That’s a beautiful shot isn’t it? There’s nothing more appetizing than food in the dirt. It’s like something out the North American Scat Guide. All it needs is a ruler and a couple of flies.

One of the great things about Etsy is that it affords any vulture with marginal talent the ability to make a few bucks on the back of tragedy.

So today, as the nation is reeling from one of the most shocking verdicts in recent memory, let us exploit a dead baby with some neat stickers and bad felt marker drawings.

Bonus points for NO portion of the proceeds benefiting the victim or any child abuse charity!

Click thumbnails for larger images

We have so much news for you today, I can barely manage my inertia. So let’s stop playing with ourselves and just get on with the big news and important updates of usefulness!

1. YOU RAISED $7,160.00 FOR AN ETSY SELLER IN NEED

As you know, April’s Army had a fundraising in June to help Katie, an Etsy seller in need. Katie has been trying to help her mother pay off some crushing debt, accumulated during her late father’s long battle with cancer.

In one week, you heartless bastards ponied up $7,160.00 to help them, because you’re jealous losers with nothing better to do than sit around making fun of someone’s shitty knitting. So fuck you.

Here’s a thank you to everyone, directly from Katie and her mom, Marilyn:

There aren’t enough words in the English language to accurately express our gratitude. This past week has been a miraculous experience for us. We began the week feeling hopeful, but you all quickly showed us kindness, love and generosity far beyond anything we dared hope for. Your messages of support alone have brought such a light into our lives, and the money you’ve contributed is truly life-changing.

We want to thank the over 250 people who purchased something from our Etsy store. Every listing sold out, so thank you so much for your overwhelming support. We appreciate your patience with the delay as we work to complete and ship all your orders. In the meantime, I’ll be posting pictures of our progress to keep everyone updated.

We must also thank all the people who donated money through our blog as well. You very literally gave without asking anything in return, and that is unbelievably moving. Thank you.

We also have to thank all the amazing artists and crafters who donated items to be sold through April’s Army on Etsy. It’s obvious that you all put your hearts into your work. Frankly, it was a struggle not to buy many of the items ourselves! They were just that fantastic. Your contributions have made an incredible difference in our lives.

And of course, we are immeasurably grateful to April and her whole charity team. Not one bit of this would have happened without your kindness and generosity. You really are improving the world, one Etsy seller at a time.

So from our family to all of you, thank you!
-Katie and Marilyn

2. THEY INTERVIEWED ME ON HANDMADEOLOGY

Many thanks to the lovely people at Handmadeology for a great piece on my particular brand of bullshit.

They really were the nicest people imaginable, which I appreciated. And they came very close to making me sound intelligent, so props to the people who stayed up all night making that happen.

Read my ramblings here

3. WINNING AT EVERYTHING

All right now this is kind of complicated, but work with me.

Remember that episode of M*A*S*H where Hawkeye and Trapper need medicine, so they trade Henry’s oak desk? Or something like that? Everyone has to trade something all the way down the line, and eventually the show gets canceled? You know what I’m talking about.

Anyway, we’re in a similar situation over here. Bronc and I had a great idea for a new web site, but we can’t build it ourselves. Our friends at Winning at Everything (or W@E as I like to call it to make myself seem interesting) are very, very smart about that kind of thing, so they agreed to take a few weeks off to build a new site for us!

But – and here’s where it gets all Bosom Buddies – in order for them to have the time to make that happen, we had to agree to take over their site for two weeks. Well, actually Bronc agreed to do it. I’m all out of jokes, which you may have noticed. It happened last fall.

Bronc started yesterday, and it’s already going great.

Yeah, I don’t know.

So please do me a favor, and go to the site and leave a comment. Just bypass Facebook completely, because their fans are like your mom and her dentist. There’s a lot of THAT’S NOT NICE going on over there and I’m getting a headache.

We have to repay these people somehow. They’re building us a web site for God’s sake. Sure, I said, we’ll send you some traffic! We’ll get you some comments, we’ll have a fun time over there! I LIED THROUGH MY TEETH

Just bookmark the damn thing and go show Bronc a little love, would you? The poor man is working like an animal. You don’t even have to be coherent. Just start some shit.

After all, if we get a new site out of it, isn’t it worth two weeks out of our lives to totally disrupt someone else’s business and flood their fan base with assholes?

I think so.