Is there a market for crochet butternut squash patterns, really? I would think that was a one-off thing that only existed under very specific and unique circumstances, such as someone accidentally once crocheted a butternut squash.
I don’t know, my 4 1/2 year old son loves squash and would love this for his play kitchen. But then again he’s one of those odd children who chooses asparagus as a pizza topping, his favourite veggie is broccoli, and in the fall when the brussel sprouts are in he gets excited and would eat them at every meal, (including breakfast), for at least a month if I’d let him.
People make play food for their kids? Why? That sounds like some kind of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn tenement poverty game because there’s not enough actual food.
I am truly surprised people are so touchy about fake food. I’m not criticizing anyone’s parenting choices, unless you decide to circumcise or bottle-feed.
Actually, you were critiquing parenting choices, intentionally or not, by implying that fake food isn’t a “good” toy, or that the only reason a parent might give such a thing to their children is that they can’t afford to give them something better.
When I was a kid, my godmother had a whole set of fake fruits, fried eggs, breads, etc. that my brother and I used to play at cooking and grocery shopping. We loved all the little play food, which is the main point of a toy after all – if a child wants to play with it, it is good by definition.
F. Delsarte (3 Grecian urns and a facepalm)
June 30, 2011 at 1:13 pm
I’m surprised you’re not familiar with play food and play kitchens. Ever heard of dress-up, or playing school? Did you play at ALL when you were a kid? Aw, just joking… I actually commented to say I loved the A Tree Grows in Brooklyn reference. Fantastic book.
If it makes you feel any better, snickerdoodle, I actually thought your post was funny. The response here seems like a whole lot of butthurt over “criticizing” the courageous moral choice to encourage your child to play house–big fucking whoop. Play food is ubiquitous enough that I assumed you making making a joke–in the Regretsy comments, no less! I played with fake food as a kid (because my parents care about me! And were middle class!), and I thought you had a funny take on it.
Definitely stepped on someone’s pet topic here! Personally I didn’t find the comment all that interesting and forgot it as I started on the next one. Until all the crying started…
Rana, it was just a joke. Being an ex-tomboy who only wanted toy guns and Tonka trucks it would never have occurred to me that kids want play food. I don’t care if all you give your kids to play with is a cardboard box.
Okay… I grew up in a household that was not poor, and one of my favorite toys was a wooden toy stove my grandpa made my mother when she was a child… and a matching cabinet made for me. I had the tea set, the pots and pans, the dress-up trunk on steroids, and the kiddie table and chairs… and I was definitely the kid everyone wanted to play house with.
We once discussed the similarities between such euphemisms and the sort of names movie Native Americans have. My brother, Plays with Self, has a friend is now also known by his Indian name, Chokes the Chicken.
Amen! I found my cat under my car when he was only four months old; didn’t want a cat, planned to find him a good home, but he actually took to training and found his way into my heart. He loves a structured daily routine, comes when I call him, listens when I say “no” and will even “say please” for treats.
Then again, for what it’s worth, he thinks he’s a dog…..
You should read “Perfect Skin” There were a couple of scenes (related to this comment) in it that were so funny that i was laughing so hard I was crying. In public, no less.
When my husband and I were first married and got a kitten, husband and I spent a lot of time sitting on the bed playing Scrabble. While hubby would be trying to make a seven letter word, I would waggle my fingers to get Kitty to jump on his balls. Though the kitty was just a tiny thing, my husband never thought it was as funny as I did.
Coming soon:
Crafts of phallic vegetables, with popular items like Daikon radishes, eggplants, those strangely-shaped peppers (google them if you don’t believe me), and mushrooms!
I was thinking that. The first time I ever heard of a butternut squash was when my then-vegetarian brother bought one, and said, “if I drew a picture of it, you would slap me”.
They still make me laugh every time I see them, but they are not the funniest squash – if you’re into grow-your-own you can amaze your friends with the variety “Nice Long” (about halfway down the page).
There’s another one called a “trombone” which is long and green, and according to the seed catalogue they “curl up and turn bright yellow” when ripe. Squashes are apparently bred for comedy.
It is a shame that the heart is deformed; the color is pretty. And I thought that the squash looked more like a boob that had never seen a bra. The ring is hysterical; looks like the Masturbatory Society club ring. Only top wankers get silver. Those who are less “handy” have to settle for “putter.”
Gold is too soft a metal for all the work that hand gets. I figure 2 hands so a 2-tier system. Maybe the highest level, Master masturbators, could receive a bronzed dildo. Kind of like the Oscar trophy, but with less arms and more head.
I am unfamiliar with this magical place where penises congregate under rocks. Where exactly do you live? Do you ever see them in the wild, and are there documentaries? I must learn more.
I wonder if Vajazzling services are available to men? If so… Prince has probably already had his crotch thoroughly encrusted in rhinestones. Anyone else remember the banana yellow catsuit he wore on TV once that was fine… until he turned around.
I seem to remember someone putting up a link to a vajazzling site. It had your average vajazzled bajingo, and then it had things like, “The vajazzling of a man’s arm, by (somepersonhere).”
I always like it when the thumper comes with a bell. That way I know where it is at all times and my kitty will always know where it’s amusement is coming from.
I’d like to think the seller was crocheting a penis… But then turned it into a “butternut squash”. I can imagine that depending what you filled it with, it would become limp over time.
My cats would ignore it until they figured out there was catnip in it. They would then quickly rescue the catnip and render it trash for me to throw away.
At $10.99, my cat would have little interest in this. He’d get high in the catnip once, then never look at it again. (His interest in a toy is inversely proportional to the amount of money I paid for it.)
Catnip doesn’t affect my cat at all. He might sniff and bat this once, with a put-upon sigh, as though to say, “The things I do for you….” but that would be the end of it.
My cats’ favorite toys are the rings under the caps of plastic milk jugs. They attack them, they roll away, eventually ending up under the china cabinet or fridge. But they are free.
Our pride doesn’t much care for cat nip. And the most expensive thing any of them has played with is our youngest, who likes to take her collar off to stalk it.
Like Beavis & Butthead said about loitering outside the abortionist’s: “You KNOW that the chicks there put out”. Well, I guess STD clinics are similar.
Oh, here’s a random tangent: my foreman was telling us about the $50K car he used to have, and how much ass it got him. I forget the make, but the model was “STI” (the newest term for STDs!) and I laughed every time I looked at him for a couple days. Imagine him trying to pick up sluts using his car as a lure: “Hey cutie pie! What say we go out to the parking lot & I’ll show you my STI?” bah ha ha ha!
When we were kids, my 8-year-old brother went to my dad and said “Daddy, what would happen if you farted out of your penis?” My dad looked at him completely deadpan and said, “Son, I hope that never happens to you. If you ever fart out of your penis, you will die instantly. It’s called the ‘Dreaded Dick Fart.’” My 12-year-old-self nearly died laughing in the other room. My brother believed that until he was 13.
TL:DR – my parents fucked me up young. And gullible is always funny.
“Is that a butternut squash in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”
…the fact that it’s too easy will never stop us from descending to this level.
I’m wondering about the claim that the shape is what cats need for play… um… my cats are perfectly happy with mouse-shapes or anything with a string dangling… and then that got me thinking that the penis toys would probably be way more effective with a string for “semen.” o_O
No, I’ve had ones who liked a not-too-huge teddy bear. It’s not a fake prey but a fake sparring partner. They grab the one end with their paws & bite the hell out of it, while their hind paws batter the other end. The ideal shape IS cat length, with bulbous ends.
That said, there’s no reason for it to have a double bulge on one end & a smaller single bulge on the other, and for the shaft to be gently curved!
(to be a buzzkill, [I sent this in so I've had a week to contemplate it] I believe this is actually a femur…like a chicken drumstick bone. If it were intentionally dirty the seller would be joking around a little, I think)
I swear the first one is supposed to be a penis, and they decided to label it as a “dripping heart” in fear of getting their post deleted (like that would happen!). The different color at the end and the all-too-phallic shape… just not a coincidence.
I also suspect the “butternut squash.” It looks like there’s an increase in stitches in the “head” end, making me think it was supposed to be a penis, but ended up being a squash. Then I looked up pictures of butternut, and it hit me that it’s way more phallic than I ever realized. … too bad they’re so large. >.>
I think the heart is actually really pretty. If the artist hadn’t FAILED at trying to make the heart “drip”, then it might be something worth buying. But I can’t even imagine the embarrassment of walking around with a “you-know-what” shaped Dripping Heart.
I would wear the first one. Then, when someone asked why I was wearing a penis, I would get all defensive and accuse them of pandering to “the Man” and his conformist heart shapes. Or I would tell them that they OBVIOUSLY are an ignorant heathen and don’t understand that true art is about INTENT rather than delivery.
All the while sniggering under my breath because I’m wearing a goddamn glass penis.
Charming, no. Effective, yes. If you grab it just behind the head it’s likely the snake will go rigid with fear and be rendered completely under your control. Be careful however, rapid repetition of this method in an effort to train your snake can cause him to vomit, roll over, and fall asleep.
This in nice, I paid $32.67 for a XBOX 360 and my mom got a 17 inch Toshiba laptop for $94.83 being delivered to our house tomorrow by FedEX. I will never again pay expensive retail prices at stores. I even sold a 46 inch HDTV to my boss for $650 and it only cost me $52.78 to get. Here is the website we using to get all this stuff, BidsGet.com
This is nice, I got herpes from your sister, and your sister got an 8 pound, 5oz baby boy, delivered yesterday via c-section for only 10,000.00. It only cost me $100.00 to get her drunk, I will never use hookers again. Here is the website I am using, DodgeChildSupport.com.
Did you read that it “This was TAKEN from a live model..” I am hoping that the twunt meant based upon, or made from a mold of.. and didn’t just get out the hedge clippers and go bobbitize some unsuspecting model and spray paint the results gold.
#1 is officially the world’s first Blue Waffle Penis!
And with that, the internet has finally shown me everything. Now excuse me while I tear my retinas out.
A little while ago, for reasons too long to explain here, I was rattling off a list of masturbation euphemisms. You know, “choking the chicken”, “spanking the monkey”, and the sort.
And then I come here to find that the Regretsy lady was sending me pervy psychic messages.
Oh, see, I saw that as meaning: “the Grand High Beaver” as in, not the one right here, but on a higher plane of existence. Like, metaphysical jerkin’ it.
I…actually think most of these items are both pretty and reasonably priced. The first one is really gorgeous, and I’d even wear it if I wore jewelry at all. Can I get away with blaming Regretsy for lowering my standards and taste?
I thought the cat toy was a bit of a stretch, but then I went to the item, and there’s a white-cable knit version that’s a deadringer for vampire genitals. (well, it would be if they’d worked a little angelina into the yarn.)
Damn it, I wanted to buy the snake ring and the thing has been pulled. It would make a perect gift for my future father in law who loves snakes and penises!
her description is the longest sexual double entendre i’ve ever read, then again my mind is in the gutter 24/7.
this is an exact copy of her wording, the only things i changed or added are in italics:
Introducing The Thumper! Your kitty’s favorite plaything!
Your cat will have hours of amusement with this wonderful toy made with recycled silicone. Stuffed with homemade lube and a ball in each end, your cat will not tire of the Thumper. It is in a shape that meets the natural needs of a kitty at play with prey. It will roll, kick, rub and dig this great toy!
Thumpers are double ended so they will last a long time, no matter how hard your cat thumps!!! I will include an extra bag of the lube! Get one for your kitty today! Available in many colors and sizes!
*sizes range from small to double magnum, color tends to darken with larger sizes.
Oh, somebody PLEASE, for the love of dicks, PLEASE make a Treasury out of this! I would but I can’t think of a name for it that would get past Etsy’s radar.
Sounds like a challenge, any takers? Spring has Sprung? (Unfortunately it’s summer, might not fly.) Someone more awake than myself, come up with a good title.
Those of you in the Pacific NW may know about Rooster Rock, in the Columbia River Gorge. It’s a rock formation that the ladies’ guild took exception to early last century and renamed. The tactic never worked – based on appearance and my own twisted brain, it will ALWAYS be Cock Rock.
So I understand the first one, kinda. You’ve been at your bench for too long, you finally got the goddamned glass to layer right, the top half of the heart looks okay, and the bottom half is suddenly being a complete bastard; you struggle to fix it without unbalancing the rest of the bead. Finally you decide it’s good enough, decorate it with some clear glass dots and throw the thing in the kiln to anneal while you stomp into the house, wondering why you thought lampworking was a good idea in the first place.
I get that.
But at some point, during the cleanup, photography, and posting, a light should’ve gone on.
“Wow. I just made a dick. With warts. Maybe ‘dripping’ isn’t the word I should use here.”
Dregs, most of what you said was so true! Other than struggling to fix it and stomping into the house wondering why I….
Thank you etsy for the new ‘shop stats’. I would never have known I made it to Regretsy otherwise!
Embarassed to say, I didn’t even see the prick til I was taking pics…. But by then I thought it was kinda pretty. Someday, it will sell. And the buyer will not a ‘deviate’ like the rest of us! They will only see a beautiful ‘dripping’ heart. hahahaha
I must live under a rock! Did not think of warts til I read it here.
I was thinking of delisting it, but then thought any ‘exposure’ was good, right? I think at least one of you looked at my other work….
Even though some of your comments were pretty hurtful, I laughed with the rest of you. Why not?
I once worked at a farm packing butternut squash. We were explicitly told to throw out any squashes that were too small, bruised, or “looked too much like a penis.” We also had daily competitions to see who could find a squash shaped most like a thingy – good times!
I like the “too much like.” I guess a little like was o.k? Did they have pictures ranging from yes to no in order to help you determine where to draw the line?
No pictures, we just had to use our judgment – Would the average Ozzie housewife be taken aback if she found this …..peculiar vegetable while shopping at her local grocery? A little HAD to be ok, because almost all butternut squash have a somewhat penis-like appearance.
I have to say I’m somewhat shocked at this, from a food-waste point of view. It’s bad enough discarding a vegetable because it’s scarred or misshapen, but censoring vegetables in the name of public decency? Where will it end?
If people are that sensitive, why *are* butternuts the squash of choice in supermarkets anyway? There are plenty of varieties of squash which bear no resemblance to anyone’s private parts, but apart from at Halloween, butternuts are all you get.
As soon as I read “a real showstopper” on the penis heart necklace, I got the Peaches song in my head…
“Showstopper, panty dropper, everybody’s favourite shocker”
Appropriate? Maybe…
I made a HUGE crochet cock-n-balls (about 2 feet long, all told), and gave it to my delightfully twisted friend. Now, every party, she walks around and slaps people with it.
I wish I could post a picture of it, but I haven’t found a photo hosting site that won’t flag it within a few days.
Here it is on deviantArt, for anyone who has an account. It had to be tagged for ‘nudity’, so if one doesn’t have an account (with the filter off), they can’t see it. http://fav.me/d2gxprt
June 30, 2011 at 10:28 am
That looks like a… thingy!
June 30, 2011 at 10:36 am
That squash looks suspiciously like a certain turnip to me…
June 30, 2011 at 4:13 pm
There’s nothing more likely to stop an inheritance than a thingy-shaped turnip.
June 30, 2011 at 10:44 am
Well, that sounds rather RUDE, doesn’t it?!?
June 30, 2011 at 10:49 am
Holy Blackadder nerds!!!
I am in heaven.
June 30, 2011 at 1:18 pm
Run for the hills! They’re coming from the hills!
Oh…
Run away from the hills! Run away from the hills!
June 30, 2011 at 10:28 am
This looks like a post for super vagina!
June 30, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Sorry, I think Super Vagina was yesterday’s post.
June 30, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Or was that “Soup-up your Vagina!”
June 30, 2011 at 10:29 am
Is there a market for crochet butternut squash patterns, really? I would think that was a one-off thing that only existed under very specific and unique circumstances, such as someone accidentally once crocheted a butternut squash.
June 30, 2011 at 10:32 am
Probably for people who make play food for their kids.
June 30, 2011 at 10:39 am
I think giving that to a child might be outlawed in some states.
June 30, 2011 at 11:54 am
I don’t know, my 4 1/2 year old son loves squash and would love this for his play kitchen. But then again he’s one of those odd children who chooses asparagus as a pizza topping, his favourite veggie is broccoli, and in the fall when the brussel sprouts are in he gets excited and would eat them at every meal, (including breakfast), for at least a month if I’d let him.
Canadian kids are weird. (mine is anyway)
June 30, 2011 at 11:00 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 30, 2011 at 11:23 am
Have you ever seen a toy kitchen?
June 30, 2011 at 11:39 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 30, 2011 at 11:58 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 30, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Yeah, this is what I do for a living. I sew children’s play food. Imagine that, I don’t even live in a tenement in Brooklyn.
June 30, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Alright guys, I cry uncle. I honestly didn’t know kids liked play food and it was just supposed to be a dark joke. I’m not here to bring anyone down.
June 30, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Actually, you were critiquing parenting choices, intentionally or not, by implying that fake food isn’t a “good” toy, or that the only reason a parent might give such a thing to their children is that they can’t afford to give them something better.
When I was a kid, my godmother had a whole set of fake fruits, fried eggs, breads, etc. that my brother and I used to play at cooking and grocery shopping. We loved all the little play food, which is the main point of a toy after all – if a child wants to play with it, it is good by definition.
June 30, 2011 at 1:13 pm
I’m surprised you’re not familiar with play food and play kitchens. Ever heard of dress-up, or playing school? Did you play at ALL when you were a kid? Aw, just joking… I actually commented to say I loved the A Tree Grows in Brooklyn reference. Fantastic book.
June 30, 2011 at 1:50 pm
If it makes you feel any better, snickerdoodle, I actually thought your post was funny. The response here seems like a whole lot of butthurt over “criticizing” the courageous moral choice to encourage your child to play house–big fucking whoop. Play food is ubiquitous enough that I assumed you making making a joke–in the Regretsy comments, no less! I played with fake food as a kid (because my parents care about me! And were middle class!), and I thought you had a funny take on it.
June 30, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Definitely stepped on someone’s pet topic here! Personally I didn’t find the comment all that interesting and forgot it as I started on the next one. Until all the crying started…
June 30, 2011 at 9:01 pm
Some toy vegetables come with pretend cocaine in them, apparently, so kids can play drug mule.
http://www.alibaba.com/product-gs/432524221/artificial_Blow_Toy_fruits_and_vegetables.html
(This came dangerously close to being yet another GOATSE post.)
June 30, 2011 at 11:06 pm
Rana, it was just a joke. Being an ex-tomboy who only wanted toy guns and Tonka trucks it would never have occurred to me that kids want play food. I don’t care if all you give your kids to play with is a cardboard box.
June 30, 2011 at 11:11 pm
Okay… I grew up in a household that was not poor, and one of my favorite toys was a wooden toy stove my grandpa made my mother when she was a child… and a matching cabinet made for me. I had the tea set, the pots and pans, the dress-up trunk on steroids, and the kiddie table and chairs… and I was definitely the kid everyone wanted to play house with.
June 30, 2011 at 10:34 am
It’s the perfect thing for my crochet horn of plenty!
June 30, 2011 at 10:37 am
I’ll bring the crochet cranberry sauce!
June 30, 2011 at 11:13 am
I’ll bring the crochet lube!
June 30, 2011 at 1:17 pm
I’ll bring the crochet turkey & mashed potatoes! (a pile of white yarn would work for the mashed potatoes, right?)
June 30, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I’ll bring the crochet bourbon, because it just isn’t a holiday if you’re not getting drunk just to tolerate your family.
June 30, 2011 at 11:15 am
What, you thought you could only capture that lightning in a bottle once?
June 30, 2011 at 10:29 am
“the hand come up to hold the head”
Oh I’ll say.
June 30, 2011 at 10:32 am
And then it didn’t, and then it did, and then it didn’t …
June 30, 2011 at 12:49 pm
and then for some reason the snake exoloded!
June 30, 2011 at 10:29 am
The first one is make of glittering dichro? More like “dickro.”
Too easy.. too easy.
June 30, 2011 at 10:38 am
DAMN. You beat me to it!
June 30, 2011 at 12:59 pm
For real, I read it as dildo.
June 30, 2011 at 6:11 pm
I keep looking at that and trying to figure out HOW the artist could think it looks like a heart and not a dick and balls.
I’ve come to the conclusion she took the Etsy Writing Workshop and is trying to be poetic and whimsical.
June 30, 2011 at 10:29 am
Wasn’t charming the snake one of the dubious euphemisms listed just the other day?
June 30, 2011 at 10:30 am
“Crocheting the butternut squash”
June 30, 2011 at 10:31 am
“Amusing the kitty”
June 30, 2011 at 10:32 am
“Amusing the pussy.”
There, that’s better.
June 30, 2011 at 10:33 am
Thumping the Plaything
June 30, 2011 at 10:41 am
“Organizing the hangable stuff”
…No?
June 30, 2011 at 10:45 am
“keeping the towel off the floor”
maybe not…
June 30, 2011 at 11:10 am
“Hanging the scarf?”
June 30, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Cooking the squash? Buttering the butternut? Soothing the snake?
June 30, 2011 at 11:48 am
Stiching the bell end.
June 30, 2011 at 2:59 pm
…buttering the nut…
June 30, 2011 at 10:32 am
Dubious Euphemisms is a great band name.
June 30, 2011 at 11:59 am
How about…. Bajingo and the Butternuts?
June 30, 2011 at 10:43 am
We once discussed the similarities between such euphemisms and the sort of names movie Native Americans have. My brother, Plays with Self, has a friend is now also known by his Indian name, Chokes the Chicken.
June 30, 2011 at 4:29 pm
..and now their sibling, Purls the Squash…
June 30, 2011 at 6:14 pm
My daughter’s Native American name is Little-Whines-A-Lot.
June 30, 2011 at 7:26 pm
My sister is Babbles Like the Brook.
June 30, 2011 at 11:15 am
Whatever you want to call them, I pretty sure that this would be Mr. Freud’s favorite Regretsy post ever.
ps – one more euphemism – squashing the butternuts
June 30, 2011 at 10:30 am
That first one’s a little lumpy for my liking. Yikes!
June 30, 2011 at 11:01 am
Funny, I was thinking just the opposite!
June 30, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Bumpy for her pleasure.
June 30, 2011 at 10:30 am
Does anyone else besides me think it’s a bad idea to train your cat to “play” with any penis-shaped objects?
I seem to recall a study that found that cats don’t include color in their decision making regarding food or prey.
June 30, 2011 at 10:33 am
It’s a bad idea to try and train a cat at all!
June 30, 2011 at 10:37 am
That always depends on the cat owner’s preferences for post-modern deconstructuralism and the age of their couch.
June 30, 2011 at 10:47 am
Cats can and should be trained. Otherwise they are unpleasant to have in the house.
Of course, that’s also the cats’ opinion with regards to their owners.
June 30, 2011 at 11:54 am
Amen! I found my cat under my car when he was only four months old; didn’t want a cat, planned to find him a good home, but he actually took to training and found his way into my heart. He loves a structured daily routine, comes when I call him, listens when I say “no” and will even “say please” for treats.
Then again, for what it’s worth, he thinks he’s a dog…..
June 30, 2011 at 1:23 pm
Speaking of cats who think they are dogs… Check out this cat that gets busted barking:
http://youtu.be/aP3gzee1cps
June 30, 2011 at 7:29 pm
I managed to train my cat to fetch. No lie. Cats are easy to train, but you can’t train them the same way as you would dogs.
June 30, 2011 at 10:40 am
You should read “Perfect Skin” There were a couple of scenes (related to this comment) in it that were so funny that i was laughing so hard I was crying. In public, no less.
June 30, 2011 at 10:43 am
When my husband and I were first married and got a kitten, husband and I spent a lot of time sitting on the bed playing Scrabble. While hubby would be trying to make a seven letter word, I would waggle my fingers to get Kitty to jump on his balls. Though the kitty was just a tiny thing, my husband never thought it was as funny as I did.
June 30, 2011 at 11:11 am
so…are you still married?
June 30, 2011 at 11:25 am
No, the cat got the shaft.
June 30, 2011 at 1:30 pm
21 years in October!
And we both adored that cat, who alas, is no longer with us.
June 30, 2011 at 10:46 am
I’ve already heard many a horror story of morning wood being attacked by a cat…
June 30, 2011 at 10:50 am
It’s a scratching post!
June 30, 2011 at 10:56 am
It’s under the covers and it moves… therefore, it must die!
June 30, 2011 at 1:34 pm
Do you have any idea how distracting it is when a cat bats your feet during certain “under the covers” activities?
We found out.
June 30, 2011 at 10:30 am
She named it “Thumper.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
(Wow, I’m immature.)
June 30, 2011 at 12:18 pm
We all are. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here.
June 30, 2011 at 2:40 pm
I thought we were just fat, jealous losers! I guess that means we’re fat, jealous, immature losers??
June 30, 2011 at 3:47 pm
Oh heck yeah! I’ve never before been so many adjectives!
June 30, 2011 at 10:31 am
He’s not charming that snake. He’s choking it.
June 30, 2011 at 10:36 am
Now you are getting your euphemisms mixed. It’s “charming the snake” and “choking the chicken”.
June 30, 2011 at 10:37 am
dammit! I just logged in to say that!
June 30, 2011 at 10:41 am
Everyone’s getting beaten to the punchline. Beaten. Get it?
June 30, 2011 at 10:46 am
it’s what I get for sitteing here at work and… doing work.
NEVER AGAIN!!!
June 30, 2011 at 10:31 am
In fairness, any butternut squash craft that didn’t look like a penis would also fail to resemble a butternut squash.
June 30, 2011 at 9:34 pm
Coming soon:
Crafts of phallic vegetables, with popular items like Daikon radishes, eggplants, those strangely-shaped peppers (google them if you don’t believe me), and mushrooms!
July 2, 2011 at 12:59 am
I was thinking that. The first time I ever heard of a butternut squash was when my then-vegetarian brother bought one, and said, “if I drew a picture of it, you would slap me”.
They still make me laugh every time I see them, but they are not the funniest squash – if you’re into grow-your-own you can amaze your friends with the variety “Nice Long” (about halfway down the page).
There’s another one called a “trombone” which is long and green, and according to the seed catalogue they “curl up and turn bright yellow” when ripe. Squashes are apparently bred for comedy.
June 30, 2011 at 10:33 am
It is a shame that the heart is deformed; the color is pretty. And I thought that the squash looked more like a boob that had never seen a bra. The ring is hysterical; looks like the Masturbatory Society club ring. Only top wankers get silver. Those who are less “handy” have to settle for “putter.”
June 30, 2011 at 10:42 am
You mean they don’t also have gold and bronze for first and third place wankers?
June 30, 2011 at 11:02 am
Gold is too soft a metal for all the work that hand gets. I figure 2 hands so a 2-tier system. Maybe the highest level, Master masturbators, could receive a bronzed dildo. Kind of like the Oscar trophy, but with less arms and more head.
June 30, 2011 at 10:44 am
you spelled puter wrong.
June 30, 2011 at 11:03 am
Gosh, don’t know why spell check didn’t catch it. I should have had a cupcake edit my copy.
June 30, 2011 at 11:08 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 30, 2011 at 12:12 pm
You were too busy to visit Regretsy yesterday, weren’t you?
June 30, 2011 at 10:33 am
You can’t tell me these people didn’t know what their stuff looked like.
June 30, 2011 at 10:39 am
I so agree, Miso. The only way this could be innocent is if the “crafters” have been living under a penis-free rock all their lives.
June 30, 2011 at 10:41 am
Maybe it’s some kind of sales tactic. Ladies look at their products and just feel compelled to buy them.
June 30, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Subliminal sex ads! http://www.artistmike.com/Temp/SubliminalAd.html
June 30, 2011 at 11:16 am
I’m going to start using “living under a penis-free rock” to describe people now.
June 30, 2011 at 12:10 pm
I am unfamiliar with this magical place where penises congregate under rocks. Where exactly do you live? Do you ever see them in the wild, and are there documentaries? I must learn more.
June 30, 2011 at 1:25 pm
I’ve never found a penis under a rock. Must’ve been looking under the wrong rocks. *heads outside to look under rocks*
June 30, 2011 at 1:52 pm
You could totally sell a penis-free rock on Etsy.
June 30, 2011 at 2:41 pm
They COULD be real virgins, not just those of us who had surgery to be born again virgins…
June 30, 2011 at 10:35 am
I hung my jacket up on that hook. Then, the party wasn’t exciting anymore and my jacket fell on the floor.
June 30, 2011 at 12:09 pm
Was everyone yelling, “JACKET OFF! JACKET OFF!”
June 30, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Brilliant!!
June 30, 2011 at 10:35 am
All of a sudden, I have a salty taste in my mouth.
June 30, 2011 at 10:37 am
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June 30, 2011 at 11:17 am
It’s good for your health or some bullshit like that.
Like jumping in the Dead Sea.
Or breastfeeding your cat.
June 30, 2011 at 2:42 pm
It’s antibiotic!!! Or so my husband keeps trying to tell me…I told him to use it himself, in that case.
June 30, 2011 at 9:37 pm
They’re selling a delightful facial cream made from bull’s semen.
I’ll be honest here: I’d rather have my boyfriend’s lil’ wigglers over some company’s mass-produced semen cream. At least I know where it came from.
((Here’s a question: d’you think PETA would go after people milking bulls? Maybe too much jerking it would lead to lesions or something?))
June 30, 2011 at 11:38 am
Too soon?
June 30, 2011 at 10:35 am
I come to regretsy for the goatse but, stay for the penises.
June 30, 2011 at 10:41 am
I stay for both at the same time.
Everyone loves a gaping asshole in the back and an raging hard-on in the front.
June 30, 2011 at 10:41 am
That needs to be on a tshirt.
July 1, 2011 at 12:11 am
June 30, 2011 at 10:54 am
Speaking of coming for the goatse, why hasn’t someone made a goatse cat toy yet?
June 30, 2011 at 11:07 am
Or a goatse teething ring?
(too far?)
June 30, 2011 at 11:19 am
Now you’re talkin’. Or teething and drooling all over like you’re still coming off anesthesia.
June 30, 2011 at 1:34 pm
A dog toy would be better. You know how they like tug-of-war rope toys? Picture a dog on each wrist, pu-u-u-ulling that goatse apart!
June 30, 2011 at 2:33 pm
I sense a prospective offering for the next April’s Army shop!
June 30, 2011 at 10:05 pm
http://www.petstages.com/dogs/orka/tire.html
That was frighteningly easy to find with an image search. O.o
June 30, 2011 at 10:36 am
The heart necklace is clearly a replica of Prince’s junk.
June 30, 2011 at 10:46 am
probably accurate in size too
June 30, 2011 at 11:00 am
I live right by Prince’s recording studio, and now all I will see are penii. Scads of penii. Thanks for that.
June 30, 2011 at 1:35 pm
And his junk is likely also accented with glitter.
June 30, 2011 at 1:44 pm
I wonder if Vajazzling services are available to men? If so… Prince has probably already had his crotch thoroughly encrusted in rhinestones. Anyone else remember the banana yellow catsuit he wore on TV once that was fine… until he turned around.
June 30, 2011 at 9:44 pm
I seem to remember someone putting up a link to a vajazzling site. It had your average vajazzled bajingo, and then it had things like, “The vajazzling of a man’s arm, by (somepersonhere).”
June 30, 2011 at 10:36 am
I always like it when the thumper comes with a bell. That way I know where it is at all times and my kitty will always know where it’s amusement is coming from.
June 30, 2011 at 1:22 pm
I can imagine bringing that up (pun intended) in a relationship. “Say, honey, do you mind if I bell your thumper?”
June 30, 2011 at 10:36 am
That wall hook should have a sign on it that says “jacket off…”
June 30, 2011 at 10:37 am
I’d like to think the seller was crocheting a penis… But then turned it into a “butternut squash”. I can imagine that depending what you filled it with, it would become limp over time.
June 30, 2011 at 11:05 am
Fill it with rice & let it get wet and it could grow.
June 30, 2011 at 10:38 am
The One-eyed Snake Charmer wins again! (and sure both the snake and charmer can have one eye each)
June 30, 2011 at 10:40 am
These folks would probably make a lot more money if they simply promoted their products as penises. Almost everyone likes one now and then.
June 30, 2011 at 10:40 am
Even if it had looked like a heart, why would anyone want it “dripping?”
June 30, 2011 at 11:02 am
Well…
I guess it’s a hardened heart.
June 30, 2011 at 11:21 am
It’s shabby flabby retro upcycled vintage sparkly triple-bypass organ donor fabulous!!!~
June 30, 2011 at 2:46 pm
June 30, 2011 at 10:40 am
I conferred with the cats and they agree that seller number 2 is full of shit. Also – they snickered slightly at the ‘bells in both ends’
June 30, 2011 at 10:51 am
My cats would ignore it until they figured out there was catnip in it. They would then quickly rescue the catnip and render it trash for me to throw away.
The herd is ravenous for catnip.
June 30, 2011 at 1:31 pm
At $10.99, my cat would have little interest in this. He’d get high in the catnip once, then never look at it again. (His interest in a toy is inversely proportional to the amount of money I paid for it.)
June 30, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Catnip doesn’t affect my cat at all. He might sniff and bat this once, with a put-upon sigh, as though to say, “The things I do for you….” but that would be the end of it.
June 30, 2011 at 4:24 pm
My cats’ favorite toys are the rings under the caps of plastic milk jugs. They attack them, they roll away, eventually ending up under the china cabinet or fridge. But they are free.
June 30, 2011 at 7:35 pm
Our pride doesn’t much care for cat nip. And the most expensive thing any of them has played with is our youngest, who likes to take her collar off to stalk it.
June 30, 2011 at 11:53 am
DOUBLE BELL END! IT’s SO INTENSE! WHAT CAN IT MEEEEEEEEEN???
June 30, 2011 at 10:40 am
The first one looks like a penis bong.
June 30, 2011 at 10:42 am
I meant penis pipe.
June 30, 2011 at 10:49 am
A dong bong?
June 30, 2011 at 12:54 pm
I used to work in a head shop and more than one of our suppliers had those in their catalogues. We never ordered any though, can’t imagine why…
June 30, 2011 at 11:02 am
you could light it with a dick bic.
June 30, 2011 at 11:55 am
It would be a perfect complement to a snatch match.
June 30, 2011 at 2:15 pm
All of which would allow you to smoke some twat pot or ass grass (depending on your brand orientation).
June 30, 2011 at 10:41 am
The first one needs to go to the free clinic, those bumps don’t look normal.
June 30, 2011 at 12:27 pm
YOu know, I would think the free clinic would be a good place to go if you wanted to *acquire* said bumps.
June 30, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Like Beavis & Butthead said about loitering outside the abortionist’s: “You KNOW that the chicks there put out”. Well, I guess STD clinics are similar.
Oh, here’s a random tangent: my foreman was telling us about the $50K car he used to have, and how much ass it got him. I forget the make, but the model was “STI” (the newest term for STDs!) and I laughed every time I looked at him for a couple days. Imagine him trying to pick up sluts using his car as a lure: “Hey cutie pie! What say we go out to the parking lot & I’ll show you my STI?” bah ha ha ha!
June 30, 2011 at 10:43 am
That squash looks like a turd is coming out of it. That’s a wonderful mental image, I know.
June 30, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Turd coming out of a dickhole ((shudder))
July 1, 2011 at 7:15 am
When we were kids, my 8-year-old brother went to my dad and said “Daddy, what would happen if you farted out of your penis?” My dad looked at him completely deadpan and said, “Son, I hope that never happens to you. If you ever fart out of your penis, you will die instantly. It’s called the ‘Dreaded Dick Fart.’” My 12-year-old-self nearly died laughing in the other room. My brother believed that until he was 13.
TL:DR – my parents fucked me up young. And gullible is always funny.
June 30, 2011 at 10:43 am
Cats love gnawing on the shafts of their victims.
That’s why I prefer dogs. They just slobber and sniff.
June 30, 2011 at 4:04 pm
Oh, Adieu, I’d marry you, but I don’t think its legal.
June 30, 2011 at 10:44 am
‘Snake charmer’. Right.
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
June 30, 2011 at 10:45 am
“Is that a butternut squash in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”
…the fact that it’s too easy will never stop us from descending to this level.
June 30, 2011 at 10:45 am
I was trying to find the perfect HEY YOU HAVE GENITAL warts gift. The first one is perfect!
June 30, 2011 at 10:49 am
I can’t stop laughing over the second one. My cats just attack shoe laces. The cats must be defective.
June 30, 2011 at 10:52 am
That cat-toy maker is either
1. very repressed
or
2. afraid of being sued by this more blatant crafter of penis cat-toys:
“My Pet’s Cock™ {Patent Pending} Cat Toy with Blue Balls
http://www.etsy.com/listing/76606838/my-pets-cock-cat-toy-the-cockcasian-snow?ref=sr_gallery_4&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=penis+cat+toy&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade
June 30, 2011 at 10:58 am
I’m wondering about the claim that the shape is what cats need for play… um… my cats are perfectly happy with mouse-shapes or anything with a string dangling… and then that got me thinking that the penis toys would probably be way more effective with a string for “semen.” o_O
June 30, 2011 at 1:49 pm
No, I’ve had ones who liked a not-too-huge teddy bear. It’s not a fake prey but a fake sparring partner. They grab the one end with their paws & bite the hell out of it, while their hind paws batter the other end. The ideal shape IS cat length, with bulbous ends.
That said, there’s no reason for it to have a double bulge on one end & a smaller single bulge on the other, and for the shaft to be gently curved!
(to be a buzzkill, [I sent this in so I've had a week to contemplate it] I believe this is actually a femur…like a chicken drumstick bone. If it were intentionally dirty the seller would be joking around a little, I think)
June 30, 2011 at 10:54 am
I swear the first one is supposed to be a penis, and they decided to label it as a “dripping heart” in fear of getting their post deleted (like that would happen!). The different color at the end and the all-too-phallic shape… just not a coincidence.
I also suspect the “butternut squash.” It looks like there’s an increase in stitches in the “head” end, making me think it was supposed to be a penis, but ended up being a squash. Then I looked up pictures of butternut, and it hit me that it’s way more phallic than I ever realized. … too bad they’re so large. >.>
June 30, 2011 at 10:55 am
Ms. Dripping Heart also has one that looks like a butt plug:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/27135182/little-bighorn-battle-lampwork-arrow
June 30, 2011 at 12:41 pm
Subliminal crafting, she’s just a Little Bighorny.
Terrible, I know. I await the numerous thumbs down.
June 30, 2011 at 2:38 pm
With that thing poking out of the side, I’d be afraid it would get stuck.
If I were into that kind of thing.
Which I’m not.
June 30, 2011 at 7:40 pm
By and large her work is truly lovely. It makes me wonder what went wrong.
June 30, 2011 at 10:56 am
June 30, 2011 at 2:16 pm
That’s what all the guys say online.
June 30, 2011 at 11:02 am
I think the heart is actually really pretty. If the artist hadn’t FAILED at trying to make the heart “drip”, then it might be something worth buying. But I can’t even imagine the embarrassment of walking around with a “you-know-what” shaped Dripping Heart.
June 30, 2011 at 1:37 pm
I considered buying this so I could wear it around & see how people reacted, but it’s a little pricey for that.
June 30, 2011 at 11:02 am
…..let the photoshopping BEGIN!!!
June 30, 2011 at 11:03 am
I would wear the first one. Then, when someone asked why I was wearing a penis, I would get all defensive and accuse them of pandering to “the Man” and his conformist heart shapes. Or I would tell them that they OBVIOUSLY are an ignorant heathen and don’t understand that true art is about INTENT rather than delivery.
All the while sniggering under my breath because I’m wearing a goddamn glass penis.
June 30, 2011 at 11:05 am
Awesome! I guess this is balancing the “I’m thinking Arby’s” moment from the other day, huh?
Love it!
June 30, 2011 at 11:07 am
I’ve never seen a snake charmer grab the snake by the snake-throat and choke it. Not terribly charming.
June 30, 2011 at 11:15 am
Charming, no. Effective, yes. If you grab it just behind the head it’s likely the snake will go rigid with fear and be rendered completely under your control. Be careful however, rapid repetition of this method in an effort to train your snake can cause him to vomit, roll over, and fall asleep.
June 30, 2011 at 1:55 pm
I’m confused, are you talking snakes or men?
June 30, 2011 at 6:50 pm
Trouser snakes, of course!
June 30, 2011 at 11:08 am
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June 30, 2011 at 11:27 am
This is nice, I got herpes from your sister, and your sister got an 8 pound, 5oz baby boy, delivered yesterday via c-section for only 10,000.00. It only cost me $100.00 to get her drunk, I will never use hookers again. Here is the website I am using, DodgeChildSupport.com.
June 30, 2011 at 11:52 am
This is showing up in previous posts now too. How’d a bot slip by Bronc?
June 30, 2011 at 3:12 pm
I picture his lady ringing a bell every time she needs his manservanting!
June 30, 2011 at 11:10 am
The snake ring was taken off Etsy, I guess by the seller. I genuinely wanted to wear that and make fancy people shake my penis hand.
June 30, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Well, then, here’s something that may work even better: http://www.etsy.com/listing/50479656/silicone-penis-bracelet?ref=sr_gallery_13&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=silicone+bracelet&ga_page=3&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=
June 30, 2011 at 2:24 pm
Did you read that it “This was TAKEN from a live model..” I am hoping that the twunt meant based upon, or made from a mold of.. and didn’t just get out the hedge clippers and go bobbitize some unsuspecting model and spray paint the results gold.
June 30, 2011 at 11:23 am
“Dripping Heart”??? How about “I fucked up and made a dick…”
June 30, 2011 at 11:24 am
I thought the first pic was a corset cinched so tightly, the nipples had nowhere to go but north.
June 30, 2011 at 11:26 am
The first one even has blue balls.
June 30, 2011 at 11:53 am
#1 is officially the world’s first Blue Waffle Penis!
And with that, the internet has finally shown me everything. Now excuse me while I tear my retinas out.
June 30, 2011 at 11:53 am
A little while ago, for reasons too long to explain here, I was rattling off a list of masturbation euphemisms. You know, “choking the chicken”, “spanking the monkey”, and the sort.
And then I come here to find that the Regretsy lady was sending me pervy psychic messages.
June 30, 2011 at 1:01 pm
My personal favorite will always be “Sacrificing the Log to the Grand High Beaver”
June 30, 2011 at 1:03 pm
Oh wait, that be a sex euphemism. Stupid stupid brain, reading words that aren’t on the screen…
June 30, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Oh, see, I saw that as meaning: “the Grand High Beaver” as in, not the one right here, but on a higher plane of existence. Like, metaphysical jerkin’ it.
Jerkin’ the gherkin. That’s another.
June 30, 2011 at 3:34 pm
And by the looks of that…heart, I now understand the reference! (It has warts of LOVE, y’all. LOVE.)
June 30, 2011 at 3:34 pm
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June 30, 2011 at 3:14 pm
“Polishing the bannister”
June 30, 2011 at 5:08 pm
“Polishing the barrister”
June 30, 2011 at 7:47 pm
“Making mayonnaise” always grossed me out. Pounding the flounder?
June 30, 2011 at 11:56 am
I…actually think most of these items are both pretty and reasonably priced. The first one is really gorgeous, and I’d even wear it if I wore jewelry at all. Can I get away with blaming Regretsy for lowering my standards and taste?
June 30, 2011 at 11:57 am
I thought the cat toy was a bit of a stretch, but then I went to the item, and there’s a white-cable knit version that’s a deadringer for vampire genitals. (well, it would be if they’d worked a little angelina into the yarn.)
June 30, 2011 at 12:01 pm
June 30, 2011 at 12:13 pm
So that upside-down mustache above the “door” would be the taint?
June 30, 2011 at 1:12 pm
’tis a hermaphroditic castle, that one.
June 30, 2011 at 12:06 pm
I don’t always show porn on the internet, but when I do I prefer knitting.
June 30, 2011 at 12:17 pm
June 30, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Damn it, I wanted to buy the snake ring and the thing has been pulled. It would make a perect gift for my future father in law who loves snakes and penises!
June 30, 2011 at 12:42 pm
It certainly has been pulled, but what does that have to do with buyin… OH, that pulled.
June 30, 2011 at 12:46 pm
My up thumb is worn out. ( snigger snigger)
June 30, 2011 at 12:50 pm
I was wondering why everyone was so upset that Mark Halperin said Obama acted like a crocheted butternut squash.
June 30, 2011 at 12:57 pm
her description is the longest sexual double entendre i’ve ever read, then again my mind is in the gutter 24/7.
this is an exact copy of her wording, the only things i changed or added are in italics:
Introducing The Thumper! Your kitty’s favorite plaything!
Your cat will have hours of amusement with this wonderful toy made with recycled silicone. Stuffed with homemade lube and a ball in each end, your cat will not tire of the Thumper. It is in a shape that meets the natural needs of a kitty at play with prey. It will roll, kick, rub and dig this great toy!
Thumpers are double ended so they will last a long time, no matter how hard your cat thumps!!! I will include an extra bag of the lube! Get one for your kitty today! Available in many colors and sizes!
*sizes range from small to double magnum, color tends to darken with larger sizes.
now you try!
June 30, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Oh, somebody PLEASE, for the love of dicks, PLEASE make a Treasury out of this! I would but I can’t think of a name for it that would get past Etsy’s radar.
June 30, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Sounds like a challenge, any takers? Spring has Sprung? (Unfortunately it’s summer, might not fly.) Someone more awake than myself, come up with a good title.
Those of you in the Pacific NW may know about Rooster Rock, in the Columbia River Gorge. It’s a rock formation that the ladies’ guild took exception to early last century and renamed. The tactic never worked – based on appearance and my own twisted brain, it will ALWAYS be Cock Rock.
June 30, 2011 at 2:22 pm
I guess the sporting goods people already have Dick’s?
June 30, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Allegro made one a long time ago . . . unfortunately most of the items have sold, but you get the gist.
http://www.etsy.com/treasury/NTI1Nzg3MHw4ODI2NQ/is-that-what-i-think-it-is?index=61
And part 2:
http://www.etsy.com/treasury/NTI1Nzg3MHw4ODI2NQ/is-that-what-i-think-it-is?index=61
June 30, 2011 at 2:30 pm
I’m just going to leave this here.
June 30, 2011 at 4:09 pm
Is it wrong that I want to go on this ride right now?
June 30, 2011 at 5:48 pm
You mean you want to take a ride on the Merry-go(atse)-round…
June 30, 2011 at 7:30 pm
This is the kind of fuckery that really must be experienced in person.
June 30, 2011 at 2:31 pm
So I understand the first one, kinda. You’ve been at your bench for too long, you finally got the goddamned glass to layer right, the top half of the heart looks okay, and the bottom half is suddenly being a complete bastard; you struggle to fix it without unbalancing the rest of the bead. Finally you decide it’s good enough, decorate it with some clear glass dots and throw the thing in the kiln to anneal while you stomp into the house, wondering why you thought lampworking was a good idea in the first place.
I get that.
But at some point, during the cleanup, photography, and posting, a light should’ve gone on.
“Wow. I just made a dick. With warts. Maybe ‘dripping’ isn’t the word I should use here.”
August 7, 2011 at 11:46 am
Dregs, most of what you said was so true! Other than struggling to fix it and stomping into the house wondering why I….
Thank you etsy for the new ‘shop stats’. I would never have known I made it to Regretsy otherwise!
Embarassed to say, I didn’t even see the prick til I was taking pics…. But by then I thought it was kinda pretty. Someday, it will sell. And the buyer will not a ‘deviate’ like the rest of us! They will only see a beautiful ‘dripping’ heart. hahahaha
I must live under a rock! Did not think of warts til I read it here.
I was thinking of delisting it, but then thought any ‘exposure’ was good, right? I think at least one of you looked at my other work….
Even though some of your comments were pretty hurtful, I laughed with the rest of you. Why not?
June 30, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Anyone seen “Your Highness?”
If anyone asks you about the first one, tell them you took it from the Minotaur you killed.
June 30, 2011 at 2:50 pm
There is an elastic snap hole of the love bear.
June 30, 2011 at 4:33 pm
Is that last one a decorative dong cozy?
June 30, 2011 at 4:39 pm
So, if I may summarize the hook description: it would look well-hung anywhere?
June 30, 2011 at 4:50 pm
I once worked at a farm packing butternut squash. We were explicitly told to throw out any squashes that were too small, bruised, or “looked too much like a penis.” We also had daily competitions to see who could find a squash shaped most like a thingy – good times!
June 30, 2011 at 8:37 pm
I like the “too much like.” I guess a little like was o.k? Did they have pictures ranging from yes to no in order to help you determine where to draw the line?
June 30, 2011 at 8:43 pm
No pictures, we just had to use our judgment – Would the average Ozzie housewife be taken aback if she found this …..peculiar vegetable while shopping at her local grocery? A little HAD to be ok, because almost all butternut squash have a somewhat penis-like appearance.
July 2, 2011 at 1:22 am
I have to say I’m somewhat shocked at this, from a food-waste point of view. It’s bad enough discarding a vegetable because it’s scarred or misshapen, but censoring vegetables in the name of public decency? Where will it end?
If people are that sensitive, why *are* butternuts the squash of choice in supermarkets anyway? There are plenty of varieties of squash which bear no resemblance to anyone’s private parts, but apart from at Halloween, butternuts are all you get.
June 30, 2011 at 4:54 pm
As soon as I read “a real showstopper” on the penis heart necklace, I got the Peaches song in my head…
“Showstopper, panty dropper, everybody’s favourite shocker”
Appropriate? Maybe…
June 30, 2011 at 7:09 pm
I thought the butternut squash one was an alien boob at first.
June 30, 2011 at 7:36 pm
Let’s see…
Dildo Necklace… check!
Cat Dildo… check!
Double-headed Wall Dildo… check!
Dildo Ring… check!
Knitted Dildo… check!
June 30, 2011 at 8:07 pm
Everyone should have a penis ring!
July 1, 2011 at 8:38 am
Obligatory goatse reference bump.
July 1, 2011 at 11:09 am
lol! The butternut squash is actually my friend’s Etsy listing.
July 1, 2011 at 11:54 am
I think I’d rather have Mike hanging on the wall as a towel holder than that “vintage -look” French country towl hook.
July 1, 2011 at 12:44 pm
I made a HUGE crochet cock-n-balls (about 2 feet long, all told), and gave it to my delightfully twisted friend. Now, every party, she walks around and slaps people with it.
I wish I could post a picture of it, but I haven’t found a photo hosting site that won’t flag it within a few days.
July 1, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Here it is on deviantArt, for anyone who has an account. It had to be tagged for ‘nudity’, so if one doesn’t have an account (with the filter off), they can’t see it.
http://fav.me/d2gxprt