I think the selling point for this is “I just don’t feel like anyone takes me seriously as a serial killer.” Can, schman. This clearly gets a shelf in the back of your windowless white van.
Ok, it’s obscure, I know, but the main pic is from a faux trailer that was used in between Planet Terror and Death Proof. The fake movie is called Thanksgiving Day…More to that spoof, but forget that…now see Don Knotts? He was in a movie called The Ghost & Mr. Chicken. That shot is from that movie, superimposed onto the main picture…
Eleanor Rigby sits on some bones in the strainer beside the sink
Starting to stink
‘Til someone comes up and decides chicken skin’s nice to stick on their face
What a disgrace
All the looney people where do they all come from?
All the looney people why do they have etsy shops?
1. You beat me to the punch
2. Your name started the song “Red Rubber Ball” going through my head and the lyrics are SO appropriate for this monstrosity of a listing:
Yes, it’s going to be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now…
…until I scroll up and see that mask again, of course.
That is horrifying. Sort of a cross between Michael Myers, Freddy Kruger, and that guy who hangs out at the bus depot who snarls swear words at everyone who passes by.
I’m trying to figure out how you’d do that. It would have to be people whose bodies are recognizable without seeing their face or hair, right? So that’s Christina Hendricks and who?
Ok, then “View it in a Room” then. Somebody just needs to do something funny and ridiculous with this so I can laugh at it instead of having nightmares.
Well, as is typical of etsy sellers, there is some serious size bigotry going on. First the vagina underpants, and now this. When are the “roomier” shoppers going to get some consideration? My face is about a size 16.
I have a small face. And, not to brag, but I could totally work this. My kids will never misbehave again. “You want Mama to wear the mask? You want me to wear it? Well then, I guess your wet towel will find its way OFF the hardwood floor then, won’t it?”
tiny giraffe–my husband and I were talking about doing just that with the baby and snake thing on the HuffPo article: you don’t want to have to go in the snake baby room, do you? Then we decided we couldn’t afford the inevitable child psychiatry.
I am actually so appalled, confused and disturbed I can’t manage an appropriate level of snark. Want to make a comment about serial killers, but having trouble making it funny.
I know that those are the Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory kids, that this is a post about creepy chicken skin masks, and that I am an adult. But July 15 is so close, and I am such a nerd, that all I could see when I looked at it were Hermione, Harry, Ron, Draco and Neville. Somebody help.
Seriously. The buzzword for BIG SALES in the gross and disgusting chicken skin mask business is “versatility”. Don’t force me to choose between an informal gross and disgusting chicken skin mask, and something for dressier events.
Well, I *was* about to take a shower and go to bed…but this thing may very well haunt me in my sleep. I think I’d rather see Freddy. (Robert Englund, not that rebooted mother fucker.)
well, it might be fun to wear it to a hippy fest or rave party and scare the living shit out of anyone who happened to be on drugs, but not everyone defines ‘fun’ they way i do…
I find this to be the most terrifying thing i have ever seen! And i find terrifying that there is this person out there who made it, named it (Eleanor Rigby???), and thinks it’s great for parties.
What were you searching for that this was one of your finds? Were you just sitting around wondering how many animals could be made into leather? You are sick sick and I will now blame you personally for all my nightmares.
I didn’t use any search terms…I was looking at the everything else/weird category. I browse it every once in awhile when I want a laugh. Then this popped up and I couldn’t unsee it. It might be awhile before I go browse through again. Shiver…bleh.
I’m fairly into the creepy and the horror side of things. I have a son named Jason. A daughter named Christine. I watch horror movies in the dark. Of the nearly a thousand DVDs the disabled guy collects, maybe fifty of them are my horror flicks.
But this shit creeps me the fuck out. I may not sleep tonight. I need to go pet some puppies or something to get this out of my head.
I feel the same. I just had some Bugles out of the office vending machine and I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I’ll never eat bad stuff again. I swear. Just don’t make me wear the mask!
They still make chicken in a can? My mom told she used to buy in the 50s and it was “featured” in a famous Twilight Zone no-dialogue episode with Elizabeth Montgomery and Charles Bronson.
I love that the can says “Homestyle Goodness”. This is exactly like how my own dear grandma shellacked a chicken with KY jelly before dumping it in a baking pan. Ohhh, tradition.
You know, I was perfectly happy not even seeing the neck. Then all of a sudden everyone started questioning it, so – of course – I had to go and check it out.
That neck looks like it belongs to a not-so-recently deceased person. I am even MORE FUCKING TERRIFIED now.
This may be the single most repulsive thing I have seen to date on Regretsy, and that really worries me, because April now has a new bar to raise…and raise it she will…
Eleanor Rigby keeps her face in a jar, not a can, right? I’ve always thought the jar to be more metaphorical. Like a makeup jar. But I’ve been known to be wrong in the past.
That was always my thought, although I wondered why she kept her makeup by the door. This seller seems to take a more literal approach. Can you imagine someone waiting at the window, wearing this?
I can imagine that. It’s followed immediately by imagining myself screaming, throwing something in that general direction and hauling ass the other way.
I had to register to Regretsy, just to say I am absolutely horrified by this! I cannot believe someone decided to make this and let alone SELL it ONLINE! OMG What is the world coming to!
Today I am thankful I am not a small framed woman. Call me big boned, call me hefty, call me pregnant face, but at least I was convinced not to throw away $150 on that. I am easily persuaded after all. High five to the large framed girls. Sorry you small framed woman, this is what you get.
Every since the vulvaroos came out I have been packing in the calories. These Etsy people may CLAIM that they do not like fat, loser bitches, but judging from what they make (don’t forget the butterfly, snake, pierced-baby halter was for the small framed too) they despise petite people.
It didn’t sound like something a small framed woman would buy for herself. Maybe I’m just paranoid but.. it kinda sounded like something someone might buy a force upon a small framed woman, perhaps one they were keeping in their basement.
I mean, really — who would put this voluntarily upon them self?
I was eating a turkey microwaved dinner when I saw this.
I am no longer hungry.
I cannot even find the words to express how gross my lunch looks right now.
Eleanor Rigby
Picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window
Wearing a face she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?
Why does craftard say the thing’s name is Eleanor Rigby (wish that thing was in a jar) yet refers to “his” name. It is already gorss, does it need gender identity issues as well?
I’d kind of like to buy this for the person who created the uproar on the Jennifer Aniston entry when he said he’d secretly fed ground beef to his vegetarian friends. Something tells me he’d have a lot of fun with this.
Cool! I just got a great idea to make masks out of leftovers in my fridge and Freezer…
Here’s what I found!
1. Month old Green Meatloaf
2. Pickled Pig’s Feet
3. Fruitcake from 3 Christmas’s ago. (if not a mask, I can use it for a doorstop)
4. Ham bone I was saving for pea soup.
5. 25 year old wedding cake (I should have eaten that by the first anniversary, huh?)
6. Capers
7. Chocolate covered bacon (no, I’ll want to eat that)
8. Petrified leftover fried rice from the Chinese Restaurant that was closed for selling cat.
9. Lady Fingers (not sure if I’m talking about the cakes)
10. The green ooze from the bottom of the vegetable bin.
HIS SHOP IS CREEPY. I mean, it looks normal except for this god awful thing which is the first thing you see… no logo. no profile. no picture. no description of the one painting I looked at. Even the “feedback” — 2 feedbacks – was blank. ::shudder:: I would have stayed longer but it was so quiet. I got scared standing there all by myself. I screamed and ran back here. It isn’t the kind of place you should go into alone. Or unarmed.
::whisper to myself:: Fits a small framed womans face “:shudder::
Nose ring is removable. Teeth can be taken off.
::whimper slightly, running my fingers over my mouth::
Can to keep it in is included.
::hug self, start rocking slowly, humming Eleanor Rigby::
I don’t normally leave comments here, you all pretty well cover what goes through my mind, but this thing…ugh, just ugh. What sane, normal person thinks of something this Texas Chainsaw Massacre horrid? Who does that? Someone mentioned the Borax, please pass it this way so I can dump it in my eyes.
as a huge beatles fan (don’t hate) I am grateful for the visual inspiration from the lyrics and the reference to what she kept in a jar. Here’s to not looking at any more lonely people(‘s faces)…
if this is the visual representation — I would gladly take her out for dinner and a movie if she would please to put her face back in the jar by the door…
I thought you were referring to a character played by Groucho Marx and didn’t understand. So I googled Captain Spaulding. I’m afraid of clowns. My nightmare is now complete.
The worst part is not the item itself. The worst part is Chrome storing the front page of sites you visit more often and displaying them on each new tab.
Till it gets replaced by a new front page – and this hasn’t been a particularly good week for this kind of thing.
I’m spooked – we keep hens and one of them is named Rigby after Eleanor. All our hens have been named after Beatles lyrics. We have a Lucy and a Pepper too, sadly Vera, Chuck, Dave and Rita are no more and no we didn’t make a series of batshit masks out of them.
As it happens, I was digging in the garden the other week and I accidentally dug up Rita who looked remarkably similar to this piece of asylum horror.
Story time! When I was a kid my uncle was seeing this rather “lovely” woman. We’d go over sometimes to play with our cousins. Well, when I saw this mask the worst part was that I was hit with an incredible scent memory, so it felt like I could smell it. This lady used to take the skin off of chicken she was cooking (to make it healthy for the kids) and she’d take the skin on a plate, put it in the microwave and zap it until it turned into these greasy, nasty, crunchy balls of microwaved skin/fat. Oh God, the smell. *hurk* She’d eat it! Ugghhh… I feel queasy.
Yeah, I don’t think we’d have been allowed to go see them if they did that. At least I hope not! It wouldn’t be too far off in looks if she had, though. This whole ordeal is just completely unnerving! I need a brain cleanser.
I believe pork rinds are fried. The smell of sizzling chicken skin in a microwave oven from raw, though. I don’t even know how to describe it, but it haunts me.
Those other directions you’ve wandered probably wouldn’t be far off for my uncle and his relationship adventures during his life.
What would cause the train of thought from dinner to this monstrosity?
Honey, what would you like for dinner?
Chicken sounds good?
…and somehow, you get this?
This is only great for parties you throw just before you go off and live like a hermit in the forest. It’s perfect for severing all ties to friends and family.
Really, you’ve all said many things I thought upon seeing this monstrosity, and many things I hadn’t thought of. I believe many of us will have nightmares and disturbing after-images in our minds for some time. Please pass the Borax for my eyes as well. However, did anyone mention that SOMEONE probably had to place this rancid chicken skin on her (small-framed) face to make it into a mask? Who does $hit like this?! Is it a Saw VI “puzzle”? Ick, eew.
Oh thanks… I have to cover my eyes now and think happy thoughts, or watch videos of Scandinavians humping each other in knit bodysuits, just to clear my mind. I do miss the simpler times.
Unanswered Questions:
Are we looking at the outside of the skin or the inside of the skin?
Does it come in both “Original Recipe” and “Extra Crispy”?
If I wear it outside, will I need to treat it with sunblock?
If I cross the road with it, will people ask me why?
My wife likes the chicken skin mask. Can you make me one out of cock skin?
Is it Kosher?
Boy, who wouldn’t want to press their face into a lumpy, dessicated sheet of dead chicken skin! I imagine it would start to fog up in there. Your breath would start to reconstitute the dried skin until your face is fully immersed in the warm, moist, fetid aroma of chicken corpse. Ah, drink it in! Just be careful the teeth or the withered nose doesn’t crumble off in your hand as you readjust the mask so you can peer through its dead, gaping eye-sockets to see how impressed everyone else at the party is.
If you replace the “sculpy eyes” you won’t have to see the reactions of the other party-goers. And all let’s not forget (as I did) that the inside is paper-mache. So you can have a heavy, fetid lump on your face, not simply crumbly, dessicated chicken skin. this is sounding better and better. I’m buying it!
PS: Because I’m weird, I zoomed in on it and if you look closely, there aren’t any eyes in the “eyeholes” and the thing in the nostril holes looks similar to a wooden broom handle.
PPS: I have the almost uncontrollable urge to buy this, put a Panco Villa mustache on it and wear it to my family reunion.
Christ on a caribou, that’s repulsive. I used to do taxidermy; if you can gross me out, then you’ve accomplished something. I don’t know what…but something.
I imagined him with his arms thrown up in the air, making a “Weeeeee!” expression. White robes flowing as the caribou gallops. You go, Christ. Ride that caribou.
Oh, come one. I haven’t even gotten over the belly button nightmares. Now I’ll never get any sleep. Oh, well, at least I’ll lose weight from all the BARFING!
Christ on a caribou (thanks again, Catethulu!), if Helen and Bronc were going to leave up a photo this long, make it something pretty to look at, such as Mike in a towel, so we can keep refreshing, hoping that just one more click would make the towel go away. I just want THIS to go away!
I mean, it’s 2 freakin a.m. and I log on for a quick Regretsy fill before bed and that shit pops up. For fucks sake, how am I supposed to sleep now? I mean, seriously, look at that. It’s like it came from that freak-ass Hellraiser cube-dimension-thing.
Shit man, just… shit. I cannot unsee it, goddammit! It’s like I’m eight years old and accidentally watched Nightmare on Elm Street again. Fuck.
I’m surprised I’m able to stop throwing up for long enough to have these thoughts or type this comment, but here we are:
Where did this person get the chicken skin?
How did they know how to render it and how much practice did they have?
What did they practice on?
Why is it $150?
Just, why?
I checked out her on-line gallery and her facebook page, and there is nothing at all to make me think she would be the type to make an Ed Gein mask out of Clara Cluck, well nothing except the statement that her favorite book is the Bible.
I would also like to point out that those sculpey “eyes” aren’t even round. How much artistic skill does it take to roll clay into a ball?
You know what bothers me about this? (Other than the obvious.) In all the pictures where the mask is being modeled, you can see into the eyeholes, and there is nothing inside the mask. She’s not wearing it. And yet there’s her neck and shoulders.
The rest of the shop offers un-horrifying paintings, and a couple of plants. I think we have to assume that the person who made the mask actually cut off the nice lady’s head and is selling it through her Etsy shop, using her body to model it.
I think this is the only logical explanation for this. Who the fuck did the seller think was the target market for this? Why did the seller actually make this & think to themselves that someone out there would want to wear this? After all, leatherface & Jason don’t exist; and Ed Gein & Jeffrey Dahmer are dead.
Jesus Christ nailed to the cross…why did I even look at that? More importantly…why the FUCK would someone even THINK of making that? What’s next? Pottery made out of human shit? I’ve seen a lot of fucked up SHIT on Regretsy before…but this is the winner. I cannot even try to be humorous about this because it is too stupid, wrong, ugly, and FUCKED UP beyond ALL sense of human reason. The quotes “ARTIST” needs a fucking lobotomy or electro-shock therapy.
Hi I am new here – but uh – am I the only one that noticed that he *KNOWS* this specifically *FITS* A small framed woman*?!? He didn’t say it probably would. he said.. IT. FITS. How does he KNOW that?
ok, now I’m whining. can we have a new topic so chicken little cannot be the first thing I see when I come to Regretsy?
Or… can I be directed to a recovery program that will make me stop checking to see what’s on Regretsy?
Helen is lying on the couch wishing Bronc would turn the tv on, and Bronc is running around being super caregiver, and all I can do is ask for a new topic.
Once in a while, friends will ask why I do not partake of recreational hallucinogenic substances as part of my creative process. I can show them this picture. I think they’ll get it.
1) Laa laa la, long day today, lets surf teh interwebz the internet!
2) Oooooh regretsy!
3) Oh hehe a secret password post. Better log into facebook *Opens new tab*
4) Hmmm, while i’m waiting, why don’t I see if there are any new posts? *Scroll down*
5) AAAAAAAHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! D:
Can I just point out that a woman who has a small frame is a “small-framed woman”, and that the alternate interpretation of “small framed woman” is a small, framed woman? I’m not sure what a small, framed woman is, but I don’t think it’s a good thing for the woman.
Hmmm. A minority view, I realise, but this is one of the few fright masks I’ve seen that’s genuinely horrible to behold, so I vote it a success. I’m not sure I’d describe myself as ‘small framed’, but I take a child’s size in snorkel masks, and I’m reasonably depraved; I suspect I could make this work. And it’s velvet-lined. As eldritch abominations fashioned from fever dreams and chicken skin go, that’s practically couture.
If the thing didn’t cost $150, I would buy it, just for the satisfaction of hearing friends who thought ‘Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead’ was a bit underwhelming shriek like little girls.
I know it’s not creative to say but this mask is one of the most creepy & discussing things I’ve ever seen on Regretsy!
My desire to burn it is only slightly smaller then my desire to never see it ever again!
Finally. The last time I got invited to a human sacrifice to Ba’al I was the only person who didn’t have one of these on and I felt like such a jackass, but I didn’t want to bother people about where they got theirs and get labeled a n00b, you know?
June 2, 2011 at 9:31 am
oh bajesus! That is so ug-nasty!
June 2, 2011 at 9:34 am
The only thing that could make this worse is if the photo were in focus.
June 2, 2011 at 10:10 am
Thank god for small favors
June 2, 2011 at 10:16 am
For once, I am glad someone doesn’t know what the macro button does.
June 2, 2011 at 10:42 am
Ah, but imagine the texture. That’s got to be a selling point, right?
June 2, 2011 at 4:34 pm
No, I am purposely NOT imagining the texture!!!
I have no idea what would be a selling feature for this item, and for that I am thankful.
June 2, 2011 at 8:28 pm
I think the selling point for this is “I just don’t feel like anyone takes me seriously as a serial killer.” Can, schman. This clearly gets a shelf in the back of your windowless white van.
June 2, 2011 at 11:36 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 2, 2011 at 6:11 pm
I don’t undertand this and I don’t want to.
June 2, 2011 at 7:03 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 2, 2011 at 7:07 pm
Ok, it’s obscure, I know, but the main pic is from a faux trailer that was used in between Planet Terror and Death Proof. The fake movie is called Thanksgiving Day…More to that spoof, but forget that…now see Don Knotts? He was in a movie called The Ghost & Mr. Chicken. That shot is from that movie, superimposed onto the main picture…
Man, I should have known, too obscure = bad joke.
June 2, 2011 at 12:25 pm
I think it just needs the proper accessories. Maybe a cat skull fascinator? Or Princess Beatrice’s hat?
June 2, 2011 at 3:11 pm
This is just exactly what I needed to see/ be thinking of immediately after a 3 hour rat dissection lab. *DED*
June 2, 2011 at 4:15 pm
I am creeped right the fuck out by this one.
That’s it – skinless chicken the rest of the summer…
June 3, 2011 at 8:58 am
Shouldn’t that be “Chick Maggot”?
June 2, 2011 at 9:33 am
It puts the schmaltz on its punim or else it gets the spritz again.
June 2, 2011 at 9:38 am
Like +1000000!! You made me snarf my spit, and that’s not a feat easily achieved.
June 2, 2011 at 9:59 am
WOW! Awesome! I’m going to have to repeat that to everyone I know…
June 2, 2011 at 5:01 pm
I wanted to make a “it puts the lotion on its skin” joke but there is no point now. I tip my hat to you.
June 2, 2011 at 5:12 pm
I really need to stop posting before reading all the comments.
*prepares for the thumb downs*
*whimpers* Be gentle, please.
June 2, 2011 at 9:33 am
For a moment there, I thought you were continuing the Marilyn Monroe tributes.
June 2, 2011 at 9:34 am
Somehow, the fact that the teeth are removable only makes it worse
June 2, 2011 at 10:23 am
He got a real pretty mouth, ain’t he?
June 2, 2011 at 11:48 am
His name is Eleanor Rigby, after all.
I used to mess up the lyrics to that song all the time, but now it all makes sense.
“Ah, look at all the looney people…”
June 2, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Eleanor Rigby sits on some bones in the strainer beside the sink
Starting to stink
‘Til someone comes up and decides chicken skin’s nice to stick on their face
What a disgrace
All the looney people where do they all come from?
All the looney people why do they have etsy shops?
June 5, 2011 at 2:48 pm
that’s actually one of my favorite songs and i feel revolted that they decided to name this monstrosity after such a beautiful song.
June 2, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 2, 2011 at 9:34 am
it’s not often that a website can consistently make me feel like vomiting. of course, for that to occur, I have to keep coming back here.
June 2, 2011 at 9:34 am
“Fun at parties.”
Can be used multipurpose!
Double duty as an hors d’ouevre.
June 2, 2011 at 9:59 am
But can you change the size of the smell?
June 2, 2011 at 10:22 am
This made me laugh loudly and inappropriately.
June 2, 2011 at 10:51 am
RedRubberBall:
1. You beat me to the punch
2. Your name started the song “Red Rubber Ball” going through my head and the lyrics are SO appropriate for this monstrosity of a listing:
Yes, it’s going to be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now…
…until I scroll up and see that mask again, of course.
June 2, 2011 at 3:48 pm
I don’t believe we have the same definition of either “fun” or “parties.”
June 2, 2011 at 9:34 am
Am I the only one who thinks that this mask would look better without the teeth and nose-ring?
June 2, 2011 at 9:35 am
I think the mask would be better without the mask.
June 2, 2011 at 9:36 am
it would look even better if it was on fire, though.
June 2, 2011 at 9:41 am
Or breaded and fried.
June 2, 2011 at 7:02 pm
Or covered in grill marks.
June 2, 2011 at 7:13 pm
Hey, I guess if one ever got hungry while wearing the mask with no food around, there’s an easy-cook solution at the ready.
Pardon me while I go vomit.
June 2, 2011 at 9:35 am
That is horrifying. Sort of a cross between Michael Myers, Freddy Kruger, and that guy who hangs out at the bus depot who snarls swear words at everyone who passes by.
June 2, 2011 at 9:36 am
…and Colonel Sanders.
June 2, 2011 at 10:32 am
I was thinking more along the lines of Silent Hill…
June 2, 2011 at 11:39 am
This was actually very “silence of the lambs” to me. It freaked me right out!! I still feel scared
June 2, 2011 at 9:35 am
Man Jasons got nuthin’ on this monstrosity!
June 2, 2011 at 9:35 am
No “Who wore it better?”
June 2, 2011 at 9:59 am
I know, right? But honestly, I don’t think anyone can wear it better than the model does.
June 2, 2011 at 10:01 am
I’m trying to figure out how you’d do that. It would have to be people whose bodies are recognizable without seeing their face or hair, right? So that’s Christina Hendricks and who?
June 2, 2011 at 10:06 am
Quasimodo. One is a hunchback, the other is a hunchfront.
June 2, 2011 at 10:13 am
Carmen Miranda and Don King (with hat and hair on top, respectively).
I’d do it but I lack the necessary photoshop skills.
June 2, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Ok, then “View it in a Room” then. Somebody just needs to do something funny and ridiculous with this so I can laugh at it instead of having nightmares.
June 3, 2011 at 3:37 am
Lon Chaney
June 2, 2011 at 9:35 am
That thing is hideous, and not in the cool scary as hell costume way, either.
June 2, 2011 at 9:36 am
that is… not a mask I would wear
June 2, 2011 at 9:40 am
You lack a bold and daring fashion sense.
June 2, 2011 at 9:42 am
My face is too robust and large.
Also my kid gets freaked out by my balaclava. I don’t think this would go over very well.
However, as a gift to the ex-wife-in-law…
June 2, 2011 at 9:44 am
Well, as is typical of etsy sellers, there is some serious size bigotry going on. First the vagina underpants, and now this. When are the “roomier” shoppers going to get some consideration? My face is about a size 16.
June 2, 2011 at 9:52 am
I have a small face. And, not to brag, but I could totally work this. My kids will never misbehave again. “You want Mama to wear the mask? You want me to wear it? Well then, I guess your wet towel will find its way OFF the hardwood floor then, won’t it?”
June 2, 2011 at 9:59 am
tiny giraffe–my husband and I were talking about doing just that with the baby and snake thing on the HuffPo article: you don’t want to have to go in the snake baby room, do you? Then we decided we couldn’t afford the inevitable child psychiatry.
June 2, 2011 at 10:55 am
Princess, especially if ex-wife-in-law is a vegan.
June 2, 2011 at 4:45 pm
It would mean more if you “crafted” it yourself. And be more entertaining on the restraining order.
June 2, 2011 at 9:49 am
…but Kest does not lack common sense.
June 2, 2011 at 10:06 am
I suppose, if not wearing a horrible chicken skin mask and having common sense are mutually exclusive, you might have a point there.
If wearing a disgusting and diseased looking chicken skin mask is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
June 2, 2011 at 9:48 am
Of course, if you’re wearing it, you don’t have to look at it.
June 2, 2011 at 11:22 am
but you might smell it. I do not think the size of the smell is adjustable.
June 2, 2011 at 11:57 am
That is the best (and only) reason to wear this mask.
And I laughed really loud when I read it. Thanks!
June 2, 2011 at 9:36 am
This is um, unique?
I am actually so appalled, confused and disturbed I can’t manage an appropriate level of snark. Want to make a comment about serial killers, but having trouble making it funny.
June 2, 2011 at 9:39 am
Well, Clarice – have the lambs stopped screaming?
June 2, 2011 at 10:53 am
I want another thumbs up for this,one was not enough.. can I borrow one from someone, please?
June 2, 2011 at 3:02 pm
Here, take mine.
June 2, 2011 at 7:31 pm
June 2, 2011 at 11:19 am
You beat me to it. I saw this and the only thing I could think of was “Well hello, Mr Lecter.”
June 2, 2011 at 1:15 pm
Actually, this got them going again.
June 2, 2011 at 9:44 am
Oh, here it comes. Here it comes.
So, I see the police departments are clearing out their evidence lockers again.
June 2, 2011 at 9:46 am
Or just flat out abandoning the crime lab like they did in Detroit. I have a feeling that’s where this seller got this mask.
June 2, 2011 at 4:41 pm
dude, I live in Detroit, Whatchoo talkin’ bout, Willis?
June 2, 2011 at 10:22 pm
somebidder, here’s a news article about the Detroit crime lab being abandoned.
http://www.freep.com/article/20110531/NEWS01/110531063/Godbee-No-evidence-left-behind-Detroit-crime-lab?odyssey=tab|topnews|text|FRONTPAGE
June 2, 2011 at 10:19 am
“It rubs the lotion on its feathers…”
June 2, 2011 at 11:06 am
Mmm, it puts the chicken in the basket.
June 2, 2011 at 10:31 am
I was going to post something all alone, but I felt scared.
So, I went and looked in the store and it only gets worse. I think is Hannibal Lecter’s place. Or maybe upstairs at Buffalo Bill’s.
I mean, it appears normal but very creepy. No profile, no name and as far as I could see, the artwork has no description.
Would have looked around more, but didn’t like being there alone, so I ran back here. Fast.
June 2, 2011 at 4:48 pm
I’ll hold your hand, Nana. Especially if you promise not to let go of mine,either!
June 2, 2011 at 9:36 am
Colonel Sanders is rolling over in his original 11 herbs and spices.
June 2, 2011 at 9:41 am
“Silence Of The Chickens”
June 2, 2011 at 9:46 am
I nearly spit out my tea reading this, thanks!
June 2, 2011 at 9:37 am
If you were to walk down the street just HOLDING IT IN YOUR HANDS you’d be questioned by the police or assaulted by a team of Soccer Moms.
June 2, 2011 at 9:38 am
If Leatherface had an Etsy account…
June 2, 2011 at 9:44 am
Who says he doesn’t?
LINK HERE
June 2, 2011 at 9:45 am
No, see, that’s AWESOME. The mask just makes me feel all… squirmy and crawly and horrible.
June 2, 2011 at 10:06 am
That painting is totally amazing, and I want it. I am unwilling to pay $999 for it, but I want it nonetheless.
June 2, 2011 at 10:38 am
I know that those are the Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory kids, that this is a post about creepy chicken skin masks, and that I am an adult. But July 15 is so close, and I am such a nerd, that all I could see when I looked at it were Hermione, Harry, Ron, Draco and Neville. Somebody help.
June 2, 2011 at 12:18 pm
I will never be able to unsee that.
…in a good way.
June 2, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Funny how that fits.
June 2, 2011 at 9:38 am
This is really recycling at it’s finest.
Most people just use the feathers to make a mask.
Why waste all that goosebumpy skin?
June 2, 2011 at 9:43 am
I wonder if the feet were saved to make earrings to go with?
June 2, 2011 at 9:38 am
NEVER EVER JUST CLICK ON THIS FROM TWITTER.
Nearly in tears. heh……
June 2, 2011 at 10:17 am
You thought a lack of warning was bad? I had my contacts out and was only about four inches away from the screen when this popped up.
Way too close.
June 2, 2011 at 2:16 pm
I was on the phone with my 4-year-old nephew when I pulled this up. He learned a few new words today…
June 2, 2011 at 9:39 am
This is actually a viral promotion for a Blu-Ray release of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.”
(That’s what I’m telling myself, anyhow).
June 2, 2011 at 7:06 pm
Texas Chainsaw Crafting Part I. Please don’t let there be a sequal.
June 2, 2011 at 9:39 am
For a hundred and fifty big ones I would HOPE the nose ring was removable. I can’t wear a nose ring to formal functions.
June 2, 2011 at 10:03 am
For the serial killer’s annual black and white ball? I hate it when my disturbing, human skin-looking mask doesn’t transition to formal attire!
June 2, 2011 at 10:10 am
Seriously. The buzzword for BIG SALES in the gross and disgusting chicken skin mask business is “versatility”. Don’t force me to choose between an informal gross and disgusting chicken skin mask, and something for dressier events.
June 2, 2011 at 10:37 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 2, 2011 at 9:39 am
Well, I *was* about to take a shower and go to bed…but this thing may very well haunt me in my sleep. I think I’d rather see Freddy. (Robert Englund, not that rebooted mother fucker.)
June 2, 2011 at 9:39 am
mask made of real chicken skin… ahh okay, I guess it might have leather like qualities
ugly as shit mask made from dead chicken skin that is shown in a terrible quality photo and a crazy high price = priceless fuckery
June 2, 2011 at 9:39 am
“Fun at parties.”
What kind of parties is this person going too?
June 2, 2011 at 9:43 am
The RIGHT kind, duh. I don’t even consider it a real party until the chicken skin masks come out.
You know what they say, “If your teeth and eyes weren’t removable, you weren’t really there.”
June 2, 2011 at 10:38 pm
Perhaps you could use it to sober up the drunks who want to drive home.
June 2, 2011 at 10:54 am
well, it might be fun to wear it to a hippy fest or rave party and scare the living shit out of anyone who happened to be on drugs, but not everyone defines ‘fun’ they way i do…
June 2, 2011 at 10:56 am
derp *the way i do*
June 2, 2011 at 9:39 am
Etsy loves serial killers and rapist apparently….
June 2, 2011 at 10:59 am
I keep thinking of Welch’s line to McCarthy…”Have you no sense of decency, sir?”
Seriously sick shit.
June 2, 2011 at 12:12 pm
+5000 internet for the Army/McCarthy readings reference.
June 2, 2011 at 11:00 am
…and your point is?
June 2, 2011 at 9:39 am
They should baste it with butter and bake it. Put it on the turkey and serve at Thanksgiving. I don’t think anyone would eat much……
June 2, 2011 at 9:54 am
Sell it as a weight loss plan!
June 2, 2011 at 6:08 pm
OOOH! Put it on the TOFURKEY!!
June 2, 2011 at 9:40 am
I can think of a couple of reasons for 2 days of nausea-inducing posts:
1. Your knee must be hurting like a motherfucker.
2. You spoke to my boss and he wants me off the Internet and back to work, STAT.
I really hope you get your knee fixed really soon. REALLY soon.
June 2, 2011 at 9:40 am
* Ga-vomits *
June 2, 2011 at 9:40 am
I would need a pic of the mask WITH the sculpy eyes in order to make an informed buying decision.
Oh, and for the hallucinations to come back.
June 2, 2011 at 3:03 pm
If you go over there, it’s the 4th picture on the listing.
Also, I can’t unsee that.
June 2, 2011 at 9:41 am
Does that come in the spicy beef jerky flavor cause i’d be all over it.
June 2, 2011 at 9:42 am
This should have been tagged “Vintage” and “Janice Dickinson”.
June 2, 2011 at 9:43 am
when do you think Urban outfitter will start making a version?
June 2, 2011 at 9:43 am
That scared the snark right outta me.
June 2, 2011 at 9:43 am
“his” name is Eleanor Rigby?
June 2, 2011 at 9:43 am
I find this to be the most terrifying thing i have ever seen! And i find terrifying that there is this person out there who made it, named it (Eleanor Rigby???), and thinks it’s great for parties.
June 2, 2011 at 9:43 am
So where did the teeth come from? Hmmm?
June 2, 2011 at 9:47 am
oh god another terrifying point!
June 2, 2011 at 9:51 am
Probably the pantry. They look like sliced almonds.
June 2, 2011 at 10:03 am
beaks from the debeaker or they’re fingernails from the crafter’s victims.
June 2, 2011 at 10:06 am
ACK! Debeaker??! I did not need that mental image. Please tell me you made that up cuz I sure as fuck ain’t googling it!
June 2, 2011 at 10:36 am
I have heard the term debeaker many a time. For some, it is an important religious artifact.
June 2, 2011 at 11:15 am
Bunsen Honeydew, you are a sick, sick man!
June 2, 2011 at 1:09 pm
Not fingernails, Princess BCGE… “human ivory.”
June 3, 2011 at 12:18 pm
*pukes in mouth*
June 2, 2011 at 12:05 pm
Now, I’m no chicken-skin-mask-maker, but the teeth sorta look like broken-up popsicle sticks. Though sliced almonds are also possible.
June 2, 2011 at 1:18 pm
Maybe he stole them from the dentists office?
June 2, 2011 at 9:45 am
What’s Joan Rivers doing on Regretsy selling her jewelry? I mean, other than the obvious “it’s a perfect fit” thing?
June 2, 2011 at 9:45 am
I literally gagged when I saw this. WTF.. is chickenface a distant cousin of leatherface???
June 2, 2011 at 12:27 pm
Who looks at chicken skin and says, “yes, a medium for crafting?” I don’t want to know what she uses for lampshades.
June 2, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Cow uterus for the lampshades
June 2, 2011 at 10:45 pm
With a sculted vulva finial?
June 2, 2011 at 10:42 pm
NO! Don’t ask!
June 2, 2011 at 9:46 am
my nauseous, hungover self does not find this amusing.
June 2, 2011 at 9:47 am
Sorry all, this was a find of mine…I was so horrified (and morbidly fascinated) I just had to share.
June 2, 2011 at 12:11 pm
What were you searching for that this was one of your finds? Were you just sitting around wondering how many animals could be made into leather? You are sick sick and I will now blame you personally for all my nightmares.
June 2, 2011 at 1:02 pm
I didn’t use any search terms…I was looking at the everything else/weird category. I browse it every once in awhile when I want a laugh. Then this popped up and I couldn’t unsee it. It might be awhile before I go browse through again. Shiver…bleh.
June 2, 2011 at 1:03 pm
And blame away…I needed to share because I wasn’t going to be the only one to have nightmares!
June 2, 2011 at 3:12 pm
“I needed to share because I wasn’t going to be the only one to have nightmares!”
Really, you shouldn’t have. You. Shouldn’t. Have.
June 2, 2011 at 9:47 am
The Complete Solution to Bad Etsy Art:
June 2, 2011 at 10:50 pm
I thought that the solution was flushing.
June 2, 2011 at 9:47 am
I’m fairly into the creepy and the horror side of things. I have a son named Jason. A daughter named Christine. I watch horror movies in the dark. Of the nearly a thousand DVDs the disabled guy collects, maybe fifty of them are my horror flicks.
But this shit creeps me the fuck out. I may not sleep tonight. I need to go pet some puppies or something to get this out of my head.
June 2, 2011 at 9:54 am
Here you go…watch it. Watch it now!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vw4KVoEVcr0&feature=player_embedded
June 2, 2011 at 9:55 am
Oh wait…watch this one..it doesn’t have the stupid ad first.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGCP2MgU-bQ&feature=related
June 2, 2011 at 10:14 am
I’ve seen it and thank fuck for you posting it again.
I NEARLY DIED, MAN!
June 2, 2011 at 9:48 am
Okay, I’m taking this as the official memo that $150 is the new black.
June 2, 2011 at 9:49 am
When the Chicken Rebellion starts, this artist will be charged with War Crimes.
June 2, 2011 at 9:49 am
This mask makes me WANT to diet! And then barf all the carrot sticks I forced myself to eat up!
June 2, 2011 at 9:51 am
I feel the same. I just had some Bugles out of the office vending machine and I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I’ll never eat bad stuff again. I swear. Just don’t make me wear the mask!
June 2, 2011 at 9:49 am
The perfect father’s day gift. Wooo! Shopping done!
June 2, 2011 at 9:50 am
Regretsy has definitely upped my recent prayer rate. Seems like every time I click on a link lately I shout for Jesus.
I’ll bet this thing fits a small female. There’s probably a small female in a locked room in a dark basement somewhere wearing it right now.
June 2, 2011 at 10:00 am
My reaction was “JESUS CHRIST, WHAT THE FUCK?!”
My neighbors may have heard that…
June 2, 2011 at 9:50 am
I’d fuck me. I’d fuck me hard.
June 2, 2011 at 10:08 am
^this^ + chicken skin mask = scariest fucking thing I’ve read/seen EVER.
Yeah, I guess I am a bit sheltered.
June 2, 2011 at 10:26 am
Guess there’s no love for the skin-suit afficianados among us, eh, chetchez?
June 2, 2011 at 9:50 am
Can to keep it in included. That’s a relief.
June 2, 2011 at 1:14 pm
I knew this reminded me of something!
June 2, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Why do you hate us? We never did anything to you…bitch.
June 2, 2011 at 2:54 pm
Rushgirl, that is worse than the mask. Who the hell needs a fully-lubed chicken?
No, don’t answer that.
June 2, 2011 at 3:16 pm
They still make chicken in a can? My mom told she used to buy in the 50s and it was “featured” in a famous Twilight Zone no-dialogue episode with Elizabeth Montgomery and Charles Bronson.
June 2, 2011 at 4:05 pm
I’ve never in my life seen a canned whole chicken… this is more disturbing than the freaky mask O_O
June 2, 2011 at 4:14 pm
LOL exactly what I thought of…
June 2, 2011 at 4:45 pm
jesus god christ, thats nasty – people EAT that?
June 2, 2011 at 7:06 pm
I…I…I’m speechless :O
June 2, 2011 at 8:27 pm
I love that the can says “Homestyle Goodness”. This is exactly like how my own dear grandma shellacked a chicken with KY jelly before dumping it in a baking pan. Ohhh, tradition.
June 2, 2011 at 9:07 pm
OMG I was totally fine till I saw the white slimy jelly chicken!
June 2, 2011 at 10:51 pm
Gag, retch, cover face with chicken skin mask to block vision.
June 2, 2011 at 9:50 am
The face is bad enough, but somebody explain to me about the NECK!!??
June 2, 2011 at 12:26 pm
You know, I was perfectly happy not even seeing the neck. Then all of a sudden everyone started questioning it, so – of course – I had to go and check it out.
That neck looks like it belongs to a not-so-recently deceased person. I am even MORE FUCKING TERRIFIED now.
June 2, 2011 at 9:50 am
Would you fry me? I’d fry me. I’d fry me hard.
June 2, 2011 at 9:57 am
Or: “Goodbye roosters.”
June 2, 2011 at 9:59 am
You’ve just made the entire afternoon more uncomfortable.
Sir, I applaud you.
June 2, 2011 at 10:19 am
Damn!!! You beat me to my Silence of the Lambs joke!!
June 2, 2011 at 10:27 am
Win.
June 2, 2011 at 11:38 am
Uh-oh… Whimsicle Tuckery!
June 2, 2011 at 5:02 pm
That should be one of Helen’s categories!
June 2, 2011 at 9:52 am
This is “Cock-Face” from “The Kentucky Deep-Fried Massacre.”
June 2, 2011 at 9:53 am
This may be the single most repulsive thing I have seen to date on Regretsy, and that really worries me, because April now has a new bar to raise…and raise it she will…
June 2, 2011 at 9:53 am
Who is it for?
June 2, 2011 at 9:57 am
As in “Who is the target demographic?” People who protest at PeTA’s headquarters.
June 2, 2011 at 10:08 am
As in the lyrics to Eleanor Rigby, but that’s good too.
June 2, 2011 at 10:12 am
Can’t wait to see Father McKenzie.
June 2, 2011 at 10:16 am
Oh no…I didn’t even think of that!
June 2, 2011 at 10:24 am
Eleanor Rigby keeps her face in a jar, not a can, right? I’ve always thought the jar to be more metaphorical. Like a makeup jar. But I’ve been known to be wrong in the past.
June 2, 2011 at 10:42 am
That was always my thought, although I wondered why she kept her makeup by the door. This seller seems to take a more literal approach. Can you imagine someone waiting at the window, wearing this?
June 2, 2011 at 12:47 pm
I can imagine that. It’s followed immediately by imagining myself screaming, throwing something in that general direction and hauling ass the other way.
June 2, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Cuts down on Jehovah’s Witnesses, I bet.
June 2, 2011 at 5:54 pm
June 2, 2011 at 9:55 am
This is what Taco Gimp wears when the leather mask is at the dry cleaners.
June 2, 2011 at 9:55 am
The eyes and teeth are adjustable, but can you change the size of the smell?
June 2, 2011 at 9:58 am
I feel like I’m looking at the love child of Buffalo Bill and Leatherface. O.O
June 2, 2011 at 10:00 am
Well, is it fair trade at least?
June 2, 2011 at 10:00 am
June 2, 2011 at 11:46 am
I just keep thinking, “Moisturize me! Moisturize me!” It looks like it needs it. :wiggins:
June 2, 2011 at 10:01 am
Chicken SKIN… oh, I thought it said chicken shit. You of course can understand my confusion?
June 2, 2011 at 10:01 am
And after a lunch of chicken skin mask…
June 2, 2011 at 12:48 pm
I have that postcard! It has a second version with an angry cat and ‘What? No pie?’
June 2, 2011 at 10:02 am
I was writting otu my grocery list, and had just written Chicken, now I’ve crossed it out… we need more red meat anyway.
June 2, 2011 at 10:02 am
Damn dyslexic fingers….
June 2, 2011 at 10:02 am
It worries me that the first thing I noticed was that it only had one eyebrow…
June 2, 2011 at 10:03 am
I had to register to Regretsy, just to say I am absolutely horrified by this! I cannot believe someone decided to make this and let alone SELL it ONLINE! OMG What is the world coming to!
June 2, 2011 at 10:03 am
AAAAAAUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHH HOLY FUCK
I’ve seen a lot of shit in my time on the internet, but I think this is in the top 5 most depraved.
simply because WHO THE FUCK thinks this is okay?
June 2, 2011 at 10:05 am
Today I am thankful I am not a small framed woman. Call me big boned, call me hefty, call me pregnant face, but at least I was convinced not to throw away $150 on that. I am easily persuaded after all. High five to the large framed girls. Sorry you small framed woman, this is what you get.
June 2, 2011 at 10:29 am
Every since the vulvaroos came out I have been packing in the calories. These Etsy people may CLAIM that they do not like fat, loser bitches, but judging from what they make (don’t forget the butterfly, snake, pierced-baby halter was for the small framed too) they despise petite people.
June 2, 2011 at 12:28 pm
I think you are on to something here aliceblue.
June 2, 2011 at 10:48 am
It didn’t sound like something a small framed woman would buy for herself. Maybe I’m just paranoid but.. it kinda sounded like something someone might buy a force upon a small framed woman, perhaps one they were keeping in their basement.
I mean, really — who would put this voluntarily upon them self?
Or am I just being overly freaked out?
June 3, 2011 at 5:08 am
There is no such fucking thing as being overly freaked out by this!
June 2, 2011 at 10:06 am
I was eating a turkey microwaved dinner when I saw this.
I am no longer hungry.
I cannot even find the words to express how gross my lunch looks right now.
June 2, 2011 at 10:06 am
You made me do this.
June 2, 2011 at 10:29 am
Freaking awesome.
June 2, 2011 at 12:49 pm
It’s a noticeable improvement!
For her. Not necessarily for the mask.
June 2, 2011 at 3:30 pm
Born that way.
June 3, 2011 at 5:09 am
Oh Christ, don’t give her any ideas.
June 2, 2011 at 10:06 am
NSFMT: Not safe for meal time.
June 2, 2011 at 5:06 pm
NSFAT: not safe for ANY time.
June 2, 2011 at 10:09 am
June 2, 2011 at 12:00 pm
-ahem-
*Encourages
(No one saw that *shifty eyes*)
June 2, 2011 at 12:31 pm
No no. This picture is posted on the internet; ergo, he is ‘e-couraging’ you to follow the 3 R’s (not that vile 4th or 5th R ‘repurpose’, however.)
June 2, 2011 at 10:10 am
It worries me a little that I had no visceral reaction to this. All I thought was, I bet that doesn’t breathe well.
June 2, 2011 at 10:20 am
I know how you feel. I thought, “Ugh, that’s gross!” But I kept eating my soup.
June 2, 2011 at 8:31 pm
Was it chicken soup?
June 3, 2011 at 12:09 am
If so, had a skin formed on the surface?
June 2, 2011 at 10:14 am
I get that serial killers need to practice with chicken meat before they go Full Dahmer with people, but selling the evidence seems ill-advised.
June 2, 2011 at 10:18 am
Ed Gein decided that selling human face masks wouldn’t be that successful, and so he opted for chicken skin instead.
June 2, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Finally! I was scrolling through, thinking “how could no one have mentioned Ed Gein yet?”
June 2, 2011 at 2:32 pm
So many people are only familiar with Buffalo Bill, but so few of them are familiar with his inspiration. And Leatherface’s. And Norman Bates’.
Ed Gein is the greatest among insane murderers.
June 2, 2011 at 6:14 pm
Don’t forget The Monochrome Man: Dennis Nielsen
June 2, 2011 at 10:23 am
Eleanor Rigby
Picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window
Wearing a face she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?
June 2, 2011 at 10:29 am
Aahhhhhh…look at all the hungry people!
June 2, 2011 at 10:30 am
Yes, yes I sang it out loud, too.
Nyah!
June 2, 2011 at 10:21 pm
Why does craftard say the thing’s name is Eleanor Rigby (wish that thing was in a jar) yet refers to “his” name. It is already gorss, does it need gender identity issues as well?
June 2, 2011 at 10:23 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 2, 2011 at 10:24 am
I’d kind of like to buy this for the person who created the uproar on the Jennifer Aniston entry when he said he’d secretly fed ground beef to his vegetarian friends. Something tells me he’d have a lot of fun with this.
June 2, 2011 at 10:24 am
Cool! I just got a great idea to make masks out of leftovers in my fridge and Freezer…
Here’s what I found!
1. Month old Green Meatloaf
2. Pickled Pig’s Feet
3. Fruitcake from 3 Christmas’s ago. (if not a mask, I can use it for a doorstop)
4. Ham bone I was saving for pea soup.
5. 25 year old wedding cake (I should have eaten that by the first anniversary, huh?)
6. Capers
7. Chocolate covered bacon (no, I’ll want to eat that)
8. Petrified leftover fried rice from the Chinese Restaurant that was closed for selling cat.
9. Lady Fingers (not sure if I’m talking about the cakes)
10. The green ooze from the bottom of the vegetable bin.
June 2, 2011 at 10:26 am
… and a Partridge in a Pear Tree.
June 2, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Sounds like the makings of an awesome masquerade party!
June 2, 2011 at 10:25 pm
Well, seller does say the thing is “fun at parties.” Think I’ll stay at home with the gin bottle.
June 2, 2011 at 10:26 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 2, 2011 at 10:28 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 2, 2011 at 10:29 am
Could be worse. It could of started out as edible panties before the seller decided the leg-holes should be eye-holes instead.
June 2, 2011 at 2:35 pm
If I ever decide to open a shop featuring edible panties, I’m stealing your screen name.
June 2, 2011 at 10:30 am
i’m confused as to what the mask is on. is that a person? if so that person’s neck and shoulders make me almost as uncomfortable as the mask.
June 2, 2011 at 10:38 am
That’s what I thought as well. If someone is actually wearing that, I’m not giving them my address. Ever.
June 2, 2011 at 10:30 am
I’m glad that the mention Borax. I would need full box in order to clean my hands. I just wish someone made Borax for the mind.
June 2, 2011 at 10:32 am
Can I convo him if I want extra crispy?
June 2, 2011 at 10:35 am
HIS SHOP IS CREEPY. I mean, it looks normal except for this god awful thing which is the first thing you see… no logo. no profile. no picture. no description of the one painting I looked at. Even the “feedback” — 2 feedbacks – was blank. ::shudder:: I would have stayed longer but it was so quiet. I got scared standing there all by myself. I screamed and ran back here. It isn’t the kind of place you should go into alone. Or unarmed.
June 2, 2011 at 10:42 am
::whisper to myself:: Fits a small framed womans face “:shudder::
Nose ring is removable. Teeth can be taken off.
::whimper slightly, running my fingers over my mouth::
Can to keep it in is included.
::hug self, start rocking slowly, humming Eleanor Rigby::
June 2, 2011 at 10:35 am
Silent Hill: The Cluckening
June 2, 2011 at 10:36 am
I don’t normally leave comments here, you all pretty well cover what goes through my mind, but this thing…ugh, just ugh. What sane, normal person thinks of something this Texas Chainsaw Massacre horrid? Who does that? Someone mentioned the Borax, please pass it this way so I can dump it in my eyes.
June 2, 2011 at 10:42 am
June 2, 2011 at 11:06 am
June 2, 2011 at 10:48 am
Ed Gein is really pissed this seller ripped him off. He’s going to call out in the Etsy forums. I dare those cupcakes to stop him.
June 2, 2011 at 11:15 am
No calling out. I’m going to go ahead and slice the skin off this thread and wear it on my face now.
June 2, 2011 at 12:35 pm
yes! You win at life! Or internet commenting.
June 2, 2011 at 12:49 pm
Life, too. I like to keep a low set of life standards so something like this can really tip the scales for me.
June 2, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Rev; you are on fire today.
June 2, 2011 at 2:35 pm
The power of snark compels me.
June 2, 2011 at 10:57 am
as a huge beatles fan (don’t hate) I am grateful for the visual inspiration from the lyrics and the reference to what she kept in a jar. Here’s to not looking at any more lonely people(‘s faces)…
June 2, 2011 at 10:59 am
After seeing this, I no longer wonder why she was lonely.
June 2, 2011 at 11:12 am
if this is the visual representation — I would gladly take her out for dinner and a movie if she would please to put her face back in the jar by the door…
June 2, 2011 at 12:22 pm
June 2, 2011 at 11:07 am
Jeebers creebers that’s awful. Reminds me of the Ed Gein case. And one tooth looks like a tiny walrus husk. 0.o
June 2, 2011 at 11:08 am
All I see is Captain Spaulding and its freaking me the fuck out.
June 2, 2011 at 2:44 pm
I thought you were referring to a character played by Groucho Marx and didn’t understand. So I googled Captain Spaulding. I’m afraid of clowns. My nightmare is now complete.
June 2, 2011 at 11:12 am
This should be buried along with its name….
June 2, 2011 at 11:14 am
The worst part is not the item itself. The worst part is Chrome storing the front page of sites you visit more often and displaying them on each new tab.
Till it gets replaced by a new front page – and this hasn’t been a particularly good week for this kind of thing.
June 2, 2011 at 12:19 pm
I just noticed that. Thankfully, I’m using hubby’s laptop…la la la
June 2, 2011 at 11:14 am
*curls up in the corner, rocking back and forth, sucking her thumb*
June 2, 2011 at 11:19 am
Ahhhhhhhhhh! It worked.
June 2, 2011 at 11:25 am
I’m spooked – we keep hens and one of them is named Rigby after Eleanor. All our hens have been named after Beatles lyrics. We have a Lucy and a Pepper too, sadly Vera, Chuck, Dave and Rita are no more and no we didn’t make a series of batshit masks out of them.
As it happens, I was digging in the garden the other week and I accidentally dug up Rita who looked remarkably similar to this piece of asylum horror.
June 2, 2011 at 11:32 am
I just shat myself.
Thanks for the nightmares.
June 2, 2011 at 11:38 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
June 2, 2011 at 11:55 am
Story time! When I was a kid my uncle was seeing this rather “lovely” woman. We’d go over sometimes to play with our cousins. Well, when I saw this mask the worst part was that I was hit with an incredible scent memory, so it felt like I could smell it. This lady used to take the skin off of chicken she was cooking (to make it healthy for the kids) and she’d take the skin on a plate, put it in the microwave and zap it until it turned into these greasy, nasty, crunchy balls of microwaved skin/fat. Oh God, the smell. *hurk* She’d eat it! Ugghhh… I feel queasy.
June 2, 2011 at 12:06 pm
I was relieved that she didn’t put them on her face.. I thought that was going to be the story time end.
June 2, 2011 at 12:13 pm
Yeah, I don’t think we’d have been allowed to go see them if they did that. At least I hope not! It wouldn’t be too far off in looks if she had, though. This whole ordeal is just completely unnerving! I need a brain cleanser.
June 2, 2011 at 3:13 pm
Isn’t that how they make pork rinds?
June 2, 2011 at 7:32 pm
I believe pork rinds are fried. The smell of sizzling chicken skin in a microwave oven from raw, though. I don’t even know how to describe it, but it haunts me.
Those other directions you’ve wandered probably wouldn’t be far off for my uncle and his relationship adventures during his life.
June 2, 2011 at 3:25 pm
I started to read your story and thought you’d written
‘this rather lovely “woman.”
It was going in other directions in my head, far away from chicken skin.
June 3, 2011 at 5:15 am
I didn’t think it was possible, but this disturbs me even more than the mask! The visual this ave me is gonna haunt my dreams. *shudder*
June 2, 2011 at 12:03 pm
What would cause the train of thought from dinner to this monstrosity?
Honey, what would you like for dinner?
Chicken sounds good?
…and somehow, you get this?
I need to drink more. I just don’t get it.
June 2, 2011 at 12:10 pm
This is only great for parties you throw just before you go off and live like a hermit in the forest. It’s perfect for severing all ties to friends and family.
June 2, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Really, you’ve all said many things I thought upon seeing this monstrosity, and many things I hadn’t thought of. I believe many of us will have nightmares and disturbing after-images in our minds for some time. Please pass the Borax for my eyes as well. However, did anyone mention that SOMEONE probably had to place this rancid chicken skin on her (small-framed) face to make it into a mask? Who does $hit like this?! Is it a Saw VI “puzzle”? Ick, eew.
June 2, 2011 at 12:15 pm
Oh, I misread. Paper-mache base, THEN sewn chicken skin. Still. Really. Ugh.
June 2, 2011 at 12:23 pm
The Doctor Who budget cuts are starting to show.
June 2, 2011 at 12:25 pm
I think my brain just melted…. or was it his face that melted?
anyways WTF!
June 2, 2011 at 12:31 pm
This is the perfect mask for chainsaw wielding maniacs!
June 2, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Yes, but the name Chickenface doesn’t inspired the same terror as Leatherface.
June 2, 2011 at 3:10 pm
err -d
June 2, 2011 at 12:33 pm
Mother Fucker. I did not need that right after lunch…Oh well, better than before lunch, I guess.
June 2, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Guys… please lie to me and tell me that this in no way can be a sex thing…
June 2, 2011 at 1:08 pm
This in no way can be a sex thing.
OMG I just lied on the Internet.
June 3, 2011 at 9:21 am
It defeats the purpose if you tell me you are lying!
*hides under bed in fetal position*
June 2, 2011 at 3:02 pm
Oh thanks… I have to cover my eyes now and think happy thoughts, or watch videos of Scandinavians humping each other in knit bodysuits, just to clear my mind. I do miss the simpler times.
June 2, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Jesus GOD WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!
Oh God I can’t stop seeing it when I close my eyes.
June 2, 2011 at 12:39 pm
I know this thing looks horrible, and probably smells bad, but what keeps giving me the creepies?
The thought of how it feels. How it feels on your face.
*twitch*
June 2, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Unanswered Questions:
Are we looking at the outside of the skin or the inside of the skin?
Does it come in both “Original Recipe” and “Extra Crispy”?
If I wear it outside, will I need to treat it with sunblock?
If I cross the road with it, will people ask me why?
My wife likes the chicken skin mask. Can you make me one out of cock skin?
Is it Kosher?
June 2, 2011 at 2:54 pm
You have a very unique mind. I don’t know whether to applaud you or walk away slowly before breaking into a run.
June 2, 2011 at 6:01 pm
Dear Steampunk O – I had to give both you and BillsB a thumbs up…
i’m hoping Bills wife relly doesn’t like that chicken skin mask though.
June 2, 2011 at 3:00 pm
a foreskin mask for an intactivist to wear while protesting a bris?
June 2, 2011 at 3:03 pm
So, you’d like a mask made out of repurposed prepuces?
June 2, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Reprepuced?
June 2, 2011 at 12:58 pm
Boy, who wouldn’t want to press their face into a lumpy, dessicated sheet of dead chicken skin! I imagine it would start to fog up in there. Your breath would start to reconstitute the dried skin until your face is fully immersed in the warm, moist, fetid aroma of chicken corpse. Ah, drink it in! Just be careful the teeth or the withered nose doesn’t crumble off in your hand as you readjust the mask so you can peer through its dead, gaping eye-sockets to see how impressed everyone else at the party is.
June 2, 2011 at 2:46 pm
I decided I’m going to copy and paste your comment in the event that I should ever need to induce vomiting.
June 3, 2011 at 12:26 pm
If you replace the “sculpy eyes” you won’t have to see the reactions of the other party-goers. And all let’s not forget (as I did) that the inside is paper-mache. So you can have a heavy, fetid lump on your face, not simply crumbly, dessicated chicken skin. this is sounding better and better. I’m buying it!
June 2, 2011 at 1:02 pm
“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you…OH HELL NO, forget that I said anything.” -Oscar Wilde
June 2, 2011 at 1:36 pm
Damned is the man who doesn’t know how to wear his mask.
-Luigi Pirandello
June 2, 2011 at 1:17 pm
But what if I want to change it’s name?
PS: Because I’m weird, I zoomed in on it and if you look closely, there aren’t any eyes in the “eyeholes” and the thing in the nostril holes looks similar to a wooden broom handle.
PPS: I have the almost uncontrollable urge to buy this, put a Panco Villa mustache on it and wear it to my family reunion.
June 2, 2011 at 1:19 pm
I don’t have any snark, just a question. How can the person who makes this chicken atrocity also make this
http://www.etsy.com/listing/74521036/baby-and-mommy????
June 2, 2011 at 2:31 pm
psychopathic serial killers love their children too
June 2, 2011 at 2:58 pm
They also love clowns…or this is a self-portrait.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/74851573/harliquin-couple
June 2, 2011 at 3:06 pm
If the caption were ‘Om nom nom’, would you still think that ‘baby and mommy’ thing was a good thing?
June 2, 2011 at 5:15 pm
That painting is actually nice… <3
June 2, 2011 at 1:50 pm
I was planning on taking a nap, but now I don’t think I’m ever going to sleep again. This thing will be in my nightmares.
June 2, 2011 at 2:20 pm
Christ on a caribou, that’s repulsive. I used to do taxidermy; if you can gross me out, then you’ve accomplished something. I don’t know what…but something.
June 2, 2011 at 2:55 pm
“Christ on a caribou”—a great new phrase AND an amusing mental image!
June 2, 2011 at 3:03 pm
I imagined him with his arms thrown up in the air, making a “Weeeeee!” expression. White robes flowing as the caribou gallops. You go, Christ. Ride that caribou.
June 2, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Horrifying… 0___o; Creating this thing might be enough probably cause to get a search warrant…
June 2, 2011 at 2:53 pm
June 2, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Masterful job! *claps hands*
June 3, 2011 at 6:21 am
I agree! That IS a masterfully awesome job!!
June 2, 2011 at 4:14 pm
*also clapping* Thank you, I so needed this today. “Fil-A-O-Face”
June 2, 2011 at 5:13 pm
Uh-thank-you, Ladehz! “deep bow”
June 2, 2011 at 2:59 pm
Oh, come one. I haven’t even gotten over the belly button nightmares. Now I’ll never get any sleep. Oh, well, at least I’ll lose weight from all the BARFING!
June 2, 2011 at 3:04 pm
Just add a wig, an empty Smirnoff bottle, a house arrest ankle bracelet, and your Lindsay Lohan Halloween costume is complete!
June 3, 2011 at 5:33 am
Don’t forget the stolen jewelry.
June 2, 2011 at 3:28 pm
I can’t stop looking at it. I am going to have nightmares.
June 3, 2011 at 5:34 am
I think most if us will be having a few nightmares after this.
June 2, 2011 at 3:51 pm
You know, I heard Moffat was introducing a new villain this season but I never thought he’d mate Cassandra with a Weeping Angel to do it:(
June 2, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Christ on a caribou (thanks again, Catethulu!), if Helen and Bronc were going to leave up a photo this long, make it something pretty to look at, such as Mike in a towel, so we can keep refreshing, hoping that just one more click would make the towel go away. I just want THIS to go away!
June 2, 2011 at 3:58 pm
*breaks mouse button when “refresh” takes too long…and still brings us back to (shudder) this*
June 2, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Is that a collar attached to the mask, or does the dude have a rash all over his chest and neck?
June 2, 2011 at 10:54 pm
Looks like iron-on interfacing to me. Why it was made into a collar I have no clue.
June 2, 2011 at 4:23 pm
At what point did someone think “you know what I’ve always wanted? a chicken skin mask.” and then think “I bet other people would love one, too!”
June 2, 2011 at 5:03 pm
While wearing that do you eat this? (not created but is appreciated by me)
June 2, 2011 at 6:51 pm
Chicken Tartare?
June 2, 2011 at 9:20 pm
Aaaw.. thanks for posting something not nausea-inducing and repulsive.
June 2, 2011 at 5:05 pm
That is the face I see in my nightmares
June 2, 2011 at 5:15 pm
Well, shit, Regretsy.
I mean, it’s 2 freakin a.m. and I log on for a quick Regretsy fill before bed and that shit pops up. For fucks sake, how am I supposed to sleep now? I mean, seriously, look at that. It’s like it came from that freak-ass Hellraiser cube-dimension-thing.
Shit man, just… shit. I cannot unsee it, goddammit! It’s like I’m eight years old and accidentally watched Nightmare on Elm Street again. Fuck.
June 2, 2011 at 5:55 pm
I’m surprised I’m able to stop throwing up for long enough to have these thoughts or type this comment, but here we are:
Where did this person get the chicken skin?
How did they know how to render it and how much practice did they have?
What did they practice on?
Why is it $150?
Just, why?
June 2, 2011 at 6:06 pm
I checked out her on-line gallery and her facebook page, and there is nothing at all to make me think she would be the type to make an Ed Gein mask out of Clara Cluck, well nothing except the statement that her favorite book is the Bible.
I would also like to point out that those sculpey “eyes” aren’t even round. How much artistic skill does it take to roll clay into a ball?
June 2, 2011 at 6:09 pm
You know what bothers me about this? (Other than the obvious.) In all the pictures where the mask is being modeled, you can see into the eyeholes, and there is nothing inside the mask. She’s not wearing it. And yet there’s her neck and shoulders.
June 2, 2011 at 6:24 pm
Congratulations, you’ve managed to make this horrible thing even more terrifying.
June 2, 2011 at 6:31 pm
The rest of the shop offers un-horrifying paintings, and a couple of plants. I think we have to assume that the person who made the mask actually cut off the nice lady’s head and is selling it through her Etsy shop, using her body to model it.
June 3, 2011 at 5:25 am
I think this is the only logical explanation for this. Who the fuck did the seller think was the target market for this? Why did the seller actually make this & think to themselves that someone out there would want to wear this? After all, leatherface & Jason don’t exist; and Ed Gein & Jeffrey Dahmer are dead.
June 2, 2011 at 10:55 pm
Not jsut tasteless but soulless as well.
June 2, 2011 at 6:12 pm
Jesus Christ nailed to the cross…why did I even look at that? More importantly…why the FUCK would someone even THINK of making that? What’s next? Pottery made out of human shit? I’ve seen a lot of fucked up SHIT on Regretsy before…but this is the winner. I cannot even try to be humorous about this because it is too stupid, wrong, ugly, and FUCKED UP beyond ALL sense of human reason. The quotes “ARTIST” needs a fucking lobotomy or electro-shock therapy.
June 2, 2011 at 6:13 pm
Hi I am new here – but uh – am I the only one that noticed that he *KNOWS* this specifically *FITS* A small framed woman*?!? He didn’t say it probably would. he said.. IT. FITS. How does he KNOW that?
June 2, 2011 at 7:31 pm
As a previous poster mentioned – he has a pit, and makes her put the chicken on her face or she gets the hose again….
June 2, 2011 at 6:36 pm
ok, now I’m whining. can we have a new topic so chicken little cannot be the first thing I see when I come to Regretsy?
Or… can I be directed to a recovery program that will make me stop checking to see what’s on Regretsy?
Helen is lying on the couch wishing Bronc would turn the tv on, and Bronc is running around being super caregiver, and all I can do is ask for a new topic.
seems right to me.
June 2, 2011 at 6:40 pm
You can follow Regretsy on twitter or facebook. Then you will be notified when there’s a new post.
June 2, 2011 at 6:46 pm
yes, I do. I’m a bit obsessive….. I need that recovery program I think.
June 2, 2011 at 6:49 pm
I wonder if this mask will make a good soup.
June 2, 2011 at 7:38 pm
“Fits a small framed woman’s face”…of course it does you fucking freak…
June 2, 2011 at 7:57 pm
“It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!” Seriously… It’s not a far leap.
June 2, 2011 at 8:37 pm
Sorry #2!!! Didn’t see your comment and now I can’t tske mine down.
June 2, 2011 at 8:52 pm
June 2, 2011 at 9:49 pm
Once in a while, friends will ask why I do not partake of recreational hallucinogenic substances as part of my creative process. I can show them this picture. I think they’ll get it.
June 2, 2011 at 10:38 pm
Thoughts on the internet for this afternoon;
1) Laa laa la, long day today, lets surf
teh interwebzthe internet!2) Oooooh regretsy!
3) Oh hehe a secret password post. Better log into facebook *Opens new tab*
4) Hmmm, while i’m waiting, why don’t I see if there are any new posts? *Scroll down*
5) AAAAAAAHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! D:
June 2, 2011 at 11:02 pm
This seems to sum it up.
June 3, 2011 at 12:58 am
Can I just point out that a woman who has a small frame is a “small-framed woman”, and that the alternate interpretation of “small framed woman” is a small, framed woman? I’m not sure what a small, framed woman is, but I don’t think it’s a good thing for the woman.
June 3, 2011 at 1:42 am
Hmmm. A minority view, I realise, but this is one of the few fright masks I’ve seen that’s genuinely horrible to behold, so I vote it a success. I’m not sure I’d describe myself as ‘small framed’, but I take a child’s size in snorkel masks, and I’m reasonably depraved; I suspect I could make this work. And it’s velvet-lined. As eldritch abominations fashioned from fever dreams and chicken skin go, that’s practically couture.
If the thing didn’t cost $150, I would buy it, just for the satisfaction of hearing friends who thought ‘Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead’ was a bit underwhelming shriek like little girls.
June 3, 2011 at 9:28 am
I know it’s not creative to say but this mask is one of the most creepy & discussing things I’ve ever seen on Regretsy!
My desire to burn it is only slightly smaller then my desire to never see it ever again!
June 3, 2011 at 9:31 am
Jesus Clucking Christ. Remind me to decline invites to any party this guy’s at.
June 3, 2011 at 5:43 pm
This legitimately appeared in a nightmare I had last night. I…don’t think I could make that sort of thing up.
June 4, 2011 at 8:45 am
Finally. The last time I got invited to a human sacrifice to Ba’al I was the only person who didn’t have one of these on and I felt like such a jackass, but I didn’t want to bother people about where they got theirs and get labeled a n00b, you know?
June 6, 2011 at 5:24 pm
Forget the Red Bull – if I need to stay awake, all I have to do is keep this tab open. 0.0