Weird. My beaver looks nothing like this???
Mine does, but mostly in winter, when I’m too lazy to care.
Yours have eye holes?
I glue googly eyes to mine, the men love it
Googly Eyed Beaver* sounds like my next ex-wife!
* or maybe a country song.
I must ask Mrs. Psycho to try that.
Mine is the only one with a face?
Mine has a mouth, but no eyes.
Does it have teeth? That’s what you’ve got to worry about.
Supposedly men are all terrified of vagina dentata, but if so, why are they so hot for fellatio, which actually does involve an opening with teeth…?
Blind Beaver? Now that’s a blues singer name.
This is what it would look like if Eva Gabor had branched out and done merkins
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You might have one of them thar pussy varieties. I don’t think the seller is selling feline faces yet.
They actually ARE peddling plenty of pussy, and not even at a very high price. Yuck!
Mine is less beaver-y and more foxy.
I’d describe mine as Sasquatch meets Wookie.
I don’t see the problem here.
What the seller doesn’t mention is what he used to chop them up…a Beaver cleaver…
So you’re a ginger?
Oooo Foxy Mama!
Someone SO needs to make these into a G-string!
A beaver to cover your beaver!
Well I’ll be dammed…
Presumeably, if you’re like the rest of us here… but tell us what your reaction was to the post.
Beaver merkins for everyone!!!
My first thought, too.
Isn’t that redundant?
Jesus Fuck, I swear that post was not there when I posted. The internet is conspiring to make me look stupid again!
This call for a merkin photoshop contest
Ask and you shall receive.
Wait a sec…
(It’s staring at you)
I can’t stop staring back….make it stop!!
Thanks for the nightmares!
When I eventually stop laughing, that’s going to haunt my dreams.
I had no idea her lower torso was such a suave and debonaire gentleman. Thank you internet!
Watson, what is it you’ve found, man?
Exactly, Holmes. Exactly.
My husband collects rooster necks. Truly. He has a good reason for it, though. I promise.
HAH. No, just the skins, not the actual tube-shaped neck log. We have a drawer full of rooster necks and dried out pheasants and, yes, faces. The first time I ever saw him come home with a face, I thought to myself, “Yes. I made the right decision in marrying this man.”
What on earth does he use them for?
He ties his own trout flies for fly-fishing. They’re all made out of feathers and fur and thread and stuff. It’s a pretty interesting craft and there are guys who are amazing at it. They tie bugs that look so real, you’d swat at them if you saw them out of context.
That said, there is actually a huge collector’s market for certain pelts, and the faces in particular. He drags me to a convention in NJ every year to walk through miles and miles of vendors selling creepy shit just like this. It’s kind of nightmarish, now that I’m seeing it in print.
I’m glad you explained because for a second there it seemed like your husband was one step away from make a chicken skin suit.
“It rubs the KFC special recipe spice on it’s skin or else it gets the oil again.”
Well, fuck. Now I’m hungry.
My husband also ties his own flies. I would encourage him to collect faces if I thought it would save the dog. (He doesn’t hurt her, but sometimes after I have left him alone to his fly tying for a while her tail will be missing a chunk of fur, almost like someone took scissors and snipped off a bit of her fur. Husband has no idea how this could have happened but look at his new flies with the pretty, long, straight, black hairs!)
Fly tyers look at everything as a potential fly. Bear skin rug? Well groomed poodle? Hipster moustache? How well does it float, he’ll use it.
My Dad tied his own flies. Every time we passed roadkill, he’d pull over and see if he wanted it for the fur, or the feathers. My Mom made him put the poor dead critter in the trunk for the duration of the ride. He’s been gone 6 years now, and I still look at roadkill (as I drive on by) and wonder if it’s something he’d like.
there is a chicken-choking joke in there somewhere.
I had a great-uncle who tied his own flies. In fact, I read a newspaper article about him once where he was called “the dean of the wet fly-tyers.” They were really quite beautiful and it’s a very interesting art form. (yes, I think it’s art.) I always thought he led a fairly dull life til he died in a whore house.
Weren’t Wacky Packages and Pokemon enough to collect? Here’s looking at you Beaver Face
We used to use chicken necks as crab bait. Gulf coast blue crab are delicious.
Great. Now I have a craving, and I’m stuck out here in San Diego. D:
I used to go crabbing off of docks as a kid armed with a chicken neck dangling from a deer antler and a net. On a side note, I am seriously considering buying these faces.
I wonder what made people “thumbs down” this comment? Are people offended by rooster necks? Weird. I gave you a thumbs up to even things out.
That’s cool, I can live with the downward pointing thumbs. Some people are really into rooster rights, and I respect their position.
I just like to think that the necks are all from mean roosters who deserved their fate. Also, as much as I love animals, it’s better to use as many parts as possible.
“rooster rights”? I just love cocks, is that so wrong?
Up with cocks!
I like a cockatoo
Laugh In reference FTW !!!!@
That’s a CHICKEN JOKE!
Awww.. I thought someone had ripped the staches off a bunch of stupid hipsters.
I didn’t just think–I HOPED that someone had ripped the staches off hipsters.
As did the rest of us. I’m tempted to sell ripped-off hipster ‘staches on Etsy.
That guy in Silence of the Lambs got killed for his beaver pelt collecting hobby.
I have that movie on my desk right now.
I’m too ill with summer cold/ death plague destined to kill every living sould on the planet for snark.
All I can manage is resigned disgust.
What happened to the rest of the beaver?
Yes! I was just going to suggest fixing these two up. One want face, the other tail. Together they should be magic.
Nice! We could turn them into fascinators, then get back on Etsy and make a fortune!
Gross. Just gross.
Instant merkin collection!
glad to see usage of the word is alive and well in these forums…
Using this as a merkin will guarantee a logjam.
Quote of the day. Thank you. Just used it twice in 3 minutes.
Soda just shot out my nose. Damn, that hurt.
Well I’m too sickened to think up anything clever to say. And seriously baffled as to why it’s only the fucking faces!
I assume they used the rest of the pelt to make something else.
But if they used the rest of the pelt for another purpose, wouldn’t that mean that the rest of the pelt was useful or valuable and the faces were not? And if THAT’S the case, then what would be the value of collecting a beaver face?
I can’t believe I’m actually attempting to discuss this, hah. I feel kind of dirty.
then don’t look at the rest of her store for sure. There is ziplock baggies of leftovers.
To answer you seriously, I can see people who want just a tiny bit of fur using these. Like for fur cuffs on a Barbie coat, rockinghorse mane on a wee xmas tree ornament, or as part of bling on a pen or keychain. As well as for fly-tying. Why waste the good parts of the animal for such handiwork, right? At least, I HOPE they get used in little pieces, because whole, they’re grim.
I agree. I understand usingthe fur, but who wants those faces looking at you? And collect them? What are they, beaver emoticons? These are about as bad as the commemorative penises.
Beaver emoticons and commemorative penises; hah! I now have two new favorite phrases to carry me into the weekend.
Some baby’s going to have an EPIC Halloween mask.
That is exactly what I was thinking! If I had children, I think I’d cut the eye holes a little bigger, add an elastic strap, and call it a day. Instant creepy-ass beaver face kids! This is probably why I shouldn’t reproduce.
I wonder what size the smell is though.
That’s why I’d tie them to kids’ faces and not my own.
Ladies, there is a beaver hunt going on and the end isn’t pretty. Guard your beaver!
HIDE YO BEAVER
HIDE YO BEAVER HIDE YO MINK THEY TRAPPIN EVERYBODY OUT HERE
DO. NOT. WANT.
…Now Wynona took her big brown beaver,
And she stuck him up in the air.
Said “I sure do love this big brown beaver
And I wish I did have a pair.”
Now the beaver once slept for seven days
And it gave us all an awful fright.
So I tickled his chin and I gave him a pinch
And the bastard tried to bite me.
Wynona loved her big brown beaver
And she stroked him all the time.
She pricked her finger one day and it
Occurred to her she might have a porcupine…
Just this morning that song was bouncing around in my noggin. Now I’m disappointed it didn’t pop back into my brain until reading your comment!
Oddly enough, that song was playing on my iTunes when this popped up on my RSS feed.
Ward! Beaver’s face is missing! I bet that Eddie Haskell had something to do with this!
THIS IS THE BEST PIC EVVVVAHHH!!! OMG- I so heart you! I about peed my pants, shot snot out and vomited laughter all in one!
Guess one at a time works better.
Leatherface, behind the mask:
Beaver faces look better on the beaver.
I’d rather see Bieber Faces instead.
If I could give you a thousand thumbs-up, I would.
Special delivery from Lexiii to katfud:
Thank you very much. I ran out of thumbs.
You’re very welcome!
Wow, it’s like those 90′s magic eye pictures! You stare at it awhile and it goes 3 D!
Now if only I was clever enough to put an actual magic eye picture in there…
You know that the german word for beaver actually IS “bieber”?
I was thinking of starting a new collection, but beaver faces don’t make that “clicky” sound like baseball cards in the spokes of my bike.
Well, they do if you leave the teeth in, silly. Plus it adds a nice whooshing sound when you go really fast downhill.
They also make excellent throw rugs for Alaska Barbie’s Governor’s Mansion, innovative elbow patches for your tweed jacket, and in a pinch, can replace the filter in your aquarium.*
*Suggestions 38, 47 & 81 in “1001 Things to Do With A Beaver Face, 2nd Edition”
They’ve issued a second edition?!?!?!
*looks up PayPal password and clicks over to Amazon*
If the universe works the way I hope it does, that person is in line for a serious mauling by beavers.
Well, yes, karma would dictate that the seller gets mauled by the beavers. Sadly, karma is tricky–the beavers have no faces and keep tripping over things while they hunt down the seller, who sits on a chair with her feet up.
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The All Natural Merkin!
well… at least it’s not beaver feces
At most it’s not beaver feces?
I harvest my own beaver hair to make my own line of beaver Batman masks, thankyouverymuch.
I clean the drain-strainer in the tub all the time. Let me know if you need help harvesting beaver hair! I just throw it away; it’s free if you want it!
Please, explain why, because otherwise it just sounds like you husband is one step away from making a chicken skin suit.
It rubs the KFC special recipe spice on it’s skin or else it gets the oil again…
So THIS is where my first reply went. How the hell did it get all the way down here?
Move along folks, nothing to see here.
It happens to me too.
Gave me a laugh anyway
But there are 7 days of the week! Commando on the 7th day?
Perfect gift for newborns.
I’m a little frightened to ask… what happened to the rest of the beaver?
Are there six faceless beavers running around Gotham City, causing havoc for Batman?
Holy faceless beavers Batman!
Faceless Beavers. Good name for my new Zydeco band or not?
I really want to see a gif of one of these thing flying out of a pokeball for some reason.
BEAVER FACE I CHOOSE YOU!
As much as I hate Bidoof, I lol’d.
The girl in the bottom photo looks straight out of an 80′s employment training video. TOTALLY teaching someone about work-place harassment…..using beaver face visual aids.
which one is justin beaver? i don’t recognize him without the hair.
First of all, these are clearly ‘vintage’, as modern beavers are usually shaved bare…
And, B: why no sticks ala ‘moustache on stick’ type thing?
Third, just add a pocketwatch and they’re steampunk.
Is this too much riffing for one comment?
Rough up the edges some and then they’re tatterpunk.
Steampunk beavers take a licking and keep on ticking.
What do Etsy people have against beavers?
Ouch, my beaver face is totally red with shame.
She has a grab bag of coyote faces too.
Where’s the silver one?
With a little effort, you could craft these fine beaver faces into functional, fashionable coochie cozies!
I’m patiently waiting for the Beaver Face jewellery to appear
Beaver. Faces. That’s all I needed to read to get a laugh.
Beaver Army > Squirrel Army
God I love Janitor. I miss that show so hard.
Amen! I want to be Dr. Cox when I grow up!
Heh, me too! I am now inspired to go dig out my DVDs and watch the series from the beginning. Again.
I’ll bet the seller makes a mean beaver-pot-pie. Beaver Ala King. Beaver on a stick. Deep fried beaver. Beaver pudding. Beaver tacos. Beaver ka-bobs. Grilled beaver. Stuffed beaver. Beaver picatta. Beaver and beans.
This calls for a Regretsy Cookbook.
Beavers were made to be eaten
There is a (faceless) beaver pelt hanging on my wall as I type. Joining it are 2 foxes, 15ish martins, 2 weasels, and a couple squirrels; all with faces intact. Oh the joys of being married to a hunter/trapper. To be fair though, he bought none of these things on Etsy. They will eventually all go to a furrier to be made into cruel, cruel fur clothing.
Face transplants for cats?
The seller almost has the 12 days of Christmas covered.
painted horror doll head
2 ringtail faces
3 soft mink faces
4 squirrel tails
5 rabbit fur large pieces
6 beaver faces
7 piece mink lot muskrat
8 squirrel feet
9 alligator feet
And a partridge head in a Goatse.
I can’t like this enough!
I’ve never been able to find the real goatse image. AND you added a christmas song content into it! Thanks – you’ve totally ruined my holidays!
I know they are (were) beavers, but all I can see is the face of the gopher from Caddyshack.
I can’t stop thinking about these poor scab-faced creatures staggering back to their little dams going “WTF was THAT all about?!?”
Sorry, I only buy metric beaver.
They say beaver faces, I say bikini merkin bottoms. <3
“Dear, don’t you think you’ve been a little hard on the Beavers?”
This is what happens when the Hamburgler forgets to wax his brows.
I just want one, to sew onto the seat of the easy chair in my living room. Then, when I have company*, I can invite them to sit on my face.
*That rarely happens
I can see why.
Awwww man I thought this was 6 Beiber faces.
I’m of the opinion that if he’s going to kill the animal for its parts, he may as well use every bit and not let any go to waste. So he probably used the pelts for some other project and now he’s looking for a buyer for the faces. Well and good. That being said, I’m glad this creepy shit isn’t in my house to stare at me with those empty eyes.
Does this make “beaver testicles” an oxymoron?
Can’t read my, can’t read my, no you can’t read my beaver face, beaver face…
Beaver Face… it’s not just an insult anymore.
So how are merkins supposed to stay in place?! Glue??? But… but…
The eye holes are for the thongs.
Well, if you want them in bulk, you’re better buying the outfit from the other day, cutting the size faces you want, and getting a hole punch.
I saw a purse one time made out of alligator, and the flap over the top was the gator’s face. It was sad.
Well, everyone knows muskrat faces are much more collectible. *flounce*
An oldie but a goodie…
You’ve got the cutest little beaver face
There ain’t nobody can ever take your place
I like disco. There. I’ve said it. I’m reading a book about NYC in 1977 and the author is deep in the discussion of disco and then I read your post and hear the disco arrangement of the song. Thanks!
You could put the beaver’s thigh bone through the eye holes and make a pony tail band.
Warning, exactly one beaver was harmed in the manufacture of this fashion accessory.
Beaver faces: The fur-fect thing to use for your next fur-lined vagina project.
Christ, people disgust me.
Can’t pet my
Can’t pet my
No he can’t pet my beaver faaaace
I know this is late, but I had to leave this here: http://youtu.be/aYDfwUJzYQg
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