103

On Your Cycle

I can’t believe no one has stolen the woolen vagina bike seat you’ve been sitting on for a year. You must live in a great neighborhood.

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103 comments on On Your Cycle

  1. rheaallais
    June 19, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    This is a definite “We kid because we love” item for me. If my fat butt ever gets on the bike again, it will be with a cover like this.

    Thumb up Thumb down +32

    • haineux
      June 19, 2011 at 1:51 pm

      Regretsy is 40% WTF, 40% guilty pleasures …
      – and 50% schadenfreude.

      Oh but wait, there’s also the 20% NSFW, of which most is WTF AND schadenfreude, but some of which is also mildly arousing “guilty pleasures.”

      So that adds up to, um, 125%, but that’s because Regretsy is the website that just keeps on giving. Like the herpes.

      Thumb up Thumb down +92

      • haineux
        June 19, 2011 at 1:52 pm

        Someone can’t close his bold tags. Bah. That’ll teach me to write comments before taking the muscle relaxants.

        Thumb up Thumb down +27

        • knittygritty
          June 19, 2011 at 3:10 pm

          Herp-a-derpes!

          Thumb up Thumb down +16

        • bunnybun
          June 19, 2011 at 3:20 pm

          Dude it adds up to, like, 150%

          Thumb up Thumb down +25

        • Cheeky Shenanigans
          June 19, 2011 at 9:30 pm

          @knittygritty: I asked my spawn what “herp derp” meant. Because she could not tell me, I told her she is now banned from using the word. I might let her use “herp-a-derpes” though.

          Thumb up Thumb down +7

    • Princess Steampunk FluffyPants
      June 19, 2011 at 3:26 pm

      Looking at her shop, some of her other seat covers are very, very cool.

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

      • ClaireAnnen
        June 19, 2011 at 4:17 pm

        I agree. Also, I kinda want the paper-mache mantis.

        Thumb up Thumb down +4

      • angelbuttons77
        June 19, 2011 at 4:24 pm

        I agree. I’d love to walk into a spin class with some of those. But definitely NOT the vag one…

        Thumb up Thumb down +5

    • aliceblue
      June 19, 2011 at 4:09 pm

      At least you won’t need a hand mirror any more.

      Thumb up Thumb down +23

  2. Stretch65
    June 19, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    Its also Scratch and sniff!!!

    Thumb up Thumb down +105

    • HisOtherEar
      June 19, 2011 at 2:05 pm

      Gross, and win, all at the same time.

      Thumb up Thumb down +57

    • ZombieMom
      June 19, 2011 at 3:09 pm

      But can you adjust the size of it’s smell?

      Thumb up Thumb down +12

      • vinnifera
        June 19, 2011 at 3:34 pm

        By limiting how long you ride.

        Thumb up Thumb down +19

  3. NanaB
    June 19, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    Is that a vaginacycle?

    Thumb up Thumb down +13

    • KatP
      June 19, 2011 at 2:31 pm

      Oo, I like that terminology. So much better than menstrual cycle. “Yes, Dr. Smith, I’m on day 21 of my vagina cycle.”

      Thumb up Thumb down +32

    • Fraeulein
      June 19, 2011 at 2:57 pm

      Could be a menstrual cycle.

      Red thumb it.

      Thumb up Thumb down +18

      • NanaB
        June 19, 2011 at 3:01 pm

        I’m 63 years old. For me, it’s a vagina cycle cause I still have a vagina.

        Thumb up Thumb down +28

      • aliceblue
        June 19, 2011 at 3:44 pm

        Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

        Thumb up Thumb down -5

        • NanaB
          June 19, 2011 at 3:50 pm

          Honest to God, what is it with you young uns? I was only too happy (and still am) NOT to have a menstrual cycle anymore. Even if they dye some of the yarn, I don’t want no more menstrual cycle.

          Thumb up Thumb down +25

        • aliceblue
          June 19, 2011 at 4:04 pm

          Believe me Nana B, I’m waiting with anticipation. I’m a not-so-young un with an appallingly fertile genetic pool.

          Thumb up Thumb down +4

        • NanaB
          June 19, 2011 at 4:14 pm

          yep, i hear ya…my youngest is 19…

          Thumb up Thumb down +5

  4. Stretch65
    June 19, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    or if driven by a woman a bi-cycle

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

  5. chainsawbuzzkill
    June 19, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    I used to think only men were obsessed with their privates.

    Who would have thought that those guys would be so similar to these “womyn?”

    Thumb up Thumb down +34

  6. K.
    June 19, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Am I the only one who thinks that it looks like a pink shark rising from a sea of pubes?

    Thumb up Thumb down +41

    • agent57
      June 19, 2011 at 2:40 pm

      Why, is that unusual? I’ve been referring to my bajingo as “Ol’ Sharkey” for ages now.*

      *This statement is not true.

      Thumb up Thumb down +51

    • dandelion
      June 19, 2011 at 2:44 pm

      They don’t call it Shark Week for nothing.

      Thumb up Thumb down +31

    • Don Stratton
      June 19, 2011 at 3:19 pm

      OMG… once seen it cannot be unseen! You are so right! It is like the disturbingly hairy cover to Peter Benchley’s “Jaws”

      Thumb up Thumb down +2

    • lemon_bombs
      June 19, 2011 at 5:01 pm

      I do now. O.O

      Thumb up Thumb down +2

    • MsBitchhands
      June 19, 2011 at 10:04 pm

      So does that mean you’re chumming the waters for the pube shark every time you hit your monthly bloodbath?

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

    • MsBitchhands
      June 19, 2011 at 10:42 pm

      It needs no alteration thanks to you:

      You say black I say white
      You say bark I say bite
      You say shark I say hey man
      Jaws was never my scene
      And I don’t like Star Wars
      You say Rolls I say Royce
      You say God give me a choice
      You say Lord I say Christ
      I don’t believe in Peter Pan
      Frankenstein or Superman
      All I wanna do is

      Bicycle bicycle bicycle
      I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle

      Thumb up Thumb down +13

  7. jewel_alchemy
    June 19, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    It’s luridly amusing but still, it pains me to see the noble art of crocheting demeaned in this way.

    Thumb up Thumb down +23

    • Hamster Huey
      June 19, 2011 at 2:56 pm

      Crotcheting.

      Thumb up Thumb down +88

    • faunablues
      June 19, 2011 at 4:32 pm

      There sure IS some terrible crochet on Etsy, but at least with this the pattern for making the vag and the seat cover itself must have been difficult.

      Though I’d like it better if they used a bobble stitch for the clitoris.

      Thumb up Thumb down +20

  8. HisOtherEar
    June 19, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    Regretsy, Regretsy
    Give me your answer, do
    I’m half crazy
    All for the love of you
    It won’t be a stylish marriage
    I can’t afford any Vicodin
    But you’ll look sweet
    Upon the seat
    Of a bicycle built for bajingos

    Thumb up Thumb down +76

    • AmberleighTamborine
      June 19, 2011 at 7:35 pm

      You are my favorite for this! OMG, I’m going to be singing it and giggling uncontrollably forever. Oh dear…

      Thumb up Thumb down +2

      • OhCrap
        June 19, 2011 at 8:57 pm

        Yes, I too am now sitting here giggling uncontrollably – I forgot my medication this morning. Oh well, I’m off to crochet a black fluffy bajingo bicycle seat…..

        Thumb up Thumb down +1

  9. ButtHurt Barbie
    June 19, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    I dunno, I quite fancy one too, for anti-theft purposes.

    I’m the proud owner of a big grown-up size shiny red tricycle, & this would be just the thing to prove that I’m not actually six, AND scare away bike-thieves.

    Do you think she’d crochet me a ginger one?

    Lucy

    Thumb up Thumb down +60

    • Mugsy Doodle
      June 19, 2011 at 2:12 pm

      An adult-size tricyle? Squeeee!!!!!!I am SO envious of you! A friend of mine has an adult-size tricyle (tricked out with a stuffed Winnie-the-Pooh and lots of ribbons and balloons) and it is SO much fun–and reduces a lot of stress–to ride around the parking lot. I’ll be seeing him July 4th weekend and expect I will be asking him for a spin.

      Thumb up Thumb down +13

      • Hamster Huey
        June 19, 2011 at 2:57 pm

        We found one at a garage sale once. My dad, who never quite mastered the part of riding a bike where you balance on two wheels, REALLY wanted it.

        Thumb up Thumb down +13

      • ButtHurt Barbie
        June 23, 2011 at 1:49 am

        http://www.ultimatehardware.co.uk/2010/04/02/trike-20/

        It’s this one. Except I got it for £100 from some folk who seemed like a bit of a tragic situation.

        They market them for the disabled, & mine is built for riders under 5′ 2″, so it is perfect for me.

        Although it may also make people think the circus is in town…

        Thumb up Thumb down +1

    • sheltiepitbullfun
      June 19, 2011 at 3:41 pm

      Yeah I use one to walk the dogs but I refuse to call it a “tricycle”, its a 3-wheeled recumbent:

      http://www.bicycleman.com/recumbents/trikes/sun/sun-ez3-ez3ltd-recumbent-trikes.htm

      Thumb up Thumb down +2

      • Mugsy Doodle
        June 19, 2011 at 5:51 pm

        That’s not it…but if you’re walking a sheltie-pit bull mix, I’d like a photo!

        This is what I mean: http://www.shopubs.com/Italtrike-1040TPCL-10-Inch-Transporter-Classic/M/B000XUKL2O.htm

        Thumb up Thumb down +1

        • sheltiepitbullfun
          June 19, 2011 at 6:17 pm

          Sorry I have no “shitbull”s here, just purebred shelties and a purebred pitbull:

          Thumb up Thumb down +16

        • MsBitchhands
          June 19, 2011 at 10:10 pm

          I demand that they be called Bullshits. I would spend the rest of my days searching out and rescuing Bullshits just so that I could say that my home is filled with Bullshit!

          Thumb up Thumb down +14

        • Mugsy Doodle
          June 20, 2011 at 1:39 pm

          Both very good and loving breeds–and all beautiful…but I’m with MsBitchhans. Ever consider breeding the two? :D

          Thumb up Thumb down +1

        • sheltiepitbullfun
          June 20, 2011 at 6:43 pm

          If I had unlimited money and space I’d be way more into collecting unusual dogs. As it is there are many more pit bulls and mixes of them than there are willing homes, 17,000 of them on petfinder.org last I checked, so I’d feel remiss adding to that number. There’s a good chance with creating mixed breeds that the result won’t have the best qualities of each parent so its best left for people who are willing to live with that. Doing the best with purebreds is enough of a challenge for me! Most people don’t contemplate all the potential risks involved in bringing puppies into the world.

          Thumb up Thumb down +4

      • Cheeky Shenanigans
        June 19, 2011 at 9:37 pm

        I’ve been looking for this trike in this exact brand! Thanks, sheltie! :)

        Thumb up Thumb down 0

    • A.Cantus
      June 19, 2011 at 4:32 pm

      I was just about to say that it would totally be a theft deterrent. I’d be willing to bet that even the nicest of bikes looks a lot less tempting with a vagina slapped on the seat.

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

    • Mugsy Doodle
      June 19, 2011 at 5:52 pm

      Do you have one like this? My friend really tricked it out with balloons and flags (on the pole–I didn’t realize he hadn’t attached it post-market).

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

    • Mugsy Doodle
      June 19, 2011 at 5:55 pm

      Is this what you have? http://www.shopubs.com/Italtrike-1040TPCL-10-Inch-Transporter-Classic/M/B000XUKL2O.htm

      I didn’t realize it came with the pole–I thought my friend had added it post-market. It’s really adorably tricked out and he’s a big kid on it (no, seriously, he’s a cross-dresser and dresses in those cute fluffy dresses little girls of a certain age wore as little girls; he has a pig-tail wig and frequentl carries a giant lollipop–kids on the streets LOVE him (he’s always smiling, which makes him even more lovable than he is) and he told me to go to eBay and search for “adult kid” or something of that nature).

      Thumb up Thumb down +2

  10. maxruehl
    June 19, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    I’m pretty sure that thing could use some Monistat.

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  11. Glitteristhenewblack
    June 19, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    My other cycle is a menstrual.

    Thumb up Thumb down +103

    • AntB
      June 19, 2011 at 8:09 pm

      With that as a bumper sticker, my son would never borrow my scooter again!

      Thumb up Thumb down +10

  12. pearlheartgtr
    June 19, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Something tells me these should be sold together:

    http://www.regretsy.com/2011/02/17/taint-misbehaving-nsfw/

    Thumb up Thumb down +5

    • Mugsy Doodle
      June 19, 2011 at 2:32 pm

      Not falling for it, Pearlheartgtr! Nope, not going to click on the link, ’cause the title gives away too much info.

      *grabs one hand in the other, pulling away from the mouse, struggles not to move cursor up and click; goes for coffee and a nice sandwich; breathes heavily with anxiety of wanting to click and not wanting to click*

      Thumb up Thumb down +4

    • aliceblue
      June 19, 2011 at 4:21 pm

      Giant bajingo with out of control bush + eau de twat? Probalby better theft deterrents than any titanium bike locks out there.

      Thumb up Thumb down +3

      • Mugsy Doodle
        June 19, 2011 at 5:01 pm

        Thanks, Aliceblue. So glad I didn’t go to the link. I’m sure your scensational description will be haunting my nightmares tonight. Yeah, thanks!

        Thumb up Thumb down +1

        • aliceblue
          June 19, 2011 at 5:39 pm

          Do I detect a wee bit of sarcasm there? After all, now your anxiety should be gone.:) Also, didn’t you mean scent-sational description? The picture isn’t as nearly bad as the product; although I will admit that I started thinking of some awfully wonderful pranks for which that mixture could be used. (Grinch music plays in the background).

          Thumb up Thumb down +5

        • Mugsy Doodle
          June 19, 2011 at 5:57 pm

          More than a wee bit o’ sarcasm, my dear! Yes, I meant to write scentsational. I was in a bit of rush, if you can understand.

          Thumb up Thumb down +4

  13. NanaB
    June 19, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    Yes, this is fine, but for myself, I would like to add this comfort pillow…

    which I found here

    Thumb up Thumb down +54

    • Mugsy Doodle
      June 19, 2011 at 2:34 pm

      And that’s how we get tricycles, kids!

      Thumb up Thumb down +46

    • lemon_bombs
      June 19, 2011 at 5:07 pm

      One plus two plus a lot of yarn equals….

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

    • NanaB
      June 21, 2011 at 6:23 pm

      Really Photobucket, you are a little prudish aren’t you? Here’s the obscene picture they removed….

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

  14. Seibee
    June 19, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    Fanny cycle.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  15. elephant grenade
    June 19, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    The thing that bothers me most about this is that it’s backwards. My ass is not that hairy.

    Thumb up Thumb down +22

    • SayDocWhatsThisThing
      June 19, 2011 at 2:57 pm

      I totally agree, elephant. I don’t think any ass with a vagoo is gonna be that hairy. The design must be a symbolic reversal — like the Cycle Seat of Life or something. Say, maybe you could hang a pair of fuzzy dice from the (actual) front of the seat for a uni(multi)sex version.

      Thumb up Thumb down +2

  16. tiny giraffe
    June 19, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Only one downside: It’s so embarrassing when you’re out running errands and your bike starts having an orgasm.

    Thumb up Thumb down +41

    • Mugsy Doodle
      June 19, 2011 at 2:48 pm

      Or when the kick stand stays in position for more than 4 hours.

      Thumb up Thumb down +44

    • JenniLeigh
      June 19, 2011 at 2:53 pm

      Well, that’s what you get for scissoring with it…

      Thumb up Thumb down +7

  17. jaiejohnson
    June 19, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    Why is the clickerus not three dimensional? Is it not important when sitting on it?

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

  18. knittygritty
    June 19, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Where is the anus? I demand an anus.

    Thumb up Thumb down +12

    • aliceblue
      June 19, 2011 at 3:54 pm

      Life has too many anuses (anusi?) already; I can deal with one less.

      Thumb up Thumb down +13

    • tiny giraffe
      June 19, 2011 at 5:03 pm

      Knittygritty, is that your impression of former senator Larry Craig?

      Thumb up Thumb down +8

      • knittygritty
        June 19, 2011 at 6:33 pm

        I just blew Bailey’s all over my monitor, and now it looks like someone REALLY likes monitors.

        aliceblue, you can never get enough anus.

        Thumb up Thumb down +5

        • aliceblue
          June 19, 2011 at 6:53 pm

          Attend a 3 hour faculty meeting with me and see if you still feel that way. Sorry about your loss (the Bailey’s).

          Thumb up Thumb down +8

        • MsBitchhands
          June 19, 2011 at 10:28 pm

          The product has had it’s desired effect.

          Come again?

          Don’t mind if I do!

          Thumb up Thumb down +6

  19. ZombieMom
    June 19, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    I want to see a Man-cycle version of this seat cover with a crocheted dong and balls hanging off the front of the seat. That way it looks like your rocking out with your cock out. The back edge would definitely have to be fun fur with cleavage though.

    Thumb up Thumb down +22

    • ZombieMom
      June 19, 2011 at 4:50 pm

      Derp… you’re not your.

      Thumb up Thumb down +2

  20. JennyTremain
    June 19, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    Aw, it’s bad enough that we have truck nuts, don’t give humanity any more ideas!

    In another note, I fucking love this painting from the vagicycle seller: http://www.etsy.com/listing/73037448/praying-mantis-watercolor

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  21. pearlheartgtr
    June 19, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  22. Ms. Anthropy
    June 19, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    Pedalling pussy never looked so…Regretsy.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  23. thatg33kgirl
    June 19, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    Thief: “Aw, sweet, a bike! I’m going to steal it!!”

    “… wait a minute…”

    “WTF”

    *RUNS AWAY*

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

    • aliceblue
      June 19, 2011 at 3:58 pm

      I was not sure if a thief would be too disgusted to steal it or or to weak from laughing to steal it. Also, probably a a great markert for used bajingo bike seats (at least I hope not).

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

      • pearlheartgtr
        June 20, 2011 at 2:30 am

        It would be funny if the theif stole the bike and left the va-jayjay seat behind.

        Thumb up Thumb down +4

        • pearlheartgtr
          June 20, 2011 at 2:31 am

          Don’t mind the typos. Got a 12 pack in me. Time to go to bed.

          Thumb up Thumb down +1

  24. Whizzingalong
    June 19, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    Thumb up Thumb down +50

  25. aliceblue
    June 19, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    Danny, Danny,
    Give me your answer do!
    I’m full crazy,
    All for the love of you!
    It won’t be a stylish marriage,
    I can’t afford a carriage
    But you’ll look sweet upon the seat
    Of a bicycle with a vagoo.

    Thumb up Thumb down +19

    • Mugsy Doodle
      June 19, 2011 at 5:45 pm

      Kudos, Aliceblue!

      (And I read “vagoo” and think “Mr. Magoo” and it gets really uncomfortable…but in a good way, know what I mean…or is it only me?)

      Thumb up Thumb down +4

  26. HiddenLowRating
    June 20, 2011 at 5:52 am

    Hi, Straight Guy here.
    Anti-theft for my bike, sure.

    This is what crossed my mind first:
    I bet I’ll see one in Provincetown this summer.
    I’ll definitely keep an eye out.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

    • aliceblue
      June 20, 2011 at 9:58 am

      I have a little ditty I think goes with that picture. Please sing to the tune of Queen’s “Bicycle Race”

      I want to ride my bicycle, bicycle, bicycle
      I want to ride my bicycle
      I want to ride my bike
      I want to ride my bicycle
      I want to decorate it how I like

      You say pink I say black
      You say artist I say hack
      You say vajazzle I say hey man
      Oprah was never my scene and I don’t like Lifetime
      You say bush I say clip it neat
      You say it can adjusts to most bike’s seat
      You say vah-genie I say bajingo
      I don’t believe in vag crochet, wombyn or the word bootay
      All I wanna do
      ………..

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

  27. manybellsdown
    June 20, 2011 at 7:34 am

    You know, that seat cover would look GREAT on a wedding dress!

    Thumb up Thumb down +8

  28. montanabama
    June 20, 2011 at 9:59 am

    I don’t think I’ll ever, ever understand all of the vagina crafts. Why?? Were crocheted flowers just too gauche?

    Thumb up Thumb down +3

    • pearlheartgtr
      June 20, 2011 at 2:57 pm

      It wouldn’t surprise me if they’re made by women who spell “women” with a Y.

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

  29. maxruehl
    June 20, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    Thumb up Thumb down +9

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