- Spotted by Ashley
Yahoo Answers is pretty much a clusterfuck of stupid but hilarious shit.
It’s definitely the last place I would go for answers, that’s for sure.
What? It’s my go-to place for WRONG answers.
To earn some extra money, I’ve taken on the sometimes amusing, sometimes soul-crushing task of answering questions for ChaCha. I still don’t quite understand the thought process whereby someone in a pretty complex medical or legal situation decides that the best person to handle it is a faceless stranger, in 140 characters or less. I’m a reference librarian in my day job and make a good faith effort to get them the best possible answer, but they’re just as likely to get someone who will send them the most relevant Bible verse.
I work for ChaCha at times too… even worse is when you get a question like “Which of the following is not a provision of the Treaty of Versailles?”. Not only are they so lazy that they’re asking ChaCha for the answers to their homework/tests, but they’re not even smart enough to include the answers you’re supposed to choose from.
I had never heard of this ChaCha thing before and it is based right in my own backyard! Very interesting.
My roommate does ChaCha. I love when she reads some of the questions out-loud.
ChaCha claims “dachshund” is spelled “doxen”.
I think that says it all, really.
Wait! You mean to tell me it’s not “doxin”?
Ever since Regretsy turned down my job application, I’ve been crushed by an overwhelming sensation of complete deficiency. Not any more. Today is a new day! Cha Cha, here I come!
I would like to thank you for that link. Now I have something I can tell the guy that sits at home all day in front of the computer to do to earn some money. (I already suggested bad crafts on Etsy, but he didn’t know what I was talking about).
I’d never heard of ChaCha either, thanks for sharing the link! I’ve been told I have a “steel-trap mind for useless trivia” so hopefully that will be a good outlet for me
Oh God, I work for them too (when I have time). The worst part is the signatures people have on their text messages “kristin 4lyfe” or “i love my babies!” ugh.
I do that to. Best question I ever got “Is it illegal to film animal shows now that Stever Irwin is dead” *Edited for text speak, that shit drives me crazy.
I work for ChaCha too. My all-time favorite question was something about how much peanut butter would it take to completely cover an elephant.
Another current question: ‘What is the alluminati?’ Um, would that be the non-magnetic, rustproof version of the original group(s)?
Am I the only one pictureing Dogert answering that question? (sort of like below).
Yahoo Answers is full of trolls- and sweet heavens, I sure hope that this is one! :S
I saw a question posed by “a pregnant teenage girl” asking if, since she’s pregnant, and if it were a girl, and she had sex while pregnant, could that baby girl get pregnant too??
The chosen best answer was to effect of: YES! And it would be a vicious cycle, b/c then if SHE (the baby) got pregnant, and it was a girl, then she could get pregnant, and on & on. It was hilarious!
And then I wept for the future.
I’m about ready to piss my pants.
Yep, definitely Dogbert answering those questions. His job satisfaction must be great!
They talked about that question pretty wonderfully on the podcast My Brother, My Brother and Me.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
That is such a stupid question to ask that, if she meant it seriously, then it’s a sad reflection of education in America.
I would bet good money that question was written by a dude who wishes his sister-in-law would sleep-molest him. Sex advice columnist Dan Savage gets fake letters like that all the time – guys writing out their fantasies from the point of view of another person. Seeing it in writing must make it more “real” somehow.
If only I believed that this was a sincere question.
Me too because that would be fucking hilarious!
Or more scarier. Yikes!
Oh, Grasshopper, I think the odds are at least 50-50.
The Internet + Yahoo! Answers = limitless fuckery.
If it wasn’t for the broken English I’d give it 50/50 of being my sister in law. I see her staring at my hands, feet, and nose and sometimes I could swear she’s running an algorithm.
One thing’s for certain, if she offers me something to drink… I’m chugging it.
What the ever lasting FUCK?? Quit touching your sister’s husband’s penis – YOU FUCKING FREAK!!!
I am with you on this one. And if you are going to do such things, don’t broadcast them on a site like this. If I was your sister and you were trying to do that to my husband, I would kick your everloving ass!
If it were me, I would turn you in to the police for attempted sexual assault.
Well supposedly the guy woke up… if he’s not pressing charges, he’s either SUPER-dim, or into it.
If he were into it he would have stayed “asleep”.
You have a point, but we’ve all had spur-of-the-moment reactions we later came to regret, right?
Maybe he was kicking himself later. HOT DAMN SHOULDA KEPT MY EYES SHUT
She just needs to ask this question to the interwebs, and they’ll hook her up with a GHB distributor. Alternatively, she can make her own. Because apparently it’s not assault if the victim is male, and the chick is psycho.
All the Ask.com and Yahoo answers are clusterfucks of stupid and occasionally hilarious shit. They’re just content-farming for ad clicks.
Who needs GHB when you can just crush Benadryl?
Or Dramamine. That works more better. Not that I would know. Ahem.
Or Aquadots. GHB that used to be sold in toy stores.
omg you just gave me a flashback to law school. I think I might sue you for intentional infliction of emotional distress.
yes…finally someone asked the question we were all too shy to ask!!
Just say, “I would like to touch your penis.”
95% likely that you will succeed.
I may be a woman but I for one am never falling that “I tried to brush the dust off your pants” line again. I just dusted my pants before bed. Maybe men are easier to trick, who knows.
Yeah but the asker’s name is Ricky so the husband might not be quite as obliging.
Oh, you never know…
It would be sad to find out that way that my boyfriend craves a man’s gentle touch.
If this is a 15-year-old boy (see below), he can ask, “Hey, how big is your dick?” Then subtract 5″ from the answer.
Do you mean if the asker is a 15-year-old boy or if the husband is a 15-year-old boy? One of these things is significantly more likely than the other.
Just shorten that to “I can haz date rapez?”
That picture made me giggle uncontrollably! I think I might have even pissed myself a little Thanks, good times!
Its times like this I’m really glad I don’t have a sister.
But then, I’m also now keeping a close eye on my brother.
Pretty sure, “Hey, can I touch your dick and measure it?” will work.
This was exactly my thought…
I shall ask my sister’s boyfriend later tonight
We shall see how successful that simple question is….if I fail…next step will be drugging him with sleeping pills.
I’m surprised roofies weren’t suggested!
I double dog dare SOMEONE to post this as their facebook status and report back the results!
Doing it right this very second.
Nobody is answering me. This is quite a blow.
OK, so only one person “liked” it, and the one response I got was, “Ask me after I pull out of your sister.”
Facebook might not be 100% scientific for gathering research data like this.
12 responses, 9 from males, 3 from females, overall lack of any semblance of surprise at the question, as if this is a completely typical and ordinary expected thing to be asked.
Best response so far: “This is exactly why I carry a stack of ‘my junk on a ruler’ polaroids everywhere.”
Several men thanked me for my politeness.
This concludes this string of responding to myself. I did it for SCIENCE!
We all appreciate your time and effort.
I heart you so big for doing this!!!!
What fantastic fuckery that you posted that. I am wondering, do you think that “best response” was former Rep. Weiner?
It always worked on me. Any woman who said that was getting a small handful of me. I mean, not small, but ah hell…..
How freaking dusty are his pants? Is he like Rip Van Winkie or something? He sleeps so long he collects dust?
Rip Van Winkie? I see what you did there, you sneaky!
yay! i sent this – how exciting!
To Helen? Or originally, to Yahoo Answers? hee hee hee!
She’s clearly trying to sell it on ETSY as a “Detachable Penis”.
Then the Eunuch Archive might be a better place to ask for advice.
It’s supposed to be hard to measure it. Sleeping pills definitely won’t make that happen!
Unless he’s a shower, then you’re all set!
OMG. That has to be made up. besides, I’m sure there’s plenty of people she could pay or something to see a penis
HE doesn’t want to see it silly, he wants to touch it! That’s a whole new kind of pay requirement.
ok, my bad. went back and reread. I don’t need to be in forums after taking pin killers for the headaches
You’re not in the forums, my friend. Those pain killers sound awesome.
sad part is that it’s just ibuprofen. damn i’m a light weight
In that case it’s probably just the headache. I sound like I’ve drunk a bottle of wine and smashed myself over the head with the bottle when I’ve got one.
Sounds delish! Just make sure you have the defibrillator on hand!
I heart yahoo answers it is fuckery… never ending fuckery. I loves this one
WOW. That was great! The response “Like most gangsters, I have spent the morning perusing Yahoo Answers UK & Ireland, while I wait for my extremely dangerous gangster friends to drop by with a delivery of fully-automatic drugs.” was perfect.
I think the top-voted answer might actually be effective, in a Jayne Cobb’s cunning hat sort of way. Man walks down the street with a tattoo of a fluffy kitten, people know he’s not afraid of anything.
Oh, thank God. I thought I was the only one with this burning question keeping me awake at night.
Did I miss – the asker’s name is Ricky right? So it’s very likely a dude? Assuming this is real, which I don’t, I guess the reason he’s having trouble getting at this penis is because he has one of his own.
It’s also in the Gay Lesbian trangendered category… This shit just got complicated. LOL…
Ah ha, I didn’t click through! Nice catch!
Well, Ricky is also a female name in some circles. For all we know, however, this person could be an asexual alien waiting for a good chance to get a probe in.
That asexual alien sounds like every teenage boy in America.
Yeah. My Aunt’s name is Ricky.
My gay ex-husbands name is Ricky. You don’t suppose…
“Rikki, Don’t Lose That Number”
Well that works if you have a sister, and she has a husband. What if you’re an only child? Can you just go drugging men willy nilly to see & touch their willies? Do I have to now drug my husband to touch his penis? Oh the questions that have no answers! *Off to check Yahoo!, they must know!*
Does she want to touch it, measure it or just “take the pic of his undie”??? This chic is so indecisive…bahaha
it’s a guy asking!
clearly someone with multiple personalities….this would explain oh so much about this.
We DO realize that the sister’s husband is only PRETENDING to sleep, right? He’s just waiting for her to whip out the ruler. No drugs necessary. Organic dick measuring techniques should work just fine.
If he’s only pretending to sleep, the perhaps he’s hoping the asker will try to get into his pants. I mean, he might really have the hots for the asker but for some reason thinks it would be wrong to approach him. You know, ’cause he’s married.
That’s what I was thinking. Someone’s giving you that “dust-brushing” line and you let it go? Come on now.
You guys must not have mentally ill family members. If you report every crazy thing your crazy relative does you’ll end up talking about nothing else.
No, Snickerdoodle, I AM the mentally ill family member.
Probably just closing his eye and wondering “how did I marry into this train wreck of a family?”
Are there Pokemon on his undie? Is this really all about blackmail? A small wiener and cartoon panties?
I checked out the questioner’s profile, and saw two other questions – he’s a 15 year old boy, apparently. Who also wants to know if every male over the age of 9 masturbates (he’s skeptical about guys who dress too nicely to be doing that), and how to masturbate “continuously”.
15 year olds… *sigh*
Oh man, there’s a watch list somewhere in that kid’s future.
If he’s not a registered sex offender yet, just give it some time, & he will be.
Every child should aspire to a goal. His seems quite reachable attainable.
Now I am confused as to if this is a real question from a very confused teen who could really use an adult to talk to about sex and sexuality (and is clearly lacking such a person in his life) or if it is a troll. Either way I think paperfruithair is right, there is a watch list in this persons future (if not his present).
Then why doesn’t he just learn about it from his friends like the rest of us?
You’re assuming he has friends.
Or be normal and google porn about it!
He has the entire fucking Internet out there and he has to ask questions on Yahoo? If you are that lame, hit the bookstore; they have all sorts of about sex books out there. Find “Why My Wang Wiggles” or “Why is Hair There?” and read. Much less skeevy.
That’s some fine fuckery right there.
What did I miss? I was busy dusting my pants just now.
Don’t you just hate testicular dryness? Where is our Testicusil? Women get Vagisil for pete’s sake! It’s unfair I tell ya.
Hey Bronc, if you ever need help “dusting” your pants, just let me know. I’d be happy to help.
When ever I touch a man’s penis he is awake. I must be doing something wrong. I do have this problem though whenever I try to touch my brother’s wifes vagina. I really want that picture of her panties too
I wonder if you can buy non-dust collecting pants on Etsy?
dust collecting pants might have a better market… Just think of all the fun you can have if you wear them with a simple vacuum cleaner.
Or if you make the dust bunnies into jewelry.
I believe Eddie Bauer has a line of Dust-Resistant pants.
BUT DUSTY PANTS ARE WHIMSICAL!
I think the person answering the question is also the person who made this. Clearly she has experience!
I like the “Your crazy and it’s not easy” part of the answer. I am pretty sure for “Ricky Lott” it is VERY easy to be this crazy.
Excuse me now while I find someone to knock the dust off my pants.
The in-laws are always great for a little cock measurin’…*
I wish you would ask me before you post my shit on here.
The question is an honest attempt to make everyone in her family sign an order of protection to keep her at least 50 feet away from any penis, anywhere, anytime. I wonder how that would work? Crazy bitch…
(so which one of you posted the original question?)
Dude, if you have to wait until someone is unconscious to look at their dick, that’s a pretty good clue that you should just fucking leave them alone, not ask for advice from the internet about how to measure their genitals without their consent.
(I agree with the other people here who think this kid has the mentality of a future rapist.)
I think it’s just possible that he’s 15 and curious. Not defending his strange, creepy actions, but maybe he’s not so sinister.
However his question wasn’t “How do I find out how by my sister’s husband’s penis is?” It was “How can I make sure I don’t get caught?”
Dusty Penis? perhaps some nipple blush?
My New Pink Wiener?
The real question is, what set of search terms on Yahoo Answers led HK to this particular question?
Sometimes the most mundane things end in one stumbling over shit like this. I recently got a new ‘smart’ phone and there’s a barcode scanner, which I adore, but it’s not the most accurate. I scanned a spool of thread; machine told me it was the Roanoke VA Elks Lodge. I’m just waiting for my new scanning hobby to end in inadvertent porn.
I had never wanted a smart phone until this moment. Now I must have one.
I didn’t even know we HAD an Elk’s Lodge…
I’m crying. Because I’m trying to keep the tea inside my mouth.
I’m picturing “dusty” and “penis.”
…….And Yahoo Answers deleted the question. Party poopers.
No worries! Check out Ricky’s other questions and answers here!
Wow… while wanting to touch his brother in law’s dick, this kid certainly maintains a homophobic tilt. His response to a bicurious guy who is debating whether or not to start a relationship with a guy he slept with:
You’re a bisexual,but don’t even think about a future girlfriend unless you are baptised by a Pastor or Father,because according to the bible homosexuality is the biggest sin for God,so if you don’t wanna be baptised and let your sin be forgiven,just love him and marry him for your own good.
Given the correct sedative, he’ll drift off with an erection.
From the article “A Release Valve for Cyclists’ Unrelenting Pressure” on the New York Times:
“The Rigiscan is a machine the men wear at night that grabs the penis about every fifteen seconds to see if it’s erect. It’s not as pleasant as it sounds.”
Clearly the person asking the question should claim he’s doing erectile dysfunction research.
I like how that quote says the machine is less pleasant than it sounds; it doesn’t really sound pleasant at all, so is that like negative-pleasant?
What’s bad is that the full quote ends with “it’s not as pleasant as it sounds, either.”
Feel free to read the article to find out about the OTHER machine:
“You don’t have to noticed or know whether he is Gay or something like that,let me tell you some tips.First,try to make friends with him.Second,when you become friends often invite him to come over to your house.Third,do things with him like,serve a food or some eatables,listen to his favourite song.Fourth,again eat something with him on the table and cut some clean jokes,remember,don’t laugh loudly or overreacting,smile or giggle is enough,and when you smile,stare at his eyes so that he might have a thought that you have something on him,and whatever you do,try to catch his eyes.”
an answer to a question by ricky lott.
Eatables? Is that like Lunchables?
It’s a euphemism. After he gets to touch the brother-in-law’s penis, he’ll be back with another question.
So, act like a 1950′s would-be housewife and you’ll score a guy whether he’s gay or not?
My brain hurts trying to read that shit. WHY do they write like that???
A food OR some eatables? What are these ‘eatables’ that are not food?
If his penis is that dusty, maybe a vacuum cleaner would solve the problem.
And if there is any dexterity at all, it could solve *2* problems…
If s/he WERE going to sell his penis on eBay, why bother measuring? If people buy necklaces and bracelets without measurements, does size matter for a “handcrafted” penis?
Every penis is hand crafted….so to speak.
Or at least OOAK. Until the cloning begins.
Except for identical twins, of course. Unless one of them is cut and the other isn’t, or there’s a tragic accident.
There’s a Barn Wood joke here somewhere.
Hell yes, it does!
His penis isn’t dusty, it’s vintage. Obviously.
I love Yahoo answers. I found this one a couple of years ago when my daughter decided to eat super glue (She’s fine. She just had pieces of white crust in her mouth. Called poison control and they said the liquid kind hardens instantly in saliva).
Anyway, this cracked me up. I’m still trying to figure out how her hands got glued to her butt….
I really should not be laughing this hard at work. Especially since my boss is a diehard Christian who would be absolutely horrified if she saw this.
Yahoo Answers: Where you can ask the questions that you would never think to ask in real life.
Please tell me this is a troll. Otherwise, Yahoo! Answers is the latest hangout for date rapists. :/
There is only ONE sensible answer.
KILL HIM. Or go all Jeffrey Dahmer on his ass and inject his brain with acid.
Somehow this answer seems less mental than the question. Go figure!
This must be how babby is formed.
I was waiting for someone to mention that.
Did any one else look up this name on Facebook to find the face that matches this amazing question? Just me?
Oh sure.. because there’s only going to be ONE Ricky Lott … or does he have his own I Want to Touch My Brother In Law’s Penis Page? …or perhaps he’s In a Relationship with MY BIL’s Dick…?
You mean there’s a possibility there’s more than one Ricky Lott? C’mon now, you’re pulling my penis….I mean, leg.
No I don’t think this person would be posting under his real name anyway. I was just interested in kracky’s, uh, experience.
To be honest, I’m not sure this specific person wouldn’t be posting under his real name.
I love yahoo!answers so much, and will happily admit that I spend way to much time browsing peoples stupid questions! It’s my #1 source of entertainment and laughs when I’m feeling like the dumbest person on Earth.
OMFG, fuck you!!! Goddamnit!!! I will now have nightmares…..fucking clowns are EVIL….that movie terrified me so much I ran screaming from the room….I hated clowns before Pennywise, but that fucker sealed the deal.
This is the wallpaper my roomie will see when he wakes up. Bwahahahahaha!
There are many, MANY ways for a young man to see and touch penis without getting all rapey with his sister’s boyfriend.
Hell, YOU HAVE ONE OF YOUR OWN. Just stick with that one until you find another to play with through legit channels, okay?
Fucking humans. >_>
Oh, Ricky. If you want to see and touch someone else’s penis, just go ahead and sexually assault your brother-in-law. Once you’re in prison, I suspect you’ll have all the penises you need.
Huh? I was just dusting your crotch…
I remember I read a very similar (pretty much the same question – the measuring thing) question on one of these tv magazines where they try to add a little bit of everything some years ago.
The “professional” person answering said he (the person asking) was sick for even considering doing such a thing to his sisters husband.
Ambien mixed with Bourbon should do it; I speak from experience.
I wake up some mornings with a map of Hawaii on my belly and have no memory of drawing it there with my yogurt pencil.
Will someone please explain to me how on earth this woman is so obviously an idiot, but managed to spell and contextually use the word ‘prohibited’ correctly?
OK. I used to work in a book shop where a tarot reader came in & worked in the back some days. She would tell me some of the stupid shit she’d hear from people, & I am reminded of this story. I believe it to be true, & also saw this customer & talked to him on several occasions.
Shy 30-something man comes for a tarot reading. He explains that he is new to the UK, but has already fallen in love with a beautiful teenage boy. This sort of thing would not be allowed in his country, he says. He asks for love advice.
Tarot reader asks how he met the boy, & the customer replies that he picked him up in the gay village, & they went back to a hotel, where they spent a wonderful night together. Although when he woke up, the boy, & his wallet were gone.
He REALLY LOVES this boy, how can he make the boy love him back? Can she do a spell or something? CONT…
Tarot reader tries to let him down gently, but doesn’t really have the heart to, & says something vague about if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.
Guy buys some charm or cheesy love-magic book & goes away, but he’s back a few days later for another reading.
He says he found the boy again & professed his love. Tarot reader asked how this went.
Guy says he bundled the boy in the trunk of his car & took him back to his hotel, but he got away, & now says he’ll get a restraining order.
What should he do? He musn’t get deported, as his family would probably have him killed, but he knows the boy is his one true love, so what does he have to do to make the boy love him?
After that, the tarot reader told him she really couldn’t help him any more, & eventually he stopped hanging around our shop & vanished.
This reminds me of him.
Cool story, ButtHurt Barbie.
He just kept on believing in true love… &… um… abduction as a seduction technique…
Cool story, bro. Please stop with the ampersands.
Oh, sorry, I’m relatively new here, do they not show up right for some people? I’ll just have to pretend I’m writing for (potential) money and not use them…
Seriously??? LOL. I paid $32.67 for a XBOX 360 and my mom got a 17 inch Toshiba laptop for $94.83 being delivered to our house tomorrow by FedEX. I will never again pay expensive retail prices at stores. I even sold a 46 inch HDTV to my boss for $650 and it only cost me $52.78 to get. Here is the website we using to get all this stuff, BidsGet.com
The internet is full of sick bastards…or men in love with their bother-in-laws…
I have to question his taste in interior decor. Not only because the only way he can express “manly” is with unfinished lumber but every piece of artwork in his house is a Tom of Finland print. I mean one TOF print of a leather daddy in chaps with a giant hard dick, sure, but a whole house full?
He must have a very select crowd over for his Tupperware parties and bible studies.
Whoops, wrong thread.
You must be logged in to post a comment.
The term "Etsy" is a trademark of Etsy, Inc. This site is not affiliated with Etsy, Inc.