- More things that look like penises here
- Even more things that look like penises here
oh my….. now I am craving salami.
A big fat long salami to just bite right into.
I crave a Towel Mike.
…to just bite right into.
Well ribbit ribbit to you too, Mr. Frog.
Aw, the teddy bear peg board has a friend!
Evidently, they’ll both be quite happy to see each other.
OMG who told you my birthday was coming up?! It’s a cock-wishlist of love!
Shroom-dick cookies and bajingo cupcakes for all!
Damn you, now I have to find a shortcut to bajingo cupcakes so I can steal your idea and use it.
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I had no idea all you women were so fascinated by such phallic objects. None of them look useable, really, apart from the giraffe.
I really don’t want to know what you’d use that for. There are parts that look like they could…break off, or something.
I was going to say one thing, and then my mind went completely in the gutter. I see what you did there.
I’m not really sure that anyone *wants* to use these? Do YOU want to use them??
I’d totally use the cookie cutter specifically because it’s phallic. Then again, I’d also totally serve boobie pasta to my friends. You just kinda have to be a special kind of weird to embrace the phallus-ness.
Totally had penis shaped pasta salad at my bachelorette party. Although, in hindsight, I should have used a vinaigrette rather than, ahem, mayonnaise based dressing.
…or the phallusity.
Are you THAT Sam Cornwell?
That giraffe looks exactly like my penis, only bigger.
pictures or it didn’t happen
wait…WHICH is bigger? The giraffe or KTinches?
Sam, seriously, as if men don’t get all squishy inside (and hard on the outside) when they see anything remotely mammary- or vulva-shaped—and we all know your gender has a wild imagination, so almost anything qualifies.
And who was it who built the Washington Monument in Washington, D.C.? (In case you’re not familiar with it, here are a few photos, because I can’t put a photo here and because I wanted to see a dozen or more phallic symbols on one page: http://tinyurl.com/3ptt9y3) Think THAT is useful to any woman? No, and it sure made the architect’s wife feel very sad and empty…well, I don’t need to go into details, do I?
p.s. I thought you might be kidding, so I gave you a thumbs-up, and part of that was because your videos are so awesome…but don’t make me regret it, young man!
p.p.s. Ever consider doing your videos wearing nothing but a towel? Just a thought.
Conclusion: people love penises
“Penes” or “Penises”. Unless you’re a nincompoop who spells the singular as “penus”, in which case the correct Latin plural would be “penii”. But you don’t want to be that nincompoop.
pe nis (reference.com)
–noun, plural -nis·es, -nes [-neez] . Anatomy, Zoology.
don’t care what you say, they’ll always be penii!
BB wins because penii is funnier and because she just wins (she makes amazeballs for chistsakes!)
dude it’s called humor, I think you’re on the wrong site. The blog for boring douchecanoe grammar policemen is right over here.
As I recall, the majority of us not only liked peni, but someone coined the phrase “undulating peni” to describe the veritable sea of peni offered on Etsy. It is just fun to say – peni, peni, undulating peni! One of those times grammar must step aside
As a freelance writer and editor who graduated magna cum laude with a BA in English (concentration in grammar and composition), I have to concur. Whenever penii are involved, grammar can go fuck itself.
Hey, who the hell is giving me thumbs down? I’m agreeing with you assholes! LOL.
Both the self-proclaimed grammarians have used “lol”; one as part of a screen name, and the other as the sort of verbal-tic interjection that makes my teeth grind together.
However, the latter did capitalize all three letters, indicating its origin as an acronym for “laugh(ing) out loud”, and is therefore the superior lolling grammarian. And agrees with us on “penii”.
Therefore, penii win. As it should be.
You know, I posted essentially the same thing a little while back, and I got mostly thumbs up– I think the difference is, I didn’t stoop to insults. Courtesy goes a long way.
And yet, I’m compelled to jump in on the side of “penes” and good grammar.
But only because snakes (and other squamates) have hemipenes and the fact that such a thing exists is RIDICULOUS.
And also because arguing about grammatically correct genitalia is the sort of past time I can really be proud of.
butts, I think this is supposed to be along the lines of “whimsicle”…
It’s in the same vein as “breastesses.”
Or maybe a different vein. There are so many…
I’m sorry but English is my second language, so please tell me: which one is it preferable to use in a formal conversation? Because it sure comes up a lot at parties…
Huuuum… COMES… UP…
I’ve not felt so loved in a long, long time. I just farted a big, lacy heart for all of you.
Would you take a picture of it on barnwood? Bet you could get oodles of $$ for it on Etsy.
They had to name those earrings on purpose. Either that, or something was lost in translation.
I’d go with the latter just because that’s the funnier explanation.
i love the giraffe! i want it. my birthday is in a few months, guys!!
I’m sorry penises are not balls. They are a totally different part of the anatomy.
Why would you apologize for that?
It’s a package deal.
I think there are some uniballed men who might disagree with that…
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
What repository are YOU using? ‘Cause my package manager has never offered me that one. I’d remember.
I do so love a nicely wrapped package.
I’m not sorry that penises are not balls, they are much more fun as distinct anatomical bits.
Speaking as someone wh has a penis AND balls, I am very happy that they are different; however, it is only when they come together that the real fun begins.
Not true! Making them come separately can set the stage for fun, too.
I would not say “totally different part of the anatomy”. In most cases, where there is one, there are the others. They are intimately related.
That’s a mighty happy frog. (How has it not sold yet? It’s AWESOME.)
Yes, for an adult, but if I had crotchfruit, no way would that be in their room. For little boys it would be depressing never to live “up” to a frog; for girls, don’t think any boyfriend will satisfy them after growing up with Dick the Frog.
For boys, it might be inspirational: That frog seems to be focused on his rod and is VERY happy (his eyes, I mean his eyes!). So, the lesson would be: Appreciate what you were given and what you cannot change and don’t…oh, who am I kidding? It would traumatize a boy for life.
Wonder why seller thought there needed to be “wood” in the title; seems pretty clear to me!
That fairy can’t possibly be as innocent as the seller would like us to think she is, surrounded by penis like that.
you know, that one on the right looks a little lopsided and worn to me.
I like that these were hand sculpted… it makes me all twinkly.
The “innocent” fairy is clapping her hands somewhere.
So The Fairy Circle is a strip club right? I’m getting images of Tinkerbell twirling around a pole with a g-string full of cash as the Lost Boys look on.
I think we need to make this happen.
For several seconds, I could not for the life of me figure out what Tinkerbell had to do with a pack of California vampires from the 80s.
I’m going to go wrap myself in black velvet and listen to Sisters of Mercy now, in penance.
That’s what I thought, C&R. Tink can invite them both to the ‘club; it’ll be a party.
What a great way to get us warmed up for Mike Monday.
How did they know I needed some fleshy balls for my ears?
Or for that matter for your forehead.
LOL!! Um. Yeah. But that was supposed to be a secret.
The “Fleshy Pink Balls” title is a little gratuitous, dontcha think?
Yeah, but in the craftard’s defense, Etsy rejected the tag “Peach nut sack hangers”
There is always something in this post that makes me think of my fiances dad and last time they yoinked it before I could buy. THAT FROG IS MINE and I hope they accept my customization request for a pink rod and purple head!
Fiances dad collects frogs. He loves peens. WIN!
I think my rent will be in the form of sporadic fuckery purchases.
Completely off subject, I just noticed your avatar and screen name.
That is one badass chic. Nothing says lovin’ like Skags burning from Lilith’s phoenix skill.
I had a mod that game +3 to it after I maxed it out. I loved killing one Spiderant or whatever and watching them all just drop. Favorite class and skill
I can’t believe that frog is still single.
okay, the frog makers just didn’t see a penis in that picture? stick this in your kids bedroom or bathroom? Single Frog Pegnis?
I am dialing 911 NOW!
Chris Hansen is already asking them to take a seat…
It took a while for it to click that you’re meant to HANG things off its erect phallus…
If there’s an Etsy seller already specialising in penis-shaped wall hanger things, I’ll take fifty.
All I can think about is making fondant foreskin for the cookies.
Oh believe me, I never discriminate against any penis. Each one is unique and special… like snowflakes…
Oh. My. God. My sister-in-law has this ringtone that sounds like “burl burpa burpa burpa burl burl” and she smokes a lot of pot. My boyfriend and I always always always make fun of her ringtone. This stash jar is perfect for her!
I posses a large sandalwood carved bottle opener from Bali. It has been lovingly carved and sanded into a penis. You have to grab the shaft to engage in opening. I give it to visitors who dare ask me for a Budweiser or similarly cheap American beer.
That’s the first half-reasonable justification I’ve ever heard for the existence of cheap American beers.
Hell, I might even drink a Bud if I could get my hands on a bottle opener like that.
The really sad part is that most “American Lagers” (i.e., the pale, yellow, fizzy stuff with no flavor) all have twist-off caps
even tho the stash jar looks like a swollen knob, it’s beautiful and i’d love to have it!
I actually really like it too, there’s some other less-phallic ones in their shop.
Try keeping your hands off the stash jar, then it won’t get so swollen.
They also have boobie jars! Together, they’d make a nice set. ; )
Can I convo someone to get the stash jar in an uncut style?
But how will you get your stash into it if it is uncut?
“She is so innocent and delicate. See if you can find her in the Fairy Ring”
Yes, the artist did write that about her ring of penises. Score another win for the Etsy Writers Workshop.
I swear I read it as “you can find it in her Fairy Ring” which almost seems more appropriate…
Did I just eat a handful of mushrooms?
Say everybody have you seen my balls they’re big and fleshy and pink.
If you ever need a quick pick me up, just stick my balls in your ears.
I love chef’s chocolate salty balls. They’re the best thing to put in your ears and or mouth…Ive said too much.
Noone can resist my schweddy balls. –Alec Baldwin
I love that skit. Different reference but the first thing that popped into my head reading your comment.
Going back to Southpark:
All the Baldwins are dead?!
@ vinnifera- Me too! My mom has that episode of SNL on VHS and insists on showing it at Christmas. I die laughing every time.
They’re just so moist and firm. I can’t wait to get my mouth around one of your balls… I love that skit.
I love how they glisten!
Yeah. Good times. Lots of fun.
Not that is some prime penii!
The “I dare you” expression on his face makes it a thousand percent better.
The scary thing is that somewhere out there, a little kid is drinking out of one of those. [shudder]
We are very fortunate this toy does not talk.
NEW Buzz Lightyear motion-activated talking sippy cup with four different sayings!
“Don’t worry, Woody. In just a few hours you’ll be sitting around a campfire with Andy making delicious hot schmoes.”
“Woody! Thank goodness you’re all right.”
“You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.”
“Good work, Woody.”
Infinity is that way!
Hey, nobody else give that pic a thumbs up – the +69 is appropriate.
Helen, darling, you misspelled “bone us”.
I don’t know about all you other fat, ugly, jealous losers, but I would MUCH rather see Towel Mike’s penis. Or any of the other hot guys who have allowed us to objectify them.
It is Monday, isn’t it?
I’ve been without too long. Straight guys, do your best objectification moves.
Glad to lend a hand.
Feeling the uncontrollable urge to buy that mushroom cookie cutter so I can make cream-filled cookies
Okay, so I may have sort of a collection of phallic items, but even if I didn’t, I would want that stash jar. It is really beautiful.
The descriptions might have been written by snickering 12-year-olds: “hand sculpted,” “animal mount.” Wait, that’s just me snickering.
Most plant and fungus genitalia look like animal genitalia.
Thank you for reminding me. I have to shop Etsy for a rocket cookie cutter, so I can make penis cookies like the Creepy Dad on Love Bites.
lol, reminds me of the movie “Death to Smoochy”. Is that made out of Dil-Dough?
Semi-related story time:
I went to Ireland and walked around a “real faery ring” up near co. Clare. There were no phallic mushrooms, just some random grooved area of trees.
In one of the pictures you could see a flash of bright green between the trees that was the hoodie of my tour guide. Mum thought it was a fairy and it took months to convince her otherwise.
Long story short, I should be selling said photo on Etsy with some bullshit story about faeries, but I don’t have enough booze to make me do it.
Butts McFeckery, I have two words for you:
You’ve GOT to make it (the photo…and the drinking) happen!
Just linger your eyes over the lower part of the photo.
Wasnt this dude in Soul Calibre at some point?
why oh why!
…What the actual fuck?….
It looks as if a fungus is attacking his head *scroll* and his shirt is unbuttoned *scroll, scroll* and holy mother of all that is human, what the hell!?!?!
FINALLY codpieces are coming back into fashion!
“Fleshy pink balls” snicker snort – I hope the seller wrote it that way on purpose, otherwise they’re dumber than a sack of hair. I really like the stash jar – I’m a sucker for redwood burl (I still have the table I bought in Big Sur in 1973).
And what the holy flying fuck is that “fashion” photo all about?! “I was wanking in the bushes, minding my own business when someone put a turquoise curly straw up my sleeve and pointed me down a runway”? Yikes!
That version of the story fails to explain how our hero managed to get splinched with a lichen-covered log, Quetzlcoatl,and the Tin Woodman.
I’d love to have those pink balls earrings, but only if they are MADE IN THE USA BY FAMILY CRAFTSPERSONS!
I don’t know which end of the cookie I would put in my mouth first.
The underside is often a good place to start.
you need to frost them…and then lick that off first
I want that redwood jar. Why do I have to be so broke?!?
This post is the perfect birthday present. YAY!
The second listing is completely pornographic. The little things even have veins! “She is so innocent and delicate”. Yes, I’m sure she’ll stay that way in happy fairy penis land.
Especially after they enter her “fairy ring.”
After all this excitment maybe we should clean our screens.
That NEVER gets old!
I want the cock jar.
That giraffe is mine now. I’m going to hang it in my entryway.
Using relevancy on Etsy- does that mean I type in looks like a penis, resembles a penis, has penis in the title or tags, rhymes with penis, multiples penises, or shaped like a penis? I’m confused!
“We didn’t find anything for penii. Try a popular search query like mermaid, hair feathers, owl, wedding, steampunk, feather hair extensions, halloween, feather extensions, or buttons instead.”
Is it just me, or does a steampunk mermaid wedding sound REALLY, REALLY AWESOME right now?
I want some fleshy pink balls.
I am naming my Fantasy Football team this year “Fleshy Pink Balls” and I am using that photo as my team logo.
There is no way that I can fail to win the league this year now.
Goatse keeps his Stash in his Stash Jar. He keeps his Stash Jar in his Goatse.
Someone is selling a six-pack of mini dildos? I guess you should always buy in bulk.
I have that “mushroom” cookie cutter. It came in a pack of cutters with a flower, a star of david, and a four pointed star. It was, if I am recalling correctly, in a blisterpack on a card labeled “Christmas Cookie Cutters”.
I’d have kept the package intact (pun intended and you are powerless to stop it) for the sheer humor value, but I bought it for the star of david cutter because I thought it would be amusing to bring star of david gingerbread cookies to my first Christmas with my Ex-Hubby’s very catholic family as a thank you for the 6 months of awkward and borderline offensive questions I’d been welcomed to the family with about being jewish.
So the package had to be opened.
Finally, a way to keep my homophopic male co-workers from eating all of my cookies!
The sign I posted on my bathroom door at the office obviously didn’t work:
So I’m almost positive dick shaped cookies will do the trick.
Could I add this as ‘looks like penis’?
I actually think it’s rather wonderfully painted and I like her work.
But this particular piece does seem a squit penissy.
Just wondering what kind of cookies go in the Big Red?
Probably need something creme filled, like an oreo LOL
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