There Is No Spoon
This year, give your dad what he really wants: a tarnished spoon with a piece of fabric tied to it. What better way to say, “Hey dad, thanks for everything, here’s a fucking spoon”. And if you really want to go all out, pick up a can of fruit cocktail. He deserves it.
May 29, 2011 at 9:41 am
At least it’s not a knife?
May 29, 2011 at 9:44 am
I can’t get over how incredibly unsettling this whole package is. It comes off as more of a threat than a gift.
May 29, 2011 at 10:57 am
If you don’t appreciate this whimsicle handcrafted spoon thingy I will use it to scoop your brains out. mwahaha.
May 29, 2011 at 9:48 am
So… a year ago the “rad” backdrop was rusted oil drum? I think I like barn wood better. Sigh.
May 29, 2011 at 12:11 pm
I dunno. It looks more like the bottom of an old ugly piece of china from my kitchen. The plate that I received as a wedding gift from a friend who liked a local potters work so much that she gave it as a gift, instead of getting us something we could use. really. I don’t even eat fish. And when I make it, I certainly am not gonna take the time to move it frm the Pyrex and place it on a platter and serve it. ….oh hay..sorry about that gaiz
May 29, 2011 at 2:11 pm
This thumbs up is for your friend who bought you handmade pottery for your wedding. Could you deliver it for me? Thanks!
May 29, 2011 at 3:33 pm
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May 29, 2011 at 9:48 am
bapp3II DAD! fatHer’s
Someone care to translate?
May 29, 2011 at 10:12 am
“bapp” is a word from a regional German dialect meaning something sticky or slightly gross.
Spot on, if you ask me.
May 29, 2011 at 12:14 pm
I read it as bappan fatber. Bappan is an Indian name, but I got nothing for fatber.
May 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm
My dad kind of looks like a fat bear.
May 29, 2011 at 2:22 pm
It’s how father would sound if you hold your tongue with your hand.
May 29, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Oh my lord, yes. That was funnier than any other part of this post.
May 29, 2011 at 9:49 am
I should get it and he can put it on the part of the back yard he likes to pee on. My mother would love it.
May 29, 2011 at 10:18 am
Like a target? Aim and hit the spoon?
May 29, 2011 at 2:13 pm
If he hit it, it would splash back at him, wouldn’t it?
May 29, 2011 at 9:50 am
Well, at least dad will be able to have some more yogurt.
May 29, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Yogurt, this spoon, and a season of Burn Notice. Though I bet he’d rather you bought a case of beers.
May 29, 2011 at 9:57 am
Cuz remember, a gift is about what’s easy for YOU to make or buy, not what Dad might actually like.
Sigh….this is my first Father’s day without my dad coming up.
I’m grumpy and sad.
May 29, 2011 at 10:04 am
It’s really hard. I cry every year. I hate going in stores and seeing the dad-stuff. It’s not fun. I suggest avoiding ‘junk’ stores that are heavy on the father’s day stuff until its over. Otherwise, the pain is unnecessary.
May 29, 2011 at 11:00 am
Ten years without Dad here, but I don’t feel all that badly about Father’s Day crap because 99% of it seems to have either a handyman theme or a golf theme. Dad never picked up a golf club in his life and the few times he picked up a drill, it didn’t end well.
May 29, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Still lucky enough to have my dad and he is the same way. Golf does not exist in his world and hanging a picture the pinnacle of his DIY. I also do not need cars with sailboats, fishing lines, beer jokes or ducks & deer.
May 29, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Another atypical Dad here, finding anything for Father’s Day that would be appropriate is next to impossible. But getting him something golf related would still be better than this spoon.
May 29, 2011 at 10:04 am
So sorry for your loss
Just think of what a laugh you and your Pa would have had over this little mess.
May 29, 2011 at 10:13 am
Thanks you two. Very much.
I can imagine my dad’s reaction to me showing this, exactly…
“Well sweetie, thank you.. but what the hell is it, and why is it bandaged?”
(sniff..)
May 29, 2011 at 11:03 am
Me too (mine died in January)…I was browsing through graduation cards with my mom last week, and went around the card display and was confronted with “Father’s Day!” It kind of made me gasp reflexively and tears came into my eyes, but then my mom came around behind me and saw it and said cheerfully: “Well that’s one thing we don’t have to worry about this year!”
(She and Dad were married 50 years and really loved each other, but that’s my mom.)
May 29, 2011 at 5:12 pm
At the end of the funeral of my morbidly obese and arthritic mother, my uncle stood up and announced that we would finally be gathering for Christmas at his house this year instead of my other uncle’s because “we don’t have to worry about getting Jean up the stairs anymore.” Pragmatic.
May 29, 2011 at 5:31 pm
Maybe he should meet my mother
May 29, 2011 at 11:22 am
Every few days, I see something and think, “I should tell my Dad about this,” and then feel sad.
Most recently: tiny, ultra-powerful LED flashlights, and Shazam for iPhone. And his grandson, of course.
My Dad’s missing THE FUTURE he was so looking forward to.
But I’ll also be thinking about how he spent the last few years watching NCIS and Rush Limbaugh, and that motivates me to do better.
May 29, 2011 at 11:58 am
I’ve been without dad for hundreds of years – he was 40, I was 17. Father’s Day I always ignore somewhat… but this year I’d made up a treasury that made me think of him, and that made me feel better. Somehow I missed the spoon concept.
Bacon, Beer, Baseball and Other Stuff Daddy Didn’t Even Know He Wanted
I think I’m gonna go make up another one…but I’m gonna pass on the spoon again.
May 29, 2011 at 4:20 pm
Your post inspired me…
This is a little memorial to my Dad for Father’s/Memorial Day. Mostly AA.
http://www.etsy.com/treasury/4de2c45c2c206d9175c6ce67/for-dad-the-tools-he-loved-and-left?index=0
May 29, 2011 at 5:30 pm
cool, visited and commented on it!
May 29, 2011 at 5:31 pm
I should have mentioned mine was larger AA too…one of my first attempts to do so…
May 29, 2011 at 9:59 am
I love my father too much to get this for him. I don’t want to lose my title of “Favorite child”. I mean, sure, my brother lost his mind and cut them out of his life with a bizarre and rude phone call that resulted in my mother writing a letter for me to give to him “if” I want to when she dies… but I think if I got my dad this for Father’s Day, my dumbass brother would somehow become their Favorite Child.
And I don’t want that. You don’t want that. None of us do.
May 29, 2011 at 10:06 am
All I can see is Alan Rickman screaming ‘I’ll cut your heart out, WITH A SPOON!’.
May 29, 2011 at 2:26 pm
I love that line.
Why a spoon, cousin? It’ll hurt more you nitwit.
May 29, 2011 at 10:07 am
It would make a great present for Salad fingers. He likes rusty spooonnssss…
May 29, 2011 at 10:47 pm
I am so glad I’m not the only one twisted enough to watch that. I <3 Salad Fingers big big.
May 29, 2011 at 10:07 am
If it were a spork I’d buy it.
May 29, 2011 at 10:09 am
The Tetanus Spoon!
May 29, 2011 at 3:12 pm
Personalizable for any occasion!
May 29, 2011 at 10:10 am
When I was in 4th grade, my dad laughed his ass off when I brought him home some paperweight that we made out of marbles. I can only imagine the reaction this thing would get.
May 29, 2011 at 10:12 am
“Spoooooon!”
May 29, 2011 at 10:16 am
Both this AND the very-different-but-still-awesome live action version are so wonderful.
It doesn’t hurt that I have a MASSIVE thing for Warburton. He is SO hunky.
May 29, 2011 at 11:31 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOhRe19rROA
I’ll just leave this here.
May 29, 2011 at 1:00 pm
I cannot like that clip enough.
May 29, 2011 at 6:33 pm
I forgot Brock..which is odd, given that I own every single Venture Bros dvd ever produced.
(what the fuck were they thinking, removing everyone’s favorite character for almost an entire season? to replace with HATRED? Blarg.)
…I didn’t think of him, I think…because I was picturing PW’s mug. I own the movie “The Dish” because of him. Charming flick, but its really about him…and lust.
thank you for this! I’m sorry about your Dad too…
May 29, 2011 at 9:06 pm
I love The Dish.
May 29, 2011 at 10:24 am
Does it come with the rusty waste oil barrel top?
That would be perfect if you dad is a gulf shrimper.
Also, I’m not sure about the words on the muslin – looks like something you have to type in before you send an email and I’m not even sure what it says. Looks like
Bapp3 Fatber’s to me.
Well, happy bapp3 fatber’s day to you, too.
May 29, 2011 at 10:24 am
Mom has to love you no matter what you do. Give HER the fucking spoon with the garbage tied to it.
Dad doesn’t have to put up with any of your cacamamie nonsense since you turned 18. Give him something that doesn’t look like you put it together with your feet.
May 29, 2011 at 10:25 am
The perfect gift for the smack addict father who has everything.
May 29, 2011 at 10:30 am
I totally read that as ‘Happy FatBear’, don’t think my dad would enjoy that gift somehow…
May 29, 2011 at 10:31 am
Maybe this is a darkly sarcastic gift from a problem child. Kind of a, “Don’t you wish you had gotten mom a back-alley abortion?” kind of thing.
May 29, 2011 at 10:34 am
Salad Fingers would love this. Although he loves rusty spoons and this looks more tarnished than rusty. If you’re not familiar with Salad Fingers look it up on Youtube. It’s creepy and awesome.
May 29, 2011 at 10:36 am
I’m sorry, I read that as Muslim bow. Not that it makes any difference….
May 29, 2011 at 10:37 am
I am really trying to imagine what it would feel like to look at this stupid piece of crap and think it’s a good idea.
It hurts.
May 29, 2011 at 10:53 am
The perfect gift for your heroin addicted dad on Father’s Day! Bonus tourniquet ribbon even included!
The quality control is evident as well. You can clearly see they thoroughly tested it before marketing it to the masses.
Truly a gift with forethought…and maybe some residue.
May 29, 2011 at 10:53 am
Dammit, I gave my dad a rusty fork with a used bandaid on it this year. Etsy trumps me once again.
May 29, 2011 at 2:37 pm
I think that the fork is this year’s gift and next year will be a dull knife with a mustache. Get the whole place setting!
May 29, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Please see the rest of the place setting
May 29, 2011 at 11:11 pm
I LOVE IT.
May 29, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Coming Next Year!
May 29, 2011 at 10:56 am
I love that they picked “Kid Napped” as the font.
May 29, 2011 at 11:00 am
This would have been perfect for MY dad. Left when I was a year old and haven’t seen him since. Yeah, I have daddy issues.
May 29, 2011 at 11:02 am
I think this is a fathers day gift that says “i’m putting you in a nursing home soon.”
May 29, 2011 at 11:06 am
That is just hilarious, badluckbetty
May 29, 2011 at 11:13 am
“You’re gonna need this, for everything you get to eat going forward. No more confusing textures and solids!”
May 29, 2011 at 11:16 am
And if Dad’s still in the home next year, you can just sneak the spoon out and give it to him again. He’ll be none the wiser.
But if you do that, I hope he drips C diff poop on your pants.
No adult should be this tacky.
May 29, 2011 at 2:18 pm
“Look, dad! Now you can dig your way out of the prison laundry-room!”
May 29, 2011 at 11:39 am
For Father’s Day, tell Dad it’s OK you weren’t born with a silver spoon in your mouth by giving him a tarnished, germ infested, silver-plated spoon with an illegible message stained onto a grubby rag tied around it. You know, for his golden years.
May 29, 2011 at 11:44 am
that’s no spoon….
May 29, 2011 at 11:45 am
Oddly, my first thought was that, after years of reading Jane Austen novels, I finally know what muslin looks like. If that even is muslin.
May 29, 2011 at 3:59 pm
Yep. That would be muslin. Loses some of the glamor, don’t it?
May 29, 2011 at 7:33 pm
especially since its bleached muslin, and not unbleached.
But the dorkette in me has to remind everyone that in England (home of Jane Austen) muslin is what we refer to here in the States as calico.
The fabric with the small flowers/designs on it.
May 29, 2011 at 11:49 am
Or you can give Dad two of these for a do-it-yourself speculum.
Mom will be so happy.
May 29, 2011 at 11:57 am
My father’s happy with a phone call.
May 29, 2011 at 12:17 pm
My father would be livid if he received that as a gift. He would criticize it for the offset imprinting. The fact that the piece of cloth is not stitched and looks like it was ripped from a rag. The fact that you could have used the spoon for something better.
” If you are going to go through the effort of ruining your mothers silverware, do it right. Don’t half ass it.”
May 29, 2011 at 7:34 pm
methinksI think your dad rocks.May 29, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Tsk, tsk, the seller has it ALL wrong; you don’t give spoons to fathers as gifts, fathers give spoons as gift to you!
Not joking, my dad gave my sister spoons for Christmas 3 years straight. We have no idea why as she doesn’t collect spoons >.<
May 29, 2011 at 12:36 pm
now she does.
May 29, 2011 at 2:32 pm
Did he ever need a spoon while eating there and she ran out?
Or maybe it’s a hint that he wants her to gag him with a spoon.
May 29, 2011 at 6:54 pm
Instant Collection!!
May 29, 2011 at 12:40 pm
Happy Fathers Day! Now go get a tetanus shot!
May 29, 2011 at 1:23 pm
My dad would look at me, and ask me, “What the hell is that for?”
And then I would have to explain that I was high on Lortabs, and possibly drunk when I ordered that from Etsy for it to be considered a plausible excuse.
May 29, 2011 at 2:12 pm
oh my i read that at bappy fatber’s i have no idea what that is someone please babble fish it and tell me what you get -_-
May 29, 2011 at 2:19 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAdKJdXo8ok
John Cleese might want one.
May 29, 2011 at 2:51 pm
When you care enough to send your father a resounding, “Fork you, Dad!”
May 29, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Father’s day? Spoon?
May 29, 2011 at 3:40 pm
Dads with spoons
May 29, 2011 at 5:17 pm
Well, the spoon IS steampunk, right?
Was that spoon also shipped from Taiwan?
May 29, 2011 at 5:19 pm
I think of it as a considerate gift for a father who is going deaf. Notice the exclamation point. When you want to get his attention just shove the spoon in front of his face. DAD!
May 29, 2011 at 5:23 pm
Then you could get a fork that says, “SHUT UP!” and a knife that says “JEOPARDY IS ON!”.
May 29, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Even my doctor looks at me like a freak. Hypomagnesemia is apparently really bad.
May 29, 2011 at 9:49 pm
Yes, hypomagnesemia is bad. It causes your heart to flutter and induces you to make posts in the wrong…
… oh my.
May 29, 2011 at 5:29 pm
I didn’t mean to put that here.
May 29, 2011 at 6:43 pm
Don’t worry about it. Everyone loves a good non sequitur now and then.
May 29, 2011 at 7:02 pm
Did anyone catch the Oedipal undertones in “spooning dad?” Ewwww. So wrong.
May 29, 2011 at 7:28 pm
This will go great with dad’s hypodermic, tourniquet, and $250 a day hobby!
May 29, 2011 at 7:32 pm
as previously discussed, this “gift” comes across as threatening to dad. in that spirit, a few times a month i would like one that says UTERUS.
May 30, 2011 at 9:16 am
Oh, the irony here. This would be the perfect gift my so-called father. It just reeks of bitterness. But as my father is totally blind, he wouldn’t get the message. Do they have a braille version?
May 31, 2011 at 7:26 am
Muslin terrorism….