Persistent Vegetative State
Oh for fuck’s sake.
All right, look. I wasn’t going to do this, but seeing as the world is ending tomorrow and I’m going home with Jesus, I figure I can say whatever the fuck I want today.
I DON’T LIKE THE HIPPIES.
There, I said it.
It’s out now, you can copy and paste it to your LiveJournal, and spam my Facebook page with Quorn recipes. I don’t care.
I’m going to break down my revulsion in sections so we can both understand my misdirected rage a little better, or at least be able to keep track of where we lost interest.
1. I don’t like dreadlocks on white people.
White people with dreadlocks always have an art name or a hippie name or a fucking yoga name. You never meet a white girl with dreads named “Jill”. It’s always, “Hey, this is my friend, Ananda Gheranda-Samhita Sunflower One Tree Berkowitz.” And there’s always a “Berkowitz”, because so many white hippie girls are Jewish. I don’t know, maybe they’re tired of flat irons.
Don’t tell me that dreads are clean. Just don’t. I know, you have a friend with dreads, and she washes them all the time. I consider that anecdotal evidence, and not compelling. I mean, correct me if I’m wrong (not really), but aren’t dreads created by not brushing, not combing and not washing your hair? That’s how they’re made in the wild, anyway. There was a guy who used to hang outside the 7-11 with one big dread the size of a pie tin, and he smelled like the inside of a plunger.
So no, I’m not ever going to buy anything modeled by someone with dreads. You may very well be the one person in the world without nits in your gnarled clump of mats, but I’m not taking any chances. Any bugs I’m hosting are my own.
2. I don’t like women who call each other “Mama”.
Enough said.
3. Making your own bread is not brave.
Hippies are not heroes. It’s nice that you make compost, but no one fucking cares. Washing your reusable bamboo panty liners in a stream with a rock does not make you Gandhi. Not that he wore pads, but that’s not really the point I’m trying to make.
And really, more often than not, these people who live so simply would be thrilled to do their laundry at your place. Hippies are not Amish, they’re broke. And they’re usually broke because they don’t want to work, or they can’t get real jobs because they have a lotus tattooed on their face and smell like kefir.
Hippies also hate the government, but wish the government would give them more money. And they believe that the country’s financial problems could all be solved by legalizing marijuana.
More importantly, hippies think Bob Dylan is a genius. And there’s just no coming back from that.
4. I used to live in Santa Monica.
This may not make sense if you don’t live in California, but trust me when I say that this may be the most compelling reason of all to dislike hippies and hippie culture.
There was a market behind our apartment house called Wild Oats. This was the only market in walking distance, so we went there a lot. It was frustrating because they had nothing a normal human being needed. If you wanted a Coke, you’d have to settle for a Yohimbe Bark Spritzer. If you wanted aspirin, they’d suggest shoving aloe leaves up your blowhole. I remember going in there for some instant rice, and they looked at me like I voted for Mike Huckabee. Of course you could get as many American Spirits as you wanted, which hippies perceive as a vegetable.
On one particularly awful day, I stood in line behind a woman who was ripping the cashier to shreds over something that had been mismarked organic. “DON’T YOU REALIZE HOW SERIOUS THIS IS? I ALMOST BOUGHT SOMETHING THAT WASN’T ORGANIC! THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME! MY FAMILY AND MY HEALTH IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME AND THIS IS INEXCUSABLE!”
I stood there, holding the Seventh Generation recycled toilet paper that feels like wiping your ass with an emery board, and waited for my turn. When I paid and got outside, I saw the organic tantrum woman loading her Range Rover, and talking on her cell phone with a Marlboro Light hanging out of her mouth.
5. I hate Kale.
Even as a garnish.
May 20, 2011 at 1:28 pm
The lower half of her ‘body’ looks… wrong. It’s freaking me out.
May 20, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Who the hell poses like that? Is she a preying mantus?
May 20, 2011 at 1:37 pm
I just want to know why she appears to only have one nipple.
May 20, 2011 at 1:41 pm
This, exactly.
May 20, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Only the right side was cold that day…
May 20, 2011 at 2:28 pm
Have we got a sweater for her…
May 20, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Half a sweater seems to be all that’s needed, mapleleaves.
May 20, 2011 at 9:31 pm
vogon poetry + maple leaves = the comment combo that made me lol for a minute straight.
maybe we could start a regretsy matchmaking service, introducing these people to each other so their crafts make more sense?
May 20, 2011 at 2:01 pm
I’m going to go out on a limb and say she lost the other nipple in a horrible piercing accident, and the other hippies don’t like her because she insists on bringing it up at every drum circle. (See, I’m putting those Etsy storytelling tips to good use!)
May 20, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Unsexiest nipple shot ever.
May 20, 2011 at 2:56 pm
Hmm. Disagree.
May 20, 2011 at 5:52 pm
I believe my boobs are each controlled by the corresponding brain lobes-only the left side is happy to see you today
May 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Someday we are all going to go back to a world in which tights and pants are two totally different things.
May 20, 2011 at 1:48 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 2:00 pm
I agree with the first part of that (leggings are NOT suitable pants), but I disagree entirely about it being only large people who wear them. The first time I saw jeggings was on an artsy, skinny, good-looking friend of mine. They looked almost okay on her because you could squint and pretend they were real pants and not some bizarre atrocity.
May 20, 2011 at 2:20 pm
Didn’t worry, they make leggings in all sizes, even baby sizes.
May 20, 2011 at 2:37 pm
If it wasn’t clear from my post, I was looking at catalogues for plus sizes because I am a plus size. I’m fat. I am not insulting fat women. I have have noticed over the years that many silly and almost deragatory styles clothing are marketed only to fat women, and not to thin women. It’s improved a lot over the years, but still the case and I’ve never seen “jeggings” on any thin women. THAT’S what I meant. I’m sorry if the post came off as anything else.
May 20, 2011 at 2:57 pm
Which is interesting, because so many leggings look like stirrup pants without the stirrups.
May 20, 2011 at 4:11 pm
http://www.google.com/search?q=jeggings&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi&biw=1366&bih=653
Google Images for “jeggings.” Not a fatty among them. You’re welcome.
May 20, 2011 at 5:54 pm
Jeggings are a god send to fat people, not leggings with jean print but jeans that stretch like leggings. Don’t you mock them, or I’ll sit on you. Anything that doesn’t give me muffin top is a gift from Jeebus
May 20, 2011 at 6:15 pm
I love leggings and I refuse to apologize! Sure, not as PANTS pants, but under a long shirt (one that covers my ass) or short dress? They are appropriate in situations where tights wouldn’t be, and roughly a million times more comfortable than jeans. I hate trying to find pants that fit me right; for leggings, all I have to do is find a tag that says “medium”. Vive la revolucion! Bring on the down thumbs, my hips are free of weird red marks!
May 20, 2011 at 6:27 pm
katy, that link was worth it just for the conan shots.
May 20, 2011 at 8:21 pm
Does anyone else just gag when trying to say ‘jeggings’ out loud?
May 20, 2011 at 9:47 pm
Leggings are great for shorties (seriously, I’m not even 5’1″) who ARE NOT sticks, because we don’t have to try on ten pairs of pants just to find the proportions aren’t right. I wear them with dresses since I absolutely HATE tights- see the shortness thing, and think of what an extra three inches is going to feel like when it’s stocking material. The weather here is quite unpredictable, too, so it’s good to wear them in the cranky post-winter months under real pants in case things get cold.
That said, I hate jeggings and any portmanteau that makes me sound like I have marbles in my mouth.
May 21, 2011 at 6:17 pm
Jeggings are great if they’re real jeggings. Ones that are just printed with a denim pattern don’t count–real jeggings are actually denim, have real pockets, and you’d never know they weren’t real jeans unless someone told you. You’ve probably seen them and not known they weren’t jeans.
“Pajama jeans” are not jeggings either.
May 20, 2011 at 2:02 pm
May that day come soon.
May 20, 2011 at 2:20 pm
May I suggest consulting this before you leave the house?
http://www.elementsofstyleblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/AmIWearingPants_web.jpg
May 20, 2011 at 8:24 pm
I love this…I’ve forced several people to look at it. Luckily, the conclusion they always came to was ‘yes.
May 20, 2011 at 6:14 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 8:59 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 1:46 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 9:01 pm
Gross.
May 20, 2011 at 2:51 pm
I can already hear the cupcakes coming and whining about “how can you mock this poor girl’s looks”.
Well, the answer seems very plain to me. It’s because she asked for it.
May 20, 2011 at 3:09 pm
There is such a thing as dressing to fit your body type. Skintight shirts and shiny leggings don’t really fit any.
Also, anyone who makes that face and those arm motions is just asking for it.
May 20, 2011 at 3:01 pm
Our bodies are what they are.
It’s her expression and stance that are crazy fucked up. What the hell is she doing? Maybe if her shirt said Eat Mushrooms it would all make so much more sense.
May 20, 2011 at 5:40 pm
I have had that exact nipple thing happen. I doubt I have photographic evidence of it, though.
May 20, 2011 at 8:37 pm
Yeah, my left one is a little shy too….
May 20, 2011 at 3:08 pm
I was really curious as to why she was making that face and pointing at her nipple, until I realized that she’s probably pointing to the design on her shirt =_=
May 20, 2011 at 3:09 pm
Her bottom is the same as the sad hipster with the one-armed scarf thingy.
http://www.regretsy.com/2011/03/04/sad-hipster-is-sad/
May 20, 2011 at 3:45 pm
I know that there has already been a post showing us the future Mrs. Sad Hipster, but I think she would also be an excellent candidate. They could trade creepy unisex garments and wear leggings together.
May 20, 2011 at 5:21 pm
maybe that is her mom
May 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm
She appears to be naturally thin with large boobs, I don’t know if I can forgive that. No, I’m not knocking skinny girls, I love you bitches-but please… you don’t get to be thin AND HAVE BOOBS
May 20, 2011 at 5:56 pm
I kind of love her facial expression, that’s the one I made all through grade 9
May 20, 2011 at 8:45 pm
That’s quite possibly one of the worst duckfaces I have seen.
May 21, 2011 at 1:10 am
She has an unusual body shape. So? Pretty sure if we looked at ourselves we’re not perfect (although if you are, yay!)
Let’s just pick on her for the dirty dreaded zombie posed hippy that she is. The whole oh my god look at her shape thing is kind of exactly why I don’t read women’s magazines.
May 20, 2011 at 1:29 pm
Anyone who has ever worked in a restaurant with a salad bar hates kale. Kale is evil.
May 20, 2011 at 1:31 pm
omg yes. and trying to cook it is a bitch too. there is always sand and grit…plus, it doesnt even taste good.
May 20, 2011 at 1:57 pm
My mom does this thing with kale (and I swear she’s a wizard)where she caramelizes some little bits of onion, cooks up some spicy pork sausage, and sautees the kale in with the onions. Then she puts that sausage in there and lets it sit for a bit to get the flavors all going around, and holy shit that stuff’s tasty.
That said, it take a lot of fat & oil to make kale tasty, so it defeats the whole “eat yer greens” purpose.
May 20, 2011 at 2:04 pm
you could sautee wood screws with sausage and onions and it would taste good.
May 20, 2011 at 2:12 pm
Add some macaroni and cheese to it and I’m in!
May 20, 2011 at 5:46 pm
Kale is also in the Zuppa Tuscana at Olive Garden, and I love that soup.
That soup is also made with heavy cream and sauteed Italian sausage, so yeah, it too defeats the healthy part of eating green veggies. It’s like going to Captain D’s or Long John Silvers to try to get your healthy protein and Omega 3s in battered and deep fried fish.
May 20, 2011 at 5:58 pm
You could dip boot leather in melted butter and it would taste good… argument for lobsters.
Speaking of which, I heard the term “Anal is like Lobster, it’s nice but you can’t have it every day”
I almost died laughing
May 20, 2011 at 8:01 pm
I’m a dork. I love kale. Chopped, steamed, and dressed with hummus diluted with lemon juice.
Which makes me sound like the world’s biggest hippie, but I swear I’m not.
No, really.
May 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm
May as well make greens if you’re going to all that trouble, and at least they taste good. The only time where I had something worth eating with kale in it, it was a soup, so the kale had been cooked long enough to taste like everything else instead of itself.
May 20, 2011 at 2:59 pm
Well, we brush it very lightly with olive oil, sprinkle some seasoning salt on top, and toast in oven just until crispy. Very tasty.
May 20, 2011 at 5:34 pm
I am going to have to try this, I’m growing kale in my backyard.
May 20, 2011 at 5:42 pm
I’ve had that–it is good.
May 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm
I had an iguana once that loved kale but I’ve never seen a human enjoy it.
May 20, 2011 at 9:57 pm
Even my bearded dragon refuses to eat kale!
May 20, 2011 at 2:21 pm
I used to work in a hospital cafeteria and we used plastic kale as garnish for the salad bar. Every night we ran the fake kale through the industrial dishwasher. Really all that did was embed tiny particles of partially chewed food into the crevices of the leaves.
May 20, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Kale is great in bean soup, or lightly wilted with too much hot bacon grease and crumbles.
May 20, 2011 at 5:02 pm
My grandparents eat kale and lettuce like that, they say it’s called “wilted lettuce” but, to me, it just tasted like kale and lettuce with bacon grease.
May 21, 2011 at 4:58 am
My grandparents ate “wilted lettuce” too.
May 20, 2011 at 1:29 pm
Why is she standing like that?
May 20, 2011 at 1:29 pm
It’s the kale.
May 20, 2011 at 1:54 pm
I suspect she uses the Seventh Generation Toilet Paper. That would explain posture like you had your asshole emery boarded.
May 20, 2011 at 2:09 pm
I pictured ‘being emery boarded’ being like waterboarded, but with sand…
May 20, 2011 at 1:33 pm
well… it kind of looks like she photoshopped the forest in .
May 20, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Totally! I’ll regret asking this but WHY would someone do that? Why?!
May 20, 2011 at 2:29 pm
so much of what I see on here makes me want to scream “WHY?!”
while normally I’m a big fan of asking the tough questions, it’s probably better if these sorts of things remain a mystery.
May 20, 2011 at 1:43 pm
I was going to say the same thing.
May 20, 2011 at 1:49 pm
EAT SOME FUCKING PROTEIN, YOU HIPPIE TWATWAFFLE.
Man, you cannot live on kale alone.
May 20, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Twatwaffle is my new favorite word.
May 20, 2011 at 2:41 pm
twatwaffle was my favourite word a couple of weeks ago then I forgot it- I am writing it down somewhere so I can remember it. the talk of diva cups puts a vision of chia pets in my mind- damm.
May 20, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Last night I was on this site http://www.oddcast.com/home/demos/tts/tts_example.php after being directed there by someone in another post. I got a lot of amusement out of making the voices say “twat waffle” in different accents.
May 21, 2011 at 2:27 am
Mushrooms have loads of proteins, don’t they?
May 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm
I’m really, really glad someone else pointed this out and much more accurately than I ever could.
May 20, 2011 at 1:29 pm
6. I don’t like mustaches on things that are not male faces.
7. I don’t like mustaches, period.
May 20, 2011 at 1:29 pm
How come only one of her nipples is erect?
May 20, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Maybe only one is pierced? looks like she’s got a navel ring, in addition to the brow and nose…
May 20, 2011 at 1:41 pm
I was going to say that. Pierced nipples usually stay erect, if it was warm out the other nipple might not be at attention.
May 20, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Oh, people, please! It’s SO establishment to pierce both nipples. Why make her conform to our suffocating, suppressing, paternalistic kale-hating, white supremicist society? Just give her welfare and let her be, man! Don’t be hatin’ on the earth-loving wombyn!
This message has been brought to you by the same people who think that wearing an American flag as a T-shirt is radical and shocking and in-your-face reality…40 years after Abby Hoffman was considered shocking, and even HE was an annoying little troll at the time.
May 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Maybe she’s only cold on one side of her body.
May 20, 2011 at 3:11 pm
Often only one of my nipples gets hard! I know I’m a freak, but I didn’t know this was freaky too. I’ll add it to my list, what’s one more fucking thing after all…
May 20, 2011 at 5:21 pm
You’re not a freak. Sometimes Lefty is all excited about stuff but Righty is chillin and relaxed. Her nipple is the least weird thing about that picture.
May 20, 2011 at 5:37 pm
S’all good. I have a lot of scar tissue on one nipple, so it reacts to temperature differently than the other.
May 20, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Washing your reusable bamboo panty liners in a stream with a rock does not make you Ghandi. Not that he wore pads, but that’s not really the point I’m trying to make.
Could be Indira Ghandi. She probably wore pads.
May 20, 2011 at 1:36 pm
Go google “The Diva cup.” That turned me off to tree-huggers and hippies forever.
Reminds me of my ex, the forester’s bumper sticker. “If you don’t like logging, go use plastic toiletpaper.”
May 20, 2011 at 1:43 pm
“you can take it like a man and wipe it with your hand.”
May 20, 2011 at 1:46 pm
I’ve used one actually, found it quite comfortable (and for the record, I have a job and bathe regularly).
A diva cup has the added benefit that you can refer to it affectionately as your “vaginal terror flask” when going through airport security.
May 20, 2011 at 2:01 pm
lol@”vaginal terror flask”.
I also have a job and bathe, and lack dreads, but I do use a Diva cup. And yeah, it’s kinda gross, but in my humble, non-hippie opinion, it’s not nearly as gross as dealing with a tampon in an airplane bathroom. Hurk!
May 20, 2011 at 2:09 pm
love my diva cup. i, however, did not shower today. but i used dry shampoo that came in an aresol can to make it look like i did!
May 20, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Oh, no, I didn’t mean to imply that you don’t bathe or have a job. I just want to get that crap off of me as soon as possible…not hanging around in a bajingo cup for 12 hours.
May 20, 2011 at 4:26 pm
…So empty it more frequently than every 12 hours. How is having it in a cup more gross than having it in a blood-soaked piece of cotton between your legs or up your hoo-hah? Face it, menstruation is just plain gross no matter how you tidy up after yourself. In my personal experience, too, the cup is much less prone to leakage than pads or even tampons.
May 20, 2011 at 4:47 pm
I fucking LOVE my diva cup and I’m no hippie.
May 20, 2011 at 5:42 pm
Honestly, it’s worth it just to stop having to remember to pick up pads and tampons every month. I have a terrible memory for that kind of stuff, and being caught without it…not good.
May 20, 2011 at 5:47 pm
I’ve tried it, but I have some very weirdly angled lady-plumbing (today is TMI day for me, apparently) and I’ve yet to find the right position for a proper seal. I hold onto it in case I want to give it another go.
May 20, 2011 at 5:59 pm
I’m with spoofmaster – Your monthly visitor is annoying and gross no matter what, but the cup is no more gross than a tampon or pad, and often times less gross.
I love that I have a cup and it has nothing to do with being a tree hugger and calling myself a ‘womyn’ or ‘goddess’ – I do neither and hippies annoy me something strong. But you know what I love? That I haven’t had to buy any pads or tampons in the past 2 years since I got my cup.
May 20, 2011 at 6:05 pm
@butterwort – I don’t know which brand you tried but you could consider giving another brand a shot. Different brands have variances in sizes and how stiff and flexible the silicone is.
There is actually a menstrual cup community on lj, and while there can be lots of hippie talk sometimes, they DO have a lot of info. I read some different reviews and looked at their comparison charts before deciding to go with a LadyCup rather than the Diva Cup.
May 20, 2011 at 6:25 pm
This almost made me lose my dinner. In a laughing-so-hard-I-almost-vomited-through-my-nose sort of way.
May 20, 2011 at 7:56 pm
Oh God, the menstrual cup community on LJ. Yeah, there was useful information there (and I, too, went with the LadyCup), but the people talking about the ~beauty~ of their menstrual blood…get away get away get away. D: I remember reading the reviews on one site (I think it was for MoonCups) and one crazy talked about how having the blood collected in a cup meant she could use it in her art. OH GOD NO.
May 20, 2011 at 9:30 pm
But dear god don’t go commando at your local Northern California food co-op while wearing it. Please. Just don’t. I’m not kidding. Biohazard clean-up kits are not reuseable.
May 20, 2011 at 1:47 pm
I had a diva cup once. Or a moon cup..whatever it was. It was disgusting. I also tried a “sea sponge tampon” once too. That was a little better but creeped me out to have a dead sea animal lurking inside my bajingo.
May 20, 2011 at 1:58 pm
I too am no hippy, but love my diva cup. It lasts ten years and you can use it 12 hours straight. What’s disgusting is changing a pad or tampon every 2 hours in a filthy public bathroom, in my humble opinion. I also love my neti pot. Wait, maybe I AM a hippy!
May 20, 2011 at 2:14 pm
What a fantastic horror film! “It Came from the Bajingo…” In a quiet town, on a quiet street, lurks a terror so horrific, that you’ll never turn your back on your Tampax ever again!
May 20, 2011 at 2:31 pm
Bajingo Terror 2: Return of the Keeper.
May 20, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Now, I actually like the sponges. I won’t reuse them though. One gets my through one period, and then gets put in the composting. Enough already.
May 20, 2011 at 5:21 pm
Would a live sea animal have been better?
May 20, 2011 at 5:59 pm
There is a Canadian website that teaches you how to be a safer prostitute, they recommend plugging your cervix with a sea sponge on your moon cycles. For real.
May 21, 2011 at 12:33 am
I know I just ranted way downthread about hippies, but I just saw this post…I have to say, the Diva Cup is totally awesome. If you’re not bothered by blood (I used to work as a zoo keeper so basically nothing grosses me out anymore) it is the greatest. You can leave that fucker in for like 12 hours, no problem, and it’ll never give you toxic shock syndrome. It’s the greatest invention. I reconcile my hatred of hippies and my love of the Diva Cup by reminding myself that it was actually invented way back in like 1920, before hippies existed. So it’s more of a flapper thing than a hippie thing.
May 20, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Heh, I actually use that thing. And cloth pads – I made my own. Not so much for the not-totally-existant tree-hugger aspect as the “I’m relatively broke and can use these for years if I get off my lazy butt and clean them properly.”
I just really hate that it’s called the “Diva Cup,” so I don’t usually talk about it.
May 20, 2011 at 1:57 pm
I am working on getting some made. The disposable ones chafe because I’m allergic to something in them. I wish I known cloth ones were an option years ago…….
May 20, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Raggedy, I found good patterns here: http://sites.google.com/site/shewhorunsintheforest/
And allergies were a big reason I changed, too. Good luck!
May 20, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Hey Raggedy, I know what you mean. The “big brand” stuff is really uncomfortable *cough* Always *cough*. And the brand(s) I prefer are not available in the US… So usually when I visit my mom in Europe, I stock up on the cotton-like non-itchy biodegradeable sanitary pads… Or make my mom mail them to me…
I know it goes into “hippie” territory to use pads that turn into compost, but most true treehuggers would still hate hate me if they’d realize that my carbon footprint for each pad in a packet of about 14 pads is just under 430 miles worth of jet fuel one-way.
May 20, 2011 at 2:31 pm
I’m starting to think disposable pads are made of poison ivy laced with napalm and used motor oil ‘cos every time I even think about wearing one my bajingo breaks out in hives and rashes… so I quite like the cloth pads myself
May 20, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Honestly? I turned my kids’ old cloth diapers into reusable pads.
I swear to Christ I am not a hippie. I have a job and responsibilities and I vote and everything and I love consumerism. But I’m too cheap to pay for throwaway paper goods.
May 20, 2011 at 3:18 pm
What? You don’t wear the free Diva pin that comes with it?
May 20, 2011 at 3:23 pm
All right, people, ENOUGH with the bloody vagina talk. There are gay men around here. Sheesh.
May 20, 2011 at 1:56 pm
“Save a logger. Wipe your ass on an owl.”
That was on a T-shirt. Being as I’m married to a happily employed timber marker, I loved it.
May 20, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Nah, those things are great.
And I think some people, some, can carry off locks.
But the rest. Concur.
May 20, 2011 at 2:35 pm
I experimented once with one of those menstrual cups. Don’t read this if you’re squeamish.
It wasn’t all that easy to get in so it seemed stable, but I worked at it for a bit, and thought we were good to go. Then I went to bed.
Have you ever been awakened from a sound sleep by something suddenly MOVING very fast inside your vaginal canal? No? I woke up with a shriek, and then realized it was the stupid cup’s springy rim getting loose and springing. So I got out of bed to go see what the deal was.
The damn thing’s rim had slipped. My bathroom, by the time I managed to claw the lights on, looked like the scene of a homicide.
I had to take a shower. Then mop the floor. Then I put in a patriarchal, mass-produced, non-womyn-honoring tampon and went back to bed.
Now, contemplate what would happen if this happened to you at, say, a friend’s home, or your place of employmment?
May 20, 2011 at 3:20 pm
This is my fear if I ever use one!
May 20, 2011 at 3:53 pm
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR BLOODY BAJINGOS
May 20, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Well now that Helen’s pooped all over our beauteous bloody bajingo banter, shall we turn the conversation to our wonderful ability to lactate,
ladieswombyn?May 20, 2011 at 5:18 pm
Dammit, I was going to tell my story (similar to yours), and then Helen put the kybosh on it.
Well, I have custom bags to go sew anyway…
May 20, 2011 at 6:02 pm
I’ve used these a couple of times, it’s getting to the public sink without anyone seeing that my hand looks like it’s ripped out a heart in Temple of Doom that’s the tricky part.
May 21, 2011 at 2:19 am
I tried the Moon Cup or whatever.
TMI AHEAD! STOP READING WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
Now I have endometriosis something awful, and so I am pretty prone to having very heavy flow. I usually have to do the pad and tampon at the same time changed hourly. I was told these babies could handle that…
Tried it on a heavy cycle, and that shit shot out like a cork from a champagne bottle. I’d only had it in for two hours!
I’m sticking to the usual, thanks. That was a Hell of a mess to clean up.
May 20, 2011 at 1:30 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 1:30 pm
Everything about this photo is just fucked up.
May 20, 2011 at 1:30 pm
8. I hate vegetarians who judge me when I eat meat.
May 20, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Whenever someone goes off on me for eating meat I list all the various adorable creatures I have consumed and how absolutely delicious they were, in detail.
May 20, 2011 at 1:56 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Or playing with dead squirrels…
May 20, 2011 at 2:04 pm
aaand, without the link, the dead squirrel reference makes no sense…
http://youtu.be/9Nn0UkdDArM
May 20, 2011 at 2:26 pm
I’m the proud founder of PUTH : People for the Unethical Treatment of Hippies
Granted, I never did more than create the name. I hate hippies, though. And peace signs.
May 20, 2011 at 2:29 pm
I think you mean Animals. for the A. Just sayin.
May 20, 2011 at 2:39 pm
(Facepalm)
Yes, clarissa, I did. Thanks.
May 20, 2011 at 3:45 pm
I saw a tee shirt that said,
“Meat is Murder.
Yummy, Yummy Murder.”
I liked it.
May 20, 2011 at 5:53 pm
That’s from Threadless, that is: http://www.threadless.com/product/490/Meat_is_murder_Tasty_tasty_murder
May 20, 2011 at 6:46 pm
I have that shirt. And I don’t even eat meat.
May 20, 2011 at 1:47 pm
That would definitely suck.
But just to show you a bit of the opposite perspective, when I was vegan (and unpreachy to the point where most people didn’t even know this) meat-eaters judged me.
I’d be in the lunch room at work, peacefully eating the food I’d brought, and someone would sit across from me and go “is that tofu?” and I’d be like “Yup.” And they’d go “So you’re vegetarian?” and I’d go “Uh-huh.” And they’d go “SO HOW DO YOU GET YOUR VITAMIN B12, HUH? ANSWER ME THAT!” or “The Bible says we’re supposed to eat animals!” and then sit there all triumphant and smug, waiting for me to defend my personal choices to them.
This scenario happened at least ten different times with ten different people.
What we’ve learned from this is that there’s a small section of the population who are mouthy, confrontational fuckers, and that this subsection runs the entire gamut of eating habits.
May 20, 2011 at 1:59 pm
So, do you prefer soft or firm tofu to fling at such people? I think soft tofu would give that satisfying squoosh when it made content and dripped down, but firm tofu might be a better projectile.
May 20, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Soft would definitely be more satisfying, I think. But for someone really persistent, I say ditch the tofu and lob an entire raw carrot.
I wish I’d thought of that, back in the day. Instead I’d just be all, “Wait. What? Why are you…I just want to eat in peace!”
May 20, 2011 at 4:15 pm
You’d do well not to lob that raw carrot. There are other things to do to them with it.
May 20, 2011 at 2:17 pm
This brings to mind a former friend of mine. We’ll call her Queefsniffer. She is a real person, and this is not an exaggeration.
Her diet of regular Coke and cigarettes keeps her thin but has rotted her teeth out. She maintained an air of superiority, however, because I was fat and she was petite. (OTOH, I still have most of my original teeth, and have never had a HBP or a heart attack.)
Queefsniffer has several full-length mink coats, and wore them to her government job. I consider fur barbaric, as well as inappropriate for office wear, but don’t share these views with people who clearly feel otherwise. I have better things to do.
Queefsniffer is the kind of person who will argue a point until you are ready to shoot yourself in the eye just to make it stop. In 18 years, I never heard her admit she was wrong about anything.
The moral: mouthy confrontational fuckers are not necessarily right; just mouthy, confrontational, and fuckers.
May 20, 2011 at 2:18 pm
when i lived in Texas, people would tell me that I was disrespecting god by not eating animals. Really?
I had a friend look up passages for me to throw back at them. try daniel 1 and numbers 22.
i don’t give a shit about animals, except my dogs, i just don’t like any meat except shrimp and that morphed into veganism. my favorite thing about those assholes is that everyone accused me of being unhealthy, but when asked, none of those fuckers knew the first thing about balancing protein or how much protein they needed a day or any other nutrient.
I also liked telling people about jello.
after 5 years, i came back for the cheese.
May 20, 2011 at 2:25 pm
my favorite thing about those assholes is that everyone accused me of being unhealthy
I went from veganism straight to a brief stint on Atkins (long story) and the exact same people who told me veganism was unhealthy and I needed to eat meat, then told me that Atkins was unhealthy and I shouldn’t do that either.
Curiously, when I was in my early 20s and eating Cocoa Puffs for every meal (this is barely an exaggeration), nobody made a friggin’ peep about my health. At most, they’d chuckle and go “Wow, you sure do like chocolate.”
All I can think is that some people feel threatened by displays of willpower and want to undermine them.
May 20, 2011 at 4:01 pm
It’s always worth coming back for the cheese.
May 20, 2011 at 5:58 pm
Behold, the power of cheese.
May 20, 2011 at 6:51 pm
The dildo-ness definitely goes both ways and veggievangelists piss me off just as much as the carnivangelists do. I don’t even answer the questions “SO, UH, WHY DON’T YOU EAT MEAT? LOL” because the only people that ask are looking to pick a fight (not that I advertise my lack of meat eating in the first place). Diet’s like religion; everyone has very strong opinions on why they do things the way they do and don’t give a flying fuck about why anyone else does things the way they do. And some fucknuggets feel the need to let everyone else know how right they think they are.
May 20, 2011 at 8:24 pm
I answer that question (to people who, oddly and wrongly, assume I’m a vegetarian for some reason) with “I think that the living conditions for commercial meat animals are horrible. I hate cows, and by not eating them, I am prolonging their suffering.”
They usually walk away
May 21, 2011 at 2:24 am
i just tell people i don’t like the taste, which with most meat, is actually true. it’s not something anyone can really argue with. i don’t give a flying fuck what other people eat, and i’ve never preached about it, but i refuse to discuss it for the same reasons as both you & SheSaidPop. other people would always try & start a big debate, but then i’d be criticized for being the one making a big deal about it…WTF. what i loved most is when my good friend would say that she loved to eat “carcass” or “dead (cow/pig/chicken/etc)” and then completely have a gross out heart attack when she would open my freezer & see the frozen rats & mice i feed my snake. then i’d tease her back: “what’s wrong, i thought you *liked* carcass?” i thought it was much funnier than she did though.
May 20, 2011 at 1:56 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 2:16 pm
You nailed it.
I’ve hated hippies since I was a child, and my hippie uncle fed us pavement flavoured organic crap, and wouldn’t let me eat the steaks my dad had left for us…
May 20, 2011 at 3:38 pm
Yeah, you go Cranly.
I hate all people because a person once assaulted me. People suck.
/ sarcasm ends here
May 21, 2011 at 12:29 am
I hate all jokes cause a comedian once told one that I didn’t understand. Way to go, NanaB. Sarcasm never ends.
May 20, 2011 at 2:32 pm
I’m a vegetarian and I hate it when the damn vegans go off on me for eating cheese. Fuck, people. Eat your meat, don’t eat meat, I don’t give a fuck!
May 20, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Agreed, to each their own. I’ve been vegetarian since I was about 9, and toyed with veganism for a few brief stints. (I can’t resist the cheese, chocolate, or honey!) However, I’ve never understood the militant attitude a lot of people tend to take on every side. Certainly, growing up for a number of years in the deep south, I took a *lot* of shit, as pig-pickin’s and bbq down in those parts are practically a religion. Nonetheless, after spending most of my adult life in CA and NYC, I get equally irritated by the smug, self-satisfied superiority a lot of veggos feel the need to dish out.
My reaction to both parties is that unless I’m sucking your cock, what I put in my mouth & swallow is no goddamn business of yours.
May 20, 2011 at 2:41 pm
I eat vegetarians who judge me.
May 20, 2011 at 8:36 pm
My aunt is a die hard vegan. I told her that I’m a vegan-by-proxy. I only eat animals that eat plants. She didn’t laugh
May 20, 2011 at 1:30 pm
it’s all a bunch of tree hugging hippy crap
May 20, 2011 at 6:29 pm
No love for the Cartman quote?
Ah well. I thumbs-upped.
May 20, 2011 at 9:50 pm
me too. i respect author-etah.
May 20, 2011 at 9:50 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 1:30 pm
omg! this is the BEST POST EVER!
May 20, 2011 at 2:18 pm
I’m expecting a few flounces out of this, I don’t know why. And that would make it the super special best awesome post ever.
May 20, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Right? Both the post and the comments are making me lol.
May 20, 2011 at 1:30 pm
9. I hate hipsters.
May 20, 2011 at 1:30 pm
I always had a skewed image of hippies, since my parents were the authentic 70′s kind of hippies. Boy was I dissapointed when I got to university, dated a guy named “Leif” and realized it’s all grainola, vegetarian bullshit now.
May 20, 2011 at 1:49 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 2:15 pm
ha, I love sweeping generalizations. Truth mixed in with fiction doesn’t make it true either.
Not all hippies have always been about bullshit. Some of the hippies, some of the time.
Being from the 70′s does make one older.
Authenticity has nothing to do with when you’re from or how old you are. Someone born any time might be authentic or might not be.
Let the neg’s begin. I’m not trying to be rude. I just don’t like sweeping generalizations about people.
May 20, 2011 at 3:25 pm
I agree. Live and let live. Don’t tell me how to do it, and I won’t tell you. It’s diverse beliefs and choices that keep life interesting. Why the hell would I want everyone to be exactly like me? I say rock life however you want, just rock it, but don’t invade my space and tell me I’m doing it wrong.
May 20, 2011 at 5:01 pm
Agreed. Generally speaking, they’re bad.
May 20, 2011 at 5:45 pm
Yep–come on now. I’ve known plenty of stereotypical hippies who were sincere, genuine, kind and well-meaning people… who also reeked of bad incense and BO, ate bread that tasted like seeded cardboard, and smoked more pot than fuckin’ Cheech and Chong put together. People can be both genuine and irritating as all hell at the same time.
May 20, 2011 at 6:03 pm
Yes, indeed. I was a mini-hippie (13 years old) in the early 70s, when the Vietnam war ended. I was astonished by the genuine joy, relief, positiveness and hope expressed by the people I wanted to emulate. I still feel “real” hippies, in my experience, were loving and peaceful people.
That said, hippies in 2011 are not “real” hippies. They are wanna-be hippies.
May 20, 2011 at 6:49 pm
hippiesters.
May 20, 2011 at 7:17 pm
Your distaste of sweeping generalizations might have a bit more weight behind it if it weren’t for “it’s all grainola, vegetarian bullshit now,” for what it’s worth.
May 20, 2011 at 3:01 pm
What’s the difference between an authentic hippy and a faux hippy? Seriously, is there a Code of Hippy that must be adhered to? A verification process?
May 20, 2011 at 10:27 pm
The original movement was less dogmatic and more about individuality and love. Just… just compare Donovan to your average modern dreadlocked granola junkie.
May 21, 2011 at 12:03 pm
Yeah, you know what was better than everything now? Everything before now. Good call, nostalgic rosy-glasses wearer.
As I understand it, the generation before the hippies wasn’t too keen on “the original movement” and they wouldn’t have considered it to be about “individuality and love”… I bet they just saw a bunch of average dreadlocked granola junkies too.
May 20, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Yep. Mine was a college boy named Dylan (while I was still in highschool- you know *I* thought I was cool), who was a long haired, 2 lip ringed vegan and for some reason didn’t feel right sitting next to me, so HE WOULD SIT ON MY LAP when we were alone or when visiting friends.
Yeah.
Manly.
May 20, 2011 at 1:31 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm
Oh good, you’re still here! Please, tell us more about what you think.
May 20, 2011 at 2:08 pm
I thought we welcomed his(?) flounce yesterday??
May 20, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Jesus… do people not understand the definition of flouncing here? How can we miss you if you won’t go away? It’s not like we’re going to suddenly develop a conscience and quit this…
May 20, 2011 at 2:25 pm
“It”
May 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm
Hooray!
May 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm
awwww do we have more flouncing to do?
May 20, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Doesn’t flouncing generally involve some sort of eventual exit?
May 20, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Yes, but you can return as many times as you want. The rational mind would say that this action negates the flounce by proving its insincerity, but true flouncers know that the only way to prove the point effectively is to prove it again and again and again.
May 20, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Yes, but if he (she?) doesn’t get the satisfaction from the first dramatic exit, it must be done again and again until we all hang our heads in shame and agree that we’re all awful, AWFUL human beings. THEN the mission will be complete…but then what’s left? Turn around and start hating on cupcakery? Such bloody queefs are never satisfied.
Maybe pduron is waiting for the exit interview before leaving? He/She strikes me as someone very persnickety and always-by-the-books middle manager who’ll never get anywhere and takes out all the frustrations of a wasted life on April and, by extension, we Regretysians.
May 20, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Oh, great, we have a repeat flouncer on our hands.
May 20, 2011 at 8:39 pm
faux flounce
May 20, 2011 at 1:35 pm
I dunno……I think Big Mac fat is non-biodegradable. mmm…Big Macs….
May 20, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Nah, I’m sure that’s infact a picture of her being raptured away.
Feel free to join her dearie.
May 20, 2011 at 1:36 pm
ooohhh… how about that guy that ate 25,000 big macs. I’ll bet he’ll be long dead with the rest of us in 50 years and you and Sheri Granola can dance on our graves while sporting your white people dreads and eating kale
May 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Urghh, I can’t bear to think what her dreads will smell like in 50 years.
May 20, 2011 at 2:03 pm
She might be still alive, but she’ll have osteoporosis. So first time she breaks a hip, her unwashed ass is done for.
Fat jealous bitches FTW.
May 20, 2011 at 2:05 pm
High five!
May 20, 2011 at 6:54 pm
YES! Fat bitches eat lots of ice cream and cheese, so we have nice, strong bones. No broken hips for us! (Arthritis, maybe; but no breaks!)
May 21, 2011 at 10:44 am
I’m eating ice cream right now.
May 20, 2011 at 2:15 pm
You said “judge not” and then called someone a “giant bitch” in the same comment. A+ comedy value, but if you’re being serious, this is just sad.
May 20, 2011 at 2:22 pm
get a grasp on reality.
May 20, 2011 at 2:23 pm
It’s baaaaaaack….
Flounceroo, she doesn’t look alive and healthy NOW. Why would she be alive and healthy in 50 years? Oh, I forgot, you have the power of life and death!
May 20, 2011 at 2:24 pm
“Judge not?”
That sounds like Bible shit to me. I’ll have no truck with that garbage.
May 20, 2011 at 4:07 pm
May 20, 2011 at 5:44 pm
That is one pug-ugly dog. Looks like a hippie dog called Marx that hung about the Wild Oats in Eugene, except he wore a scarf and limped. Maybe he was missing a foot.
Problem with most hippies I’ve noticed is that in spite of all their desire to be non-conformists, they refuse to change the way they think about anything– the older ones are still living in the 60′s. Just saying…
Oh, and I do like to eat kale and grow kale, but do not wish to advertise kale on my chest.
May 20, 2011 at 6:49 pm
I am reminded of that horrible urban legend about the couple that goes to Mexico and picks up a “stray dog” only to find out that it’s a rabid rat when they get home and take it to the vet.
This is the animal from that story, mark my words.
May 21, 2011 at 2:32 am
aaaww, puppy dog! *smooches*
May 20, 2011 at 2:32 pm
If I may compare this bullshit to something parents see all the time: this “flounce/return/bitch/repeat” act is exactly the same as my 11-year old slamming his bedroom door to communicate that I have given offense, then storming out, stomping his foot to get my attention, then storming back into his room to slam the door. Repeat until I get fed up enough to remove his doorknob. I dearly love to see adults pulling this shit, because it gives me a chance to point out that it doesn’t impress me when my own offspring does it, let alone some self-important douche-canoe who has so little going on in his/her life that this page is the place to go for validation. So please, pull on those baby boots and stomp down hissyfit lane just as often as you want, sweetie… because nobody in your real life gives a shit and maybe these internet people will experience some blinding revelation if you do it just one more time!
May 20, 2011 at 2:42 pm
I want to hug you.
May 20, 2011 at 4:10 pm
@Bajingo Bajongo – Your name makes me smile.
May 20, 2011 at 3:15 pm
I love you so much right now. /creepy internet affection
May 20, 2011 at 4:04 pm
“douche-canoe”
You’re my new hero.
May 20, 2011 at 6:33 pm
May 20, 2011 at 7:13 pm
This picture is awesome. I love you Mistletoe.
May 20, 2011 at 7:40 pm
I’m willing to bet pduron was one of the founding members of his/her local chapter of the
Sadly, their membership is steadily growing…
May 20, 2011 at 4:10 pm
Wait. This page isn’t the place to go for validation? I’ve been using this page to validate my bitchy-snarky self…ARE YOU FAT UGLY JEALOUS LOSER MEANIES telling me I’VE BEEN WRONG THIS WHOLE TIME?
I feel so unvalidated.
Do you at least validate parking?
May 20, 2011 at 7:45 pm
Oh, thank God someone else’s kid does this. My 12-year-old slams into her room, flounces out to glare at us, slams back into her room, flounces to the bathroom, slams that door, etc. I was worried that maybe she was retarded, because she never realizes that we’re trying not to laugh.
May 20, 2011 at 10:08 pm
my 12 year old does it too. why can’t they pupate in a coocoon/darkened room, listen to pink floyd’s entire back catalogue a million times and leave us alone till they’re right in the head?
May 20, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Am I too late to join in the mocking?
May 20, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Ok, those who have not flounced should be able to have more than one thumbs down button.
Failing that, we need an “ignore” button. Although I must admit, the flouncing episodes seem to be keeping me going.
I think they offset the Big Mac’s.
May 20, 2011 at 2:51 pm
My thumbs down must be full of tiger blood! I knocked you down from 159 to 167 sucka!
HEAR ME ROAR!!
May 20, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Off topic but all I could think of from this was
/gameofthronesnerd
May 20, 2011 at 6:51 pm
I seriously love you. Have my unborn zombie babies? Also, GRRM IS FINALLY DONE? It truly is a sign of the end times!
May 20, 2011 at 3:03 pm
I’m not sure how “judge not” and “you are a giant bitch” work in the same comment, exactly. Could you elucidate? I’m guessing you couldn’t, but I’d enjoy it if you try.
May 20, 2011 at 3:05 pm
Judge Not was replaced by Judge Judy. And she’s holding you in contempt of Flounce.
May 20, 2011 at 3:08 pm
A+
May 20, 2011 at 3:14 pm
I can’t believe I hit the wrong box!! NO WAY did you get a thumbs up from me!!! No!!!!
May 20, 2011 at 3:41 pm
Motherfucker, do you live by “judge not”? Obviously not, since you’ve judged HK a bitch.
Today I judge you a humorless, rage-rotted, closed-minded stunted prick.
Try learning to disagree without being a complete asshole. It will improve your life in ways you cannot imagine.
May 20, 2011 at 4:06 pm
NOT JUDGING
You’re doing it wrong
May 20, 2011 at 11:15 pm
I do not think it means what you think it means.
May 20, 2011 at 4:13 pm
What happened to you flouncing??
May 20, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Oh..you’re right. YOU are the classy one.
May 20, 2011 at 5:49 pm
May 20, 2011 at 6:31 pm
You’re still talking?
May 20, 2011 at 6:51 pm
The best part of this is that these comments are moderated by Helen or Bronc. Which means that they are *allowing* pderp’s comments to come through and post. You know, the comments calling them dirty names.
May 20, 2011 at 7:35 pm
Maybe I’m full of crap, but pderp’s comments strike me as going beyond mere assholic self-righteous raging. There’s something really lopsided and rabid in the anger.
May 20, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Okay, maybe I just have a sick mind. But my FIRST thought was:
Is her name Kale?
May 20, 2011 at 1:35 pm
goes without saying, i wouldnt eat her either. i bet she is just as sandy.
May 20, 2011 at 1:43 pm
I wish I could like this a thousand times, I haven’t laughed that hard all day!
May 20, 2011 at 1:48 pm
But are you sure she’s organic? THIS IS IMPORTANT TO MY FAMILY DAMN IT!
May 20, 2011 at 2:27 pm
I thought the same thing lol.
May 20, 2011 at 2:48 pm
hey, I thought kale was another name for breasts. Seriously.
May 20, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Oh how unsympathetic you are for my truthful ignorance. I’m like 109 years old (well close, closer than you all are). I have never eaten anything or anyone named kale.
t-shirt. big boobs. the word kale. first thought. kale=boobs.
sue me, shoot me, the first thing i thought was kale had something to do with breasts.
m.e.h.
May 20, 2011 at 4:12 pm
Will you be my Nana?
May 20, 2011 at 5:08 pm
Is it ok if I like you a lot?
May 20, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Does this mean April hates me? I’m going to go sob in a corner and then hug a tree.
May 20, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Oh, wait. I just read everything you wrote in detail and I’m not that kind of hippie. I kind of misunderstood the question.
May 20, 2011 at 1:47 pm
I was thinking the same thing!
but i don’t really fit the description either.
May 20, 2011 at 2:16 pm
Me too! But I do wash and comb my hair everyday. Oh and I am one of those who grew up in the 70′s, but wasn’t into hippie style until I hit my 30′s. Now I am just a hippie at heart.
May 20, 2011 at 10:18 pm
Same here! I guess I’m not a “real” hippie after all. I do try to find the hairbrush and soap at least every couple of days. I guess I’m more of a redneck-type hippie, with a tye-dye duct tape peace sign on my pickup, lived in the woods with my 4 kids and no power/water/etc for 10 years; I love chainsaws. I also work more than anyone else I know, at my shop, glassblowing at hippie at festivals, as building maintenance girl (taking a break from snaking clogged massive drain pipes now, shitter ripped out of the floor, IN MY SHOP somebody just shoot me please) My tobacco pipe is woefully empty and I have had to resort to boxed wine, which makes the fancy electric snake just that much more FUN.
Then I find out April despises hippies.
It was all in good fun, that glitter-mustached, menstrual-octopus, bajingo pipe with the wood-dildo poker and big FUCK ETSY carb (isn’t that like 7 levels of fuckery?) SORRY APRIL <3 hahahaha I love you all! *glug* Have a nice Rapture!
May 20, 2011 at 1:36 pm
I’ve come to think of April as the Irish. With the right amount of booze, she hates everyone. (No offense to April or anyone actually Irish <3)
May 20, 2011 at 3:19 pm
Everyone except the bartender. No matter how much an Irishman drinks he will always have a soft spot in his heart for the person serving the booze.
May 20, 2011 at 4:09 pm
I don’t need booze. I’m on a natural hate high.
May 20, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Honestly, booze is in no way necessary to hate hippies.
May 20, 2011 at 4:30 pm
ha ha my husbands Irish (and my son was born in Dublin but he’s three so we can nurture it out of him) XD He’s totally harmless but he says he can’t drink whiskey because it makes him angry. When he does drink beer it just makes him giggle really high pitched which makes everyone else in the room laugh.
uh.. that’s the end of my story. *bows*
May 20, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Me too. Check, check, and check. My hair is straight, clean, and brushed (when I can be bothered to), my name is very average, and I don’t think I’ve ever smoked an American Spirit or drank a yohimbe bark spritzer.
May 20, 2011 at 1:58 pm
I’m not that kind of hippie either. I may dig gardening and even kale, but I’m definitely not unkemp and hypocritical. This was one of the funniest rants I’ve seen in awhile. And really, if we can’t laugh at ourselves, what is life for? I think I like Regretsy partially to keep a sense of humor about my hippie, lactivist self. I’d love to stay and chat more, but I have to go sculpt a replica of my vulva and tie dye something.
May 20, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Why not multitask and just tie dye your vulva?
May 20, 2011 at 9:30 pm
Yeah, um, I don’t bathe daily because I’m lazy. And I don’t brush my hair because it’s a Jew fro and doesn’t take kindly to that kind of treatment.
May 21, 2011 at 12:12 pm
when i was in jr. high i got really interested in hippies (the real ones from the 60s) and for a few years i probably looked like one. but then the pseudo-hippies ruined it for me — the ones who follow phish around and wear carefully patched clothing, the ones who have turned it into a commodity and a “lifestyle” instead of something about freedom and certain beliefs (equality, anti-consumerism, peace, joy, environmentalism). “hippies” today seem more concerned with what they wear and their image than in anything important.. and most that i’ve known are completely hypocritical (the american spirit fetish, talking shit about people who don’t do exactly the same things as them, etc.)
now i just have to deal with people thinking i’m a hipster because i like good music…
May 20, 2011 at 5:14 pm
When you hug that tree you should realize that it may not welcome your affections and may prefer to just be friends.
May 21, 2011 at 8:22 am
May 21, 2011 at 12:18 pm
love it. one thing that is so annoying about hippies is how they anthropomorphize plants and animals — not just for fun, but seriously believing that plants feel a certain way or that animals love them back. if it’s not your pet, it probably doesn’t give a fuck.
May 20, 2011 at 1:31 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 1:31 pm
i can smell the patchouli, b.o., and unwashed hooha just from looking at that picture.
speaking of which, i totally read the first line as “eat your vag!”
May 20, 2011 at 1:33 pm
I did too.
May 20, 2011 at 1:31 pm
She is a *terrifying* puppet! Her maker must be INSANE.
Wait…..
May 20, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Well, that’s you off the Rapture list.
May 20, 2011 at 1:31 pm
I eat kale every day but I don’t want something that’s been touching the nipples of someone who doesn’t bathe and looks like they’re suffering from catatonic schizophrenia.
May 20, 2011 at 4:08 pm
Then stay away from this little number by the same seller…
http://www.etsy.com/listing/53859939/cashmere-sweater-dress-with-handwoven
She’s not catatonic like dread girl, but I hate to say it looks like the model has a razor phobia. My favorite is the last line in the description..
“Some small holes throughout due to old materials.”
May 20, 2011 at 5:15 pm
To quote the listing:
Stretchy, warm, upcycled, one of a kind.
That sounds like my bajingo, really.
Some small holes throughout due to old materials.
That too. Rotten moths.
May 20, 2011 at 10:11 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 10:49 pm
I never shave, so It’ll be fine for me! Except… well that’s just not very well-made, is it? /:
May 20, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Maybe only one of her nipples is erect because she just had half an orgasm, probably kale-induced. I only mention this because that face is not just for wearing a kale shirt.
May 20, 2011 at 1:57 pm
That would be an organic orgasm. An organicasm.
May 20, 2011 at 2:08 pm
Organicasm? Reminds me how much I hated Catholic school.
May 20, 2011 at 8:46 pm
That is my new favorite word! How can I work it into convos?? “No Honey, I don’t fake it with you! I only have organicasms!”
May 20, 2011 at 1:32 pm
/applause.
I mean, really. There’s nothing more to add here.
May 20, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Wow, that girl is seriously bowlegged.
May 20, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Her kale-based diet is somehow lacking. That’s a shame, because I look to people like her for dietary advice via t-shirts.
May 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 3:49 pm
Yep, and these broads are pretty much perpetuating that.
May 20, 2011 at 2:50 pm
She’s all, “Why do all these older gentlemen make remarks about going swimming with me? Stupid establishment.”
May 20, 2011 at 1:32 pm
April, I love you, I just do.
May 20, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Why does she pose like a zombie? Explain me, please.
May 20, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Because it’s the only defense a hippy has when the Zombie apocalypse happens. Hippies hate guns and they don’t like meat so, when the dead start to walk the Earth hippies
A. can’t defend themselves
B. Can’t survive as zombies because zombies eat people and people are made out of meat.
So the only option they have is to try to blend in with the other zombies. This is great for me because when the day comes I get to shoot zombies AND hippies.
May 21, 2011 at 10:47 am
What does the vegan zombie say?
GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS
May 20, 2011 at 5:00 pm
I just showed this post to The Boy and commented on this girl’s odd pose. He immediately said “belly dance.”
This strikes me as very, very likely. He is indeed wise.
Also, hot. But that’s neither here nor there.
May 20, 2011 at 1:32 pm
I love when people tell me something is inexcusable, as if I cared to offer them an excuse.
May 20, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Best. Post. Ever.
May 20, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Some please screen print April’s response to this shirt. “I hate Kale.”
I want the exact color, font and kale leaf as this one just change the words.
Be the first to do it and post a link to it in the forums and I bet you’d sell a dozen.
May 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm
I will buy the shit out of that shirt.
May 20, 2011 at 2:26 pm
Although slightly different shade of green, here are two versions:
http://www.zazzle.com/hate_kale_t_shirt-235849067221668398
http://www.zazzle.com/hate_kale_shirt-235872167771993371
May 20, 2011 at 4:03 pm
Very tempting, as my name is Kale and I am probably about to get gay divorced.
May 20, 2011 at 1:33 pm
Although I agree with everything Helen said……I’ve totes gone gay off that solitary nipple.
May 20, 2011 at 1:36 pm
It’s so distracting… I almost forgot why everyone was talking about kale.
May 20, 2011 at 1:33 pm
It’s so rare to see someone with such and advanced case of Rickets this day and age.
May 20, 2011 at 2:09 pm
She remembers to eat her veggies, but not enough fruit to avoid scurvy!
May 20, 2011 at 4:26 pm
Um…I think you’ve gotten your vitamin deficiencies a little confused there. Lack of vitamin D = rickets (bowed legs, weak bones, curved spine) and lack of vitamin C = scurvy (teeth fall out, bad skin). Also, kale is a great source of vitamin C.
(sorry, but I’m a pharmacist and I can’t help but go into lecture mode on occasion)
May 20, 2011 at 1:33 pm
What’s the deal with the pose? Is she waiting for the rapture too? Or maybe instead of Jesus she wants the goddess of kale to sweep her off to organic heaven.
May 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm
“Washing your reusable bamboo panty liners in a stream with a rock does not make you Ghandi. Not that he wore pads, but that’s not really the point I’m trying to make.”
No, he was really more of an OB tampon sorta guy.
May 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm
Dude, Bob Dylan WAS a genius! But he wasn’t a voice of a generation or anything like that.
Also: Dreads are never clean. I knew a girl who washed hers every few days and the damned things never dried. They grew mildew. Her HEAD had MILDEW. I’m just going to let that sink in now.
May 20, 2011 at 2:01 pm
And I knew a chap who had MAGGOTS in his. Yes, that’s right.
Though I do have 2 friends who are medical doctors, one GP/one cardiologist, who have beautiful clean nice-smelling dreads. So it is possible. Really.
May 20, 2011 at 2:22 pm
Maybe he was a zombie!
May 20, 2011 at 4:12 pm
I think it depends on your climate. I encountered somebody from Georgia who said her dreads took twelve hours to dry after being washed.
When I was collecting hair for Matter of Trust, they sent a notice to separate out the dreads from the other hair so that the people handling them could wear face-masks because many dreads had mould in them. Not surprising, if it takes twelve hours for them to dry.
My own dreads didn’t have anything growing in them, as I live in a very dry climate, BUT when I got rid of them it was because I had been sleeping on green flannel sheets for a while and they had green lint in them that looked like mould. It was, of course, impossible to get out.
So, no. Not really clean. Mine were probably pretty damn clean for dreads, for I washed them often and rinsed them well and they dried in a little over an hour, but they sure as heck weren’t clean for hair.
No, I didn’t stop washing my hair to get them.
May 20, 2011 at 4:29 pm
I had white girl dreads until January when I left my husband. And they were clean for dreads, but not compared to normal hair. And even when they were baby dreads, I washed them once a week.
But, of course, they didn’t look good because I let my fucktard husband do them.
May 20, 2011 at 2:09 pm
bob dylan writes awesome stuff. he just shouldn’t sing. unless it’s with the traveling wilbury’s. but almost half of them are dead, so no reunion there.
a life needs to get me.
May 20, 2011 at 2:20 pm
There are special products that can be used to “clean” dreadlocks (really, you’re just febreezing them, but whatever)… the problem is that your average hippy won’t go even that far to avoid offending the masses, so the vast majority of dreads reek to high heaven.
I used to work with a guy who had dreads down to his fucking knees, though toward the bottom they sort of clumped together and there were only about five of them. I carefully avoided ever letting one touch me, but one day I just wasn’t quick enough and that nasty shit rubbed all on my arm and left a trail of filth and dust and I had to kill myself.
May 20, 2011 at 2:38 pm
Great story in the NYT about Dylan performing in China. He said his idea of paradise is bring at the beach in the Hamptons, and he can’t understand most of the people they say his songs are the “voice” of.
May 20, 2011 at 3:40 pm
http://forums.freeriden.co.nz/files/one_dread.jpg
This is One-Dread. He’s a tiny little man with one dread that walks around the city. I followed him once. He walks really slow on those little tiny legs.
May 21, 2011 at 12:28 am
That One-Dread totally reminds of a severely matted stray dog they had on Animal Precinct once (it’s a show about animal cruelty officers). They shaved the dog down and his entire coat came off in one huge piece that looked just like that guy’s hair. They named the dog “Matt.”
May 21, 2011 at 2:56 am
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May 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm
10. I don’t like people who put together words that don’t make any sense together and name their Etsy shops after it (e.g. Fiber Optic Unicorns)
May 20, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Now I want a store named Banana Hammock Glitter Octopus.
May 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm
I would buy from you based on name alone.
May 20, 2011 at 1:54 pm
I’d shop there.
May 20, 2011 at 5:19 pm
Whatever you’re selling, I’ll take two.
Unless it’s white girl dreads. You can keep that shit.
May 20, 2011 at 6:59 pm
Put something in there about coleslaw and zydeco and I’ll start an Etsy account just to purchase stuff from you!
May 20, 2011 at 1:56 pm
May 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 1:48 pm
As a hormonal, post-partum mother of three who has breastfed – bite it.
May 20, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Be careful with the “bite it” comment – someone might take you literally.
May 20, 2011 at 2:18 pm
My newborn already does. Eesh.
May 20, 2011 at 2:37 pm
I second that.
May 20, 2011 at 2:40 pm
I second the ‘bite it’ comment, that is.
May 20, 2011 at 3:27 pm
i have two. i breast fed. my tits sag.
May 20, 2011 at 10:29 pm
4 BF kids. Like helium balloons two weeks after the party.
May 21, 2011 at 1:34 am
Actually, it’s not the breastfeeding that makes your boobs sag, it’s pregnancy. Rather amusing for all those twits who didn’t breastfeed so that they could keep their boobies all perky.
May 20, 2011 at 2:04 pm
It’s not the breast-feeding. I have two kids, BF’ed for less than a month and they still look like they’re hanging from hooks.
I don’t think hers look bad, especially considering their size. Big ones aren’t known for their perkiness….
May 20, 2011 at 2:12 pm
That may be one reason her arms are in the air. I may have used that trick myself in the past, if there were any photographic evidence to prove it.
May 20, 2011 at 3:04 pm
I think they’re awesome.
May 20, 2011 at 4:14 pm
I have to agree.
May 20, 2011 at 5:57 pm
Not to “mee too” it too much but so do I, said so below. Those are magnificent boobs. I would kill to have them be that big with a nipple that high.
….I just have em big.
May 20, 2011 at 6:09 pm
mine looked fine too at 23. i modeled, and i had a 32E. now, they sag…and i wear a bra.
i guess im just worried for her, her perkiness, and her lower back.
May 20, 2011 at 9:03 pm
She’s got a very thin frame and pretty large breasts. Even at a young age, gravity takes its toll when you’re of a certain cup size.
Also: The notion that bras have anything to do with how gravity affects boobs is kind of a myth…weight loss/gain, health factors and that crazy pregnancy/breastfeeding shit are what really does it to ‘em. Plus: whatever, it’s her body, she’s comfortable in it, no I’m not projecting my own insecurities, no, really I’m not.
May 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm
I’m just assuming that someone got a photo of this RARE SPECIMEN just as it was passing out from the fumes escaping the rats’ nest.
May 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm
But how do you *really* feel?
May 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm
well. i can say that i am not conflicted, in any way with the fact that i love hippies and love regretsy. they’re not all neo-hippie douchebags. just the general vocal majority.
May 20, 2011 at 1:35 pm
I looked at her other pictures and they look just as strange. Plus she’s making a duckface in one of them. -_-
May 20, 2011 at 1:35 pm
I can’t. take my eye. off of. THAT NIPPLE.
May 20, 2011 at 1:35 pm
ahahaha i think she’s even pointing to her nip in another picture
May 20, 2011 at 1:35 pm
I know, and just that one, right? Me too.
May 20, 2011 at 1:35 pm
“I stood there, holding the Seventh Generation recycled toilet paper that feels like wiping your ass with an emery board…”
That part made my day. xD
May 20, 2011 at 1:35 pm
I think she was posing for her other shirt: “Eat Shrooms”
May 20, 2011 at 1:35 pm
Berkley (God help me, I grew up there. Never has there been a greater collection of people opposed to other people owning cars.) has a statue near the freeway commemorating protesters. Not protesters for or against anything– their statue protester signs are just empty frames. For all we know, they could be rallying in opposition to letting black people go to school. But that doesn’t matter, because the very act of protesting is apparently heroic, and so important that it must be publicly commemorated.
And while we’re on the subject, since when does dressing up like your parents (or, at this point, grandparents) count as rebellious?
May 20, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Or, if you were a hippie-hating hater who could actually spell the place where you grew up, you might call it “Berkeley.” Sigh.
May 20, 2011 at 6:20 pm
You grew up there?! Egads, my condolences. I can’t relax when I’m in Berkeley, it’s got such an angry vibe to it. I feel more at home in Oakland.
May 21, 2011 at 1:22 am
Yes, because Oakland’s not angry or violent at alll…
Piedmont? Montclair? ^^
May 20, 2011 at 1:35 pm
God damnit April. I love you but you hate me and that makes me sad. I’m white and I’m a hippie.
1. I used to have dreads, I’m white, not jeweish and those fuckers were clean. I washed the shit out of them all the time. I don’t have a hippie name and I fucking hate being called mama. My uterus has not housed a fetus, don’t call me mama.
2. I eat meat. Humans have big brains because 3 million years ago someone figured out how to suck the marrow out of roadkill. I don’t want to dishonor that.
3. You’re damn right the government should give me money. No particular reason, I’d just like to have it.
4. My grandma owns a bakery and I can’t bake to save my life.
5. I don’t smoke.
6. I can’t afford to buy organic and I think it’s silly anyway.
7. I fucking hate bob dylan.
Now where is one of those flounce cat pics with dreads?
May 20, 2011 at 1:39 pm
Fuck those people out there who give dreads a bad name by being too stoned to take a damn shower. Solidarity (even though I shaved my head while I was drunk)!
May 20, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Aside from the dreads, I don’t think you’re the kid of hippie April hates.
May 20, 2011 at 1:42 pm
But see, there’s the balance. I compost, but I also spend $75.00 a month having my hair dyed by a professional stylist. You’re a hippie but you don’t have dreads any more. Balance. It’s what separates us humans from the sanctimonious vulva-self-gazers.
May 20, 2011 at 1:47 pm
*raises hand* ex-white-girl-with-dreads. they were clean. messy, but clean; that’s because i got lazy at the end, and now have short hair. also not jewish, and my name is liz.
May 20, 2011 at 1:53 pm
*joins in on being a white girl with dreads*
and i washed them. a lot. but then i had to get a job and took them out. my new goal in life is to not have a job and still be able to afford all the organic meatless alternative bullshit i love
May 20, 2011 at 2:15 pm
i see what you did there: white girl with dreads = no job. gotcha.
May 20, 2011 at 3:02 pm
ok, now we need an “organic meatless alternative bullshit” t-shirt, stat.
May 20, 2011 at 9:07 pm
I freakin’ love organic meatless alternative bullshit…TVP makes for great post-apocalyptic chili…and Quorn is perfect hangover food!
May 21, 2011 at 3:07 am
i can’t reply directly to alikwat but i never had problems getting jobs with my dreads….but i’ve always worked in environments that didn’t have those kind of dress codes anyway.
May 20, 2011 at 7:47 pm
How did you end up being an ex-white-girl?
May 20, 2011 at 2:00 pm
Well, with those opionins and characteristics I’d say you’re not a hippy, just a sensible person. What makes you a hippy in your mind – you love humankind ? You don’t like war ? You care for the environment ? You like to get high ? So do I, and I sure as hell ain’t a hippy. Being a hippy means wearing the uniform, and judging people whop don’t.
May 20, 2011 at 2:47 pm
I make my own soap. I attend Rainbow Gatherings. I hug strangers. I protest wars. I leave the house barefoot sometimes because I forget about shoes. I pick up hitchhikers. LOL. Honestly. It’s the annoying hippies who get all the press, there are plenty of us who aren’t lame.
May 20, 2011 at 5:15 pm
You don’t happen to live in Tennessee do you? ‘Cause we should totally hang out. ROFL.
If it were at all acceptable at my place of employment (high school), I would go barefoot EVERY DAY.
May 20, 2011 at 7:18 pm
LOL Rhapsody, sorry. I’m all the way in California, but if you decide to head this way after graduation I’ve got a very uncomfortable futon you can crash on.
May 20, 2011 at 2:29 pm
i hate people who act like bob dylan could fart on a snare drum and it’s the best thing ever.
May 20, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Darkandtwisty, you sound nothing like the people I described. I mean you sound like you used to be, but you’ve recovered.
May 20, 2011 at 7:23 pm
LOL, so…since I brushed out the dreads I can be ok in your eyes? What if the dreads come back? I promise to still bathe pretty regularly…
May 20, 2011 at 1:36 pm
my roommate is a fucking hippie. he’s always filthy and smelly and acts like he’s poor even though his family is rich. douchebag. i have to move.
May 20, 2011 at 1:36 pm
The white people I’ve known who had dreads (which is maybe five?) got them by simply separating their hair into strips and then twisting each strip around and around. Some used a wax product on there, I guess to keep each strip clumped up until the hairs melded together better. So they didn’t come from deliberate bad hygiene.
I have no idea whether water and shampoo can really penetrate dreadlocks or not, or what dreads might do to someone’s scalp health. I just wanted to fact-correct that one thing.
May 20, 2011 at 1:39 pm
Yeah hair actually sticks together better when you use lots of shampoo on it (but not conditioner) so it dries out and you don’t have the natural oils lubricating up the strands. So they start off clean, at least. But I feel like they’re probably full of soap scum after that, and don’t let dandruff escape very well.
May 20, 2011 at 1:54 pm
I’ve always thought dreads were attractive, but at some point in the last few years I realized that all the hairs a person would normally shed throughout the day can’t go anywhere when your hair is dreaded – so long-term dreadlocks have a whole bunch of dead, unattached hair in them (which is why they’re thicker at the ends).
That thought disturbs me for reasons I can’t properly articulate.
May 20, 2011 at 2:14 pm
Yeah, short dreads are not what I would do, but they don’t disgust me. Guys who walk around with what looks like needle felt attached to their head by a rastifarian cap and hangs to their knees…that’s pretty fucking nasty.
I do admit to putting fake dreads in my hair during college (using styling products and washing them out that night), just after “Gone in 60 Seconds” came out and Angelina Jolie did that with her hair.
May 20, 2011 at 1:46 pm
There’s dread shampoo for people with dreads. There’s one called Knotty Boy which is supposed to be able to completely wash the dreads and even undo them.
May 20, 2011 at 3:06 pm
yeah, the knotty boy worked pretty well, and it smelled nice. after a while, though, i just started using regular shampoo and got about the same affect. though i wasn’t worried about my dreads coming undone, they were chemically treated to start so they weren’t going anywhere.
May 20, 2011 at 4:34 pm
I didn’t like Knotty Boy shampoo because of the smell. I used Dreadhead HQ because it was odorless and colorless and junk.
May 20, 2011 at 2:18 pm
My dreads were very thin, so not a lot of room to store any “extras.” also, I washed every other day as I do now with my non-dreads, and I used wax, similar to Knotty Boy, but I made my own because I’m a fucking hippie who makes my own shit. I also used a spray on my hair with rosemary, lavender and tea tree oil. This kept my scalp from getting dry, made my hair smell nice and is also all kinds of antibacterial, antifunga, antibug etc so there was NO chance of having stinky, dirty, bug infested hair.
May 20, 2011 at 6:12 pm
you sound like my friend josh. although, i keep pestering him about getting rid of the dreads as he is going bald and it just looks silly now.
May 20, 2011 at 7:25 pm
Oh yeah, dreads and a receeding hairline don’t sound like a good combo.
May 21, 2011 at 3:28 am
mine, i separated into strips so they’d be even & symmetrical, did them into really loose messy braids, and backcombed the hell out of ‘em. since dreading makes your hair much shorter, i bought the kind of human hair used for extension to add in some bulk & length and had embroidery floss braided in & tied around to keep them in shape till they tightened up.
i don’t know how deeply water & soap can penetrate, but i had mine for a couple of years & bleached and dyed them regularly. if the bleach had soaked in to where i couldn’t rinse it out, the hair would have been so damaged they would have just started breaking off and that never happened.
i really miss them, i thought they looked great and it was easy to manipulate them into interesting styles, but if i ever do them again it will be extensions…it’s a big commitment, and it was a huge PITA to comb them out when i was over it.
May 20, 2011 at 1:36 pm
I get the feeling she doesn’t shave her pits. I don’t want hairy pits touching a garment I would be wearing. I just don’t.
May 20, 2011 at 1:39 pm
The hair doesn’t bother me. The lack of any type of deodorant that often goes along with hair does. Seriously folks, there are plenty of natural alternatives out there, no reason to get smelly.
May 21, 2011 at 3:31 am
i haven’t shaved for over 20 years and it’s actually more comfortable & less sweaty (for me anyway)- but i have always, ALWAYS used deodorant. i do not like being stinky.
May 20, 2011 at 1:36 pm
One nipple and bad hair. No wonder she’s amusing herself with t-shirts.
May 20, 2011 at 1:36 pm
THANK YOU! I thought I was the only one! Especially on pts 1 & 3. Dylan… gah…
Also, I don’t get the dead-girl-hanging-on-an-invisible-clothesline pose. Shouldn’t she look healthy and hearty if she’s eating enough
vagveg?May 20, 2011 at 1:36 pm
Gross. You know she’s not wearing vulvaroos under those tights.
May 20, 2011 at 1:55 pm
I logged in just so I could thank you for VULVAROOS.
May 20, 2011 at 1:59 pm
This is EXACTLY what I was going to say. Creepy.
May 20, 2011 at 7:58 pm
You’re welcome, I will have to go back through the vulvaroo post and find out who actually came up with it
May 20, 2011 at 1:36 pm
Her name is Kale?
May 20, 2011 at 4:40 pm
With so many comments, I almost missed that one. Thumbs up to ya’.
May 20, 2011 at 1:37 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 1:40 pm
No way, that nip was the only decent part of that whole photograph.
May 20, 2011 at 1:43 pm
Nips are okay (a new sample phrase!), but I’ll be she’s commando under those leggings.
(Why are the leggings always turquoise? Why?)
May 20, 2011 at 2:10 pm
sampleR. Derpity derp derp derp!
May 20, 2011 at 2:21 pm
You noticed the turqoise trend, too?!?
May 20, 2011 at 2:28 pm
I think this is Sad Hipster’s real love match.
May 20, 2011 at 9:41 pm
Ah, cultural conditioning. No, in fact, brassieres are not a staple of daily clothing. And, as a girl who likes ogling titties, I appreciate women who go bra-free.
May 20, 2011 at 1:37 pm
I’m with ya, but I have learned that kale, properly fried with lots of salt and vinegar, is actually not too darn bad.
Then again, you could probably fry an American Spirit with enough salt and vinegar to make it taste good too. Less vitamin C though.
May 20, 2011 at 1:40 pm
I actually have a kale and leek soup recipe that’s AWESOME. Not something I eat every day, though.
May 20, 2011 at 7:50 pm
Any chance of you passing that recipe on?
May 21, 2011 at 3:34 am
ditto- sounds yummy P-:
May 20, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Funny. I learned the same thing about tofu, if it’s cooked in bacon grease.
May 20, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Everything tastes better with bacon or bacon fat. EVERY THING.
May 20, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Black kale is great (most other varieties leave me cold). Get rid of all the ribs, parboil, then slow cook with olive oil and garlic. Not for every day, though!
Swiss chard is a lot easier.
May 20, 2011 at 2:36 pm
I have been cooking kale ’cause it’s supposed to keep you from getting cancer – and I’ve got a bunch of good recipes, but that photo and shirt don’t really make a good case. A friend of my daughter had dreads for a long time but she cut them when she decided to go to law school – not much of a hippie.
May 20, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Aww, not even kale chips?
May 20, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Kale is great! if you’re a tortoise, or keep a pet tortoise.
though my mother has a recipe where you cook it with bacon…
May 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm
I eat kale. I don’t wear it.
Jeez, get a fig leaf if you want to wear a leaf.
May 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm
Well… I had white girl dreads that were clean and my name is Jenny, not Autumn or Starshine or anything… but I don’t have them anymore, because those are heavy as a motherfucker, and it was just a hairstyle choice, I wasn’t trying to “stick it” to anyone in the “establishment”. Also, I’m not a disgruntled white college kid. While wearing my white girl dreads, I had a job and I didn’t bitch and complain about everything being “fake” or “sold out” or “the man.”
I did smoke a lot of weed, but that remains unchanged.
May 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm
10. hippies and everyone else they know are “amazing artists” and they don’t need some uptight fancy degree from your college to prove it.
May 20, 2011 at 1:44 pm
…and all criticism comes from meanies!
May 20, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Don’t you mean fat loser meanies?
May 20, 2011 at 2:19 pm
don’t forget lesbos…
May 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm
I dunno about the name thing… I have a cousin named Kim who has sported dreads on and off for years. But she’s a dirty hippie who probably would change her name to something ridiculous if given the chance.
May 20, 2011 at 1:39 pm
Seriously, though, we could save and make a lot of money by letting pot smokers out of prison and taxing the hell out of them.
May 20, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Well the hippies wouldn’t want to pay taxes and would insist on growing their own organic pot anyway. So I don’t know how much of a difference it would make..other than even more stoned hippies, and no one wants that.
May 20, 2011 at 7:18 pm
They might SAY they’d grow their own, but I’m betting on lazy hippies being a pretty large segment of the hippie population.
May 20, 2011 at 2:10 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 3:03 pm
They got pain meds on this site? Where? How much?
May 20, 2011 at 8:33 pm
Good point. When I lived in South Central LA, all of the people smoking pot were totally beautiful non-violent creatures who hurt literally no one.
May 20, 2011 at 2:31 pm
I think if the tax revenue argument is going to be used, then prostitution should be legalized first. my ex was the regional manager of sales for weed in his part of texas (and yea, they called it that, he only sold to smaller dealers in his network) and he was CONSTANTLY on to me about marijuana reform and how harmless it is and how if alcohol is legal waaaaaaaaah!!
i’m not going to tell anyone what to do, but i will ask, please stfu. the long term effects of marijuana use haven’t been studied enough for anyone to make a legitimate claim that it is harmless, i don’t care how many stoners you know, if you didn’t use the scientific method to draw your conclusions or you can’t show me more than one legitimate reference to somebody else using the scientific method, then i call bullshit.
May 20, 2011 at 2:48 pm
Woah, that was a rant. Sorry about that. And about the grammar. I’m gonna go drink quietly now…
May 20, 2011 at 2:54 pm
Prostitution should have been legalized yesterday, to protect the women and men who make their living through sex work. /political
May 20, 2011 at 6:53 pm
I’m actually extremely sensitive to THC just from the secondhand smoke. It’ll plunge me into a depressive episode. The Bay Area has a great love for the stuff and I always feel like a wet blanket if someone wants to light up at a party.
I do wish they’d do more studies on pot so we can know more about it, but part of the problem is that it isn’t legal and it’s hard to get people to want to do studies, or get money to fund research. Catch-22 for ya.
May 21, 2011 at 3:51 am
i have a friend who is allergic to weed, can’t be around it at all. and i am both chronically asthmatic and allergic to cigarette smoke, so i feel your pain (plus, i’ve had some people get quite belligerent when i’ve asked them not to smoke around me.)
pot smoke doesn’t bother me at all though, and i actually like the smell if it’s good weed. i don’t partake myself as i don’t care for the feeling, but i know many who do whether for fun, medicinal use, or both.
May 20, 2011 at 7:21 pm
Well, there have been very few scientific studies done, but I think a general rule should be to outlaw things when you know their unsafe, not outlaw things until they’re proven to be safe.
Ditto what Dinosaurland said about prostitution.
May 20, 2011 at 8:38 pm
I wish I hadn’t posted anything so serious here, but as I have, I may as well clarify that with a pharmaceutical drug we require its safety to be supported by evidence. Sometimes the evidence is fallible, true. But that’s the nature of anything run by humons.
I don’t care if people smoke weed or not. My point was merely that many of the arguments I hear aren’t supportable, or at least not by the people that I hear making them.
May 21, 2011 at 4:07 am
there’s no reply button to your later comment, but i’d like to say i agree with you to a point. i do think post would be studied scientifically for it’s use from a medicinal standpoint, but i still think it’s ridiculous that it is illegal. not just because alcohol is, with all it’s known dangers, but look at *cigarettes*. they have zero medicinal use and have been proven beyond a doubt to be deadly not just to smokers but those around them, and they are still quite legal and most likely always will be. that just doesn’t make any sense to me.
May 20, 2011 at 1:40 pm
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May 20, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Excuse my hippie ignorance; but why don’t they like rice? Is it farmed by babies who kill animals…? (I honestly have no idea) And while you’re answering my dumbarse questions, what is kale? Is it like spinach? Are they called “dread” locks for a reason? I mean, they’re not called “pleasant smelling & quite sanitary really” locks, are they? Also, hippies are generally more “spiritual” than Christian yeah? Does that mean they’ll be left behind too, fighting us to loot washing machines & hotdogs?
May 20, 2011 at 1:47 pm
It’s not the rice–it’s the instant part.
May 20, 2011 at 1:58 pm
they’ll be left behind but be completely content, since they are now free to grow their own food not have jobs and smoke all the weed they want without worrying about legalities. *please let there be a rapture*
May 20, 2011 at 2:00 pm
I don’t think hippies would want a washing machine. I’m not sure they really wash anything.
May 20, 2011 at 2:04 pm
In their heart of hearts they do. Just as they want a jeep & a flat screen tv, can’t afford them so they do the next best thing; hate you for having them.
May 20, 2011 at 2:14 pm
hippies really don’t hate anybody, that would be besides the point of peace and love, now wouldn’t it? and it’s expensive being a hippie. organic products aren’t cheap.
May 20, 2011 at 4:40 pm
But….but….by that logic (oh dear lord, forgive me for what I am about to say)….April hates hippies because she actually wants to be one.
Right?
I’ll just go hide in the basement now,till this comment is thumbed into oblivion.
May 20, 2011 at 4:46 pm
I beg to differ with you, elisebsweets. Hippies seem to hate a lot of people, they’re just hypocrites about it. They would rather spend their time and (little) money searching for and buying their organic kale than do something for someone else.
If course, I haven’t met every hippie in the world, so I’m sure there are some out there who actually stand up for whatever it is they believe in. I just haven’t met any.
May 20, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Kale is a bit like spinach. It is a leafy green, has a slightly stronger flavor though.
May 20, 2011 at 4:49 pm
Thank you. Sounds… delicious. Not something we even have in the supermarket here; although it might be at some free radical farmer’s market.
BatShitKrazyGlue – that isn’t logic. April hates hippies for all the valid points outlined in her post, saying that she hates them because she wants to be one is like saying I hate spiders because I want to be one, when in actuality I hate them because they are sneaky little fuckers that are plotting a plan to take over the world.
May 20, 2011 at 5:26 pm
I’m rather surprised you don’t have it at the market. I bet if you ask, they’ll point it out to you. We generally don’t get a whole lot of “exotic” produce, like star fruit or watercress, but kale is rather common.
Around here, anyway. Sometimes I forget not everyone is from here…
May 20, 2011 at 5:32 pm
I’m in Australia; My bf actually grew some in our garden like the dirty hippie he is but it ended up in the compost (yes, I know!) as I had NFI what to do with it.
May 20, 2011 at 1:41 pm
She looks like she is in slow motion death mode. Like a single frame from a slasher film. I picture that she is being stabbed in the back with a pitchfork.
I hate Birkenstock’s too.
May 20, 2011 at 2:17 pm
I hate superfluous apostrophes.
*runs out of the room with her arms waving in the air wildly*
May 20, 2011 at 1:41 pm
What’s with the one nipple being all excited and the other one hiding? Did she lose a nipple in the vegetarian wars?
May 20, 2011 at 1:42 pm
At least there’s not the requisite camel toe to accompany things.
May 20, 2011 at 1:44 pm
It fell off due to kale-based leprosy. Turns out, the human body requires…more.
But you should still eat kale.
May 20, 2011 at 1:42 pm
Thank you, April for saying something about white people dreads. You may be the cleanest person on the planet, but if you have white people dreads you are always going to look to me like you crawled out of a dumpster after blowing a homeless guy.
May 20, 2011 at 1:43 pm
I hate hippies…and I’m a hippie.
So, in essence, I’m saying I hate myself, and I’m glad Helen hates me too.
May 20, 2011 at 2:23 pm
Your screen name makes this extra awesome.
May 20, 2011 at 2:38 pm
Any chance you would feel better if i hate you too? I don’t. At all. But my arch nemesis recently moved away, and I’m left without a channel for my rage. So I’d be happy to try.
May 20, 2011 at 4:32 pm
I’m a hippie so, instead of hating you, Ima hug you.
I guess I’m really only half-hippie ’cause I do like my creature comforts (like hot showers
May 20, 2011 at 1:43 pm
This Lady = Boy George – makeup + boob(s?)
Amen on the dreads, April. I feel vindicated after my anti-dread comment (see, Vests Made by Gollum) was so dissed by the Regretsians. It hurt me feelers enuff to make me almost flounce.
May 20, 2011 at 1:44 pm
I used to be a hippy but I quit. That was back in the 1970′s. when hippies ate at McDonald’s and protested war not organic. One of my grandchildren is named Dylan. Yes, after Bob. I didn’t name him. I did name one of my kids kief. Don’t hate me. I do like the Avett Brothers, I’m sorry.. I just do. Don’t hate me… I make these in etsy. don’t hate me. People like them, but nobody’s bought them. don’t hate me. They are not made of recycled organic hemp.
May 20, 2011 at 1:45 pm
So cute! They look like crocheted dildos playing dress up.
May 20, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Haha, I should add that to the description — multi purpose!!!
May 20, 2011 at 2:01 pm
They would have sold if you put little penises on them.
Peace, Love, and Penises.
May 20, 2011 at 2:18 pm
they are finger puppets…
insert finger = voila, instant penis…
perhaps I should include a demo instructional picture of that in my photos… hmmmm
May 20, 2011 at 2:43 pm
Are they big enough to insert a penis?
This statement does not constitute an offer.
May 20, 2011 at 2:59 pm
I suppose it depends on the size of the penis.
May 20, 2011 at 3:11 pm
Finger does not equal Penis.
Will my finger do? No.
May 20, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Can you make these with some kind of opening, so I can hide my stash in there?
May 20, 2011 at 2:17 pm
they are finger puppets… they have a stash automatically in them…
May 20, 2011 at 2:56 pm
LOL, I was too high to read the description. Finger puppets… that’s… that’s going to be reeeaaal distracting.
May 20, 2011 at 2:02 pm
aw they’re cute!! and you don’t have to be a hippie to like the avett brothers, mostly douches and posers like them now anyway. it’s been a long time since i saw them with only a crowd of 50 at all good music fest
May 20, 2011 at 2:19 pm
yep, we have been following them since they were nobody but a little known group from North Carolina…
May 20, 2011 at 2:36 pm
they are cute. i think i might get one for my little marley. who is only marley because her dad would not approve “lenin”.
May 20, 2011 at 2:37 pm
I like your shop! I have no money though so this is kind of a worthless compliment, sorry
May 20, 2011 at 8:08 pm
Holy hell! Little hippy glingers!!! These are almost worth getting an ETSY account! *drool*
May 20, 2011 at 1:44 pm
It was this post that convinced me to register so I could say something. And I say: HALLELUJAH! You are brilliant! LOL!!!
May 20, 2011 at 1:45 pm
I’m sorry to be a loud mouth, but dreads have never looked clean to me.
May 20, 2011 at 5:38 pm
I’ve known lots of black people with neatly dredded, clearly clean, hair that looked nice.
I don’t know if you just cannot get white-people hair to lock properly like that or what, but white-people dreads are just all fuzzy and hideous. I think this is because white-people hair really has to be traumatized to get it to even try to do that.
Note: if there is no tradition in the regions most of your DNA comes from of locking hair, it may be because your type of hair is not suitable for this endeavor. Try something else.
May 21, 2011 at 10:25 am
Black people’s hair does it naturally… if i dont wash my hair for two days i have dreads. White folks have to like tease and rape their hair to make it do that. Plus ya’ll have a lot of natural oils in your hair. I’m like Native, Black and Yugoslavian I have the worlds most confused hair ever. I thought about going the dread route… my husband’s ex has dreads and she’s a folk singer… ie biggest poser EVER, so that is a non option.
May 20, 2011 at 1:45 pm
http://www.youtube.com/user/RyanWLowrie#p/u/14/kViNz5NER0c
Hope that’s clickable. Sorry if it’s not, I’m kind of a technotard.
May 20, 2011 at 1:45 pm
What the fucking fuck is an ‘American spirit?’
May 20, 2011 at 1:49 pm
It’s a brand of cigarettes.
May 20, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Tardis I like the fact that your avatar looks reTardis!
Plus its blue!
May 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm
an “all natural cigarette”.
May 20, 2011 at 1:56 pm
ah yes.. cigarettes.. they’re super healthy
May 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm
I have been wondering that myself. Someone mentioned “smoking” them after awhile, so I’m assuming they’re cigarettes.
May 20, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Smoked one once, its like trying to smoke a normal cigarette through a mattress.
Also, REAL hippies roll their own cigarettes from the remains of cigarettes they find in the gutter. Because that’s is real recycling. (And they are poor)
May 20, 2011 at 2:06 pm
Or, they just dig the long butts out of ashtrays, left behind by the corporate sheeple who shun Mother Earth.
May 20, 2011 at 2:19 pm
I knew hippies who would also pour rubbing alcohol through bread and eat that to get drunk because they couldn’t afford booze. >.>
May 20, 2011 at 2:46 pm
I’ve heard about people doing it in Eastern Europe. The bread is used as a filter, in order to get rid of the blue or pinkish coloring.
But those people aren’t hippies. They’re hobos.
May 20, 2011 at 2:48 pm
That’s horrifying.
May 20, 2011 at 4:10 pm
But … but … but isn’t rubbing alcohol usually Isopropyl alcohol not Ethanol? That shit will kill your ass extra dead.
May 20, 2011 at 8:12 pm
There was a man in prison that kept getting drunk. They couldnt figure out how he was doing it until they caught him ingesting the hand sanitizer.
And I bet you thought you were an alcoholic. That’s fucking hardcore right there.
May 20, 2011 at 3:04 pm
Apparently this practice is called “sniping”. At least that’s what the tweeker who dug through the ashtrays at the bar told me. Maybe it has a different name depending on the subculture.
May 20, 2011 at 3:11 pm
We used to do “sniping” in college…just involved turning people out in the middle of the forest with a bag and a flashlight in the dead of night, though.
May 20, 2011 at 5:31 pm
Leave it to a tweeker to know of an even trashier way to get loaded.
May 21, 2011 at 4:26 am
i lived in a little town with a lot of homeless street punk kids, and they called it “snipe hunting”.
May 20, 2011 at 2:37 pm
american spirits never fucking stay lit. it drives me bonkers!
May 20, 2011 at 1:46 pm
I used to shop at that Wild Oats! I was pregnant and tired of paying 17x as much for non-organic pesticide sprayed cucumbers from Mexico at Wholefoods. I remember shopping for a steak at WO once (God did I crave meat when I was pregnant) …I ignored the look the butcher gave me when I pointed to the steak I wanted. When I got home I told my husband to BBQ that puppy up for me. I peeked my head out the back door to ask how it was going, he held it up and replied…”Where did you get this thing…this isn’t a steak…this is what they feed the lions”… I don’t know what that has to do with kale. Wild Oats in Santa Monica just brought back memories. Maybe I just always got the really great cuts of meat because I was the only one buying meat.
May 20, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Maybe it was all harvested from a single cow, expertly preserved in magik hippie organic anti-decomposition sparkles?
May 20, 2011 at 1:46 pm
The worst thing about hippies is their implied superiority complex.
I dunno, is this product really that bad? The t shirt looks alright, it’s not crazy that someone might want it. I don’t want it though. Just so you know.
May 20, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Haha! Oh April, I was born in Santa Monica raised in Venice Beach…you don’t need to explain.
May 20, 2011 at 4:19 pm
Me too..! Howdy Neighbor! (I’m in NY now..)
( I was missing breakfast at the Omelette Parlor just the other day….but I don’t miss the traffic on Main or Ocean…sigh.)
May 20, 2011 at 1:46 pm
We have an expensive hippy-dippy supermarket here in Half Moon Bay, California — and it’s true: you cannot buy an Advil there. Oddly enough, they make a great kale salad.
May 20, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Thank you for calling out Bob Dylan. For me, that’s what really makes this post. Bob Dylan is the bread-baking, white-dreaded, nose-pierced kale eater of the music world.
May 20, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Don’t forget fuckin’ Widespread Panic. Their music is like a hippie mating call or something.
May 20, 2011 at 1:49 pm
I bake bread
But.. I am a baker.. am I excused?
May 20, 2011 at 1:51 pm
I think its okay to bake your own bread and stuff, just don’t think you are saving the world by doing so. Just tastes yummier.
May 20, 2011 at 2:03 pm
Thats okay then… I bake bread (cakes, cookies, etc) because I like to bake..
In truth.. it saves the world more to buy bread, because all the ingredients are sent to just that bread factory, rather than into shops, and then into your homes, where you use your little oven for a few hours a day to bake a few loaves/cakes etc.. where as the bakeries and factories are using massive ovens to cook vast amounts in the same amount of time, using the same energy that you would to bake 5 to bake 1000..
SO by baking my own bread, I am adding to the eventual heat death of the world.
Go me!
May 20, 2011 at 2:22 pm
But I bet it’s yummy bread! I love homemade bread, but haven’t made any in a long time. It’s very satisfying to knead the dough, punching it down and getting out all my frustrations…and then celebrating with good butter on warm bread!
May 20, 2011 at 7:59 pm
*sob*
Someone who understands that mass production can be a good thing. I thought I was alone.
May 21, 2011 at 4:35 am
OMG, i LOOOVE fresh baked homemade bread!
even at natural food store i can’t find bread that good anymore.
once when i was a kid my dad borrowed some bread making stuff (pre-home bread maker days) from a guy at his work. we ground the wheat ourselves, the whole shebang, and oh holy jesus that was the best tasting bread EVER- miles better that the store bought wheat bread my mom bought in those days. i never tasted bread that good again til i found an artisan bread shop out in the Palm Springs area, which closed & moved like a week later
May 20, 2011 at 2:10 pm
I learned how to make my own pizza crust. I thought I was the most awesome person that day. Never knew it was a hippie thing. I was taught how to bake by a rancher– a meat producer rancher.
May 20, 2011 at 2:20 pm
I keep thinking your avatar is a woman bent over something and wearing dark knee-high socks. Where is my mind.
I make my own pizza crust, too. :3 I’m just picky.
May 20, 2011 at 4:21 pm
I saw “ass in thigh highs” too….I did. I admit it.
May 20, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Wait…it’s not?
May 20, 2011 at 8:09 pm
I, too, always see a woman bending over, then have to remind myself that it’s just feet.
May 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Where I’m from we call those “homeless people.” Hippies are an extinct breed. They died out in the 70s and their spawn turned it into a fashion statement.
I also love how they think they’re doing the earth a favor when they have their exotic fruit and shit shipped from halfway around the globe.
May 20, 2011 at 2:08 pm
YES! This is what I don’t understand! “I eat organic beef, because organic farming is just soooo much nicer to the environment and I drive this hybrid car because it’s soooo much nicer to the environment.” Yeah, but that beef had to take a plane and at least two refrigerated trucks to get to you from New Zealand and your car is made out of plastic, a petroleum product, and the wiring is copper from a strip mine. Stop thinking you’re Captain Planet.
May 20, 2011 at 2:17 pm
buy local. that’s the most important thing. “think gobally act locally”. it’s easier for me because i live in a pretty rural area and we have local organic farms. but, you can’t really find anything bad about that. you’re supporting your neighbor and being healthy, ethical, and environmentally conscious. well, you probably can say something bad about it but i can’t think of anything lol. i’ll let you think of something
May 20, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Unfortunately, that’s the part a lot of these new-wave hippies aren’t listening to. “Buy local.” Until they retired, my parents ran an organic dairy farm. Meanwhile, my college roommates were buying insanely expensive organic milk and ignoring the recycled bleach jug full of milk that only made the trip from the cow to my mom’s car to our apartment, because they wanted to “make a difference.”
May 20, 2011 at 4:20 pm
I try to buy local and eat in season. I don’t give a flying shit about “saving the world.” I like tasty food and the closer to home it is produced the fresher it is when it hits my plate. The fresher it is the tastier it is when it hits my mouth.
May 20, 2011 at 8:03 pm
Don’t forget where the electric for the hybrid came from. If you’re in the US it probably came, at least in part, from burning coal.
May 21, 2011 at 2:01 am
Dinosaurland, you put milk in a recycled bleach jar? Really? Why? Wasn’t there a better alternative? I’ve never wanted to mix bleach and milk – ugh!
May 20, 2011 at 3:04 pm
We didn’t die out.
We mostly turned into baby boomers, got jobs in the establishment or started our own companies and became the establishment, had kids, sent them off to college and now we are sucking social security (which we all paid into) dry.
but we didn’t die off.
none of my kids became hippies.
May 20, 2011 at 3:48 pm
We didn’t BECOME the establishment. We changed it FROM WITHIN.
Oh, who’m I kidding? We grew up and changed our minds.
May 20, 2011 at 3:57 pm
NanaB, I like you.
May 20, 2011 at 5:35 pm
That’s perfectly fine! Some wise person some where once said “A young man who is not a liberal, has no heart…
…but an old man who is not a conservative, has no mind!” Apparently it wasn’t Winston Churchill, so I’m gonna give Thomas Jefferson the credit. It was one of those dead white guys, anyway.
May 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm
I used to work at a public library and every couple of months a group of Rainbow People would come in and smell the place up to high heaven (which 10% of the population will apparently be ascending to tomorrow).
They were like stinky, dirty, hippie locust. They would descend upon the computer lab and I guess look up ways to reuse your own shit in order to reduce your carbon footprint. Though based on the smell, I think some of them were already testing out how to use shit as hair gel or something.
Makes me shudder just remembering! The cans of Lysol that would be needed after they left totally negated any positive effect they MAY had had on the environment.
Ewwww….
May 20, 2011 at 2:14 pm
I lived in Wyoming for a while. The tiny town we were in had natural Hot Springs. The Rainbow People came in every summer and basically spent every day sitting naked in the springs and sleeping in the bathhouse.
Oh and kicking their underfed dogs. They did that, too.
May 20, 2011 at 2:15 pm
I just realized I capitalized hot springs. Just so you all know, I’m not an idiot. I just live near Hot Springs, AR now so it’s a habit…..
May 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm
I swear that I thought at first it was a picture of Sean Penn when he was younger. Then I saw the nipple …
We don’t call them hippies any more in my corner of the world. We call them “granolas.”
May 20, 2011 at 1:52 pm
i know a white jewish hippie. he chopped his dreads off when he almost went to prison for selling 13y/os pot.
May 20, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Sorry- dreads on white people = smell of Patchouli mixed with body odor. No way. And you know it’s true.
Girls that call each other Mama is as bad as ‘you go girl’, especially when spoken by white suburban soccer moms.
STFU. But I do like Kale, and my father bakes bread because he likes it.
May 20, 2011 at 1:53 pm
My family once let a hippie rent out the upper half of our house for some extra cash. She had sparse 2-inch long black hairs growing out of her chin, and once she moved out we realized she had been taking her guinea pig out of it’s cage and letting it run around the place, so there was guinea pig poo under all the furniture and mashed into the carpet.
She sure knew how to stick it to the Man.
May 20, 2011 at 1:55 pm
We also once rented to a 50-year-old woman who would stick her fingers in her mouth when she ate and left offerings for fairies (sorry, faeries) in our garden. She now produces a successful children’s cartoon in Iceland.
May 21, 2011 at 8:44 am
Agh. You’re supposed to give guinea pigs time to run around loose, but for fuck’s sake, either clean up after them or litter-train them. It is just not that hard.
May 20, 2011 at 1:53 pm
I had this thought yesterday when I saw unwashed teenagers wearing “Nightmare Before Elm Street” jackets with red tartan leggings, and it seems appropriate now.
Saying ‘Fuck the mainstream’ because that’s the “cool” thing to do….makes you mainstream.
May 20, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Love that story of the nasty woman yelling at the clerk…
Maybe it isn’t hippies you can’t stand so much as hypocrites…
fake anything is a turn off… and this product kinda screams fake to me.
except, of course, her kale boobs which maybe what the focus of the picture is supposed to be.
Peace out, Namaste bitches
May 20, 2011 at 2:00 pm
I think it’s the stench of self-righteousness. (At least for me.) Hippies seem to have self-righteous bullshit oozing from thier crunchy granola pores, and that’s what pisses me off.
Flouncers are annoying for the same reason.
May 20, 2011 at 2:22 pm
That’s what annoying about hipsters, too. And Christians. And spiritualists. And…the list goes on. But yeah, self-righteousness is horrible, no matter the source.
May 20, 2011 at 2:25 pm
Lactivists and Intactivists?
May 20, 2011 at 3:30 pm
margie felps
May 20, 2011 at 1:53 pm
Oh. my. god. That was the most AWESOME post I’ve ever read, here or anywhere else! You might as well have reached into my own brain or soul or something. I hate all the same shit – I’m so there. Wow.
Now I know how this woman built her own army of minions
May 20, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Your screen is one of my all time favs here.
May 20, 2011 at 1:55 pm
A biology prof back in college educated us that the wide gap as seen between her legs is colloquially known as “crotchgap”. Men naturally have crotchgap due to the way their legs attach to the pelvis at a more perpendicular angle as compared to women. Due in part to the reduced friction from said crotchgap, men tend to be faster runners. Oftentimes, women who are fast runners (track athletes, etc) also have crotchgap. It’s rare for a woman to have as much as our model above because our legs attach to the pelvis at a greater angle and most of us end up with heat rash in the summer when we wear dresses because of our thighs rubbing together (well, I do anyways).
So there you go, hope you enjoyed your anatomy lesson of the day. That said, the turquoise leggings clash with the earthy moss-hued shirt. It’s like “Hippie at the Disco” or something.
May 20, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Raver hippies?
May 20, 2011 at 2:23 pm
ha ha. i was craving an explanation for her crotchgap. and raver hippies are kind of taking over with the popularity of edm and dubstep, music festivals these days feature quite a lot of electronic music along with the usual jam bands. last year’s glow stick war during bassnectar was epic, and it took place right after Furthur, Phil Lesh and Bob Weir’s band, the remaining members of Grateful Dead
May 20, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Wait, dubstep is for “raver hippies”? I thought it was just for really, really high people.
May 20, 2011 at 9:30 pm
I actually kind of like dubstep when I am in the mood, but I like glitch even more. I’m probably one of the oldest people to admit such a thing (I’m over 40 FWIW).
May 20, 2011 at 3:01 pm
Crotchgap – another wonderful name for a band.
May 20, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Totally! I remember a book in college anthro class showing “crotch gap” in women vs. “crotch bulge” in men, in context of sexual signals. I always wished I had stolen that book…
May 21, 2011 at 10:55 am
We can paint the images on the drum!
May 20, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Thank you. Science is fun. Did your professor actually say “crotchgap?”
May 20, 2011 at 9:24 pm
Yes. Yes he did. He was pretty cool.
May 20, 2011 at 1:57 pm
I’ve known many clean people with clean dreads and normal names. I don’t personally know her, but Anne Lamott did spring to mind. I understand if you want to hold on to your grudge, because it can be fun to, but it doesn’t match my experience. I’ve never been to Santa Monica, maybe that has something to do with it.
May 20, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Is she ripping off Bo the Eat More Kale guy?
http://eatmorekale.com/
May 20, 2011 at 1:57 pm
I went to the Etsy post, and looked at the other pics. This chick has a smoking-hot body. If her name is Kale, I would gladly accept that invitation.
May 20, 2011 at 1:58 pm
“holding the Seventh Generation recycled toilet paper that feels like wiping your ass with an emery board”
Holy shit, I almost spit out my coffee when I read that.
I call bullshit on kale lady being a hippie. Seriously? Where is the hair sticking out of her pits? Turquoise leggings? Those pants should be made of taupe hemp, be two sizes too big and have a drawstring.
May 20, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
May 20, 2011 at 2:00 pm
I frequently wear this shirt when I go to vegetarian restaurants with my vegan boyfriend: http://www.spreadshirt.com/women-s-porkavore-tee-C3376A7513720
I am a total carnivore, no grains at all in my diet. Just animal products and some veggies. He and I cook side-by-side with no problems. I wish all vegans were like him instead of a majority of them being self-righteous queefnuggets. (Thanks to whoever here on Regretsy gave me that term!!)
May 20, 2011 at 2:05 pm
I love that shirt! I think her “Vegetarian” one is hilarous! Mmmm treebark – yum! Yes, I will take that steak medium-rare, please!
May 20, 2011 at 2:23 pm
I prefer the term “vagitarian.”
May 20, 2011 at 10:54 pm
I worked at my family’s laundromat for many years, and one day a woman had a shirt in her order that said “Strictly Vagitarian” on it. I asked her if she wore it in public.
“No”, she said, “We had a gay pride march last week.”
“Oh good.” I said. “I thought that maybe I should get one that says “Cocksucker” on it.
hehe
May 20, 2011 at 2:25 pm
ha ha! at least you eat veggies
May 20, 2011 at 2:01 pm
I truly admire the restraint it must have taken for HK not to mention the seller’s one erect nipple.
May 20, 2011 at 2:01 pm
Here’s the only thing worse than a white girl wearing dreads: The blonde white girl I saw in the park with her two sons, aged about 4 and 6, both wearing blond dreads.
May 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm
1. How could you tell they were boys? and
2. dreads can be itchy and painful, how can you force them on a child?! I mean, a lot of people give their kids mohawks now, which I think is cheesy, but at least it’s not physically uncomfortable for the kid.
Admittedly, I got dreads a few times when I was a child, but only because I was able to evade hairbrushing for days at a time. Not because either I or my mom wanted me to have them.
May 20, 2011 at 2:02 pm
After clicking through and looking at the other pics of this chick, I’m left wondering if she’s the rare hippie who, in their former life of a privileged, got some fake titties.
May 20, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Seriously, it takes some commitment to go braless when you’re built like that… I’m 34B and I can’t even do it. Ouch.
May 20, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Yeah, it’s hard to tell with a t-shirt on, but she has ENORMOUS tits for someone that skinny (and who, presumably, is not wearing a push-up bra).
May 20, 2011 at 8:09 pm
IDK. I was wondering if she was wearing a cup-less bra.
May 20, 2011 at 2:42 pm
There are no such things as perky D’s.
May 20, 2011 at 3:53 pm
Just once I’d like to wake up to my D’s pointing ahead instead of having a staring contest with my toes.
May 20, 2011 at 2:52 pm
they’re TOTALLY fake boobs. Sorry, don’t preach to me about saving the Earth and saving the animals when you have fucking silicone boobs. I have nothing against implants – I hope to have a preventative mastectomy some day and then get fabulous implants put in. But don’t be all “eat organic, wear organic, don’t wash your hair it’s bad for the world” if you have titties that won’t biodegrade.
May 20, 2011 at 3:45 pm
I know a skinny hippie girl who looks a lot like the model- boobs and all- and hers are not fake. Just sayin’. Although this chick I know also paid hundreds of dollars to get dreads ‘put in.’ Sigh. Which are worse? Fake boobs or fake dreads?
May 20, 2011 at 6:11 pm
I respectfully disagree. I think they are real.
They drop perfectly naturally..they look like Wynonna Ryder’s boobs just blown up to a much larger size.
I…er…like boobs.
May 21, 2011 at 8:01 am
I dunno, they don’t seem to drop normally to me, and the one nipple hard, other soft thing tends to happen to people who’ve had breast surgery….
But then I’ve know the crunchy people who preach all natural but have the implants, so I may be biased….
May 21, 2011 at 4:53 am
I am a mammographer. I’ve seen every shape and size of boob on every shape and size of woman, so I know of what I speak. There just are no rules when it comes to boobs. There is a percentage of people who have small frames and large breasts, as well as large frames and very tiny breasts. There really is no tit standard, it’s all quite random honest.
May 20, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Mighty cold out there in the woods…
May 20, 2011 at 2:05 pm
I worked with a girl who had dreads, and knew a girl in college who had them. In both cases, they were clean and their dreads never smelled of rot. The girl I worked with was a barista, and the gal from college wanted to go to grad school in California. However, I’ve never liked the look of dreads on white girls; they just look dirtier. I’m with you on everything else.
May 20, 2011 at 2:58 pm
That’s the thing that gets me. Even when they’re clean, dreads look dirty.
May 20, 2011 at 2:05 pm
Dreadlocks are actually created by rinsing hair a lot cleaner than mainstream products. Shampoos and conditioners use waxes and oils to coat the hair, and dirt sticks to these residues. Dreadlocks are created and maintained by using soaps or shampoos that leave no residue and wash out completely.
May 20, 2011 at 2:24 pm
Sorry you “dislike” this comment, but it is the truth.
May 20, 2011 at 4:54 pm
So it’s like felting your hair? Got it.
May 20, 2011 at 2:36 pm
Don’t let it get you down. People who’ve done dreads right are out there agreeing with you.
This chick does look greasy, though.
May 20, 2011 at 2:53 pm
Not ALL dreads – because the Rastafarians do NOT bathe. They walk on into the sea, dunk, and shit, and come out…that’s not fucking clean.
May 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
May 20, 2011 at 2:31 pm
^mental masturbation up there.
May 20, 2011 at 4:31 pm
COOL STORY BRO
May 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm
So you don’t like Hispanics either… I just may flounce!!!
Oye mama, ven pa’ca.
May 20, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Wait… not flounce, but volante.
May 20, 2011 at 2:18 pm
In my neighborhood, it’s Mami. Which you use more like “lady” or “ma’am.”
May 20, 2011 at 2:25 pm
My Puerto Rican husband called me “Mami” once, when we were dating(For him, it wasn’t like “lady” or “ma’am,” but more like “sup gurl”). It never happened again.
May 20, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Men call women mami. When my girlfriends talk to me it’s mama.
May 20, 2011 at 5:44 pm
One of my students (sixth grade) once addressed me as ‘Mamacita’.
It did NOT happen again.
May 20, 2011 at 2:08 pm
EAT KALE*
*and nothing else
Dear sweet raptor jesus, someone get this woman a sammich, stat!
May 20, 2011 at 2:08 pm
I’d like to think of myself as greener & better than a hippie. I work from home, I can get almost 2 months out of a tank of gas in my Northstar V8, I shower every other day so every other day I have pseudo dreads, I air dry my natural curls & don’t use much hairspray, I buy everything on the perimeter of the store; only buy organic if I don’t have to steal from kids college funds to buy it, I have a shit ton of clothes & use the washer once a month, I hang dry most everything because I don’t want it to shrink; it still does but I’m beginning to think it’s not the clothes shrinking, I use corn litter next to the toilet, clean it 3 times a day by flushing just the clumps, I have a septic dog poop thing in the ground, I drink tap water, I have 5 gallons of Coke Syrup & make my own pop, & I use Sage Lavender TraderJoe’s all purpose cleaner only because it’s the bomb & smells great. I don’t have a funky name & I am not big on sandals or tie dye. I do love Patchouli tho, AND MEAT!
May 20, 2011 at 2:14 pm
OK this is a little OT, but could you link me to something for the septic dog poop thing? I am seriously tired of my husband just tossing it into the woods JUST beyond our yard for my kids to run around and step in.
May 20, 2011 at 2:42 pm
You can get them at most pet/farm supply stores. My parents have one, though they will probably need to get another/replace it now that they have a second large dog.
May 20, 2011 at 2:55 pm
I want one too – I’m also working on training our pup to poop in one corner….like a big ass litterbox…
May 20, 2011 at 3:04 pm
We got this one and love it: a href=”http://www.doggiedooley.com/”>http://www.doggiedooley.com/
We have 2 large greyhounds so we really need to be on top of adding the culture to it to get it moving, but otherwise we’re happy with it. We’re currently training the dogs to poop near it so we don’t have to walk across the yard carrying the poop in a shovel.
May 20, 2011 at 3:41 pm
We had one of those in our yard when I was a kid. Kids + pooper scooping as a chore + Doggie Dooley = shit flinging.
May 20, 2011 at 6:51 pm
We made our own by cutting the bottom out of a large bucket with a lid and burying it on the edge of the yard. Add some septic treatment and water and waa-laa!
May 20, 2011 at 8:44 pm
Yep, those are it.
I live in a condo and have to pick up poo immediately because any ground is considered “common area”. A term/practice I despise which certainly makes me no hippy. Before I would bag it in paper bags and put it out at the curb but then we cut trash pickup to one day per week. In the summer, a bag o’poo can get pretty ripe. This helped a lot. Now I have an area inside the porch where they can go and I just scoop it in. There is also a contraption you can put on your own septic pipe. I think that would be fantastic.
May 20, 2011 at 9:36 pm
Thanks! We do have septic, so this would be awesome! Just have to convince the husband now…
May 20, 2011 at 9:55 pm
Here’s a link to the one that goes right into the septic system. http://www.doggiedoodrain.com/home.php
This would probably be the easiest way to dispose of any size poo. Hopefully hubs will let you get one!
May 20, 2011 at 2:14 pm
I do a lot of that. Mostly because I am poor (disabled)!
I do love good patchouli, though — smells like loam, and a girl’s got to find her garden where she can.
May 20, 2011 at 9:58 pm
There’s a gal on the west side of Michigan who sells bees wax melts in patchouli. Lilia’s candles. I use them in drawers, etc. rather than melt them. I haven’t found another patchouli scent I like better. I don’t do the incense or perfume, just the melts.
May 20, 2011 at 2:16 pm
My husband and I doing more for the Earth than most hippies just by not having children.
May 20, 2011 at 2:34 pm
Wait. You don’t drive a Pious?
May 20, 2011 at 8:50 pm
Actually once I began working from home I realized how much money a car costs just sitting in the drive as well. I live in Generica and everything is about a mile away. I got out from under my car and bought a grocery getter – no payments – certainly not green but it only moves but once a week or so.
May 20, 2011 at 4:07 pm
I’d like to think of myself as saner and better than a hippie. I will drive down the street to the post office, b/c I live in Houston. I shower everyday and run the water when I brush my teeth. I use the hell out of disposable liners and pads. I let the litterbox become a veritable rock of Gibraltar before I can be bothered to clean it. Nearly everything I eat comes ready out of a plastic package. I like to think the preservatives will keep me alive and attractive far after all the hippies turned to dust. I had a Dr. Pepper for breakfast. I don’t make my own soda but I could own stock in it. Patchouli smells like allergies and life-failure. I do love McDonald’s Happy Meals, tho mostly I throw away the plastic, non-degradable toys. I’m a grad student, I’m poor, & I’m disabled. And I own weapons & a cat named Razor, so don’t you rinse your Diva Cup in my bathroom sink.
May 20, 2011 at 9:00 pm
I don’t do what I do by choice – it’s just the way it is. Accidentally green. I can’t stand taking bottles back so making pop is better. I don’t shower every day because I get working and before I know it, it’s 6 o’clock. There isn’t enough Patchouli in the world for me to go 2 days without one. I clean the litter box like I do because my cats are dicks and will pee elsewhere if I don’t. I don’t need to leave much but will drive a mile for whatever as well because I live outside of Detroit – pedestrians are just slow moving targets, I’m less points than a grandma but more than a dog. Washable pads are a joke. They might work for a papercut. I don’t just use the hell out of disposables, I use Always Purple. Always. All ways.
May 21, 2011 at 12:30 am
Aaaaahhh why does anyone run the water when they brush their teeth?? Whenever I hear SAVE WATER, TURN OFF THE FAUCET WHILE YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH, I’ve always wondered who they meant because WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.
May 20, 2011 at 2:10 pm
I have to say, I expected a lot more angry hippies in here and a lot more flouncing. I’m disappointed, yet relieved at the same time.
May 20, 2011 at 2:28 pm
If you bait them…they will come. Patience…
May 20, 2011 at 5:00 pm
At first I read that as ‘If you bathe…’, to which my visceral response was ‘good luck with that’.
May 20, 2011 at 10:00 pm
That’s funny.
May 20, 2011 at 2:30 pm
It’s because no one likes hippies, not even hippies.
May 20, 2011 at 2:39 pm
Nah. As hippie-punk chick, I’ll agree with most of it and pick my battles. Regretsy is just too awesome to flounce on.
May 20, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Too laid back to flounce. *toke*
May 20, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Duuuuuuuuude.
May 20, 2011 at 2:11 pm
My cousin, who is about as white as it is possible to be, had dreads. Or he tried to. They were pathetic, and when I ended up taking them out for him as a favor, the amount of caked dead skin and sebum in them was unbelievable. Very, very foul.
Also, kale is a wonderful, superb, nourishing, nutritious, and tasty food for iguanas.
May 20, 2011 at 2:28 pm
It’s good for bearded dragons too.
I think it is designed for mainly lizards and turtles to eat.
May 20, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Exactly. It is an ideal food for herbivorous reptiles. My iguana would go batshit for kale, which left the rest of us somewhat bemused.
Maybe she should adjust the shirt text somewhat. EAT KALE [if you belong to the orders Squamata or Testudines].
May 20, 2011 at 2:11 pm
If that’s Kale, then she’d have a have a few showers and good grooming session first.
May 20, 2011 at 2:26 pm
Yeah, I’m thinkin’ that she is probably saying that she is Kale. And I’m definitely not eating that without some kind of decontamination process.
May 20, 2011 at 2:11 pm
So not vegan.
May 20, 2011 at 2:29 pm
But topical!
May 20, 2011 at 2:31 pm
Why can’t I ‘like’ this 84,000 times?
May 20, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Lemon_bombs for the win! The computer I’m on doesn’t have photoshop, could someone please do a ” hang in there kitten” poster? Lol
May 20, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Love it!
May 20, 2011 at 7:44 pm
Totally deserving of comment of the day!!
May 20, 2011 at 2:12 pm
I did try to use the quote tags. I think I failed… Let’s do this the ordinary way… (First ever Regretsy comment fail: I win a bedtime, and an executive order to quit drinking for tonight!)
” This listing is for a Unisex small in rust. (The last photo is the actual shirt you’d be gettin’) Sorry but only the sizes listed are available at this time. “
May 20, 2011 at 11:45 pm
I think I failed at linking entirely. I had a few too many last night…
I was trying to add this image from the listing:
http://ny-image1.etsy.com/il_570xN.241945989.jpg
(Lesson learned: Leave code to IT person husband…)
May 20, 2011 at 2:13 pm
So, I never got to do much exploring when I lived in CA aside from biking the San Gabriel River a lot. And you have now made me thankful I’ve never been to Santa Monica.
May 20, 2011 at 2:15 pm
I don’t feel comfortable with that nipple staring at me.
May 20, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Interesting.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dirty+hippie
May 20, 2011 at 2:23 pm
I also hate Hippies. I went to Art School in California, I met a New Hippie or two (gross understatement). Hippies stink. They smell like B.O., patchouli, and Dank. There are those who say I stink because I smoke. They are right. I do not multiply my cigarette stink with a variety of other unpleasant odors. I stink less.
I like kale. I cooked with it a lot but now I fear I will have to give it up since it apparently causes Zombie-ism and hip dysplasia.
I bake my own bread. I do this for my own entertainment. Amusing yourself is not heroic. Do not you bake your own bread and you do not enjoy it. There are many ways to obtain bread that do not involve baking the bread yourself. They are called bakeries and grocery stores. Persisting in an activity you abhor rather than availing yourself of the reasonably priced alternative only makes you an idiot, not a hero.
May 20, 2011 at 2:25 pm
SHIT. *Do not bake your own bread if you do not enjoy it.
May 20, 2011 at 2:35 pm
My husband bakes our bread, and also things like bagels and pitas. I don’t think it’s particularly heroic, especially since he seems incapable of cleaning up after himself. Maybe if he’d also clean the flour and such off the counters afterwards, I’d be willing to get him a cape.
Or, at least, an “Eat Kale” shirt.
May 20, 2011 at 8:16 pm
Now, people who bake gluten-free bread (that you can actually stand to eat) ARE heroes
May 20, 2011 at 2:25 pm
bah. nothin wrong with the girl.. not a thing.
but eat kale? wtf.
May 20, 2011 at 2:26 pm
The only member of my family that willingly eats kale is my lizard. Seriously. And she prefers Romaine if she can get it.
May 20, 2011 at 7:45 pm
You too? My lizard had a thing for kale, but Jesus Christ she went for collard greens.
May 20, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Looks like she was going to do the crane pose from Karate Kid in this picture but was just too apathetic or malnourished to pull it off.
May 20, 2011 at 2:32 pm
If the cool thing to do is wear shirts about your food choices, I’m going to need one that says “hot dogs and mac n’ cheese” and another that says “My kids’ Halloween candy guiltily in my office.”
May 20, 2011 at 2:44 pm
hotdogs in mac n’ cheese? i never thought of that but i like pepperonis in mac n’ cheese. i love that magical, cheese-flavored powder. i could put it on anything.
May 20, 2011 at 2:33 pm
well, i do love kale, but i love showers more.
AND I HATE DREADS ON WHITE PEOPLE.
May 20, 2011 at 2:33 pm
I’m kinda down with the whole hippie “save mother earth and humanity” thingie after watching a stoned girl walking zig-zag on a road begging for money at car windows – with a baby on her hip. There was an “alternative” life style camp nearby so there were quite a lot of people on the sides of the road looking drunk, stoned or who had just passed out. That’s when I realized that, at the age of 33, I’m too old for that kind of shit. Damn, I grew up after all. But it doesn’t feel too bad.
May 20, 2011 at 2:33 pm
She’s a mime, right ? Or she thinks she is one. Which is even worse.
(I know some people believe that we French are all mimes. That’s not true. Also, we’re not all rapists.)
May 20, 2011 at 2:38 pm
I think each of you is judging too harshly. I have one rule by which I lead my life: Never say anything bad about someone if they have nice cans.
For nondenominational mythic being’s sake, she is probably a sweet, and kind, and generous…. heheh, boobies.
May 20, 2011 at 8:40 pm
Also true
May 20, 2011 at 2:40 pm
I think you’d get more hate mail about this if hippies could pay for internet.
May 20, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
May 20, 2011 at 2:42 pm
I agree with you Helen. 100 fucking percent!!!!
May 20, 2011 at 2:48 pm
I love Seventh Generation cleaning products, and their tissues are OK. But their TP will sand that second piece of cheesecake off your ass.
May 20, 2011 at 2:54 pm
I didn’t know it was a brand! I read it as if the paper had been recycled seven times. Which doesn’t seem very appealing.
May 20, 2011 at 4:22 pm
I try to support Vermont businesses. And using their wholesome natural stuff sure beats getting nasty rashes or wearing thick gloves to clean.
May 20, 2011 at 4:24 pm
Oddly, once you recognize the packaging, you seer that it’s the only type of cleaning products Berta buys on Two and a Half Men.
May 20, 2011 at 7:14 pm
Same. I was like, “wow, recycled seven times. I can’t even used first-gen recycled tp because of the abrasiveness…”
May 20, 2011 at 2:51 pm
But but… what about us hippies to which those things don’t apply? We’re nice suburban middle of the road hippies who protest stuff on weekends, sign petitions, do our best to be green without being a douche about it… Oh and we shave and bathe.
May 20, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Then you’re not a hippie, dear. You’re just a socially conscious human.
May 20, 2011 at 2:59 pm
While this whole discussion of diets and hippies is grand, I really think we need to focus on what is important here. Someone needs to start posting more about BOOBIES!!!! And fast too. My parents will be home soon and I don’t want to get busted.
May 20, 2011 at 6:23 pm
Here you are, Cole. Go nuts.
http://animals.nationalgeographic.com/animals/birds/blue-footed-booby/
May 20, 2011 at 6:34 pm
Haha, you beat me by a couple of minutes, but I like my link better.
May 20, 2011 at 8:01 pm
So do I, if it comes to that.
May 20, 2011 at 6:25 pm
http://www.boobiesco.com/
May 20, 2011 at 3:01 pm
I worked at Whole Foods in college. That place is like Hippie Crack. And I’m sorry, but EW on dreads – the worst were the people with dreads who handled raw food. HURL.
May 20, 2011 at 3:05 pm
after reading all this now I think I’m a hippy…or soon-to-be or at least hippy’s cousin. I’m baking bread right now and I like kefir. I guess it means I will NEED to buy that t-shirt. Oh well, life isn’t easy.
May 20, 2011 at 3:07 pm
I love kale – the ornamental variety. Adds color to the garden in Jan/Feb. Eat it? Rather graze the lawn.
May 20, 2011 at 3:07 pm
May 20, 2011 at 9:07 pm
Is that Sean Penn?!
May 21, 2011 at 4:47 am
Which one?
May 20, 2011 at 3:09 pm
I don’t mind hippies, I just wish they’d start believing in bras and pants.
May 20, 2011 at 3:12 pm
I haven’t been to Santa Monica, but another hippie haven in California is Arcata. Sweet Jesus. In the first week I was there I met a girl who had taken her roommate’s recently cut dreads and sewn them into her hat. It’s also the only place where I saw a man with a single dread. His hair had somehow formed into a giant mat. It looked like he had a felted bowl permanently attached to the back of his head. Oh, and there were leaves and sticks stuck in it.
That nastiness was matched only by the woman I saw in a bank in Eugene, OR. She had dreads down to her knees and she had used one of them to tie the others together.
May 20, 2011 at 4:05 pm
I lived in Eugene and Arcata! Worst combination ever of college-know-it-all hippies and bum-on-the-side-of-the-road-for-beer-money hippies. I was used to Eugene, but was blown away when I went to Arcata by how many full-body corduroy patchwork outfits were being worn. Yuck.
May 20, 2011 at 4:20 pm
I did the opposite. I went from Arcata to Oregon (thankfully I’ve never lived in Eugene). No one believed me when I said Arcata was worse. The number of bongs confiscated and destroyed by the living group advisors was reported in the school paper. People on the square would trade you pot for a slice of pizza. One of my roommates came from a relatively swanky part of Maine just so she could live the unwashed, corduroy patch, hemp jewelry, Bob Marley-grooving, high-all-day-every-day lifestyle.
Other than that, Arcata is a beautiful little town.
May 20, 2011 at 9:09 pm
Now don’t be lumping Bob Marley in with these dirty hippies.
May 20, 2011 at 3:17 pm
I *am* a fucking hippie (organic cloth everything, hundred-mile vegan diet, yoga, meditation, music in the woods, all of it) and even I think dreadlocks on white people are fucking gross. You can live naturally still GROOM–even badgers groom themselves.
May 20, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Amen.
May 20, 2011 at 3:20 pm
A guy I nearly dated in high school decided he would look fantastic if hey dyed his hair black and then got dreds. He was built roughly like a beanbbag chair and they did not suit him.
I have to admit to liking Dylan on principle, though… good lyrics and he was the outcast of a small Minnesota town, just like me!
But he sings like a dying cow.
May 20, 2011 at 6:40 pm
“EVERYBODY does Dylan better than Dylan.” -Me
May 20, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Once a group frat boys across the street took a group of my art rock friends for hippies because they were playing hacky sack and dressed like weirdos. When the frat boys shouted “HIPPIES!”, one clever fella disappeared into the garage and emerged with a bucket of tennis balls and lighter fluid. He proceeded to pelt them with flaming tennis balls (probably because he hated frat boys AND hippies).
May 20, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Thank goodness I am not the only one who hates hippies. But you forgot 6: They sneak into your parties, drink all the beer and steal all the good “illicit” substances
May 20, 2011 at 3:30 pm
and he smelled like the inside of a plunger.
I have to ask how you know what that smells like.
May 20, 2011 at 3:31 pm
“White people with dreadlocks always have an art name or a hippie name or a fucking yoga name. You never meet a white girl with dreads named “Jill”. It’s always, “Hey, this is my friend, Ananda Gheranda-Samhita Sunflower One Tree Berkowitz.” And there’s always a “Berkowitz”, because so many white hippie girls are Jewish. I don’t know, maybe they’re tired of flat irons.”
****
See, this is how I can tell you’ve never lived in Minneapolis! Dreads on white people are practically mainstream and no one is Jewish.
Actually I think dreads on white people look fine if they’re taken care of. This chick in the picture though – she looks like she gave up bathing when Clinton was in office.
May 20, 2011 at 3:33 pm
May 20, 2011 at 3:34 pm
What about DECORATIVE kale? That stuff can look kind of cool.
May 20, 2011 at 3:34 pm
What is with that bizarre position? Maybe it is Rapture inspired – sort of dead Jesus coming off the cross? Not sure what it has to do with kale though.
May 20, 2011 at 3:35 pm
Just gotta say. It’s 10.34am here. Day of the Rapture.
Oh! The pain and suffering! The rapture is here! Oh the blood and gore! The horror!!
Nah, actually nothings happened yet. It’s kinda boring really.
May 20, 2011 at 3:46 pm
It’s only 6:45pm here. Don’t you know the Rapture runs on US Eastern Time?
Jerusalem is ancient history.
May 20, 2011 at 4:04 pm
….dammit.
May 20, 2011 at 3:35 pm
There was actually a white girl named Jill with dreads that went to my college.
It didn’t make her nastyass whitedreads any less gross.
May 20, 2011 at 3:36 pm
I used to have dreads 6 years ago. I don’t wear deodorant, am vegan, buy my food in bulk, compost, have a diesel VW that runs on veggie oil, use cloth menstrual pads – everything that gets me called a hippie constantly. But I can’t deal with people who consider themselves hippies – and having lived in Eugene, OR, and Arcata, CA, and also selling at festivals and fairs for years, I know a LOT of hippies. Besides all the other points very nicely addressed by you all first, I really hate the way hippies despise the government and mainstream religion, but are complete Jah-loving Rasta pride idiots. What better way to stick it to the man than to blindly follow a patriarchal, controlling religion because it promotes marijuana use. I can’t control my disgust every time I see someone wearing something black with red, yellow and green stripes.
May 20, 2011 at 3:48 pm
I hate to tell you this but you are totally a hippie.
May 20, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Damnit
May 20, 2011 at 5:15 pm
@everminding, props to you. Not all government is bad. Not all mainstream religion is bad. And I’m sure there are elements of Rastafarian beliefs that aren’t bad.
What stinks is when people who claim to be tolerant and gentle to ALL are just as close-minded as anyone else. NO one lives a completely pure life; that’s just part of the human condition.
My grandpa Crosby owned a shop/gallery in Wiscasset, ME. Sometime in the 70′s, a hippie came in and lay on the floor for quite a while, ostensibly in silent protest of my grandfather’s capitalist chauvinist materalistic The Man-ness existence.
Grandpa wasn’t an establishment stinker; he’d actually lived in the slums of Chicago and taught at Hull House. But he wasn’t a pushover, either. He lowered himself carefully to the floor, lay down on his back, and began sucking his thumb.
Eventually the hippie got up and sheepishly shuffled off.
May 20, 2011 at 5:54 pm
Yes! When I think about Rasta hippies in particular I get all worked up with rage. But really Rastafarianism itself doesn’t bother me any more than any other religion.
May 20, 2011 at 5:58 pm
I ♥ your Grandpa
May 20, 2011 at 6:36 pm
Yeah, he kept it real, and he never thought he was too old to learn. In his mid-90′s he was better at using a computer than my parents are today.
May 20, 2011 at 9:27 pm
I’m Pastafarian. Does that count?
May 20, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Oh! She has this great creation in her store
I’t looks like a deformed squirrel sitting on a stool smoking a cigarette.
May 20, 2011 at 8:33 pm
I didnt click your image link, I only replied to say, “I AM THE RADISKULL!”
Fuck I’m a nerd. An old nerd.
May 20, 2011 at 3:42 pm
not all white people with dreads are hippies. I hate hippies but I have sweet dreads. but I also have a white girl afro so it only makes sense.
May 20, 2011 at 3:44 pm
The only thing I have to add to this (after hitting “thumbs up” on a bunch of better comments) is that aspirin was discovered because…
It’s the active ingredient in that ancient folk medicine favorite, willow bark tea.
But apparently herbal medicine distilled from tree bark just isn’t “organic” enough for some hippies.
May 20, 2011 at 4:46 pm
I agree. There are people who vehemently defend any natural treatment and are disdainful of ANY modern medicine. Then there are those people who just don’t trust any natural medicine. I’m right in the middle – I know plenty of herbal remedies work and have scientific double-blind studies to back them up, but there are plenty of all-natural remedies that don’t work any more than a placebo. Unfortunately, the latter leads to more people being wary of anything herbal or natural.
May 20, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Continue rant: Hippies also overwhelmingly have no understanding of basic science (because they have never read a book) or scientific theory, and wholeheartedly believe everything they are told by any source not mainstream – auras, reincarnation, magnets, homeopathy, any kind of New Age healing ideas. . . and will talk about these things constantly like the government is just keeping knowledge of them from us because they don’t want us to be healthy. AND any government conspiracy theory you can imagine, from chemtrails with nano viruses in them to aliens to government death camps that are supposedly already built and waiting for us (complete with furnaces for burning us alive!) – all discussed openly and as if its absolute truth. Except its all really sad because it’s not like they’re even getting this info from watching Alex Jones or reading David Icke – they’re just repeating little bits and pieces they’ve picked up from others so it’s even more bullshit.
May 20, 2011 at 3:49 pm
I mean really, I just feel really shitty listening to them because I constantly think “uhm no, that’s not really the way that conspiracy/idea is suppose to happen, you’ve got it all wrong” and then I get pissed at myself because I already know full well it’s all bullshit and I got sucked in.
May 20, 2011 at 5:05 pm
First time I read this I hadn’t seen your earlier post. That just makes it so much sweeter. My gun-toting, chemical cleaner using, meat eating ass LOVES you. Can we be friends?
May 20, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Yes please
May 20, 2011 at 6:04 pm
YAY! Friends!
May 20, 2011 at 4:27 pm
Wow. I take it back. If this describes a hippy, I never WAS a hippy.
Crap.
All these years, I have been lying to my kids and now my grandkids, telling them I was a hippy. It made me sound so… interesting.
You know, when I refused to go to Woodstock because I had a baby in diapers and it seemed like it would not be a good idea to try to feed and care for him in that setting — that should have clued me in. A true hippy wouldn’t have cared about a year old baby in the mud and rain. I would have found someone to breast feed the toddler and to hell with diapers.
What a revelation – I do not need to be having an identity crisis at my age.
*shakes her withered hand at the top of the post*
Damn you Helen Killer, this is all your fault!
Maybe this means I can be raptured tomorrow. I never did inhale.
May 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm
Oh damn, rant continues…
Why didn’t somebody tell me. When I think of all the books I read… that should have been a clue. And how I hate New Age stuff and think conspiracy theories are a load of bunk.
And I don’t have dreadlocks, unless you count the way my hair gets tangled when I fall asleep watching t.v. with a rubber band in my hair… t.v…. rubber bands.. even a former hippy wouldn’t watch t.v. or use rubber bands in their hair.
Oh God, oh God… oh should I say that? Wait, I’m a Quaker – that must count for something. Aren’t all Quakers hippies at heart?
Who the hell am I? I don’t know….
Regretsfully…confused…
May 20, 2011 at 4:36 pm
Don’t worry – you could still be a hippy! There are lots of kinds of hippies!
I just have vendettas against certain kinds of hippies. Mainly the uneducated ones.
May 20, 2011 at 6:26 pm
Dude, don’t freak. Just do like Baba Ram Dass says:
be here now. (I’m sure I still have that book somewhere.)
May 20, 2011 at 6:01 pm
I think we need to redefine “hippy” and come up with some new words…
May 20, 2011 at 10:19 pm
I like the term “neo-hippy.”
May 20, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
May 20, 2011 at 3:48 pm
I have culinary training. No on actually likes kale! Hippys (hippies?) eat it because they feel obliged to, as hippies. It’s used as a garnish for it’s nice color and shape.
May 20, 2011 at 10:21 pm
I also have culinary training. Whatever that means. In my case I went to an accredited university and received my associate’s degree in culinary arts. I love kale. Stop making vast generalizations. You do not know everything.
May 21, 2011 at 12:09 pm
Well, to be fair, tunanoodlecasserole didn’t say that no one likes kale. S{he said no ON likes kale. And I can’t argue with that.
Because I don’t know what it means.
May 20, 2011 at 3:49 pm
And what is up with nipples all in my face? It’s bad enough there are a few sellers that show their wears totally topless. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to know what color your areolas are and I don’t want to know that it’s obviously chilly where you’re modeling! Keep your hippie bewbs to your own damn selves!
May 20, 2011 at 3:51 pm
I think we found a girlfriend for sad hipster – together they’ll be dancing till the end of times… or precisely till saturday evening.
May 20, 2011 at 3:55 pm
There are only three kinds of people who eat kale, they may overlap:
1. Those who eat it because it’s so nutritious.
2. Those who eat it because it’s so cheap.
3. Those who eat it because they grew up with it and/or like it.
None of these types of people need a shirt to remind them to eat vegetables. They are not the ones eating fast food 3 meals a day.
May 20, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Hey now!
I had pink dreads (that were real) for years. And yes, I washed them every day, I only conditioned once a week. My hair is super fine, so dreading them was easy. Just back combing instead of brushing them normally, and rolling them in my palms. I also dye my hair a ton, so that made it easier to tangle up into dreads.
I am not, nor have I ever been a hippy (I hate them). I eat the loving hell out of medium rare steak. I never called myself “Moonbeam Dancing Twig” or whatever. Just by my real name.
I blame the dreads on being too lazy too style my hair and the fact that I’m a recovering goth.
Oh yeah… and patchouli makes me dry heave.
May 20, 2011 at 3:58 pm
HAHAHA, I also have a dread lock on white people phobia. And I am from Santa Cruz, so I get the frustration of shopping in a hippy grocery store. Besides that, I get to live with the product of UCSC… so fun.
May 20, 2011 at 4:01 pm
I almost died laughing. Why is she posing like that? Is she a marionette?
May 20, 2011 at 4:04 pm
How can something be mismarked organic, when there are actually no set rules as to what can be marked organic and what can’t? The only true way to know that something is organic is to check whether it is several dollars dearer than it should be.
May 20, 2011 at 4:08 pm
There absolutely are rules that dictate what can be marked organic and what cannot be. Granted the USDA’s rules are rather lax compared to other countries, they still exist. There are also third party certification groups that have mush stricter rules – like Oregon Tilth. Now on the other hand, the term “all natural” has absolutely no rules regarding when it can be used to describe food.
May 20, 2011 at 11:11 pm
Huh, my bad. I must be listening to the wrong shit-talkers. I’m pretty sure the several-dollars-dearer test works too though.
May 20, 2011 at 4:05 pm
Holy Crap I lived blocks from that Wild Oats (now no more, right?).
That was summed up so perfectly.
There are hundreds of comments so I hope I didn’t miss someone else posting about this but…
Dreds on white people: Just watched an episode of “What not to Wear” with a white hippie with super long dreds. When they cut them off her..PUFFS OF DUST CAME OUT OF THEM! WHITE..WHATEVER…in a cloud.
Just thinking about it makes me jerk involuntarily with disgust.
I had to turn off the TV and take a second shower.
Hippie chick has nice boobs, though.
ahem.
May 20, 2011 at 5:05 pm
dead skin.. it would have been dead skin.. from her scalp.. all caught in the dreads
May 20, 2011 at 6:16 pm
That was my eventual conclusion too..I ..I just don’t like to think about it.
May 20, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Yeah, seconding the dead skin. I have horrible dandruff, and no amount of washing can get them shits under control.
May 20, 2011 at 4:05 pm
Oh April, I love you so much for putting into words exactly why I hate Hippies that I want to have your children. More specifically, I want to fertilize a half of one of my ova with one of yours because we are both women and that’s how we’d have to procreate, plus could you carry the baby for me because I can’t. Thanks.
May 20, 2011 at 4:40 pm
I can’t carry it. I have drinks in both hands.
May 20, 2011 at 6:33 pm
Make the baby carry the drinks.
May 20, 2011 at 11:07 pm
that’s why i had kids
May 20, 2011 at 4:16 pm
ouch, i’ve had dreads for a year now and no bugs yet. i’m still white, i guess. i just got tired of combing my luscious mane. i love kale, perky nipples, long walks on the beach…wait, i don’t call people mama because it creeps me, though i like being an orphan, but i have punk tendencies which explains why i hate the fucking government and i don’t want their fucking money!
wait, i’m actually legally married though i did want to just ride that common-law wagon–no free love though–you gotta pay to play! i have a boring name, Amy, and i’m not Jewish; i’m not religious. i’ll be here with the rest of the heathens Monday. i’m too lazy to do yoga, but i don’t smoke weed. i also have stretched lobes but i think maybe that’s a cross stereotype interest-i.e. tribal jewelry. i’d love to go to California someday~San Fran sounds quite nice! i’ve known some really nice people, but i don’t sniff them (on purpose anyway)
so wait, what was the question?
May 20, 2011 at 6:31 pm
So, basically, you’re a whole bunch of cultural appropriations rolled into one? Cool.
May 20, 2011 at 8:13 pm
no, you
May 21, 2011 at 11:38 am
So, basically, you’re trying to act better than her/him because you know big words, and won’t admit that you probably have participated in several cultural appropriations of your own.
But, that doesn’t let you feel Superior on the Internet!
May 20, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Rejected hippie t-shirt slogans:
-Eat Krill
-Eat, Kill
-Eat Caul…iflower
May 20, 2011 at 4:28 pm
I think I must be weird after reading these comments, but I love kale, could eat it everyday. I think it goes well with a big fat rare steak. Plus I’d rather shaved my head than get white girl dreads.
May 20, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Yeah I like kale. But only cooked, never raw.
May 20, 2011 at 6:45 pm
Shave*
May 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm
I love this place so much, Regretsy, aka as “Left behind.com”
May 20, 2011 at 4:42 pm
The shop is based in Santa Cruz, CA. ‘Nuff said. Think Berkeley, but woodsier. In more than one way.
May 20, 2011 at 4:50 pm
Frankly, I’d prefer not to buy something modeled by a woman not wearing a bra. Potential pit sweat’s bad enough. I don’t need a whiff of your patchouli boob-sweat, too.
May 20, 2011 at 4:56 pm
She’s got a pretty large rack to go bra-less. They’re already halfway down her chest.
May 20, 2011 at 4:56 pm
oh yeah, and Jesus was totally a hippie. I asked your mom.
May 20, 2011 at 5:54 pm
I’m so old, I sat behind Jesus in homeroom.
May 20, 2011 at 7:10 pm
Do you have an autographed Bible?
May 20, 2011 at 8:04 pm
you sniffed his hair, didn’t you? Gave him the hippie sniff test?
May 20, 2011 at 4:56 pm
April, I’ll miss you when the rapture happens. You’ve so eloquently explained why I hate most of my co-workers.
May 20, 2011 at 5:15 pm
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
May 20, 2011 at 5:53 pm
If I was, in some small way, responsible for you getting a job, it will have all been worth it.
May 20, 2011 at 6:18 pm
And they say you do no good.
May 20, 2011 at 8:36 pm
Hilarious!
May 20, 2011 at 6:33 pm
Xenophobic? I haven’t found anyone on this site who’s afraid of xens.
May 20, 2011 at 10:29 pm
Yay! Finally, a flounce.
May 20, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Oo I LOVE Kale, and I actually like this shirt.
And I’ve been a divacup user for 2 years!
(don’t hate me)
May 20, 2011 at 5:34 pm
I tried to get a free cup, but they ran out.
I hate lady products.
May 20, 2011 at 9:23 pm
I have no clue how that would even work. I could wear a twin xl mattress as a pad and still leak.
May 20, 2011 at 5:25 pm
Was just stooging about on fb when I saw this comment from a Regretsian;
“…so it’s funny until it’s about you?” (If this is you, bravo)
THAT is it! Look at all the “I had dreads & I’m not a dirty hippie” comments. Or the “I eat Kale & I’m not a dirty hippie” comments. Or the “I smell like a sewer & I’m not a dirty hippie” comments… what happens if someone who likes to wear a buttplug around there neck comes in here to defend themselves? Regretsy happens, that’s what.
I promise when April posts about hating over-weight Mothers who let their kids watch shitty tv & forget to put sun-cream on them when they’re outside sometimes, I won’t come crying to you.
May 20, 2011 at 5:25 pm
*their dammnit
May 20, 2011 at 7:51 pm
Was fine 1st time. Good cheer.
May 20, 2011 at 5:30 pm
Hahahaha okay, so, April, I completly dissagree with everything you said here, but, my only thought was “IF I WAS A STUPID, I COULD FLOUNCE NOW” But, the sad reality is that I can actually handle disagreeing with someone on the internet and keep enjoying their work regardless of said disagreement.
So, no flounce from me. *sigh* I miss out on all the fun
May 20, 2011 at 5:51 pm
I’m glad, Eruanna. It’s helpful to keep in mind that I’m a complete idiot and my opinion is worthless.
May 20, 2011 at 5:33 pm
I tried to give myself dreads, and it took far too long because my hair refused to take to the backcombing. Bitch ass hair
-Aloe Sunhill the Hippie
May 20, 2011 at 5:33 pm
I have little personal experience with dreadlocked people of any type, so I can’t generalize or comment. But, this post brought to mind one girl who appears to step beyond any generalizations or stereotypes, and I’ve come to admire her and enjoy her work – dreadlocks and all:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NR8tH9tDGQ
May 20, 2011 at 11:15 pm
mr pete, i can’t watch that in my country. who is it?
May 20, 2011 at 5:34 pm
My first thought was “Darn, I forgot to buy emery boards at Walmart today.”
Did she miss pounding her bamboo pad with the rocks & pound her fingernails instead? Or she didn’t have a trowel to plant her kale & used her fingernails?
May 20, 2011 at 5:51 pm
Thank you! Someone had to say it…
May 20, 2011 at 5:59 pm
I’d buy the Brains version of that shirt. ZOMBIES 4 UNLIFE!
May 20, 2011 at 6:19 pm
Yeah…I went to UC Santa Cruz. They killed any chance of me EVER becoming a hippie.
I love buying organic or homegrown food, I enjoy Bob Dylan (not THAT much, mind you,) and I don’t really try to promote war…but in the same vein…I don’t really feel like I can be a hippie because too much of the time their attention was poorly directed and everything seemed an excuse to go do something completely bullshit.
I remember a May Day protest for Immigrant workers and nobody showed up for class…except for us Latinos and children of immigrant workers. I think it was embarrassing for everyone involved.
May 20, 2011 at 11:29 pm
“too much of the time their attention was poorly directed and everything seemed an excuse to go do something completely bullshit.”
Yes! Well put.
May 20, 2011 at 6:21 pm
I am so buying one. no joke. I just spent four years in the “Happy Valley” (read: Amherst, Massachusetts) and have been surrounded by hippies for so long that I’ve partially assimilated…
no dreads though, and I shower daily. I do like my Diva cup though.
May 21, 2011 at 6:36 am
Those things are awesome. They’re like science experiments for your bajingo. The only bad thing was we didn’t have a stall at work with a sink, so I had to bring my water bottle in to wash it over the toilet. heh. Twatter Bottle.
May 20, 2011 at 6:28 pm
They’re totally ripping off these guys:
http://www.eatmorekale.com/
May 20, 2011 at 6:39 pm
May 20, 2011 at 6:41 pm
Where I grew up hosted the largest Blue Grass festival. So I just kind of got used to the fact that once a year my town would be overrun by every hippie in the US that could manage to RV or hitchhike in. For one weekend a green haze hung like happysmog.
Though I’ll admit I’d like weed legalized just because I think it would get rid of the ‘cool rebellious potsmoker’. Hate those smug twats. Yeah, and I jaywalk regularly, but you don’t see ME getting all uppity about stickin’ it to the man.
May 20, 2011 at 6:41 pm
OK, I admit I love kale, and so does my family (but not the salad bar garnish kind… really? is that what some people think kale-loving folks are eating?!)
but more importantly… WHERE IS HER OTHER NIPPLE?
May 20, 2011 at 6:52 pm
is it bad i keep singing “one head light” in my head when i see this picture?
May 20, 2011 at 6:52 pm
Wait, Kale’s a political statement now?
It’s fucking minefield out there these days.
May 20, 2011 at 7:35 pm
I love you, Clare. I don’t know you, but I love you.
May 20, 2011 at 9:15 pm
Thumbs up times several million.
May 20, 2011 at 6:52 pm
I am married to a failed hippie – this means that he has a job, for the government. He was a hippie in the 70s, when I was in elementary school and he was busy hitch-hiking across Canada and living with groups of people and working where ever they could to afford a little beer to go with whatever they found to eat. He never head dreadlocks because he bathed.
Instant Hippies make me tired. (Just don’t add water for a month – instant hippie
May 20, 2011 at 7:02 pm
She’s been holding her arms up that way for so long the blood has all rushed to her thighs!
May 20, 2011 at 7:04 pm
I don’t eat kale, it goes straight to my thighs!
May 20, 2011 at 7:05 pm
holy shit, it’s Spiccoli with boobs!
May 20, 2011 at 7:30 pm
I totally thought this was an intentional “zombie” pose and was chosen because of how the CDC is promoting preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse.
I would normally have felt a little cheated, but since you’re making fun of dirty hippies instead, I am content with the unintentional bait-and-switch.
May 20, 2011 at 7:39 pm
i’m white, i have dreads, and my name is plain ol’ jessica. i’m also not a hippie nor do i smoke weed. these days, it’s not just hippies that have dreads–so do plenty of goths, punks, and hipsters. they can be formed by not brushing your hair or by meticulously shaping each one with a comb. washing doesn’t have much to do with it one way or the other.
i totally agree about disliking hippies, though.
May 20, 2011 at 7:56 pm
I have to say I think kale is lovely . . . but then again I drink green juice in the morning (which involves jamming lots of leafy things plus some apple and lemon into a juicer) so my judgment on what qualifies as “good” should probably be taken with a grain of salt. Or a grain of no-sodium all-natural seasoning.
That being said, my roommate introduced me to this kale salad and it’s become a fixture at our house. It’s a bit like a healthier caesar, made with kale (stripped of its unappealing ribs and chopped), garlicky lemony dressing, parmesan and croutons or bits of baguette. Yum!
I think kale is also nice sauteed with a bit of olive oil or stuffed in a wrap along with peppers, sprouts, hummus, avocado, tomato & whatever else you want.
Then again I might just be cramming it down my throat to offset all the orange Hostess cupcakes I consume. My snack cake footprint IS pretty big.
May 20, 2011 at 8:04 pm
Goddamn it, I read through 688 comments expecting to see some nasty flamewars and flouncing. Hippies, I am disappoint.
May 20, 2011 at 8:19 pm
I think people have a skewed idea of what constitutes a “hippie.” In my day, which was several hundred days ago (so I am also WISE) hippies were peace loving, high loving, love loving individuals who just wanted everyone to live in peace. Where did all the hating come from? I’d MUCH rather be a hippie than a hater.
Commence the thumbs-downing, I don’t give a fuck.
May 20, 2011 at 9:03 pm
all the ‘free love’ just got commercialized.
May 20, 2011 at 9:13 pm
I think it’s because many of the people who call themselves hippies these days are self-righteous annoying people who are more about asserting their superiority than about actually doing something good with their lives.
I have no problem with organic granola-crunchy, Birks-wearing, peace-loving, tree-hugging, outdoorsy, hemp-wearing folk – hell, I am one. But there’s a difference between holding and living those values, and shoving them in other people’s faces – and a lot of modern “hippies” are more about showing off their rejection of the mainstream than offering a real alternative to it.
It’s like buying organic mass-farmed milk from Whole Foods – totally commercial, but with a feel-good, feel-superior message wrapped around it. Buying from the organic-but-uncertified local guy who wears Carharts unironically is better for the environment, but these sorts of hippies won’t do that, because they are snobs pretending to be above snobbery.
May 20, 2011 at 9:41 pm
That’s just it. What we see today is simply a subculture.
May 20, 2011 at 8:20 pm
Kale on one hand, end of the world on the other, I’ll take the other.
May 20, 2011 at 8:29 pm
Dude, SERIOUSLY. All of that.
May 20, 2011 at 8:47 pm
The day I learned to hate hippies was the day my uncle made me buckwheat pancakes. After hearing he was making pancakes, I sat down to the table in sweet anticipation of delicious pan fried batter slathered in butter. But no. I got buckwheat pancakes. Have you ever had them? And there was no slab of butter in sight. He was a member of the Rainbow people too. Sounded to me like a good excuse to camp out and smoke weed. Might be why he’s still a virgin.
My grandmother (also a self proclaimed hippie, of which I am skeptical) had this block of tofu sitting in her fridge for ages. She kept telling me to eat healthier, meanwhile the box of Ho-Ho’s kept magically getting replaced while the tofu just sort of hung out and made friends with the condiment bottles. She also refuses to take meds. She’s convinced herself that she really doesnt need to take that Coumadin even though she’s had 2 clots. She’s googling for an organic alternative.
>.<
May 20, 2011 at 8:48 pm
Also, the original post and comments are so full of win I’ve been up for an hour and a half reading through all of them. I love you assholes. It’s good to know I’m not the only bitter one.
May 20, 2011 at 9:05 pm
Actually, I love buckwheat pancakes. But, then, I slather them in butter and drown them in syrup, which is a different sort of experience.
Worst “hippy” food I ever ate was a carob cake baked by a friend’s mother for her birthday. One, carob (which only tastes “like” chocolate to people who have never eaten chocolate), and two, it was about the density of a brick, being only two inches tall, and three, it of course had no icing.
May 20, 2011 at 9:18 pm
The whole point of cake = vehicle for the icing.
May 20, 2011 at 9:31 pm
Agreed!
May 20, 2011 at 8:58 pm
HaHa! I don’t have a uterus! I don’t have to give a fuck about Diva cups or reusable pads! And I am all woman, wait wombyn? WTF is that word?
May 20, 2011 at 9:40 pm
Sure, rub it in.
May 21, 2011 at 1:36 am
Rub it in what?
May 20, 2011 at 9:29 pm
Oh! And another thing about Wild Oats…
Turns out the ex-CEO of that flaccid store, Michael Gilliland, was charged with child prostitution. Stepped down, even. I couldn’t trust them to begin with, but I will forever shun them now. You all should.
May 20, 2011 at 9:48 pm
hippie food shouldn’t even count as food.
May 20, 2011 at 10:33 pm
Although I generally agree with you, the Santa Monica point is really unfair and entirely inaccurate. I’ve lived there since I was born fand I have not met a single hippie. There are a lot of yuppies who do yoga and eat organic etc etc and some of them of are stupid and do it as a fad and some of them are serious and know what they are talking about, but the number of hippies, especially north of Montana Ave where Wild Oats was located is extremely minimal . None of them can afford to live in Santa Monica, especially at their age. Santa Monica is also arguably one of the most beautiful and pleasant places to live in all of LA and those of us who enjoy living here would like to maintain that reputation. On other subjects, I’m sorry you’ve been receiving so much silliness recently. People are stupid >.<
May 20, 2011 at 10:45 pm
The Wild Oats I’m talking about was on Wilshire and 5th. It’s a Whole Foods now. And I’m sorry, but there were hippies and bums EVERYWHERE. They were camped out on the street, especially around the Third Street Promenade, which is where we lived. But this was 5 years ago, so maybe it’s different now.
May 20, 2011 at 11:05 pm
You must not be talking about the part of Santa Monica that has hundreds of bums camped out, taking massive dumps all over the sidewalk. That’s the part where we lived. The BofA parking lot was practically a shantytown. Beautiful place to live.
Yes, north of Montana is great. The neighborhood around the Promenade is another story entirely.
May 20, 2011 at 10:37 pm
I’m not into dreadlocks on white people either. I do have curly hair and have never considered using a flatiron – because honestly it makes your curly hair look like shit. I did actually iron my hair with an iron when I was a teen.
I went to art school, so I know the people you’re speaking of.
I always kinda thought my Mom was a hippie, I mean she is crafty and like insists on line-drying clothing. Turns out my mom is just a thrifty crazy person. Plus she showers every day & uses deodorant and doesn’t do tie dye…
I’m on the fence when it comes to kale. Okay, really I’m just apathetic.
May 20, 2011 at 11:37 pm
My family got three or four grain moth infestations from Wild Oats. It was a nightmare.
May 20, 2011 at 11:38 pm
Holy ShitBalls. I made my own bread yesterday and I love Bob Dylan. FML. I am a dirty hipster. I’m going to put on my jesus sandals and comb out my dreads and lay on my front lawn and hope the sweet lord takes me to the great smoke circle in the sky. Astalavista Bitches. They got the good weed upstairs.
May 21, 2011 at 12:04 am
the thing is theres no such thing as real hippies anymore
I frew up in an area of australia in the eighties where there were real bush hippies
the people you see today are just wannabe hippies. They want to be alternate, and like you say want their organic produce but then will turn around and smoke marlboros
i know people just like this. vegetarian politically correct arts grant hippies who will tell me that if i eat that steak i will die yet they turn around and roll tobacco. Fucking pisses me off. I’d never touch a cigarette, these hippies all they are are just hippocrits!
And these people always look so thin and depleted of nutrients, but hey, thats *alternate*
FUCK THEM ALL
May 21, 2011 at 1:37 am
So, you’re from Nimbin?
May 21, 2011 at 8:11 am
I’m an alternate persaonality
My lifestyle is Alternative… See the difference?
May 21, 2011 at 12:08 am
There are definitely different types of “hippies” — the type who don’t actually do anything to make the world better really piss me off.
But, re: dreads — white people with dreads = ridiculous.
However, people with nappy hair often have hair that dreads NATURALLY (the key difference), meaning their hair still needs to be washed, cleaned, etc. Instead of forcing your hair to try and stick together, you just have to twist it together.
It’s important to clarify — white people with dreads just give people whose hair dreads naturally a bad name. NOT COOL WHITE PEOPLE WITH DREADS. SHAME ON YOU.
May 21, 2011 at 11:37 am
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May 21, 2011 at 11:42 am
and before you say that i’m lying and that there’s no way my hair spontaneously dreaded overnight, it happened over the course of 3 years. it started with a few dreads that i would’ve had to have cut to get out, so i left them, and slowly spread. i did rip them apart to prevent one big, monster dread from taking over my head, but that’s all.
i think the biggest determinant of dreads is dry hair, really.
May 21, 2011 at 12:16 am
Nothing can ever make white people dreads okay with me. Same goes for ponytails on dudes.
I live in Portland and sometimes it’s hard to tell the hippies from the hipsters from the homeless people. I’m pretty sure I’ve met all three in one person before, but I overwhelmingly prefer to socialize with the homeless than with the hippies and hipsters! I come from Omaha, though, and I think the hipsters there were even worse because they were just trying so damn hard. It was painful to watch them posture in the ‘hip’ parts of town, and the hippies there were especially sanctimonious due to their low population.
May 21, 2011 at 12:18 am
Also, is Miss Kale a narcoleptic in free-fall? I’m still trying to figure out what the fuck she’s doing.
May 21, 2011 at 12:28 am
Helen, I agree with you COMPLETELY.
COMPLETELY.
My sister is like 80% of the way to becoming a hippie and I can’t stand it. She used to be so pleasant.
All of your points could have been taken directly from my own experience and opinions, except I live in Seattle, not Santa Monica, but it sounds like it’s about the same.
If I see one more woman with a mustache because THAT’S THE WAY NATURE MADE ME, MAAAN I swear I am going to take four shits and die. Pluck that grossness, bitch, and wear some respectable clothes and stop naming your kids Cedar and Orion. Fuck.
May 21, 2011 at 12:30 am
Oh, also, the hippie men with their sad wispy beards and their patchwork pants and their dewey-eyed expressions of faux sincere concern and brotherly love. Gimme a break. Give me my buzzcutted tattooed boyfriend who’d just as soon shoot the tires off your bike with his Mosin Nagant as look at you, Mr. Hippie Man. Stop telling me you love me. You don’t even know me.
God, I hate hippies.
May 21, 2011 at 1:06 am
I slept with a white guy with dreads once. I was a teenager, & thought fire-engine red dreads looked cool, but close up, the roots of his hair were just full of skank & dandruff.
My dreams were shattered.
Kale is for rabbits.
But I reserve my right to wear obnoxious celestial print & tie-dye sun dresses with humorous socks.
May 21, 2011 at 3:42 am
First I like to say that I haven’t read everything. Not a good day today. So I apologize if I say something someone else already said.
1) Nowadays they make dreadlock at hairdressers, because white hair is usually so slinky it doesn’t dread well. So it needs to be chemically destroyed and mechanically teased into dreadlocks. But, I assume a hippie would not do that, considering all the cost and impact on nature and the health of the hairdresser working in those chemical fumes and so.
2) this photo is about the best ads for “you are what you eat”… eat kale and you’ll end up looking like kale. She makes a perfect impression of kale. Actually very impressive.
May 21, 2011 at 3:44 am
…I kinda like dreads. I don’t have them, but I like the way they look, regardless of the wearer’s skin colour.
May 21, 2011 at 4:08 am
I’m not a hippie, but i’ve had dreads for 6 years, and as someone who personally has them, not just some friend of a friend, I do well to keep them clean. I know alot of people with dreads who do use those dumb rastafarian references and odd spellings and that is annoying, but don’t think everyone with dreads is a hippie, I personally can’t stand patchouli, reggae, and vegans, and worst of all I don’t like to be grouped in with them.
May 21, 2011 at 4:54 am
The most annoying thing about this post is that Gandhi is spelled incorrectly.
May 21, 2011 at 8:59 am
I dont think that was the most annoying thing, but thank you for the correction.
May 21, 2011 at 5:28 am
and although I disagree with the dreadlocks part, everything else was spot on. So i threw this together, and am now deathly afraid of these leggings that i have heard about here. I didn’t know they were so widespread, but then again, I live in the middle of bumfuck south carolina.
May 21, 2011 at 6:29 am
BEST RANT EVER. I love it so much I want to roll it up in a kale leaf and eat it like a delicious burrito of Truth, but I can’t. Because I don’t know if it’s organic or not. :,(
May 21, 2011 at 7:11 am
I actually think that woman has a pretty awesome body. She’s thin and curvy at the same time. I wish I could be both slim and buxom, but alas, it seems as if it’s one or the other for me. If she wasn’t dangling her hands in the air as if she was in some sort of zombie trance or trying to summon the rain gods or some shit, I don’t think that she’d even be on this regretsy page.
May 21, 2011 at 8:09 am
Did you look through the seller’s other items? This might be the least flattering dress ever made: http://www.etsy.com/listing/53859939/cashmere-sweater-dress-with-handwoven
May 21, 2011 at 10:03 am
Made out of a sweater bought from a random old guy selling skis *and* full of holes? I can’t imagine why it hasn’t sold yet!
May 21, 2011 at 11:33 am
OK, so I’ve been reading Regretsy and enjoying all your comments for oh – about a million years now – but never logged in and joined in. But I just had to on this post. When I clicked on the pictures to see her shop, I was surprised to find out she’s not from Vermont, because there is a guy there who’s gotten fairly well known for making these “Eat Kale” shirts with the EXACT same font and everything. A friend was visiting a few weeks ago and had one of his teeshirts (which just says “Cheese”) and told me the whole story of how this guy made this weird idiosyncratic teeshirt that just said “Eat More Kale” which caught on and is carried in local shops, etc. and enabled him to start making shirts full time. It’s also the name of his business: http://www.eatmorekale.com I have a feeling hers aren’t the original somehow.