Family Tithes
At first I thought these were memorial collages, but the seller says they’re are also for people “who have been away from home a long time.” I don’t know about you, but when I’m away from home for a long time, I call. Sending candids with Jesus sounds like something Adrianne Curry would do on Twitter. OMG, look who I’m here with, LOL! We’re having a blast! Wish you were saved!
Still, I can see why you’d spend $59 to have a picture of you and Jesus. I mean whenever someone says, “Do you know Jesus?” you can say, “Know him? We’re BFFs! Look, here we are the water park!”
My only question is why stop with one? Doesn’t Jesus deserve to be in all your family photos? He did die for you and everything. Least you could do is have him over for burgers every once in a while.
I just bet you all would like to play along, wouldn’t you? Here are a couple of blanks so you can do just that. Feel free to find your own picture of the Man Upstairs if you don’t like the ones we’ve provided.
June 3, 2011 at 9:43 am
I actually really like the one of Jesus with the Maltese on his lap. Jesus seems like he would be a small-dog kind of dog owner.
June 3, 2011 at 9:45 am
I can see Jesus as a dinosaur kind of guy.
[as I write this I ironically read your name].
June 3, 2011 at 10:09 am
I prefer a kinder, gentler Jesus. One that is not armed with a tamed tyrannosaurus he rides upon, with a jet pack for back up and a samurai sword for kicking ass.
No, scratch that, that’s the Jesus we’re going with here. Fix the paintings.
June 3, 2011 at 10:26 am
Is there ANYTHING preferable to a dinosaur-riding, jet-pack samurai Jesus? I mean really.
June 4, 2011 at 7:55 pm
I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.
June 3, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Namaste bichon!
June 3, 2011 at 9:44 am
Damn hippie…
June 3, 2011 at 9:48 am
Me thinks Jesus needs an I HEART Kale t-shirt on.
June 3, 2011 at 10:08 am
Didn’t you read Broc Drywall’s Member Only post yesterday? NO “ME THINKS”!
June 3, 2011 at 10:22 am
*Bronc. Sorry.
June 3, 2011 at 12:30 pm
Bronc typed it as two words. So THAT’S how you beat the spam filter. I see.
June 3, 2011 at 2:25 pm
There’s no improper grammar filter.
June 3, 2011 at 11:42 am
Yeah, and you know what’s creepy? My dad was a dead-ringer for that Jesus head in that photo with the girl in blue. Yeah, my dad looks exactly like the most popular white-Jesus paintings. I can never get the idea of Jesus being a pot-smoking hippie out of my head because my dad was one.
The “was” is because my dad’s dead. Maybe Jesus and my dad are smoking it up now.
June 3, 2011 at 12:23 pm
I want to see a Photoshop of this. Perhaps your dad and the Big J gathered around a hookah with Bob Marley, Jim Morrison, and Johnny Cash?
June 3, 2011 at 9:44 am
Few things are funnier than Jesus photochops! I’m on this.
June 3, 2011 at 9:49 am
*Place pictures of cropped Jesus here*
June 3, 2011 at 9:44 am
Jesus totally harshed the scene at last week’s key party. I’d share a photo, but he’s always hunched over, leering, in the background. Talk about offputting.
June 3, 2011 at 9:45 am
Can I just sub in a Travis Tritt picture instead?
June 3, 2011 at 11:42 am
No.
June 3, 2011 at 2:26 pm
Thanks for giving a clear and firm response so there was no confusion there. We all appreciate it.
June 3, 2011 at 9:46 am
June 3, 2011 at 10:04 am
Is this Michelangelo’s The Last Poker Game?
June 3, 2011 at 8:33 pm
Don shortly before he was commissioned for ‘The Last Supper.’ The Pope felt it was blasphemy, so it’s been hidden in the basement at the Vatican so long they forgot it existed. Bronc managed to sneak it out.
June 3, 2011 at 10:36 am
What is Vincent Price doing at an all-dog poker game?
June 3, 2011 at 10:53 am
Winning.
June 3, 2011 at 11:34 am
June 3, 2011 at 1:10 pm
June 3, 2011 at 11:42 am
Is it wrong that I know the base painting is “A Friend in Need” by Cassius Coolidge?
June 3, 2011 at 2:06 pm
Yep. But amusing.
June 4, 2011 at 8:00 am
No, it’s awesome. Until now I was the only person I ever met who knew that. Patrons of the arts, we are…
June 3, 2011 at 9:46 am
Jesus wouldn’t really fit in at my family gatherings. “No, Creepy Jesus, nobody wants to drink Your blood. We’re tired of Your gross pranks.”
June 3, 2011 at 11:32 am
Prank? Heck, in my circles we call that a fetish!
June 3, 2011 at 9:46 am
I want to make a “Safely Home…Reselling on Etsy”
ok- someone’s gotta do that!
June 3, 2011 at 9:49 am
This “art” makes no sense outside of a memorial/tribute purpose. It’s like sending the “Rainbow Bridge” poem to someone whose dog is at the vet overnight to be neutered.
Besides, I don’t believe for a second that Jesus would have a wussy dog like that. I picture him as more of a large breed kinda guy – maybe a Mastiff.
June 3, 2011 at 9:53 am
Yeah, or a Rhino. After His experiences with mankind, you’d best believe He’s gonna have a guard animal at all times.
June 3, 2011 at 10:05 am
You guy are crazy. He keeps polar bears.
June 3, 2011 at 10:06 am
Or even you guys. Damn not being able to delete and re-do.
June 3, 2011 at 10:09 am
He really doesn’t have to choose between polar bears and rhinos. He can have both, and they’re going to coexist god damn it or He’ll use His ninja death touch on them.
June 3, 2011 at 10:20 am
Fine he can have both. But when I picture guard rhinos I think of this.
June 3, 2011 at 10:24 am
Put the little gold circles over their heads and you have got yourself a Messiah Mafia right there.
June 3, 2011 at 10:39 am
I’m thinking two sea turtles strapped to his feet like Jack Sparrow. Enough with this “walking on water” business
June 4, 2011 at 9:21 am
I’m thinking more of a Lassie-type dog. Something big and fluffy and smart that likes to herd things, since he’s a shepard and all.
(Or maybe a lion.
Or an entire army of dinosaurs.
Or every single animal on heaven and earth, since he’s like, Jesus man.)
June 3, 2011 at 9:50 am
that woman looks pretty pissed at The Christ in that first picture. i’m imagining he did a “Pull my finger” and she fell for it, so now J.C. is all “Come onnnnn, it was just a joke, Mildred! Here, I’ll buy you a sno-cone.”
June 3, 2011 at 10:09 am
OMG……that is so freaking funny!!!! That’s about the funniest thing I’ve read all week! THANKS for that!!!!
June 3, 2011 at 10:11 am
Seriously, I’m still wiping tears re-reading this. That picture and your comment NEED to be on a t-shirt.
June 3, 2011 at 9:51 am
I hate the arrogance of all of this from this etsy seller…why don’t they offer photoshops of purgatory (remember that miscarriage? your baby is halfway home…forever!) or Satan embracing your loved one and givin’ em what they deserve! My Grangran was a 2-pack-a-day smoker, heavy drinker, and had been married 5 times – and lied about the marriages to my Grandpa and was a constant liar. But…yes…please block all of that out by making me a wanky keepsake that shows Jesus lighting her Pal-mal for her in Heaven!
June 3, 2011 at 11:15 am
The pet poem is the one that really gets me, with the sappy “I’ve turned my own name back to front and called you DOG, my friend.”
It’s a little known fact that the secret French word for god is Neihc, the Spanish is Orrep, the German is Dnuh etc… (or the proper words for Dog are actually Ueid, Soid, and Ttog, respectively.)
Clearly, God actually meant us all to speak English. Every other language is irrelevant.
June 3, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Of course!! Not just English, AMERICAN English!
Goooooooooooood Bless uh Merica, laaaaaaaaaaaand that I love!
God smiles warmly upon America and guides us in every perfect thing we do…and makes explode-y things happen to other nations. Fact.
June 3, 2011 at 7:24 pm
I’m sure there are secrets that reveal themselves in other languages.
June 3, 2011 at 9:51 am
oh for christsake.
June 3, 2011 at 9:52 am
OMFG. LMAO. The picture of Jesus in his 70′s prom tux. Hilarious. Everyone wants to know about those awkward teen years. Bible never talks about them. Must of been hard times.
June 3, 2011 at 10:00 am
Read Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore. It explains it all.
June 3, 2011 at 12:44 pm
One of the kids in youth group gave me that book to read. LOVED it. Fool is pretty good too.
June 3, 2011 at 1:24 pm
I wish I could give you more thumbs. “Lamb” is my 2nd Favorite Christopher Moore book! It’s amazing. It’s only beat out by “A Dirty Job”.
June 3, 2011 at 2:45 pm
My favorite is “The Stupidest Angel” a Christmas story. I must read it every year, along with watching Muppet’s Christmas Carol. Wouldn’t be complete with out either. After that the Love Lizard. And all the sequels.
June 3, 2011 at 10:00 am
You’d enjoy reading Christopher Moore’s
“Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal” funny, funny stuff!
June 3, 2011 at 10:06 am
Sounds funny. Anyone want to guess who his date is? And don’t state the obvious! (Mary Magdalene)
June 3, 2011 at 10:33 am
Lamb is one of our favorite books. We’re on our second copy, we wore the first one out.
June 3, 2011 at 12:53 pm
I have a copy that is bound like the bible and signed by Moore! I have to hide it from my step mother-in-law, she’d have a fit over it.
June 3, 2011 at 9:53 am
Jesus – Q.B., Savior.
June 3, 2011 at 10:08 am
It looks like Jesus is a top.
June 3, 2011 at 10:47 am
That shouldn’t be all that surprising, I’m sure this guy has a HUGE ego, what with being the son of God and all.
June 3, 2011 at 10:19 am
Dude’s calling for a Hail Mary play.
June 3, 2011 at 9:45 pm
I believe he’s calling for a cross-ing route.
June 3, 2011 at 10:32 am
It brings new meaning to the “Hail Mary” pass.
June 3, 2011 at 10:32 am
Damnit. Shoulda refreshed.
June 3, 2011 at 11:12 am
Jesus has no use for legs! Legs are for mere mortals!
June 3, 2011 at 11:21 am
Well, that’s how you can tell it’s photoshopped…. wheee
June 3, 2011 at 6:49 pm
Woah its photoshopped?! I couldn’t tell!
June 3, 2011 at 1:02 pm
I assumed he was simply levitating. Because that’s how JC plays football!
June 7, 2011 at 12:16 pm
It’s been raining here in good ol’ NorCal and when I saw this picture with Jesus as the QB of my favorite team, a beam of sunshine streamed out of an opening of a cloud. I heard angels singing and thought I was going to rapture. Then I remembered I have to wait until October.
June 3, 2011 at 9:54 am
June 3, 2011 at 9:55 am
How does Jesus look? I think he’s doing a sassy twirl.
June 3, 2011 at 10:01 am
If I say he looks fat in all that white, what do you think will happen?
June 3, 2011 at 12:19 pm
It’s all those loaves and fishes, and the wine doesn’t help either.
June 3, 2011 at 1:01 pm
“You already tried that on twice! I’m sorry I paused ‘significantly’ when you asked if it makes you look fat, I love you , Can we go home now?”
June 3, 2011 at 9:55 am
I am so going to hell now
June 3, 2011 at 10:02 am
Forget “God is My Co-Pilot.” I want a bumper sticker that says “Jesus is My Fluffer.”
June 3, 2011 at 10:02 am
I’m laughing so hard (eep, I wrote ‘hard’) at this that we will be taking the elevator down together!
June 3, 2011 at 10:07 am
It took me a while to realise what was happening in this photo. That really was a moment.
June 3, 2011 at 10:07 am
LJKGDSHF HIS FACE OH MY FUCK
June 3, 2011 at 10:08 am
Even Jesus thinks dick jokes about a guy called Wiener are funny.
June 3, 2011 at 10:14 am
He’s all, like, “he hath risen *snicker*”
June 3, 2011 at 10:18 am
I pass the torch onto thee…
June 3, 2011 at 11:46 am
I am crying from laughing so hard!
June 3, 2011 at 12:03 pm
I imagine that this wil be the best; in fact it looks like a “weiner” to me.
June 3, 2011 at 12:21 pm
This is so beautiful, save me a seat in the lake of fire.
June 3, 2011 at 1:35 pm
I’m hanging out with this nice guy in black robes – said his name’s Sharon. Bit strange but who cares, he’s got a boat!
June 3, 2011 at 9:01 pm
Sounds like a keeper!!!
June 3, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Jesus uses his miraculous powers to change the size of the boxer-brief smell.
June 3, 2011 at 3:02 pm
Weiner Weiner Chicken Deiner!!!
June 3, 2011 at 5:08 pm
See ya there!!!
June 3, 2011 at 9:58 am
June 3, 2011 at 10:42 am
You made my day! In my opinion, everything is better with nuns.
June 3, 2011 at 8:06 pm
“In my opinion, everything is better with nuns.”
Except Catholic School.
June 3, 2011 at 12:22 pm
It’s nice that Jesus is so close to his step-mothers.
June 3, 2011 at 3:43 pm
Nice!
June 3, 2011 at 7:26 pm
Actually, those are his Brides. Whole family out for a bumper-car outing.
June 3, 2011 at 11:25 pm
Gives new meaning to the term ‘sister wives.’
June 3, 2011 at 3:50 pm
Nuns having fun! This is my favorite calendar ever!
June 3, 2011 at 9:59 am
I’m far too lazy to do it today, but I’m going to have to crudely photoshop Cutout Jesus and Cutout Cat into all my old family pictures.
June 3, 2011 at 10:01 am
I love that the second “real” picture with the soldier, Jesus looks like he’s leading him away from the glowing stairway. And the guy looks appropriately depressed.
June 3, 2011 at 7:28 pm
That one freaked me. Somehow, little old ladies who reached the end of a long life, or bichon frises, ditto, are one thing. But soldiers…er…I couldn’t say why it’s different, but it’s tackier.
June 3, 2011 at 10:02 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 3, 2011 at 10:03 am
Let’s get one thing straight. It was MY BROTHER who died for your sins.
June 3, 2011 at 9:55 pm
Jesus as a ginger is a bold theological statement, since it’s common knowledge gingers have no souls
June 3, 2011 at 10:03 am
Jesus is behind you, John Edwards! Although in jail that could have an entirely different meaning! He needs some Jesus and Red Beans LOL!!!
June 3, 2011 at 3:52 pm
I kind of want the Jesus in red beans, but don’t want to have gas in front of the lord
June 3, 2011 at 10:04 am
oops.
June 3, 2011 at 10:07 am
And here’s me thinking I was going to hell for drawing this last night:
(It’s going to be a label for my rapture whistle boxes [use in case of celestial kidnap attempts]).
June 3, 2011 at 10:29 am
I love you.
June 3, 2011 at 10:32 am
I love you too.
June 3, 2011 at 10:08 am
June 3, 2011 at 10:10 am
He lost so much weight this season, too!
June 3, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Haha this made me literally lol
This. This wins in my heart.
June 3, 2011 at 12:26 pm
It was heartwrenching when he lost his sandal though.
June 3, 2011 at 10:12 am
I want to know why Blank Christ wears Issey Miyake.
June 3, 2011 at 10:13 am
I was thinking of shopping him onto a Yamamoto runway, myself.
June 3, 2011 at 10:14 am
I had that same exact blue formal (borrowed it) for a junior high dance!
June 3, 2011 at 10:14 am
I wanted to use the picture of the President, Biden, Hillary Clinton and so on watching the Bin Laden mission–you know, the one where they all look really intense.
Turns out that googling “Obama” and “Bin Laden” in the same image search is really depressing. I’m all bummed out now. >_>
June 3, 2011 at 10:20 am
one more.
June 3, 2011 at 10:23 am
Mystery Science Jesus Christ Theater 300!
June 4, 2011 at 9:26 am
This is madness!
June 3, 2011 at 12:28 pm
I wonder if he likes Richard Baseheart?
June 4, 2011 at 1:12 am
Jesus Christ! Down in front!!
June 3, 2011 at 10:20 am
HOLY SHIT.
I decided to photoshop Jesus into a painting of the Founding Fathers signing the declaration of independence, so I googled for a painting… and I found a ready-made version. FUCK YEAH! Effort saved!
June 3, 2011 at 10:22 am
my poor son. I’m always making him pose for these awkward pictures.
June 3, 2011 at 10:23 am
The level of uncomfortableness in this photo warrants a thumbs up.
June 3, 2011 at 10:36 am
it’s as though Ronald is saying through his teeth “get out of my shot, J-man. You’re in MY church now.”
and my poor kid just wants his damn happy meal already.
June 3, 2011 at 9:52 pm
And here I thought he was saying “We all float down here….”
June 3, 2011 at 1:15 pm
I love that it’s McTeacher night — how appropriate!
June 3, 2011 at 6:01 pm
If you end up in a nursing home, now we know why.
June 3, 2011 at 10:22 am
Photoshop a little Jesus into your life
June 3, 2011 at 10:22 am
I think B. Drywall is channeling a little Betty Bowers:
http://www.cafepress.com/bettybowers/880342
So Close to Jesus
* he uses my birthday when he plays Lotto ”
* the other members of the Trinity call me Yoko
* we finish each other’s parables
* I am returning the lingerie he bought me last Christmas
* we are taking separate vacations
and my personal #1 favorite:
So Close to Jesus I had to get a restraining order!
June 3, 2011 at 10:39 am
Betty Bowers is fabulous.
June 3, 2011 at 10:22 am
June 3, 2011 at 10:26 am
For some reason, Jesus really, really reminds of Obi-Wan Kenobi in this image. Hmm. Jesus as a Jedi knight? There’s an idea! lol
June 3, 2011 at 11:13 am
lol thanks for the idea!
June 3, 2011 at 3:24 pm
You’re quite welcome. Use it in good health, and may the farce be with you!
June 3, 2011 at 1:12 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 3, 2011 at 2:21 pm
Is that Jesus or House?
June 4, 2011 at 1:34 am
She looks terrified.
“Is he behind me? I feel him watching me! I don’t want to look! HE’S BEHIND ME ISN’T HE?!”
June 3, 2011 at 10:22 am
I like to think that the seller of this item is just a poor atheist trying to make money because “religion sells,” at least to a certain segment of the population. But then again, I’m the kind of person who was amused when a young lady asked a handmade jewelry vendor at a country music/craft fair why the vendor, who was an atheist, was selling crosses. The vendor just shrugged and said “They sell.” The young lady asking the question didn’t have a reply for that.
June 3, 2011 at 10:25 am
Jesus has always hung out with the coolest of cats.
June 3, 2011 at 10:49 am
Damn, he looks so mellow there.
June 3, 2011 at 2:08 pm
It’s the Jesustini.
June 3, 2011 at 6:03 pm
That’s because he’s inhaling the aura that is Christina Hendricks
June 3, 2011 at 8:30 pm
WWJM= Who Would Jesus Motorboat?
June 4, 2011 at 12:54 am
I’d go gay for Christina Hendricks in a heartbeat.
June 3, 2011 at 11:29 pm
I can’t thumbs up this enough.
June 3, 2011 at 10:26 am
Recursive Jesus says “What the Hell, guys?”
June 3, 2011 at 1:06 pm
I LOVE this one.
June 3, 2011 at 10:28 am
My fifteen second contribution (because I have to leave the house). I wish I could spend more time on it, but alas, duty calls. And by duty, I mean photography gig.
June 3, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Yessss. Win!
June 3, 2011 at 12:31 pm
I’d like to butter his hot cross buns…
June 3, 2011 at 10:31 am
June 3, 2011 at 10:31 am
June 3, 2011 at 10:32 am
What a fitting theme, considering we had our very first religious flounce in the forums today. What a thing of beauty it was. In fact, it has spawned its very own religion:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/home.phpsk=group_153243504745264&ap=1
June 3, 2011 at 11:30 am
It seems to be gone. (sadface) I’m hoping it turns up in the Butthurt section or a Members Only post. I’m disappointed I missed the opportunity to point and laugh.
June 3, 2011 at 10:33 am
June 3, 2011 at 1:34 pm
That sweater is so priceless.
Let that be a warning to you, Jesus!
June 3, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Looks like I’m quite safe from the risk of ending up in his pants, then.
June 3, 2011 at 7:34 pm
Uh…this is awkward. Can I love Jesus AND stay out of that guy’s pants? Is there an option for that?
June 4, 2011 at 12:36 am
I don’t think it’s a formal package deal, so you’re safe.
June 3, 2011 at 3:55 pm
I want that sweater with a fierce passion
June 4, 2011 at 1:20 am
Me too! This needs to be added to the regretsy zazzle store.
June 3, 2011 at 10:34 am
OMG, this is the perfect job for my unemployed brother – he’s been mistaken for Jesus a lot…
June 3, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Does he have visible stigmata?
June 3, 2011 at 10:34 am
I demand to know immediately how you got my prom picture! I only went with him as a favor to his mom!
Creeper kept handing me glasses of water, then changing it to wine right as I took a sip. I blacked out about halfway through the dance.
June 3, 2011 at 9:17 pm
this made me laugh so hard
June 3, 2011 at 10:34 am
Jesus loves the little children and all the ugly dogs of the world – that’s the truth!
June 3, 2011 at 10:42 am
But he DETESTS that hideous couch!
June 3, 2011 at 12:24 pm
My mother-in-law has that couch. COVERED IN PLASTIC.
June 3, 2011 at 1:08 pm
Well obviously! You wouldn’t want anything to happen to it!
June 3, 2011 at 2:21 pm
Did she find it in a David Lynch TV series?
June 4, 2011 at 6:33 am
I logged in to post the same thing! Sans plastic , though. She had standards.
June 4, 2011 at 9:30 am
It looks like he’s about to try to juggle them.
June 3, 2011 at 10:36 am
June 3, 2011 at 10:37 am
I’m digging Victorian-era prom Jesus.
June 3, 2011 at 10:38 am
I mean, I know it’s not ACTUALLY the Victorian era. It’s the 1970s. But that suit…
June 3, 2011 at 10:37 am
June 3, 2011 at 10:38 am
This is really freaking me out. o_o
June 3, 2011 at 10:48 am
Jesus loves me, this I know…
June 3, 2011 at 3:15 pm
More shirtless guy-kissing, please
June 3, 2011 at 10:38 am
June 3, 2011 at 10:44 am
Precious words from our Lord and Saviour Latoya Jackson.
June 3, 2011 at 12:06 pm
Good, but he’d know her real name.
June 3, 2011 at 12:41 pm
Jesus is too offended by our mockery of lactivism to use her real name.
June 3, 2011 at 2:39 pm
My vote for Comment of the Day.
June 3, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Apple ftw…
June 3, 2011 at 6:08 pm
Thanks to that Apple, we lost our privileges in the Garden of Eden.
June 3, 2011 at 10:42 am
June 3, 2011 at 11:01 am
Poor Jesus looks like he’s about to start weeping in that picture.
June 3, 2011 at 1:11 pm
I’d be weeping in his position too…
June 4, 2011 at 3:03 am
Not even Jesus can save that piece of shit song.
June 3, 2011 at 3:02 pm
Jesus is kickin’ in the back seat? Partyin’, partyin’, yeah.
June 3, 2011 at 6:51 pm
Look how devastated he is. He can’t save them.
June 4, 2011 at 9:43 am
“It’s Good Friday, Good Friday, gettin’ down on Good Friday…do I really have to do this?”
“C’mon, Jesus, baby! The kids will love it! They’re all over this kinda crappy pop star music nowadays!”
“It’s just…the lyrics seem a bit…”
“Who cares about the lyrics? Christians will buy anything as long as it has your name on it! I mean, have you heard thed lyrics to some of those religious rock songs they keep making? What the hell is a “Christian Side Hug” anyway?”
“…Did you just use the h-word in front of Me?”
“What, hug?”
“…Nevermind. Let us take it from the top. 7 AM, waketh up in the morning…”
June 4, 2011 at 9:46 am
This is a “Christian Side Hug”, by the way.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_Oj0-splZw
Yeah.
June 3, 2011 at 10:44 am
Is Jesus offering me a taco in that last picture? Cause I loves me some tacos.
June 3, 2011 at 10:57 am
Take this taco and eat it, in memory of me.
June 3, 2011 at 1:11 pm
Hail Chipotle, full of guac, the Lord is with Thee…
June 3, 2011 at 10:45 am
He always thinks he’s the first one to think of this stuff.
June 3, 2011 at 10:45 am
Oh dear. I suck at this.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/memsaab/5793723851/in/photostream
June 3, 2011 at 11:00 am
If this doesn’t work I promise to never ever try it again.
June 3, 2011 at 7:01 pm
That’s what He said.
June 4, 2011 at 4:03 am
Jesus says, “Looks like rain.”
June 3, 2011 at 10:48 am
I think I might be a bad person.
June 3, 2011 at 10:49 am
Goddamn it.
June 3, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Yup, you’re a bad person, but we love you anyway.
June 3, 2011 at 10:50 am
June 3, 2011 at 10:55 am
Jesus ensures I never shop hungry.
June 3, 2011 at 12:43 pm
YES! I knew Jesus was a Costco member!
June 3, 2011 at 6:52 pm
“Welcome to Costco. I love you.”
June 3, 2011 at 1:10 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
June 3, 2011 at 11:35 pm
Somehow I just find it hard to believe that Jesus, as a Jew, would condone Vienna Sausages.
June 3, 2011 at 11:38 pm
Jesus buys everything shrink-wrapped in multiples……Jesus saves.
June 4, 2011 at 12:39 am
Everything in dozens – eggs, canned food, disciples…
June 4, 2011 at 12:06 am
Dammit, Jesus. You can’t wear your shawl instead of a hairnet. I realize you don’t like how it looks, but it’s in the sample lady handbook that you signed the day we hired you.
June 3, 2011 at 10:52 am
June 3, 2011 at 11:15 am
JC also works the sidewalks, finding homes for stray level 4 kitties.
June 3, 2011 at 12:20 pm
And yet, all of his good work still won’t save him from a flounce.
June 3, 2011 at 2:55 pm
All things must flounce.
June 3, 2011 at 2:56 pm
Actually, all CATS must flounce.
People have the option to flounce, but too often they just hang around and continue to be assholes.
June 3, 2011 at 1:30 pm
FOR THE WIN.
June 3, 2011 at 10:54 am
http://www.flickr.com/photos/51423921@N00/5793740649/in/photostream
June 3, 2011 at 10:55 am
Jesus was a hoofer.
June 3, 2011 at 10:57 am
Little known fact, Martha Stewart is actually taller than Jesus.
June 3, 2011 at 10:59 am
Dancing Jesus, Afghan Jesus, Naked Frat Boy Jesus…
and yet THIS one makes me feel like I’m going to hell.
YAY!
June 3, 2011 at 11:05 am
I seriously Lol’ed. This is just perfect.
June 3, 2011 at 7:38 pm
Better nutrition in the twentieth century than the first. At least where Martha grew up.
June 4, 2011 at 9:33 am
Wow. Martha is tall.
June 3, 2011 at 11:01 am
You can have your own custom print of one of your favorite Twilight movie scenes with Jesus included showing his support for Bella and Edward’s love.
$799.99
Tagged: Whimsicle, Twilight, Jesus, Steampunk.
June 3, 2011 at 11:10 am
awesome, i was trying to figure out a way to throw in Twilight… but you got a great one!
June 3, 2011 at 1:32 pm
I dunno… If vampires have no souls, I feel like Jesus wouldn’t be so jovial.
June 3, 2011 at 3:32 pm
That really depends on which mythos you go by. I don’t know if they do in Twilight. In the Buffyverse, they don’t unless they’ve been “cursed” with one (it’s a gypsy spell). In the Forever Knight TV series, they do, but they’re damned. In Chelsea Quinn Yarbro’s Le Comte de San Germain series, I don’t think she ever discusses it.
I’ll go back to my geeky corner now.
June 3, 2011 at 3:43 pm
Or you could be Spike and they could all of a sudden decide that if you go endure trials or whatever they’re just giving away souls in some cave in Africa. I don’t get why they can’t send Angel there so he can have a soul AND have sex.
June 3, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Kristen Stewart almost showed an emotion there. it’s a miracle.
June 3, 2011 at 8:15 pm
They photoshopped it onto her face.
June 4, 2011 at 9:31 am
That is the most steampunk think I’ve seen here.
June 3, 2011 at 11:02 am
June 3, 2011 at 1:55 pm
SAVED!
June 3, 2011 at 11:07 am
June 3, 2011 at 11:11 am
June 3, 2011 at 12:52 pm
For some reason, that Jesus reminds me of Luke Olsen.
June 3, 2011 at 1:00 pm
ok, I’m impaired today… Luke *Wilson*
June 3, 2011 at 3:34 pm
YES! Awesome. Thank you so much. It’s actually scary how RIGHT this looks.
June 3, 2011 at 6:51 pm
It’s scary how easy it was to do!
June 3, 2011 at 11:15 am
Jesus LOVES to fish and Party!
June 3, 2011 at 8:22 pm
Not just loves. Loaves.
June 3, 2011 at 11:16 am
Who is that Jesus? He looks at lot like a local radio personality
June 3, 2011 at 11:17 am
I can’t do photos – look up Gordon Keith in Dallas
June 3, 2011 at 11:20 am
I was gonna go for a “Come at me bro” shot, but it seemed a bit played out.
June 3, 2011 at 11:21 am
June 3, 2011 at 11:23 am
We should have him at all our important events.
June 4, 2011 at 3:51 am
Is that a Skverer Bar Mitzvah??
June 4, 2011 at 1:23 pm
It’s a BelzBar Mitzvah. I believe the kid is Sholom Rokeach Though since that’s their original Rebbe’s name I’m not sure.
June 4, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Yep, you’re right. I asked my ex-husband and he said its Belz.
June 3, 2011 at 11:27 am
June 3, 2011 at 11:29 am
June 3, 2011 at 11:32 am
Jesus is selling my cards for me.
If you can’t read the card it says “jesus loved whores”
June 3, 2011 at 11:45 am
Ha! I put it in the actual listing.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/34706976/jesus-loved-whores-1-card
June 3, 2011 at 11:56 am
Loved? Does that mean whores are going to hell, those devils? Or did he clean up his act when he ascended unto heaven so that its all free?
June 3, 2011 at 12:05 pm
I wrote it with the assumption Jesus died.
June 3, 2011 at 2:59 pm
He really does loves whores. it’s in the book ‘n everything.
June 3, 2011 at 11:33 am
June 3, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Jesus is DTF after he GTL’s. Just no Grenades after T-shirt time.
And now I need to go read to recover those brain cells.
June 3, 2011 at 11:39 am
June 3, 2011 at 11:46 am
Jesus Fing Christ!!!
somebody stole my Jersey Shore Jesus idea!!
June 3, 2011 at 11:47 am
June 3, 2011 at 11:49 am
Jesus is the ultimate hipster.
June 3, 2011 at 2:40 pm
June 3, 2011 at 4:20 pm
The face is so perfect. All is missing is a window.
June 3, 2011 at 9:34 pm
Remarkable, yet startling. Jesus hipster has taken a trip into the uncanny valley.
June 3, 2011 at 11:49 am
Most of these made me chuckle. The one with the soldier? That one made me ill.
Maybe I’m being too sensitive about it. But I don’t think so.
June 3, 2011 at 11:50 am
The Jesus
June 3, 2011 at 11:53 am
June 3, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Awesome!
June 3, 2011 at 3:50 pm
I’m just happy you covered the bellybutton
June 4, 2011 at 12:52 am
With a…. blue… um… wow… I REALLY hope that’s a cucumber.
June 4, 2011 at 8:48 am
That’s Jesus at the bottom of the picture. It doesn’t show up that well thanks to my superrior photoshop skills. Approaching level 0.2, baby.
June 3, 2011 at 12:23 pm
Bet you didn’t know Jesus is an adept Juggler.
June 3, 2011 at 12:25 pm
Too bad I have no clue how to make a gif
June 3, 2011 at 12:25 pm
I thought I remember reading somewhere he was into feet…
June 3, 2011 at 12:37 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 3, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 3, 2011 at 12:43 pm
btw Bronc: Your Jesus is kinda hot.
June 3, 2011 at 12:47 pm
I’d forgotten all about ol’ Howard, but Jesus hasn’t.
June 3, 2011 at 12:47 pm
June 3, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Mother Nature loves you more!
June 3, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Say What Jesus?
June 3, 2011 at 1:10 pm
My Level 0 photoshop skills have gotten me into trouble.
June 3, 2011 at 12:50 pm
I can see no one else so far is willing to sacrifice their own family photos for this effort. HEATHENS.
So here’s “Snuggle Up With Jesus”, starring (L to R) Cassie, Mimi, Sean, and Our Lord and Savior.
June 3, 2011 at 1:00 pm
awesome, I take pride in being a HEATHEN
adorable dogs, though
June 3, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Thank you! The Doberman doesn’t often get called adorable, but she loves it! She’s a very snuggly dog. Maybe not as snuggly as Jesus, but pretty darn snuggly, let me tell you. Besides, she’s our true Savior.
June 3, 2011 at 9:45 pm
Your Cassie looks SO much like my Adena, who passed away May 2009 after a 6 month battle with lymphoma. What kind of dog is Cassie? Adena’s mother was a long-haired dachshund mix (I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen pictures), but we have no clue who the baby-daddy was. I always thought border collie or perhaps aussie? Anyway, your dogs are super cute.
June 3, 2011 at 10:13 pm
awww…dobermans are the snuggliest dogs ever! Just don’t let the annoying neighbors in on this!
June 4, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Jesus looks very coomfortable. Perhaps he wouldn’t have been so stressed out if he’d had a pet.
June 3, 2011 at 1:00 pm
June 3, 2011 at 9:05 pm
He should have gotten the oscar, he made that move what it was.
June 3, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Jesus on the golf course.
June 3, 2011 at 1:07 pm
When golfing didn’t work out, the Lord met us for some D&D.
June 3, 2011 at 1:07 pm
June 3, 2011 at 1:09 pm
Sadly, I am only allotted one “Like.”
June 3, 2011 at 1:15 pm
THAT’S a sacrilege! The church of Hot Mike in a Towel will hear about this!
June 3, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Dammit! That is sacrilegious & not in the fun way! I don’t think its good for a Pagan to dig a monotheist in a towel!
June 3, 2011 at 7:42 pm
Ah, happens all the time.
I think.
Huh.
More research required.
June 3, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Heavenly body…
June 3, 2011 at 3:03 pm
I’m converting.
June 3, 2011 at 11:48 pm
Towel Jesus!
June 3, 2011 at 1:09 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 3, 2011 at 1:19 pm
I’m scrolling. The first two? Oh, this is messed up. By the time I got to the third one, I was already thinking it was a mistake I didn’t pick up any Depends at Walgreens yesterday.
Jebus H. Crackers. This was beautiful.
June 3, 2011 at 1:28 pm
Christmas with the Whole Family
June 3, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Jesus in his Natural Form
June 3, 2011 at 1:40 pm
June 3, 2011 at 5:00 pm
Jesus is the least confusing part of this picture.
June 3, 2011 at 1:44 pm
June 4, 2011 at 9:57 am
There is actually a manga about Jesus and Buddha being bros and chillin’ in Tokyo.
I am not making this up. It’s called “Saint Young Men”.
June 3, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Leave room for Jesus
June 3, 2011 at 4:02 pm
No one puts the savior in the corner
June 3, 2011 at 9:07 pm
Leave room for the Holy Ghost kids.
June 4, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Went to Catholic school, yes? Or at least Catholic dances? Always did think it was weird for God to want a threesome.
June 3, 2011 at 2:06 pm
JC snorkeling with us on our honeymoon…
June 3, 2011 at 2:56 pm
June 3, 2011 at 2:56 pm
Looks like we need a new web site:
JEEBUS PHOTO BOMBS
Updated daily. Kind of like “People of Walmart” only more sacreligious.
Imagine the butthurt this would induce! EPIC!!!
June 4, 2011 at 2:20 pm
I think JC would enjoy it. A nice counterpoint to the saccharine & sanctimonious.
June 3, 2011 at 3:01 pm
JC will you accept this rose?
June 3, 2011 at 8:00 pm
I need new pants. I think I laughed so hard I peed.
June 3, 2011 at 3:20 pm
June 3, 2011 at 11:52 pm
LOVE!
June 3, 2011 at 3:52 pm
God save the hippies.
June 3, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Wow! Well done!
June 3, 2011 at 9:44 pm
It took me a significant amount of time to realize Jesus was not the only person added to that picture.
June 3, 2011 at 10:09 pm
Yep. I ‘shopped Gilda Radner, Eugene Levy, and Martin Short into the photo. I was wondering if someone would catch it!
June 3, 2011 at 4:17 pm
June 3, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Not photo shopped but my favorite Jesus picture ever…
June 3, 2011 at 11:53 pm
Shit…..
June 4, 2011 at 2:24 pm
The fact that such a coloring book exists is terrifying and why the hell is yellow “omnipotent?” The flesh of Christ part joins chicken skin mask, mummy cat, and the red belly button in creepy/repulsive.
June 3, 2011 at 4:39 pm
June 3, 2011 at 4:58 pm
Big Butter Jesus!
/oleo lord
June 3, 2011 at 9:50 pm
I was waiting for big butter Jesus to show up here! Thank you for making my dreams come true… and making me hungry.
June 3, 2011 at 5:01 pm
June 4, 2011 at 7:19 am
Why is Jesus doing the Napoleon hand-in-the-vest pose?
June 4, 2011 at 2:27 pm
He doesn’t want his robe to fall open and distract everyone with his incredible abs (see ferndid’s photo above).
June 3, 2011 at 5:06 pm
Ack! Late to the party!
June 3, 2011 at 5:28 pm
June 3, 2011 at 5:53 pm
he seems kind of out of place here, don’t you think?
this picture is amazing XD
June 3, 2011 at 6:36 pm
Jesus just wants to hang out with the cool crowd.
I found that pic here: http://winningateverything.com/1654
June 4, 2011 at 6:55 am
That’s a Holy Trinity I can get behind!
June 3, 2011 at 6:46 pm
June 3, 2011 at 7:09 pm
June 3, 2011 at 7:22 pm
June 3, 2011 at 7:49 pm
June 3, 2011 at 8:22 pm
June 3, 2011 at 9:07 pm
Did I search it on Google with the wrong accent?
June 3, 2011 at 9:21 pm
oh man… now that got me to seriously LOL
June 4, 2011 at 12:59 am
Hey it’s my homie Jesús! Quickly, pass him a Coronona! It looks like there might be blood in his alcohol stream.
June 4, 2011 at 3:23 am
Proof again that the “H” in “Jesus H Christ” stands for Hernandez.
June 3, 2011 at 9:42 pm
I went to my grandmother’s Church for her 89th birthday. In the dining hall they have a giant portrait of a blond-haired, blue-eyed Jesus with meticulously painted nipples and outstretched arms over the table. Just thought I’d share.
June 3, 2011 at 9:44 pm
You know how common blonde Jews are.
June 3, 2011 at 10:56 pm
Well I know how common old racist people are.
June 4, 2011 at 3:41 am
I was married to a blond jew. Yeah.
June 4, 2011 at 7:29 am
…Er… I AM married to a blond Jew. More like dirty blond, I guess. I have pics to prove it!!!1
June 3, 2011 at 9:49 pm
I tweaked mine a bit, I think he blends in better now:
June 4, 2011 at 8:52 am
Good use of the word “tweak” after a comment about Jesus’ nipples.
June 3, 2011 at 10:19 pm
Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ!
June 3, 2011 at 10:19 pm
June 3, 2011 at 11:18 pm
The mascot for a Catholic school, the team is of course, the Cardinals.
June 3, 2011 at 11:28 pm
June 4, 2011 at 12:00 am
June 4, 2011 at 12:54 am
Randomly found Jesus gif:
June 4, 2011 at 12:57 am
Jesus on vacation:
June 4, 2011 at 1:42 am
A little late to the party, but I couldn’t help myself…
June 4, 2011 at 4:43 am
I gotta say. I LOVE YOU GUYS. My mother passed away on Thursday after a heart attack on Memorial Day. I sat down today to look at what I might have missed this week. THIS MADE MY DAY. Of course my mother would be mortified and really freaking pissed at me. But I laughed my ass off! If I wasn’t so bone tired I’d make up a special Jesus and Mom picture just for her. Oh wait, I can always just order one on Etsy! LMFAO…. oh, and by the way I am a seller on Etsy!
June 4, 2011 at 6:44 am
Sorry about your mother
June 4, 2011 at 7:25 am
Condolences and comedy.
June 4, 2011 at 5:02 am
I just worked a miserable, soul-sucking twelve hour shift. And in twelve more hours I get to do it again. This made it all OK. I. FREAKING. LOVE. YOU. GUYS!!!!!!!!!
June 4, 2011 at 6:02 am
I’ve made a huge mistake.
June 4, 2011 at 6:04 am
Awwww… MAN! Sorry that didn’t work. Jesus was with the Bluths, obviously.
C’MON!
June 4, 2011 at 7:14 am
I want one of Jesus holding up a newborn, from the view of the mother who just pushed out the baby.
I am a sick fuck.
June 4, 2011 at 7:28 am
My dad (the former pastor) has always said that Jesus jokes don’t bother him in the least b/c he knows God has a wicked sense of humor – if He didn’t, we wouldn’t have the duck-billed platypus.
June 4, 2011 at 8:37 am
I am just going to leave this riiiiight here:
http://www.zazzle.com/inspired_by_regretsy_tshirt-235610309417541530
June 4, 2011 at 9:01 am
Michael Jackson: 1958-2009
“Gone but not forgotten.” -JC
June 4, 2011 at 9:33 am
The Lord works in mysterious ways….
June 4, 2011 at 9:36 am
June 4, 2011 at 9:51 am
“Whaaaat? You don’t like it? Well next time don’t let me do the work for free!”
June 4, 2011 at 11:23 am
June 4, 2011 at 11:32 am
June 4, 2011 at 12:47 pm
June 5, 2011 at 11:17 pm
I keep thinking there’s a panda bear on the far side of the group, helping with the flag. Jesus and Pandas: Keeping America Safe Since 19-whenever.
June 4, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Not mine, just found it.
Jesus saves…his Starbucks Rewards Points.
June 4, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Even Jc didn’t like the workshit.
June 4, 2011 at 11:52 pm
I CANNOT…WILL NOT believe that no one else thought of the freaking cat when they saw the dog picture.
June 5, 2011 at 9:35 am
You CANNOT…WILL NOT…and NEED NOT. (See Comment #56.)
June 5, 2011 at 12:47 pm
Also, I apologize…I really wasn’t trying to steal your idea. I obviously wouldn’t have thought I could get away with it, if I had seen the idea there to steal in the first place. I suppose this explains the thought “someone else has GOT to think about how easy it would be to replace a lamb with that cat” that I kept having. I seriously apologize.
June 5, 2011 at 12:39 pm
Oh SHIT…that HAD to be one of the ones that said “bandwidth exceeded-photobucket” or whatever…I went through this list at LEAST 10x before posting. Ah well.
June 5, 2011 at 12:58 pm
Naw, it’s all good! As Jesus himself said unto his disciples, “The more Level 4 Cat, the merrier.” – Coleslawians, 5:87.
June 5, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Thanks, man. I hope yours wins. It’s a fucking hilarious idea.
June 5, 2011 at 3:17 pm
I love that we used the same painting. Clearly, it was meant for that particular Photoshop Fuckery!
June 5, 2011 at 7:59 pm
I know right?! I didn’t even realize it was the same painting until someone pointed it out…your heavenly lighting threw me off. I think it has something to do with google image, possibly. *still feeling like an ass*
June 5, 2011 at 5:44 am
If I could shop I’d use this one.
Probably did that wrong. Must be all that Colombian Hokey Cokey.