Breast Stroke – NSFW
Everything about this makes me tired. It’s like a bad Kim Cattrall flashback in Sex and the City 4: The Sarah Lawrence Years.
But if you want to slap your tits at a canvas, that’s your business. Just remember that the distance between that and this is another bottle of Zinfandel.
June 19, 2011 at 9:35 am
Breasts as paintbrushes? I don’t think that’s what “boob job” is supposed to mean.
June 19, 2011 at 11:24 am
“You boods cost me $5000 and now you are going to pay me beck – get to work!”
June 19, 2011 at 11:38 am
Sorry about the typos, no coffe yet. Back later.
June 19, 2011 at 9:37 am
Or this… http://www.etsy.com/listing/75664897/original-triple-goddess-menstrual-art
I’m actually surprised there isn’t more “menstral art” on etsy, as I’ve stumbled across it a lot.
Not that I’m suggestion there should be more, mind you.
June 19, 2011 at 9:52 am
I’ve always wondered why people would want to celebrate menstruation. I can safely say most people do not enjoy feeling like they are being stabbed in the uterus and bleeding dry.
June 19, 2011 at 9:59 am
I’ve always likened the sensation to having a fish-hook twisting around in my womb, pulling at and shredding my innards. Maybe I’ll paint a picture of that and sell it on etsy. But I won’t paint with actual blood, because as my grandmother always said, “Even if you’re utterly tasteless you should at least attempt to be hygienic.”
June 19, 2011 at 11:34 am
Have a happy period.™
June 19, 2011 at 3:15 pm
Check this letter out that a woman wrote to kotex about the “Have a happy period” ad campaign
http://wendi-aarons.blogspot.com/2007/03/as-seen-on-mcsweeneysnet.html
June 19, 2011 at 11:29 am
I don’t get cramps, but I still don’t feel like celebrating and worshiping my period. I don’t celebrate chewing either, or my migrains, or under-boob sweat (even if it makes an intriguing design on my tank top).
June 19, 2011 at 12:34 pm
You lucky cunt. Sometimes I even feel my ovulation.
TMI?
June 19, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Who knows, maybe you have lost a great money making opportunity. Rip that tank off; immortalize the designs in fabric paint, and do a great write linking breast-sweat to wombynliness. Charge extra to change the size of the smell.
June 19, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Agowit, that takes me back, long before my periods were ‘eh, every few months, maybe’ (but the doctor swears I’m not premenopausal–idiot).
I remember someone telling me that if you felt a ping on your side, it was a “live” egg, and if you didn’t feel anything, it was a, well, dud. I never put it to the test as far as pregnancy went (thank you, God!), but I did notice that when I didn’t feel anything, it was an easy, no-cramps, no-nausea, no-I’m-going-to-fucking-kill-you-if-you-blink-again period. A ping? I stayed locked away with lots of chocolate. Many people are still walking this earth, unaware of how their lives were saved thanks to the nectar of the coco plant.
June 19, 2011 at 1:00 pm
My mother suggests you are celebrating “because you don’t actually die”
June 19, 2011 at 1:26 pm
i’ve celebrated my period many times,as in ‘yay,i’m not pregnant!’
June 19, 2011 at 1:25 pm
I plan to celebrate when it is done! No more paying $50/month to not have to deal with it.
June 19, 2011 at 8:47 pm
Chocolate takes on a whole new meaning when it’s no longer being used as a painkiller/antidepressant.
That’s what I hear, anyway. Contrary to what a lot of women told me, menopause was not the herald of a perfect life. And that is why we keep our gin and vodka in the freezer, boys and girls.
June 19, 2011 at 10:40 am
Do you think one could contract STDs by owning that painting?
June 19, 2011 at 11:06 am
Well I don’t think you’ll ever have to worry about having sex again.
June 19, 2011 at 11:20 am
I was wondering how selling anything made with human blood is legal. Or shippable, as the USPS won’t ship hazardous substances. I consider blood a hazardous substance, as do hospitals, doctors, nurses, labs, schools….
June 19, 2011 at 1:03 pm
I too was looking for some mention of a sealant. At my workplace, a university with no medical program, there is a section in the orientation about blood, bodily fluids and not touching them (great, you think that I smart enough to teach yet you think that the first thing I’s do upon seeing a pool of blood is stick my hand in it?). I do not care where the blood came from or what bodily fluid it is (urine, breast milk or perspiration); none should be wiped on paper, canvas or barn wood & shipped around the world.
June 19, 2011 at 2:53 pm
I think you have to clear it with the postal service? When I joined the bone marrow donor registry, the return envelope for the cheek swabs had “Exempt Human Tissue” on the envelope.
June 19, 2011 at 8:49 pm
I’ve done “fecal occult blood” tests that involved smearing poop on a card and mailing it through the USPS. So no, I don’t think there’s a law against mailing bodily substances…at least not dried ones.
June 19, 2011 at 11:15 pm
It sounds like one market niche Hallmark hasn’t bothered with – or have they?
June 24, 2011 at 1:00 am
USPS does allow you to ship bodily fluids through the mail as long as it is packaged and labeled so that it can be handled properly. I remember this from my orientation as holiday help. Thank goodness the only blood I saw was my own and I never caught a whiff of poop among the presents sent….it’s odd enough when a box comes through smelling like Chinese food.
June 19, 2011 at 10:47 am
This would be a great plot for CSI! Am I the only one who sees art with body fluids, “human ivory” etc., and thinks of framing these cupcake artists for a heinous crime?
June 19, 2011 at 11:05 am
That would make an interesting CSI ep….
Of course now I’m picturing cupcakes decorated with menstrual blood and toenail clippings, so thanks for that. (Though I suppose I deserve it for posting that link.)
June 19, 2011 at 11:30 am
Thanks for the diet help!
June 19, 2011 at 1:23 pm
Well, their art IS a heinous crime, but yes, it would be a great plot.
June 19, 2011 at 10:51 am
I should know by now to never click on a Regretsy link.
I must be a horrible feminist as I defile my menstrual blood by throwing it in the trash.
June 19, 2011 at 10:59 am
I wonder if I collected my menstrual blood with my Diva Cup and put it in a jar, I could sell it on Etsy as “Craft supplies” and make more money for motrin and booze…
Sure, it’s a disgusting idea, but you know some Cupcake Gurrl will go there…
June 19, 2011 at 12:40 pm
I have nothing to say ot that.
June 19, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Sad but probably true.
June 19, 2011 at 1:32 pm
And maybe those undies that get stained when Aunt Flo shows up unexpectedly? I’ve been throwing them away, but maybe I’ll feel like a normal girl if strangers hang them above their fireplaces. Also, I could afford new underwear.
June 19, 2011 at 3:21 pm
It’s already been done. There are some odd folks out there. I saw one girl who was selling her used q-tips (mmm earwax) and sweaty\stained underoos online to strange horny people. One woman on ebay got in major trouble with the law for selling her 12 year old’s undies, and she’d even make the kid wear lingerie so it could be sold. Talk about an exponential boost in creepazoid factor.
June 19, 2011 at 11:00 am
MY EYES!!!!
June 19, 2011 at 11:07 am
“I’m somehow who generally doesn’t feel like a normal girl”
Maybe because she paints with menstrual blood…
June 19, 2011 at 1:21 pm
She also claims that it made her fell “feminine.” I think that I’d feel like either a butcher or a serial killer.
June 19, 2011 at 11:13 am
My bloody hoo-ha makes its own menstrual art. I install my art in the nearest trash receptacle.
June 19, 2011 at 1:13 pm
When all along you should have been crafting them into fascinators. who knows, with the vampire craze they could be real popular. Just desribed them as “just how Bella attarcted Edward” or somthing equally lame and fans will buy.
June 19, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Bloody hell.
June 19, 2011 at 12:22 pm
Never click on the link. What rule number is that and what is it called?
June 19, 2011 at 1:58 pm
Yeah, I know. I can usually resist. I clicked on the link. Should have known better.
June 19, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Jeebus. Can you legally sell a biohazard on Etsy?
June 19, 2011 at 1:18 pm
And the problem with red paint is???
June 19, 2011 at 3:40 pm
Clearly, she’s from the school of thought which claims that it ain’t art if it ain’t controversial.
June 19, 2011 at 4:28 pm
I like in her description how she says that if you paint with your menstrual blood, it connects you to yourself. Then why the fuck wouldn’t I make my own, and connect with myself?? Why in hell would I want to connect with HER on that level??
I think I’m over thinking this…
June 20, 2011 at 8:04 am
Oh no! That girl was accepted to Ringling College of Art and Design. This is one of the schools that grooms people for Disney. Watch out Minnie!
June 20, 2011 at 8:31 am
Oh jesus christ
June 19, 2011 at 9:40 am
Kind of looks like an abstract painting of a gumball machine. If you’re using your boobs instead of your hands for some cool artistic effect I’d expect more than fingerpaint nipple impressions.
June 19, 2011 at 11:01 am
Former porn star Annie Sprinkle Ph.D (it’s true) makes some cute shapes, like the state of CA, and this: http://anniesprinkle.org/photos/shoppe/jewtit.jpg
You can scroll down & check out more of them here. She also bronzes her panties & sells them. I have two ex’s that would TOTALLY buy them.
https://anniesprinkle.org/shop/index.html
June 19, 2011 at 11:28 am
She says it is signed in the right cornor, maybe there is more “nippleworkd” there.
June 19, 2011 at 9:44 am
I’m reminded of the jute jock, which was artsy and had too much contact with someone’s private areas.
They are so similarity, yet so differents.
June 19, 2011 at 9:47 am
It looks a lot like a portrait Seattle’s most disgusting tourist destination:
http://tinyurl.com/yl9o22x
June 19, 2011 at 9:50 am
It feels like if I could just adjust my eyes right, I’ll see a magic 3D picture. But then again, I’m on drugs today.
June 19, 2011 at 9:53 am
You’re not the only one. I actually tried to magic-eye it out of habit before reading the blurb.
June 19, 2011 at 9:55 am
I could never get those Magic Eye things to work. I got the idea that it might be because of my astigmatism, which I now have glasses for. So I tried one with my glasses on. I could see a few random points in 3D, but never got a picture. Then I got the headache from hell that evening.
June 19, 2011 at 10:31 am
They work for me, but in reverse. Everything that’s supposed to pop “out” is indented and vice versa.
June 19, 2011 at 12:05 pm
Me, too! I always figured I was doing something wrong. Nice to know it isn’t just me.
June 19, 2011 at 2:24 pm
I’ve never been able to see them either. Even tried it on mushrooms once. The whole poster came writhing off the wall nicely but I still couldn’t see the dinosaurs.
June 19, 2011 at 4:10 pm
I don’t remember how I found the magic eye website (http://magiceye.com/) because I wasn’t even curious about them. I couldn’t see them, but I didn’t care. Well I go there, and there’s a tutorial and now I get it.
A side benefit was that when I was having trouble getting used to my new bifocals, looking at the magic eye pictures really helped.
June 19, 2011 at 9:58 am
It’s surprisingly pretty for a boob painting. I wonder what the hell her nipples look like that create that “circle within a ring” shape.
June 19, 2011 at 10:23 am
I don’t know… perhaps too much boob isn’t a good thing, I no likey…
My grandmother did a painting called “My Breast Cancer” before she died of the same. It looked a lot like this. Seriously.
Sorry to be a downer… let’s wrap this up now..
down thumb away.
June 19, 2011 at 10:24 am
(this wasn’t supposed to be here….)
June 19, 2011 at 10:39 am
Isn’t a raised bulls-eye rash a symptom of Lyme disease? She should have that checked. Especially if she’s been painting in the woods with no bra on.
June 20, 2011 at 8:33 am
When you think about it (and I did) you would have to have the kind of nipples that come from breast-feeding lots of other peoples kids
June 19, 2011 at 10:05 am
Lol. I made a valentines day card for my husband many years ago, using the same methods. The top of the heart was boobs. He thought it was pretty abstract and had it framed and hung on the wall. The inlaws came for a visit. Commented on how nice that little piece of art was.
June 19, 2011 at 12:48 pm
I bought my bulldog a big stuffed pig toy, years ago. Then I posed them together so it looked like she was humping the pig and took a picture. I sent it out to people and their reaction was, “Oh, how cute!” One friend even put it out in a frame.
June 19, 2011 at 1:04 pm
<img src="http://i492.photobucket.com/albums/rr281/mutineer826/luciepig1-1.jpg"
Okay, so the pig was humping the dog.
June 19, 2011 at 2:00 pm
I’ll take your word for it. The link didn’t work–said the image was deleted.
June 19, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Fixed yer typo:
http://i492.photobucket.com/albums/rr281/mutineer826/luciepig1-1.jpg
June 19, 2011 at 3:36 pm
Thank you, Rana. Adorable photo Flounces…even if your dog does look like it’s being violated.
June 19, 2011 at 5:05 pm
Thanks, Rana.
June 19, 2011 at 10:11 am
well, she seems to be gone but there is another woman doing this kind of art and some of it is truly beautiful – maybe this inspired something…or vicey versa
The Boobie Painter by JustMarcie
I wonder if Adolf would have done this…..
June 19, 2011 at 10:32 am
That’s quite pretty actually. I love the way the colors blend. I couldn’t paint that with my hands, let alone my bitty titties.
June 19, 2011 at 10:39 am
If you are small breasted maybe you could make ACEOs?
June 19, 2011 at 11:10 am
I wish I could “Thumbs Up” this multiple times!
June 19, 2011 at 11:05 am
“This is not your typical FRUIT BOWL or LANDSCAPE art!”
I would be more impressed if she had painted a landscape or still-life with her breasts.
June 19, 2011 at 12:25 pm
It would make a nice fabric pattern.
June 19, 2011 at 10:21 am
i just love the 100% real claim i just hate to pay for a painting made with fake boobs *rolls eyes*
June 19, 2011 at 10:39 am
C’mon, you know whoever bought this was all, “Dude, real boobs touched this!”
June 19, 2011 at 11:36 am
It just confuses me. 100% guaranteed? Are there kinda sorta guarantees? Real? What else would it be? Ineffable?
June 19, 2011 at 12:31 pm
My impression is that it’s absolutely, positively not a lithograph or other copy, but real paint.
June 19, 2011 at 10:54 am
Personally, I prefer Pricasso.
June 19, 2011 at 10:59 am
And of course I had to click on that link…
June 29, 2011 at 6:57 am
Resist the urge.
June 19, 2011 at 11:01 am
Where’s the tutorial video?
June 19, 2011 at 11:12 am
I read that in zapps voice.
He’d totally buy this, and hang it on his wall “sexfully”.
June 19, 2011 at 4:16 pm
There’s always room for classy artwork in the Lovenasium!
June 19, 2011 at 11:22 am
One talented dick but unless I can be 100% sure thst it iall all paint and no body fulids (he looks jut TOO happy dooing that) no deal!
June 19, 2011 at 12:06 pm
WHY did I click on that? Usually I do so much better!
June 19, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Ah, I was wondering when someone would bring up Pricasso…
June 19, 2011 at 11:02 am
You know you’ve been reading Regretsy too long when you knew what that link was going to be before your mouse pointer got close to it.
June 19, 2011 at 11:21 am
How true. I resisted Pricasso, but clicked the one in the original post. And the second I clicked it I knew where it was going, but you can’t unclick.
June 19, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Me too… I’m all: haha, you can’t trick me this time, I know where THIS one is going!
Ooooops, too late, already clicked it…
June 19, 2011 at 3:00 pm
I clicked Pricasso. I learned from the original posting not to click on the guy who shits paint.
June 19, 2011 at 11:08 am
She takes her art seriously, thank God!
Not like those posers who paint with their labias.
June 19, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Imagine if the bride who wore the vulva gown got into painting? A few bump-and-grinds and instant mural.
June 19, 2011 at 11:18 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 19, 2011 at 12:09 pm
I think she looks quite cute.
June 19, 2011 at 12:12 pm
But then I’m female, so what would I know about it?
June 19, 2011 at 12:33 pm
I’m male, and I think she’s pretty cute, too.
June 19, 2011 at 12:34 pm
You sound like a real prince.
The only worthwhile people are the ones YOU think are attractive.
What are you doing here with all us fat, ugly, jealous losers?
June 19, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 19, 2011 at 9:06 pm
You misunderstand. The problem is that many of us fat, ugly, jealous losers possess “fat saggy baps,” and find your degrading comments insulting on a personal level.
Good try at snark, though, for an amateur.
June 19, 2011 at 11:25 am
Yves Klein made large scale canvases by putting paint on women and pressing them to canvas. He made these in the 1960′s so I don’t really think her idea is all that original.
http://www.yveskleinarchives.org/index.html
June 19, 2011 at 11:25 am
“I really enjoy doing it.”
You betcha.
June 19, 2011 at 11:25 am
Tit’s a bit nippley in here. I better make the breast of it and put on a scarf.
Much better.
June 19, 2011 at 8:52 pm
But, photobucket took it away. Or is that the joke, that photobucket took it away?
June 20, 2011 at 5:55 am
It was the nipple scarves of Japan… also, photobucket sucks at life.
June 20, 2011 at 5:58 am
Should’ve just uploaded it on etsy, seeing as though you can post a pic of you holding a paintbrush in your vag on that site and you will be hailed as an artist. I’m being censored and I can’t work under these conditions! Going back to bed and taking my percocet with me.
June 19, 2011 at 11:33 am
You know, I like this tit painting so much better. What is wrong with me?
http://www.etsy.com/listing/64451614/blue-tit-art-print-fine-art-print-8×10
June 19, 2011 at 12:08 pm
It’s adorable, but it looks a little like it met a windshield at 65mph.
June 19, 2011 at 2:07 pm
I clicked on the link and thought, “Oh my God! She painted that with her tits? It’s really amazing and I do love birds, so maybe I’ll—”
*glances up at title of painting*
Darn you, Lemon Bombs!!!!
June 19, 2011 at 11:34 am
What a coiscidnece, I work with a couple of boobs too; however, they are not mine.
June 19, 2011 at 12:36 pm
We’ve got one at #14.
June 19, 2011 at 11:38 am
Squirt boy has a resume?
My curiosity to know what’s on it is overcome by my terror to discover what’s on it. No clicky for me.
June 19, 2011 at 11:45 am
For some reason… I thought of this:
June 19, 2011 at 12:45 pm
I wonder what it would llok like if she had nipple piercings. It would be like changing brushes.
June 19, 2011 at 12:45 pm
For fucksakes, I cannot spell today.
June 19, 2011 at 1:23 pm
The guy with the squirt-bum is expressive. I guess he’s painting a portrait of Rick Santorum, hence the blue douche.
June 19, 2011 at 1:29 pm
Bob.
Bob had bitch tits.
June 19, 2011 at 2:53 pm
Someone should get these two together. Think of the possibilities.
June 19, 2011 at 4:10 pm
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST…..top left corner!
June 19, 2011 at 7:24 pm
Most of the work in Bronc’s link is shit, imo, but the painting of a woman bent over with a bottle in her ass made me laugh really hard when I noticed the title – “PBR.”
June 19, 2011 at 9:10 pm
I can never unsee what I just saw in that link. That image will be trapped in my mind and behind my eyes forever, scarring me repeatedly for the rest of my days. Thanks Bronc.
June 20, 2011 at 8:36 am
I’m going to get drunk this weekend and paint with my snatch. I think this should be the first Club Fuckery craft get-together…genital painting. Hell Yes