PUMP UP THE JAM
Everything about this sounds totally safe and reasonable. You just drive over to a stranger’s house, and buy bags of untested liquid from her freezer that may or may not be Elmer’s Glue and water. Of course it may be breast milk, though someone churning out close to a gallon a day should be advertising in the livestock section.
June 23, 2011 at 12:13 pm
Maybe she can get together with the breastmilk soap maker from a few weeks back and rock out some Chestfully Clean!
June 23, 2011 at 12:25 pm
some how i knew this was comeing back to me
June 23, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Open the door and someone’s gonna walk right on through!
Know what they say: Supply and demand!
June 23, 2011 at 3:30 pm
Think of it as being in a pantheon of regretsy demigods…
June 23, 2011 at 6:35 pm
Own it girl! I was just happy you got so much traffic and lots of sales cause you knew how to handle the feature.
June 23, 2011 at 12:13 pm
“Only” 12 oz? What is that woman eating?!
June 23, 2011 at 12:18 pm
As a pumping mom of a 7-week-old, I kind of want to watch her in action to find out just how the fuck she’s getting this much. I’m getting like 4ozs at a time.
P.S. I ain’t giving shit away. I worked hard for this milk, dammit….you try sticking a vaccuum to your tits 4-6 times a day.
June 23, 2011 at 12:27 pm
As a past breeder of choice Jersey cows, I would have culled me from the herd, for low production. I would have fetched a good price at auction tho, because I looked like I should have been a good producer.
June 23, 2011 at 12:29 pm
Same here. I’ve gone from a DD to a mother-effing G cup.
(to be fair, I think the sizing is off, but these ladies get HUGE and then disappoint at production time.)
June 23, 2011 at 12:30 pm
Yes, but did you let random strangers come and watch you pump?
June 23, 2011 at 12:34 pm
No, I didn’t. However, I have had three children now. Midway through the second pregnancy, I gave up trying to keep my private parts to myself in any kind of medical setting.
Childbirth destroyed my sense of shame.
June 23, 2011 at 12:40 pm
I’ve had multiple chronic ilnesses including breast cancer, so I have no embarrassment in a medical situation, but Craig’s List has a tendency to lead to pervy situations.
June 23, 2011 at 12:36 pm
I could never get those electric milking machines to do jack, so I had to pump by hand, the old fashioned way, which really made me feel bovine.
But the kid wouldn’t take to the bottle at all anyway, so it was a moot point. That was our first real fight – over bottle feeding. And I lost.
June 23, 2011 at 12:46 pm
I couldn’t get a pump to work, either, and I had to return to work within a few weeks of childbirth due to our finances at the time. The first time, my daughter fought the bottle, but once we got the large orthodontic nipples (apparantly more like me), she switched back and forth between breast nursing and formula bottles with no problem. I know I was lucky on that, though.
June 23, 2011 at 12:46 pm
It was ‘moo point’
June 23, 2011 at 1:01 pm
My mum had to be fed milk out of a spoon. She wouldn’t take it any other way.
I think I know why she’s a nut now though.
June 23, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Fenugreek can increase your milk supply if you need it. But be careful. For about 3 days, you think “This crap’s not working!” Then on the 4th day, you spouting like a fire hydrant. Also, it makes your pee smell like maple syrup.
June 23, 2011 at 12:50 pm
I see no downside to this.
June 23, 2011 at 12:51 pm
Well, fuck, sign me up for that!!!
(and, yes, I am a guy and this is sarcasm)
June 23, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Mrs. Vagoo, it sounds great until your entire family craves IHOP constantly. On the upside: porn boobs.
Branchman, when I had a constantly hungry baby, I would have sold my ex’s left nut to get him more milk.
June 23, 2011 at 1:36 pm
I took fenugreek when I was nursing. My husband was always sniffing me, because of the maple syrup smell. “Mmm, you smell like pancakes.” He’s a dork.
June 23, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Noted. I will have to try this, should I ever get knocked up.
June 23, 2011 at 5:21 pm
Oh Mrs BUTTERWORTH!
It’s like you bring the milk AND the cookies!
June 24, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Not the same thing BUT: maple syrup urine disease http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001411/
July 5, 2011 at 9:46 pm
Fenugreek did nothing for me, besides make not just my urine but ALL bodily fluids smell like maple syrup. I still had no milk, and nearly four years later I still go looking for my deodorant when I get anywhere near pancakes. xP
June 23, 2011 at 4:44 pm
I was kinda wondering how much she’d charge just to come over and watch.
I’m betting she could make serious bank.
June 24, 2011 at 10:22 am
Most definitely. She could also sell webcam feed, which is slightly less hazardous than inviting pervy strangers into your home on a regular basis.
June 23, 2011 at 6:41 pm
I remember clearly one night I pumped 15oz. It was a groundbreaking moment. Magically, my size F’s deflated into flapjacks in 10 minutes time. After I rolled them back up, I gave myself a pat on the back. Not just because I was the only one up at 3am and I was proud of my ‘harvest’, but because I could actually reach my back for the first time since turning into a milk machine. That’s a true story. Minus the pat. I want a damned trophy.
June 23, 2011 at 12:44 pm
I agree! “Only 12 oz” I worked my breasts off for 2 oz and the daycare would just throw it away anyway. Pumping is rough. This woman is lucky. I don’t want to go to her house and watch her do it though.
June 23, 2011 at 1:46 pm
No way. I refuse to feel inadequate about my milk production.
June 23, 2011 at 2:42 pm
No kidding. Early in the morning when the spawn hadn’t fed for several hours, I’d be excited if I pumped off 4 ounces.
June 23, 2011 at 12:14 pm
I would have submitted that shit to ‘Best of’ and called it a day.
June 23, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Don’t you mean “Breast of”?
June 23, 2011 at 4:44 pm
{*titters*}
June 23, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Not sure about the “12 ounces” or why this is posted on craigslist, but this is starting to become more and more common: http://www.eatsonfeets.org/
June 23, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Eh, all the old stuff comes back into vogue. Wet nurses were “the thing” at one point. Apparently, they’re back “in.”
June 23, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Hyper-parenting is the big thing right now, “we have to think of the children,” etc.
God forbid they are born in a cold, sterile hospital. That could traumatize them for life. And formula feeding… don’t do that or they will turn into fat, unintelligent losers with severe asthma. Of course by age 3, they need to start being coached for the OLSAT test, because they’ll be doomed if they can’t get into a prestigious kindergarten. PH.D is the new high diploma, you know!
June 23, 2011 at 3:38 pm
LMAO!!! Yeah, I’m the complete opposite of a “current” parent. Medicated, induced deliveries in a hospital (the rooms were nicer than some hotels I’ve been in), formula fed, gave them cereal when they were eating too much formula (6-8 weeks), sat them in front of tvs so I could shower, got them Nintendo DSs…..gave them – GASP – peanut butter, milk, eggs and sugar before they were a year old. I’m a hideous excuse for a mom. Of course, I stayed home with them, but that was only to further rot their brains. None of that learnin’ crap in day care for my kids….
June 23, 2011 at 3:46 pm
You forgot allergies.
It might just be my field, but I wouldn’t get looked at for a job without an MBA. As it is I’ve got twelve letters after my name and can’t find a new position.
Sorry, I’ll save the whining for the forum.
June 23, 2011 at 3:55 pm
There is a huge overabundance of lawyers who can’t find work right now. A plumbing license is the new MBA.
June 23, 2011 at 4:03 pm
Oops – I mean law degrees too. *derp*
June 24, 2011 at 4:51 am
I know a woman who just passed the bar – middle of her class at a second-tier law school, no legal experience except for paralegal/secretarial stuff.
She’s posting on Facebook that she wants to start her own law firm. Apparently she thinks the client pool that will help her pay for a new Mercedes will come from the people that she expects to help her move and do her taxes for free.
June 23, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Isn’t the point of the whole “Mommy” business supposed to be doing what’s best for your baby? I know they say “breast is best” but I’d think keeping your baby disease-free (specifically from questionable milk) would be best.
June 23, 2011 at 2:40 pm
NO!!! some stranger’s milk all tainted with her nasty lifestyle is WAY better than that rat poison in a can they call formula!!!
(/crazyrantingbitch)
Yeah, ya’d think formula would be the better option in this instance, wouldn’t you??
June 23, 2011 at 3:04 pm
Reminds me of the comment that the WHO preferred African women with AIDS to breastfeed and pass it on to their babies rather than use formula. Retards.
June 26, 2011 at 2:34 pm
WTFWhimsicleGlitter, that’s because it’s actually less dangerous. Not to introduce srs bsns into the lulz, but it’s not 100% guaranteed that you’ll transmit HIV through breastmilk, but in some of the studies that those recommendations were based on, the water was so dirty that all the babies in the formula-fed control group died. Meanwhile something like 80% of the surviving breastfed babies didn’t have HIV at six months.
June 23, 2011 at 10:08 pm
I am sprogless but would like to think it is about doing what is best for baby AND mom. I know moms who loved breastfeeding and pumping was part of it to keep things going when on a work schedule. However, there seem to be many mommytards who see it like a competition and/or chance to make other moms feel bad. (or think that it is a “superpower”, oy!)
June 23, 2011 at 11:32 pm
This is why they have a milk bank. So you can check this shit out before feeding it to your infant.
Milk bank, sure.
Trusted acquaintance who’s also lactating, sure.
Salma Hayek, fine.
But random stranger on Craigslist, NO. I will go with the formula there, if need’s be.
June 24, 2011 at 10:27 am
Some hospitals also provide a free consultation with a Lactation Coach (I forget the proper term, but that’s basically what the person does) if you deliver the baby there. They teach you how to overcome any problems you encounter nursing your baby. Usually most problems with nursing can be solved with medication, diet, or technique.
June 23, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Somehow, this still sounds better than what China is doing.
June 23, 2011 at 12:34 pm
I definitely wouldn’t want my baby to be a test subject for that.
June 23, 2011 at 12:40 pm
That is unbelievably creepy. I can understand the desire for more nutritious milk, but I really think they should accomplish that by selective breeding or something rather than by sticking bits of different species together.
My favorite quote from that article, btw: “It’s better for you because it’s genetically modified.”
June 23, 2011 at 1:02 pm
I understand that cheesy science movies have upped the creepy factor on genetic modification, but when you get down to it, it’s all just code. You have strings of bases that code for strings of amino acids that make proteins that are human milk. Changing out the recipe in the cow is not that strange, revolutionary, or icky.
As an example, most (63%) of the corn in the US is genetically modified. BT-corn is corn with a pesticidal protein from a soil bacterium stuck in it. We eat that stuff all the time. The US sticks corn in fricking *everything*. We even feed it to cows.
PS. Can’t selective breed for genetic variation that doesn’t exist. Just like you couldn’t selectively breed a cow into a horse.
June 23, 2011 at 1:17 pm
I understand that it isn’t necessarily “dangerous” or anything to genetically modify things, believe me. I am just saying that in my personal opinion, altering any animal to produce something only another animal normally produces is just weird. Beneficial, yes, but still weird. It’s like the ear that was grown on a mouse, even though that wasn’t technically human tissue anyways.
And I didn’t mean that we could make cows produce human milk or even anything close through breeding or anything but GM. I wasn’t clear on that article (and still am not) so I’m not sure if they were intending for the human/cow milk to be drunk by everyone in need of better nourishment or just infants. If it was for everyone, I would think that finding a way to make regular cow milk more nutritious (by breeding specimens with the best quality milk) would be the better way to accomplish that. I admit I know little of dairy production so I could be wrong.
June 23, 2011 at 2:54 pm
@DagobahJane-
Oh, I get you. I guess in my personal opinion it’s creepy-awesome. XD
Like the Canadian-spider-goats.
June 23, 2011 at 12:47 pm
What’s wrong with gluing shit to other shit for science?
June 23, 2011 at 3:08 pm
If we’re talking about popsicle sticks, I was a goddamn 10 year old prodigy!
June 23, 2011 at 6:04 pm
Does anyone remember the Invader Zim episode where the other aliens would duct tape things to other things and call it fusing technology? The would add hamsters and juice boxes to things.
June 24, 2011 at 1:21 pm
Yes, but why must we always use MY juice?
June 23, 2011 at 2:37 pm
I think this is particularly interesting because so many Chinese are lactose intolerant (most of them, if I remember correctly; it’s genetic). I guess that’s not such a problem if it’s “human” milk rather than cow’s milk…?
June 23, 2011 at 2:47 pm
Lactose intolerance is something most people develop as they grow up. Thankfully, it’s uncommon in infants.
I had tons of dairy as a kid, but now I have to take digestive enzymes before eating it or suffer truly painful digestive consequences.
June 23, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Well, I believe you’re not supposed to feed cow’s milk to children below a certain age but I’m not sure why.
June 23, 2011 at 3:50 pm
Actually infants can be lactose intolerant. There’s such a thing as soy-milk based formula because of that. I have a friend who suffered horribly because her parents doctor decided she’d clearly “gotten over” being lactose intolerant when she was a toddler. She spent the next 10 years in constant intestinal pain with no idea why. x_x
June 23, 2011 at 3:35 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 23, 2011 at 7:30 pm
Rant:
a) Chinese restaurants normally cater to American folk.
b) What kind of Chinese restaurant are you going to where they don’t have little tiny cakes and fruit?
c) It’s because Chinese people in China aren’t used to having sweet things. Since us fatties in the US have corn syrup and sugar in practically everything, we’ve habituated ourselves.
d)Dessert is often fruit, usually oranges or watermelons. Other sweet things exist, usually made with red beans and/or sticky rice, and are normally snacks or hors d’oeuvres.
/rant
June 24, 2011 at 4:54 am
I was pointing out the irony that by catering to Americans they choose to offer a dessert they find disgusting.
Some restaurants give you orange slices with the check. The buffet near my office has creme brulee, which is really interesting.
June 23, 2011 at 3:48 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 23, 2011 at 3:53 pm
I would highly recommend you never, every do research into how our modern vegetable crops were bred (I mean in the era before direct genetic manipulation was possible). You’ll sleep much better. Just trust me on this one. :/
June 23, 2011 at 8:26 pm
“Enhancement of one aspect of a food always leads to other problems (usually health problems).”
So by your logic bananas were better when they were seed filled & basically inedible?
I don’t think you understand the science behind genetically modifying food. It sounds like you are believing the propaganda against it without doing your own research.
June 24, 2011 at 10:58 am
I have read up on the science of it. I’m no expert so I don’t have a complete understanding. I’ve read many articles for and against GM foods and the ones that are against make more sense to me personally and I do feel strongly about it. Not being an expert I do admit I could be wrong. I won’t get into the arguments here. This is a place for fun not for me to argue my beliefs.
June 23, 2011 at 6:29 pm
Oh China! What wont they genetically modify!
June 23, 2011 at 12:15 pm
“I can pump it in front of you if you want.”
Dinner and a show?
June 23, 2011 at 12:21 pm
Someone’s weird fetish will be catered to.
June 23, 2011 at 12:38 pm
She uses the word “weird” twice in her listing, so I was wondering if that’s code for the fetish crowd, like adult babies. Ewwww
June 23, 2011 at 12:47 pm
Now All I need is that baby mask, a pack of Depends, and an adorable bonnet!
Come here, ya little milkmaid!
June 23, 2011 at 12:24 pm
I too was wondering what responses she was going to get from that line. Betting that they do not have kids (or at least kids who need breast milk).
June 23, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Or kids that they have custody of.
June 23, 2011 at 1:02 pm
They probably are court ordered to staty at least 100 yards from any children and schools.
June 23, 2011 at 3:22 pm
My husband told me of a golf trip he went on to Myrtle Beach. The golf was so-so, but at the titty bar (which he didn’t remember the name but called it the Shitty Titty) there was a stripper who was lactating and squirting her milk at the “customers”. He said she made the best tips. True Story.
June 23, 2011 at 5:24 pm
Thanks for ruining my sleep tonight!
June 23, 2011 at 6:13 pm
Milkless cereal for at least a week.
June 23, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Wonder how many creepers will take her up on her offer of pumping in front of them, y’known to make sure it’s legit and everything
June 23, 2011 at 12:19 pm
It’s like Rule 33 bait.
June 23, 2011 at 2:56 pm
I smile quietly to myself when I see someone using “Rule 33.”
I’d smile noisily, but I work hard to keep my teeth from rattling around.
June 23, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Conrad Poos?
June 23, 2011 at 12:16 pm
I’m a breast milk donor (although I donate through a legit mother to mother donor site called HM4HB and not through Craigs List).
Some babies literally can not tolerate formula, and milk from a milk bank costs upwards of $5 an ounce (and a newborn will drink 2oz an hour) and insurance doesn’t cover it.
June 23, 2011 at 12:36 pm
I think donating her prodigious production to infants who need it is wonderful. I don’t think Craig’s List is the way to go, though.
June 23, 2011 at 12:51 pm
agreed 100%
June 23, 2011 at 12:57 pm
True. I think this woman is going to be a target for fetishists doing it this way.
June 23, 2011 at 3:40 pm
Not that anyone pays any attention to the rules of the Craigslist site, but selling or buying body fluids of any kind is prohibited.
June 23, 2011 at 12:56 pm
My baby is partially fed on donated milk, so thank you!!
There were a couple articles in the last few weeks about women selling their milk, so I can see where she got the idea. But craigslist…come on!!
June 23, 2011 at 1:16 pm
I wouldn’t even think of selling it. The way I see it is this – I have extra, my kid gets plenty, I can’t afford a chest freezer to save it for a year (and since kid refuses a bottle saving it is rather useless anyway), might as well give it away rather than throwing it out.
June 23, 2011 at 2:57 pm
An hour and a half and no one has called you on the term “chest freezer?”
June 23, 2011 at 5:23 pm
It would seem her chest is actually quite warm.
June 23, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Yeah, but the ad author doesn’t want to “mess around” with any of that pesky testing or verification that she’s, ya know, not a nutjob…
June 23, 2011 at 3:42 pm
No way in hell I’d buy any kind of bodily fluid off a stranger on Craigslist, much less feed it to my hypothetical kid. I though it was illegal to sell human body parts/tissue/fluids anyway. (donate=ok, sell=big legal no-no)
June 23, 2011 at 5:31 pm
Milk is technically considered a “food” by the FDA.
Incidentally, there are also compensations for “donating” sperm, eggs, and plasma.
Really, the only illegal thing to receive compensation for is body parts and whole humans (alive or dead) with the exception of the costs associated with tissue donation, procurement, and surgery or the purchase of donated cadavers or for scientific reasons (schools, research, etc.)
/geek
June 24, 2011 at 8:37 am
But the compensation for the donation of eggs/sperm is NOT a payment. You are not selling the items. You are being compensated for time, pain, etc, especially in the case of egg retrieval.
I was once selected by a couple to donate eggs. Unfortunately, I wound up developing a huge nasty hemorrhagic cyst prior to stim, so they needed to pick someone else. Everything you sign during the process clearly states that you are not selling an egg, you’re NOT selling a human, etc. Since it could be construed as slavery….or trafficking. It was all about my time, and pain.
June 28, 2011 at 5:13 pm
Human milk is not considered a food by the FDA – It is considered a body part/tissue/fluid and is illegal to sell. You could sell wet nurse services, you could donate milk, but it is illegal to sell human breast milk.
June 23, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Haha I get 12 ounces when I pump, 6 oz from each breast. I’m not joking.
But anyway this is totally illegal and should be flagged from CL
June 23, 2011 at 12:17 pm
I breastfed all three of my kids for nearly a year each. Big surprise, the boy took the longest to wean. But, reality is that you can only make what you need. If she stopped pumping so much, she’d stop making so much.
Biology lesson over.
I bet this is a scam to lure you to her house so she can tranquilize you and then steal your kidneys. *TRUE STORY!!
*Not a true story at all.
June 23, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Maybe she is just a lonely exhibitionist? Can’t get out as much as she used to becuse of sprog patrol so she’s trying to bring viewers to her.
June 23, 2011 at 12:18 pm
If it helps, 60 oz is just less than 1/2 gallon.
June 23, 2011 at 12:23 pm
Yep, was just going to point out the 1/2 gal. tit-bit.
June 23, 2011 at 12:19 pm
There are REASON”S milk banks have strict critera, ANY medication she is taking can potentially pass thru her milk and also there’s the risk of food allergens, some children could be sensitive to something in her diet. and SERIOUSLY craigslist…. not the first place i would say hey wonder if i can buy some breastmilk.. ewww gross..
June 23, 2011 at 12:30 pm
Yes, everything you said is a reasonable cause for concern. But the astronomical cost of breast-milk banking has many women handling the redistribution of breast milk on their own.
June 23, 2011 at 12:31 pm
I dunno if you were an adult with some breast milk fetish, craigslist sounds like one of the first places to hit up.
June 23, 2011 at 12:51 pm
Strict criteria, I can get behind. But if it’s true she would have to pay to donate to a milk bank, that makes no sense. I would think that healthy donors would be welcomed.
June 23, 2011 at 1:10 pm
I think she’s proven that she doesn’t read the rules real closely, considering you’re not allowed postings like this on CL. So most likely, she’s full of it.
June 23, 2011 at 10:29 pm
We know she is, that’s the reason for the ad.
June 23, 2011 at 1:38 pm
As far as I know, you DON’T have to pay to donate it – unless she lives too far away and has to pay to ship it. Milk banks cover the cost of medical tests to check their donors, so I don’t know what other costs she thinks she has to pay.
June 23, 2011 at 12:20 pm
I had oversupply issues when my boy was born… at one point I had to pump to feed him cause bebeh just couldn’t handle mah milk jugs.
I’ve gotten 8 ounces from one boob before. One.
Never thought about selling it. Apparently I was missing out on a great market.
June 23, 2011 at 12:24 pm
my daughter won’t latch w/out a shield and I’ve been giving her expressed milk for her entire (almost) seven weeks of life…which has required me pumping around the clock. The absolute most I’ve gotten was 6ozs total.
From the bottom of my pathetic, hormonal little heart…you’re killing me.
June 23, 2011 at 1:11 pm
Good lord, woman, don’t beat yourself up over that. At least you’re trying. I didn’t try at all. Fuck that, not worth the stress and guilt I would have felt about the whole thing. (multiple issues about my titties, with a doc once telling me I shouldn’t bf for my own health)
June 23, 2011 at 1:25 pm
I would get only like 2oz – from both – after like 20 – 30 mins. I would be in pain and just cry
My son went exclusive formula after doing this for a few weeks and not getting anywhere. So, I feel your pain 
I literally would cry when I made him a bottle b/c I felt so guilty, but eventually and with my hubby’s support, I stopped feeling that way and you know what? My son is just fine!
June 23, 2011 at 10:53 pm
I was born back before lactamania. My mother had drugs during my birth, didn’t breast feed, in fact, gave me cereal in the formula well before Dr. said OK because I was a hungry beast. (Also have been told that my grandma recommended rubbing burbon on my gums for teething pain, but let’s not freak out the guilttards TOO much). I have no asthma, no allergies, am not overweight, and have a law degree. If bottle feeding did as much damage as those boobnazis claim, I guess I’d have been Wonder Woman if Mom had given me tittie milkshakes.
June 24, 2011 at 8:39 am
Oh, alice, I love you!!! My mom rubbed whiskey on my gums, and did all the same shit you mentioned. So did I. My kids are fine….
July 5, 2011 at 9:54 pm
With #1, my ex decided she’d be a bottle baby (he had control issues) and it didn’t come up. With #2 (different dad), I wanted breast, but had issues. When she dropped from 7lbs6 to 6lbs8 and was screaming with hunger after nursing for two hours straight, he and my mom stuffed a bottle in her mouth and told me to get some sleep and ice my cracked and bleeding boobs. I alternated for the next three mos, but finally weaned and she didn’t miss it. When #3 came along, I brought bottles to the hospital, and when she started crying in the middle of the night, I told the nurses to bring me some formula. They argued withe me, critized my latch, etc. Then filled the damned bottle. Most I EVER managed to pump, after an hour with the damned thing hooked up, was 2oz from BOTH breasts, and that was at 4 mos, fully engorged, over two hours since my last pump, using Fenugreek! Mine would have starved without Enfamil, and I refuse to feel guilty about it at this point…
June 23, 2011 at 1:45 pm
My son was the same way with not latching without the shield, but he also wouldn’t take a bottle. He lost weight for the first few weeks after he was born, but then started to gain like crazy. But I know I never got much milk from pumping in the first few months (oh and pumping through a thrush infection was torturous;) it wasn’t until he was quite a bit older that I started to get any sort of significant volume from pumping.
I swear, though, breastfeeding was by far the hardest and most stressful thing I went through with my son, and I beat myself up constantly about it.
June 23, 2011 at 2:05 pm
It’s a little (apropos? ironic? we’ll just go with ‘odd’) that this would come up today. I was inthe doctor’s office this morning bawling my eyes out b/c she won’t latch and I can’t keep going like I’m going. She told me to buy a cabbage and some ice packs. Then open a beer and pat myself on the back b/c most women would have said ‘fuck it’ a month ago.
To be honest, there are days I would like to find a lactivists’ meeting and bomb the living hell out of them. The guilt these women throw around is unbelievable, and I fell victim to it.
June 23, 2011 at 2:35 pm
But the lactivists know that the guilt will work, and it’s easy to prey on hormone-driven insecurities.
What I wouldn’t have given in those first few months for someone to tell me that it was ok, and I didn’t have to keep torturing myself, and that I did my best, and that my son would be just fine with formula, especially if it meant that he would have a less stressed out mother.
I hope that breastfeeding is easier with our next baby, but if not I hope I’m at least able not to punish myself over it.
June 23, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I don’t believe that lactivists are into helping women and infants at all. They get a rush from bullying, anger, and feeling superior, and at this point, the breastfeeding movement is more about the movement itself than getting better nutrition for babies. Those bitches really piss me off.
June 23, 2011 at 2:43 pm
See? THIS is why I had (once upon a time) started a group for supporting formula moms.
FUCK THAT SHIT. Why?? why go through ALL of that? there ARE people who just cannot physically do it, and wtf is better, enjoying your new baby or flagellating yourself round the clock for something so fucking stupid??
I wish I could join LLL to be the one to go to a mom who has tried her hardest but is now at the end of her rope, and just hug her, and tell her – it’s OK. It’s ok to stop, your baby will be fine. Better, even, without a mom so upset and depressed.
June 23, 2011 at 2:47 pm
You would think I would know better…this was baby #3. Baby #1 was in the incubator and I had a medication conflict to boot – no boobie juice. Baby #2 got it until about 4 months. You could not ask for to healthier, more vigorous little boys…and the only problem we had with formula was finding the right one. (Good Start for both.)
Best of luck to you…don’t let any of the self-righteous ones get you down.
June 23, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Mine were Good Start babies too….that and the generic…..wild how those two worked out, since they’re the least expensive. LOL! Sadly, the DHA/ARA additives were nasty on my second one’s tummy….that sucked….
June 23, 2011 at 2:57 pm
I believe La Leche has its place and does help some people. They helped me with the latching-on problem, but that only lasted a couple of days. I think if you give it your damnedest for a week or so and it honestly just ain’t working, give yourself a fucking break.
That said, breastfeeding was a wonderful experience for me. Rocking and feeding my daughter was incredibly peaceful. But I wouldn’t dream of telling someone they’re a bad parent because of how they choose to feed their infant-or have chosen for them.
June 23, 2011 at 3:15 pm
What’s the cabbage for?
June 23, 2011 at 3:20 pm
I LOVED nursing my second child. I think part of my bad feelings now is that I’m not going to have that experience with my daughter, and she is my last…it’s something like greiving. I’m all for breastfeeding, but I’m an even bigger fan of my sanity.
It’s going to be a rough week or so, but I’ll be the better for it.
(Wow, this thread has been better than therapy, and cheaper to boot! Thanks, Regretsy!)
June 23, 2011 at 3:42 pm
I never meant to say LLL was BAD, per se, but I think support for those with supply issues should be better. ALSO should be support for those losing their sanity over something like this, and letting them know it really IS ok to stop bfing…that’s what they’re lacking.
Bajingo – ((HUG)) Rant away….it’s an emotional time, AND like you said, you’ll miss that closeness. That said – might I suggest skin to skin feeding even with the bottle? I held my sons against my upper chest (bare) so they’d get that skin to skin contact. I honestly don’t think I missed any bonding with them, but I’m biased.
I just liked the feel of their warm little cheeks.
June 23, 2011 at 5:25 pm
It is awful that we are made to feel so bad, I agree! Like you, my daughter wouldn’t latch, even with a shield. I cried when I returned the hospital pump after 3 weeks. I couldn’t do it anymore, I was always pumping or feeding. I felt like such a failure. Then I said fuck it. She got 3married weeks of my milk, a lot better than none. And she’s damn healthy, thank you!
June 23, 2011 at 7:10 pm
Your doc is right. You’ve done your best and that’s all you can do. Shit, I wish I had your doctor when I was trying to breastfeed. Mine was one of those Nazi lactivists who seemed to delight in telling me I wasn’t trying hard enough to properly feed my baby. I would spend an hour just trying to pump 2oz and would spend that hour in tears, wondering what was wrong with me. Thank God my husband finally went to the store, bought formula, took the pump off of my tit and told me to go get a glass of wine and take bath while he fed the baby.
June 23, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Lactivist are idiots. My lactation consultant at the hospital with the last one immediatly popped a pacifier in his mouth to ‘Teach him to suck”. F-in idiot.
June 23, 2011 at 9:16 pm
Cabbage? I am so lost with the cabbage.
Is it to compare your boobs too? “Hey, it’s smaller than the cabbage, that must mean it’s getting better, right?”
I have no kids, and no plans on having them, so the breast feeding thing is well beyond me. But a cabbage?
June 23, 2011 at 11:15 pm
I’m have no knowledge of nursing but since no moms answered re the cabbage I’ll give it a shot. Cabbage leaves are a home remedy for inflamation & mild burns (sun burn for example); Either as the entire leaf itself or as a poultice. I guess the Dr. wants mom to somehow put it on her boobs to reduce swelling (and therefore pain).
June 23, 2011 at 11:51 pm
My mom was a La Leche League lady in her day, but she would tell anyone that if breastfeeding is not working for them, to knock it off and use an alternative.
Breast may be best, but plenty of other things are perfectly good for babies too.
June 24, 2011 at 2:34 am
The cabbage is to stuff down your bra to ease your boob pain, believe it or not – I got double mastitis after weeks on end of trying to get my baby to latch (which she wouldn’t) and my health visitor literally walked to the shops for me and bought me a savoy cabbage before shoving it on my boobs, I thought she had gone nuts but it worked brilliantly, so much pain relief in such a bizarre way XD
Also, lactivists are Satan’s little helpers IMHO :/ I feel your pain Bajingo Bajongo, my midwives and health visitors made me feel like the world’s shittiest mother for not being able to bf, and my baby even lost weight during her first week of life because they literally would not let me give her formula >__< I send you many hugs, and much sympathy
June 24, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Thank you for the cabbage answer. I had no idea they worked that well.
I was just thinking that if your boobs were swollen to the size of a cabbage, it might be time to see a doctor for a really big pin.
June 23, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Oh goodness. Don’t beat yourself up! You’ve done the best you could by her. That’s all that matters.
Everyone else can go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. Especially lactivists. Preying on hormonal moms is just low.
June 24, 2011 at 7:31 pm
Sigh, I’m about 4 good sampler ideas behind but “take a lying fuck at a rolling donut,” that is sampler magic.
June 23, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Fenugreek is your answer. Or get rid of the shields they seriously impair brestfeeding. Or BREATHE. I have a breast baby and a bottle baby who are in school now and they are both great.
June 24, 2011 at 7:28 pm
I recommend breathing even if you are not breastfeeding.
June 23, 2011 at 12:20 pm
As someone who is currently producing breastmilk… Holy shit that woman needs to quit pumping! It’s a supply and demand kinda thing, she doesn’t need to be the neighborhood dairy!
June 23, 2011 at 12:57 pm
yes you dry up the cow by leaving a bit in the bag at each milking
June 23, 2011 at 1:19 pm
I have an oversupply. If I don’t pump I get mastitis and clogged ducts which make it painful to feed my daughter. The mastitis requires antibiotics, which causes thrush, which makes it more difficult and painful to feed my daughter. So I pump and donate. Of course I wouldn’t be caught dead donating on craigs list!
June 23, 2011 at 1:33 pm
I got mastitis, too. That’s some life-threatening and extremely painful shit.
June 23, 2011 at 6:21 pm
I had mastitis too. I have never been so sick in my whole life. I passed out at work (where I was a master control operator for a TV station. We went off the air a little early that night!)
I found breast-feeding pretty easy for my two boys but I realize I was lucky. When my sister had problems with her first, I tried to help with the breastfeeding but I realized that helping her was more important. Once she had some formula and could see that the baby was eating, she was so much better.
As for my kids, I desperately wished they hadn’t gotten their teeth so early. Older boy’s first tooth came in at 2 months and the younger one sprouted a tooth at 5 months. Ouchie!
June 23, 2011 at 12:22 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 23, 2011 at 12:25 pm
It would be less lame if you spelled “udder” correctly.
June 23, 2011 at 8:51 pm
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June 23, 2011 at 10:26 pm
It would have been a pun if you wrote “Udderly” because a cow has udders. Utterly is the correct spelling of the proper word for that sentence, therefor it loses it’s ability to be funny because it isn’t a pun.
Definition of PUN
: the usually humorous use of a word in such a way as to suggest two or more of its meanings or the meaning of another word similar in sound
Puns: You’re doing them wrong.
June 24, 2011 at 7:52 am
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June 24, 2011 at 9:51 am
*ahem*Your joke:
You didn’t hear about her transplant?
It was an utter success!
Wrong:
Utter: adjective, (always used before a noun)
: complete and total
CORRECT for this Homophonic Pun:
Udder: noun
: the bag-shaped part of a cow, goat, etc., that hangs below the belly and produces milk
Once again, you failed at Puns, and you fail worse at knowing wtf you’re talking about.
June 23, 2011 at 12:25 pm
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June 24, 2011 at 2:37 am
I’d have given it more of this sound effect, myself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6hOBVaMGFI
June 24, 2011 at 8:09 am
Never said the rimshot was a complimentary sound effect. Sometimes, as in this case, it wasn’t meant to be.
June 23, 2011 at 12:26 pm
I’d totally feed my baby someone else’s milk I got off of craigslist!!!! What harm could that do?!
Seriously though, milk banks are around for a reason. But surprisingly, it’s illegal to sell breast milk (besides milk banks) in only a few states which is pretty scary.
June 23, 2011 at 12:30 pm
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June 23, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Ignore me. I totally misread your comment.
June 23, 2011 at 12:49 pm
That is scary.
Although craigslist list does list bodily fluids as an item prohibited for sale on their site.
June 23, 2011 at 2:39 pm
It’s scary that they actually have to specify that selling bodily fluids is prohibited. *shiver*
June 23, 2011 at 3:01 pm
If there’s a rule, there’s been a problem.
June 23, 2011 at 3:47 pm
Read the “flag help” forum on CL, which is where people go to find out why users have flagged off an ad. It’s a circus. People don’t agree with the rules and argue like badgers about it.
I think there was a guy selling his sperm once, the ad got flagged off and he argued for hours about it.
June 23, 2011 at 12:28 pm
Use it for coffee creamer & call it day. Stupid cow.
June 23, 2011 at 12:28 pm
Holy shit my cats’ water fountain holds 60 ounces.
/a little weirded out
June 23, 2011 at 12:56 pm
You can get your kitty some tasty milk!
blech
June 23, 2011 at 3:02 pm
Watch out, most cats are lactose intolerant!
June 23, 2011 at 5:29 pm
Two of my cats love dairy products. Unfortunately, one of them vomits everywhere if she has any.
June 23, 2011 at 12:29 pm
Saying they can come watch her in a Craigslist post is like saying they can come get off to her.
I can see it now, “here for the breast milk, but I need to see it pumped first.”
“Oh sure here you go.” *pumps lalala*
“Ok thanks, bye!”
“Wait don’t you want the milk?”
“Oh ya… nah keep it.”
June 23, 2011 at 12:39 pm
You have to be creative about these things since craigslist removed their adult services section.
June 24, 2011 at 1:37 am
“Wait, don’t you want the milk?”
“Nope, but some moist towelettes would be awesome if you have ‘em!”
June 23, 2011 at 12:29 pm
i easly pumped that much a day, sometimes more but i wasent also feeding my baby at the same time because he was in the nicu and only eating a few oz a day for a long time and donated (not sold) thounds of oz to a mom with addopted hiv+ twins but she only took the milk after geting a full medically work up on me
June 23, 2011 at 12:49 pm
That’s the way to do it! I can’t imagine trying to sell it when the only people who would buy it are people who really really need it.
June 23, 2011 at 12:30 pm
I know there’s a milk mustache joke in here somewhere…
June 23, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Keep looking. You’ll find it.
June 23, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Who wants a milk mustache ride?!?
Satisfied?
June 23, 2011 at 12:31 pm
According to the National Milk Bank, it’s a totally free process to donate breast milk. http://www.nationalmilkbank.org/content.php?content_id=1014
If you do it locally, they sometimes make you buy your own dry ice for the purposes of transporting the milk.
Also, I have friends who won’t let strangers TOUCH their children, let alone trust them enough to feed their kid with suspicious bags of white liquid from said stranger.
June 23, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Clearly your friends just need to loosen up a little. What’s wrong with giving kids suspicious bags of white liquid from a stranger?
June 23, 2011 at 1:22 pm
…or with letting strangers touch them? people are so uptight these days.
June 23, 2011 at 11:50 pm
I think it because people are gross. Personally, I don’t like strangers touching me.
July 5, 2011 at 10:10 pm
I know someone who was nursing her daughter (then two years old; mom and baby’s docs wanted her to nurse as long as possible because of immune issues in the child). She was at a friend’s, and stepped out for a minute, asking friend to watch her kid. The little girl got upset, and the friend decided that the best way to calm her down was the way Mommy did it … so she whipped ‘em out and put the kid on her breast! Mom came back in and FLIPPED. She refrained from beating the woman, but made it clear she would if she ever came near either of them again. (Said friend was NOT nursing at the time, either … she just thought that it was a good idea.)
I can’t imagine why people don’t like people touching their kids. Or them. And people ARE gross.
June 23, 2011 at 1:55 pm
It depends on where you live and where the nearest milkbank is. I know in my area they request a dry ice overnight shipment for out of area milk donations, at the donor’s expense. Also, a 50oz “test sample” before they will even accept any future donations.
June 24, 2011 at 8:08 pm
I’d like friends who don’t want you touching their kids. I don’t see it happen to guys but women, particularly if old enough to have sprogs, always seemed to get handed those oozy, sticky things. (Sorry new moms, I know your kids are the cutest in the world – TO YOU they should be- I just hate the vagina = sprog lover assumption).
June 23, 2011 at 12:36 pm
As a long-time chronic masturbator and aspiring Hoarders cast member, I’ve got a freezer full of bags of my manseed. My wife has recently threatened divorce if I don’t stop taking her fudge bars out of the freezer to make more room for my sacks of baby batter, so I need to get rid of it. I tried giving it to a sperm bank, but they threatened to call the police if I didn’t stop leaving it on their doorstep. I eat a typical American grease- and salt-based diet and drink gallons of beer. If you are interested tell me a price and come pick it up. As I mentioned, my freezer is already full of love-filled bags, or I could “pump” it in front of you (it helps if you arrive shirtless for this option).
As weird as it sounds, there are men who don’t produce viable little swimmers, and it’s always best to get your baby-making materials “straight from the tap”, as it were
)
June 23, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Just make it into ice cream already.
You heard me.
June 23, 2011 at 12:54 pm
In this case, I think “I scream” would also be quite appropriate. And not because anyone wants more.
June 23, 2011 at 2:49 pm
And they complain about cicadas in ice cream… I’m mean it’s all natural right?
June 23, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Heck, there’s a whole cookbook of semen recipes.
Someday restaurants will have to post signs: “no MSG, no CUM.”
June 23, 2011 at 5:31 pm
Or there will be a very interesting niche restaurant.
June 23, 2011 at 8:55 pm
As it happens…
http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominion-post/capital-life/5176745/Women-flock-to-take-horse-semen-shots
June 23, 2011 at 10:33 pm
I should never underestimate the ability of you whimsical fat, jealous, loser fuckers to find the most disgusting stuff on the internet.
I love you guys!
*goes off to gag*
June 23, 2011 at 11:57 pm
Sure, because a whiff of chlorine improves so many dishes.
??
June 23, 2011 at 1:07 pm
There was a guy on CL about 6 months ago trying to sell his “samples” for $10,000 each. His posting would not have qualified him for Mensa. But his biggest mistake was posting a picture. He was…. um, the Anti-Mike.
June 23, 2011 at 3:46 pm
You win Regretsy today
June 23, 2011 at 3:52 pm
I can’t thumb this up enough! You do, indeed, win Regretsy today!
June 23, 2011 at 12:37 pm
There is apparently a booming market for this stuff. I totally agree that it’s MUCH better for the kiddos than formula, but my god. What kind of horrible parent would feed their child some random chicks milk they got off craigslist?!?!
A good article about it…
http://www.wired.com/magazine/2011/05/ff_milk/
June 23, 2011 at 12:52 pm
The kind that lives communally and eats kale.
June 23, 2011 at 12:37 pm
It might sell better if she turned it into some tasty ice cream: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/02/28/main20037337.shtml. That way anyone can partake of her wholesome bodily fluids. Even adults who are skeeved about drinking breast milk can get that creamy freshness in a socially acceptable fashion.
June 23, 2011 at 12:38 pm
OMG. I’m a nursing mom who also runs a breastpump rental station, so not much that has to do with breastfeeding weirds me out, but this definitely does. Hmm, sure, you’d rather turn a profit than donate it (which is FREE unless she’s shipping it), that’s just the sort of person I want to trust. Of course, the scarier thing is that there’s probably somebody out there who will take her up on it!!
June 23, 2011 at 5:35 pm
Heck you can’t sell the cheaper pumps used on ebay because they can’t be sterilized like the rentals can.
June 23, 2011 at 5:36 pm
not used on ebay but used, (comma) on ebay
June 23, 2011 at 12:38 pm
http://www.onlythebreast.com/
This is actually REALLY common.
Personally I’d never chance feeding my crotch spawn the milk of a random stranger since I ruined my figure and my vagoo as well as had 9 months of swollen ankles and heartburn to show for it on the off chance my kid dies from their drug-ladden milk.
June 23, 2011 at 12:54 pm
“Crotch spawn”
My new phrase for the psychotic little bastards that run around the supermarket unchecked by their oblivious idiot parents.
Thank you!
June 23, 2011 at 12:56 pm
Those are the same kids whose parents, you look at, and say, “Somebody not only fucked that thing once, but 4 times?”
June 23, 2011 at 12:59 pm
“Dear People of Walmart…”
June 24, 2011 at 8:21 pm
OK, I’m not a mom so please explain. This site offers “natural” breast milk. What makes breast milk unnatural? hell, even cow’s milk (unless genetically altered) is natural.
June 23, 2011 at 12:39 pm
“As weird as it sounds there are women who don’t produce milk”
How is that weird, and to whom is this new information? There are thousands of ways that the human body can be abnormal, so why do the lactivists think that mammary glands are exempt from problems?
June 23, 2011 at 1:00 pm
Because that is what God made boobies to do, and we all know God makes no mistakes.
June 23, 2011 at 3:27 pm
Ha! He damned sure made a mistake with MY boobies! For one thing, he made them droopy so they bounce off my knees when I can’t find a clean bra.
*sniffles* Getting old sucks.
June 23, 2011 at 7:52 pm
Really? Boobies aren’t made for men to honk? Huh…now how am I gonna get a date?
June 23, 2011 at 1:00 pm
I’ve known far more women unhappy that they couldn’t produce enough than that they produced too much.
June 23, 2011 at 1:16 pm
Yes, but those who don’t produce aren’t TRYING hard enough. Or some other such horseshit. People are fucking stupid, end of story.
June 23, 2011 at 3:11 pm
People are fucking stupid, end of story
Paging eviltwinpixie, this needs to be stitched.
June 23, 2011 at 5:49 pm
HERE HERE! This I want!
June 24, 2011 at 8:42 am
I want one too!!!
June 24, 2011 at 12:03 am
As a woman now trying to get pregnant for the first time her late thirties, I can announce that there is an entire culture based around the idea that no one except for a select band of hip mommies knows anything about pregnancy, childbirth, lactation, or small children.
I recall a day I was helping a friend change diapers with her first boy. She rolls up a poopy diaper and smirks, “So, you still want your own?”
I’m thinking, good grief, are you under the impression I’ve never seen a child have his diaper changed before? You thought this was some big secret of the in-crowd, that children excrete?
June 24, 2011 at 8:43 am
Yeah, avoid the mommyboards…..holy self-righteous bitches, batman!
June 24, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Seriously? I was changing diapers by age 10 thanks to being a “mother’s helper” for my neighbor and starting babysitting for them a year or so later.
Maybe that’s why I don’t want kids of my own.
June 24, 2011 at 8:26 pm
One of those superior uberboober comments from the lacktards that I mentioned earlier.
June 23, 2011 at 12:41 pm
She wrote her ad wrong. She should have written:
Position wanted: WETNURSE
June 23, 2011 at 12:42 pm
How long before some clever fellow starts offering his spare sperm to as a DIY fertility clinic? Those mainstream clinics are just so expensive and time consuming with their “testing” and “safety”.
June 23, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Probably never. Unlike Mrs. Moomoo here, if Mr. Knockerup doesn’t seriously screen his clientele, then there’s a good chance that he’ll have multiple baby mamas on his case. After getting all the legalities out of the way, it’d just be easier to get tested and approved by the local sperm bank (or pick up drunk chicks at the local bar).
On that note, I had a friend whose mother actually did get knocked up to have a pretty child. That pretty child (my friend’s older sister) ended up a whore and now has many children of her own.
June 23, 2011 at 1:00 pm
And the circle is complete.
June 24, 2011 at 8:28 pm
To be fair, the mother wanted pretty, not smart.
June 23, 2011 at 1:27 pm
I had a friend who found a lesbian couple on CL who wanted a sperm donor, so they paid him (and paid him well from what I heard) to come to their house every day and, um, “donate.” I guess they wanted him to do this for a few weeks, and he actually backed out halfway through the because it was too demanding. Then they sued him on The People’s Court. Watching that episode was probably the best 30 minutes of my life.
June 23, 2011 at 1:33 pm
OH MY GOD!
I must search for that episode online with every fiber of my being!
What was the case name? Give me all the details so that I may find this whimsical gem of fuckery!
June 23, 2011 at 2:40 pm
http://www.videosurf.com/videos/the+people%2527s+court+craigslist+sperm+donor+pt+1?vnf=1
June 23, 2011 at 6:24 pm
Piperk gets my marriage proposal for the day. Congratulations.
Also, this episode is EPIC WIN.
June 24, 2011 at 9:20 am
there ya go.. sorry, was too lazy to hunt it down myself, lol.
It’s probably a good thing that they never got pregnant, because he’s not the brightest crayon. He did, however, contribute to my boyfriend and I getting together. I just love that I know someone who’s been on TV.
June 23, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Google “At Home Insemination”
June 23, 2011 at 5:34 pm
Nope. Not gonna do it.
June 23, 2011 at 12:42 pm
The line “I can pump it in front of you” is the worst part.
With all the freaks that will answer because of that, the pumping-in-front-of-you offer is sure to be reciprocated.
June 23, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Scroll down. I found one.
June 23, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Crazy thought – save it for your baby.
June 23, 2011 at 12:56 pm
You can only freeze breast milk for a short amount of time, so you have to use it quickly. If she’s already feeding her child from her breasts and then pumping that much more, the frozen milk will likely go bad before the baby will drink it.
On the other hand, if she stopped pumping she’d start producing only enough to feed her baby and feel less like a cow.
June 23, 2011 at 3:02 pm
I wondered about that, too. Why continue to pump if you make plenty to feed the baby from the tap?
June 24, 2011 at 2:45 am
Because sometimes you can’t feed the baby from the tap, if they won’t latch correctly etc… I pumped for over a year and bottle-fed it to my baby because she simply couldn’t get the hang of the bf deal
June 23, 2011 at 1:01 pm
Heavy producers make more than their own babies need. Offering to help those less lactationally fortunate is as generous as any other charitable activity, and not something weird. You just need to do it through proper channels to protect everyone’s health and peace of mind.
June 23, 2011 at 1:17 pm
Oh, and not CHARGE for it, either….
June 23, 2011 at 3:03 pm
So not Craig’s list then. Maybe she could offer to wet nurse? I think that would be far less sketchy.
June 23, 2011 at 12:46 pm
June 23, 2011 at 12:50 pm
IT’S A TRAP!
June 23, 2011 at 12:48 pm
June 23, 2011 at 12:50 pm
I think I found a taker!
June 23, 2011 at 12:56 pm
Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match…
June 23, 2011 at 2:48 pm
I’m half jewish. I can be their Yenta.
June 23, 2011 at 12:56 pm
It tastes like honeydew melon.
June 23, 2011 at 1:03 pm
The taste is affected by the woman’s diet. Some babies will refuse milk produced after spicy foods.
June 23, 2011 at 1:19 pm
Of course, I meant they’d refuse milk produced after the mother ate spicy foods.
June 23, 2011 at 1:22 pm
Will some babies refuse milk shared with men who met mommy by placing ads on craigslist ads for their mommy’s breast milk?
June 23, 2011 at 1:28 pm
“it’s better than anything in the world, better than mango even”
read in a british child voice a la
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxv6R9fUO74
June 23, 2011 at 8:49 pm
Somehow I read that as HoneyJEW melon, tittered, and then re-read it again.
June 23, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Serendipity at its finest.
June 23, 2011 at 12:51 pm
I would totally buy bags and bags of this stuff, make cheese out of it, and give it away on triscuits, decorated with tiny candied ginger strips, in a performance art piece about the commodification of breast milk. I can do that in my artistic ability.
June 23, 2011 at 12:57 pm
I would actually come see that. Not pay to see, but show up to watch for free.
June 23, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Y’know, a lot of regretsians appear to have had babies lately…have we become friskier thanks to the Mike photos? A Mike-related baby boom perchance?
June 23, 2011 at 12:57 pm
You’ll find out when the name Mike tops the popular baby name list next year.
June 23, 2011 at 2:49 pm
Michael has been in the top ten baby boy names (usually #1 or #2) for the last 70 years. I don’t think we’ll notice a Mike spike.
June 23, 2011 at 3:08 pm
It’s actually dropped down the list. Jason is now near the top, with the Aiden/Jaden/Cadens following close behind.
June 23, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Oh, I think we’d very much notice a Mike Spike!
June 23, 2011 at 6:38 pm
Names are one of my “things.”
http://www.ssa.gov/cgi-bin/popularnames.cgi
Michael was #3 last year. I swear, I will cry if Jayden hits #1.
@ Mapleleaves: Really?? I thought Jason was the big name in my generation, or a little before. Okay, I just remembered you’re Canadian. Herp derp! I’m looking at the US lists…Jason is #69 (hee!) here.
June 23, 2011 at 7:57 pm
I bet a lot of people here would really LOVE to see a Mike spike though ….
June 24, 2011 at 4:57 am
Fia, I meant “Jacob.” Oops.
Usually when I’m in a group of people my age I’m surrounded by Michaels, Christophers, and Brians. At my previous job there was one Mike, one Christopher, but four Jasons.
And I’m not Canadian. The screen name comes from a business I owned about ten years ago.
June 24, 2011 at 8:37 pm
We would notice a Mike spike if he’d drop the damn towel.
June 23, 2011 at 1:02 pm
BTW, don’t be knocking Elmer’s Glue! That was some tasty stuff!
June 23, 2011 at 1:05 pm
That’s what you feed reborns when you feed your fake baby in public.
June 23, 2011 at 1:11 pm
Elmer’s is for the great unwashed masses. True glue connoisseurs sip Modge Podge.
June 23, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Heck no. Paste is where it’s at.
June 24, 2011 at 8:38 pm
So you were that kid in the back of the classroom.
June 23, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Holds up a punk do like nothing else.
June 23, 2011 at 1:12 pm
She’d better not complain when thist guy knocks on her door:
June 23, 2011 at 3:05 pm
June 23, 2011 at 1:20 pm
So I can stop breastfeeding my kid and just pump this shit and SELL IT? Can I list my milk on etsy too? I FIGURED OUT THE MISSING LINK = PROFIT. mooooooooooo hell yeah
June 23, 2011 at 1:55 pm
It’s handcrafted, if you use a manual pump….
June 23, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Liquid Art by Monique, during her lactation phase? I think you’ve got a winner.
June 23, 2011 at 1:31 pm
While I appreciate what she’s doing because there are women out there who have trouble producing milk, there are probably (read: definitely) better ways she could phrase it.
June 23, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Yeah, spouting platitudes like ‘BREAST is BEST!!!!’ totally doesn’t make women feel *even worse* about having trouble producing or getting their kid to latch.
June 23, 2011 at 2:12 pm
Breast is Best means breast feeding? I wish I knew that earlier. I’ve lived my life by that motto, and yet, don’t have an opinion either way on breast feeding. My boys were all half breast fed, half formula fed because they’re all hogs. Damn.
June 25, 2011 at 3:01 am
Agreed!! My daughter was born at 39 weeks and was too small and weak. She stopped eating for 3 days due to it. Being in Germany made it even better since the hospital wouldn’t release us until she got stronger, but they REFUSED to give me a bottle, even to pump into.
On an interesting side note: if you get really pissed off in a maternity ward and flip the empty bed next to you while screaming at Germans in Russian, you can get a bottle.
June 23, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Just churn it into ice cream and give it out at the next church/civic organization social:
“My, my, what creamy vanilla flavor! How did you get this texture?”
“Secret’s in the milk….”
June 23, 2011 at 1:52 pm
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June 23, 2011 at 2:49 pm
Milk share is one thing – taking some random chick off CL’s tit juice is another….you don’t know wtf she eats, whether she has any diseases or medications that can be transmitted….just…..ew….
June 23, 2011 at 5:33 pm
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June 23, 2011 at 8:11 pm
Um…no. formula that is made under strict guidelines or breastmilk from a possible crackwhore…I’ll take my chances with the similac, thanks. IF I would’ve ever thought about feeding my child another person’s breastmilk, you can be damn sure I would know everything about that person, down to their shoe size… I’m sorry, that just freaks me out bad. I wouldn’t let my kid take candy from a stranger, so why would I let her take bodily fluids from one? N fucking way! Just doesn’t sound like a very good idea.
June 24, 2011 at 8:46 am
Yeah, sorry – I’ll take the formula over the tainted milk. I don’t smoke, do drugs, etc, while pg, then I’m going to feed my kid with another person’s excretion that could have any and all of that in there?? Yeah, no.
I didn’t realize MilkShare didn’t screen – I retract my post and say that MilkShare is gross too. Screening is important. Fuck, I don’t let anyone but family babysit my kids, I’m going to let them produce milk for them to eat?
June 23, 2011 at 2:00 pm
I’m long past my lactating days, so the only thing that I associate “12 oz” with now is a nice cold Corona.
Ooh, I’ve got a lime in the fridge, too….
June 23, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Can you make the corona appear to come from the breast? Like one of those bleeding virgin mary statues? If so, I’d make a pilgrimage to worship at your feet. (I’m really not creepy or anything, but boob beer is kind of like my own personal holy grail)
June 23, 2011 at 2:40 pm
Hm, “boob beer.” I don’t think Corona would work for that. But maybe MaDonna…?
June 23, 2011 at 4:22 pm
Any beer, quite honestly. Cold and straight from the nipple. I’ve heard of “Keg-O-Rators”, imagine being able to market “Boob-o-Rators”. Good god, you’d be able to buy Bill Gates out 10 times over.
June 23, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Maybe you could re-work one of these somehow: http://www.thebeerbelly.com/v/vspfiles/V4_Backup/winerack.asp
June 23, 2011 at 2:15 pm
I don’t even want to get into the whole “breast milk is the best” and “it’s evil to not breastfeed your baby” arguments… I think it is 100% personal and every woman should have the right to that choice… but are these people not aware that blood borne pathogens are passed on in breast milk?! this is why you should go though a milk bank. I mean really! Would you just take blood from a complete stranger because you are feeling anemic and don’t want to deal with all the red tape. It’s one thing to endanger yourself, but another to endanger your child.
June 23, 2011 at 2:15 pm
the only thing it made me think of was “Bitty” by Little Britain – oh god, it makes me squirm everytime!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuPBbFOiygo
June 23, 2011 at 2:47 pm
OMFG!!! BAHAHAHAHAA!!!!
That reminds me of Bono on South Park….he had to have “bitty” too….
June 23, 2011 at 4:23 pm
Wow, I totally didn’t see that you had already posted this.
I LOVE this show, and that skit has scarred me for a while. I’m paranoid about that when I meet guys who describe themselves as “mama’s boys” because it will always be in the back of my head….”Are you still on the tit??”
June 23, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Damn I gotta figure out how to color my breast milk for some art now… gosh I could corner the market with all my creativity and lactating. I bet the youtube demo videos would be real popular, too.
June 23, 2011 at 3:10 pm
That gives milk paint a whole new meaning.
June 23, 2011 at 5:12 pm
Does it? Sounds kinda like the old meaning to me.
June 23, 2011 at 2:46 pm
Okay, the one thing I’ll say is the amount isn’t too bad. When I was breastfeeding if I had to leave the baby, I could sit down and seriously fill two 9 oz bottles in about three minutes. Never tried to fill more than that at a time, but I’m sure that I could. It’s all about production. But seriously, Craigslist? Yuck.
June 23, 2011 at 3:12 pm
Nothing says “I don’t love you that much” like strange breast milk.
June 23, 2011 at 3:54 pm
Well, it’s still better than some random man with crusty nuts (or worse yet, one ball) offering up his free jizz as a “sperm donor” (not that having clean nuts or two balls would make it any better.)
June 23, 2011 at 4:00 pm
Lactard! gosh!
June 23, 2011 at 4:00 pm
I think whatever’s in the freezer should be bagged in rusty birdfeed bags, tied with horsehair and listed on Etsy for $79.95 per bag, $22.95 charged on top of that when you drive over to pick it up yourself.
Front page stardom – instantly!
June 23, 2011 at 4:21 pm
I don’t want an egg; I want BITTY!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kc1E7z6rH6k
Anyone ever watch Little Britain? this is the most memorable skit to me.
June 23, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Since the above link was already posted, please see this weirdness…..
DRINK MY BREAST MILK!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVdudXoSOqI&NR=1&feature=fvwp
June 23, 2011 at 4:41 pm
60 oz is almost two liters. That’s almost the size of a large bottle of cola.
If my tits produced 60 ounces of milk a day, I would not be posting an ad on Craigslist. I’d be calling a doctor!
June 23, 2011 at 5:11 pm
I totally get her dilemma. I’m a DD and also bloated to a G when I was pregnant. AND it was all milk – do you know how hard my daughter tried to drain melons that were each twice the size of her head??
I remember one particular night when I’d gone out for the first time to a wedding reception. I’d even expressed before I left at 6pm. By 11 pm, my boobs were jumping out of my dress and I had leak spots through the leak pads! I drove home like a madwoman and demanded my daughter as I pushed my way through the front door so I could get some relief!
But no. I wouldn’t sell it
June 24, 2011 at 1:35 pm
I’ve woken my son up from a dead sleep to nurse because I was that engorged and the pump was doing s**t.
I have a tendency apparently towards plugged ducts though, so it HAD TO BE DONE.
June 23, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Is it too late to order some for this weekend?
A friend of mine wants to know…
June 23, 2011 at 7:20 pm
What’s even better than buying breast milk for your baby? Buying BREAST MILK ICE CREAM for yourself:
http://gizmodo.com/5769169/you-can-buy-breast-milk-icecream-in-london-for-22-a-bowl
Yuuuummmm…
The only thing that could make this better is if it were sold on Etsy, of course.
And, you’ve just gotta love the baby bottle sitting in the background with the cookies. Here mama, you can have your OWN bottle or breast milk now!
June 23, 2011 at 9:20 pm
So how much would it fetch to go to a stranger’s house and watch a man circumcise himself?
Just be wary, it could be a scam.
June 23, 2011 at 9:40 pm
He probably just put sculpty clay on his dick and used a cheese slicer to shave it off.
June 23, 2011 at 11:26 pm
if you go on the creepy “men seeking women” ads on craigslist, i’m sure she’d find some takers for this offer. there’s are a ton of creepers who have those fetishes who are always looking for lactating women. weirddd.
unfortunately, i randomly lactate and i have never been pregnant or had children. i have a tumor on my pituitary gland and there is nothing they can do about it.
maybe i should try to start making money off of it on the side. hmm.. always a thought.
June 24, 2011 at 12:17 am
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June 24, 2011 at 8:02 am
She needs to hook up with guy on craigslist who was requesting to ‘buy breast milk, admittedly for my own sexual desires, happy to purchase frozen milk’
Unfortunately I could no longer find that listing to email to her…
June 24, 2011 at 1:33 pm
As someone who did “casual” donation I will say:
I offered labs to prove my milk was safe. And the woman I donated to- she tried formula for her kiddo, and he got very ill on all of it for some reason (even the hypoallergenic stuff!) . She actually would have preferred to formula feed as getting enough breast milk to feed her kid was incredibly difficult. And more expensive than even the hypoallergenic $40 a can formula!!!
I’m very much a live and let live type- I donated because I had extra, my son refused all bottles and I know some folks prefer it over the formula. It didn’t cost me anything to offer it. Its kinda like how I got formula samples in the mail, and donated those to a food pantry as well, if someone can use it, why not donate? Personally, even though I’m big into breast feeding, I’m more of the mindset: feed your kid one way or another, nothing else matters.
June 24, 2011 at 6:44 pm
that is a freakish amount to have pumped.
can’t blame her for trying to cash in on her liquid gold. SMH
June 25, 2011 at 10:45 am
I wonder how many people called to pay just to watch her pump the suckers? It is Craigslist after all…
June 26, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Add me to the list of regrestians who tried to pump. Never got 12 oz at a setting or 60 oz a day. When my supply dwindled to the point where I was getting less than 2 oz (from both sides) at a sitting, I quit. I want to know what kind of super-awesome hospital-quality pump she must have. (Yes, it matters). The only reason I hesitated to give my son formula is ’cause that stuff is expensive. My own milk was free.
June 26, 2011 at 3:18 pm
Swallowing someone esle’s fluids besides my husbands just seems wrong.
June 26, 2011 at 3:18 pm
husband’s
June 28, 2011 at 5:14 pm
This is not about milk for babies – this woman is clearly trying to make money from fetishists, without getting arrested or in trouble. Pump it in front of them? Yeah, it is just for people who get off on lactation.