Why do these things always use the white, blonde Jesus?
I know that’s the popular image, but Jesus was Palestinian. He’d have been dark skinned and black haired.
Really? I recall a verse saying he had hair like ‘lambs wool’ which could mean in colour, but I always took to mean in texture, very tightly cureld, almost afro.
Or, it could have been fair compared to the normal hair colour of the times.
The problem with the bible is it;s gone through so many translations, some of the passages are… wobbly… in how accurate they can be considered.
BTW, I’m not a christian, my religious beliefs are.. complex, but I did read through the whole bible on at least 1 occasion. The Quran and Torah are still to be read, but give me time.
I do like to read books of various faiths, as I like to have a basis for understanding.
I also quite like to read medieaval mystical thought. My home city had a Christian Mystic Nun named Julian whose thoughts and meditations are very intriguing. AGain, I was quite young when I read them. I should again.
He was supposed to be a Nazarene. They didn’t cut their hair. Could be he had amazing dreds. Also they had amazing desert plants that were consumed for “spiritual” reasons.
This is the woman in question. I found her thoughts and meditations on the subject of Christian love interesting, and if anyone else is nerdy enough to also enjoy comparitive relogious theory and discussion, they’d probably like it too. http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/156980.Julian_of_Norwich
I’ll admit, It was mainly the History Nerd in me that loves it, but I think people of all belief systems can learn from the writings of major religious figures.
The problem is…no one has read the Bible. We’ve all read a copy of a copy of a copy of a translation of a copy of a translation of a translation of a copy of a cut up, carefully selected abridged version of a copy of a translation. Or thereabouts. *shrugs*
One of my favorite stories is how a missionary read passages from the Bible to a Buddhist monk and the monk told him that Jesus may have been a Buddha.
makes some good points, that Paul said “Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?” 1 Corinthians 11:14
and also that Judas had to point Jesus out to the Roman soldiers, indicating that he probably looked pretty much like all of his disciples.
(Also not Christian. But like Anninyn, do have an interest in varying theology and mythology.)
Yes, but those copies had to be EXACT. It’s one of the most meticulously copied documents of all time. Even one mistake and the whole thing was done for.
Exact copies, ha! There are basically no two manuscripts we have that say exactly the same things. Every single word in the best Greek texts has been laboriously chosen based on how many manuscripts attest that particular word versus others, and how old or authoritative those manuscripts are. And that’s before we even get into translation.
Also, the hair thing reminds me of my favourite part of the bible: the song of Solomon. To have hair like that of domesticated livestock was a high compliment back in the day.
Oh great, now I’m imagining Chaz Michael Michaels (“Blades of Glory”) reciting that passage. Jesus.
If you want a really good read try “Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal” by Christopher Moore. It’s hysterical, and fills in all the stuff that happened to Jesus between his childhood and savior part. Jesus gets exposed to lots of other religions, and may explain some stuff. Plus it’s funny as hell.
Are you thinking of Revelations 1:14? Because that reads (from the KJV)
His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire;
Of course, if you take every description in Revelations literally, then there’d be seven-headed beasts running around. Also, “white like wool” could refer to age and wisdom and all that sort of thing. And the next verse reads:
And his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters.
There really isn’t a description of Jesus anywhere in the Bible.
Thanks for the clarification! As I sai, it has been a few years since I last did a readthrough of the Bible.
And revelations has always seemed odd to me. And I’ve read experts who suggest it may have been added a lot later, and actually be coded talk about schisms that were going on during the time of writing. It was a very interesting theory.
My Mum#s a historian, and by necessity it requires a fair knowledge of Biblical history. It;’ an interest that’s stayed with me.
Gah. I’m losing control of my typing hands. It’s quarter to 2 in the morning, and while I am always interesting in learning more about the relgions of the world, and talking about my own nerdy fascination with historical texts, I should go get some sleep before I stop being able to see.
Well now that we are all up on our bible studies, somebody should start praying for poor Helen. I see she’s still suffering from giant Jesus fingers and that terrible manicure.
Pfff, you don’t think good, Christian white people are going to follow some brown dude, do you? It’s a miracle they don’t demand he cut his hippie hair.
@dinosaurland i cant fucking breathe. “shoots into the sky” im practically crying. thats my dad you described. yee haw! thats it regretsy has finally killed me. laughed to death.
True story: My hometown had street preachers who liked to hang out where all the kids were and tell us how we were going to hell and all the myriad reasons. They told one dude he should cut his hair to be more like Jesus. I had brought my cousin out with me that day so “sinfully long” hair turned into a family joke for awhile.
Jesus was a Capricorn;
He ate organic food.
He believed in love and peace
And never wore no shoes.
Long hair, beard, and sandals
And a funky bunch of friends —
Reckon they’d just nail him up
If he came down again.
Jesus was many things. But if He were here today, I don’t think he’d be a hardcore Republican. Which is fairly ironic, given the callouses they have from thumping the Bible.
.
I don’t think he’d make it through the airport too easily either.
It would be cheaper just to find a pleasantly stoned beach bum & get your photo taken with him. At least there would be a possibility of him sharing his water into wine.
@silverdae:
I too am a bit strapped(wish I was strapped for another reason, one we wont divulge into at the moment) for cash. So I too, will hold the collection plate with you.
Actually, marikoWTF isn’t far off… you can make good money/trades in prison if you can draw realistic portraits of other inmates’ loved ones, so the ones who can draw a little and are smart will work to be able to do stuff a lot like this entry.
If you can draw in prison you can also do tattoos, but that’s riskier for a whole bunch of reasons.
I wonder if they’ll draw any person or creature with Jesus. Personally, I wold love to see a picture of Jesus hanging out with Cthulhu. Steam punk mustache octopus optional.
I logged in to say that I hope someone… anyone… could PLEASE request this. I really want this (so bad I can taste it.. oh wait, that’s beer- same thing I guess). We’ve got to organize a collective to make this happen. If I had the money to spare, I would do it, but I’m just to strapped right now. Anyone? Anyone??
I would love a picture of ME hanging out with Cthulhu!
(you might appreciate this…I’m the only lady in the two fantasy football leagues at work, and my teams are The Miskatonic Menace and The Arkham Attack.)
this is for silverdae, who wanted EB+JC+SC.
i dont have that & i am, sadly, too swamped w/ work to make it.
i do have the Easter Bunny & the Head of John the Baptist.
so here you go:
I agree – get over it. Its classy and less weird than Victorian mourning jewelery:
“Hair art became popular in the Victorian age. What started as a simple way to keep a loved one near became an elaborate art practiced by many. Taking a lock of the deceased persons’ hair and weaving it into knot designs for use in a brooch was the most popular form of Victorian mourning jewelry. Rings, bracelets, earrings, watch fobs and necklaces all became quite common in the later portion of the century. Today this art is prized by collectors and family historians alike. “
I don’t know. I have a ring with a lock of hair from my great great grandmother that’s been passed down to me, and I’m rather fond of it. I agree it can be seen as weird or morbid, but I like having the physical reminder of the past. I also have small locks of mane from two horses I’ve had that died. I keep them with their pictures.
When you start saving fingernail clippings and organs, then it might become a concern.
Really?!?! What could you possibly be offended by? Making fun of an artist? Making fun of Jesus? Making fun of cheese? You have to be more specific than that!
So his loved ones can recognize him. The drawing is based on a random photo his folks had, not some afterlife polaroid. Although Afterlife Polaroid would be an excellent name for a band.
Not Zydeco, though, cause I don’t even want to THINK about being stuck with that in another life. Maybe it’s what we’ll be listening to in Hell, though. So what I’m saying is pack anti-zydeco spray in your handbasket.
The bereaved also take photos of the deceased IN their coffins. As a teen working as a florist apprentist, a customer whipped out a photo of her dead husband to show me the coffin spray. She wanted a duplicate spray for another family member.
People hold on in every way they can! It has made me make strong provisions for deathly makeup!
I actually inherited a box of photos from my grandpa’s younger days around the time of WWII, including his pictures with his first wife. They include pictures of his wife in her coffin (she died of breast cancer). It was a little strange to come across them, but it isn’t unheard of. I took a picture of grandma in her coffin (though I waited for my family to leave the room first) because I thought someday I might want to see it again.
My pastor once had me do a PowerPoint of numerous different depictions of Jesus, including “groovy Jesus.” Too bad this wasn’t available at the time, because Jesus looks really blissed-out.
I know, right? We do have to acknowledge that that artist is very talented. Yes, we all love to mock all of those people who have faith because, c’mon…. Seriously? But yeah! That person has mad skillz, yo!
I have to admit that it’s cheesy as all hell, but…Honestly? There are worse ways to remember your loved ones. The artist is quite talented and I can easily think of several people I know who might buy one in the right circumstances.
I am going to buy one. I will make copies of it and staple it to my resumé in lieu of a cover letter. Being BFF with Jesus Christ is basically an auto-hire.
This is a lot better than the “photoshop your dead pet” memorials, yo. The hokey-ness to a lot of us is the Jesus part, but it takes work to be able to do well with faces like that – I definitely can’t do it!
I’d like to add that I’m pretty sure the chubby dude is the same one from the Fiverr thread that lets you get drawn in an awkward situation with a fat guy wearing tube socks. Just need a full body shot to confirm my suspicions.
Ooooh – I’ve been wondering when this would come back around!
I decided that my boyfriend REALLY needed one of these for Christmas, but alas, I didn’t have the $97 for an original. But sometimes those who are poor in dollars are rich in Photoshoppiness (my new word of the day), so I made this little number. As you can see, I had to flip Jesus around to make it work with the pic I had of my boyfriend.
So far, it’s been framed for his nightstand, made into a custom mug and is out there somewhere on Facebook. If I ever do get some major money, you folks will have to come to Indy and see my custom billboard. Or hell, maybe I’ll just Photoshop one.
August 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm
Why do these things always use the white, blonde Jesus?
I know that’s the popular image, but Jesus was Palestinian. He’d have been dark skinned and black haired.
Sorry, no snark for this one, I;m far too tired.
August 20, 2011 at 4:36 pm
ARE YOU SAYING JESUS WAS A TERRORIST?! My whole upbringing is ruined.
August 20, 2011 at 4:39 pm
NOT ONLY WAS JESUS A TERRORIST BUT HE WAS A JEW TOO.
And a rebel, and a political dissident…
Oh BOY. EXACTLY the sort of person who would lead your kids astray.
August 20, 2011 at 4:43 pm
…Which is exactly what a lot of parents thought at the time.
August 20, 2011 at 4:45 pm
It’s been a while since I read the bible, but am I right in thinking a number of his followers were disowned by their families?
August 20, 2011 at 5:03 pm
Long hair. A lot of crazy ideas about love and brotherhood. Yep, that’s the guy.
August 20, 2011 at 5:18 pm
caftan-wearin’ hippie.
August 20, 2011 at 5:56 pm
Oh, Jesus Fucking Christ….
…wait…
August 20, 2011 at 6:17 pm
Do you think he was as fuzzy as Dror?
August 20, 2011 at 6:43 pm
Did he …shudder… eat kale?
August 20, 2011 at 6:46 pm
And a hippy and a communist as well.
August 20, 2011 at 6:59 pm
i read that as lead your kids ashtray the first 2 times. i was trying to imagine jesus smoking. im tired.
August 20, 2011 at 7:55 pm
You left out the part about him being a communist. Because if anything is truly evil, it’s socialism.
August 20, 2011 at 5:03 pm
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August 20, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Really? I recall a verse saying he had hair like ‘lambs wool’ which could mean in colour, but I always took to mean in texture, very tightly cureld, almost afro.
Or, it could have been fair compared to the normal hair colour of the times.
The problem with the bible is it;s gone through so many translations, some of the passages are… wobbly… in how accurate they can be considered.
BTW, I’m not a christian, my religious beliefs are.. complex, but I did read through the whole bible on at least 1 occasion. The Quran and Torah are still to be read, but give me time.
August 20, 2011 at 5:13 pm
http://www.differentspirit.org/
He very likely would have had a Jewfro.
Don’t forget to read the Book of Mormon. I’m not joking, it’s a good thing to read considering how quickly that particular faith is growing.
August 20, 2011 at 5:13 pm
Real quotes or it didn’t happen, yo.
August 20, 2011 at 5:15 pm
I do like to read books of various faiths, as I like to have a basis for understanding.
I also quite like to read medieaval mystical thought. My home city had a Christian Mystic Nun named Julian whose thoughts and meditations are very intriguing. AGain, I was quite young when I read them. I should again.
August 20, 2011 at 5:16 pm
also http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?passage=Revelation+1%3A13-14 says white hair, but not blonde
August 20, 2011 at 5:23 pm
He was supposed to be a Nazarene. They didn’t cut their hair. Could be he had amazing dreds. Also they had amazing desert plants that were consumed for “spiritual” reasons.
August 20, 2011 at 5:25 pm
This is the woman in question. I found her thoughts and meditations on the subject of Christian love interesting, and if anyone else is nerdy enough to also enjoy comparitive relogious theory and discussion, they’d probably like it too.
http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/156980.Julian_of_Norwich
I’ll admit, It was mainly the History Nerd in me that loves it, but I think people of all belief systems can learn from the writings of major religious figures.
August 20, 2011 at 6:34 pm
Bible = translated through many languages by imperfect people while being hand copied from monk to monk for centuries.
Of COURSE it’s going to be riddled with bullshit and muddled stuff.
August 20, 2011 at 6:58 pm
The problem is…no one has read the Bible. We’ve all read a copy of a copy of a copy of a translation of a copy of a translation of a translation of a copy of a cut up, carefully selected abridged version of a copy of a translation. Or thereabouts. *shrugs*
One of my favorite stories is how a missionary read passages from the Bible to a Buddhist monk and the monk told him that Jesus may have been a Buddha.
August 20, 2011 at 8:47 pm
This article: http://www.popularmechanics.com/science/health/forensics/1282186
makes some good points, that Paul said “Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?” 1 Corinthians 11:14
and also that Judas had to point Jesus out to the Roman soldiers, indicating that he probably looked pretty much like all of his disciples.
(Also not Christian. But like Anninyn, do have an interest in varying theology and mythology.)
August 20, 2011 at 10:03 pm
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August 20, 2011 at 10:25 pm
Exact copies, ha! There are basically no two manuscripts we have that say exactly the same things. Every single word in the best Greek texts has been laboriously chosen based on how many manuscripts attest that particular word versus others, and how old or authoritative those manuscripts are. And that’s before we even get into translation.
/bible nerd
Also, Julian of Norwich rules.
August 21, 2011 at 12:01 am
This thread is giving me a brain boner.
Also, the hair thing reminds me of my favourite part of the bible: the song of Solomon. To have hair like that of domesticated livestock was a high compliment back in the day.
Oh great, now I’m imagining Chaz Michael Michaels (“Blades of Glory”) reciting that passage. Jesus.
August 22, 2011 at 9:40 am
If you want a really good read try “Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal” by Christopher Moore. It’s hysterical, and fills in all the stuff that happened to Jesus between his childhood and savior part. Jesus gets exposed to lots of other religions, and may explain some stuff. Plus it’s funny as hell.
August 20, 2011 at 5:33 pm
Are you thinking of Revelations 1:14? Because that reads (from the KJV)
His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire;
Of course, if you take every description in Revelations literally, then there’d be seven-headed beasts running around. Also, “white like wool” could refer to age and wisdom and all that sort of thing. And the next verse reads:
And his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters.
There really isn’t a description of Jesus anywhere in the Bible.
August 20, 2011 at 5:38 pm
Thanks for the clarification! As I sai, it has been a few years since I last did a readthrough of the Bible.
And revelations has always seemed odd to me. And I’ve read experts who suggest it may have been added a lot later, and actually be coded talk about schisms that were going on during the time of writing. It was a very interesting theory.
My Mum#s a historian, and by necessity it requires a fair knowledge of Biblical history. It;’ an interest that’s stayed with me.
August 20, 2011 at 5:47 pm
Gah. I’m losing control of my typing hands. It’s quarter to 2 in the morning, and while I am always interesting in learning more about the relgions of the world, and talking about my own nerdy fascination with historical texts, I should go get some sleep before I stop being able to see.
August 20, 2011 at 6:38 pm
white hair and red eyes? Jesus was an albino.
August 20, 2011 at 6:38 pm
“His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire”
White hair. Reddish eyes. Sounds like Jesus was an albino. Or possibly a rat.
August 20, 2011 at 6:38 pm
JINX Dogbreath!
August 20, 2011 at 6:58 pm
ah, but you added the rat which is an important consideration. Jesus = shapeshifter?
August 21, 2011 at 6:33 am
Jesus looked like Edgar Winter? Holy shitsnacks. Now I want to hear “Frankenstein” on a church organ.
August 20, 2011 at 6:41 pm
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August 20, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Well now that we are all up on our bible studies, somebody should start praying for poor Helen. I see she’s still suffering from giant Jesus fingers and that terrible manicure.
August 20, 2011 at 6:39 pm
Pfff, you don’t think good, Christian white people are going to follow some brown dude, do you? It’s a miracle they don’t demand he cut his hippie hair.
August 20, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Imagine the shit the Tea Partyers would say about him if he were running for President!
August 20, 2011 at 7:40 pm
“HEY-ZOOS? Sounds like some kind of anchor baby name if you ask me!” *shoots into the sky, complains about welfare*
August 20, 2011 at 8:05 pm
@dinosaurland i cant fucking breathe. “shoots into the sky” im practically crying. thats my dad you described. yee haw! thats it regretsy has finally killed me. laughed to death.
August 20, 2011 at 7:49 pm
I read that as “nipple hair”
August 20, 2011 at 8:12 pm
True story: My hometown had street preachers who liked to hang out where all the kids were and tell us how we were going to hell and all the myriad reasons. They told one dude he should cut his hair to be more like Jesus. I had brought my cousin out with me that day so “sinfully long” hair turned into a family joke for awhile.
August 20, 2011 at 6:46 pm
According to Kris Kristofferson:
Jesus was a Capricorn;
He ate organic food.
He believed in love and peace
And never wore no shoes.
Long hair, beard, and sandals
And a funky bunch of friends —
Reckon they’d just nail him up
If he came down again.
August 20, 2011 at 9:32 pm
Actually, Jesus-in-my-head looks an awful lot like Kris Kristofferson!
Sort of Blade-era Kris. And singing ‘Why Me Lord.’
August 20, 2011 at 7:57 pm
My sister-in-law was the model for a sculpture of Jesus which is presently in Philadelphia. Can’t say it looks much like her, though.
August 20, 2011 at 11:22 pm
Jesus was many things. But if He were here today, I don’t think he’d be a hardcore Republican. Which is fairly ironic, given the callouses they have from thumping the Bible.
.
I don’t think he’d make it through the airport too easily either.
August 21, 2011 at 10:27 am
I don’t know — he already has his shoes off.
August 22, 2011 at 11:11 am
Uh he looks black and white to me in the pic.
August 20, 2011 at 4:34 pm
First time this was posted, I just about died at the pic of HK and the fat guy XD
August 20, 2011 at 4:44 pm
She really raises the level of the room, doesn’t she?
August 20, 2011 at 4:36 pm
It would be cheaper just to find a pleasantly stoned beach bum & get your photo taken with him. At least there would be a possibility of him sharing his water into wine.
August 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm
It’s CHEESUS!
http://youtu.be/ggTLpk0bAY4
August 20, 2011 at 5:14 pm
Nah…this is Cheesus…
August 20, 2011 at 4:49 pm
To be fair, that person is a very good artist. He probably had plenty of time to perfect his art in prison.
August 20, 2011 at 5:15 pm
I don’t know, there’s a dearth of muscles and boobs.
August 20, 2011 at 6:44 pm
@silverdae:
I too am a bit strapped(wish I was strapped for another reason, one we wont divulge into at the moment) for cash. So I too, will hold the collection plate with you.
August 20, 2011 at 6:44 pm
Hm, this was supposed to be down THAR!
August 21, 2011 at 10:05 am
Actually, marikoWTF isn’t far off… you can make good money/trades in prison if you can draw realistic portraits of other inmates’ loved ones, so the ones who can draw a little and are smart will work to be able to do stuff a lot like this entry.
If you can draw in prison you can also do tattoos, but that’s riskier for a whole bunch of reasons.
/former prison art teacher
August 21, 2011 at 7:53 pm
well I know a lot of people in prison. er… I mean. I guessed. yeah, guessed.
August 20, 2011 at 4:52 pm
I wonder if they’ll draw any person or creature with Jesus. Personally, I wold love to see a picture of Jesus hanging out with Cthulhu. Steam punk mustache octopus optional.
August 20, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Id personally like to see him with the Easter bunny. Wouldnt that be an awkward conversation piece.
August 20, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Might as well throw in Santa Claus and make it a trinity of awkwardness, lol.
August 20, 2011 at 4:59 pm
But can we get the buddy Cheezus?
August 20, 2011 at 5:01 pm
I logged in to say that I hope someone… anyone… could PLEASE request this. I really want this (so bad I can taste it.. oh wait, that’s beer- same thing I guess). We’ve got to organize a collective to make this happen. If I had the money to spare, I would do it, but I’m just to strapped right now. Anyone? Anyone??
August 20, 2011 at 7:55 pm
I want a picture of me with April. How much would that be?
August 20, 2011 at 8:36 pm
That would rock!
August 20, 2011 at 9:11 pm
I think THAT should be available on Fiverr.
August 20, 2011 at 9:04 pm
I want to see Jesus with Muhammed.
Bet they’d charge more for that.
August 21, 2011 at 11:37 am
Would it be a la Tosh/Cena?
August 20, 2011 at 9:34 pm
I would love a picture of ME hanging out with Cthulhu!
(you might appreciate this…I’m the only lady in the two fantasy football leagues at work, and my teams are The Miskatonic Menace and The Arkham Attack.)
August 21, 2011 at 11:41 am
A friend of mine has a Cthulu-themed fantasy football team as well. He was upset at the limited helmet logos.
August 21, 2011 at 1:09 am
this is for silverdae, who wanted EB+JC+SC.
i dont have that & i am, sadly, too swamped w/ work to make it.
i do have the Easter Bunny & the Head of John the Baptist.
so here you go:
August 21, 2011 at 10:38 am
Close enough. Now…a nice glass of wine.
I guess water could work. Yo, JC, gimme a hand with this water, man.
August 20, 2011 at 4:54 pm
I saw him on an episode of CSI and they were questioning him mercilessly: GRILLED CHEEZUS
August 20, 2011 at 4:58 pm
At least I’m confident he can render my double-chin convincingly.
August 20, 2011 at 5:02 pm
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August 20, 2011 at 5:04 pm
get over it.
August 20, 2011 at 5:26 pm
I agree – get over it. Its classy and less weird than Victorian mourning jewelery:
“Hair art became popular in the Victorian age. What started as a simple way to keep a loved one near became an elaborate art practiced by many. Taking a lock of the deceased persons’ hair and weaving it into knot designs for use in a brooch was the most popular form of Victorian mourning jewelry. Rings, bracelets, earrings, watch fobs and necklaces all became quite common in the later portion of the century. Today this art is prized by collectors and family historians alike. “
August 20, 2011 at 5:38 pm
I don’t know. I have a ring with a lock of hair from my great great grandmother that’s been passed down to me, and I’m rather fond of it. I agree it can be seen as weird or morbid, but I like having the physical reminder of the past. I also have small locks of mane from two horses I’ve had that died. I keep them with their pictures.
When you start saving fingernail clippings and organs, then it might become a concern.
August 20, 2011 at 7:49 pm
Don’t forget Judith Klausner and her beautiful fingernail flowers.
August 20, 2011 at 6:39 pm
Really?!?! What could you possibly be offended by? Making fun of an artist? Making fun of Jesus? Making fun of cheese? You have to be more specific than that!
August 20, 2011 at 6:44 pm
I’ll be optimistic and assume you were being sarcastic
Which typically doesn’t translate well into text.
August 20, 2011 at 7:35 pm
Did you misspell offensive?
August 20, 2011 at 10:28 pm
Well, if you want to be offended, you have come to the right place.
August 22, 2011 at 12:12 am
I am offended that you are offended! *wanders a few posts over, grabs HK’s shiny new hat and uses it to slap outworldarts* I demand satisfaction!
August 22, 2011 at 12:19 am
Crazy yinzer.
August 24, 2011 at 5:56 pm
Aaand I’m out of thumbs.
August 20, 2011 at 5:03 pm
Bereaved (and spectacularly tacky) people sometimes have pictures of their deceased loved ones drawn like this, as a sort of memento mori.
Short version: Fat guy probably dead.
August 20, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Does this mean I can get drawings of ALL my departed family members with April? Be still my heart!
August 20, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Oooh, I’m going to go for having my departed pets drawn with April! Much better than having their ashes made into jewelry.
August 20, 2011 at 7:54 pm
You can also get their cremains made into diamonds.
August 21, 2011 at 11:44 am
The real family jewels.
August 20, 2011 at 6:40 pm
NO! He looks so nice. Why, Susie? WHY?
August 20, 2011 at 7:01 pm
My Christian parents claimed that, when they die, they become perfect. (My dad would know, but he ain’t talkin’.)
So…if fat guy dead, why he still fat?
Is fat perfect?
Hope so.
August 20, 2011 at 7:25 pm
So his loved ones can recognize him. The drawing is based on a random photo his folks had, not some afterlife polaroid. Although Afterlife Polaroid would be an excellent name for a band.
Not Zydeco, though, cause I don’t even want to THINK about being stuck with that in another life. Maybe it’s what we’ll be listening to in Hell, though. So what I’m saying is pack anti-zydeco spray in your handbasket.
August 20, 2011 at 11:15 pm
I dunno, I think “Zydeco Afterlife” is a pretty awesome band name. Preferably not for a Zydeco band, though.
August 20, 2011 at 7:41 pm
Was that a haiku? I think part of that might have been a haiku.
August 21, 2011 at 2:27 am
Is Loku.
August 20, 2011 at 8:05 pm
The bereaved also take photos of the deceased IN their coffins. As a teen working as a florist apprentist, a customer whipped out a photo of her dead husband to show me the coffin spray. She wanted a duplicate spray for another family member.
People hold on in every way they can! It has made me make strong provisions for deathly makeup!
August 20, 2011 at 9:14 pm
I actually inherited a box of photos from my grandpa’s younger days around the time of WWII, including his pictures with his first wife. They include pictures of his wife in her coffin (she died of breast cancer). It was a little strange to come across them, but it isn’t unheard of. I took a picture of grandma in her coffin (though I waited for my family to leave the room first) because I thought someday I might want to see it again.
August 20, 2011 at 9:07 pm
We need Level 4 Cat with Jesus.
August 20, 2011 at 11:17 pm
Level 4 Jesus.
August 20, 2011 at 5:05 pm
He looks nothing like the guy who mows my lawn.
August 20, 2011 at 5:42 pm
This made me laugh even harder than the original post. Kudos.
August 20, 2011 at 6:46 pm
Beer shot from my nose. And then I poured one out for ol’ Heyzues…
August 20, 2011 at 5:06 pm
My pastor once had me do a PowerPoint of numerous different depictions of Jesus, including “groovy Jesus.” Too bad this wasn’t available at the time, because Jesus looks really blissed-out.
Jesus Christ, Supercraft.
August 20, 2011 at 5:23 pm
where is Aaron with that link to the Family Guy “bag of weed” song?
August 20, 2011 at 8:43 pm
Groovy Jesus? How about Buddy Christ?
August 20, 2011 at 5:47 pm
JC Super Baked!~!~!~
All the world is Jesus’ home so all bud he smokes is homegrown!!
August 20, 2011 at 5:09 pm
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August 20, 2011 at 7:14 pm
jviduar, your little avatar just matches that.
August 20, 2011 at 5:11 pm
I would be a LOT more excited if Jesus had his arm around me.
August 20, 2011 at 5:13 pm
You’re talking about a fit man called Jesus (HEY-sus), aren’t you.
August 20, 2011 at 5:47 pm
Christian side hug would be required…
August 24, 2011 at 6:00 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_Oj0-splZw
August 20, 2011 at 5:13 pm
Why is Aragorn arm hugging Vern from Stand By Me?
August 20, 2011 at 5:19 pm
I want a picture of Jesus and the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
August 20, 2011 at 8:30 pm
August 20, 2011 at 10:15 pm
I think I love you.
August 21, 2011 at 7:49 am
Thank you for making this happen within your artistic abilities. I think I’m going to make this my background.
August 20, 2011 at 8:45 pm
I had a post mentioning the FSM and another deity ( can’t even remember which one now) but it seems to have vanished…
August 20, 2011 at 11:00 pm
CTHULHU!!
That was the one I couldn’t remember…
How can you forget a face like that?
August 22, 2011 at 12:20 am
Usually the madness causes you to forget that sort of thing every so often. Honestly it is a small mercy.
August 20, 2011 at 10:23 pm
Your wish has been granted! Regretsy, where all of your dreams come true. <3
August 21, 2011 at 11:46 am
… and are then raped.
August 20, 2011 at 5:24 pm
wonder if he’d do one with jesus wearing a smelled-a-fart expression, with rick santorum?
August 20, 2011 at 10:28 pm
Jesus with a Frothy Mix?
August 20, 2011 at 5:51 pm
Can’t knock the artist’s ability.
J rocking a Mona Lisa smile.
August 20, 2011 at 5:58 pm
I know, right? We do have to acknowledge that that artist is very talented. Yes, we all love to mock all of those people who have faith because, c’mon…. Seriously? But yeah! That person has mad skillz, yo!
August 20, 2011 at 6:35 pm
I have to admit that it’s cheesy as all hell, but…Honestly? There are worse ways to remember your loved ones. The artist is quite talented and I can easily think of several people I know who might buy one in the right circumstances.
…Confession time? I really kind of like the idea.
August 21, 2011 at 11:52 am
It’s better than a decal on the back of the car…
August 20, 2011 at 6:42 pm
I am going to buy one. I will make copies of it and staple it to my resumé in lieu of a cover letter. Being BFF with Jesus Christ is basically an auto-hire.
August 20, 2011 at 6:45 pm
I totally want a picture of myself hangin’ with Michele Bachmann’s secret stoner brother.
August 20, 2011 at 6:46 pm
Nice drawing, but who’s the hippie with Larry Flynt?
August 20, 2011 at 6:47 pm
When I saw this post I immediately thought of this;
http://www.bored-to-death.com/31986/Jesus-Being-a-Jerk
August 20, 2011 at 9:27 pm
Wow. I laughed at this harder then I laughed at the op!
I’m saving that shit!
August 21, 2011 at 11:55 am
I don’t know what was funnier… the pictures or the Christian Singles ad at the bottom.
August 24, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Plentyoffish, wat?
August 20, 2011 at 6:52 pm
My slightly communist father likes to call Jesus the original communist.
August 20, 2011 at 7:28 pm
Does he slightly kill people?
August 20, 2011 at 8:35 pm
mine did, tho it wasnt cos of communism, nor was he precisely slightly.
August 20, 2011 at 7:57 pm
My recently baptized adult son likes to call Jesus his zombie savior.
August 20, 2011 at 7:17 pm
August 20, 2011 at 7:28 pm
Jesus is my flouncin’ homeboy!
August 20, 2011 at 8:09 pm
I didn’t know Eric Cartman found religion when he got older.
August 20, 2011 at 8:17 pm
August 20, 2011 at 8:22 pm
You know what though? This is pretty goddamn good as far as portraits go. The artist sort of spaced out below the necks but those faces are choice.
August 20, 2011 at 9:10 pm
I guess a picture of Jesus and Mohammed would be out of the question.
August 20, 2011 at 9:17 pm
This is a lot better than the “photoshop your dead pet” memorials, yo. The hokey-ness to a lot of us is the Jesus part, but it takes work to be able to do well with faces like that – I definitely can’t do it!
August 20, 2011 at 9:41 pm
The hilarious thing for me is that the guy chillin’ with Jesus looks almost exactly like my friend’s son…and they are very religious.
Helen (Ellen), she would be SO upset if she knew her son was hanging out in a portrait with you! You know, once I explained to her who you are.
August 20, 2011 at 9:43 pm
August 21, 2011 at 9:31 pm
Imagine his disappointment when he discovers the coffin is NOT bigger on the inside.
August 22, 2011 at 1:10 am
And now I die of squee.
August 20, 2011 at 10:27 pm
Screw Church, Sunday Sippers with the man himself!
August 20, 2011 at 11:03 pm
August 21, 2011 at 11:57 am
I love the fact that it looks like Jesus is giving Spock the Vulcan neck pinch.
August 21, 2011 at 5:11 am
Quite apart from the entire concept, has anyone noticed that the drawn Jesus’ eyes are… um… well, the Holy One is slightly cross-eyed. Ick.
August 21, 2011 at 6:50 am
August 21, 2011 at 10:41 am
Taaaaake on me. Take me on!
August 21, 2011 at 7:51 am
I’d like to add that I’m pretty sure the chubby dude is the same one from the Fiverr thread that lets you get drawn in an awkward situation with a fat guy wearing tube socks. Just need a full body shot to confirm my suspicions.
August 21, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Ooooh – I’ve been wondering when this would come back around!
I decided that my boyfriend REALLY needed one of these for Christmas, but alas, I didn’t have the $97 for an original. But sometimes those who are poor in dollars are rich in Photoshoppiness (my new word of the day), so I made this little number. As you can see, I had to flip Jesus around to make it work with the pic I had of my boyfriend.
So far, it’s been framed for his nightstand, made into a custom mug and is out there somewhere on Facebook. If I ever do get some major money, you folks will have to come to Indy and see my custom billboard. Or hell, maybe I’ll just Photoshop one.