This ring sucks! but then again so do vampires and homosexual men so I see a trend. You don’t need a ring to attract a homosexual man, try six pack abs, wearing a beater T or a leather harness or just serve quiche
The seller has several different rings all with the identical description. The auctions were started at different times and have different amounts of time left. All have zero bids.
You become a fag hag and gay men what to help you drink cosmos and dress you up fab. Oh what… that’s what happens when you work in retail clothing too long… silly me
Well, if it’s attracting the gay men to her, it would make her a fairy princess. The flies are drawn to the fruit, but the faries come to the princess!
*sighs* I miss my fairy princess…
Think of the fun to be had fucking with gay vampires if it opened up to expose garlic hidden inside. Talk about living on the edge of danger…pass the absinthe!
When a straight women wears it, she gets a Sassy Gay Friend!
Lesbians get someone to go dancing with that will help them spot when they’re being checked out (because most of the Lesbians I know are oblivious)…
Pansexual Transgendered Vampires get Sometimes Bisexual, but in the closet to their parents (only because Lestat FORBID they have to hear about the dangers of Fangbanging without enough sunscreen…)
And a FTM transitioning Werewolf gets someone who can help them style their fur into an acceptable and masculine coif.
So true on the lesbian angle. *sigh* I love to flirt, but I can never tell when someone is flirting with me- one of my friends always has to tell me. I’m hopeless…
That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. Everyone knows you need a Haunted _Dour_ Homosexual Djinn Ring Love Spell to attract vampires. When did you ever hear of one of them being happy?
That was supposed to — no, you know what? That was totally intentional, and not a typo at all. Now, can anyone give me directions to Callahan’s Place? I hear Mike tends bar there.
The redundancy kills me. “Gay Homosexual”. Or do they mean Gay in the classic sense, as in HAPPY? The Happy Homosexual. Sounds like a Teen Nick show waiting to happen. Either way…Vampires aren’t MOSTLY homosexual….just the trendy ones are. And they’re the only ones you ever hear about. Damn TMZ
What I want to know is what djinn have to do with anything? Is it a djinn ring, or is it a djinn spell? Did someone find a djinn and make this ring one of their three wishes?
And is the ring the spell, or does the love spell come with? Do you have to rub the ring, and get the genie to grant you your gay vampire wishes? Sounds like way too much work to me.
There is actually a Gay Homosexual Vampire trapped inside the ring, much like a djinn, who attracts other Gay Homosexual Vampires with his Gay Homosexual Vampire telepathy.
Oh, yeah. Like homosexuality is really what’s wrong with Twilight. Face it. Edward and all the other…furry ones could have an entire fuckfest and there would still be no saving that book.
Is there a ring I can buy to attract a gay homosexual man to do my hair? My current Paul Mitchell school haircut makes me look like Prince Valiant. Prince Valiant with a bad haircut. If he’s also a vampire, I can live with that unless he wants to cut it at midnight on a weeknight. I’m usually late to work as it is.
I find that most straight men go into a trance-like state when a woman takes off her clothes. Not bad for getting them to do household chores, but neighbors get a bit upset if you try to get the guy to do yardwork.
LMAO that’s brilliant! Although nothing, it seems, can keep me from turning into a warm goo puddle over Antonio Banderas, not even his taste in women. It’s my cross to bear, don’t judge me.
This ring converts straight men. We finally have proof that being gay is a choice…just not their choice. It’s the choice of the wearer of this ring. Bad wearer of the ring! Don’t you know it’s immoral to take away free will?
What? What’s that you say? No one would every actually wear this ring? Oh, nevermind, being gay is how they’re born.
(Also, why are most vampires homosexual? I would think they’d be what they were when alive. Do just the vamps always decide to only make homosexuals into more vamps? What if some of them were bi, you’d think they might make some straight vamps that way. Then those vamps would make more straight vamps. Or is it just a bad corelation in the mind of the OP that if you like to suck blood you must like to suck cock?)
Well, maybe if the first couple of vampires were gay… and they got bored and wanted more play mates, and turned more gay guys… and then at some point it just gained momentum and…
On the other hand, this might help people without gaydar. If only all the homosexual men would wear these rings, straight oblivious women wouldn’t hit on them as much*.
I’m curious to know how the seller knows that most vampires are homosexual. Is there some kind of a vampire census that the rest of us aren’t clued in on?
she should sell some sort of health plan with this for the inevitable haunted STD. If chicks wear this will we attract gay husbands? I need a new one since my old one got married.
…most vampires are also steampunk, which they neglected to mention…also, what’s with the “shipping and payments”?…if their psychic and paranormal can’t they just beam the ring anywhere and then beam the cash into their pockets…?…
Yeah, ummm…I was really in the market for a ring that attracts incontinent vampires who also happen to be victims of kitchen fires.
.
.
I have very specific fetishes.
What confuses me the most about this is why anyone would expect a Haunted Gay Homosexual Vampire Djinn Ring Love Spell to attract Gay Homosexual Non-Vampires in the first place.
Fellow-enthusiasts for this sort of crapferatu will probably want to visit Ebay and search for ‘MASTER VAMPIRE UNISEX SEX PHEROMONE MAGICK PERFUME OIL’
I was fascinated to learn that vampires are a bit like crocodiles, musk deer or civet cats, in that they exude sex pheromones. Not only that, but these substances can be physically collected and analysed:
“We have been given a bottle, yes only one bottle, of super concentrated and ULTRA RARE Vampire Pheromone which was gathered from a Master Elder Vampire, isolated, distilled and synthesized…”
If vampires actually existed, extracting their sex pheromones would surely be the world’s most dangerous job. I’d rather try squeezing the crocodiles.
Also, every one of this Ebay seller’s listings is along these lines: angels, vampires, fairies, unicorns (in various colours), were-dragons, succubi and incubi, djinni, and the floor-sweepings of Hindu mythology. Highly recommended.
What amazes me here is actually how many of these same types of objects on ebay there are. I had no idea there was such a huge market for haunted vampire-spirit jewelry and vampire-derived cosmetics. These things are just the tip of a giant iceberg on the Ebay sea of loneliness.
Note to self: Don’t wear any jewelry to Provincetown this summer. Print the description and show to the jewelry stores to see how many Regretsians are there.
July 14, 2011 at 4:15 pm
This put a whole new meaning to being Team Edward.
July 14, 2011 at 4:17 pm
I wonder if he’s got one for gay werewolves?
On the bright side, I’ve got a gay friend that’ll laugh his homosexual buns off at this.
July 14, 2011 at 4:54 pm
His Gay Homosexual buns?
July 14, 2011 at 6:21 pm
yeah *sticky* buns hahaha
July 14, 2011 at 7:18 pm
Me too, but he may also think about trying it!
July 14, 2011 at 8:50 pm
His witty, pretty, and gay buns.
July 15, 2011 at 12:01 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 15, 2011 at 8:36 am
Oh dear, I FAIL, FAIL, FAIL, but my quiche is f-a-a-a-bulous
July 15, 2011 at 8:47 pm
Quiche makes you a gay man? Damn. I mean, I always knew I was into men, but I did not realize I was one myself. Well…this is awkward.
July 14, 2011 at 7:29 pm
The longer description down page is better.
July 14, 2011 at 4:15 pm
I knew it! That’s what I’ve been telling my Twitard cousin all along.
July 14, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Wow, I think I need that for my Haunted Gay Friend!
– “What, what, what are you doing?????”
July 14, 2011 at 4:21 pm
You’re a stupid bitch.
July 14, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Wow. Apparently people don’t know where the “What, what, what are you doing?” quote comes from.
July 14, 2011 at 4:27 pm
That’s because they are stupid bitches.
July 14, 2011 at 4:29 pm
That happened to me a few weeks ago. “She’s a stupid bitch” is Sassy Gay Friend’s catchphrase. He ends pretty much every youtube video with it.
July 14, 2011 at 4:32 pm
Hey, I enjoyed it!!
July 14, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Can you clue those of us who are living under rocks in?
July 14, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Maybe frame the quote in a picture of Sassy Gay Friend.
July 14, 2011 at 5:27 pm
Well, I didn’t, but this whole exchange made me google it, and now I too am a fan!
July 14, 2011 at 5:33 pm
Not official, but appropriate nonetheless…
July 14, 2011 at 5:36 pm
And my favorite, for you stupid bitches…
July 14, 2011 at 9:09 pm
SGF – brill!!
“Can you hold up what you’re drinking? IT’S STUPID!”
July 15, 2011 at 11:41 am
I do now!
Thumbs up for introducing me to that. It’s hilarious.
July 14, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Look at your life; look at your choices.
July 14, 2011 at 6:47 pm
What are you doing what ARE you DOING?!
July 14, 2011 at 4:17 pm
If only it was turquoise. This ring would be a top seller!
July 14, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Turquoise attracts bisexual females. So that’s a whole other thing.
July 14, 2011 at 6:40 pm
Note to self: get a Squash Blossom Necklace-
July 15, 2011 at 8:41 am
Careful, those also increase fertility
July 14, 2011 at 10:04 pm
Human bisexual females,* and also bisexual harpies.**
*awesome
**not responsible for talon wounds
July 14, 2011 at 5:21 pm
The seller has several different rings all with the identical description. The auctions were started at different times and have different amounts of time left. All have zero bids.
Is there hope for the world after all?
July 14, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Two questions
1. How does it work when a straight woman wears it?
2. Does it come with garlic?
July 14, 2011 at 4:20 pm
Or what if a gay woman wears it?
July 14, 2011 at 4:43 pm
or a pansexual transgendered vampire!?
July 14, 2011 at 5:10 pm
Or FTM transitioning werewolf?
July 14, 2011 at 6:15 pm
Or our occasional nemesis, ChyWhoMustNotBeNamed?
July 14, 2011 at 6:29 pm
Oh, sure, bring the H(arry) P(otter) Lovecraft mythos into this.
…
*runs off to commit slashfic*
July 14, 2011 at 7:16 pm
I am only bidding on it if it will cause Jack Harkness to appear naked in my bedroom.
July 14, 2011 at 4:39 pm
You become a fag hag and gay men what to help you drink cosmos and dress you up fab. Oh what… that’s what happens when you work in retail clothing too long… silly me
July 14, 2011 at 5:01 pm
If a straight woman wears it, it makes her a fag hag (or fruit fly, depending on where you live). Duh.
July 14, 2011 at 6:41 pm
Well, if it’s attracting the gay men to her, it would make her a fairy princess. The flies are drawn to the fruit, but the faries come to the princess!
*sighs* I miss my fairy princess…
July 15, 2011 at 5:10 am
Ah. Point.
July 14, 2011 at 5:12 pm
Think of the fun to be had fucking with gay vampires if it opened up to expose garlic hidden inside. Talk about living on the edge of danger…pass the absinthe!
July 14, 2011 at 5:44 pm
When a straight women wears it, she gets a Sassy Gay Friend!
Lesbians get someone to go dancing with that will help them spot when they’re being checked out (because most of the Lesbians I know are oblivious)…
Pansexual Transgendered Vampires get Sometimes Bisexual, but in the closet to their parents (only because Lestat FORBID they have to hear about the dangers of Fangbanging without enough sunscreen…)
And a FTM transitioning Werewolf gets someone who can help them style their fur into an acceptable and masculine coif.
Hope that answered all your paranormal questions.
July 14, 2011 at 7:14 pm
So true on the lesbian angle. *sigh* I love to flirt, but I can never tell when someone is flirting with me- one of my friends always has to tell me. I’m hopeless…
July 14, 2011 at 9:12 pm
I’m thinking MMORPG based on that description alone – is there a sword with the ring that opens up lvl 42?
July 16, 2011 at 3:07 pm
As an FTM transitioning Werewolf, I am all in favor of this.
July 14, 2011 at 4:17 pm
This explains my ex boyfriend who became a vampire after I dumped his silly ass!
July 14, 2011 at 4:17 pm
So are straight vampires biased against in the vampire community?
July 14, 2011 at 4:29 pm
IT GETS BETTER
July 14, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Not if they’re happy to close their eyes and pretend it’s a girl vampire.
July 14, 2011 at 6:07 pm
I wonder if Marcus Bachmann can tell us how to pray the gay vampire away?
And, can he bill it to Medicare twice?
July 14, 2011 at 6:43 pm
I just heard this guy speak on youtube- It really like a bad Andy Dick impersonation-
July 14, 2011 at 6:44 pm
*sounded*
It really like SOUNDED a bad Andy Dick impersonation-
July 14, 2011 at 4:18 pm
That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. Everyone knows you need a Haunted _Dour_ Homosexual Djinn Ring Love Spell to attract vampires. When did you ever hear of one of them being happy?
July 14, 2011 at 5:18 pm
These newfanged vampires are all sparkly happy people-hand-holding.
July 14, 2011 at 5:22 pm
That was supposed to — no, you know what? That was totally intentional, and not a typo at all. Now, can anyone give me directions to Callahan’s Place? I hear Mike tends bar there.
July 14, 2011 at 4:18 pm
Will this ring work for women who are attracted to gay men? Does that spell cost extra?
July 14, 2011 at 4:18 pm
Can we get one for Bronc? And then invite Mike over? And videotape the whole thing?
July 14, 2011 at 7:33 pm
GET TWENTY AND MAKE IT HAPPEN NOW!
Sorry Helen darling, but a boy can dream, right?
July 14, 2011 at 4:19 pm
The ring can convert a gay? Finally we find the driving force behind the “gay agenda”
July 14, 2011 at 4:19 pm
Like a gay man would ever wear that ring.
Well, maybe as a Prince Albert.
July 15, 2011 at 4:51 am
Someone already beat me to my joke. But I was gonna go with cock ring and assume the picture just made it look small.
July 14, 2011 at 4:19 pm
The redundancy kills me. “Gay Homosexual”. Or do they mean Gay in the classic sense, as in HAPPY? The Happy Homosexual. Sounds like a Teen Nick show waiting to happen. Either way…Vampires aren’t MOSTLY homosexual….just the trendy ones are. And they’re the only ones you ever hear about. Damn TMZ
July 14, 2011 at 4:22 pm
What I want to know is what djinn have to do with anything? Is it a djinn ring, or is it a djinn spell? Did someone find a djinn and make this ring one of their three wishes?
July 14, 2011 at 4:37 pm
And is the ring the spell, or does the love spell come with? Do you have to rub the ring, and get the genie to grant you your gay vampire wishes? Sounds like way too much work to me.
July 14, 2011 at 4:56 pm
You have to rub the ring and blow the vampire, or if you’re a twisted motherfucker, rub the vampire and blow on the ring.
July 14, 2011 at 6:18 pm
It’s very untwitter to require secondary action to see content. Or horny gay homosexual vampire people.
Oh my God, they killed Kenny! Which was just super, thanks for asking.
OK, got that out of my system.
July 14, 2011 at 4:55 pm
You drink enough djinn so that the ring looks good. At that point so will lots of men that didn’t look so good before.
July 14, 2011 at 11:20 pm
There is actually a Gay Homosexual Vampire trapped inside the ring, much like a djinn, who attracts other Gay Homosexual Vampires with his Gay Homosexual Vampire telepathy.
July 14, 2011 at 4:45 pm
I like tht too. I had this picture in my head of a bunch of enthusiastic, Richard Simmons-like vampires dancing and singing “Up With Undead People.”
July 14, 2011 at 4:55 pm
I am totally down with Richard Simmons Vampires. Sign me up.
July 14, 2011 at 4:57 pm
Sweatin’ To the Coldies!
July 14, 2011 at 5:48 pm
Sweatin’ to the Mouldies —> his Zombie tape
July 14, 2011 at 5:01 pm
Does anyone else hear “Haunted Gay Homosexual Vampire” in Eric Cartman’s voice?
July 14, 2011 at 6:49 pm
TOTALLY.
Followed by “Black African-American”.
July 14, 2011 at 10:06 pm
I do now.
“That’s you Kyle. You’re just a haunted gay homosexual vampire Jew.”
July 14, 2011 at 5:11 pm
I thought most vampires were bisexual. Or pansexual.
July 14, 2011 at 5:25 pm
Do pansexuals play any ole skin flute?
July 14, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Several at a time, but they don’t do nearly enough with their fingers.
July 14, 2011 at 6:13 pm
Googling pansexual. If I’m not back by next Friday, send Mike with the ring to rescue me thanx.
July 14, 2011 at 4:20 pm
I think we all knew vampires were gay once we saw that first trailer for Twilight.
July 14, 2011 at 5:30 pm
You must be young. We all knew vampires were gay after we read the first Anne Rice book.
July 14, 2011 at 4:21 pm
July 14, 2011 at 7:28 pm
Something like this would need to happen in the twilight movies to get me to watch them.
July 14, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Barnabas Collins was gay??
July 14, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Did you see what he was wearing? Puh-lease!
July 14, 2011 at 9:14 pm
yeh – the mutton chops have to go
July 14, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Vampires and djinn… they are so differents but so similarity? (in that they’re all apparently homosexual men)
July 14, 2011 at 4:46 pm
I prefer tonic with my djinn.
July 14, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Did anyone else notice that this person is selling a ring from a gumball machine for $40, not including shipping?
July 14, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Pshaw, you pay for the spell, here! Now you go around wantin’ a quality ring, too??
Well, ok. But that’ll cost extra.
July 14, 2011 at 4:25 pm
“This ring is so powerful, it has even converted several straight men in the past”
Oh, I see: It’s made with baby formula.
July 14, 2011 at 5:02 pm
It has razor blades inside the ring. (Hint: It’s not for wearing on your finger.)
July 14, 2011 at 4:26 pm
Oh, yeah. Like homosexuality is really what’s wrong with Twilight. Face it. Edward and all the other…furry ones could have an entire fuckfest and there would still be no saving that book.
July 14, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Then it would be just another Laurell K. Hamilton.
July 14, 2011 at 11:17 pm
There would have to be a lot of “spill.”
July 15, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Twilight bukkake?!!
July 14, 2011 at 7:30 pm
I think a *gay* fuckfest would help a lot, but maybe that’s just me.
July 15, 2011 at 4:08 pm
You Cindy and at least 19 other people!!!
July 14, 2011 at 4:26 pm
Anne Rice is definitely on the Gay Vampire team as well. LOL
July 14, 2011 at 4:29 pm
Where does the djinn fit into this?
July 14, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Maybe the ring is Sapphire?
July 14, 2011 at 4:29 pm
Jonathan Frid once propositioned me in an airport bathroom.
July 14, 2011 at 5:16 pm
Tell us about it, Josh. Please.
July 14, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Does it come with a corncob for your back pocket?
July 14, 2011 at 4:33 pm
This makes me butthurt.
July 14, 2011 at 4:49 pm
Guess the ring worked.
July 14, 2011 at 5:13 pm
The icon makes this comment epic. I wish I had more thumbs.
July 14, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Bon Temps Louisiana here I come! Eric Northman, you’re first…
July 14, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Is there a ring I can buy to attract a gay homosexual man to do my hair? My current Paul Mitchell school haircut makes me look like Prince Valiant. Prince Valiant with a bad haircut. If he’s also a vampire, I can live with that unless he wants to cut it at midnight on a weeknight. I’m usually late to work as it is.
July 14, 2011 at 4:32 pm
All that for only $39?? Wow, what a deal!
Actually, this sounds like it could be in a Simpsons Halloween Special.
July 14, 2011 at 4:33 pm
“Most vampires are homosexual”
Well no shit, I think Twilight proved that.
July 14, 2011 at 4:52 pm
Bella’s a beard?
July 14, 2011 at 5:06 pm
She has about as much personality as facial hair, yes.
July 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm
I want to like this a million times.
July 14, 2011 at 5:29 pm
I prefer to think of them all as merkins, thank you very much.
July 14, 2011 at 5:57 pm
But merkins provide cover for women, not men.
July 14, 2011 at 10:18 pm
Got me merkin back and forth.
July 15, 2011 at 2:58 am
Not a big Devo fan base here?
July 14, 2011 at 5:52 pm
Huh… I always though of Bella as more of a moustache…
July 14, 2011 at 7:32 pm
I prefer not to think of her at all.
July 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm
Interview with the Vampire proved that years ago.
July 14, 2011 at 4:35 pm
“… seem to be in a trance-like state. They will be more than willing to obey your every command.”
Sounds more like a Jeffrey Dahmer love spell ring.
July 14, 2011 at 4:59 pm
I wonder if it comes with the date rape drugs or do you have to buy that separately?
July 14, 2011 at 5:33 pm
My thoughts exactly.
July 14, 2011 at 5:54 pm
That’s the “spell!”
July 14, 2011 at 6:12 pm
Walk widdershins three times around the bedroom during a new moon, while intoning the ancient chant: Ro-Hyp-Nol.
July 14, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Exactly how does the eBay Buyer Protection work on this product? If I don’t attract any gay vampires, can I get my money back?
July 14, 2011 at 11:19 pm
You have 60 days to file a claim.
July 14, 2011 at 4:38 pm
“I will not be responsible for any harm that may come to the one that wears this ring.”
Translation: *Astroglide not included.
July 14, 2011 at 5:01 pm
Some of those gay homosexual vampires are exceptionally well endowed. And I guess they probably bite, too.
July 14, 2011 at 4:39 pm
The seller is likely Michelle Bachmann’s husband’s alter ego.
July 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm
The man John Stewart narrowly avoided calling “So gay he calls Top Gun ‘That Volleyball Movie’”?
And Jerry Seinfeld resisted the temptation to suggest “buys Brawny paper towels just for the guy on the label”?
July 14, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Boy if there’s one thing I want, it’s someone in a trance-like state who will just obey my every command.
Actually…
Don’t suppose she has something in a Minion Attracting Ring?
July 14, 2011 at 5:00 pm
I find that most straight men go into a trance-like state when a woman takes off her clothes. Not bad for getting them to do household chores, but neighbors get a bit upset if you try to get the guy to do yardwork.
July 14, 2011 at 5:43 pm
It’s a level eighty female-only persuasion spell. We try not to overuse it.
July 14, 2011 at 5:52 pm
Wow, that reallly sums it up perfectly. Thanks for the laugh – and for the name of the spell!
July 14, 2011 at 5:53 pm
I need to try that.
July 14, 2011 at 10:21 pm
Even the level 38D version of this spell is highly effective.
July 14, 2011 at 4:42 pm
I like gay vampires…maybe if I get a sex change and wear the ring…
July 14, 2011 at 4:43 pm
That’s no big secret. Vampires came out of the closet back in the 90s.
They just started wearing glitter recently though.
July 14, 2011 at 5:04 pm
LMAO that’s brilliant! Although nothing, it seems, can keep me from turning into a warm goo puddle over Antonio Banderas, not even his taste in women. It’s my cross to bear, don’t judge me.
July 14, 2011 at 5:29 pm
What do you mean? There’s nothing wrong with Brad Pitt.
July 14, 2011 at 5:14 pm
I lessthanthree this so hard!
July 14, 2011 at 4:52 pm
This ring converts straight men. We finally have proof that being gay is a choice…just not their choice. It’s the choice of the wearer of this ring. Bad wearer of the ring! Don’t you know it’s immoral to take away free will?
What? What’s that you say? No one would every actually wear this ring? Oh, nevermind, being gay is how they’re born.
(Also, why are most vampires homosexual? I would think they’d be what they were when alive. Do just the vamps always decide to only make homosexuals into more vamps? What if some of them were bi, you’d think they might make some straight vamps that way. Then those vamps would make more straight vamps. Or is it just a bad corelation in the mind of the OP that if you like to suck blood you must like to suck cock?)
July 14, 2011 at 5:04 pm
If anything, you’d think they’d be open to experimentation. Being immortal lasts a long time, you’d get bored.
July 14, 2011 at 5:10 pm
Well, maybe if the first couple of vampires were gay… and they got bored and wanted more play mates, and turned more gay guys… and then at some point it just gained momentum and…
..I’m overthinking this.
July 14, 2011 at 5:45 pm
I think I’ve seen that anime.
July 14, 2011 at 5:51 pm
Which makes me wonder…if you get a bunch of these and make them into a chain?
July 14, 2011 at 5:52 pm
…chain-gang fang bang? My head hurts now.
July 14, 2011 at 5:58 pm
SOMEONE GET THE SAMPLER READY!
July 15, 2011 at 5:11 am
Gay Vampire Centipede?
July 15, 2011 at 4:13 pm
yes u r
July 14, 2011 at 4:56 pm
So who wants to make the cock ring version?
Also buyer beware if you don’t want a goatse bum do not wear during Southern Decadence in the french quarter!
July 14, 2011 at 5:06 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 14, 2011 at 5:08 pm
I swear to God, if one straight homosexual vampire falls in love with me I want my money back.
July 14, 2011 at 5:13 pm
On behalf of Homosexual Men everywhere….
July 14, 2011 at 10:24 pm
Calling Edward gay is pretty much an insult to a good 95% of gay men. He’s an antisexual Mormon of the fun-hating variety.
July 14, 2011 at 5:33 pm
Re: Oh please. Like a gay man would ever wear that ring.
Dude, I have known SO MANY fluffy Wiccan gay men.
July 15, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Gee, I wish I knew some fluffy Wiccan gay men. Does it take a different ring to attract those?
July 14, 2011 at 5:40 pm
July 14, 2011 at 10:29 pm
see…what Edward needs is a Sassy Gay Friend!
July 14, 2011 at 5:43 pm
On the other hand, this might help people without gaydar. If only all the homosexual men would wear these rings, straight oblivious women wouldn’t hit on them as much*.
*offer not valid while drunk.
July 14, 2011 at 5:44 pm
Is that a cock ring?
Also, is that a blood stone?
July 14, 2011 at 10:44 pm
Definitely not bloodstone, looks like garnet. If that was a cock ring, I would happily pay 39 bucks for it.
July 14, 2011 at 5:48 pm
This ring is butt-ugly.
July 14, 2011 at 6:01 pm
Sauron should have considered attaching that last line to the One Ring before losing it. That may have saved him a lot of trouble.
July 14, 2011 at 6:27 pm
Will this ring help me touch my sister’s sleeping husband’s penis?
July 14, 2011 at 6:49 pm
Great, now with the LotR reference I can’t get “One ring to blow them all” out of my head…
July 14, 2011 at 10:42 pm
My ex had what he called The One Cock Ring.
July 14, 2011 at 6:54 pm
I’m curious to know how the seller knows that most vampires are homosexual. Is there some kind of a vampire census that the rest of us aren’t clued in on?
July 14, 2011 at 7:16 pm
Didn’t see your comment before mine. Damn. However, if anyone has the answer, I’m “dying” to know.
July 14, 2011 at 10:25 pm
It was that groundbreaking sexuality study from the 1950s done by Masters and Dracula.
July 14, 2011 at 7:15 pm
I’m stuck on wondering how one goes about finding out that most vampires are homosexual… Did he poll local graveyards?
July 14, 2011 at 7:25 pm
“Gay Homosexuals”…..
Are there any other kind?
Do the two terms cancel each other out?
July 14, 2011 at 7:31 pm
That thing is hideous. It would clash with my man-bag. The only thing it would attract is the ghost of Mr. Blackwell.
July 14, 2011 at 7:42 pm
Fuck! It’s a size 9. I was totally going to get it.
July 14, 2011 at 9:24 pm
Men with small hands need all the magic they can get.
July 14, 2011 at 7:57 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 14, 2011 at 8:01 pm
One Ring To Woo Them All.
July 14, 2011 at 8:06 pm
she should sell some sort of health plan with this for the inevitable haunted STD. If chicks wear this will we attract gay husbands? I need a new one since my old one got married.
July 14, 2011 at 8:29 pm
Does anyone else’s advertisement pitch match.com’s single gay men right now?
July 14, 2011 at 8:30 pm
Good thing it doesn’t attract Morose Homosexual Vampires.
July 15, 2011 at 12:22 am
Yeah, that ring doesn’t attract me at all.
July 14, 2011 at 8:49 pm
Wearing the ring will attract this guy?
Not sure if want . . .
July 14, 2011 at 9:04 pm
If you squint your eyes a little it’s a goatse ring!
July 14, 2011 at 9:07 pm
A visual aid.
July 14, 2011 at 11:26 pm
Okay, as a fellow Venn enthusiast, I salute you.
July 14, 2011 at 9:10 pm
…most vampires are also steampunk, which they neglected to mention…also, what’s with the “shipping and payments”?…if their psychic and paranormal can’t they just beam the ring anywhere and then beam the cash into their pockets…?…
July 14, 2011 at 9:19 pm
yeah that 5.99 for a ring that weighs about 3ozs? WTF
July 14, 2011 at 9:25 pm
It’s wrapped in several layers of protective material to prevent the accidental lusting of gay men as it passes through the postal system.
That is to say, she puts it in her grandma’s chenille slipper inside a mason jar.
July 14, 2011 at 11:12 pm
Full of bees.
July 15, 2011 at 8:57 am
There’s a joke forming somewhere in the back of my brain… “When you just GOTTA have that package overnight…”
July 14, 2011 at 9:23 pm
If your penis stinks, none of this really matters.
July 14, 2011 at 9:41 pm
I would like to nominate the above comment for the out of context quote of the day.
.
.
That is all.
July 15, 2011 at 12:36 pm
Seconded.
July 14, 2011 at 9:42 pm
Yeah, ummm…I was really in the market for a ring that attracts incontinent vampires who also happen to be victims of kitchen fires.
.
.
I have very specific fetishes.
July 14, 2011 at 11:29 pm
What confuses me the most about this is why anyone would expect a Haunted Gay Homosexual Vampire Djinn Ring Love Spell to attract Gay Homosexual Non-Vampires in the first place.
July 15, 2011 at 2:32 am
Fellow-enthusiasts for this sort of crapferatu will probably want to visit Ebay and search for ‘MASTER VAMPIRE UNISEX SEX PHEROMONE MAGICK PERFUME OIL’
I was fascinated to learn that vampires are a bit like crocodiles, musk deer or civet cats, in that they exude sex pheromones. Not only that, but these substances can be physically collected and analysed:
“We have been given a bottle, yes only one bottle, of super concentrated and ULTRA RARE Vampire Pheromone which was gathered from a Master Elder Vampire, isolated, distilled and synthesized…”
If vampires actually existed, extracting their sex pheromones would surely be the world’s most dangerous job. I’d rather try squeezing the crocodiles.
Also, every one of this Ebay seller’s listings is along these lines: angels, vampires, fairies, unicorns (in various colours), were-dragons, succubi and incubi, djinni, and the floor-sweepings of Hindu mythology. Highly recommended.
July 15, 2011 at 5:14 am
How do vampires exude anthing at all? THEY’RE NOT ALIVE.
Unless they mean in an anorganic way, you know, like sulfur.
July 15, 2011 at 8:58 am
Welcome, “crapferatu”, to my vocabulary.
July 15, 2011 at 3:59 am
Someone really likes tautologies!
July 15, 2011 at 6:16 am
What amazes me here is actually how many of these same types of objects on ebay there are. I had no idea there was such a huge market for haunted vampire-spirit jewelry and vampire-derived cosmetics. These things are just the tip of a giant iceberg on the Ebay sea of loneliness.
July 15, 2011 at 9:44 am
Hi, Straight Guy here.
Note to self: Don’t wear any jewelry to Provincetown this summer. Print the description and show to the jewelry stores to see how many Regretsians are there.
July 15, 2011 at 3:35 pm
I see chrome/silver and glossy black, and all I can think of is Nate Berkus.
July 18, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Hell nah!
July 18, 2011 at 7:35 pm
1. I don’t need a ring to attract gay men, it’s just a natural talent.
2. Edward is NOT gay, he just respects the purity of our love.
July 19, 2011 at 4:05 am
Only a transvestite, transsexual, Transylvanian would buy that.
October 12, 2011 at 9:03 pm
Oh this post never ceases to make me laugh.