The Tarot Mike Card
By now, you probably know about the Regretsy-inspired tarot deck currently selling out on Kickstarter.
This deck is being designed by 25 Regretsy fans and artists all over the world. All of the proceeds go to the artists creating the deck, and they are donating a percentage of their profits to the Regretsy charity fund.
While the April’s Army store raises thousands of dollars each month for people facing big challenges, this fund is earmarked to help Etsy sellers with immediate, smaller needs, like utilities, vet bills and groceries. We bankroll this fund with Zazzle store sales, book royalties, donated ad revenue and projects like these, so I’m really excited and grateful for this deck. It will benefit a lot of deserving people.
Now as good as the art is in this deck – and it is really, really good – we realized it was missing one important card – The Towel Mike card. If you have been skipping the Members Only posts in the evenings, you have missed the awesome wonder of Towel Mike, and you have no one to blame but yourself.
Towel Mike came to my attention one evening a few months ago, when he sent me this email:
From: Mike
Date: April 8, 2011 @ 2:12 AM
Subject: random emailHi April,
You are fucking hilarious and sexy. I’m not the type to offer any indecent proposals. I’ve attached a picture, and I’m sure you’ll rip me a new one if you have the time. Tonight I’ve been enjoying one of your favorite pastimes, drinking.
Now, I’m all for hot guys getting drunk and sending it pictures of themselves, though I’ve never disliked towels quite as much I do now. But Mike is also a great guy, and has been cheerfully sending the fat, jealous losers of Vaginaland (and Dickville) salacious photos every Monday, so we can have something to look at as we drink ourselves to death, broken by the fact that we cannot craft.
Clearly, the tarot deck Mike needed to be united in the steamiest way possible, preferably without real phone numbers being exchanged and no breakfast the next day.
So we asked you to design your best Towel Mike card, and let Mike himself pick the winner.
I put these up in the Members Only post last night, so some of you have already seen them. But Mike himself chose the winner this morning, and as you look through the gallery, you will eventually see the one he chose.
UPDATE: Some of you have sent entries this morning, asking why they weren’t posted. I didn’t edit the entries at all; I posted every one I received.
I have added the new entries to the end of this gallery, and I apologize for any that were missed. If you’d like to send them, I will be happy to add them to this post.
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- NSFW
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- NSFW
July 27, 2011 at 10:01 pm
Oh Michael Bluth, how I love thee.
July 29, 2011 at 10:00 pm
Oh good, my comment now looks stupid without the GIF that was here earlier.
July 27, 2011 at 10:01 pm
Oh my. That pool pic is going to be haunting my dreams (in a good way, if probably frustrating way).
July 27, 2011 at 10:10 pm
How can you sleep at a time like this?!?!
July 28, 2011 at 3:07 am
I really want to go swimming now.
July 28, 2011 at 7:59 am
Of course Mike’s a swimmer!!
(Swimmer bodies are my favorite.)
July 27, 2011 at 10:02 pm
dear sweet baby jesus. can someone make an entire towel mike deck?
July 27, 2011 at 10:09 pm
I would probably have to start believing in God if someone did, but it would SOOO be worth it…
July 28, 2011 at 12:05 pm
Or you could just join the Towel Mike religion. I’m a proud member of the throbbing multitude of drooling skags that worship him
July 28, 2011 at 12:14 am
This. They’re all so fantastic, you can’t *not* use them.
And, you know, a whole deck of Mike…
July 28, 2011 at 7:55 am
I was hoping that this was exactly what the post was about
July 28, 2011 at 8:32 am
Yeah, I think it’s time to take a cue from CCGs and just release a Towel Mike Supplemental Deck. I want them all.
July 27, 2011 at 10:03 pm
THE SECOND ONE
OH GOD LET THE SECOND ONE BE THE WINNER
July 27, 2011 at 10:04 pm
The second one is pretty much fucktacularly great. So many details!
July 27, 2011 at 10:53 pm
I am 100% behind this. #2 please!
July 27, 2011 at 10:03 pm
*peruses all the gorgeous Mike pictures*
I’ll be in my bunk.
July 27, 2011 at 10:40 pm
Ignore the noises from the bunk next door.
July 27, 2011 at 11:38 pm
The only attractive Baldwin, in my opinion.
July 28, 2011 at 1:05 am
I still can’t believe that show was canceled
July 28, 2011 at 1:12 am
I heart this so hard.
July 28, 2011 at 2:07 am
Different genes – he’s not related to the others
July 28, 2011 at 5:12 am
Indeed.
Also, if you’ve never seen the film “My Bodyguard”, I strongly suggest you do. It’s a quiet film from the ’80′s, but I believe it’s Adam Baldwin’s first role on screen, and maybe he’s 17 or 18 in it.
July 27, 2011 at 10:03 pm
…AS THEY SAY IN THE COMMERCIAL “The Power of the V!”
July 27, 2011 at 10:03 pm
damn, all those graphics really taxed my over-priced super-fast high-speed back to 1996. but it gave me an excuse to pop another xanax. so i can’t complain. makes these tarots even more rad than i thought!
July 27, 2011 at 10:03 pm
I’m so frickin’ excited for the Towel Mike tarot card! All my fortune telling dreams are about to come true!!!
July 27, 2011 at 10:10 pm
You saw this one coming, didn’t you?
July 27, 2011 at 11:07 pm
Not yet…Still hoping for someone to design the “Money Shot Towel Mike” card.
July 27, 2011 at 11:08 pm
Not yet, but we all hope to.
July 27, 2011 at 10:03 pm
Club Fuckery?!?!
Towel Mike makes me horny.
July 27, 2011 at 10:04 pm
UM… I need to take this card to the bathroom for a while, please excuse me.
July 27, 2011 at 10:04 pm
#3 is awesome. I love the way you’re peering up at him, under the towel!!!
July 27, 2011 at 10:06 pm
OMG… Thank you HK for making my night/week/year. Towel Mike and Micheal Bluth? I can’t even….
July 28, 2011 at 7:56 am
what could be better than Arrested Development and Regretsy in one? answer: get Mike to take off the towel
July 27, 2011 at 10:06 pm
Sure you’ve got your Towel Mike card….but where’s the Dancing Dror card??!
July 27, 2011 at 10:37 pm
That’ll be revision II of the deck. Or in a booster pack.
July 27, 2011 at 10:38 pm
My MTG geekery just showed.
July 28, 2011 at 5:13 am
there’s another marketing idea (that I’m not going to touch!)… A Regretsy CCG.
July 28, 2011 at 8:35 am
I’m relieved I’m not the only one who thought it.
July 28, 2011 at 9:23 am
“Regretsy: the Fuckering”?
July 28, 2011 at 12:11 pm
some sort of MTG/Regretsy crossover would be AWESOME – it would combine my geekery with my boyfriend’s.
July 28, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Better yet…maybe create a deck of cards with Dror’s different dance poses! I heart Dror.
July 27, 2011 at 10:39 pm
Yeah… I had thought about drawing Dror photobombing Mike’s card, but he really needs his own.
July 27, 2011 at 10:41 pm
We need some bear breasts.
July 27, 2011 at 11:03 pm
Please see #20.
July 28, 2011 at 2:08 am
Someone needs to get Dror to write Towel Mike on his stomach!
July 28, 2011 at 6:06 am
I wish I had the skillz to make a Towel Mike/Dancing Dror video in the style of the stupid new Fabio/Old Old Spice guy ad campaign.
July 28, 2011 at 5:32 pm
I wish that too my friend lol.
July 28, 2011 at 12:14 pm
*head explodes*
July 27, 2011 at 10:07 pm
While I am excited to have a Towel Mike card (and by excited, I really mean excited), now I am craving a Dancing Dror card. What good would that deck be without our shimmying hairbear?
July 27, 2011 at 10:25 pm
I second this.
July 27, 2011 at 11:10 pm
I 3rd, 4th & 5th it.
July 28, 2011 at 2:13 am
I giggled and squee-ed a bit at the phrase “shimmying hairbear.”
*true story
July 28, 2011 at 9:22 am
Heh. Dror card.
EVERY DAY I’M SHUFFLIN’.
July 28, 2011 at 12:13 pm
As I posted above…a deck of cards with Dror’s different dance poses. It would suit Dror completely! Pun intended.
July 27, 2011 at 10:07 pm
I love a lot of those. “That one! Oooo, that one. No, wait.”
#22 cracked me up. I love #s 24, 9, 12, and 17, too, i no particular order.
July 27, 2011 at 10:10 pm
Speaking of #22, I would like to see a Regretsy pop-up book.
July 27, 2011 at 10:12 pm
YES. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN.
July 27, 2011 at 10:56 pm
Regretsy version of “Pat the Bunny”
July 28, 2011 at 2:15 am
“Pat the Size-Changing Man Smell”
July 28, 2011 at 7:44 am
fenris: love it! I envision a picture of Mike with an actual terrycloth patch you can fondle.
July 27, 2011 at 10:09 pm
I vote either #2 or #24, they’re both damned awesome and would actually be great Tarot cards.
July 27, 2011 at 10:09 pm
I love, love, LOVE the art nouveau one!
July 27, 2011 at 10:33 pm
There are two, though! At least, by my shaky laws of art categorisation.
July 27, 2011 at 10:41 pm
There was a third one, on the Flickr group earlier this week… what happened to that one?
July 27, 2011 at 10:11 pm
DAMNIT. I thought the deadline was tomorrow. The paint isn’t dry enough to scan it yet.
July 27, 2011 at 10:26 pm
Maybe we can get some sort of honorable mention and she can show off the late entries for the drooling pleasure next week.
July 27, 2011 at 10:30 pm
at worst it’ll go to charity shop. I think August will become “mike month” in the charity shop.
July 27, 2011 at 10:39 pm
I know I intend to submit some Mike to it.
July 28, 2011 at 8:02 am
The runners-up can go to the Mike Calendar!
July 27, 2011 at 10:52 pm
It’s still wednesday in California, so I sent it in anyway.
If nothing else my excuse for why it’s late should be amusing. it’s appropriate for Club Fuckery.
July 27, 2011 at 10:57 pm
Yep, I’m in mountain time, so I submitting mine too, then saw this post. At a minimum, April and Bronc can enjoy them.
July 27, 2011 at 11:02 pm
I’m betting mine is more likely to give them nightmares. Or at least give Bronc nightmares since he appears to be the geekier of the two.
July 27, 2011 at 10:11 pm
Ah finally. Mikeday. Those extra days of deprivation were torture. It’s so pleasant to have my snark and my eye candy at the same time. Nobody does it quite like you, Regretsy.
July 27, 2011 at 10:45 pm
We know Mike’s a swimmer! AND looking at the tan lines and his facebook tush pic, he’s also a cyclist. Does he run? Has our Mike ever done a triathlon? I want to know!
July 27, 2011 at 11:12 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 27, 2011 at 11:37 pm
Oh runner’s diarrhea. You could have also posted bloody nipples. It’s a pretty horrifying running phenomena as well.
July 28, 2011 at 9:20 am
Been there, discussed that. “Running is Sexy” is yet another example of the educational value of Regretsy.
July 28, 2011 at 11:07 pm
yeah…as seen on Regretsy…Running is Sexy…you all should be happy I cropped it and resized it smaller that originally posted by HK.
July 27, 2011 at 11:43 pm
I love the whole mystery of Mike. It’s like a game where every week we get to learn a new little clue as to who this delightful (read: delicious) man really is.
July 27, 2011 at 10:12 pm
24 is my fave, although I definitely have to give props to an owl-headed, octopus-tentacled towel mike.
July 27, 2011 at 10:12 pm
Hellen, you had me at the Arrested Development reference. It was like you were speaking to me personally. Marry me! Regarding Towel Mike I say: we just call it sausage. But if forced to choose I must admit a strong visceral draw to the top middle and 5th row left.
July 27, 2011 at 10:12 pm
Yeah, I just printed out all those pictures and made my own “tarot ” deck .
…that *is* what you call a deck of cards you use to touch yourself , right?
July 27, 2011 at 10:22 pm
You’ll be in your bunk?
July 27, 2011 at 10:24 pm
or , on the couch. I have no shame.
July 27, 2011 at 10:29 pm
Yes, tarot is from the French for “self-pleasure”.
July 27, 2011 at 10:39 pm
Ick! What does that mean about poi then?
July 27, 2011 at 10:41 pm
I’d imagine something about pleasuring others.
July 27, 2011 at 10:13 pm
These are so awesome! I’m actually nauseated by their enticing aura. Turn the page, wash my hands, turn the page, wash my hands…..
July 27, 2011 at 10:14 pm
I’d go with #3 or towel mike with scary baby head. Lets see what he chooses…!!!
July 27, 2011 at 10:14 pm
Dear Towel Mike,
Thank you for existing.
Sincerely,
The world
July 27, 2011 at 10:16 pm
Christ on a crutch I want him.
July 27, 2011 at 10:16 pm
Erm… where is this pool, please?
July 27, 2011 at 10:16 pm
I love the simplicity of 26
July 27, 2011 at 10:29 pm
Me too!!
(I did that one)
July 27, 2011 at 10:17 pm
I want #2 SOOOOOO bad! (. . .that phrase would make a great sampler, as well.)
July 27, 2011 at 10:18 pm
14 made me laugh quite hard…but you can’t go wrong with any picture of towel mike, can you?
July 27, 2011 at 10:18 pm
I like 11 (Cthulu/Owl Mike), 12 (He’s Too Pretty to Look Directly At Mike), and 24 (Mucha Mike) the best. It will be really interesting to see which one he picks!
Oh, and more swimsuit pics, please.
July 27, 2011 at 10:19 pm
Now I’m sad because I didn’t finish my entry until today.
July 27, 2011 at 10:19 pm
Awww, I submitted like 20 entries, and only one made it on here. My least favorite, too. Maybe the others were too pornographic. #24 (not mine) is absolutely mind-blowing. It is so stuffed-full of fuckery, I see something new everytime I look at it.
July 28, 2011 at 12:55 am
Submitted where? You were supposed to mail them to me. I posted everything I received.
July 28, 2011 at 4:08 am
I sent them all to the same place. I thought maybe you just picked your favorites, and that some of my other submissions were too… scandalous. Anyway- I resent them and thank you for replying to me.
July 28, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Yay! Thank you for showing mine even though I didn’t get it in until 7/27 at like 11pm MDT. I should probably show off some of the fuckery that ami Mike and my robo panda engaged in….
July 27, 2011 at 10:20 pm
ELLEN!! I
stalkedlooked all over Vegas for you but all I could find was the Hoff! Not nearly as cool but I got my pic with him anyways. As for my vote, definitely number 3 with you looking under the towel. Hope you lost less money than we did!July 27, 2011 at 11:26 pm
Not April and John, but still cool! Did you see the Hoff in a show?
July 28, 2011 at 7:13 am
He was in the audience for the same Carrot Top show we were in, and I “accidentally” ran into him after the show and asked if I could take a pic lol. Shameless but worth it!
July 27, 2011 at 10:21 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 27, 2011 at 10:24 pm
I may assure you, sir, you are not the only male.
We may have, however, one small difference.
July 27, 2011 at 10:24 pm
Hush up, fool.
July 27, 2011 at 10:41 pm
Cripes. What i meant to say is, “more Mike?”
July 27, 2011 at 10:42 pm
Excellent, grasshoppa.
July 28, 2011 at 9:18 am
Ha
July 27, 2011 at 11:00 pm
I suspect all will be well tomorrow. For now just shake your head at all our gushing. You can cluck you tongue, too, if it makes you feel better!
July 28, 2011 at 12:19 pm
That or send us your own pictures.
July 28, 2011 at 12:28 pm
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July 28, 2011 at 1:22 pm
But this is better, because he loves Regretsy, and I like to think that he’s taking these photos just for us.
I do sometimes feel bad for the guys – but you get all kinds of boobs all the time, and not just on Etsy.
July 28, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Yeah, honestly we know there is all sorts of porns out there- pretty much anything you could ever dream up. But this guy, we almost have a personal connection to. There is a nice bit of mystery. Also, there is this neat little community of people who are acting like adolescents about him. It’s just fun. Why you no like fun?
July 27, 2011 at 10:22 pm
I like mike with the octopus head.
July 27, 2011 at 10:22 pm
All the cards were brilliant! Well done. I must go peruse them all over again…
July 27, 2011 at 10:43 pm
As must I.
July 27, 2011 at 10:22 pm
Ok, I’m sorry, as a gay dude… the last one (R side, last row) is the best. And is it wrong that I kinda got a semi seeing the password? Just checkin’.
July 27, 2011 at 10:41 pm
I’m pretty sure if the rest of us had the proper equipment, we would get one too.
July 27, 2011 at 10:44 pm
Well played!
July 28, 2011 at 8:18 am
no problem, all the ladies got semi lady boners.
July 27, 2011 at 10:23 pm
I’ve been laughing at Regretsy for about a year, and I’ve never posted a comment- probably because I couldn’t think of anything especially snarky to add to this glorious fuckery. HOWEVER, tonight is the night. Not only is Towel Mike more titillating than pixelated, but the sheer art and beauty of those tarot cards is making me pee. Never have I seen so many fat ugly jealous artists contribute so much to other fat ugly jealous artists in need.
Keep up the good work, enjoy hell devils, and excuse me while I go change my pants.
July 27, 2011 at 10:26 pm
dpk: yes, you are and YOU WILL GET WHAT YOU GET AND YOU WILL LIKE IT. also, mike wants you to go away.
also: Helen, you sly girl, is Michael Bluth really Towel Mike? because…oh, hell, pardon. i need to mop up.
July 27, 2011 at 10:32 pm
…that would be the best thing ever. TOWEL MICHAEL.
July 27, 2011 at 10:29 pm
I sent one yesterday, but it isn’t here; who knows what dumbass thing I managed to do wrong. APPARENTLY I AM IN THE RIGHT CAREER? (ART!)
July 28, 2011 at 12:56 am
I posted every card that showed up in my email.
July 28, 2011 at 6:13 am
This astounds me. I assumed these were the highlights because they’re all so good. We are a talented bunch of fat, jealous losers.
July 28, 2011 at 6:54 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 28, 2011 at 10:00 am
http://www.regretsy.com/2011/07/21/members-only-61/
I didn’t set it up. One of you did. I said you could post your images there if you didn’t want to wait to see them all.
I said “All photos must be submitted to me by 7/27/11.” I also told you what size file to send. I really tried to be clear that you had to send the file to me. I’m sorry if I confused anyone.
July 28, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Dear god….this is the password debacle all over again. If your sober enough to photoshop, you should be sober enough to follow the fucking directions.
July 28, 2011 at 9:39 am
I sent it to the ‘sitesubmissions’ address. The days blur from one bottle of muscadine to the next!
It’s not a big deal, I did not have anywhere near as much wonderfulness as the rest of these awesomely talented losers! <3
Here it is, just for posterity:
.. and it’s a real, tiny painting (5″x7″), so if the Army would love to have it I’d love to give it to them!
July 28, 2011 at 10:09 am
That’s awesome!! I’m sure the Army would love it and would make great cash for the next needy craft folk
)
July 28, 2011 at 12:16 pm
Added to the gallery. Sorry to have missed it!
July 27, 2011 at 10:30 pm
My vote is the cat headed octopus one.
July 27, 2011 at 10:31 pm
#2 is magical. I love the fuck out of it.
July 27, 2011 at 10:36 pm
It’s a tough call, and you all should be pleased just to be nominated (and the vast majority of you should probably also be ashamed of yourselves). I think I’d have to go with 24 as the first choice, with a second place tie of 12 and 22.
Please note, I am not at all advocating tying up Towel Mike. Unless it is to another Towel Mike.
July 27, 2011 at 10:45 pm
I didn’t understand these words: ‘I am not at all advocating tying up Towel Mike’.
As I understand the laws of the universe, when one presented with a Towel Mike THE FIRST step is tying him up, preferably to one’s self or a bed post. Or both. Another Towel Mike? I believe physics (or Sangria, it’s all a blur) says that should one Towel Mike be in too close a proximity to another Towel Mike the fat, jealous bitches will all be sucked into a goatse of fuckery. Or something along those lines I don’t know I was drunk during that class.
July 28, 2011 at 7:46 am
You raise valid points. I’m willing to admit I might be wrong, but only after some exhaustive testing of your theories.
July 28, 2011 at 12:10 pm
I’m going to have to change my vote to 34 now, just for sheer gorgeouscity. 24 is more…what’s the word–whimsicle, and probably better suited for the purpose overall, but I covet a poster of 34.
July 27, 2011 at 10:37 pm
I know this isn’t up for a vote, but I’m going to give it to you anyway. You’ll take it and like it, damn it!
The one with your head on Mike and the one with the question mark. I like the classic tarot style.
Mmmmmmm… I wanna swim with Mike.
July 27, 2011 at 10:44 pm
I love #24. A lot of them are funny, a lot of them are silly, some of them are delightfully naughty… but that’s got some fucking class and hidden fuckery to it. I mean, goatse, octopi, cupcakes, weiners, jizz, a unicorn, steampunk gears, mustaches, all sorts of etsy nonsense while still looking pretty as hell. I really hope Towel Mike picks that one.
July 27, 2011 at 10:48 pm
Special unicorn, special cupcake, goatse, phalluses(phalli?) for both the gals and guys, sly anonymity, towel, octopi and gears for a necessary faux steampunk touch, all done in Mucha style. Absolutely fucking gorgeous. If this isn’t chosen for the deck, I want a print. Artist, take note.
*Dear lordy me, I took another look and can’t believe I missed the mustaches on a “stick!” Ha ha ha ha! BRILLIANT!
July 27, 2011 at 11:08 pm
To me it looks like the owl’s in there too, facing outward, with steampunk gear eyes an a beak that’s down by the ballsacks of the phalli.
July 28, 2011 at 4:10 am
Yeah, I think this one blows the others out of the water. With number 2 coming in really close second to it. All the others are totally awesome, but those two just have it all and more.
July 28, 2011 at 5:48 am
I want to mention that I’ve already arranged with this artist to use the Flying Royal Goatse on the box for the deck. The level of fuckery on this card is off the charts.
July 27, 2011 at 10:44 pm
It’s a little odd that in the attributes of the Mike pic, it shows that it was taken last year.
July 27, 2011 at 11:01 pm
Maybe the camera date’s off? Or maybe we’re all being taken for a ride… but oh, what a sweet ride it is.
July 27, 2011 at 11:09 pm
I doubt an iPhone’s date is off.
July 28, 2011 at 7:49 am
Considering the likelihood of any of us getting our hot little hands on him, really he could be 95 years old and in a wheelchair: The story he is telling is amazing, and we will follow it like rats after the Pied Piper, with no regards to the truthiness of it.
July 28, 2011 at 7:56 am
That said, and to tie into my comments up thread (see what I did there?) i would not be averse to a hostage-type photo of him tied to a chair holding today’s paper.
July 27, 2011 at 11:01 pm
I know this post is all about Towel Mike Tarot Cards (and they are awesome!) but (teeny-tiny voice begging for validation):
Does anybody like the photo I took for the header?
July 27, 2011 at 11:02 pm
Yes! I LOL’d.
July 27, 2011 at 11:06 pm
I love the fact they are reflector so they glow in the flash from the camera.
July 27, 2011 at 11:10 pm
I wondered if there was significance to the order of the numbers, and I wondered how on earth you found the time to do that with no one noticing. Brilliant!
July 27, 2011 at 11:23 pm
After I saw the pic and how bright it came out I wished I had done something special with the numbers too, but no.
I pulled all the letters, got them in order in my hand, slapped ‘em on and pulled my camera out of my purse. Boom! Done.
July 28, 2011 at 5:50 am
Your guerrilla craftstore tactics are without peer! Kudos! Huzzah!
July 28, 2011 at 9:22 am
We have much to learn!
July 27, 2011 at 11:11 pm
Tell me it’s a whole aisle of douche canoes, with maybe even the odd douche kayak.
July 28, 2011 at 12:51 pm
I like how your mind thinks!
July 28, 2011 at 3:52 am
Pure awesome!
(If I knew how to post a gif, which I do not, I would post the one of Orson Wells clapping)
July 28, 2011 at 7:13 am
It is absolutely beautiful. Yes.
July 28, 2011 at 1:18 pm
DEFINATELY ! I complemented your fuckery with my earlier post about “the power of the V”
July 27, 2011 at 11:08 pm
Please someone explain to me – why is Towel Mike the only Man-God willing to pony up the man-candy for regretsy? Why isn’t there an entire ARMY (or Navy, or Air Force, or Marine Corps – especially Marine Corps) of Towel Mikes lining up to serve in April’s Army?
Because we have the money. We may be “poor”, but I can always sell a chinese-reseller vagina decoration on etsy to afford more fuckery like Towel Mike playing cards.
July 28, 2011 at 5:51 am
There already is a Bronc card in the deck. Just thought you should know.
July 28, 2011 at 7:51 am
And Mr. Flouncy Butt-hurt Forest Elf.
July 27, 2011 at 11:17 pm
on another note… I love the casino.. how I miss the Munsters slot game..
now back to the Mikery…
July 27, 2011 at 11:17 pm
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July 27, 2011 at 11:29 pm
Jealous? ^^
July 27, 2011 at 11:36 pm
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July 27, 2011 at 11:44 pm
We’re fat jealous losers….what the hell did you expect?
July 27, 2011 at 11:53 pm
All in good (eye candy, I feel like a school girl, damn, I need a cold shower) fun.. This is Regretsy at it’s best, because How can we embarrass others if we can’t even embarrass ourselves? …
oh wait.. that quote is about love.. fml
July 28, 2011 at 12:14 am
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July 28, 2011 at 2:42 am
How can we embarrass others if we can’t even embarrass ourselves?
July 28, 2011 at 3:12 am
Relax. We can just snark at you. Will that make it better?
July 28, 2011 at 6:44 am
If you can’t laugh at yourself, well, that’s what we’re here for! We will help you navigate the snark infested waters.
July 28, 2011 at 8:04 am
Cybele, that was my favorite item in this month’s charity. Simply marvelous.
rngwrm, I’m with you, although I still find it funny. Regretsy is a huge virtual-real-life community-ruled-by-women (damn, I’m sure there’s a proper term for the latter…)
So, you should expect some communal sharing of men, even if virtual
July 28, 2011 at 9:33 am
Might I suggest hormone shots? Cause if someone as old as me can go “Hmm, that’s nice.” while the younger ones are ready to pounce and devour the poor man, then there’s probably something wrong with your hormone levels.
Or you like girls – which is just fine as well.
But no reason to piss on their parade, eh?
July 28, 2011 at 1:41 am
Why would we look at ourselves when Mike’s so pretty?
July 28, 2011 at 1:42 am
And I’m nobody’s hausfrau.
July 28, 2011 at 3:13 am
I dunno. I’d be Mike’s hausfrau.
July 28, 2011 at 6:44 am
Hell, I’d be Mike’s house sitter!
July 28, 2011 at 7:52 am
I’d be Mike’s house.
July 28, 2011 at 9:37 am
I have an opening for a houseman, Uncle Vanya. As long as you cook and clean, I promise not to bother you for sex, and set you free on the weekends to do some “hunting” of your own.
July 28, 2011 at 8:52 pm
Only at the weekends?
July 28, 2011 at 3:46 am
If you want some snark perhaps you should say something witty to get the ball rolling. You know, instead of being an assmunch.
July 28, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Exactly.
July 28, 2011 at 5:43 am
Well, if you’re going to get your panties in a bunch, at least you’ve got the right avatar for it.
July 28, 2011 at 8:22 am
oh flounce, kitty, flounce.
btw, i’m am undersexed 22 year old and I’m totally okay with loving these posts.
July 28, 2011 at 8:51 am
*looks at self*
I’m not a teenager, nor a hausfrau, nor undersexed. Neither am I repressed, nor afraid or ashamed of my own sexuality, nor willing to be embarrassed into pretending I am.
Honestly, I like what I see looking at myself. I’m just more excited looking at Towel Mike. Sorry you don’t feel like joining the fun.
July 28, 2011 at 9:09 am
I looked at myself and am still deciding to tell you to shut the fuck up.
July 28, 2011 at 9:11 am
Fuck looking at myself. I’m busy looking at Mike.
July 28, 2011 at 12:13 pm
I volunteer to look at the women while they look at Towel Mike. There, problem solved.
July 28, 2011 at 2:39 pm
We might be doing some awful damn interesting things while we’re looking.
July 28, 2011 at 12:56 pm
Towel Mike’s slow tease is way more stimulating than porn, at least for me.
July 28, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Exactly.
July 28, 2011 at 4:15 pm
Wasn’t that the philosophy of the costume designer for the original Star Trek? He said something like the sexiness of a costume was directly proportional to how likely it looked to fall off and not how much it revealed. (TBH I totally agree with him. There’s a lot to be said of hinting without showing.)
July 27, 2011 at 11:19 pm
I am totally impressed by the amount of really lovely, original artwork here. Fabulous job, everybody.
July 27, 2011 at 11:19 pm
These are beautiful. Pure awesome.
July 27, 2011 at 11:25 pm
Aaaand I just talked myself into a tarot deck. Don’t anyone tell my mother! (lol)
July 28, 2011 at 9:40 am
Your mother called – she said you’d better buy her a deck too, or you’re in trouble, Missy!
July 27, 2011 at 11:32 pm
WOW. If mine isn’t chosen, I’d be proud to lose to all of you fuckers. Really.
July 27, 2011 at 11:48 pm
Ditto, I’d pay for a deck of just these cards! I wouldn’t mind losing to anybody here because they are all amazing…
July 28, 2011 at 12:28 am
Not a tarot card, but I did create a small Mike tribute!
July 28, 2011 at 2:09 am
I was going to comment something about hahaha it’s cute that you think retail employees get $9 an hour (wait, is there somewhere I could be making $9 an hour?), but, um. I got distracted.
HI MIKE!
July 28, 2011 at 2:46 am
THESE ARE FABULOUS!!! You are an unbelievably talented bunch of fat, ugly, jealous losers! The awesomeness is overwhelming!
July 28, 2011 at 3:38 am
I don’t have time to read all the comments yet, because I have to get to the office first. But I did want to say that the artistic ability of Regretsians is quite impressive, and whatever card Mike picks will be a welcome addition to the Regretsy Tarot deck and I am really REALLY glad I don’t have to choose which one of these is the winner! Because I don’t think I could.
July 28, 2011 at 1:01 pm
…what with the size of your short list and all.
July 28, 2011 at 3:49 am
Wow. They’re all so awesome, how could anybody choose just one? Perhaps there should just be an entire Towel Mike Tarot deck?
July 28, 2011 at 5:11 am
Man, I don’t envy Mike right now. So many great choices maybe we should’ve had just a Towel Mike Tarot deck. Good luck dude:)
July 28, 2011 at 5:13 am
As much as I love me some Mike, I would feel remiss if I didn’t express some serious love for the fuckery in the banner.
July 28, 2011 at 6:15 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 28, 2011 at 6:21 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 28, 2011 at 7:17 am
I love the top center one; I think it’s perfect. Can’t wait to see which one Mike picks.
July 28, 2011 at 7:31 am
So much talent I’d cry to see it wasted.
When is the all-Mike tarot deck coming out?
July 28, 2011 at 7:55 am
Now, I have to admit that Mike doesn’t do it for me — no offense, dude; I just like ‘em slender — but he is absolutely a good sport and these cards are BRILLIANT FUCKERY SUPREME.
July 28, 2011 at 7:57 am
I _knew_ that was a swimmer’s bod! That explains the occasional depilation (if he competes, that is).
July 28, 2011 at 7:59 am
Sorry, wrong code. That should be knew. I was so distracted I plumb forgot html.
July 28, 2011 at 12:21 pm
on G+ then?
July 28, 2011 at 1:02 pm
haha, yeah, g-chat, actually.
I think I win the award for shortest sentence with the most commas.
July 28, 2011 at 8:28 am
I would like to propose we refer to our guerilla craft store anarchy as “The Reign of Terror”
That is all.
July 28, 2011 at 9:15 am
Amazing talent on display here. Thank you, everyone. I’m glad I don’t have to choose.
July 28, 2011 at 9:16 am
And whimsical syzygy (whimsicle sizzigee?): shouldn’t that be “The Rain of Terror?” Spelling is so important here at cf4l.
July 28, 2011 at 2:19 pm
I just had to thumbs-up your post for your use of the word syzygy. <3 <3 <3
July 28, 2011 at 8:05 pm
At the 25th annual Putnam County Spelling Bee…
July 28, 2011 at 8:32 pm
currently on stage at my community theatre!!
July 28, 2011 at 9:17 am
My thought process:
Oh, password. Can it be Monday? Could the password be MIKE please?
OMG THE PASSWORD REALLY IS MIKE. LOAD, DAMN PAGE, LOAD!!
Vaginaland! HA!
Nine dollars an hour? What fucking retail job pays that? Sign my ass MIKE MIKE MIKE MIKE TAROT CARDS OMG SO MUCH MIKE.
July 28, 2011 at 12:22 pm
minimum wage in oregon is $8.50/hr, so it would maybe be an associate that’s been there for a year?
July 28, 2011 at 5:42 pm
Clearly I need to pack up and move to the West Coast then. Here it’s a buck less than that.
July 28, 2011 at 9:31 am
Welcome back! We missed you, but this post was worth the wait! For the guerrilla fuckery, for the Jason Bateman, the incredible tarot cards, and of course, for the Mike.
July 28, 2011 at 9:38 am
I watched the video for the tarot deck, and though I love you all, I saw one name in the roster of artists:
Princess Buzzkill Crying Glitter Eagle
Whoever you are, you are my personal hero now. I want to be you when I grow up. Just because you came up with that name.
July 28, 2011 at 12:20 pm
Why, thank you
The name evolved over the course of a year on this site. Most of it “clicked” together during the Mother of All 9-11 Posts last fall (you can see it in the comments for that post).
The Princess part was because someone signed up just to flounce a few months ago, calling herself Princess something-or-other, and I decided I was also royalty. Some day, I will become Queen…
July 28, 2011 at 9:39 am
Dunno if it means anything, but Towel Mike’s FB image has been changed to #24
July 28, 2011 at 10:22 am
Yeah, I saw that too. If that is indeed the winner, excellent choice! It’s not mine (mine is #14), but I know a good piece of fuckery when I see it. Bravo!
July 28, 2011 at 12:02 pm
It looks lie the title of that one says “THE WINNER”
July 28, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Way to go Butterwort! Way to go to all the submissions, really, but special props to Butterwort for getting the vote that counts!
July 28, 2011 at 10:19 am
Towel Mike is JESUS!!!!!
July 28, 2011 at 12:30 pm
you fat jealous losers came up with some great ideas for all of these fantastic entries! greeting cards, calendars, towels! i’d like to see those happen!
July 28, 2011 at 1:27 pm
Hello! Have finally dipped my toe in the pool of Regretsy, speaking of which, Jesus Mike brought me to the edge.
July 28, 2011 at 1:56 pm
He does that.
July 28, 2011 at 2:22 pm
If not right over the edge. Mike’s gifted that way.
July 28, 2011 at 3:19 pm
He brought me to the edge… over and over…
July 28, 2011 at 2:36 pm
Next time a butt hurt cupcake says that Regretsy losers cannot craft, link the pissed off pastry to this page. Regresty has awesome, talented, loser bitches!!
July 28, 2011 at 4:23 pm
I think I need Towel Mike’s number.
July 28, 2011 at 4:38 pm
I vote for the one in the middle. Can I do that? Anyway, that one’s my fav.
July 28, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Derp. I meant the middle of the top row. I’m so good at proofreading my own posts.
July 28, 2011 at 6:50 pm
If only he were swimming in your pool instead of that Duck.
July 28, 2011 at 8:58 pm
Don’t be silly, he couldn’t possibly be swimming in a duck. That would just be fowl.
July 29, 2011 at 11:14 am
There needs to be a pic of a guy wanking off to Towel Mike, too. Just sayin’. Why should the women have all the fun?
July 29, 2011 at 2:42 pm
I think we should make a whole deck of Towel Mike cards. That way when I’m old and playing bridge with my Bridge Bitches I can at least have an interesting deck to dish out.
July 30, 2011 at 6:50 am
I need to combine two of my favourite things here; Towel Mike and newly-discovered-by-me http://spockisnotimpressed.tumblr.com/:
July 30, 2011 at 2:40 pm
Omg……THAT IS THE TOWEL MIKE YOU ALL WERE GOING ON ABOUT? K….now I get why you all wanted to beat me down.