Regretsy Featured Seller Award
Today I am announcing a new feature: the Regretsy Featured Seller Award! Why should Etsy be the only place where everybody gets a trophy?
The first Regretsy Featured Seller Award goes to Etsy seller Myjewelryrewards, for outstanding achievement in store photography. There really is almost too much to choose from, but here are some of my favorites.
Make sure you also add the button to your Etsy store.
Congratulations!
July 25, 2011 at 11:03 am
Photos that make me think I need to get my prescription checked are not a good selling tool.
July 25, 2011 at 11:08 am
Perhaps they’ve got really bad eyesight themselves? And everything looks right to them?
I mean, I can understand a photo that’s a little out of focus, particularly when posted by a friend on FB or the like. Or even one with the focal point not on the item for sale, so it’s a little fuzzy, or something minor. Not outstandingly professional, but acceptable now and then. This? Is just blindingly unprofessional.
July 25, 2011 at 11:12 am
This? Is just blindingly unprofessional.
I see what you did there.
Yes, this is ridiculous. How can you sell items if people can’t see what you’re selling? A line-drawing would be better than this.
July 25, 2011 at 11:58 am
I’m a sucker for interpretive dance, myself. Or long vague undescriptions that focus on how imaginative the seller’s kids are. I just can’t get enough stories about how smart. intuitive, creative, and thoughtful someone’s cats and/or children are for $5.95.
July 25, 2011 at 12:32 pm
I think you meant to say “How can you resell items if people can’t see what you’re reselling.” It’s cool. Easy mistake.
July 25, 2011 at 11:14 am
I thought my contacts had fallen out.
July 25, 2011 at 11:04 am
These looked clear as a bell to me, but then again I’d drunk a bottle of vodka, so….
July 25, 2011 at 11:04 am
finally a store for those in denial about their need for cataract surgery!
July 25, 2011 at 11:05 am
Annnnnnnnd HEADACHE
July 25, 2011 at 11:06 am
Thank you, thank you and thank you again for posting this stuff. By the time I get to the actual link that they originate from, they’re usually pulled.
Seeing “serious” shots like this makes me wonder why I’ve invested thousands into my camera gear. I think the only thing worse than this quality of images would be a silly putty transfer.
July 25, 2011 at 11:24 am
OMG! Silly putty transfers! That is how all future listings in my shop will be done. Hot damn, I think it’s just what I’ve been missing to get more sales.
July 25, 2011 at 11:24 am
A silly putty transfer would be much clearer. It’s too bad it’s too late to suggest that to the seller.
July 25, 2011 at 11:07 am
Holy fuck, those actually made me feel a little whoosey.
July 25, 2011 at 11:09 am
I remember this! I showed my husband this post to let him experience what life without my contacts in is like. Even now, looking at the pictures make my eyes cross! >.<
July 25, 2011 at 2:22 pm
It would be an excellent simulation for those
lucky dipshitsfortunate enough to have perfect vision, to see what those of us who were not blessed with 20/20 vision see before we figure out where the hell we left our glasses THIS TIME.(Hint: probably on top of your head.)
July 25, 2011 at 11:10 am
But, since this is the home of whimsicle fuckery, we must wonder if the store was pulled or if
AprilEllen was simply sending us on a whimsicle tour of Etsy’s “knot-found” page.July 25, 2011 at 11:27 am
Um – I WAS joking folks. I know perfectly well that her name is Bronc Killer. Or Helen Drywall. Or something like that.
July 25, 2011 at 11:30 am
Hello DryKill.
July 25, 2011 at 11:10 am
Wow. They’ve already been taken down.
Who can accept the award in her stead?
July 25, 2011 at 11:13 am
That blurred out person in the news who’s ratting out their mob boss.
July 25, 2011 at 11:26 am
This is from a year ago. Who knows when they were taken down.
July 25, 2011 at 11:37 am
I think the horse got very upset that he was featured here and stomped off. The seller is in a much better place now. The horse is living in his mother’s basement.
July 25, 2011 at 11:48 am
Oh. You’re right. Looks like my brain is blurry too.
July 25, 2011 at 11:11 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 25, 2011 at 11:25 am
This is from a year ago.
July 25, 2011 at 11:27 am
This is from ONE YEAR AGO. Derp.
July 25, 2011 at 11:49 am
Don’t feel bad stallingsja! I totally DERPED on this one, too!
July 25, 2011 at 11:53 am
It’s not really a derp. It’s a “I had just woken up FAIL”–two different things.
July 25, 2011 at 12:12 pm
Don’t feel bad. I made the same mistake yesterday, or the day before. lol.
July 25, 2011 at 11:11 am
Maybe all her pieces really LOOK like that, like jewelry versions of soft-focus Rorschach tests.
“What is that necklace you’re wearing? Is it a heart, or a fist, or maybe a vagina…?”
Could tell you a lot about people around you.
July 25, 2011 at 11:49 am
We call this model the fisticuffs bajingo tart with matching pearl earings to match… It matches… woah this is strong tequila…
July 25, 2011 at 11:11 am
WARNING: If you scroll through these images too quickly you may vomit.
July 25, 2011 at 11:12 am
My $50 cell phone takes better pictures than that. It doesn’t even have a flash.
July 25, 2011 at 11:12 am
What is the third one? Looks like a saber-toothed aardvark.
July 25, 2011 at 11:33 am
Looks more like a extra-bug-eyed Marge Simpson wearing a headband and a foamy milk moustache, looking to the right in the photo (but it would be to the left of the person wearing it), in ebony bas relief. It gets more frightening the more I look at it.
July 25, 2011 at 11:41 am
Oh, and she’s wearing a horseshoe as a single giant earring/necklace combination (each “leg” is in her earlobe).
I’m sure everyone can see that, but I was so impressed by the intricate detail I couldn’t resist commenting!
July 25, 2011 at 11:44 am
Right, I remember that episode! That’s the same one where she steps on that downed electrical wire and all those snakes come out of her head. A really special moment to remember forever, with this seller’s comemmorative…doorknob? Walking stick? What is this?
July 25, 2011 at 11:18 am
I enjoy the first one, the pendant of the horse trying to mount the 30-gallon trashcan.
July 25, 2011 at 12:33 pm
30 gallon trashcan… or R2D2?
We’ll never know for sure.
July 25, 2011 at 12:47 pm
I think it’s a refrigerator on its side. If you look closely at the detail it says “Whirlpool”
July 25, 2011 at 2:23 pm
There’s detail?
July 25, 2011 at 11:19 am
I think I’ve figured them out –
-Centaur steeplechase with the Queen placing a bet
-Unicorns kissing
-The golf club Elin used to beat the hell out of Tiger
-Grey alien (too easy)
-Lee Harvey Oswald firing an alien inspired but Soviet-developed laser pistol at a black helicopter being flown by Dan Brown to a Freemason baby sacrifice (way too easy – duh)
July 25, 2011 at 5:01 pm
I just got glared at because of you. Everyone else here is angry, and I think my maniacal giggling after reading your comment made them a little crankier.
Totally worth it.
July 25, 2011 at 11:19 am
It’s one thing to be too stupid to know how use the macro setting, it’s quite another to be stupid enough to think it’s a good way to see stuff.
July 25, 2011 at 11:22 am
These aren’t items for sale on Etsy.
Clearly, that’s Bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster, El Chupacabra and their friend Elvis.
July 25, 2011 at 11:24 am
These photos make product shots with scary feet and armpit hair seem perfectly reasonable. At least that stuff appeals to someone.
July 25, 2011 at 11:25 am
She features jewelry for slobs like myself. I don’t care what it looks like, it’s going to annoy me anyway. The blur helps me see if the colors match.
July 25, 2011 at 11:28 am
Dear Hipster,
Take the cowl off before you photograph!
July 25, 2011 at 11:31 am
My Gameboy camera from 98 takes better pictures.
July 25, 2011 at 11:32 am
These sellers were just being artistic you fat, jealous, losers are just too stupid to see that these are beautiful artistic expressions. They obviously graduated from the Etsy photo workshop which accompanies the writers workshop. If you are taking whimsicle pictures of unicorns jumping over refrigerators and magic flying turtles then you would know it’s all about the size of the smell. Stupid Namaste bitches.
July 25, 2011 at 11:38 am
Nice try, but you obviously missed the most obvious item that would prove your argument:
There. Is. No. Coleslaw. How can these be sensitive, beautiful artistic expressions without the fucking coleslaw?
Wait…maybe Photo #5 is the coleslaw. Your argument may hold water after all.
July 25, 2011 at 12:32 pm
I also left out zydeco music.
July 25, 2011 at 1:00 pm
My sound card is on the fritz, so I’d given you the benefit of the doubt on that one.
July 25, 2011 at 11:37 am
There are literally thousands of ‘specialty shops’ on etsy that cater to a specific group of people, but this is one of the few ‘extra super duper specialty shops’, and they cater to an extra super duper specific group – those with 20/440 vision.
July 25, 2011 at 11:41 am
I believe these were taken underwater in a wave pool with an Pentax Optio. You know, for that creative look.
July 25, 2011 at 11:44 am
DON’T SCARE ME LIKE THAT! I’m looking at this on my phone while hooked up to a plasma machine. I thought I was having some sort of horrible reaction because surely no one is so lazy they’d say “Eh, fuck it. Good enough.” and willingly use those pics!
And I thought my shop pics were rough.
July 26, 2011 at 8:10 am
Yeah … I’ve been waiting for this post to come back up because I have a client (who is on another venue and shall remain unnamed) whose photos make me think of this post every time.
It’s beyond “fuck it, good enough.” She’s lovely — but she’s retaken ONE picture in the entire time we’ve worked together because I refused to describe it. I didn’t want to be responsible for writing about something that I couldn’t tell whether or not it was actually a watch, let alone divine the color.
July 25, 2011 at 11:44 am
OH GOD I’VE GONE BLIND(ER)! Oh… wait… I had my glasses off… nope… still on… sheesh
July 25, 2011 at 11:51 am
And here I thought MY photos were bad.
July 25, 2011 at 11:52 am
Seriously? I know two-year-olds that can draw better pictures than the photo taken. Heck, I’m sure my basset hound could do a better job and he’d paint in drool.
July 25, 2011 at 11:54 am
This reminds me of one of my favorite Mitch Hedberg jokes:
“I think Bigfoot is blurry, that’s the problem. It’s not the photographer’s fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that’s extra scary to me. There’s a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he’s fuzzy, get out of here.”
July 25, 2011 at 11:56 am
You remember those Magic Eye photos that used to be popular – you know the ones were you focus and stare for a couple minutes and a 3D image pops out? I think the seller was trying to make thier own version of those. And failed.
July 26, 2011 at 8:12 am
But how hard are you trying to see it?
Also: http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF217-Magic_Eyes.gif
July 25, 2011 at 11:59 am
He might as well have just drawn a sketch.
July 25, 2011 at 12:01 pm
It’s that air of mystery that get you to look closer…Oh, wait.
It’s that air of : I don’t give a fuck. I just want this done, so I can go back to my dirty martini and rack up sales.
July 25, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Anything that reminds me of a Woody Allen movie is a huge turnoff.
July 25, 2011 at 12:15 pm
I think the seller was trying for that up-close-and-personal feel, as if you were holding the item at the tip of your eyelashes, and then went a little bit closer.
July 26, 2011 at 8:13 am
Hence the pain of looking at the images. God, you’re right, that’s brilliant!
July 25, 2011 at 12:16 pm
Auto focus, or any focus for that matter, is your friend.
July 25, 2011 at 1:29 pm
This must be MONET jewelry.
July 25, 2011 at 1:42 pm
This is why you don’t let Mr. Magoo list your items.
July 25, 2011 at 2:42 pm
I love that my photography isn’t this bad.
July 25, 2011 at 3:00 pm
This shop page is already “oops” with the Sweater-Holding Cutie. Blurry pix are the result of copying and pasting the wrong sized pixel images but most of the resellers on Etsy include the factory logo, the inventory number, and the usual “all colors and sizes available, bulk orders welcome.”
July 25, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Look at my horse, my horse is amazing give him a lick…
July 25, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Aw, c’mon…..where’s your sense of adventure? It’s Etsy Roulette! Step right up! Every item a surprise!
Next item is a horse head pendant. It might be a portrait of Mr. Ed! It might be a map of Horseheads NY! It might be an homage to the Godfather!
**Cue Carly Simon’s “Anticipation”**
July 25, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Those make my head hurt. Ouchie.
July 25, 2011 at 5:15 pm
A horse is a horse, of course, of course
Unless the picture is too blurry of course…
July 25, 2011 at 5:53 pm
*Squeeee* Look what I got.
July 25, 2011 at 5:53 pm
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/54433082
July 26, 2011 at 9:00 am
This is like something my mother would do… after her mid-morning bottle of wine.
July 26, 2011 at 12:30 pm
I have a headache right now. Can’t even look at this post.