Since grammar and penises are so important here, I want to set the record straight. The ending -i applies ONLY to Latin words ending in -us, e.g., hippopotami, and technically only those belonging to the second declension, so many -us words in fact do not use the -i ending: for example, the plural of the fourth declension Jesus is Jesus (with a long u).
Words ending in -is belong to a completely different declension and have the plural -es. To be really Roman, we should replace the singular -is ending with the plural -es ending: pen-is–>pen-es. But then hardly anyone would know what you mean, so maybe just use it when you want to talk about penises in code.
It always gives me a mental image of a sea of penis, just undulating around at my feet. Have you ever seen a fish feeding frenzy? All those slippery bodies sliding over each other, mouths gaping, a mass of slick, writhing flesh?
Whenever I think ‘penii’ that image is in my head, except it aint fish I’m seeing.
Agreed, gimmethosefethas, this is the best comment of all time. A sea of writhing, undulating phalli (detouring around the penis plural debate here) is a mental image that will be with me forever. And I am not even a little unhappy about that.
Finally my big chance to be an insufferable douche on the interwebs internet! I think penis might be a third declension noun. So “penises” should work, although I think there might be “penes” version too. There could be an accent on the latter version. I have no fucking idea because I didn’t finish that introductory to Latin book and I might be drunk.
Let’s just call them dicks as God intended!
I shouldn’t admit this publicly, but I one time read this sci-fi/romance novel which became steadily more racy as it progressed. Near the end was a scene something reminiscent of this.
What I love is when they have a bold disclaimer on the cover stating the book depicts graphic sex with a non-humanoid alien, and as such may not be suitable for all readers.
OMG today is my 40th! I’m having a great one, but SHIT…all this pink, erect happiness with a nightmare doll in the middle really would have made it PERFECT.
Holy Balls…..or should I say Holy Penises! And to think, it’s only $65 dollars! I so want to get this and make its presence mandatory at all family birthday celebrations.
I like this but I’d want a different color scheme. Everyone knows the black candles are much larger than the yellow candles. But in the end, all of them will light me up just fine.
I refuse to believe there’s a pattern for this. You can’t plan something like this. That’s like orchestrating food poisoning. At some point the publisher, the proofreader, the agent, or the editor would have said “you know, is it me, or does anyone else think this looks like it ought to be in “Little Whorehouse on the Prairie?”
Oh for the love of Martha Stewart, Grandma, I TOLD you not to drink and crochet! Give that doll and music box back to your granddaughter right now. That is most definitely NOT a good thing. This is the stuff of nightmares.
Don’t you guys have any addict friends? Look at her eyes. She’s clearly tweaking. Furthermore, her dress is tweaking too. A room full of big, pink, pretty weenies that are basically soft and useless. And music coming out of her ass? This isn’t for birthday parties, it’s for Circuit Parties.
July 31, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Someone’s gonna have a very, very happy birthday.
July 31, 2011 at 1:32 pm
OK, the novelyty gold tipped penises (penii?) are terrifying enough, but…
THE EYES
THEY LOOK INTO MY SOUL
AND THEY HATE
July 31, 2011 at 1:34 pm
Are you sure that’s not the look of elation? *chuckle*
July 31, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Cock psychosis.
It’s cock psychosis. Too much cock. The mind has snapped.
I’ve seen it before.
Side effects of cock psychosis involve shrinking and becoming ‘doll-like’.
July 31, 2011 at 4:00 pm
Yeah…it’s like a…cockupine?
July 31, 2011 at 1:39 pm
To me they seem to be saying “Won’t you play with me?” in the creepy twins from The Shining voice.
July 31, 2011 at 1:45 pm
The eyes or the penises? =P
July 31, 2011 at 2:10 pm
Oh it has to be the penises, they always want you to play with them
July 31, 2011 at 3:27 pm
Music box?
I’m pretty sure any box surrounded by that many penii would probably make a noise but I’m also pretty sure it wouldn’t be musical.
August 1, 2011 at 7:21 am
For ever….and ever….and ever….
July 31, 2011 at 2:38 pm
Since grammar and penises are so important here, I want to set the record straight. The ending -i applies ONLY to Latin words ending in -us, e.g., hippopotami, and technically only those belonging to the second declension, so many -us words in fact do not use the -i ending: for example, the plural of the fourth declension Jesus is Jesus (with a long u).
Words ending in -is belong to a completely different declension and have the plural -es. To be really Roman, we should replace the singular -is ending with the plural -es ending: pen-is–>pen-es. But then hardly anyone would know what you mean, so maybe just use it when you want to talk about penises in code.
*end rant*
July 31, 2011 at 2:44 pm
…but penii sounds funnier.
July 31, 2011 at 4:42 pm
and much more scientific despite being wrong… I can imagine a very tall, skinny woman in thick glasses using the word “penii”…
July 31, 2011 at 8:50 pm
It’s okay guys. Peni isn’t right but we can make it right. We just have to start saying “penus” as the singular and hope it catches on.
July 31, 2011 at 2:51 pm
I know. But Penii is funny.
Say it out loud.
PENII.
It always gives me a mental image of a sea of penis, just undulating around at my feet. Have you ever seen a fish feeding frenzy? All those slippery bodies sliding over each other, mouths gaping, a mass of slick, writhing flesh?
Whenever I think ‘penii’ that image is in my head, except it aint fish I’m seeing.
July 31, 2011 at 2:52 pm
BAHAHAHAHA!
Undulating penii. Yep, I’ll imagine that every time from now on.
July 31, 2011 at 3:08 pm
Undulating penii – oooh! Where’s towel Mike. Oh, good name for band – bye!
July 31, 2011 at 8:05 pm
Best. Comment. Ever.
July 31, 2011 at 9:35 pm
Agreed, gimmethosefethas, this is the best comment of all time. A sea of writhing, undulating phalli (detouring around the penis plural debate here) is a mental image that will be with me forever. And I am not even a little unhappy about that.
July 31, 2011 at 3:35 pm
But would a sandwich made out of Italian penises be a “Peninni”?
July 31, 2011 at 3:38 pm
There’s a difference between being a grammar Nazi and being Grammar Hitler himself.
July 31, 2011 at 4:28 pm
I adore Regretsy intellectualism–I simply adore it. (And I am NOT being snarky!)
July 31, 2011 at 5:27 pm
On an unrelated note; I so SO love your name, Vorpal Sword. I wanted to come up with something clever but this was this best I could do.
July 31, 2011 at 5:54 pm
That’s why I like to stick around
July 31, 2011 at 7:50 pm
Finally my big chance to be an insufferable douche on the
interwebsinternet! I think penis might be a third declension noun. So “penises” should work, although I think there might be “penes” version too. There could be an accent on the latter version. I have no fucking idea because I didn’t finish that introductory to Latin book and I might be drunk.Let’s just call them dicks as God intended!
July 31, 2011 at 8:48 pm
So what about ‘platypus’?
August 1, 2011 at 1:16 am
platypussies??
I amnot sure Platypii is an actual word – I wish it was though!
July 31, 2011 at 1:34 pm
Wow, someone is really, really, really happy it’s my birthday . . .
July 31, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I used to see lots of toilet paper cozies like this at church craft fairs. But I don’t remember so many penises on them.
July 31, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Church bazaars do tend to have a strict no-penis policy.
July 31, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Well… Except the Catholic church bazaars…
At least that’s how I remember them…
What? was it different for you?
July 31, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I shouldn’t admit this publicly, but I one time read this sci-fi/romance novel which became steadily more racy as it progressed. Near the end was a scene something reminiscent of this.
Happy Bukake, Grandma!!
July 31, 2011 at 4:48 pm
You cannot post something like that and not name the book.
August 1, 2011 at 4:18 am
Probably one of the later Robert Heinlein books.
July 31, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Harlequin Blaze series no doubt.
To think, you can’t get uncensored music at Wally World, but YOU CAN buy porn. Just call it a “romance novel”.
that wasn’t a rant, just an observation.
July 31, 2011 at 8:52 pm
What I love is when they have a bold disclaimer on the cover stating the book depicts graphic sex with a non-humanoid alien, and as such may not be suitable for all readers.
August 1, 2011 at 10:22 pm
When a TV show is suitable for mature audiences, then you know there’ll be boinking!
July 31, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Sixteen flaming penises . . . great, now that’s going to be going through my head all day to the tune of BOC’s “7 Screaming Diz-Busters.”
August 1, 2011 at 12:38 am
I like that to the tune of “16 candles.” Lyrics, anyone?
August 1, 2011 at 10:34 am
I think we could do this to the tune of “99 luftballons.”
July 31, 2011 at 1:50 pm
When it says “can be made and colors you like”
are they referring to the color of the dress, the skin tone of the doll… or the skin tone of the cocks?
July 31, 2011 at 2:46 pm
I wonder if you can also specify the size.
Of the cocks, that is.
July 31, 2011 at 4:46 pm
You can clearly read the size from the doll’s expression…
July 31, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Nothing says “today you are thirteen penises old” like a doll wearing three crocheted hats, an aroused skirt and music erupting from it’s ass.
July 31, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Except maybe adding a uterine-shaped pinata.
July 31, 2011 at 2:51 pm
I think that this song would be much better.
http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=1832
July 31, 2011 at 1:57 pm
OMG today is my 40th! I’m having a great one, but SHIT…all this pink, erect happiness with a nightmare doll in the middle really would have made it PERFECT.
July 31, 2011 at 1:59 pm
If I knew you were coming, I’d have bukkake’d a cake.
August 1, 2011 at 12:39 am
I really like cake.
July 31, 2011 at 2:01 pm
this reminds me of the dream I had last night…
July 31, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Generally when you blow out your candles, you don’t expect them to blow back…
July 31, 2011 at 2:02 pm
With apologies to Johnny Maestro and the Crests
Sixteen flaming penii
Make a lovely light
But not as bright
As your devil eyes tonight.
You’ve only sixteen
But you’re my evil-eyed queen
You’re not happy with just sixteen…
You want to also light my peen.
Blow out the candles
Don’t make such a scene.
Please drop the blowtorch
For the sake of my peen.
July 31, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Poetry. Sure beats 16 damn sugar cubes.
July 31, 2011 at 2:07 pm
A lot of blue balls there. Those candles need to be blown.
July 31, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Hell! You made me have to go back and look. And it is true. But you made me go back and look!
July 31, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Me too o_O;
July 31, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Holy Balls…..or should I say Holy Penises! And to think, it’s only $65 dollars! I so want to get this and make its presence mandatory at all family birthday celebrations.
Fresh Out of Gold Stars
July 31, 2011 at 3:27 pm
$65.00 for this???? what kind of yarn are you using ?
July 31, 2011 at 4:32 pm
A very satisfactory type of yarn so it seems.
July 31, 2011 at 3:39 pm
I love her little hands in position like “Now… Where do I start?”
July 31, 2011 at 3:50 pm
I like this but I’d want a different color scheme. Everyone knows the black candles are much larger than the yellow candles. But in the end, all of them will light me up just fine.
July 31, 2011 at 4:00 pm
I think the doll’s expression tells you that black candles were tried. She’s still in shock.
July 31, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 31, 2011 at 5:05 pm
Black candles were tried. Past tense. They’re gone now. Bye-bye black candles!
July 31, 2011 at 6:04 pm
ok:) I thought it was a case of me not seeing something hidden on the picture (like the one with a mirror and the dachshund toy etc).
July 31, 2011 at 4:02 pm
This is the seminal childhood event that shaped this crafter’s fragile psyche:
July 31, 2011 at 4:13 pm
Reminds me of that Eddie Murphy monologue: “No, doc. Fire shoot out my dick.”
July 31, 2011 at 4:30 pm
No wonder doll’s eyes are popping out…
July 31, 2011 at 4:30 pm
The doll’s expression is caused by the one knit weenus that is not visible.
July 31, 2011 at 8:54 pm
Weenus. I will like this comment forever.
July 31, 2011 at 4:31 pm
For some reason, I can’t imagine that the music box could play anything besides “My Ding-a-Ling” by Chuck Berry.
July 31, 2011 at 4:32 pm
Hmmm, feels like something’s missing here. Wait! I know!
July 31, 2011 at 4:50 pm
I was thinking maybe she should be wearing the giant bajingo wedding gown.
July 31, 2011 at 7:51 pm
The boy doll is wearing a bajingo tux.
It’s a formal birthday party.
July 31, 2011 at 5:21 pm
“Away! The power of Lizard Vagoo compels ye!”
July 31, 2011 at 7:29 pm
July 31, 2011 at 7:55 pm
Does anyone else feel like this would be a great centerpiece for a red tent/coming of age party?
No? just me? Okay then.
July 31, 2011 at 8:14 pm
No, it’s perfect. You can make the poor kid wear the vagina dress, too – the one that someone mentioned in an earlier post, in fact.
July 31, 2011 at 8:02 pm
What is scary to me? Somewhere in my stash of patterns, I think I have that one.
July 31, 2011 at 9:17 pm
I refuse to believe there’s a pattern for this. You can’t plan something like this. That’s like orchestrating food poisoning. At some point the publisher, the proofreader, the agent, or the editor would have said “you know, is it me, or does anyone else think this looks like it ought to be in “Little Whorehouse on the Prairie?”
July 31, 2011 at 9:40 pm
UHM http://www.regretsy.com/2011/07/27/flashback-m-knit-shyamalan/ anyone? looks to me like “they” have some special goggles on!
August 1, 2011 at 5:36 am
Of course! What was I thinking?
July 31, 2011 at 8:42 pm
Oh for the love of Martha Stewart, Grandma, I TOLD you not to drink and crochet! Give that doll and music box back to your granddaughter right now. That is most definitely NOT a good thing. This is the stuff of nightmares.
July 31, 2011 at 8:54 pm
Don’t you guys have any addict friends? Look at her eyes. She’s clearly tweaking. Furthermore, her dress is tweaking too. A room full of big, pink, pretty weenies that are basically soft and useless. And music coming out of her ass? This isn’t for birthday parties, it’s for Circuit Parties.
July 31, 2011 at 9:01 pm
Someone likes birthday cake. Alot.
July 31, 2011 at 9:11 pm
The expression on the doll’s face makes me think that she’s melting into a giant, pastel, phallic puddle. Kinda like on “The Wizard of Oz”.
July 31, 2011 at 9:19 pm
Somehow it’s easier for me to imagine this as a hat than as a music box.
…and now I just noticed the wordplay potential of “music box.”
:/
July 31, 2011 at 9:24 pm
I can barely breathe I love this so much! I feel like I have been waiting my whole life for this!
July 31, 2011 at 9:35 pm
I read it as Crotchless Birthday Day Music Box Doll, and I’m still disappointed
July 31, 2011 at 9:44 pm
“MY WISH CAME TRUE!”
August 1, 2011 at 12:28 am
Knit One, Penis 20.
August 1, 2011 at 12:30 am
“I’m Talking Tina and I LIKE ***@%!!
August 1, 2011 at 12:51 pm
It’s a skirt and circle-jerk all in one
August 1, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Sometimes your simplest comments are just the best. Fucking Laughed for 10 minutes.
August 2, 2011 at 9:13 pm
No way in HELL I want this for my birthday. I can knit/crochet my own creepy penis dolls if I really want to.