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This year, give your dad what he really wants: a tarnished spoon with a piece of fabric tied to it. What better way to say, “Hey dad, thanks for everything, here’s a fucking spoon”. And if you really want to go all out, pick up a can of fruit cocktail. He deserves it.

This is almost enough to make me want a cat.

UPDATE: A month after this originally posted

Akihiro Kitamura, the star of The Human Centipede, comes to a Regretsy book signing in Santa Monica to get his own Human Centipede cat toy.