Peaches and Herb
Anyone who ever sold pot in the 80′s had an afghan like this on his bed, so I can only imagine how many deals went down on these pants. You could probably get enough shake out of these for a bong hit.
But you know, that’s how people bought pot back then – they went to some guy’s house. They didn’t have medical marijuana and the dispensaries and the fancy shmancy prescriptions. No, they had to drive out to bumfuck, and sit on some guy’s afghan while he made you a “lid”. And you couldn’t just leave once you got it, because that would be rude. You had to smoke some of it with him, and watch Star Trek for 20 minutes while your friend Debi waited in the car and smoked her mom’s Parliaments.
At least, that’s what I’ve heard.
July 28, 2011 at 5:16 pm
Only $40!?! That’s a steal.
July 28, 2011 at 9:13 pm
For that price I’d buy a pair for Dror to match his god given sweater, but I’m afraid that much sexy on one person would be dangerous.
July 29, 2011 at 5:35 pm
oh, yes please!
July 28, 2011 at 5:17 pm
They remind me of Ronald McDonald… and I am not exactly sure why.
July 28, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Oh, I know exactly why…and I do not want that Happy Meal.
July 28, 2011 at 5:19 pm
Unhappy Meals – for the fat, jealous loser who deserves a break today.
July 28, 2011 at 5:20 pm
I think it’s the shoes.
July 28, 2011 at 7:07 pm
More like Ronald McDonald after he shit himself.
July 28, 2011 at 7:48 pm
Those shoes make his feet look comically big.
July 28, 2011 at 5:17 pm
It’s the shoes and socks that really complete the look. Weed dealer blanket repurposers are some sharp fuckin’ dressers for real.
July 28, 2011 at 7:08 pm
AND he made an effort to match his shirt to the pants. What, no brown leather vest to tie the whole damn thing together?
July 28, 2011 at 5:18 pm
i can’t even begin to imagine what that poor model’s action smelled like after posing in afghan pants in the summer sun… great gouda, son.
July 28, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 28, 2011 at 5:25 pm
I’m pretty sure “action” refers to the crotch area. Well, in my case, “inaction” would be a more appropriate term.
July 28, 2011 at 11:12 pm
With a name like CocaineCowgirl, I would have thought your “step further” would have delved into how long you had to wait for your dealer to call you back, after you chain-called his ass.
Just sayin
July 29, 2011 at 11:33 am
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July 28, 2011 at 9:17 pm
Not cupcakes dear sir, not cupcakes.
July 28, 2011 at 5:18 pm
This is completely only worth it if I get those sweet orange and maroon shoes, too.
July 28, 2011 at 5:18 pm
It’s funny ’cause it’s true!
July 28, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Wowsers, Scoob, I’m scared…
July 28, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Zoinks! It’s the g-g-g-ghost of afghans past.
July 29, 2011 at 7:05 am
Jinkeys, let’s get out of here!
July 29, 2011 at 10:06 am
And he would have sold those pants too if it weren’t for you darn kids…
July 28, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Ohhhhh! I’ll bet if you bought like 4 pairs of these pants you could upcycle them into a really cool bedspread…
July 28, 2011 at 6:25 pm
from a bed throw to a garment back to a bed throw.
(Afghan, bedspread, close enough)
That’s a marginally stable cycle of upcycling system right there. Well done.
Oftentimes, upcycling efforts will end up being a stable system: everything eventually becomes the same unrecognizable heap of crap. With the aid of Etsy, the system can become unstable: one piece of crap turns into another, and another, and another…
July 29, 2011 at 2:04 pm
“It’s the ciiiircle of crap…”
July 28, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Some of those colours only exist in yarn.
July 28, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Would those be technicolor yarns?
July 28, 2011 at 5:25 pm
And only in the get-too-close-to-a-match-and-it-will-melt-into-your-skin-and-really-scratchy-until-then acrylic yarn so readly available in the 1970s.
On an up note, when there was a gas shortage in the 1970s, my dad used to take all my leftover yarn and stuff it into the gas tank of his Dodge Dart and light a match. One two-for-one sale at Woolworth’s got us to Niagara Falls and back one year. True story.
July 28, 2011 at 5:30 pm
I had a ’66 Dodge Dart. I miss that car!
July 28, 2011 at 5:34 pm
Did YOU have the curb feelers bolted to the passenger side of the car so when you (or, in my case, my dad) would pull up near a sidewalk there would be a contest between the scream of the CFs scraping against the curb and the passengers screaming, “Make that noise stop!!!!”
Didn’t matter. The CFs were there ’cause his sight was going and he didn’t bother getting a hearing aid, so he never heard the screams.
July 28, 2011 at 5:55 pm
I had a 1966 Plymouth Belvedere with the hood held closed with hook up wire, a bitchin’ JC Penney eight track player/radio under the dash (with a woodgrain vinyl pattern), a full 102 inch CB radio antenna, and an afghan spread over the backseat to cover up the stains where my friend Bob upchucked Manichewicz concord grape wine. All powered by the unstoppable 318 V8. We’d go cruising all over New Jersey on a buck’s worth of gas. Those were the days!
I was driving the car on Rt 70 in Lakewood the first time I heard Bruce Springsteen’s Born to Run.
I want my RegretsyKids to have great memories like that when they grow up.
Prunes, anyone?
July 28, 2011 at 6:44 pm
Mugsy Doodle, no CFs, luckily. But the Dodge Dart could be dangerous in ways you might not suspect. Once I was strapping the baby seat in the back, and didn’t latch the door tightly. One of our fun wind gusts kicked up, and slammed the door into a van parked next to me. Massive damage to the side of the van, only a slight scratch on my Dodge Dart.
Have I mentioned I miss that car?
July 28, 2011 at 7:20 pm
@Fluffermom: Yikes! That is very scary!!! Although, you have to give credit to the Dart–beat the shit out of the van.
I hated our Dart (I think it was the limited edition model…woohoo) car for many reasons, one not being its fault: My dad had had an ice-blue 1971 Plymouth Fury III–a boat on wheels. (swoon!) I don’t think there was a bit of plastic on that thing. The radio dials were metal. God, how I miss that car. Oh, and the ’56 Chevy we had when I was a little girl, but mostly the Fury. (Hey, it was a ’56, not the famous ’57. I’m sentimental, but I have my limits.)
July 28, 2011 at 7:25 pm
@Fluffermom–I should clarify that our Dart was a 1977 lame-ass car. YOURS, however, was a really cool 1966 cars.
I love cars from most decades, until the late ’70s when design went down the toilet (and don’t get me started on the 1980s K cars…piece of shit inappropriately named “Reliant” that I had–people would ask what it looked like and I’d say “Remember the cars in the coloring books when we were kids? THAT’S what it looks like”).
The cars of the 1960s were so beautiful, even when they weren’t. The Darts didn’t look like the Impalas or the Mustangs or the Ford Fairlanes. They had distinct looks and personalities. Well, looks, at least. It’s not like we ever named a car “Christine.”
July 28, 2011 at 7:38 pm
Ah, the Plymouth Fury…nice!
I agree w/you about elegance of 1960s cars; there was just something about their lines….like the 50s cars had grown up and gone to finishing school.
July 28, 2011 at 7:45 pm
I had a ’67 T-Bird. Not the “Thelma and Louise” earlier 60′s version–the style right after that. It was a 4-door, which a lot of purists apparently scoff at, but I loved that car. It had suicide doors. It was a hand-me-down from the parental units, but it was a great car.
I’d hate to have the gas bills or to try to park it downtown, but sometimes I still miss the Tiglet (long story how she got that name). And sometimes I still reach down and try to put the key into the knee well to start my Hyundai.
And Mugsy, those “Reliant” K cars…I had one of those shits too. I blame myself for some of the reliability issues, as it was the first car my dad wasn’t lovingly maintaining for me (he loved the T-Bird, too), so it suffered as I learned, but even so….The best thing I can say about it is it was better than no car.
July 28, 2011 at 8:15 pm
@Fluffermom: What a GREAT description of the cars of the 1960s! They were more grown-up than in the 1950s. Lost a lot of their baby fat! Steve McQueen could not have done his best car movies in ’50s cars (hell, they couldn’t even subdue the Blob!).
@Catherder: “Tiglet” sounds like a terrific car. Just the fact that it has suicide doors–you just don’t see that feature these days. (Forget the concept of a “touring” car!) My Reliant was a hand-me-down 4 times (elder brother to his accident-prone stepdaughter to my eldest brother to me. You’re right–better than no car.
July 28, 2011 at 8:58 pm
One of our local stations has started running episodes of an old 50′s show called “Highway Patrol” in the middle of the night. I record it to watch for the cars. It ran from about ’55 to ’59, so by the end you’re getting the serious tail fins. Some of them had terrible suspensions–they stop and bounce, bounce, bounce. One time they took a corner a little fast and a hubcap fled for its life.
July 28, 2011 at 9:20 pm
I had a ’69 Dodge Shaft; it was a flatulent rattling beast that smelled of hot snotty tears of shame and deflation. Ahhhh, college.
July 28, 2011 at 9:34 pm
A ’65! I really want one that hasn’t been fucked up (painted purple, had tons of chrome or a giant engine added).
July 29, 2011 at 5:11 am
Mugsy Doodle — You made me giggle. Or smirk, whatever. In the UK, “Reliant” brings to mind a completely different sort of car:
July 29, 2011 at 11:35 am
@Partially Creative: That looks a lot sturdier than the American Reliants!
@Catherder: Meant to ask if the driver’s door on your Reliant had a distinctive creeeeaaaaakkkk sound when you opened and closed the door. A friend of a friend drove up to a party in his own Reliant. Damn thing made the same sound! I think it was factory installed.
And I’ll have to track down “Highway Patrol.” I never watched it, but now I really want to. Lucky hub cap–rolled away to be bolted on another day!
July 29, 2011 at 11:55 am
That squeak in the Reliant’s had to come from the factory – my gram’s had the same squeak. Engine caught fire at a convenience store and that was the end of the K car. And the gallon of milk we had to use to douse it too.
Cars from the 60′s are still the best – my “if I make it rich” car will either be a ’69 Charger or a ’66 GTO.
July 29, 2011 at 7:08 am
Wow, I had no idea you could do that. I’m still not totally convinced (no offense) and would love to see this on Mythbusters. I love Regretsy; it’s so educational!
July 28, 2011 at 5:20 pm
I imagine Dr. Suess wearing that entire ensemble & smoking a bong as he wrote “Fox in Socks.”
July 31, 2011 at 10:47 am
^This guy!
July 28, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Pants shake is the best kind of stoned. Or so I hear…
July 28, 2011 at 5:21 pm
It’s grandma’s couch! ::: runs off sobbing :::
July 28, 2011 at 5:44 pm
Oh, god this brings back memories. My grandmother made these when she was alive. She liked brown and orange and blue and teal and maroon, but this is the same pattern and everything.
I miss the 80′s. And grandma…
July 28, 2011 at 6:43 pm
Same here. There isn’t a member of my extremely extended family who doesn’t have one of Grandma’s afghans (generally put away in a closet where no one can see it). Every wedding, birth and child graduating high school was an occasion to make yet another afghan.
July 28, 2011 at 7:10 pm
I was offered one by my dad, and wish I’d accepted, but I didn’t want the cats ruining it. I can’t get another one if they use it as a scratching pad.
July 31, 2011 at 6:47 pm
My grammy and my mom used to make a lot of really trippy afghans, made from leftover project yarn…they were soooo warm, and complemented the lovely brown plaid couches they both owned so well…grammy doesn’t crochet as much anymore, and my mom doesn’t like us enough to make us blankets, so there is a dearth of them now…love them, but still don’t want to wear pants made out of them lol
July 28, 2011 at 5:21 pm
I’d make fun of these but that’s really nice crochet. I wish my stitches were that even.
At my best, my stitches are decent. At their worst, they’re akin to the handiwork of a drunken gorilla.
Then again, this is coming from someone who once macrame-d herself to her own pants so…
July 28, 2011 at 5:25 pm
I too can admire the handiwork, if not the finished product. I can barely crochet a chain, so I admire those who can make something (ostensibly) wearable.
July 28, 2011 at 5:28 pm
I’m working on a queen sized double stitched blanket right now. I started it last summer….I’m 1/3 of the way done. It was a bit ambitious.
July 28, 2011 at 5:39 pm
That’s good progress. It’s a big project! And if you’re like me, you get distracted easily (especially if I see prettier yarn that’s shiny) and don’t like to stay with one project too long. I’ve always had fantasies of crocheting a bedspread in thread–lots of lacy squares or hexagons joined together…so vintage looking, so sweet to say that I made it. Then I found a pattern. Sucker would take 80 balls of #10 thread. Do you have any idea how heavy that thing would be when it’s done? No wonder I saw one at a yard sale–it was too heavy for the little old lady to lift out of the washing machine!
I hear there are these things called “catalogues” that sell “hand-made crocheted bedspreads” for a fraction of the cost of the thread (not to mention my time). Oh, sure, they’re made by little slave children in China, but that’s how you get the tiny and delicate stitches!
July 28, 2011 at 6:46 pm
I burned myself out on it. For about a month I took it everywhere. I crocheted on my lunch break. Out with friends? Crochet. Watching Tv? Crochet….until I had blisters. I was trying to have it done by xmas for my dad. My grandma made all kinds if beautiful blankets. My dad lost those blankets in the divorce. I was trying to be sentimental and nice. I just didn’t give myself enough time, obviously. I gave up in using it ready and got him some fishing stuff instead. Now it’s a pet project.
July 28, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Well, yeah, but the seller didn’t actually crochet the pants, just repurposed something they found in the back of the closet.
July 29, 2011 at 2:25 am
Actually, chances are they undid the blanket and reused the yarn. I can’t think of a good way to cut up a blanket crocheted out of acrylic yarn – no matter how tightly you sewed the seams before cutting, there would still be a chance it would unravel, particularly on an area with a lot of friction like an inseam.
July 28, 2011 at 5:30 pm
I kind of like them. The pattern, the colors… kind of groovy. Reminds me of a grocery store that hasn’t updated its decor in 30 years.
Hell, I’d make myself a pair for wearing around the house. Given my current around-the-house sweatpants have a massive hole in the ass-seam, they’d actually be an improvement. Probably wouldn’t make them high-waters, though.
July 28, 2011 at 7:42 pm
Is it me, or is it the same color scheme as .. ahem.. Winchell’s Donut House?
July 28, 2011 at 7:49 pm
I don’t live in Waffle House territory, but I’ve seen pictures. Aren’t their signs those colors?
mmmmm…waffles.
July 28, 2011 at 9:50 pm
By golly, you’re right!
Waffles! Yummy Crunchy Waffles! With BACON!
July 28, 2011 at 5:51 pm
On the subject of your stitches not being even–have you tried a smaller hook?
OR change the type of hook the crochet hook has? Boye is known for its “candy cane” type hook–if you run your fingers up the hook, you’ll feel the little outcropping as a bump. Some Susan Bates (and all bamboo) hooks are “in-line,” as if there was a notch cut out of the head. If you’re using the Boye type (even if it’s a different brand), that could be stretching the stitch.
See this listing from Etsy. The green hook (4th from left) is a Susan Bates. See how it differs from the rest (not all Boye, but the same style).
OK, people, go ahead and thumb me down. This isn’t witty or snarky. Just wanted to share some crafty news that Gnomestress could use (I hope).
July 28, 2011 at 5:51 pm
Derp. I start talking about yarn and my brain goes fuzzy.
Here’s the listing: http://tinyurl.com/3pwlrts
July 28, 2011 at 6:39 pm
I am using the hook size listed for the yarn. It could be too big, it is Red Heart yarn…not exactly cashmere. :p I will definitely check out a different hook type…especially since I get paid tomorrow!
July 28, 2011 at 7:51 pm
If I don’t like the way a project is turning out, including how the the stitches are sitting, I’ll tear it out and start over. WAIT! No, please don’t cry—I don’t expect you to be as compulsive as I am! You’re doing a much bigger project than I’ve ever done in my *coughsclearsthroat* years of crocheting! If I attempted what you’re attempting, I think it would have become a throw pillow a long time ago!
So, what colors are you using?
July 29, 2011 at 5:34 am
http://store.knitting-warehouse.com/285417.html
It’s called banana berry. The nice thing is, the pattern is very forgiving. You can’t really tell that my stitches aren’t perfect unless you’re looking for it.
I’d tear it out and start over but I think my SO would murder me…I took it too many places and embarrassed him too many times for him to be happy with me starting the process over.
July 29, 2011 at 5:37 am
I finally got off my ass and checked the hook. It’s a Boye size J. So now I have an excuse to hit up the craft store!
July 29, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Banana Berry is a nice combination of colors–I like the blue and yellow playing off each other. You’re right–that would be more forgiving than a solid color would be. Good choice of color! (You know…you can post a photo of the still-in-the-works piece. It’s been done before…just saying…
)
July 29, 2011 at 3:27 pm
I’ll try to remember to take a pic and post it tonight. I’m also giving the dog a bath tonight so that picture might sneak in there too…
July 29, 2011 at 5:19 pm
Puppy
July 29, 2011 at 5:19 pm
Project
July 29, 2011 at 6:45 pm
@Gnomestress:
Puppy! PUPPY!! Awwwww, how cute!!! I love those ears! Puppy looks like a cross between a German Shepherd and a Dachshund. Maybe it’s the angle?
The blanket is beautiful! The yellow and blue blend so nicely with the green between. Reminds me of a paper project I made years ago–torn pieces of yellow, blue, and green tissue paper overlaid to look like long leaves of seaweed drifting in blue water, with sunshine streaming down.
Thanks so much for the photos.
July 29, 2011 at 7:04 pm
Puppy is (as far as we know) exactly that! He has the shepherd coat and ears but he has dachshund front paws and the long body.
Always happy to share!
July 28, 2011 at 8:17 pm
You made me go get my crochet hook case. I never really paid attention, but I’ve discovered that all my aluminum hooks are Boye, but all my steel ones for thread crochet are Susan Bates. The Bates style is definitely better for working with thread, for what it’s worth.
July 28, 2011 at 8:23 pm
I agree–I started with a mix of both, but came to prefer the Bates style because the stitches could be tighter and neater with yarn. THEN I ventured into thread crochet and I don’t care if it’s a size 14–if it’s a Boye it’s not going to work for me.
July 28, 2011 at 9:49 pm
Just keep the Bates style away from your shower. I’ve heard that it can be dangerous there.
July 29, 2011 at 12:35 pm
@Aliceblue, here we are, having an intelligent conversation about crochet hooks and you, in your Dorothy Parker persona, traipse into the room, toss off a bon mot, and traipse out, leaving at least one of us laughing so loudly that co-workers give me a funny look as they walk by. Well done!
July 31, 2011 at 12:53 pm
@Mugsy Doodle Wow. A while ago someone said I was almost as good as Helen/April and now you compare me to DP! My head will get so big that I’m going to have to style my hair like The Donald in order to cover it. Oh, and how did you know that I like to traipse? (also fond of sashaying)
July 28, 2011 at 9:01 pm
Talking about crochet and classic cars in one post, plus snark (sniffle). I’ve found my people.
July 29, 2011 at 10:48 am
I’d hardly call the cars we’re talking about “classic”, but you are definitely among your peeps here.
July 29, 2011 at 11:29 am
Welcome home!!
July 31, 2011 at 12:56 pm
@ OldPhatMC 1965 Dodge Dart not a classic?! Them is fightin’ words!
July 29, 2011 at 11:32 am
I’d try different hooks, too. I had problem with keeping even stitches when I started crocheting (I think part of that resolving was also just getting used to the hand motions), and just making the stitches tighter around the hook can help too.
July 29, 2011 at 11:35 am
The crochet is nice, but the pants are short… unintentionally? I know from trying to crochet clothing that it can be really tough to get size right (things stretch, “worsted” yarn is not really all the same size, different hooks, different levels of drunkenness), and it’s near impossible to adjust it by the time you realize it’s too small/big.
BUT what I can say against this is that unless it’s some magically light yarn, those pants are going to be HEAVY. I’ve made lacy knee-length skirts that still feel heavy around the waist. I can’t imagine thick, acrylic pants!
July 28, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Strange, Helen. I heard those things too. 70s and 80s sure were a strange time!
July 28, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Are those upcycled faerie shoes?
July 28, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Totally sold pot in college, totally have that same afghan on my sofa.
July 28, 2011 at 6:02 pm
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used to embarrass, humiliate, or tweak you on Regretsy.
You have a right to be made fun of by an attorney.
If you can’t afford to be made fun of by an attorney, one will be appointed to razz you mercilessly.
Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?
July 28, 2011 at 7:40 pm
Where’s HOE? He’ll do it!
July 28, 2011 at 5:22 pm
The only time pants should ever have vertical brown and yellow stripes flaring from the crotch is if you’ve just had a horrifying personal accident.
July 28, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Ha! I saw this after posting about pissing your pants..
July 28, 2011 at 6:03 pm
Would look even more right with a bottle of Mad Dog in a brown paper bag in his hand.
July 28, 2011 at 5:22 pm
I’m not sure if the mystery bulge in the crotch area is an unfortunate bulge or a fortunate one.
July 28, 2011 at 5:39 pm
it’s his stash.
July 28, 2011 at 7:13 pm
I believe that would be the peaches mentioned in the title…. ?
July 28, 2011 at 5:23 pm
Well, it has to take talent to crochet cat puke like that.
July 28, 2011 at 6:06 pm
I love your picture and name more and more every time I see it.
July 28, 2011 at 6:27 pm
I wish I knew where this photo came from…I might have been intoxicated when I saved it.
July 28, 2011 at 5:24 pm
Would the size of the smell fit up to a 36″ waist also?
July 28, 2011 at 5:24 pm
You could shit and piss your pants and no one would ever know.
July 28, 2011 at 7:20 pm
No kidding. The color choice for pants is… well, let’s say… at the very least, *unfortunate*.
July 29, 2011 at 2:20 am
Or fortunate in an emergency!
July 28, 2011 at 5:27 pm
I’m pretty sure I already bought the bag of shake that came off of these pants last week. It tasted like 1981, lint and shame. Sorry!
July 28, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Until I scrolled down and saw the shoes I expected it to be a photograph of Greg from The Brady Bunch (original series). Then I saw the Jethro Bodeen shoes tied with leftover Christmas ribbon and that’s when I knew that not even Greg could work that look.
July 28, 2011 at 5:28 pm
He could’ve at least worn matching socks.
July 28, 2011 at 5:36 pm
I’m surprised socks are even involved given those groovy moccasins.
July 28, 2011 at 5:29 pm
I’m imagining the model is either Russel Brand or Matthew McConaughey. Well, either one of them or my crazy Uncle Mike.
July 28, 2011 at 5:31 pm
I love Russell Brand, and this is just the kind of fuckery I could see him getting into.
Ha.. Getting into.. Get it? Like.. the pants.. Like getting into the pants.. As in, wearing them.
July 28, 2011 at 5:32 pm
Yeah, I think he could pull them off. Ew, wait, that’s not right…
July 29, 2011 at 1:30 am
I would rather have them off.
July 30, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Uncle Mike never would have worn pants like that. He would have stuffed them into a box and put it on our porch.
July 28, 2011 at 5:29 pm
I don’t know what’s hotter, the pants, the shoes, the thing above the right sock (left in the picture), or the fact that it all oddly goes together. Being high water pants with the nice scallop fringe does tend to lean me towards the pants. Those poor afghans. *moment of silence*
July 28, 2011 at 9:11 pm
I have lurked long enough on here…. I have a question. Is that a house arrest bracelet he is wearing on his right leg. Looks peculiar to me.
Oh yeh, want to thank all of you for many many hours of chuckles, ewwwwwws, ughs and nose snorts. Long live sarcasm and wise-assery.
July 28, 2011 at 5:29 pm
Ronald McDonald’s hobo brother?
July 28, 2011 at 5:32 pm
Cause there is nothing better then looking like an Awkward hippie.
July 28, 2011 at 5:33 pm
You’ve just gotta ask yourself one question:
How do you know this isn’t Towel Mike?
July 28, 2011 at 5:38 pm
That would be the funniest shit ever in the forever of evers.
July 28, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Doubtful. I’m pretty sure Mike dresses to the left.
July 28, 2011 at 7:58 pm
He does.
July 28, 2011 at 5:59 pm
mike has an image to uphold, and *this* is not it…
July 28, 2011 at 6:10 pm
I don’t know…the boy proved today that he has excellent taste in fuckery. I think he could rock these and make you like it.
July 28, 2011 at 5:33 pm
Dave’s not here, man…
July 28, 2011 at 5:34 pm
There’s a sassy ass shot on the listing.
July 28, 2011 at 5:35 pm
July 28, 2011 at 5:40 pm
I adore you, lemon bombs, have I told you that today?
July 28, 2011 at 5:43 pm
Aw, stop, I just- ALL GLORY IS THE HYPNOTOAD
July 28, 2011 at 5:46 pm
You know what would be great with those pants? A brain slug hat.
July 28, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Holy crap, check out this bit o’fuckery:
July 28, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Oh, KatP! I WANT.
July 28, 2011 at 5:57 pm
WANT
July 28, 2011 at 5:58 pm
Ngl, KatP, I like it.
July 28, 2011 at 6:07 pm
That is the BEST headband ever!
July 28, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Brain slug headband?
I do have a pattern for that…
July 29, 2011 at 12:40 am
Holy shitballs, I want this!
July 29, 2011 at 4:06 am
http://www.etsy.com/listing/71339747/large-brain-slug-headband
July 28, 2011 at 7:00 pm
I join the bandwagon of loving the lemon_bombs
July 28, 2011 at 8:01 pm
It’s very crowded. Perhaps we should sing a lively song to honor Lemon Bombs?
July 28, 2011 at 10:55 pm
O Lemon Bombs,
O Lemon Bombs,
How lovely is thy fuckery…
July 28, 2011 at 5:37 pm
This isn’t the only fuckery in that shop.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/55512825/mongolian-inspired-silk-brocade-and
July 28, 2011 at 5:40 pm
I like the clarification that the sewing took place in Barcelona. It’s very important for me to know these things about handmade crafts being sold out of California.
July 28, 2011 at 5:41 pm
I would buy that and wear it proudly and enjoy the fuckery
July 28, 2011 at 5:42 pm
and the hat, too.
July 28, 2011 at 5:49 pm
I was thinking more Munchkin, less Mongolian, but hey, whatever floats your zydeco boat, right?
July 28, 2011 at 5:37 pm
I like that they’re 3/4 length. Because full length pants would be too much and shorts would be silly.
July 28, 2011 at 5:41 pm
I don’t know, some crocheted hot pants might be apropo.
July 28, 2011 at 5:56 pm
Oh dear. Crocheted thong?
July 29, 2011 at 11:43 am
i take it you are not aware of the crochet bikini project in every single crochet book? I swear it’s a running gag.
July 29, 2011 at 12:44 pm
Notice you’ve never seen a very lacy crocheted bikini? That would make interesting tan lines.
July 28, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Okokok Can you imagine the amount of time it took to make these? Hours? Days? WEEKS?
And they thought “THIS IS A GREAT IDEA!!!!” the entire time.
July 28, 2011 at 5:38 pm
Definately a pipe dream come true.
July 29, 2011 at 2:25 am
@pearl: BAH DUM BUMP!!!!
July 28, 2011 at 5:56 pm
i think someone burned a hole in their afghan and decided to make pants out of what was left.
July 28, 2011 at 5:39 pm
I think they mean funky as in smelly.
It’s like the tagline for the new HP TouchPad “Works like nothing else”. It sounds like they’re saying something positive, but they’re not saying anything clearly enough that you could challenge them for not delivering.
July 28, 2011 at 5:41 pm
What I like is they give you that natural bow-legged look, without all the hassles of actually being bow-legged.
July 28, 2011 at 5:41 pm
Why did the seller have to turn the old blanket into capris?
There are so many coo things she could have repurposed/upcycled them into.
How about
-a pair of shorts
-baby blanket
-purse
-diaper bag
-pot holders
-fingerless gloves
-a cowl
I’m just glad they didn’t mistagged steampunk
July 28, 2011 at 5:41 pm
Like, Zoinks!
July 28, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Ro ridding, Ralfrote!
July 28, 2011 at 5:45 pm
Of course, on their own, those pants could be a funky fresh fake fu-man-chu mustache:
Even better if I had any true photoshop skills, but you get the idea.
July 28, 2011 at 5:47 pm
That picture just laid waste to a perfectly good iced coffee.
July 28, 2011 at 6:16 pm
EVERY DAY I’M MUFFLIN’
July 28, 2011 at 7:35 pm
There goes Ellen, Muff-lin again!
July 28, 2011 at 6:21 pm
Oh, man. Speaking of the stench of the “action”… There it is, smushed up against her nose.
July 28, 2011 at 5:46 pm
I like how he realizes it’s so fucking hideous that he puts on an ankle bracelet monitor. Just in case he’s tempted to leave the yard.
July 28, 2011 at 5:47 pm
…and then you had to sort out all the stems and seeds on the overturned lid to George Harrison’s “All Things Must Pass” album, over time leaving an indelible green stain there…or so I’ve heard.
Call me crazy, but I am a nutcase who wears costumey clothes from time to time for the purpose of freaking out and annoying Mrs. Fnarf and our many friends, and I WANT THESE PANTS. I can wear my hippie-chick wig.
July 28, 2011 at 5:49 pm
If there was so much debris left in the damn thing, I am surprised they didn’t cut it up and smoke it.
Oh wait, acrylic melts. Carry on.
July 28, 2011 at 5:59 pm
…is this the same Fnarf from Slog?
July 29, 2011 at 10:56 am
Aye, it is.
July 29, 2011 at 11:13 am
That’s awesome. I enjoy your posts over there, so I’m pleased to see you’re one of us here too.
July 29, 2011 at 7:25 am
You do? Oh my. Does Mrs. Fnarf rent you out? I’ll get my tie-dye.
July 29, 2011 at 9:32 am
Oh fnarf, I sincercely hope you have children. That is some awesome father fuckery right there. (You and my father may be kindred spirits. He loved doing shit like that when I was wee. He’s so much more sophisticated now…sigh)
July 28, 2011 at 5:47 pm
I remember way back in the late ’60′s and early ’70′s when my grandmother and my hare-brained aunt made afghans for everyone (but left me out because I was the only kid who didn’t serve jail time in the family) and made a giant deal out of telling me in front of the family on Christmas day: “The other kids need them more” and my answer:
“They let you have ugly blankets in prison these days?”
—- I love how these family memories come up when I open Regretsy on my laptop.
April…or Ellen, whatever your name is… Thanks.
July 28, 2011 at 5:51 pm
Be glad – that meant all those ugly blankets were safely locked up where they couldn’t hurt anyone…
July 28, 2011 at 7:06 pm
I know… Right? It was meant as a giant sized put down because I was not “…like the rest of the family… which meant I didn’t have a tattoo of my boyfriend/biker/old-mans name to identify who I belonged to… at the time.
My cousin, (Oh, she’s special), was in federal lock-up for 10.5 years the first time around and I was told that I was a loser because I became an atheist… My cousin found Jesus while in prison. Which means, she gets a pass through the pearly gates… even though she bought her baby from a drug dealer..only to raise him to be a better drug dealer.
I really miss the family dynamics.
July 28, 2011 at 9:08 pm
I’m uncool in my family because I’m single. My aunt makes quilts (which are actually quite attractive) and all the offspring in the family were granted one in their color choice upon the event of marriage. I was told “I’ll make you one, too. . .IF you ever get married.” I guess I’m not special enough on my own; I need to attach myself to another entity to be quilt-worthy. Kind of like a parasite.
July 29, 2011 at 7:27 am
gypsygrrl, you could always show them up by learning how to make your own totally awesome quilts.
July 28, 2011 at 5:48 pm
I wondered where my grandma’s afghan went. poor woman, she probably put it in the goodwill bin and forgot all about it.
July 28, 2011 at 5:48 pm
I found the matching hat from the same shop:
July 28, 2011 at 5:53 pm
“Princess Baked Cornhusks”
July 28, 2011 at 5:53 pm
“Hmm, my garden is full of dead grass unsuitable for smoking. I shall make a Native American war bonnet with it!”
July 28, 2011 at 5:54 pm
“Knits With Discount Yarn”
July 28, 2011 at 5:56 pm
“Empress Where’s My Car?”
July 28, 2011 at 6:07 pm
Duuuuuuudddddddeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!
July 28, 2011 at 6:54 pm
Dead plant + knitting make me think it’s made from the remains of a macrame plant hanger. Anyone else see it?
July 29, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Ooh, and it comes with free scalp chiggers. Sign me up for one of those!!
July 28, 2011 at 5:49 pm
James Franco could make those things look sexy.
July 28, 2011 at 5:50 pm
The caption should say, “Made from shaved Afghan Hounds..”
July 28, 2011 at 5:55 pm
I don’t understand how a woman gets a grown ass man to put these on. Has she perfected the sex and drugs mind control formula? She should bottle that shit.
July 28, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Is that another divorce I hear coming around the bend?
July 28, 2011 at 6:14 pm
Of all people, you should know this requires pictures of him holding his horn of offering to a hawk in the moonlight, his flowing blond mane cascading down his shoulders.
July 28, 2011 at 6:03 pm
Maybe she promised him the shake. Beats the bong water sludge he was going to smoke.
July 28, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Maybe she’s modeling it herself and simply has hairy man arms. Who are we to judge?
July 28, 2011 at 6:09 pm
Ok I just looked at the store profile and the owner is a Dude! I think the maker is modeling them. He also loves Disco.
July 28, 2011 at 10:25 pm
Hmm, so is it simply assumed that most of the crafters on Etsy are female? I never really thought about it but I guess I usually assume they’re female. Does anyone have stats on the seller girl to boy ratio?
July 28, 2011 at 6:12 pm
He got to smoke the afghan remnants?
July 28, 2011 at 5:56 pm
I object over the use of the word “beautiful.” It does not mean what you think it does.
July 28, 2011 at 5:56 pm
From the time I was born until my last grandparent passed away last month, there was an afghan identical to these pants on both sets of grandparents’ couches. Except they weren’t couches. They were divans.
July 28, 2011 at 10:44 pm
And the divans were separated by a davenport near the chesterfield by a high boy?
July 28, 2011 at 5:57 pm
I love that the t-shirt and shoes are kind of color-coordinated to the pants. Like they seriously gave some thought to the “outfit?”
And what was the original maker thinking when she decided that acrylic in colors of poo and urine would be just perfect draped across the back of the sofa? And what was she thinking when she decided she’d rather apply her rather decent skills to crocheting =this= rather than something (ANYTHING) else?
As for the person who thought turning this afghan into pants was a good idea? Whatever she’s smoking is bad news, dude.
July 28, 2011 at 8:25 pm
It was the 70′s. Very few good ideas in fashion/home dec/basic color coordination happened then.
And turning the result into pants? Maybe a relative made the afghan, and we can hope this–er–creativity is all confined to one corner of the gene pool.
July 28, 2011 at 9:03 pm
In 1970 I had a salmon and tan coloured poncho. I think it was against the law to sell acrylic in anything other than stomach churning colour combinations.
July 29, 2011 at 8:56 am
The only nauseating colors I don’t recall were “avacado” and “harvest gold”–those were reserved for the kitchens and applicances.
That led to the terra cotta years and hence this afghan. Everything was yellows and browns, including eye shadow (yellow) and lipstick (bronze) and blush—bronze blush for pale, white girls like me who weren’t born with sunken cheeks, so we carefully brushed the bronze on them.
Essentially, I spent the latter half of the 1970s looking rusty.
July 29, 2011 at 5:21 am
Well, “earth tones” were all the fashion in the ’70s. Mustard yellow and dung brown qualify.
Sort of OK on a ’70s sofa (as far as anything was). Not at all OK running down trouser legs in the 21st century. Or any other century.
July 28, 2011 at 6:01 pm
The pants and shoes combination reminds me of Weird Al so I like them
July 28, 2011 at 6:02 pm
Hey! I have an afghan my mom made decades ago, in that same pattern, in browns. I bet I could get 50.00 for it if I ‘recycled’ it into a shirt…
July 28, 2011 at 6:04 pm
July 29, 2011 at 9:05 am
Why is there a dog hand over Velma’s tits?
July 29, 2011 at 11:21 am
That’s a question for the ages, YV. Man may never know.
July 29, 2011 at 12:47 pm
Rat’s rour recret! Ron’t rudge rus!!
—Scooby Doo
July 28, 2011 at 6:19 pm
ok. I don’t really want to admit this – hangs head in shame – but I own a matching sweater to these! Same colors – different style of afghan. But it is equally hideous.
How wrong is it that I briefly considered completing my ensemble?
July 28, 2011 at 6:29 pm
You came to your senses and didn’t complete the ensemble. That’s what’s important. HOLD ON TO THAT THOUGHT. It will convince you, in your darkest moments, that you still have your wits about you…and that things could be SO much worse.
July 28, 2011 at 6:22 pm
I am glad that these are only 3/4 length; I don’t think that I could handle all the “vintage beauty” of a full-length pair of these pants
July 28, 2011 at 7:07 pm
If only they were a tad shorter. They’d be the perfect manpris.
July 28, 2011 at 6:46 pm
best part about the picture…the mustard shit color of the shirt, the vomit inspired color pallet of the pants, the fact that the pants are bell bottoms and this dude is planning for a flood, or the hideous shoes? so many choices
July 28, 2011 at 6:57 pm
What my mother referred to as flood pants; i.e., any time one of we kids had a growth spurt and our pants got too short, she’d take us out and buy us new ones (or sew us new ones, in the case of we girls).
If she were still alive, she’d be taking this young man to the nearest Wal-Mart and buying him a nice, conservative pair of slacks.
July 29, 2011 at 6:06 am
Is it just me that finds the word “slacks” wrong?
July 28, 2011 at 7:00 pm
HK, I knew you looked familiar. You were hanging out at my house in the 80′s, weren’t you?
That was me, listening to ‘Thriller’ and watching the Snorks.
July 28, 2011 at 7:03 pm
I just get the feeling the model isn’t wearing underwear, I’m not sure why. I hope they come with ball-sweat removal instructions.
July 28, 2011 at 7:04 pm
These are the things nightmares are made of.
July 28, 2011 at 7:06 pm
Afghans hide burn holes better…uh, so I’ve heard.
July 28, 2011 at 8:37 pm
But not blue nail polish. Guess how I know.
July 29, 2011 at 8:59 am
And nail polish remover solidifies the yarn…and absolutely melts cheap polyester sheer curtains. Ah, the ’70s…just imagine what I could have accomplished if I had done drugs!
July 30, 2011 at 11:22 pm
Also polyester jumpsuits. (so says voice of experience)
July 28, 2011 at 7:10 pm
Can they really call them 3/4 length pants? Isn’t the length subjective to the wearer? Cause on this guy it looks more like,7/8 length.
July 28, 2011 at 7:20 pm
And a quick dash through the sprinkler will get you 12/8 length pants.
July 28, 2011 at 7:21 pm
Seemingly lost amid the glorious fuckery is the fact that crochet of this sort is totally unsuited for clothing. It has NONE of the qualities clothing needs. None.
One hates to be an old fusspot, but, really.
July 28, 2011 at 7:35 pm
I dunno…the way the crochet hugs those fabulous thighs? You can’t get that with denim! I think its sooo sexy! *snickers*
July 29, 2011 at 11:47 am
This is like something I would’ve made just for fun, but never considered selling or wearing. It would hang around my closet for about a year, until I decided to donate it to the animal shelter for bedding.
… Anonymously, of course. They already know I’m a crazy cat lady; I don’t need this extra mental sanity baggage.
July 28, 2011 at 7:27 pm
Catherine wheel gone wrong.
Wait…since we are such un-crafty jealous losers am I allowed to use craft terms??
July 28, 2011 at 7:36 pm
I know I’ve heard or read this somewhere before, but I can’t remember where. It’s going to drive my fat, jealous, loser brain nuts if I don’t figure it out. Help?
July 28, 2011 at 8:24 pm
Maybe you’re just reliving your teens.
July 28, 2011 at 8:36 pm
PineApple express?
July 28, 2011 at 7:41 pm
The third picture is fucking hilarious to me for some reason.
These clam diggers should have been photographed against a white back drop to make them “pop”. The woodland back ground isn’t doing them justice and is distracting.
Those handmade Uggs don’t bring much dignity to the photo either.
July 28, 2011 at 7:49 pm
you KNOW he is living his wife after this.
July 28, 2011 at 7:53 pm
This is like something my ex-boyfriend would wear. Boy, am I glad that’s over. The last time I saw him he was living in a basement amidst a bunch of packing peanuts.
July 28, 2011 at 8:06 pm
I can tell you right now that if I wore these in the kitchen, I would be a hit.
July 28, 2011 at 8:18 pm
Those are some fucking ugly pants, bro.
July 28, 2011 at 8:31 pm
Hello, I am new here obviously. I am trying to figure out memes on this website like goatsy(?) or namaste bitches etc. Where are the original posts? ok you can laugh at me. I tried, I did.
July 28, 2011 at 9:16 pm
In order to get most of the memes, you’d pretty much have to start at the beginning and read through.
For goatse, it was originally http://www.goatse.cx a small website hosted on a Christmas Island domain as a “shocker” site. It can be found here (BEWARE): goatse
If you go there, then don’t say I didn’t warn you. You can’t “un-see” something.
July 29, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Thank you HalfNote5. That’s too much work. I was hoping for list of most popular or something like that. Anyway that will give me something to pass the time on weekends.
I have not clicked goatse link yet. I am at work and your warning seems dire. will wait till get home.
July 29, 2011 at 6:10 pm
Yes. Definitely wait before opening it. Perhaps for Haley’s Comet.
July 28, 2011 at 8:33 pm
What the honey-baked hell.
3/4 length pants… My god, I don’t know if the word “caprants” exists, but if it didn’t before then it does now.
July 28, 2011 at 9:22 pm
My daughter calls them “shants.”
July 28, 2011 at 10:02 pm
That works!
Though given the rather intense personal accident that the wearer of this particular specimen appears to have suffered, I think “crapants” might also work well…
July 28, 2011 at 8:45 pm
July 29, 2011 at 9:02 am
Now, see, if you’d posted a photo of her SERIOUS work—when she wasn’t wearing mascara—this would have had more of an impact.
July 28, 2011 at 9:21 pm
Thanks for solving a mystery for me. Now I know what happened to the afghan my mother in law knitted for us when we got married 31 years ago. My husband must have taken it with him when visiting either (a) Jimmy The Mailman or (b) Jimmy No Fingers and watching Star Trek. Yes, sadly these were real individuals my husband conducted some business deals with years ago.
July 29, 2011 at 7:44 am
Your Afghan memories rival mine… I’m going to shed a tear… a FuzzyUnderpants, glittery tear… (Your user name is meant for this category – because I suspect the wearer of the afghan pants is sporting some fuzzy…)
July 28, 2011 at 9:29 pm
My Grandma had this afghan. It was on the sofa in the living room. I remember, because the red and green one was in the family room, on the nice furniture we weren’t allowed to sit on.
Bet you that thing is made from “vintage” Red Heart Super Saver. When Grandma passed away, I laid claim to the red and green afghan from the family room. It’s still scratchy as hell, but I MUST use it to cover up with when I’m sick. That’s the way it worked. You got sick, you’d lay on the couch, Grandma would cover you with the red and green afghan and bring you flat 7-Up and saltines and you’d watch Batman reruns on Fox. Grandma had cable.
Now I’m sad and miss Grandma. I think I’m going to have to make her meatloaf recipe now.
July 29, 2011 at 9:06 am
Aw,what a lovely story! One of my grandmothers died when I was 6 and I never met the other one, but I always wanted one just like yours!
I agree–you MUST lie under the red and green one when you’re sick, ’cause your grandmother’s love is woven into it.
*sweet, sad sniffles*
July 29, 2011 at 12:21 pm
awww… flat 7-up was our remedy too!
July 28, 2011 at 9:40 pm
This may have been said earlier…but…
IS NO ONE AS CONCERNED AS I AM ABOUT THE QUESTIONABLE UPPER-LEG LUMPS?
July 28, 2011 at 10:09 pm
When I was 14 I got super-stoned and repeatedly humped my grandma’s corduroy ottoman – the one her incontinent daschund named Mr. Weenus slept on – until it looked like a giant pastry.
.
THAT piece of furniture is certainly what these pants smell like.
July 28, 2011 at 10:30 pm
My boyfriend’s dealer does a delivery service. You call him, tell him what type of weed you want, then he packs it all up and sends his girlfriend off in her dilapidated piece of shit Chevy to bring it to you. I heard that if she doesn’t get there in 30 minutes it’s free, but that may just be a rumor.
July 28, 2011 at 10:48 pm
I would love to see a Chicken Pants version of this.
July 29, 2011 at 3:27 am
Sorry y’all, but those pants are AWESOME. I’m going to go cut up my grandmother’s afghan right now.
July 29, 2011 at 5:06 am
They don’t have to be 3/4 length. They could be “Petites”. Not that I would wear them.
July 29, 2011 at 7:23 am
The best thing is that they’ve got some ankle room there. If the room floods, just whip off the ol’ shoes n’ socks.
Voila! Pants stay dry. Nothing worse than the wet dog smell, I mean afghan, wet afghan
July 29, 2011 at 10:10 am
Color matches newborn baby’s diapers! That’s the first thing I thought of when I saw it…
July 29, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Does the price include the under-pants? Because they look more interesting…this could be a deal-breaker.
July 29, 2011 at 4:54 pm
My first thought was of the munchkins in “Wizard of Oz”!
July 29, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Afghanistank…. An Ill-advised muddied conflict in which to recklessly involve ourselves. It’ll make you nauseous, there’s no winner, it ebbs our spirit, your balls will sweat, and, ultimately a slow, protracted, ugly defeat.
Let’s have some help for heroes?
July 29, 2011 at 5:39 pm
We had an afghan like that on our couch in the 80s. What were my parents doing during my nap time? And why, therefore, were they so insistent I completed the D.A.R.E. program in the sixth grade?
July 29, 2011 at 10:39 pm
Garb for dirty hippy garden gnomes.
July 31, 2011 at 7:37 pm
I’ve lost sleep all weekend wonder where I’d seen those feet before. It finally came back to me . . .
Sideshow Bob! Those are Sideshow Bob‘s feet!
August 8, 2011 at 4:54 pm
shit, i have an afghan like that on my bed right NOW. i swear i don’t sell pot.
February 20, 2013 at 6:08 pm
The tags are brilliant! “Dirty hippies” and “Garbage” sum these hideous trousers up in a “nut”shell.