Foxman
If there’s one thing I love more than pornographic samplers, it’s God awful music. But finding jaw-dropping tracks on Etsy is not easy. In fact, this is only the second time I’ve found an artist worth featuring.
So it’s with engorged loins that I present the second audio Regretsy, Like the Freak You Are by Foxman.
Like The Freak You Are is only Foxman’s second CD, though he displays a sort of horribleness usually achieved by people who have been recording much longer. He describes the CD this way:
“This CD is not only a revolution in creative writing, it is pure unadulterated mind control at its finest. This release is guaranteed to leave a lasting impression and will alter your perception of popular music forever.”
Oh, it leaves a lasting impression all right. And no matter how much Febreze you use, you never quite get it out of the curtains.
First up, Shake for Me.
Foxman powers through this number like a chainsaw through butter. Say what you want about the Foxman, but he never lets the melody get in his way.
The liner notes say this song “centers around a strip club and is sung from the perspective of a mobster with a conscience.” I can’t really comment on that, since you probably have to listen to more than thirty seconds to get the plot points, and I had a nosebleed after fifteen.
Next up, One Out of Many.
One Out of Many asks the musical question, “If money couldn’t walk and money couldn’t talk, would money mean a thing?” It’s a pretty heady question, or it would be if anyone knew what he was talking about. The important thing is that money can’t sing. Or whistle.
And finally, Black Cat Saloon.
Foxman begins this song with an apology, which is how they should all start. It soon snowballs into an oompah-pah band cover of a honky tonk drinking song, played on a Casio keyboard in a public restroom.
It may surprise you to learn that Foxman has actually recorded three CDs. What probably will not surprise you however, is the fact that I bought all of them*. Yes, as the Foxman himself says in his Etsy profile, “Once the Foxman gets in your veins, you’re addicted!” AND THERE IS NO CURE.
I encourage you to purchase any of the Foxman CDs, particularly if you carpool to work, or have any long family drives planned in the next few weeks. I like to imagine you silently slipping this into the CD player and watching the conversation in the car slowly die, while everyone stares awkwardly at each other.
And of course it’s an excellent gift for dad, provided you’re already estranged and would like to keep it that way.
*In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you that I bought everything from Reverb Nation, so I could instantly download the tracks and not have to sit in front of the mailbox every day, looking at the postman like a Keane painting.
June 6, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Oh Bronc- you had me at engorged loins…play anything you want- Ill do the rest…
June 6, 2011 at 3:44 pm
It’s Helen’s engorged loins. So depending on which team you bat for, that may or may not make you feel better…
June 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Engorged loins: always a good thing.
June 6, 2011 at 5:16 pm
Personally, I’m holding out for engorged lions.
June 7, 2011 at 7:36 am
Unless you bat for both teams… in which case, WOOHOO ENGORGED LOINS!
June 6, 2011 at 3:44 pm
This post says it was written by HK.
June 6, 2011 at 4:50 pm
I think it was changed.
June 6, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Don’t be hatin’ on mapleleaves, the post was changed. It said Bronc when I read it, too.
June 7, 2011 at 12:12 am
All I know is, I stopped when I got to that bit and went back to check who was writing this … and now I STILL don’t know.
I like the engorged lions though.
June 6, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Don’t know if it was my loins, but for me something instantly deflated listening to the first song. But the 3rd was certainly the best, I think that one collapsed a lung.
June 6, 2011 at 3:30 pm
My favorite is the terrible picture.
June 6, 2011 at 3:35 pm
Is that Patrick Stewart in his beloved role as the card dealer on the terrible cover of terrible album?
June 6, 2011 at 3:38 pm
I had the same thought, and I sure hope so. Perhaps he’s on the Holodeck?
June 6, 2011 at 3:39 pm
It’s Captain Picard on the holo-deck!!
June 6, 2011 at 3:57 pm
i thought that too! picard as a croupier – just when you thought he couldn’t get any sexier.
June 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm
That is without a doubt Captain Picard, and he’s apparently playing a little Russian Roulette to see who on the right hand side of the album gets butt raped next by Skeletor over there.
June 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm
I think it’s Bill Maher.
(Here he is with Jesus.)
June 6, 2011 at 5:26 pm
I was just coming to post that, and I almost spit salad all over myself when I saw your comment.
June 6, 2011 at 5:36 pm
I see it, but I’m afraid my first thought was Dr. Evil from Austin Powers.
June 6, 2011 at 5:42 pm
I thought it was Walter Matthau?
June 6, 2011 at 3:43 pm
I’m pretty sure that’s Regan making a Surprise Buttsecks face in the lower right.
June 6, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Reagan, not Regan.
June 6, 2011 at 4:33 pm
Not only is the picture terrible, but it has a very odd texture. Is there a market for stuccoed cds?
June 6, 2011 at 4:38 pm
It’s like covered in years of dried spooge.
June 6, 2011 at 5:06 pm
I think maybe he decoupages them (or makes them 100% from papier mache)individually. For added personality.
June 6, 2011 at 3:32 pm
Dr. Xavier is either a crip or a roulette dealer in the album art. Perhaps both.
This actually made me cringe so hard that my teeth hurt.
June 6, 2011 at 3:32 pm
He kinda sounds like Jimmy Buffett and Steely Dan falling down an elevator shaft.
June 6, 2011 at 3:47 pm
Don’t bring Steely into this. Just because there’s a pretty thick line between those of us who like them (team awesome) and those who don’t (team failsauce) is no reason to throw them down an elevator shaft with this.
As for Jimmy, unless the Parrot Heads will speak up in his defense, he’s on his own.
June 6, 2011 at 4:36 pm
To be fair, I am a member of team awesome. Though I highly suspect I am the youngest member.
June 6, 2011 at 6:26 pm
Alrighty. But you’re on notice. >.<
Also, I'm under 30, so you may not be alone.
June 7, 2011 at 5:06 am
KatP – how old? 31 here, and I had to be practically hog-tied to not name my daughter “Aja.” I did a psych paper in college on “Deacon Blues.”
My husband hates my music.
mapleleaves – I hope you snatched the phone and took those tickets on her behalf.
June 6, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Hah! My hubby is a huge Steely Dan fan, to the point where he had a license plate that said SteelyD. Because he’s a big black guy (not their typical fanbase), and his name starts with “D”, people assumed it was a nickname, so now all his online accounts are under that name.
June 6, 2011 at 5:03 pm
I had to educate a coworker after I heard her on the phone with her boyfriend:
“No, I don’t want to go to a Steely Dan concert! I don’t even know who he is!”
June 6, 2011 at 9:32 pm
…that’s like getting to the Fleetwood Mac party late and not knowing the deal about Stevie Knicks or watching The Waltons assuming Michael Learned played Mr. Walton…
June 6, 2011 at 3:47 pm
I had the same thought, only I also added a great deal of booze to the equation.
June 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm
Jimmy Buffet falling down an elevator shaft ON Steely Dan. The one from Yokohama.
June 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm
I detected a bit of Rick Ocasek from The Cars, as well.
June 6, 2011 at 6:10 pm
I detected a misguided Lou Reed who couldn’t play any instruments.
June 6, 2011 at 3:33 pm
This needs to be played on awkward elevator rides everywhere. I believe that’s a Grammy category this year.
June 6, 2011 at 3:34 pm
wow.
tone deaf much?
June 6, 2011 at 3:40 pm
Apparently “tone deaf” is an unfavorably-viewed term. In cases such as this, try using the more politically correct, “dissonantly inclined”.
June 6, 2011 at 4:23 pm
would harmonically disadvantaged be more appropriate?
June 6, 2011 at 4:27 pm
melodically challenged?
June 6, 2011 at 4:28 pm
cacophonically biased?
June 6, 2011 at 4:29 pm
you’re right. “tone deaf” was just me being lazy.
June 6, 2011 at 6:27 pm
Bahahaha. I leave and return to some wonderfully elegant synonyms–all of which are better than mine. I say, use all of them. Interchangeably. And often.
June 6, 2011 at 5:24 pm
“untalented”
June 10, 2011 at 12:49 am
that’s a negative connotation as well
you should use “talent-free”
June 7, 2011 at 7:54 am
This reminds me of the time my very tone deaf (now ex) husband got very drunk at karaoke night and sang “I need a hero” by Bonnie Tyler at the top of his lungs while dancing. OH the awkward!
June 6, 2011 at 3:36 pm
Wow. I didn’t realize it was possible to sing offkey to one’s own compositions until now. Or, rather, that singing offkey could finally be on key.
June 6, 2011 at 5:13 pm
See, I knew you can break the sound barrier, but this guy managed to fracture it in several places:-/
June 6, 2011 at 3:36 pm
No matter how good your speakers, the audio somehow manages to sound like it’s blasting from a pair of headphones that are in one’s general vicinity, but not actually on one’s head.
June 6, 2011 at 4:41 pm
That’s the altered perception he was on about.
June 6, 2011 at 3:36 pm
I got Foxman in my veins and now I’m locked in rehab with Amy Winehouse and Lindsay Lohan. FOXMAN MADE MY DREAMS* COME TRUE!
.
.
.
(*dream was to be in the porn version of the thriller video.)
June 6, 2011 at 3:37 pm
There aren’t enough “I’m sorries” in the universe to atone for this aural molestation.
June 6, 2011 at 3:39 pm
That sounds like a “wet willy” from hell.
June 6, 2011 at 3:48 pm
funnily enough, so do these songs.
June 6, 2011 at 4:54 pm
I had my 19 mo. old in my arms and played the first song. She started to cry. I’m not making that up.
June 6, 2011 at 7:06 pm
Obviously, you have a very discerning child, if she’s capable of detecting total crap at such a young age. A future Regretsian in the making!
June 6, 2011 at 7:21 pm
She’s not afraid of Cylons though, I think that’s what makes me the most proud.
June 6, 2011 at 8:31 pm
I have a 13 week old Maltese X Shih Tzu puppy – her ears went back.
June 6, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Money talks. But it don’t sing and dance and it don’t walk.
That’s all I’d like to say on the subject.
June 6, 2011 at 3:52 pm
……….Forever in blue jeans……
June 6, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Ya know, $10 for a full ablum of music is a heck of a deal these days. That being said, I think I’d rather spend my money on someone else’s musical stylings.
June 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Try this. This man got me through my entire first year of undergrad.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPftjJlqDdQ
June 6, 2011 at 5:09 pm
Ow ow ow.
June 6, 2011 at 7:31 pm
Clearly you are unaware of the musical genius that is Wesley Willis. Basically he was a homeless dude with a keyboard they picked off the street and gave a record deal to. His song Rock and Roll McDonalds was featured in Supersize Me and he’s had a number of gems. My favorites are My Momma Smokes Crack Rocks and the classic Chronic Schizophrenia. He died, but his music will live on.
June 6, 2011 at 8:11 pm
ROCK OVER LONDON, ROCK ON CHICAGO.
June 7, 2011 at 7:52 am
HEINZ. IT’S AMERICA’S FAVORITE KETCHUP.
June 6, 2011 at 9:53 pm
Thank you for sharing this! I can’t stop listening to Wesley Willis… it is hilarious!
June 7, 2011 at 7:51 am
Thank you! I instantly though of Wesley Willis when I heard that third song. My personal favorites have to be:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVBPhDZ8Lsc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3q-naaigaM
and, appropriately for this place lately– “They Threw Me Out of Church”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZKApT6vC0g
June 6, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 6, 2011 at 5:14 pm
Supporters of tympanic terrorism.
June 6, 2011 at 3:40 pm
I’ve heard worse…but most of them had sense enough not to record a CD. Case in point: I wish I could say he makes ME sound good, but I can’t.
June 6, 2011 at 3:48 pm
Now that sounds like a challenge: “Regretsy, The Musical”
Couldn’t be any worse than your typical episode of “Glee”.
June 6, 2011 at 4:45 pm
I’ll volunteer to play triangle! Will need two others to help me out.
June 6, 2011 at 4:50 pm
I’ll be the isosceles angle!
June 6, 2011 at 5:00 pm
I can help hold the triangle. I also have a comb covered in wax paper.
Let’s alter the perception of popular music forever.
June 6, 2011 at 5:20 pm
I’ll put a hole in mama’s washtub and be right over!
June 6, 2011 at 6:20 pm
Vocals! Your choice of Gerald Casales from Devo, Bob Dylan from the mesothelioa period, a generic big-fat-guy bass.
June 6, 2011 at 6:25 pm
Make that *a generic fat guy bass, or Alice Cooper.*
June 6, 2011 at 10:25 pm
Rather than play the triangle I’ll just stand there and say “ting”, will that work?
June 6, 2011 at 5:55 pm
The more I refresh, the more I like this idea.
HK is our very own Sue Sylvester. She’s proven more than once she can rock a blond wig and her snark is unmatched.
Question is can we get Bronc drunk and topless to do a mash-up of Foxman’s “Black Cat Saloon” and Janet Jackson’s “Black Cat”.
Someone needs to make this musical happen now.
June 7, 2011 at 9:20 am
Pardon me, but may I offer my unparalleled powers of styling?
So, my initial thought is full-body, black unitards decorated across the chest with a rainbow made out of cheap (but super shiny!) spangles. I am also thinking that we can fashion some unicorn horns out of papier mache; they can tie right under the chin. The finishing touch will be strategically placed curtain tassels that have been dipped in glitter and hot glued to the unitard.
Your thoughts?
June 7, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Don’t forget banjingo appliques. Preferably centered over the naval.
June 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm
The best part of this album are HK’s descriptions of the songs.
Also, I think I WILL be getting this for Father’s Day as payment for the 30th birthday gift my Dad DIDN’T get me last month….
June 6, 2011 at 4:15 pm
I don’t think it’s fair of the Fox to write such an upbeat song to a stripper; then turn around and put all his expectations and drama on her in the lyrics, and tell her she drags him down. She’s got it bad enough trying to give a lap dance to the conscientious mobster balancing a casio on his boner
June 6, 2011 at 3:40 pm
“like the freak you are”
true, without even a hint of irony
and now I know who NEVER to take a road trip with. Even though HK’s car might be regresifuckeryied to the hilt, it still won’t distract the assault to the ears.
June 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Oh, Helen. Your song reviews must be read again after I’ve had a few adult beverages.
Right now, the kids are questioning the horrible songs as they are doing their homework and begging me to stop playing them. I’m thinking I could use them as some sort of parental punishment…
June 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm
It does the algebra homework or it gets the Foxman!
June 6, 2011 at 4:04 pm
I’m thinking of using it for the “stay in school” message.
Don’t make Mommy play Cheap Trick on bad acid for you again, kids.
June 6, 2011 at 4:12 pm
“Oh, you’re sick and you’d like to stay home and miss the test today? Well, all right, but you should know that today is FOXMAN day… all right then, have a good day at school!”
June 6, 2011 at 5:29 pm
While wearing the chicken mask of course, Wilma!
June 6, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Can’t bring myself to click the links and listen. Nope. If Regretsy has taught me anything (and oh, it has), it is knowing when NOT to follow a link.
June 6, 2011 at 3:56 pm
They’re not too bad…
…if you stop playing them after 5 seconds. It’s listening to the full sample that will disturb you.
June 6, 2011 at 4:50 pm
You really do have to listen to the third one. When I played it for the hubs (not usually a big Regretsy fan), he was rolling on the floor.
June 6, 2011 at 4:54 pm
My computer won’t let me play these files. It gave me a blue screen with a big “?” in the middle. A Windows version of “WTF?”
June 6, 2011 at 5:11 pm
Yeah, mine told me I’d get a virus but if I wanted to listen I’d have to SAVE the file, not just open it…I was scared off.
June 6, 2011 at 4:45 pm
I unfortunately discovered that her samples play perfectly well on my iPad. I dared myself to click because I largely thought ‘Eh, probably won’t work on this thing anyway’.
It did. And now I know not to click them ever again.
June 6, 2011 at 3:45 pm
This is what it sounds like|
when teeth die
With apologies to Prince.
Truly a sonic root canal.
June 6, 2011 at 3:46 pm
huh. It’s not every day that I come across something that makes me feel better about my musical “talent”. Also, these songs are great for enraging dogs–or at least my dogs. If I ever need an attack shih tzu, I now know what to do.
June 6, 2011 at 3:49 pm
What a loser I am – can’t even get the samples to play on my computer
Or maybe I should be grateful………
June 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Be grateful. I could and after 5 seconds my daughter disowned me. My daughter who likes Rebecca Black disowned me over those samples being played.
June 6, 2011 at 4:47 pm
Oh dude, your daughter totally burned you on that one. Hee hee.
Ah well, one person’s aural nightmare is another’s theme song.
June 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm
For 10 bucks of crappy music, the drugs featured on the album cover better be a gift with purchase.
June 6, 2011 at 3:50 pm
You can’t hate on an “album” cover that has a big ol’ Jack Webb head featured on the lower right.
Am I dating myself here?
June 6, 2011 at 3:54 pm
There’s nothing wrong with dating yourself. It’s a natural human … oh, you mean chronologically.
I have the first three seasons of “Emergency!” on DVD. Jack Webb’s wife — Julie London — made me the nurse I am today.
June 6, 2011 at 4:05 pm
Ohhhhhh I loved Emergency! (Randolph Mantooth… grrrrr!) and Adam-12 and Dragnet.
June 6, 2011 at 4:32 pm
It was Mannix for me, oh and Medical Center. Then along came Kojak.
When he said, “Who loves you baby?”, I knew he was talking to only me.
I went through a lot of lollipops as a tween.
June 6, 2011 at 10:09 pm
Um during the EMERGENCY run and after Julie London was married to the white haired Dr. Bobby Troup
There is a Julie London song on the Six Feet Under soundtrack. Julie was somewhat of a torch singer before becoming a nurse…
June 7, 2011 at 6:28 am
It was very cool for Jack Webb to hire his ex-wife AND her husband into very decent TV roles. I don’t know if I could be that gracious to my ex-wife, especially since she replaced me with a man named Maynard.
Now that is embarrassing.
June 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm
HOLY FLIP! This is my mailman from when I was in middle school!! We would talk every day and he would always talk about his one-man music project. One day he gave me Songs From The Gallery CD (I still have it) and it creeped me out so much as a 12 year old that I stopped meeting him to get the mail. I always felt bad about that, but it looks like he’s doing well.
June 6, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Now this is a priceless experience!
June 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm
First the Icelandic snuggies that are made in the wool factory right down the street from me, and now this…I’m starting to get really scared.
June 6, 2011 at 4:35 pm
What if he sees his album here and reads the comments? Would it creep you out to think he just read that about you?
June 6, 2011 at 5:35 pm
I’m sure he doesn’t remember me, but it wouldn’t creep me out. Just make me feel bad for him. Sorry, Brian! Always follow your passion!
June 6, 2011 at 7:12 pm
Yes, always follow your passion, but leave enough following distance for braking safely in an emergency.
June 6, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Bloody hell it’s a small world, isn’t it? Still I agree, that is kinda creepy.
June 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm
I think I see a very wrinkly, very confused Will Ferrell partially hiding behind the ‘n’.
Also I’m in the living room right now, so listening isn’t really an option unless I want my family to think I’m a crazy person (more than they already do), so I’ll have to wait until I’m in the privacy of my own room to take a listen.
Judging by these descriptions, I think it’ll be worth it.
June 6, 2011 at 4:28 pm
And is that Richard Belzer standing next to him? He sure does have big hair in this picture, though.
June 6, 2011 at 4:36 pm
I always keep headphones nearby so I can listen to stuff without my husband thinking I’m crazy.
June 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm
I’m wondering what illegal drugs I could take to make this “music” sound good, but I don’t even think that will help.
June 6, 2011 at 4:33 pm
Are there any that make you temporarily deaf? Because that might work.
June 6, 2011 at 3:54 pm
I knew it was only a matter of time before people started using Auto DE-Tune.
June 6, 2011 at 4:05 pm
I’m inventing “Mute” It’s kind of like a button that silences bad sounds on things. Trademarked. Don’t you fat ugly jealous talentless losers steal my ideals.
June 6, 2011 at 5:14 pm
It’s moot, at this point.
June 6, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Of all the things to be bothered by, I’m picking the terrible lighting/flash reflection on the album cover. That way, I can pretend that I did not click on the samples.
June 6, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Is that a xylophone I hear him molesting in the first lil’ ditty, or is it probably all from the Casio he bought at Kmart?
June 6, 2011 at 5:09 pm
I’m pretty sure it’s one of these. I totally had one…when I was 4. http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4306954&CAWELAID=544391546
June 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm
I was actually hoping this was a CD from Micheal J Fox. Especially with song called Shake For Me.
Way to disappoint me, Foxman.
June 6, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Oh I see what you did there. You’re bad.
June 6, 2011 at 4:48 pm
As I wanna be.
June 6, 2011 at 4:05 pm
It needs more Cowbell
June 6, 2011 at 5:33 pm
And less Cowpat.
June 6, 2011 at 4:13 pm
There’s comforting to me about his music, but that’s only because I dated a lot of aspiring indi stars who recorded their own god-awful side projects. Ah, to be young and devoid of dignity again. Thank you Foxman, for that nausea inducing drive down memory lane. It reminds me that with age comes wisdom, and being able to enjoy music like that as a byproduct of my regretsy reading rather than my poor romantic choices.
June 6, 2011 at 4:14 pm
“There’s *something comforting”. Forgive me, I need to drink a bit more before commenting.
June 6, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Yeah, I didn’t find it to be quite as godawful as I expected, but then I have an ex-boyfriend who should be phoning this guy for tips. Seriously, if he had an Etsy store, I’d be pointing Madame Killer to it right now.
I think Foxman still wins though, because, well, “FOXMAN,” after all.
June 6, 2011 at 4:29 pm
Sorry, but no freaking shakes can compare with Varga and his cats…
June 6, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Good news for the tone deaf! Foxman is on facebook and if you “like” him, you can listen FREE to oodles and oodles of his music and – if you join the mailing list – you can download am couple of songs for FREE!!!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Foxman/355756221646
::hastily steps out of the way so as not to be trompled::
June 6, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Oh, pardon me — I have a son who is dissonantly inclined and doesn’t mind being called tone deaf. Shoot me now.
Let me rephrase:
Good news for the tone deaf! Foxman is on facebook and if you “like” him, you can listen FREE to oodles and oodles of his music and – if you join the mailing list – you can download am couple of songs for FREE!!!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Foxman/355756221646
::hastily steps out of the way so as not to be trompled::
June 6, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Is it wrong I was imagining the voice of the Professor from Futurama when it came to “Good news..!”
June 6, 2011 at 4:36 pm
“Shake For Me Now” sounds like karaoke with the wrong words to a christmas song by The Cure. Of course, my apologies to Robert Smith.
June 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm
Mind Control … the only explanation for the automatic movement of my finger toward the ‘mute’ button.
June 6, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Oh dear, his pitch is almost as bad as that of Stephen Malkmus. Though Malkmus sings like that on purpose. I think.
June 6, 2011 at 5:43 pm
If only he were singing about ropes made of carrots. At least Pavement knew that if you’re going to be weird, you’d best be REALLY weird.
June 6, 2011 at 4:46 pm
I don’t know, it kind of reminds me of Stephen Sondheim.
June 6, 2011 at 4:47 pm
OMFG! My mind has literally ground to a halt, frozen forever on those dancing scenes from The Girl in Gold Boots:-p
June 6, 2011 at 4:52 pm
Is this the Etsy equivalent to a Rickroll?
June 6, 2011 at 5:01 pm
This guy is good, but he’s certainly no Varga.
June 6, 2011 at 5:02 pm
what does a city in missouri, a ballet slipper, a plasma tv and a bottle of club soda sitting out with the top off have in common?
June 6, 2011 at 5:08 pm
when the kids used to act up in the back seat of the car during long road trips I used to punish them by making then listen to the entire cassette of Elvis’s Gospel Collection. If only I had the Foxman back then!
June 6, 2011 at 5:14 pm
I have a “Roseanne Barr sings Nursery Rhymes” DVD (sister gave it to me as a gag gift) that works like a charm for my kids in the car. Watch/listen to it once, and the silence is deafening.
June 6, 2011 at 6:01 pm
So you hate your kids too. Maybe even more than I hate mine. Awesome.
June 6, 2011 at 5:14 pm
That’s hilarious.
June 6, 2011 at 5:22 pm
If you’re going to listen to one man and his casio: I swear this guy could make sad hipster-jesus dance.
June 6, 2011 at 5:23 pm
Well, that worked well.
http://www.myspace.com/adamthomasashton/music/songs/sweet-dreams-reversion–58907871
June 6, 2011 at 5:41 pm
I just want to know how he got all these people to pose for his decoupaged album cover. I mean, Patrick Stewart, Will Ferrell, Bob Dylan, A-Rod, Rod Serling, and the Skull Cowboy from The Crow could NOT have come cheap.
June 6, 2011 at 7:10 pm
More likely the album art is summed up as “Sampling: you are implementing it malfeasantly.”
June 6, 2011 at 5:50 pm
Did anyone else notice he just Photoshoped “Foxman” over some other text on the album art? Grande something…
June 6, 2011 at 6:03 pm
I’m not even joking when I say my little dog covered his ears halfway through One Out of Many. I decided to put him out of his misery, no, not by suffocating him, I love the little noodle, but by refusing to hit play on the third song.
June 6, 2011 at 6:08 pm
If money didn’t have post-nasal drip when recording a CD.
June 6, 2011 at 6:41 pm
Does the dealer on the CD cover remind anyone else of Mike Myers as Dr Evil?
June 6, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Reading the descriptions reminded me of Douglas Adams’ descriptions of Vogon Poetry. Discretion being the better part of valor, I am disinclined to click on the links.
Also I seem to have temporarily misplaced my towel.
Reading the comments definitely reinforces my impression that this material could give a vogon poetry reading a run for its money in traumatizing people for life. I hope your pets and small children recover, and are able to successfully block out the memories of this dark day.
June 6, 2011 at 7:57 pm
I have to say that I love your references, i.e. “like a Keane painting”. I’m really not kissing butt when I say your wit is razor sharp and dead-on descriptive. It’s really cool reading your posts as it’s obvious they’re written by someone who is a true writer. Really cool. Thx for the entertainment!
June 6, 2011 at 8:09 pm
my daughter loved it!! she bopped around and all that jazz, but then again, she is only 10 months old…
June 6, 2011 at 8:49 pm
I must say, he’s pigeon-holing himself in his listing as “Alternative/Art Rock” on Reverb Nation… he has such breadth! The country of “Black Cat Saloon,” the jazz of “Shadows”…
ALSO! He has music videos on Reverb Nation. And when I say “music videos,” I mean he made photo slide shows that may or may not have to do with the music.
June 6, 2011 at 9:51 pm
I wish that I had a time machine so that I could go back to that awkward night that I popped my cherry, just so I could include the ultra sexy “Shake For Me” as part of the experience. I’m pretty sure that would have made everything allllllright.
June 6, 2011 at 10:23 pm
I listened to the first one and then my tooth started to hurt so I didn’t listen to the rest. I thought the first one sounded a little like Ric Ocasek … if he’d been run over by a car, or Cars.
June 6, 2011 at 10:53 pm
I’m getting a Grateful Dead meets Johnny Cash in hell sort of vibe.
June 7, 2011 at 6:41 am
Johnny Cash doesn’t deserve an eternity of listening to the Foxman. But Shawn Mullins does for “Lullaby”
June 7, 2011 at 12:21 am
My husband’s response when I listened to the previews: “His song is a crime against humanity.”
June 7, 2011 at 9:58 am
Is that Simon Cowell?
June 7, 2011 at 11:34 am
The odd thing is he appears to be singing a different song than the accompaniment.
June 7, 2011 at 11:39 am
IMO, Foxman’s style can be summed up as an amazing combination of completely derivative and uniquely irritating, together forming the indisputably unlistenable.
June 7, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Send in the hounds…Foxman’s on the loose! The poor guy is trying create a new genre of music for the tone deaf!
June 8, 2011 at 3:27 pm
For some reason, the songs will not play on my machine. I’m not sure if it’s because my computer hates me or has good taste.