If These Walls Could Talk
Presenting the Talking Vagina Hands from Summer’s Eve!
“Gurrrrrl, mmmmm, gurrrrl, you pussy smell so bad gurrrl! Whachoo got down dere, some kinna H. Salt 3 piece fish special? Chile, my eyes is burnin! You best git up innat stankhole and wash dat stanky shit!
Aye carumba! Donde esta los bolsa de douche? No burro rides for you, chica! I am going to take a siesta under my sombrero, and maybe when I wake up, my concha will no smell so bad. Que fuego!
Golly, shouldn’t you and your hidey hole be besties? I’d say more, but I’m white and have no personality. Let’s all have a salad!
Gosh, what a fantastic, empowering, respectful, sensitive campaign. I think all women of color want to think their vaginas sound like a white girl doing an Aunt Jemima impression.
Still, I can’t help feeling that there are more ethnic groups to stereotype. I mean, if we’re going to have Tia the Talking Taco and Betty the Big Black Bajingo, shouldn’t we have a whole rainbow of talking pussy puppets?
Where’s the American Indian vagina? Shouldn’t it be drunk and have a feather sticking out of it?
And what about the Asian vagina? Shouldn’t it be sideways and talking about Mr. Eddie’s Father?
Let’s not forget the Jewish vagina! NOT THAT ANYONE EVER SEES IT
July 19, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Re: last video. I hate the term “BFFs.” It’s right there with “preggers” and “hubby.”
July 19, 2011 at 5:11 pm
I also hate hubby. Or when people refer to their husband as DH.
July 19, 2011 at 5:14 pm
Oh god. I thought I was the only person in the world who refuses to use “DH.”
July 19, 2011 at 5:16 pm
No, you’re not. It’s idiotic. It’s almost as bad as when I’m trying to get through the airport and my vagina won’t shut up about the vagwipes in my purse. Lately it’s been affecting a latina accent and there’s no shutting it up once it gets started.
July 19, 2011 at 5:35 pm
I don’t even know what DH means. That’s probably cause I’m gay. I can’t imagine it’s good though, not if it’s any where near hubby or wifey or any of that crap.
July 19, 2011 at 5:44 pm
WHAT THE FUCK IS DH?
July 19, 2011 at 5:50 pm
DH is old lady internet speak for “Dear husband” there is also DD (dear daughter) , DS (dear son) … originated probably on homemaker or parenting type websites. It’s very prevalent on mom-to-be forums (where I first encountered it) and things like Flylady.net.
July 20, 2011 at 11:46 am
DH is old lady internet speak for “Dear husband”
Jesus, and here I thought the rampant use of ‘STD’ (Save The Date) on wedding websites was bad. First few times I was on one I thought everyone was trying to give their mailman the herp.
July 20, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Oh, I thought it meant Designated Hitter. I’m relieved.
July 19, 2011 at 5:15 pm
YES. I hate “DH” (and “DD” or “DS”) with a passion. Is it REALLY that hard to write out “husband/son/daughter”?
July 19, 2011 at 5:34 pm
What do all of these abbreviations MEAN? You are blowing my mind.
July 19, 2011 at 5:38 pm
I’m sorry to say that I know all of those abbreviations, and am in no way qualified to use them. Not that I would.
July 19, 2011 at 5:41 pm
They mean “dear husband/daughter/son” (some people say it’s “darling” instead of “dear”, but the message’s stupidity is the same).
I like to just read it as “dick head”.
July 19, 2011 at 6:23 pm
Whenever I see DS I can’t help but laugh, of course the Nintendo DS makes me laugh too for the same reason. Maybe that’s just because I have a kinky streak?
July 19, 2011 at 6:48 pm
I will usually type it out once, with the person’s name, and then on will use their name in the story.
July 19, 2011 at 8:39 pm
silly me…I thought it meant damn husband…
July 20, 2011 at 12:38 am
I like to call them Boyfriend Raptor, Girlfriend Raptor, Raptor Sister, Hypothetical Raptor Spawn/Mini-Raptor. I’ve seen a few other people do this, just use various variations on their usernames, and it actually helps me keep conversations straight. DH/DD/DS are not helpful.
July 20, 2011 at 5:14 am
I call my husband Monkey on the internet. He doesn’t like me to use his real name and it honestly never occurred to me to use “DH.” I call him “Monkey” as a pet name so it is an alternative to his real name that is easy for me to remember and be consistent with. I also like how it sometimes sounds like I live with a slightly brighter than average primate.
July 20, 2011 at 9:24 am
“DS” stands for DarkSock. Please crease and desist.
July 19, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Single woman is puzzled: DH = designated hitter?
July 19, 2011 at 5:45 pm
That’s even worse! What’s next, aluminum bats?
July 19, 2011 at 6:01 pm
Dead hobo. God am I sick of finding THOSE around my house!
July 19, 2011 at 6:20 pm
Dick head, in Australian euphemism.
July 19, 2011 at 6:23 pm
Don Ho?
July 19, 2011 at 6:30 pm
i read this and thumbs it up because i thought it said “designated HITLER”…
July 19, 2011 at 7:39 pm
I never liked using it either, but now I may have to change my mind. When my husband isn’t taking over as designated hitter (making dinner/putting kids to bed, etc.), he can sometimes remind me of a dead hobo or a dickhead. DH–you can use multipurpose.
July 20, 2011 at 6:32 am
I read that as DH = designated hitler.
July 20, 2011 at 6:34 am
Argh… thumbs me down, itchy posting finger.
July 19, 2011 at 6:11 pm
I can’t express how much I hate that. It’s especially obnoxious in actual conversation, where I just want to yell “I know your husband’s name is Steve, so just call him Steve dammit!”
July 19, 2011 at 7:19 pm
I can tolerate any iteration of this. The most intolerable thing to come out of LJ or mommy bulletin boards is ZOMG!!!
July 19, 2011 at 7:46 pm
I have to admit, I love ZOMG, but mostly because I really like the letter Z.
July 19, 2011 at 10:58 pm
That’s the only internet abbreviation I ever had to have my kid explain to me. And it is obnoxious.
July 20, 2011 at 4:17 am
wtf is ZOMG
July 20, 2011 at 4:45 am
I use it jokingly, just like I use OMGWTFBBQ on rare occasions. I refer to my husband as “hubster” most of the time, since he has a super common and gender-neutral name (Chris.)
July 20, 2011 at 3:14 am
Only Mrs Lawrence should be allowed to call her husband DH.
July 20, 2011 at 5:25 am
To be fair, like LOLspeak, it’s something you just pick up and use. And then cannot get out of your fucking fingers. It’s a lot like saying “like” and “um” when speaking – it’s a habit.
It drives me nuts that it’s a habit of mine, if that’s worth anything.
July 19, 2011 at 5:32 pm
i loathe “preggers”, and i only use “bff” in jest. I call my husband “hubby”, but ONLY to him, like a nickname. i would never tell my friends “yeah, my hubby is such a sweetie!” yuck.
July 19, 2011 at 5:46 pm
My dog’s name is Hubble (like the telescope…geeking it up at my house)and I call him Hubby.
Is that acceptable?
July 19, 2011 at 7:28 pm
That’s a lovely name for a dog!
July 19, 2011 at 5:54 pm
“kiddos” is rapidly rising on that list for me.
July 19, 2011 at 6:20 pm
Kiddo irritates the crap out of me, I am a teacher and I CRINGE when the principal, vice principal, or anyone else in admin calls them kiddos, it drives me CRAZY:)
July 19, 2011 at 7:01 pm
Somehow kiddos isn’t as grating to me as kiddies. Ohh, even typing it gives me chills.
July 19, 2011 at 7:29 pm
What about kiddiwinks?
July 19, 2011 at 9:58 pm
I had to take my cat into the vet and the vet kept calling my cat “kiddo”. As in “We’ll take your kiddo into the back and check your kiddo out and make sure your kiddo is all right.”
It was like the words he, she, it, cat, dog, and any pet’s actual names had been forcefully removed from his vocabulary.
Seeing as that particular trip ended in my cat getting a fatal diagnosis, I can’t stand the word “kiddo” in reference to anything now. =(
July 19, 2011 at 10:27 pm
I like to call my students “kidlets.”
I teach university.
(I just like to watch them wince.)
July 20, 2011 at 4:19 am
kiddo is actually considered in therapeutic worlds to be *really* condescending.
I only put up with it if the sayer is
old enough to be father
intelligent enough to be similar to my father
July 20, 2011 at 5:04 am
@AnEnchantedNotion
Not that this makes it any better but, I work for a vet and it is quite likely he/she couldn’t remember your cat’s name nor its gender.
I know it sounds awful but sometimes you forget to check first and it’s really embarrassing to guess wrong. I usually just say “kitty” & “puppy.” That’s about as much sugary sweetness I can take.
July 20, 2011 at 6:11 am
Oh hells yes. “Kiddos” makes me feel stabby.
July 20, 2011 at 1:32 pm
A friend of mine calls hers “The Podlings.” I really suggest more people take that up.
July 20, 2011 at 4:21 pm
I would hate “kiddo,” especially due to my mom’s overuse of it, if not for Kill Bill.
July 25, 2011 at 9:33 pm
I’m also a user of kidlets, and munchkins as well. (I teach wee ones)
July 19, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Preggers. Why, when we have all these!
Bun in the oven, up the duff, late, knocked up, expecting, about to pop, breeding, on stork watch, give-up-your-hopes-and-dreams-you-sorry-fuck-this-means-game-over, the rabbit died, one on the way, in the pudding club, has a pirate in the brig, another 18 years down the toilet, up the spout, caught the egg, eating for two, reproducing, has the ultimate STD, with child, unexpected-ing, in a delicate condition, preggo, in the family way, suing Trojan, planning to appear on Maury Povitch, going to be a mother, my current situation, not virgin, bearing fruit, carrying, incubating, hormones for two, fallen, has a hitchhiker on board, truly blessed, a broken typewriter, having a baby, slipped one by the goalie, harboring a fugitive, in trouble, hosting a parasite, having a life event, there’s an embryo growing in my uterus, making crotch-droppings, profaning Jesus by shamelessly advertising the fact that you have had sex YOU SLUT!</I
July 19, 2011 at 6:59 pm
Shit, I think that tag didn’t close. Can HK/BD fix it please?
July 19, 2011 at 7:30 pm
A broken typewriter?
July 19, 2011 at 7:41 pm
@ Flounces – it’s missing a period
July 19, 2011 at 7:54 pm
“up the duff” and “preggers/preggo” sicken me.
July 19, 2011 at 8:20 pm
You missed 2 of my favorites – procreating and spawning. Especially useful when the person/couple you are referring to should not be breeding in the first place.
July 19, 2011 at 10:43 pm
The rabbit died?
July 19, 2011 at 11:03 pm
@EmKitten, that’s an oldie, it’s even before my time. I think it died out in the 70′s. Anyway, if you inject blood from a pregnant woman into a rabbit, it dies. A rudimentary pregnancy test from before they came up with peeing on a stick.
July 20, 2011 at 1:23 am
@kimoutre – Common misconception. The rabbit always died. They were injected with a pregnant woman’s urine and a few days later they were cut open and the ovaries were examined for changes. They didn’t have to die, it was just easier to not bother with anesthesia and sewing them back up.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rabbit_test
Rabbits are glad we can now pee on a stick for this information and all they have to worry about from humans is cosmetic testing and being eaten and skinned.
July 20, 2011 at 5:19 am
My current favorite: “Double (triple, howevermany) occupancy body” giving birth is “returning to single occupancy”
July 20, 2011 at 8:44 am
You said Maury. That’s our lunch time show of choice here at the office.
July 19, 2011 at 5:42 pm
@FairlyWyrd: can we add “good to go” to that list? Don’t know why, it just pisses me off.
July 19, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Oh, and “miracle of birth”. Hate that one, too.
July 19, 2011 at 6:25 pm
i like where this is going. also unacceptable: ‘sammy’ in place of sandwich and ‘too funny’ in ANY context.
July 19, 2011 at 7:19 pm
Hey, I need to be able to mumble “too funny” when my stupid coworker tells me a “hilarious” story about her stupid kids, because I will not laugh at that shit.
July 19, 2011 at 7:39 pm
“Baby bump” makes me want to commit acts of violence.
July 19, 2011 at 8:24 pm
Bundle of joy – blecch!
July 19, 2011 at 8:55 pm
“Everything happens for a reason” makes me homicidal. What bullshit.
July 19, 2011 at 9:14 pm
When people say “OMG, LOL!”
Text-speak in place of actual laughter is fucking unacceptable. The sad part is that I hear this from adults more than teenagers.
July 19, 2011 at 11:06 pm
@UnseeliePixie, THANK YOU. Enormous bullshit that is either a religious reference and/or meaningless. “Shit happens” is much more accurate.
July 20, 2011 at 6:01 am
How about we replace it with “clusterfuck of birth”?
July 24, 2011 at 10:03 am
How about Fuck Trophy? That’s always a good one.
July 19, 2011 at 8:06 pm
How about “have a good one”… have a good one of what???
July 21, 2011 at 11:07 am
I can’t stand, “It is what it is.” What a useless fucking statement.
July 19, 2011 at 7:38 pm
This is just for some of you (the mouse over on the comic is “Verbiage. Va-jay-jay. Irregardless.”):
July 20, 2011 at 4:24 am
holy shit – I LOVE XKCD
July 19, 2011 at 8:53 pm
I think “vertical smile” should be added to that list.
July 20, 2011 at 3:41 am
I hate the term “prego.”
Also, when women call each other “lady” (“Hey, lady!”), although I don’t know why.
July 20, 2011 at 10:19 am
Heh, my friends and I call each other “ladies”. It’s a running joke from a night we were all out together and some ~suave~ man came up to our table and proceeded to call us “ladiiiies”. We try to mimic his tone as best we can, but unless you’re a true ~suave~, it’s just not possible to get it exactly right.
July 19, 2011 at 4:56 pm
Wow! And I thought their movie trailer-style one was bad:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxW_ZCd64tg
Awful.
July 19, 2011 at 5:30 pm
I especially love how they call it your “vertical smile,” which implies that it curves one way or another.
My bajingo is not as up on new marketing trends. And where is the artsy bajingo? Is it bajingdazzled?
July 19, 2011 at 7:02 pm
Vertical smile sounds like it comes straight out of the worst of romance novels.
July 19, 2011 at 7:09 pm
Vertical smile makes it sound like your vajayjay has been Jokerized.
It’s the internet, so there’s probably several fanfics with that already…
July 19, 2011 at 7:44 pm
Where I come from, vertical smile refers to your ass crack.
July 19, 2011 at 8:57 pm
@fenris- If you had been in my brain for the ensuing visual, I’m pretty sure you might have been incapacitated… “Why so serious?”
July 19, 2011 at 11:34 pm
Vertical smile and indeed the hand puppets in the vids above make me think of the original plans for a vertical Mouth of Sauron. Which would indeed be the worst of romance novels.
July 19, 2011 at 5:39 pm
The intro to that looks like it was made by Chris Dane Owens.
July 19, 2011 at 7:02 pm
Remember when Summer’s Eve taught us how to ask for a raise?
#1. Make your vagina smell like flowers.
Then after that you can talk about how you’re good at your job, but make sure you flap your curtains a little so your boss gets a good whiff.
http://creativeskirts.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8342b975653ef0134869094c9970c-800wi
July 20, 2011 at 8:16 am
Totally awful. Reduce us to one of our body parts, why don’t you? *shiver*
I saw a video the other day that really shows how sexist TV advertising is. Women have all these problems that need fixing, but men just need to shave and drink beer, if you believe the advertisers.
Okay, I’ll shut up now.
July 20, 2011 at 9:48 am
Despite the scarcity of women in IT, there are currently two different ad campaigns for ISPs featuring clueless men.
July 20, 2011 at 12:00 pm
Heh! Well I guess that’s progress of a sort anyway. :-/
July 25, 2011 at 2:03 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9swKKZy0CCM
July 19, 2011 at 4:57 pm
good grief. I don’t know if I am offended or grossed out.
July 19, 2011 at 5:10 pm
I’m definitely both…its slightly humorous, but I dont know who their demographic is supposed to be. I dont think older women are going to be impressed…I’m a 25-year-old woman and I’m certainly not thinking to myself “how clever! I totally need to “hit myself” with a summer eve’s wipe now!!” It looks like some bad SNL spoof. The ethnic crotch-hands plus stereotypes made it that much more insulting. My vagina is definitely not my “gurlllfriend.” Neither is my ear, nostril or any other orifice on my body.
July 19, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Well I’m 40ish (bit more ish thatn 40) and if my bajingo was my BFF I’d kill myself before seeing 50. Then again, if you are making friends with your twat, I guess you don’t have much chance with half-way normal people.
July 19, 2011 at 11:11 pm
I’m about the same age as you, and this is fucking ridiculous. And racist. And stupid. And my Mom would want to shoot them (for idiocy, not offensiveness) and my 17-year-old would find it lame. So who in hell is this for?
July 20, 2011 at 12:39 am
I wanna thumb you up, but you’re at 69 which seems about right for your comment!
July 19, 2011 at 5:36 pm
I hate the obsession with our vaginas that we are supposed to have as “modern women.” My bajingo is not my pal, it is part of my body that has/ fulfills a purpose.
July 19, 2011 at 5:45 pm
Yeah. It’s not my “sidekick”, either.
July 20, 2011 at 12:37 am
This makes me imagine a male cleansing product trying to use a similar marketing strategy: guys’ penises should be their buddies! Someone needs to make a parody, stat…
“Hey, bro. You know I love to hit the gym, get the blood pumping, and check out hot chicks as much as you do. And when it’s time to score, you know I never let you down. So, come on man, hit me with some Jock Fresh after we hit some weights. I know I can count on you, bro!”
July 20, 2011 at 12:32 pm
“My bajingo is not my pal”
mugs anyone?
July 19, 2011 at 7:07 pm
I remember back in the ’70′s when Feminine Spray came out and we were all made to feel guilty unless we sprayed down there.
I don’t know who this is aimed at, either.
July 19, 2011 at 7:33 pm
Back in the ’70s when I was a kid I wanted to be “grown up” and use deoderant, so I tried that sample I found in the bathroom drawer. When I came out of the bathroom, my mother noticed I smelled like perfume and asked me what I had on. I told her and she and my older sister cracked their asses up, because I had sprayed my pits with vag deoderant.
July 20, 2011 at 1:12 am
I’m 18, and this advertising campaign is just painful for me to watch. Looks like they haven’t hit a single one of their demographics. I went on the website, and it’s all you’re-awesome-and-empowered-just-for-having-lady-party bullshit.
You know what I think is better than a vagina? Lungs. Also skin, a heart, a stomach, and just about every other body part you can’t live without. But you don’t see me bragging about how great I am at breathing and pumping blood.
July 20, 2011 at 10:03 am
I love the typo. Lady Party?
July 20, 2011 at 12:33 pm
I’ve always been rather proud of myself for my blood pumping ability.
July 20, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Haha, whoops. Hopefully Summer’s Eve won’t catch wind and decide to make “lady party” into another obnoxious euphemism. Also, have you seen the campaign to get people to say “that’s vaginal” instead of “that’s awesome”? It kind of makes me want to set myself on fire.
July 20, 2011 at 1:12 pm
You know what is better than having a vagina? Having a brain. Plenty of people have vaginas. I wish more people had brains.
July 19, 2011 at 5:10 pm
You assume they are mutually exclusive reactions.
July 19, 2011 at 4:57 pm
My Irish bajingo needs a bright red bush and a beer.
July 19, 2011 at 5:05 pm
Stat.
July 19, 2011 at 5:13 pm
I was thinking of adding an Irish Catholic bajingo to the stereotypes. it would not say anything because it is too tired from overwork.
July 19, 2011 at 5:34 pm
No beer! Yeast ::shudder::
How about a potato instead?
July 19, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Nope, all that starch just feeds the yeast.
July 19, 2011 at 5:40 pm
cabbage!
Then it’ll really have an odor…
July 19, 2011 at 5:58 pm
Coleslaw!
July 19, 2011 at 7:48 pm
Zydeco!
July 19, 2011 at 9:19 pm
Colcannon!
July 19, 2011 at 10:29 pm
Hey, Irish bajingos like cucumbers just like all the other nationalities.
July 19, 2011 at 5:43 pm
Mine started telling jokes about Sarah Palin and shouting out to the gays.
OH GOD WHAT’S HAPPENING
July 19, 2011 at 7:47 pm
Kathy Griffin is your vagina?
July 19, 2011 at 10:30 pm
You’ll need to unfriend it!
July 19, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Well if its my mother’s Jewish vagina LOTS of men see it…*sigh*
July 19, 2011 at 4:58 pm
My vagina has a sassy, no-nonsensea attitude toward odor. My vagina can’t wait for me to wipe it off with a cloth and take it out to the club. Mmmmm-hmmmm!
July 19, 2011 at 7:38 pm
My vagina has never complained about soap and water. She has simple needs. Let’s give her a pat, er, a rub, er, well, she likes any attention at all.
July 19, 2011 at 4:59 pm
Where are the left-handed vagina hands? We’re a vastly under-recognized demographic.
July 19, 2011 at 5:58 pm
That is something I never even noticed. Being left-handed I now feel… leeeeft out!
July 19, 2011 at 7:22 pm
bah-dum-dum!
July 20, 2011 at 6:39 am
All I could think of was Senor Wences, which I guess in this case would be Senorita Twatces.
S’all right? S’all right.
July 19, 2011 at 5:01 pm
These are real commercials?? Omg, now I really have seen it all….
July 19, 2011 at 5:32 pm
Never never NEVER say that.
July 19, 2011 at 6:00 pm
You’re right–don’t want to tempt the Fuckery Gods. They hate it when you imply they can’t top what you’ve seen.
July 19, 2011 at 8:16 pm
Maybe a penance of ten Hail Goatses will satisfy the Fuckery Gods.
July 20, 2011 at 8:07 am
OldPhatMac, that warms my catholic-school-for-12-years-warped soul!
July 19, 2011 at 6:34 pm
if that’s true, you must win at Rule 34
July 19, 2011 at 7:40 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnFIOj2dZRQ
Rob Zombie really likes Woolite.
July 19, 2011 at 5:02 pm
The day my bajingo starts telling me what to do is the day that I walk into the woods and never come back.
July 19, 2011 at 6:52 pm
No, I think it’s the day you walk into the woods and come back with a gender reassignment.
July 19, 2011 at 7:12 pm
I sense the set up for a great horror movie.
July 20, 2011 at 4:31 am
and Rob Zombie can direct it.
July 19, 2011 at 5:02 pm
i guess my italian bajingo is orange from self-tanning and plays trance music when it opens.
July 19, 2011 at 5:03 pm
Does it pose duck-face style as well?
July 19, 2011 at 5:08 pm
yes. and it’s pierced with 2 big hoop earrings.
July 19, 2011 at 5:45 pm
Dont forget that guido haircut…
July 19, 2011 at 5:56 pm
And a pinky ring.
July 19, 2011 at 6:02 pm
@Mistletoe: Now I’m imagining a mash-up of (a) Joe Pesce’s “Saturday Night Live” sketch where he’s deciding on a pinkie ring by modeling it and mouthing conversations in front of a full-length mirror and (b) a pinkie ring on a bajingo, while the bajingo “models” the ring.
July 19, 2011 at 6:03 pm
My work here is done.
July 19, 2011 at 11:14 pm
Well, I guess that would give a new definition to “fist pumping”.
July 19, 2011 at 7:09 pm
Is it weird that I think that if my vagina could talk, it would sound like Alan Rickman?
July 19, 2011 at 8:04 pm
Not if it isn’t weird that I think mine would sound like Linda Richman of coffee talk (or alternatively like my Great Aunt Peg).
‘You want a topic? The Prince of Tides was neither about princes nor tides. Discuss.’
July 20, 2011 at 2:23 am
ob vi ous ly!
July 21, 2011 at 12:15 am
if mine could talk, i don’t think i’d want to hear what it would have to say to me in all honesty.
July 19, 2011 at 9:19 pm
Don’t forget copious amounts of pomade.
July 19, 2011 at 9:58 pm
Damn, that was supposed to post under emany’s- sorry.
July 19, 2011 at 5:02 pm
my vajayjay got waxed, plucked, sucked, stabbed, cut, stitched, twitched and turned into a peen… gotta say, I don’t miss the cramping but I do miss the fanciful slut storage space…
July 19, 2011 at 5:11 pm
Will it now be played in commercials by a finger?
July 19, 2011 at 5:20 pm
The “big” quesiton is which finger?
July 19, 2011 at 5:03 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 19, 2011 at 11:19 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 19, 2011 at 5:03 pm
Wait, I’m a Jewish woman and I don’t understand the reference “Not that anyone ever sees it.” Will someone please explain?
July 19, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Because everyone knows that Jewish women are frigid and don’t have sex. HAHAHA GET IT
Jewish foreplay: 2 hours of begging and pleading!
Oh how did Summers Eve miss that comedy goldmine?
July 19, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Or enjoy it. “Beige. I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”
July 19, 2011 at 9:01 pm
I love that joke!
July 19, 2011 at 7:29 pm
huh, never heard of that stereotype. I guess all my Jewish friends were whores.
July 19, 2011 at 7:30 pm
They must have big hands.
July 19, 2011 at 9:04 pm
Yeah, I’ve heard that Jewish women love to give head, for example, and I’ve also heard that Jewish women NEVER give head.
I’m Jewish, and I’d really love to get a good handle on what people will prejudge me as. I think it’s the least a stereotype owes you!
July 20, 2011 at 5:39 am
stayloose, I *think* it depends on what type of Jewish woman you are. Are you a young JAP with a made to order nose and a BMW that matches your purse? Then you might be a slut but you wont give head (hard to breathe and that nose was REALLY expensive! Don’t want it to get accidentally broken.) If you have your original nose and don’t have a trust fund then you LOVE to give head … until you convince the doctor/lawyer/dentist/accountant of your dreams to marry you.
July 20, 2011 at 1:11 pm
As the token Jew pretty much everywhere I go, I find myself doing a lot of explaining. You’d be surprised how few words need to be used to convey, “I give head; would you like to see my vagina?”
(Ironically, Jewish dogma is way less sexually oppressive than most other major religions, going so far as to outline that in a marriage, sexual pleasure is the woman’s right and the man’s duty. FUCK YEAH JEWS)
July 20, 2011 at 5:30 am
Don’t forget the hole in the sheet. Can’t see much through the hole in the sheet.
July 19, 2011 at 5:09 pm
I’m a male of Irish descent, so take my guess with a grain of salt. Could it be a joke about Jewish ladies being prudish about sex?
July 19, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Would trailer park pussy talk like the Bill Cosby bit on novocaine at the dentist? Flappity flappity “Heybuh Babbuh, howbuh youbuh doinbuh.”
July 19, 2011 at 5:05 pm
“For Feminine Hygiene- always use Lysol.”
July 19, 2011 at 5:08 pm
July 19, 2011 at 5:29 pm
Ooo., I just read that I love the “Efficiency in contact with organic matter” bit. Organic matter like… the delicate inner lining of your vagina! Jesus. How many women burned themselves with this stuff in the past? And yet still, in 2011, we’re still expected to mess with our organs because they might occasionally smell slightly … human.
July 19, 2011 at 5:34 pm
Also, organic matter like the healthy and normal bacteria that keep the bad stuff in check.
“Eww, smelly” panic + douching = way worse “eww, smelly” down the road.
July 20, 2011 at 5:51 am
“Efficiency in contact with organic matter” was code for “Lysol is a spermicide.” Which is why it is under the section comparing it to soda douche. Soda douche will effectively deal with any odor issues but it wont keep you from getting knocked up. By advertising it as a feminine wash rather than contraception the “be fruitful and multiply” set could control their numbers without going against God. Because God plays semantics games.
July 20, 2011 at 5:59 am
@unholyghost2003 d’oh. You’re right! I completely forgot about that actually important use. Burning vagina -was- actually better then the alternative in many, many, cases.
July 19, 2011 at 5:38 pm
Are they really saying squirt Lysol in your twat?
::cringe::
Yeah, because guys really dig that antiseptic smell…
July 19, 2011 at 5:48 pm
Not just when it’s smelly. Also if you want to avoid having a baby.
July 19, 2011 at 6:14 pm
Yeah… the baby thing.
http://www.salon.com/life/broadsheet/feature/2009/10/06/lysol_douche
July 19, 2011 at 5:53 pm
I love this ad. Like the reason her husband’s lost interest is that her bajingo doesn’t smell like disinfectant. (I also <3 the phrase "intimate daintiness" for some reason)
July 19, 2011 at 8:48 pm
And username created
July 20, 2011 at 3:26 am
But she made so much effort! She keeps the house immaculate (perhaps she uses Lysol to wash the floors too). And the guy is insensitive to it! He really is a douche.
(Sorry. Had to do it.)
(And it’s all the funnier that, in French, “douche” simply means a shower, with no connotations. I know this vagnial douche thing used to exist, but nowadays nobody will know what it refers to.)
July 19, 2011 at 6:16 pm
I love it that her pussy so stank her husband has to leave the house!
July 19, 2011 at 7:29 pm
“For married folks only”… no amount of disinfectant in the world will erase premarital sex, you whore.
July 19, 2011 at 7:57 pm
No thanks, Lysol. My husband prefers the clean citrus smell of lemon pledge for my…fingerbowl. Plus, it leaves everything so shiney and smooth.
July 19, 2011 at 8:13 pm
Have you noticed that it protects wood at all? I think that’d be a bonus.
July 19, 2011 at 11:17 pm
Can you slide on your bajingo if you wear socks?
July 20, 2011 at 1:22 pm
I am so many levels of disturbed and amused by this whole thread.
And all these years I had been using scope to keep the bad smells away!
July 19, 2011 at 9:03 pm
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph… And I’m not even Catholic.
July 19, 2011 at 10:49 pm
Screw Lysol! It’s 2011, I’m using Febreze! They have Lavender Vanilla & Comfort scent. That’s perfect for my bajingo!
July 21, 2011 at 12:27 am
with Febreze, you can even make your coslopus smell like foreign lands like New Zealand, Morocco, Hawaii, Brazil, Thailand, etc.
now THAT is an ADDED BONUS, if you ask me!
July 20, 2011 at 10:36 am
*shudder* I had to explain this to the boyfriend as we were watching Boardwalk Empire one night. (Margaret gets a pamphlet on family planning which instructs her to douche with Lysol.) Sooo glad we have real contraceptive choices now!
July 19, 2011 at 5:05 pm
JUST A LITTLE LOVE FOR YOUR VERTICAL SMILE???????????
July 19, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Yeah, my response to these commercials was wide-eyed horror – when it ended with “Hail to the V!” I turned to my boyfriend and said, “Oh, fucking A.”
July 19, 2011 at 7:44 pm
My husband was surprisingly less disturbed than me. Aaaaand he thought the vertical smile was the best bit in the whole roundup.
July 20, 2011 at 4:33 am
My husband just heard the audio as I played them. Bad enough. When I described the visuals he just shook his head. (I asked him if he wanted to see it and he declined)
July 19, 2011 at 5:06 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 19, 2011 at 5:08 pm
I think the African-American vagina voice is the girl who plays Tara on True Blood.
I like the way that the generic Hispanic accent turns into a generic Jamaican accent.
July 19, 2011 at 5:29 pm
If that is Rutina Wesley I will shoot my own bajingo commercial. Seriously One would hope that she ain’t hurting for money THAT much.
July 19, 2011 at 10:03 pm
starts out as an irish accent, runs thru a whole range of indistinct south & central america, hits the islands at one point, i dont remember where it ends up….. all said, loudly, by a white girl.
why couldnt they at least hire someone of the appropriate race if they had to make this revulsively-clean product race-bound? if all the voice actresses quite righteously refused, wouldnt that tell them something about their consumer base?
July 20, 2011 at 12:08 pm
I’m not convinced it’s a white girl… she could be a woman of color who sounds “too white” and was directed to try and sound more “ethnic.” That being said, it certainly seems like they are pandering to racial demographics obtained from research studies.
July 19, 2011 at 5:09 pm
Fuck these Summer’s Eve whores. I don’t care if my shit smells like the goddamned Tsukiji fish market, because it won’t be half as offensive as this bullshit ad campaign.
July 19, 2011 at 5:11 pm
I agree…racial stereotyping and body shaming are not the way to sell a product.
July 19, 2011 at 7:30 pm
To be fair, body shaming is the ONLY way to sell this product.
July 19, 2011 at 5:40 pm
I always thought Madison Avenue was run by a bunch of douche bags. Now I know it.
July 20, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Fuck these Summer’s Eve whores
Someone needs to get this on a T-shirt immediately. I’ll take 10.
July 19, 2011 at 5:09 pm
I’m dreaming of Summer, cool breeze and fresh air…
July 19, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Omg, I never thought I’d miss that commercial, but those stupid talking hands are making me start to do just that.
July 20, 2011 at 5:35 am
That commercial is so cupcakey! It’s like whoever runs etsy decided that was their business model.
July 19, 2011 at 5:10 pm
talking fists pretending to be vaginas is just…. wrong
July 19, 2011 at 9:00 pm
Gives a whole new meaning to “talk to the hand”.
July 19, 2011 at 9:55 pm
My fist has pretended to be a vagina at least once a day since age 12- in spite of my religious upbringing, it never felt… wrong…
July 19, 2011 at 11:21 pm
I bet it doesn’t talk about odor, though. THAT would be wrong. Though I guess that’s probably a turn on for someone out there, so….
July 20, 2011 at 8:39 am
I think you might have tumbled to what the males who came up with this ad campaign were thinking when they did it.
July 19, 2011 at 5:12 pm
My vagina would sound like Janine Garafalo and have a cigarette in it’s hand when it wasn’t flipping people off. My vag is not perky, doesn’t care if it’s pungent and is having a bad hair day. Summer’s Eve should go back to douche commercials that confused you into thinking it was for salad dressing…mmm vinegar and water on my salad, oh shit wait no it doesn’t go THERE.
July 19, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Multipurpose! Slap the sucker on Etsy.
July 19, 2011 at 5:22 pm
I suddenly want to teach my vagina to do the Tootsie Roll.
July 19, 2011 at 5:13 pm
Oh for the love of Pete. Summers Eve can kiss my fuckin’ Map of Tasmania.
July 19, 2011 at 5:22 pm
THIS.
July 19, 2011 at 5:32 pm
You get bonus points from me for referencing Amanda Palmer!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcoreV10hI8
July 19, 2011 at 5:35 pm
Amanda Palmer probably talks out of her vagina daily.
July 19, 2011 at 5:47 pm
Amanda Fucking Palmer is 100% solid awesome. More so since she wrote a rockin’ hit song about bajingos.
July 19, 2011 at 6:48 pm
Wait, so this isn’t a song about geography??
July 19, 2011 at 7:00 pm
Sort of. Tasmania is down under Australia’s mainland,. and it is kind of shaped like bush.
July 19, 2011 at 7:07 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 19, 2011 at 8:23 pm
OR she’s a talented lady that isn’t afraid to admit that she has some hair on her body. Whatever.
July 20, 2011 at 5:58 am
That “Lonely” and “insecure” girl who is also fucking Neil Fucking Gaiman. As far as I know he has never complained about her snatch.
July 20, 2011 at 6:06 am
It’s less a song about “not shaving your snatch” and more about it doesn’t matter how you groom, or don’t; also, wanting to resemble a pre-pubescent child is a wee bit effed up.
July 20, 2011 at 1:31 pm
I think TelsaNoil is just jealous that Amanda Palmer is married to Neil Gaiman. It’s okay, Noil, I’m jealous of her too.
July 19, 2011 at 5:13 pm
I can’t wait for the male version.
July 19, 2011 at 5:17 pm
The male version wouldn’t talk remember it would have it’s hands full…
July 19, 2011 at 5:19 pm
It’ll just be fat guys’ thumbs.
Because all other fingers look like disproportionate micropenis.
July 19, 2011 at 5:40 pm
i.e. Axe ads.
July 19, 2011 at 5:50 pm
I really hate those. And Axe stinks!
Old Spice has figured it out. Men won’t buy something if the ad is about their equipment. Men will buy something if it’s about attracting ladies to so they can use their equipment.
July 19, 2011 at 6:09 pm
Oh those ads WORK. I bought a bottle of Old Spice and brought it home to himself. He gave me this look and said something to the tune of, “Are you crazy? I’m not fucking using that.”
July 19, 2011 at 10:00 pm
As long as it’s not the original “pervy uncle” Old Spice scent- god, that shit makes me retch!
Personally, plain old soap and water’s just fine, but I do like the Dark Temptation Axe body wash, but not the Whore Bath Spray- that shit’s too overpowering…
July 19, 2011 at 6:01 pm
Axe is the male equilvilent of a Puerto Rican shower.
July 19, 2011 at 9:28 pm
Hey now, with all this talk about feminine hygiene products you shouldn’t be ripping on Axe. According to those ads it’s one of the few products on the market that will make a douchebag smell good. And for the record I think that Axe is this generations Hai Karate.
July 19, 2011 at 10:03 pm
Damn, Carter, I loved Hai Karate when I was 11- I even had a bottle of “F-Troop” after shave my uncle (not the pervy one) gave me. But the most bang for your buck came from good old Aqua Velva- am I right, guys?
July 19, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Talking dicks would only say two things:
Time to pee!
Time to rub against something!
July 19, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Third thing: “I’m, uh, cold, so could I, uh, put myself inside of you–just for a minute, I swear, it will only take a minute!“
July 19, 2011 at 7:49 pm
I fell for that once. Ended up with twins.
July 19, 2011 at 10:08 pm
Funny story- I had that problem too, Badger- I tripped, and I landed on her vagina with my penis. Only wound up with one kid though.
Whenever my oldest son gets a little too cocky(!), I just remind him the only reason he’s here is because his mom had such a shallow mouth.
Yep, that’s me- Greatest. Dad. Ever.
July 19, 2011 at 6:31 pm
I fucking love you guys so hard. ♥
July 19, 2011 at 5:15 pm
Personally, I like to think of my vagina as… non-sentient. This just creeps the shit out of me.
July 19, 2011 at 5:52 pm
Really. I agree.
Plus, people talking about their body parts like they were strangers or roommates or multiple personalities.
July 19, 2011 at 6:31 pm
I agree. It’s like ads where toilets and food talk to you. Some things should just. not. speak.
July 19, 2011 at 6:51 pm
Oh, man, the worst one for me was the Levi’s ad where people’s navels were singing “I’m Coming Out.” There’s a kid in the background who looks exactly like I felt every time it came on.
July 19, 2011 at 8:49 pm
http://youtu.be/Zjpooj6uvEQ
July 19, 2011 at 9:24 pm
That kid is awesome. He looks like the son of The Only Sane Person in the World, too.
July 20, 2011 at 6:05 am
Rana, have you ever been to Suicide Food?
July 20, 2011 at 6:21 am
The one that had the talking belly button…totally freaky.
July 19, 2011 at 10:10 pm
Now all I can think of is Senor Wences in Drag…
‘s alright? ‘s alright!
July 19, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Ick ick ick. I’m grateful that all of my health classes have given me PROPER information on body care, like that douching is extremely bad for you.
July 19, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Yeah we got one of these charming douche commercials right before Harry Potter. Try seeing those images in a theater packed with kids. Mind you this was a MIDNIGHT! The whole theater let out a collective ewwwwwwww.
July 19, 2011 at 5:34 pm
Happened to me too, similar circumstance. I shouted out “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” and several other women clapped and/or laughed.
July 19, 2011 at 5:50 pm
I also had this experience. Did you see the Cleopatra/jousting/Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon one?
All the men were totally silent, and the women all gave a WTF-was-that laugh.
July 19, 2011 at 5:54 pm
That’s the one!
July 19, 2011 at 5:59 pm
I saw Harry Potter in 3D and all of the previews and commercials were also in 3D.Here I was just pissed that I missed the Dark Knight Rising trailer, thank god they didn’t show one during our previews.. *shudder*
July 19, 2011 at 6:12 pm
Remember when your Chamber of Secrets was a quiet place you could forget was there?
July 19, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Unless there was a Basilisk inside.
July 19, 2011 at 6:23 pm
All you ever heard was Moaning Myrtle
July 19, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Some corporate asshole was probably sitting around high as shit one day and figured out that that his hand could form the shape of a vagina.
We should have honestly had these commercials earlier. It’s 2011–these should have been out in 1980 at the latest, 1960′s at the earliest. They should have crowd sourced to the Haight district.
July 19, 2011 at 5:54 pm
Well, his hand may not form the shape of a vagina, but I’m sure he uses it as a substitute.
July 20, 2011 at 10:18 am
I love the thumbnail pic of the hand vagina that was coming up in Google News. Looks like someone caught it and changed it to the cactus though.
July 19, 2011 at 5:17 pm
My bajingo is already practicing “Funky Cold Medina.”
July 19, 2011 at 5:53 pm
We need vagina karaoke.
July 19, 2011 at 6:06 pm
Finally something positive about prolapsed vagoos: They’d sing “Low Rider” by War.
July 19, 2011 at 6:20 pm
Bajing-oke.
July 19, 2011 at 6:22 pm
Mine sings 76 Trombones. A) because it likes showtunes, and B), TromBONES, and its a SLUT, GET IT?
July 19, 2011 at 9:11 pm
All I can think of is a vagina with Ethel Merman’s voice now…
July 19, 2011 at 10:13 pm
THERE’S NO BUSINESS LIKE BAJINGO BUSINESS!!!!!
July 20, 2011 at 9:20 am
I think I’d prefer Rosemary Clooney. However, that would get really weird if I ever got to sleep with her hot nephew George.
July 19, 2011 at 5:19 pm
Thats it. The world is over. Vagina hand puppets is the last straw. What classy white nightgown girl wasn’t working anymore? Oh yeah thats right cause we’re all sluts now and the greatest thing we can aspire to is lady wowza.
July 19, 2011 at 5:20 pm
what the hell? I’m have talking vagina nightmares now. srsly.
July 19, 2011 at 5:23 pm
“Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.”
July 19, 2011 at 5:23 pm
I got 100%! What do I win? http://summerseve.com/v101/id-the-v
http://i55.tinypic.com/308yu5w.jpg
July 19, 2011 at 5:31 pm
Normally I would be the first to cheer on sexual education for people of any age, but this eveil side of me is wondering if its in the greater interest to assist the aim of people that don’t even know which is thier anus and which is their vagina?
Off to take the quiz again to see what they say to people that don’t get anything right.
July 19, 2011 at 7:13 pm
My CNA class instructor told us about walking in to class one morning to find several women looking over the “womanikin” (medical manikin) with confused expressions on their faces. They were wondering why she had “three holes down there and not just one”.
July 19, 2011 at 7:22 pm
Wow, and I thought my CNA shop in high school was bad. Thank you for making those girls seem smarter to me there.
And you got a whole womanikin? We had Bob. He had a colostomy bag stuck to him that looked like it was attached with boogers. He had inserts for man and lady bits, which had to be locked in the teachers desk after someone arranged them both down there.
July 19, 2011 at 7:52 pm
She could be male or female,she had the colostomy bag and for bonus points a catheter. She was female the whole time though (the state doesn’t test you on male peri or cath care just female). There was no arranging of naughty bits in class,sadly, but I do have the lovely memory of my instructor fanning herself with the plastic penis on a particularly warm day.
July 19, 2011 at 8:32 pm
Sadly that is not the first time I’ve encountered this. I’ve ranted previously about women in health care that don’t understand bajigo-natomy.
That’s why well educated nurses with experience still hurt women when they put in urinary catheters.
Know your crotch!
July 20, 2011 at 6:11 am
I thought my RN friend that I had to explain fisting to was bad. Now I know she is apparently in the brighter set and I am even more afraid of the medical industry.
July 19, 2011 at 7:26 pm
I’m not liking their new logo, either. Take a closer look at it.
July 19, 2011 at 7:42 pm
Does it really require a closer look? It’s not big not subtlety.
July 19, 2011 at 8:33 pm
what does a vagina have to do with a guitar pick?
July 20, 2011 at 5:45 am
My favorite part of the quiz? The vagina puppet saying “AAAAtta girl!”
July 19, 2011 at 5:31 pm
What the hell? Where is the twatwaffle? Tthe douchecanoe? And how can there be no crafthole. These people don’t know a thing about bajingos!
July 19, 2011 at 5:44 pm
Aliceblue, you’re turned up to 11 tonight!
July 19, 2011 at 6:05 pm
July 19, 2011 at 6:07 pm
DIES AND IS DEAD.
July 19, 2011 at 6:10 pm
My world makes sense now. Thank you.
July 19, 2011 at 6:15 pm
Good goddamn.
July 19, 2011 at 6:31 pm
*gasp* I think this is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen on this forum yet!
This calls for a regretsy board game!
July 19, 2011 at 7:09 pm
You know your stuff LilithSiren… and to know it is to love it.
July 19, 2011 at 8:34 pm
The only thing missing is the Vodka Exit.
Brilliant!
July 19, 2011 at 9:20 pm
That’s a good point. They include the crafthole in the diagram of the female genitalia but not the vodka exit? Where the hell is the urethra?
July 20, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Hello new desktop wall paper.
July 20, 2011 at 4:32 pm
Can’t….stop….laughing….
July 19, 2011 at 5:42 pm
“Dedicated to inspiring authentic confidence in girls and women everywhere.”
That scares the ever loving strawberry-scented fuck out of me.
July 19, 2011 at 6:53 pm
I thought I smelled something.
July 19, 2011 at 5:58 pm
Wait, wait, wait…Since when is the anus considered part of the female genitalia constellation?
July 19, 2011 at 6:15 pm
Since it became the norm to stick things in it.
July 19, 2011 at 7:04 pm
I hope these morons that make these ads don’t consider the ass a reproductive organ.
July 19, 2011 at 7:42 pm
Actually, it would probably be a good thing if they did – it’d keep those genes out of the pool.
July 20, 2011 at 6:10 am
Summers Eve cleansing Enemas? For when your vertical smile and sexy pucker want to party it up all night long.
July 19, 2011 at 6:01 pm
Why does the Vagina have a spiral in it? are they trying to hypnotize us?
July 19, 2011 at 6:11 pm
All hail to the Hypno-Vag!
July 19, 2011 at 6:35 pm
Oh, god, now I’m going to have images of that eye winking out of the center of that spiral haunting my sleep.
July 19, 2011 at 8:08 pm
It occurs to me that there are probably people out there now looking at their hand in wonder and saying, “So that’s my vagina? I’ve been doing it all wrong!”
July 20, 2011 at 5:03 am
Shhhh….don’t correct them. We don’t want those people to reproduce.
July 19, 2011 at 5:24 pm
Are they supposed to be imitating if a vagina was talking?
fuck this. I’ll stick with dove, thank you very much.
July 19, 2011 at 5:44 pm
Soap!?!? But it’s made of cacti! You don’t want to make your BFF all itchy, do you? DO YOU?
July 19, 2011 at 6:51 pm
It bothers me too much that they’re associating a cactus with itchiness. What?
July 19, 2011 at 7:08 pm
If it feels like a cactus, you need antibiotics, not vagoo wash.
July 19, 2011 at 7:26 pm
or you could check for cactus spines.
July 19, 2011 at 7:37 pm
I knew I shouldn’t have fucked that cactus.
July 21, 2011 at 12:45 am
i don’t really have a bff. i could really use one.. does that mean my vagina is my ONLY option?
i don’t wanna be THAT girl. what would i tell my friends?
i think i’d rather jump off a bridge.
July 19, 2011 at 5:24 pm
i am 28. i have never had one day where i thought “damn where is that smell coming from?” its called a shower and clean underwear. nothing special.
July 20, 2011 at 5:49 am
JUST WAIT…
Though, thankfully, I’m having a procedure to correct my issue – see, sometimes your body tries to clean something outta you, which makes odor more noticeable. If that continues for enough time, you should go to a DOCTOR TO GET CHECKED.
Fucking moronic, sure – just keep douching, just keep douching!
Heaven forbid a woman go see if there might actually be something WRONG – like, say, a polyp your body can’t figure out how to get out by itself or say, an infection that should be treated. Nah, smell is just you being gross, not any kind of sign to go seek treatment.
July 20, 2011 at 1:56 pm
you are fortunate then.
July 19, 2011 at 5:29 pm
Does anybody else think that “Hello to vagina land” sounds like what you should hear when you step into a brothel, and not the first words in a (non-pornographic) commercial?
July 19, 2011 at 5:39 pm
Indeed. One of the many things so wrong about this campaign.
July 19, 2011 at 6:06 pm
The whole thing literally makes me cringe. So does that movie trailer one. *gag* if they were trying to repulse me as much as possible & keep me from ever even thinking about buying their shit, they’ve succeeded.
July 19, 2011 at 10:19 pm
One of the many reasons I boycott movie theaters, Cindy- the last movie I went to see was Titanic, mainly cuz my woman had the hots for Leo Dicaprio, but also cuz I got to see Kate Winslets tiddies.
That said, it’s just a goddamn shame that Celine Dion and that horrible song didn’t sink along with the ship…
July 19, 2011 at 6:12 pm
I’m going to make “HELLOOO FROM VAGINA-LAND!!” my ringtone.
July 19, 2011 at 7:36 pm
Vagina Land would be an awesome amusement park.
July 20, 2011 at 6:15 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1ce1uux1hs
Welcome to Sex Land! It’s fun for EVERYONE, just play safe!
AIDs awareness campaign. The company print spreads (heh heh heh) and posters are spectacular!
July 20, 2011 at 6:23 am
Vagina Land is an awesome amusement park! However, it seems once you buy the ‘lifetime pass’, you don’t get to go as often as you use to…
July 19, 2011 at 10:35 pm
Sounds like a child’s game gone VERY wrong.
July 19, 2011 at 5:30 pm
All Summer’s Eve products are completely unnecessary and the only reason they sell is that women re uninformed about what’s best for their bodies. That is what I find most disturbing about these ads.
July 19, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Oh totally. Their very existence hinges on creating a problem (your vagina smells like a vagina! That won’t do!) and offering a solution (we’ll make it smell like fucking lilacs!).
It’s sort of like the “Professor” Harold Hill approach to feminine hygiene.
“Oh we got trouble
Right here in your bajingo
With a capital ‘T’
And that rhymes with ‘P’
And that stands for ‘poon’!”
July 19, 2011 at 6:00 pm
Laughing so hard I’m crying
July 19, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Good, because I spent all day on that.
July 19, 2011 at 6:07 pm
It was worth it. *golf clap*
July 19, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Having a decent diet and drinking water every day are simply not enough. Clearly I need freshening wipes, too.
If you’re really reeking so badly that you need to cover up the smell, chances are you should probably see a doctor, and stop wasting money on these “sanitary products.”
July 20, 2011 at 3:36 am
“Tell the people that they are disgusting, that they smell bad and that they are ugly”
Eugène Schueller (founder of L’Oréal) to his sales staff in the 1930s.
July 20, 2011 at 5:51 am
Like I said a few threads up – if your smell goes wrong (REALLY bad) it can mean there’s a medical problem and not that you’re just gross and icky. fucking assholes – I wonder how many women have infections and other serious problems that are undiagnosed because of Summer’s Eve??
July 20, 2011 at 4:24 pm
What’s worse, how many of them have infections and other problems that are just worsened by fucking with their vag-pH? It’s a self-perpetuating cycle.
July 21, 2011 at 12:53 am
for months i was left to believe i just had a funny smell and it was nothing. my doctor did no testing and said it was my “normal discharge” and that i had nothing to worry about. after changing doctors, i found out it was an infection that had somehow progressed into high grade dysplasia aka the beginning stages of cervical cancer [at the age of 22]. after having a 5in chunk of my cervix removed, i have not had any problems since.
but now, i am VERY quick to go to the doctor at the first sign of ANYTHING funny or something that doesn’t seem quite right.
July 19, 2011 at 5:31 pm
I don’t get offended easily and this made me want to punch it in the…hand?
July 19, 2011 at 5:33 pm
“vertical smile”
*shudder*
July 19, 2011 at 5:35 pm
“Lady Wowza?”
“Vertical Smile?”
Does anyone else feel like these commercials weren’t written by women?
July 19, 2011 at 6:07 pm
More like 15 year old boys.
July 19, 2011 at 6:10 pm
I think they were written by gay men, who have never been near, nor wanted to be near, a bajingo. Oh and they probably don’t actually know any women, either.
July 19, 2011 at 5:36 pm
The thing is if your cooch starts giving you shit about hygiene it’s probably time to consider antibiotics:-p
July 19, 2011 at 6:01 pm
or antipsychotics
July 19, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Didn’t it used to be good idea to avoid people who talked to themselves, particularly if they talked to their genitals? If I come across someone in the drugstore having their own vagina monolog, I’m calling the manager.
July 19, 2011 at 6:16 pm
If we could talk to the genitals, just imagine it
Chatting to a clit in clitanese
Imagine talking to a crafthole, chatting with a ‘gina
To tell it that it smells like Stilton cheese!
July 19, 2011 at 10:37 pm
Bravo!
July 19, 2011 at 5:37 pm
I think we should have a Regretsy-brand evening of Vagina Musical Theatre.
July 19, 2011 at 11:32 pm
We’re not biased. Let’s add in some Penis Puppet Performances.
July 19, 2011 at 5:38 pm
And while we’re on the subject, anyone seen the “Hail to the V” ads yet?
Men have spent centuries fighting for pussy. You owe it to them to make it smell like strawberries. Oh and we mean that in the most empowering way, of course.
July 19, 2011 at 6:27 pm
I’m sure that medieval chick’s bajingo was totally spring fresh from her annual bath. And that knight was really hot, but he probably had a smell that preceded him by 50 ft.
July 20, 2011 at 5:53 am
Actually, the woman who didn’t clean her bajingo was probably way healthier and smelled better than the douching bitches of today…
July 19, 2011 at 5:41 pm
These ads were clearly conceived by men who are forced to mistake hands for vaginas on a regular basis.
July 19, 2011 at 5:53 pm
And imagine those hands having stereotypical accents for the “exotic”
touchaspect.July 19, 2011 at 5:41 pm
Hmmm. I thought “fisting” meant something else.
July 19, 2011 at 5:41 pm
I can’t find anything wrong with being proud to be a woman. I’m proud to be a woman. But I don’t think the fact I have a VAGINA is the only thing that MAKES me a woman, and I’m sick of this blatant flaunting of WOMBYNHOOD or whatever the fuck these people (not necessarily the douche people, but you know who I mean) call it in order to lay claim to femininity. I think a trait of a woman who is truly proud to belong to the female order of things is one who doesn’t succumb to the urge to paint, stencil, sew, or otherwise attach the image of a vagina onto things which would otherwise be vagina-less. Don’t get me wrong, I find myself talking with other women about various bits of lady business, but it’s not all we ever fucking do.
I realize this does not entirely pertain (if at all) to this post, but it’s been boiling around in my anger chamber for a while.
/rant.
July 19, 2011 at 5:46 pm
I only regret that I have but one thumbs-up to give for this comment.
July 19, 2011 at 5:54 pm
Thanks! My English got a little mixed up somewhere in the middle, but I attribute it to the passion of furious typing.
July 19, 2011 at 7:12 pm
I think ‘anger chamber’ is a nice substitute for vulva. It’s a little more appropriate in my world. If my anger chamber could talk, it would say “get the fuck away until I get caffeine, shower and check my email.” Or, “seriously? WoW all night, and suddenly you are interested in *this* battleground?” yeah. my anger chamber.
July 19, 2011 at 7:30 pm
Am I the only woman who is not proud of being female? I am a proud person, but I am proud of the things I have accomplished in my life, not the characteristics I was born with. :/
July 19, 2011 at 9:28 pm
I like being female, but, yeah, it’s not like I had all that much to do with it, so taking pride in it is indeed a bit odd.
July 20, 2011 at 2:29 pm
I also have to add that the vagina power women are espousing a view inherently hostile to transwomen, who are women, even if they happen to have a penis.
July 19, 2011 at 10:45 pm
I teach a class for a Womans & Gender Studies program. Any student uses wombyn is getting an F! Have to stop this where it breeds!
July 20, 2011 at 12:07 pm
I wish I could “thumbs up” this post a thousand times more! You expressed so well what’s been boiling in my anger chamber also
I hate that feminism/femininity is being boiled down to which combination of chromosomes happened to meet. I’m not proud of my girly bits but I’m certainly not ashamed; it’s just there, same as my left nostril. It’s a body part which serves a function and provides recreational opportunities
when I feel like it. Whoopdy-doo.
I am not defined by a single body part. I am not a vagina; I’m a fat, ugly, jealous loser damnit!
/must cut back on the caffeine
July 20, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 19, 2011 at 5:42 pm
Nothing says “class” like talking vagina hand puppets. They couldn’t even spring for something to be made, they just used hands.
That makes me sad.
July 19, 2011 at 5:55 pm
We’re women. We’re supposed to be overjoyed that anything is made by men for our attention and we’re not supposed to expect much, because we don’t deserve much. We should be happy with what we have. We’re women.
/quiet rant against advertising
July 19, 2011 at 10:47 pm
We should just be happy that they used the entire hand & not just 78%.
July 19, 2011 at 5:47 pm
Grrrr! I did the Vagina Monologues for two years in college! That’s the play where we chant things like “pussies unite” and call each other vagina warriors. It’s kitschy and over the top and a lot of people are offended and put off by it. But THIS, this is just terrible. Makes me wanna do an impromptu rendition of my Angry Vagina.
July 19, 2011 at 5:47 pm
I got your smile right here. In my pants.
July 19, 2011 at 5:48 pm
Oh for crying out loud, it’s 2011! Who in the rancid pussy hell is keeping Summer’s Eve in business! And doesn’t everybody know that the vagina is self-cleaning – just like expensive litter boxes and some upscale ovens?!?
July 19, 2011 at 5:59 pm
well as long as we market antibacterial body wash and antibiotics.. we are gonna need PH balanced fem wash for the yeast… and of course Diflucan
July 20, 2011 at 2:22 pm
God i am addicted to Diflucan, they need to make that shit OTC already. Fuck Monistat while we’re at it.
July 20, 2011 at 4:46 pm
As a woman who gets chronic sinus infections and chronic doses of antibiotics I can not agree more!
July 20, 2011 at 11:51 pm
AGREEED!
thank god my obgyn was smart enough to give me a script with 12 refills because sometimes one doesn’t do the trick anymore [and i'm allergic to monistat] AND i think she got sick of me calling all the time whenever I was put on an antibiotic and needed it called in. so now, all i have to do it call the pharmacy to get it refilled.
GOD, i LOVE her.
)
July 19, 2011 at 6:20 pm
Morons.
July 19, 2011 at 7:44 pm
Actually, no. It wasn’t until a very painful incident with my now ex insisting that I “clean more thoroughly” and instructing me how to do so that I went to Google and discovered that doing so was not only unnecessary, but unhealthy. School sex ed covered anatomy, diseases, contraception, and menstruation, but not hygiene. Nobody in my family gave me that type of a talk either.
July 20, 2011 at 7:45 am
Yea, this is true for a lot of girls and women. It’s why more talk about the vagina and body is still needed but not the misplaced, reactionary, wombyn, pussy pride, flaunt it sister! angle but from a healthy body / healthy mind angle.
My lovely if flighty mother figured that I’d figure things out on my own. So as a really little girl my grandmother was the one who explained to me that girls need to take special care of our “different insides.” She instructed me on how to brush my teeth, put my hair up, wash the lady bits. That all one needed was to wash gently but thoroughly. Keep things clean, cool, and dry. Air circulation is good as well.
She was a practical, no-nonsense WWII survivor. Showed me her one wedding picture and told me about the fleas ringing her shirt collar (no showers, no wedding dress, hair washed in a bucket). Every single household chore from then on was a matter of cleanliness or death. But she didn’t do with bull shit and frippery like this.
July 20, 2011 at 7:48 am
And by clean gently and thoroughly I don’t mean stuff a Brillo pad up there and scrub like this one girl I knew did. *shudders*
July 19, 2011 at 10:51 pm
Wonderful analogies! Following on your ideas, I guess that the vag could be called a self-cleaning clitterbox?
July 19, 2011 at 5:50 pm
Did no woman at any time during the test marketing of this go, “Um, this is …um… WRONG. STUPID and RACIST!”
Oh, wait, those might have been selling points.
July 19, 2011 at 5:52 pm
I always thought “vertical smile” meant “ass crack.”
…Also, if my vagina sounds anything like that, I’m glad that it can’t talk with its mouth full.
July 19, 2011 at 6:30 pm
It does mean ass crack. Like plumber’s ass.
My vagina is a vertical scowl.
July 19, 2011 at 5:53 pm
one more thing. Fucking douchemongers.
July 19, 2011 at 6:13 pm
*adds douchemongers to vocabulary*
July 19, 2011 at 6:17 pm
*vows to use “douchemongers” in the next conversation she has with a member of the clergy*
July 19, 2011 at 6:26 pm
I’ve been using that term for years, but in this particular conversation it sounds a little dangerously close to “fishmongers”
July 20, 2011 at 12:12 pm
Since “monger” means someone who sells a particular product (in this case, douche), your comment is both correct and hilarious
July 19, 2011 at 5:55 pm
The hippy vagina “Dude it’s like I know you’re afraid of soap and all but the essential oils just aren’t cutting the fish smell anymore. Why not be one with your womynhood and refresh it with some summer’s eve before hitting the bong then the drum circle”
July 19, 2011 at 6:00 pm
That’s right, nothing but sandpaper, holy water and lots of prayers will cleanse the devil’s coin purse.
July 19, 2011 at 6:17 pm
Oh God. I want a purse that says ‘Devil’s Coin Purse’ on it.
July 19, 2011 at 7:05 pm
I want underwear that says “The Devil’s Coin Purse” on the front. Could someone get on that?
July 20, 2011 at 2:27 pm
close enough?
July 19, 2011 at 6:01 pm
Okay. That pH-balanced wash? I use it because, yes, using regular soap makes my vagina turn into a cactus. Know why I use that one in particular? Because it’s the only pussy-sensitive wash that doesn’t say HOLY FUCK THIS IS VAGINA WASH on the front. (I have some weird fear that guests come to my house, lock themselves in my bathroom, and open my shower and peruse all the items I have in there and then announce in on Facebook or Twitter.)
Now I’m completely taken aback because of this bizarre campaign and I am suddenly thinking that commercials referring to my “vertical smile” are somehow way worse than your standard HOLY FUCK THIS IS VAGINA WASH bottles.
July 19, 2011 at 6:58 pm
You know, if the bottle said “HOLY FUCK THIS IS VAGINA WASH,” I’d buy it.
Also… water doesn’t do the trick?
July 19, 2011 at 7:21 pm
I agree. that’s why I’m sticking with soap, cause I used to work at the grocery store I now shop at, and I dont need people going around saying, “MARIKO BOUGHT PUSSY WASH!”
July 19, 2011 at 7:25 pm
Tried Cetaphil? It’s supposed to be Ph-balanced and fragrance-free and all that good stuff, and since it’s generally facewash it doesn’t imply vagina wash at all.
July 19, 2011 at 7:34 pm
In thier Vagina Manual on their website (Someone above lined to their ID the V quiz- the whole site is vaginal fuckery) they recommend picking your product (“there’s plenty of Summers Eve to choose from), tossing it on the top of your groceries, and flirting with the hot check out dude.
Somehow I think any guy you pick up flirting with Summers Eve has a high chance of locking you up in their basement.
July 20, 2011 at 6:32 am
Becuase the hot check-out dude wants to bang the chick whose crotch smells like low-tide…
Maybe if I need to buy jock-itch or (god-forbid) Valtrex in the future, I’ll try this approach with the hot blonde cashier.
July 19, 2011 at 7:42 pm
In thier Vagina Manual (the link to the ID the V quiz sucked me in to the weirdness) they reccomend not just being ashamed of their HOLY FUCK VAGINA WASH products (of which there are apparently many to choose from), but you should be so proud of using it you toss it on the top of your cart and flirt with the hot checkout guy.
Also, their cleaning page background is a microwave. This is a special level of fuckery.
July 19, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Aw crap I did double post. Sorry.
July 19, 2011 at 10:56 pm
They come with manuals now? Damn, when did they start doing that? I had to figure out how to assemble and use mine all on my own.
July 20, 2011 at 12:34 pm
I still have parts left over. That’ll teach me to shop at Ikea
July 20, 2011 at 5:15 pm
I am one of those people who look through the cabinets in bathrooms at other peoples houses. I know I should be ashamed, but it’s always so interesting!
I wouldn’t announce it on the internet, though.
July 22, 2011 at 5:58 pm
not to turn this into vagina talk, but if you want to try something other than the vertical smile wash, johnson’s baby wash is ph-balanced very friendly to the vag.
(btw i’m just as paranoid as you that my friends look through my cabinets when they use my bathroom)
July 19, 2011 at 6:04 pm
I’m now answering every phone call with “Hello from VAGINALAND!”
July 19, 2011 at 6:19 pm
“Oh, hi grandma…”
July 19, 2011 at 6:39 pm
Your avatar’s cuteness makes that comment even more hilarious.
July 19, 2011 at 8:18 pm
::blush:: It’s just my ol’ mug back when I had emo hair. It’s also made more hilarious by the fact that I have never, nor will I ever, visit Vaginaland.
July 19, 2011 at 10:58 pm
Hmmm, maybe that will take care of telemarketers. Also could be a reat way to answer the door to bible-thumpers.
July 20, 2011 at 12:35 pm
I totally heard that in Oprah’s voice
July 19, 2011 at 6:04 pm
Well, there’s a product I will never use, nor any of their parent company’s products if I can possibly help it. I can’t even think of something witty to say. That pile of crap manages to offend on a shocking number of levels. “Vertical smile” cinched it.
July 19, 2011 at 6:06 pm
Persian vagina here. I would have arrived sooner but I was detained at the airport.
July 19, 2011 at 6:26 pm
July 19, 2011 at 8:56 pm
Haha, thanks for the glitterbomb.
July 19, 2011 at 7:19 pm
yes. yes yes yes yes YES.
July 19, 2011 at 6:18 pm
If all vaginas could do an Aunt Jemima impression, the world would be a better place overall.
July 19, 2011 at 7:44 pm
If vaginas dispensed syrup, I’d be a lesbian.
July 19, 2011 at 8:19 pm
If vaginas dispensed syrup, I might be straight.
July 19, 2011 at 6:26 pm
I can’t decide whether I’m more offended by the racist stereotypes or the implication that you need something other than water to wash your vulva. The vulva does best when washed with warm water, and nothing else.
Ok, the stereotypes are probably more offensive. But still.
July 19, 2011 at 6:29 pm
NO. You can not be truly CLEAN unless you BUY OUR PRODUCT. Without THIS PRODUCT, your vagina will STINK. You will be UNACCEPTABLE. You will contain ODORS.
You’re HAIRY, too. And UGLY.
BUY THIS!!!
July 19, 2011 at 6:32 pm
I will use this when my husband starts using ball wash.
July 19, 2011 at 7:12 pm
I can’t beleive they don’t make this. Anything that encourages dude to play with their balls more will sell like crazy.
July 19, 2011 at 7:17 pm
thank FUCK someone else said it. testicles don’t smell like a flowery heaven either.
oh wait, how are we supposed to know what testicles smell like? we’re all lesbians.
July 19, 2011 at 8:45 pm
There is at least one similar commercial aimed at men – it’s Axe, of course.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8BWkN_hIuk
July 19, 2011 at 8:55 pm
Sweaty balls? There’s
an appa product for that:<img src = "http://i1210.photobucket.com/albums/cc412/OldPhatMC/freshballs2pack-lrg.jpg"
July 19, 2011 at 10:28 pm
on his Schweddy Balls? Those crazy gals at “All Things Considered” just love those Schweddy Balls!
(Ok, I know the SNL reference is a little dated, but so is Hai Karate…)
July 19, 2011 at 11:05 pm
That commericial is wonderful – I love the grandma in particular. However how many men would want to use soemthing called Axe near their nuts?
July 19, 2011 at 7:06 pm
Oh Rev, how wrong you are. Summer’s Eve is looking out for ALL women. It’s just that if you don’t buy their product, YOUR VAGINA WILL HATE YOU AND WILL DETACH FROM YOUR BODY AND YOU WILL TURN INTO A BARBIE.
Easy clean up, though.
July 19, 2011 at 7:11 pm
Well if it thinks it can be more successful on its own, I encourage it to get the hell out of here. I’m sick of it talking to me all day, anyway.
July 19, 2011 at 7:18 pm
Queue the travelling song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUWgE0EVQ9c
July 20, 2011 at 6:38 am
A very wise person once asked:
HOW MANY COSMETICS UNTIL I’M BEAUTIFUL?
July 19, 2011 at 7:50 pm
Ok, warm water alone will not work for me. There are a lot of sweat glands, and if I don’t get all up in there (outside the body only, of course) with soap, it’s like another armpit.
July 20, 2011 at 6:00 am
Sensitive skin wash would be fine though – my son has awful eczema and the stuff he uses to wash works really well for the general region of my girly bits. I got sick of the dry skin in the creases, so I tried that. Baby wash for sensitive skin – it’s a FUCK of a lot cheaper than summer’s eve…
July 19, 2011 at 6:28 pm
My vagina’s a European mutt. I imagine that it’s incredibly angry, always drunk, and smells strongly of lutefisk.
July 19, 2011 at 9:55 pm
My vagina is Irish and Native American. So I suppose it smells like corned beef and tobacco with a healthy dose of Jameson’s.
Maybe Summer’s Eve could made an ad with a drunk hand that likes to fight and gamble…
July 20, 2011 at 6:40 am
LOL, I’m primarily Scots-Irish with a bit of Cherokee. We always joked about being a drinking problem waiting to happen.
July 20, 2011 at 6:01 am
I’m half Polish – there’s a whole potatoes and cabbage thing goin’ on…
July 20, 2011 at 8:57 am
Perogies!!
July 20, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Me too. Unfortunately the other half’s mostly French, so that makes them hairy, unwashed potatoes and cabbage
July 20, 2011 at 4:42 pm
o hai, congrats on being the only other half-French half-Polish person I’ve met besides my sister.
Cheese pierogi, anyone?
July 22, 2011 at 9:14 am
Does it count that my other half is Alsace Lorraine region?? That’s KINDA French….hehehe….
July 19, 2011 at 6:31 pm
As usual Ms. Killer you’ve nailed this stupid racist talking hands/vagina nonsense.
You don’t beat about the bush, but get straight to the meat of the matter.
You licked it this time…your satirical thrusts come all overHELP!!SOMEBODY STOP ME!!!!
July 19, 2011 at 6:31 pm
Thinking my vagina hand would have to be played by a hairy mitted meathook of a hand….possibly Sean Connery’s
July 19, 2011 at 6:37 pm
mine would be played by a Venus Flytrap
July 19, 2011 at 6:49 pm
Bela8Bella: If you’re black, then could it be played by Tim Reid’s “Venus Flytrap” on “WKRP in Cincinnati”? He was so cool, with that smooth-jazz overnight-radio voice.
July 19, 2011 at 6:53 pm
I’m not black, but the obvious joke here is the voice of Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors: “FEED ME SEYMORE!”
July 19, 2011 at 7:09 pm
Went right over my head, sorry.
July 19, 2011 at 11:07 pm
Perhaps “FEED ME SEMEN?”
July 19, 2011 at 6:39 pm
Now I’m hearing Sean Connery’s voice saying “Hello from Vaginaland!”
Well played.
July 19, 2011 at 8:17 pm
Any day I can inspire people to imagine a deep scottish brogue coming from their Pussy Galore is a good day.
My job here is finished.
July 19, 2011 at 10:31 pm
“Haha- that’s what your mother said, Trebek…”
(oh Jesus- another way-out-of-date SNL reference-)
July 20, 2011 at 5:20 am
Great. Now my vagina is going to be declaring itself as ‘The Penis Mightier’ and yelling “THE DAY IS MINE!” at passersby. Again. I just got it to cut that shit out.
July 19, 2011 at 6:51 pm
The phrase “vertical smile” will haunt me for the rest of my life. I really, really don’t want to think of my vagoo as smiling at anyone or anything.
But hey, now I can creep out my husband by telling him it only smiles for him – you know, I think I could work with this.
July 19, 2011 at 8:19 pm
mine has a beard like gabby hayes smiling toothlessly at my husband. I’m gonna have to learn to throw my voice.
July 20, 2011 at 5:58 pm
Spoiler alert!
“but the guy in the middle is Willie Nelson….”
Goatse.
July 19, 2011 at 6:58 pm
I keep sitting here trying to think of something witty to type, but for once I’m stumped. I just honestly cannot believe this shit is real. Wow. I would not be surprised if they pulled these videos from their account within the next 24 hours.
July 19, 2011 at 7:00 pm
I knew the instant I saw these ads that they would end up on Regretsy.
Don’t worry y’all. I already left snarky comments on each and every video. I even used the word “bajingo”.
July 19, 2011 at 7:16 pm
Oh, and don’t forget there’s one more ad (that aired before Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – better make sure all those gross nerds wash their Chamber of Secretions!);
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxW_ZCd64tg
I think this is the epitome of wombyndom. We all need to worship our vaginas as the center of civilization – not to mention we can make men kill each other over our bajingos! LOL! Take that sexism!
July 19, 2011 at 7:00 pm
Hmm. I was going to feel unrepresented because there’s no nerd vagina, but then I realized it would only talk about the physiologic reasons not to use any of their products.
July 19, 2011 at 7:02 pm
There’s an old, dumb joke about a scientist who creates a spray that will make a women’s genitalia taste just like an orange. He gives it to one of his married friends to test. Guy comes back the next day and says “But can you make one that’ll make an orange taste like p*ssy?”
July 19, 2011 at 10:33 pm
My new favorite joke!
July 19, 2011 at 7:29 pm
I have been lurking here for a while and this was so offensive and ridiculous that I just had to post (and I didn’t post for placenta prints or hair doilies)!
These commercials disturb me for the following reasons:
1) The racial stereotypes are highly offensive.
2) The euphemisms are not clever or cute, it is not “vagina land” my vagina is not an amusement park, you don’t pay for admission and there aren’t roller coasters inside, it is a vagina!
3) There are many individuals, especially young girls, who do not realize that the vagina is self-cleaning. These advertisements just add to misinformation.
4) From now on when I make a fist I will picture a talking vagina.
July 19, 2011 at 9:22 pm
So many visuals from #4 on this list:
-Punching someone with a ‘vagina’
-Popular greeting will now bring to mind bumping vaginas
-Gives a whole new facet to Mary McDonald’s character in Dances with Wolves
July 20, 2011 at 1:07 am
Wait, you mean you don’t have a rollercoaster inside yours?! You’re missing out. The tiny little screams that echo from my thundercunt as the patrons loop the loop make it all worthwhile.
July 20, 2011 at 12:09 pm
My husband loves my Ferris wheel and the wave pool.
July 19, 2011 at 7:36 pm
THEY HAVE AN EMPTY VAGINA FORUM!!! Would it be against Regretsy rules to ask what my vagina’s racial sterotype would be?
http://summerseve.com/v101/vagina-forum
July 19, 2011 at 7:48 pm
OMG LET’S GO
July 19, 2011 at 7:50 pm
Ugh, looking at the registration thing… you have to choose a yoni symbol. FOR REALS
July 19, 2011 at 7:56 pm
UGH MODERATION QUEUE.
I think I’m too excited about these bajingo forums and all their potential…
July 19, 2011 at 7:57 pm
omfg this site never lets me down when I need to regain perspective…i had a perfectly great day turn super shitty quick and here I land in Cooter Town for a giggle. I’m not an expert by any means, but aren’t the squeezeboxes all the same color on the inside? Now that would make an eye catching commercial:: send one of those camera-scopes right up there! Probably double as a pregnancy deterrent video, too. Reality commercials–the next marketing trend.
July 19, 2011 at 8:07 pm
Nothing better than reality. My friend was gushing about how beautiful childbirth is and how she can’t wait to have babies, etc. etc. I youtube’d that shit and 5 minutes later
Her: “OH MY SWEET JESUS NO!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?”
Me: “Oh, wait till you see the placenta”
So yeah, I think it would be an effective pregnancy deterrent. Probably should show it to the guys though, the inside of a bajingo would probably deter them more.
July 19, 2011 at 8:12 pm
Last weeks Tosh.0 started off with a video of someone giving birth in a bathtub. I screamed, and that didn’t even show anything more than a pregnant woman in a tub looking like she was going to take a dump, then holding a baby as the tub filled with blood.
July 19, 2011 at 9:17 pm
Especially if there were ‘before’ and ‘after’ bajingo pictures…
And about that second ad, and the whole baby making credit- I want to see a rebuttal by the uterus about who’s actually responsible for that whole thing.
July 19, 2011 at 8:10 pm
In no way am I supporting the idea of chemical bajingo-wash, but I do use very mild, unscented, handmade vegetable soap to wash the outside of The Citadel. I get awfully sweaty down there. Douching is madness, but a sufficiently gentle cleansing and some warm water does make a difference for me. I like my pussy to smell like healthy female, not like old sweat.
July 19, 2011 at 8:16 pm
omg. I will never be able to look at Señor Wences the same again.
July 19, 2011 at 9:14 pm
I am sad because so many will not get this awesome reference. I weep for them.
July 19, 2011 at 9:33 pm
*dies*
July 19, 2011 at 9:35 pm
“S’awrigh… I don’ wan’ no steenkin’ dooosh.”
July 20, 2011 at 6:02 pm
I <3 you!
Not everyone can do an Ed Sullivan Show callback.
July 19, 2011 at 10:10 pm
OK that was the comment that made everyone in the house think I’m insane for laughing like a loon…
July 19, 2011 at 10:36 pm
Dammit! I didn’t read all the way down to here before I made my “Senor Wences in drag” reference.
Oh well, great minds think alike…
July 19, 2011 at 8:51 pm
I have to say, though I think the stated goal of this commercial (which is also sponsored by Summer’s Eve, but you have to read the fine print of the website to find that out) is stupid, I kind of love the cat puppet’s personality.
“That’s Vaginal”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8BWkN_hIuk
July 19, 2011 at 11:28 pm
I like the commerical too. Perhaps they were serious when they made the commercial but it is like a giant spoof to me.
July 19, 2011 at 8:56 pm
This gave me a vertical frown.
July 19, 2011 at 8:59 pm
When my vagina finally masters speech, it won’t be doing voiceovers for Summers Eve, it will be on the phone inviting Alexander Skarsgård over. Or Daniel Craig. Or Alexander Skarsgård AND Daniel Craig.
July 19, 2011 at 8:59 pm
Helen, you slay me! Me and my sideways-smilin’ bestie. We be trippin’ on yo thigh-slappin’ words. Word.
July 19, 2011 at 9:06 pm
April, please send this entire comment thread to the Major Bajingo Wash Company and their ad agency.
July 19, 2011 at 9:11 pm
Okay so I finally had to stop my lurking with this one.
I think they should have gone the “Me and My Dick” route, really. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmpnUf_TiG4
July 19, 2011 at 9:13 pm
I prefer vodka… you can use multipurpose.
July 19, 2011 at 9:24 pm
Good Christ, this made me laugh so hard I’ve soiled my boygina.
July 19, 2011 at 9:29 pm
I sent a severely annoyed email to the Summers Eve people. I can’t find it, but I’ll copy-paste when I get a response besides “[PR lackey] is out of the office until July 26th.”
July 22, 2011 at 12:33 pm
Dear Summer’s Eve,
I was horrified and dismayed by your latest ad campaign, “Hail to the V.” The stereotypes of the Latina and the African-American vagina were particularly
awful, and I haven’t met a woman yet who doesn’t think that those ads are profoundly racist. Also, if you’re so interested in pushing douching as “empowerment” and being unashamed of one’s vagina, why do these ads
repeatedly resort to ludicrous euphemisms like “Lady Wowza” and “Wonder Down Under?” Either refer to them as vaginas or don’t, but don’t patronize women
by pretending to be “empowered” while not mentioning an ordinary human feature by its proper name. Indeed, telling women that douching is “empowering” (while also implying that their vaginas stink without your product) is on par with the makeup counter lady telling me that lipstick makes a gal “look like a woman.” (Thank goodness I wear lipstick, right? Sorry about the sarcasm.)
July 22, 2011 at 12:34 pm
If you have any intention of keeping your company afloat, disavow these ads and fire your ad dept. (and PR spokesperson) right this minute. Just Google the words “I will never buy Summer’s Eve” and you’ll get an idea of the backlash you’re facing.
Also, if you send me any mail I will mark it COD and ship it to you with a spider in it. This includes email.
Thank you,
[my name]
July 22, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Here’s the whimsicle response I got:
Dear [my name],
Thank you for reaching out to us about the new Summer’s Eve(r) campaign.
We spoke with thousands of diverse women across the U.S. to develop what you see on TV, online and in magazines to assure we were approaching our brand and products in a way women wanted and expected after years of talking in code and making this subject somewhat taboo.
Once again, thank you for taking the time to let us know how you feel about the campaign.
Kindest regards,
Ashley
Summer’s Eve V-Care Specialist
Notice how she fails to address 90% of my concerns (such as why they’re addressing a “somewhat taboo” subject with cutesy euphemisms) and insists that they “spoke with thousands of women across the US.” So she’s BS-ing and/or this is not what those women had in mind.
July 22, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Looks like they spoke to the thousands of women who like racial stereotypes.
July 19, 2011 at 9:48 pm
So why aren’t you posting on http://summerseve.com/forum yet?! It’s lonely out there
July 19, 2011 at 9:52 pm
The husband just commented “She should have painted her thumbnail pink”
July 19, 2011 at 9:56 pm
You’re doing the Vagina Monologues wrong, Summer’s Eve.
July 19, 2011 at 10:09 pm
I never thought that anyone could make a commercial for me to hate more than that Lysol masterpiece “Your child brings home Ebola from school and wipes it on the phone.”
Thanks for proving me wrong, Summer’s Eve.
July 19, 2011 at 11:31 pm
That one sucks but the one with the bare chested hunk moping the bedroom? Oh Yeah! A half nude man who cleans? Get out of the way Lysol lady, that one is mine!
July 20, 2011 at 9:38 pm
My most hated, up to this point, was the one where the chick plugs the leak in the rowboat with a TAMPON.
But yeah, we’ve both found something much more hateable.
July 19, 2011 at 10:18 pm
Is it wrong that I want my vagina hand to talk like Gilbert Gottfried doing the AFLAC duck voice?
July 19, 2011 at 10:38 pm
I heard he’s been looking for a new gig…
July 20, 2011 at 6:07 pm
How about a Bajingo’d version of the Bac-O’s dog treat ad that sounds like Gilbert:
“It’s yummy, crunchy PENIS!”
July 19, 2011 at 10:33 pm
My v.j. sounds like Berta from “Two and a Half Men” when it talks. Also, most of its one-liners include a reference to jacks, for some reason.
“Cloths? Pffffft. Jack it up and lay a tarp under it, then turn on the fire hose.”
See what I have to put up with?
July 19, 2011 at 11:26 pm
Hey! “Vagina” rhymes with “Jemima”…sort of. You never know where the next song lyric will come from.
“I’m stuck in a vagina,
With my Aunt Jemima.”
July 19, 2011 at 11:33 pm
I’m afraid that if I “friended” my vagina all it would do is snark. I don’t think that it would be good for my career to be seen arguing with my vag.
July 20, 2011 at 12:12 am
someone approved this bullshit and whoever it was I doubt they were born with a bajingo…
or common sense.
July 20, 2011 at 2:16 am
my Kiwi bajingo should smell like Pavlova and have a Silver Fern sticking out of it
July 20, 2011 at 5:18 am
I fucking love pavlova. And New Zealand. Be my girlfriend?
July 20, 2011 at 4:08 am
Summers Eve should fire the whole fucking marketing department and the people who hired the whole fucking marketing department, and start from scratch.
I’m available, and envisioning a line of vag cleaning attachments based on need, like a dust-buster for instance.
July 20, 2011 at 7:41 am
The Latino vagina reminds me of the episode of South Park when Cartman’s hand is J.Lo. And then Cartman gives Ben Affleck a handy.
Taco flavored kisses indeed…
http://youtu.be/2k64w3354kE
July 20, 2011 at 8:02 am
Funny, I was thinking the one where Oprah’s Mingee and Gary do the whole hostage situation thing. Maybe they decided to combine the two?
July 20, 2011 at 9:36 pm
I didn’t read all 500+ comments before I posted…I see I’m not the only one who thought this!
July 20, 2011 at 8:52 am
So, when they list this role on their resumes, do they go with the clinical ‘portrayed Hispanic vagina – summer ’11′, or the ‘portrayed a vertical smile’ and hope no one asks..or something with a little more descriptive flair – ‘jewelry, gloves, cootch – my hand is a perfect fit for them all’:)
July 20, 2011 at 1:22 pm
I’m starting to really miss the days when commercials showed people walking on the beach talking about their “not so fresh feeling”.
July 20, 2011 at 1:31 pm
I had to check all my websites before I started playing the Sims and now I am pretty creeped out that the third girl’s voice is definitely on the Sims 3. Now every time I hear a Sim with that voice talking I will think of decroded vaginas begging for Summer’s Eve…
July 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Wait, I’m really confused. You see, I’m gay and have never seen a living breathing vagina. Is that what y’all got going on down there? Talking hands !! What miracles have I been missing out on?
July 20, 2011 at 2:40 pm
I want commercials for men. Just have someone holding a hotdog, and then in a Brooklyn teamster voice someone can say:
“Hey. Yeah, YOU. I’m your f***ing junk, mo-ron. I thought you should know that Axe sh*t you spray on me isn’t soap. Ever wonder why I smell like the dumpster behind Taste of Bombay? Jesus Christ.”
Then someone can superimpose animate doodles of monster trucks and machine guns.
July 22, 2011 at 12:45 pm
And don’t forget the perfectly manicured hand holding a hot dog and a high man’s voice lisping “You go, girlfriend!” The animated doodles would involve hair products and designer fashion logos. We’re equal opportunity offenders, right?
July 20, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Jamaican gloryslit here. Let me tell you, it’s a daily struggle between making sure my bajingo-dreadlocks are evenly spread (they tend to form a dong shape under tight jeans) and not burning myself when she’s demanding a spliff. It’s all *chkk-chkk FWOOOM* and there go my bajinolocks. Not to mention the sheer amount of hospital visits from spliff-related burns and bongs gettin’ stuck ALL up in there.
*checks of List o’ Stereotypes* Also something something guns.
July 20, 2011 at 3:19 pm
Cleansing wipes? For your vagina? That you can carry in your purse?
I dunno… I can’t remember the last time I was at the office/night club/restaurant/supermarket and thought to myself, “Gee, I think I have to go wash my vagina. Right. Now.”
Seems like another marketing ploy to give women just one more thing they have to worry about.
July 20, 2011 at 11:44 pm
“oh, there’s a cute boy over there at the bar.. better go to the bathroom and clean my vag with my summer’s eve cleansing wipe to make sure my vag doesn’t smell like rotting cheese in case we hook up!”
ps – if you have to use a cleansing wipe because your vag smells bad, it’s PROBABLY time to see a doctor, NOT use a cleansing wipe. it most likely WON’T help you. just sayin’
July 20, 2011 at 7:27 pm
If a vagina talking is “normal” I’m a little terrified to even contemplate what a “hint” would entail….
July 20, 2011 at 9:35 pm
Oh my gosh…the Hispanic one sounds exactly like Cartman’s Hennifer Lopez on South Park! Added to the fact that she was actually his hand–well, I nearly fell off the fucking couch.
(BTW, I was all prepared for these to be JOKES, not actual commercials. What is WRONG with those people?)
July 20, 2011 at 10:41 pm
‘Just a little love for your vertical smile’
OMGWTF???
July 20, 2011 at 11:41 pm
who in fucks sake comes up with these tacky commercials? vertical smile, REALLY?! and no offense, but I wouldn’t want my boyfriend [even if i DID have one] to see I had summer’s eve wash in my shower because that’s screams ‘HEY! MY VAG SMELLS!’ and no offense, but i most likely wouldn’t carry the wipes in my purse either because if someone would see it, it would be pretttttttty awkward.
but then again, i could always just say “i’m just showing love to my vertical smile down under. gotta have love for your big v!”
well.. ‘big v’ is probably NOT the best choice of words to describe it, but you know what i’m saying… hopefully.
July 21, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Things I don’t understand about this commercial-
-Why I need to be friends with my vagina (do my other friends bleed on me??)
-Why my vagina hates soap but not chemical wash
-How my vagina knows things about products I’ve never heard of
-Why my vagina doesn’t like sitting on the train
-Why my vagina needs rubbing with a moist towelette, like it just ate KFC or something
July 21, 2011 at 3:35 pm
Also, can my british vagina have a stiff upper lip?
July 21, 2011 at 11:41 pm
Dear Summer’s Eve,
Fuck me briefly,
do not EVER call a vagina “your vertical smile” again.
…Just…leave my cooter out of all advertisements from now on, mmmkay?
I’m tired of this shit.
My pussy smells like pussy because IT IS A PUSSY, BITCHES,
Beck
July 25, 2011 at 9:21 am
Ha ha, several days late and I’m apparently the only one who finds these funny. But, I love unintentional humor, and this is a prime example served on a tasteless failboat platter.
Also, can you imagine how the hand auditions went? I know my own hand doesn’t look so… feminine…
August 18, 2011 at 11:26 am
Haha have you seen Jeff Bridges doing the voice over? http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/394918/august-17-2011/exclusive—jeff-bridges-for-summer-s-eve