matter, and it screams “I’M RIPPING YOU OFF!”
August 27, 2011 at 7:39 pm
I can appreciate the effort, I suppose. I got a chance to work with actual clay in high school (before that, I used the crappy dollar-store stuff and then Sculpy, since you could bake it at home and not beg the local art school for their kiln) and I can attest that it’s difficult to create human faces and figures.
Having said that, I still think the sculpture is crap. I did this stuff in elementary – fuck, I could be a millionaire by now.
August 27, 2011 at 6:27 pm
You did something wrong as a parent when your kid tries to strangle himself in the stairway.
August 27, 2011 at 6:52 pm
August 27, 2011 at 7:16 pm
And it doesn’t appear that the work has gotten any better in a year. The listing has been replaced with this gem. http://www.etsy.com/listing/54762706/made-to-order-sculptures
August 27, 2011 at 7:26 pm
Yikes. How does this take her 2-4 weeks?
August 27, 2011 at 8:17 pm
I love that one. Hilarious!!
August 27, 2011 at 9:11 pm
It’s Family Matters: The New Class!
August 28, 2011 at 10:34 am
“These figures are something you can not find in stores.”
GEE, I WONDER WHY?
August 27, 2011 at 7:48 pm
I just realized exactly what the sculpture is!
It’s Bernie Mac’s nephew, after Bernie hit him in the throat for saying, “HIM’S DOWNSTAIRS.”
August 27, 2011 at 7:53 pm
So she’s been in business a year and has 1 positive feedback. Color me unsurprised.
August 27, 2011 at 9:10 pm
I don’t think they still have that shade of hobo wedding puke in stock, flounces….sorry, we’ll get those biscotti munchers on it yet….
August 27, 2011 at 9:22 pm
I like her work, in a “hide them in the guest bedroom and see how long it takes for a freak out” kind of way.
It makes me wish I had more money.
And a guest room.
And guests.
August 27, 2011 at 9:55 pm
Specifically guests that you want to scare away.
August 28, 2011 at 10:32 am
I may have been too heavy handed with my beaver face collection.
August 27, 2011 at 8:54 pm
To me it looks like the kid got into his mom’s scotch. Ah yes, reminds me of my childhood….
August 27, 2011 at 9:56 pm
Jack Daniels all the way!
I really need to get the snapshot of me chugging on an (already) empty JD bottle when I was a preschooler. It’d be the perfect Regretsy avatar.
August 27, 2011 at 10:19 pm
And you can totally get that in sculpture form now, too!
August 27, 2011 at 11:26 pm
Making my four-year-old self actually look drunk!
August 27, 2011 at 9:46 pm
Now that I think on it, that sculpture looks like a black Howie Mandel.
Unrelated, Bonus points go to the first person who can meld the cotton (fabric of our lives) logo with regretsy. I want to, but I’m a fat, jealous, ugly loser who just came to Regretsy lookin for love in the all wrong, vintage steampunk unique homemade places…
August 27, 2011 at 10:29 pm
At first glance I thought it was Barak Obama trying to get out of going out on date night with Michelle so he could stay home and watch the game.
August 27, 2011 at 10:30 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 28, 2011 at 5:38 am
He’s lying at the bottom of the stairs trying to remove the ghostly hand choking him.
Creepy shit.
August 28, 2011 at 8:13 am
My first thought was that it was Nick Cannon, and some frustrated “Amercia’s Got Talent” contestant had stabbed him in the throat with a screwdriver. Can I have have a sculpture of that anyway?
August 28, 2011 at 9:06 am
We don’t talk about what I did the year I was on agt.
August 28, 2011 at 11:06 am
At Etsy, we don’t just blow bubbles. We blow bubbles featuring flounce cats.
Et-Et-Et-Et-Etsy.
August 29, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Howie Mandel’s an alien you know, so of course he could turn black.