Still waiting
- Submitted by Emily
Yeah, so… Jesus isn’t here yet. Which is weird. I’m going to give it a few more hours, but if he doesn’t show up pretty soon, I may pass on the whole thing.
I’m getting a little irritated, to be honest with you. Kind of rude to have people waiting around all day. Shit or get off the pot, you know what I’m saying?
Whatever. King of Kings, you’d think he could make a phone call. NOT COOL, JESUS.
Anyway, we’ve chosen our favorites in each category, and we’re just resizing photos and putting the posts together. We’ll have it up as soon as we can.
May 22, 2011 at 12:16 am
Weeeeee! So much awesomeness, I can’t wait to see who won!
May 22, 2011 at 12:17 am
You’re killing us, Smalls.
May 22, 2011 at 6:07 am
My favorite expression of exasperation.
May 22, 2011 at 12:18 am
How hard have you guys been laughing? I’m wheezing!
May 22, 2011 at 12:19 am
Punctuality was never his strong suit. I mean, he WAS 3 days late to his own funeral.
May 22, 2011 at 12:44 am
Yeah, and then he made his friend stick his fingers in his side. Uncool party trick, Jeebus. UN-COOL.
May 22, 2011 at 12:48 am
And even though he can make water into wine, he forgot the booze. Again.
May 22, 2011 at 12:19 am
FUCK! I hate it when I don’t get to put in the last piece of the puzzle.
May 22, 2011 at 12:54 am
Yes! I love this rapture shot, I have an enormous puzzle of the Sistine Chapel ceiling that would’ve been perfect if I had thought of it myself!
May 22, 2011 at 12:20 am
Jesus, Jesus is worse than the cable guy & Verizon guy put together. I bet if you went to take a shower or use the bathroom, you’d find a sticker on your door saying he made a rapture attempt, but no one was home. It may be OK for him to wait 3 days to resurrect, but some of us have jobs! I only get two paid rapture days a year, and I like to save them.
May 22, 2011 at 12:23 am
And you know when we all take the day off to celebrate his birthday? He never even shows up to any of the parties we throw for him.
May 22, 2011 at 12:33 am
I know right? No manners! People have been waiting around allll day for this rapture, in their prayer RV’s & prayers closets (really, actually saw people post that), probably only coming out to pee & write on facebook, & here it is almost May 22 all over the world.
May 22, 2011 at 12:38 am
*sigh* the nerve of some deities. You’ll never see Ganesh jerking us around like this.
May 22, 2011 at 12:21 am
I hate all of you. Thus, I have begun to create a line of Flounce Dogz. That is all.
May 22, 2011 at 12:55 am
oo, i would like to see some of these flouce-dogz. cats are overrated.
May 23, 2011 at 9:50 am
flounce-cats would be an oxymoron anyway.
May 23, 2011 at 9:51 am
Er, I meant a tautology. Welcome to fail, population me. >.<
May 22, 2011 at 12:22 am
Jesus is never late. Nor is he early, he arrives PRECISELY when he means to.
May 22, 2011 at 12:40 am
Jesus is a wizard? Sweet.
May 22, 2011 at 12:43 am
Does that mean he was going to Avada Kedavra everybody?
May 22, 2011 at 12:46 am
No, Accio. DUH.
May 22, 2011 at 12:49 am
oops my bad!
May 22, 2011 at 12:52 am
I thought everyone knew that. Merlin, Gandalf, Dumbledore… All Jesus. I mean, beards, long flowing hair, performs ‘miracles’ (magic). I’m actually pretty sure bunnies and Easter got connected with each other as some sort of reference to pulling rabbits out of hats… Wait… wrong type of magic.
May 22, 2011 at 12:55 am
Oddly enough, that’s exactly why we crazy-ass pagans let the rest of the world have their rabbit tricks with “magic” and throw in an extra letter for the miracles and other assorted fun stuff– “magick.”
Looks weird to everyone else, but it lets us know which type we’re talking about. >.>
May 22, 2011 at 12:55 am
Jesus is never late, everyone else is simply early…right? Very princess-diaries queen-of-whateverthefuckitwas, right there, of him, ya know.
May 22, 2011 at 12:23 am
Out of all the rapture days I’ve lived through, this one is my favourite.
We should start planning for 2012!
May 22, 2011 at 12:23 am
The suspense is killing me!!!!!!!!!!!
May 22, 2011 at 12:23 am
I’m so excited!! Today was fun! I drove my husband nuts talking about it and he has no idea what all the jokes are! I want to win something sooo bad, I really never win stuff
Good luck to everyone, all the pics were great
Thanks for making Holy Flounce day awesome!!
May 22, 2011 at 12:25 am
I read that in a really fast voice. You know those teenage girls in shows who talk very rapidly? That voice.
May 22, 2011 at 12:27 am
Just means her blood alcohol level’s too low. Hand her a drink and she’ll be fine.
May 22, 2011 at 12:30 am
Haha I’ve actually had 3 drinks and I’m ready for bed!
May 22, 2011 at 12:32 am
Well I do talk fast so you’re totally right! LOL I love it!
May 22, 2011 at 12:28 am
Holy Flounce Day should be an annual holiday.
May 22, 2011 at 12:26 am
Since I know I the cut off, if the anon regretsian in the Not steampunk category wants to make me a similar pair of cuffs, you can let them have my email…lol
May 22, 2011 at 12:27 am
The pictures everyone took were pretty damn fun to look at, I’m excited to see whoever won! Whoever they are, they’re bound to be awesome.
May 22, 2011 at 12:27 am
Some of the wackos, I mean “believers”, are saying that because it is still May 21 in some places the rapture can still happen – apparently, the last place it will be 5/21 is American Samoa where its currently around 8:30pm.
I’m sure when May 22 rolls around everywhere they will continue to be firm in their preachy nonsense, that God saw how awesome they all were in repenting & decided to postpone: “BRB…making a universe”
May 22, 2011 at 12:29 am
I just keep thinking, Jesus is like that hot girl at the bar who gives you a fake number.
May 22, 2011 at 12:31 am
Definitely the best Holy Flounce Day yet. I’m excited for next year’s already! Gosh, this is just what I needed to lift my spirits. Maybe I’ll make some crap and have people do something for my amusement in return.
May 22, 2011 at 12:34 am
There’s always October, when not just the world ends, but the whole universe! Today could be small potatoes compared to an end-of-universe party.
May 22, 2011 at 12:35 am
Well, if we are having an end-of-universe party, I vote Jesus can’t bring the beer. We will never see it.
May 22, 2011 at 1:58 am
Ain’t no party like an End of ‘verse party, ’cause an End of ‘verse party don’t stop…Wait…
May 22, 2011 at 12:35 am
Sorry, I stopped pole dancing years ago, ever since the Taco Incident. Those poor poor girls, they never stood a chance.
May 22, 2011 at 12:34 am
If I didn’t have debilitating “Photoshop Claw”, I would be busily making myself an “OH YA? WELL I DOAN EVEN LIEK UR FUNNY SHIT ANYWAY SO THAR” flounce cat to post when I don’t win anything.
Far too many funny fuckers around here for my liking.
May 22, 2011 at 12:36 am
In all seriousness, I think the church that put on this whole mess should be sued for fraud. They filed for an extension on their taxes even though their taxes weren’t due until June in the first place, which means they didn’t really buy into the BS either. They made a shit-load of money off of this crazy-magnet publicity stunt, and it’s shady shady shady.
Flouncers say that we’re asshats for being honest about crappy crafts, when there are obviously much bigger fish to fry in the world.
May 22, 2011 at 12:38 am
May 22, 2011 at 12:39 am
I’m glad the rapture didn’t happen, b/c I’m on my period & likely I’d be taken mid-bathroom trip.
Go ahead and cringe, you know you’ve thought about it.
Imagine B&W still photographs in National Geographic documenting the mayhem. Your outline burned onto the toilet in the vacated apartment bathroom, stained granny panties still around the ankles, dog digging the pad/tampon out of the trash…
Really tho – I don’t get these religious people, usually living in comfort, who are all, ‘oh, pray for the end of the world so that i can go to heaven and everyone else can fry. My life is just sooo hard!’ -___-
Christianity UR DOING IT WRONG
May 22, 2011 at 12:42 am
Imagination not required; we’ve seen all that & more today I’m afraid.
May 22, 2011 at 7:27 am
I was thinking the same thing!
May 22, 2011 at 12:42 am
Well, my niece should be relieved. Her oldest stepson got married today and the wedding was scheduled for 6:30 p.m. central time. She was worried that if too many of the guests were raptured, she wouldn’t be able to get the deposit back on the hall they rented for the reception.
May 22, 2011 at 12:45 am
So Jesus saved her some money? Sweet.
May 22, 2011 at 12:48 am
I work midnights & got up to the answering machine light flashing. There were 3 empty messages on the phone. As an atheist I really hope my relatives weren’t going to attempt to interrupt my slumber with gushy rapture-related goodbyes… seriously, they’ve known me since I was a kid — I’m totally cranky when awoken prematurely.
The anticipation is killing me…
May 22, 2011 at 12:57 am
I got a phone call this morning to wake me up: an automated message from the “Family [something...was half-asleep] and Prayer Council about your religious–” *click*
May 22, 2011 at 12:58 am
Hi, totally unrelated question — how do you change your avatar on here? I don’t see it in the WordPress login profile…?
May 22, 2011 at 1:05 am
go here:
http://en.gravatar.com/
May 22, 2011 at 1:16 am
Cool, thank you!
May 22, 2011 at 1:29 am
Just hangin’ out, eating fat-free, sugar-free chocolate pudding while I wait to find out who won. THIS is my rapture.
May 22, 2011 at 9:51 am
Well maybe the rapture happened somewhere else?
Like a galaxy far far away…
May 22, 2011 at 9:52 am
In all of the years that I have had this Admiral Ackbar doll, I have never had a reason or a desire to undress him… but I want to share what I found.
That torso looks vaguely familiar…
Oh dear…