Blue Cheese
Jesus H. Macy this is fugly. It’s like formal night on a Rosie O’ Donnell cruise. Seriously, when you’re 20 years old and your dress makes you look like a retired ice dancer at a Lutheran mixer, it’s time to rethink your outfit. Not everything old is hip. You don’t see Larry King drinking Mojitos in the Meatpacking District.
May 28, 2011 at 1:36 pm
JESUS H. CHRIST Helen Killer go take the happy pills and feel better with your knee.
However I’ll agree with you that this dress never saw a good day and should never have come back out of the closet. This is one of those times where ‘up cycling’ would be best. Maybe into a tampon holder or carpet for your fairy house.
May 28, 2011 at 1:38 pm
So I chose not to read that Bronc Drywall posted this. Which means that HK may very well be resting. Good for Bronc Drywall for supplying the snark when she can’t!
May 28, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Doesn’t Bronc always do the Weekend Flashbacks?
May 28, 2011 at 2:40 pm
I had the exact same thought and then the exact same realisation in quick succession! I wasn’t expecting Weekend Flashback because I’m stupid (read: wine fueled forgetful) and can’t remember what day it is.
May 28, 2011 at 4:21 pm
I prefer to think it’s a joint effort, with April snarking from the prone position whilst Bronc types. Words are slurred, loving glances are exchanged
May 28, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I recommend sticking this into the kid’s box of dress-up stuff. Little kids think sheer, iridescent, and beaded automatically equal fancy. Unfortunately, it seems some adults do, as well.
May 28, 2011 at 2:51 pm
I know who’ll like this. Cecilia Cassini, the 10-year-old fashion “prodigy”.
May 28, 2011 at 4:13 pm
I was reading all kinds of random shit the other day, and I saw her in this article: http://fashionetc.com/news/fashion/134-top-25-age-defying-fashion-moments-of-2010
Click “View Slideshow” under the Vogue cover. She’s the 5th slide. Also note Willow Smith’s one-armed WTFery.
May 28, 2011 at 2:12 pm
This sounds like Helen, and it’s a post from a year ago. So she had to have some other source of horrific pain.
May 28, 2011 at 3:46 pm
Probably her eyes.
May 28, 2011 at 6:38 pm
Answers the question to what ever happened to Match Game’s Patti Deutsch…
May 28, 2011 at 10:24 pm
I thought it was Joey Ramone in drag.
May 30, 2011 at 11:24 am
“…you should be sedated”
May 28, 2011 at 1:38 pm
I was thinking Friday night at the Eagles Lodge, but I can see Lutheran mixer. Or it could be a sad mother-of-the-bride dress at a shotgun wedding.
May 28, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Depending how many months along the bride was she could hide her baby bump at said shotgun wedding.
May 28, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Or if the mother of the bride is pregnant, she could disguise a small baby bump as well.
May 28, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Wouldn’t it be so precious if the daughter AND mother wore matching baby-bump-disguising dresses at a double shotgun wedding? Is the Jerry Springer Show still on? He’d love that.
May 28, 2011 at 2:21 pm
I wish I were joking about this one. One of my 17-year-old daughter’s friends died, and at his funeral there were multiple relatives talking about their grandchildren. All the women in the discussion were in their 30′s.
May 28, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Marvelous! It could be a complete “rock-a-belly” wedding!
May 28, 2011 at 4:49 pm
If the model had breasts and the dress wasn’t 3 sizes too big, it would be less awful. Also, some hemming is desperately needed.
May 28, 2011 at 5:53 pm
One look and I said, “Mother of the bride dress.” And I second the suggestion to toss it into the box of kid’s dress-up costumes.
May 28, 2011 at 1:39 pm
This dress calls for HUGE southern hair, dark tan wrinkled pantyhose, and fingers yellowed from tobacco.
May 28, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Scratchy scotch-and-smoke voice not optional.
May 28, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Southern scratchy scotch-and-smoke voice makes me think of Tallulah Bankhead…and how much fun she’d have commenting on this monstrosity.
May 28, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Is 1986 vintage now?
May 28, 2011 at 1:42 pm
By Etsy standards, yes. This is not a joke.
May 28, 2011 at 9:46 pm
Fuck I’m vintage then. x[ *sob*
Hey, do I get an Etsy senior discount then?
May 29, 2011 at 9:07 pm
Hellelujah. I can sell my offspring on Etsy, now.
May 28, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Frighteningly, yes, if you go by the 20 year benchmark.
May 28, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Ahhh! *sob* This does not make me feel any better after just watching a show about 90s technology on the History channel. It may have been “Modern Marvels” but…the HISTORY channel. D: Excuse me, I have to go chase some damn kids off my lawn now…
May 28, 2011 at 2:22 pm
I’ll hold yer beer.
May 28, 2011 at 4:27 pm
D: I’m well into vintage then. Does that mean someone’s going to sell me on etsy?
May 28, 2011 at 1:49 pm
1980′s music counts as ‘Oldies’ I learned in radio class this Spring.
May 28, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Oh come on Eileen, are you KIDDING me?!
May 28, 2011 at 1:59 pm
That was “Cum on Eileen” and the lyrics meant something far more sinister than you interpreted in the 1980′s. Then again the song is much more listenable my way.
May 28, 2011 at 1:59 pm
In the 80′s, they played 60′s music as “oldies” and we didn’t think anything of it….
Think about it – Nirvana is technically classic rock….
May 28, 2011 at 2:11 pm
In NYC, around 1971, WCBS-FM went to oldies, which meant ’50s and ’60s music, but apparently there weren’t enough to fit their standards that they started playing current music and introducing it as “Future Golden Oldies!”
May 28, 2011 at 2:24 pm
My niece Eileen was named for that song, my brother’s favorite. And she graduates next year.
And a pox on you, Bill C!
May 28, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Kimoutre, one of my favorite songs from the era. From what I understand, the lyrics changed a bit every time it was sung. (And I’m with you–a pox on Bill C!)
May 28, 2011 at 4:20 pm
Yes! Our local oldies station changed its name to “Big Hits” and now plays 70′s and 80′s music. If I can remember dancing to a song as a little girl, it’s apparently oldies now.
May 28, 2011 at 7:18 pm
Oy! I prefer the term “classic rock” thank you.
May 28, 2011 at 8:10 pm
I remember my dad telling me he felt like he was getting old when they started advertising Metamucil on his radio stations.
And he was about the same age I am now. Damn kids, get offa my lawn!
May 28, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Yes. I have a vintage store (the brick-and-mortar kind) and the late 80s/early 90s stuff is not only considered vintage, it’s extremely popular with the high school/college crowd.
I don’t pretend to understand it but I’m certainly happy to sell it.
May 28, 2011 at 4:22 pm
Heh. I’m older than that crowd, but I have been known to purchase “vintage” 80′s nostalgia. And I was collecting it before it was cool, dammit!!
I also was a nerd before it became cool to call oneself a nerd…
May 28, 2011 at 8:34 pm
Yeah, but it’s not ironic when us vintage people buy vintage stuff.
May 28, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Sweet! That means that I’m finally cool, because I’m vintage!
May 28, 2011 at 3:36 pm
That’s right: I’m not old, I’m vintage.
May 28, 2011 at 4:23 pm
My birthday’s in a few days. I think I’ll have that written on my cake.
May 28, 2011 at 8:08 pm
i’m antique
May 29, 2011 at 5:31 am
I have patina.
May 28, 2011 at 1:46 pm
“Silver beading on the front, wrists, neck, and bottom.” Also known as a hem.
May 28, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Ooh, beading on the bottom would be different…. Kinda pokey on your tush when you sit, I bet– thereby encouraging the continuous dancing! There’s a plus.
May 28, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Beading on the wearer’s bottom would send a message completely inconsistant with the rest of the dress. And bring all the boys to her yard.
May 28, 2011 at 1:58 pm
Try saying “My bottom beads bring all the boys to the yard” five times fast.
May 28, 2011 at 2:14 pm
And beading IN the bottom would send yet another entirely different meaning. Just saying.
(I didn’t drop the “g,” which might count for something, but I struck it out anyway. Ju–…never mind.)
May 28, 2011 at 2:16 pm
It struck out before I checked Preview, then I lost it when I copied and pasted and went back and…I so wish we could delete our own posts sometimes.
May 28, 2011 at 1:51 pm
YES! Finally, my ‘retired Lutheran ice dancer’ cosplay is complete.
May 28, 2011 at 1:59 pm
It really wouldn’t be that bad with the sleeves lopped off. Those sheer sleeves make everyone look like a granny.
May 28, 2011 at 2:27 pm
No, it would still be that bad, just with a little less coverage.
May 28, 2011 at 5:51 pm
I was thinking the same thing. Take off the vesty-thing, cut the sleeves to a cap-sleeve and it’d actually be kinda cute…
May 29, 2011 at 12:22 am
I think it would look acceptable, if not splendid, on the middle-aged lady for whom it was designed. Preferably one with some boobs to shape out that jacket a tad. And who is not wearing boots and standing in a manner that make the dress look deranged, rather than merely dowdy.
Seriously. Imagine it on a lady in her sixties with permed hair who is wearing nice heels and standing up straight. It wouldn’t be Dolce et Gabbana, but it would be OK.
May 29, 2011 at 5:36 am
I think it would be quite nice if you took the sleeves off, and also took the vest off. Then, pull it in at the waist and …oh really, give up it really is a horror of a thing.
May 28, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Size L??? On what planet?? Or is this just more evidence that manufacturers nowadays are totally skimping on the material???
May 28, 2011 at 2:04 pm
“L” is shorthand for “bigger than my own skinny ass but I’m too lazy to measure it”.
May 28, 2011 at 3:33 pm
I think the sizes just keep getting bigger and bigger. When I stopped growing I was always at least a medium and often a large. My size hasn’t changed and now I’m almost always a small. In the last couple years I’ve bought a couple XS shirts. My cousin who’s 5’2″ and probably around 110 pounds has had to resort to buying kid’s clothes.
May 28, 2011 at 4:38 pm
I’m built just like your cousin (+5 or so lbs.). I fit in the biggest size in kids as a teen, but not anymore. I shop in juniors, but I need a S or sometimes XS and often have trouble finding them. I also have to hem all my pants.
May 29, 2011 at 7:08 pm
Well, then they’re making the smaller sizes bigger, and the bigger sizes smaller – I have XXL and size 20 tops that fit me that I bought about 10 years ago, and yet don’t fit in any 20′s or XXLs right now….
May 28, 2011 at 2:04 pm
No matter what you think of the dress, you have to give the model credit for working so hard to really sell the look.
May 28, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Yeah, she definitely sells the Lutheran part.
May 28, 2011 at 2:06 pm
I think the worst thing is those extra large boob panel thingys that would make most women look flat and or droopy. Which is not the look most of us are going for.
May 28, 2011 at 2:18 pm
My first thought is that it would be a bridesmaid dress of that era (I wore a similar one to a sort-of-shotgun wedding). It’s really meant to make the baby-bump bride look hot in comparison.
May 28, 2011 at 2:21 pm
Isn’t that LeAnn who won the last Bravo season of Project Runway?
May 28, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Yes! I didn’t know about hipsters yet, so she really baffled me. In my defense, I live in South Carolina, where I’ve never seen a hipster in person. Probably because their aunts are still wearing this stuff.
May 29, 2011 at 10:58 am
I really liked some of her stuff, I thought she was pretty talented, but I’m still saddened that Korto didn’t win that season. (Korto is a badass lady…I got to meet her about a year ago.)
May 28, 2011 at 2:22 pm
I own this dress. I didn’t buy it off etsy, I found it in a thrift store for $2, but it’s the same dress.
Aaaand, yes, I’ve worn it out, in public. I can sadly say that photo makes it look a lot better than it does in person.
May 28, 2011 at 3:35 pm
You’ve piqued my curiosity, if you think the dress looks awful, why did you buy it and wear it?
May 28, 2011 at 6:44 pm
I blame every terrible clothing purchase on a bad case of hipster-fuckery. Luckily, I’ve been clean, sober and off ironic clothing for three years now.
May 28, 2011 at 2:25 pm
Nonsense. This outfit looks FAB on the right person. Let me and my friend demonstrate….
May 28, 2011 at 2:31 pm
Totally HOT on you!
May 28, 2011 at 2:39 pm
Can you imagine the freakishly long nipples JA would have to possess to make “points” (sorry) with that dress and the wonderful gif that was posted yesterday? Frightening.
May 28, 2011 at 2:45 pm
This make make Mister Bronc reconsider his statement “not all that is old is hip”.
I only hope I did not make a mistake posting this – I am thinking he may not be getting much, what with Miss April feeling under the weather. It was not my intent to get him over-stimulated.
May 28, 2011 at 3:33 pm
I likek that grandma looks REALLY pissed off about being in that dress. Kind of like “it might be for my generation but it is NOT for ME!”
May 28, 2011 at 3:13 pm
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May 28, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Cool.
May 28, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Are you Betty White? ‘Cause I really can see her rockin’ this dress.
Actually, she’s the ONLY one I can see wearing this dress well. Or at all.
Cool! Betty White listens to Beach House!
May 28, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Now, was that a statement, as in “wow, I notice you guys engage in the sucking of dicks”? Or was it more of an imperative, as in, “I do hope you will engage in the sucking of dicks”?
Unclear troll is unclear.
May 28, 2011 at 3:54 pm
And unfamiliar with capitalization.
May 28, 2011 at 4:24 pm
OK, so you’re right about what I like to do in my spare time, but that dress is still aesthetically offensive.
May 28, 2011 at 5:05 pm
Not sure what our sex lives have to do with a fugly dress (perhaps she is the jealous bitch because if she dresses in that thing she’ll only be sucking lollipops). However, a question for the rest of you fat, loser cock suckers – how does one listen to a beach house? If your dwelling is talking to you, isn’t that a sign to seek help?
May 28, 2011 at 7:37 pm
Obviously they have never been on a LESBIAN CRUISE because it is sexy hot and you wouldn’t see a grandma dress like that! Don’t drag the lesbians into this ugly mess!
May 28, 2011 at 11:51 pm
Excuse me, but just where was I “draging” lesbians anywhere? The flounce mentioned sucking dicks so I addressed “cock suckers.” I would be happy to included pussy suckers too, but I certainly didn’t diss any lesbians or their cruises. I suggest that you stop sucking whatever parts you suck and put on your reading glasses.
May 28, 2011 at 7:40 pm
Beach House is a band. (Oddly, my sister is in one of their music videos….)
May 28, 2011 at 11:54 pm
Thanks. I’m of ‘classic rock’ age and was never a music hipster at the best of times. Flouncetard’s lack of capital letters didn’t help either.
May 29, 2011 at 9:59 am
ooh, which one?
May 29, 2011 at 10:18 am
Ah. I’m too vintage to have heard of them.
May 29, 2011 at 5:24 pm
She’s one of the long-haired hoopers in “Silver Soul.”
May 29, 2011 at 9:59 am
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May 30, 2011 at 9:15 am
Or punctuate. However, I doubt that anyone would deny you your right to bad taste. Hell, there are even people who like Gwyenth Paltrow. I believe that our confusion arises from being unable to see any connection between oral sex and that dress.
May 28, 2011 at 3:18 pm
This screams children of the corn to me. I’m a-scared.
May 28, 2011 at 3:55 pm
That’s a-skeered.
May 29, 2011 at 6:53 am
Not when your kids have a Rugrats marathon going on the TV. It’s “a-scared”, just ask Chuckie.
May 28, 2011 at 3:22 pm
Apart from the colour, this thing looks like a late-Victorian shroud with the hem taken up. Consequently, I’m wondering where the seller got it from, and how they managed to get rid of all the dirt.
May 28, 2011 at 3:38 pm
Nah – pure 70s dreck. Probably quiana or one of those icky, slippery, synthetics made then.
June 2, 2011 at 7:12 am
I’m one of the “antique” Regretsians, and I remember having a few Qiana shirts that I wore to work…but not for too long – they really didn’t launder very well!!
May 28, 2011 at 3:31 pm
Even back in the day I wouldn’t have worn that no matter how stoned or drunk I may have been!
May 29, 2011 at 12:26 am
I think you could either get rid of the beaded pseudo-jacket part, and wear something fiercer over the denuded dress, OR, dismantle the dress, and wear the top as a jacket over jeans and a tank top. That would give it some ironic.
May 28, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Ask, and you shall receive.
May 28, 2011 at 5:11 pm
All I see is Sgt. Pepper.
May 28, 2011 at 5:32 pm
I confess-I owned a dress that looked almost like this when I was in high school (think less sheer-my dad was a Pentecostal minister).
Now to add to the humiliation that my mother made it. I think I was into my senior year before I owned a dress my mother didn’t sew. And it’s not that she was a bad seamstress-it’s that her and my idea of what constituted ‘fashionable’ were two entirely different things.
And she wondered why I refused to wear anything to school but blue jeans and t-shirts…
May 28, 2011 at 6:01 pm
May 28, 2011 at 7:51 pm
oh david duchovny why won’t you love me
May 28, 2011 at 6:19 pm
If you lost the lapel/panel/vesty thingy on the front, it would make for a pretty nightgown.
May 28, 2011 at 6:26 pm
Add some chalk to the backside of this dress and I’m pretty sure my high school algebra teacher wore the same thing.
May 28, 2011 at 6:47 pm
…I could do amazing things to this dress. No way I’d shell out that much just because it’s “vintage”…the thrift store has uglier and cheaper things.
May 28, 2011 at 7:19 pm
Looks like something I might have made the first year I learned to sew (when I was in 5th grade).
May 28, 2011 at 7:23 pm
What Mormons wear to the disco.
May 28, 2011 at 9:12 pm
$31? How about I pay you $31 to buy this ugly ass shitty fucking twit twat shit!
May 28, 2011 at 9:48 pm
No one can help this dress.
Not Judi. it’s a good color, but even she’s too young for it.
Nope. Get a flame-thrower and stand back.
Not Twiggy, and this was more her thing.
Not even That Girl, Marlo Thomas, the mod-dest girl when I was a girl, can rock this outfit.
May 29, 2011 at 12:28 am
Marlo comes closest.
May 29, 2011 at 10:45 am
I disagree. With a Glamorous attitude and gold splooge on your face, this dress will make you the Center of Envious Gossip.
May 31, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Wow, I actually saw something totally different there. I just saw a girl who couldn’t pull off a plain dress. The dress isn’t amazing, but on the right figure, with the right hair and face (not to mention shoes…the boots were wrong) it wouldn’t look anywhere near as terrible as it does in this picture. Does that make me a bad person?
June 1, 2011 at 9:31 pm
ABBA + Sister wife =…
December 14, 2011 at 9:08 pm
Hm. I actually used to work on a cruise ship, and was there for the Rosie O’Donnell cruise. No one there wore anything approaching this level of horrible. The only person I can maybe, MAYBE see in it is the Queen, circa 1978, at some sort of afternoon event. She’s never been terribly adventurous clothing-wise.