Had to look it up – she means “sweet water pearls.” Freudian slip, perhaps? A play on words to acknowledge the fact that real wombyn don’t succumb to the patriarchal pressure to wear antiperspirant?
So “sweatwater pearls” are those lil Barbie golf balls glued on there? What, she got tired of the dog choking on them? and Thanks for the offer but I’m NOT reclaiming my “true sexuality” with a dirty stick. **shudders in pain**
Little known story:
Oxy-cleans Billy Mays was set to be face of “The Divine Femminine Sexuallity Power Stick but was replaced by Snake Skin upon his untimely death.
In Dutch we call fresh water ‘sweet’ water. So, this person might be Dutch and might mean fresh water pearls. If that is the case I would just like to say that most people in the Netherlands are not crazy. Not in this particular way, anyway.
Ahh so this is why my husband won’t give me a good seeing to. I don’t have one of these! Nothing to do with me eating enchiladas every single fucking night then.
I think you can rest easy. The hyphenated en-joy (and the “endorsing” by the snake skin) probably says more about OCR than about you. (Though god knows what the text is scanned from.)
Would the stick more effective if it incorporated some Wild Canadian Mounted Police? Though that conflict the its anti-patriarchal pitch.
Maybe you have to be stoked up with Kundalini energy to desire this stick, which would be a marketing Catch 22 or something. (Wine please.)
Does that mean several “A” quality sweatwater pearls?
And, if so, how does one get A quality sweat — who does the grading? Was the sweat downgraded from AAA sweat (I assume AAA quality would be the Sweat of Towel Mike; perhaps A quality sweat comes from biker balls)
I believe the hyphen in “en-joy” represents the symbolic “break”ing of the sacred ‘hymen’ caused by the “rules of Patriarchy” prior to the re-connection and spiraling endorsement of the divine snake skin-shedding, sweatwater-pearling and re-claiming of true sexuality.
The hyphenated hymen is a natural result of allowing… being… and feeling.. whomever’s rough Amazon nuggets you happen to pick up in the woods.
Duh!!
Exactly. If wearing nice underwear makes you feel sexy, then you’ve been brainwashed by the patriarchal society that’s enslaved wombynkind for far too long.
The most self-aware and independently powerful Feminine Wombyn(TM) should turn to dead branches and animal sheddings to endorse their sexuality.
Yeah. I get that they’re trying to “upcycle” or maybe they’re all Native Americans and they want to use every part of the kill or whatever, but this is today and we are here and some things are just garbage. You can’t really make anything out of them. You can’t really sell them. They’re just waste. Let them go.
Placentas? Blood stains? Nail clippings? Chewed gum? WHERE’S MY CREDIT CARD.
I just figured out how to make my fortune on etsy!
1. Buy Hitachi Magic Wands
2. Attach random rocks, sticks, and animal parts to the handle
3. Spritz with patchouli
4. Offer for sale as the Snargasm Magic Wombyn Wand. Sales copy includes references to moon cycles, faeries, spells, goddesses, and of course the divine yoni. I will also bind a werewolf to it for a few extra hundred bucks.
Hi, Kilgore Trout! You haven’t been posting lately, have you? I’ve looked for you; I remember the thread where we were all commenting on a troll who was then removed, and the nesting went all to hell. It was confusing and at one point you simply said, “I give up,” and with your avatar, it looked as if you were walking out. Yes, I do have an active imagination, why do you ask? I’ve missed you–and now you come back with a killer post AND you win the Internet. Kudos!!!
Well, y’see, wombyn cannot possibly reclaim their true sexuality as sacred wombyn and en-joy the spiraling dance of their sacred energy without bits of phallic symbols hot-glued onto a phallic symbol.
“Hi, I’m Slither. You know, when I shed my skin, I like nothing more than for it to be wrapped around a giant stick with sweatwater pearls and random feathers hot-glued onto it. It really reclaims the feminine sexual desire! So when your energy seems down and you want a solution made with peeled skin, remember: Snakepart Stick. You, too, can feel like a decaying bit of organic waste!”
Every time my damn gopher snake sheds, I’ve been throwing out the skin. No wonder my sex life is dwindling. I thought it was just because I’m a fat, jealous ugly loser.
I think a different sort of “endosement” is involved with this product, as in “I have taken too many endosements of my organic free-range medical cannabis.”
I had trouble getting past the first ellipsis. It was almost impossible to get past the whatever. I’m betting demons from a different plane. Or maybe a radish.
So female sexuality is divine and sacred, which apparently makes male sexuality animalistic and (let’s face it) mostly gross. WHICH IS WHY IT’S SO AWESOME. You keep your power stick, I’ll keep mine.
Between the snake scales and the “sweatwater pearls”, my first thought was that this thing was made by someone who caught and flensed the Little Mermaid on some deserted beach with no witnesses.
What I’m getting hung up on is that snakes and long sticks like that are very much phallic symbols. How is that supposed to help me “Break the rules of the patriarchy”?
No wonder Nevada’s in such a horrid economic slump: No male whorehouses! Imagine the uptick in travel they’d cause. Imagine the tour packages—extra yum! I know I’d travel for one! Except if they insist on dressing up like cowboys and “yee-haa”-ing all over the place. I really hate it when they do that. I’d forgive them if they incorporated the stable and the bales of hay and the sturdy wooden load-bearing posts and most definitely some of those awesome leather str—
Um…
Hi! I was just reading the comments and, uh, *soto voce* could I ask you something? Did I write all that stable stuff out loud? No? Whew! I was afraid I had!!!
@Steampunk: Thanks, but I’ll just tell myself that no one heard, and pretty soon I’ll convince myself, ok? It’s like when you have a bad hair day and meet a really cute guy and you flirt, forgetting about the bad hair day? And then later, when you realize you’re having a bad hair day and fix it, you convince yourself that THAT was how the cute guy saw you when you were flirting with him.
@Mugsy — So it’s like the time I walked out of a job interview thinking I’d done a good job and then discovered I had lipstick all over my teeth. Gotcha.
(I got that job btw. Thank you notes really are important.)
Am I being dense? I can’t understand how a phallic symbol covered with the skin of a snake (another phallic symbol) is going to break the rules of the patriarchy. Shouldn’t it feature a moss covered knothole instead?
I was going to ask if you meant that her knothole was covered in coleslaw, or coleslaw was a way to fix the moss problem… but I don’t want to know. I will go ahead and assume _both_ are correct.
I’ll add one thing:
Most of the stuff in her shop is beautiful. Snark aside, she makes some really gorgeous jewelry. The price points on them are a bit high for my taste, especially with overseas shipping. Too bad, there are a few pieces that I’d love to pick up. I really enjoy her use of color.
Unfortunately, I’m not a fan of paying $90 for a necklace made of semi precious stones and some wire wrapping.
Oh, darlin – I can make you something similar where the wire wrap won’t be an abortion, and the time charged plus materials will actually be reasonable.
(Those stone chip strands are fairly inexpensive, unless you’re buying emeralds or similar.)
I never considered incorporating my snake’s shed into all my crafts. What a great idea! Come on, Nagini, shed again soon. I have some magical bajingo sticks to make! If only I had a bird. I could hot glue their molt onto the stick, too. Guess I’ll just have to use these yacked up cat hair balls.
We also have a Bearded Dragon named Norbert! We usually just call the snake ‘Snakey’ most of the time but she really did start out as Nagini. We also have Arabella the cat. Nargles the hamster died in July. My kid has finally stopped naming things after Harry Potter just recently. The latest hamsters are Hammy and Jamster so I guess the HP phase is over.
I got the stick and my reclaimed sacred sexuality, and God damn, now I’m wanting me some priesty man I can corrupt. Come here, priesty, priesty, priesty, come to Momma! She’s gonna teach you that “communion” ain’t what you think it means!
(Sorry I channeled my white trash tart there, but sometimes, she can’t be held back. Not even with a stick.)
“Time to break the rules of Patriarchy and en-joy…”
En-joy? Why didn’t the other “en” words get hyphenated? They should have! En-ergy! En-dorsed! I think it would be really eye-catching, no? Just keep at it, seller! One day your en-chanted en-ergy staff for en-joyment of the wombyns will be en-dorsed by something much better than snake skin.
Well, you see, most freshwater pearl farms are in China. The seller is making a political statement acknowledging the use of “sweatwater” labor in pearl production. [/sarcasm_font]
Woot! I just figured out how to keep from losing the house! I just need to take a walk in the woods to round up some dead wood and bits of assorted crap, hot-glue it on the sticks, make up a bullshit tale that illustrates clearly I have NO idea what I’m talking about (and/or that the mushrooms I probably ate in the woods are kicking in), and slap it on Etsy! Hell, might even get lucky enough to garner a peck from that damned chicken!
Got a roll of wire or some fishing wire around? If you can’t glue shit to other shit, you can always wire-wrap shit to other shit. Plus, it’s metalworking, so you can charge more.
“Not following the rules, but our own real desire.”
If it were a guy saying this, my rape-y sense would be tingling. “Me, me, me,” is never a good quality in a sexual partner.
A woman is not put on this earth to serve and please men, but I thought sexual equality was what we were striving for. This strikes me as “I am wombyn and I carry a big, phallic stick. You don’t want to know what I did to the last guy who didn’t worship my armpit hair….”
My late mother had to use a cane, which she referred to as her ‘whacking stick.’ And she frequently whacked not only we children, but also my father with it.
I always figured that was a sign of true love. Or that dad was a closet masochist.
So I’m looking at the photo before scrolling down to the description, and thinking “What in the fucking fuck is that vaguely lacy shit all over that thing? Did someone take caul fat and randomly attach it all over? Why would you do that? And how do they think they’re going to ship it to someone before it gets all nasty- it’s probably already starting to rot as we speak.”
Then I scroll down and it turns out it’s snakeskin molt. Now I’m going to have nightmares about snake vibrators.
I quite like it when they cook with caul fat at the fancy Frawnch restaurant, and as a fat ugly jealous loser feminist I am quite fond of my vibrator.
With one listing, this Etsy seller has managed to temporarily turn two things I love into two things with verrrry negative connotations. I do believe she does have magickal powers.
Fuuuuucking hell.
It’s illegal to own canada goose feathers??? Those things are as common as pigeons around here (St. Louis). I thought we couldn’t shoot them because they hang out in populated areas and we might hit a person by accident.
Kundalini “power stick” – what the living fuckery? So she glued dead animal shit to other shit and now it’s some kind of mystical Hindu Majik totem that heretofore never existed.
I think it’s time to add a “Cultural Appropriation” category.
Imagine what else she has imbued with magical power just walking around the house. What if she accidentally backed-up, naked on to the doorknob to her guest bathroom and now it grants wishes…
I think maybe the seller had us fat, ugly, jealous losers in mind when they wrote the description because that smiley face has a double chin! (or is this some new thing that the “cool kids” are doing that I haven’t learned about yet?)
after looking at this Swedish Rainbowserpent Medicine Wombyn’s profile… I see that not only does she “en-joy” a lot of things she also likes to “re-connect , re-member and re-empower” for some re-ason.
This is not the Swedish Erotica I re-member from my youth.
I am completely confused. How am I supposed to reclaim my sexuality with a decorated stick? what am I supposed to do with it, pray to it? Squat over it? Sing to it? put it under my bed like bait? burn it as incense?
I also do not recall losing my sacred sexuality. I don’t think I need to reclaim it from the new-age lost-and-found.
@Preposterousaurus, you’re techncally correct, but I’m afraid that the seller is simply a moron. While it’s true that highphens were once used and only explained with Kundalini, it’s no longer the case. As far as I can tell, they’ve been extinct out of use for about 65 million years, give or take.
Shoot! My comment just above was meant to mean “and look, we’re talking to Preposterousaurus now so ‘they’ aren’t always right.” It was not meant to imply that Preposterousaurus is out of touch.
@Steampunk, sorry, I overreacted. I just try to avoid using certain words around Preposterousaurus. Maybe I’m just being to PC (Paleolithically Correct).
What does this mean when all the new age goddess bajingo-babble about sweatwater pearls doesn’t faze me in the least but I get hung up on the fact that the smiley in the seller’s description has a double chin?
Holy Hanna in Her High Chair! I’m a Pagan AND a Witch, and I wouldn’t touch that shit with a 10 foot bloody barge pole!!!! I won’t start on the seller’s horrid misrepresentation of Kundalini! O_o
“I don’t always use a kundalini awakening power stick to release my inner sexual wombyn goddess, but when I do, I en-joy a fallen branch with snake endorsed snake skin, schweatypearls, rocks, and feathers to stimulate the power of my wombynly yoni bush.” –The most uninteresting cracked out twatwaffle fuckstick in the universe.
Well, according to some yoga masters, Kundalini needs meditation and yoga to awaken, not some stick, and it is not gender-bound. Although sweatwater pearls might help one to transcend…
I know me some Kundalini work, at it definitely doesn’t involve phallic symbols with random crap glued to it. More like a nice pretty bowl for candles or incense, with random crap glued to it.
Hit me, hit me, hit me with your rhythm stick you glued a bunch of dreck and animal leavings you found in your back yard.
What next? A moon goddess votive made out of cat vomit, lawn trimmings, some leftover gravel from my neighbor’s walkway project and a dead lizard I found mummified in the sun?
August 25, 2011 at 9:32 am
What the hell are “sweatwater pearls”?
August 25, 2011 at 9:34 am
I don’t know but I have the feeling it’s something you need a cream to get rid of.
August 25, 2011 at 9:46 am
I was thinking the same thing. Is it like sweaty balls? They’re usually are involved in making a pearl necklace.
August 25, 2011 at 7:48 pm
August 25, 2011 at 11:24 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 25, 2011 at 10:01 am
Had to look it up – she means “sweet water pearls.” Freudian slip, perhaps? A play on words to acknowledge the fact that real wombyn don’t succumb to the patriarchal pressure to wear antiperspirant?
August 25, 2011 at 10:25 am
So “sweatwater pearls” are those lil Barbie golf balls glued on there? What, she got tired of the dog choking on them? and Thanks for the offer but I’m NOT reclaiming my “true sexuality” with a dirty stick. **shudders in pain**
August 25, 2011 at 10:28 am
This. Grossed out.
August 25, 2011 at 10:30 am
I have some sweatwater pearls right here.
August 25, 2011 at 10:39 am
They come right before the pearl necklace.
August 25, 2011 at 11:07 am
If it makes you feel any better, I thought you were funny.
August 25, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Exactly.
August 25, 2011 at 11:01 am
Pearls bathed in sweat between the crafter’s boobs?
August 25, 2011 at 7:19 pm
~shudders at the thought….
August 25, 2011 at 11:55 am
Same thing i said. talking about getting sexy and then you jump to “sweatwater” pearls? You KNOW where they’ve been!
August 25, 2011 at 12:10 pm
They come from sweaty oysters.
August 25, 2011 at 4:48 pm
or oysters born and raised in a big tank of perspiration.
August 25, 2011 at 11:48 pm
August 25, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Well this is a stick I wouldn’t beat my wife with. I guess thats kind of feminist right?
August 25, 2011 at 1:10 pm
That was exactly the first thought that ran through my mind…
August 25, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Ever take off your glasses after a really hot day and notice you have a giant zit right where they were resting on your nose?
That’s what I imagined when I read “sweatwater pearls”.
August 25, 2011 at 6:01 pm
August 25, 2011 at 6:04 pm
August 25, 2011 at 11:32 pm
Little known story:
Oxy-cleans Billy Mays was set to be face of “The Divine Femminine Sexuallity Power Stick but was replaced by Snake Skin upon his untimely death.
August 26, 2011 at 1:09 am
If your sweat is producing pearls, you may want to cut down on the calcium supplements.
August 26, 2011 at 5:03 am
In Dutch we call fresh water ‘sweet’ water. So, this person might be Dutch and might mean fresh water pearls. If that is the case I would just like to say that most people in the Netherlands are not crazy. Not in this particular way, anyway.
August 25, 2011 at 9:32 am
Priced at $69, I see what you did there.
August 25, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Overcharged outrageously?
August 25, 2011 at 9:32 am
If I pick it up without my hands I will need some shots and daily creaming. On the other hand…I think my husband has been slacking lately.
August 25, 2011 at 12:23 pm
if ya pick it up without hands then you deserve some serious shots!
August 25, 2011 at 9:32 am
“sweatwater” pearls…. due to lack of shaving perhaps?
August 25, 2011 at 9:40 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 25, 2011 at 9:33 am
Ahh so this is why my husband won’t give me a good seeing to. I don’t have one of these! Nothing to do with me eating enchiladas every single fucking night then.
August 25, 2011 at 9:33 am
I am most concerned that the part of the description I found impossible to get past was “en-joy”.
What does that say about me?
August 25, 2011 at 9:36 am
Hopefully doesn’t say a damned thing about you, because that’s where I got hung up too!
August 25, 2011 at 10:44 am
I think you can rest easy. The hyphenated en-joy (and the “endorsing” by the snake skin) probably says more about OCR than about you. (Though god knows what the text is scanned from.)
Would the stick more effective if it incorporated some Wild Canadian Mounted Police? Though that conflict the its anti-patriarchal pitch.
Maybe you have to be stoked up with Kundalini energy to desire this stick, which would be a marketing Catch 22 or something. (Wine please.)
August 25, 2011 at 10:47 am
Aplogies for paragragh two. It’s afflicted by karma arising from the criticism in para one.
August 25, 2011 at 11:09 am
STik. I mean, stick, his wine is remarbly god.
August 25, 2011 at 11:39 am
9 out of 10 snake skins recommend this stick.
August 25, 2011 at 11:05 am
I’m right there with you. I also have a problem with the capitalization of the bird names. They’re common nouns, dammit.
August 25, 2011 at 11:57 am
and its canada geese…not “canadian geese”
August 25, 2011 at 1:34 pm
Personally I thought it was “Canuckian Geese.”
August 25, 2011 at 1:58 pm
you mean it’s not “spawn of poutine geese?”
August 25, 2011 at 11:20 am
I cannot get past “A quality sweatwater pearls”.
Does that mean several “A” quality sweatwater pearls?
And, if so, how does one get A quality sweat — who does the grading? Was the sweat downgraded from AAA sweat (I assume AAA quality would be the Sweat of Towel Mike; perhaps A quality sweat comes from biker balls)
August 25, 2011 at 4:47 pm
I believe the hyphen in “en-joy” represents the symbolic “break”ing of the sacred ‘hymen’ caused by the “rules of Patriarchy” prior to the re-connection and spiraling endorsement of the divine snake skin-shedding, sweatwater-pearling and re-claiming of true sexuality.
The hyphenated hymen is a natural result of allowing… being… and feeling.. whomever’s rough Amazon nuggets you happen to pick up in the woods.
Duh!!
August 25, 2011 at 9:33 am
The shape is right but when I feel like awakening my feminine energy I prefer something that runs on batteries, not goose feathers.
August 25, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Perhaps this is from Hitachi’s early days?
August 25, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Hhhhmmmm I will have to disagree, the curve on that thing makes me do an involuntary Kegel exercise.
August 25, 2011 at 6:21 pm
Go with electric instead. More powerful vibrations.
August 25, 2011 at 9:33 am
Skin peelings and feathers? My sexuality remains dormant. Needs more foot scrapings from under the pedicure chair.
August 25, 2011 at 10:10 am
I’ve been wondering how to unleash my sexuality. I had no idea it would require so much dead stuff.
Wouldn’t it be easier to just buy some nicer underwear or something?
August 25, 2011 at 10:21 am
NO. Just shed appendages, offal and flakes. If you have access to a scab supply, you are gonna be HOT TO TROT.
August 25, 2011 at 10:21 am
You can trust me. I’m a “doctor”.
August 25, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Of course I trust you, you’re also a man of Dog.
August 25, 2011 at 5:42 pm
Well, woman of, but close enough. The point here is, trust. Implicit trust. For this stranger on the internet. You can count on it.
August 25, 2011 at 10:47 am
“Nice underwear” is patriarchal.
August 25, 2011 at 11:10 am
Exactly. If wearing nice underwear makes you feel sexy, then you’ve been brainwashed by the patriarchal society that’s enslaved wombynkind for far too long.
The most self-aware and independently powerful Feminine Wombyn(TM) should turn to dead branches and animal sheddings to endorse their sexuality.
As Paris Hilton said, “That’s hot!”
August 25, 2011 at 11:14 am
We should all wrap our crotches with used gauze. Do it for Elizabeth Cady Stanton!
August 25, 2011 at 11:57 am
and a back massager….with goose feathers hanging off it of course
August 25, 2011 at 10:25 am
Would go great with that chicken skin mask. You know, on “roll playing” night…
August 25, 2011 at 11:09 am
Yeah. I get that they’re trying to “upcycle” or maybe they’re all Native Americans and they want to use every part of the kill or whatever, but this is today and we are here and some things are just garbage. You can’t really make anything out of them. You can’t really sell them. They’re just waste. Let them go.
Placentas? Blood stains? Nail clippings? Chewed gum? WHERE’S MY CREDIT CARD.
August 26, 2011 at 9:27 am
For the first few seconds I was under the impression that it was a mummified chicken. Not sure which option is more horrible.
August 25, 2011 at 9:33 am
I think I’ll ‘stick’ with my Hitachi Magic Wand….
August 25, 2011 at 10:23 am
I just figured out how to make my fortune on etsy!
1. Buy Hitachi Magic Wands
2. Attach random rocks, sticks, and animal parts to the handle
3. Spritz with patchouli
4. Offer for sale as the Snargasm Magic Wombyn Wand. Sales copy includes references to moon cycles, faeries, spells, goddesses, and of course the divine yoni. I will also bind a werewolf to it for a few extra hundred bucks.
August 25, 2011 at 10:46 am
How much?!
August 25, 2011 at 11:43 am
The divine Yanni?
August 25, 2011 at 2:01 pm
I don’t think he has enough spunk to be divine.
August 25, 2011 at 11:58 am
OMG I was thinking the same thing….you’d make a fortune
August 25, 2011 at 9:33 pm
I’m sorry, but I have a hard and fast rule that involves me not having sex with men who are prettier than me.
August 28, 2011 at 9:27 am
What’s in a name?
August 25, 2011 at 9:33 am
Hmmmmm… Sweatwater pearls. I understand this is quality wombyn sweat from free range wombyn? Becuz otherwise, the energy can’t flow freely.
August 25, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Straight from the free range commune.
August 25, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Free Range Wombyn… now there’s a great band name! It would be like Josie and the Pussycats, but with more kale and hemp.
August 25, 2011 at 9:34 am
‘Sweatwater’ pearls? Dare I ask?
August 25, 2011 at 9:34 am
Eew. I wouldn’t want to pick this up, at all.
August 25, 2011 at 9:34 am
if i buy your ugly stick, can i beat you with it?
August 25, 2011 at 9:35 am
There are not enough thumbs in the Internet….
August 25, 2011 at 9:38 am
Your prize
August 25, 2011 at 9:41 am
my kid says, wow mum you own the internet now?! does that mean we get it for free?
August 25, 2011 at 9:46 am
I have to admit it, I’ve had that link for weeks and was just looking for an excuse to use it.
August 25, 2011 at 9:43 am
She might en-joy that.
August 25, 2011 at 11:49 am
Hi, Kilgore Trout! You haven’t been posting lately, have you? I’ve looked for you; I remember the thread where we were all commenting on a troll who was then removed, and the nesting went all to hell. It was confusing and at one point you simply said, “I give up,” and with your avatar, it looked as if you were walking out. Yes, I do have an active imagination, why do you ask? I’ve missed you–and now you come back with a killer post AND you win the Internet. Kudos!!!
August 25, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Well, that and Kilgore Trout is a fantastic name. It’s like it has its own built-in win
August 25, 2011 at 10:19 pm
nice to be missed,thanks babe. i would never flounce from regrestsy, just busy.cheers!
August 25, 2011 at 9:34 am
Kundalini Hentai!
August 25, 2011 at 11:12 am
I think I know where this is going.
August 25, 2011 at 9:35 am
I have my doubts about snakes endorsing this sort of thing.
August 25, 2011 at 9:39 am
But it’s UPCYCLED snakeskin!! They DONATED it! We’ll have nothing of this corporate treadmill snakeskin, duntchanow?
August 25, 2011 at 9:41 am
I know, right? A “stick” and a “snake”? Not to mention the sweatwater. I’m not sure it’s feminine power we’re talking about here.
August 25, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Well, y’see, wombyn cannot possibly reclaim their true sexuality as sacred wombyn and en-joy the spiraling dance of their sacred energy without bits of phallic symbols hot-glued onto a phallic symbol.
Because…because…because penis, that’s why.
August 25, 2011 at 12:29 pm
“because penis, that’s why”
SAMPLER PLEASE!
August 25, 2011 at 2:32 pm
“because penis, that’s why” will now be my stock answer to all “why” questions. There will be confused children.
August 25, 2011 at 9:43 am
“Hi, I’m Slither. You know, when I shed my skin, I like nothing more than for it to be wrapped around a giant stick with sweatwater pearls and random feathers hot-glued onto it. It really reclaims the feminine sexual desire! So when your energy seems down and you want a solution made with peeled skin, remember: Snakepart Stick. You, too, can feel like a decaying bit of organic waste!”
August 25, 2011 at 10:23 am
My snakes seem to like nothing more than pooping on their shed skin, perhaps to make it extra organic and sexually powerful for etsy.
August 25, 2011 at 2:03 pm
“Hi folks, Satan here!… enjoy the show …”
August 25, 2011 at 9:49 am
“I’m Snake Skin, and I approve this power stick.”
August 25, 2011 at 10:11 am
Every time my damn gopher snake sheds, I’ve been throwing out the skin. No wonder my sex life is dwindling. I thought it was just because I’m a fat, jealous ugly loser.
August 25, 2011 at 10:54 am
That was a real coup! Snake Skin’s agent usually doesn’t let it do endosements.
August 25, 2011 at 11:05 am
I think a different sort of “endosement” is involved with this product, as in “I have taken too many endosements of my organic free-range medical cannabis.”
August 25, 2011 at 11:49 am
Good point, Spiders. For the record, that’s my excuse too.
August 25, 2011 at 10:09 am
That’s what bothered me the most about this. I still don’t know what word she meant to use instead of endorse.
August 25, 2011 at 10:14 am
Enhanced? Adorned? Maybe a combo of the two?
August 25, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Edhornced?
August 25, 2011 at 9:58 pm
Embellished?
August 25, 2011 at 10:35 am
encrusted, perhaps? It looks a bit crusty.
August 25, 2011 at 10:54 am
Embossed?
August 25, 2011 at 11:46 am
Embalmed?
August 25, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Embiggened?
August 25, 2011 at 11:01 am
snakes can’t give you a thumbs up! I only believe thumbs based endorsements!
August 25, 2011 at 11:51 am
Oh, you are SUCH a species-ist, as if it’s the snake’s fault that it’s digitally challenged!
August 25, 2011 at 9:35 am
You know what? No thanks. It looks like someone else already got their “feminine power” all over that stick.
August 25, 2011 at 9:37 am
Desire for “whatever”? This is made by one of those scary sci fi erotica writers, isn’t it?
August 25, 2011 at 9:57 am
I had trouble getting past the first ellipsis. It was almost impossible to get past the whatever. I’m betting demons from a different plane. Or maybe a radish.
August 25, 2011 at 9:59 am
It’s usually something with tentacles. Lots and lots of them. Ew.
August 25, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Since it was on Etsy I assumed there would only be six tentacles.
August 25, 2011 at 11:49 pm
Not lots and lots — only six.
August 25, 2011 at 9:37 am
A big ugly stick with crap you found in the backyard breaks the patriarchy how exactly?
August 25, 2011 at 9:58 am
Well, it could work if you hit the patriarchy in the balls with it. (Of course, I’m assuming that something called the patriarchy has balls.)
August 25, 2011 at 10:24 am
STOP OPPRESSING ME WITH YOUR BALLS, EVIL PATRIARCHY!
August 25, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Your icon made me hear that in Zapp Brannigan’s voice…
August 25, 2011 at 9:38 am
I’ll have my bestiality with a side of necrophilia, extra splinters please.
August 25, 2011 at 10:25 am
I’m not going off-menu – I’ll just have the kundalini with sweat balls and the kids will have amazonite nuggets in feminine sauce.
August 25, 2011 at 9:38 am
Kuntalini and sweatwater.
How much sweat do you have to collect to make a pearl?
August 25, 2011 at 9:39 am
So female sexuality is divine and sacred, which apparently makes male sexuality animalistic and (let’s face it) mostly gross. WHICH IS WHY IT’S SO AWESOME. You keep your power stick, I’ll keep mine.
August 25, 2011 at 9:40 am
My power stick comes with an attachment that kills spiders, opens jars, and takes out the trash.
If I could just find the mute button…
August 25, 2011 at 9:49 am
Showing him this listing will probably shut him up for a good long while. That’s how mine reacts when faced with such abject crap.
August 25, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Strangely enough, my female sexuality has the same reaction.
August 25, 2011 at 9:43 am
For those of you with the good sense not to look at the store, the creator of this gem calls herself Rainbowserpent Medicine Woman.
You’re welcome.
August 25, 2011 at 9:44 am
DAMMIT, comment fail! Sorry.
August 25, 2011 at 9:40 am
Someone is mixing up Kundalini with Kegel.
Not the same thing.
August 25, 2011 at 9:41 am
And to think I wasted all that time having sex with my husband.
All I was doing was reinforcing the patriarchal something-something-angry-grr-feminism-sexuality-objectifying…
I did miss out on any fungal infections and rashes this would have given me, so I’ll call it a win.
August 25, 2011 at 9:42 am
Between the snake scales and the “sweatwater pearls”, my first thought was that this thing was made by someone who caught and flensed the Little Mermaid on some deserted beach with no witnesses.
August 25, 2011 at 9:42 am
What I’m getting hung up on is that snakes and long sticks like that are very much phallic symbols. How is that supposed to help me “Break the rules of the patriarchy”?
August 25, 2011 at 9:57 am
We should convo her and see if she can make a wooden vagina out of a knothole and bedazzle it with fish scales.
August 25, 2011 at 9:42 am
so is this thing a license to be a whore, or I am just reading it wrong?
August 25, 2011 at 9:47 am
Oh shit, I need a license now?
August 25, 2011 at 9:51 am
No, just a dedicated client base, I think.
August 25, 2011 at 10:01 am
You do in Nevada.
Also, all whores must have current pap smears. No clue how to manage that if you’re of the male persuasion.
August 25, 2011 at 10:09 am
I can’t be persuaded to be male, I just INSIST on it
August 25, 2011 at 10:15 am
“Ohhh, look! They got boy-whores!”
August 25, 2011 at 10:57 am
Didn’t Heidi Fleiss start a male brothel in Vegas?
I’m at work, so I am NOT Googling that.
August 25, 2011 at 11:24 am
@Mapleleaves
She was going to, but she didn’t. Alas.
http://www.lvrj.com/news/39357657.html
August 25, 2011 at 12:16 pm
No wonder Nevada’s in such a horrid economic slump: No male whorehouses! Imagine the uptick in travel they’d cause. Imagine the tour packages—extra yum! I know I’d travel for one! Except if they insist on dressing up like cowboys and “yee-haa”-ing all over the place. I really hate it when they do that. I’d forgive them if they incorporated the stable and the bales of hay and the sturdy wooden load-bearing posts and most definitely some of those awesome leather str—
Um…
Hi! I was just reading the comments and, uh, *soto voce* could I ask you something? Did I write all that stable stuff out loud? No? Whew! I was afraid I had!!!
August 25, 2011 at 12:33 pm
@Mugsy — It was just a conversation between a few of us. But I think you might have been overread. *blushing for you*
August 25, 2011 at 12:37 pm
@Steampunk: Thanks, but I’ll just tell myself that no one heard, and pretty soon I’ll convince myself, ok? It’s like when you have a bad hair day and meet a really cute guy and you flirt, forgetting about the bad hair day? And then later, when you realize you’re having a bad hair day and fix it, you convince yourself that THAT was how the cute guy saw you when you were flirting with him.
August 25, 2011 at 12:50 pm
@Mugsy — So it’s like the time I walked out of a job interview thinking I’d done a good job and then discovered I had lipstick all over my teeth. Gotcha.
(I got that job btw. Thank you notes really are important.)
August 25, 2011 at 11:16 am
Lord knows I’ve had a few indescretions that can only be justified by “the stick told me to!!”
August 25, 2011 at 9:44 am
Translation: Found some roadkill, glued it to a branch and made up a bullshit story.
August 25, 2011 at 10:04 am
Gluing deceased shit to other deceased shit: ZOMBIE FUCKERY
August 25, 2011 at 9:46 am
Am I being dense? I can’t understand how a phallic symbol covered with the skin of a snake (another phallic symbol) is going to break the rules of the patriarchy. Shouldn’t it feature a moss covered knothole instead?
August 25, 2011 at 10:03 am
Well, if her knothole was covered in moss, this could be a good way to fix the problem…
August 25, 2011 at 10:53 am
Or coleslaw.
August 25, 2011 at 4:45 pm
I was going to ask if you meant that her knothole was covered in coleslaw, or coleslaw was a way to fix the moss problem… but I don’t want to know. I will go ahead and assume _both_ are correct.
August 25, 2011 at 9:47 am
This looks like something a voodoo witch doctor would shake at a possessed little girl while shouting, “The power of Christ compels you!”
August 25, 2011 at 10:02 am
*blinks*
Mommy, why is the voodoo man invoking the name of Christ?
August 25, 2011 at 10:03 am
That would be a very… confused… witch doctor.
What with performing a Catholic exorcism against their own gods and all. *ducks*
August 25, 2011 at 10:06 am
Because otherwise The Exorcist reference wouldn’t work very well. Just go with me on this.
August 25, 2011 at 11:00 am
And damn you for reminding me that Exorcist 2 is a real movie.
August 25, 2011 at 1:41 pm
You want hate?
Remind people that Highlander 2 exists.
NOT IN ANY SAFE, SANE, AND CONSENSUAL WORLD, IT DOESN’T.
August 25, 2011 at 11:09 am
Ha! This whole mini-conversation has me completely convulsed over here. Thumbs up for everyone.
The power of Christ compels you! The loas were busy!
August 25, 2011 at 9:50 am
Looks like it would fit right in the goatse hole.
August 25, 2011 at 9:50 am
The snakeskin endorsed this bit of fuckery? What Presidential candidate will it endorse in 2012?
August 25, 2011 at 10:02 am
They’re all snake oil salespersons, so I can’t imagine it would have a preference?
August 25, 2011 at 9:51 am
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but they also free my spiraling vajayjay energy” just doesn’t sound right for a children’s rhyme…
August 25, 2011 at 9:52 am
How is it possible that I am the first person to make an “It gave me wood” comment?
Also, GLANSTASTIC! (cf: “awesomeballs”)
August 25, 2011 at 9:52 am
I’ll add one thing:
Most of the stuff in her shop is beautiful. Snark aside, she makes some really gorgeous jewelry. The price points on them are a bit high for my taste, especially with overseas shipping. Too bad, there are a few pieces that I’d love to pick up. I really enjoy her use of color.
Unfortunately, I’m not a fan of paying $90 for a necklace made of semi precious stones and some wire wrapping.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/76640634/double-string-bear-spirit-necklace-lapis
August 25, 2011 at 11:28 am
Fair point gnomestress. Proof, if proof be needed, that just because we snark at crap doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate the good stuff.
BTW your comment in 21 is brilliant.
August 25, 2011 at 2:38 pm
Most of her pieces come with a side of hooplah, which probably accounts for the price markup. They are pretty though.
And thanks!
August 25, 2011 at 2:21 pm
Oh, darlin – I can make you something similar where the wire wrap won’t be an abortion, and the time charged plus materials will actually be reasonable.
(Those stone chip strands are fairly inexpensive, unless you’re buying emeralds or similar.)
August 25, 2011 at 2:34 pm
I am very forgiving of mistakes in others’ wire wrap work…mostly because most of my wire wrap pieces look like garbage.
I really like the subtle shifts and contrasts of color in her work.
August 25, 2011 at 9:54 am
I never considered incorporating my snake’s shed into all my crafts. What a great idea! Come on, Nagini, shed again soon. I have some magical bajingo sticks to make! If only I had a bird. I could hot glue their molt onto the stick, too. Guess I’ll just have to use these yacked up cat hair balls.
August 25, 2011 at 10:05 am
If I ever have a snake, I’m totally naming it Nagini.
August 25, 2011 at 12:38 pm
I had a Savanna Monitor lizard named Norbert.
August 25, 2011 at 2:40 pm
We also have a Bearded Dragon named Norbert! We usually just call the snake ‘Snakey’ most of the time but she really did start out as Nagini. We also have Arabella the cat. Nargles the hamster died in July. My kid has finally stopped naming things after Harry Potter just recently. The latest hamsters are Hammy and Jamster so I guess the HP phase is over.
August 25, 2011 at 10:08 am
Magical Bajingo Sticks sounds just like something that the cupcakes would make entire treasuries about! Hell, I want one now.
August 25, 2011 at 10:12 am
Or else another kickass band name.
August 25, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Only too happy to oblige.
http://www.etsy.com/treasury/NzU4NjAyMXw2MjYyNzM0NzM/magical-bajingo-sticks
October 3, 2011 at 8:51 pm
I had a snake named Severus Snake (so original). It died.
Hey, whoa.
August 25, 2011 at 9:56 am
Nothing channels the sacred feminine like a deformed, diseased-looking phallic object.
August 25, 2011 at 12:06 pm
Turned on yet?
August 25, 2011 at 12:34 pm
I got the stick and my reclaimed sacred sexuality, and God damn, now I’m wanting me some priesty man I can corrupt. Come here, priesty, priesty, priesty, come to Momma! She’s gonna teach you that “communion” ain’t what you think it means!
(Sorry I channeled my white trash tart there, but sometimes, she can’t be held back. Not even with a stick.)
August 25, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Scared, maybe.
August 25, 2011 at 2:23 pm
that’s fuckin great
August 25, 2011 at 9:57 am
“Time to break the rules of Patriarchy and en-joy…”
En-joy? Why didn’t the other “en” words get hyphenated? They should have! En-ergy! En-dorsed! I think it would be really eye-catching, no? Just keep at it, seller! One day your en-chanted en-ergy staff for en-joyment of the wombyns will be en-dorsed by something much better than snake skin.
Also, sweatwater pearls?
August 25, 2011 at 10:07 am
Well, you see, most freshwater pearl farms are in China. The seller is making a political statement acknowledging the use of “sweatwater” labor in pearl production. [/sarcasm_font]
August 25, 2011 at 9:58 am
Canada goose feathers? What, no pigeons handy?
August 25, 2011 at 9:59 am
man, the grammar naz…er…I mean…English teacher in me just had a fit.
“A…pearls”?
and it’s CANADA goose/geese, not “Canadian”. It’s their NAME, not their nationality!
oh, and in addition to the above: just WTF???
It’s a freaking STICK with SH*T glued to it!!!
how is this in any way mystical or sexual or whatever???
ok, maybe I don’t want to know the answer to that sexual bit…
I can understand a wand, but this…wow
August 25, 2011 at 10:07 am
Given the grammar nazi/English teacher comment… I have to ask: in your name, is it SUPPOSED to be “quiet serious”?
Can’t help myself here.
August 25, 2011 at 10:12 am
yes, it is intentional…it’s from a hate letter posted in the BUTTHURT section of the website, like many of the other screen names here
You may now help yourself
August 25, 2011 at 10:08 am
In her defense, I think the “A” means Grade A pearls. However, she should have SAID “Grade A.” And that doesn’t excuse the rest of it.
August 25, 2011 at 10:13 am
There were so many in this post it made my head hurt. I could only get to two of them before the room started spinning
August 25, 2011 at 9:59 am
Woot! I just figured out how to keep from losing the house! I just need to take a walk in the woods to round up some dead wood and bits of assorted crap, hot-glue it on the sticks, make up a bullshit tale that illustrates clearly I have NO idea what I’m talking about (and/or that the mushrooms I probably ate in the woods are kicking in), and slap it on Etsy! Hell, might even get lucky enough to garner a peck from that damned chicken!
…Dammit, I’m out of hot glue sticks.
August 25, 2011 at 10:04 am
Got a roll of wire or some fishing wire around? If you can’t glue shit to other shit, you can always wire-wrap shit to other shit. Plus, it’s metalworking, so you can charge more.
August 25, 2011 at 10:01 am
“Not following the rules, but our own real desire.”
If it were a guy saying this, my rape-y sense would be tingling. “Me, me, me,” is never a good quality in a sexual partner.
A woman is not put on this earth to serve and please men, but I thought sexual equality was what we were striving for. This strikes me as “I am wombyn and I carry a big, phallic stick. You don’t want to know what I did to the last guy who didn’t worship my armpit hair….”
August 25, 2011 at 10:07 am
Yep, I thought it was a whacking stick.
August 25, 2011 at 10:14 am
I see what you did there
August 25, 2011 at 9:52 pm
My late mother had to use a cane, which she referred to as her ‘whacking stick.’ And she frequently whacked not only we children, but also my father with it.
I always figured that was a sign of true love. Or that dad was a closet masochist.
August 25, 2011 at 10:03 am
I’ll be swinging two of these in the on-deck circle…
IF you know what I mean…
August 25, 2011 at 10:03 am
I don’t really fancy picking up that thing with my anything.
August 25, 2011 at 10:04 am
Ironically, that’s exactly what my dong looks like erect (all scaly and gnarled).
And yes, I glue feathers to it.
ThoughtsFromParis
August 25, 2011 at 10:08 am
Let’s get an endorsement.
August 25, 2011 at 11:32 am
I bet the Jergens people would be all over that sponsorship
August 25, 2011 at 10:05 am
So I’m looking at the photo before scrolling down to the description, and thinking “What in the fucking fuck is that vaguely lacy shit all over that thing? Did someone take caul fat and randomly attach it all over? Why would you do that? And how do they think they’re going to ship it to someone before it gets all nasty- it’s probably already starting to rot as we speak.”
Then I scroll down and it turns out it’s snakeskin molt. Now I’m going to have nightmares about snake vibrators.
I quite like it when they cook with caul fat at the fancy Frawnch restaurant, and as a fat ugly jealous loser feminist I am quite fond of my vibrator.
With one listing, this Etsy seller has managed to temporarily turn two things I love into two things with verrrry negative connotations. I do believe she does have magickal powers.
Fuuuuucking hell.
August 25, 2011 at 11:15 am
Is caul fat related to placentas in any way? No, don’t answer that, I don’t think I want to know what it is.
August 25, 2011 at 10:10 am
“Now is the time to awaken the kundalini energy.”
Really? Now? Because in this house, now is the time to do the breakfast dishes and maybe a bit of mindless gaming before getting ready for work.
August 25, 2011 at 11:38 am
Kundalini energy has a very tight schedule. When it has an opening, you just have to go for it.
August 25, 2011 at 10:12 am
Glad to see she used snake and grouse to symoblize femininity. That’s about right – we’re all slithery, poisonous creatures who complain a lot.
August 25, 2011 at 10:16 am
I’m glad YOU said it, cuz I’m phobic about thumbs downs stuffs
August 25, 2011 at 10:13 am
The only way your going to feel ‘empowered’ by this is using it for goatsey practice, and even then it’s not going to feel very feminine.
August 25, 2011 at 10:14 am
You had me at endorsed…
August 25, 2011 at 10:26 am
I am snakeskin and I en-dorse this feminine power stick!
The commas in the last section are not very well placed, and I’m not sure if I’m reading what I think it’s trying to say.
August 25, 2011 at 10:29 am
The Fucking stick is not with you, now. You must await your turn with the Fucking Stick.
August 25, 2011 at 10:33 am
The Migratory Bird Act prohibits owning and selling raven and canada goose feathers. So not only is this thing ugly, it’s illegal.
August 25, 2011 at 11:42 am
It’s illegal to own canada goose feathers??? Those things are as common as pigeons around here (St. Louis). I thought we couldn’t shoot them because they hang out in populated areas and we might hit a person by accident.
August 25, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Yeah, here’s a list of all the migratory birds you can’t own parts of:
http://www.fws.gov/migratorybirds/RegulationsPolicies/mbta/mbtandx.html
August 25, 2011 at 7:29 pm
Sorry, but I no longer consider Canada geese migratory – they came south one year and decided to stay.
August 25, 2011 at 10:34 am
Kundalini “power stick” – what the living fuckery? So she glued dead animal shit to other shit and now it’s some kind of mystical Hindu Majik totem that heretofore never existed.
I think it’s time to add a “Cultural Appropriation” category.
August 25, 2011 at 11:32 am
Imagine what else she has imbued with magical power just walking around the house. What if she accidentally backed-up, naked on to the doorknob to her guest bathroom and now it grants wishes…
August 25, 2011 at 10:38 am
August 25, 2011 at 11:29 am
August 25, 2011 at 11:59 am
OMG, these two are mystical hippie sisters here to spread sacred wombyn-hood and lice!
August 25, 2011 at 2:29 pm
that poor child. I hope her next date brings her a sandwich instead of roses.
October 3, 2011 at 8:52 pm
Whose legs are like that? Whose? That’s creepy.
August 25, 2011 at 10:41 am
That stick is getting nowhere near my sexuality.
August 25, 2011 at 10:43 am
Needs glitter.
Or Towel Mike or someone else.
August 25, 2011 at 7:33 pm
It needs a trashcan.
(I suspect that Towel Mike has a nice stick of his own under that damn towel. It would do wonders for my sexuality!)
August 25, 2011 at 10:46 am
Nowhere does she use the word Womyn, she’s totally not a true believer.
Also, I totally thought that snake skin was actually bubble wrap.
August 25, 2011 at 11:00 am
I think maybe the seller had us fat, ugly, jealous losers in mind when they wrote the description because that smiley face has a double chin! (or is this some new thing that the “cool kids” are doing that I haven’t learned about yet?)
August 25, 2011 at 11:02 am
If you’ll excuse me, I’ll just be in the kitchen awakening the tortellini energy. Call me if you need an endorsement.
August 25, 2011 at 11:28 am
Let the marinara flow through you…
August 25, 2011 at 11:03 am
But what if I’m just not sexually attracted to splinters?
August 25, 2011 at 12:28 pm
I suspect that the seller would say that you’re re-pressed and re-luctant to re-claim your sacred sexuality. Re-ally.
August 25, 2011 at 1:22 pm
Obscure reference time – husband just came through, read what you posted and said:
“Then I guess you don’t have to worry about the turtles either.”
August 25, 2011 at 11:07 am
Leaving the stick aside – thank you very much…
Don’t you just love the photo background? Gravel and a bunch of weeds???
August 25, 2011 at 11:09 am
That is some fuckstick, I must say.
August 25, 2011 at 5:26 pm
The seller?
August 25, 2011 at 11:17 am
reclaiming hardwood is a very popular eco-trend
)”
…also love me some “whom ever
August 25, 2011 at 11:28 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 25, 2011 at 11:30 am
after looking at this Swedish Rainbowserpent Medicine Wombyn’s profile… I see that not only does she “en-joy” a lot of things she also likes to “re-connect , re-member and re-empower” for some re-ason.
This is not the Swedish Erotica I re-member from my youth.
August 25, 2011 at 12:26 pm
I think “re-membering” might be a re-attachment or re-placement service offered by the seller.
August 25, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Thank you for getting “Mahna Mahna” stuck in my head.
August 25, 2011 at 11:42 am
Oh yes, this thing just screams “reclaim your sexuality”. With the “sweatwater pearls” and the $69 price tag …
August 25, 2011 at 11:42 am
I am completely confused. How am I supposed to reclaim my sexuality with a decorated stick? what am I supposed to do with it, pray to it? Squat over it? Sing to it? put it under my bed like bait? burn it as incense?
I also do not recall losing my sacred sexuality. I don’t think I need to reclaim it from the new-age lost-and-found.
August 25, 2011 at 11:56 am
I lost my sacred sexuality once. Turns out it got put on the wrong flight and ended up in Newark.
August 25, 2011 at 12:07 pm
I’ve had some really intense sex in a Newark airport hotel. We might be on to something here.
August 25, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Mine got lost in translation a long time ago. Also, contents may have shifted due to handling.
August 25, 2011 at 12:17 pm
I think this should be the comment of the day.
August 25, 2011 at 11:43 am
That stick isn’t getting anywhere near me! It looks like someone killed and disembodied an octopus.
Won’t someone think of the disembodied octopus??
August 25, 2011 at 11:53 am
No worries. Not an octopus. Possibly a faun or satyr leg.
August 25, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Mmmm, roast satyr leg!
August 25, 2011 at 12:24 pm
In a nice griffin reduction? YUMMIES!
August 25, 2011 at 12:36 pm
MEG??!?! Get out of there! That’s our dinner!
August 25, 2011 at 12:13 pm
Yes, there’s definitely something tentacly about it.
Octopus or Slenderman.
August 25, 2011 at 12:09 pm
I don’t get why she put a hyphen in enjoy.
August 25, 2011 at 12:15 pm
it’s actually called a highphen. These things are only revealed and explained with the Kundalini awakening.
August 25, 2011 at 12:15 pm
so I’ve been told…
August 25, 2011 at 12:23 pm
@Preposterousaurus, you’re techncally correct, but I’m afraid that the seller is simply a moron. While it’s true that highphens were once used and only explained with Kundalini, it’s no longer the case. As far as I can tell, they’ve been
extinctout of use for about 65 million years, give or take.August 25, 2011 at 12:37 pm
@Mugsy — That’s what they said about Preposterousaurus, too.
August 25, 2011 at 12:41 pm
@Steampunk: Ixnay on the tinctex-ay!
August 25, 2011 at 12:43 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 25, 2011 at 1:02 pm
@Steampunk, sorry, I overreacted. I just try to avoid using certain words around Preposterousaurus. Maybe I’m just being to PC (Paleolithically Correct).
August 25, 2011 at 8:51 pm
oh but I am out of touch… with sacred feminine power sexuality sticks. I’d rather be carbon dated again than go anywhere near that thing.
August 25, 2011 at 1:09 pm
August 25, 2011 at 12:18 pm
I’m somewhat of a bullshit artist myself, but sometimes I like to sit back and, in this case, read a real pro at work.
August 25, 2011 at 12:19 pm
Take away all the coleslaw cupcake puffery and bullshit, all the imagery, and yoni yada yada and what have you got? A snakeskin cozy for a stick.
August 25, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Did anyone else think the snake skin was bubblewrap?
August 25, 2011 at 7:38 pm
Yep, comment 57, nearly 2 hours before you.
August 25, 2011 at 12:29 pm
Will someone post the Native American crying a glitter tear? This post calls for it.
My first thought when seeing this was: And the answer is things that shed.
August 25, 2011 at 2:10 pm
August 25, 2011 at 1:11 pm
So….Uh….. it’s illegal to sell and possess raven feathers in the under the migratory birds treaty act.
I’m sure a stint in prison will allow your sexuality to blossom… whether you like it or not.
August 25, 2011 at 1:25 pm
I really hope “reclaiming the divine feminine sexuality” doesn’t mean putting that anywhere near my wombyn-parts.
Because that mental picture is just painful.
August 25, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Hey! I did not give them permission to photograph the fallen dead birch branches in my driveway!
August 25, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Want to see that be a real feminine power stick? Put it in my hands and give me 5 minutes to beat the stupid out of that twatwaffle.
August 25, 2011 at 2:07 pm
“Endorsed with snake skin from shedding”?? Sounds like this was written by someone who was fired from Posh Nosh.
August 25, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Exactly…ENDORSED with?? If that’s an endorsement I’ll take a kick in the crotch, thanks.
August 25, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Is it painful to believe in so much bullshit?
August 25, 2011 at 2:36 pm
What does this mean when all the new age goddess bajingo-babble about sweatwater pearls doesn’t faze me in the least but I get hung up on the fact that the smiley in the seller’s description has a double chin?
August 25, 2011 at 2:51 pm
This looks like a giant eagle ate a snake and then shit it out and on the way out of the bird’s ass a few feathers got stuck on the end of said turd.
August 25, 2011 at 3:24 pm
My wife has one of these. If I don’t Sexually Awaken fast enough, she hits me with it.
August 25, 2011 at 4:29 pm
I’m not letting that thing near my cooch.
I would, however, consider its use in some kind of fan film that talks about women’s rights in the native people of that Avatar movie.
Which would culminate in a blue rendition of “Disco Stick”, I imagine.
August 25, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Is that the plastic netting from the 2 lbs of grapes we ate last week?
August 25, 2011 at 6:19 pm
– or from the net bag of organic elephant garlic.
August 25, 2011 at 5:48 pm
LET’S HAVE SOME FUN, THIS BEAT IS SICK
I WANNA TAKE A RIDE ON YOUR PLEASURE STICK
August 25, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Let’s try this again…
LET’S HAVE SOME FUN, THIS BEAT IS SICK
I WANNA TAKE A RIDE ON YOUR POWER STICK
August 25, 2011 at 7:25 pm
Holy Hanna in Her High Chair! I’m a Pagan AND a Witch, and I wouldn’t touch that shit with a 10 foot bloody barge pole!!!! I won’t start on the seller’s horrid misrepresentation of Kundalini! O_o
August 25, 2011 at 8:43 pm
“I don’t always use a kundalini awakening power stick to release my inner sexual wombyn goddess, but when I do, I en-joy a fallen branch with snake endorsed snake skin, schweatypearls, rocks, and feathers to stimulate the power of my wombynly yoni bush.” –The most uninteresting cracked out twatwaffle fuckstick in the universe.
August 25, 2011 at 9:01 pm
Just looking at this thing makes my Divine Feminine Sexuality itch.
Which I guess would cause awakening…in the middle of the night.
August 25, 2011 at 11:15 pm
Oh, yes, dried flaky skin makes me feel sooo sexy!
August 26, 2011 at 3:57 am
Well, according to some yoga masters, Kundalini needs meditation and yoga to awaken, not some stick, and it is not gender-bound. Although sweatwater pearls might help one to transcend…
August 26, 2011 at 9:40 pm
I know me some Kundalini work, at it definitely doesn’t involve phallic symbols with random crap glued to it. More like a nice pretty bowl for candles or incense, with random crap glued to it.
Go Yoni!
August 26, 2011 at 4:33 am
What the GOD DAMN HELL is that THING? BURN IT!
August 26, 2011 at 1:45 pm
My snakeskin stick is a symbol of my individuality and my belief in personal freedom!
August 26, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Has anyone shown up and said that ‘sweatwater’ is probably meant to be ‘freshwater’?
August 26, 2011 at 9:42 pm
Ahhhh! On a whim, I searched “yoni” on etsy. My eyes!
August 26, 2011 at 10:06 pm
Hit me, hit me, hit me with your rhythm stick you glued a bunch of dreck and animal leavings you found in your back yard.
What next? A moon goddess votive made out of cat vomit, lawn trimmings, some leftover gravel from my neighbor’s walkway project and a dead lizard I found mummified in the sun?
August 27, 2011 at 6:29 pm
…if this is feminism, I want the patriarchy back. :S I’m sure that’s not the goal the artist was aiming at, though…
August 31, 2011 at 5:07 pm
It’s funny. In my language, “kunda” is a swear expression for “vagina” (pussy, cunt).