Diaper Shade of Pail
God, I hate these things.
I’m not saying they aren’t well done. Clearly, a lot of skill goes into rolling up diapers and arranging them so they look like cake. I think my point is more WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE.
If you can get past the part where diapers are arranged to look like something you want to eat (and good luck with that), you still have to come to terms with the fact that you just spent $50 plus shipping on a pile of tainted Pampers.
You don’t know who glued these together. You don’t know if they have some kind of flesh eating bacteria or a house full of cats with eye infections. Then you unpack this tower of filth and take it to a baby shower, where more people you don’t know have to poke at it to see how it’s made BECAUSE IT’S SO DARLING AND MAYBE I COULD MAKE ONE and by the time you actually rip it apart to put a diaper on your child, it’s been touched by roughly 400 people. Why don’t you just wipe his ass with money?
And while we’re on the subject, what the hell are these?
Oh look, a diaper rolled in cellophane to look like taffy. Isn’t that great? I can’t think of anything less useful, except maybe a dead bird in a tin can.
AT LEAST HAVE RIBS AT YOUR SHOWER SO I CAN USE IT AS A BIB
July 12, 2011 at 7:41 pm
I know chocolate and any pastel colour is, to use slang, the “shit” right now, but don’t you think brown is kind of a gauche choice for a diaper display?
July 12, 2011 at 7:42 pm
I guess green would also be out, then.
July 12, 2011 at 7:45 pm
and stay away from the mustard yellow too
July 12, 2011 at 7:45 pm
oh, brown and green… before and after solid foods… yum *sarcastic thumbs up!*
July 12, 2011 at 7:47 pm
Its probably great for htose moms that like to terrify pregnant women. “You would think brown and pink/blue/purple wouldn’t be brown but JUST WAIT til you see your crotchfruits poo. You aren’t a real mommy until you have to ask yourself if the funny colors are from sleep deprivation or your kid eating crayons”
July 12, 2011 at 7:52 pm
“wouldn’t be brown” is supposed to be “wouldn’t be together.”
July 12, 2011 at 7:56 pm
crotchfruit… hehehehehehehehehehehehe… and just a suggestion for new parents… don’t feed your babies jello… S E R I O U S L Y… you don’t wanna know what colours can shoot out your babies bum, and it’s like a technicolour exorcist episode… Linda Blair has got CRAP(hehe) on a baby on jello!
July 12, 2011 at 8:28 pm
Fruit Loops make for interesting diaper changes too….
July 12, 2011 at 8:47 pm
Honestly, babies poop every color under the sun. They should just not make these ever.
July 12, 2011 at 9:04 pm
Is that the sequel to “Everybody Poops” or whatever that child’s book about shit is called? Or perhaps the prequel; it would make a very colorful picture book.
July 13, 2011 at 8:24 am
Thank heavens they scrapped plans for a scratch-n-sniff pop-up (poop-up?) edition.
July 12, 2011 at 9:10 pm
I was just so happy that they had not already been “tie dyed” by the “special spiritual rainbow magik of babyhood” that I don’t care what colors they use.
July 12, 2011 at 7:42 pm
Ugh, I hate those things too.
Do pregnant women like receiving these, or is it just one of those things people like to give? (like fruitcake, or herpes)
July 12, 2011 at 7:46 pm
It’s cute when your sister or best friend do it… it’s entirely another to buy one off of Etsy from a stranger… It’s like buying food off of Etsy and praying not to get e. coli.
July 12, 2011 at 7:47 pm
I’m in seminary to be a preacher and even I don’t believe that prayer would ever be answered well…
July 12, 2011 at 7:52 pm
True. But, cute as they are, after being rolled like that they are so hard to use. Also, there is no practical way to store diapers that no longer will lay flat.
July 13, 2011 at 8:52 am
Shh! Some Etsyian might hear you and launch a “Storage Solutions for your Diaper Cakes” craze. With liberal amounts of glued-on fuckery.
July 13, 2011 at 11:20 am
I’ve made a few of these for close friends. Not too bad to make – and if you roll the diapers and secure with a small elastic- the diapers are actually usable afterward. A lot of you are really getting pretty bent out of shape over a diaper that a newborn is going to shit in 10 minutes after you put it on. No biggie on storage either – throw them in a basket next to the changing table.
July 12, 2011 at 7:46 pm
Diapers are a useful gift… in a sealed box. I don’t like my diapers pre-touched. On the other hand, I’ve seen these “baby shower cakes” made with cloth diapers, baby clothes, etc… things that can actually be washed… and those are cute without harboring nasty germs to put on your new baby’s ass.
July 12, 2011 at 9:14 pm
I think that just a couple of layers would have been enough for a centerpiece withouth misshaping so many diapers.
July 12, 2011 at 10:17 pm
I’m a fan of the little socks rolled into roses. And the washclothes folded into flowers or animals or whatever you can origami a washcloth into. That’s useful, and you’re going to go home and wash it anyway… disposable diapers though, HELL NO.
July 12, 2011 at 10:18 pm
my go-to shower gift is a box of size 2 diapers and a double box of mylecon.
mylecon is liquid fucking GOLD.
July 13, 2011 at 5:04 am
I can’t thumbs that up enough. My little spawn had colic for SEVEN freaking months and infant reflux. Some days he probably ingested more Mylecon than breast milk.
July 13, 2011 at 12:45 pm
I like the size 2 diapers! If everyone gets the newborn size the baby just outgrows them before they can be used. Same with newborn sized outfits. How many moms put a new pair of jeans or dress on their one month old everyday, or ever? They’re just impractical.
July 13, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Brokenpots, I’m that mom who put my newborn in dresses every day. Hell yes I was going to get all the mileage I could out of her cute things.
July 12, 2011 at 7:47 pm
I had to hide my utter dismay and put on a happy face when I received one of these for my baby shower. My husband wrote in all caps in our baby registry: WE ARE PLANNING ON CLOTH DIAPERING. NO DISPOSABLES PLEASE.
As luck would FURTHER have it, we couldn’t even use them for “emergencies” as our son, like his mother has skin that’s sensitive to everything under the darn sun and could not wear disposable diapers. (I obviously don’t wear disposable diapers ha ha, but I’m talking about hand cream and laundry soap here too!)
July 12, 2011 at 8:02 pm
I am really glad you added the bit in parentheses.
July 12, 2011 at 8:28 pm
I see that you wear the cloth kind too.
July 12, 2011 at 9:44 pm
First – crotchfruit might be the funniest thing I’ve heard in forever!
Second – don’t throw these away! I learned disposable diapers come in handy from my sister.
No sensitive skin in her family, she used disposables. I wondered why she still had them when her kids were like 5, thinking she was a lazy parent, until one day one of the kids spilled fruit punch on the floor – out came a diaper & she used it to suck the crap out of the carpet mess. It was better than a freakin’ Bissell!
And now I feel like the Hints from Heloise lady…I’m not gonna get banned on my 2nd comment ever for lameness, am I?
J
July 13, 2011 at 3:11 am
Very true. Also baby wipes. My baby is 5 years out of diapers and I still buy wipes. They are pretty good at getting food stains out of clothes.
July 13, 2011 at 9:29 am
i bought babywipes before i had a baby, they clean off almost anything! the diaper trick i didnt know, although i put my kid in a pampers in a kiddie pool last year, and the diaper swelled up hugely without exploding!
July 13, 2011 at 1:01 pm
@ Mrs. Vagoo: Oooh, thanks for the handy tip! I’m a total slob when I eat. I’ve learned to avoid wearing anything white, ever.
July 13, 2011 at 8:39 pm
No kidding. I know for a fact that a size 2 Luvs will hold the contents of a 21 oz fast food drink cup.
Makes me shudder when I think of how long the diaper must have been on that kid I saw at Wal-mart last summer. She was wearing a Pull-up (heck of a lot more absorbent) and it was literally sagging below her knees. It swayed when she walked……
July 13, 2011 at 10:09 am
Magadociousrex . . . I empathize entirely. Who the fuck do these people think they are?? They insisted “I would NEED disposables” to me, that’s liek saying “your kid NEEDS a chapped ass” right . . . and I repeatedly got the comment “we’ll see how long that lasts” in response to “yes, I’m really useing ONLY cloth diapers” BITHCES!
July 13, 2011 at 11:24 am
UGH, like they know your mind better than you do.
July 13, 2011 at 12:16 pm
Sounds like my *friend* who told me I had to go out and buy bottles and formula ahead of time and when I told her I was going to breastfeed laughed and said “that won’t last”. Told me I’d be bottle feeding in a week. That baby weaned a year later
)
And you can donate those diapers as well to programs for young parents and shelters.
July 14, 2011 at 11:31 am
Oh yeah. I hated that “you’ll give up on that really fast”. Really? my 15mo is STILL IN CLOTH.
July 12, 2011 at 7:48 pm
Haha i gave one of these to my friend for her baby shower. i still (four years after her daughter was born) get bitched at over how much of a pain in the ass it was to unroll all those fucking diapers. well worth the time i spent rolling them up….
July 12, 2011 at 7:53 pm
Fruitcake can be pretty fucking awesome and delicious, when done right. And also packed with rum. See, the proper way to make a fruit cake involves a cookie tin, and a bottle of run. You have to let the cake sit in the tin, soaking up all the rum, for quite some time. Then it is fantastically delicious.
July 12, 2011 at 7:56 pm
While I appreciate the fruitcake retort, now I’m wondering if someone’s going to chime in to defend herpes.
July 12, 2011 at 8:02 pm
Oh dear god I hope so.
July 12, 2011 at 8:12 pm
The Herpes Defense. Is that like the Chewbacca defense?
July 12, 2011 at 8:24 pm
Herpes: technically a useful tool in aiding birth/population control due to the fact that you can’t procreate if nobody wants to touch you.
July 12, 2011 at 8:26 pm
Herpes: the gift that keeps on giving!
July 12, 2011 at 8:36 pm
Unlike a wedding ring, you can never get rid of herpes.
July 12, 2011 at 9:19 pm
Herpes is the glitter of medical conditions.
July 13, 2011 at 6:08 am
Thats funny , I”ve always called glitter the herpes of art supplies!
July 13, 2011 at 11:15 am
The Chewbacca defense is a lot harder than the Herpes defense, but that’s mostly due to translation issues – it’s hard as hell to decipher the “aaahhhrrraaaaa”‘s…
July 12, 2011 at 8:16 pm
Also, of course fruitcake soaked in rum is delicious. Anything soaked in rum is delicious.
… Even diaper cake?
July 12, 2011 at 8:47 pm
I’m now picturing a bunch of women, already slightly demented from being forced to play the usual inane shower games, attacking the diaper cake and sucking on it to get out the rum.
July 12, 2011 at 9:12 pm
I prefer my herpes not soaked in rum, thank you so very much.
July 12, 2011 at 9:20 pm
Screw the cake, soak me in the rum.
July 13, 2011 at 11:28 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 12, 2011 at 8:38 pm
I can’t decide if it would be worse or better to soak the diaper cake in rum.
July 12, 2011 at 8:43 pm
No no no… you MAKE it while soaked in rum.
July 12, 2011 at 9:24 pm
And the diaper cake is magically malicious.
July 12, 2011 at 8:10 pm
Do not want.
July 12, 2011 at 8:20 pm
Faunablues: In answer to your question; no. No one likes receiving things like this.
July 12, 2011 at 9:58 pm
My aunt made one for me and covered it in useful baby things…flowers made out of washcloths, rattles, pacifiers, and cutouts of animals (crotchfruits’s nursery was jungle-themed.) It was thoughtful and well-done and I loved it very much. The ones in consignment shops and boutiques though kinda squick me out.
July 13, 2011 at 3:49 am
I like fruitcake. What are you saying?
July 13, 2011 at 10:04 am
As a pregnant woman (7 months) I can safely say, not really. Especially when Your ENTIRE FAMILY and all of your friends KNOW you are cloth diapering, yet they build the damn DISPOSABLE thing anyway. It is exactly as useless as a dead bird in a tin can.
at least I could get some entertainment use out of it.
I just experienced one of these at a shower of my own two weeks ago, and was so tempted to “accidently” leave it on the top of the car as we drove off. It’s still sitting in it’s semi-assembled state (they fall apart quickly) in a bag in the trunk. I may just prop it up on the top of the car and speed off just for fun, now that I think about it . . . then I’ll back up a few times.
July 14, 2011 at 11:32 am
It IS possible to build a diaper cake out of cloth. Use prefolds and roll them up! Geez, do these folks have NO imagination?
July 12, 2011 at 7:42 pm
These are the worst diaper-related ideas since Odin named his home Ass-guard.
July 12, 2011 at 8:17 pm
wow, Thor really missed a marketing idea there.
July 12, 2011 at 8:44 pm
I’m sure the porn industry’s parody department didn’t.
July 12, 2011 at 10:24 pm
I think you’ll find it’s single-entendre rather than parody in that case.
July 12, 2011 at 10:38 pm
I protest your faulty mythology. Screw you and the Norse you road in on.
July 12, 2011 at 7:43 pm
“Diaper candy rolls? Where’d you get that idea?”
“I pulled it out of my ass.”
July 12, 2011 at 7:51 pm
I can’t thumb that enough.
July 12, 2011 at 8:10 pm
Oh Fraeulein, I wish there was a way to vote for out of context comment of the day. You’d be my top pick.
July 13, 2011 at 11:31 am
July 12, 2011 at 8:21 pm
Also, maybe I don’t ~get~ baby showers, but why would you give diapers away as party favors? As if all of the guests have the need for diapers? I guess maybe they are multipurpose or something but i’d rather take home a mini hand sanitizer or even a yankee candle than a diaper that doesn’t even fit me.
July 12, 2011 at 8:35 pm
Clearly you are just being naive. All women love taking home cheap, poorly constructed (not to mention inedible) gifts that will sit around gathering dust in order to commemorate the birth of your 3rd cousin’s 4th child.
July 12, 2011 at 9:02 pm
REGIFT!!!
July 12, 2011 at 8:39 pm
Would you want a diaper that does fit you?
July 12, 2011 at 8:43 pm
Got it. Next time I host a baby shower, I’ll send Depends home as party favors.
July 12, 2011 at 8:52 pm
I think nicest favors I’ve seen were done by local coffee roaster who’d do a custom blend and labelling on small packs of coffee. Because seriously, MOM NEEDS COFFEE.
July 12, 2011 at 9:34 pm
Oh, not some of the uber mommies I’ve encountered. Merely look at coffee and it will “cross the placenta” and ensure that the baby is born with two heads, neither of which will latch-on, causing you to be an evil, formula-feeding mom. (The have never said, but it might even cause the boys to be born circumcised).
July 12, 2011 at 10:01 pm
I fucking hate those goddamn nazi bitches.
July 12, 2011 at 10:52 pm
@Aliceblue – when I was preggo with my second, my husband asked me if I was going to switch to decaf again (I did the first time – not sure what I was thinking there). I told him ‘no’, to which he said Thank God!
July 13, 2011 at 5:40 am
@aliceblue Funny enough, I hated coffee until I got pregnant. THEN I became addicted to it. It’s like my child was telling me I would need it in large quantities soon.
July 13, 2011 at 5:17 pm
@Miss hairball That is funny becuase I’ve heard a number of women who usually like coffe say that they could not stand coffee when pregnant. Good think that you were not around (as Bajingo Bajongo so aptly called them) the nazi bitches.
I have no kids and still know the “NO” list. Aside from duhs like raw meat, fish, shellfish and eggs, it includes coffee, soda and tea (unless decaff), soft cheese, cold cuts, lox, pate, bacon, hotdogs, mayo, bean sprouts, peanuts, shark and sword fish (and limited catfish, tuna & cod- mercury), fried and fatty foods, spicy foods and, of course, even a drop of alcohol or a single advil or cough drop. According to these martyrs, my brother & I should have never been born.
July 13, 2011 at 9:32 am
I want to thumbs-up this comment forever.
July 12, 2011 at 7:44 pm
Nothing says “welcome to the world” quite like flesh eating bacteria.
July 12, 2011 at 7:45 pm
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Suri Cruise has her ass wiped with money and she’s just fine.
July 12, 2011 at 7:47 pm
Even has her own fashion blog, a sign of a healthy child.
http://suricruisefashion.blogspot.com/
July 12, 2011 at 7:52 pm
That is horrifying
July 12, 2011 at 8:11 pm
I’m waiting for the blog to document all the therapy Suri will go through later in life.
July 12, 2011 at 8:39 pm
Xenu does not approve that comment.
July 12, 2011 at 9:36 pm
THERAPY!! Not if couch-jumping daddy has any say.
July 12, 2011 at 10:04 pm
That’ll be her rebellion. She’ll wear Jordache and go to counseling.
July 13, 2011 at 1:09 pm
The stalkerishness of this blog is deeply disturbing. Especially since it’s all stalker photos of a little girl.
July 12, 2011 at 7:45 pm
The diaper doesn’t count as a favor if you make them use them for the candy bar game.
July 12, 2011 at 7:50 pm
Ooo- they could get “candied” before being rolled and wrapped, then unrolling it would sort of simulate opening up a real dirty diaper… except for the size of the smell.
July 12, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Whew! If these are the sorts of things one encounters at showers, remind me to remain safely indoors for the duration!
July 12, 2011 at 7:45 pm
http://www.hulu.com/watch/55587/saturday-night-live-pampers
Diapers you can eat reminded me of this.
July 12, 2011 at 9:44 pm
Mmmm! Chewable Pampers! “What’s that smell? Dinner!” *wink*
This cake would be the perfect compliment to a Chewable Pampers dinner…
July 12, 2011 at 7:46 pm
All I know is I’d be PISSED if at my shower, instead of a delicious cake, my friends bought me this.
July 12, 2011 at 7:52 pm
I’m no expert, but I think people like cake. Real cake.
July 12, 2011 at 7:55 pm
Denying pregnant women edible cake is inviting disembowelment.
July 12, 2011 at 8:11 pm
At the very least a punch in the face.
July 12, 2011 at 8:14 pm
It would have to be a delicious red velvet cake, in the shape of a baby.
Comme ca:
July 12, 2011 at 8:23 pm
uh…in that case, i’ll take the diapers!
July 13, 2011 at 9:04 am
Kilgore, you should go to Cake Wrecks…on an empty stomach. What Princess posted is one of the milder ones. Some show the baby, uh, during the birthing process! Nothing says fun baby shower like slicing a sharp knife through a baby’s head as it emerges from its mommy’s vagina. No. I’m not kidding. God, how I wish I were.
Then there are the cakes of a pregnant stomach. Sometimes with photos of the mother stuck to the cake.
Some of the baby cakes are truly adorable, but I couldn’t imagine wishing a mom-to-be good luck and then cutting of a cake baby leg.
Then again, Cake Wrecks does one day (Sunday) a week with THE most beautiful cakes on various themes or holidays. Some of the tiered cakes are made to look like handmade quilts draped on cake. Sunday at CW is palette-cleansing for your eyes and mind…and gag reflex.
July 13, 2011 at 9:52 am
the worst was the cake of a pregnant stomach, but the stomach was a jelly-like substance with a baby floating through it… it was beyond horrible!
July 12, 2011 at 8:49 pm
At least the dead baby cakes are better than the headless, armless pregnant torso cakes. Those things always make me think of serial killers.
July 12, 2011 at 8:56 pm
no no no no no no no no NO to babycakes…
July 12, 2011 at 9:06 pm
Children of Chronos! *retch*
July 12, 2011 at 9:31 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 12, 2011 at 9:59 pm
King Solomon’s suggestion gone bad…
July 12, 2011 at 10:00 pm
As a woman who is horrified by pregnancy and none too keen on children, I think this cake would be PERFECT to celebrate a successful tubal ligation.
July 12, 2011 at 10:29 pm
I can’t bite the intercoursing head off of an intercoursing Gummi Bear without getting squicked out … and you want me to use my good knives on THIS?
July 12, 2011 at 11:11 pm
Here is a picture of a proper diaper cake. Made of actual cake. http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qGcS-SuAiEc/Tbh3S0ldRDI/AAAAAAAAUSg/qGV-JS3D41c/s400/Joan%2BD%2B.%2Blw%2B.%2Bstack.jpg
I’d just put the picture up but I just got done doing a science experiment with jello that just devolved into my refrigerator being full of jello shots…
July 12, 2011 at 9:40 pm
That is even worse than the drowing ass-baby.
July 13, 2011 at 11:34 am
Speaking of things that have been handled too much by a crafter…
July 12, 2011 at 7:47 pm
Cake shaped things should be made of cake dammit!
July 12, 2011 at 8:56 pm
except babies… (see previous entry)
July 12, 2011 at 9:24 pm
Three rules to live by:
Cake shaped things should be made of cake.
Things made of cake should look like cake.
Baby shaped things should not be cake.
July 12, 2011 at 10:45 pm
Also, baby shaped things should just be babies.
July 12, 2011 at 7:47 pm
You give diapers as gifts at a shower? Does everyone get a kid to go with the diaper? What about ppl who don’t have kids? They don’t have a use for the diaper and they don’t get candy. Shit at least put an airplane sized vodka in the middle or something.
July 12, 2011 at 7:53 pm
Yes. That.
July 12, 2011 at 8:02 pm
Are we talking Cessna or 747 sized?
July 12, 2011 at 8:11 pm
Beechcraft 12-seater.
July 12, 2011 at 9:41 pm
Bigger the better and give it out before the party starts, not at the end.
July 12, 2011 at 8:04 pm
What about those of us who hate kids? What the hell would I want with a diaper??? If you’re not going to have a real cake, you better give out good party favors.
July 12, 2011 at 10:05 pm
Seh my suggestion about pre-shower vodka infusion. It helps to have numb ears when conversaitons turn to breast pumps and doctors slicing into lady parts.
July 13, 2011 at 9:09 am
And all the different-color mucous and poops that the mom-to-be has to look forward to! When it comes to baby showers, I’d prefer to toss the unbreakable gift out the car window onto the porch as I drive past to the local bar. Phone me when it’s over and all the other shower-hating women and men can go back to the house, do a perfunctory “Ooh, how nice!” and head for the buffet.
July 12, 2011 at 8:25 pm
whoops, belatedly wrote essentially this same comment above, and without any consideration of booze… clearly i’ve been hitting the diaper cake a little too hard tonight
July 12, 2011 at 8:32 pm
Or some wine:
http://www.mommystimeout.net/
Got this for my cousin’s wife after she whelped.
July 13, 2011 at 9:13 am
1. This is a great idea. Not sure if Mommy should be taking a time-out while she’s still nursing (and by that I mean, while the baby’s at her breast), but who am I to say?
2. “Whelped” is appropriate for many children I’ve encountered. Now when I hear a woman is pregnant I’ll ask, “So when are you whelping your crotchfruit?” Or not. I can still think it, however.
July 12, 2011 at 11:08 pm
Airplane sized bottled of liquor are the go-to gift to myself for every occasion. ESPECIALLY baby showers. I would give them to the mom, but clearly she has to breast feed or I’d have to call CPS.
July 12, 2011 at 7:47 pm
You know what the real pain in the ass part of those cakes is? Watching a woman so pregnant she’s ready to pop trying to find a place to store all those opened diapers. They don’t stack, so you need a basket or box or something, and instead of propping up her pregnant cankles, she has to unroll all that shit.
Yes, it was a lousy gift.
July 12, 2011 at 10:12 pm
Now I know what to give when guilted into a shower or they throw it at work, and I don’t like the person! HEE HEE.
July 13, 2011 at 9:16 am
And when the woman opens the package and everybody oohs and ahhs–and the mom-to-be may realize how awful a gift is BUT she has to put on a good show, you’ll be grinning from ear to ear, knowing you’ve achieved revenge WITH mass approval.
I bow to your genius, Aliceblue.
July 12, 2011 at 7:47 pm
You really would think this diaper cake would insinuate a *shitty* baby shower… and how correct it would be. I wonder if these come in a mother-in-law theme? Maybe use Depends instead!
July 12, 2011 at 8:00 pm
Man….You’ve got me thinking now….The next time someone throws a “lols I’m over the hill!” party, I’m going to make them a Depends diaper cake.
July 12, 2011 at 8:43 pm
Ask and ye shall receive
http://www.loriscelebrationcreations.com/apps/webstore/products/show/419293
July 12, 2011 at 9:17 pm
Jeez. Is there some bad-gift corollary to Rule 34?
July 12, 2011 at 9:19 pm
Are you kidding me?? That’s disgusting! It’s bad enough to think about a newborn’s incontinence, but a full-grown adult?
Happy birthday, Grandpa! I’ve been thinking about your bowels lately, and I thought this cake would be “hilarious.” It comes with Viagra, because I also LOVE to think about your sex life, Grampsy-poo!
July 12, 2011 at 9:38 pm
Before he died, my grandfather made a HUGE deal about wanting Viagra.
I forgot who got it for him, but someone (one of his friends) got him a joke bottle of Viagra (jellybeans) and he got REALLY excited for a moment.
Meanwhile, my grandmother shot daggers from hell at the gift giver. The rest of us alternately laughed and gagged.
I love my twisted family.
July 12, 2011 at 10:16 pm
That does it! From now on my parties involve me, my G&T (scotch in cold weather), and Regretsy. If I have to see fuckery I don’t want people expecting me not to say anything!
July 12, 2011 at 8:31 pm
Maybe there should be baby bottles/rolled drool towels with diapers wrapped around at the very least. There would be less of a curve?
Boxed diapers in a giftbag or wrapped would be better.
July 13, 2011 at 10:31 am
Or just plain boxed. My sister had a plan to save at least the men she knew for her baby shower. The men that were being dragged along by wives and girlfriends could get out of sitting through the shower by paying them off with a package of diapers and then my bro-in-law took them all out to drink and play pool.
Meanwhile, I finished the baby afghan I made her AT the baby shower, so, I guess I can’t complain that I wasn’t allowed to sneak out.
July 12, 2011 at 7:48 pm
I wonder if a giant turd pops out the top when you cut it?
July 12, 2011 at 9:09 pm
Next time I cut a cake I will think about this comment. Thanks for that.
July 13, 2011 at 9:18 am
Let’s just hope the cake doesn’t have chocolate filling. Thick, creamy, oozy chocolate filling.
Just saying.(Self-edited)July 12, 2011 at 7:49 pm
Kills my appetite for cake though. Can you carve a diaper onto some oreos so I dont want to eat a whole package?
July 12, 2011 at 7:54 pm
And don’t forget about this little lovely:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/64487227/diaper-baby-pink-flower-cutie-boy-diaper
July 12, 2011 at 8:15 pm
The pink, it hurts.
July 12, 2011 at 8:48 pm
That is scary!
July 12, 2011 at 8:51 pm
I don’t understand the “boy” part of that listing. I mean, I’m fine myself with dressing kids in random colors, but it seems to me that the kind of people who buy this stuff would be freaked out by the idea of a boy wearing pink anything.
July 12, 2011 at 9:13 pm
That baby from da hood scares the crap out of me. It’s like a dried out mummy from the deserts of Mexico sittin there maybe to rob my house when I’m not lookin’.
July 13, 2011 at 9:20 am
Made me think of a baby-thug remake of “The Invisible Man.” Claude Rains must be spinning in his grave.
July 12, 2011 at 9:35 pm
Super diaper pink cute baby cutie pink diaper DIAPERS DIAPERS DIAPERS !!!CUTE!!!
July 12, 2011 at 10:05 pm
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH *breath* AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
July 12, 2011 at 10:20 pm
It has “Unique Cuteness.” Someone hold me back, I may go postal!!
July 12, 2011 at 10:36 pm
I will have nightmares of pink diaper baby demons tonight. Fuck you.
July 12, 2011 at 7:54 pm
THE CAKE IS A LIE
July 12, 2011 at 8:03 pm
Portal potty!
July 12, 2011 at 7:55 pm
If someone said there was gonna be cake at a baby shower, and I go, and it turns out tonbe that. I am burning the place to the ground.
To steal from Big Worm “Playing with cake, is like playing with my emotions.”
July 12, 2011 at 7:57 pm
The diaper cake is a lie!
July 13, 2011 at 9:23 am
I was told there’d be cake. This is not cake.
July 13, 2011 at 11:58 am
This all brought Eddie Izzard to mind…
“Cake or death?”
“Cake, please.”
“We’re out of cake! We only had three bits and we didn’t expect such a rush. So what do you want?”
“So my choice is ‘or death’? I’ll have the chicken, then.”
July 12, 2011 at 7:55 pm
Work last summer was slow, so I read baby shower game books. There are a disturbing number of “games” that include diapers, blindfolds, and baby food.
My favorite though is the one where you give all of the guests a mini-diaper name tag. At the end of the shower, whoever has the “poop” inside of theirs wins*.
*A therapy session!
July 12, 2011 at 8:14 pm
Maybe I don’t have the right attitude towards having children, but all this “TEEHEE IT’S LIKE BABY POO!” shit makes me think the whole occasion is about taunting the poor woman about what the rest of her life will be like.
I think we need prison sentencing parties, complete with ass rape jokes and fake shivs popping out of everywhere.
July 12, 2011 at 8:26 pm
I would so definitely go to one of those.
July 12, 2011 at 8:52 pm
I’ll make the shiv cake!
(whoever gets the piece with the real shiv WINS!)
July 12, 2011 at 9:00 pm
It only SEEMS like it will last the rest of one’s life…
July 12, 2011 at 9:08 pm
A friend and I have been planning one for months now (the trial keeps being delayed), including such fun and wholesome games as “Don’t Drop the Soap” and handcuff party favors.
July 12, 2011 at 10:24 pm
For those favors I’d attend a baby shower.
July 12, 2011 at 8:33 pm
Baby Bingo all the way!
We did a raffle and everyone got to choose a gift from the selection.
July 12, 2011 at 10:26 pm
That isn’t like the Cow Bingo explained to me last week is it? Becuase dragging an infant around a square-marked lawn seem cruel even to me.
July 12, 2011 at 10:34 pm
You don’t drag the baby.. you let it go on its own
That’s far better than playing “How will the baby come out”, using your dryer for the randomizing bajingo.
July 12, 2011 at 7:57 pm
if, lord forbid, i ever get pregnant, i’m totally having those diaper candy favors. except when you unroll them there will be chocolate chips inside.
aw hell, who am i kidding- i’m not going to wait until i’m preggo, i’m doin’ it for my birthday party next week.
July 12, 2011 at 7:57 pm
What the fuck. This just reminds me how much I had baby showers. My MIL forced me to have a shower, at least she took something that I wanted into consideration- I didn’t get this monstrosity (seriously, where the fuck do people put a ton of loose diapers like this?) nor did we play “guess what candy bar we melted in a diaper in the microwave”. Grown ass women playing with fake shit.
I don’t like to dress up the idea of poop and diapers. What comes out of my baby’s butt is toxic waste (I should own a steel barrel with a radioactive content symbol on it). I don’t want to think about that with my favorite thing in the world: cake.
July 12, 2011 at 8:17 pm
had=hate
July 12, 2011 at 8:27 pm
Waste of a good candy bar, to top it off.
July 12, 2011 at 8:49 pm
No kidding.
July 12, 2011 at 7:57 pm
Who in their right mind would make a “cake” out of something that people shit in? Not only is that gross, but then there’s the “Oh, it’s NOT cake…” letdown, and I think I speak for chubby people everywhere when I say, “Uncool, staciesbowtique, uncool.”
July 12, 2011 at 8:06 pm
Not just chubby people. Everyone loves cake.
July 12, 2011 at 10:11 pm
Well, specifically I wasn’t talking about people who LIKE cake, I meant those of us who EAT cake.
July 13, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Ummm, so being thin denies me the right to eat cake? I’ll have you know I eat my cake and like it, too! *flounce*
July 13, 2011 at 2:17 pm
I’ve heard that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. but I think those people haven’t had the right cake.
July 12, 2011 at 8:01 pm
I got a similar cake like this when I had my second kid. Instead of diapers, they rolled up wash cloths, bibs, receiving blankets, onesies… stuff that was useful and WASHABLE!!! I agree, the diaper version of this, especially bought off a stranger, is wrong on so many tiers… er… levels
July 12, 2011 at 8:03 pm
It is clearly meant for the cool and hip babies who want to impress when hosting a party.
July 12, 2011 at 8:04 pm
I don’t know why anyone spends time making cake look like a baby’s diapered ass, and I don’t know why people want to make baby’s diapers look like cake.
These are TWO SEPARATE THINGS!
See also: Cupcake diapers and a whole diaper onsie sweet shop!
July 12, 2011 at 8:41 pm
I like how that person in the first link thinks she has a trademark (TM) on the phrase “Original Onesie Cupcake”. Nevermind that “Onesie” is a brand name and they’re constantly cracking down on people who use their name in any handmade products like this.
July 12, 2011 at 9:17 pm
Oh no! Don’t you steal my trademarked copyright infringement!!! I’ll call the Cupcake Glitter Butthurt Brigade to end your auction and this thread! And don’t you DARE tell me I can’t steal the name brand “Onesies” for my listing! That’s CALLING OUT! And we all know CALLING OUT is the most dangerous thing crafters can do to each other!!!
Yeah. That’s so Etsy.
July 12, 2011 at 9:32 pm
Nah, Etsy admins like to be passive aggressive – that way no one will sue. “We would appreciate it if you did not call out sellers on the forums. If you have a problem, please contact the Etsy admins and we’ll get right on it” (after, of course, counting their money).
July 12, 2011 at 10:52 pm
No! I won’t look. And you can’t make me.
July 13, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Honestly, I think the stuff you linked to is adorable. However, if I do spawn crotchfruit, our baby girl will need a different onesie, because I doubt two anti-social nerds like us will produce a “Little Social Butterfly.”
Unless, of course, the powers that be decide it’s a good time for revenge…
July 12, 2011 at 8:05 pm
The ‘diaper candy roll’ seller also does diaper cakes FOR $150!!! and they are a HOT MESS. I dare you to click through and look.
July 12, 2011 at 8:17 pm
That’s not the only thing looking like a hot mess. http://www.etsy.com/listing/61032303/new-dad-hospital-gift-tie-fun-and-cute
“Here honey, because people won’t be able to tell that you’re a new dad by what wing of the hospital you’re in and the fact that you are holding a small infant.”
July 12, 2011 at 8:54 pm
My god, that “tie” is tacky. It also looks like the sort of thing a child would make – the idea that some adult would buy it for another adult to wear is disturbing.
July 12, 2011 at 8:56 pm
Oh I know! That thing is awful! It looks toxic.
July 12, 2011 at 10:16 pm
All I can say is, thank god that thing only costs $6. I’m so f**king sick of people selling a pile of shit that’s been glued together for $350.
July 12, 2011 at 8:18 pm
She has “DIY” cakes too. I guess assembling the rolled up diapers is worth something, but I would think either you just make your own and go ahead and buy a decorated one
July 12, 2011 at 8:49 pm
Someone in the knitted blankets section on Etsy was doing the same thing with granny squares.
July 12, 2011 at 8:33 pm
The thing is, a lot of what she has made is pretty cute to me. It looks like she put actually put effort into making them, which we all know is often not the case on Etsy.
I wouldn’t pay so much for one, and since there are mothers commenting that the diapers are hard to store because they were rolled, I wouldn’t give one as a gift. So I would say +1 for the idea, +5 for the execution, and -10 for the practicality.
July 12, 2011 at 8:10 pm
Did anybody else see a penis instead of a butterfly at first glance?
July 12, 2011 at 8:20 pm
Yes. That is why I visit Regretsy, companionship in the mind gutter.
July 12, 2011 at 10:53 pm
O.K., for that I’ll back up and take a look.
July 12, 2011 at 8:14 pm
Could I be so bold as to state that there IS NOTHING GLAM ABOUT CLEANING HUMAN SHIT.
Even if it IS an infant, and it is yours and it is the penultimate in cute little bundles of joy, and you were cute as a button all swollen up like a beachball at 9 months, there is nothing glam about urine, faeces, or diapers unless they are coating them in diamonds, and really most people who have acquired enough money to do so usually have at least one micron more sense than to do so.
With the exception, possibly, of R. Kelly
July 12, 2011 at 8:15 pm
Sorry, Procol Harum.
♫ ♫ You did the horizontal tango,
Now your kid crawls ‘cross the floor.
You insisted he be breastfed,
so he calls out for more.
You and dad aren’t happy campers,
and try to sleep it all away.
But he cries and fills his Pampers
at least twelve times a day.
And so it was that later,
as you emptied a diaper pail,
that your face, at first just ghostly,
turned a whiter shade of pale. ♫ ♫
July 13, 2011 at 9:27 am
Brilliant!
Now, give–how did you get the musical notes? I’m a bit of a technotard (a geeky friend said I should tell that to people, that they’d be kind to me…and talk slowly).
July 12, 2011 at 8:16 pm
Who is the “Glam Girl” — supposedly the baby? Oh, and the tower is leaning on the top. I wouldn’t buy that unprofessional oversight. But more importantly
WHERE THE HELL IS THE PARTY FOOD?
(ahhhhh…..wisdom…..)
yes – prices for food are so ridiculously high we must distract the attention of the guests to a shitty leaning-tower-of-pisa centerpiece..maybe tittering how we “all needed to go on a diet from cake anyway”
July 12, 2011 at 8:16 pm
As for the “candies” that look like taffy, way to go: now I’m imagining chewing on one, and can’t get the perceived sensation out of my head. Or mouth.
July 12, 2011 at 8:35 pm
That’s how I feel about the hair/toenail doily. Still. Just not with my mouth.
July 12, 2011 at 8:17 pm
I got like three of these when I had my son. Too bad I use cloth and found the excessive use of chemical filled paper diapers to be completely wasteful.
July 12, 2011 at 8:17 pm
I’m feeling pretty guilty here, since I made a diaper cake for my sis in law’s baby shower. Now, I think they are totally ridiculous but I managed to make it adorable AND I was able to sneak gifts into it all while staying in the theme (Dr. Seuss). Besides, if I didn’t make it myself my sis in law’s family was gonna do it.. and they suck out loud at crafts. (I don’t want to talk about the cake or the centerpieces. It was a whole bunch of fail.)
Mine was glue/urine/scabies/herpes-free.. but I gotta agree: who the FRACK would buy something they’d use to cover their baby’s ass with made by some whackadoodle off Etsy? And $150?!!! WUT, I DON’T EVEN.
July 12, 2011 at 8:38 pm
I think it’s acceptable if a family member or friend makes it for you. And this is how I feel about the whole food section on Etsy. WHY…. DEAR GOD WHY? I just imagine everyone who’s posting food lives in the types of houses they show on Hoarders.
July 12, 2011 at 9:07 pm
My ex boyfriend and his wife sell fudge on Etsy (AtomicFudge). They have like a million cats (ok, like 4) in that house. ..Mildly horrified. PLUS they have a food truck. I dare not ask if they have food handler licenses.
Speaking of gross houses and fudge, this SO makes me want to buy some Dr. Who fudge.
…Serving it on the ground really does it for me.
July 12, 2011 at 10:18 pm
I’m just trying to figure out what makes it “Doctor Who” fudge. It looks more like toxic waste fudge. Ruptured glow stick fudge. Bricks-of-green-wax-on-the-ground fudge.
Does it taste like a police box?
July 12, 2011 at 10:40 pm
It looks like motherfucking PLAY DOH and not the delicious kind of our youth, but that shitty kind that came in the plastic egg that popped out of quarter vending machines at the grocery store. You know, the kind that probably is a direct link to childhood cancers due to all the Chernobyl ingredients in it.
July 12, 2011 at 10:46 pm
Are you sure it isn’t soap?
July 13, 2011 at 1:11 am
Flying through time and space does weird things to your bowel movements.
July 13, 2011 at 10:58 am
I thought it was Kryptonite fundge….
July 13, 2011 at 1:38 pm
4 cats isn’t horrifying at all. At least in my world. Besides, if I had a shop, everyone would be geting “Free!! Strands of Fia’s Hair” with every purchase.
Not intentionally, mind you.
July 13, 2011 at 2:53 pm
They’ve got this all wrong. If you really want to associate a flavor with the Dr then it should really be banana. http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/Banana
Besides, a sonic screwdriver cocktail would be more blue.
July 12, 2011 at 9:22 pm
Dr. Seuss rocks!!
July 12, 2011 at 9:51 pm
Even though I think these “cakes” are retarded, I really liked making this one:
July 13, 2011 at 9:30 am
This is adorable–and practical. Cloth diapers and receiving blankets that can be washed before use and lots of baby products, candy, and a stuffed Cat-in-the-Hat for the nursery.
July 13, 2011 at 1:43 pm
That’s awesome, and very cute.
July 12, 2011 at 8:19 pm
I am so glad I squirted out my crotchfruit before this became fashionable for anyone (and I don’t think anyone gave me diapers as a shower gift – it was all clothes and infant toys and blankies and more clothes, and useful stuff that’s not disposable).
If someone dared do this to me, I’d have to retaliate with a cake made up to look like shit:
July 12, 2011 at 8:23 pm
Why do people do this? Why? Is that supposed to be edible? I am trying to get my toddler to not play in the cat shit. Someone apparently wants to have their kids unlearn that.
Here kids, eat some shit.
July 12, 2011 at 8:37 pm
It does an immune system good.
/sarcasm
July 12, 2011 at 10:39 pm
Neither of my cats would leave the box looking like that. Male cat in particular would be horrified.
July 13, 2011 at 2:54 pm
My male cat does that, and then my female cat goes in and spends hours making it look normal in there again.
July 12, 2011 at 8:34 pm
http://www.kidskuisine.com/kitty-litter-cake/
Why is one hanging off the edge? My cat doesn’t do that.
And the author of this recipe says “1 litter box (preferably a NEW one!)” because I was going to dump the urine cakes from the one we have and use it to build this recipe.
July 12, 2011 at 8:39 pm
“Preferably”? Like that part was even up for debate?? “If you use an old one, make sure to wash all the real litter out first. Or don’t. They’ll never be able to tell.”
July 12, 2011 at 8:42 pm
I like a little cat litter dust crunch at a party. Makes my mouth sing.
July 12, 2011 at 9:00 pm
“Serve with a new pooper scooper.”
July 12, 2011 at 9:02 pm
MY cat does that.
July 12, 2011 at 9:21 pm
Okay? I didn’t say ALL cats didn’t do that. Regardless of whether your cat does it or not, it’s still gross for it to hang off the edge.
July 12, 2011 at 9:57 pm
As does mine. Sometimes he doesn’t even make it into the box. At that point he’s probably doing it on purpose, though.
July 12, 2011 at 8:48 pm
I remember when the kitty litter cake was all the rage in my little hometown. All the church ladies thought it was hilarious. The talk of softening the Tootsie Rolls in the microwave to make them pliable nearly made me hurl.
I never understood why everyone wanted to have a cake that looked like cat turds in their natural environment.
Needless to say, I was not considered a “normal” child. *facepalm*
July 12, 2011 at 9:23 pm
Now that “Dirt Pie”… that was delicious, but it didn’t ACTUALLY look like worms in dirt… it looked like Oreo crumbs crushed onto chocolate pudding and gummi worms put on top… in a graham cracker crust (chocolate if you could find one). X3
July 13, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Yes. If it’s going to make me do a double take as to its edibility status, I think I’ll pass.
July 12, 2011 at 10:43 pm
There was not Etsy back then. Craftards had to share their shit with local friends instead of a world of innocents and mormons.
July 12, 2011 at 9:00 pm
Oh, Princess, that’s a good one. A friend of mine had the kitty litter cake at a Halloween party and even though I knew what it was (clean and tasty and all) I couldn’t touch it!
July 13, 2011 at 1:59 am
Okay, for Halloween I think that might not be an entirely bad idea. Food that looks like disgusting things is a twisted Halloween tradition.
However that is the ONLY situation I can think of where a kitty litter cake would be acceptable.
July 13, 2011 at 12:16 pm
…I’m having a wild time imagining the reactions on serving this at a wedding…
July 12, 2011 at 9:32 pm
You know… if it weren’t in a Cat Crapper… I think I’d be alright eating it. It’s because it’s in a facility meant to be used for poo that bugs me more than what it looks like.
Like… even if someone had bought it new, and cleaned it out with Dawn for about a half hour, I wouldn’t consume anything out of either a toilet, chamber pot, or urinal.
Unless it was a Klondike Bar of course.
July 12, 2011 at 9:34 pm
Aaaaannnndddd now I’m gonna cringe even more when my dogs disappear towards the litter box part of the house for a while…
I don’t know why anyone would even consider that as “cute”
You’re disgusting and you’re making cake inedible. And for that you should burn in hell, devil.
July 13, 2011 at 5:46 am
I made one of these for a halloween party. I had to close my eyes to eat a piece.
July 13, 2011 at 8:12 am
Crotchfruit is my new favorite word.
July 12, 2011 at 8:32 pm
I wonder if I can custom order one made of Depends and stuffed with Cheetos, Slim-Jims, and Pepsi Throwback for a nice weekend in front of the TV with no getting up to go to the can.
July 12, 2011 at 8:33 pm
Why do the folks that make this shit insist upon using the same polka dot/stripe/pastel ribbon from Martha Stewart ca. 1999?
Moreover, I hate these things. I’m creeped out by the focus on poo. Why is baby shit cute??
July 12, 2011 at 8:37 pm
It’s not. It’s a lie they have to tell themselves to get through the pre-potty train stage.
July 12, 2011 at 10:45 pm
It didn’t sell in ’99 so you can get it for 10 cents a roll now?
July 12, 2011 at 8:37 pm
I’m not an eco-nut, but even I cringe at the thought of wrapping disposable diapers in plastic.
Personally I wouldn’t want to have to buy eco credits every time jr. takes a shit.
July 13, 2011 at 12:20 pm
Nice name! Is that MILD craft craziness? Not quite as garish & wrong as “whimsicle heavy petting”? Awesomesauce.
July 13, 2011 at 12:21 pm
oh, nevermind- I was reading “whimsicle KISSery”, like you didn’t want to go all the way yet…
July 13, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Shit, can I get a name change?
July 12, 2011 at 8:48 pm
I made one of these for a friend’s shower… If only I’d known I could have charged her 50-100 bucks for it!
July 12, 2011 at 8:49 pm
It was much cuter too.
July 12, 2011 at 9:05 pm
That IS much cuter!
July 12, 2011 at 9:15 pm
Yeah, but look, yours has USEFUL baby stuff in the top. Plus, it’s cute too. Heck, I would gladly get this as a gift for a baby shower.
July 12, 2011 at 9:24 pm
It is. A lot more attention to detail.
July 12, 2011 at 9:26 pm
And yours isn’t made by a mysterious stranger. >_>
July 12, 2011 at 9:50 pm
That is really pretty!
I made one for my sister in law, as well (Dr. Seuss-themed):
I just can’t figure out why anyone would BUY one of these!
July 13, 2011 at 5:34 am
lol, love the poem!
July 12, 2011 at 10:01 pm
Much cuter, much more practical, and not the size of Lurch from the Addams family.
July 12, 2011 at 10:41 pm
I just imagined Lurch made out of diapers. I need to go to bed now.
July 13, 2011 at 9:59 am
If a friend did one for me, I would be okay with it, because I would be aware that my friend wouldn’t, I don’t know, also be cooking meth in the basement of the house she was doing her arts and crafts in. You know what I’m saying?
July 12, 2011 at 9:08 pm
Oh, Holly Holy! This NEEDS to be submitted to STFUP!
July 12, 2011 at 9:10 pm
Crap like this makes me very happy I opted out of the baby shower thing altogether.
July 12, 2011 at 9:11 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
July 12, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Not a stranger’s germs from etsyland. Eventually a few germs are good for a kid’s immune system, but not a newborn baby.
July 12, 2011 at 9:27 pm
Mmm…Alright! Go get your daily dose of communicable disease kids! Go eat some Etsy brand cat turd!
July 12, 2011 at 9:18 pm
I’m more concerned about the cost. They probably aren’t making much off of a $50 “cake.” Unless they’re using the really cheap shitty diapers that cause shit leaks, or finding them on sale. Even then though the time, and other supplies used, they’re not making much of anything off this. Plus no way is that enough shipping. In fact they may be paying someone to buy this shit in the end.
July 12, 2011 at 9:23 pm
Diaper cakes? Is this a thing people do now? I’ve never heard of it before but y’all seem to accept this as normal behavior.
July 12, 2011 at 10:36 pm
When I was young standeard gifts were onssies, stuffed animals, and yellow or green receiving blankets. When peopole could determin the sex, you might give pink or blue. Not sure what is going on now but I give books. A fabric one for the crib & a bath book for the tub. No, they can’t use them immeidately but when babies get older I hear a lot of praise for the bath books.
July 12, 2011 at 9:25 pm
My mom made one of these for my baby shower and it was pretty fucking cute. Even though we use reusable diapers for our baby girl, we wanted a few disposables on hand for her first weeks at home and for going out with her. However, that was my mom making the “cake.” She is very clean. I would NOT buy one from a random crafted on Etsy who has God knows what or who in their house. Also, it did not replace a real cake. That is a recipe for being beaten with a cute, flat shoe because my heels no longer fit.
Also, those baby-shaped cakes are TERRIFYING.
July 12, 2011 at 9:25 pm
Those “Candies” look like Christmas Crackers, which would be interesting if they exploded Chocolate everywhere when you pulled them.
July 12, 2011 at 9:31 pm
a shit-splosion?
July 12, 2011 at 9:33 pm
That would make them better than something that sits there, yes. XD
July 12, 2011 at 9:31 pm
And, really, it’s not that hard to unroll the diapers, put a rubber band around them, and store them in a plastic bag. That’s what friends of the mother are for – assign them a job! If your friend or family member can’t help you take apart a diaper cake, maybe re-evaluate that friendship.
July 12, 2011 at 9:38 pm
Maybe they shouldn’t give a diaper cake in the beginning. Then all of that nonsense with trying to make them lie flat would be avoided. I like the idea of making it out of washables like face cloths, swaddling blankets, etc.
July 12, 2011 at 9:37 pm
I made a diaper cake for my friend’s baby shower, but I didn’t roll the diapers. There are “recipes” that call for the diapers to be only slightly curved and then pinwheeled around a center point and secured with the ribbon. Then poor new mom and dad don’t have to unroll a hundred curly diapers! I decorated it with all kinds of baby supplies and little toys (all new versions of stuff that my son who was still a baby used and liked). It turned out cute and the mom really appreciated it.
That said, it was a lot of work, and diapers are expensive! Fifty dollars wouldn’t give much of a per-hour profit if you’re using good diapers. I made mine the day before the party so the diapers wouldn’t sit out and absorb smells and dust, but I wouldn’t want to order one from someone I didn’t know.
July 12, 2011 at 9:45 pm
The only thing I hate more than changing diapers is a fake-ass cake. Or a fake ass cake.
July 12, 2011 at 9:45 pm
I did this once for my sister to prove that I could be crafty. I learned 2 things:
1. My sis was PISSED she had to unwrap all those diapers. She told me all the time…. (ungrateful nit. I had to wrap them you know!)
2. If I can make a diaper cake then it is not a skill. Sorry Etsy sellers. I can do this. You’re going to have to come up with something else to wow the masses.
July 12, 2011 at 9:50 pm
Things I Have Learned From This Thread:
.
1.) “Tower of Filth” would be an awesome band name.
.
2.) “DïåpÄ™rŠüçk” would be an awesome band name.
.
3.) “CrøtchFrüįt” would be an awesome band name.
July 12, 2011 at 9:58 pm
I see you subscribe to the Spın̈al Tap school of metal band punctuation.
July 12, 2011 at 10:30 pm
Don’t forget, when the boy band “CrotchFruit” get older they will recreate themselves as the “Snottminors.”
July 12, 2011 at 10:15 pm
You were right, it IS useless. and gross.
July 12, 2011 at 10:31 pm
Good God! I think that I’d eat the one off the ground before that slug-like thing in the can.
July 13, 2011 at 12:50 am
Oh good fucking christ… That is VILE!!!
July 13, 2011 at 12:26 am
Anyone else curious as to how this ships?
July 13, 2011 at 12:49 am
Good god… I’m more glad than I can say that I had my shower 12 years ago before any of this stupid shit really caught on. And that my sister asked me what I wanted and gave me just that. (Baby Looney Tunes decor, a few balloons, a cake with little pink and blue frosting booties on it, decent food and find the baby related word games.)
There were no diaper “cakes”, there was no melted candy in diapers for people to guess wtf it was, no baby shaped cake, absolutely NONE of this asshattery.
If I ever lose my damned mind and have another kid, my sister is going to once again be in charge of the shower because she won’t traumatize me or the guests with any of this bullshit!!!!!
Be back later. I’m gonna go drink away the memory of these cakes and the horrors in the comments. Then when I’m good and shit faced, I’ll drunk text my sister telling her exactly how much I love her.
July 13, 2011 at 4:32 am
I got one! I got one! it was cute and pink too! lol neener neener I have a pic somewhere too…
July 13, 2011 at 4:42 am
this was *my* baby shower cake! yay!
I used a bunch of this junk too. It was kewl beans.
July 13, 2011 at 9:33 am
Are those disposable diapers? Where did you store them until your baby’s tush required them?
July 13, 2011 at 12:11 pm
i feel like i’m butting in here but my sister had a biiiig diaper cake (twins) and she just put it on top of her fridge– easy storage, i guess. the girl that made it never used glue or anything, she just packed all the diapers in tight enough that nothing flew out, and sister could just take them out as she needed them.
July 13, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Sounds like common sense to leave them in whatever cake-shape they are till you need them!
July 13, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Awww. I like that. The pink bear and the matching ribbon with bears on it is adorable.
July 13, 2011 at 4:58 am
I’m so glad baby showers are not really a ‘thing’ in Britain.
I can’t think of anything more horrifying when about to have, or having just popped out a crotchfruit, than being expected to have a big girly party with all those embarrassing and puke-inducing ‘gifts’.
I would probably say, everyone leave me the fuck alone until its 1st birthday at least!
July 13, 2011 at 9:35 am
How do first-time moms-to-be get their quantities of baby clothes and toys and products and such? (In the U.S., I’ve seen a “wishing well” for a baby shower–people put in little, unwrapped gifts, such as a package of baby wipes, some washcloths, socks, etc.–things that are so
cheapinexpensive that wrapping them up would be insulting to the giver and embarrassing to the mom-to-be.July 13, 2011 at 6:21 pm
Silly rabbit, you have the baby shower before the baby is born!
July 13, 2011 at 5:18 am
Those things are one of the reasons I’m very glad I didn’t have a baby shower with my first kid. I find it annoying enough that so many women think they’re somehow entitled to get a bunch of crap just because they got knocked up, but there’s no way I could pretend to be appreciative of a bunch of diapers rolled up and stuck together.
(Leaving before someone comes back with “how could you ruin the thought of a perfectly good baby shower.” Because it has happened. And I still think they’re stupid.)
July 13, 2011 at 11:33 am
I have a friend that insists that baby showers should only be for accidental babies. If you planned it or adopted or it’s the second + kid, then no baby shower for you. Baby showers are to help new parents that aren’t prepared and can’t afford all the stuff. If you meant to be pregnant/have other kids/adopted, then you should have planned to afford the child or already have the big ticket items anyway.
July 13, 2011 at 3:10 pm
I disagree.
I think that baby showers are to show appreciation for the soon to be parents, and help them out. To me, its more about celebrating this new member of the family. I don’t think everyone should invite every single person they know, and expect to get a bijillion gifts, but invite close friends and family members, and hopefully they will get a few gifts for your baby. If I was pregnant, I think my father-in-law would be disappointed if I did not have a baby shower.
We’d also make sure we could afford stuff for the baby before getting pregnant though. We’d buy the crib, the bedding, the diapers, etc etc, but it’d be wonderful if the baby had a special outfit from grandpa, or a favorite toy from grandma. Just little things from family members. Like my mom sharing her parenting tips with me(“I bought you this container of coconut oil because it works miracles on diaper rash” etc). That would be awesome, and that is what I want.
July 13, 2011 at 3:12 pm
Basically, don’t buy us anything big, just gift us/the baby something meaningful.(This is also how I feel about wedding gifts. Plus do not buy us anything. Donate to a charity in our name, donate to our honeymoon fund, etc.)
July 13, 2011 at 5:58 pm
I tried to explain about the showing appreciation and sharing the joy about the new crotchfruit and that usually gifts include things like diapers and baby shampoo and stuff that is consumable. At least, I’ve never been to a baby shower where someone got a big ticket item like a crib/car seat etc, unless maybe if it was used and/or the person giving it was a relative. And I think that each new baby deserves to have some things that are uniquely their own (but then, I was the 2nd child). So that they can say when they are older “this was my baby blanket/clothes/etc” and pass it down or keep a memory chest.
That’s the sort of stuff I give for baby showers anyway, no matter which child it is or what the circumstances.
July 13, 2011 at 5:34 am
So that’s what a diaper cake is. You have no idea what I was imagining before.
July 13, 2011 at 6:38 am
LINK
Yep i am one of those that doesn’t know how to put a pic in here so here is the god damn link and someone who has figured it out can put the pic up for me…actually thinking of doing this for my best friend who is due in October…we are having a Halloween shower for her…I thought this one is relatively cool compared to the towers of shit catchers…at least she will get a bear and puke re-bounders…
July 13, 2011 at 11:35 am
July 13, 2011 at 2:12 pm
thank you!!
July 13, 2011 at 2:22 pm
Anytime.
No, really. I like to feel useful.
July 13, 2011 at 6:56 am
I just made cross-stitch alphabet pictures for my friends. They’d have been freaked out if I’d presented them with a pretend cake made out of nappies.
July 13, 2011 at 7:17 am
I personally think this is adorable. Next baby shower I go to, i’m definitely making this!! Badass diaper motorcycle beats lame diaper cake any day of the week
July 13, 2011 at 7:48 am
this is like the link i put up there…Thank you for being clever enough to know how to post a pic…i suck…
July 13, 2011 at 7:17 am
I had a diaper cake at the shower thrown for me by my knitting group/friends from work. One of the ladies made it and it was cute and not all covered in glue and crap. She also gave me a basket, so when we brought it home, I sat on the couch and pulled off the ribbons and threw the diaper in the basket. We still keep the diaper stuff in the basket. It had stuff like Butt Paste and baby shampoo and other stuff in it, too. Cute and useful and not covered in glue and cat fur and STDs like some of the examples shown here. And there was real cake, too. We’re potty training now, though, so soon the basket will be used for me to keep more of my knitting crap in.
July 14, 2011 at 6:30 pm
Butt Paste? Don’t sprogs come fully assembled?
July 13, 2011 at 8:15 am
I am guilty of having made diaper cakes way back in the 80s before they got really cool. Everyone love love loved them, but they were just one layer, nowhere as elaborate as the ones I see now.
July 13, 2011 at 8:33 am
Just another reason why Jews, traditionally, do not have baby showers.
However, that “wiping your ass with money” doesn’t sound too bad.
July 13, 2011 at 8:48 am
I actually received a diaper cake as a shower gift for the last sprog. Thanks for the effort, but my kid shat all over it.
July 13, 2011 at 9:57 am
Diapers as party favors. Which makes a ton of sense if all of your guests are also pregnant. But if not, congrats, guests, you get to act like you’re thrilled about a free diaper.
July 13, 2011 at 11:35 am
My wonderful, talented little sister has an event planning business, and once told me she had to spend the afternoon making a diaper cake. I assumed this was a cake decorated to look like a diaper, not the other way around. When she explained, I was even more confused- does anyone want this?! She said yes, the mother-to-be having the shower requested it. I do not envy the shit (pun intended) she has to put up with in this business.
July 13, 2011 at 11:36 am
I really don’t get celebrating an imminent birth with the reminder that you’re going to be changing a lot of diapers.
July 13, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Any may I also say that buying 60 pairs or shoes for an infant is a waste of money. They do not walk on the soles of their feet, so unless it’s winter (wherein they’re wrapped in a blanket anyway) shoes for a 3-week-old fall into the same category as giving someone that year’s calendar in December; useless unless expressly viewed as a decoration, and a waste of cash that could be spent on baby wipes, milk, and lots and lots of detergent.
July 13, 2011 at 12:10 pm
*and. I HATE typing anything long on a Pearl’s double-tap keyboard.
July 13, 2011 at 12:32 pm
How do you feel about ear-piercings for infants?
WARNING: There is racist potential in your answer.
July 13, 2011 at 1:36 pm
Depends. If he’s the son of a pirate, I’m 1000% behind it. ; )
July 13, 2011 at 6:35 pm
I don’t like it. Does that mean I’m racist against pirate babies? What if they get the earrings on Etsy from someone with cat hair and STDs and dust?
July 13, 2011 at 12:08 pm
taking a hot second to defend these. my sister was having twins and one of our cousins made one of these for her baby shower, and she went through the ENTIRE damn thing in the first three weeks. these things are a godsend if you have poopy newborns. diapers are fucking expensive.
July 13, 2011 at 12:12 pm
Given, diapers are a good thing. In sanitary, plastic-enclosed cubes that store easily under the bathroom sink where they belong.
July 13, 2011 at 12:23 pm
haha. until the kids were about 8 months old (they’re 10 months now), she just bought diapers in bulk. like the big cardboard boxes of 200. i have never seen so many diapers in my entire life. those kids pooped like goats.
July 13, 2011 at 12:33 pm
I made a diaper shower cake for my best friend’s baby shower last August. My husband wanted to make it. He gets weirdly OCD about projects sometimes and wanted to do it. We bought the expensive Pampers swaddlers so I hope she was able to use them or we could have saved a bunch of money on the cheapo ones. I gave her lots of presents besides the diaper cake.
He rolled the diapers and put rubber bands on them and then wrapped each layer in a baby blanket and then a ribbon. Then we sat a cute pink rubber ducky on top and a little toy on one layer. It looked very cute and got lots of compliments. The diapers should have been able to be reused.
We used it as a decoration and centerpiece on the table with the baby booty petit fours. So we had sweets too! I think if done by someone who know is clean and done right they can be super cute. I don’t do them as gifts because they are pricey to make.
July 13, 2011 at 3:16 pm
God. After reading all the comments all I can smell is disposable diapers. Ugh. I hate that smell.
July 13, 2011 at 4:50 pm
If there aren’t a few unwrapped Tootsie Rolls in rolled up those things, this “artist” is totally blind to potential.
July 13, 2011 at 8:30 pm
i have to say, those diaper candy rolls would be PERFECT for that absolutely STUPID game that people play at their baby showers when you melt a mini candy bar in a diaper and you have to go around smelling it to figure out which kind it is.
although, in this case, you can just wrap them up for your guests as a little surprise to find when they get home.
July 14, 2011 at 11:12 am
Forget who has touched this thing (because they likely didn’t touch the part that touches the baby!)… the words “diaper” and “cake” just shouldn’t be in the same sentence!
July 14, 2011 at 12:21 pm
Let’s start: I am glad I had a baby shower. We could have never afforded to get most of the stuff we did receive (esp. big ticket items like car seat/stroller/baby furniture) Do you know how much they charge for a crib mattress? Highway robbery. Sorry to all the folks so anti-baby shower. But I did appreciate all the outpouring of love from friends and family – from the hand knit blankets/hats/booties/sweaters to yes, even the diaper cakes.
I had a number of them, and used every single one. Diapers can be expensive and I was grateful for every single one. But then, I did know who they came from/who made them. Never had an issue about unrolling them – if you don’t want to do it, make the father get off his lazy ass and do it! They unrolled fine for me, laid flat and I bought a big clear storage container from Target and put them in there. Easy. And it had a lid too.
I’ve made a few diaper cakes too for friends. Never had a complaint like anyone here.
July 17, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Nothing wrong with diaper cakes! You need tons of diapers when you have kids! Plus isn’t this site all about strange things people buy??? Where would you be without diaper cakes?
Some bitch told me once in Etsy Chat she couldn’t believe people paid me to write things in the sand, does that mean I’m a DIY met WTF?