From the Regretsy Forums
Ant B is an artist on Etsy who is also a member of April’s Army. This is a story she posted in the Regretsy forums a few days ago.
I was heading out to the backyard this morning, when I saw the neighbor that lives in the house behind ours in my yard. He was putting leaves from one of my plants in a shopping bag. I yelled, “Hey!” and he grabbed another plant and stripped it up, taking all the leaves off. By the time I got outside, he had done two more plants and shoved all the leaves into his bag. By the time I got halfway to him, he ran off, carrying the bag.
I inspected the damage. He had stripped or broken off all my okra plants. They hadn’t started producing yet.
I think he thought they were ….not okra.
UPDATE 1:
An undercover cop just stopped by. He took my report. He was going to tell the neighbor to stay off my property but no one answered the door. He said that there was no proof he took the leaves, and that there was no value to them so there was no way to charge him. But we both had a good laugh over it, and he took photos and said he was sure his fellow officers would laugh too.
UPDATE 2:
Just got a knock on the door. A police office stopped by to let me know that my neighbor was arrested trying to trade a baggie of chopped green leaves for a case of beer at a liquor store a few blocks away. According to the store owner, the guy told him the leaves are high-quality home grown marijuana, and when he was arrested, he claimed he stole them from my garden, where I had them hidden in a flower bed.
The police officer that came by was a different one than from earlier, but had already heard the story about the okra thief. He went out with a flashlight, looked at the okra, took more pictures, laughed a lot.
He asked if he could have some okra leaves to take with him, and a tomato from the garden for his dinner. I complied with the police officer’s request.
August 3, 2011 at 9:27 am
Okra is a gateway vegetable. Stop peddling Toke-ra to our nation’s degenerate garden thieves.
August 3, 2011 at 9:28 am
Nothing I was going to say can top that, well played.
August 3, 2011 at 9:29 am
Well played, indeed!
August 3, 2011 at 9:30 am
I don’t even remember saying it. I’m all whacked out on salad and I feel like I can fly, man.
August 3, 2011 at 9:36 am
STAY AWAY FROM THE KALE! WHATEVER THE HELL YOU DO MAN….THE KALE IS BAAAAAD, MAN!
August 3, 2011 at 9:39 am
Just say No-kra.
August 3, 2011 at 10:30 am
Dude, gotta try the jicama, it’ll add a sweet trip to your salad high.
Forget 420 – it’s Brunch Time!
August 3, 2011 at 11:19 am
4:20 PM, eat gumbo erryday.
August 3, 2011 at 11:28 am
I wish I could photoshop. I’d finally unify Snoop and the Jolly Green Giant.
August 3, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Kale is a gateway leafy green
August 5, 2011 at 1:03 pm
I just had a bowl of arugula and I can taste the colors.
August 3, 2011 at 9:29 am
One tokra over the line, sweet Jesus.
One tokra over the line.
Strippin the leaves off a garden veggie.
One tokra over the line.
August 3, 2011 at 9:45 am
In my mind, Benecio del Toro is singing that behind the wheel of a convertible, flying over a sparse desert landscape, with an asparagus stalk hanging from his lips.
August 3, 2011 at 10:22 am
We can’t stop here, this is chard country!
August 3, 2011 at 12:58 pm
Lucky you. All I can think of when I hear that song is the fact that it was actually sung on nothing less “straight” than the Lawrence Welk show.
August 3, 2011 at 1:00 pm
“DID YOU EAT ALL THESE TURNIPS?!
You better hope to god there’s some ipecac in this bag, or you’re in serious fucking trouble, mister.”
August 3, 2011 at 4:36 pm
I’m a jokra
I’m a smokra
I’m a midnight tokra
August 3, 2011 at 9:31 am
Contender for comment of the day, I think!
August 3, 2011 at 9:32 am
Now I have to go rewatch Stargate SG-1 for some reason.
August 3, 2011 at 11:45 am
That’s exactly what I was thinking
August 3, 2011 at 12:04 pm
SG-1 fans REPRESENT! *really high five*
August 3, 2011 at 2:13 pm
I had the same thought!! Great minds…
August 3, 2011 at 9:48 am
That’s good shit man.
August 3, 2011 at 9:50 am
“pass de gumbo to the left had side, pass de gumbo to the left hand side…”
August 3, 2011 at 10:00 am
I don’t know. That looks like fauxkra to me…
August 3, 2011 at 10:31 am
Don’t shit on my salad love.
August 3, 2011 at 5:16 pm
Quit bogarting that veg man
August 3, 2011 at 11:30 am
I made gumbo last night and I’ve been trippin’ ogre balls since…. fuck I love okra! OH SHIT… OKRA WINFREY!
August 3, 2011 at 12:19 pm
nuh uh it’s not addictive it expands your mind man
besides it comes from nature it’s better than tobacco and alcohol
August 3, 2011 at 9:23 pm
I know your comment is for the lulz, but I swear I wanna punch the crap out everyone who says something like “it comes from nature, it’s good for you.” It’s like tobacco isn’t a plant and alcohol isn’t yeast waste, or that amanita mushrooms and such don’t exist.
srs bsns done.
August 3, 2011 at 12:43 pm
I’m not gonna lie… that comment made me fall a little bit in love with you.
August 3, 2011 at 12:55 pm
Excellent! I will take all the love I can get in this cold, unfeeling world.
You know, every time I think “this is simply too stupid to say on the internet, I am going to get banished from Regretsy forever for saying this lame thing” before I post something, people seem to be proud of me.
August 3, 2011 at 5:12 pm
Rev, how the hell did you get 861 thumbs-up on a post with only 265 comments?!? Eh, lurkers abound. (More since yesterday, probably.)
You deserve each and every one; enjoy!
August 4, 2011 at 6:49 am
It’s over a thousand now, so go figure that shit out. All I know is, AUGUST 3RD WAS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE! It’s all downhill now!
August 3, 2011 at 9:27 am
This is a story too good to be hidden in the forums. Thank you Helen for putting it where I can share it with my friends.
Now excuse me, I have to go smoke some oke.
August 3, 2011 at 9:47 am
Toke the oke?
August 3, 2011 at 10:24 am
Tokra?
August 3, 2011 at 10:41 am
I agree. I read this in the forums and laughed loud enough to scare the dog. It’s impossible to make up something so funny! I feel bad that AntB’s garden was vandalized, but she made the best of it by sharing her story with us. Too funny! When people in the forums first suggested that maybe the thief thought it was pot, I was thinking “can anyone really be that stupid?” Apparently they can!
August 3, 2011 at 1:06 pm
I know right? I thought for sure nobody is THAT dumb. The story made my WEEK!
August 3, 2011 at 3:47 pm
Fuck Jesus, THIS is the greatest story ever told!
August 3, 2011 at 3:58 pm
I’m sorry it happened, too, but if it had to happen to a vegetable, I’m glad it happened to those nasty slimy things.
August 3, 2011 at 4:43 pm
I’m sure she’ll get some pity okra from her fellow gardeners at some point anyway
August 3, 2011 at 9:28 am
Gumbo joints. Delish.
August 3, 2011 at 9:28 am
Bet he has some welts on his hands for his trouble, too.
August 3, 2011 at 9:29 am
Okra has hairy leaves doesn’t it? Really irritating when you touch it or brush up against it?
Now I can’t remember.
August 3, 2011 at 9:31 am
Yes ma’am. It also has a kind of milky substance when you break off the leaves or pods.
August 3, 2011 at 10:10 am
The hair is why I can’t stand okra. It skeeves me out.
August 3, 2011 at 1:48 pm
That and the taste. Yech.
August 3, 2011 at 9:31 am
Those plants are a bitch. I still can’t figure out who the hell the first person was to say ‘Hmm, look at that hideous plant. I wonder if I should/can eat it!’
I say this, of course, with love for the bizarre vegetable (or is it technically a fruit?), as I grew up with my father growing them in our garden.
August 3, 2011 at 9:33 am
there are a lot of things people eat that you know the first person to try it had to be REALLY hungry (lobster? Crab? snails???)
August 3, 2011 at 9:45 am
Also, oysters.
August 3, 2011 at 9:53 am
And artichokes.
August 3, 2011 at 10:10 am
I’ve loved artichokes since I was a kid. I was at a company dinner a few years ago and a new coworker had never eaten them. We explained how you take a leaf, dip it in whatever dip/sauce was served, and scrap the sweet tender part against your bottom teeth.
We never thought to tell her that was ALL she was supposed to eat. Poor thing ate the entire leaf and politely said it was very nice, but no, thank you, she doesn’t want any more.
August 3, 2011 at 10:24 am
Durian.
August 3, 2011 at 10:44 am
I like to imagine the first person to eat weird things that don’t look edible did it on a dare.
August 3, 2011 at 11:02 am
Beer
August 3, 2011 at 11:08 am
Cheese.
Oh look, the milk went bad. Really bad. Lets eat it!
August 3, 2011 at 11:28 am
Cinnamon, and other spices from bark. I always envision someone wandering around licking the flora.
(I guess it’s what happens after kitting the toke-ra patch.)
As Homer J. Simpson would say, “I’m not NOT licking trees…!”
August 3, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Eggs…
Look this thing just came out of my chicken’s butt lets eat it!
August 3, 2011 at 1:27 pm
Datura…
August 3, 2011 at 3:32 pm
“Never doubt the courage of the French. They are the ones that discovered snails are edible.”
What gets me though, is the Tapioca plant thing is really poisonous. Lethal levels of I think Cyanide unless cooked correctly. And yet, in both Africa and South America, native peoples found ways to prepare it to make it safe to eat. If I was in charge: Person A eats plant raw, dies. “We don’t eat that plant.”
August 3, 2011 at 3:50 pm
I still want to know how hard up you have to be to look at monkey shit and say hey, this would make a GREAT cup of coffee!
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2008/jul/24/exotic-coffee-is-monkey-business/
August 3, 2011 at 3:53 pm
I had this exact conversation last night, about being the first person to consider eating a strange food item after watching some chicks try to cook a big, nasty octopus on tv.
August 3, 2011 at 4:10 pm
Hundred year old egg.
August 3, 2011 at 4:25 pm
There’s a purple and green Southern weed called Poke that grows about 6 feet high and is extremely poisonous. Somehow, people figured out that if you boil it for hours in multiple changes of water it wouldn’t kill you.
August 3, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Olives? Try one straight off the tree sometime.
August 4, 2011 at 12:03 pm
A friend tried to smoke opium when she was a teenager. She tried to do so with shavings off an opium-scented candle.
August 3, 2011 at 9:45 am
They are, but they’re a decent substitute for filé as a gumbo thickening agent, so both my dad and my grandmother always keep a few plants in their garden every year. Not to mention, fried okra is one of the best things ever invented.
August 3, 2011 at 9:50 am
Oh, fried okra, I love thee.
I haven’t had some in such a long time.
August 3, 2011 at 10:25 am
The only thing close to being on par with fried okra is pickled okra. Now there’s an acquired taste!
(Although, frankly, I’d eat anything pickled and/or fried.)
August 3, 2011 at 10:26 am
Fried okra = Food of the Gods.
August 3, 2011 at 11:11 am
I could probably eat fried okra every day for the rest of my life and never get tired of it.
August 3, 2011 at 11:25 am
I prefer it to file because of the flavor, actually…
August 3, 2011 at 11:47 am
I prefer okra for taste reasons and because you don’t have to worry about it ruining your entire dish because you put it in at the wrong time (and that’s assuming you aren’t new to making the stuff and you didn’t have to go three rounds trying to make a roux without burning it).
…dangit, now I want some gumbo.
August 3, 2011 at 12:38 pm
OMG, I have the best fail-safe roux recipe – it’s Alton Brown’s shrimp gumbo recipe – but here’s the roux part of the recipe:
Place the vegetable oil and flour into a 5 to 6-quart cast iron Dutch oven and whisk together to combine. Place on the middle shelf of the oven, uncovered, and bake for 1 1/2 hours, whisking 2 to 3 times throughout the cooking process.
Works EVERY time…
Link to the whole recipe:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/shrimp-gumbo-recipe/index.html
August 3, 2011 at 1:55 pm
I’ll admit, when I describe what I love about fried okra*, it sounds disgusting even to me. But, I still love it. Dammit, now I want some fried okra.
*it has this gooey center with little hard balls that pop in your mouth.
August 3, 2011 at 4:09 pm
LOL mags, that’s what she said;)
August 3, 2011 at 5:29 pm
only if it’s done right though. when it’s bad, it’ REALLY bad.
August 3, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Mmmmm, fried okra. I’ve never made roux (have yet to get that far into New Orleans cooking), but I remember Food Network had a show from NOLA where they had local food businesses on. One was making/selling roux in a jar.
August 3, 2011 at 1:08 pm
I’ve always wondered that about tomatoes. Who first decided it was a good idea to try to eat something that looks and smells that much like nightshade?
August 3, 2011 at 5:30 pm
What do you mean “like” nightshade? It *is* nightshade. The leaves and stem will totally kill you.
September 24, 2011 at 10:24 am
I have never eaten, or even heard of okra before regretsy… Must be an American thing…
August 3, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Agreed. Okra will “eat you alive” quote from Mamma, right before I picked/cut my first okra. It almost did. A very dramatic rescue mission and several co-colas were involved. I still bear the scars, both emotionally and physically.
August 3, 2011 at 9:28 am
Stupid people are an endless font of amusement.
August 3, 2011 at 11:24 am
Sounds more like this guy was desperate. I had something similar happen to me. I used to live on a corner in a nice quite neighborhood and I had a few potted plants on my front porch. Nothing spectacular, just plants. One day, I came home from work and noticed that one of them was gone. You could still see the mark it had left on the walk. Anyway, a few days later, this stranger, walked determinedly up my walk, like she was going to knock on the door, only to stop at my plants and pick one up and start to walk just as purposefully away. I ran out the door and stopped her as she got to the corner or the public sidewalk and asked her, what the heck she was doing. She stopped looked at the plant she had grabbed and said, “I was only looking at your plants.” As I snatched it back from her, I told her, if I ever saw her again, I would call the police. I watched her run all the way to her house about two blocks down. Never lost another plant, but imagine the nerve!!
August 3, 2011 at 11:25 am
Sorry quiet neighborhood. I am such a blond today!
August 3, 2011 at 11:43 am
HEY!!!
August 4, 2011 at 10:14 am
Hey! I’ve been a blonde every day since I was born, and I—damnit, I am such a bad speller and now I can’t see the monitor for all the Wite Out I’ve used. I’m going to have to get another monitor. Again!
August 3, 2011 at 11:46 am
My landlady’s calla lilies go missing every year. It’s not animal damage, and they all go in one night. I find it bizarre that someone comes back year after year. And also that they take them all.
I can almost understand stealing one flower that catches your eye as you walk by. But someone seems to put thought into this.
August 3, 2011 at 1:30 pm
People are bastard covered bastards with bastard filling!
Why not just spend the $4 at the nursery and get your own calla lilies???
August 3, 2011 at 11:54 am
Glue razor blades on the bottom of the pots, plus the fingers make good dog toys.
August 3, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Voice of experience? If so, can you glue the fingers to things and sell them on Etsy?
August 3, 2011 at 3:38 pm
Way to one up the fingernail crafts.
August 3, 2011 at 2:09 pm
When we first moved in to our house, and were still completely absorbed with moving in and unpacking, a hanging plant appeared one day on the shepherd’s hook in front of our house. Being mid-summer and all, it was already a little sad from lack of watering when I noticed it. I asked the few people who knew where I had just moved to, and no one had dropped it off as a housewarming. I’m awful at taking care of plants even when I’m not in the middle of moving, so I slowly was killing this plant over the next couple weeks.
Then one day it was gone, as mysteriously as it arrived.
Along with whoever anonymously emailed my now-husband with nasty things about me just after he and I got together, it is one of the great unsolved mysteries in my life. Somehow I doubt it’s the same person unless I have the weirdest stalker ever.
August 3, 2011 at 2:19 pm
FBI have been searching for the plant torturer for years. Hangs the poor foliage out where people can watch it suffer and then takes it back to finish it off.
August 5, 2011 at 1:14 pm
I vote weirdest stalker ever. To show your husband how awful of a person you were they left the plant there so your husband could see you slowly torture the plant to death and realize what a heinous and cruel person you are. Sadly, they did not count on your husband also being a plant sadist and their plan was all for naught.
August 3, 2011 at 5:33 pm
Reminds me of an episode of 1000 Ways to Die where the two stoners try smoking everything in site, while videotaping it, and decide some random plant (which happened to be poison sumac) was gonna get them high as fuck. They died pretty damn fast after toking that.
August 3, 2011 at 8:22 pm
I can’t believe there is another person on this planet who has seen that show. I am both impressed and horrified.
However it doesn’t surprise me that I’d find such a like-minded person on Regretsy.
This is the best thread ever.
August 6, 2011 at 5:29 am
I LOVE that show
although, the guys who thought it would be a good idea to snort fire ants were better Darwin fodder
August 3, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Comic Sans?
August 3, 2011 at 9:28 am
I love AntB more than words can say.
And it’s a good thing she didn’t leave any bags of powdered sugar lying around or he’d have had more “merchandise”.
August 3, 2011 at 9:32 am
Shoot, I’d be tempted to leave some powdered sugar and flour in baggies in the garden to see if the idiot would take them.
August 3, 2011 at 9:39 am
Borax.
Also Sevin. It looks like powder heroin. Or so I’ve heard….
August 3, 2011 at 9:49 am
Sevin Dust FTW! Kills ants and idiots dead.
August 3, 2011 at 10:29 am
I would probably advise against anything poisonous. You don’t want to get charged with manslaughter if the idiot actually DOES snort the stuff. Think harmless but hilarious. Crushed alka seltzer maybe?
August 5, 2011 at 1:16 pm
The Court of Darwin finds you not guilty of manslaughter.
August 3, 2011 at 10:28 am
Mix a little baking powder with a dash of cinnamon and leave it in little square baggies around your yard. If you see a moron with muffins growing out their nose, you will know exactly what happened. Rock salt in baggies might also attract the drug addled idiot.
August 3, 2011 at 11:06 am
While attracting staggering stoners to the yard might be something a ZombieMom would do to feed her kids, it is not something to be desired.
August 3, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Hey, when your milkshake is just the memory of a few thick drips on the sidewalk, you gotta do what you gotta do, ya dig?
That reminds me. I haven’t done my garden walk today.
August 3, 2011 at 4:10 pm
why not add cayenne pepper to that for extra fun ??
August 3, 2011 at 12:52 pm
my friend lives in a bad neighborhood, and she’s seen her neighbor scoop up dirt from the ground and sell it as crack, multiple times, to the same person.
August 3, 2011 at 9:40 pm
wat.
August 3, 2011 at 9:28 am
Oh AntB. You silly Okra dealer.
August 3, 2011 at 9:28 am
I’ve tried Okra. Once. I kind of think you should have been arrested for growing it.
August 3, 2011 at 9:57 am
Yes, growing and distributing okra SHOULD be illegal in all states.
August 3, 2011 at 10:01 am
My aunt used to force-feed me okra. I’m gonna go ahead and assume that the fact that she was a nurse, and was therefore used to seeing horrific things on a day-to-day basis, blinded her to the fact that she was trying to convince a 6 year old that slimy green turds were a-okay. Good times. Goooood tiiiiiiimes.
August 3, 2011 at 10:05 am
oh i loves okra! stewed, fried and pickled!
August 3, 2011 at 11:45 am
I can only eat it fried, but OH MY its so good fried!!!
August 3, 2011 at 4:01 pm
It’s edible fried, but only just.
And fried okra, like fried green tomatoes, should be dusted with corn meal and pan-fried. Those who make a batter are yankee pretenders.
August 3, 2011 at 10:17 am
I’m with you, Bootie. I was force-fed it for years by my parents. Years later, I was at my sister’s house and she said she was going to make okra dor dinner. “Gah!!!! No!!!! I hate okra!” I gasped.
“Oh, but you haven’t tried okra the way that I make it! You’ll love it!!!”
I never gave her the opportunity to prove it.
Why do people think that if you have a serious aversion to a particular food that you’ll change your lifelong revulsion because THEY have a magic recipe that will make you suddenly love a slimy green wormy thing with big brown balls slithering around in it?
August 3, 2011 at 10:29 am
My mom has been convinced for the entire 30+ years of my existence that someday I’ll like mushrooms, sauteed zucchini, or squash.
August 3, 2011 at 10:34 am
I always thought I hated eggplant, then I tried my boyfriend’s eggplant. It was delicious. Sliced thin and fried in olive oil. Mmmmm. Now I can actually tolerate eggplant in most situations.
August 3, 2011 at 11:27 am
lizzy d – try that eggplant on pita with Mediterranean cheese and scrambled eggs – HEAVEN!!!
August 3, 2011 at 12:11 pm
That’s exactly how I feel about my mother’s insistence that I will someday like mushrooms, beets, and raw tomatoes. That, and “You ate it when you were a baby!”
I, like most children, ate pretty much whatever was shoved in my face, as I was an infant and ate food that was the same consistency going in as out, because there wasn’t exactly an alternative.
My mother will still periodically shove a cherry tomato in my mouth when I’m home. “It’s so sweet! Try this!”
August 3, 2011 at 12:57 pm
I have turned against foods I ate as a child, such as snails (boiled until dead and then servied in a garlicky tomato sauce). At 5 it was fun to eat them, but once I got old enough to realize what I was yanking out of its shell was actually NOT the cute thing in the cartoons, but an in-shell version of a slug, snails got way too expensive for my father to buy, so problem solved. I won’t touch them today. Same with some organ meats (lambs brains, anyone? me, neither).
However, I hated fresh mushrooms. My mom never used any mushrooms and my only experience was my if-it’s-not-swimming-in-oil-it-ain’t-edible aunt’s version (her gravy was infamous–we would warn each other: eat it quick before it congeals!). I loved canned mushrooms. THEN I went to a restaurant that used fresh in a (cooked) recipe and I was in love.
Still hate okra, however.
And lentils. (And yes, my sister swears I’ll love them when I eat HER recipe.)
August 3, 2011 at 3:47 pm
I refuse to eat mashed potatoes no matter how many times people insist they are just like backed potatoes when you smush them. NO.
August 3, 2011 at 5:36 pm
And like how my mom thinks I will someday believe in God.
August 3, 2011 at 5:38 pm
I’m all for trying things again to see if my taste has changed, and I’ve come around to beans and mushrooms, but bell pepper is still revolting and onions make me involuntarily spit out whatever is in my mouth. I hate when people act like I’m being picky (my mother STILL treats me like I’m being childish about that). Not wanting to throw up in public is not being picky.
August 3, 2011 at 9:45 pm
Because it really happens ^_^ I’ve gotten my husband to eat many foods he thought he didn’t like–I have never been pushy about it, and after awhile he got a lot more courageous about at least trying whatever I’m cooking.
He now likes Brussels sprouts.
August 5, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Squid, I can sympathize. According to my mom I do believe in god, I just don’t know it.
August 4, 2011 at 7:14 am
My Okra Story, By Me: when I was a child and visiting my grandmother in Oklahoma, she had pickled okra as part of the pre-dinner relish tray. After eating some of it, I felt incredibly ill and was in bed for the next day. Now, all signs point to me having been on the cusp of getting ill long before the okra entered the picture, but my mental association for the rest of my life has been “okra=flu.” So I won’t eat it.
That, and the texture grosses me out.
August 5, 2011 at 10:15 am
That’s why I cannot eat minestrone soup or Twinkies. Both were the last thing I ate before violent bouts of stomach flu.
August 4, 2011 at 10:19 am
And citron, those hard translucent cubes of disgust that bakers put in cakes. I’ll sit there and pick them out and if I end up with a pile of crumbs on one side of the plate, so be it.
August 3, 2011 at 9:29 am
Wait. Okra DOESN’T get you high? What the fuck am I going to do with all of this shit now?
August 3, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Bag it. Sell it. Move.
August 3, 2011 at 9:29 am
YES! I am so glad this made it to the main page.
August 3, 2011 at 9:34 am
that doesn’t look like nip, either. (of any kind)
August 3, 2011 at 1:12 pm
Yeah, they’re both wrong. It’s “cat grass” (which is still funny.)
August 3, 2011 at 5:46 pm
I have to pick up fresh wheat grass every two weeks for one of our kitties. He loves the stuff. Another will nibble at it from time to time, and the third only wants yard grass.
August 3, 2011 at 9:38 am
Between the story and these kitties I have tears running down my face! SO FREAKING FUNNY!
August 3, 2011 at 9:29 am
This is AMAZING. I want to tell everyone at work about this, but then they’ll know I’m reading Regretsy instead of filing dumb paperwork.
August 3, 2011 at 9:38 am
That’s when you say, “I heard from a friend…..”
August 3, 2011 at 10:36 am
Just wait and send an e-mail at lunch…as I just did!
August 3, 2011 at 11:31 am
Tell them tomorrow morning, and say you read it the night before! Works every time.
August 3, 2011 at 5:55 pm
As of today I can’t get on Regretsy at work any more… I could yesterday, but not today. Damn, IT departments.
August 3, 2011 at 9:30 am
I have a similar story, about a cotton mutant my boss had growing at the campus farm. Some kids thought the five leaves looked like this “okra” and were smoking it. Joke was on them, since cotton contains a compound that causes male sterility!
August 3, 2011 at 9:50 am
It’s for the best really. I think the government ought to plant those in public parks. Think of all the social improvement that could take place in just one generation! It’s genius!
August 3, 2011 at 9:54 am
And the Darwin Award goes to…
August 3, 2011 at 10:28 am
I had a friend in college whose cranky elderly neighbor tried to get him busted . . . for his tomato plants.
Just because you lived through the Sixties doesn’t mean you learned anything from them, apparently.
August 3, 2011 at 12:39 pm
I actually knew people in the 60′s who did NOT know a thing about marijuana. True story.
August 3, 2011 at 2:03 pm
When my uncle was in high school in the 70s he grew pot in his bedroom. Had my grandmother convinced they were “popple trees” for a “science project”. I don’t think he ever got caught.
August 4, 2011 at 10:21 am
Did he keep count of his plants? ‘Cause maybe grandad was partaking of a toke on his own and letting the kid think he was getting away with something.!
August 3, 2011 at 10:28 am
that’s natural selection at its finest
August 3, 2011 at 9:30 am
Next step: leave out bags of dried oregano
Beautiful story, btw
Just what I needed today!
August 3, 2011 at 9:44 am
Team Oregano… you’re doing it wrong.
August 3, 2011 at 9:52 am
LOL! One of the guys I knew in junior high used to sell oregano in baggies. He also made pencil shaving joints and sold those too. AND people kept buying them!
I love AntB – she has the best stories, and is a wonderful person.
August 3, 2011 at 10:41 am
Never underestimate the placebo effect.
August 3, 2011 at 10:42 am
In high school my friend and I left a sandwich bag full of oregano and other herbs in the woods where people smoked pot. The next day it was gone.
August 3, 2011 at 11:29 am
Oregano has such a distinctive scent – I can’t figure out how ANYONE could mistake it for pot…
August 3, 2011 at 7:40 pm
A year or so ago at Xmas my mother bitched about me throwing out her pot YEARS and YEARS ago, which I had never known about. Apparently, I was a teenager, cleaning out the spice cabinet full of the oldest spices ever (seriously, some had moved with us 10 years prior), many of them in unlabeled plastic bags, coal-dust greasy and all. Perhaps I was overly naive as a kid or something, but honestly, it never occurred to me that the bag of dried green stuff IN THE SPICE CUPBOARD was anything but ancient oregano. (and apparently there was a pipe in there as well, but I paid no attention to it.)
August 3, 2011 at 9:51 pm
My mom would murder me if I threw out her pot.
August 4, 2011 at 9:51 am
Well, seriously! If she’d *said* anything about it, I wouldn’t have thrown it out. But apparently she was right there when I said “god, this is an ancient baggie of unlabeled something or other” and yet didn’t say “That’s pot, put it back.”
August 3, 2011 at 11:02 am
Oregano. Good times.
August 3, 2011 at 11:28 am
I was thinking she should show the cops her Oregano stash too to be safe.
August 3, 2011 at 12:58 pm
my friends tried to sell oregano to this kid who said he wanted to try pot. well, they were high, so they freaked out and were afraid to give it to him in case it might be “poisonous.”
August 3, 2011 at 1:26 pm
There’s an episode of ‘Spaced’ about this very thing. I recommend it.
August 3, 2011 at 9:31 am
Now are you going to have cops showing up regularly for fresh veggies in exchange for protecting your garden? “Gonna need another squash…be a shame if you were overrun with squash bugs.”
August 3, 2011 at 10:02 am
If they’re growing zucs they might be really happy if that happened. “Are you sure you just want one? You mean one dozen, right?”
August 3, 2011 at 12:14 pm
I love it when I get inundated with zucchini because I make a mean zucchini bread. I only need like, 1/2 of a zuke for two loaves, and yet I suddenly have three dozen of the beasts taking up counter space… These people can’t possibly want THAT much bread!
August 3, 2011 at 2:48 pm
Long time lurker – just wanted to jump in and say I have a fantastic recipe for spiced carrot-zucchini bread. Will share if interested. It is delightful.
August 3, 2011 at 4:26 pm
http://seattlelocalfood.com/2010/09/12/zucchini-crust-pizza/ i want to try it, but it feels wrong to *buy* zucchini… even though the squash borers do horrible things to any attempt of mine to grow squashy things.
August 3, 2011 at 7:43 pm
Alia Gee: I think you can just hang out at nurseries with a cardboard sign and someone will give you all that you could ever need.
August 5, 2011 at 7:36 am
My mom’s diabetic, and I found this recipe for diabetic lasagna. Instead of the noodles, you just used sliced squash and zuchini, and then whatever else you put in (we use ground beef, cottage cheese mixed with parmesan (I’m allergic to ricotta, natch), and spices, and sauce. It’s super good.
August 3, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Every time I go to my mom’s house this time of year I get an entire armful foisted off on me.
I’ve resorted to just trying random things with them.
At this point I’ve got a gallon jar in my fridge hopefully making some tasty fridge zuc pickles.
August 3, 2011 at 1:13 pm
I wish I had that problem! I love zucchini but I never get more than 2-3 off the plants before the squash vine borers destroy them.
August 3, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Same thing happens in New England when people go fishing for blues. Stupid fish are so damned ravenous people catch so many, they have to foist them off on coworkers and neighbors. And blues are about as slimy and gamy as okra.
August 3, 2011 at 9:31 am
Watch out, he’ll try to make a bong out of your squashes.
August 3, 2011 at 4:27 pm
a dorm-mate of a friend was forced to make a bong out of a carrot. it was that or french bread… the bread didn’t work out so well, despite being stale…
August 3, 2011 at 9:31 am
This story is amazing XD
It’s both amusing and depressing that people can be so flipping stupid.
August 3, 2011 at 9:31 am
Oh how badly I needed this laugh! Beats crying all morning, as I had been.
August 3, 2011 at 9:39 am
Ditto, Sweetie. Hugs. And okra. Lots AND Lots of Okra.
August 3, 2011 at 12:16 pm
/hug
I hope things get better for you.
August 3, 2011 at 9:32 am
I’ve only had a neighbour tell me not to pee on their lawn (which was in fact a public lawn), which she assumed was the logical next step after walking past it. She also told me that she had taken note of me walking there often. Then it hit me that it was the same woman that had earlier almost crushed me against a wall with her car while I was walking by the same damned patch of lawn.
The okra story is quite amazing. My current neighbours won’t even greet me.
August 3, 2011 at 9:32 am
that’s as bad as this story from Toms River, NJ!!!
http://tomsriver.patch.com/articles/pair-arrested-on-drug-charges-after-running-into-police-station-for-help
August 3, 2011 at 11:44 am
I made the husband promise me we would never, ever live in Northern New Jersey.
Now I’m going to have to add coastal New Jersey as well.
August 3, 2011 at 2:43 pm
Ha! I used to live in Toms River. Doesn’t surprise me a bit. Come for the hobo beatings, stay for the shady drug dealers.
August 3, 2011 at 6:28 pm
Aww, my auntie lives in Manahawken, right next to Toms River. I found it to be a lovely place. Maybe it’s just because I was a visitor and not a resident?
August 3, 2011 at 9:32 am
You can’t get beer for green okra leaves. Dumbass didn’t even cure them. This story makes for lots of giggling though. YAY!
August 3, 2011 at 9:34 am
Joke’s on you guys! I’ve been smoking okra for YEARS!
August 3, 2011 at 9:52 am
Every time I scroll past this picture I can’t help but snicker a bit.
August 3, 2011 at 11:05 am
^^new game: #okradealertestimonials
August 3, 2011 at 9:34 am
I wonder how much you could get for a bag of mesclun salad greens?
August 3, 2011 at 9:38 am
depends on how you pronounce it, and if there’s also some mushrooms in it.
August 3, 2011 at 1:03 pm
just say its from africa. you could sell the shit out of it.
August 3, 2011 at 9:37 am
He steals from you, and when caught, he rats you out?! Unbelievable.
I guess none of this wouldn’t have happened if you stuck with KALE.
August 3, 2011 at 11:33 am
WHY?!? Why did you have to drag the Bobby-Hipped-Hippie from the bowels of regretsy?!?
August 3, 2011 at 12:31 pm
It’s the victory/u mad face of a kale purist. You know the OP’s neighbor has to be one too.
August 3, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Aw… I still think she’s kinda cute. But dreads are a big Keep Away sign.
August 3, 2011 at 3:31 pm
Updated her a bit.
August 3, 2011 at 10:07 pm
‘OH BABY YOUUUU GOT WHAT I NEE-EED’
August 4, 2011 at 3:18 am
Oh god what a minger. Could have at least pushed her nipples in first.
August 3, 2011 at 9:38 am
Heh. I’m growing an okra plant on my balcony. I’ve gotten a couple of “inquiries” too.
August 3, 2011 at 9:40 am
August 3, 2011 at 11:50 am
HUH! BAD BOYS WHATCHA GON’ WHATCHA GONNA DO? WHEN DA VEGGIE MAN COME FOR YOU?
August 3, 2011 at 12:18 pm
All gardeners are presumed innocent until convicted in a gourd of law.
August 3, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Or in a quart of slaw, whichever we can get our hands on.
August 3, 2011 at 9:40 am
That’s a great story! Last night we had our annual National Night Out neighborhood party and the police car that usually comes parked in front of my house this year. We have a beautiful plant called Cleome (legal plant) growing in our front yard and when it heats up outside the plant has a VERY distinct odor of Marijuana. So we’re standing there talking to the officer and all I can smell is this plant, I’m feeling the need to explain because you know that he can smell it too but I chose to remain silent!!!!! OY!
August 3, 2011 at 10:36 am
Yea my mom was growing some sort of exotic hibiscus plant that had leaves that looked almost exactly like pot leaves. I saw it sprouting and was like um mom WTF? I truly did not believe it was a Hibiscus until it popped out huge pink flowers.
August 3, 2011 at 12:09 pm
Texas Star Hibiscus has very pot-like leaves. My teenage son did a double take until I told him it wouldn’t get him high. Okra doesn’t even look that close.(I have that,too, and it’s yummy)
August 3, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Yes, my neighbor made a little “wink wink” kind of comment one year about my hibiscus plant. Luckily, no one has ever come over and stripped the leaves… yet.
August 3, 2011 at 3:36 pm
I’m been meaning to get some Clemome, that are lovely and so heat tolerant. Never knew about the smell (really that bad?). Should be interesting because I have a weed that pops up every year that looks so “pot-like” that people have commented. Once I add a flower with the smell, my yard should be very popular.
August 3, 2011 at 10:26 pm
It is REALLY strong in the heat. We had neighbors who were both firefighters and I assume mandatory reporters who finally came over last year to ask about the “smell” we showed them the plants and they had a good laugh and asked for starts! LOL. I don’t know if Cleomes come in different “scents”. They are prolific seeders btw.
August 3, 2011 at 9:41 am
That’s some baaaad juju moGUMBO, dude…..
August 3, 2011 at 11:32 am
Oh, I love you for that reference…
August 3, 2011 at 9:46 am
Still funny. Why did you wait so long to put this up?
August 3, 2011 at 9:46 am
I love this.
One time a neighbor called the cops on my dad for growing some weed in his garage. It was actually a tomato plant. The guy somehow missed the *real* plant in the backyard.
And then this other time my friend’s car got broken into and they stole his bag of hops he had just bought to brew at home. I hope the jokers smoked it.
August 3, 2011 at 10:16 am
Sorry for the double post. Dunno why it did that.
August 3, 2011 at 9:47 am
Who knew okra looked like…that? Thanks for the giggles! Just say no to okra. Really, no no no. It’s a disgusting slimy snotty vegetable.
August 3, 2011 at 9:48 am
This is too funny.
One of my dad’s neighbors called the cops on him for some suspicious plants in my dad’s garage. They were tomatoes.
And another friend had a bag of hops he had just bought for home brewing stolen from his car. I hope those jokers smoked it.
August 3, 2011 at 9:48 am
i thought the neighbors had some in their garden, but it was castor oil plants in the end…
August 3, 2011 at 9:49 am
just to be clear, i wouldn’t have reported them, i would have told certain family members to go over there to get some for smoking. i was born in Amsterdam (we don’t live there anymore).
August 3, 2011 at 10:41 am
Good thing your family didn’t smoke that. Castor plants produce a very potent poisonous compound called Ricin. It’s a protein poison that takes only very tiny concentrations to kill, like a few grains of salt worth. It’s especially deadly when inhaled. Moral to this story… if you don’t KNOW what it is, don’t smoke it!
I am glad nobody got hurt.
August 3, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Thank you! This is one of the reasons I keep reading Regretsy…all of the great bits of information that get dropped here and there. Well, that and the snark of course.
August 3, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Ugh, so THAT’S the backstory of Ricin…*shudders
August 3, 2011 at 11:33 am
Well that’s just the shits.
(see what I did there?)
August 3, 2011 at 9:51 am
I’m reminded of the guy back in the ’80s or early ’90′s who cruised the streets of Manchester trying to sell something to the unwary young people, which on closer inspection, would prove to be an OXO beef stock cube.
They called him the OXO Demon, & it was a sign that you were the biggest idiot in town if you had bought from him to the extent that it became an actual saying.
“So dumb he got caught by the OXO Demon.”
Pretty sure my ex bought himself a stock cube when he was a student.
August 3, 2011 at 9:52 am
In junior high, I told some friends that you could get stoned by smoking tea. Not only did they believe me, but they acted goofy all day after trying it.
Man, that was fun.
August 3, 2011 at 10:00 am
Plus your house smelled good. Win win win.
August 3, 2011 at 12:55 pm
I tried tea once, don,t ask me why. And I’m sure I’m not the only cat owner who tried catnip.
August 3, 2011 at 6:06 pm
I drink catnip tea a lot. It’s very good for helping with insomnia and it’s also good for…girl things. My cat acts like an annoying little fuck until I give her a cup, too. Then she stares at her tail for a few hours.
Years ago, I had dug up some catnip plants from my parents’ yard to bring home with me to put in my container garden. They were in the back of my car. I went out with some friends before heading home. One friend got a bit intoxicated and we were loading her into the car and she keeps yelling, “Your weed is in my way. Why do you have so much weed in your backseat anyway?” Cop wanders over to see what’s going on, looks at my plants and asks what it is. I told him, “Catnip. Only going to get you buzzed if you’re part tabby.” He laughed at that, asked if I had been drinking,I showed him my DD bracelet from the bar, so he told us to have a good night and get the drunk friend home safe.
August 3, 2011 at 10:05 pm
I’ve never thought of trying catnip tea on my cats.
I’ve become such a crazy cat lady. At least the husband is a crazy cat guy.
August 3, 2011 at 5:26 pm
“Boston Harbor is Gonna be a Swingin’ Teapot Tonight!”
August 3, 2011 at 9:54 am
I once tried Tokra…but I didn’t inhale
August 3, 2011 at 11:46 am
I tried okra once, but I didn’t swallow.
August 3, 2011 at 9:54 am
Oh, by the way, let me share this story. I used to work with this idiot at a local restaurant. A pizza/Italian restaurant. Where there’s lots of flour. Mind you, he’d see the flour every day.
So, he kept asking all of us where to get the best coke. Fed up with it after hearing it forty thousand times, I finally said, “I just started dealin’. Lemme hook you up. Meet me after work tomorrow in the alley.” Next day, I showed up with a baggie of self-rising flour and the dipstick bought it for $25. A few days later (he was scheduled off for a few), I asked him if he was satisfied. “Oh, yeah, man! Best shit ever!”
(And yes, I confirmed with his wife, who also worked there, that he did indeed do lines of flour.)
August 3, 2011 at 10:02 am
You get a Gold Medal for that story!
August 3, 2011 at 10:09 am
I see what you did there.
Thumbs up.
August 3, 2011 at 5:33 pm
Hoshit, LeeLoo. Literally LOL. On point, as always!
August 3, 2011 at 3:21 pm
…and all I can think of now is my time spent in a bakery, when a coworker got a yeast infection in her nose from all the various dusts and powders floating around.
If that guy was dumb enough to snort flour, he deserves whatever horrible respiratory ailment he got.
August 3, 2011 at 9:55 am
This reminds me of a story…My Mom dated this guy in the 70s (She was going to marry him…egad) and at some point he and his friends read that you can get high off the hearts of a certain kind of cabbage… So they go to the effort to hunt this cabbage down in the local grocery, buy and entire bin, and proceed to boil it down and eat it. Well do you know what happens when 6 men, alone in a house with 1 bathroom spend the entire day eating boiled cabbage? The floors were never the same.
August 3, 2011 at 12:50 pm
That’s a smell that will never leave.
August 3, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Well, can you at least change the size of it?
August 3, 2011 at 9:57 am
Is no one going to point out that it doesn’t even really look like the illicit substance in question!?
August 3, 2011 at 10:01 am
No, it really, really doesn’t. It looks more like a marrow or melon leaf.
Don’t get me started on melons, I grew three Shark Fin Melons from seed this year, & they seem to grow about a foot per night… they’re taking over!
August 3, 2011 at 10:22 am
Have they gotten as far as the door yet? When you hear a knock and your question of “Who’s there?” is answered with a muffled “Uh…candygram!” RUN, DON’T WALK, IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION! A Land Shark (Fin Melon) will kill you! Just a warning.
August 3, 2011 at 12:06 pm
Heh! It went through the fence & right across next door’s path in the night.
August 3, 2011 at 11:15 am
My grape vine grows pretty quick at this time of year. If I leave the patio door to the dining room open during the day, I have to shove the new vine growth out the door before I close it at night. Of course, they are table grapes, and there is a table in the dining room, so it makes sense.
August 3, 2011 at 9:58 am
Silly thief. You don’t smoke the leaves.
August 3, 2011 at 10:46 am
Unless you’re desperate, I suppose.
August 3, 2011 at 1:22 pm
That’s what I was thinking… you spend several hours with manicure scissors to get *rid* of the leaves.
August 3, 2011 at 4:41 pm
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought this. I think that’s probably the most depressing thing about this story. How do you expect to sell drugs if you don’t even know what part to use?
August 3, 2011 at 10:05 am
This opens up a new market for AntB – I am hoping soon to see a line of her ceramic okra pipes…
August 3, 2011 at 10:54 am
Oh she so needs to make those and sell them in the AA shop this month. HIGHlarious! I don’t Tokra anymore, but I’d still like looking at it.
August 3, 2011 at 11:08 am
it could even say “addicted to Regretsy” on the side… like the mug I so wanted last month that somebody ripped from my basket!
…although I would also be interested in a mug that said “addicted to Okra”
August 3, 2011 at 11:16 am
dammit and then I wanted to break into song again.
OOOOkra HOBO where the winds come sweeping down the plains
We know we belong to the land
And the land we belong to is grand!
And when we say
Yeeow! Aye-yip-aye-yo-ee-ay!
We’re only sayin’
You’re doin’ fine, Okra-hobo
Okra hobo, ok
August 3, 2011 at 11:34 am
Just when I think I can’t love you anymore, Nana….
August 3, 2011 at 12:17 pm
I would also enjoy having a mug that said addicted to okra. Just think of all the snarky lines you could spout off when people looked at you weird.
“Best thing ever for getting fried, man.”
“Dude, it’s even better than hibiscus”
August 3, 2011 at 10:06 am
Gives new meaning to the words “fried okra”.
August 3, 2011 at 11:14 am
I was going to post exactly this. I shake my fists at you.
August 3, 2011 at 6:36 pm
I’m from the South… maybe that’s why I was quicker on the fried thing.
August 3, 2011 at 10:08 am
A few years ago, I forgot a few pots of herbs on the backseat of my car. When I came back the next day, the window was smashed and the pots were gone. None of the other stuff was touched (radio, the digital camera in the glove box etc) To this day I wonder what kick you get from smoking rosmary and thyme and what the hell you can confuse them with. The cops got a good laugh of that one, too.
August 3, 2011 at 10:19 am
What, no parsley and sage? Add them to the rosemary and thyme and those kids would have had one incredible high.
August 3, 2011 at 5:43 pm
Oh, geez, Mugsy. Those lyrics define Etsy, and the cupcakes featured yesterday! They must have gotten into the spice cabinet!
August 4, 2011 at 8:24 pm
You’re not far off. If I’m not mistaken, ingesting them all at once, and in sufficient quantity, yields a sedative effect.
August 3, 2011 at 10:08 am
What a dumbass. Doesn’t he know he could repurpose those leaves into some kind of organic high priestess compound and sold it on Etsy for at least 3 cases of beer (or 5 cases of PBR)?
August 4, 2011 at 8:25 pm
Stress on HIGH priestess…
August 3, 2011 at 10:11 am
Legalize Okra!!!!!! (and then deep-fry that mother)
August 3, 2011 at 10:13 am
August 3, 2011 at 10:18 am
Okra?…Oprah.
Oprah!…Okra
Next time on rocco’s dinner party
August 3, 2011 at 10:25 am
Let’s send a wedding gift of okra. Okra helps the butthurt!!!!!
August 3, 2011 at 10:42 am
Some dickhole once pulled up all my tarragon in the front yard. Now, there’s no mistaking tarragon for longbottom leaf, but tarragon is used by addicts to french cooking.
What’s upsetting is that tarragon can be difficult to grow, and these had been around for 3 years without dying. And now some dickhole yanked them right out of the front yard.
I think maybe the era of the front yard is past. It’s time to wall off all the property, plow up the chemical-laden yard, and put in food-producing gardens. And with the wall up, if you do decide to grow The Leaf, your crack-addled neighbors won’t be yanking it up, cuz they can’t seez it.
August 3, 2011 at 11:16 am
You put a wall up, I guarantee your crack-addled neighbors will be stealing the tallest ladder they can find to see why. Crack makes them stupid, but it also makes them suspicious.
August 3, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Crack turns people into brainless, frenzied, rabid little beasts. May be the worst drug to ever hit the streets.
August 3, 2011 at 3:53 pm
So you take shards of glass and embed them in a layer of concrete along the top of the wall.
Roofing nails could work too.
August 3, 2011 at 10:43 am
What an idiot. Everyone knows you need to dry and cure okra leaves before you sell them.
At least, that’s what I’ve heard.
August 3, 2011 at 10:45 am
Note to self: disguise next cannabis crop by interplanting with okra.
August 3, 2011 at 10:47 am
Hey, what do you have against upcycling ocra leaves? Youfat jealous losers are SO untwitter.
August 3, 2011 at 10:54 am
August 3, 2011 at 10:56 am
I saw the first half in the forums. That was a fantastic ending!
August 3, 2011 at 11:01 am
This is a beautiful story. And frankly, I can think of no better use for okra, and I don’t know why you’re growing it, since it is just vaseline rolled in hair. It’s too bad the desperate thief had to get arrested for okra, though. Still a good story!
August 3, 2011 at 11:10 am
I love the fact that when he gets caught he tries to be all its not me growing, my neighbor is growing it and I stole it… Who would get more time in this situation I wonder???
August 3, 2011 at 1:14 pm
“I don’t sell crack, I’m a prostitute.”
August 3, 2011 at 1:28 pm
I’m betting he was hoping he could get some kind of deal out of it. “If I tell you where I got it (a huge home grown garden) can I get some time off or something?”
August 3, 2011 at 2:17 pm
There was a time when this behavior was known as “being a narc” or “narcing someone out”, but I am told these kids today don’t recognize the term.
August 3, 2011 at 4:19 pm
They do recognize the term “Snitches get stitches.”
August 3, 2011 at 11:16 am
And for dessert, after the gumbo, you serve brownies.
August 3, 2011 at 1:10 pm
Ooh, this reminds me of the late, great Jack Soo on “Barney Miller” when they picked up a drug dealer who had made hash brownies. Soo’s character didn’t know they were hash brownies…and ate many of them. He’d repeatedly go up to Barney and, with a goofy smile, lean in and say/slur “MOOSHY MOOSHY!!”
August 3, 2011 at 5:57 pm
The pot brownie episode! I think Barney was the only one who didn’t sample them. Loved that show.
August 4, 2011 at 10:34 am
Catherder, I think you’re right–Barney had to run the place by himself.
Remember the one where Harris brought in a guy dressed as a circus clown and when Barney asked him what he has, Harris answered, “Oh, just some clown I picked up…I always wanted to say that!”
What a great show!
August 3, 2011 at 1:24 pm
Alice B. Okralas brownies?
August 3, 2011 at 11:25 am
Pfft…
Amateurs…
August 3, 2011 at 12:14 pm
This will be my desktop wallpaper forever.
August 3, 2011 at 3:00 pm
This makes my whole entire world better.
August 4, 2011 at 8:28 pm
I just finished watching the part where Littlefoot’s mom died.
Now my insides hurt from,aughing so hard.
Thank you.
August 3, 2011 at 11:30 am
I tried okra once in college but I didn’t inhale.
August 3, 2011 at 11:32 am
Damn, didn’t see someone already used that…disregard
August 3, 2011 at 12:02 pm
its still funny…
August 3, 2011 at 11:35 am
Oh, AntB. You always make me smile so big. I <3 you. Like Paris Hilton <3's Valtrex.
August 3, 2011 at 11:42 am
I love AntB – and this story is freaking AWESOME! Sorry about your plants, but omfg, what just desserts he got!
August 3, 2011 at 12:09 pm
I live in the City of Gardens. One young couple I know decided not to buy a house they liked because they didn’t think they could handle the peer pressure of keeping up the garden.
A few years ago, a couple bought a house with a very nice garden in one of the nicer middle-class neighbourhoods. When they showed up with everything in moving vans, the garden was missing. Gone. The old owner had decided she couldn’t bear to leave it and dug it up and took it with her. The new owners took the old owners to court and won.
August 3, 2011 at 12:16 pm
Cops “raided” an old lady’s house and backyard that lived across the street from my mom when she was younger. Turns out it was all okra… not marijuana plants like they had initially thought. I mean come on, they aren’t IDENTICAL! Sorry about your okra, ladies.
August 3, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Okra is one of the few plants that will actually grow reasonably well in the heat of a Florida summer. That’s what I’ve heard, anyway. I’ve never been tempted to grow it until reading this story.
August 3, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Back in the 1910′s, when my Great Aunt had just arrived from Italy and didn’t speak much English, she had beatiful bright red flowers growing on the front part of the farm (down outside of Fresno CA). One day she came out in the front yard to find officers of some sort tearing them out. It turned out they were opium poppies! She just thought they were pretty.
August 4, 2011 at 10:18 am
Better than an article I read about regulating herbal remedies. There was a quote of someone moaning about the fact his grandma always grew poppies so she could make “special herbal medicine” for family and friends, and then the gubment came and took her poppies! Now her “secret herbal recipe” is gone!
August 3, 2011 at 12:46 pm
We EMT’s have a phrase: stupid people + vehicles = job security. I suppose now policemen have a phrase: stupid people + okra = job security.
August 3, 2011 at 12:59 pm
I have an okra plant growing in a bucket in my backyard. I wonder how suspicious that looks… (Also have 17 tomato plants in various containers.)
August 3, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Those poor Okra plants! Hopefully they will recover.
I’ve seen people picking leaves off plants at the edge of my yard and my neighbor’s yard, but they were grape leaves. It would be nice if they asked first. I’d have told them to take all the leaves they wanted, those things are invasive and the grapes we have don’t even taste good (I think they’re wine grapes.)
August 3, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Let this be a lesson to anyone who’s not reading the forums yet: you’re missing out.
August 3, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Keeping up with you degenerates here is enough. I don’t have time (currently) to read all the forum posts. Don’t hurt me.
August 3, 2011 at 7:17 pm
I can’t keep up on the forums. I keep trying, but by the time I come back, whatever threads I was commenting on are buried 5 pages back. Y’all are some chatty fuckers! LOL!
August 3, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Good Read…
August 3, 2011 at 2:11 pm
One time in 8th grade history class the guy I had a crush on smiled at me. He then proceeded to unroll a cellophane wrapper of smarties, crush them up, and then snort them. The crush was short lived after that. 10 years later, he wound up being my boss for a while at old navy. I decided to go to college after that before I completely lost my mind.
August 3, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Back in the 70′s there was an article in High Times magazine that said you could make opium out of lettuce hearts. The process was ridiculously complicated, but my parents decided to try it. Only the hearts of the lettuce could be used, they had to be chopped and baked, possibly boiled…I wasn’t paying attention, I was busy being a kid.
What I do remember is that the house smelled awful, my parents and their friends all had terrible headaches (probably from smoking lettuce), and we ate salad at every meal for about a week afterward.
Every time somebody says “It must have been fun having cool biker parents” – I think of the day they smoked iceberg lettuce. So much for “cool”.
August 3, 2011 at 6:00 pm
That could just be your stock response:
“It must have been fun having cool biker parents.”
“Except when they smoked iceberg lettuce.”
August 3, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Idiot should know what pot looks like! Similarity?… they are both green.
August 3, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Okra is a slippery slope to Gumbo.
August 4, 2011 at 8:14 pm
There’s a drug if ever there was one. Jimmy Buffett had it right: “She warned me when she told me ‘Son, the first one’s free…’”
August 3, 2011 at 3:01 pm
Oh my god says it all.
August 3, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Hmmm I am growing Okra in my church garden… I wonder if they all think I am a degenerate….. LoL
August 3, 2011 at 3:27 pm
Sorry , but a world with less okra is a better world altogether.
August 3, 2011 at 5:27 pm
Something similar happens around here a lot, too. There’s a native plant that grows everywhere around our area that looks similar to marijuana, except that the leaves are kind of fuzzy when it’s fully grown. It’s called sulphur cinquefoil or something like that. I always go out in the spring and kill it with RoundUp to avoid situations like this one. However, it’s kind of amusing to watch the high school kids try to sneakily pick it near sidewalk edges. Yeah, cuz we just grow it out in the open for your convenience.
August 3, 2011 at 6:19 pm
So sorry about your poor plants! But wow, what a fantastic fucking story. I’m telling it to everyone for the next week.
August 3, 2011 at 7:29 pm
Hey, screw all o’ yous!
But yeah, looks like a long time lurker got herself a nifty username.
August 3, 2011 at 8:10 pm
*looks askance at this new poster*
August 3, 2011 at 8:30 pm
I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for your okra weed. All I wanted was a beer, goddammit.
August 3, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Don’t listen to the yuppies claiming Okra is safe, it causes schizophrenia!
August 3, 2011 at 8:43 pm
Garden thievery has been the cause of much misery throughout the years, as Bernadette Peters tells us. Greens, greens!
http://www.fanpop.com/spots/into-the-woods/videos/11943385/title/woods-greens-greens
I’m only sad I couldn’t find the Phylicia Rashad version.
August 3, 2011 at 8:59 pm
This is the first regretsy thread I’ve read in its entirety including all the comments. Legend.
August 3, 2011 at 9:06 pm
I may have to rethink my plans for an okra grow house.
August 3, 2011 at 10:13 pm
too funny! back in the 70′s when my folks were still dirty hippies, they told the next door neighbors (who were old with bad eyesight) that they were growing “mint” when asked what plants were growing in the back yard. quite the opposite story but this made me chuckle
August 3, 2011 at 10:17 pm
Kinda reminds me of that one Office episode where Michael buys the caprese salad off the warehouse guys thinking it was drugs.
August 3, 2011 at 11:12 pm
This story is on the front page of Reddit. Well done.
August 4, 2011 at 1:25 am
Some people think okra should be illegal anyway.
August 4, 2011 at 3:15 am
God I love thick people
August 4, 2011 at 5:29 am
This officially made my morning <3
August 4, 2011 at 6:37 am
Long time lurker, first time poster.
I don’t know if this is true, but it’s a legend in my family. In the 1970s my grandma lived in California. My aunt showed up at her house and asked if she could plant some begonias in the side garden because her apartment complex didn’t have a place to plant anything. So my poor grandma let her do so and then lovingly cared for them but wondered why they didn’t look like the other begonia plants she had seen. My aunt assured her that they were a cross-breed. Some time later, a police officer came to her door and asked about the pot growing in her side yard.
My (British) grandmother exclaimed “What? Linda’s wonky begonias?” Which apparently was all the officer needed to hear to go bust my aunt, who was apparently well-known to the local police.
Again, not sure if it’s true, but it’s always a fun story to hear at Thanksgiving…
August 4, 2011 at 6:37 am
See? This is EXACTLY why I booby-trap my rose bushes.
August 4, 2011 at 8:15 am
He only wanted ONE tomato for his dinner?! ONE?!
August 4, 2011 at 9:34 am
Psssst, c’mere. I got some japanese maple here. Yeah, the good stuff, spring-green. Cheap, too.
http://www.naturedesktopwallpapers.com/wallpapers/nature-japanese-maple/
August 5, 2011 at 7:54 am
LOL! There’s one of those in the Biltmore gardens, and my sister and I cracked up when we saw it. We knew it wasn’t weed, but we’re juvenile like that.
August 4, 2011 at 6:01 pm
it’s time to play WHAT’S NOT WEED !!!
August 6, 2011 at 10:09 am
This just, this just reminds me of a story I was told about a couple of idiots around town and the high production of giant ragweed…
It takes all kinds to run the world, but some are just here to entertain the rest of us!
August 17, 2011 at 1:44 am
So I finally get the kale/okra jokes now. Oh.
I think you could make a book called “Things That Are Not Pot”, and include all the pictures and stories in this here thread. I would buy it, and give dried leaves from the wannabe plants as gifts to people I dislike.