From: Ash
Subject: Sharie’s Craft World
To: helen@regretsy.com
Of all the sellers you’ve featured, no one’s work has captivated me the way that Sharie’s Craft World has. You’ve showed off her goods her more than once, but she had me at Nadine. So a few months, ago when my wife asked me what I’d like for our anniversary, I didn’t hesitate before answering “A 3-D clay portrait of the two of us sipping from penis straws.”
Cut to today, and a big beautiful package on the front porch. I can’t really describe the jittery joy I felt while opening it, knowing my own Nadineization was within. Sharie sent me an update at one point, telling me not to worry because “it looks better in person.” Truer words were never spoken.
A million thanks for finding and featuring Sharie. I would recommend her to anyone as she was so pleasant to work with and was so conscientious about communication every step of the way.
Thanks,
Ash
From: Kathlee
Subject: fun_tastic
To: helen@regretsy.com
My boyfriend and I wanted to share the fun_tastic gift.
And now, the elusive poem (which the sender told me she and her sister “cried from laughing over”):
1. The EXIT clearly marks the point of escape and meets OSHA standards.
2. The zipper wil help secure the opening so no unexpected exposure happens. But just in case the zipper causes trauma to the precious jewel, there is a First Aide Kit located in the front left pocket. This will also save the embarrassment of asking for help and having to explain what happened.
3. A whistle is located in the front right pocket as an emergency alarm in case you need some help.
4. The two pockets on the back are for Town or Country folks. A high grade of decorated tissue is on the right and the traditional corn cob on the left. Note: the cob now comes individually wrapped. Be sure to remove the wrapper before use.
5. A cork is added to the back just in case something gets started that needs to be stopped.
6. A note of Concern… Always wash the cork after use just in case you get so excited you blow the cork instead of the whistle.
Oh, and yes, I spent $14 on this and it was totally worth it.
Kathlee
From: þóra
Subject: (LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!)
To: helen@regretsy.com
I placed the goatse mug alchemy request that you posted last year. I got it made by a Something Awful member named Empty Sandwich who made a (pardon the pun) Buttload of them.
Excellent for pudding, stew, chocolate milk, and tapioca.
FANTASTIC UPDATE: You can buy a Goaste mug of your very own! The artist has posted ordering information for us here.
YOU KNOW I BOUGHT ONE
