Ha! That thing is just really… anatomically incorrect. Unless Ive been screwing men who don’t have quite a pronounced and jagged mushroom head as the one this is modeled after.
That thing just looks painful. and by pain, I am not referring to the pain from the VD you’d catch by using that thing.
It looks like it would scratch. And if there’s one place I don’t want scratches…
Also, I’m seen some REALLY WEIRD COCK in my time, (including one that had the same shape as a rose thorn, really, wide at the base, pointy at the top and curved over) but I have never seen one that looked like this.
Sounds like a little dog penis… I had the unfortunate experience of seeing a small dog viciously humping his dogbed at work. (I work as a dog bather for a professional groomer)
And men having penises like little dogs is just creepy. -shudder-
That’s what the condom is for. To hold all the pieces together so you can slide it out going “ooh, ooh, ouch, OK, OK, OK….” once you hear an uncomfortable cracking noise.
Oh hell! I made this same joke WAYYY after you did. I didn’t think to do a ctrl+f for “trowel” before I posted it, because I didn’t think anyone in their right mind would come up with, well, “trowel.”
Anyone else’s legs cramped solidly shut having viewed this, chanting with aghast “Ow ow ow” at the thought of this device LEAVing any crevice? Look at that RIDGE!! There IS a reason the adult stores don’t offer something like this…(well, maybe they do now…been a while since my last visit ^_^)
It isn’t a dildo for pleasuring yourself, it is used for women fishing! You throw it out there on a street corner late at night and some drunk, desperate, drunk, possibly drugged and did I mention drunk? woman comes by, sees it, uses it, and when you feel a tugging on the string, you just reel her in and you’ve caught yourself a woman with some seriously low standards! Congratulations!
Why the condom? Does that thing give off STD’s? Worried about giving birth to tiny misshapen dildos? Am I the only one who thinks this looks like a mutant turkey leg?
And the “deeper pussy” line makes me think of that old joke that ends “If we find my car keys, we can drive out!”.
Painful as it is for me to even entertain the thought, I read it that she’s warning you to use a condom with it if you’re trying it out on your boyfriend first… and then you.
On second reading, maybe not. She’s using male pronouns for this … thing. Not an actual human male partner.
pretty sure you need the condom because this thing is made out clay and paint. Which is not bajingo friendly… with the flaking and the leaving of residue (not to mention the potentinal for breaking into shards. FUN!) Plus you can’t clean it properly so your left-behind vaginal goo will grow new stuff in the magical land of frightening mushroom dick. HUZZAH! It’s a fairy tale really…
There’s a reason the pros make these things from non-poreous plastics and shit. There’s also a reason they make them resemble actual dick, but that’s a different issue.
Did you see that three of them are the same pose, but actually three different photos??? She really liked looking at it with disdain, contempt, or skepticism…. I’m not really sure which.
I was going to say confusion, but I looked at it again and its more like she’s using the dildo to cock-block a view and giving the look the “I’m crushing your head” guy on Kids in the Hall would have.
Oh, plus 3 now? Pathetic little cupcake brigade still stalking me here too. Wouldn’t your time be better spent listing and renewing and bowing to the Gods of Etsy instead of bowing to me and making your unwanted presence known? Now get up from your knees bitches and have some respect for yourselves. Your identity is known and published.
It looks like the OP is the one who took the screencap for posterity (since all the comments have “delete” next to them). I guess they weren’t THAT mortified…
So I very innocently went to Etsy to look up similar items because I confess, I never thought to look for dildo’s or sex toys on Etsy.. I came across this..
You know how when men see another man get kicked in the balls, they clutch at their crotch and double over from the very idea of it? I expect all the women who see this are doing the same thing.
This is why one should never put anything on, in, or near them that has been handled by strangers. Now if you’ll excuse me, the realization that you’re probably 100% correct has made it imperative that I go lie down and drink so that I can bring myself interact with humans tomorrow.
Note to self: possible anthropology thesis, difference in size and shape between the neanderthal and homosapien penis and their effect on ice age women’s masturbation habits.
I made this exact thing in the 4th grade. Except. It really was a mushroom accompanied by two puff ball mushrooms at the base. I was so PROUD, then quite perplexed as to why my teacher wouldn’t feature it in the parents night showcase. Months in therapy over that. My mother tosses it when I left home. Years in therapy over that. Now i drink and toast to all the mushrooms!
So years after the fact I found out that some flaky elementary school counselor or similar type head shrinker thought a picture of a tree that I drew looked like a penis(trunk) with public hair(leaves) over it. Like, yeah, with that general shape any tree pretty much does unless its a pine tree, if you’re a perv. Luckily nobody broke the news to me at the time since I probably didn’t even know what a penis was at that point in time or at least not enough to want to draw one, much less a hairy one!
It looks like it would enter an orifice and act like a grappling hook and never come out. Maybe there is a rope attachment you can buy additional to tug something around after you’ve inserted it securely
Ok, I have a theory about the condom, and it’s a scary one, so bear with me. As all good crafters tell you, the first one is a practice. So she made one and tried it out, had some issues in keeping it together (I mean honestly, that thing is gonna get stuck in there and the neck is so tiny it’s gonna break off and there’s a whole embarrassing trip to the hospital AGAIN), and not finding an issue with design (because of her horrible accident with the first one that smacked her in the eye) that she decided that it was an isolated incident. BUT for safety sake, she still recommends the condom so you can get all the bits out in one, uh, stroke……… did I seriously do all that and come to a pun? Ah well. That’s my theory and I’m sticking with it.
Since elk are all over the place the day before hunting season starts and dissapear that night, tie a rope to it and poke it in the elk and tie the rope to your tree stand.
after closely looking at the picture and then reading what this misshappen thing is made of (paint, really? you want me to stick paint up my bajingo?) I think I’ll just go get some cucumbers.
Who goes to Etsy to buy homemade sex toys?! How do we even know what this is made of? It looks like a giant turd molded into a really fucked up looking wang.
Uh, if you need one that big… All I can think of is Stewie: “so is there any tread left on those tires or at this point would it be like throwing a hotdog down a hallway?”
July 26, 2011 at 4:32 pm
Dildon’t. Gross. Even SHE looks skeptical.
July 26, 2011 at 4:35 pm
lazy eye does not equal excitement for sure.
July 26, 2011 at 4:46 pm
It’s not a lazy eye, she just poked herself in the eye with it earlier to see if she got it right.
July 26, 2011 at 9:35 pm
It is the eye that really bothers me. It looks like some sick form of domestic violene where the woman got punched with a cock.
July 27, 2011 at 11:48 am
looks like she’s about to ask the cock if it farted…
July 27, 2011 at 1:04 pm
Is there a cock equivalent to a queef?
July 27, 2011 at 2:03 pm
GOD I hope not
July 27, 2011 at 5:07 pm
It reminds me of Lucille Bluth’s sexy winky eye.
July 26, 2011 at 4:32 pm
That reminds me, I need to pick up some mushrooms on the way home tonight.
July 26, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Ha! That thing is just really… anatomically incorrect. Unless Ive been screwing men who don’t have quite a pronounced and jagged mushroom head as the one this is modeled after.
That thing just looks painful. and by pain, I am not referring to the pain from the VD you’d catch by using that thing.
July 26, 2011 at 4:40 pm
It looks like it would scratch. And if there’s one place I don’t want scratches…
Also, I’m seen some REALLY WEIRD COCK in my time, (including one that had the same shape as a rose thorn, really, wide at the base, pointy at the top and curved over) but I have never seen one that looked like this.
July 26, 2011 at 8:37 pm
Sounds like a little dog penis… I had the unfortunate experience of seeing a small dog viciously humping his dogbed at work. (I work as a dog bather for a professional groomer)
And men having penises like little dogs is just creepy. -shudder-
July 26, 2011 at 9:55 pm
I’d sure hate to be pricked by that rose!
July 26, 2011 at 4:54 pm
There’s so much wrong with this. For one, the balls are too small. You need a wider base to hold, a sure grip.
I mean if you’re a deeper-pussy’d woman than your average deep-pussy’d woman, you could possibly lose this thing in there.
July 27, 2011 at 3:27 am
The head would surely cause dangerous back-suction which would require more leverage to remove…gerbils would be easier.
July 26, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Anatomically incorrect is a very kind way to put it. Personally, when I see anything shaped like that, I expect to see Smurfs dancing under it.
July 26, 2011 at 5:10 pm
Has this craftard ever even SEEN a penis?
July 26, 2011 at 9:37 pm
I guess that would be really blue balls
July 28, 2011 at 4:11 pm
Or a smoking caterpillar speaking in riddles maybe?
July 26, 2011 at 8:23 pm
Pics or it didn’t happen, ladies.
July 26, 2011 at 9:23 pm
Aw, come on, it’s a picture of a dildo, and I’m not supposed to say disgustingly inappropriate things?
July 26, 2011 at 9:54 pm
Oh, we highly approve of disgustingly inappropriate things around here, IF they’re witty and original.
July 27, 2011 at 3:28 am
What about the boys? Can the boys ‘submit’ photos as well?
July 27, 2011 at 4:51 am
Only if their name starts with “Towel Mi..”
July 26, 2011 at 10:54 pm
I’ve seen mushrooms that look more like a penis than this thing.
July 26, 2011 at 4:33 pm
JEEEZE, that looks uncomfortable.
July 27, 2011 at 6:44 am
It’s like a cable tie. Goes in really easily, but that bastard is never coming out.
July 26, 2011 at 4:34 pm
The most literal mushroom dick I have ever seen.
July 26, 2011 at 4:36 pm
It looks like what I imagine Ichabod Crane’s penis would look like. The headless horseman is jealous.
July 26, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Did she hit herself in the eye with it? Or is that how they “talked” her into posing with it for the internet?
July 26, 2011 at 5:16 pm
No, they told her the picture would be too grainy for anyone to recognize her.
July 26, 2011 at 4:36 pm
…Geekery? This is categorized under GEEKERY?
July 26, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Maybe it’s s klingon penis.
July 26, 2011 at 4:52 pm
Not enough spikes.
July 26, 2011 at 5:46 pm
I cannot like that enough.
July 27, 2011 at 7:32 am
Or uncomfortable ridges (there’s only one on that thing).
July 26, 2011 at 7:35 pm
Those are ribbed for her pleasure.
July 26, 2011 at 8:24 pm
In the STTNG community, we call those “the ridges of a warrior.”
July 26, 2011 at 4:37 pm
I have to admit, I hate it when my vagina catches on fire. Call me old fashion.
July 26, 2011 at 4:45 pm
“Non flammable” is the first quality I look for in sex toys.
July 26, 2011 at 5:06 pm
The friction could cause a camp fire.
Better safe than sorry.
July 26, 2011 at 4:37 pm
OW! D:
It looks like the mushrooms that come in Chinese stir fry.
July 26, 2011 at 4:37 pm
What the hell’s organic about it? Is it made of mud?
July 26, 2011 at 4:38 pm
no, “ooak”
July 26, 2011 at 4:39 pm
It’s for your mud pie.
July 26, 2011 at 4:41 pm
as a potter… I can make you one out of mud…
Though, as a female, NOTHING BREAKABLE DOWN THERE!!!
July 26, 2011 at 9:02 pm
That’s what the condom is for. To hold all the pieces together so you can slide it out going “ooh, ooh, ouch, OK, OK, OK….” once you hear an uncomfortable cracking noise.
July 27, 2011 at 12:26 am
Glad you are thinking.
July 27, 2011 at 10:47 pm
made me think of 1 guy 1 jar. NOTHING SHOULD MAKE ME THINK OF THAT!
July 26, 2011 at 5:03 pm
I didn’t know there was an organic variety of sculpy.
July 26, 2011 at 4:37 pm
My bajingo just got up and left.
July 26, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Bajing-gone.
July 26, 2011 at 4:38 pm
The implication of the ad is, “Will touch you so deep that your eyelid will become paralyzed!”
July 26, 2011 at 5:18 pm
And make your nail polish chip off!
July 26, 2011 at 4:38 pm
That just looks like it’s be painful. Um, no. Thanks. Really.
July 26, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Is it just me or does that look like a trowel?
July 26, 2011 at 6:34 pm
Oh hell! I made this same joke WAYYY after you did. I didn’t think to do a ctrl+f for “trowel” before I posted it, because I didn’t think anyone in their right mind would come up with, well, “trowel.”
My sincerest apologies.
July 26, 2011 at 7:27 pm
I’m probably not in my right mind
No problem
July 26, 2011 at 4:39 pm
I would like to know who she modeled that after. Mostly man, part fungus?
July 26, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Some dude has a really gnarly infection…
July 26, 2011 at 9:24 pm
Possibly the dancing mushrooms in “Fantasia?”
July 26, 2011 at 9:44 pm
He was hilarious, a very fun-gi.
July 26, 2011 at 4:40 pm
WHY is it tagged “ethnic?!”
July 26, 2011 at 4:44 pm
Because it’s brown instead of purple.
July 26, 2011 at 4:44 pm
Fungi are people too…oh wait. They aren’t. Carry on with your mushracism then.
July 26, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Just the thing if you’re looking for a fungi!
July 26, 2011 at 4:55 pm
My ex was a fungi.
July 27, 2011 at 10:17 am
He didn’t impress you at first, but then he grew on you?
July 26, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Anyone else’s legs cramped solidly shut having viewed this, chanting with aghast “Ow ow ow” at the thought of this device LEAVing any crevice? Look at that RIDGE!! There IS a reason the adult stores don’t offer something like this…(well, maybe they do now…been a while since my last visit ^_^)
July 26, 2011 at 4:42 pm
My vagina welded itself shut.
I was pretty impressed, I didn’t even know it knew how to use a soldering gun.
July 26, 2011 at 5:21 pm
Oh, they do. They most certainly do. And at far better prices, I might add.
12″ dong
July 26, 2011 at 6:28 pm
But are they non-flammable and organic?
July 26, 2011 at 9:03 pm
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July 27, 2011 at 5:24 am
Don’t be scared. It’s 12″ (inches), not 12′ (feet).
July 26, 2011 at 4:41 pm
If it’s non-flammable and non-toxic, what’s up with the condom recommendation?
Or is that the “organic” aspect? Shudder.
July 26, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Yes, I would prefer specifics on the content of an item before even contemplating letting it near my bajingo.
July 26, 2011 at 5:13 pm
Of course, the shape of this item makes the content question moot. No way is that thing coming near ANY orifice on my body.
July 26, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Nothing says “organic” like spermicide and chemical-laden latex.
July 26, 2011 at 4:42 pm
My vag just cringed; the head on that thing would really hurt!! If it goes up somewhere it’s STAYING there!!
July 26, 2011 at 11:11 pm
Can’t you just imagine the feedback on this thing?
July 27, 2011 at 10:52 am
I can’t imagine anyone would want to admit to buying this.
July 27, 2011 at 4:36 pm
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July 26, 2011 at 4:43 pm
The “deeper pussy’d woman?”
What, “Old Man River” meets “The Vagina Monologues” –
…Old Moan Rubber, she just keep’s stroking along…
July 26, 2011 at 4:43 pm
How does one find out if one is a “deeper pussy’d woman”? Is there an echo during sex?
July 26, 2011 at 4:45 pm
If the spelunkers take more than a week to come back out.
July 26, 2011 at 4:57 pm
HAR! splooging spelunkers
July 26, 2011 at 6:23 pm
SploogingSpelunkers.com sounds like a novelty porn site.
July 26, 2011 at 4:46 pm
More from the “deeper pusssy’d woman” (if that actually is grammatically correct)…
Luke – I am your mother!
This is PNN
July 26, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Or you could just stop by Home Depot and save yourself $80
July 26, 2011 at 4:54 pm
Compare and save!
July 26, 2011 at 5:01 pm
and don’t forget to use a condom when using the “W. M. Harvey”
July 26, 2011 at 9:04 pm
Also available in Paul Harvey and Steve Harvey.
July 27, 2011 at 2:52 am
And Harvey Wallbanger flavored.
July 27, 2011 at 5:53 pm
Oh *that’s* what they mean by WM in the personal ads..
July 26, 2011 at 4:47 pm
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July 26, 2011 at 11:12 pm
Well, that thing would definitely give you a fat lip…
July 26, 2011 at 4:48 pm
i thought it was a lamp at first…
July 26, 2011 at 6:30 pm
I thought it was a candle. The line in the wall sort of looks like a wick. Either way I wouldn’t buy it.
July 26, 2011 at 9:50 pm
Well, the store is called “Wicks and THINGS.” That certainly qualifies as the latter.
July 26, 2011 at 10:41 pm
For the entire year since this was first posted, I’ve been convinced it was a candle.
July 26, 2011 at 4:48 pm
I wanna print out Regretsy items on playing cards and add them into a Cards Against Humanity deck.
July 27, 2011 at 12:36 am
Or maybe Crafts Against Humanity?
July 26, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Why the condom? Does that thing give off STD’s? Worried about giving birth to tiny misshapen dildos? Am I the only one who thinks this looks like a mutant turkey leg?
And the “deeper pussy” line makes me think of that old joke that ends “If we find my car keys, we can drive out!”.
July 26, 2011 at 7:11 pm
Painful as it is for me to even entertain the thought, I read it that she’s warning you to use a condom with it if you’re trying it out on your boyfriend first… and then you.
On second reading, maybe not. She’s using male pronouns for this … thing. Not an actual human male partner.
July 27, 2011 at 10:03 am
I think it’s pretty common knowledge that you shouldn’t shove things in your bajingo unless you know where they came from. And if you don’t, wrap ‘em.
July 27, 2011 at 12:04 pm
pretty sure you need the condom because this thing is made out clay and paint. Which is not bajingo friendly… with the flaking and the leaving of residue (not to mention the potentinal for breaking into shards. FUN!) Plus you can’t clean it properly so your left-behind vaginal goo will grow new stuff in the magical land of frightening mushroom dick. HUZZAH! It’s a fairy tale really…
There’s a reason the pros make these things from non-poreous plastics and shit. There’s also a reason they make them resemble actual dick, but that’s a different issue.
July 26, 2011 at 4:52 pm
Wait… I have to use a condom with this um… dick? She’s taking all the fun out of sexy time.
July 26, 2011 at 4:52 pm
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July 26, 2011 at 4:54 pm
I’m more concerned about why her eyes go in different directions.
July 26, 2011 at 5:21 pm
I also wonder, if these were the pics they chose to market….this, what did the photos they rejected look like?
July 26, 2011 at 9:00 pm
Did you see that three of them are the same pose, but actually three different photos??? She really liked looking at it with disdain, contempt, or skepticism…. I’m not really sure which.
July 27, 2011 at 6:18 pm
I was going to say confusion, but I looked at it again and its more like she’s using the dildo to cock-block a view and giving the look the “I’m crushing your head” guy on Kids in the Hall would have.
July 26, 2011 at 5:00 pm
Maybe it is actually a divining rod rather than a divine rod?
July 27, 2011 at 3:58 am
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July 27, 2011 at 7:31 am
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July 27, 2011 at 7:43 am
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July 27, 2011 at 8:06 pm
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July 26, 2011 at 4:54 pm
You can use the balls as a kick-stand for that thing.
July 26, 2011 at 4:54 pm
I’m so sure there’s a Mario themed joke in there somewhere about the mushroom shape to that thing but I can’t find it for the life of me.
July 26, 2011 at 5:44 pm
It went down the pipe to another level.
July 26, 2011 at 7:56 pm
Eating that mushroom unlocks Ron Jeremy Mario.
July 26, 2011 at 9:46 pm
That thing was once a Goomba, until Princess Peach demanded something “new” in the bedroom.
July 26, 2011 at 4:59 pm
my vagina just left the building
July 26, 2011 at 5:10 pm
There is not enough lube in the entire world…. O_o
July 26, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Oh, but there is, if they can cover this:
July 26, 2011 at 5:11 pm
It looks like she just smeared silly putty over a spatula.
July 26, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Now there’s an idea. It’s almost worth the price if it can dual-function as a spatula.
July 26, 2011 at 5:20 pm
I like how it’s tagged “sexy,” “hot,” and “sexyhot.”
July 26, 2011 at 5:20 pm
NOPE
July 26, 2011 at 5:47 pm
I’m just saying what the bajingo said when I saw this picture.
July 26, 2011 at 5:21 pm
an upcycled boat anchor perhaps?
July 26, 2011 at 5:23 pm
I think this is a little too big for a boat anchor
July 26, 2011 at 5:21 pm
When I say “Hillshire” you say “Farms”
Hillshire
July 26, 2011 at 5:25 pm
Farms!
July 26, 2011 at 5:30 pm
GO MEAT!
July 26, 2011 at 5:31 pm
Go Meat!
Or in this case, Go Mushrooms!
July 26, 2011 at 5:25 pm
I though Smurfs lived in these things?
July 26, 2011 at 5:35 pm
I just lost my appetite. I need this photo on my fridge!
July 26, 2011 at 5:54 pm
I dare you!
July 26, 2011 at 6:38 pm
Bring the nausea on, bikini here I come. And then I’ll post a photo for your fridge!
July 26, 2011 at 5:40 pm
It really gets under my skin when people model things w/their hands and their nail polish is chipped or their nails are dirty.
Just wondering, is this thing made to order or would we get the one in the pic?
July 27, 2011 at 3:32 am
I noticed the nasty hands too
July 26, 2011 at 5:55 pm
July 26, 2011 at 6:03 pm
It looks like the OP is the one who took the screencap for posterity (since all the comments have “delete” next to them). I guess they weren’t THAT mortified…
July 26, 2011 at 6:06 pm
I never realized how many dildos were on etsy until I saw this last year.
I searched for “dildo” again, and this came up. Huh??
July 26, 2011 at 6:14 pm
Their tags include: sex toy dildo birthday present wedding gift makeup handmade. I don’t see how any of these are applicable.
July 26, 2011 at 8:12 pm
perhaps a birthday present to a teen boy? (still a lame present though!)
July 26, 2011 at 9:11 pm
Give it to your teen daughter…
“Yes honey, they are all that big”
She won’t have sex till she’s 40.
July 26, 2011 at 11:10 pm
Did I offend thoe who think a razor is a good gift to a pubescent boy? Come on now.
July 26, 2011 at 8:01 pm
well, to each their own I guess? D:
July 26, 2011 at 10:39 pm
I have one of those razors! I bought it on etsy, albeit from a different seller.
It’s awesome, but it never once occurred to me to stick it up my bajingo.
One final thought: what if someone sticks the razor-bearing edge – *shudder, cannot finish sentence*
July 26, 2011 at 6:07 pm
it’s crooked at the tip and I HATE that.
July 26, 2011 at 6:12 pm
So I very innocently went to Etsy to look up similar items because I confess, I never thought to look for dildo’s or sex toys on Etsy.. I came across this..
http://www.etsy.com/listing/40734042/cockglock-or-im-the-nra?ref=sr_gallery_3&ga_includes%5B0%5D=tags&ga_search_query=dildo&ga_order=price_desc&ga_page=0&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=
July 26, 2011 at 6:44 pm
http://www.regretsy.com/2010/02/19/shooting-blanks-nsfw/
July 26, 2011 at 6:22 pm
May as well just use a trowel:
July 26, 2011 at 6:28 pm
You know how when men see another man get kicked in the balls, they clutch at their crotch and double over from the very idea of it? I expect all the women who see this are doing the same thing.
July 26, 2011 at 7:50 pm
I feel like trying to pull it out would result in inverting one’s vagina.
July 26, 2011 at 6:37 pm
I have this feeling that she made this, used it, realized it was a horrible idea, and then decided to place it for sale on etsy.
July 26, 2011 at 6:48 pm
This is why one should never put anything on, in, or near them that has been handled by strangers. Now if you’ll excuse me, the realization that you’re probably 100% correct has made it imperative that I go lie down and drink so that I can bring myself interact with humans tomorrow.
July 26, 2011 at 7:05 pm
Note to self: possible anthropology thesis, difference in size and shape between the neanderthal and homosapien penis and their effect on ice age women’s masturbation habits.
July 27, 2011 at 8:12 am
Ack! You mean its been pre-bajingoed? Maybe that’s what happened to her eye.
Newbie (or dipshit) question: What does the M in MNSFW stand for? Mostly? Massively?
July 27, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Maybe.
July 27, 2011 at 7:09 pm
Thanks! Guess it depends on where you work, cause in my office, it’s DNSFW.
July 26, 2011 at 7:49 pm
“You gotta feel it, right?” she asks.
Lady, if it takes that much deformed peen for you feel anything, you got more problems than Etsy can solve.
July 26, 2011 at 9:51 pm
I think she’s referring to the feeling of your bajingo prolapsing when you try to pull that sucker out.
Upon writing that sentence, my bajingo up and left. I think it’s gone on vacation in a nunnery.
July 27, 2011 at 6:08 pm
My bajingo just notified me that I’ve been served. She’s now hiding somewhere in the Himalayas, waiting for me to sign that shit.
Also, I gigglesnorted so much that my boyfriend now thinks I’m crazy(er).
July 27, 2011 at 8:51 am
Yeah, I’d feel it if I stuck an umbrella up my cooch and then opened it.
July 26, 2011 at 7:51 pm
Whoever made this has clearly never seen a penis.
July 27, 2011 at 6:27 am
I made this exact thing in the 4th grade. Except. It really was a mushroom accompanied by two puff ball mushrooms at the base. I was so PROUD, then quite perplexed as to why my teacher wouldn’t feature it in the parents night showcase.
Months in therapy over that. My mother tosses it when I left home. Years in therapy over that. Now i drink and toast to all the mushrooms!
July 27, 2011 at 6:39 pm
So years after the fact I found out that some flaky elementary school counselor or similar type head shrinker thought a picture of a tree that I drew looked like a penis(trunk) with public hair(leaves) over it. Like, yeah, with that general shape any tree pretty much does unless its a pine tree, if you’re a perv. Luckily nobody broke the news to me at the time since I probably didn’t even know what a penis was at that point in time or at least not enough to want to draw one, much less a hairy one!
July 26, 2011 at 8:04 pm
GOATSE would have trouble with this!
July 26, 2011 at 8:10 pm
It looks like it would enter an orifice and act like a grappling hook and never come out. Maybe there is a rope attachment you can buy additional to tug something around after you’ve inserted it securely
July 26, 2011 at 10:41 pm
Congratulations, DarkP, your comment alone so far has made me cringe and cross my legs tighter.
July 26, 2011 at 11:17 pm
Not only has the seller never seen a penis, she also does not have a firm grip on the concept of physics.
July 26, 2011 at 8:11 pm
This makes the Marine Peen seem like family-entertainment…
July 26, 2011 at 8:57 pm
Ok, I have a theory about the condom, and it’s a scary one, so bear with me. As all good crafters tell you, the first one is a practice. So she made one and tried it out, had some issues in keeping it together (I mean honestly, that thing is gonna get stuck in there and the neck is so tiny it’s gonna break off and there’s a whole embarrassing trip to the hospital AGAIN), and not finding an issue with design (because of her horrible accident with the first one that smacked her in the eye) that she decided that it was an isolated incident. BUT for safety sake, she still recommends the condom so you can get all the bits out in one, uh, stroke……… did I seriously do all that and come to a pun? Ah well. That’s my theory and I’m sticking with it.
July 26, 2011 at 9:28 pm
I had to open a second bottle to follow that comment, but it was worth it…I think.
July 27, 2011 at 6:30 am
That was masterfully performed!
July 26, 2011 at 9:32 pm
Since elk are all over the place the day before hunting season starts and dissapear that night, tie a rope to it and poke it in the elk and tie the rope to your tree stand.
He’ll be there in the morning.
July 26, 2011 at 9:45 pm
Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger….
July 26, 2011 at 11:18 pm
SNAKE!
July 27, 2011 at 2:49 am
mushroom, mushroom.
July 27, 2011 at 6:46 pm
Heeere liiizard liiizard..
July 26, 2011 at 9:45 pm
I really don’t know why, but this entire post bring to mind Storm Large’s song, 8 Miles Wide. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5U-YT-mRmI
July 26, 2011 at 9:54 pm
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July 26, 2011 at 10:01 pm
She took the picture too late–otherwise we’d have seen the Caterpillar sitting atop it, smoking his hookah.
If using this thing gives you a lazy eye AND makes you think Sharpies are nail polish…well, that’s a deal breaker. I pass.
July 26, 2011 at 10:18 pm
Like havin’ a baby, every time.
0.o
July 26, 2011 at 10:20 pm
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July 27, 2011 at 9:49 am
No, the Swamp Thing is a mass of plant material accidentally imbued with the memories of dead scientist Alec Holland.
July 27, 2011 at 12:27 am
SNAKES ON A POON
July 27, 2011 at 12:39 am
after closely looking at the picture and then reading what this misshappen thing is made of (paint, really? you want me to stick paint up my bajingo?) I think I’ll just go get some cucumbers.
July 27, 2011 at 12:46 am
Well unfortunately I’m not loose enough to fit that big hunk of junk in me. Doesn’t even look real what the fuck…
July 27, 2011 at 8:35 am
What. The. Goddamn. Fuck.
Who goes to Etsy to buy homemade sex toys?! How do we even know what this is made of? It looks like a giant turd molded into a really fucked up looking wang.
July 27, 2011 at 8:54 am
This thing is an anchor or a fish hook. I cannot believe that any fool that uses that thing would be able to remove it without a trip to the ER.
July 27, 2011 at 11:26 am
Um…is that safe?
July 27, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Of course not.
July 27, 2011 at 12:56 pm
Uh, if you need one that big… All I can think of is Stewie: “so is there any tread left on those tires or at this point would it be like throwing a hotdog down a hallway?”
July 27, 2011 at 1:36 pm
July 27, 2011 at 1:24 pm
I wonder what Nina Hartley would think of this thing.
July 27, 2011 at 8:58 pm
It looks like a combination of a Flintstones Brontosaurus bone and a toxic mushroom cloud.
July 28, 2011 at 3:33 am
Nudge nudge, wink wink. Say no more !!!
July 28, 2011 at 9:58 am
that head’s plowing out a tunnel that the shaft isn’t gonna touch… my vaj shrivelled down to the size of a button hole
August 2, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Evan Tristan Taormino would shudder.
August 2, 2011 at 6:16 pm
Here is a video of this same woman doing nothing but chewing gum for almost 20 minutes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTsXNAk6jIU
August 6, 2011 at 4:14 pm
never would i have thought to search for dildos on etsy, but in trying it out for myself, i found this e_e
http://www.etsy.com/listing/71814169/original-handpainted-mature-artwork