Teege’s School of Delsarte
August 9, 2011 at 6:06 pm
Damn, Dallitude, either I know you or we’ve just crossed paths in the strangest ways. We have Detroit, Chicago and Minneapolis all in common. And my guy lived in Texas for a while and hated it too.
I know they say that woman behind her has been identified, but I swear it’s my mother’s crabby old neighbor. Who was probably 85 back when that scene was filmed.
I admit, that DOES evoke in me an immediate need to contact the poster. I mean, I have never once said no to a guy who propositioned me with the phrase “Let us frolic.” But the acknowledgment that “it’s not like I’m a freakin’ architect or anything” betrays a dearth of the confidence conveyed by the assurance that I will be subjected to a quiz to assess my level of badass-ity. That’s just hot.
It is difficult to argue with one who is confirmed as being allowed to have sleep overs for truly that expands the myriad of possibilities that can be had with such a fort.
I wish I had an awesome living room fort and coke/porn table of badass-ity.
I am so relieved that they tested the table for weird splotches. I guess that means that its potential application for porno-shooting has not yet been tested.
Although the stems would stick in the carpet like velcro, but yeah, YOU have just given me the best advertising possible… picturing how cool I would be, picking the sticks and stones out of my bag onto THAT bad-ass coffee table. WANT.
Solipsy: thank you. Yeah I fucked up in the past and did stupid shit, (We all got to learn from our mistakes.) At the same time if you gotta have a bachelor pad coffee table that you can sort your weed on, this would rock.
When you check Preview (that is, CHECK Preview) and you notice a mistake (you don’t always see it until it’s up on the site), highlight and copy your post, hit Refresh, and go back to where you wanted to make the post/reply and open the window and hit Paste and fix the problem. There may be an easier way to do it, but if I were better at copying and pasting I’d be an Etsy reseller.
@Aroseisarose: THAT’S what “Hide Preview” does? I was afraid it would permanently remove my preview option–what may have befallen Teege’s School of Delsart.
Thank you SO much for the help…and you’ve been SO helpful, but now… *scuffling foot, embarrassed*…could you tell me how you got the superscript TM?
@Teege’s School of Delsarte, I’m sorry! We weren’t ignoring you. (Well, we sorta were, but it was more passive than active ignorance. Wait, that didn’t come out right.)
I hate, HATE, to sound like our IT department, but have you tried rebooting?? Not the rebooting that Sam wanted to do to his computer on “Cheers” (a baseball bat was involved). I, sorry. I have way too many television references to fall back on in my life. Now I want a bowl of Life cereal and the supermarket is closed. Damn it!
Teege’s School of Delsarte
August 9, 2011 at 9:52 pm
Thanks, Mugsy. I wasn’t really upset, just quoting from The Room, the greatest movie ever made. Anyway, I lost the Preview option weeks ago, I think just after I updated Internet Explorer. Hmmm…
@MarzyKitty, I was gifted with the monocle when I signed up for an account–it was nothing more than happenstance…or destiny, who’s to say? In any case, I don’t have Photoshop (or any other progam that requires skills) and I think you’re female, but I’m not sure about your cat’s gender, so if your cat’s a sweet fluffy girl: http://tinyurl.com/5lyhhp and if that big cuddlefluff is a boy: http://tinyurl.com/445t7ws
I love me some Mexican coke. That shit is cut with real sugar. Though I know what you mean about the fizz. I usually leave one open for a day or so before I snort it. Helps cut down on the bubbles.
Proofreading? Is proofreading a sense? Or even dictionary or grammar sense? Oh, oh! I have it! Common Sense! The sense that invaderhorizongreen is sadly lacking is common sense. Poor thing.
of COURSE people will battle it out for this table! Although I’m less prone to use the “badass quiz” method and prefer my trials to involve kiddie pools filled with jell-o.
Maybe it is a short quiz with only one question:
Will you battle to the death (or climax) in a kiddie pool filled with jell-o any and all competitors for this table?
Well, it *does* have that sweet rippley pattern and faux-gold trim…
That said, this table looks like the centerpiece of Kip and Lafawnduh Dynamite’s sunken living room.
Bullfighters…or ELVIS dressed as a bullfighter? Hmm? THAT would be awesomeness equal to THIS awesomeness. I think. But I’m kinda guessing here. I’m not bad-ass enough to deserve this table.
My grandparents had velvet bullfighters in the den, and velvet ships on a storm-tossed sea in the Living Room. Those sets of paintings will forever be my standard for poor taste in home decor.
They probably wouldn’t have hung a velvet Elvis. Maybe a Dean Martin.
I’m lucky that the worst my parents had were some prints of masterpieces that were sold for some ridiculously low price by a local supermarket in the 1960s. They came with their own frame. To this day I can’t look at “Blue Boy” or a Rembrandt portrait of a conquistador without groaning and turning red with embarrassment.
My family is only half Italian…but I had a friend whose both parents were Italian and THEY had what had to be the most awful/awesome artwork in the living room: A huge electrified framed print of an Italian landscape with a waterfall and gurgling river…that had little lights that reproduced rippling water. It may have made gurgling sounds, too, but I don’t recall. I could stare at that thing for hours, mesmerized, and I swear I never did any drugs. Who needed ‘em?
What the fuck is wrong with all of you who don’t have a framed photo of Betty White? I mean, seriously. I bet you don’t have Bea Arthur’s Broadway album either, do you? Losers.
It’s one of the few lines I won’t cross. They give me flashbacks to elementary lunches. Those and the individual cups of Denty Moore Beef Stew. You mention to your mom that they’re not too bad and they’re all you get for school lunch for the next three years. I’ve been out of high school for a decade and I still can’t look at ANY beef stew. I’m ok with all non-Boyardee ravioli though.
Yes! SO much better than the Chewbacca Christmas Show. That sucked. Except for the part where they roasted Ewoks on an open fire. Really put in the Christmas spirit.
OMG, yes! Plus you get bonus points, because… Star Wars AND holiday? I say that’s worth at least as much as this coffee table. No ravioli even required.
Just picture Mike idly laying on that coffee table, the towel oh-so-slightly askew, an octopus necklace dangling from his biceps; all while Ace sits beside him á la Rodin’s Thinker, his black belt wrapped…somewhere, whilst casually licking a spoonful of Nutella.
Regular or Mini? I have both. I want to know where you can get 4 cans for 17 cents. (I think this coffee(!) table must have come from the Jungle Room at Graceland.)
I actually have a framed photo of Betty White in the shop now. If the Mommie Dearest one hadn’t just sold, it might have been a good substitute for the 4 cans of beef ravioli. Shit.
I would gladly pick up a coke habit for that table! The hubby would be pissed if I brought that home until he realized IT SPINS!!! Then he would think me a goddess of badassery.
THIS is why I fucking love living in Minnesota. Now I want that table and I have no use for it at all. But I want it anyway.
Also, this sounds like a guy I know from college. He sent out a campus wide email asking to borrow a car in exchange for seven apples, two sandwiches, and a pair of ladies boots.
GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKER! why does it have to be so far away!! I would straight up do me some Coke on that thing.. and drag it to Burning Man too. DAMN IT!!
What is WRONG with you people? Can’t you tell this ad was placed by evil evil people trying to lure you young folks into prostitution and you old folks into cocaine or okra addiction? RUN THE OTHER WAY!!!
Meanwhile, do not worry if you don’t hear from me for a bit. I will be gone for awhile going to pick up some furniture in the North country.
Doesn’t shooting porn films and cocaine go hand in hand? It is epic… but is it epic enough to part with my framed photo of Betty White AND my Beef Ravioli?
“Doesn’t have any weird splotches under black lights”
This can also mean that there may be splotches, but have been identified. It just doesn’t have any splotches that have no identifiable origin, which would make them weird.
You gotta ask yourself one thing, and be honest, cause this is some serious shit up in here.
Do my friends have the badassity required to own this piece of furniture?
Princess Bohemia Strapless
August 9, 2011 at 8:03 pm
Ouch-your corners hurt me and my monocle is askew! Thanks for the hug! And the velvet validation. I forgot to mention it is rust in color. I got it for only $10, i think the guy felt sorry for me ’cause I already had the matching chair.
I don’t live in Minneapolis.
I probably have ravioli.
I’m sure i could rake up the cash.
And while I don’t have a framed picture of Betty White, I do thank you for the Christmas gift idea for my sister.
I had to chime in (i’m usually the reader sitting in the corner w/ my vodka and just reading)… but when my newly hubs and I moved into our house, we were thinking of a security system for the house, as a graphic designer, I used this EXACT same picture of Chuck, printed it out in weather proof paper, and attached it to his 5th grade craft project of a barb-wire star, with hot glue, mind you, and it sits right above our doorbell. It has lasted 5 years and is still going strong!
Shit. And I just left my college apartment coffee table by the dumpster when I moved and didn’t feel like hauling it to another state. It had ornately “carved” “wood” doors with mothafucking gold, crushed velvet panels. Truly a thing of beauty, and a bargain for only $15 at Goodwill. Alas, Craigslist didn’t exist at the time (and now I feel old…)
I happened to Baby Jane
August 10, 2011 at 10:43 am
OK, I’m way late on this, but I have an autographed picture of Kitten Natividad from Beneath the Valley of the Ultra Vixens! The world premier was in Portland, before it got too hipsterish….
Now, how to get that table into my living room without my partner finding out. Hmmm.
I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud to live in Minneapolis than when I saw this ad. I live in the same town with one bad-ass mothertruckin’ table owner who can write their face off.
I have a friend who used to have a table like this, except it was purple with black/pink striped bits. She also had a matching L shaped couch and chase lounge thingy. Yeah, they were kinda awesome.
And the top of the coffee table spins. Or at least hers did. We used to use it to pass chips. Kinda like a massive lazy-susan.
OMG the Cat Hat is probably my favorite, but this post is so freakin funny. It reminds me of the lady on 60 Minutes though, who was collecting cat statuettes, had some 500 or so of them. They found out in the expose that some family in China was making them from real cats! Was really sad
August 9, 2011 at 4:32 pm
I have all of those things. I NEED THAT TABLE.
August 9, 2011 at 5:01 pm
I have six cans of ABC123′s and a crate of Spaghetti and Meatballs. FUCK YOU I WIN.
August 9, 2011 at 5:59 pm
I’ll trade you a holo Charizard for that framed photo of Betty White.
August 9, 2011 at 7:12 pm
I’ll totally beat you on that badass quiz. I have a framed personalized autographed photo of Betty White.
August 9, 2011 at 9:26 pm
Death match you for it
August 9, 2011 at 4:32 pm
I wish I lived in Minneapolis.
August 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm
I wanna go to Minneapolis just so I can throw my hat in the air.
August 9, 2011 at 4:46 pm
I have lived in Minneapolis, and done this. You get weird looks, just like Mary did.
August 9, 2011 at 6:06 pm
Damn, Dallitude, either I know you or we’ve just crossed paths in the strangest ways. We have Detroit, Chicago and Minneapolis all in common. And my guy lived in Texas for a while and hated it too.
August 9, 2011 at 7:11 pm
I know they say that woman behind her has been identified, but I swear it’s my mother’s crabby old neighbor. Who was probably 85 back when that scene was filmed.
August 9, 2011 at 5:56 pm
I thought you said “throw my cat in the air.”
August 9, 2011 at 6:20 pm
*goes to Minneapolis with a cat on my head*
August 9, 2011 at 9:16 pm
August 9, 2011 at 4:35 pm
I do live in Minneapolis…and boy an I tempted.
August 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Do it!! Do it!!
August 10, 2011 at 8:34 am
Yes, do it!! Dooooo eeeeeet! You know you’ll regresty it if you don’t!
August 9, 2011 at 5:13 pm
I will challenge you to an uncooked noodle contest for the rights to that table.
August 9, 2011 at 6:06 pm
PICS
August 10, 2011 at 6:42 am
People of Regretsy material, if I ever saw one.
August 9, 2011 at 6:29 pm
I used to work in the tall white building they feature in the credits! I wish I had worked with Mary and the gang!
August 9, 2011 at 7:13 pm
Have you eaten at Basil’s in the IDS Center? If you call ahead, you can have the same table where Mary sat with Grant Tinker.
August 9, 2011 at 7:33 pm
Sweet. I used to hang out in the IDS Center all the time.
August 9, 2011 at 7:36 pm
Wait! What the actual fuck! I am seriously overwhelmed with Mary Tyler Moore badass-ity! Mothertruckin’ spinin’ table be damned!
August 9, 2011 at 8:09 pm
I’m in St. Paul (OK, White Bear Lake) and I am too. Maybe we could work out joint custody.
August 9, 2011 at 9:39 pm
I used to work at the community theatre in White Bear Lake.
August 9, 2011 at 9:13 pm
Please.
August 9, 2011 at 7:19 pm
I am seriously tempted to drive there from San Jose.
August 9, 2011 at 4:32 pm
that is fucking awesome. one could have a huge coke party and everyone could have their own little segregated area for their own pile. just awesome
August 9, 2011 at 5:33 pm
But what if someone spins the table?
August 9, 2011 at 6:02 pm
Sharing. So long as they don’t spin it too fast.
August 9, 2011 at 6:03 pm
Spin it too fast, and SNOWSTORM!
August 9, 2011 at 10:36 pm
Ok, I’m down with the coke and all, but the ad also says something about porn? When are we getting to the porn making?
August 10, 2011 at 10:10 am
Or one big pile and everyone with their own straw (or rolled up $100 bill but I’m poor)
August 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm
Extra fee to disable the camera behind the mirror.
August 9, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Are you kidding? I’d pay extra for the camera to be included…
August 9, 2011 at 6:35 pm
Yeah, I mean, so long as I get rights to the feed…
August 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm
That is the single most badass motherfucking coffee table I have ever seen. Alas, I’m afraid I’m not badass enough to own it…my living room would cry.
August 9, 2011 at 4:45 pm
It is also the single most badass motherfucking advert ever posted on CraigsList.
August 9, 2011 at 4:51 pm
I don’t know, the blanket fort one (http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/291079504.html) is pretty cool.
August 9, 2011 at 4:58 pm
I admit, that DOES evoke in me an immediate need to contact the poster. I mean, I have never once said no to a guy who propositioned me with the phrase “Let us frolic.” But the acknowledgment that “it’s not like I’m a freakin’ architect or anything” betrays a dearth of the confidence conveyed by the assurance that I will be subjected to a quiz to assess my level of badass-ity. That’s just hot.
August 9, 2011 at 6:59 pm
Somehow I have gone my whole life without knowing there was a best of craigslist. Thank you for correcting that oversight.
August 9, 2011 at 10:51 pm
It is difficult to argue with one who is confirmed as being allowed to have sleep overs for truly that expands the myriad of possibilities that can be had with such a fort.
I wish I had an awesome living room fort and coke/porn table of badass-ity.
August 9, 2011 at 4:34 pm
If only I had a framed photo of Betty White. How about an autographed photo of Charles Grodin from Ishtar?
August 9, 2011 at 6:08 pm
I have an autographed photo of Marta Kristen in a silver jumpsuit!
August 9, 2011 at 6:14 pm
I have an autographed picture of Thelma from Good Times!
August 9, 2011 at 6:26 pm
I have an autographed picture of Pauly Shore from Encino Man. And I’m his friend on Facebook.
August 10, 2011 at 8:37 am
I have autographed pictures of Jeff Conway, Crystal Gale and Harry Gant. Oh, and one of some guy that used to be on some soap opera or other.
August 9, 2011 at 7:38 pm
Anything from Ishtar is worth negative money, I think. It’s not right but that’s the world.
August 9, 2011 at 9:24 pm
I could
getsteal an autographed photo of Lou Ferrigno from my nephew.August 9, 2011 at 10:52 pm
Liberate. The word you are looking for is liberate.
August 10, 2011 at 8:39 am
My favorite is creative acquisition.
August 9, 2011 at 9:47 pm
Wonder if this one would do?
August 9, 2011 at 4:34 pm
ahhhhh… memories.
August 9, 2011 at 4:34 pm
My friend sent this to my on Facebook. We live in Minneapolis. I’ve thought about asking to see the table just so I can take the quiz for “Badass-ity”
August 9, 2011 at 4:42 pm
DO it! and report back!
August 9, 2011 at 4:34 pm
This isn’t a coffee table; it’s a “GO GET YOUR OWN MOTHAFUCKIN COFFEE” table.
August 9, 2011 at 5:34 pm
Now I’m picturing Samuel L. Jackson with his feet propped up on this piece of fuckery!
August 9, 2011 at 5:58 pm
“I am tired of this muthertruckin’ Beef Ravioli on this muthertruckin’ table!”
August 9, 2011 at 6:04 pm
While he berates offending guests to say “what” again?
Hell to the muthafuckin’ yeah.
August 9, 2011 at 9:22 pm
ENGLISH muthafucka! DO. YOU. SPEAK. IT?
August 9, 2011 at 6:27 pm
That IS a tasty table!
August 9, 2011 at 6:13 pm
I am so SICK and TIRED of these muthufuckin STAINS on this muthufuckin COFEE TABLE.
August 10, 2011 at 6:45 am
I am relieved that this one doesn’t have any, even under black-lights. The last pornstars to own this must have been very hygienic.
August 9, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Wow, that’s cheap! I’d have gladly tossed in a mis-matched set of chopsticks to eat the ravioli with!
August 9, 2011 at 4:34 pm
I am so relieved that they tested the table for weird splotches. I guess that means that its potential application for porno-shooting has not yet been tested.
August 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm
I just assumed that line was sarcasm and the table is actually COVERED in come.
August 9, 2011 at 11:08 pm
Honestly, the whole thing glows solidly under black light so it is technically free of splotches. Technically.
August 9, 2011 at 5:21 pm
My thoughts exactly.
For the money and random items needed to acquire this table, I don’t think this table could hold more than 60 lbs.
August 10, 2011 at 8:17 am
OF COKE??!?!?!?!? That’s fucking awesome!
August 9, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Damn! I don’t have that framed photo of Betty White! If only I did so I can have this table!!!!
August 9, 2011 at 5:10 pm
Walgreens has 1 hour photo and picture frames.
August 9, 2011 at 5:36 pm
I have a printer. He made no specifications as to quality.
August 10, 2011 at 8:18 am
And, to be tecnical…he didn’t say the ACTRESS Betty White…just sayin’…
August 9, 2011 at 4:35 pm
they don’t make them like they used to, thats for sure.
August 9, 2011 at 4:35 pm
I would buy this if I was in Minneapolis.
August 9, 2011 at 4:36 pm
That is the best fucking ad in the world. I sent it on to my rad grandparents who live in Minneapolis.
August 9, 2011 at 4:36 pm
my coke WOULD look great on that table, and no worries fella, i can supply the blacklight glow
August 9, 2011 at 5:18 pm
I’m sure it’s just cat pee…
August 9, 2011 at 8:30 pm
I see a little bird.
August 10, 2011 at 10:48 am
I see the Loch Ness Monster
August 10, 2011 at 11:37 pm
I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees Nessy.
August 9, 2011 at 5:34 pm
I quit doing coke and meth a few years back. But I can definitely see myself sorting the stems and seeds from my weed on this.
August 9, 2011 at 6:13 pm
Although the stems would stick in the carpet like velcro, but yeah, YOU have just given me the best advertising possible… picturing how cool I would be, picking the sticks and stones out of my bag onto THAT bad-ass coffee table. WANT.
August 9, 2011 at 6:55 pm
Solipsy: thank you. Yeah I fucked up in the past and did stupid shit, (We all got to learn from our mistakes.) At the same time if you gotta have a bachelor pad coffee table that you can sort your weed on, this would rock.
August 9, 2011 at 4:36 pm
I’m busy trying to figure out where I can get a framed photo of Betty White, and how fast I can get it signed.
August 9, 2011 at 5:30 pm
Signed is not required. though it may put you in the front running.
August 9, 2011 at 4:36 pm
This table belongs in Aladin’s sex lair.
August 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm
My spelling error shames me. I know there are two d’s in Aladdin, but I do not know how to delete my own comments!!
August 9, 2011 at 4:52 pm
When you check Preview (that is, CHECK Preview) and you notice a mistake (you don’t always see it until it’s up on the site), highlight and copy your post, hit Refresh, and go back to where you wanted to make the post/reply and open the window and hit Paste and fix the problem. There may be an easier way to do it, but if I were better at copying and pasting I’d be an Etsy reseller.
August 9, 2011 at 5:09 pm
There is an option called “Hide Preview”; that will take you back to where you can edit, and then post when you’re ready, without starting over.
“Mugsy Doodle™: Works hard, so you don’t have to!”
August 9, 2011 at 6:17 pm
Guys, seriously, I’m sorry to be a downer, but my preview option has disappeared from the page! It’s tearing me apart!! WHY, LISA, WHY???
August 9, 2011 at 6:54 pm
@Aroseisarose: THAT’S what “Hide Preview” does? I was afraid it would permanently remove my preview option–what may have befallen Teege’s School of Delsart.
Thank you SO much for the help…and you’ve been SO helpful, but now… *scuffling foot, embarrassed*…could you tell me how you got the superscript TM?
August 9, 2011 at 7:12 pm
@Mugsy: Kopyinandpastin, of course!
August 9, 2011 at 7:16 pm
@Aroseisarose: OK, I’ve copied from your posting and now I’m going to hit Paste and see what happens…Mugsy Doodle™
OMG it worked! It worked!!! You have no idea how happy this has made me. It doesn’t take much to make me happy. *skips off, giggling*
August 9, 2011 at 7:37 pm
I’m glad you’re happy but I still have no Preview option. Sigh.
Everybody betray me. I’m fed up with this wurll!
August 9, 2011 at 7:38 pm
Woohoo, Mugsy™!
August 9, 2011 at 7:47 pm
@Teege’s School of Delsarte, I’m sorry! We weren’t ignoring you. (Well, we sorta were, but it was more passive than active ignorance. Wait, that didn’t come out right.)
I hate, HATE, to sound like our IT department, but have you tried rebooting?? Not the rebooting that Sam wanted to do to his computer on “Cheers” (a baseball bat was involved). I, sorry. I have way too many television references to fall back on in my life. Now I want a bowl of Life cereal and the supermarket is closed. Damn it!
August 9, 2011 at 9:52 pm
Thanks, Mugsy. I wasn’t really upset, just quoting from The Room, the greatest movie ever made. Anyway, I lost the Preview option weeks ago, I think just after I updated Internet Explorer. Hmmm…
August 9, 2011 at 11:15 pm
Well there is your problem*. IE is teh debil. I recommend you switch to Google Chrome or Firefox instead. Much better than internet explorer.
http://www.google.com/chrome/
http://www.mozilla.com/en-US/firefox/fx/
Also, I thumbed up all your comments solely for The Room references. “I did not hit her. I did not. I did not. Oh, hello Mark.”
*may or may not actually be your problem.
August 9, 2011 at 5:41 pm
Your username makes up for the error.
August 9, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Indeedillydoodily, neighbor!
August 9, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Must-snort-coke-from Taaaaaaaaaaable!
August 9, 2011 at 4:44 pm
I used to snort Coke, but the fizz made my sinuses hurt
August 9, 2011 at 4:55 pm
We monocled Regretsians have a “Really? I never used—wait, what?” effect on others. I love our sense of humor.
August 9, 2011 at 5:15 pm
Man, I wish my cat had a monocle now.
August 9, 2011 at 7:01 pm
@MarzyKitty, I was gifted with the monocle when I signed up for an account–it was nothing more than happenstance…or destiny, who’s to say? In any case, I don’t have Photoshop (or any other progam that requires skills) and I think you’re female, but I’m not sure about your cat’s gender, so if your cat’s a sweet fluffy girl: http://tinyurl.com/5lyhhp and if that big cuddlefluff is a boy: http://tinyurl.com/445t7ws
August 9, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Definitely destiny.
August 9, 2011 at 6:32 pm
I hear pop-rocks will help your sinuses.
August 9, 2011 at 11:19 pm
I love me some Mexican coke. That shit is cut with real sugar. Though I know what you mean about the fizz. I usually leave one open for a day or so before I snort it. Helps cut down on the bubbles.
August 9, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 9, 2011 at 5:30 pm
you are clearly not blind, congrats!
August 9, 2011 at 5:34 pm
I dunno… I was thinking it was most likely salvaged from Donald Trump’s first bachelor pad.
August 9, 2011 at 4:37 pm
I think I need to view it in a room. Oh…wait.. I AM viewing it in a room.
August 9, 2011 at 4:37 pm
I just want to meet the poster, by their work here, I’m positive they kick ass!
August 9, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Goes perfectly with your vagina couch.
August 9, 2011 at 6:36 pm
With penis throw pillows.
August 10, 2011 at 6:48 am
I only have the anal-sex education pillows in MY living room. Clearly, this ups my badass-ity.
August 9, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Looking for a Christmas present for the coke head in your life that has it all….then look no farther…..
August 10, 2011 at 6:49 am
Is this kind of like the guy in Nurse Jackie who helps you hit rock-bottom, only in a table-form?
August 9, 2011 at 4:39 pm
I found this on my local craigslist, too. I don’t live anywhere near Minneapolis.
August 10, 2011 at 6:51 am
Post the link, in case anyone wants to weasel out of the the badass quiz.
August 9, 2011 at 4:39 pm
This coffee table should be in Samuel L. Jacksons living room.
August 9, 2011 at 7:25 pm
That’s the table where his daughter filmed her porno flick. I knew it looked familiar.
August 10, 2011 at 10:36 am
Um, that would be Lawrence Fishburne.
August 10, 2011 at 11:52 am
OMFG. I am so sorry. Read something and half-remembered. I deserve thumbs down for this.
August 9, 2011 at 9:51 pm
Or on the original Star Trek, surrounded by green alien women in togas.
August 9, 2011 at 4:39 pm
It spins? IT SPINS? IT SPINNNNNS? This is OOAK! What a deal!
August 9, 2011 at 4:41 pm
God how I would love to see the pit group that went with in a nice sunken living room.
August 9, 2011 at 4:41 pm
I ain’t parting with my Betty White framed glamour shot for nobody. Badass table be damned!
August 9, 2011 at 7:21 pm
<img src="http://cdn.wg.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/nine-of-hearts.jpg"
August 9, 2011 at 7:22 pm
August 9, 2011 at 7:40 pm
Whaaaa?
August 9, 2011 at 7:48 pm
Um, is that Betty White?
August 10, 2011 at 3:59 am
She wasn’t born old, you know.
August 9, 2011 at 4:41 pm
I would love to get this thing, but I’m pretty sure I couldn’t pass that test …
August 9, 2011 at 4:41 pm
They could easily paste some gears on that shit and sell it for quadruple the price on Etsy.
August 9, 2011 at 4:43 pm
you’d need an octopus and/or bird as well.
August 9, 2011 at 4:42 pm
We should buy this table and have Dror to dance on it. it would be more than a fiver, but worth it.
August 9, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Spinning mirrored Dror…damn.
August 9, 2011 at 5:45 pm
That’s my new expression of surprise: “Spinning mirrored Dror!”
August 9, 2011 at 5:15 pm
My head asplode.
August 9, 2011 at 6:59 pm
My PANTS asplode. Give him extra to dance in his Disney underwear.
August 9, 2011 at 5:25 pm
The shipping costs to Israel alone … of course I could always bring him here … Hmmmm possibilities
August 9, 2011 at 11:21 pm
First can we have Towel Mike stand on it….Oh…no reason…I just thought it would look nice…..
August 9, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
August 9, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Sense: the physiological capacities within organisms that provide inputs for perception.
Which sense would you be talking about?
August 9, 2011 at 7:24 pm
I’m thinking “balance.”
August 9, 2011 at 11:23 pm
Proofreading? Is proofreading a sense? Or even dictionary or grammar sense? Oh, oh! I have it! Common Sense! The sense that invaderhorizongreen is sadly lacking is common sense. Poor thing.
August 10, 2011 at 7:09 pm
Common Sense! The least common of all of the sinces. <- Note my ironic use of since instead of sense. I'm so edgy.
August 9, 2011 at 5:52 pm
Whaaaaahh?
August 9, 2011 at 6:20 pm
of COURSE people will battle it out for this table! Although I’m less prone to use the “badass quiz” method and prefer my trials to involve kiddie pools filled with jell-o.
August 9, 2011 at 11:25 pm
Maybe it is a short quiz with only one question:
Will you battle to the death (or climax) in a kiddie pool filled with jell-o any and all competitors for this table?
August 9, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Holy shit, it spins. Guess who’s getting a new coffee table.
August 9, 2011 at 4:57 pm
ONLY if you’re a bad-ass enough dude/dudette!
August 9, 2011 at 5:09 pm
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August 9, 2011 at 7:07 pm
Uh, did you take a wrong turn somewhere? You’re in a Regretsy post, not a drama starring Harrison Ford as the POTUS.
August 9, 2011 at 7:33 pm
The president doesn’t need no stinkin’ rescue
August 9, 2011 at 8:12 pm
Lemon’s right, but tea does tend to make one need to find a bathroom in real hurry.
August 10, 2011 at 5:10 am
Everyone chill: Barry’s got this. ; )
August 9, 2011 at 8:12 pm
But only for porn. Spinning it with coke on it would totally un-bad-ass the situation.
August 9, 2011 at 4:44 pm
No weird splodges??? What the hell am I meant to be paying eight bucks for then??? It’s not authentic without splodges.
August 9, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Well, it *does* have that sweet rippley pattern and faux-gold trim…
That said, this table looks like the centerpiece of Kip and Lafawnduh Dynamite’s sunken living room.
August 9, 2011 at 4:46 pm
They had me at “muthertrucker”.
August 9, 2011 at 5:48 pm
And “spins”!
August 9, 2011 at 4:49 pm
God damn it that is one hell of a serious table right there. I could see that under some velvet paintings of bullfighters.
August 9, 2011 at 5:00 pm
Bullfighters…or ELVIS dressed as a bullfighter? Hmm? THAT would be awesomeness equal to THIS awesomeness. I think. But I’m kinda guessing here. I’m not bad-ass enough to deserve this table.
*skulks away in bad-assless shame*
August 9, 2011 at 5:20 pm
My grandparents had velvet bullfighters in the den, and velvet ships on a storm-tossed sea in the Living Room. Those sets of paintings will forever be my standard for poor taste in home decor.
They probably wouldn’t have hung a velvet Elvis. Maybe a Dean Martin.
August 9, 2011 at 7:13 pm
Or a velvet Cary Grant, maybe?
I’m lucky that the worst my parents had were some prints of masterpieces that were sold for some ridiculously low price by a local supermarket in the 1960s. They came with their own frame. To this day I can’t look at “Blue Boy” or a Rembrandt portrait of a conquistador without groaning and turning red with embarrassment.
My family is only half Italian…but I had a friend whose both parents were Italian and THEY had what had to be the most awful/awesome artwork in the living room: A huge electrified framed print of an Italian landscape with a waterfall and gurgling river…that had little lights that reproduced rippling water. It may have made gurgling sounds, too, but I don’t recall. I could stare at that thing for hours, mesmerized, and I swear I never did any drugs. Who needed ‘em?
August 9, 2011 at 11:28 pm
I know the type of painting you are talking about! Those things are sooooo tacky and I love them.
August 9, 2011 at 5:50 pm
And on the other wall, a picture of a couple in a brandy snifter.
August 9, 2011 at 5:59 pm
First of all, how did you get in my living room?
August 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Will a framed portrait of Chewbacca with a monocle do instead?
August 9, 2011 at 4:50 pm
It’s bothering me how badly I want to know what’s on the bad-assery quiz!
August 9, 2011 at 6:40 pm
1. Do your tears cure cancer?
2. When you chop onions, do they cry?
3. If a cop pulls you over, does he leave feeling lucky to have just gotten a warning?
August 9, 2011 at 4:52 pm
What the fuck is wrong with all of you who don’t have a framed photo of Betty White? I mean, seriously. I bet you don’t have Bea Arthur’s Broadway album either, do you? Losers.
August 9, 2011 at 4:55 pm
I’m just short the ravioli. And embarrassed to buy any.
August 9, 2011 at 4:59 pm
Now THAT I completely understand. We all have our limits.
August 9, 2011 at 7:21 pm
It’s one of the few lines I won’t cross. They give me flashbacks to elementary lunches. Those and the individual cups of Denty Moore Beef Stew. You mention to your mom that they’re not too bad and they’re all you get for school lunch for the next three years. I’ve been out of high school for a decade and I still can’t look at ANY beef stew. I’m ok with all non-Boyardee ravioli though.
August 9, 2011 at 5:18 pm
I’ve got Bea Arthur on the Star Wars Holiday Special. Does that count?
August 9, 2011 at 6:21 pm
That show was EPIC.
August 9, 2011 at 7:37 pm
Yes! SO much better than the Chewbacca Christmas Show. That sucked. Except for the part where they roasted Ewoks on an open fire. Really put in the Christmas spirit.
August 9, 2011 at 6:22 pm
OMG, yes! Plus you get bonus points, because… Star Wars AND holiday? I say that’s worth at least as much as this coffee table. No ravioli even required.
August 9, 2011 at 7:01 pm
I have to go watch that now…and, yes, indeed, it does.
August 9, 2011 at 7:43 pm
Most of the actors in it were on so many drugs, they didn’t actually remember being on the show afterward. Trufax.
It has to count.
August 9, 2011 at 7:17 pm
I don’t have her Boradway album, but I do have this!
Maybe it’s Bea Arthur’s old coke table.
August 9, 2011 at 7:18 pm
Grr, it deleted my link. Try this:
http://youtu.be/e3VbSfQ3nAM
Curse you Regretsy gods!
August 9, 2011 at 4:53 pm
I am tempted to rent a van and drive there.
But now, realizing that I’d have to fight off all y’all, maybe that’s not quite worth it.
Y’all are some scary mothertruckers.
August 9, 2011 at 5:03 pm
Bring 4 cans of ravioli and just play dumb, whatever you know.
August 9, 2011 at 5:51 pm
Shut yo mouth!
August 9, 2011 at 6:06 pm
May I suggest making a mock-umentary about your adventure?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85cmTNBH42k
August 10, 2011 at 5:13 am
Part of the badassery test is WANTING to come up not for the table, but for the opportunity to brawl with multiple strangers in someone’s living room.
August 9, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Hmmm well I don’t do coke, I’m pretty positive that no one would want to see me in a porno and I fail most quizes. Shucks, I’m out!
August 9, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Fixed:
NOW you can sell it on Etsy.
August 9, 2011 at 5:00 pm
I really hope that gets put into the contest.
August 9, 2011 at 4:57 pm
Just picture Mike idly laying on that coffee table, the towel oh-so-slightly askew, an octopus necklace dangling from his biceps; all while Ace sits beside him á la Rodin’s Thinker, his black belt wrapped…somewhere, whilst casually licking a spoonful of Nutella.
August 9, 2011 at 4:59 pm
And Mike is wearing a pikachu mask while Dror dances to PONPONPON. cf4l
August 9, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Yeah, I know we’ve worn the gorram heck out of this here, but I’d like to think I started it. (I’m sure I didn’t.)
“I’ll be in my bunk.”
August 9, 2011 at 6:23 pm
you had me at Nutella
August 9, 2011 at 5:01 pm
How did you find this listing????
August 9, 2011 at 5:21 pm
http://forums.regretsy.com/topic.php?id=6713
August 9, 2011 at 7:20 pm
I clicked on the link and it took me to the registration page…with an ad for Lindor Truffles on top. Except I saw it as DROR TRUFFLES. *drool*
August 9, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Trufflin’, trufflin’.
August 9, 2011 at 7:49 pm
“Every day I’m Trufflin’ Trufflin’”
Aw, crap, I wish.
August 9, 2011 at 7:51 pm
@Jecca FTW! I wish I could give you so many thumbs up!!!
August 9, 2011 at 7:53 pm
@Arose: Sorry, I was checking Hide Preview when you posted. Didn’t want to leave you out. We’ll all go trufflin’ trufflin!
August 9, 2011 at 5:02 pm
I love that all April had to do was add a title. The ad spoke for itself.
August 9, 2011 at 5:48 pm
Derp. The title came with the ad. *bangs head against deak in shame…and to keep awake with the mind-numbing project*
August 9, 2011 at 5:05 pm
Regular or Mini? I have both. I want to know where you can get 4 cans for 17 cents. (I think this coffee(!) table must have come from the Jungle Room at Graceland.)
August 9, 2011 at 5:08 pm
The jungle room of Graceland is a huge inspiration for everything I do.
August 9, 2011 at 7:06 pm
And your page just got a “Like”. Green Onions FTW! (And I HATE onions.)
August 9, 2011 at 5:07 pm
I actually have a framed photo of Betty White in the shop now. If the Mommie Dearest one hadn’t just sold, it might have been a good substitute for the 4 cans of beef ravioli. Shit.
August 9, 2011 at 5:09 pm
Is that steampunk? or vintage?
August 9, 2011 at 5:53 pm
Yes.
August 9, 2011 at 5:11 pm
I would gladly pick up a coke habit for that table! The hubby would be pissed if I brought that home until he realized IT SPINS!!! Then he would think me a goddess of badassery.
August 9, 2011 at 5:12 pm
THIS is why I fucking love living in Minnesota. Now I want that table and I have no use for it at all. But I want it anyway.
Also, this sounds like a guy I know from college. He sent out a campus wide email asking to borrow a car in exchange for seven apples, two sandwiches, and a pair of ladies boots.
August 9, 2011 at 6:12 pm
did he get a response? and did the boots fit?
August 9, 2011 at 5:14 pm
GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKER! why does it have to be so far away!! I would straight up do me some Coke on that thing.. and drag it to Burning Man too. DAMN IT!!
August 9, 2011 at 5:50 pm
Bronc?
August 9, 2011 at 5:52 pm
See also: Coca-Cola. Though I’m sure he’s too fit to have done either. *Coke Addict (Liquid form)
August 9, 2011 at 5:56 pm
Consider it a challenge to build the portable version. And then you can sell the plans on Etsy. Or here.
August 9, 2011 at 5:18 pm
that is pretty sweet.
August 9, 2011 at 5:26 pm
I’m moving to Minneapolis.
August 9, 2011 at 5:27 pm
…well…for sure…snorting cocaine on anything other than this table is a crime against humanity….
August 9, 2011 at 5:30 pm
Ah, infidelity, the greatest of all of the earthly treasures.
August 9, 2011 at 5:58 pm
That’s the part my husband laughed at, for some reason. He was reading the ad aloud.
August 9, 2011 at 5:47 pm
This should also be filed in derp. It’s “badassery” not “badass-ity.” DUH.
August 9, 2011 at 7:27 pm
Well, you’ve just passed the first part of the quiz. Congrats!
August 9, 2011 at 5:47 pm
What is WRONG with you people? Can’t you tell this ad was placed by evil evil people trying to lure you young folks into prostitution and you old folks into cocaine or okra addiction? RUN THE OTHER WAY!!!
Meanwhile, do not worry if you don’t hear from me for a bit. I will be gone for awhile going to pick up some furniture in the North country.
August 9, 2011 at 6:00 pm
Nana, I bet you’re going to trade okra recipes, too.
August 9, 2011 at 5:48 pm
It isn’t bad-ass enough. Add a built in fish tank, flip-top pool table, and some neon lights, then maybe I will consider it.
August 9, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Doesn’t shooting porn films and cocaine go hand in hand? It is epic… but is it epic enough to part with my framed photo of Betty White AND my Beef Ravioli?
August 9, 2011 at 5:50 pm
Dammit, all I have is “Value Time” beef ravioli.
August 9, 2011 at 5:54 pm
You poor thing…you need to step up your game. Also, love the icon.
August 9, 2011 at 7:08 pm
Yeah, I didn’t intend the irony there. I have no excuse; not drunk, just tired.
August 9, 2011 at 5:59 pm
totally offtopic – can someone direct me to the post with the badass Regretsy ringtone???
August 9, 2011 at 6:01 pm
“Doesn’t have any weird splotches under black lights”
This can also mean that there may be splotches, but have been identified. It just doesn’t have any splotches that have no identifiable origin, which would make them weird.
August 9, 2011 at 6:05 pm
This guy approves.
Two Simpsons references in one day.
August 9, 2011 at 6:17 pm
“Disco Stu loves to dance on spinning coffee tables!”
August 9, 2011 at 6:30 pm
Sorry, someone made a goatse pic of the table earlier…and the Simpson’s reference reminded me of this…
August 9, 2011 at 6:19 pm
I live in St. Paul, and I am going to buy that fucking table. All I need is the Betty White photo.
August 9, 2011 at 6:54 pm
My friends just bought their first house and I’m going to spring this on them as a housewarming gift.
August 9, 2011 at 7:19 pm
You gotta ask yourself one thing, and be honest, cause this is some serious shit up in here.
Do my friends have the badassity required to own this piece of furniture?
August 10, 2011 at 3:58 pm
They do own a snake and several guitars, so possibly.
August 9, 2011 at 8:21 pm
Give all of us Minnesota Regretsians their address when the party comes around. We can all bring wonderful gifts.
August 9, 2011 at 11:26 pm
I’ll bring a casserole, who wants to bring the cocaine?
August 10, 2011 at 11:01 am
Casserole? Whatevs…it’s Hot Dish, mothafuckah.
August 9, 2011 at 6:23 pm
I’d be willing to bet that coffee table is located somewhere near MCAD. Blocks from my house.
August 9, 2011 at 6:26 pm
I bet you’re right. That or Dinkytown.
August 9, 2011 at 8:23 pm
Oh, I’d bet on Nordeast Minneapolis somewhere around Psycho Suzi’s as a possibility, too.
August 10, 2011 at 9:01 am
Actually I just wanted to give you guys my location, to cinfirm I’m in Minneapolis. We should all get together for beers or something sometime.
August 10, 2011 at 9:01 am
Ack. *CONFIRM*
August 11, 2011 at 5:17 am
Regretsy meetup. We should totally do it. I’ll be the one in the cat skull fascinator.
August 9, 2011 at 6:25 pm
I actually have a round, mirrored, velvet covered coffee table and was feeling pretty good about myself. It doesn’t spin though. I suck.
August 9, 2011 at 6:26 pm
Oh yeah! I’m a monocled Regretysian!
August 9, 2011 at 7:30 pm
Group hug! (And your table is covered in VELVET, which is the most awesomely tacky fabric this side of lame, so you don’t suck!)
August 9, 2011 at 8:03 pm
Ouch-your corners hurt me and my monocle is askew! Thanks for the hug! And the velvet validation. I forgot to mention it is rust in color. I got it for only $10, i think the guy felt sorry for me ’cause I already had the matching chair.
August 9, 2011 at 8:48 pm
PLEASE take a picture and share your badass-ity
August 9, 2011 at 6:28 pm
Hmm, what would the quiz be like?
“Would you star in a porno with Betty White and do lines of cocaine on this coffee table during filming?”
“Yes.”
“Congratulations! You just won the most badass coffee table in the western hemisphere!”
August 9, 2011 at 7:42 pm
As one monocled Regretsian to another, may I ask if RolyPolyFishsticks made from RolyPolyFishHeads?
August 9, 2011 at 7:51 pm
Aw, Mugsy, ya slayin me here…
August 9, 2011 at 7:55 pm
Can’t help it. I spent most of my Sunday nights in high school listening to Dr. Demento!
August 9, 2011 at 8:17 pm
Mugsy, of course they are but only the freshest and finest PolyPolyFishHeads are used.
August 9, 2011 at 8:21 pm
RolyPolyFishHeads, I mean. Derp!
August 9, 2011 at 9:57 pm
Eat ‘em up! Yum!
August 9, 2011 at 6:42 pm
omg i love that table!
August 9, 2011 at 7:01 pm
I live in Minneapolis and I have emailed the seller. I will let you know if they get back to me.
August 11, 2011 at 5:18 am
Well?
August 9, 2011 at 7:19 pm
I’d buy this damn table just to put my skull collection on it.
August 9, 2011 at 7:39 pm
This table belongs in this apartment.
August 24, 2011 at 1:14 am
SWEET JESUS! I’m about to start going to UH and live half an hour from River Oaks. Please tell me this is still open XD
August 9, 2011 at 8:35 pm
I believe this table is from the Ethan Allen Early American Pimp Collection.
August 9, 2011 at 10:21 pm
I thought it was from the Ike Turner Collection.
August 9, 2011 at 9:14 pm
… or this motel.
August 9, 2011 at 9:59 pm
I LOVE James Lileks! And we were at the U at the same time!
August 11, 2011 at 5:19 am
Me too!
August 10, 2011 at 8:36 am
Thank you so much! Someone sent this to me years ago, but I lost the link and forgot Lilek’s name. Ooh, I’m all itchy just looking at that furniture.
August 9, 2011 at 9:18 pm
I don’t live in Minneapolis.
I probably have ravioli.
I’m sure i could rake up the cash.
And while I don’t have a framed picture of Betty White, I do thank you for the Christmas gift idea for my sister.
You know, since I can’t get her the table.
August 9, 2011 at 9:19 pm
Chuck Norris is a badass. That is all.
August 9, 2011 at 9:37 pm
Goatse is the Baddest Ass of them all.
August 9, 2011 at 9:57 pm
I had to chime in (i’m usually the reader sitting in the corner w/ my vodka and just reading)… but when my newly hubs and I moved into our house, we were thinking of a security system for the house, as a graphic designer, I used this EXACT same picture of Chuck, printed it out in weather proof paper, and attached it to his 5th grade craft project of a barb-wire star, with hot glue, mind you, and it sits right above our doorbell. It has lasted 5 years and is still going strong!
August 9, 2011 at 9:59 pm
oh, and it says “This house protected by Chuck Norris, THE Texas ranger”"
August 10, 2011 at 2:08 am
“The price of the table is firm”…
August 10, 2011 at 8:05 am
But its upholstery is oh, so soft.
August 10, 2011 at 5:56 am
I can’t afford that table. On the plus side, I’m watching The Golden Girls.
Rose: This is like “The Long Day’s Journey Into Light!”
Dorothy: “Night,” Rose.”
Rose: ‘Night, Dorothy! [Goes to bed.]
August 10, 2011 at 8:39 am
Ah, Rose, if Gracie Allen had had a daughter, it would have been Rose.
August 10, 2011 at 10:37 am
Shit. And I just left my college apartment coffee table by the dumpster when I moved and didn’t feel like hauling it to another state. It had ornately “carved” “wood” doors with mothafucking gold, crushed velvet panels. Truly a thing of beauty, and a bargain for only $15 at Goodwill. Alas, Craigslist didn’t exist at the time (and now I feel old…)
August 10, 2011 at 10:43 am
OK, I’m way late on this, but I have an autographed picture of Kitten Natividad from Beneath the Valley of the Ultra Vixens! The world premier was in Portland, before it got too hipsterish….
Now, how to get that table into my living room without my partner finding out. Hmmm.
August 10, 2011 at 1:05 pm
I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud to live in Minneapolis than when I saw this ad. I live in the same town with one bad-ass mothertruckin’ table owner who can write their face off.
August 10, 2011 at 2:15 pm
I have a friend who used to have a table like this, except it was purple with black/pink striped bits. She also had a matching L shaped couch and chase lounge thingy. Yeah, they were kinda awesome.
And the top of the coffee table spins. Or at least hers did. We used to use it to pass chips. Kinda like a massive lazy-susan.
August 13, 2011 at 8:42 am
OMG the Cat Hat is probably my favorite, but this post is so freakin funny. It reminds me of the lady on 60 Minutes though, who was collecting cat statuettes, had some 500 or so of them. They found out in the expose that some family in China was making them from real cats! Was really sad
Sam