I was totally on a Moose Head beer kick a few months ago because the 12 packs came with a free bottle opener. They each had a different scene on them of moose in the wilderness. Pretty sure I was already drunk when I would buy those 12 packs…
I get smarter the more wine I drink. Starting bottle #2. If I make it to the bottom of #3 without passing out, I’ll have figured out how to time travel.
Flouncity flounce flounce! That picture is worth $24 for the incredible accuracy alone, you ignorant fat jealous loser cwoard. Detroit actually looks just like that, all the time. It’s like having a little window to the Motor City right on your wall.
I live just off 275, near what I call the Bermuda Triangle – where 5, 275/96, and 696 “collide”. I avoid it like housework!
I will drive 275 and 696 if I have a Nascar itch I need to scratch.
Here’s the trick….buy nothing, save it all! Spend it on beer, pills and pornography, just like our Founding Fathers intended. Life, Liberty and the pursuit of debauchery.
So my sister and I were at Ikea and we saw that mirror. My sister fell in love with it- we discussed how light it was briefly- and made the decision to buy it in under 5 seconds. We had another look at it at the checkout stand because we couldn’t get it to scan. Two seconds after leaving the store my sister says “Wait, that is a mirror, right?”…
It’s not. It’s a hideous picture frame. But at least you only made the mistake online and not in person- with two of you…
Yeah but if you buy it from those big name retailers, you’re taking money out of the pockets of independent hand crafters. If you buy the exact same thing they did from the same mass-producing corporate manufacturer they did, how are they supposed to profit and keep themselves in ironic t-shirts?
You are so cynical. Sometimes I think it must be hell, to see the world through your eyes.
Magic Jesus Eyes. Like those blurry posters they used to sell in malls, except when you relax your eyes and stare into this photo of rain on a windshield, the message that swims into clarity before your vision is…
I’ll pay the extra $32 for those glasses if that stupid girl stops taking pictures with herself chewing on things and trying to make me figure out what she is looking at. (Granted she has really nice hair though)
Are those two flies or a time-lapse photo showing the progression of a fly as it navigates across the windshield moving through a rainstorm. Deep, really, really deep.
So, that’s the copy you use when pitching to sad, mournful hipsters. Next up: queeftards who love Thomas Kincade, ’cause I’m seeing “The Master of Light” in the background!
Just for laughs, check out this Etsy forum post which mentions that VW bus model. Posted in an effort to bust resellers, closed down for CALLING OUT. As usual.
Apparently calling out causes it, along with rule-breaking (oh NO, not that!) and paranoia. How silly.
Now excuse me, I just know those Etsy people are talking about me. I have to get home to my safety zone where the government cannot read my thoughts. On my way I plan to go 45 through the school zone and run over a few children who do not look Northern European.
That thread also addresses something I’ve noticed, letting “collectives” sell instead of individuals. I notice this a lot in foreign (read xenophobia) countries. The villiagers produce these items, or my mother and auntie made these but can’t speak English so I type this for them (cough cough horse shit).
Did they mention what he says in the “Additional Info and FAQ” section of his Store Policies?
Let me show you:
“i am also doing wholesale of giftware of stoneware, glassware, metalcraft, woodcraft ceramic,porcelain, tea,fishing equipments ,etc. i visited a lot of those factories and workshops in china and southeast asia.i work with them for several years ,designing new products and also building my own small business.”
So yeah, he’s intimately familiar with the sweatshops he’s middle-manning for. Visited and everything.
My husband was actually really disappointed at being entirely too tall for Smaaland until we got upstairs and he realised the whole place was pretty much a playground for adults.
Looks like the unicorns and rainbows at Etsy haz have a sad. Finally the true crafters are getting fed up with the lack of action on the part of the admins. I mean, really – IKEA items?! Are people really that stupid? Oh, wait…
I have seen that mirror at hobby lobby on sale for $20. And the VW bus at hobby lobby also.
And what is up with the girl looking to the side. I have been seeing more of these lately. They are like some sort of subspecies of the “looking out the window”people.
I’m so glad this was a “you save!” post, because I saw the first photo and immediately thought, “I need a ring like that! I should have gotten the Mister to get me one for a weddin’ rang!”
So glad it was not my taste that was at fault, but the pricing.
Just what you need after spending hours dealing with traffic and dreary rain after work….a picture of a traffic jam in dreary rain hung up on your wall to greet you to help take your mind off it all.
Who needs Feng Shui, symmetry of calming colours, a loving hello from a beloved pet or a clean open space at your front door. Take THAT Martha Stewart, Steven and Chris and Oprah, shows what you know.
May 24, 2011 at 1:34 pm
In all fairness to the first one, they include a Cammo Kozy
May 24, 2011 at 1:36 pm
(meaning you might only save $14.05…
May 24, 2011 at 3:13 pm
But think of the amount of beer that will be lost because it’s camouflage.
May 24, 2011 at 8:18 pm
A veritable drinking kit.
May 24, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Or ‘koozie’, as they spell it, which sounds more like a toddler’s euphemism for genitals than something I’d put on a bottle.
May 24, 2011 at 4:14 pm
More like a place to stash your tampons….than yer beer….
May 24, 2011 at 8:03 pm
Ooh — new product time, folks!
May 24, 2011 at 3:14 pm
You mean a Cammo Koozie.
It’s the derp tax.
May 24, 2011 at 6:19 pm
That’s how they’re justifying reselling those garbage rings…they ARE selling something handmade.
May 24, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Oh holy shit the second bottle opener ring is even cheaper than the ones on fredflare.com.
May 25, 2011 at 12:30 pm
It’s cheaper than Think Geek where I got one for an ex. When I saw these a while back, believe I was ticked. For for the inclusion April.
May 24, 2011 at 1:37 pm
i totally had one of those rings and fucking lost it! but now that i know where to buy it for even less, maybe i’ll get another!
May 24, 2011 at 1:39 pm
Why should I buy a bottle opener ring, when I could buy a case of beer and get the bottle opener for free? \o/
May 24, 2011 at 4:15 pm
Cases of beer come with bottle openers?? (As you might tell, I am not a beer drinker. Sadly, it gives me migraines)
May 24, 2011 at 4:15 pm
Plus – you won’t be the numpty with the bottle opener ring.
May 24, 2011 at 8:20 pm
You can make the opener into a necklace by adding a shoestring!
May 24, 2011 at 10:55 pm
I was totally on a Moose Head beer kick a few months ago because the 12 packs came with a free bottle opener. They each had a different scene on them of moose in the wilderness. Pretty sure I was already drunk when I would buy those 12 packs…
May 24, 2011 at 1:40 pm
The “cammo cozy” used about $.03 of yarn, so that’s probably where the $20 comes in.
May 24, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Labor costs alway run up the price.
May 24, 2011 at 1:40 pm
The mirror is in SGD. So really only about $119 USD. You’d still save about $89, though.
Math is hard.
May 24, 2011 at 1:54 pm
“Tell me about it!”—Harold Camping
May 24, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Thanks, I didn’t see that.
May 24, 2011 at 7:14 pm
I get smarter the more wine I drink. Starting bottle #2. If I make it to the bottom of #3 without passing out, I’ll have figured out how to time travel.
May 24, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Flouncity flounce flounce! That picture is worth $24 for the incredible accuracy alone, you ignorant fat jealous loser cwoard. Detroit actually looks just like that, all the time. It’s like having a little window to the Motor City right on your wall.
May 24, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I’m from Detroit, in case anyone is worried that I just have some misplaced hatred of it. I’m only teasing!
May 24, 2011 at 2:11 pm
It actually looks like a light traffic day. Must have been a day off school or gov’t holiday to have a gap like that!
May 24, 2011 at 3:14 pm
No kidding, qwertygirl. Depends on the road you’re on, though. 275? Never catch me on that in the AM.
May 24, 2011 at 7:04 pm
I live just off 275, near what I call the Bermuda Triangle – where 5, 275/96, and 696 “collide”. I avoid it like housework!
I will drive 275 and 696 if I have a Nascar itch I need to scratch.
May 24, 2011 at 3:12 pm
I’m from the Detroit area, bealert! Gotta stick up for the D.
May 24, 2011 at 5:25 pm
“It’s so cold in the D”
May 24, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Here’s the trick….buy nothing, save it all! Spend it on beer, pills and pornography, just like our Founding Fathers intended. Life, Liberty and the pursuit of debauchery.
May 24, 2011 at 8:22 pm
I sense another sampler to be stiched….
May 25, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Yeah, that would look great in my bathroom.
May 24, 2011 at 1:43 pm
So my sister and I were at Ikea and we saw that mirror. My sister fell in love with it- we discussed how light it was briefly- and made the decision to buy it in under 5 seconds. We had another look at it at the checkout stand because we couldn’t get it to scan. Two seconds after leaving the store my sister says “Wait, that is a mirror, right?”…
It’s not. It’s a hideous picture frame. But at least you only made the mistake online and not in person- with two of you…
May 24, 2011 at 2:24 pm
But you could make it a mirror for less than $92.
May 24, 2011 at 2:50 pm
you have to charge for overhead, labor, and misc. Plus your profit margin.
May 24, 2011 at 3:04 pm
insert …obscenely high… before “profit margin”
May 24, 2011 at 3:13 pm
Wait… It’s not a mirror? You just ruined my whole day. I take that back, at least I hadn’t bought it yet. Thanks!
May 24, 2011 at 3:42 pm
The cursed thing should be a mirror. I can’t imagine what one would frame with it, other than whimsicle fuckery of course…
May 24, 2011 at 1:45 pm
prices negotiable with bulk purchase
Resellers aren’t even trying anymore.
May 24, 2011 at 2:53 pm
Why should they? In real life, it’s all about the emperor’s new “transparent production chains”.
May 24, 2011 at 8:42 pm
and “retail or wholesale” right in the title. pah.
May 24, 2011 at 1:45 pm
Yeah but if you buy it from those big name retailers, you’re taking money out of the pockets of independent hand crafters. If you buy the exact same thing they did from the same mass-producing corporate manufacturer they did, how are they supposed to profit and keep themselves in ironic t-shirts?
You are so cynical. Sometimes I think it must be hell, to see the world through your eyes.
May 24, 2011 at 2:12 pm
Perhaps if she buys a pair of the glasses…..
May 24, 2011 at 2:13 pm
…or uses magic Jesus eyes…
…or both…
May 24, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Magic Jesus Eyes. Like those blurry posters they used to sell in malls, except when you relax your eyes and stare into this photo of rain on a windshield, the message that swims into clarity before your vision is…
S U C K E R
May 24, 2011 at 1:47 pm
I’ll pay the extra $32 for those glasses if that stupid girl stops taking pictures with herself chewing on things and trying to make me figure out what she is looking at. (Granted she has really nice hair though)
May 24, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Also, really, really nice lips. I, um… don’t mind the picture of her putting her dress strap in her mouth for some reason.
May 24, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Those tortoiseshell glasses aren’t doing wingy-eyed-girl any favours.
May 24, 2011 at 1:48 pm
As shown before, I did this myself, so I’m at zero. You can see it here and save too.
And I would be glad to sell it to
suckerspeople on Etsy, though, for 100.00 and then I could save 100.00.May 24, 2011 at 1:56 pm
I love Depeche Mode.
May 24, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Are those two flies or a time-lapse photo showing the progression of a fly as it navigates across the windshield moving through a rainstorm. Deep, really, really deep.
So, that’s the copy you use when pitching to sad, mournful hipsters. Next up: queeftards who love Thomas Kincade, ’cause I’m seeing “The Master of Light” in the background!
May 24, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Time flies like an arrow. But fruit flies like a banana.
See what I did there?
May 24, 2011 at 2:48 pm
shoot… if i add that text in, I can double my price. that’s poetry art.
May 24, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Sometimes you’re the windshield…sometimes you’re the bug.
May 24, 2011 at 8:44 pm
what was the last thing to go through the grasshoppers mind as he met the windscreen?
his legs.
teeheehee
May 24, 2011 at 5:52 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dBtfeoXM8I
May 24, 2011 at 5:53 pm
Justin Case.
May 24, 2011 at 8:54 pm
Awesomesauce.
I mean that ironically.
May 24, 2011 at 1:55 pm
the camper van was FP recently I think, so can’t *possibly* be a reseller
May 24, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Every time a reseller makes it to the front page of Etsy, God kills a puppy.
May 24, 2011 at 2:04 pm
No silly, god kicks a kitten.
May 24, 2011 at 3:12 pm
I thought Rokali waved a knife at a reporter while spouting poetry — or is that what he does when it’s time for Earl Grey?
May 24, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Apparently wrapping some wire in ‘swirl designs’ also adds $16.05 worth of value to the bottle-opener ring- look at the seller’s other items!
May 24, 2011 at 1:58 pm
I -totally- recognized that ‘mirror’ as the picture frame from IKEA. My sister has it and has yet to put a picture in it…
May 24, 2011 at 2:03 pm
How big is it? Ikea doesn’t give dimensions on the site. I’d love to put my parents’ WWII wedding photo in it.
May 24, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Are you related to Cumitten?
May 24, 2011 at 2:12 pm
Who are you asking, Tehcapsia or Mugsy Doodle?
May 24, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Where are the little replica dirty hippies? Don’t skimp when you’re decorating your children’s rooms.
May 24, 2011 at 2:04 pm
That girl needs to stop popping the lenses out of her grandmother’s glasses.
Also, they described their own photo as dreary. Why would I want to decorate my home with dreary things? Do I look like Eeyore to you?
May 24, 2011 at 3:22 pm
Well, if someone was popping lenses out of Gramma’s glasses, that would make them a little closer to the alleged vintage they claim.
May 24, 2011 at 2:08 pm
I like how the mirror seller put in and ships from Singapore as if that makes it okay to list it on a craft site.
May 24, 2011 at 7:06 pm
oops – it took out the “commercial” in my post.
I like how the mirror seller put in “commercial” and ships from Singapore as if that makes it okay to list it on a craft site.
May 24, 2011 at 2:12 pm
Just for laughs, check out this Etsy forum post which mentions that VW bus model. Posted in an effort to bust resellers, closed down for CALLING OUT. As usual.
May 24, 2011 at 2:27 pm
OMG they used XENOPHOBIA as a reason for not calling out resellers…
May 24, 2011 at 2:34 pm
I have seen a lot of people using Xenophobia lately, and none of them have used it correctly.
May 24, 2011 at 2:36 pm
It means “a fear of warrior princesses” right?
Is that what Knickey and HeyMichelle are? And if we call out they will come and kick our calling out butts? In leather?
May 24, 2011 at 3:18 pm
*Readies video camera*
May 24, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Apparently calling out causes it, along with rule-breaking (oh NO, not that!) and paranoia. How silly.
Now excuse me, I just know those Etsy people are talking about me. I have to get home to my safety zone where the government cannot read my thoughts. On my way I plan to go 45 through the school zone and run over a few children who do not look Northern European.
May 24, 2011 at 3:27 pm
That thread also addresses something I’ve noticed, letting “collectives” sell instead of individuals. I notice this a lot in foreign (read xenophobia) countries. The villiagers produce these items, or my mother and auntie made these but can’t speak English so I type this for them (cough cough horse shit).
May 25, 2011 at 7:53 am
Did they mention what he says in the “Additional Info and FAQ” section of his Store Policies?
Let me show you:
“i am also doing wholesale of giftware of stoneware, glassware, metalcraft, woodcraft ceramic,porcelain, tea,fishing equipments ,etc. i visited a lot of those factories and workshops in china and southeast asia.i work with them for several years ,designing new products and also building my own small business.”
So yeah, he’s intimately familiar with the sweatshops he’s middle-manning for. Visited and everything.
May 24, 2011 at 2:21 pm
Why are “fine art prints” on Etsy always blurry?
May 24, 2011 at 2:46 pm
it makes them easier to see as fine art as opposed to crap.
May 24, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Maybe, in a giant coincidence, Regretsy has brought together a bunch of people with blurry vision?
May 25, 2011 at 6:47 am
Yep, that must be it. It is the only logical explanation…
May 24, 2011 at 7:27 pm
May 26, 2011 at 12:40 pm
WOW!! That’s some
kittehcat!!!!May 24, 2011 at 2:24 pm
Guinness Extra Stout.
From the bottle.
Philistine.
May 24, 2011 at 2:30 pm
I can see Detroit from my front yard, and that doesn’t look like Detroit to me.
Pontiac, on the other hand, is pretty fuckin’ dreary.
May 24, 2011 at 3:19 pm
Another Michigander!!! Pontiac IS depressing. Had to go there for Jury duty.
May 24, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Thanks for not saying Michiganian! Gotta love Granholm’s legacy.
May 24, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Is she the one with all the warts?
May 24, 2011 at 6:08 pm
They’re probably not noticeable when she’s naked.
May 24, 2011 at 8:24 pm
She’s one silly Michigoose, to be sure.
May 24, 2011 at 2:58 pm
dude i thought all ikea’s stuff was made in sweeden.
*reevalutes entire houses furnishings*
May 24, 2011 at 8:25 pm
Nope, they outsource some manufacturing to sweatshops in bent-over Third World countries like the USA.
May 24, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Holy shitballs! I need to get my ass to IKEA! I think I love that mirror, like whoa.
May 24, 2011 at 3:14 pm
IKEA is secretly my crack. I go for the surreal furnishing layout experience, I stay for the cinnamon rolls and coffee.
May 24, 2011 at 3:24 pm
I really like the hour long free baby sitting service.
May 24, 2011 at 8:07 pm
My husband was actually really disappointed at being entirely too tall for Smaaland until we got upstairs and he realised the whole place was pretty much a playground for adults.
May 24, 2011 at 5:38 pm
The apple cake. With the sugar caulk icing. And lingonberry juice.
May 24, 2011 at 3:14 pm
It took me 30 seconds until I bought two of those bottle opening rings.
May 24, 2011 at 3:23 pm
“Bulk purchases?”
Aren’t they giving themselves away with that? Good lord.
May 24, 2011 at 3:36 pm
for some reason they dont feel like they need to camouflage what they are doing.
May 24, 2011 at 3:49 pm
Looks like the unicorns and rainbows at Etsy
hazhave a sad. Finally the true crafters are getting fed up with the lack of action on the part of the admins. I mean, really – IKEA items?! Are people really that stupid? Oh, wait…May 24, 2011 at 4:13 pm
I have seen that mirror at hobby lobby on sale for $20. And the VW bus at hobby lobby also.
And what is up with the girl looking to the side. I have been seeing more of these lately. They are like some sort of subspecies of the “looking out the window”people.
May 24, 2011 at 9:14 pm
Don’t you remember…
http://www.regretsy.com/2011/05/07/weekend-flashback-brideshead-regurgitated/
May 24, 2011 at 4:18 pm
The VW bus guy called HIMSELF out as a reseller in his profile when he opened – he posted on the forums and of course was promptly ripped into.
Which of course led to the happy smiley forum post closure requiring everyone to be nice, and put the seller on the front page a week later.
May 24, 2011 at 4:43 pm
I’m so glad this was a “you save!” post, because I saw the first photo and immediately thought, “I need a ring like that! I should have gotten the Mister to get me one for a weddin’ rang!”
So glad it was not my taste that was at fault, but the pricing.
My liver groans in appreciation.
May 24, 2011 at 5:00 pm
i hope everyone flagged the VW van guy. Have a look at his shop banner, it says “MADE BY HANDS”
Yeah got that right, hundreds of tiny malnourished child hands
May 24, 2011 at 5:01 pm
Just what you need after spending hours dealing with traffic and dreary rain after work….a picture of a traffic jam in dreary rain hung up on your wall to greet you to help take your mind off it all.
Who needs Feng Shui, symmetry of calming colours, a loving hello from a beloved pet or a clean open space at your front door. Take THAT Martha Stewart, Steven and Chris and Oprah, shows what you know.
May 24, 2011 at 5:44 pm
It would be more impressive if it was a beer-opener and COCK ring.
May 24, 2011 at 6:12 pm
I can see it now…Dahhling, sweetie…Get over here and open mah beer,
May 24, 2011 at 6:27 pm
Re: the pose used by the “tortoiseshell glasses model.”
Pensive, sidelong glance
Finger/collar/necklace in pouty mouth
The combination irritates me no end. Makes me want to punch someone (I’m a pacifist). Overreaction? Definitely. But there it is.
May 24, 2011 at 7:25 pm
It was actually a common pose for pin-up girls from the 1950s-sort of a sultry “Hey there, big boy, wanna get lucky?” pout.
The problem is, these women are NOT Bette Page, and therefore cannot pull it off correctly.
May 24, 2011 at 8:28 pm
That combination is just fine. It’s when you stir in that big glop of hipster that it’s totally ruined.
May 24, 2011 at 8:21 pm
“…with light and dark brown tortoiseshell…?” Glad you told me. I don’t want to buy any of that puce and chartreuse tortoiseshell by mistake.
May 24, 2011 at 9:06 pm
that is my favourite comment today.