Derp Roundup
You know who else this would be perfect for? Liza.
Cat, Cow, whatever. This is an easy mistake to make. They both start with the letter C. They both have three letters. They both taste great with onions.
Mississouri! Home of the Tupelo Cardinals.
What a time saver! Now you can call your kid two terrible things at once.
Yertule the Turtule.
This reminds me of a young Cy Wombyl.
I call this my Christmas necklace, because there’s Noel.
May 17, 2011 at 9:33 am
Ugh – is somebody selling a handmade dictionary on Etsy yet?
Wait…it’d probably be spelled “Diktonery,” wouldn’t it?
May 17, 2011 at 9:41 am
Or an “Etsy to English” translation guide. These people make up their own damn words for things all the time.
May 17, 2011 at 9:45 am
Upcycled:
Adjective [intransitive/transitive]
Garbage, trash, or other refuse
May 17, 2011 at 9:58 am
You forget “with glitter”
May 17, 2011 at 9:58 am
*forgot, damn it!
May 17, 2011 at 12:00 pm
such as Knicky.
May 17, 2011 at 10:05 am
It’s Etsy, so it’s a Dicktionary. But they just call it “The really CUTE book of ADORABLE words”. And they’d like to remove all those that don’t reference coleslaw, barnwood, and forest sprites.
May 17, 2011 at 10:56 am
“Dicktionaerie” no?
May 17, 2011 at 11:22 am
Dycktionarie — dick is far too masculine!
May 17, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Can we just call it a vulvanary?
May 17, 2011 at 1:37 pm
The way we’re going, surely it would also be “the ciut buke of adoorabel wurds”.
May 17, 2011 at 12:12 pm
Forest sprite with coleslaw = Would you like fries with that?
May 17, 2011 at 12:24 pm
They would also remove any words that may cause butthurt.
May 17, 2011 at 9:35 am
Oh the pain! This post hurt my brain!
May 17, 2011 at 9:36 am
I don’t think the ink drawing is all that absratc. It is a very clear answer to the question “Could I really love LA?” Artistically arranged poop smears are about as straightforward as you can get to any question.
May 17, 2011 at 10:20 am
I thought it was bacon.
May 17, 2011 at 10:29 am
Maybe it’s a Rorschach Test?
May 17, 2011 at 10:33 am
Me too! It totally looks like layered packaged bacon.
May 17, 2011 at 11:10 am
Looks like a chocolate pudding art project to me.
May 17, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Pretty sure they were just cleaning their brush.
May 17, 2011 at 10:34 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
May 17, 2011 at 12:13 pm
Don’t you ever mess with roadkill poop again.
May 17, 2011 at 1:14 pm
I prefer not to.
May 17, 2011 at 10:51 am
Glad to know I’m not the only one who thought it looked like poo on a wall.
May 17, 2011 at 12:46 pm
I would have said it looks like the TP that sticks to the bottom of your shoe in a port-a-potty. But maybe I’m over thinking it?
May 17, 2011 at 6:42 pm
It’s too bad Etsy didn’t exist when my sons were young-they once did the exact same thing to their bedroom wall. And to think instead of making them help me clean it up and giving them a whack on the behind (after we’d put clean diapers on), I could’ve transferred it to a piece of paper and sold it.
So many missed opportunities…
May 17, 2011 at 10:56 am
The artist says this is part of his experiment with abstract (he spelled it right in the listing) art. I’m going to declare this experiment a failure.
Go back to painting feathers and bones, dude.
May 17, 2011 at 9:39 am
That banner would be perfect for welcoming Gangy home after her hip replacement surgery.
May 17, 2011 at 10:36 am
Famiy Love Banner
May 17, 2011 at 9:39 am
I would buy the “Your Hip” one for my mother’s 50th birthday party this year.
May 17, 2011 at 10:05 am
I have a friend who just had double hip replacement! I’ll just think of something to string up there as the rest of the sentence!
“Your hip! It’s all better now!”
“Your hip! It’s part titanium!”
“Your hip! It’ll be back in the swing of things soon!”
Okay, not that funny. But grammatically correct!
May 17, 2011 at 10:40 am
My dad had a replacement 2 years ago, and I was thinking this would be a good label for the side he didn’t get replaced…
May 17, 2011 at 10:43 am
Your hip?!? My BACK! Oy!
May 17, 2011 at 10:46 am
No, clearly this needs to be hung in gramma’s bathroom and have the words:
“Don’t fall, we can’t afford to replace”
added to the beginning of the banner.
Red and Black are excellent warning message colors!
May 17, 2011 at 10:49 am
My mom has had both her hips replaced in the last two years. One is stainless steel. My 6 year old son likes to try to stick magnets to it. So for my mom it should be:
“Your hip! It’s magnetic!”
May 17, 2011 at 11:11 am
They still use stainless steel? I thought they used titanium now.
If they still do use stainless steel when I get to needing a new hip, I’m totally doing that. I can post notes to myself on my ass with refrigerator magnets! (I wonder if I can get a stainless steel ischial tuberosity? My hubby would never let me sit in his lap again!)
May 17, 2011 at 10:15 am
Her 50th?? HER FIFTIETH????
I may have to get in line to slap you upside the head for that remark.
May 17, 2011 at 10:58 am
Please, for my MIL’s 50th next year I’m buying her Dr. Seuss’s “You’re Only Old Once!” Hell, I was given a grim reaper cake for my 26th last year. People are too touchy!
May 17, 2011 at 11:05 am
Right behind me!
May 17, 2011 at 11:22 am
The line’s getting longer.
inmediasres: You’re Only Old Once! was the perfect 40th birthday gift from my much older sister. Do you really not grok why getting a “Your Hip” banner for your 50th from your child isn’t quite so perfect?
May 17, 2011 at 12:52 pm
Turned 50 this year myself. I’m a lot younger 50 than the people who were 50 when I was younger.
But really ….had to post in salute to someone else who uses the word grok. We Strangers have to stick together.
May 17, 2011 at 12:15 pm
“Get off my lawn!”
May 17, 2011 at 6:51 pm
Hey, I’m 52, and for Christmas my sons bought me the boxed set of all 11 Doctor Who’s (complete with sonic screwdrivers) and a plush Monty Python Killer Rabbit puppet. For my 51st birthday, they bought me a flamingo that dances and whistles the theme to ‘Mr. Ed’
I do not fear old age, because I plan on remaining childish indefinitely.
May 17, 2011 at 7:27 pm
Monty Pythong and Dr. Who? Badger you have raised your children well!
May 17, 2011 at 9:40 am
For the love of Spellcheck – what the fuck is up with people?! Just because you’re a “non-conformist” making shitty art projects (literally- that L.A. “painting” looks like a shit skidmark painted by a child’s plastic rake), you are not exempt from the laws of spelling, grammar and appropriate apostrophe use. DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!
May 17, 2011 at 10:10 am
I love your rant and would like to buy another, please!
May 17, 2011 at 10:31 am
Spellcheck doesn’t fix shitty grammar (technically ‘your hip’ is spelled correctly).
May 17, 2011 at 10:38 am
Fix, no. But it does at least suggest alternative use. Which can be really frustrating when one uses Legalese in a document – a language in which Spellcheck is not fluent at all. I know more Spanish than Spellcheck knows Legalese, and all I know is “pinche wada no habla espanol.” From what I understand, it means I’m a kick ass white check.
May 17, 2011 at 10:39 am
*chick. Fuck, must exit this page. It is dragging my spelling skillz down.
May 17, 2011 at 10:50 am
Spellcheck doesn’t like church speak either. Mine goes crazy putting together the church bulletins for Sunday each week.
May 17, 2011 at 11:35 am
“Wada” is probably guera. I’m a white girl that was married to a Mexican and they all called me guera because my name left them tongue-tied.
“Pinche guera no habla Espanol” is “Damn white girl doesn’t speak Spanish”. But I’m sure you are kick ass nevertheless.
May 17, 2011 at 11:48 am
Exactly what I was thinking, OnlyALass. I just did a voice over for a commercial for a nightclub in which I perform sometimes, and the owner told me when she paid me that she loved the way that I word things when I talk. I told her that I try to sound a little educated and she promptly told me “that don’t matter” & “nobody cares about that”. Minutes later she showed me the commercial. I think it makes me sound like a used car salesperson but they love it. But I told her that if I didn’t speak like I do,that her commercial would have sucked. At that time it seemed like a light went off in her head at the same time she kinda got a little angry. But yes, it does matter, and yes it does drive me nuts and to seek out other sellers, and Yes, I love being right. April, you rock as usual. The creations on this page, not so much. There’s another rant for you too Rana.
May 17, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Nice to have you and OnlyALass ranting, so I don’t have to.
May 17, 2011 at 6:54 pm
Thanks!
(Today’s been a blah day, so rants are good.)
May 17, 2011 at 5:54 pm
And with your avatar, I’m totally picturing this with a British accent.
May 18, 2011 at 9:33 am
It’s the monocle, isn’t it?
May 17, 2011 at 9:41 am
There’s no such thing as “turtule.” However, the best turtle tutus are made of turtulle.
May 17, 2011 at 1:56 pm
Too true.
May 17, 2011 at 2:55 pm
I had a little red-eared turtle named Yertle when I was about 5. I loved him. Seeing that turtule neck “thing” made me miss him. You can’t buy them any more because they carry salmonella.
May 17, 2011 at 7:40 pm
I had both a Yertle and a Myrtle the turtle. Both came from the great outdoors back in the halcyon days when you could “rehome” box turtles from the backyard into the basement. Both were subsequently returned to the wild (or, according to my mom, they “escaped” from the basement).
May 17, 2011 at 9:42 am
The “Your Hip” banner is clearly meant for a retirement party, or father’s day at the old folks home. It’s a cautionary banner urging party-goers to be careful of their fragile, old bones.
May 17, 2011 at 9:42 am
I had originally thought that it was a clever pun. I am derp challenged.
May 17, 2011 at 9:44 am
See, I interpreted it as the elderly equivalent of “yo mama.”
May 17, 2011 at 9:46 am
YOUR HIP…is killing you
May 17, 2011 at 9:42 am
We r famly. Al mye brohters sistres & me!
May 17, 2011 at 10:19 am
Yeah, I saw it as famly as well, perhaps for the divorced/runaway mother. “There’s no I in famly”
May 17, 2011 at 10:56 am
No, but there’s a “Y”.
I’ve got more bad puns where that came from…
May 17, 2011 at 12:05 pm
Don’t forget the goatse.
May 17, 2011 at 9:43 am
I need that banner for Grannie’s upcoming hip replacement surgery.
May 17, 2011 at 9:44 am
The “Your Hip” one is great if your grandparent can’t remember what they’re having operated on…
Otherwise, I’m pretty sure this post gave me cancer of the brain meats.
May 17, 2011 at 10:03 am
You can hang it over the top of their hospital bed for when they wake up and are still drugged up on pain pills.
May 17, 2011 at 9:45 am
Of course you could never really love LA. Because LA to you is apaprently a really long underwear skidmark.
May 17, 2011 at 9:45 am
DERP, or apparently.
May 17, 2011 at 1:22 pm
apaprently was good — I thought you were using the new Etsy sound-it-out dickshunary…
May 17, 2011 at 9:45 am
It’s not “Your Hip” either. It’s “Your H1p.” It’s for the l33t octogenarians.
May 17, 2011 at 10:33 am
No, because then it would be “Ur H1p”.
May 17, 2011 at 9:46 am
I miss the days gone by when people could still spell and construct a simple sentence.
May 17, 2011 at 9:48 am
And use proper punctuation, too! Oh, I really miss those days.
May 17, 2011 at 10:29 am
I was thinking the same thing.
May 17, 2011 at 10:43 am
Or capitalize proper nouns.
May 17, 2011 at 2:13 pm
Of course, back then the main nouns for capitalization were “Astralopithecine” and “Big Cave.”
May 17, 2011 at 2:33 pm
Oh, the modern misuse of the humble apostrophe! Or should I say apostrophe’s?
May 17, 2011 at 9:57 am
Other cool, hip words I have come up with that don’t have that gross letter “L”~!
-aminate
-ady
-gastrointestina
COOL RIGHT?
May 17, 2011 at 10:12 am
When was that?
May 17, 2011 at 10:50 am
I don’t know either, but I figure it was so long ago those memories are ‘vintage’
May 17, 2011 at 11:16 am
And our memories are upcycled.
May 17, 2011 at 10:17 am
I can’t wait to shake my cane at kids who refuse to capitalize.
May 17, 2011 at 9:46 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
May 17, 2011 at 10:34 am
Yes, but that somewhere isn’t the happy, cupcake land of Etsy.
May 17, 2011 at 9:47 am
Don’t diss Yertle the Turtle! The ONLY Dr. Seuss book my father allowed me to have because he thought Dr. Seuss was damaging the English language (so glad Dad didn’t live to see Etsy). Always the shortest in the family and I yearned to be Yertle. YEARNED, damn it!
takes deep breaths, looks around the office for a stuffed toy to hug; none here…roams corridors looking for huggable coworkers…forgetting that coworkers avoid me when I have a hug-hungry look on my face
May 17, 2011 at 10:12 am
Yertle was a dickbag. Crushing all of those other poor turtles in his greed.
May 17, 2011 at 10:46 am
He didn’t land on the turtle pile via a convenient helicopter! They LET him climb up on them. They secretly begged him to do it, for they knew they were lesser turtles than he. Closet maschochists, every last one of ‘em. Yertle was the only one who recognized his own greatness and owned it.
I admire Yertle.
I had a pet turtle once. I didn’t name him Yertle. He died. There’s a moral in that story. (OK, so he was one of those tiny turtles that all kids have and they never survive for long, but still.)
May 17, 2011 at 10:51 am
But he was King. He forced them to be his throne. He was obviously an evil dictator and they were terrified that their families would be executed in front of their eyes if they didn’t comply.
May 17, 2011 at 11:15 am
Sigh. Yertle’s motivations were skewed, I’ll give you that, but the results were wonderful beyond all hope of any turtle. In his error, he achieved perfection for all:
And today the great Yertle, that Marvelous he,
Is King of the Mud. That is all he can see.
And the turtles, of course…
all the turtles are free
As turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be.
May 17, 2011 at 11:27 am
Ok, I’ll agree that after his (literal) fall from power he was ok. I still think he was a dickbag deep down though.
May 17, 2011 at 1:39 pm
He wasn’t perfect, I’ll give you that. To the mind and heart of a little girl, however, he was. THAT is the Yertle I’ll always remember.
sniffle, sniffle
May 17, 2011 at 2:21 pm
That’s what happens when you tell a child a story about the fall of a vain megalomaniac. They will not get from it that he or she was wrong, they’ll get “That was AWESOME and it TOTALLY SHOULD HAVE WORKED. If it was MY story it would’ve worked.”
Then they’ll invent their own similar story, except Yertle has wings and is pink and ends up ruling the whole world from a magic castle for all eternity.
May 17, 2011 at 9:47 am
My dad has had hip replacement surgery. I think this may be a sign.
May 17, 2011 at 10:45 am
The listing clearly states that it is a banner, not a sign. Duh.
May 17, 2011 at 9:47 am
“I call this my Christmas necklace, because there’s Noel.”
There us a reason why they say, “save the best for the last”…Hysterical HK!
May 17, 2011 at 9:48 am
the pointing finger is the wrong cutout for the “Your Hip” banner. Unless the finger is pointing to this picture:
May 17, 2011 at 10:06 am
They were going to add in a photo of the new hip being hammered, but they thought it would be a bit gruesome for the party.
May 17, 2011 at 10:29 am
That’s painful just to look at. Imagine that being drilled into your bones…
May 17, 2011 at 10:37 am
From what I’ve heard, though, once the person is recovered, they usually wish they’d done it much earlier.
May 17, 2011 at 10:43 am
I went on a tour of a company that makes hip replacements, and they showed us some samples. There was a really painful looking peice they use before they can put in the hip to hammer (and they do hammer) out a hole. Covered in metal teeth.
They had videos of surgeries but didn’t want to show us (a bunch of high school girls). I have heard a lot of the recovery pain isn’t from the actual replacement but from getting their bodies beaten up during surgery. Recovery time is amazing nowadays though.
May 17, 2011 at 10:46 am
According to my dad, it’s a lot less painful than Shingles. He has 3 joints done up all fancy like, and every time wishes he wouldn’t have waited “so long” to get them done…
May 17, 2011 at 11:03 am
I’m 36, and had my first hip replacement when I was 22. I’ve had my right one done once, and my left has been replaced/revised 3 times. LilithSiren is right, it’s not the actual replacement that hurts, it’s the fact that you’re basically dealing with broken bones and a lot of tissue, muscles and nerves being moved around to get those contraptions in there. I have another round on my left coming up in a few months, can’t wait. Bring on the good drugs bitches.
May 17, 2011 at 12:22 pm
Wow–they aren’t making 22 yr olds like they used to! Best wishes on the next surgery.
May 17, 2011 at 7:54 pm
Blurg, that’s just awful! I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all that. Did you find yourself to be an infant with regards to age compared to the rest of the hip wing of the hospital? My dad was 58 when he had his and he was virtually ignored because he was the youngest by 20+ years, and the healthiest, of the replacement patients….I can’t imagine what you’d be in comparison!!!
May 17, 2011 at 1:51 pm
I think the pointing finger is in desperate need of a mustache…
May 17, 2011 at 9:49 am
What does it mean when they have “created” something. Can I lop it in with getting dressed in the morning by saying I “created” my outfit? I “created” this comment? WHY IS IT IN QUOTATION MARKS!?
May 17, 2011 at 9:53 am
Because it’s “crafted”! Which explains a whole lot, actually.
May 17, 2011 at 10:00 am
Holy carp, it does.
May 17, 2011 at 10:37 am
“Crafted”? Mo’ like “Craftard”!
May 17, 2011 at 11:01 am
It’s in single quotes too, which makes even less sense. If you’re going to go all quotey fingers on someone, FFS use double quotes.
May 17, 2011 at 1:43 pm
I just went to the site to see if perhaps the seller is British (they use single quotes for first use, double when something is quoted within a quote, and Marmite for everything else), but alas, the shop is no more.
May 17, 2011 at 12:24 pm
I think “created” is in quotation marks because in this case it means, “pulled out of my ass”.
May 17, 2011 at 9:49 am
“The painting you are viewing is the exact painting you will be sent.”
That sounds like a threat.
May 17, 2011 at 11:02 am
Comment of the Day!
(I thought so, anyway.)
May 17, 2011 at 9:52 am
Uh,does that bag in the your obeast artwork say cheat-os?
May 17, 2011 at 9:52 am
I would never trust a seller to send me a package when they can’t tell the difference between MI and MO.
May 17, 2011 at 10:10 am
Mi is Michigan.
May 17, 2011 at 12:36 pm
*headdesk*
hahahahahaha!
I can spell it long-ways…. Mississippi (I remember because of that song in that cartoon).
Imagine my embarrassment.
May 17, 2011 at 10:11 am
Or (ahem) MS and MO, in this case. MI is Michigan.
But yeah — she needs to add a line: “please add one extra week for mistakes in shipping”.
I could see a whole line of these, designed for maximum irritation — WV in an outline of WA, NY in an outline of CA, and I know for a fact that people in Nebraska (NE) get annoyed when you call them NB (New Brunswick).
May 17, 2011 at 10:24 am
It’s obviously for people who have moved from their home states, but still miss them. “I left my heart in SF,” you know.
In other thoughts, if she’d used MI she could be forgiven for messing up the abbreviations (it happens!), but you don’t accidentally think that Mississippi is spelled with an O. So I can only assume that she (ironically) lacks a map of the US.
May 17, 2011 at 9:53 am
Oh yeah? So, what about my hip?? You sayin I’m old? WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU??
*checks hearing aid batteries*
May 17, 2011 at 10:02 am
YOUR HARD OF HEARING.
May 17, 2011 at 9:53 am
Uh,does that bag in the you’re obeast artwork say cheat-os?
Pardon me, they DID get the contraction correct. I am so sorry.
May 17, 2011 at 9:53 am
I can’t tell what the obeast is… human? bovine? Pigs like Cheetos, don’t they?
May 17, 2011 at 9:53 am
What do atheists sing at Christmas? No hell..no hell..
(I know. Horrible. I couldn’t help it.)
May 17, 2011 at 9:54 am
The finger makes me feel like the banner is pointing and laughing at me.
It’s seriously making me feel like shit just looking at it.
May 17, 2011 at 10:02 am
Then you’d better not look at the sixth piece of…derp.
May 17, 2011 at 11:44 am
Why is there a finger at all? Why? I just don’t get it.
May 17, 2011 at 9:57 am
I’m geographically challenged, so I actually had to Google state shapes to get a handle on what was wrong with the third one. I found out that it could well be an honest mistake. I mean, hey, BOTH states have distinctive angles on their lower left sides! (This is why nobody trusts me with a map).
May 17, 2011 at 10:11 am
Yeah, but even though you’re geographically challenged, it probably took you under a minute to google this and find the problem. If you were selling a product that is dependent on a state outline, wouldn’t you at least take that much time to make absolutely sure it’s right?
May 17, 2011 at 12:14 pm
*I* would, of course…but I’m not trying to sell something on Etsy. Apparently the rules are different in Cupcakeland.
May 17, 2011 at 1:10 pm
Ah, cupcakeland, where everyone cries glitter and shits rainbows.
Actually if everyone in cupcakeland (aka etsy) shit rainbows the “Could I ever really love L.A.” painting would be very different painting.
……and why is there no question mark in the title? Is it a proclamation, not a question?
May 17, 2011 at 9:58 am
Obviously Bart Simpson is professing his love of Mo.
May 17, 2011 at 10:22 am
Who is from Mississippi! Right?
Whatever.
May 17, 2011 at 9:59 am
I left my Etsy-to-English dictionary in the bar, but I suspect that “no armhole fitting problem” translates to, “Damn, armholes are hard to do well. I’ll just make ‘em huge and call it a day.”
May 17, 2011 at 11:19 am
Only conformists worry about piddly trifles like fit, proportion and quality construction.
When you’re wearing a true nonconformist garment, all those aggravating details are dwarfed by the humbling realization that you look like, and probably have become, a moron.
May 17, 2011 at 1:15 pm
Well arm holes are hard!!! I think this to myself every morning when I get dressed! I then look in the mirror and wonder where I can find something to make me look more diagonally wide. Thanks Etsy!
May 17, 2011 at 10:00 am
Damn, I wanted the Mississouri one, but it’s already fixed in her shop.
May 17, 2011 at 10:01 am
Please, like anybody even knows how to spell turtle without looking it up first. Why are you such a snob, Regretsy? Is it because you wear your vulva on the inside?
May 17, 2011 at 10:01 am
“The Biggest Loser: Obeast edition”
May 17, 2011 at 10:03 am
May 17, 2011 at 2:42 pm
I love this cat. I know the hat and the banner are photoshopped (at least, I *know* the banner is), but his expression is priceless. “I know where you sleep and I can stay up a lot later than you can…and I can wait until you’re note expecting it.”
I know, from real-life experience. (Hey, can I help it if it’s funny that the chiming clock scared the cat so all 4 paws came off the ground at the same time? It. Was. Hilarious. And yes, I paid for it, later.)
May 17, 2011 at 10:04 am
Why anyone would buy that ugly baby when they could buy THIS instead is beyond me….
May 17, 2011 at 10:24 am
You know what? I think *your* right!
May 17, 2011 at 10:39 am
Your right to by snarky needlework shall not be restricted.
May 17, 2011 at 11:18 am
Her whole shop is pretty awesome. I think we may have found a new April’s Army teammate if she has a sense of humor and a heart…
You can tease her about her spelling (which, now that I look at the rest of her work, may have been on purpose) and that it’s scary, but she’s really talented!
May 17, 2011 at 10:04 am
you can’t have “families” without “lies”.
May 17, 2011 at 10:11 am
Arnold Schwarzenegger can.
May 17, 2011 at 10:54 am
Always impresses me how we Regretsians can tie in current events with derp–and without much of a stretch.
Speaking of derp and skidmarks, I didn’t think I could be more repulsed by him than I was, until I heard this morning’s news. I’m sure he was boasting that he had “created” another son. Poor kid.
May 17, 2011 at 10:05 am
I like the person who wants 312 bucks for something that was embroidered by a sewing machine and looks like it was designed in paint shop.
May 17, 2011 at 10:05 am
Jesus. The banner seller is contraction challenged. All their “your” stuff is misspelled.
May 17, 2011 at 4:18 pm
Maybe they’re trying for points for consistency.
May 17, 2011 at 10:05 am
I read the “Your hip” one as a portion of a banner. Like, you buy “Your hip” and then “Birthday” or “Graduation” and strung them together. We’re celebrating your hip graduation!
May 17, 2011 at 10:56 am
Well, the recipient *is* a senior! [Rimshot]
Thank you, thank you very much! You’re a great audience!
May 17, 2011 at 10:05 am
I love the “obeast” child!
May 17, 2011 at 11:37 am
$312.00- Must be $1 per pound.
May 17, 2011 at 10:06 am
Oooh YOUR HIP, I get it! A banner for your post surgery party?
May 17, 2011 at 10:08 am
Even if it were spelled correctly, why would I want a banner that says “YOU’RE HIP”? And why would I pay someone else to make it for me?
May 17, 2011 at 10:32 am
If you have to ask, it obviously isn’t for you.
May 17, 2011 at 10:41 am
It’s part of the process to recover from self-loathing.
You don’t want to know where that finger has been.
May 17, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Yeah… should say “your RAD”. Duh, get it right at least!
May 17, 2011 at 10:08 am
WTF is that finger for and how does it warrant an exclamation mark?
May 17, 2011 at 10:12 am
That’s for the after party.
May 17, 2011 at 10:12 am
YOU’RE PROSTATE EXAM.
May 17, 2011 at 10:17 am
Like tardis said, that’s for the after party.
May 17, 2011 at 10:20 am
It’s all fun and games until someone’s hip goes out during the recreational prostate exam. Luckily now we have a banner for that, so our friends who have gone down can be properly honored. Never forget!
May 17, 2011 at 10:09 am
My cat did the ‘absratc’ one on my carpet one day after she got the runs. Silly me — I cleaned the carpet instead of cutting it out and selling it on Etsy!
May 17, 2011 at 10:12 am
The absratc atr looks like it’s made using upcycled diarrhea paint.
May 17, 2011 at 10:58 am
Is that Martha Stewart’s new decorating line?
May 17, 2011 at 7:42 pm
absratc: I think they misspelled “ass crack.” It does look like skid marks.
May 17, 2011 at 10:14 am
There, fixed that for you.
May 17, 2011 at 10:42 am
Your hip, but your also a loser?
May 17, 2011 at 1:07 pm
No no no. Clearly your hip is the loser. Must be a good sign to hang by granny’s window in the hospital as she recovers from the fall that broke her hip.
May 17, 2011 at 10:15 am
I also see the seller has this:
May 17, 2011 at 10:17 am
So, okay, at least I get the thumbs up. Makes way more sense if you’re trying to compliment someone than giving them a pointy finger.
May 17, 2011 at 7:43 pm
I dunno…by the positioning under the Y, I think that thumb is up to no good.
May 17, 2011 at 10:19 am
Aluminum siding is the trailer park’s barn wood.
May 17, 2011 at 10:25 am
I didn’t even know I had a sofly…
May 17, 2011 at 10:43 am
Your sofly,
I bet you think this derp is about you…
May 17, 2011 at 5:50 pm
Your sew vein..
May 17, 2011 at 11:28 am
Ok this one I get. They’re talking about that new Italian/Japanese kids hip hop group right??
May 17, 2011 at 10:17 am
That first one would be perfect for my Mom.
She’s recovering from hip surgery that she had yesterday.
May 17, 2011 at 10:17 am
as an RN at a Rheumatology office I cant resist
May 17, 2011 at 10:52 am
Think she would make a bone density banner that says
YOUR HIP
will hopefully not fracture thanks to the information gained during this exam
Thank you for choosing Regretsy Hospital, we know you have a choice in providers and we hope you appreciate the free fuckery with your exam
May 17, 2011 at 12:19 pm
Hmmm. So do we now need a picture of “Your hip on drugs”?
May 17, 2011 at 10:20 am
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
May 17, 2011 at 10:20 am
Shoot, if only that No L necklace weren’t a ridiculous 68 bucks, I’d get it to match the family reunion t-shirts that one of the cousins managed to order that all say (name changed to protect the guilty) “SMITH FAMIY.” I missed the reunion, but my darling husband knew I couldn’t live without the family derp. Especially since it wasn’t until the last day of the reunion that anybody even noticed the mistake. Clearly I married into a very talented and attentive family.
May 17, 2011 at 10:29 am
We put the wrong death date on my grandfather’s headstone. Well, right date, wrong year. Only person to notice? My sister-in-law.
May 17, 2011 at 10:42 am
When I graduated law school, my family threw me a party, and my dad, the grammar nazi, made the invitations. The invites very prominently stated: “Your Invited!” I will never let him live that down.
May 17, 2011 at 10:21 am
I have to admit I kinda like this one:
May 17, 2011 at 10:26 am
I interpret this to mean, “If it’s worth making a spelling mistake, it’s worth making a spelling mistake REALLY BIG on a HUGE BANNER advertised with LOTS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!
May 17, 2011 at 10:27 am
Although now that I look at this, it may actually say, “Do epics hit.”
May 17, 2011 at 10:30 am
I keep reading it as ‘deep shit’ Just a little something you string up after curfew to welcome home the offenders.
May 17, 2011 at 11:23 am
Man… if only I were planning on having kids, I’d make one of those!
May 17, 2011 at 10:29 am
What does it say? WTF is the first letter? I thought maybe she was trying to write something in Cyrillic.
May 17, 2011 at 10:47 am
“DO epic SHit” The mix of uppercase and lowercase letters threw me off, too.
May 17, 2011 at 11:03 am
I thought it was “DOe pic shit”.
There is a world of crazies out there.
May 17, 2011 at 12:43 pm
that’s not a capital D in that font. it’s an upside-down a.
May 17, 2011 at 2:45 pm
According to the seller: “The “D” in “DO” is not an upside down “a” it is a lower case “D” that is just the way the font is. I have to clarify this …”
My 5 year-old makes a lower-case “D” like that sometimes. I always correct her. Silly me.
May 17, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Here I was trying to decipher this shit. I was thinking they were being stupid & putting ae on their words, like some translated words. I couldn’t figure out the o though. When I just accept its Etsy shit, that makes it so much easier. That crap NEVER makes sense.
May 17, 2011 at 4:21 pm
I keep wanting to see “dope shit” in this one…
May 17, 2011 at 4:22 pm
Alternatively: can I get a matching “keep calm and” banner to go with it?
May 18, 2011 at 11:53 am
http://i56.tinypic.com/m8iwhz.jpg
Doe pic; shit(ting).
May 18, 2011 at 11:54 am
Aww dammit. Here:
May 17, 2011 at 10:25 am
Hey, if you wanna join a cult, that “shirred turtule neck” is perfect…
May 17, 2011 at 11:15 am
KoolAid anyone?
May 17, 2011 at 10:27 am
Even spelled correctly, the party with a “You’re hip” banner is the party to avoid. Unless they mean kindergarten graduation.
May 17, 2011 at 10:27 am
Why are the crappiest items the most expensive?
May 17, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Value is directly tied, via inversion, to the number of times some craftard was lied to. Thus the more expensive it is, the more the cupcake brigade has been told they’re good at making something.
May 17, 2011 at 10:32 am
NO SHE DIDN’T
May 17, 2011 at 10:34 am
“Tupelo” (tu pelo) means “your hair” in Spanish :p
May 17, 2011 at 10:52 am
Is “tu derp” Spanish for “your hip?”
May 17, 2011 at 10:48 am
at least they used the right “you’re” in the obeast one haha
May 17, 2011 at 10:56 am
1, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.
2, On a bed of vintage polyethylene beads.
3, My mail says ‘MA’ but my boat says ‘MS’. Go figure.
4, Needs a video game controller to complete the image.
5, Failed Beginner Monk Spelling.
6, Self explanatory. We know what it looks like.
7, Famiy Mothra A-Tacks.
May 17, 2011 at 11:00 am
There’s surely more people searching for “calico cat” than for “blue cow”, and they surely love buying cats so much that they wouldn’t mind it’s a blue cow…
May 17, 2011 at 1:37 pm
Given the nose, PIG would make more sense than cat. (And also goes fine with onions, I suppose)
May 17, 2011 at 11:01 am
I thought the baby was actually a granny…
May 17, 2011 at 11:03 am
To this day I can still see my English teacher Mrs. Emmett’s stare when I make a spelling or grammatical mistake. These make me want to run away and hide under the bed in fear.
May 17, 2011 at 11:12 am
Could I ever really love LA also comes in
1) Could I ever really love Alaska
2) Could I ever really love hot dogs
actually it comes in any colour and I can customize the title as long as you have a spare $50…
May 17, 2011 at 11:20 am
I could really use a Your Dick Banner.
May 17, 2011 at 11:24 am
which could imply a compliment or an insult…
May 17, 2011 at 1:45 pm
How about “Your Mama”?
May 17, 2011 at 11:22 am
Now I know what the dancing hipster was missing on the background – that’s why he was sad… no one organzied for “your hip” banner for his party…
May 17, 2011 at 11:23 am
My friend had a cat….er cow like that! Mine was an elephant. Every kid’s dream in the 1970s….wearable solid wax perfume in a brooch from Avon…
May 17, 2011 at 11:08 pm
I had that pin! I totally forgot about it. I had a grandmother who was obsessed with Avon and would buy me those. I may have had a whole set. I wonder where that crazy pin is.
May 17, 2011 at 11:43 am
“There are mother’s necklaces, and there’s this one.”
Couldn’t have put it better myself.
May 17, 2011 at 12:11 pm
The macaroni necklaces I made back in kindergarten were better; that necklace looks like a Tetnus shot waiting to happen.
May 17, 2011 at 12:32 pm
The monk outfit is to wear reversible!
It can be used multipurpose!
May 17, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Eviltwin: that was going to be MY comment!!
Damn.
May 17, 2011 at 1:24 pm
Does reversible mean front to back or inside out? Maybe upside down like skants?
May 17, 2011 at 1:56 pm
It usually means inside out, but with this thing, all bets are off. And if you did it wrong, how would you know?
May 17, 2011 at 12:41 pm
Yeah, I’m sort of confused by that turtule turtleneck . . . thing.
It’s HUGE.
I mean, it’s HUGE beyond being practical. You’d have to walk with your neck stretched out and your arms straight out to the side just to keep it from swallowing you up and tripping you on the stairs. Except that it’s also too long so . . . you need like six arms just to keep it under control.
Isn’t it basically a snuggie? Two snuggies sewn together?
May 17, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Awww she took down the YOUR banners lol. But here’s a link to her shop, just in case….
http://www.etsy.com/shop/BannerPaperScissors?ref=seller_info
May 17, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Well, that was stupid. Regretsy attention was probably her best shot at selling those.
May 17, 2011 at 2:08 pm
^
bestonlyMay 17, 2011 at 2:10 pm
Gotta love the creative use of quotation marks here:
May 17, 2011 at 2:11 pm
If you begin a quote with end quotes, does that mean you never really started?
May 17, 2011 at 2:10 pm
Look, it’s the Etsy motto. Should be accented with a cupcake, though.
May 17, 2011 at 2:12 pm
Are those stab wounds on the “i”?
May 17, 2011 at 2:23 pm
I think we can agree that the kind of person who would put this banner up very much NEEDS to be stabbed in the “i.”
May 17, 2011 at 4:48 pm
Needs an accompaniment: “Until it’s time to NOT be nice.”
May 17, 2011 at 2:11 pm
There are so many possibilities here — think of the custom orders you could take… so, the original shopkeeper seems to be gone, does this mean we can start our own banner business? I think 10.00 just isn’t enough…
May 17, 2011 at 3:11 pm
I’d like “Your High” Make sure the POINTER FINGER is suitably admonishing, please, with a hint of accusation.
May 17, 2011 at 4:16 pm
wouldn’t that be Your High-ness?
May 17, 2011 at 2:23 pm
I always love Derp Roundups.
It’s like a game of You Laugh You Lose where I lose every time.
May 17, 2011 at 3:21 pm
TURTULA, THE VAMPIRE QUEEN
May 17, 2011 at 4:20 pm
well she went and ruined it…I liked it better the way it ORIGINALLY was…
May 17, 2011 at 9:04 pm
I’m sure she’d be happy to make you one the old way.
May 17, 2011 at 5:21 pm
I like turtules.
May 17, 2011 at 5:22 pm
Dear Mom,
Since I will never be giving you grandchildren I have decided to gift you with a pet rock that that cannot spell. I have also found the perfect gift for when grandma has her hip done but am still looking for something for Uncle Fester’s vasectomy.
May 17, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Friar Tuck wants his funky robe back, armpiit holes and all.
May 17, 2011 at 5:43 pm
Cy Twombly? More like Chris Ofili.
May 17, 2011 at 5:49 pm
My neck, my back…your hip?
I’ll just tiptoe away now…
May 17, 2011 at 7:55 pm
The turtule neck dress caftan tarpaulin monk’s robe dress needs a post all by itself. There is so much fuckery in that one item! And it is reversible! what could possibly be on the under side? Ignorance and Want?
May 18, 2011 at 10:37 am
May 17, 2011 at 9:00 pm
The painting looks like bacon skid marks.
May 17, 2011 at 11:26 pm
That painting looks like shit smears. There is nothing even remotely ambiguous about it. Why do people sell such garbage?
May 18, 2011 at 1:13 am
So late to the party.
I actually thought the joke on the “famiy” necklace was that it had rocks on it. ie: “How great, she thinks of her family as a strangling weight around her neck.”
And then when I realized that it wasn’t it, I felt sad. Not because I didn’t look properly at the ugly, mis-spelled charm, but because she probably does think of her family as stones around her neck, dragging her down.
May 18, 2011 at 9:40 am
May 18, 2011 at 12:50 pm
The seller of the ‘Your Hip’ banner has re-posted it labelled ‘as seen on Regretsy’…
http://www.etsy.com/listing/74350269/regretsy-banner-your-hip-banner-as
And she’s re-done all the other ‘Your’ banners.
May 18, 2011 at 12:52 pm
For some reason the ‘Your Hip’ banner is £10 more than the ‘You’re so hip’ banner….
May 19, 2011 at 8:22 am
Oh wow! Look guys – this seller’s a good sport in every sense of the word:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/74375466/butthurt-regretsy-banner-in-honor-of?show_panel=true
May 20, 2011 at 10:24 am
See, now this is fucking awesome. I hope she gets some good sales out of this.
May 19, 2011 at 2:08 pm
I love how she is even using “spelling mistake” as a tag. And when you search “whimsicle” it’s coming up cause of the title. She’s going to get to the regretsy fans every chance she gets.
May 20, 2011 at 9:36 am
ok, the Noel thing is basically the funniest thing i have read all freakin year.
you are HILARIOUS April
June 4, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Thumb’s up if you automatically read “Fish Bark” as “Fish Barf”. LMFAO