From the Mailbag (MNSFW)
From: Kimberly D.
Date: June 16, 2011 3:15:50 PM PDT
To: Helen@regretsy.com
I saw this at the Glasgow School of Art degree show and thought of you.
- Kim
Artist: Hazel Moore
353 comments on From the Mailbag (MNSFW)
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June 16, 2011 at 3:48 pm
At last! The perfect dress to wear to my mother’s wedding in 12 weeks time – a pretty dress that shows I’m the SPAWN of the bride’s vagina!
June 16, 2011 at 4:07 pm
Is that BEADING on the clitoris?
June 16, 2011 at 4:16 pm
What is a clitoris?
(I’m male)
June 16, 2011 at 4:23 pm
google it.
June 16, 2011 at 4:24 pm
You sound just like my ex. Same lame excuse. Is that you, Gregory?
June 16, 2011 at 4:25 pm
A gay one I hope?
June 16, 2011 at 4:29 pm
What is a scrotum?
(I’m female)
June 16, 2011 at 4:43 pm
It irks me. *I have a penis. derp. That excuses me from learning and/or understanding the most basic functionings of the other half of the entire world population. derp. How is babby formed? derp*
June 16, 2011 at 4:49 pm
Really? No one got that steand was JOKING?
June 16, 2011 at 4:57 pm
Old joke is old and overplayed to the point of “even if it is a joke, beat the everliving crap out of the joker”
June 16, 2011 at 5:03 pm
@Interchangable, I feel the same. So irritating.
June 16, 2011 at 5:46 pm
I thought it was funny
June 16, 2011 at 7:03 pm
If you were a real man you wouldn’t have to ask.
Because you wouldn’t care.
June 16, 2011 at 11:44 pm
Interchangeable does not get jokes.
June 17, 2011 at 4:12 am
if I’m not mistaken it’s a form of stationery that we no longer use since the invention of email.
June 17, 2011 at 12:02 pm
Best reply goes to @gojira
Yes, I was joking.
June 16, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Oh shit. You just made me look. Can we forget about the derp dick and note that even at 400% I can’t tell if there’s beading on the clit, but can anybody say “hello inverted strawberry”?
June 16, 2011 at 6:49 pm
Well where else do you put beading on your twat dress?
June 16, 2011 at 8:27 pm
It is formal, of COURSE there’s beading on the clitoris! Wearing it beaded any other time else would just be tacky.
June 16, 2011 at 8:30 pm
we need an edit button,or I could drink less I suppose. Please mentally remove the “else” from the above post.
June 16, 2011 at 10:32 pm
Close – genital warts.
June 17, 2011 at 7:48 am
Craft herpes?
June 17, 2011 at 9:41 am
vajazzling.
June 16, 2011 at 4:59 pm
All it needs is a matching tuxedo with a giant penis hangning off the hip.
June 16, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Is that in reference to the fact that her vagina is decidedly off-center?
June 16, 2011 at 5:49 pm
I’m so glad I’m not the only one that noticed it was off center.
I’m slightly worried that being off center was the only thing that phased me about this.
June 16, 2011 at 6:40 pm
It’s abstract vagina.
June 16, 2011 at 5:48 pm
A matching tuxedo with a GIANT PENIS CODPIECE!!!!! The traditional “First Dance” will also require a quart of Astroglide…
June 16, 2011 at 9:08 pm
…unless there’s lots of floorplay first.
June 17, 2011 at 7:45 am
Postmenopaws wins the internet today. Congratulations.
June 16, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Exactly what I was thinking. Where is the co-ordinating tuxedo?
January 4, 2012 at 8:59 pm
Oh shit. You just made me look. Can we forget about the derp dick and note that even at 400% I can’t tell if there’s beading on the clit, but can anybody say “hello inverted strawberry”?
June 17, 2011 at 12:33 am
@TheBeastWhatSqueaks: How tacky! A lady should never wear white to a wedding if she’s not the fucking bride.
June 17, 2011 at 4:22 am
Unless you’re Kate Middleton’s sister, Pippa.
June 17, 2011 at 10:46 am
It’s actually tradition, in the UK, for the maid of honor to wear cream or white. Do you really think Pippa could have gotten away with breaking that “rule” in such a huge wedding?
June 17, 2011 at 10:32 am
I’m just wondering what the bridesmaids wore?
June 16, 2011 at 3:48 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 16, 2011 at 5:10 pm
There’s not many men able to meet her requirements, I suspect she will be doing most of the jilting.
June 16, 2011 at 5:51 pm
You may be confusing Kim with the designer.
I think this dress is definitely tongue-in…something.
June 16, 2011 at 9:31 pm
Tongue in lip, maybe?
June 16, 2011 at 3:48 pm
Well, there’s wearing your heart on your sleeve, then there’s this.
June 16, 2011 at 4:46 pm
I would’ve liked this one thousand times, if possible. But, alas, once will have to be enough.
June 16, 2011 at 9:47 pm
*21-digit salute*
June 17, 2011 at 7:49 am
For a moment I was confused, but I see what you did there…
June 17, 2011 at 7:51 am
I wish I could give you more, but this is the least I could do: Have a cookie.
June 16, 2011 at 3:48 pm
Holy Mother of Bajingos! If I were getting married I’d HAVE to HAVE this dress!
June 16, 2011 at 8:52 pm
My reaction My reaction as I scrolled down was “What a gorgeous wedding dre-OMG THAT’S A VAGINA…no, wait… I can sort of see myself wearing that.”
My cat was very amused by my outburst.
June 17, 2011 at 10:15 am
My BF’s response was “Nice dress. Jeezus, that thing is huge.”
June 16, 2011 at 3:49 pm
That takes vajazzling to an entirely new level.
June 16, 2011 at 3:50 pm
Why is it that fabric vaginas always look worse than the real thing?
June 16, 2011 at 4:06 pm
Yeah, somehow I don’t picture my vagina as shiny as that… perhaps linen might have been better? Raw silk, even?
June 16, 2011 at 4:41 pm
mohair would be more accurate in some cases.
June 16, 2011 at 6:50 pm
Don’t you mean mochair?
June 16, 2011 at 9:10 pm
Pleather.
June 16, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Suede.
June 17, 2011 at 12:34 am
Jute?
June 17, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Ultrasuede. It doesn’t stiffen up when you wash it.
June 17, 2011 at 7:54 am
Naugahyde?
Oh! How many naugas had to die to make a vagina for my wedding dress?
June 16, 2011 at 4:08 pm
I know… somehow I don’t picture my vagina as being that shiny. Perhaps linen or raw silk would have been better mediums. There’s something that just isn’t right about it in satin.
June 16, 2011 at 5:54 pm
If your partner has done his/her prep work, it’s shiny.
June 16, 2011 at 7:02 pm
Or she’s *really* excited about the wedding…
June 17, 2011 at 11:58 am
The female version of “somebody REALLY likes” weddings…or we could get a glue gun and make it actually fit the original category. Ick. I just grossed myself out. Sorry,everyone. I think I need to go home now.
June 16, 2011 at 8:55 pm
Maybe it’s to represent someone who has put shimmer dust in a pot of My New Pink Button?
June 16, 2011 at 9:43 pm
Sorry about the repetition, my post was in the ether. When I didn’t see the 2nd attempt, I decided the hell with it… so of course, both showed up.
June 16, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Not exactly sure. My gyno told me that it was SUPPOSED to look like pink satin.
June 16, 2011 at 4:47 pm
…Either your gyno is insane or there’s a whole lot of women who have vaginas with the wrong sheen.
June 16, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Do I now have to use Pantene bajingo wash to make my vagina shine?
June 16, 2011 at 5:07 pm
The sheen thing … I think that is ummm … state dependent?
June 16, 2011 at 5:14 pm
Yeah, a lot of Charlie’s exes would agree they had the wrong Sheen in their vaginas.
June 16, 2011 at 6:24 pm
“the wrong sheen”
which Sheen would be the right one for your vajay? certainly not CHARLIE…
badoomching
winnnnning
June 16, 2011 at 6:25 pm
@Mugsy Doodle
Didn’t scroll down far enough before posting. Too excited about the door left open for that joke.
We’re bi-winning.
June 16, 2011 at 6:37 pm
@Neva Cooper: No worries. Great minds think alike. Would you like the tiger blood straight or on ice?
June 16, 2011 at 7:25 pm
I take mine on the rocks.
7 gram rocks, obviously.
June 16, 2011 at 9:46 pm
Sounds like the Moody Blues song.. “Bajingos in pink satin, never reaching the end..”
June 16, 2011 at 3:50 pm
I thought the goal on your wedding day was to avoid looking like a giant vagina.
June 16, 2011 at 3:55 pm
“Reality” TV programming does not support your theory.
June 16, 2011 at 4:00 pm
Neither does it support my theory that people aren’t naturally a horrifying burnt sienna. I live in hope though.
June 16, 2011 at 4:04 pm
Someones been using “My new pink button” I think.
June 16, 2011 at 4:26 pm
By the case.
June 17, 2011 at 4:47 am
i had to look it up since everyone is referring to MNPB – are you all telling me that people actually have so much f-ing free time that they are worried about the color of their snatch?
If you’re a porn star, I could see why the concern…
My official WTF moment of today. Thanks, Regretsy
June 16, 2011 at 4:04 pm
The truth is close to that. Weddings turn men into huge vaginas, and women into dicks.
June 16, 2011 at 8:56 pm
Of course you’re supposed to look like a giant vagina… how else are you supposed to give off the “do me” air without outright saying it in the middle of your vows?
June 16, 2011 at 3:51 pm
I think this is a tasteful commentary on the traditional role of women in marriage.
Also, complete bullshit.
June 16, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Imagine THAT screaming down the aisle at a poor groom….
June 16, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Tasteful? Something Fishy about that…
June 16, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Do you sir, take this bajingo to be your lawfully wedded wife?
June 16, 2011 at 5:14 pm
As the groom looks lovingly at his betrothed, he says “Wait”. He turns his pants pocket inside out to reveal a massive fabric cock. “We both do!”
June 16, 2011 at 11:37 pm
Do they then, uh, consummate the marriage by giant fabric proxy in front of the whole wedding party? Because that would make “you may kiss the bride” seem positively twelfth-century.
June 16, 2011 at 3:51 pm
i dont think thats anatomically correct. but i could be confused by the pretty dress.
June 16, 2011 at 3:56 pm
That is what I was thinking too … if you are going to make a larger than life vulva can’t you just put all the bits in the right places?
June 16, 2011 at 4:11 pm
I was also a bit confused…wanders off to find hand mirror…
June 16, 2011 at 4:23 pm
i’ll admit, this is the first time i’ve ever fiddled with myself while reading regretsy
or is it…
June 16, 2011 at 5:21 pm
maybe we should all get together and buy Hazel a hand mirror … she seems to have strong feelings regarding lady bits and yet a shocking lack of knowledge.
June 16, 2011 at 9:46 pm
I had a college course where that was actually a homework assignment…
June 17, 2011 at 5:50 am
OK – was afraid to ask but can’t help it. How did they grade that assignment?
June 16, 2011 at 4:29 pm
The DRESS is pretty, very nice in fact, which just makes the Jolly Pink Bajingo even worse. Couldn’t they have repurposed a fugly dress?
June 16, 2011 at 5:06 pm
Personally, I think my gigantic bajingo deserves the prettiest dress at the ball.
June 16, 2011 at 9:07 pm
Do you put the veil on the wearer of the giant bajingo or the bajingo itself?
June 16, 2011 at 4:49 pm
The clitoris is huge in proportion to the vagina bit. Also for some reason the labia is attached at the top. I googled it instead of checking my ladybits.
June 16, 2011 at 5:02 pm
so did I, but in my defense I don’t own a hand mirror.
June 17, 2011 at 7:55 am
In my experience, all bajingos look different. I’ve seen a few like this…
Yay Lesbian Knowledge!
June 16, 2011 at 5:05 pm
I’m sure someone’s vag looks like a vaginoplasty gone wrong.
June 16, 2011 at 7:32 pm
probably someone who had bad vaginoplasty?
June 17, 2011 at 12:26 am
Remember the guy that did this?
http://www.regretsy.com/2011/03/14/its-the-great-wall-of-vagina-charlie-brown-nsfw/
I bet he’d be able to tell you if that’s within the norm for your garden variety bajingo. Any Gynecologists reading this who have an answer? I am curious now too.
Bajingos are all special snowflakes though. No two look alike. I am a bit puzzled that the clit is so far above the labia though. That doesn’t look right to me either. They probably call the clit “The bald man in the boat” for a reason. But meh. What do I know? Besides… It’s a stuffed vajoo stuck to the front of an otherwise gorgeous dress. That is just ridiculous and funny to begin with.
June 17, 2011 at 12:48 pm
Well, to be fair it is the culmination of an *art* student’s program, not med school.
Perhaps inspired by Oldenburg: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hanneorla/1444835452/
What kind of jazz do you suppose comes out of that?
June 17, 2011 at 1:18 pm
Actually, it *is* anatomically correct. There is a lot of variation in female genitals. Google Betty Dodson’s drawings to see some of the variations.
June 16, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Truth in marital advertising. Is the groom wearing a giant wallet?
June 16, 2011 at 3:52 pm
Also, is it bad that my first thought was, “Is it functional?”
June 16, 2011 at 3:57 pm
It could probably hold an infant.
June 16, 2011 at 4:01 pm
for 9 months..
June 16, 2011 at 4:08 pm
That would add a whole new dimension to a shotgun wedding.
June 16, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Or the Roloff family.
June 16, 2011 at 9:09 pm
That could at least hold 1/2 the Duggars or all the Gosselins.
June 17, 2011 at 5:31 pm
My God, this dress is the entire TLC programming lineup!
June 16, 2011 at 3:52 pm
To be fair, I have heard traditional weddings described by women’s rights activists as “pussy presentations” before.
June 16, 2011 at 3:56 pm
They must go to some interesting weddings. Here I thought the cake and booze were the highlights.
June 16, 2011 at 4:30 pm
But did they have visual aids?
June 16, 2011 at 5:30 pm
Whose fucking tradition are they referring to?
June 16, 2011 at 9:32 pm
Exactly.
June 16, 2011 at 7:48 pm
They’ve clearly never cater-waitered a wedding before.
June 16, 2011 at 3:53 pm
I call false advertising.
June 16, 2011 at 3:55 pm
You’d hope so. Imagine the look on the groom’s face on their wedding night when he found out she’d managed to hide something that looked like that.
June 16, 2011 at 3:53 pm
It would be FABULOUS if the groom wore a giant fabric penis on his tuxedo.
June 16, 2011 at 3:56 pm
You may now pork the bride.
June 16, 2011 at 4:18 pm
Ahh – y’beat me to it. That was the first thing I thought when I saw this. Well, the second, actually.
The first this was “That’s not art – it’s a giant satin vagina sewn on to a gown from David’s Bridal.”
June 16, 2011 at 4:27 pm
Ahaha… “beat” me to it.
June 16, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Do you, a giant cunt, take him, a big dick…. Kids don’t stand a chance.
June 16, 2011 at 4:51 pm
I thought about posting that very seriously, and now I’m glad I scrolled down.
Thing is, it would have to be a giant non-erect penis, or else he’d have the equivalent of a body pillow attached to his crotch.
June 16, 2011 at 3:54 pm
Whoever wears that is going to make a killing on the dollar dance.
June 16, 2011 at 4:26 pm
With that dress, she could handle a rugby team doing “The Scrum”
June 16, 2011 at 3:54 pm
And I thought it would be impossible to find a wedding dress that my fiance would be interested in.
June 16, 2011 at 3:54 pm
Aww man I didn’t go to the degree show this year because I didn’t know anyone graduating this year.
Whenever I have been it was all useful stuff and now I feel cheated that I never saw a bajingofied wedding dress.
June 16, 2011 at 3:54 pm
Is it me, or does anyone else see a bajingo in that picture?
June 16, 2011 at 4:09 pm
Where?
June 16, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Why do you keeping seeing vulvas everywhere?
June 16, 2011 at 4:37 pm
I guess I’m just a creep. *ducks head*
June 16, 2011 at 6:00 pm
Or have good eyesight?
June 16, 2011 at 9:48 pm
I love when I have to thumbs up an entire thread.
June 16, 2011 at 3:55 pm
For the first time in my life something makes me glad that I can’t legally get married.
June 16, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Same here – but it’s nice to know what I’m missing.
June 16, 2011 at 7:36 pm
i’m sure you can legally get married. just not with who you want.
June 16, 2011 at 8:19 pm
oh my regretsy friends! come to iowa. we throw lovely weddings. http://www.welcomeindecorah.com
June 16, 2011 at 8:39 pm
This was actually my FB status today: “Milwaukee has about 30000 Iowa tourism billboards up right now. As we passed one, my 11 y.o. daughter asked “But what’s IN Iowa?” I said “I dunno… gay marriage?” She said “Sweet! Let’s go!”
Woohoo, Iowa!
June 16, 2011 at 11:05 pm
Wow, someone else is from Milwaukee?? I have to say that I never noticed the Iowa billboards.
June 17, 2011 at 8:00 am
I’m on the South side, Bay View. Tokudama is also in the MKE area. Drive along 94, look up, see Iowans at a waterpark, on a rollercoaster, and, apparently, getting same-sex marriages.
June 17, 2011 at 10:20 am
Also, we here in Iowa have corn.
For your corncob underwear creations.
June 16, 2011 at 11:42 pm
Although, you must admit, a gentleman wearing this at his big gay wedding would be taking tastelessness and dubious symbolism to a whole new level.
June 16, 2011 at 3:55 pm
First words that popped into my head: dick tux.
June 16, 2011 at 4:33 pm
Yes, in two styles – intact (with cummerbund), or circ’ed (sans cummerbund).
June 16, 2011 at 5:55 pm
THANK YOU for spelling “cummerbund” correctly.
June 16, 2011 at 7:37 pm
what is the purpose of a cummerbund anyway? i don’t think i ever actually seen the word written, so i dont know how i would have spelled it if it wasn’t there to read.
June 17, 2011 at 4:54 am
to hold theater tickets.
no joke.
(former theater/costume designer here)
June 17, 2011 at 9:46 am
Somebidder, thanks for the info! I always assumed it was to hid the man’s belt (which every man would wear during the day–unless he wore suspenders) and give a sleeker line to the suit.
June 16, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 16, 2011 at 6:30 pm
“i” and “a” are very far apart on the keyboard. this worries me.
June 16, 2011 at 9:14 pm
I think spelling it might be more challenging than finding it?
June 17, 2011 at 9:43 am
You obviously next met my ex.
June 16, 2011 at 3:55 pm
My favourite part of this is that it is completly anatomicly correct….most art-vaginas only include the vagina hole, but this actually includes the pee hole as well. Wow.
June 16, 2011 at 4:00 pm
Except that the vagina’s smaller than the clit.
June 16, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Clitoris maximus!
June 16, 2011 at 4:28 pm
I feel like that should be said while holding a magic wand…
June 16, 2011 at 9:23 pm
To devastating effect.
June 16, 2011 at 9:53 pm
Oh what I wouldn’t do to have such an active imagination sometimes.
June 16, 2011 at 9:54 pm
That should have been “not have such an active imagination.” Definitely not.
June 17, 2011 at 12:39 am
@Fia Flammiferous: you mean Hitachi magic wand, right?
June 16, 2011 at 4:03 pm
Perhapes “completly anatomicly correct” wasnt the right phrase, but props to the artist for making a higher effort at correctedness.
Actually, some women do have abnorminally large clits. So maybe shes looking at her own as the model.
June 16, 2011 at 6:00 pm
Maybe it’s supposed to be a hyena bajingo. I’ve read female hyenas can get erections.
June 16, 2011 at 7:06 pm
Or maybe she should go study that wall o’bajingo to learn her anatomy properly…
June 16, 2011 at 7:08 pm
and of course the urethra is too far from the clit and too close to the vag.
June 16, 2011 at 8:46 pm
ok, so after the thumbs down I totally … umm … checked and I don’t pee from anything that close to my vagina … but maybe my parts are deformed, though no one has ever mentioned anything, not OBGYNs not boyfriends …
June 16, 2011 at 9:49 pm
Oh Flounces you made me picture the hyena clits! So much repression all gone to waste! They are the size of a banana, people- It’s friggin gross.
June 16, 2011 at 4:08 pm
The vagina looks small because the hymen is intact. I wonder if the artist made it tearable. That would certainly add somethign to the ceremony!
June 16, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Ha, I was reeally slow with typing this time. Sorry, didn’t mean to restate what you’d already said.
June 16, 2011 at 4:33 pm
That would be because it’s a virgin vagina, with a bad case of hymenal occlusion (I think that’s the term?) Anyways, I’d say the whole thing is a statement on a white dress symbolizing virginity, and that’s the bride’s worth.
June 16, 2011 at 4:56 pm
It’s not occluded, as there is a clear perforation. But it is seriously virginal.
Also, I have realized that I may know too much about vaginas.
June 16, 2011 at 5:09 pm
I think the whole thing is a statement on poor decision making. Both marriage and the using of vaginas in fashion.
June 16, 2011 at 5:32 pm
Not all hymens belong to virgins kthx.
June 16, 2011 at 7:39 pm
oo, glad you pointed it out! props for the appropriate vag for the occasion!
June 16, 2011 at 7:41 pm
clits come in all sizes just like dicks
June 17, 2011 at 11:05 am
That’s cause her hymen is intact! And she’s engorged with marital bliss.
June 16, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Also it seems like the vulva is attached under the clit. I wasn’t aware it was supposed to do that.
June 16, 2011 at 4:59 pm
For the…LABIA. Not vulva. *facepalm*
June 16, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Sometimes it’s better to lose the “my vulva is bigger than your vulva” contest.
June 16, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Is this the pocket for the envelopes from the wedding guests?
June 16, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Actually probably legitimately classier than a wedding sack.
June 16, 2011 at 4:58 pm
“…then all the guests put cards and money into your mother’s vagina, and nine months later- there you were!”
June 16, 2011 at 6:32 pm
it’s the classy version of putting a dollar in a stripper’s butt crack?
June 16, 2011 at 3:58 pm
So. Beautiful. Should. Have sent. A poet.
June 16, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Roses are red
My balls are blue
Can I stick my penis in your giant bajoo
June 16, 2011 at 3:58 pm
I think I already saw this on “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding”.
June 16, 2011 at 4:00 pm
i’m sorry but I think this dress is totally IT… anyone who would wear it has my admiration… it would take BALLS to wear this Bajingo gown!
June 16, 2011 at 4:02 pm
*sniff* Aww, I knew this guy would find love someday!
June 16, 2011 at 4:07 pm
Guess there IS a cover for every pot…
June 16, 2011 at 4:03 pm
Huh that’s a pretty nice dress *scroll* I like the pleating on the bodice *scroll scroll* HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WHAT THE FUCKERY
June 16, 2011 at 4:07 pm
EXACTLY! I don’t think Emily Post would approve of the bride SCARING THE CRAP out of her guests!
June 16, 2011 at 4:07 pm
That was pretty much my reaction too. “Pretty dre…buh?”
June 16, 2011 at 9:57 pm
Jingo!
June 16, 2011 at 4:20 pm
I know I’m too acclimated to Regretsy now, because I thought “giant fabric vulva, that goes without saying… *immediately pretending it’s not there* hmm, that’s a really pretty dress”.
June 16, 2011 at 5:31 pm
My problem is more that I have lost the ability to say, “No, I won’t look at that.” For example, as a result of this post, I came across a video about labiaplasty. And then I watched it because it existed.
June 16, 2011 at 7:28 pm
And now I’ve lost the ability to leave well enough alone and I’m gonna go find that video…
June 16, 2011 at 7:59 pm
link please?
June 16, 2011 at 4:27 pm
Omg me too I thought it was pretty chiffon or something but this is Regretsy so of course it’s a vagina. I kept on scrolling up and trying to just look at the top
part of the dress, but eBay has been seen cannot be unseen. Ever.
June 19, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Manybellsdown, I loved your comment so much that I told other people about it. OK, so that won’t result in many more thumbs up, but it’s very good. I even told someone about it Saturday night and you’d written it Thursday.
Seriously, though, I have a life! I just apprecate really good snark.
June 16, 2011 at 4:04 pm
If that was ever put up for sale, it’d be snatched up in a flash!
June 16, 2011 at 4:10 pm
“Snatched” up, huh?
June 16, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Too late.
June 16, 2011 at 4:15 pm
I see what you did there.
June 16, 2011 at 4:27 pm
“Snatched” Perfect!
June 16, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Yes, she could create a hole line. Perhaps a dress with a slit up the side? And of course accessories like a purse, a muff, and maybe a beaver hat for the groom. All wrapped up in a nice box. OK, done being 12 now.
June 16, 2011 at 5:19 pm
And she could customize it to the bride, so the curtains match the drapes.
June 16, 2011 at 9:36 pm
A “hole” line, indeed.
June 16, 2011 at 4:05 pm
I should go into fashion, I could design a MUCH nicer vagina dress.
June 16, 2011 at 4:07 pm
“Snatched” huh?
June 16, 2011 at 4:09 pm
Sorry. Replied to the wrong comment. I’m new. Could ya tell?
June 16, 2011 at 4:08 pm
Now, for bonus points, make one for Lady Gaga out of Arby’s roast beef.
June 16, 2011 at 4:09 pm
I wonder what the bridesmaid dresses look like
June 16, 2011 at 4:18 pm
I’m thinking, smaller, uglier, crappier looking vaginas, you know, to make the bride’s look better.
June 16, 2011 at 4:50 pm
also with the hymen fabric suspiciously attached to the groomsmen’s tuxedo pants?
June 16, 2011 at 6:59 pm
Tuxedo skants. So there’s an opening for his giant formal fabric wang.
June 16, 2011 at 7:25 pm
With more of a greyish pink fabric, of course. And then there will be that one bridesmaid who decides to apply My Pink Button and gets fired from the wedding party.
June 16, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Taints.
June 16, 2011 at 4:12 pm
Bride to the seamstress – “No, I asked for a simple front CUT…”
June 16, 2011 at 5:49 pm
I was thinking that perhaps the bride asked for a sexy slit up the front… and the designer was on serious hallucinogenics.
June 16, 2011 at 4:12 pm
Wonder if the designer offer a hymen option for those brides who want to be virgins on their wedding day. Perhaps some nice gossamer netting?
June 16, 2011 at 7:27 pm
I was wondering if there was a shotgun wedding version in which the baby bump is incorporated by having a crowning head pushing its way out.
June 16, 2011 at 9:23 pm
The geek in me wants to motorize the labia so they clap as the bride and groom kiss at the end of the ceremony.
June 17, 2011 at 9:30 am
I like your inner geek!
How about a step further–it’s a shotgun wedding, the bride and groom kiss…and the baby’s little hands reach out and clap? Perhaps hold the bouquet while mom and dad embrace?
June 16, 2011 at 4:13 pm
Way to be subtle.
June 16, 2011 at 4:13 pm
The clit reminds me of Voldemort’s head on the back of Professor Quirrell’s head in the first Harry Potter movie. Yikes.
June 16, 2011 at 4:16 pm
At least the groom won’t have to spend all night finding the clit!
June 16, 2011 at 4:19 pm
Jesus H. Christ. That’s all I can think of to say.
June 16, 2011 at 4:20 pm
And she’ll be appalled when her husband gets mad and calls her a “giant c*nt”!
June 16, 2011 at 4:20 pm
Now all the bride needs is a real mink fur wrap, and a passing PETA rally to make a truly and horrifyingly perfect picture.
June 16, 2011 at 4:35 pm
I KNEW by now to not read regretsy and eat, what made me think I’ve grown past this?
June 16, 2011 at 4:22 pm
Camel Toe.
June 16, 2011 at 5:53 pm
Toe, nothin’. You could fit the whole camel in there. And the desert to go with it oh god now I am thinking about giant sandy vaginas.
June 16, 2011 at 8:02 pm
ewww. way to make me itch.
June 16, 2011 at 4:23 pm
Hand me those Legos, I need to pray!
June 16, 2011 at 4:23 pm
June 16, 2011 at 4:52 pm
The perfect last picture – he is SO horrified.
June 16, 2011 at 5:38 pm
Tim is exactly right!
June 17, 2011 at 12:43 am
Isn’t he always?
June 16, 2011 at 6:06 pm
FTW.
June 16, 2011 at 6:17 pm
I want to marry this triptych. And I already know what I’ll wear to the wedding!
June 16, 2011 at 6:39 pm
I was totally expecting the last frame to be “Make it work”, but even Tim is more realistic than that.
June 16, 2011 at 6:49 pm
God, this is disturbing. I think it’s a matter of scale.
June 16, 2011 at 4:26 pm
I LOVE IT.
June 16, 2011 at 4:28 pm
Does it come with a giant tampon?
June 16, 2011 at 6:54 pm
OMG No! It’s your WEDDING DAY! You plan that shit for another time!
June 16, 2011 at 9:27 pm
Doesn’t need one; this is the bride’s bouquet:
http://www.tamponcrafts.com/bouquet.html
June 17, 2011 at 9:34 am
There is an entire site devoted to crafting with tampons?
*packs a few novels, some perfume and soap, and sunscreen 300 in the basket*
OK, that’s it. I’m taking the 12:45 basket to Hell. Anyone want to join me?
June 16, 2011 at 4:30 pm
Somebody’s reeeeeeallly looking forward to the wedding night.
June 16, 2011 at 4:34 pm
The rest of the dress is so pretty. Maybe I can take this to a dress shop in town for my wedding and say, “Do you have anything like this, minus the genitals? Or..maybe with genitals that don’t look so throw-pillow?”
June 16, 2011 at 4:34 pm
brazillian wedding dress?
June 16, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Does it have a little bud vase in it, to hold the bouquet? (Like the new-ish VW Bugs?)
June 16, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Bud vase? She could put the entire bouquet in that thing.
June 16, 2011 at 5:20 pm
AND the centerpieces.
June 16, 2011 at 9:27 pm
Again:
http://www.tamponcrafts.com/bouquet.html
June 17, 2011 at 9:38 am
This is the second time you’ve referenced this site. I’m getting very concerned about you Postmenopaws.
June 16, 2011 at 4:38 pm
…why it’s never a good idea to save yourself for the honeymoon. Might wanna take a peak at it first…
June 16, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Wait—I get it. It is a visual tool to demonstrate the sexual frustration of married couples. It closes after the ceremony to illustrate the end of a joyous sex life. Right? Please, for the sake of Paula Bunyon’s va-jay-jay, tell me you can close this up. Or that there is a sphincter pillbox hat to match.
June 16, 2011 at 4:41 pm
Oh, and BTW – this is SCREAMING for a “who wore it better.” Even if it hasn’t actually been worn.
June 16, 2011 at 5:21 pm
Or who whored it better?
June 16, 2011 at 5:27 pm
I do admire your pun-ilingous
June 16, 2011 at 6:07 pm
I am flattered, thank you!
June 16, 2011 at 4:44 pm
June 16, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Redundant, but YES.
June 16, 2011 at 6:10 pm
No, Sarah is a much bigger one.
June 16, 2011 at 4:55 pm
On her it looks right.
June 16, 2011 at 5:16 pm
A cunt within a cunt…CUNTCEPTION
June 16, 2011 at 5:35 pm
Only there’s really no need to go deeper.
June 16, 2011 at 5:54 pm
*falls on the floor howling with laughter*
June 16, 2011 at 6:55 pm
Yo Dawg, I heard you like twats, so I put a twat on a twat…
June 16, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Sorry guys: I just wasted 40 min of my life seeking a gif or vid of a person repeatedly ceaslessly screaming (because that’s what I did) but now I give up. Anyone recall the Simpsons episode where Homer volunteers for a hypnotist then flashes back to seeing a skull as a kid and screams nonstop for a couple weeks, like during meals, driving, you name it… just livin his life like normal except screaming with each breath… that’d be a good clip to have on hand.
June 16, 2011 at 4:53 pm
This is a costume from the most recent Planet of the Apes remake — because this totally looks like a female chimpanzee “in season”.
June 16, 2011 at 6:12 pm
When my bulldog was in season hers almost touched the ground. Scary shit!
June 16, 2011 at 6:48 pm
That was my thought, too. (I initially thought the giant vulva was on the back of the dress, heightening the simian impression.) I wonder if that’s what the artist had in mind–some sort of commentary on how the “virginal white” wedding dress is actually a signal of readiness to mate.
I’m assuming that the creator didn’t intend for it to be worn. I’m not totally sure what “degree art show” means–if this was the final project of someone who just finished their undergrad degree, I’ll say it’s a fairly clever project. (For a faculty member or someone finishing a grad degree, I find it a little lacking in nuance.)
June 16, 2011 at 4:54 pm
I’m debating whether I should send my sister-in-law and niece over here – my niece got married about 3 weeks ago and I want to show her what she COULD have chosen to wear.
June 16, 2011 at 5:11 pm
Don’t debate – act!
June 16, 2011 at 10:04 pm
But don’t you think that’s just what this dress needs? A master debater? (I’m sorry… it was just such a good bump and set, I had to risk the spike.)
June 17, 2011 at 9:41 am
Oh, I just had a wonderful, horrible thought–that bride is going to SO love dancing the first dance with her husband…and anyone else who wants to slow dance. I can’t say anything else. It would just be too offensive.*
*Mops. The reception hall staff should have lots and lots of mops. That’s all I’m saying.
June 16, 2011 at 4:56 pm
I have to say, from a fashion design/patternmaking/sewing point of view, that is quite impressive.
June 16, 2011 at 5:02 pm
I would hate to see the mother of the bride’s face when her new son-in-law decides to go for the garter using his teeth WITHOUT lifting the dress up! Just dives right in head first….
June 16, 2011 at 5:03 pm
It looks like something that could be on Doctor Who.
June 16, 2011 at 5:05 pm
From the NYT – Weddings
The groom choose a vintage Armani tux, the bridesmaids were attired in shell pink, floor-length sheathes by Vera Wang, and the bride wore a GIANT FREAKING BAJINGO!
June 16, 2011 at 5:16 pm
I just have to wonder how it makes HK feel to know that giant plushy vaginas remind people of her.
June 16, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Those weegies are crazy.
June 16, 2011 at 5:47 pm
I was just thinking I’d never before noticed how much a vagoo looks like a cute little cyclops blowing me a kiss. ;*
June 16, 2011 at 5:53 pm
June 16, 2011 at 5:56 pm
Need to photoshop some tufts around the bajingo.
June 16, 2011 at 6:09 pm
Pearlheartgtr doesn’t have to look far to find them.
June 16, 2011 at 6:42 pm
June 16, 2011 at 7:08 pm
SO not what I had in mind! *skin-crawling shudder*
June 16, 2011 at 7:11 pm
Thought I’d keep with the filthy hippy theme. Just be happy I couldn’t find a decent picture of nappy dreads with beads.
June 16, 2011 at 9:58 pm
*retches*
Um, we’re gonna need some emergency hedge trimmers in the studio…
June 17, 2011 at 9:30 am
The one with the dreds is the only thing ever to make me CRY with laughter. OMG you are awesome.
June 16, 2011 at 6:08 pm
It does have repurpose possibilities. After the ceremony, detach twat and “bajingo!” you have a cunt cushion for sofa or bed!
June 16, 2011 at 6:15 pm
It’s in Martha Stewart’s new collection, Coochie Classics. And it’s not just a cunt cushion! *squeeing with delight at the news* IT UNFOLDS TO A QUEEN-SIZE COMFORTER!
Dare I say it? Dare I? I dare! It’s multipurpose.
June 16, 2011 at 6:30 pm
I’m thinking of using this for the kid’s “coming of age” ceremony where he/she needs to re-enact his/her birth.
June 16, 2011 at 6:13 pm
I dont know..might be just me, but it looks like it would make a nice pillow.
June 16, 2011 at 8:15 pm
You’d have to be careful where you put your face; that labia could smother you.
June 16, 2011 at 6:21 pm
Is there a penis version for your date to wear? Now that would make a great portrait.
June 16, 2011 at 6:27 pm
Okay, there’s only way way this would make sense:
A horror movie where the innocent heroine, on her way to her wedding, encounters some weird alien goo which melds with her flesh and causes her bajingo to migrate to the OUTSIDE of her body and grow to gigantic proportions.
I’m going with the that one because it could feature lots of shots of by-standers being eaten by the giant alien bajingo.
June 16, 2011 at 8:15 pm
have you ever heard of a movie called “With Teeth” at all?
June 17, 2011 at 5:51 am
*doNOTaskdoNOTaskdoNOTaskdoNOTask*
June 17, 2011 at 9:51 am
Bajingo Bajongo, I’m with you. The title alone gives me all sorts of images *cringe* that I don’t want in my mind.
June 16, 2011 at 6:31 pm
The only thing on the bridal registry are tickets to “The Vagina Monologues”
June 16, 2011 at 6:34 pm
Just add Bridesmaids in the urinal dress and you have the perfect wedding! In hell…..
June 16, 2011 at 6:40 pm
This must be part of the sequel to “What Women Want”…”What Men Really See”.
June 16, 2011 at 6:47 pm
This is great! Now women have a dress for every special occasion and right-of-passage!
Prom:
Family Reunion or Cocktail party:
Halloween:
Ah, life feels complete.
June 16, 2011 at 10:03 pm
Funerals?
June 17, 2011 at 1:14 am
Redundant. There’s already a big box there.
June 16, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Helen, how do you feel about the fact that you are the first person people think of when they see a giant bajingoed wedding dress???
June 16, 2011 at 7:12 pm
The bridesmaids could wear these:
June 16, 2011 at 7:28 pm
“I know this looks like a bajing. So what do you want to do about it?”
June 16, 2011 at 8:18 pm
Again, they take what could be a beautiful dress and vulvatize it.
June 17, 2011 at 12:59 am
I know! People are so vulvar these days.
June 18, 2011 at 1:59 pm
I love that term! My gran would alwys say “that’s vulgar”re things like that dress, and yours is a great modern update.
June 16, 2011 at 8:55 pm
But that one’s not intentional is it? That almost makes it stranger.
June 16, 2011 at 7:37 pm
Boyfriend on the phone: “I’m sorry, could you repeat that last part? She just showed me a picture of a dress with a giant vag on it. No, I’m not kidding. Can you repeat what you said?”
June 16, 2011 at 7:44 pm
I’ve been trying for about 3 hours to come up with a witty comment about this dress, but I just can’t seem to get my head around the fact that it actually exists.
June 16, 2011 at 8:07 pm
I think the word, “Fuckery,” is in there somewhere.
June 16, 2011 at 8:09 pm
June 16, 2011 at 8:50 pm
Dude! What is Julie Andrews doing with those little girls’ hands?
June 16, 2011 at 8:58 pm
She’s keeping them from wandering off and getting lost in the big pink cave.
June 16, 2011 at 9:34 pm
This is how I remember one chapter in Our Bodies, Our Selves, which I read almost 45 years ago.
June 16, 2011 at 8:16 pm
Looking at this dress makes me feel self-conscious and inadequate. Am I deformed or something?
June 16, 2011 at 8:23 pm
I want to see the tux.
June 17, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Anything goes, but the CUMmerbund has to be mauve.
June 16, 2011 at 8:36 pm
Does this come in blue?
June 17, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Blue waffle, probably.
June 16, 2011 at 8:55 pm
*sigh* I miss Glasgow…
June 16, 2011 at 9:43 pm
It puts the lotion on its dress or else it gets divorced again.
June 16, 2011 at 9:48 pm
All you need to do is get some of that vagina perfume and you will be able to not only smell realistic you will be able to…
CHANGE THE SIZE OF THE SMELL
June 16, 2011 at 9:54 pm
Anyone watch Drawn Together? Looking at this dress, I can’t stop seeing Princess Clara’s coochie monster.
June 17, 2011 at 12:39 am
La La La La Labia
http://youtu.be/aJC3oraSVJw
June 16, 2011 at 9:57 pm
I think you can “hide” that thing under the front part of the dress.Looks as if it was pulled to the right to expose it.Would be a surprise-dress,if.
June 16, 2011 at 10:07 pm
Can you imagine how much that vagina would weigh if this was a Badgley Mischka?
June 16, 2011 at 11:12 pm
What, no ‘puckered rosebud’ at the bottom?? A satin anus would have really added some class.
June 17, 2011 at 9:54 am
Don’t you mean “added MORE class”?
June 16, 2011 at 11:39 pm
This thing scares the shit out of me
June 17, 2011 at 9:54 am
Great. You just spoiled the surprise of her reception gown.
June 16, 2011 at 11:41 pm
I’m wasted right now, and I couldn’t even handle reading the first few comments without cracking up and waking up my roommates. This is the funniest shit I’ve ever seen in my life.
June 16, 2011 at 11:51 pm
Wonder what the bridegroom’s trousers look like.
June 17, 2011 at 1:35 am
When i was in secondary school i wanted to go to the Glasgow School of Art but i did badly on my exams so that idea went out the window. If only i had applied myself and done better i could have been sewing vaginas onto wedding dresses.
June 17, 2011 at 3:17 am
Oh, fucking WHY?
It’s a beautiful dress, then it’s got a giant mess on the front that’s all wrong unless your bridesmaids are wearing plum, and who the hell needs that?
June 17, 2011 at 4:05 am
So would the beading on the bodice be considered vagazzling?
June 17, 2011 at 5:37 am
Is that what mine’s supposed to look like? Uh oh.
June 17, 2011 at 5:55 am
Forgive me, but all I can think of is the bride walking down the aisle, the groom catching glimpse of her, and then humping that giant vagoo on her leg like a dog.
June 17, 2011 at 8:05 am
Keep calm and bajingo on!
June 17, 2011 at 1:01 pm
This makes me sad that I used to go to the GSA. Ahh art school
June 17, 2011 at 1:14 pm
Glasgow represent! Those art school kids are so hip it must hurt.
June 17, 2011 at 4:17 pm
I would like to be part of this school of ‘art’.